Latest / Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby / Stop Pacing the Cage: How to Build Confidence From the Inside Out | Success | E536

Transcript

Stop Pacing the Cage: How to Build Confidence From the Inside Out | Success | E536 · Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Today's sponsor Shopify, the company that helps you turn your
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: amazing business ideas into a reality. Start your free trial
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: at shopify dot com slash lhs. Also thank you to
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: today's sponsor Quints. Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: to Quinns dot com slash lahs for free shipping on
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: your order and three hundred and sixty five day returns
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Quinns dot com slash lahs. Now onto the show, my friend,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: let's talk for a second. Look. I know you tune
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: into this podcast because you're here to learn, you're here
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: to grow, and you have something that you want. A
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: better career, a better relationship, a chapter of your life
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: one that finally feels like you. But wanting something better
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: is not the same thing as knowing how to get there,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: and that's exactly why I offer a totally unique coaching
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: program called Unstuck. In eight weeks listen to this, You'll
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: get eight one on one sessions with a therapist trained
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: in evidence based coaching psychology, and together you'll go under
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: the hood, deeply into your values. You're wiring your hopes
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: and dreams, your life experiences, why you are the way
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: you are, what you care about the most and from
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: there you'll develop values based goals, but also get visibility
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: into the real obstacles standing in the way between where
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: you are now and where you want to be. This
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: is not a band aid. You're going to go deep.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: You'll come up with a real action plan that includes
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: the day to day practices that actually work and that
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: get you where you want to go. You'll not just
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: get information, you will have a growth experience and an
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: accountability partner, a guide who is your cheerleader but also
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: your coach and supports you in following through. Now, the
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: best part of all of this, you get eight sessions
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: for just forty nine dollars each. I know it's crazy,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: as you can imagine. Space in this program fills up
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: very quickly and I only do this five times a year.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: The next cohort starts the week of July thirteenth. That's
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: when you would start your sessions, and if you want
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: to participate, you can enroll right now forty nine dollars
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: to hold your spot forty nine dollars a session. Come
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: to growing self dot com slash grow to learn more
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: and save your spot. I'm so excited about this program.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: You're going to get so much out of it. I
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: hope you take advantage of it. Growing self dot com
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: forward slash grow.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: I sometimes would be really incredible as a speaker when
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I take home all the trophies, and other times I
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: would stand in front of everyone like goldfish with no
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: thoughts in my brain and I had no idea.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: I was just like blank. Yeah, I said that we
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: could be us.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I said that, said do not, we could be us.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: If one of your goals is to feel more confident
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: in yourself, here's what to know. Becoming confident is in
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: something that happens. Becoming confident is a developmental growth process.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Confidence is something that you earn, and there is a
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: path of growth when it comes to feeling truly authentically
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: trusting of yourself and confident in every area of life.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: There's a white tiger at the zoo and they really
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: want to give it this beautiful enclosure because it hasn't
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: had that, and so they go through this effort to
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: create these rolling hills and grass and all these things, and.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: The tiger never leaves its enclosure.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: It just keeps pacing and doesn't even realize that the
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: door is open.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: By the end of today's episode, you are going to
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: have a roadmap that you can apply to your own
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: experience to help you begin moving forward to this confident,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: self trusting place that I know you want to be in.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I said that tonight and we can all these stuff.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: If this is your first time tuning in, Welcome. I'm
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: doctor Lisa Marie Bobby. This is Love, Happiness and Success
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: my background. I'm a psychologist, I'm a licensed Marriage of
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Friendly therapist. I'm also a board certified coach. And every
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: week I'm here with you to talk about growth, love,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: happiness and success, the key ingredients for a life worth living.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And I'm so glad you're here. And I'm also so
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: excited to dive into our topic today around how to
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: become more confident. And today I'm talking with Sarah Anderson,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: founder of Lead out Loud and creator of the Resonance Method,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: a framework that helps high achieving leaders stop performing confidence
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: and start embodying it so that their presence and communication
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: actually land. And she is here today to share her
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: tips and strategies with you so that you can stay
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: calm and really show up as being confident and in
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: charge when it counts. So, Sarah, thank you so much
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: for being here today.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So we have so much to talk about because
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like so many people, myself included, have these
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: moments where they're just riddled with self doubt and it
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: does stuff to us. We start like talking too much,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: We overexplain, sometimes you withdraw. What is that about? Why
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: is confidence so hard?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: You know? One thing that I noticed a lot about
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: confidence is a lot of us we think of it
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: like it's a byproduct, like once we achieve and everyone
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: comes from a different background, so we can fill in
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: the blank differently for different Yeah, once we achieve X,
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: then I will feel confident. You can also say that
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: about joy and a lot of other emotions.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: That people like totally.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: And what I've found too, with a peek behind the curtain,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: is that that only comes pounds the higher you climb
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: if we don't address that from me right out and
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: on a I think of it as like a less
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: about situational or competence or experience based confidence, but building
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: more of that real embodied confidence in yourself.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good point. And you know, gosh, isn't
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: that true. I think I've probably fallen into this. It's
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: almost subconscious, isn't it. It's like this belief that when
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I achieve some kind of imaginary ideal, then I will
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: magically feel confident. But that's not really how it works.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And we keep striving and doing and maybe someday, but
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you're saying that there's actually deeper inner work that's the
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: real path to confidence.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, and i't go.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Well, honestly, you know, I don't t I mean, I'm
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: always so curious about my guests and origins stories. I mean,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: so I know that now you talk about this, you
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: teach people about this right and high stake situations, but
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to know if there was ever a time
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: in your own life when you had you had this
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: as well, it felt hard to feel trusting in yourself
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: in the moment.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Is that true for you?
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I wouldn't say that this is like you
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: reach the top of the mountain and.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Sure runs myself and ascended to heaven.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: You not mis represent that.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: But a couple of examples of what it was like
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: for me is when I was in university, I was
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: a competitive public speaker.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: I stumbled into it.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Why time, how do you get into competitive public speaking.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: It was not on purpose, Okay.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Actually I started off in a community college and I
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: wanted to go to the business program at cal Poly
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: and the was a prerequisite called forensics some number at
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: the end. I was like, that's weird forensics. So I
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: show up and when I show up, they say, so,
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: this isn't really a class. You travel every weekend to
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: compete by being on stage public.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: What I win?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, So I went the first weekend and I won,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: and I like to win. I was like, okay, I
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: really like this. But with the comp You're like, where.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Does the confidence piece come in?
