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Thanks Very Much, Sepp Blatter! · Detritus

• 0:00
  Hi, this is John from The Detritus Podcast. Before
• 0:04
  we begin this week's episode, I wanted to hop
• 0:07
  on quickly and apologise for the quality of the
• 0:10
  sound recording. Not just this sound recording,
• 0:13
  which I'm doing on my way home from a pool on
• 0:16
  the phone, because I've just remembered, but
• 0:18
  the episode in general. There were unforeseen
• 0:20
  circumstances, and I know what you're thinking.
• 0:22
  What a shame after three golden classic 10 out
• 0:26
  of 10 eps. But the episode is pretty fun and
• 0:31
  we'll be back in a fortnight sounding the usual
• 0:35
  levels of terrible. I hope you enjoy it. Bye.
• 0:38
  I really want to go to the World Cup, man. Look,
• 0:41
  we've been through this, haven't we? It's too
• 0:43
  expensive to fly. You can't drive. The only way
• 0:46
  to get there is if, I don't know, we cleverly
• 0:49
  swap ourselves with Sven -Goran Eriksson and
• 0:51
  his assistant, Toad Grimm. stuff from the media
• 0:59
  living in perpetua in our memorial once once
• 1:07
  more cultural ephemera stuff from the media and
• 1:24
  welcome to detritus the podcast that sifts through
• 1:27
  the debris of popular culture in order to explore
• 1:30
  uncover and maybe even reclaim that which is
• 1:32
  lost to the algorithmic rivers of time i'm john
• 1:36
  loveless which is jack savage hello hello and
• 1:39
  to introduce this still not particularly water
• 1:41
  style concept we will be petitioning each other
• 1:43
  to participate in the act of remembrance as george
• 1:46
  ellison wrote in 1921 in his poem forgotten days
• 1:50
  forgotten days of long ago i wonder where you
• 1:53
  are and if perchance we'll meet again on some
• 1:56
  far distant star. That's beautiful. I just found
• 1:59
  that when I searched poem about memory. Okay,
• 2:03
  all right. I've had my head so deep into the
• 2:06
  necessary research for this no doubt thrilling
• 2:10
  episode where I'm about to treat you to that,
• 2:12
  I totally forgot to write my little couch gag
• 2:16
  intro. I will never do it again. Right, no, it's
• 2:19
  fine. I mean, I think that's... I mean, the fans
• 2:22
  are obviously looking forward to the beginning
• 2:23
  of it as much as they are the main body, but
• 2:25
  it's... Sure, everyone loves to hear what we've
• 2:28
  been up to. However, the only thing we've really
• 2:31
  been up to this past week is launching the first
• 2:33
  episode of the Triters podcast. It's out there.
• 2:36
  You've probably heard it. It's been great to
• 2:39
  connect with the fans. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:41
  The tens of fans out there. Well, it is tens,
• 2:45
  but, you know, we are... I'm pleased to report
• 2:48
  in the top... 50 % of podcasts worldwide. What?
• 2:52
  Already? Already. Do you know how many listeners
• 2:57
  or downloads you need to get into the top 50
• 2:59
  % of podcasts worldwide? I do. It's 28. Yeah,
• 3:04
  it is. For the benefit of the podcast in the
• 3:05
  future, just to set this stuff up. Because I'm
• 3:08
  really going to struggle here if I'm not repeating
• 3:11
  things I've already said to you. Okay. Sorry.
• 3:14
  I mean, what I mean is that... It's 28. What,
• 3:17
  28? 28, yeah. So that gets you into the top 50th
• 3:20
  percentile. Yeah. And to repeat some material
• 3:23
  of yours back at you. Yeah, yeah. Imagine...
• 3:27
  Being one of those people just consistently doing
• 3:30
  this for less than 20 years. Yeah, salute to
• 3:32
  all the kings out there. Just like working away
• 3:35
  every week, like dropping fire. The modern hospital
• 3:38
  radio. 27 listeners a week. Let's go. Great stuff.
• 3:44
  Salute to those people. Well, the important thing
• 3:46
  is that we enjoy it. Exactly, yeah. No, exactly.
• 3:50
  No, it's been really exciting to... You were
• 3:52
  at a wedding. Did you tell anyone about the wedding
• 3:54
  back in the day? Did you? You've not managed
• 3:58
  to, I know you weren't giving a speech, but there
• 3:59
  could have been a way that you could have asked
• 4:02
  one of the best man to maybe incorporate it into
• 4:05
  the speech. Well, I was on the family table,
• 4:08
  which was a bit lit. So, well, there were really,
• 4:10
  I didn't really think there were many candidates
• 4:13
  for listenership. What's your wedding schedule
• 4:16
  looking like this summer? I think that's it for
• 4:20
  the wedding. So divide over. Yeah, it would be
• 4:24
  fun. It was a good one. Yeah, nice to see a lot
• 4:26
  of family people. Went to Ashbourne, which was...
• 4:28
  Yeah, near Staffordshire. Yes, yeah, exactly.
• 4:32
  Very old town. This is to get the mention in
• 4:37
  super early this time. Yeah, it was like covered
• 4:41
  in bunting that's up 365 days a year. What, in
• 4:45
  Ashbourne? Yes. What was that? A reform council.
• 4:49
  Oh, it's a reform heartland. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:52
  You know, you've got to give that to reform.
• 4:54
  They do bring bunting down the... Yeah, the bunting
• 4:57
  budget is like... It's marvellous. Unprecedentedly
• 5:00
  large. I bet the bunting industry can't believe
• 5:03
  it. Yep. I mean, I think they're really dining
• 5:06
  out on it. There's probably one very conflicted
• 5:08
  Lib Dem bunting manufacturer who just can't believe
• 5:11
  this is happening. Yeah, yeah. The Union Jack
• 5:14
  Flag manufacturer. Did you pull them down? Did
• 5:17
  I pull the bunting down? Yeah, any bunting down
• 5:18
  in process? No, actually. But I did arrive, I
• 5:23
  arrived at two in the morning and the place I
• 5:25
  was meant to stay was completely closed. So I
• 5:27
  started walking around Ashbourne kind of like
• 5:29
  alone, just looking at the bunting. Just the
• 5:31
  buntings blowing in the wind. Yeah, looking at
• 5:33
  the bunting and shaking my head. Yeah, that showed
• 5:35
  him. Yeah, and so I did, yeah, I did think about,
• 5:39
  I mean, no, I was never going to vandalise Ashbourne,
• 5:41
  but I was a bit pissed off by it as soon as I
• 5:44
  arrived. Yeah, you can't vandalise someone just
• 5:46
  because you disagree with the local political
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  bent of it. That's democracy, isn't it? That
• 5:51
  is bloody democracy, mate, yeah. That was just
• 5:53
  a test, yeah. But no, no, there weren't really
• 5:57
  any candidates for a detritus fandom in the wedding
• 6:00
  that I was sitting next to. Well, there are candidates,
• 6:04
  not even candidates, known fans now all over.
• 6:07
  Berlin had the highest concentration of listeners.
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  Thank you, Berlin. Thank you, Berlin. Yeah, okay,
• 6:14
  nice. Chipping Norton after that. Chipping Norton.
• 6:17
  Oh, right. So, yeah, David Cameron, obviously.
• 6:20
  But no one in Chipping Norton. Yeah, my dad lives
• 6:22
  quite near Chipping Norton. Right, okay. Well,
• 6:24
  your dad has told at least three people about
• 6:26
  it. Okay. Four downloads. Chipping Norton. Three
• 6:29
  half -siblings probably. Or two by Fran and Tasha
• 6:33
  living in a room. Yeah. And then my dad. They
• 6:36
  were very nice when I met them. Yeah, exactly.
• 6:38
  Yeah, exactly. They're definitely Detroit's fans.
• 6:42
  So, yeah. Chipping on can't be second, can it?
• 6:46
  No. I can't remember my password to log in, but
• 6:50
  Athens was on there. Hell, yeah. Okay, nice.
• 6:54
  Book a tour date now. And somebody in, I think,
• 6:59
  Washington, D .C. has been listening to this.
• 7:01
  Probably a major policy influencer. Yeah, yeah,
• 7:04
  yeah. Hold on in there. You've just got two and
• 7:06
  a half more years of that orange bastard left.
• 7:10
  It's Obama, yes. We've got a lot to get through
• 7:13
  today. And that can bring me neatly round to
• 7:19
  the thrust of the episode, which is we are recording
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  this on World Cup Eve. We're recording in a state
• 7:28
  of World Cup fever. Actually, I don't know. It
• 7:30
  hasn't really kicked in for me yet because I
• 7:32
  sort of feel like the format is a mess. And so
• 7:37
  I don't feel... Or the podcast of the World Cup.
• 7:39
  The World Cup. Very nice. I didn't bring my Vuvuzela.
• 7:45
  Nor did I my Jubilani. Yeah. One bit of feedback
• 7:50
  I got of my own girlfriend is that she said she
• 7:54
  enjoyed the podcast. What? She found it, quote,
• 7:57
  quite masculine. And I am aware that we are now
• 8:01
  about to dive into a footy special, but we should
• 8:05
  affirm our credentials. in terms of talking about
• 8:12
  the beautiful game. So I'll ask you first, Jack,
• 8:15
  what is your personal relationship with football?
• 8:18
  Because we know you're a cricket man. We talked
• 8:20
  about that last episode. But what about the old
• 8:23
  footy? I sort of feel like I'm like a quite,
• 8:26
  I mean, I like football a lot, but I'm not very,
• 8:30
  I'm pretty lapsed in terms of my football fandom.
• 8:33
  I'm a Tottenham fan, but I don't really. Didn't
• 8:36
  Tottenham just go... Yeah. No, no, they just
• 8:40
  avoided the drought. Sorry, Ben, we're stuck.
• 8:42
  But yeah, I don't know. I feel like every time
• 8:44
  I start to talk about football, like there's
• 8:47
  always like somebody knows much more about football
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  in conversation than they start talking about
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  like concepts like weight structure and player
• 8:56
  contracts and like 60 grand a week. And all these
• 9:01
  things are, it's a bit like corporate gossip
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  or something. All these things seem a bit inherently
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  square. And I don't really, I can't really find
• 9:08
  the fun in them. Well, as a square, that's actually
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  the side of football that I like best. Okay,
• 9:13
  hey, you're wheeling it in. So I grew up in a
• 9:15
  football loving household. My parents were big
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  Liverpool fans and remain so. My mum used to
• 9:22
  share a season ticket. My dad still goes quite
• 9:25
  often to Anfield. And the downstairs bathroom
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  in my... parents' house is entirely decorated
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  in Liverpool memorabilia. That's a beautiful
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  thing. Yeah. It's kind of a bit, it's a bit overwhelming,
• 9:38
  to be honest. Right. Whenever I go back there,
• 9:42
  and they've usually added a little trinket from
• 9:45
  the LFC gift shop, but the centrepiece is...
• 9:51
  One of those sort of fake newspaper headlines
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  you could have printed. Used to be able to have
• 9:56
  it done in the Liverpool store, I think, at Anfield,
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  and now you can just get it online. And it says,
• 10:02
  referring to my mum, it names my mum and says,
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  was worth every penny, says Hoya. Nice. I bet
• 10:14
  she was delighted when she got that for Christmas.
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  She's had it up for 15 years. Okay, good, good.
• 10:19
  I believe Gerard Houllier passed away recently.
• 10:23
  So it's kind of commemorating him as well. But
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  I don't think, I'm not sure it's ever occurred
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  to them, really. Well, you know, I think it can
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  be your private joke. For me having a chuckle
• 10:37
  every time I take a wee at my bedroom. Yeah,
• 10:38
  yeah, yeah. No, but it's nice. I do love to,
• 10:41
  you know, I can... I'm seeing that bathroom in
• 10:44
  my mind's eye, and I like it, and I would like
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  to use it. Yeah, well, play your cards right.
• 10:50
  Thank you very much. Yeah, my relationship with
• 10:54
  football, yeah, I enjoy almost everything around
• 10:57
  it, except watching it, really. Oh, really? Largely
• 11:01
  in the same way that I don't really like soap
• 11:04
  operas that go on and on forever, because I don't
• 11:08
  like the lack of the definitive end in league
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  football. Right, okay. Something about it is
• 11:13
  frustrating. Yeah, it always goes on. And I enjoy
• 11:16
  reading, you know, Barley Rene and The Guardian,
• 11:19
  and I have a lot of friends who really like football,
• 11:21
  and their enthusiasm, especially for the obscure
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  corners of it, is really great. I like being
• 11:28
  privy to that. But especially if it's like, you
• 11:31
  know, a mid -season, mid -table game, I enjoy
• 11:37
  everything about it. And when I was younger,
• 11:39
  I used to go and watch... Trammy Rovers play
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  and I remember that was good I'd go with my dad
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  and my grandfather and I'd enjoy it but I mainly
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  enjoyed the atmosphere and the things happening
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  around the game rather than the game and one
• 11:53
  thing I like about the World Cup is that you
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  know it's been expanded this year it was like
• 11:57
  108 games and it's a week longer I think more
• 12:00
  teams but it does end and it will end and I enjoy
• 12:04
  that element of it I'm looking forward to watching
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  the opening game tomorrow I'm looking forward
• 12:08
  to watching England's first game next week and
• 12:10
  basically absorbing a load of witless opinions
• 12:14
  that i can pass off as my own half -baked perspective
• 12:18
  i think at it yeah at its best like the world
• 12:20
  cup has a really really great structure and narrative
• 12:23
  and you know it can you like you kind of get
• 12:26
  warmed up with the group games and there is i
• 12:29
  mean i don't know i feel like i know the structure
• 12:31
  of it so well that it's going to be so strange
• 12:33
  to have that disrupted like the kind of like
• 12:36
  the three games a week for Or three games a day
• 12:38
  for like a week and a half. And then it goes
• 12:40
  into the group stages and it all gets a bit more
• 12:42
  spread out and exciting. Yeah, yeah. It goes
• 12:45
  into the knockout games. I'm glad it's in summer
• 12:47
  again. I know that the games are on at nocturnal
• 12:51
  hours largely, but having it in summer, feeling
• 12:55
  the pollen rush up my nose, you know. Yeah. Having
• 12:59
  a pint outside. And it's great in Berlin. All
• 13:01
  the local shops have already set up widescreen
• 13:04
  tallies for media marks so that people can like...
