Latest / The Voice: Breaking, Believing, Becoming / I’ve Never Met Me

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I’ve Never Met Me · The Voice: Breaking, Believing, Becoming

• 0:10
  Welcome to The Voice, where breaking, believing, and becoming finally have somewhere to be heard.
• 0:17
  I'm Kim Munoz, and I'm really glad that you're here.
• 0:20
  Today, I want to talk about something I think happens to a lot of us, just in life.
• 0:27
  Because everyone talks about finding yourself again.
• 0:31
  But if I'm being honest, I realized recently that I've never really met myself.
• 0:38
  I know that sounds a little dramatic, but I also, I stand by it.
• 0:44
  You know, I went from my parents' home to marriage at 23 years old,
• 0:49
  into a nursing career simultaneously, and then had my first baby at 24.
• 0:56
  After that divorce, I lived on my own for the first time at almost 28 years
• 1:02
  old, although I did have a little roommate, so not exactly solitude.
• 1:10
  But then I remarried at 32 and had twins at 35.
• 1:17
  And along the way, life just kept moving.
• 1:20
  Different roles, responsibilities, and different versions of me showing up for whatever was needed.
• 1:28
  So for most of my adult life, I wasn't really becoming me. I was becoming who life needed me to be.
• 1:35
  And the truth is, I didn't even lose myself because I was too busy defining
• 1:40
  her over and over again based on what everyone else needed from me.
• 1:46
  I decided who she was before she ever had a chance to figure it out.
• 1:52
  But I know I'm not the only one. I mean, don't we all do this to an extent?
• 1:57
  Don't we step into the roles that are in front of us and just figure it out?
• 2:01
  We fill the gaps, we carry what needs to be carried, and at some point,
• 2:06
  we just become really good at being who everyone else needs.
• 2:11
  We rarely stop to ask, where am I in all of this?
• 2:16
  For me, I became the one who handled it, the one who showed up,
• 2:20
  the one who made it work no matter what.
• 2:23
  And it didn't help that I was a people pleaser. But here's where I had to check myself.
• 2:29
  There was a part of my faith that I misunderstood for a long time,
• 2:34
  and it quietly turned me into a people pleaser.
• 2:39
  Because I thought if I just loved harder, gave more, sacrificed more,
• 2:44
  then I was doing it right.
• 2:46
  Like God was up there keep and score. But that's not what he asked of us, nor is it what he does.
• 2:54
  And no amount of losing yourself for other people is what brings you closer to him.
• 3:00
  He asked us to love, yes, but also to have discernment, to protect our hearts,
• 3:07
  and definitely not to abandon ourselves in the name of being good.
• 3:13
  I wish I had understood that sooner, but maybe I needed to learn it this way,
• 3:18
  much like a lot in my life.
• 3:21
  I don't say any of that with resentment. I say it with clarity.
• 3:26
  Because I wasn't lost. I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do.
• 3:30
  I was building a life, trying to get it right.
• 3:34
  And maybe you've done that too.
• 3:37
  But life shifts. Not always all at once, But sometimes it definitely feels like it.
• 3:44
  Roles change, people change, circumstances change.
• 3:49
  Suddenly you have space and quiet where there used to be so much noise.
• 3:55
  And in that space, you start to hear things differently. You start asking questions
• 4:00
  you didn't have time to ask before.
• 4:02
  What do I actually like? What do I want?
• 4:06
  Who am I when I'm not just reacting to what life needs from me?
• 4:12
  For me, it happened fast. One minute, I had a house full.
• 4:17
  Two dogs, three kids, one of which was back home because his home was destroyed in a hurricane.
• 4:24
  A husband, and then within two months, it was all gone.
• 4:30
  The twins were back in school.
• 4:33
  My older son was back in his home. My husband was with his new person,
• 4:39
  and both of my dogs passed away within a week of each other.
• 4:44
  And I remember standing there, looking in the mirror, thinking, okay, now what?
• 4:53
  And maybe you felt that too, that moment where everything gets a little quieter
• 4:59
  and a little unfamiliar.
• 5:01
  In the alone time, some days it's brutal, and that's coming from someone with
• 5:07
  a full life and a full social calendar.
• 5:10
  But there are still days where I don't have any real connection to anyone,
• 5:15
  no hugs, no physical touch.
• 5:17
  And you don't think about that part, right? Until you're living in it. But it changes you.
• 5:23
  It makes you more aware, more intentional.
• 5:27
  Even the smallest things. Sometimes I think about my dad and all the years he
• 5:34
  spent alone, even though he was a social butterfly and never let the grass grow under his feet.
• 5:39
  But now I get it. I understood what those quiet moments probably felt like for
• 5:48
  him, and he never complained.
• 5:51
  And that's the kind of awareness I'm talking about.
• 5:55
  So if you're in a season like that, this is the part I want you to hear. You're not behind.
• 6:01
  You're not starting over. You're just finally starting.
• 6:05
  I heard someone say something the other day. Midlife is just being who you were
• 6:10
  at 60, but loving her this time.
• 6:12
  And that kind of stuck with me.
• 6:15
  Because it's not really about age.
• 6:17
  It's about the version of you life has required along the way.
• 6:22
  The version trying to be liked, the version holding everything together,
• 6:26
  the version learning to let go.
• 6:28
  For a long time, those weren't choices.
• 6:31
  They were responses to life, expectations, and survival.
• 6:37
  But then there's a season that will come along when it's not about reacting
• 6:41
  anymore. It's about choosing.
• 6:44
  And that's when something shifts. That's when the spark becomes a full-blown flame.
• 6:49
  And for me, this is that season So wherever you are, I want you to think about
• 6:56
  that 16-year-old version of you Before the expectations, the roles,
• 7:02
  before you became who life needed you to be,
• 7:06
  She's still there And maybe this season isn't about becoming someone new Maybe
• 7:12
  it's about coming back to her.
• 7:15
  Because this is the season where you stop trying to be everything for everyone
• 7:19
  else. You stop apologizing for who you are.
• 7:23
  You stop wishing you could go back. And you start choosing yourself.
• 7:29
  And yes, that can feel a little uncomfortable at first.
• 7:33
  Because not everyone is used to this version of you. But that doesn't make it wrong.
• 7:39
  You start trusting your instincts. You start walking into rooms differently.
• 7:43
  With a presence that only comes from living and learning and becoming.
• 7:49
  And you honestly don't even want to go back because this version of you,
• 7:54
  she earned her fire and it looks really good on her.
• 7:59
  You're not fading, you're igniting.
• 8:02
  And before we go, I want to leave you with a few things to think about just for you.
• 8:09
  Where in your life have you been showing up as who you think you need to be
• 8:13
  instead of who you actually are?
• 8:16
  When was the last time you asked yourself what you want without filtering it through everyone else?
• 8:23
  Is there a version of you you've outgrown, but you're still holding on to it
• 8:28
  because it feels familiar?
• 8:31
  And if everything got quiet, no rules, no expectations, would you even recognize yourself?
• 8:39
  And what would it look like to finally meet you.
• 8:44
  Maybe that's what this whole journey is really about. Not being who you were.
• 8:50
  Breaking the version of you that was built for everyone else,
• 8:54
  believing there's more for you, and finally becoming who you were always meant to be.
• 9:01
  I'll see you next time, and if you're in a season of breaking, I want you to hold on.
• 9:06
  If you're in a season of believing, keep going, and if you're in a season of
• 9:10
  becoming, trust it, because you're not behind. You're right on time,
• 9:15
  And until then, take care of yourself and keep becoming.
• 9:21
  Keep becoming.