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: Well? I I sometimes would be really incredible as a speaker,
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: win I take home all the trophies, and other times
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I would stand in front of everyone like goldfish with
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: no thoughts in my brain, and I had no idea.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I was just like blank. And this was so long ago.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: I had no idea about nervous system regulation or that.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: It was just I couldn't really trust in myself. I
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I'm really good except for what I
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: really have nothing to say, and that was really difficult.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: But also I think you don't know what you don't know,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: So I didn't really know that I could work on it,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: and then in my career later on, I was naturally
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: really good at shape shifting, so I can walk into
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: a room and really quickly identify who I need to
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: be to move the conversation forward the way that I
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: want to. It's just that a great thing for me,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: but it's more of a survival instinct, and it really
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: was erasing my authenticity, so I didn't really feel a
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: true confidence. I just could kind of shape shift in
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: that room, but lose myself in the process. All of
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: those experiences add up for me.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I have so many questions. Okay, we're going to talk
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: more about the confidence thing, but I just I have
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: to know before I can move on here. I'm so sorry.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: What do you have have to do to win at speaking?
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: How are points awarded?
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Well, the kind of speaking that I did was very prepared,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: so they're whoa okay version, And I would have walked
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: out the door if they made me do that back then.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Today most of my speaking is pretty impromptu, but at
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: the time it was rehearsed, each word, each pause, each
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: I see all of the things.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, got it, okay, So it's almost like a performance essentially,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: and that Okay, I'm just like, how does this even work?
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you? Now I can continue moving forward in this conversation.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: And so what I'm hearing you say though in your
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: story is something that I think so many of us
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: can relate to, which is like, sometimes it feels like
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you're on your game and you can do the thing,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: but then other times it's almost like feeling flooded and
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: like your brain just goes out the window, and that
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: you had a coping strategy, which is almost like I
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: don't know if this is the right way to say it,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: like pretending to be someone else or going into a character.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And I know part of your background is actually professional actings,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: like these things track, but to your point, that creates
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: this disconnection from self, like it's sort of inauthentic. But
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: all these things are strategies, especially when it's like you
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: don't know what else to do. And I think that
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: that's so much as a problem is that when we
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: talk about confidence sort of seems like magic, right, like
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you have it or you don't, or that it's somehow
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: going to be bestowed upon you if you can I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: don't know something. Yeah, And so's there's a mysteriousness that
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: sort of comes and goes, and you had that in
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: your own life.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And there is this people do feel like
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: with confidence, our charisma and these qualities that gosh, that
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: person hasn't and they're so amazing and how do they
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: have it? But they don't really realize that it's build
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: a ball. There are actually ways that we can build this.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: And I was just I was listening recently to your
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: episode on not it wasn't necessarily empathy, emotional emotional intelligence,
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I think was the episode on and so much of
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: that applies here too. You know a lot of the
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: people who come to work with me have been in
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: therapy for a great deal of time, so I have
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: the benefit of them having that foundation and we're able
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: to just take it further from there.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Sure, So hope you understand then. So you went through
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: this growth experience in your own life where it seemed
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: like confidence was something that you wanted, but it kind
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: of showed up or not on its own volition. What
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: was your trajet like when you began thinking about, wait
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: a minute, what's going on when I am on versus
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: when I'm somewhere else.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: I Funny enough, I didn't really unpack that at all
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: during those experiences earlier on with public speaking, and in
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: my it was really more so that in my tech
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: career I did a lot of presenting. I was also
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: opening public speaking clubs at different organizations and mentoring them,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: and I got more comfortable, but I would I would
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: say that often it was more of that situational kind
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: of comptence, where like, this is a familiar situation, so
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I feel more comfortable in this situation, but might get
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: thrown off if other kind of things came in that
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I wasn't expecting. And now that I'm saying that, I'm
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: thinking about some colleagues who gave me this award of
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: like grace under pressure, because when I worked at a startup,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: they would throw me into these situations if they if
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: there was going to be a lot of variables, because
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I tend to be able to operate in those situations.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: This is a meandering answer.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So when it came to discovering how to move
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: through this, it was that I was experiencing a lot
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: of anxiety and I was experiencing.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: A big misalignment.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: And who I felt like I was and who I
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: was presenting. But it wasn't like I had some big
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: strategy or campaign to show people I'm this different person.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: It was that I was noticing this internal friction that
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: I wasn't control over and control over.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: It that I wanted to try and get to the
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: bottom of.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, an internal friction, something that just sort of showed
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: up up and then you decided to explore it. Yes, yeah,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: what did you uncover?
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I went through burnout maybe in like twenty fourteen or
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: twenty fifteen, and for me, it was very It was
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: a clinical burnout. I was having a lot of physical issues,
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: and I I was noticing that just the way that
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: I was able to operate before, I wasn't able to operate.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: I was falling asleep at three pm. I had crashes
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: and highs and gastrointestinal issues like what is happening here?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't until I was experiencing that that I
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: really started to think about what am I going to
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: do about this? And I decided, Okay, I I'm going
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: to go get this checked out.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: I was going to different doctors, and I was going
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: to different naturopath dar. I was trying to see anyone
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: who could help me, because what I was hearing was
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: their literal words were your renals are shot, you should
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: take four hundred dollars worth of supplements, and you should
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: probably work on your stress. But what does that mean?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Work on my stress? I'm like, great, I'm going to
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: go back to the office now.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: And I don't have it. I have no tools. I
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: don't know what to do.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: But I was sitting in my car outside of a
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: doctor's appointment on a weekday, and I remember having this
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: fantasy where I was realizing, you know, if I were
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: to leave my career today, no one could.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: Fault me for it.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: I am experiencing medical issues and I could do that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: And what would I do?
