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From Cradle to Calling: The Early Years of David Brainerd | Jonathan Edwards · Reformed Thinking

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Welcome to reformed thinking. Today, we're kicking things off
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with a figure many people might know well, mostly by reputation.
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Maybe just the name David Brainard, right?
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Born April 20, 1718, Haddam, CT. And when you hear Brainard,
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usually the first thing, maybe the only thing that comes to
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mind is his missionary work. Yeah, that incredibly difficult,
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short life among the Native Americans.
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It's become almost legendary, hasn't it?
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A picture of sacrificial evangelism.
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It really has, but that picture, while true, is sort of like
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starting a story halfway through.
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It really is. It only captures the final act.
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If you only focus on that missionary part, you miss the
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the intense spiritual and intellectual furnace he went
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through beforehand. A real Crucible, you could say.
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Absolutely. Something had to completely
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break down his old way of thinking his old self before the
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missionary work could even, well, begin.
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So our mission in this deep dive is to look closely at that
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earlier period, his background, his his Puritan lineage, which
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was pretty significant. And his early struggles, that
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sort of melancholy disposition, people noted.
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And then that intense theological wrestling match he
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had, especially around his time at Yale, the struggles that
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happened before his calling became clear.
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Right before the famous missionary emerged.
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And the main way we can get insight into this is through a
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really unique source, the Life and diary of David Brainerd.
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Yeah, and it's crucial to understand this isn't just a
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simple biography or even just a diary.
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It's complicated. How so?
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Well, you've got Brainerd's own words, his raw internal
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confessions from his diary entries, but the whole thing is
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compiled, edited and framed by Jonathan Edwards.
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Jonathan Edwards OK, so that adds another layer entirely.
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A huge layer. Edwards provides the narrative
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framework, the life part, explaining the theological
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significance of what Brainerd went through.
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He's analyzing it. So Edwards is giving us the play
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by play commentary. Almost.
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Kind of, yeah. He's providing the theological
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scaffolding, but then you have Brainerd's own voice, the diary
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bits, which are just brutally honest, unvarnished, sometimes
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pretty ugly, showing the chaos inside.
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That dual nature makes it extraordinary, doesn't it?
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It really does. It's a unique historical
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document. You're seeing one of the
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sharpest theological minds of the 18th century, Edwards,
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analyzing the spiritual formation of this, well, this
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major figure. Brainerd.
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So the result isn't just a memoir, it's more like a
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rigorous theological profile. That's a good way to put it, is
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drawing out the theological lessons.
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OK, so let's get into Brainerd's formative years.
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You mentioned his lineage wasn't exactly humble.
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This isn't just any Puritan story, it sounds like it
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involves the colonial elite. Oh, absolutely.
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That background is key to understanding the pressure he
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was under, which, you know, feeds directly into his later
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struggles with trying to earn God's favor through his own
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efforts. So what did that look like on
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his father's side? Well, the Brainerd's were
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prominent figures in Connecticut's civil life.
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His father, Hezekiah Brainard, Esquire.
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Note the Esquire was on the King's Council for the colony.
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OK, so that's a top government position?
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A very significant role and his paternal grandfather, Daniel
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Brainard, also an Esquire, was a justice of the Peace and a
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Deacon in the church at Haddam. So civil authority and church
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leadership combined. Exactly when David Brainard was
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born, he was born into the ruling class.
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Reputation, public conduct, religious observance, these
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things were all tied together very tightly.
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There's an expectation there, isn't there?
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He didn't just have to be religious.
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He probably felt he had to visibly represent the highest
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standards of both civil and religious life.
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Precisely. And that expectation was
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amplified by his mother's side of the family.
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OK. What about the maternal line?
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Deep clerical heritage there. His mother was Dorothy Hobart
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before she married her father. Brainerd's maternal grandfather
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was the Reverend Mr. Jeremiah Hobart.
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A minister. Yes, the minister, right there
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in Haddam, Brainerd's hometown. He'd previously served in
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Topsfield in Hempstead too. And the sources mentioned
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something quite striking about his dedication, don't they?
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They do. It's a small detail, but
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telling. Reverend Hobart lived to be 85
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on the Sunday he died. He attended the morning worship
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service, went home and passed away in his chair before the
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afternoon service. Wow.
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That paints a picture of lifelong, unwavering, oh,
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dedication. It really does just absolute
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commitment to the very end, and it goes back even further.
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How so? Jeremiah Hobart's father, So
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Brainerd's great grandfather was the Reverend Peter Hobart.
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Another minister. Yes, and one of the originals,
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he was a Puritan minister who actually fled persecution back
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in England and helped settle Hingham, MA.
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So we're. Talking about the first
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generation Puritans, the ones who cross the ocean for their
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beliefs. Exactly.