• 13:07
  you know, have a drink and watch it outside of
• 13:08
  a shop. Stuff like that is what I really enjoy
• 13:11
  about it. It is kind of good in this city. I
• 13:13
  think it's better here than in London somehow.
• 13:16
  Yeah. I sort of feel like in London it's always
• 13:17
  like queues to get into some sort of sporty pub,
• 13:21
  like a really grim vibe when England fucking
• 13:24
  lose, obviously. Whereas the, I don't know, the
• 13:28
  party just kind of goes on in Berlin, which is
• 13:30
  good. Well, talking about England losing, we're
• 13:32
  recording this episode specifically so we can
• 13:35
  get it out before England get knocked out. So
• 13:37
  as you're listening to this, for World Cup, we've
• 13:39
  been on for a fortnight. Hopefully our boys are
• 13:44
  holding it together and haven't been like just
• 13:46
  destroyed by Croatia. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
• 13:50
  Who knows what's going to happen? Who knows?
• 13:52
  You know what, Ram? It's anyone's game. The ball
• 13:55
  is round, right? Sure. You'll be pleased to know
• 14:14
  that we aren't talking about football specifically,
• 14:17
  directly. We are talking about one of the, you
• 14:21
  know, the most wondrous... elements that surrounds
• 14:25
  World Cup, which is England, novelty England
• 14:29
  songs, of which there's a rich history, official
• 14:33
  and unofficial. And yeah, that is something I
• 14:40
  can speak passionately about. Yeah, it's also
• 14:42
  a thing which has sort of come to kind of an
• 14:44
  end, right? I mean, I certainly haven't seen
• 14:47
  one like on the... No, not for this year, of
• 14:50
  course. It's been fragmented now. I'm sure there
• 14:53
  will be people, there will be chances out there
• 14:56
  making a go of this. And we will be revisiting
• 15:00
  some of the absolute top chances. I sort of feel
• 15:05
  like, yeah, like the late 90s to the mid 2000s,
• 15:08
  like they were sort of... When people still bought
• 15:11
  CD singles as well. Also in the wake of, you
• 15:14
  know, the huge success of like Three Lions then.
• 15:17
  Yeah, which isn't on this, by the way, because
• 15:19
  it's basically too good. Yeah. Yeah, I think
• 15:22
  everyone's heard that. It's fine. I mean, I like
• 15:25
  it. I don't want to hear it ever again, really.
• 15:26
  And I'm glad that the deal and Skinner haven't
• 15:30
  released a 2024 -6 version of it. They did do
• 15:34
  a 2024 version called... No, 2022, they did a
• 15:39
  version called Football's Coming Home for Christmas.
• 15:42
  Really? Yeah. Again, I've only been made aware
• 15:46
  of this in researching this episode. So we are
• 15:50
  going to begin with an official England collaboration.
• 15:54
  However, as in the FA. gave you their rubber
• 15:58
  stamp of approval. But before that, here are
• 16:01
  some things that we rejected because they are
• 16:03
  not up to the high standards of the Detroiters
• 16:06
  podcast. 2010 was a really big year for PP cashing
• 16:11
  in on this shit. Right, yeah, yeah. So there
• 16:13
  was Neil from Morrissey and England's Pride with
• 16:17
  England's On The Way, which reached number 18
• 16:20
  in 2010. And that is a... parody of The Lion
• 16:27
  Sleeps Tonight. I'd said it's Free Lion Sleeps
• 16:30
  Tonight. And it goes, England's on the way. And
• 16:34
  the video for it looked like it cost probably
• 16:38
  £600. Excellent. It's Neil on a pub band. And,
• 16:44
  you know, this is 10 years after Bob the Builder.
• 16:46
  He's had a number one. Right, yeah. You know,
• 16:48
  he's remained in the public eye. I think a generally
• 16:50
  well -liked figure, Neil Morrissey. But he was
• 16:52
  determined to do this and he's surrounded by...
• 16:55
  a bevy of page -free -esque beauties wearing
• 16:58
  St. George's flag glittery bikinis. And it was
• 17:03
  shot, it looks summery, but I reckon it was shot
• 17:05
  in April in advance. It's like, I mean, what's
• 17:10
  his name? Neil Morris, he's kept his brand relatively
• 17:13
  free of the ignominy of like unofficial England.
• 17:16
  He's known as a major football fan, right? I
• 17:19
  mean, yeah. I guess. He's an original, like,
• 17:22
  lad. He is an original lad. But then, I don't
• 17:25
  know, maybe he's, maybe, because he's a... I
• 17:27
  mean, he was playing an original lad. Maybe his
• 17:29
  character has got mixed up with the person, Neil
• 17:31
  Morrissey. Yeah, anyway, like, I... Obviously,
• 17:36
  I'm not offended by Neil Morrissey's attempt
• 17:37
  to, you know, cash in on the World Cup 2010,
• 17:41
  but... No, it wasn't even the World Cup, was
• 17:43
  it? Was it 2010? Yeah, it would have been the
• 17:45
  World Cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was Vivi Zeller.
• 17:46
  Yeah, Vivi Zeller time. Yeah, um... And also
• 17:49
  from 2010 and also rejected was Chico, It's England
• 17:53
  Time. But Chico won. No, he didn't even win.
• 17:57
  He was a contestant on the X Factor in 2004,
• 18:01
  2005. Right, right. And he had a single afterwards
• 18:04
  called It's Chico Time. And then five years after
• 18:07
  this, he had another single called It's England
• 18:11
  Time, which is funny because Chico is Welsh.
• 18:14
  Right, yeah, yeah. He was kind of like his Latin.
• 18:17
  He's Welsh Latin. Yeah, I think... So I imagine
• 18:20
  a lot of people watched or heard this about,
• 18:22
  I'm not having foreigners do my England songs.
• 18:25
  Yeah, but he knows a moment. He knows an opportunity
• 18:28
  when he... That's what I think of, you know...
• 18:31
  And he actually managed to get it, some radio
• 18:35
  play by canvassing He Who Must Not Be Named on
• 18:38
  this show. All right, yeah, I knew that he'd
• 18:41
  be involved. The big man. And nowadays... Chico
• 18:45
  was last seen protesting alongside Piers Corbyn
• 18:48
  against vaccinations and the COVID lockdown.
• 18:52
  It's funny the amount of people who we're going
• 18:54
  to... It's funny who... It's ivermectin time.
• 19:00
  It's funny the amount of people who we're going
• 19:01
  to bump into in this story who sort of go that
• 19:04
  way. Oh, yeah. It was definitely a real crossover.
• 19:09
  Also 2010, and somebody I'm a really big fan
• 19:11
  of, had never been made aware of this, and again,
• 19:14
  do not understand why it exists, was Rick Mayles'
• 19:17
  World Cup song, Noble England. Yeah, that's a
• 19:21
  shame, isn't it? I was referring. He bumped his
• 19:23
  head after the quad buckets. I had a look at
• 19:26
  the video for that today. Really weird. It's
• 19:28
  really strange. It's got a sort of wizardry,
• 19:32
  kind of medieval theme to it. And he's a, it's
• 19:38
  not funny and it's not catchy. It's very strange.
• 19:40
  Maybe he had a nephew who was like into music
• 19:42
  production or something. Maybe. And football.
• 19:44
  Maybe. But, you know, Rick Mayall is, you know,
• 19:47
  an Englishman. It makes me proud to be English.
• 19:51
  Yeah, so I'm going to leave him off this. And
• 19:54
  then also, Embrace His World at Your Feet from
• 19:56
  2016. I don't think that's from 2016, point of
• 19:59
  order. 2014? I think it's from 2006. Really?
• 20:02
  Yeah, yeah, I did look that up. Oh, okay. Oh,
• 20:05
  I think it's from later. We'll see. We'll see.
• 20:07
  Okay, you'll see. We can't possibly Google it
• 20:09
  now. But again, Embrace, you know, perfectly
• 20:11
  lovely, competent indie rock band, and that's
• 20:14
  exactly how the song is. Check it out. It's sincere.
• 20:19
  It's earnest. Yeah. It's sort of somewhat heartfelt
• 20:22
  -ish. It's as heartfelt as it gets in terms of...
• 20:26
  They rang Elbow. They weren't available. Yeah,
• 20:28
  yeah. Grace picked up the phone and they did
• 20:30
  a fine job. We're going to start with 1998's
• 20:35
  official England collaboration. How does it feel
• 20:39
  to be on top of the world by Echo and the Bunnymen,
• 20:42
  Ocean Coliseum, Space and the Spice Girls? Wow.
• 20:46
  And we'll hear some of that right now. So yeah,
• 21:08
  1998. A confession about this. Yes. I was very
• 21:15
  tuned into pop music in 1998 and I was all over
• 21:18
  this World Cup. I remember it really vividly.
• 21:20
  I remember Michael Owen and Beckham and I was
• 21:23
  on holiday in Mallorca. When you sent me this,
• 21:27
  I was certain I'd never heard it before, which
• 21:30
  seems mad given that it features once again.
• 21:36
  Echoes and Funny Men, Ocean, Cold Sea and Space,
• 21:38
  and The Spice Girls, which is a bizarre confection
• 21:42
  of people. Completely. But I'd never... And Johnny
• 21:46
  Marr. And Johnny Marr wrote it. And Johnny Marr,
• 21:47
  of course, yeah. But when I did hear it, I realised
• 21:51
  that I did know the chorus, but I thought it
• 21:55
  was just some cast beside or something. It was
• 21:59
  something really, like, just proper detritus
• 22:03
  at the back of my head. that would, you know,
• 22:05
  occasionally show up on my ADHD jukebox, but
• 22:08
  I didn't, yeah, very rarely. And when I found
• 22:12
  out who was involved and that the Spice Girls
• 22:14
  were in it, I was blown away. Yeah, yeah. I think
• 22:17
  it holds up pretty well in terms of footballing,
• 22:21
  you know, like the actual musical pedigree of
• 22:25
  some of these. Well, there are decent musicians
• 22:27
  on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably not Ian
• 22:31
  McCulloch's most celebrated work. I think he
• 22:34
  certainly delivers it with an amount of slightly
• 22:37
  dour kind of... Yeah, of course. Like he's kind
• 22:46
  of hopeful but indifferent. Totally. But is that
• 22:50
  the mood and vibe you want for a nation -uniting
• 22:55
  official England song? I think, well, I mean,
• 22:58
  who was it? Like, I think it was the Keegan era,
• 23:01
  wasn't it? Yes. And so I think there was a...
• 23:03
  No, Hoddle, right? Oh, was it? Yeah. Hoddle's
• 23:06
  disability comment around then, I think. I thought
• 23:09
  Hoddle got removed before the, well, I can't
• 23:11
  even remember. God, I should have researched
• 23:12
  this. Yeah. But let me tell you, we can tell
• 23:15
  you a lot about... I know it was pre -Sven. Pre
• 23:18
  and like with Sven came like... Maybe it was
• 23:21
  big and a big, you know, you know, some kind
• 23:26
  of... I see change with the vibe of the England
• 23:29
  team. Do you remember when Hoddle said that?
• 23:30
  That he felt that maybe disabled people had done
• 23:35
  something bad in a past life? Yeah. Still the
• 23:38
  most out there thing any England manager has
• 23:42
  ever said. It was the maddest way for a manager
• 23:45
  to get sacked. Maddest way to get sacked, but
• 23:46
  for... How offensive it is, it does suggest a
• 23:50
  depth of spirituality that no manager has ever
• 23:53
  had, I think. He was definitely willing to kind
• 23:56
  of go there for his spiritual beliefs. I've never
• 23:58
  actually known what, like, what his, you know,
• 24:00
  what flavor his spiritual beliefs were, because
• 24:02
  that's not really, I don't think that's like
• 24:04
  a Christian doctrine, is it? I believe, you know,
• 24:07
  Buddhism contains... Bizarre? Not about disabled.
• 24:11
  people being born because of crimes in the past
• 24:15
  life or whatever. I sort of feel like it was
• 24:17
  his own kind of spiritual convection. He was
• 24:19
  putting together a bit of a kind of... He must
• 24:23
  have a really good space that he uses at Tesco,
• 24:27
  a disabled space that he thought was like, you
• 24:29
  know, just round the corner. He wasn't sure anyone
• 24:31
  was aware of it. He's like, look, maybe you're
• 24:33
  using it, so I will. And he probably got caught
• 24:36
  out and... That day he happened to have a press
• 24:41
  conference and that just came out of his mouth.
• 24:42
  I mean, I hope that he never loses the use of
• 24:45
  any of his limbs. Sure. Because, you know, it
• 24:48
  probably will happen. He will become an old Muslim.
