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Mental Mondays with Black Girl Interrupted · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Drop anotherw what's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?
• 0:44
  Y'all know it's your favorite girl from the five o
• 0:47
  four Baby Bring y'all eight another episode of Black Girl interrupted.
• 0:53
  Y'all know what's your girl? Ash? And like I told y'all,
• 0:56
  every Monday is mental Monday. So just so y'all know
• 1:00
  every Monday we're doing these weekly check ins. The reason
• 1:04
  let me so a lot of you know, my history,
• 1:09
  my story, things that have been going on in my life.
• 1:12
  And I'm an advocate for mental health. But let me
• 1:15
  say this, I don't feel like mental health should be
• 1:18
  limited to just two months out of the year because
• 1:23
  mental health is every day. Things like this need to
• 1:25
  be discussed every day, resources need to be provided, things
• 1:30
  of that nature. So tonight we're just doing our weekly
• 1:34
  mental health check in. That's all we're doing. I just
• 1:36
  want to see how y'all are feeling to day, what's
• 1:38
  going on, how have y'all been, What can your girl
• 1:41
  do to get you over the hump? Baby? I just
• 1:43
  want to say I love y'all so so so much.
• 1:45
  I appreciate all the support that you guys give me
• 1:48
  each and every time you guys tune in, But like
• 1:50
  I say, we jumping into it, were getting into the
• 1:53
  meat of meat and potatoes or things. Because it's time
• 1:56
  to do our mental health check in, So dropping the comments.
• 1:59
  Everybody that is too. I'm streaming on two different apps,
• 2:03
  so I'm on Facebook and I'm also on TikTok, so
• 2:06
  I need everybody, everybody co leave. What's good, baby? How
• 2:10
  are you feeling? Today? Is Mental Monday? Like I said,
• 2:13
  every Monday, I'm doing mental health check in period, point
• 2:16
  blank period. That's all we're doing on Mondays. And the
• 2:19
  reason I want to do this is because I've had
• 2:22
  some issues as a black woman dealing with mental health issues.
• 2:26
  I'm a person that deals with depression. I deal with anxiety.
• 2:31
  I am currently taking medication to keep everything under control,
• 2:35
  but sometimes I just need to vent. Sometimes I just
• 2:40
  need to let off some steam. Sometimes I just need
• 2:43
  to let y'all know that it's okay to not be okay.
• 2:47
  I share these things with you guys because people are free.
• 2:52
  No one wants to ever discuss mental health issues until
• 2:55
  it's too late, particularly in the black community. I don't
• 3:00
  know why we're like this, but we have to get better.
• 3:04
  We have to start pulling the rugs back on certain situations.
• 3:08
  We have to start having some uncomfortable conversations. That's what
• 3:12
  we have to do. We have to start promoting healing
• 3:15
  in our community unity. We want better. We need to
• 3:20
  want better for ourselves and for the next generations behind us.
• 3:25
  That's what we need to do. So this is why
• 3:29
  I said I need to start doing these mental health
• 3:32
  check ins. You know, a lot of people don't have spaces.
• 3:35
  A lot of people don't have people that they can
• 3:37
  talk to, a lot of people don't have the necessary
• 3:39
  resources or the money for mental health with the therapists,
• 3:45
  a psychiatrist, psychologists. A lot of people don't have the
• 3:48
  resources or the access to it. So I want to
• 3:51
  be that space. You know. No, I'm not a certified psychiatrist,
• 3:55
  I'm not a therapist. I'm nothing. Everything I do is
• 3:59
  my expert and things that I've gone through, you know,
• 4:02
  with regards to my health, my mental health. Let me
• 4:06
  say that. But everyone knows that it's watching on Facebook.
• 4:10
  You guys already know how your girl gets down, y'all know.
• 4:14
  I always play something that's encouraging, something that's inspiring, something
• 4:19
  to get you guys over the next over the hull
• 4:22
  so before we even jump into our mental health check ins,
• 4:25
  let me go ahead and share some beautiful things with you.
• 4:28
  Here we go, life will knock you between the eyes
• 4:38
  and it.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Will catch you on the blindside. Come out of nowhere.
• 4:41
  Stuff you can't anticipate that will knock the win out
• 4:45
  of you. You want to give up, It's gonna be
• 4:48
  very challenging. Whenever you decide that you want to grow,
• 4:50
  whenever you decide that you want to go to another level,
• 4:53
  all hell will break loose.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: It's hard, it's.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Not it's heart changing your life.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: And here's what I want to say to you.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: For those of you that have experienced some hardships, don't
• 5:09
  give up on your dream.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Moments when you're going to doubt yourself, they're a rough
• 5:17
  time for going to come, but they have not come
• 5:19
  to stay.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: They have come to pass.
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: We all go through problem.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: They don't have to overwhelm you thought. Problems don't have
• 5:28
  to take you out, though.
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: Problems will have to make your life miserable.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: Though your problem is you go back and run your
• 5:34
  safety net or can't do it hell, and you're gonna
• 5:37
  be running to it for the rest of your life
• 5:40
  until you get to a point where you look at
• 5:41
  life and say you will not beat deep.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: It's easy to complain. It's easy to point out your circumstances.
• 5:49
  It's easy to talk about what has happened to you.
• 5:52
  It's easy to talk about your situation.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: What you're going through.
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: But if you do what is easy, your life will
• 6:00
  be hard.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: But if you do what it's hard, your life will
• 6:06
  be easy. See, it's easy to be on the bottom.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: It doesn't take any effort to be a loser, doesn't
• 6:13
  take any motivation, any drive in order to stay down
• 6:16
  there at a low level. But it calls on everything
• 6:20
  in you. Ladies and gentlemen.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: You have to.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Honess your will to say, I'm going to challenge myself.
• 6:25
  Sometimes I have to pull myself out of bed and
• 6:28
  come on less things I know I should do. I
• 6:30
  talk to things I shouldn't do I do.
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: I found that the biggest enemy you have to deal
• 6:35
  with is yourself. Your problem is some of you are
• 6:39
  phenomenally stilled. But it is a phenomenal will that says,
• 6:42
  every time I get knocked down, I will get back
• 6:46
  up and I will succeed. I will not surrender. You
• 6:53
  have something great in you. You can do it. Where
• 6:57
  you are is temporary. You will not be there for
• 6:59
  the rest of your life. Hit my last for a second,
• 7:02
  hit my last for a minute, hit my last for
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  an hour, hit my last for a week, in my
• 7:06
  last for a period, in.
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: My last for months, But sooner or later.
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: If you do not surrender, if you do not give up,
• 7:13
  if you do not give.
• 7:14
  Speaker 6: In, it will subsides.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: You've got to say yes. Yes to my dreams, Yes
• 7:21
  to me. I can make it. Yes I can. Doesn't
• 7:26
  matter how many failures I've made. Doesn't matter how many
• 7:29
  mistakes I've endured. Doesn't matter about my defeat, doesn't matter
• 7:34
  about what I've done. I don't care about the fact
• 7:36
  I'm in a hole now, doesn't matter about where I am. Yes, Yes,
• 7:43
  the last chapter to my life has not been written yet.
• 7:46
  If you judge me now, you'll judge me prematurely. I
• 7:50
  haven't exposed all my stuff yet. I'm still in the
• 7:53
  process of transforming my life. I'm still in the process
• 7:56
  of becoming.
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: Yes, you are you are unique, you are special, you
• 8:03
  are talented, and you deserve to have everything you want.
• 8:07
  And stop listening to the people who.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Tell you don't kill the noise. Why do they know?
• 8:13
  Who are they?
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: And when that thing tells you to quit, you look
• 8:17
  at it in his eye and say, I ain't going nowhere.
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: I will break you before you break me. You will
• 8:22
  not defeat me. You will not destroy me. You've been
• 8:26
  through so much hell you gonna quit now? You don't
• 8:29
  quit now. It's the tenth rour. You got two more
• 8:32
  to go. And when you get to success, it's not
• 8:34
  about skill. When you get to a certain level of success,
• 8:37
  it's about standing up. It's about you won't ripe lee.
• 8:40
  You can't take me. I'm far too long, I'm far
• 8:43
  too hard. It's too late now. You should have broken
• 8:46
  me a long time ago.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I'm nothing breakable now.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: As a person that deals with it. Hey, Hey, hey, y'all,
• 9:15
  welcome back. Welcome back to Black Girl Interrupted Podcasts again.
• 9:18
  It's your girl, Ashley. If you're new to the podcast,
• 9:21
  don't forget to like, share, subscribe, comment, tell a friend,
• 9:25
  bring a friend. Black Girl Interrupted is coming back. I
• 9:29
  promise we all, I'm coming back if it's imperative that
• 9:32
  I come back, because I see that I'm needed. You know,
• 9:35
  I see that my message is needed. I see what
• 9:38
  what I talk about is needed, is warranted. It's necessary,
• 9:41
  you understand, for us to have these conversations. So tonight, tonight, tonight,
• 9:45
  like I say, y'all, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
• 9:48
  to black Girl interrupted the podcast, and we are doing
• 9:51
  our mental mondays. So I want everyone to know, how
• 9:54
  are you feeling. Drop it in the comments, let me
• 9:57
  know how you're doing to day. I know there were
• 10:01
  some things that I posted a few things that I
• 10:04
  posted not too long ago, one in particular being I
• 10:10
  had my mammogram done on June the nineteenth. On juneteenth, y'all, hey,
• 10:17
  and results came back the very next day. And typically,
• 10:22
  you know, when you go do a mammogram and your
• 10:24
  results come back very quickly, something's wrong. So I opened
• 10:31
  the results, y'all, and it said I do have a
• 10:34
  mass in the right breast and potentially one in the left.