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Like maybe I could go sit on
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: a beach somewhere, and wouldn't that be nice. But then
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: some very wise part of me step forward, maybe my
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: future self stepped in, and I heard this quote in
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: my mind, wherever you go, there you are. I was like,
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I think the call is coming from inside the house.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I don't think I'm going to be less stressed or
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: anxious just because I changed my environment.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: But I also mean, deal with myself.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: If I feel truly happy, healthy, and I still want
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: to leave, then I will give myself full permission. To
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: do so, but not until because I'm not running from
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: I only want to run towards things. So that was
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: a huge pivotal moment for me.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, And I just have to say so wise
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: because I think that many people they're no fault of
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: our own. I mean, it makes sense like nobody would
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: have faulted you for buying a one way to get
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: to a RuvA. Right. But but what you were noticing
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: is I have some work to do, and to stay
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: where you were and challenge yourself to do what work
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: existed there in order to change how you experienced the
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: circumstances rather than removing yourself from the circumstances. That's really
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: powerful stuff because that's a huge growth opportunity. And I
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: just like that says to me so much about you
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: for rising to that challenge and seeing what there was
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: to discover and change.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a really big moment. I'm very grateful
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: to my former self for having that moment.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so awesome. Is it okay to ask like, what, well, then,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: what happened? It sounds like you went on a hero's
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: journey as you decided to do things differently. Is that
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: the right way to say?
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: It I did.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Actually, part of my journey was leading a podcast that
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I had a season I've called That's Different, where I
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: wanted to learn about people doing things differently.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: But that was after.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Going seeking mental health support, which also just I want
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: a name that it's not always a straightforward path because
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: you don't it's not very clear when you make that
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: decision of Okay, maybe I should get some help here,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: and certainly not back then. I think there might be
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: more resources now. But I went to a psychiatrist and
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: after paying out of pocket like two hundred and fifty
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: dollars a session, multiple sessions, she was like, if you
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: don't want medication right now, I don't really have much
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: for you here. And I'm like, oh, I didn't realize
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: that that's how this worked. Okay, I have to see
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: a different kind. I see a different kind.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, people don't know what, like what type of
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: professional to go to. Totally valid. I know it's confusing.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, So I went on this journey of you know,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: seeking out different support and working on myself and taking
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: care of my health and all of these things. And
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: then one day I was now working at a different
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: company and because it was close are to my home
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: and I woke up and I looked around and I
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: was like, I feel pretty good. I feel pretty good
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: these days. I It was two years later. It took
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: a long time, and then I also realized, I feel
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: even more so now that I am not in alignment
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: with the industry that I'm in and the way that
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I'm spending my days right now to make my money
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: is just not for me. But I'm not doing it
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: from running and I'm going to figure out what that is.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: And so that was the end of that journey, in
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: the beginning of the journey that I'm still on.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Now, what may I ask what changed that allowed you
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: to progress from being so burned out that you are
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: physically unwell? I mean, that's that is serious, right to
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: waking up and being like, no, I'm good, I don't
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: want to do this anymore, but I'm all right. What changed?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of a lot of self awareness work.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: If I were to break down like what are rather
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: than where did I go and who did I see?
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: And what transformations occurred?
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: I was way more self aware of myself and my
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: thoughts and my critic and the space created more space
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: between myself and the critical voices nice, and I think
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: that that was probably a large part.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: And I learned of more techniques to calm myself, and
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: I also did a lot.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I did things like the Artists Way, where I really
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: got to learn more about myself in these kind of
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: different creative ways, and that builds a different kind of
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: self trust in myself. And I started to wake up
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: to what I've heard called the escalator that we step onto.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Sometimes there's a relationship escalator, but sometimes there's a career escalator.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: See escalator. I don't know that one.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: This I think it's first started from people describing romantic relationships,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: but it really applies to career as well, which is
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: that you step onto this escalator at some point and
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: you just kind of fall from one thing.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Into the other.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: You're just rising along it, and there may be some
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: point where you look around and you go, what floora
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: am I on?
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: How did I get here?
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: Where I want to go?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Do I want to get off here?
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Maybe?
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, interesting,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: But thank you for taking us into that, because you
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: know what you're describing the transformation is, you know, at
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: the place where you weren't well a lot of stress,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: but also that disconnection and that the work that you
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: did was really getting self awareness, creating more psychological distance
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: between the parts of yourself so that you felt like
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you were in more control, but really cultivating a different
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: kind of relationship with yourself and maybe creative parts of
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: yourself that sort of felt more like you. Yeah, that
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: that was important.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that was a big piece. And I think
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: another big piece in retrospect was that for a long
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: time I was feeling these feelings of I might call
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: them like angst or agitation or frustration with I was
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: thinking things should be different. Why is everyone operating this way?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: I don't like this.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Like, I had a lot of opinions about how we
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: should be living and working and doing things, and I
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: was waiting for everyone else to have the same insights
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: as me before owning them for myself and my own life.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: So there was also a permission slip I wrote myself
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: somewhere along the way where it was like, actually, great,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: people don't have to agree with you.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: You can still.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Own your opinions. You can choose to live your life
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: in accordance to those.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Wow. So really a journey towards congruence, getting clear around
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: who you are, what you care about, your values, recognizing
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: that it's out of alignment with your career, but that
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: also there was this step forward into confidence that even
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: begins with permission to own my own opinions is its
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: own type of confidence. Okay, So, Sarah, I know there's
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: so much more to the story and what it ultimately
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: turned into. Ye is your teaching and supporting a lot
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: of other people on this journey at a variety of
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: different ways. And I know you have so much to
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: share about how to do some of this work, and
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: that's what we'll talk about on the other side of
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: the break. You have million dollar business ideas and the
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: confidence that you can bring so much value into the
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: lives of others if you actualize these ideas. The issue
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: is all the operational details, shopping carts, checkouts, follow up emails,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: How do people find out about you? How do you
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: put together a website with functionality? What about shipping, returns,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: follow up emails? So many things, and that's why you
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: need help like Shopify. If you have a customer who's
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: ready to pay, Shopify checkout helps them finish their purchase
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: when they come back for more, one tap and they're
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: done with Shopify. Nothing stands between your amazing ideas and
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: a real business. Start your free trial at shopify dot
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: com slash lhs shopify dot com slash lhs. Yes I
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: did say free trial at shopify dot com slash lhs.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Everything about summertime should be easy, effortless and relaxed, and
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: that is why I am in love with Quint's clothing.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: They have elevated essentials made from premium materials like European linen,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: washable silk, but without the traditional retail markup. Personally, all
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: summer long, I am living in dresses and from Quints.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: It honestly feels like I'm cheating. I get compliments every
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: time I walk out the door because I look put together,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: but it's about as complicated as putting on a T shirt.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: You too, could make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Quins dot com slash lhs for free shipping on your
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: order and three hundred and sixty five day returns.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: And this is now.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Available in Canada too, my Canadian friends. That's Qui n
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Ce dot com slash las for free shipping and three
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: hundred and sixty five day returns. Quinns dot com slash
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: LHS reconnecting with Sarah Anderson. So, Sarah, you've been sharing
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: with us this journey that you went on, this quest
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: for wholeness in some ways that began to restore your
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: health and your emotional well being, but also began building
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: your confidence. And then what happened. You ultimately came to
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: a place where you were so secure in what you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: were doing and developed these systems and strategies that you
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: started teaching other people. How did you arrive there?