• 24:50
  In your next life or this life, you mean? Well,
• 24:53
  this life mainly, but it could also happen in
• 24:55
  another life. But yeah, I don't know. I think
• 24:58
  that's an incredibly short -sighted thing for
• 25:00
  him to have said. He had that... Spiritual healer
• 25:05
  called Eileen, right? No, I don't remember that.
• 25:07
  Yeah, I think he hired his favorite spiritual
• 25:14
  healer to help the team. How many international
• 25:20
  football managers have a favorite spiritual healer?
• 25:22
  Well, I think you scratch the surface. There
• 25:25
  are probably a lot of strange beliefs going on.
• 25:28
  Because I think you have to be so single -minded
• 25:31
  to be a sporting person. eventually common sense
• 25:36
  common sense can't really take place in your
• 25:39
  in your head and what you think of as common
• 25:40
  sense sort of replaces it and that's um if you're
• 25:46
  disabled you're evil yeah come on the pod on
• 25:49
  the pod yeah he probably has his own pod for
• 25:52
  us undoubtedly anyway back to uh how does it
• 25:55
  feel to be on top of the world um this song goes
• 25:58
  on for ages that's my main takeaway from when
• 26:02
  I sat through it the other day, and it doesn't
• 26:04
  really go anywhere. It's almost like a charity
• 26:08
  single. It sounds a little bit like we're sending
• 26:10
  our love down the well from a Simpson. Yeah,
• 26:12
  yeah. It sort of goes on and on. And by the end
• 26:15
  of it, it was just like, you know, how does it
• 26:17
  feel to be on top of a world? It's like, yeah,
• 26:19
  boy, let me fuss them down. I'm bored. It's a
• 26:21
  fucking... Yeah, I feel a lot of people would
• 26:25
  define Oasis versus Blur as, you know, the Xenophon,
• 26:30
  the deer of indie culture, Britpop. But this,
• 26:35
  I think, is a better example because it's like
• 26:37
  reverse engineered Britpop. Yeah, I sort of feel
• 26:42
  like they're... They're trying to get the Liverpool...
• 26:45
  They're trying to get the Liverpool vote, the
• 26:46
  Manchester vote. I don't know, where are the
• 26:48
  Spice Girls from? They're kind of from their
• 26:50
  home counties, right? They're from Essex for
• 26:52
  Victoria. Right. Anne Bunton, I don't know. Shirley
• 26:55
  Kent. Mel C is from Liverpool. Yes. Mel B is
• 26:59
  from Leeds. Oh, yeah, of course. And Gerry is
• 27:01
  from the depths of Hayes. He's from everywhere.
• 27:05
  Yeah, I kind of feel like the FA were trying
• 27:09
  to... bring the warring factions of English football
• 27:12
  together in there. But I especially feel like
• 27:16
  they were trying to get the Liverpool fans involved
• 27:19
  who are notoriously a bit sceptical about England.
• 27:25
  Well, this is not a Spice Girls fan favourite
• 27:28
  as far as I know. I know that when they did their
• 27:30
  second reformed tour, not reformed like that,
• 27:32
  the recognition tour. I doubt Simon Ford was
• 27:35
  that happy about it going in at like number 19.
• 27:37
  No. But this was a tough time for the Spice Girls
• 27:40
  anyway. They never performed it again, for example.
• 27:45
  Yeah, yeah. It's gone. And yeah, it did feel
• 27:48
  like, yeah, real obscurity to me. The Spice Girls
• 27:54
  were going through a difficult period and the
• 27:57
  performance of this that you can see, they performed
• 28:00
  it on TV twice, once on TFI Friday with Chris
• 28:05
  Evans and then also on Top of the Pops. Both
• 28:08
  of those, I think the TFI Friday one in particular,
• 28:11
  is Geri's last performance with the Spice Girls.
• 28:14
  Right, RIP. Before she left some time later.
• 28:17
  She didn't die. She went to work as an ambassador
• 28:20
  for the UN. Not immediately. Well, she went out
• 28:23
  on a holiday with Robbie Williams. Oh, right.
• 28:26
  That's how she got over it. She did a bit of
• 28:27
  charity and a holiday with Robbie. When did she
• 28:31
  do it? When did she drop a look at me? That was
• 28:37
  2000. Gosh, that's so terrible. Oh, that is bad.
• 28:40
  But let us not get distracted. Sorry, sorry,
• 28:43
  sorry. Yeah, and the video for this is strange.
• 28:47
  It looks like it was shot, it looks like an American
• 28:51
  video, which is weird. And it's shot on what
• 28:55
  resembles the Sesame Street set. Yeah, using
• 28:58
  all the same kind of techniques as like we're
• 29:00
  in the black or white. black and white video
• 29:03
  for Michael Jackson. You know, the sort of kids
• 29:06
  morphing into adults thing. Kids morph. So some
• 29:09
  children morph into Ian McCulloch. Some people,
• 29:12
  some kids morph into Ocean Coliseum and various
• 29:15
  kids morph into the Spice Girls. And I suppose
• 29:18
  that is, you know, that's the chaos of existence.
• 29:21
  Some poor sods even morph into space, don't they?
• 29:23
  Yeah. Tommy from space. Yeah, I mean, that's
• 29:26
  life, isn't it? You're born into it, you didn't
• 29:28
  ask for it, and then you morph into one of Space
• 29:30
  or Jerry Halliwell. Yeah, it's a disaster. But
• 29:32
  yeah, it's, I don't know, I mean, it has that
• 29:34
  kind of... I feel like what we're going to see
• 29:37
  in this is there be the kind of divergence between
• 29:40
  like the kind of officially sanctioned F .A.
• 29:42
  singles and the kind of like more insurgent kind
• 29:46
  of like independent singles. Yes, this is big
• 29:50
  budget F .A. approved. This is F .A. approved.
• 29:52
  You know, that's didn't turn up in the video,
• 29:56
  but. There's some footage of him reviewing. He
• 30:00
  does turn up in the video. Does he? He does.
• 30:01
  Yeah, point of order. Okay. Does he morph into
• 30:04
  anyone or does he not? I think like, I think
• 30:07
  like Victoria winks at him and everyone laughs.
• 30:10
  Oh, I see. Yeah, I see. Yeah, he does this. interview
• 30:14
  around it where they say, David, what do you
• 30:16
  think of the single? I think, you know, the song
• 30:18
  in the European Championships was good. I think
• 30:22
  this has got the same sort of quality, do you
• 30:24
  know what I mean? There's a great group singing
• 30:26
  on it as well, so I'm sure they'll love it. He
• 30:31
  was a huge Space fan, I think. As was I, to be
• 30:33
  honest. I bought the Space single. I don't know
• 30:36
  much about space, although, you know, I was sort
• 30:40
  of peripherally aware of them, but maybe I'm
• 30:42
  a little bit too young because they didn't have
• 30:44
  the sledgehammer impact that, you know, Paul
• 30:46
  Paul just did. They were a bit like a Liverpudlian
• 30:50
  male Alicia's Attic. Like they were sort of a...
• 30:53
  Yeah, quite exactly. Sell it to me. Yeah, yeah,
• 30:56
  yeah. They were kind of a bit like Big Beat adjacent.
• 30:59
  Now you are selling it to me. Yeah, exactly.
• 31:01
  And they were kind of... There was something
• 31:03
  a little bit comedy about them. They did the
• 31:06
  female, the species. They were a bit like a...
• 31:08
  Yeah, of course, which I loved as a kid because
• 31:10
  it had, you know, crazy key changes and... Yeah,
• 31:13
  it was quite kind of... Yeah, exactly. It was
• 31:15
  very... It was kind of showy. It was a bit like...
• 31:18
  It was a bit sort of Tony Christie or something.
• 31:21
  Do I mean Tony Christie? I don't know. But it
• 31:23
  was like it had a certain, yeah, it was a bit,
• 31:26
  they were a bit like a Liverpudlian all -seeing
• 31:29
  eye or something. Yeah. Is that good? God, I
• 31:32
  don't know. I mean, if you've never heard of
• 31:33
  this, I'll give it a listen. Also, watching the
• 31:35
  video is the optimum way to see it. Watching
• 31:38
  the Spice Girls on top of her pops where Victoria
• 31:40
  genuinely looks like it's beneath her and she's
• 31:42
  hungover. And at one point, Mel B even grabs
• 31:46
  her hand as if to say, look, you're going to
• 31:48
  get through this. There's other stuff. is ahead
• 31:50
  of you, which it was. But at this point, the
• 31:54
  Spice Girls have been on tour for like two years.
• 31:56
  We have two albums in two years, but they're
• 31:57
  a fucking film now. You know, Simon Fowler had
• 32:00
  just worked them like dogs and now they're expected
• 32:02
  to come into work and pretend to do Keep You
• 32:04
  or some Tommy from Spect. No wonder, Jerry Bear.
• 32:08
  Yeah, yeah. This is the end of the absolute final
• 32:11
  straw. Yeah, I think that, yeah, it's, I like
• 32:15
  it. It kind of has, I feel like the FA is sort
• 32:19
  of trying to chase that kind of New Order -ish
• 32:22
  kind of rousing mood for like a lot of their
• 32:25
  official singles. It's a nice song, isn't it?
• 32:27
  Yeah, but it doesn't have the kind of, it doesn't
• 32:31
  have like the kind of, I don't know, the earthy
• 32:34
  kind of... bantery cheekiness that I think a
• 32:37
  lot of the insurgents were able to sort of like
• 32:39
  draw upon real real yeah exactly it doesn't feel
• 32:43
  like it's going to go viral say or whatever and
• 32:46
  I don't think that was a term in 1998 but it
• 32:49
  was time traveller if you stepped into Simon
• 32:52
  Fuller's office he's not going to go viral Simon
• 32:55
  yeah yeah and he would say what the hell do you
• 32:58
  mean and I'd say like listen get back to me in
• 33:02
  20 years because then you'll know Or probably
• 33:04
  in about three years. But I don't know, maybe
• 33:08
  it neatly brings us on to some of the other,
• 33:10
  because also it suffered from having two big
• 33:13
  insurgents. Not really insurgents, but like certainly
• 33:16
  one big insurgent and then also. Well, I think
• 33:19
  we're about to have our first real disagreement
• 33:22
  on the podcast about the next. Yeah, yeah. Because
• 33:26
  in 1998, in parallel to How Does It Feel To Be
• 33:29
  On Top Of The World, there was an insurgent and
• 33:31
  it did feel real. And that was Vindaloo by Fat
• 33:35
  Les. Which I also bought on Singapore. Yeah,
• 33:39
  I think I did too. There was talk when we, we
• 33:45
  should mention that doing the music episodes
• 33:47
  of this podcast is difficult because now they
• 33:49
  send out a really stringent AI. to root out people
• 33:55
  using unlicensed music. And you used to be able
• 33:57
  to use like 20, 30 seconds of it, and now it's
• 34:00
  just nothing. So we were talking about producing
• 34:03
  our own little covers of these tracks. However,
• 34:08
  the rhythm on Vindaloo is so basic that I think,
• 34:12
  especially if I gave it to you or producer Brian,
• 34:16
  you'd come back with something inevitably complex.
• 34:21
  Vindaloo 26. Right, right, yeah. Which is kind
• 34:24
  of like a more deconstructed version of Vindaloo.
• 34:28
  Yeah, do a... Polyrhythmic Vindaloo. Deconstructed
• 34:32
  club record. Yeah, yeah. So I think Linda Lou
• 35:03
  is quite good. The video is a parody of Bittersweet
• 35:08
  Symphony, which is an iconic video, but I'd say
• 35:11
  this video is almost as well -known, really,
• 35:15
  in a way, or was at the time. Yeah, I mean, it
• 35:19
  was sort of like the beginning of certain kind
• 35:22
  of trends in UK. like comedy culture, wasn't
• 35:27
  it? It's the first time. Yes. It's certainly
• 35:29
  the first time that I think Walliams was fucking
• 35:31
  seen on the screen. Well, no, it wasn't. We'll
• 35:34
  get to Walliams. Sorry. We should explain what
• 35:38
  this is. So it's by Fat Les. Fat Les consists
• 35:42
  of the actor and comedian and father of Lillian
• 35:46
  Alfie Allen, Keith Allen, plus blur bassist Alex
• 35:50
  James, an all -round legendary bassist for Hoya.