• 10:40
  When I read the results, y'all, my heart dropped. I
• 10:43
  was like, oh my god, what And then I'm thinking,
• 10:46
  you know, my mother was fifty three when she was
• 10:48
  diagnosed with breast cancer and I'm forty seven, So I
• 10:54
  you know, I had to let everything process for a
• 10:56
  moment because here I am, I'm trying to come out
• 10:58
  of a dark space that I had just been in
• 11:02
  a few weeks prior. So HM. So I read the
• 11:08
  results and I let the results, I let them sit.
• 11:11
  Hey baby, what's going on? Bookie? Love you? Good to
• 11:14
  see you. And so I immediately called my husband. As
• 11:18
  soon as everything processed, I immediately called my husband and
• 11:21
  I said, man, babe, what am I gonna do? What
• 11:28
  am I gonna do? And I told him, I said,
• 11:31
  you know what, We're gonna pray. Everything is good. God
• 11:35
  got me. We're not claiming cancer. We're not claiming because
• 11:40
  I can't live here, you understand, because I got too
• 11:42
  much more living to do. So I gave it to God.
• 11:48
  But can I be honest with y'all for just the moment.
• 11:50
  I just want to be honest. I just want you
• 11:53
  all to know. I'm scared, y'all. I'm afraid glowing girl
• 12:00
  because I'm not working, because I'm out on my short
• 12:03
  term disability. That's why I'm glowing right now. Double tap
• 12:07
  the screen, Invite your friends, tell your people.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Come on.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: We're doing our mental health check in the night. We're
• 12:12
  doing our mental health check in the night. But I'm
• 12:15
  gonna be honest with y'all. I'm scared man. But then
• 12:20
  I heard God coming and he tapped me on the shoulder.
• 12:22
  He said, then I tell you, I got you. So
• 12:26
  when I claiming that, when I claim and cancer, when
• 12:29
  I claiming that at all? When I claiming cancer, because
• 12:33
  it don't live here, it can't live here, It'll never
• 12:35
  live here, you understand. But I'm gonna be honest with y'all.
• 12:39
  When I got those results, my concern was my mental
• 12:45
  That was my concern was my mental was here we
• 12:51
  go again. I'm not gonna even lie to y'all. I
• 12:54
  promise y'all. I was. I was afraid because I had
• 12:58
  just come from being in the hospital just two weeks prior,
• 13:04
  tell me, going in and doing my mammogram. But once
• 13:10
  I sat down and I had my conversation with God, gosses,
• 13:12
  I got you. Don't you even worry about it. You're good.
• 13:15
  You're good. So I'm gonna be here. My diagnostic ultratound
• 13:21
  is on July the eighth, so next week, next Tuesday,
• 13:25
  as a matter of fact, and I will let y'all know.
• 13:27
  I will keep y'all updated. But again, I was more
• 13:32
  concerned about my mental than I was about my physical health.
• 13:35
  Because when you are a person that deals with depression,
• 13:38
  a person that deals with anxiety. Man, that's rough, and
• 13:44
  all you could think about is the triggers. Is this
• 13:48
  gonna set me back? But because I've been praying and
• 13:51
  I've been fasting, and I've been doing my prayers, I stop.
• 13:55
  Every day. I do my thirty minute praise and worship.
• 13:58
  In the morning, I do my thirty month Sometimes, let
• 14:01
  me tell y'all, when I'm doing my praise and worship,
• 14:03
  sometimes it's more than thirty minutes. I don't know. I
• 14:06
  just I put on a song and baby for you
• 14:08
  know what I'm I before I look up and it's
• 14:12
  ten o'clock and I'm like, dang man, this is what
• 14:15
  I'm doing. This is what I'm doing now. But since
• 14:19
  I've started getting closer to God, my mental has gotten better.
• 14:24
  Hey bo, it's good to see you baby with your
• 14:27
  pret itself. But let me tell y'all, ever since I
• 14:32
  started on my walk with God, my journey, I wake
• 14:37
  up lighter. I don't wake up so heavy every day.
• 14:43
  And that's you know. I do these mental health check
• 14:46
  ins because I want people to know and understand it's
• 14:50
  okay to not be okay. It's okay to have a breakdown.
• 14:57
  It's okay for you to feel what you need to
• 15:00
  feel in that moment. It's okay, you understand. It's okay
• 15:06
  you need to feel those emotions because you need to
• 15:09
  know what they feel like. You need to experience those
• 15:13
  And that's one of the most beautiful things my therapist
• 15:16
  taught me. She said, you feel what you need to
• 15:19
  feel in the moment. You don't wait until tomorrow. You
• 15:22
  don't wait until next week because happened the other day,
• 15:26
  that happened last week. Why are you still upset and
• 15:29
  dreading on Monday and today's Thursday? You understand. So I
• 15:34
  had to learn that I had to reprogram myself in
• 15:39
  my way of thinking because I used let me tell, y'all,
• 15:42
  I used to lay in it when things started to
• 15:45
  bother me, y'all. I would lay in it and I
• 15:48
  would let it fester, and I would let it fester,
• 15:52
  and I would fester, and it would just build and
• 15:54
  build and build and build, until finally something sets me
• 16:01
  off and I just explode all because I didn't feel
• 16:05
  what I needed to feel in the moment. So if
• 16:07
  you sad, baby, feel sad, If you angry, be angry,
• 16:12
  You're human, we have emotions. We're supposed to feel this
• 16:17
  and that ties back into your mental you know. I
• 16:23
  think this is the most transparent I've been in a
• 16:27
  long time. And I told y'all a lot of stuff. Baby,
• 16:34
  I didn't told y'all a lot of stuff. But I
• 16:37
  don't think i've ever dug deep to tell y'all the
• 16:42
  things that I've done to myself. You understand, just trying
• 16:47
  to cancel myself because I let the depression take control.
• 16:54
  I let the anxiety have a hold on me. I
• 16:59
  let I allowed the depression to come in and rob me.
• 17:03
  You understand. I let the anxiety come in and steal
• 17:06
  from me. I allowed it because I didn't let myself
• 17:10
  feel what I needed to feel in that moment. I waited,
• 17:17
  and me waiting and holding onto those feelings and those
• 17:19
  emotions got me arrested. It destroyed the relationship with my children.
• 17:25
  It destroyed the relationship with my mother. It destroyed the relation.
• 17:28
  Let me just say this, it destroyed the relationship with
• 17:30
  my family. I didn't know how to be a good friend.
• 17:34
  I didn't know how to be a good girl, none
• 17:35
  of that. But I'm a wife now. But I didn't
• 17:38
  know any of that because I was allowing my emotions
• 17:42
  to control everything, and it was affected my mental you know.
• 17:48
  Like I said, when my father passed away, that's what
• 17:52
  set me over was the fact that I couldn't feel
• 17:59
  the way I needed to feel in the moment. I
• 18:02
  couldn't be sad when my father passed away, because you
• 18:05
  know why, I had to get up. I had to
• 18:06
  go play in a funeral. I had to go to Alabama.
• 18:09
  I had to do this. I had to do that.
• 18:11
  So I didn't get to feel. So that stuff fester.
• 18:15
  It's sat in me, and it tore my mental down, y'all.
• 18:19
  That my father, he's been gone four years, and in
• 18:22
  those four years, I can count on one hand the
• 18:25
  number of times that I tried to cancel my contract.
• 18:32
  I can tell y'all because I just allowed it depression
• 18:36
  to sit. I allowed the anxiety to sit, and I
• 18:41
  didn't get a chance to feel what I needed to feel.
• 18:44
  I needed to grieve. I needed to be sad or
• 18:47
  upset or angry at whatever I needed to be in
• 18:49
  the moment. But I didn't, So it caused a lot
• 18:55
  of things to explode. So that's why I advocate so
• 19:00
  hard when it comes to mental health, because there are
• 19:05
  so many people that suffer in silence. There are so
• 19:08
  many people that can't talk to anybody because you want
• 19:10
  to know why people can't wait to go and tell
• 19:13
  your business. You can't tell nobody what you got going
• 19:19
  on because guess what what you got going on is
• 19:21
  gonna be the topic of someone else's conversation. But I
• 19:25
  do this and I share, and I'm transparent because you
• 19:29
  know what. You cannot weaponize it against me later on
• 19:32
  down the road, because now you know everything about me. Yes,
• 19:38
  seven attempts to cancel my contract. Seven, the seventh one
• 19:44
  being almost a month ago, less than thirty days ago.
• 19:51
  I tried. I tried because I felt at that moment
• 19:56
  that was the only way out. That was the only
• 19:59
  way for me to not have to deal with any
• 20:02
  more drama, the more issues, was to go. That's what
• 20:07
  I felt, that was the only way. But I thank
• 20:12
  God every day that I'm still here. I thank God
• 20:14
  every day that he has kept me. I thank God
• 20:17
  for not taking his hands off of me. I think
• 20:20
  for the God for pulling me back closer to him,
• 20:22
  for saying all the times that you thought you were
• 20:25
  by yourself, I've been with you the entire way, man,
• 20:31
  and that's a beautiful thing. So I encourage everybody, whatever
• 20:36
  it is that you're going through, don't sit by yourself.
• 20:38
  Please don't stay by yourself. Please don't sit by yourself.
• 20:41
  Please reach out to somebody. Call nine eight eight, that's
• 20:46
  the hotline. Get out of the house, go take a shower,
• 20:53
  and sit and let all that go down the drain.