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Fleeing the Church of England, establishing a new society based
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on their convictions. Brainerd is descended directly
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from that initial wave. So his family history isn't just
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about colonial success. It's rooted in religious
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conflict, suffering for the cause, establishing this city on
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a hill idea. That's the legacy.
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Civil leadership on one side, ministerial authority forged in
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persecution on the other. From the moment he could
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understand anything, there must have been this immense, maybe
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unspoken pressure. Pressure to live up to this
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standard of intense piety. Intellectual ability.
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Public service. All of it a three generation
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legacy. It's a heavy burden for man.
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And yet this sort of stable, high status upbringing was hit
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by tragedy quite early on. Yes, significant loss at a young
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age. His father died when David was,
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well, quite young. We don't have the exact age, but
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then his mother Dorothy passed away in March 1732.
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And how old was Brainerd then? He was about 14, so orphaned by
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14. That's incredibly young to lose
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both parents. It is, and the sources,
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specifically Edwards quoting the diary, note that at the time of
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his mother's death he was exceedingly distressed and
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melancholy. That word melancholy keeps
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appearing. It suggests maybe an underlying
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temperament, perhaps intensified by these losses.
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It seems very likely it could hint at a sort of psychological
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vulnerability or intensity that maybe fueled his later spiritual
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struggles. A search for stability, perhaps,
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in a world that felt very unstable to him.
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That internal instability might explain the extreme focus he
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later put on religious duties when he first decided on a
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career path. It might well do around age 19
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or 20. This is 1738.
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He really buckled down and applied himself to study.
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The goal was the ministry. Which would have been the most
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obvious expected path for someone with his background.
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Absolutely. But he didn't just drift into
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it. He adopted this system,
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described as an exceeding regular life, a highly
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structured, almost regimented piety.
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What did that involve specifically?
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Well, he took advice from a Mr. Fisk quite seriously.
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The advice was to ditch the young company, you know, his
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peers, his social life, and instead he should only hang out
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with grave elderly people. OK, so isolate himself socially
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for spiritual reasons. And he seems to have taken it to
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an extreme. His life became rigidly
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scheduled around religious activity, reading the Bible
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obsessively more than twice through in less than a year, the
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source says, spending huge amounts of time daily in secret
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prayer and even organizing private religious meetings with
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other young people on Sundays. It.
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Sounds like on the surface, the model.
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Puritan young man, disciplined, serious, devoted.
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Exactly. Ticking all the boxes, creating
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this perfect picture of acceptability.
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But Edwards, looking back through Brainerd's diary, points
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out a fundamental problem with all this intense effort.
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Doesn't he he? Does the core issue was the
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motive. Brainerd himself later
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recognized this. He had quote a very good
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outside, but internally he rested entirely on my duties,
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though not sensible of it so. He wasn't aware at the time that
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he was relying on his own actions, not.
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Consciously, perhaps, but the diary reveals he was treating
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his performance, his rule, keeping his praying like
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spiritual currency. He was doing the work, yes, but
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driven by a hidden hope. What?
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Was that hope the. Hope that all these efforts
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would somehow recommend him to God, that they would prove he
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was worthy, maybe prove his election, earn God's favor.
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So it wasn't about love for God primarily, it was about securing
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his own standing before God through his actions.
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That's. What he later saw, it was self
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focused even in its apparent self denial.
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And this sets the stage perfectly for the huge spiritual
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crisis that was about to hit him right.
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He's built this whole structure on the foundation of his own
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discipline, his own righteousness.
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It seems like it's bound to collapse it.
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Was and the collapse was violent when it came.
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When did that initial breakdown happen?
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It started. Really hitting hard in the
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winter of 1738 just before he was due to go to college.
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He describes being out, probably doing his secret prayer routine
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when quote on a sudden such a sense of my danger and the wrath
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of God that I stood amazed. Just boom, overwhelming sense of
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judgment and what? Happened to all those feelings
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of accomplishment he got from his duties.
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Gone instantly. All his previous good frames,
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those feelings of spiritual success tied to his performance,
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they just vanished, destroyed, as he put it.
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Now that. Experience that sudden
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conviction of sin and danger that sounds like something many
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people describing conversion accounts the law doing its work
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it. Does sound like the beginning of
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it, but Brainerd's immediate reaction wasn't surrender.
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Not at all. It was actually to double down
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on trying to fix himself. So.
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Instead of giving up on self justification, he tried even
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harder. Exactly.
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Which is, well, the very essence of self righteousness, isn't it?
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The law exposes the problem, but the instinct is still to try and
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solve it yourself. How did?
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That play out what did this doubling down look like the.
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Sources talk about the deceptive nature of duties he fell into.
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He'd pray harder, perform his religious tasks with even more
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intensity, still hoping somehow to make the case better before
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God. Even while maybe intellectually
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knowing better, yes. And this is fascinating.
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He admits he would sometimes say the right things verbally,
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confessing that his best efforts were worthless and deserved
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condemnation. But deep down, secretly, he was
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still banking on those efforts, still hoping they counted for
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something. It's like a.