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: So when I left my career, I didn't know where
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I was going. It was really a leap of faith.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: My business plan for myself. I made a business plan
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: for myself over a winter break before I left, and
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: it was really like, how Okay, how much time do
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: you need and how much runway of cash do we
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: have to fund this not knowing period that you're wanting
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: to embark on. So once I did that, then I
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: started my podcast. I was like, Okay, I know that
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: I want something different. I don't know what that is.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I know other people are doing different things with their lives.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Let me find them and talk to them and figure
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: out what this is about. And how do you have
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: the confidence to do that, So I did that.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: What a cool idea for a podcast. By the way,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I think that's just awesome. You really like you're different,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: tell me about it, Like that's so.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Cool, yeah, yes, like and I want to like. For example,
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I my partner and I flew to Norway to join
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: a couple who ran a rolling hostel on a converted
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: American school bus y. Ah, that is so great, their
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: kids and their.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: Daw and like, I love it.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I need this. I need to understand what's happening.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Here, Norwegian schooling with kids and dogs going down the
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: road and come on in, it's actually a hostel. I
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: love it. That's hilarious.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, So things like that. So that was really fun.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: And I was also just continuing to do my own work.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: There was still more work to do for myself. And
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: then and then COVID happened right about the time that
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: I had planned to figure it out and what I
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: was going to do, And that was actually fine because
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: it was it was such a like powerful time period
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: for me. I don't know that I would have been
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: as focused had there not been this external thing happening.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: And I was.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: I did like a few things at once, So I
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: went I took a course on mindfulness and it was
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: a course and I was like, Okay, I'm going to
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: take this course. But at the end of it, they
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: pitched us into a two year mindfulness teacher training. And
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to be a mindfulness teacher, but I
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: couldn't stop thinking about this. This was, honestly a little
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: bit kind of like threw me off. It fell out
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: like it feels like disturbing is too strong of a word,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: but it felt a little disturbing because my brain, my
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: intellectual mind, was like one plus one equals too. If
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: you don't want to be a mindfulness teacher, why would
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: you spend thousands of dollars to learn to be a
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: mindfulness teacher?
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: And another part.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Of me was like, there's something there, there's something there.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Did follow it, and that was another trust building exercise
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: where I followed my intuition and it's a large it's
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: a large foundation of what I'm able to do today
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: was because of that. But I didn't know that I
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: was going to be here. I just followed that. There
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: were some other similar things where there was a woman
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I heard on a podcast, and I remember the moment
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: I was listening to this podcast because I was in
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: the shower and I had it playing on the speaker
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: outside the shower, and I was listening to this woman
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: who was describing everything that I had discovered, just scrappily,
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: like finding my way through my own world. But she
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: was a psychotherapist who had frameworks and tools and things
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: that really matched to how I believed we all work.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: And so then I jumped in with her and I
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: ended up like learning for a year that I taught
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: in that program for a couple of years. So it's
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: just one step after another. And then as I was
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: doing all of that, then going out into the world
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: and being like who can I help, and each time
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: taking back information for myself of like, Okay, I think
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I really liked teaching on this part. I think I
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: don't really like this part as much, and just letting
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: it shape, letting it shape.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Wow, you know what you're describing, Sarah, is this doing
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: the experiential work, this embodiment of confidence, which is in
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: ways both small and large, trusting yourself, that quiet voice
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: inside of you that says you know what you could do,
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: And then like, yeah, I think I do need to
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: do that. I don't know why, but I'm going to anyway,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: and that you trusted it and that it helped like
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: build and develop this trust in yourself. And when you
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: listen to that and it was like, oh, yeah, I
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: needed to be here. I didn't know why when I
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: said yes, but this is exactly right. Over time, it's
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: like these layers and layers of self awareness, self trust,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: this kind of like consolidating your identity. Is that how
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: it felt for you, Maybe not consciously, but like over time.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like at first it was really hard
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: to trust and it was kind of like switching from
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: this some people might call it more like magas masculine
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: or cognitive kind of way of working in the world
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: into this more embodied, felt sense way of looking at things.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: And sometimes even it felt to me so strong in
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: my intuition that it almost felt I've heard other people
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: describe it as like a memory of the future, like
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: I feel like this thing that I want has already happened,
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Like it's happening I don't even have control over yet.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I have it, but I don't have control. But the
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: hard part about that process in the beginning, it gets
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: this part does get easier in my experience, is doing
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: that and being in relationship with other people while you're
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: evolving and going from making sense to people to not
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: making sense to people.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: I totally understand, because, like what we're talking about right now,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: especially early in your journey, it's still fragile, you know,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: it's almost like a soft shell crab or something, and
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: you're still trying to like figure it out and develop
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: it and trust it. And then to have other people
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: who might have strong opinions maybe challenging it or being
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: like why, you know, I could see that feeling hard.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: I've experienced that in my own life.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was wondering, do you have you what have
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: you noticed with yourself for people that you work with
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: around that, because that's a big one I notice for people.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean I think that anytime we are experimenting
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: with new ways of being, it's like the old way
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: it's really like you know, crawling out of a that's
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: a metaphor that comes up for me, like you know,
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: a crabshall or snakes get whatever. But the old way
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: of being doesn't really fit anymore. So you're moving on,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: but you haven't really gelled in in the new way yet,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: and it feels, yeah, like a little baby horse wobbling
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: around on its legs like you could fall over. And
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: I think that that creates vulnerability to other people's opinions
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: or perspectives that can sometimes obstruct a connection with your
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: own inner voice, especially if you're like, well, maybe they're right,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: or you know, everybody hates this idea, maybe it's a
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: bad idea, that kind of thing.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And I also I think it's important to
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: name too, for people who are going through this and
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: might be listening, that the people who love you are
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: often the ones who are.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Kind of creating.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: The stress that we feel in this arena, and not
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: because they don't love us, and not because they aren't
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: well intentioned, but because they have an idea of who
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: we are, and our new self that we're creating is
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: kind of threatening the old self.