• 20:57
  Let that happen, because I want you all to know
• 21:01
  that I see you. I love you. You are needed,
• 21:09
  you are wanted. Your purpose is not done, and I
• 21:14
  want the people to know that that we need you
• 21:18
  on this side. Hey, so sah, kiss my baby girl.
• 21:22
  He's so beautiful. But I want you all to know
• 21:25
  that that I see you. I know you're struggling, and
• 21:28
  I know you're hurting, but you're not by yourself. You're
• 21:32
  not by yourself. You're not alone at all. Let me
• 21:36
  be your SUPPORTSS. Whatever we need to do. Do we
• 21:39
  need to cry? Do you need to just sit on
• 21:40
  the phone with you. I would rather let me say this,
• 21:43
  I would rather sit on the phone and listen to
• 21:47
  you cry all night long then to get a message
• 21:51
  that you're not here. I will make time for you
• 21:59
  because people made time for me. Y'all know, y'all know,
• 22:04
  the biggest cry baby ever. But I'm not crying because
• 22:06
  I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm excited. I'm overwhelmed because
• 22:11
  I'm passing the torch. I'm opening the doors of letting
• 22:14
  people know I'm here. I'll make time for you again.
• 22:19
  I would rather you call me and cry and yell,
• 22:23
  scream whatever it is you gotta do, then for me
• 22:26
  to get a phone calling Hey, they not here, you understand.
• 22:31
  I would rather for that. I would rather for you
• 22:33
  to do that. Don't leave me. We need you. You're needed.
• 22:38
  Your family needs you, Your children need you, your husband,
• 22:42
  your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, whoever. We need you.
• 22:46
  We see you. You're special. You're one of God's greatest creations,
• 22:51
  you understand. And I wish that people could recognize the
• 22:54
  beauty in themselves. See I didn't see that. I didn't
• 23:00
  see that, you know, I didn't see the beauty in myself.
• 23:05
  You understand. I didn't see that for myself because I
• 23:09
  was always fighting to be accepted. You know, to oh,
• 23:14
  y'all my glasses fogging up. But I was always fighting
• 23:18
  to be accepted. I was always wanting to be loved.
• 23:20
  I was always wanting to be acknowledged. But was I
• 23:25
  even doing that for myself. I wasn't even doing that
• 23:30
  for me. I want a validation from my mother. I
• 23:35
  want a validation from my family. I wanted them to see,
• 23:38
  Oh my god, she's doing beautiful things. But I wasn't
• 23:41
  even telling myself that I was pouring into other people.
• 23:48
  But I forgot about me. I kept letting my cup
• 23:52
  run empty because I was so busy pouring into other people. Hatus.
• 23:57
  That's my baby right there, my girls, she up. But
• 24:01
  that's what I was doing. I was pouring from an
• 24:04
  empty cup. And here I am. I'm on e, I'm stressed,
• 24:08
  I'm struggling. But now, baby, it's necessary put them boundaries
• 24:14
  in place. Start telling people no, because we have to
• 24:19
  start protecting our peace, because we only get one life,
• 24:22
  and when that life is over, there's no redos, there's
• 24:25
  no douel overs. It's not a VHS tape, it's not
• 24:28
  a DVD. We can't rewind and go back to certain
• 24:31
  scenes and issues in our life. We don't get that. No,
• 24:38
  protect your peace, even if that includes cutting off family,
• 24:44
  because your mental is everything. Your mental is important. Your
• 24:48
  mental is imperative. Who cares what people have to say.
• 24:54
  You take care of you. You understand. You take care
• 24:57
  of you. You do what you have to do for yourself.
• 25:01
  You understand. Stop worrying about what people have to say.
• 25:05
  Stop doing all of that, because that's the problem. You know,
• 25:09
  we're so focused on trying to fit in into spaces
• 25:14
  that we haven't even been invited to. Stop going where
• 25:23
  you're not celebrated and appreciated. Stop going into them spaces
• 25:28
  just to say or I'm there or I'm here, I'm around. No,
• 25:34
  stop and take time for you, even if that means
• 25:39
  self isolating, to protect your peace and to protect your
• 25:43
  mental to keep your mental in check, by all means
• 25:48
  my love. You do that, but I do say, just
• 25:51
  don't stay in it. Just don't stay in it. Everybody
• 25:55
  that's tuned in, y'all, double tap the screen, double tack
• 25:58
  of screen. Let's get these lives. Don't I forget to
• 26:00
  share the live baby, tell her we're doing our mental
• 26:02
  health check in the night. Everybody that's watching, dropping the comments.
• 26:05
  Let me know how you're feeling, what's going on, what's
• 26:08
  been going on to day? Happy Monday, everybody, hmm. I'm
• 26:13
  so blessed that I woke up today. I'm blessed that
• 26:16
  I have a roof over my head. I'm blessed I
• 26:18
  have clothes on my back, food on my table. I'm
• 26:21
  in pretty good health. I thank God for that. I
• 26:26
  thank God for my circle. I thank God for giving
• 26:30
  me a cocoon of people that love on me. I
• 26:36
  love that. Thank you, Father God for everything that you
• 26:39
  continue to do for me. Thank you, Father God for
• 26:42
  opening my eyes and clearing my path and allowing me
• 26:44
  to see my purpose. Because see, we can't see behind
• 26:50
  the dark lens. You understand, we can't see you sitting
• 26:54
  in the dark. Although the dark may seem like a
• 26:57
  safe space. Mm hmm. Only reason I believe, and this
• 27:04
  is just my opinion. I think why we go into
• 27:08
  the dark is because it's safe. It's because we don't
• 27:14
  want people to see us. We feel as we're protected
• 27:22
  in the dark. No, we can't see you in a dark, Baby,
• 27:26
  we can't love on you in the dark. We can't
• 27:29
  do that. Come on into the light with us. Come on.
• 27:33
  I know it's scary, I know it doesn't feel normal,
• 27:39
  but it's gonna be alright. Look at me. One day,
• 27:47
  maybe a year from now, maybe six months from now,
• 27:48
  I'm gonna look back at this and say, mad, look
• 27:51
  out far God brought me. Look how far he brought me.
• 27:56
  God told me, he said, Actually, your purpose is not
• 28:00
  done on this side. Gossins, I need you to pour
• 28:05
  into others. I need you to share your story. I
• 28:07
  need you to let others know about your mental Tell
• 28:14
  them your story, tell them what it's like, tell them
• 28:21
  about your experiences. Because there's somebody right now who's struggling.
• 28:28
  There's somebody right now who might be a drink away
• 28:33
  I don't know, but there's somebody right now that's sitting
• 28:37
  in the dog who's scared to tell how they're feeling. Yeah,
• 28:45
  it's somebody right now. Let me just pour into you.
• 28:52
  To the man or the woman that's struggling. I see you.
• 28:58
  Come on over here with me, Come sit down, Let
• 29:02
  me hold your hand. Even if we just sit in silence,
• 29:06
  take that load off, set it down. You don't have
• 29:10
  to carry it all the time. If your load gets
• 29:13
  too heavy, put it down. We're so busy out here
• 29:17
  trying to be Superman and Superwoman. Were trying to hold
• 29:20
  everything together, for the wife, for the kids, for the husband, girlfriend,
• 29:24
  boyfriend for the family were fighting. But on the inside,
• 29:28
  we're drowning. That's what's happening. We're on the inside and
• 29:33
  we're drowning. And again we can't tell anybody. People don't
• 29:39
  have time anymore. Do you understand It only takes thirty
• 29:45
  seconds to send a text to somebody. Fifteen seconds that text,
• 29:50
  that hug, that smile could change a person's whole day,
• 29:53
  That could change a person's whole mood. That person that
• 29:57
  you said I love you too, that person that you
• 29:58
  gave a hug to, that person that you text could
• 30:02
  have been on the edge. They could have been on
• 30:06
  the edge. Mental health. I don't think mental health should
• 30:12
  just be two months out of the year. I think
• 30:15
  mental health should be a conversation every day because people
• 30:19
  are struggling every day, not just in May, not just
• 30:21
  in June, but every day. You got mothers that don't
• 30:29
  know how they're gonna keep it afloat, struggling. You got fathers,
• 30:35
  men that just got some devastating news and they're struggling.
• 30:41
  You got a man that's dealing with some unresolved trauma,
• 30:45
  but he can't tell nobody because you know why, because
• 30:48
  they're gonna tell him he's sassy because they tell men
• 30:52
  all the time, Oh, you're supposed to be strong, you're
• 30:54
  a man. No, he's not. Stop telling men not to
• 30:58
  show and display their emotions. Stop it now. I'm tend
• 31:01
  to get on my soapbox because I hear far too
• 31:07
  many times with my fellas when they say, man, I
• 31:13
  can't talk to nobody. Man. I try to tell my
• 31:15
  girlfriend man, she turned around and through that in my face.
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: M Man.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: I tried to tell her, but she told me I was,
• 31:30
  I was, I was sassy. Some of you women, I'm
• 31:34
  gonna be honest with you. Some of y'all make me sick.
• 31:37
  I'm just gonna be honest with y'all. Some of y'all
• 31:39
  make me sick, because how dare you tell a man
• 31:45
  that he doesn't have a right to feel the way
• 31:47
  that he does. And then you wonder why these men
• 31:53
  self isolate. And then you wonder why these men don't
• 31:59
  talk and tell you or express their emotions of their
• 32:03
  feelings because the last person that they try to do
• 32:05
  that too, berated them. I'm gonna be the first to
• 32:11
  say it, women, stop berating men. Let me tell you something.