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Subconscious negotiation. God, see how hard I'm trying,
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See how sincere I am? That's a good.
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Way to put it. He actually used the phrase
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healing myself with my duties. He'd go off to pray feeling
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distressed and condemned and come back feeling comfortable.
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But the. Comfort wasn't from God's grace,
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no. It was comfort derived from the
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act of praying itself, from having performed the duty, he
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mentions. Finding hope in the imagination
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of goodness in my heart. Meltings flowing of affections
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and duty extraordinary enlargements.
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So. He's focused on his internal
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state, his emotional responses during prayer, rather than on
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Christ. Entirely.
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He was essentially trying to produce the necessary
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qualifications within himself. He felt he needed to achieve a
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certain level of heart softness or deep humility or intense
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feeling before he could properly come to Christ for salvation as.
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If he had to clean himself up first before presenting himself,
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yes. Exactly.
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Chasing a feeling, Chasing a state of internal readiness.
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And the harder he tried to produce this acceptable self,
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the more impossible it felt. Which?
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Led him into direct conflict with God's law, didn't it?
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Not just the rules, but the very nature of the law it.
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Did This is where the struggle becomes really intense and,
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well, quite revealing psychologically.
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Let's spend. Some time here, what was the
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core of his conflict with the law it.
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Boiled down to the sheer impossibility of meeting its
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demands. He kept making resolutions, I'll
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do better, I'll try harder. And he kept failing.
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Which? Is the common human experience
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really sure? But initially, he blamed
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himself. I wasn't careful enough.
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I wasn't focused enough. He thought more effort was the
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answer. He tried stronger resolution and
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greater endeavors and close application to fasting and
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prayer. He.
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Ratcheted up the discipline even more, he did.
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But the result wasn't success. It was deeper failure.
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And that repeated failure forced him to confront the law itself.
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What was it actually demanding? And what?
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Conclusion Did he reach? This must have been terrifying
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for someone so committed to duty.
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It was. He concluded that the law was
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condemning things inside him that he felt utterly powerless
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to prevent. Such as he.
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Specifically mentions, and this is quite raw, that he quarreled
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with the law of God as unreasonably rigid.
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Why? Because it condemned his evil
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thoughts and sins of his heart, which I could not possibly
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prevent. OK.
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Hold on, let's unpack that. For a mind steeped in Puritan
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theology, that realization is huge.
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It's not just about outward actions anymore.
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Not. At all.
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It's about the inner life. The law demands perfect internal
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holiness, purity of thought, motive, desire, and.
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He realized he couldn't control his own thoughts, that sinful
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thoughts just arose regardless of his efforts.
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Exactly, and if he couldn't prevent sinful thoughts, then he
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was fundamentally incapable of meeting the law's standard.
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No amount of external role keeping could fix that internal
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source of corruption. This.
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Is the doctrine of total depravity hitting him square in
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the face? Isn't it moving from a
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theological concept to a felt agonizing reality?
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Precisely. He saw that the law wasn't just
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a checklist, it was a mirror showing him his own nature.
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And his nature was inherently rebellious, producing thoughts
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that violated God's perfect standard even when he didn't
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want them to. The law was perfect.
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He was broken at the core. You'd think that realization
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would lead to surrender, but it didn't, did it?
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His pride was still fighting. Still.
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Fighting hard, he confessed later that he was extremely low.
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To own my utter helplessness. He just couldn't accept it
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fully. What was he?
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Holding on to that. Little sliver of hope.
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Maybe I can still do a little more.
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Maybe if circumstances were better, if he wasn't so
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distracted, if he just found the right technique, he could
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finally achieve believe the required humility or godly
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affection. He was trying to preserve some
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sense that he wasn't completely bankrupt, that he still had some
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capacity for good that God should recognize.
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Some spark of innate goodness, some ability to contribute to
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his salvation that God would be, in a sense, obliged to reward if
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he just tried hard enough. He wouldn't let go of that.
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And this refusal to accept total helplessness, total reliance on
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God, leads directly into what Edwards highlights as the
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deepest, most fundamental conflict Brainerd faced before
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conversion. Right.
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His battle against divine sovereignty.
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Explain. That why was sovereignty the
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ultimate sticking point? Because if God is truly
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sovereign, meaning absolutely free and in control, making
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decisions based purely on his own will and pleasure, not based
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on anything in us, then human effort, human merit, becomes
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completely irrelevant to salvation it.
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Removes the last safety net. Completely, Brainerd simply
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could not stand the idea of God's absolute unconditioned
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freedom and salvation. He mentions the passage Romans
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9.1123 the. Passage about Jacob and Esau,
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God choosing before they were born, the Potter and the clay
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that. One, he said, it was a constant
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vexation to him. It wasn't just intellectually
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difficult, it made him angry. Why?