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: I love.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: What happened is Sarah? What happened to Lisa? And also
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I think too they're probably worry you know, there's I
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: think we can all project onto other people what we
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: view as being the right way to be or normal
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: or the happy path that'll lead to good things, and
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: when somebody deviates from that and we don't know where
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: we're going. And also if they don't know where we're going.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I think it's easy for people who care about us
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: to fill in the blanks with all kinds of catastrophic things,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: and you know, then that turns into emotional caretaking, and
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: that is also hard when you're in a space of development.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think that reminder, the projection reminder, is always
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: helpful for people because when we feel criticized or we're
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: taking things personally, it's always helpful to remind us like, oh,
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: if someone says, oh, you're gonna wear that, then you
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: know that they wouldn't feel comfortable wearing something as bright
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: or loud as oh you're gonna do that. It just
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: means that they themselves would feel very uncomfortable making that.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's another important part of that confidence. And
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: I'm wondering if that was part of your experience. Is
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: this a differentiation, right, Like I get to be a
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: different person than you are, and it's okay to be
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: you and it's okay to be me, Like reminiscent of
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: giving yourself that permission slip right, that there doesn't need
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: to be sameness between yourself and other people. I think
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: is an important dimension of confidence. Do you feel like
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: that was part of your growth experience.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: Like, honestly, I think that I have been so different
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: than people around, even from my childhood.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: And my family.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: It was more so this identity of being the driven one,
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: the smart one, the high achiever, the one that makes
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: them not the crazy on the debate team, right, Like no,
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: like it's that it was that and and funny enough,
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: it actually wasn't even other people keeping me in that box,
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: or it was me thinking that I needed to keep
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: myself there for them, because when I did start to
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: step out and I felt like the wobbly horse and
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: shaky and Okay, I'm gonna tell my mom that I
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: left my job at Uber, I didn't even tell her
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: until after like all these moves, nobody reacted in the
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: way that I feared the surface. Everyone was coining with it,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: and it was me. It's like, did you ever hear
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: that story that they tell about the white tiger with
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: the enclosure at the zoo? No, okay, this is such
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: a good one because it's like exactly what so we
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: all experience.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: So there is a story.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure exactly where the zoo or the details,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: but the gist of it is there's a white tiger
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: at the zoo, and they really want to give it
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: this beautiful enclosure because it hasn't had that, and so
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: they go through this effort to create these rolling hills
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: and grass and all these things. And when they are finished,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: they place the cage there and they open the door
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: and they're like, go, we created this for you free.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: The tiger never leaves its enclosure. It just keeps pacing
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: and doesn't even realize that the door is open. And
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: that is in a nutshell, you know what can happen
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: for us. We don't eat even realize that the water
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: that we're swimming in, we don't even realize we're holding
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: ourselves back, right.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So you're saying that we can because of our
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: expectations and our beliefs about what is fail to see
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: that the doorway to a new possibility or new opportunities
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: is wide open and we just have to walk through,
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: and we trap ourselves. But to your point, though, it's
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: also easy to talk yourself into believing that other people
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: are trapping you because it's going to upset them if I.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: Do X y Z.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: But in reality, when you did make some of these big,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: bold moves, people were like, cool, and that was surprising
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: because it kind of popped the illusion that something I
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: don't know what happened. That must have been very liberating.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it can go either it can go either way too,
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: because it's not like I've never had detractors or it's
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: not like that's an important part of confidence too, is
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: to be able to be able to navigate that. But
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: it's both, and it's also it's also that we think
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: there's so often we might think like, oh, I can't
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: do that, I can't do that, Well you could. I
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: think a lot of times we're not looking at the
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: sacrifices that we are currently making. We only look at
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: what we would be sacrificing should we make this scary
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: move that we really want to make. So we're not
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: factoring that in.
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, which is important.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like there's an opportunity cost for staying the same.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: You're saying that maybe we're not indexing as much as
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: we should.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Be, right, and especially if it's like more socially acceptable
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: the current path that we're on, and the other one
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: is something that we might actually deeply value but society
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: might not value, and so we might be risking reputation
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: and we might not trust ourselves to be able to
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: handle that. But really what we would gain would be
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: so much more valuable for us personally.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Right, That is such a good point. This is so
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: interesting and okay, so we need to take another quick break.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: But on the other side, I would love it if
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: you could share a little bit more about some of
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: the tools and strategies, and particularly I know that you
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: do a lot with like somatic work, nervous system regulation
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: is a cornerstone of confidence and other strategies. I mean,
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: somebody listening to this is in that time before, right,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe they aren't feeling good at work, maybe they're feeling
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: burnt out, or maybe they're feeling that incongruence between what
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: they have and who they are and what they want
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: and like their big gaps, but they don't even know
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: how to start closing that gap. I'd love to start
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: talking to them about things that they might think about,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: or experiment with or do to begin building some of
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: that strength in themselves.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: If that's okay, sounds good.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Sessarah Anderson. We have had such an interesting conversation, and
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: you've been so generous in sharing your own story as
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I think a living example of how this process actually unfolds,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: and of course it looks different for everyone. There's no
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: you know, exactly two same journey unfolding. But I think
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: the stories that you've shared about your own personal evolution
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: have set such such a beautiful inspirational example of what
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: it can look like when you start tuning into yourself,
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: listening to that voice and practicing building your confidence up
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: by step. And now this is actually like what you do.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: So tell us more about that part.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, So it's been now about a year and a
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: half or two years since I started these.