• 32:16
  If a man comes to you, and a man is
• 32:17
  telling you that he is struggling and he needs an outlet,
• 32:20
  a safe space. Close your mouth and be the and
• 32:24
  let it be. Become that safe space for him. Let
• 32:27
  him fit, let him get everything that's on his chest
• 32:30
  and his heart on his mind, let him get it out.
• 32:34
  Men carry a lot. I'm not saying women don't carry
• 32:37
  a lot, but men carry a lot, and we don't
• 32:40
  make it easy for them, we as women, And I'm
• 32:44
  only speaking for me. Before you bitter betties jump over
• 32:48
  here talking about a oh love, let me tell you something.
• 32:51
  Women were the nurturers. So we're supposed to teach our
• 32:56
  sons that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel sad, baby,
• 33:03
  it's okay. Some of you women don't let your sons
• 33:11
  display their emotions, and those are the ones I'm talking about.
• 33:21
  Let me tell you something. I used to be that
• 33:25
  way with my son until one day I saw my
• 33:29
  son cry and I say, you know what I gotta be.
• 33:37
  I gotta be a safe space for my son because
• 33:42
  if he don't talk to me, he's gonna hold it
• 33:44
  in and it's gonna grow and grow and growing in.
• 33:47
  Before you know it, my son may try to cancel
• 33:49
  his contracts. So that's why I say mental health it's imperative.
• 33:58
  It's imperative that we said in we have these conversations.
• 34:01
  It's imperative that we talk. It's imperative that we create
• 34:05
  safe spaces for men only and women only to be
• 34:13
  able to vent without all the no no in the background.
• 34:20
  But I'm gonna continue to push and advocate for mental
• 34:23
  I'm going to continue to push. I'm gonna keep creating
• 34:27
  safe spaces for people to come in and just talk.
• 34:35
  I'm gonna keep doing that because that is my purpose.
• 34:39
  Let me tell you, we didn't have a lot of
• 34:43
  these spaces. We didn't have a lot of these We
• 34:49
  didn't have anywhere to go. Yeah, you could go talk
• 34:52
  to your school counselor or whatever, but they couldn't help
• 34:55
  you because everything was swept under the It wasn't discussed
• 35:02
  in our households. What you depressed about ain't nothing wrong
• 35:05
  with you, really, m I remember being told that, and
• 35:14
  I knew what it did to my mental So I
• 35:16
  could just imagine what it's doing, what it has done
• 35:18
  or is doing to someone else's mental I could just imagine,
• 35:29
  and to my fellows, let me be the first to
• 35:33
  apologize to you from a mother's perspective. I apologize that we,
• 35:42
  as mothers, didn't allow our sons to feel safe with us.
• 35:48
  I apologize for not giving our sons a safe space
• 35:53
  to come in and talk to us. We did it
• 35:55
  for our daughters, but we didn't do it for our boys.
• 36:01
  So I'm apologized for that. Because I'm a woman of
• 36:04
  out mind. You know, I had to apologize to my
• 36:07
  son for not being a safe space for him. That's
• 36:10
  why my children, it makes it difficult for them to
• 36:14
  talk to me because I keep saying or I'm a
• 36:15
  safe space, I'm a safe space. I'm a safe space.
• 36:17
  But I didn't make them feel safe in the space.
• 36:25
  So I'm apologizing. I'm letting y'all know I see you,
• 36:32
  and I'm gonna keep telling you I see you, and
• 36:34
  I love you on purpose. I love you out loud.
• 36:38
  Your mental means more to me, and I'm gonna say
• 36:40
  it again. I would rather you say I'm hurting. I
• 36:50
  just need to talk, That's what I'm saying. I wanna talk.
• 37:00
  I would rather listen to you talk. I would rather
• 37:02
  listen to you cry than for you to say I'm
• 37:10
  out of here, Letitia, what are you talking about giving
• 37:16
  you good riddance to your pregnancy? Baby? What are you
• 37:18
  talking about? Baby? What are you talking about? My love? No, man,
• 37:29
  we don't do that. Let me explain something to you,
• 37:32
  my love. We don't let me tell you over in
• 37:34
  this space. It's positivity, baby. So whatever you're talking about,
• 37:36
  giving you good riddance to your pregnancy. Baby, I'm not pregnant.
• 37:41
  I may be fat, but I ain't pregnant. So please
• 37:44
  keep your negative comments over there. Okay, keep that over there.
• 37:51
  It's always one demon in the comments. Anyway, back to
• 37:55
  what we were talking about. But I had to apologize
• 38:04
  because again, I would rather listen to you cry on
• 38:07
  the phone. I would rather listen to you scream, yell,
• 38:11
  whatever it is you gotta do, than to get a
• 38:14
  phone call and say, hey, so and so is no
• 38:17
  longer here anymore. Again, y'all, it only takes a minute
• 38:25
  of your time. Shoot somebody a text, let them know
• 38:29
  you're thinking about him, let them know you love them.
• 38:31
  That's my brother. Hey, let's get a ga. What's good baby.
• 38:36
  It's almost time for football season, sugar, almost that time.
• 38:41
  But that's what I want. I would rather sit and
• 38:45
  listen to you. I would rather for you to reach
• 38:46
  out and talk to me. I'll make time, I'll clear this,
• 38:52
  I'll clear the space. If you say, Ashley, baby, I
• 38:55
  need five minutes. Okay, what you need me to do,
• 38:59
  I'll just be quiet and just listen. If that's all
• 39:02
  you need me to do, I'll be quiet and I'll listen,
• 39:06
  Because again, I would rather for you to be over
• 39:09
  here than for me to get a phone call and
• 39:12
  say so and so is gone, because then I'm gonna
• 39:17
  be feeling what could I have done better? And the
• 39:21
  beautiful thing about me coming and being in a better
• 39:27
  space mentally, And I could honestly say that, y'all, I
• 39:33
  am in a better space mentally. Honestly, No, Lie, I
• 39:39
  believe this is the best that I've felt in a
• 39:42
  long long time. You know. That's what I'm feeling. Every day.
• 39:54
  I wake up a little lighter, you know. Like I said,
• 39:58
  I come in, I come in my my space, I cut,
• 40:02
  I put my God's put music on, I praise, I
• 40:06
  worship anything that helps keep me clear, because what I
• 40:13
  don't want to do is go back into that dark space,
• 40:20
  because once you get in that dark space, I'm just
• 40:24
  gonna go on and keep it a buck with yall.
• 40:26
  It's hard to come out of it. It's a struggle,
• 40:31
  and then it's exhausting because I'm gonna tell you when
• 40:34
  I was going through it all I want I just
• 40:36
  want to sleep. I didn't want to do anything else.
• 40:39
  I just want to sleep. I just want to be
• 40:40
  in the bed. I didn't want to talk on the phone.
• 40:43
  I don't want to be bothering. I would have to
• 40:45
  force myself to get out of the bed to go
• 40:46
  take a shower. It's a lot of things that I
• 40:51
  used that I had to do, and it's dreaming to
• 40:55
  your energy. But yeah, these mental mondays, they're gonna continue
• 41:05
  because again, mental health conversations shouldn't just stop at the
• 41:08
  end of June. They shouldn't just stop at the end
• 41:10
  of May. This is every day, every day, and I
• 41:17
  just want to love on somebody. That's all I want
• 41:19
  to do. I just want to pour into somebody. I
• 41:22
  just want to encourage somebody. I just want to empower
• 41:24
  with somebody. I just want to uplift somebody because I've
• 41:27
  been where you are. I'm still walking my journey. I'm
• 41:33
  not completely out of the woods with my depression. I'm
• 41:37
  not completely out of the woods with my anxiety. I'm not.
• 41:42
  I'm a medication for it. I want to one day
• 41:46
  be able to maintain it on my own without the
• 41:48
  use of medication. I want to be able to do that,
• 41:53
  and this is the way for me to do it
• 41:54
  is to talk to you guys. It's to be transparent
• 41:57
  with you guys, to be open, because again, people are
• 42:00
  sitting and they're suffering by themselves because they're embarrassed to
• 42:04
  tell somebody. Then I'm struggling because okay, that's what we
• 42:21
  gonna do there we go anyway. So I had to
• 42:32
  block somebody because, like I told y'all, negativity, we don't
• 42:35
  do that over here. I'm black girl. Let her other
• 42:37
  baby take that over there to somebody else's platform where
• 42:40
  they love the ghetto and the ranchet. Over here, we've
• 42:41
  grown over here, we adults. We're not children anyway. But
• 42:46
  back to what I was saying, But I do I
• 42:50
  want to one day be able to be in a
• 42:52
  space where I don't have to deal with the medications anymore.
• 42:58
  I want to be able to if I'm feeling down
• 43:02
  or I'm feeling low, that I know how to bounce
• 43:04
  back from it instead of letting it control me. And
• 43:08
  that's you know, and that's what I say to my
• 43:12
  loved ones. I'm here if you need me. If you
• 43:17
  need me, I'm here. If you need the talk, I'm here.
• 43:24
  If you need me to send you some affirmations, if
• 43:26
  you need me to send you some prayers, I'm here.
• 43:31
  You're not by yourself, my brother, say I always remember, says,
• 43:37
  rise up, seriously, love your sister, continue to stay on
• 43:39
  your purpose. You're doing God's work. I really appreciate your message.
• 43:43
  And as a man, thank you for advocating for us.