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Angry because it meant his efforts counted for nothing.
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Exactly. He said he could not bear that
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it should be holy at God's pleasure to save or damn me,
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just as he would. If God's choice is totally free
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and sovereign, then all his praying, fasting, Bible reading,
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his respectable life, his family background, none of it gave him
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any claim on God his. Fate was entirely in the hands
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of a God whose absolute freedom he resented.
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Yes. And this resentment, this
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internal battle against God's right to be God, it festered.
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He describes falling into a most horrible frame of contesting,
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with the Almighty contesting. With God, what did that look
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like? He says.
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His internal corruption just broke loose over all bounds.
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It led to thoughts that, frankly, are shocking coming
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from someone striving so hard for piety.
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What? Kind of thought he.
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Admits looking back, that he sometimes wished for some other
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way of salvation than by Jesus Christ, or even at his lowest
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points he wished there was no God or some other God that could
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control him that's. Incredibly honest.
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He wanted a God he could manage a system where his efforts
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mattered, where fairness was defined on human terms.
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Pretty. Much a God bound by rules of
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merit, not a God who operates out of sheer unconstrained grace
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and freedom. So.
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Why was submitting to this sovereign God so terrifying?
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Because. Submission meant accepting his
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actual position before God, which was what A.
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Law breaker. A law.
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Breaker, A criminal completely guilty under the perfect law
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with absolutely no claim to anything but damnation.
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To surrender to God's sovereignty felt like signing
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his own death warrant because it meant giving up all his weapons
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of self-defense, all his claims based on effort, and trusting
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himself entirely to a God whose decisions he couldn't predict or
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control. It felt like spiritual suicide,
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Which. Leads us to the final piece of
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his resistance, his rejection of salvation by faith alone.
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Solifying right? Because if faith alone is the
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way, then that entire life of striving, all those duties he
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was banking on, they're not just imperfect, they're completely
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invalid as grounds for acceptance.
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He couldn't stomach that, no. He said he couldn't bear that
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God would not come down to lower terms than faith alone.
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It offended his sense of fairness.
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How so? He felt his prayers and efforts,
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though maybe flawed, were intense and sincere.
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He even felt he had done much more than many others who would
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obtain mercy. It seemed unjust that all that
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conscientious effort should stand for mere nothing.
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He thought his duties, despite maybe wandering thoughts or
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imperfections, were basically good, honest, faithful
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endeavors. As you put it, yes.
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And he desperately wanted God to recognize that sincerity.
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He wanted a system where God guarantees salvation to people
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who genuinely try their best. Basically a covenant based on
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sincere effort instead of. A covenant of grace based solely
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on Christ's righteousness being credited to the believer.
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Exactly. He eventually realized that
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Solafita didn't just mean his duties were imperfect, it meant
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the principle behind them. The self-reliance, the hope of
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earning favor was corrupt. His prayers weren't just flawed,
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they were fundamentally self-serving, aimed at
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manipulating God, not glorifying him.
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And that made them an offense. But.
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His will just resisted that conclusion right up until the
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very. End right to the breaking point.
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So he's. Trapped, he hates God's
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sovereignty. He knows he can't fulfill the
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law, but he refuses to accept grace alone because it
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demolishes his sense of self worth built on effort.
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How did this deadlock finally break?
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Well, as these things often do, it didn't breakthrough his
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success. It broke through total failure
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and cessation of effort. Which brings us to his
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conversion experience. When was that?
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July 13th, 1739. A specific date he remembered
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clearly. OK, let's.
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Look at that moment. How did it begin?
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Was it another intense effort? No.
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Quite the opposite. He was walking alone, probably
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going through his usual spiritual exercises, but
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something shifted internally. The striving just stopped.
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Stopped. Yeah, he writes that he at once
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saw that all my contrivances and projects to affect or procure
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deliverance and salvation for myself were utterly in vain.
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Just a sudden, clear sight of the complete futility of
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everything he'd been doing. He saw.
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All that effort was wasted totally.
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Wasted, he said. He was brought quite to a stand
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as finding myself totally lost, you know that little hope.
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He always clung to the I can still do a little more that was
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gone shattered he saw it was forever impossible for him to
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help himself or save himself. Game over for self effort and.
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Strangely, that realization, that absolute certainty of his
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own helplessness seems to have brought a kind of quietness it.
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Did the internal battle stopped because his side, the self
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effort side, had been utterly defeated?
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There was no point fighting anymore, no point negotiating.
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He just reached the state of greatest certainty that my state
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was forever miserable for all that I could do.
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Accepting his just condemnation, yes.
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And paradoxically, that quiet acceptance seems to have
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stripped away the pride, the resistance, and prepared him for
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what came next. And.
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What was the immediate effect on how he viewed his past life?
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All those religious duties he'd relied on a complete.
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Re evaluation, they didn't just look imperfect anymore, like
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they have flaws around the edges.