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: Cohorts that I run. I worked a lot with people.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: One on one in the beginning, and I did some
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: group experiences, but I've found a curriculum that really works,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: and so I think that maybe pulling from pieces of
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: that would be helpful because that's a journey that people
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: go through over ninety days that really kind of get them.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: Obviously not all the way there, but it starts this process,
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: and a lot of it is well where should we
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: begin and begin?
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: Where?
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Where? Yeah? That was my question, like, so where where
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: do people begin? Because you know what I what I
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: want to do. I mean, certainly be a good friend
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: to you, but also a good friend to the people
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: who are here with us right now, and maybe they
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: are in a place where a lot of the people
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: that you support are maybe where you were at a
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: previous incarnation of your own evolution. And I've certainly been
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: in chapters of my own life where I, you know,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: still trying to figure things out too. Where do people start?
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so one area like always starting with awareness, right
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: even being aware and when I I'm going to start
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: from two different places. So where I was in the
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: place that we've spoken about a lot today. Even then,
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: when I was experiencing severe anxiety, before I started to
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: have the clinical symptoms, I didn't acknowledge that there was
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: any problem because it was my experience and I have
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: only had my experience, so I didn't realize that it
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: could be better. So I think opening the door to
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: it being better is one thing. And I the second
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: starting point that I want to start us at is
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: a lot of the people that I work with now,
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: I'm not a therapist, right, so they're not coming in
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: to heal. They're coming in because they're already very successful,
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: and they usually fit into two categories. One they have
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: this deep yearning to be bigger, to see what it
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: would be like to be on bigger stages. Maybe they
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: have a message, they want to do a ted X,
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: they want to write a book, and they're grappling with
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: the desire to be seen and the pain of being
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: perceived and how difficult that is. So that's one category.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Or there are other people who don't really want the spotlight,
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: but they're starting to notice that even though they're in
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: even an executive position and they have a seat at
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: the table and they speak in front of people, they're
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: expending a lot more energy than they need to be
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: because of this internal friction that's happening for them. And
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: so they want to be able to build that confidence
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: that matches their exterior from the inside out internal friction.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: What are we talking about right now? What would be
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: an example of that? In the second category.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: So, I used to think of myself as largely introverted.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: And the way that they describe introvert versus extrovert, right
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: is like, oh, if you're if you gain energy from
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: being around other people and environments, and you're extroverted, and
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: if you don't and it drains you, then you're introverted.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: But then I did all of this work that we've
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: been talking about today. And I remember the moment after
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: I was in a situation that would have absolutely drained
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: me previously, and I was ready to keep going.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: I was like, wow, I feel so good.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: And then I realized in that moment what the difference was,
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: which was I was present with the people that I
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: was speaking with. I was not overthinking, and I was
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: not spending extra double the energy by also being in
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: a very judgmental witness seat above them.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: Isn't that important? Wow, you had found a way to
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: quiet that that critic that like, what are you doing?
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: I can't believe you said that like that that was
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: the part that was draining.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And so that is when I realized, oh, okay,
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: this is actually taking so much more. And it's like,
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: already hard enough to do your job and do all
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: the things that you're already doing, but if you're also
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: doing that, then that is very, very difficult. And it
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: compounds because if you know that each time you're going
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: to go do something courageous or you're going to go
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: be in public, or you're going to speak publicly, that
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: you're going to also beat yourself up on the back
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: end of that, they're not really gonna feel confident or
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: energized to do it more.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That is such a good point, and I think
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: that's true for so many people in so many parts
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: of life, and I've certainly experienced this. It's like, you know,
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: if you have that pattern or habit of like ripping
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: yourself to shreds of what you do, or if you
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: didn't do it, that any time you try to put
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: yourself out there, be it a social situation or something
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: at work, or you have to do a presentation, it
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: is so exhausting, not because of the thing itself, but
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: because of this really toxic relationship that you have with yourself.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: That's the hard part.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Absolutely right, Because even if you do experience external criticism,
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: it's really most painful if it's already hitting a bruise
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: or a wound that you already have.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, and that internal critic knows all the
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: soft spaces.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah right.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So starting with that awareness, like, okay, so if
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: someone is listening to this and they're like, oh, well, I.
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: Guess maybe I do do that.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: So thinking about those stressful situations, the ones that do
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: keep you up at night, that's another symptom that I
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: hear from people a lot like, it's really funny. I
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: was thinking about a metaphor for my work before I
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: was speaking on stage last week, and I was like,
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: you know what, It's kind of like someone hears that
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: I work on cars, and so they come to my
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: shop and they say, hey, you know what, I really
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: want to know about the shiniest wax for my paint job.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I was on TikTok and there was this really shiny
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: wax and like we were talking and as we're talking,
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll tell you about the wax.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm hearing like a ping and I'm like, hey,
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: your car didn't turn over the first time. And they're like, oh, yeah,
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: you know, that's just And that's the equivalent of when
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: women are like or any leaders that I'm speaking with.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: People that i'm speaking with, They're like, yeah, no, I
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: feel confident, I'm very successful.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: I have a great title.