• 35:55
  Guy Pratt. So that's a Pratt by name and a Pratt
• 35:57
  by nature. Yeah, because... Okay, yeah. Come
• 36:00
  on. Sorry, I mean, yeah, yeah. So... Oh, yeah,
• 36:04
  no, sorry. He's not... He's like Alex James is
• 36:07
  the Pratt by nature. Yes. Okay, cool. Pratt by
• 36:10
  nature. That I can get behind. I agree the hell
• 36:12
  out of that. Yeah. Anyway, like... this is what
• 36:18
  happens when you give two bassists the opportunity
• 36:20
  to write a song. And they came up with it together
• 36:23
  in the Groucho Club in the 90s. And the Groucho
• 36:27
  Club was London's hippest happening private members
• 36:30
  club around that period. I mean, look, it's fair
• 36:35
  to say that this was written, or the idea, the
• 36:38
  genesis of the idea was probably, definitely
• 36:41
  emerged while drunk and probably emerged while
• 36:44
  on cocaine. Yeah, I mean, I think they were the
• 36:47
  in -house band for the Toilet Keepers of the
• 36:49
  Brown Show, right? Yeah, and Keith being kind
• 36:52
  of, you know, a divisive figure, he's well -loved
• 36:57
  amongst London media. So who's Keith Allen well
• 36:59
  -loved amongst? The people he dragged in to do
• 37:02
  this. Yeah, okay, okay. The people he's doing
• 37:04
  gear with. I guess, yeah, I mean, yeah, I wonder
• 37:07
  if... He does drag his own children into it as
• 37:09
  well. They are in the video. Yeah. So the video
• 37:12
  is... marching, a bunch of marching people through
• 37:17
  London, through the suburbs of London. And there's
• 37:21
  kind of all sorts of wacky characters. It's kind
• 37:23
  of like a living viz magazine. There's a funny
• 37:27
  butler. The bloke who plays the lead fella in
• 37:33
  the leather jacket is by God, Paul Kay. Yeah,
• 37:35
  there's Roland River on his side here. Is there
• 37:38
  anyone who was at the London Comedy Store? 1987
• 37:41
  is in there. Right. I kind of feel like Roland
• 37:43
  River on this, like, we're going to be one of
• 37:45
  those characters a bit like Van Dyke Parks or
• 37:47
  someone who's going to be always, like, always
• 37:49
  there or thereabouts in so many things we end
• 37:51
  up talking about. He's just kind of, I've never
• 37:54
  really understood what his thing is. He would
• 37:56
  always appear on, like, The Big Breakfast. He'd
• 37:58
  be there at TFI Friday doing something. I think
• 38:01
  he was, he was quite Jules Holland to Jason.
• 38:03
  He's talking head, isn't he? Completely, yeah,
• 38:05
  yeah. Those I Love 1998, which to be fair, those
• 38:08
  I Love 1998 shows, that is just a precursor to
• 38:10
  this, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But he'd be all over
• 38:13
  those. Yeah. And he's in this. And yeah, as you
• 38:16
  said, Matt Lucas and David Williams are in it.
• 38:19
  And at that point, they made the sketch show,
• 38:21
  that good early sketch show, Mash and Peas. And
• 38:24
  they are in it as Mash and Peas. Okay, I'd not
• 38:27
  heard of that. Yeah, there's some really good
• 38:29
  stuff in Mash and Peas. I like everything Williams
• 38:32
  and Lucas did together up until the second series
• 38:34
  a little bit. Really? Yeah. It's a big show.
• 38:37
  I like all the stuff. Oh, yeah. Rogue Profile
• 38:39
  was funny. Rogue Profile was silly. Okay, yeah.
• 38:42
  But, you know, there are other people from greater
• 38:46
  and more respected worlds involved in this, such
• 38:50
  as Damien Hirst. Damien Hirst produced the single
• 38:53
  artwork for this, which is... A photo taken inside
• 38:57
  someone's mouth with the words Fat Les Vindaloo
• 39:00
  written on the teeth. It's really horrible. Yeah,
• 39:04
  it's really horrible. But, you know, it sold
• 39:06
  lots of CD singles in the age of CD singles.
• 39:10
  I don't understand why they went for that artwork.
• 39:13
  And, you know, part of me suspects that maybe
• 39:15
  that was... Because it's kind of punk, isn't
• 39:17
  it? It's punk. And they were the insurgents.
• 39:19
  Well, the reason it's called Vindaloo, according
• 39:21
  to... According to Keith, who is, you know, always
• 39:25
  has a politically incorrect character. He has
• 39:28
  his heart in the right place. Does he? No, he
• 39:30
  doesn't. You really don't. Well, he claims that
• 39:32
  it's called Vindaloo because, you know, naming
• 39:36
  it after a curry, especially a curry that like
• 39:39
  a football lout would like, is kind of part of
• 39:42
  the joke. And it's written as a parody of a Terrace's
• 39:47
  football hooligan chant, but... than was inevitably
• 39:51
  taken up by football organs. I don't, yeah, I
• 39:55
  feel, I don't trust anything that Keith Allen
• 39:57
  says. I'm sorry. Don't come on the pod, Keith
• 40:00
  Allen. But also, I was digging around him today.
• 40:05
  I found that clip of him on The Late Show where
• 40:07
  he storms off. And actually, one thing that he...
• 40:10
  I can't remember who it is, but there's an Indian
• 40:14
  panelist on The Late Show. Yeah, he's now in
• 40:17
  his 80s. I can't remember his name, but he's
• 40:19
  a novelist, I believe. Right, okay, yeah. And
• 40:25
  Keith Allen says... to the table, but to this
• 40:29
  guy. It's like, you haven't got a chip on your
• 40:30
  shoulder, you've got Vindaloo on your shoulder.
• 40:32
  And then he turns to someone else and goes like,
• 40:34
  do you know what I just said? I said he's got
• 40:36
  a Vindaloo on his shoulder. Yeah, I was making
• 40:38
  it like Vindaloo is obviously like a made up
• 40:40
  dish for the British palate, right? I think he
• 40:43
  was just saying this guy's got curry on his shoulder
• 40:45
  because he's Indian. Right, that's the gag. Keith
• 40:48
  Allen was trying to absolve himself of those,
• 40:50
  of the sins of basically... kind of you know
• 40:54
  racially abusing this guy by saying he's got
• 40:56
  Vindaloo on his shoulder by writing a song saying
• 40:59
  that we're all for this yeah yeah yeah interesting
• 41:02
  yeah so he's trying to own it and exactly he's
• 41:05
  trying to say that we all like Vindaloo I see
• 41:07
  but I don't know it's a very uncomfortable clip
• 41:11
  that and I do think Keith Allen is I'm afraid
• 41:14
  a bit of a malevolent force in UK culture but
• 41:18
  also one he's kind of one of those guys who just
• 41:20
  doesn't really do anything funny he's a good
• 41:22
  actor though isn't he sometimes I mean I guess
• 41:26
  like I've seen it Well, I've seen like the comic
• 41:29
  strip stuff, which is good. Yeah. He'll see,
• 41:31
  you know, he's in an incredibly, he's part of
• 41:33
  an incredibly talented ensemble in that. Yes.
• 41:36
  He's not carrying the weight there. Yeah. I mean,
• 41:38
  he's all right in his cameo in 24 Hour Party.
• 41:41
  Oh, he's great in 24. He plays the record executive.
• 41:44
  He's great. For about six minutes. Yeah. Yeah.
• 41:47
  He plays a cunt. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He plays.
• 41:50
  But I'm yet to be convinced of Keith Allen's
• 41:54
  usefulness. Okay. Let's move on. Okay, okay.
• 41:58
  It sounds like you're trying to protect Keith
• 41:59
  Allen there. No, I just don't want you to waste
• 42:03
  all your energy on Keith Allen. Fair play. He's
• 42:07
  not worth it. Leave him out. In the time since,
• 42:11
  Fat Lairs recorded a cover of Jerusalem. That
• 42:15
  was for a World Cup as well at some point, which
• 42:17
  I didn't even make it for a video for that. However,
• 42:20
  there was also Vindaloo 2. which arrived in 2021,
• 42:23
  but featured none of the original creative forces
• 42:27
  behind Vindaloo, and instead featured Danny Dyer,
• 42:31
  Paddy McGuinness, Will Mellor, and Keith Lemon,
• 42:34
  and Bez. Now, because I care about this podcast,
• 42:39
  I put myself through this. And it was sponsored
• 42:42
  by Deliveroo, and it was raising money for frontline
• 42:45
  COVID workers in the NHS. So there you go. Good
• 42:48
  of those guys to do something charitable while
• 42:50
  waiting for panto season to break. But the video
• 42:53
  is really weird because obviously they've recreated
• 42:56
  the original, which is in itself a parody. It's
• 42:59
  a copy of the copy. But it's shot on a really
• 43:02
  sunny day. And they're marching up what I think
• 43:05
  is Mile End Road. And you can see the financial
• 43:08
  district behind them. You can see the heart of
• 43:10
  the city. It's a really sunny day and that's
• 43:12
  sparkling. And also because it's shot during
• 43:15
  COVID. Everyone's keeping distance from each
• 43:18
  other. So, you know, the Vindaloo video has people
• 43:20
  falling over each other and jostling each other
• 43:23
  and there's a good energy to it. But weirdly
• 43:25
  here you've just got like Pally McGinnis, Lee
• 43:27
  Francis and Will Mellor and they're all just
• 43:29
  stabbing two meters apart while marching at the
• 43:31
  same speed. Right, right. Magic is not there.
• 43:34
  Yeah. But, you know, it was a difficult time
• 43:37
  and they had to do something. It does kind of...
• 43:40
  I feel like it sets up this kind of class of
• 43:43
  UK celebrities that are the, are like the pool
• 43:45
  of talent from which basically England football
• 43:48
  singles are kind of drawn. And like, yeah, Keith
• 43:53
  Lemon. Oh my God. Like, it's really, yeah, I
• 43:58
  don't know. It's, there's a certain, it's a certain
• 44:01
  type of, this is where we're at with this stuff.
• 44:03
  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Yeah, the video is strange.
• 44:07
  And of course, we later have learned that it
• 44:10
  did cause a super spreader event. The McGuinness
• 44:15
  variant. Yeah, yeah. I think Will Miller would
• 44:18
  have killed Will Miller. It didn't kill Will
• 44:19
  Miller, but it did kill 200 ,000 or 300 ,000
• 44:22
  more vulnerable people. Paddy dropped down to
• 44:24
  his knees in the street and was heard to say,
• 44:26
  what have I ding -dang done? Let's skip forward
• 44:32
  to 2002 and... Some more stars of Lice Entertainment,
• 44:36
  but much more beloved. It's Ant and Dec. Yes.
• 44:42
  2002, Ant and Dec, we're on the ball. Hi, John
• 44:45
  from the Detroiters podcast again. So at this
• 44:48
  stage, we were hoping and planning to treat you
• 44:50
  to a quick burst of Ant and Dec's We're on the
• 44:52
  Ball from 2002. However, we couldn't find a suitable
• 44:55
  version for broadcast. In fact, the only version
• 44:57
  of We're on the Ball available is the original
• 45:00
  recording, which we're worried an AI will track
• 45:03
  down and then bring a whole podcast, and it's
• 45:06
  just not worth it for Ant and Dec. Nobody's even
• 45:09
  ever covered We're on the Ball, and Ant and Dec
• 45:12
  never performed it live, despite being on TV
• 45:14
  all the fucking time. I don't know. It's one
• 45:17
  of life's mysteries. So this was produced by
• 45:20
  Mike Hedges, who notably prior to this had just
• 45:24
  recorded Everything Must Go by the Manic's Three
• 45:26
  Preachers and The Man Who by Travis. You wanted
• 45:30
  to let off some steam, I guess. Those are big
• 45:33
  hits. It was either that or, yeah, he'd created
• 45:36
  like two, I think, multi -million selling albums.
• 45:40
  And the only way that he could go bigger would
• 45:43
  be to work with Ant and Dec. Well, I guess it
• 45:45
  shows that the, you know, I feel like the, you
• 45:48
  know, the official like FA singles, they're all
• 45:50
  very kind of big budget indie world things, aren't
• 45:54
  they? I feel like Three Lions definitely. So
• 45:56
  this is four years after Top of the World, six
• 46:00
  years after Three Lions. So this is 2002. Yes.
• 46:02
  And they've gone, they've gone for a safe choice
• 46:05
  with Ant & Dec. Ant & Dec at this point were
• 46:07
  still presenting SMTV Live, which was huge and
• 46:09
  CD UK. And they've been in the public eye for
• 46:12
  10 years and they've never really put a foot
• 46:14
  wrong. So they are a safe choice. Yeah, I mean,
• 46:18
  they've proved that over and over again, haven't
• 46:21
  they? Yeah. And the song is, it's a novelty track.
• 46:24
  It's not attempting any kind of crossover call.
• 46:28
  It's light. It's light. It's silly. The video
• 46:33
  sees Ant and Dec dress up as Sven, Gore and Ericsson,
• 46:36
  who was manager of the time. and his assistant.
• 46:41
  Todd Grip. Grip, that's it. Great name. And they
• 46:44
  also dress up as several of the squad, notably,
• 46:47
  thankfully, just David Seaman and David Beckham
• 46:50
  and not Emil Hesky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan and
• 46:53
  Dec save their blacking up for their own Saturday
• 46:55
  Night Television show. Did they do that? Yeah,
• 46:57
  they did. And during the summer of 2020, after
• 47:01
  the death of George Floyd and the BLM protests,
• 47:06
  you know, changed culture. Ant and Dec had to
• 47:10
  step forward with an apology for their history
• 47:14
  of pretending to be elderly Jamaican women and
• 47:17
  Japanese schoolgirls on Saturday Night Takeaway.
• 47:20
  Fucking hell. I mean, that was a mad period of
• 47:23
  time when everyone was just sat indoors watching
• 47:28
  this unfold. And you just know that after about
• 47:30
  a week... Ant and Dec probably had like a private
• 47:34
  call together and they were like, I think it's
• 47:36
  fun coming here, so we've got a fun good house.
• 47:39
  I don't know, yeah. I'll cast my critical eye
• 47:46
  over there. You're going to watch that back and
• 47:49
  go, this isn't bad, this is fun. They should
• 47:53
  do more stuff like this. They said in their apology
• 47:56
  that they were sincerely sorry. So they had to
• 48:01
  set it up because most people think it was cheeky
• 48:02
  chaffies and mucking about. So they had to be
• 48:04
  like, no, we really are sorry about this. It
• 48:06
  was not on. Anyway, I like Ant & Dec. I did then
• 48:10
  and I do now. And I was 13 when this came out.