• 43:46
  Let me tell you why I have again. Because you men,
• 43:51
  you struggle by yourselves. People don't take y'all seriously. People
• 43:57
  look at me in and say, what you the prayer? No? No, no, no, no,
• 44:04
  that's not the way you respond. You become a safe space.
• 44:09
  You become a cocoon of love for that man you
• 44:14
  let him talk to you. And ladies, and because we're good
• 44:17
  for this, don't use it to weaponize it against some later.
• 44:22
  Because that man must really love you and feel safe
• 44:24
  with you to come and be vulnerable with you. And
• 44:29
  that's what you want, is the vulnerability, right, We want
• 44:32
  the vulnerability. We want to be able to say, you
• 44:35
  know what, this is, what's bothering me? Man, I'm feeling
• 44:37
  a little down to day. We need to open up
• 44:41
  that door for men and say, come on, what's wrong.
• 44:44
  What can we do to help you get over the hump?
• 44:46
  What can we help you to do to get out
• 44:48
  of those blues? That's what we need to be doing.
• 44:54
  Those are the safe spaces that I'm talking about. I
• 44:57
  see all these platforms where everybody gets on here and
• 45:00
  y'all are talking about men ain't this? And women ain't that?
• 45:04
  And you know you're always having these gender wars, and
• 45:07
  but you're not having substantial conversations y'all. Aren't y'all like oh,
• 45:14
  let me, let me oh? Because it just upsets me
• 45:18
  that we're not having real, normal, grown up conversations. Why
• 45:20
  are we not doing these mental health check ins? Why
• 45:23
  are we not advocating for mental health? Why are we
• 45:27
  correlating our lives what happens in movies? No, why are
• 45:37
  we doing that? I just want everyone to know that
• 45:44
  you're gonna be all right. I want everyone to know
• 45:47
  that I'm fighting for you. I'm in the battle with
• 45:53
  you because we're gonna overcome this. We're gonna beat the depression.
• 45:57
  We're gonna get over the anxiety. You understand, We're gonna
• 46:00
  get over that, the biple of disorder. We're gonna get
• 46:04
  over that, even if that includes medication. But we're gonna
• 46:09
  get over that. We're gonna get over those humps. We're
• 46:14
  gonna get over those hills in those valleys, and we're
• 46:19
  gonna come out victorious on the other side. Man. Let me,
• 46:24
  let me tell y'all, just being able to speak mentally
• 46:29
  in a in a healthy space, it's a beautiful feeling, y'all.
• 46:35
  I tell you all the time. Mental health is everything.
• 46:42
  Don't never feel like you dealing with this by yourself.
• 46:47
  Don't never feel like you can't reach out to somebody,
• 46:52
  Never feel like you alone. Don't ever feel that way.
• 46:58
  Your mental health is everything. It means more to me.
• 47:03
  And I can't speak for everybody else, but I can
• 47:05
  only speak for me. But you matter to me. You're
• 47:09
  important to me. Your mental matters to me, Your mental
• 47:12
  is important to me. Your piece is everything. And I'm
• 47:17
  talking to my fellows. I'm not talking to you, ladies.
• 47:20
  I'm talking to my fellows right now because I want
• 47:22
  my fellows to know, you're not by yourself and you
• 47:28
  don't have to suffer. You don't have to sit by yourself.
• 47:33
  Just because you see a man cry doesn't make them sassy.
• 47:36
  He's feeling what he needs to feel, and it's okay
• 47:39
  to cry. I want my fellows said, No, it's okay
• 47:43
  to be sad, it's okay to cry. It doesn't make
• 47:45
  you any less of a man. It just shows that
• 47:47
  you're human. That's what that that's what That shows you.
• 47:51
  That your feelings are valid. Men, Your feelings are valid.
• 47:56
  Do not let anybody invalidate your feelings, fellas. Your feelings matter.
• 48:01
  Your mental health matters. What you feel how that matters.
• 48:06
  But again, to my fellas, I see you, I'm proud
• 48:13
  of you. If no one has told let me tell
• 48:16
  you something. If you have male figures around you, Brothers,
• 48:20
  I don't know, cousin, uncle, dad, whatever, best friend, go
• 48:25
  tell him that he's appreciated. So I'm telling all the
• 48:29
  men out here tonight, I appreciate you. Thank you fellas
• 48:33
  for being vulnerable with us, the ones that really do care.
• 48:38
  Thank you fellas for doing everything that you guys do.
• 48:46
  I'm sorry that we didn't protect you, and I promise
• 48:51
  we're gonna do better. And I'm only speaking for me
• 48:54
  because I know I'm gonna do better and being saved
• 48:57
  spaces for the fellas that are in my life, my
• 48:59
  husband and my brothers, my cousins, nephews, friends. I'm gonna
• 49:05
  do better and be in an open space for them.
• 49:09
  And that's why we do these mental health check ins
• 49:11
  every Monday, is because this is a place for all
• 49:15
  of us to come in and just talk. Man, Just
• 49:17
  get it off your chest. Whatever happened today, baby, let's
• 49:20
  talk about it today because guess what, it's gonna be
• 49:22
  gone tomorrow. Don't fester in it, don't sit in it,
• 49:27
  feel it, talk about it. If you can't talk, write
• 49:31
  it down. Once you write it down, crumple the paper
• 49:34
  up and throw it in the trash. But I want
• 49:37
  you men to know you have purpose, that we want
• 49:41
  you over here. You're needed, it's imperative, the most important.
• 49:47
  You're loved, and we're gonna protect y'all. I'm here. I'm
• 49:53
  telling you that's what we do over here on Black
• 49:54
  Girl Interrupted. Shout out to everybody that's new to a
• 49:57
  Black Girl Interrupted podcast. It's your favorite girl. My name
• 50:01
  is Ashley, And like I said, you could double tap
• 50:04
  the screen. You could like comments, share, subscribe. I am
• 50:06
  on all streaming platforms, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, I'm everywhere, Apple, Spotify, Baby,
• 50:13
  I am everywhere. But every Monday, it's what we're doing.
• 50:17
  Every Monday, We're gonna tap in for a hour a hour,
• 50:23
  dropping the comments. Everybody that's watching, don't forget to double
• 50:26
  tap the screen dropping the comments. I want to know,
• 50:29
  how are you feeling today? Today is Monday, June the thirtieth.
• 50:33
  Tomorrow we embark on a brand new month. What are
• 50:38
  your goals for July? What are your goals for your life?
• 50:41
  What are we doing for July? What are our goals?
• 50:45
  What are our aspirations? What are some things that we
• 50:48
  haven't been able to do that we're doing now? I
• 50:53
  want to hear about it. Hey, bo hesus, but I
• 50:58
  want you to know I'm proud of you. Whatever it is,
• 51:00
  whatever the big step it is you're taking, whatever little step,
• 51:03
  small step, let's celebrate it. I want to celebrate with
• 51:06
  you because I want you to know you have a
• 51:10
  coon of people around you that love you. I can
• 51:13
  only speak for me, I can't speak for everybody. Else.
• 51:15
  But I love y'all. I love y'all. I love y'all,
• 51:22
  and I'm rooting for you. I'm cheering for you. I
• 51:27
  want you to win. We got this. We got six
• 51:31
  more months left in twenty twenty five. What are we
• 51:34
  doing big for twenty twenty six. Yes, we have to
• 51:39
  start thinking ahead. But I want you to first take
• 51:43
  care of your mental That's what I want you to do.
• 51:47
  I want you to take care of your mental. I
• 51:50
  want you to take the time out, take a step back.
• 51:53
  You understand, that's what I want you to do. I
• 51:56
  want you to take a step back, and I want
• 51:57
  you to refocus. I want you to relax, relate, release,
• 52:00
  and reset because we need you. Y'all about to make
• 52:05
  me start crying again, y'all not finna give me to night,
• 52:07
  But I need y'all. It's imperative, baby. I need you.
• 52:12
  I need y'all. You're needed. Do you understand you are needed?
• 52:17
  Do not let anyone tell you that you are not needed.
• 52:20
  Do not let anyone tell you are not want it.
• 52:22
  Do not let anyone tell you are not important, because
• 52:25
  let me tell you. Let me take these Gussie baby,
• 52:29
  y'all about to add me in tears. But y'all are wanted,
• 52:32
  y'all are needed, and I see you. I know you're hurting,
• 52:36
  I know you are well. Let's do it together. Let's
• 52:39
  walk it together, Let's unpack it together. You understand. Let's
• 52:43
  do that. And the only way we can do this
• 52:45
  is if I keep sharing my story, if I keep
• 52:47
  telling you all the things that I've gone through mentally.
• 52:50
  And I've gone through a lot again. Seven times, I've
• 52:55
  attempted to cancel my contracts. Seven but by God, I'm
• 53:00
  still here because God told me you have a purpose.
• 53:06
  So I share that with everybody that's watching. You have
• 53:08
  a purpose here. You're wanted, here, You're needed here. I
• 53:11
  see you again, and I'm gonna keep repeating this over
• 53:14
  and over and over again. I'd rather sit on the
• 53:16
  phone and listen to you cry than to get a
• 53:18
  phone call for somebody tell me that you're gone. We
• 53:22
  have to start making spaces for people, you understand, because
• 53:25
  people are struggling in silence. People aren't talking because they
• 53:29
  don't feel safe to talk to people. Because you know why,
• 53:31
  people judge. They love the point fingers. They love to
• 53:34
  do this, they love to do that. They love to
• 53:36
  run and go and tell all your business. But I'm
• 53:38
  gonna tell y'all right now. You can't weaponize it against
• 53:40
  me any more because I've told you everything about me.