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, if people ask me questions I'm not expecting,
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: then that really throws me off. And yeah, I can't
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: really fall asleep at night and I'm like, okay, wait.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: Your car's on fire. It's like.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: We might be able to address for you. And it's
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: not a problem. It's not a problem in the sense
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: that you could never address it. If you're fine with it,
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: that's fine. But also it's not personal. We all experience
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: different versions of this, and I think that and what
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: people reflect to me too, is that that's been really
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: helpful in my containers, is that nothing really shocks me.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: And I also am not like I'm not coming in
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: with this like oh yeah, okay, like sad for you
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: kind of energy. It's like, no, no experience, Let's get
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: in there and let's do what we can do to
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: shift it for you.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think because you've lived through it and
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: are I think so just relatable and human that I
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: could see it helping particularly heavily defended people who might
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: also really not have a lot of self awareness at
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: the beginning to sort of put language to their experience
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: and be like, oh, yeah, I haven't slept in three years,
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: like that kind of thing, you know, so that they
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: can just begin to connect their own dots and just say, yeah,
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: maybe I am disconnected from myself. Let's notice what that
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: internal voice is saying to me. Oh, it's it's pretty
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: ruthless and abusive, huh. And starting to unpack that that
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: you create a safe space for them to do because
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: I think I think people can push that away if
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: they worry about being judged or being vulnerable, or that
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: there's something uniquely wrong with them, like other people aren't
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: having this experience. It can make it scary to I
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: don't know, like lean into that. Has that been your experience?
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: So what I see is whenever I'm like, if I'm
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: leading a workshop, something that I always say is, we're
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: going to be scientists and we're putting on our lab
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: coats and we're putting on our goggles and whatever we
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: discover is perfect because it's reality and that's where we're starting.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: And because what I do notice is that one of
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: the things that can really stop people from completely transforming
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: their lives is that they discover or they start to
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: take a peek and they see some pattern and they
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: make that pattern mean something about themselves, and they don't
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: like how that feels, and so they close that box
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: and then they don't get to change or shift anything
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: because of their own judgment in that moment. So I
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: really want to support people in seeing that and also
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: seeing that it's not personal, and then also the power
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: of relationships and being in a group where you hear
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: other people name very similars.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, huge. I am obsessed with group work.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: It is so powerful. And I say this, I mean,
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: I'm a psychologist. I do therapy, that's great, do individual
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: work coaching too, also great. But I tell you what
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: if I am working with a group, so like one
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: of the things I do heartbreak recovery works of people going,
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: you know, dealing with a traumatic relationship loss, and like
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: working through that, I can facilitate change in weeks months
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: that would take years in one on one work because
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: of exactly what you're talking about. The visibility that you
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: get when other people are telling their stories and you
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: recognize something about your own experience and somebody else's story,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: It just it moves the whole thing so much faster.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: And you know, it's hilarious. Is that in my position
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: or in my group. When I present to people the
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: idea of like, you know, you do these intensives with
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: a group, They're like no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: gris and like the there's this mythology that you know,
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: talking one on one with a therapist is like the
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: way and groups there's.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: It's it really is so powerful and it's so funny too,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: because I don't know about your experience, but sometimes the
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: people who are the most not wanting to be in
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: a group that's like that is that is the thing
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: that would unlock it for them. The thing that makes
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: them not want to be in it is the thing
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: that would make it help them. But there's so much
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm such a nerd for all of this work
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: and experiential work and even things around perception. And when
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: I do it, like I'll do an immersion in person
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: as part of my cohorts, and I remember, I've seen
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: this happen with so many women. They stand in front
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: of the group and they we do an exercise where
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: they actually don't speak and they're just perceived, and then
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: they get reflections back to them.
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: And for some of.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Them, just who they think people see themselves as and
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: who they actually are showing up as are such wildly
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: different worlds in such a it's such an eye opening
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: thing for them to hear from other people like I
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: see you as powerful, and I see you as so thoughtful,
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: and I see you as fun and like it kind
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: of shatters this illusion of how they thought people were
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: thinking of them in the best way.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: That is so cool man doing like seventy style in
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: counter groups. I love it, And that's what it is.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: It's experiential, like, oh so cool. Well, hey, we have
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: talked about so many things. We worked at Escalators, White Tigers.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: You know, Esslon, we're doing great. And I also wanted
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: to hear you speak just a little bit about something
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: that I think is very interesting in your work, which
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: is the relationship between confidence, like real confidence, the kind
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: that we've been talking about today, the kind you earn,
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: and the ability to regulate yourself and have that like
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: nervous system self management. Take us into that.
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: Yes, okay, So let's say we're talking about one of
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: these stressful situations that we're unpacking and wanting to So
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: when we walk into that room, maybe it's speaking with
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: our boss or in front of the company, whatever, it
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: might be a job interview. And if we just go
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: in and we take our affirmations and we're like, I'm confident,
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm confident, I'm good. But our body is
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: activated in the way that it gets activated, so that's
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: like sweaty palms, your heart is racing, and also what's
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: happening in our mind in those moments, which is that
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: our prefrontal cortex, the most modern part of our brain,
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: doesn't connect to the rest of our brain in the
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: same way when we're in this activated state. So in essence,
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: we're doing things on hard mode because we're trying to
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: solve either we're sometimes it's sitting at your desk on
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: your own trying to solve really stressful, hard problems in business,
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: or sometimes it's in person with a person, and then
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: we're beating ourselves up after because we're thinking, who was
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: that that walked in that room? I know the answer
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: is those questions, why did I stumble? Why did I stutter?
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: Why did I like me on the stage? Why did
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: I blame?
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: And then and then we go, I don't know, I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: guess I'll do better next time, Like I'm going to
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: work on those affirmations. But what we do with the
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: nervous system is similar to like a CBT style when
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: you're looking mentally and at the thoughts. We're looking at
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: what's happening with zero judgment in our nervous system, in
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: our physical experience, and then we're learning how little tools
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: that we are using outside of those experiences, but also
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: that we can use in those experiences, So we're training
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: ourselves to be able to regulate in that.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: Moment so that we can be more connected.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's as opposed to trying to muscle the thoughts.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: You're saying that by learning how to bring your body
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: back down to a calm state, you're able to bring
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: your brain back online essentially and have more control over
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: what you say and what you do. But that it
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: starts with the physicality of it, is that it?