• 48:14
  And I think the mix on it is quite good in retrospect.
• 48:17
  And it does capture, if not the atmosphere, then
• 48:20
  sort of the energy of being in a football stadium.
• 48:23
  And it's got some casual... pub knowledge on
• 48:26
  it. So the lyrics are like, back them to Scalzi,
• 48:29
  Scalzi to Hesky, Hesky to Rio. Rio, yeah, yeah,
• 48:34
  yeah. And you can sing along with that. And that's
• 48:37
  fun. And if you are a layman like me, It's good
• 48:41
  to learn a bit in Mountain Tech, isn't it? So
• 48:43
  you can go to the pub and be like, and it's a
• 48:46
  Rio to Neville. Oh, Neville to Scolzi. Scolzi,
• 48:50
  yeah. And someone's going to be like, yeah, no,
• 48:52
  this guy's really, this guy's really turned up.
• 48:55
  You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try three up
• 48:58
  front. Scolzi, Heskey, Beckham. They win all
• 49:02
  the strikers. No, it's, yeah, you know, it's
• 49:05
  positive. Features a lot of guys like, sort of,
• 49:09
  dancing with, like, you know, fists in the air
• 49:11
  kind of thing. It's fun. Yeah, you know, Ant
• 49:13
  and Dec. It's what you'd expect from Ant and
• 49:17
  Dec, isn't it? Unfortunately, I don't really
• 49:19
  have that much to say about it. Not because I'm
• 49:21
  an Ant and Dec lifer, but... Which you are. Which
• 49:24
  I am. Yeah, fuck it, you know. If you've got
• 49:26
  to believe in something, you believe in Ant and
• 49:28
  Dec. Yeah. They've dealt with their mistakes,
• 49:31
  such as dressing up as Japanese schoolgirls and
• 49:34
  poor Ant's alcoholism. And my dog has run round
• 49:41
  the park with Ant's dog. Right, no way. Yeah,
• 49:43
  on Christmas Day. It wasn't like a sort of like
• 49:46
  a surprise Christmas present for him. Right,
• 49:49
  yeah. Ant just happened to be walking his dog
• 49:51
  at the park. It's amazing how they've kept the
• 49:54
  band together over all these years. Well, they're...
• 49:56
  Having, like, lived together. They're insured.
• 50:00
  They're insured against each other. Right. I
• 50:02
  think we should get that paperwork. Yeah, absolutely.
• 50:04
  Do you know they only... They're the same age
• 50:07
  apart. There's only like 30 days between them
• 50:09
  or something. Right, yeah. That's why they're
• 50:11
  so inseparable. I prefer deck to ant. I've always
• 50:17
  found that ant... Like I said, I'm an ant deck
• 50:20
  lifer, but I'm a... You're a deck lifer. You're
• 50:23
  an ant fan, but you're a deck lifer. In some
• 50:25
  sort of like, you know, Sophie's Choice, where
• 50:27
  one of them had to go to the BBC, I'd send...
• 50:30
  Actually, no, I'd send... Dec to VVC and I keep
• 50:33
  Ant on ITV. Right, interesting. But I used to
• 50:37
  have a, when I was younger, I thought I'd worked
• 50:39
  out a great way of remembering which one's which,
• 50:41
  which was Ant. I mean, when I was a kid, like
• 50:44
  Ant you'd think would be the small one, but he's
• 50:47
  actually taller. Oh, yeah, right. And yeah, and
• 50:50
  it's reverse. But I remember telling somebody
• 50:53
  that in school and them saying, you know, they
• 50:54
  stand in the order of Ant and Dec, always left
• 50:57
  to right. And that's an easier way to remember
• 50:59
  it. Right, right. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's
• 51:01
  probably... That's one of their big innovations.
• 51:05
  Okay, right. So you never see Deck. It's never,
• 51:08
  it's not possible. They're contractually, they
• 51:10
  have to stay at certain angles. They have to
• 51:12
  walk in that order. It's never been broadcast,
• 51:14
  never been filmed. I'm going to go home and sort
• 51:17
  of just like flip the... You'll be looking for
• 51:19
  a long time, my friend. Well, I'm just going
• 51:21
  to do it. Even when we're playing Sven -Goran
• 51:23
  Eriksson and his assistant, the bit's still there.
• 51:27
  That's really interesting. It's not that interesting,
• 51:29
  is it? Well, you know, it's a great bit of like,
• 51:32
  it's visual. It's the least I've ever sounded
• 51:34
  on this. I mean, I am interested in what other
• 51:36
  things are. Yeah. Anyway, good old Ant and Dec.
• 51:41
  I always sit on this side of the sofa when we
• 51:43
  record. That's true, but we don't video it, so
• 51:46
  it doesn't. Yeah, yeah. But you can hear it.
• 51:48
  You can hear it. Yeah. Sorry, man. Yeah. You
• 51:54
  can hear the distance is growing further and
• 51:56
  further. Let's move on to a less likable one
• 52:02
  together, less successful duo. We're skipping
• 52:06
  forward to 2010. When England lost 4 -1 to Germany.
• 52:12
  Point of order, would it be good to do Berlin
• 52:15
  -Sperling now? Because they'd be 2002, wouldn't
• 52:18
  they? No, because I need to build to Berlin -Sperling.
• 52:21
  Okay, sorry. I'm seething and I need to get there.
• 52:26
  I'm dreading Berlin -Sperling. Anyway, so we're
• 52:28
  going to flash forward to 2010 for another bit
• 52:31
  of light entertainment. It's the 2010 World Cup,
• 52:35
  not a classic. England lost 4 -1 to Germany.
• 52:37
  There was Lapboard's ghost goal. Oh, God. Nightmare.
• 52:42
  And you've written in quotes here on the notes,
• 52:44
  thanks very much, Sepp Blatter. Yeah, Mark Lawrenson
• 52:47
  goes like, he says, and guess who don't want
• 52:52
  goal -line technology? FIFA. Thanks very much,
• 52:55
  Sepp Blatter. He's a great bit of like, you know
• 52:58
  what I mean? Purely and the most enraged and
• 53:01
  dizziness. I'm going to watch that when I get
• 53:02
  in. Yeah. The official England song was Dizzy
• 53:09
  Rascal and James Corden with Shout. Now, Jack,
• 53:14
  I know that you didn't even watch or listen to
• 53:17
  this and usually I'd be annoyed about that, but
• 53:20
  I don't blame you. I don't blame you. So this
• 53:39
  was raising money for Grey Ormond Street Hospital.
• 53:44
  Dizzy Rascal and Corden were both extremely famous
• 53:49
  at this time. And to revisit quite how famous
• 53:52
  they were or quite how prevalent, Dizzy Rascal
• 53:56
  had a number one just two weeks earlier with
• 54:00
  Dirty Disco. which is a kind of commercial disco
• 54:04
  pastiche, which I don't remember at all. But
• 54:06
  the video features the reggae and dancehall DJ
• 54:09
  legend, DJ Derry, rest in peace, who incidentally
• 54:13
  would never play the record that he stars in
• 54:16
  the video. So I feel like it was kind of the
• 54:18
  era of like the stars of grime kind of like leaving
• 54:20
  grime behind, you know, like the... Chipmunk
• 54:23
  and... Yeah, yeah. Pinchy Strider. Big, wily...
• 54:26
  So, you know, where am I rolling? Where am I
• 54:28
  rolling? A few years earlier, but Wiley was still
• 54:31
  attempting those kind of hits. Yeah. And, yeah,
• 54:34
  I suppose it was a few years ago. It was 2007,
• 54:36
  yeah. But I guess I associated it all at the
• 54:39
  same time. You're also like the role. I could
• 54:40
  just blow about that, man. It was just a... It
• 54:42
  was crazy time. But, yeah, I think also, yeah,
• 54:44
  Dizzy Roscoe's like left XL. I mean, Dizzy at
• 54:48
  this point had, was, he was a real crossover.
• 54:51
  So that was actually... his fourth number one,
• 54:55
  and Shout would be his fifth. After this run
• 54:59
  of hits, Dance With Me, featuring Calvin Harris,
• 55:03
  Bonkers, Holiday, and Dirty Cash. Right, it's
• 55:07
  insane how much better Bonkers is than all of
• 55:09
  those other terrible records. Yeah, Bonkers is
• 55:12
  Armin van Helgen collaborations. Yeah, yeah.
• 55:15
  And I do have a soft spot for Dance With Me.
• 55:19
  Because it's the Calvin Harris collaboration.
• 55:22
  It was released about 18 months before this.
• 55:24
  And it's the last glimpse you get to see of a
• 55:27
  regional Calvin Harris, basically. Right. Before
• 55:30
  he disappeared for two years and looked like
• 55:33
  a literal million dollars. I mean, do you remember,
• 55:35
  he re -emerged with some mega EDM hits and it
• 55:38
  was like he had, you know, entered a different...
• 55:42
  Yeah, completely. Well, yeah, I think that, I
• 55:43
  feel like that Rihanna hit was like the big one.
• 55:45
  Yeah, yeah. The really sort of, the major sea
• 55:47
  change where, but yeah, it was strange because.
• 55:49
  Who in the world is that? Maybe one of them.
• 55:53
  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. But
• 55:56
  yeah, I remember Calvin Harris being a fairly
• 55:59
  entertaining presence on early Twitter. Well,
• 56:01
  he was. And also, yeah, and like a fairly fun
• 56:04
  pop star, you know, like something a bit irony,
• 56:07
  you know, a bit, a bit. A bit funny about him.
• 56:11
  Well, he was a fruit and vegetable man for Marks
• 56:13
  and Spencers. And in the video for Dance With
• 56:15
  Me where he plays a barman, very awkwardly, he
• 56:18
  does look exactly like a fruit and vegetable
• 56:20
  man for Marks and Spencers who's taken a side
• 56:23
  job at a bar for a weekend. There's a nice lyric
• 56:26
  that goes like, step away from the bar, make
• 56:29
  yourself an older job. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you
• 56:33
  can see why it was a hit. As for Corden, Gavin
• 56:36
  and Stacey had just concluded on New Year's Day
• 56:38
  with 7 .5 million viewers. But for context, when
• 56:41
  Gavin and Stacey returned for a Christmas special
• 56:43
  in 2019, it pulled in 18 .5 million viewers,
• 56:48
  which is inflation of popularity at the time
• 56:51
  since, at least for Gavin and Stacey. And of
• 56:53
  course, in this period, Corden was tabloid gossip
• 56:55
  fodder and he'd host for Brit Awards. The year
• 56:58
  afterwards, he would take the lead role in One
• 57:01
  Man, Two Governors, in which he is legitimately
• 57:04
  brilliant, I've got to say. And then he won a
• 57:06
  Tony for that on Broadway. So, you know, Corden
• 57:09
  was juggling a lot of stuff, but he was everywhere.
• 57:12
  And this is Corden in his, I'm just one of the
• 57:16
  boys kind of, you know, your imaginary best mate
• 57:20
  role, which he basically plays in Gavin and Stacey
• 57:23
  as C .E .T. He's basically playing Smithy in
• 57:26
  this video. Yeah, isn't it? Like, there's a...
• 57:28
  Yeah, I vaguely remember, like, he comes in and
• 57:32
  is giving advice about... Yeah, the comic relief
• 57:35
  sketch where he's in character as Smithy and
• 57:37
  goes into the world. Yeah, so, you know, he'd
• 57:41
  already built his grubby little bridge to be
• 57:44
  up, eh? It was kind of before he was broadly
• 57:48
  disliked as well, right? The weird thing about
• 57:50
  Corden is I don't know anyone who likes him and
• 57:52
  he is like a figure of fun and someone like Limmy
• 57:55
  will, you know, do those sketches, not sketches,
• 57:58
  but his YouTube broadcast where he talks in depth
• 58:01
  about Corden and is like gloriously wound up
• 58:03
  by him, which is really funny. I don't really
• 58:05
  like Corden either, but I think like most normal
• 58:09
  people like must really like James Corden. They
• 58:12
  did then and they do now. And I imagine if you...
• 58:15
  He just, he does seem, if you're not like a media
• 58:17
  gossip or a snob, he just seems like a normal
• 58:20
  lad that got lucky, and that's the appeal. I'm
• 58:24
  unsure. I don't know. I mean, I think, I feel
• 58:25
  like he's slightly deserted his fan base. Oh,
• 58:28
  I think he's more than Keith Allen. Really? Yeah.
• 58:31
  I'm trying to imagine if they both walked into
• 58:33
  a room like... I think Keith Allen would bully
• 58:36
  Corden in a way that probably would make me go,
• 58:39
  all right, mate, come on, leave it out. I feel
• 58:41
  like Keith Allen's a bit more like unpredictable
• 58:43
  and has like a really dark streak of rage inside
• 58:46
  him. Whereas Corden's a bit more like... Corden's
• 58:50
  got a chip on his shoulder. Yeah, yeah, true.
• 58:52
  Who would win? But the most important thing to
• 58:55
  know here is the song is fucking terrible. It's
• 58:57
  a mashup of Shout... Oh Bye, Tears for Fears.
• 59:02
  Tears for Fears. And Dirty Cash, I think. No,
• 59:09
  they'd already done that. It sounds like you
• 59:11
  haven't listened to it either. No, well, I did
• 59:13
  once. No, but it's simple. Some other kind of
• 59:17
  crossover, like a hip -hop house kind of hit.