• 53:44
  You understand. You cannot take away my purpose. You can't
• 53:53
  take away what God is given to me. Because guess what,
• 53:57
  though see said, God gave to me, I'm passing them.
• 53:59
  I'm paying it forward. I'm giving it to somebody that
• 54:02
  I know deserves it and needs it. Depression can't live
• 54:07
  here with us no more. Anxiety can't live here with
• 54:10
  us no more. We gotta stop letting them rob us.
• 54:13
  We keep letting them come in and take everything from us.
• 54:16
  We have to stop letting them rob us. Depression can't
• 54:19
  exist where happiness is. Anxiety can't live or peace resides.
• 54:23
  You understand, and I want you to understand that. I
• 54:26
  don't want you to know. I don't care how many
• 54:28
  times you fail down. I'm more concerned about the number
• 54:31
  of times you got up, because it's rough. That's what
• 54:35
  I'm concerned with. I don't care if you fail down
• 54:38
  a million times, how many times did you get up?
• 54:42
  How many times did you get up? How many times
• 54:45
  did you make it? How many times did you get over?
• 54:48
  How many times did you say God one time, get me,
• 54:51
  just carry me. Hey, sister, I love you, baby, and
• 54:55
  you look so beautiful on your trip. But I want
• 54:58
  people to know God has kept me. So if God
• 55:02
  can keep me after seven times, God is gonna do
• 55:05
  the same for you. God is gonna do that for you.
• 55:10
  Don't give up, keep fighting, because again, y'all are needed
• 55:14
  over here. Everybody was born with a gift. Everybody was
• 55:18
  born with a gift. Everybody has a gift. Everybody has
• 55:21
  a purpose. My purpose may not look like you as
• 55:24
  your purpose may not look like mine. But we are
• 55:26
  here on purpose. And I'm gonna tell you I love
• 55:29
  you on purpose. I love you out loud. I don't
• 55:33
  love you in silence. I love you out loud. I
• 55:36
  love you on purpose. I do this because I want
• 55:41
  y'all to heal. This is why I get up here
• 55:44
  and I do what I do because I know what
• 55:47
  it's like to suffer. I know what it's like the struggle.
• 55:49
  I know what it's like to sit in the dark
• 55:50
  and you ain't got nobody. That's why I do what
• 55:55
  I do and Kate, nobody take that from me. The
• 55:59
  devil can't have me no more. Depression can't have me
• 56:02
  no more. Anxiety can't have me no more. Everything I'm
• 56:07
  let me tell you something. I have freed myself from
• 56:10
  my own prison that I created for myself. I have
• 56:14
  released myself from that because you want to know why,
• 56:19
  we only get one life. We get one life, and
• 56:23
  like I told y'all before, once that life ends, there's
• 56:26
  no do overs. You can't rewind, you can't go back
• 56:29
  to certain parts in your life and try to change things.
• 56:31
  You need to get right on this side because let
• 56:33
  me tell you something, whatever you do to people on
• 56:35
  this side, you gotta pass God on the way out. Okay,
• 56:41
  you gotta pass God on the way out. And let
• 56:42
  me tell you something, one thing about God. He's not
• 56:44
  gonna never let you forget what you did to the
• 56:46
  next person because God will make your pay. God would
• 56:49
  make you suffer. And a lot of people don't understand that.
• 56:53
  So that's what I mean when I say depression can't
• 56:55
  live here with me no more. Anxiety can't live with
• 56:57
  me no more. You understand because it is a so
• 57:00
  many of my relationships with not only my family, but
• 57:03
  the people that love me. And what has depression done
• 57:08
  to me to the point that I ended up in
• 57:11
  the hospital. Yes, yes, seven times, y'all. I tried seven,
• 57:24
  with the most recent being less than thirty days ago.
• 57:28
  And you never would have known because I laugh, I joke,
• 57:30
  I smile, but was drowning on the inside and didn't
• 57:34
  have nobody to turn to. At least I felt that way.
• 57:38
  Let me say that, at least I felt that way.
• 57:42
  But I felt like I didn't have nobody. Nobody would
• 57:45
  understand what I'm going through. Nobody nobody knows. But it's
• 57:52
  always someone that has that worse than you. So we
• 57:59
  have to protect that wild peace. Your mental means everything
• 58:02
  to me. Your mental means everything to me, you know, Sis,
• 58:08
  It was so many days that I wanted to call
• 58:10
  you and just and just vent and just man sins
• 58:15
  this what's going on? But I knew you had things
• 58:18
  in your life, you understand. Yeah, that's why y'all hadn't
• 58:24
  been seeing me. Because it was dark. It was real
• 58:28
  dark for me. I pulled out six bottles, six and
• 58:37
  sat in front of them, and you know what, I said,
• 58:39
  any many miney mode? Which one am I gonna take first?
• 58:46
  I did? I did? I did because I felt like
• 58:52
  that was the only way I felt like that was
• 58:55
  the only way, that that was my only way to
• 58:58
  be able to survive. Was you know what, let me
• 59:02
  let me just go on and exit stage left. That's
• 59:06
  what I thought, That's the way. I felt that was
• 59:10
  the easy way. But then I had to stop and
• 59:12
  I had to think who would I be leaving behind?
• 59:15
  How was that fair to my husband? How was that
• 59:17
  fair to my children? How was that fair to my family?
• 59:20
  How was that fair to my friends? How was that
• 59:22
  fair to me? Yeah? So this is why I advocate
• 59:31
  so hard for mental health. This is why because again, yo,
• 59:38
  this is the third leading cause in our community amongst
• 59:45
  black men at that Yeah, the third leading cause. But
• 59:55
  we don't care. Oh she gonna be all right. And
• 1:00:00
  in the moment you hear that something that's happened to
• 1:00:02
  the person, Oh man, I should have called it takes
• 1:00:06
  ten fifteen, twenty seconds center text. Just let them know. Man,
• 1:00:10
  you know what, I love you. I was thinking about
• 1:00:11
  you to day. Have a great day. You don't understand
• 1:00:15
  how those words, how that text, how that hug could
• 1:00:19
  change someone's whole entire day, Just to know that your
• 1:00:23
  thought about me to day. My mental man, it's a struggle,
• 1:00:33
  but every day I get up and I give God
• 1:00:36
  all the praise and the glory. I tell God every day,
• 1:00:39
  thank you for keeping me. Thank you Father, God for
• 1:00:43
  carrying me on the days that I couldn't get up
• 1:00:45
  and carry myself. And I know it's a lot of
• 1:00:48
  people out there that are struggling every day that get
• 1:00:50
  out of there, that sit on the side of the
• 1:00:52
  bed with their head down trying to figure out how
• 1:00:55
  am I going to make it through the day. I
• 1:00:58
  know it's somebody writing now who's mental, ain't where it's
• 1:01:03
  supposed to be, but they can't tell nobody. You want
• 1:01:06
  to know why, because somebody's gonna get on the phone
• 1:01:08
  and be like, girl, yea, let me tell you what's
• 1:01:10
  so on and so going through. That's the problem. Instead of
• 1:01:15
  being a carrier of confusion, be a carrier of clarity.
• 1:01:24
  Stand up and be with that person, because you never
• 1:01:27
  know when it becomes your turn. You never know when
• 1:01:32
  God is gonna flip it draw to ooh, no, reverse
• 1:01:36
  back to you. Some of y'all don't know that, because
• 1:01:42
  I'm here to tell your baby. God does not forget
• 1:01:44
  a name, an address, a date, nor a time. And
• 1:01:50
  when your time comes, who do you think you gotta
• 1:01:52
  talk to on the way out. He's gonna ask you
• 1:01:55
  about that. When I leave here, I want to leave
• 1:02:00
  in peace. I want to leave with not one stone unturned.
• 1:02:06
  So I say this to anybody that I've hurt and
• 1:02:08
  I've done wrong, that I've misused, or I've mistreated, It's
• 1:02:13
  no excuse, but I apologize. I myself didn't know. I
• 1:02:21
  myself didn't understand what it was like to be a friend,
• 1:02:26
  what it was like to be a mom, you know,
• 1:02:28
  a better mother to my children. I didn't know that
• 1:02:32
  because I'm hurting and I wanted everyone else to hurt
• 1:02:35
  around me. What they say her people heard people. I
• 1:02:40
  was at her person. I was determined everybody's they was
• 1:02:43
  gonna be misserble And people say, well, well how do you?
• 1:02:47
  Because they felt good to my mental because in my
• 1:02:50
  head I felt like, if I make you upset because
• 1:02:56
  I'm upset, now I feel good because now I don't
• 1:03:01
  have to be upset by myself. Now I don't have
• 1:03:03
  to be hurt by myself. That was a sickness that
• 1:03:06
  I had was I wanted the people around me to hurt.
• 1:03:12
  That's what I wanted to happen. But when God stripped me.
• 1:03:21
  And I'm talking about when I sat in front of
• 1:03:23
  those those bottles and I took some. I'm not gonna
• 1:03:29
  lie I took some. Mm hmm, yep. Send a text
• 1:03:36
  to my mind. I did that not even a month ago.