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He saw them as rotten to the core.
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He realized they were driven entirely by self-interest, not
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by any genuine love or regard for God's glory.
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All his strict living, fasting, long prayers, it all suddenly
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appeared as a vile mockery of God, self worship and a
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continual course of lies self. Worship.
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That's strong. It is.
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He realized he'd been trying to appease is a God of his own
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making, a God impressed by human effort.
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His most prized religious actions were revealed as
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hypocrisy and he. Used a really striking analogy,
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didn't he? He did.
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It's quite visceral, he said. He saw no more virtue or
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goodness in them than there would be in my paddling with my
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hand in the water. Wow.
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Just meaningless physical activity, no spiritual worth
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whatsoever. None.
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Because the motive was corrupt, so with his self effort totally
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demolished, his self righteousness exposed, he was
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just empty, passive, waiting only for judgment really.
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And. Then later that same day, the
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experience shifted again. Yes.
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That same Sabbath evening he was walking again, this time in a
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dark thick Grove, and something happened.
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He describes unspeakable glory seemed to open to the view and
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apprehension of my soul. So not something he achieved,
21:29
but something that opened to him.
21:30
Exactly. It was passive reception, not an
21:33
idea he figured out, but a new inward apprehension, a direct
21:37
sense of God's own Excellency, His beauty, His greatness, His
21:41
perfections, and. Edwards, in his commentary,
21:44
highlights something crucial about Brainerd's focus in this
21:46
moment. Right.
21:47
Yes. This is central to identifying
21:49
it as genuine conversion in the Reformed understanding.
21:52
Brainerd reports that initially he had no thought about my own
21:55
salvation and scarce reflected there is such a creature as
21:58
myself his focus. Wasn't on himself at all, no.
22:00
His soul was quote swallowed up in him.
22:03
His delight wasn't primarily I'm saved, but rather God is
22:06
glorious. He was captivated by God's own
22:09
inherent loveliness and majesty for its own sake that.
22:13
Desire for God's glory above personal benefit that seen as
22:16
the hallmark of a changed heart, it is.
22:19
The center of gravity shifts from self to God.
22:22
He felt this immediate, Hardy disposition to exalt him and set
22:26
him on the throne, wanting only God's honor his.
22:29
Allegiance changed. Completely.
22:31
And only then, after his heart was captivated by God's glory
22:34
and submitted to His sovereignty, did the way of
22:36
salvation make sense. How?
22:38
So the. Way of being saved entirely by
22:40
the righteousness of Christ suddenly appeared full of
22:43
infinite wisdom, suitability, and Excellency.
22:46
It seems the most beautiful, perfect solution.
22:48
He wondered how he could ever have resisted it or look for
22:51
another way. So.
22:52
Peace came not when he finally managed to soften his own heart,
22:56
but when he stopped trying and simply accepted Christ's work
22:59
for his hard heart. That's.
23:01
It peace came through surrender to God's glory and God's method,
23:04
OK. So Brainerd has this radical
23:06
life changing conversion in July 1739 and then just a couple of
23:10
months later, September 1739, he enters Yale College.
23:14
Yes. Starts his formal training for
23:15
ministry, but the. Sources say he went with some
23:17
hesitation. He did.
23:19
Quote with some degree of reluctance, fearing lest I
23:22
should not be able to lead a life of strict religion in the
23:25
college environment that. Reluctance turned out to be
23:27
quite prophetic, didn't it? Incredibly so, his time at Yale
23:31
coincided directly with the peak, the most intense phase of
23:35
the First Great Awakening, sweeping through the colonies
23:38
and the. Awakening hit Yale itself.
23:40
Oh yeah. Hard in late February 1741, the
23:45
sources describe a great and general awakening spreading
23:48
across the college students got serious about religion, prayers,
23:53
reading scripture, there was a noticeable change in atmosphere
23:57
and. Brainerd, fresh from his own
23:58
intense conversion, must have been thrilled by this.
24:01
He. Was he felt mightily enlarged,
24:03
animated and engaged. Finally, fellowship.
24:06
Others shared his new found zeal.
24:08
He threw himself into it. But.
24:10
This period of intense revival also had its dangers, didn't it?
24:13
Especially the enthusiasm part it.
24:15
Did, and Edwards is quite candid about this.
24:17
Even though he was a proponent of the awakening overall, he
24:20
notes that this time was marked by an intemperate, imprudent
24:23
zeal and a degree of enthusiasm, meaning people got carried away.
24:27
Emotions ran high. Judgement wasn't all we sound.
24:31
Edward says that people and even ministers hadn't yet really
24:34
learned how to tell the difference between solid
24:37
religion and its delusive counterfeits.
24:40
So. Genuine spiritual awakening
24:42
mixed with emotional access and perhaps spiritual pride.