• 59:20
  American record. On an England squad single.
• 59:24
  No, thanks, mate. Chico was bad enough. Right,
• 59:27
  right. It's not like It Takes Two or something.
• 59:29
  Something like that. Okay. Fucking hell. Dizzy
• 59:32
  Light was nearly murdered five years prior to
• 59:34
  this. Oh yeah, in Iron Apple, right? I mean,
• 59:37
  I can see why he did this because, yeah, he was
• 59:40
  nearly murdered, you know, he basically sold
• 59:43
  a fuckload of records with two really innovative
• 59:46
  albums that brought Grime to a big audience book
• 59:49
  without diluting it. His legacy is really amazing
• 59:51
  in that respect. And from then on, he just fucking
• 59:54
  took the cash. I think he really fell out with
• 59:58
  Wiley as well. Yeah, now they're mates again.
• 1:00:00
  Really? Okay. But I think, I mean, I think Wiley's
• 1:00:03
  quite, I mean, he's a pretty loose cannon guy.
• 1:00:05
  Wiley's a madman. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Dizzy is not
• 1:00:09
  a madman like Wiley. Yeah, but I mean, Dizzy's
• 1:00:12
  on some pretty fucking egregious shit as well.
• 1:00:14
  Yeah, they deserve each other, yeah. Let's move
• 1:00:17
  on to, move back. To 2002, we're going back in
• 1:00:23
  time, both in terms of this discography, but
• 1:00:27
  also just culturally, politically and socially.
• 1:00:30
  To Bell and Sperling's Sven, Sven, Sven. Next,
• 1:00:37
  sexism, jingoism and a sense of humour. It's
• 1:00:41
  the new anthem for English football. It is, of
• 1:00:45
  course, Sven, Sven, Sven. So you just said a
• 1:01:16
  little bit of balance building Sven, Sven, Sven.
• 1:01:18
  From October 2001, so before the 2002 World Cup.
• 1:01:23
  that was on Top 3 Pops, and it was being introduced
• 1:01:26
  there by Gail Porter, who I feel isn't pleased
• 1:01:31
  to be introducing this. Yeah, I mean, perhaps
• 1:01:33
  for good reason. I mean, it's a bit minging.
• 1:01:35
  To use very 2002 terminology, it is minging.
• 1:01:39
  And when I watch this Bell and Sperling video,
• 1:01:43
  I realise that I cannot go back to England. Yeah,
• 1:01:48
  I mean, like... No, I cannot, I must not. Yeah,
• 1:01:51
  it's... Because sometimes in Germany, I think,
• 1:01:54
  as an outsider, as an immigrant even, I have
• 1:01:57
  almost a better view on the German people than
• 1:02:00
  they do. Now, that's not true, and it's highfalutin,
• 1:02:02
  pretentious nonsense. But in the case of Bell
• 1:02:06
  and Sperling, I can look at it and I can say,
• 1:02:08
  this is England. This is England then and before,
• 1:02:13
  always, and now. This is... This is... This is
• 1:02:19
  England, quite pure and simple. It's like two
• 1:02:23
  kind of semi -funny pub blokes. Semi -funny pub
• 1:02:26
  blokes is a great description. And the song is
• 1:02:29
  about Svengård and Ericsson, who is a Swedish
• 1:02:34
  manager, who at the time was doing great work,
• 1:02:38
  even then with England, and there was a lot of...
• 1:02:40
  He was quite beloved quite quickly. I think he
• 1:02:43
  was a bit of a cure. I mean, I think one thing
• 1:02:46
  you could say as a positive on this song is it
• 1:02:48
  is actually sort of, you know, they saw the phenomenon
• 1:02:53
  of Sven as being something that was kind of interesting.
• 1:02:57
  And I think, yes, Sven is quite interesting as
• 1:03:00
  a sort of cultural thing. He was this sort of,
• 1:03:03
  like, mysterious kind of... professorial grey
• 1:03:08
  -haired guy who had... Different from Kevin Keegan
• 1:03:11
  or Glenn Hoddle. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who,
• 1:03:13
  yeah, you would never describe as professorial.
• 1:03:16
  He, you know, he had thin glasses. I don't know,
• 1:03:19
  he also was a kind... He was both very dour but
• 1:03:23
  also had quite an interesting, like, interesting
• 1:03:27
  love life. Yeah, he had a really attractive wife
• 1:03:29
  and then later, I think after this, was, you
• 1:03:33
  know, known to have had an affair with... Eureka
• 1:03:35
  Johnson, who, you know, was a very desirable
• 1:03:39
  figure for other 90s. And of course, the punchline
• 1:03:42
  to Vic Reeves' knee -rubbing gag on Shooting
• 1:03:45
  Stars, which was a kind of send -up of, you know,
• 1:03:49
  that kind of leering masculinity. Somewhat. But
• 1:03:53
  yes, Sven was interesting. I mean, whether he
• 1:03:55
  really got a tune out of England in his five
• 1:03:58
  years of... Management, it's hard to say. I mean,
• 1:04:03
  he was like there for the great high point of
• 1:04:05
  English football, which was England winning 5
• 1:04:08
  -1 in Munich. Oh, yeah. 2001, yeah. Something
• 1:04:12
  like that. Yeah, yeah. Also... He was a qualifier,
• 1:04:14
  right? Yeah, exactly. Also then the... Yeah,
• 1:04:17
  England qualifying for the World Cup in 2002,
• 1:04:20
  which was a big... Yeah, kind of a big deal.
• 1:04:24
  But then, I don't know. I think I distinctly
• 1:04:26
  remember the moment when I think Sven lost it,
• 1:04:29
  which is when... I can't remember what was going
• 1:04:32
  on in the game. I think England came very close
• 1:04:34
  to scoring and he looked frustrated and he kind
• 1:04:39
  of gave the side of the dugout a tiny little
• 1:04:43
  irritated weed. And I think everyone was just
• 1:04:46
  like, this guy's got no passion. And I think
• 1:04:51
  he lost the English football public at that point.
• 1:04:55
  Because he didn't smash open the glass. Because
• 1:04:58
  he wasn't like furious or like screaming at the
• 1:05:00
  thought official. He's a strange man to write
• 1:05:02
  a kind of funny parody song because I think this
• 1:05:05
  is what was confusing about Sven to people like
• 1:05:08
  Berlin Sperling is he's like a very mellow measured
• 1:05:11
  man. And yeah, maybe that did represent lack
• 1:05:14
  of passion. But, you know, he basically had funny
• 1:05:18
  glasses, he's Swedish, he pulled a fit birds.
• 1:05:21
  And this song is kind of a celebration, but it's
• 1:05:23
  also taking the piss. But it's not. It's not
• 1:05:26
  funny or smart enough to be taking the piss in
• 1:05:28
  any kind of way that's rewarding. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:05:30
  yeah. There's not one but two verses about the
• 1:05:35
  fact that David Seaman has a ponytail. Yeah,
• 1:05:37
  yeah, yeah. Not only do they say he looks like
• 1:05:40
  a plonker or whatever, like, your hair is in
• 1:05:42
  an alright old state, but they talk about, like,
• 1:05:45
  cutting it off. It's really... Yeah, they're
• 1:05:49
  really fixated on it. And the rest of the...
• 1:05:52
  The rest of the song is, it's got this very simple
• 1:05:55
  metronomic beat, which, again, I think you probably
• 1:06:02
  would have... No one's, yeah, no one's writing
• 1:06:04
  any World Cup hits in 7A, which is really, I
• 1:06:07
  mean, but I just say maybe it's time for that.
• 1:06:10
  What's so kind of evil about the song is that
• 1:06:13
  it is undoubtedly like extremely effective, basically.
• 1:06:17
  Yeah, I guess... And when Sven passed away a
• 1:06:19
  few years ago, I did think about that song and
• 1:06:22
  so did everyone because Bell and Sperling were
• 1:06:26
  interviewed on the news about it. They got a
• 1:06:30
  call on the day that he passed away and they
• 1:06:32
  were like, oh, he seemed great when we met him
• 1:06:34
  and yeah, he was always nice to us and he seemed
• 1:06:36
  in on the joke and he said, are you still making
• 1:06:40
  a living for my name and whatever? And yeah,
• 1:06:42
  I mean, like... I don't think he meant that too
• 1:06:46
  kindly, probably. No, maybe not. But Bell and
• 1:06:48
  Sperling, to give you an idea of who they are,
• 1:06:50
  you describe them as two sort of funny blokes.
• 1:06:52
  Martin Bell... I can't remember Sperling's first
• 1:06:57
  name. Mindell, not the war reporter. Not the
• 1:06:59
  war reporter. But he's like a pub singer, basically.
• 1:07:03
  I get the impression... Cabaret, cruise ship,
• 1:07:05
  pub singer. I get the impression there's sort
• 1:07:07
  of two, like, Essex and Kent... Yeah, very much
• 1:07:10
  so. ...kind of like... Good old boys. Yeah, like
• 1:07:12
  kind of session singers or something. I think
• 1:07:14
  they seem to have done something. I mean, the...
• 1:07:17
  Yeah, like, We Happened Upon There, they... There's
• 1:07:21
  a lot of them online still, and... You know,
• 1:07:26
  I don't want this to be an epic rant podcast,
• 1:07:29
  basically. And I realise I've been probably a
• 1:07:36
  bit melodramatic on these two so far. But when
• 1:07:40
  you look at the performance and the leery laddishness
• 1:07:44
  of it and the, yeah, the very Englishness of
• 1:07:48
  it, you know, I wasn't surprised to learn from
• 1:07:50
  you. They are now largely gigging for Reform.
• 1:07:55
  Yeah, they're like the GB News in -house band
• 1:07:59
  now. They regularly go on Nigel Farage's GB News
• 1:08:02
  show. I don't know if this is on anymore, but
• 1:08:06
  he just drinks pints. And then he interviews
• 1:08:09
  them. There's one long interview where Farage
• 1:08:12
  is interviewing them about their career and he's
• 1:08:15
  laughing it up and they're drinking Cascade.
• 1:08:21
  And, yeah, that's their scene. Yeah, I sort of
• 1:08:25
  get the impression, I sort of feel like I want
• 1:08:27
  to tell them that Nigel Farage is not going to
• 1:08:29
  shag them. He's not going to shag them. And how
• 1:08:30
  is he going to make them any economically better
• 1:08:32
  off? Although he might do, because Farage has
• 1:08:35
  just announced that his reform won't tax, like,
• 1:08:39
  additional working hours. So when the two of
• 1:08:42
  them are doing, you know, like... Four pub gigs
• 1:08:45
  in a weekend. They could benefit from that. Well,
• 1:08:47
  I saw that in 2000. I thought, what the hell
• 1:08:48
  is that? Who are this pair of jokers? Well, they're
• 1:08:51
  here with me now. Ferran Sperling, Martin and
• 1:08:54
  John, welcome to Talk. Cheers. Well, cheers.
• 1:08:59
  Why have I got a vodka? I would have had a pint
• 1:09:03
  of Guinness. But you used to drink... You're
• 1:09:04
  making me look like a, you know... John used
• 1:09:07
  to drink scotch. Did he? I did. And then you
• 1:09:09
  had to sort of... Well, I had to give it up.
• 1:09:11
  You had to give it up, didn't you? I did, yeah.
• 1:09:13
  Well, most of your royalties went to the Priory,
• 1:09:17
  didn't they? They did. That was the great Tommy
• 1:09:20
  Cooper joke, wasn't it? I'm on a diet, a special
• 1:09:21
  diet, a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
• 1:09:25
  These are Essex lads or, you know, definitely
• 1:09:28
  from the South. They're not Londoners. They're
• 1:09:31
  working men. And I wasn't hugely surprised to
• 1:09:36
  learn that they are in cahoots with Nigel. I've
• 1:09:41
  got to say, I don't think, I don't think, I mean,
• 1:09:43
  I don't know. I don't think that Svensson is
• 1:09:45
  necessarily any worse than Bindaloo. I think
• 1:09:49
  it's about the same. In terms of... I think I'm
• 1:09:52
  quite irritated with Bell and Sperling now, but
• 1:09:55
  I think at the time it was more of a kind of
• 1:09:57
  curious... Silly. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I
• 1:10:00
  need to reassess it. Also, I wanted to understand
• 1:10:03
  Bell and Sperling. I was pleased to find out
• 1:10:05
  they had a podcast. Yes. Or so I thought. What
• 1:10:08
  they actually... Where's your solidarity with
• 1:10:09
  brothers on the same... No, yeah, we're all...
• 1:10:12
  Comrades. Me, you, Bell, Sperling, Rogan, Forest
• 1:10:18
  Wisher, and... Russell Brand. Yeah, the podcast.
• 1:10:22
  Now, there's an England squad charity single.
• 1:10:28
  But they, yeah, I went to watch their podcast
• 1:10:32
  and, you know, they're just two geezers and they,
• 1:10:34
  you know, they've chatted about their life and,
• 1:10:36
  yeah. Was it two blokes from the pub? The clip
• 1:10:40
  I saw was like... Well, there was only two clips.
• 1:10:43
  Yeah, that's the only evidence. They didn't ever
• 1:10:45
  upload... I'll give it away. They never uploaded
• 1:10:47
  a podcast. But it seems like they have slightly...