• 1:03:47
  But I can honestly sit and tell y'all today, mentally,
• 1:03:53
  I'm in a beautiful space. Mentally, I can honestly say
• 1:03:58
  that because, like I said, when I wake up, I
• 1:04:01
  wake up a little lighter every day. I give it
• 1:04:04
  to God. I give it to God. Like I told
• 1:04:09
  y'all earlier, cancer can live here with me. Were not
• 1:04:13
  even claiming that. Like I said, I was more concerned
• 1:04:18
  about what the result of my mammogram was gonna do
• 1:04:21
  to my mental and not my physical, because all I
• 1:04:25
  was thinking, oh God, here we go. I don't know
• 1:04:28
  how I'm gonna do this. But then God, but God says,
• 1:04:31
  I got you. You're healed. So when I go through
• 1:04:36
  that diagnostic culture sound on July to eight, I'm gonna
• 1:04:39
  be good. I'm gonna be good. They gonna tell me
• 1:04:44
  it's not cancer. That's what they're gonna say. They gonna say,
• 1:04:46
  miss Asha, it's not cancer, baby, It's just a lot
• 1:04:49
  of dense tissue. That's all they gonna tell me. That's it.
• 1:04:56
  That's it, And I'm gonna always keep my mental lin
• 1:05:00
  tech because that's important to me, because my mental almost
• 1:05:04
  took me out of here, it did. But I'm here
• 1:05:10
  to tell you it's okay to not be okay, it's okay.
• 1:05:15
  It's okay to feel what you need to feel in
• 1:05:17
  a moment. My therapist told me, she said, you need
• 1:05:20
  to feel what you need to feel. Then don't wait
• 1:05:26
  ten twenty thirty days later and all of a sudden,
• 1:05:28
  you upset again about something that happened ten days ago.
• 1:05:31
  Why why are you so mad about something to happen
• 1:05:33
  on Monday and today is Friday? Why didn't you address
• 1:05:36
  it then? That there will also affect your mental So
• 1:05:42
  I said, you know what, You're right, all right, doctor Smith,
• 1:05:46
  I got you. So now I'm learning to feel what
• 1:05:50
  I need to feel in the moment. If you upset me,
• 1:05:52
  I'm gonnaddress it right there, you know, assist. That's what
• 1:05:54
  you did to me. Boo boo boom. We're gonna talk
• 1:05:57
  about it, and it's gone, because I'm not gonna come
• 1:06:00
  tomorrow right and be like, yeah, let me tell you
• 1:06:01
  what you did it. I'm not doing all of that
• 1:06:04
  because see that affects my mental and that affects your
• 1:06:06
  mental and now you got too mentally out of place people. No,
• 1:06:11
  we're not doing that. We're protecting peace over here. We're
• 1:06:15
  protecting our mental That's what we're doing. We're telling those emotions,
• 1:06:22
  we're telling that that depression that they can't live here.
• 1:06:29
  Uh oh, let me try this again. Hold on, there
• 1:06:34
  we go. All right, there we go, y'all. I'm back.
• 1:06:37
  But that's what we're doing. We're protecting our mental. We
• 1:06:40
  are protecting our peace. And if that includes going no
• 1:06:45
  contact with family, you do what you gotta do for you.
• 1:06:50
  Did I have to do it? Yeah? Is it hard
• 1:06:53
  for me? Very much so because I love my mom,
• 1:06:58
  but my mother is a trigger. She's dangerous to my mental.
• 1:07:03
  So I struggle with that. But I pray about it
• 1:07:06
  every day. And do I know when we're I don't know,
• 1:07:11
  but I do know. God has me, God has you,
• 1:07:18
  God has everybody. You're gonna be all right. I promise you, you're
• 1:07:25
  gonna be all right. You're gonna be just just fine.
• 1:07:31
  I said, you're gonna be fine. Don't worry about everybody, else,
• 1:07:33
  don't worry about them nay sails and oh they saying
• 1:07:36
  this and that you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine.
• 1:07:39
  So my brother says preaches. He said, I'm in the
• 1:07:42
  I'm in the foxhole with you spreading your message. We're
• 1:07:44
  gonna get through it as a community and together. Absolutely,
• 1:07:48
  that's exactly what we're gonna do. I'm gonna keep Let
• 1:07:51
  me tell you, I'm gonna keep sharing my mental health
• 1:07:55
  struggles with the world because you could look at somebody
• 1:07:59
  and be like, oh h, she just looks so happy
• 1:08:01
  in her pictures, but don't even know that behind closed doors,
• 1:08:04
  I'm struggling. I'm struggling. Yes, they're like, well, why you
• 1:08:09
  don't talk to I do talk to my husband, but
• 1:08:12
  sometimes I don't want to talk to my husband all
• 1:08:14
  the time. Sometimes I want to get my susteral circle
• 1:08:16
  together and be like, girl and y'all come on over
• 1:08:18
  here and let's sit down, let's talk with it. That's
• 1:08:21
  what I want. But I'm gonna keep sharing, and we're
• 1:08:27
  gonna keep holding these mental mondays. We're gonna keep holding
• 1:08:29
  these spaces until every person. Let me say this, because
• 1:08:37
  I do have realistic goals if I can help one person,
• 1:08:41
  one person, one person. I don't even want to whod
• 1:08:44
  bunch of people. But if one person could tell me, Mashley,
• 1:08:47
  you know your mental mondays help me, then I've done
• 1:08:50
  exactly what I'm supposed to do. See a lot of
• 1:08:55
  y'all get on here on these platforms with illine tensions.
• 1:09:01
  A lot of y'all do. I get on here because
• 1:09:05
  I really, I really truly want to help somebody. I do.
• 1:09:10
  I really truly want someone to say, man, your podcast
• 1:09:14
  help me, thank you. That's all I want to do.
• 1:09:22
  I just want to help somebody. It don't even have
• 1:09:24
  to be a slew of people. I just want to
• 1:09:26
  help one person. I just need one person to say, Man, Ashley,
• 1:09:29
  thank you for sharing and telling me what you've been
• 1:09:32
  going through. Because I've been struggling too, and I can.
• 1:09:38
  I can tell you what I've been doing to help
• 1:09:41
  myself get over the home. Yeah. So I'm gonna keep
• 1:09:45
  I'm gonna keep doing these mental mondays. See a lot
• 1:09:49
  of y'all worry about the quantity of people. I just
• 1:09:51
  worry that I give you quality content. That's my only concern.
• 1:09:56
  I don't care about anything else. I don't care about
• 1:10:00
  millions and thousands of people. I sit here and talk
• 1:10:04
  to myself all day. My messager reached somebody, somebody will
• 1:10:11
  go back and say, man, thank you for sharing, thank
• 1:10:15
  you for being a testimony that's gonna happen. I already
• 1:10:21
  know what's gonna happen. I see it. I get messages
• 1:10:25
  when I do my podcast and people say, man, so
• 1:10:29
  you so strong. How do you share so many intimate
• 1:10:33
  thoughts of your life? I say, because it's refreshing for me,
• 1:10:37
  it's healing for me. It's therapeutic for me to get
• 1:10:41
  up here and talk to you all and say, man,
• 1:10:43
  I'm struggling mentally. Easy for me to do that now.
• 1:10:49
  If you ask me to write a letter now, ain't
• 1:10:51
  gonna be able to do all of that because Bil
• 1:10:52
  the way, that's anxiety be having me in a chokehold.
• 1:10:55
  It make it real difficult for me to write. But
• 1:10:57
  I can talk. I can tell you and say, man,
• 1:11:01
  this is what's going on with me, this is what's
• 1:11:04
  bothering me. But as long as I can keep pouring
• 1:11:08
  into somebody, as long as I can keep encouraging somebody,
• 1:11:11
  uplifting somebody, empowering somebody, loving on somebody, and my cup
• 1:11:15
  still stays full. I'm good. Now. Let me tell y'all
• 1:11:21
  put those boundaries up, take a step back, start learning
• 1:11:25
  how to tell people no again. You have to protect
• 1:11:27
  your peace at all times. You have to because if
• 1:11:31
  you don't, who will tell them? People? No? I know
• 1:11:37
  in the conversation that includes family. I know when a
• 1:11:42
  bodle that says honor thy mother or thy father. But
• 1:11:45
  what does it say for the parents to do to
• 1:11:47
  the children. Yeah, but just because there's family, don't mean
• 1:11:56
  you don't have a that that you can't cut them off.
• 1:11:58
  Because you can. Will it be difficult, Yeah, but you're
• 1:12:04
  gonna be all right. No one wants to deal with
• 1:12:07
  the toxicity forever. No one wants that. Sometimes your parents
• 1:12:16
  are your biggest enemies. Sometimes it's not always your friends.
• 1:12:23
  Sometimes your family are your biggest triggers. I know for
• 1:12:28
  a fact my family is their triggers for me, and
• 1:12:32
  they're very dangerous to my mental So to keep me
• 1:12:35
  from going back the way I was just less than
• 1:12:38
  thirty days ago, I had to go no contact until
• 1:12:41
  I can get my mental back and sync because I
• 1:12:45
  was all over the place. I had the black woman blues.
• 1:12:51
  I'm dealing with being a new homeowner. I'm dealing with
• 1:12:54
  being a new wife. You know what I'm stilling newly with.
• 1:12:57
  I just got married, But December is I just got
• 1:12:59
  married almost seven months ago. We've only been in our
• 1:13:02
  house since April, so that was very overwhelming for me.
• 1:13:10
  So I'm learning how to balance things out. And then
• 1:13:14
  I work at a job that is not good for
• 1:13:16
  my mental leader, but I stay, in other words, because
• 1:13:21
  it pays the bills. I'm on my fourth mental health
• 1:13:25
  leave right now from my job number four, and I've
• 1:13:29
  been with the company just a little over two years. Yeah,
• 1:13:35
  so I'm not ashamed to share that. I'm not ashamed
• 1:13:38
  to tell y'all that you go go back and watch
• 1:13:40
  any one of my episodes of my podcast, and you know, Ashley.