24:45
Exactly. And Brainerd, being young, just
24:48
a sophomore and relatively new to this intense religious
24:51
experience himself, was particularly vulnerable.
24:54
He got. Caught up in the indiscreet
24:56
zeal, as the source puts it, he did.
24:58
And a key feature of that discreet zeal, especially among
25:01
the more radical New Lights, was being highly critical,
25:05
censorious of those deemed less spiritual judging.
25:08
The spiritual state of others, including ministers and tutors.
25:11
Precisely. This put him on a direct
25:13
collision course with the authorities at Yale.
25:15
Why? Was Yale particularly resistant?
25:17
Well. Yale College at that time was
25:19
becoming a stronghold of what would be called Old Light
25:22
Puritanism. That's the more conservative,
25:24
established tradition bound wing, very wary of the
25:28
emotionalism and disorder of the revival Bible they valued.
25:31
Order, tradition, learned ministry, right?
25:35
And here comes Brainerd, fired up by the awakening.
25:38
Inspired by fiery itinerant preachers like George Whitefield
25:42
and Gilbert Tennant, preachers the Yale establishment deeply
25:46
distrusted, Brainerd represented the disruptive energy they were
25:49
trying desperately to contain. So the.
25:51
Stage is set for conflict which brings us to the incident that
25:54
actually got him expelled winter 1742 that's.
25:58
Right, the infamous comment about Tudor Whittlesey.
26:00
What? Happened exactly it was.
26:02
Apparently, after Tudor Whittlesey had LED prayers in
26:05
the college hall, Brainerd was talking privately with a few
26:08
close friends, other students who shared his zealous views
26:11
just. A private conversation,
26:13
supposedly. One of his friends asked him
26:15
what he thought of the tutor's prayer, and Brainerd, in his
26:18
youthful zeal and lack of filter, replied he has.
26:21
No more grace than this chair. That's the line.
26:24
Stark, Brutal, really. And in.
26:26
That context, saying someone has no grace, isn't just an insult,
26:30
it's a theological judgement. It's.
26:32
Basically declaring the person unregenerate, unsaved and for a
26:36
student to say that about a tutor, a leader in the college.
26:39
It's a direct challenge to the spiritual legitimacy of the
26:42
institution itself, especially an institution trying to curb
26:45
that very revivalist spirit. Exactly.
26:48
It wasn't just rude, it was subversive and.
26:50
Somehow this private comment got out, yes.
26:54
A freshman nearby overheard it and reported it to the rector,
26:57
the head of the college. Oh.
26:59
Yeah. The administration, already on
27:02
high alert about awakening related disruptions, students
27:05
skipping class to follow, preachers criticizing ministers.
27:08
They reacted strongly. What do they do?
27:10
They investigated. They apparently put pressure on
27:14
Brainerd's friends, who were compelled to testify about what
27:17
he'd said. So they.
27:18
Confirmed the no more grace than this chair comment they.
27:21
Did and the college authorities then demanded something specific
27:25
from Brainerd, something designed to reassert their
27:27
authority and make an example of him.
27:29
What was? The demand he had to.
27:30
Made a public confession, stand up before the whole College in
27:33
the hall and humble himself admit his fault publicly.
27:37
A. Formal public shaming.
27:39
Essentially, yes, a ritual of submission to institutional
27:43
authority meant to warn any other students thinking of
27:46
criticizing their superiors or getting carried away with new
27:49
light seal. But.
27:50
Brainerd refused. He.
27:51
Flat out refused. And that refusal sealed his
27:54
fate. It was the final straw.
27:56
Why? Did he refuse?
27:57
Did he deny saying it? No.
27:59
He didn't deny saying it. His refusal was based on
28:03
principle, on his sense of justice.
28:05
However flawed his initial comment might have been, what
28:07
was? His reasoning?
28:09
He felt he was being treated unfairly.
28:10
He believed he was very ill used and how the whole thing was
28:13
handled. He thought demanding a public
28:15
confession as if he'd committed some open notorious crime was
28:19
completely disproportionate for something said only in private
28:23
conversation. So.
28:24
He drew a distinction between a private, perhaps foolish comment
28:27
among friends and a public act of defiance it.
28:30
Seems so, and Edwards notes that Brainerd held onto this belief
28:33
that the public confession was unjustly demanded for the rest
28:37
of his life now. Someone listening might push
28:39
back here. Couldn't the college argue they
28:41
needed that public submission? That, given the context of the
28:45
awakening causing chaos, Brainerd's private comment was
28:49
effectively an attack on order that required a public
28:52
retraction. That's.
28:53
The absolute crux of the conflict from the College's Old
28:56
Light perspective, focused on maintaining order and deference.
29:00
Brainerd's comment was a serious offense, and his refusal to
29:03
submit publicly proved his rebellious spirit.
29:06
They likely saw it as necessary discipline, but from.