• 1:10:49
  They have different parts in life. Well, that's
• 1:10:52
  what they said. He said, I lived in Colombia
• 1:10:54
  and you've had done normal things, Martin. You've
• 1:10:56
  had a family. Yeah, it seems like Sperling is
• 1:10:59
  sort of like... Like, you know, sort of, he's
• 1:11:01
  lived a fast life. Yeah. It's definitely, you
• 1:11:04
  can kind of tell that from his, he's got a really
• 1:11:05
  strange physique. He's got a huge neck and then
• 1:11:08
  tiny, tiny wrists. Yeah, yeah. Have you not seen
• 1:11:10
  that? I think he looks a bit like a cockle. He
• 1:11:12
  looks a bit like a Viz cartoon. Like, he looks
• 1:11:15
  a bit like, um, Cockney Wanker. Sure he wouldn't
• 1:11:17
  mind, maybe not Cockney Wanker, but the Viz thing
• 1:11:19
  I think he'd understand. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Strange
• 1:11:22
  looking guy. These are two lads who look bad.
• 1:11:24
  They've got a great sense of humour, right? Well,
• 1:11:27
  I don't know. I'm not an anti -banter guy. This
• 1:11:29
  is a banter podcast. Is it? Yeah, okay, good,
• 1:11:32
  okay. Come on, mate. Yeah, I know you're right.
• 1:11:34
  Yeah, so I watched this to try and learn a bit
• 1:11:36
  more about them. But yeah, they haven't even
• 1:11:38
  uploaded their podcast. And they're never going
• 1:11:40
  to be in the top 50 % of podcasters worldwide,
• 1:11:42
  are they, if they fail to upload their original
• 1:11:45
  podcast? That's it. I mean, that's the first
• 1:11:46
  rule of podcast. You've got to upload the damn
• 1:11:48
  thing. Fuck off, you reform cunts. But if you
• 1:11:51
  want to slide me a DM and I can show you how
• 1:11:54
  to upload a podcast. I will do it for you because
• 1:11:56
  you seem like, you seem all right. At the end
• 1:11:58
  of the day, we are living in a fractured society
• 1:12:00
  and I feel it's a bad idea to let a 25 -year
• 1:12:04
  -old charity single, no, it wasn't a charity
• 1:12:07
  single, actually. Actually, fuck them, it wasn't
• 1:12:09
  a charity, it was just a novelty single. I don't
• 1:12:11
  think it was a charity single. I think it was
• 1:12:13
  on Warner Brothers. They did a follow -up single
• 1:12:16
  to this that I've seen them speak about since.
• 1:12:19
  I think they spoke about it, to be fair, in fairly,
• 1:12:21
  like, funny, self -effacing terms to Nigel Farage
• 1:12:24
  because... They wanted to prove themselves as
• 1:12:29
  actual singers. Like they are pub singers and
• 1:12:31
  Martin, from what I can tell, is a guitarist,
• 1:12:35
  songwriter, whatever. So they wrote a song called
• 1:12:38
  Golden Balls, which is about David Beckham. And
• 1:12:42
  that's like the lyrics are like, where are your
• 1:12:46
  balls? You've got balls. Show me your balls.
• 1:12:50
  It's great stuff. And it's done in this kind
• 1:12:54
  of like operatic style with a shot in a theatre.
• 1:12:58
  And they, by their own admission, were trying
• 1:12:59
  to prove that they are not one -hit wonders,
• 1:13:03
  that they've got range. Okay. But they were forced
• 1:13:06
  to do it on a novelty single about David Beckham's
• 1:13:09
  testicles. And that makes me like them, to be
• 1:13:11
  honest. Right. It's an impossible situation.
• 1:13:13
  Yeah, I don't know. They're going to have to
• 1:13:16
  come on the pod, aren't they? For us to truly
• 1:13:19
  measure up. Anyone we mentioned... who we'd like
• 1:13:22
  to call on the pod, Colin Greenwood, Charlie
• 1:13:24
  XCX, not Keith Allen. I think Bell and Sperling
• 1:13:28
  are the most likely candidates. Yeah, we might
• 1:13:31
  not be able to stop them from coming on the pod.
• 1:13:33
  Oh, God, they're here right now! We could do,
• 1:13:37
  like, you know, in The Guardian, they do, like,
• 1:13:38
  Dining Across the Divide. Oh, yeah. We could
• 1:13:40
  go out for, you know, like, a curry or whatever,
• 1:13:43
  and I could try and convince them that they're
• 1:13:47
  wasting the vote and the real issue is... Lack
• 1:13:50
  of economic versatility. Over the many decades.
• 1:13:55
  Yeah, and I imagine they say, do you know what,
• 1:13:58
  what are they, are they not bad lads? And I go,
• 1:14:01
  you know what, they're all right. And yeah, they've
• 1:14:03
  got some funny stories. So yeah, it's, yeah,
• 1:14:08
  that's all I've got to say about this. Yeah,
• 1:14:11
  I wonder what the future holds for Bill and Sperling.
• 1:14:14
  I wonder what the future holds for any of us.
• 1:14:16
  Yeah, very true. Very true. And that is one thing
• 1:14:19
  that we do share in common and we balance by.
• 1:14:21
  The future is uncertain for all of us. Yeah.
• 1:14:23
  Yeah. Makes you think that, doesn't it? Yeah,
• 1:14:26
  I'm thinking right now. I'm thinking right, I'm
• 1:14:28
  at a rile, thanks. All right. We've got one more,
• 1:14:34
  one more hit to get through. We're going to take
• 1:14:38
  a quick break. This won't be in the podcast,
• 1:14:39
  but I'm going to have a glass of water. Totally.
• 1:14:46
  I don't want to let Bells Burling entirely off
• 1:14:49
  the hook because I think they, I don't know,
• 1:14:52
  I feel like their current desperation for Nigel
• 1:14:55
  Farage's approval is completely pathetic. But
• 1:14:57
  I don't know, as far as... England singles. If
• 1:15:01
  we all win, they could be, you know, headlining
• 1:15:04
  the Royal Variety Show. They'll be the cultural
• 1:15:06
  ministers. Yeah. They'll be the cabinet. You'll
• 1:15:08
  have Tyson Fury will be fighting some Albanian
• 1:15:11
  fella for his papers for the right to work and
• 1:15:13
  after he knocks him out and he always does that
• 1:15:15
  thing where he goes, oh England, my England,
• 1:15:17
  it will be Bell and Sperling who'll come on to
• 1:15:21
  sing him off. Right, yeah. And we'll all just
• 1:15:23
  be covered in bunting forever. And once again.
• 1:15:27
  That's why I'm voting for Andy Bowen. Yeah, let's
• 1:15:32
  move on to what I hope will be a shot of optimism
• 1:15:37
  and energy at the end of this edition of Detroiters.
• 1:15:42
  We promised you a special surprise and here it
• 1:15:44
  is. Our new number one is the best football song
• 1:15:46
  ever, England New Order. And live by satellite
• 1:15:49
  inside in here, we should have John Barnes and
• 1:15:51
  Paul Gascoigne. Gentlemen, welcome to Top of
• 1:15:54
  the Pops and congratulations. Thanks a lot. Cheers.
• 1:15:58
  How do you feel about the record first? How do
• 1:16:01
  you feel about the record first? Well, I'm glad
• 1:16:04
  that it's at number one. Obviously, you know,
• 1:16:05
  we didn't play that much of a role in it. It's
• 1:16:07
  really a new order song, but we're happy that
• 1:16:09
  it's there. You're very modest. Gazza, tell me
• 1:16:11
  about the training and how preparations are going
• 1:16:13
  for the big match coming up on Monday. How are
• 1:16:15
  things going? Well, that has absolutely nothing
• 1:16:17
  to do with the record. Come on, we want to know
• 1:16:22
  about the football for one league. Yeah, well...
• 1:16:26
  I mean, if we're playing as well as the record,
• 1:16:28
  then obviously we'll do well. That's a good line.
• 1:16:30
  We wish you lots of luck. Here it is, Britain's
• 1:16:33
  number one, England, New Order. We are going
• 1:16:36
  to talk now about World in Motion, which was
• 1:16:40
  released by New Order in 1990. And, yeah, this
• 1:16:45
  is, from the top, this is great. Of course. Yeah,
• 1:16:51
  it's, I mean, it's a... it's hard to even lump
• 1:16:54
  it in with any of the things we've talked about
• 1:16:56
  today because it's so fucking far, it's so good,
• 1:16:59
  it's so rousing and hopeful and exciting. It's
• 1:17:04
  so sort of like, I don't know, it's an entirely
• 1:17:07
  new thing. Let's just revisit the history of
• 1:17:13
  official England songs before 1990. I've got
• 1:17:19
  them here. So the first official England song.
• 1:17:22
  which actually featured the team, was called
• 1:17:25
  Back Home by the England Working Squad in 1970.
• 1:17:28
  It warms your heart, man. Yeah, no, I like it.
• 1:17:31
  It kind of has the vibe of a sort of colliery
• 1:17:35
  band or something like that. It sounds like they
• 1:17:38
  really got all, you know, they were like, does
• 1:17:40
  anyone know a sound engineer? Does anyone know
• 1:17:42
  a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who can play the trumpet.
• 1:17:45
  Everyone has that sort of like slightly old man
• 1:17:48
  haircut. Like all the players look about 50 compared
• 1:17:53
  to sort of by today's standards. Like there's
• 1:17:56
  a lot of like homeovers going on. A lot of, like,
• 1:17:59
  Brylcreem in the... It's really in the... Yeah,
• 1:18:01
  in the zone, isn't it? It's good. And it's sung
• 1:18:04
  from the perspective of the team. They're singing
• 1:18:06
  about how everyone is thinking about them back
• 1:18:08
  home, which is interesting because everything
• 1:18:10
  after 1990, all the songs are from a fan perspective
• 1:18:16
  or the, you know, the spectator's perspective.
• 1:18:19
  Yeah, it's very true, isn't it? I think that
• 1:18:21
  is, Jack. I don't... I mean, who knows? I sort
• 1:18:24
  of feel like there's a... I don't know, I guess
• 1:18:26
  like... You literally answered it in the... Do
• 1:18:30
  you want me to get your answer? No, no, it's
• 1:18:32
  fine. I mean, I feel like there's a sort of a
• 1:18:34
  change of perspective towards like the fan. And
• 1:18:38
  I feel like the fan is... I feel like we see
• 1:18:42
  the culmination of this sort of shift in sort
• 1:18:46
  of like the world of like fan influencers, like
• 1:18:48
  they're sort of... the weird guys on Arsenal
• 1:18:51
  fan TV or whatever. Not that deep, you see, but
• 1:18:53
  I understand that that is football almost. I
• 1:18:57
  feel like there's a sort of, there's a vibe in
• 1:19:00
  which these people are now the sort of protagonists
• 1:19:03
  of football. It's no longer the players and the
• 1:19:05
  managers or whatever. It's the man having a meltdown
• 1:19:09
  in front of his webcam for money. Yes, the only
• 1:19:13
  people below podcasters. Yeah, exactly. Keep
• 1:19:16
  at it. Yeah, and also, it is very rousing. I'd
• 1:19:20
  advise you check it out. It's also two minutes
• 1:19:21
  and seven seconds long, which is sort of perfect
• 1:19:24
  length for TikTok. but yeah they missed a trick
• 1:19:28
  there by not coming I imagine it could you know
• 1:19:32
  all sorts of strange things have a resurgence
• 1:19:34
  on TikTok I think it's a I think it's a I think
• 1:19:36
  it's a good tune back home it's such a good tune
• 1:19:38
  that it was also number two in Ireland which
• 1:19:40
  feels inexplicable but even the Irish were like
• 1:19:43
  fucking you know never mind the troubles this
• 1:19:44
  is a great tune yeah yeah god I mean I suppose
• 1:19:46
  I mean I guess like the loyalists were really
• 1:19:49
  fucking buying a lot of dollars yeah yeah yeah
• 1:19:53
  They were probably walking out with bottles of
• 1:19:54
  like ear basil. Yeah. Big pick and mix at about
• 1:19:58
  10 of them. Davo. Yeah. And then in 1982. There
• 1:20:03
  was This Time We'll Get It Right, which is also
• 1:20:06
  rousing, but the vibe of the song feels as desperate
• 1:20:10
  as the name does, really. It's like them promising
• 1:20:12
  that they're not going to let the countries down,
• 1:20:14
  but it's really pitiful. It reminds me of I Can
• 1:20:18
  Change by LCD Sound System, you know, where the
• 1:20:20
  underlying sentiment is like, no, you can't,
• 1:20:22
  no, you won't. I haven't heard this one. But
• 1:20:26
  it's still got to number two. Okay. Their apology
• 1:20:29
  in advance got to number two. Then... Things
• 1:20:32
  really go wrong in 1986 when the squad recorded
• 1:20:36
  We've Got the Whole World at Our Feet, which
• 1:20:39
  reached in 86, number 66. It's a big shout as
• 1:20:43
  well. They're kind of like, they're sort of already
• 1:20:45
  saying, it's not, I don't know, they're sort
• 1:20:49
  of... presuming quite a lot. Well, they probably
• 1:20:51
  looked back and they were like, look, this time
• 1:20:53
  we'll get it right. You know, we can't be sad
• 1:20:55
  sacks. We've got to go forward. And they came
• 1:20:58
  up with that. Unfortunately, it does sound like
• 1:21:00
  Agadou by Black Lace. It's really bad. And then
• 1:21:04
  it wasn't really improved two years later by
• 1:21:07
  Stock Aitken and our good pal Pete Wharton. Oh,
• 1:21:12
  yes. With All The Way. Which takes the Stock
• 1:21:16
  Aitken Waterman aesthetic of the time, that dominant
• 1:21:20
  pop sound, and basically tries to reinvent I
• 1:21:23
  Should Be So Lucky by Kylie Minogue, but for
• 1:21:26
  men who drink tannins from the tin and would
• 1:21:28
  their wives on a Sunday. Yeah. You won't be shocked
• 1:21:32
  to learn that that was also not a particularly
• 1:21:36
  successful venture, and it reached number 64.