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, I think of it like there's a wheel, and
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: with any of these situations that we're addressing dependent, I'm
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: always looking at the individual in front of me, because
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: some people are going to gravitate or some things will
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: be more accessible or easy for them, so we'll start
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: where they are. But we could start with the thoughts.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: We can start with the physical experience, right, we can
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: start with the emotional experience, and then it's all circular,
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: so one will impact the other and make the others easier.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: But if you are super activated, it's going to be
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: very difficult for you to be able to do the
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: mindset work to help you shift the confidence. So starting
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: with that physical experience is huge for people.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so nice, and I appreciate the reminder
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: that there are different ways to tap into that, and
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: that what you are telling yourself impacts the way that
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: you feel physically and your internal experience of stress, which
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: then changes the way you behave and it also changes
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: the way that you think. And so they're all interrelated,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter what your doorway is into that,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: but to not, I think, at the very least neglect
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: physicality because if you're disowning that, that's a big pillar
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: of how all this works.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and it's a big part of that reconnection
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: to yourself, and it's also relationally. It's such a big
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: part of our congruence, which is so important for us
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: to connect with people, because even if we talk ourselves
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: mentally into thinking that we're feeling considant, if our bodies
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: are going haywire, if our vocal cords are constructing, we're
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: sending out all these incongruent signals that and those are
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: often the things that for the people who are already
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: successful and everything else is going right, but they're like,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: I'm just not getting the promotion or the deal or
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: those sort of things. It's often these very subtle, some
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: subconscious signals that they are sending in these conversations that
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: they don't realize that the body will likely help them
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: with quite a bit.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Interesting. Wow, there's a lot to unpack. You've been so
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: generous with your time and with your insight and your
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: experiences and your wisdom, and so to glide to a halt.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: You know, if we have a friend here with us
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: right now, Sarah, who's been listening to this and who
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: sees so much of themselves and the experiences that you've
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: been describing, what would be the one thing you would
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: want them to know or even the first thing that
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: you would suggest they try as they take the first
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: steps in this direction of more confidence.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, so I will come back to the awareness piece
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: without judgment.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: You can.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: We can't just do the awareness. We really have to
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: work on the non judgment piece. And so even if
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: they just start to one take a moment right now
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: in their mind or journal on this later, what are
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: the situations where I'm finding myself either wanting more confidence
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: or feeling insecure? And then let's unpack like what is
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: actually happening in your whole system and particularly in your body.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: And then also for those people, because there's a lot
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: of people I know who go to yoga and they
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: do meditation and they're really calm on their mat but
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: then the moment they get into their life, it's all
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: out the window. So also finding little ways to integrate
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: this presence with yourself into the moment. So one one
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: thing that I really like is even just noticing as
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: simple as the back of your body versus the front
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: of your body. Right, it's like the front of our body.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: I've never thought about that before in my life now
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: thinking about it.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: If we're anxious, if you ask a person where they
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: feel it, at nine point nine times out of ten,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: I hear it's in my chest, it's tight, it's clenching.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: That's because that's where we feel that sensation. But if
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: we intentionally put our attention into the grounding places like
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: I feel the weight of myself on the chair, I
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: feel the back of my body touching there, that helps
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: us to be able to access the less stressed part
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: of ourselves.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: It's little.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: There's so many different things, but that's one example of
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: one little thing that's not spending twenty minutes in meditation.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: It's just like, oh, right, deepras, I feel the back
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: of my body reconnect with the persa.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: Right, that's great, small ways of reconnecting with physical reality,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: grounding yourself, calming down, and just gaining that awareness of
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: yourself and how you feel. Can I just say one
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: more thing, Can we all make a pact everyone here
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: with Sarah and I to day that if as you
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: do this, you become aware that you are judging yourself
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: or wanting to criticize yourself, or being mad at yourself
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: or not being different, thank you in advance for not
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: judging yourself, for judging yourself like it's really, it's all okay.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: And to develop this observer mind where you can just
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: be like, yeah, this is what's happening right now, even
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: if you're judging yourself and then annoyed that you're judging yourself, yes, because.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: That's a never ending this is I know, it's like
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: the mirrors into infinity.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: You can go with that one.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes just expecting it where I'm like, oh, right,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: this is what people do.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 3: We judge ourselves.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: Funny that I'm doing the thing that we all do,
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: and then break that stull.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: Nice well, Sarah Anderson, this has been such a fun
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: and informative conversation. I'm so glad that we got to
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: spend some time together today and for our friends listening there,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: like I would like more Sarah in my life. Where
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: would they live? Follow you or learn more about you
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: and your work or your encounter groups, the seventy style
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: encounter groups on the escalators of the White Tigers. Where
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: do they go?
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 3: I do love a seventies aesthetic.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: You can find me Sarah Anderson dot co is my website,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Sarah dot Anderson and Triple Underscore on Instagram, or Sarah
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: Anderson Coaching on LinkedIn.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 4: Amazing.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you again so much.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 4: Yes, thank you, thank you so much for spending time
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 4: with Sarah and I today.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: I hope that this conversation was inspiring for you as
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: it was for me. Sarah is such a I think,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: great example of what this work looks like in action,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: and I was so grateful for the guidance that she
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: shared things that worked for her and also the people
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: that she supports in doing the work that is required
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: to become more confident. With a big headline here is
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: that you know, confidence is not a switch that you
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: flip right, It's not something that you can do. It
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: is something that you develop over time. It is something
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: that is earned and once you do, no one can
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: take it away from you. That's the good news. So
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: Sarah mentioned some resources. I have some as well. If
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: you would like the support of a professional therapist who
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: specializes in coaching, who can help you do some of
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: the emotional regulation and intelligence work that Sarah and I
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: were talking about today, and also someone who can help
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: you explore elements of your past that are influencing how
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: you feel in the present and help you create a
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: path forward that you can walk towards fearlessly. You're welcome
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: to do that work with growing Self. You can come
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: to growingself dot com and request a free consultation with
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: one of the amazing therapists in my network. They can
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: meet with you, get to know you, understand what your
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: goals are for yourself, the work that you want to do,
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: and if they're the right person to help you understand
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: you know what that might look like. And then you
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: can decide if you feel good about doing that work
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: with them, do a vibe check, make sure that it
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: feels like a genuinely good new relationship for you, and
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: if so, move forward with them and have a guide
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: and a partner to support you. And this important growth work.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: You can do all that at growing self dot com.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks again for spending this time with me today and
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: I will look forward to reconnecting with you soon.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 4: N all right to take care of me, So I said,
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 4: said that too, guy, All these stuffs.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: I said that. I said that too. Night and we
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 3: can all these stu