29:09
Brainerd's perspective from his. Perspective shaped by the
29:12
Awakenings emphasis on internal conviction and perhaps a certain
29:15
youthful self righteousness. The demand for public
29:19
humiliation over a private remark felt tyrannical.
29:22
Maybe he would have accepted some lesser discipline, but the
29:24
public shaming crossed the line for him it.
29:26
Highlights that fundamental clash, doesn't it?
29:28
Institutional order versus individual zealous conviction
29:32
perfectly. And his conviction, his refusal
29:34
to bend on what he saw as an unjust demand, cost him his
29:37
place at Yale. Were there.
29:39
Other factors involved in the expulsion or was it just the
29:42
comment and the refusal the. Sources mentioned two additional
29:45
charges that were likely thrown into the mix.
29:47
Okay, first, simple disobedience.
29:50
He had apparently gone to a separate meeting in New Haven,
29:53
likely an unofficial gathering associated with the Awakening,
29:56
when the rector had forbidden students from attending such
29:59
things. So.
30:00
Openly defying college rules to follow the revivalist movement?
30:04
Yes. Clear insubordination from the
30:06
college's view. Second, there was an accusation,
30:09
though seemingly unproven. What was that he was accused of
30:13
saying something about the rector himself.
30:15
That, he wondered, he the rector, did not expect to drop
30:18
down dead for finding the scholars who followed Mr.
30:20
Tennant to Milford. Wow, Gilbert tended to get one
30:24
of the most controversial New Light preachers.
30:27
That's a harsh thing to allegedly say about the rector.
30:29
Extremely. Harsh, but Edwards is careful to
30:32
note that there was apparently no proof Brainerd said this, and
30:35
Brainerd himself professed that he did not remember his saying
30:38
anything to that purpose, so it. Might have just been rumor or
30:41
hearsay circulating in that tense atmosphere it.
30:44
Seems possible, but the main issue, the one that led directly
30:47
to the expulsion, was the Whittlesey comment and,
30:50
crucially, the refusal to make the public confession.
30:53
The. Expulsion, then, in early 1742,
30:56
really marks the end of one potential path for Brainerd, a
31:00
career within the established church structure of New England.
31:02
Absolutely. The institution, Yale, which
31:05
represented that structure, had ejected him, or perhaps you
31:09
could say his own uncontrollable zeal, his refusal to conform,
31:13
made him incompatible with the institution.
31:15
Either way, that door was closed now.
31:18
After he left Yale and later in his life, how did Brainerd look
31:21
back on this whole period? Did he stand by his actions?
31:24
Not. Entirely.
31:25
This is something Edwards really makes a point of emphasizing,
31:28
likely to counter criticisms that publishing the diary might
31:31
encourage similar youthful excesses.
31:33
What did? Brainerd come to believe.
31:35
He became, Edwards writes, abundantly sensible, meaning
31:38
very aware that his religious feelings and actions during the
31:41
peak of the Awakening at Yale had a corrupt mixture.
31:44
He saw that his conduct had been imprudent and blamable.
31:47
So. He came to regret the way he
31:50
expressed his zeal, the censoriousness, the lack of
31:53
wisdom. Yes.
31:55
He wasn't rejecting the spiritual reality of the
31:57
awakening itself, but he came to see that his own response, his
32:00
own behavior within it, was flawed.
32:02
It was mixed with youthful pride and poor judgement.
32:05
He. Lamented his indiscreet zeal.
32:07
Exactly. He grew theologically, gained
32:10
more wisdom, and looked back on his sophomore self with regret
32:14
for the lack of prudence. He didn't want others to copy
32:16
his mistakes. And this.
32:18
Remorse actually led him to do something quite drastic
32:20
regarding his own writings, didn't it it?
32:22
Did It's one of the most revealing actions of his life
32:25
concerning his diary, what did he do?
32:27
Well, Brainerd kept a constant diary throughout his adult life,
32:31
but shortly before he died, he gave specific, specific orders.
32:34
Orders. About the diary, yes.
32:35
Orders that Edwards himself didn't even know about until
32:38
after Brainerd's death. What were?
32:39
The orders he. Ordered that two specific
32:41
volumes of his diary should be destroyed.
32:43
Destroyed. Which volumes?
32:45
The volumes. Covering the 13 months right
32:47
after his conversion, starting January 1741.
32:50
Wait. January 1741 that's precisely
32:54
the period we've just been talking about the height of the
32:56
awakening at Yale his intense zeal, the conflicts, the.
33:00
Expulsion time of his indecent heats.
33:04
As Edwards puts it, he deliberately ordered the
33:07
destruction of the record of his most zealous and arguably most
33:10
imprudent phase. He.
33:11
Was editing his own legacy, wiping out the evidence of his
33:15
youthful mistakes that. Seems to be the motivation.
33:18
Edwards explains Brainerd's reasoning.
33:20
He lamented that period's conduct and didn't want others
33:23
to make an. I'll use of such an example.