• 1:21:38
  But the gulf in quality between those last two
• 1:21:41
  records and World in Motion is literally absurd.
• 1:21:45
  Yeah, it's insane, isn't it? I wonder how the
• 1:21:50
  World in Motion thing comes about. I mean, I
• 1:21:51
  wonder how any of these records kind of come
• 1:21:53
  about. Who's the sort of central, you know, who's
• 1:21:56
  saying let's get an England tune together? Is
• 1:21:59
  it from the label or whatever? Anyway, the stars
• 1:22:02
  aligned for World in Motion, didn't they? Well,
• 1:22:04
  World in Motion was written by Gillian, apparently.
• 1:22:06
  Really? Yeah. Yeah, and it wasn't originally
• 1:22:10
  written as an England song, but someone inquired
• 1:22:15
  and they said, yeah, we do have this track that
• 1:22:16
  we think could work. And I think it'd been sitting
• 1:22:19
  on the shelf for a while. The track was originally
• 1:22:23
  going to be known as Ease for England. Nice,
• 1:22:27
  nice. See what they've done there. Yes. So this
• 1:22:29
  was 1990, which was the second Summer of Love,
• 1:22:31
  at least according to all the DJs term conspiracy
• 1:22:34
  theorists I used to follow on Facebook. And yeah,
• 1:22:38
  the vibes were good. And that is the difference
• 1:22:42
  between 1986 and 1990, I suppose. At the record,
• 1:22:47
  I'm not suggesting that, you know, the England
• 1:22:49
  teams at the time were, you know, knocking back
• 1:22:52
  penguins, but there are stories of organism being
• 1:22:55
  deflated by, you know, loved up terraces and
• 1:23:01
  all. All of these bleary -eyed stories. There's
• 1:23:05
  an Andrew Weatherall remix of World Immersion.
• 1:23:08
  Right, right. 12 -inch, which is like a really
• 1:23:11
  just back from like early... Shum. Amnesia kind
• 1:23:17
  of piano house anthem. It's a little bit too
• 1:23:21
  eckied up for my taste these days, but it is
• 1:23:24
  good. Right, right. Okay, yeah, I'll have to
• 1:23:26
  listen to that. If only they'd asked Weatherall
• 1:23:27
  to work on Ant and Dex, we're honorable. I think
• 1:23:30
  there's a Paul Okenfold remix of How Does It
• 1:23:35
  Feel To Be On Top Of The World. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:23:38
  It's not good. It's not good, I'm afraid. He
• 1:23:42
  would remix anything around that time, Oki. I
• 1:23:45
  think it's kind of hard to put in, you know,
• 1:23:47
  I don't think that we can really do justice to
• 1:23:49
  how good World In Motion is. So it's... It's
• 1:23:54
  just, it's full of like that sort of determined
• 1:23:57
  mood of positivity. It's not really a sports
• 1:24:03
  single, but yeah, it sort of has some of the
• 1:24:05
  kind of feeling of like romance around sport.
• 1:24:09
  It's definitely, it's, I don't know, it's stirring
• 1:24:13
  and moving. It's like taking ecstasy. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:24:16
  yeah. It's organically optimistic. You described
• 1:24:21
  it as William Blake -esque, I thought that was
• 1:24:24
  good. I mean, certainly, it's like, I think it's
• 1:24:27
  reimagining England as a place in which positive
• 1:24:31
  things can happen, rather than this sort of like
• 1:24:34
  dour sink of bad vibes and sort of bitterness.
• 1:24:38
  As in spell. Yeah, you know, that I'm afraid
• 1:24:42
  it goes back. And that's why, you know, in a
• 1:24:45
  way, things like Vindaloo and... And Bell and
• 1:24:48
  Sperling are so kind of heartbreaking in a way.
• 1:24:50
  Like a better world is possible. Yeah. A world
• 1:24:53
  in motion. I've always been more of a Bell and
• 1:24:55
  Sebastian man than a Bell and Sperling. Yeah,
• 1:24:57
  yeah. But then what a great idea for a collaboration.
• 1:25:01
  What most people know this for, even if they
• 1:25:03
  don't know the history of it, is John Barnes'
• 1:25:07
  rap, which around this time of year, John Barnes...
• 1:25:10
  or this time every two years, John Barnes will
• 1:25:13
  appear at your corporate function or on your
• 1:25:16
  chat show, and he will do the rep. I've seen
• 1:25:18
  videos of him on Instagram, just Manchester Airboat,
• 1:25:23
  when he's in the queue to get through security,
• 1:25:27
  which must be kind of tiresome after a while,
• 1:25:29
  but he's always there with a smile. I've never
• 1:25:32
  seen him do it begrudgingly. He's always there
• 1:25:37
  with the professionalism, respect. He's doing
• 1:25:41
  it at the moment with, not with New Order, but
• 1:25:43
  with Peter Hook and Peter Hook and the Light.
• 1:25:47
  I got, my algorithm, defined as it is now by
• 1:25:52
  this podcast, presented me with some crowd footage
• 1:25:56
  of Hockey bringing out John Barnes the other
• 1:25:58
  night in anticipation of the World Cup and him,
• 1:26:01
  as usual, just doing the rap with his usual zim
• 1:26:05
  and vigor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if he's
• 1:26:07
  got any new lyrics on the go. I think he's smart
• 1:26:11
  enough not to mess with this classic theory.
• 1:26:13
  And again, a little bit like Ant & Dec's Rio
• 1:26:16
  Scorsese technical stuff, there's knowledge in
• 1:26:20
  the rap as well. You do have to get around the
• 1:26:22
  back. You do have to get around the back, yeah.
• 1:26:24
  Whatever that means. Not just in football, but
• 1:26:25
  in general. In life, it always helps, doesn't
• 1:26:27
  it? Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, Keith Allen is
• 1:26:32
  in... uh yeah and he's involved really deflating
• 1:26:35
  moment keith just kind of is bouncing around
• 1:26:37
  what's weird is that like it's like you know
• 1:26:40
  um it like If you watch kind of Vindaloo and
• 1:26:44
  say Naughty Christmas Goblin in the Office, or
• 1:26:47
  you sort of like... Stop mentioning Naughty Christmas
• 1:26:50
  Goblin in the Office. But yeah, if you sort of
• 1:26:52
  absorb like the sort of like Keith Allen sphere
• 1:26:54
  and his like involvement in pop music, and then
• 1:26:57
  you watch World in Motion and he suddenly turns
• 1:26:59
  up, it's a bit like the ending of The Shining
• 1:27:01
  where Jack Nicholson's character is kind of placed
• 1:27:05
  into the photo at the end. Yeah. Do you know
• 1:27:07
  what I mean? It's weird. It's like, it's like
• 1:27:09
  who put him back there? I don't know, it just,
• 1:27:12
  it kind of... Him, Rowan Riverum, and I like
• 1:27:16
  Jack Torrance from The Shining. Exactly. It's
• 1:27:18
  like they're sort of getting put into my memories
• 1:27:21
  retrospectively, and I don't like it. So, yeah,
• 1:27:25
  I mean, I guess he's, I don't know, I feel like
• 1:27:29
  Keith Allen's like this sort of, this kind of
• 1:27:32
  force of nature that is like eternal and will
• 1:27:34
  never be vanquished. And that upsets me. He could
• 1:27:37
  have done the rap, which he didn't. Oh. So to
• 1:27:41
  end the show, I'm going to play you something
• 1:27:45
  that you've inexplicably not heard, which was
• 1:27:47
  released a few years ago. Somebody bought it
• 1:27:51
  at auction, and it is the original raps from
• 1:27:54
  the recording session for World in Motion with
• 1:27:57
  the whole squad there. Now, I guess they didn't
• 1:28:01
  want to ask John Barnes first just because he's
• 1:28:04
  black. But they did. But they did. And you also
• 1:28:08
  get to hear, they did ask him first because I
• 1:28:11
  think he comes first on this tape. And you do
• 1:28:14
  get to hear Barnsley's original go at the rap.
• 1:28:20
  And he tightened up his bars quite fast. But
• 1:28:23
  then you also get to hear the rest of the squad.
• 1:28:27
  You get to hear Gazza. Okay. Somebody else who
• 1:28:30
  I forget, but somebody has identified it to in
• 1:28:34
  the comments. And then finally, Peter Beardsley.
• 1:28:38
  Okay, nice. Who I'm pretty convinced had not
• 1:28:41
  heard hip hop or rap music before being asked
• 1:28:44
  to do this. I did have to double check that this
• 1:28:47
  is real and it's not like just a Bob Mortimer
• 1:28:51
  thing from a Flacco Mints, but it is. It is real.
• 1:28:57
  And yeah, as somebody has pointed out in the
• 1:28:59
  comments, Beardsley really does sound absolutely
• 1:29:02
  blathered. So we're getting straight in from
• 1:29:06
  the phone here so we get Jack's authentic reaction.
• 1:29:16
  All the squad here. All the squad. Love that
• 1:29:19
  photo of them having a great time in the studio.
• 1:29:31
  This is Barnes' first game. It's funny, isn't
• 1:29:42
  it? It sounds like he's sort of shouting. Whoa.
• 1:29:51
  You'll know Gazza when he comes. I think this
• 1:29:54
  is Gazza coming in. I should have done this for
• 1:30:12
  Real Mo. Magic. I think this is Beardsley. You
• 1:31:03
  can sort of imagine him holding the lyric sheet
• 1:31:05
  with his reading glasses on, kind of peering
• 1:31:07
  at them. Yeah, he's really trying. I mean, you've
• 1:31:10
  got to give it to him. He's trying to keep up
• 1:31:12
  with it. This is a new form. This is radical
• 1:31:14
  new culture. Sort of sounds a bit like Sean Ryder
• 1:31:17
  at times. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That
• 1:31:21
  sort of like, I don't know. Bellowing. Yeah,
• 1:31:24
  yeah. But I'm glad John got it together and delivered
• 1:31:27
  such a definitive version. Yeah, yeah. He really
• 1:31:30
  locked it down. But yeah, it's interesting to
• 1:31:32
  hear his first attempt. Yeah, it's definitely,
• 1:31:34
  you can get that actually on a four disc collector's
• 1:31:38
  edition reissued by Light Miatic. Right. Yeah,
• 1:31:41
  I mean, I'll get that. You get every single possible
• 1:31:43
  take of it. Yeah, yeah. Exciting. Yeah. So, yeah,
• 1:31:49
  I believe that brings us to the end of our World
• 1:31:51
  Cup Odyssey. Are you feeling buzzed, hyped and
• 1:31:55
  football crazy soccer mad? No, but I will certainly
• 1:32:00
  get caught up in it. I mean, because I kind of
• 1:32:03
  always do. I don't know. It's a bittersweet feeling.
• 1:32:07
  Do you know what I mean? I know there's a heartbreak
• 1:32:09
  on the way. Yeah, yeah, undoubtedly. But, you
• 1:32:12
  know, it's summer. Watch some good footy. I've
• 1:32:15
  got everything off my chest about balance, barely.
• 1:32:18
  Yeah, I mean, I think things will... For a brief
• 1:32:22
  moment in footballing summer, then everything's
• 1:32:25
  kind of... The only thing that matters is, like,
• 1:32:27
  England going through all penalties. And that's
• 1:32:30
  a nice moment. And this podcast and the weekly...
• 1:32:32
  Oh, yeah, this podcast. Every Thursday. Every
• 1:32:34
  Thursday. Exactly. So far, one at this point,
• 1:32:38
  but two tomorrow. And yeah, you can follow us.
• 1:32:42
  We need to do this stuff now. Yeah, sorry. You
• 1:32:45
  can follow us on Instagram at detrituspodcast.
• 1:32:48
  Don't forget to like and subscribe wherever you
• 1:32:50
  listen to podcasts. You can also leave us a review
• 1:32:51
  on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify. Apparently that
• 1:32:55
  helps. That really helps. I hear it from other
• 1:32:57
  podcasts. Yeah, I've heard it from other podcasts.
• 1:32:59
  That really helps. And... We've got three five
• 1:33:05
  -star reviews. Yeah, three. It's a good... Let's
• 1:33:07
  keep that up. One for me. Anything else you need
• 1:33:10
  to do in podcasts? Certainly one for your dad.
• 1:33:12
  Oh, yeah, yeah. If you live outside of Chipping
• 1:33:15
  Norton, please leave a review. One star. Yeah.
• 1:33:20
  Yeah, and that's all you have to do on a podcast,
• 1:33:22
  isn't it? That's it. I mean, you'll just keep
• 1:33:24
  getting the podcast if you download it once unless
• 1:33:26
  you request it not to... giving you anymore you're
• 1:33:29
  just going to keep fucking getting it so what
• 1:33:30
  are you going to do about it who knows yeah yeah
• 1:33:33
  we're going to outlast the balance podcast we
• 1:33:37
  already have and there's nothing they can't take
• 1:33:40
  that away from us it's good it's good okay thank
• 1:33:43
  you very much Jack uh go let's see oh yeah yeah
• 1:33:46
  cheers bye Detroit