33:27
He wanted the record of those indecent heats gone so that
33:30
future believers wouldn't use his early flawed zeal to justify
33:33
their own potential excesses or imprudence.
33:36
That's a. Remarkable act of self-awareness
33:38
and maybe theological humility. He was willing to erase part of
33:41
his story to protect others from his errors it.
33:43
Really is it shows maturity he gained later a recognition that
33:46
not all intense religious feeling is pure, that it can be
33:49
mixed with sin, particularly pride and poor judgment it.
33:53
Connects right back to his conversion in a way.
33:56
His breakthrough came when he saw his pre conversion duties
33:58
were corrupt and self-serving. Now looking back he saw that
34:02
even his post conversion zeal had a corrupt mixture he wanted
34:07
expunged. Yes.
34:08
He wanted the record to reflect the more mature, sobered faith
34:12
he eventually attained, not the flawed transitional stage marked
34:16
by controversy and expulsion. So let's try to bring these
34:19
different threads together. We see Brainerd caught between
34:22
this powerful individual spiritual experience, the
34:26
awakening, and the rigid structures of the established
34:29
institution. Yale he's.
34:31
Like a point of friction. Isn't he born into the
34:33
establishment, deeply embedded in it by family then?
34:36
He undergoes this intense theological struggle completely
34:39
rejecting self-reliance and embracing grace alone.
34:42
A. Conversion that happens largely
34:44
outside the formal structures through personal wrestling with
34:46
scripture and his own conscience.
34:48
And then? When he brings that new found
34:50
raw zeal into the institution, the result is collision and
34:53
expulsion. The.
34:54
System couldn't contain him, or perhaps he refused to be
34:57
contained by it in a way it deemed acceptable.
35:00
There's. A real irony here, isn't there?
35:01
His theological foundation was laid by the collapse of his own
35:04
efforts Total. Failure of self righteousness.
35:07
And then his ultimate vocational path.
35:10
The missionary work he's famous for was arguably set not by
35:13
institutional success, but by institutional failure.
35:17
His expulsion it really. Seems that way.
35:19
Being kicked out of Yale closed the door on the standard Path
35:22
parish ministry in settled New England.
35:25
It forced him towards something different, something outside the
35:28
established system. So the very system he was born
35:31
into when he initially tried to serve through his strict duties,
35:35
ultimately had to break him in a sense, first spiritually through
35:38
the conviction of the law, and then.
35:40
Institutionally, through the expulsion from Yale, both seemed
35:43
necessary before his real life's work could begin.
35:46
It's. Almost as if the expulsion
35:48
confirmed his calling in a negative way.
35:50
The qualities that got him kicked out, that intense zeal,
35:53
that refusal to compromise on what he saw as spiritual
35:56
reality, that independence, those.
35:58
Were perhaps the very qualities needed for the incredibly
36:01
difficult, lonely, demanding life of a missionary on the
36:04
frontier, far from the support and constraints of the
36:07
established Church He. Needed a spirit that could
36:10
operate outside the system because the system itself had
36:13
rejected him, right? He had already learned through
36:15
his conversion not to rely on himself.
36:17
The expulsion then taught him maybe not to rely on human
36:21
institutions either. Which brings us to a final
36:24
thought, something for you, the listener, to Mull over.
36:27
Brainerd's theological understanding came through the
36:29
total failure of his own striving, and his life's
36:33
direction seems to have been finalized by the failure of the
36:35
human system, Yale that tried to shape him it.
36:39
Raises a big question, doesn't it?
36:40
How often does God use the breakdown of our plans, the
36:43
failure of human systems? Maybe our career paths are
36:46
carefully built reputations, even our institutions, to push
36:49
us toward a calling that demands complete reliance not on those
36:52
things, but solely on His grace that.
36:55
Moment of surrender on July 13th, 1739, where he accepted
37:00
his utter helplessness wasn't just about getting saved, it was
37:04
perhaps the essential training for a life that would be lived
37:06
largely without human backup. He.
37:09
Learned his own efforts were worthless.
37:11
Yale then seemed to confirm that institutional validation was
37:15
also, for him, ultimately beside the point.
37:18
He had to learn to operate based purely on his conviction about
37:21
God's glory, even when that led him away from comfort and
37:24
security. It puts.
37:25
His later missionary struggles into a different light.
37:28
He wasn't just suffering, he was living out of reality.
37:31
He'd already embraced internal internally.
37:33
The human effort and structures weren't the foundation, exactly.
37:36
The hardest battle, the one against self-reliance and for
37:39
God's sovereignty, had already been fought and won inside him
37:43
before he ever faced the external hardships of the
37:45
mission field. A.
37:46
Powerful perspective to consider.
37:48
Thank you for joining us for this deep dive into the
37:50
formative struggles of David Brainerd.
37:52
We'll be back soon with more reformed thinking.