• 1:13:44
  You'll know me not what anybody else then told you
• 1:13:47
  about me, but I'm telling you about me. You'll learn
• 1:13:50
  who Actuley really truly is. You'll learn what I like,
• 1:13:53
  what I don't like, who I love, who I don't love,
• 1:13:55
  what I will associate myself with, and what I won't
• 1:13:58
  associate myself with. You're gonna get Ashley because you won't
• 1:14:04
  be able to throw it in my face later on
• 1:14:06
  down the road, because see I didn't already told you yeah,
• 1:14:11
  But again when I tell y'all I'm in a beautiful
• 1:14:16
  space mentally, how are y'all feeling. I've been doing so
• 1:14:22
  much talking and I've been so rude. How are you
• 1:14:26
  guys doing right now in this moment? Let me say this.
• 1:14:31
  If you are struggling, what is it? Put a red
• 1:14:35
  heart in the chat. I gotta go back and look
• 1:14:37
  at the little, at the little how they tell you
• 1:14:39
  to do it. But if you're doing good, put a
• 1:14:43
  green heart in the chat for mental health. Because again,
• 1:14:46
  we are gonna start having these conversations. Ever read Monday,
• 1:14:52
  mental Mondays, will do wellness Wednesdays.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 4: Babe.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is y'all need us to do, we gonna
• 1:14:59
  do it because I want you all to be okay.
• 1:15:03
  I want you all to know one foot in front
• 1:15:05
  of the other. Let me tell y'all them green hearts
• 1:15:09
  for mental health, for mental health, You're wanted, your love.
• 1:15:17
  You're beautiful, even if you don't feel beautiful. I think
• 1:15:22
  you're a beautiful baby. Even if you don't feel like
• 1:15:24
  you're handsome, young man, I think you're handsome. I think
• 1:15:29
  you are, and you mean a lot to me. You're
• 1:15:32
  important to me. I don't care what someone else has
• 1:15:36
  said about you. You're important to me. You matter to me.
• 1:15:42
  Your mental matters to me. Your love, your heart, that
• 1:15:45
  matters to me. Yeah, it does. I know a lot
• 1:15:50
  of y'all don't feel that. I know a lot of
• 1:15:51
  y'all are like man, she don't really meet y'all. I do.
• 1:15:55
  I do, now that I can see clearly, I do.
• 1:16:00
  It matters to me. When I tell you, man, it's
• 1:16:05
  a beautiful thing to be in a healthy mental space.
• 1:16:09
  You think better, your function better, you maneuver better, you
• 1:16:14
  sleep better. Because when I tell your depression, man, that
• 1:16:19
  stuff will keep you up for days, I would be
• 1:16:22
  up days on end. I'm going to sleep five six
• 1:16:25
  o'clock in the morning, waking up at ten thirty because
• 1:16:27
  I have to log in and work at eleven thirty.
• 1:16:29
  And I'm running like this every day, not knowing my
• 1:16:34
  mental is failing. But I gotta show up for my job.
• 1:16:38
  I gotta show up for this, I gotta show up
• 1:16:39
  for that. But I didn't even show up for Ashley.
• 1:16:46
  I didn't even show up for me. I had somebody
• 1:16:49
  tell me, y'all A couple of weeks ago, Ashley, you
• 1:16:52
  don't even do your hand no more. You don't even
• 1:16:54
  keep your nails first of all, and me explain something
• 1:16:56
  to you. Let me say this, all that's physical. I'm
• 1:17:03
  more concerned with how I feel on the inside, because
• 1:17:06
  if I'm beautiful on the inside, it's gonna resonate on
• 1:17:08
  the outside. I'll get my nails done again. I'll get
• 1:17:13
  my eyebrock. Baby, man, I'm gona take me. I'll go
• 1:17:16
  back to that lady. But Babe, that lady mess up
• 1:17:17
  my eyebrow. So not that they didn't green, they brain
• 1:17:19
  not gonna get them done. But I had somebody say
• 1:17:23
  that that was like, oh, you just don't even take it.
• 1:17:26
  What do you mean as long as I'm good on
• 1:17:29
  the inside, I don't care what y'all think about me
• 1:17:33
  on the outside because I'm good on innside. I look
• 1:17:36
  good on the inside. Because see, just because you're pretty
• 1:17:39
  on the inside, I mean on the outside, don't mean
• 1:17:41
  you're pretty on the inside. That don't mean that. See
• 1:17:47
  some of y'all equate physical beauty with internal beauty, because
• 1:17:52
  you could be beautiful on the outside and be ugly on
• 1:17:54
  the inside. But I didn't care about none of that.
• 1:18:00
  As long as my mental was good, I'm good on
• 1:18:04
  everything else, and that's all that matters to me. I'm
• 1:18:08
  selective about the types of spaces and the type of
• 1:18:11
  people I hang around. I'm very cautious now because all
• 1:18:16
  energy is not good energy, and that could be this
• 1:18:18
  a disruption to your mental Also is you're constantly surrounding
• 1:18:23
  yourself around toxic people, constantly surrounding yourself with abround people
• 1:18:26
  that love drama. I don't want that. My sister that's
• 1:18:32
  in the chat, we used to be on clubhouse together
• 1:18:34
  all the time, and I can and and this not
• 1:18:38
  to throw you off, girl, It's not to call you out,
• 1:18:41
  because this is the beautiful thing what I'm about to say.
• 1:18:44
  And I kept noticing. I was like, man, I don't
• 1:18:45
  even see my sister own clubhouse no more. I could
• 1:18:48
  go on Tiketime. Here she come popping up with my
• 1:18:51
  for youth. I said, well, now wait, I know, God
• 1:18:53
  darn well, this, I said, I understand, now, I underst
• 1:19:01
  so slowly I started to back away from those apps
• 1:19:04
  and things. And baby, let me tell you, I don't
• 1:19:08
  see how people can sit and listen to people yelling, cussing.
• 1:19:10
  Are you all day. Baby, that will definitely tell my
• 1:19:13
  mental love. Yeah, so I understood. I understood. Silence is golden.
• 1:19:21
  She didn't say anything, baby, she just made exit left quickly,
• 1:19:26
  and I just look, I don't even see it no more.
• 1:19:28
  But I understood. She said, yes, ma'am. She said, gotta
• 1:19:34
  protect the spaces we are in. You have to. You
• 1:19:38
  have to, and you have to be mindful with who
• 1:19:39
  you surround yourself, y'all. Look at that, a little string
• 1:19:42
  on his shirt. I don't want to pull it, but
• 1:19:47
  that will definitely affect your mental the people that you
• 1:19:49
  hang around. That's why I tell people, check your circle,
• 1:19:53
  check the people you're socialized with, that you associate yourself with,
• 1:19:58
  because baby, that'll definitely tell your mental health. All that toxicity.
• 1:20:03
  She'd say, Sometimes you could go back and visit, but
• 1:20:05
  can't dwell in all spaces. Mhmm, you absolutely can't. And
• 1:20:11
  I do every now and again. I bounce in and out.
• 1:20:14
  You know, they may see me maybe twice in one week,
• 1:20:16
  and then I may not go back. It might be
• 1:20:19
  a month, two months, six months. But that's because my
• 1:20:24
  mind is shifting. I want my mental in a better space.
• 1:20:29
  I want my mental and a healthy space. I want
• 1:20:31
  my mental to be better because I function better, you know,
• 1:20:38
  because I can honestly tell y'all, these last six months,
• 1:20:48
  it's been hecky for me. Man being diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
• 1:20:54
  Excuse me, being diagnosed with fiber myalgia and struggling some
• 1:21:00
  days because of the pain, can't sleep a lot of
• 1:21:03
  nights because of the pain. I'm on six seven different
• 1:21:06
  medications for the pain for the inflammation. That took a toll.
• 1:21:12
  But then when my people reached out and said, man,
• 1:21:14
  we got you, and they showed me they got me.
• 1:21:20
  I can rest now, I can relax, And that's all
• 1:21:24
  I wanted was some rest. I just wanted to relax
• 1:21:26
  because I was struggling. You know, I'm in the doctor's office.
• 1:21:31
  I'm all these specialists. They every other week, they doing laughs,
• 1:21:34
  you know, the drawing blood and stuff like that. Like
• 1:21:37
  that became very overwhelming to me, and it started to
• 1:21:40
  take a toll on my mental because I'm like, God,
• 1:21:44
  why did my life go this week? How dare you?
• 1:21:49
  But again, we're bigger than our pain. There's purpose in
• 1:21:55
  our pain. So my pain, I'm turning it into my purse,
• 1:22:01
  and my purpose is to keep loving on y'all to
• 1:22:04
  keep encouraging y'all, to keep spreading the love, to keep
• 1:22:07
  having these beautiful spaces and these beautiful conversations. Not only
• 1:22:12
  is it therapeutic for me, but I wanted to help y'all.
• 1:22:16
  And like I told y'all, I don't want much for
• 1:22:19
  my podcast. I just want to make a difference. That's
• 1:22:23
  all I want to do. I don't want to do anything.
• 1:22:25
  I just want to make a difference. I just all
• 1:22:28
  I want to hear is just somebody say, man, that
• 1:22:30
  podcasts help me. That's it. I don't care about the money.
• 1:22:34
  You know, people get in this and they do this
• 1:22:35
  for money. I don't care about no money. I don't
• 1:22:38
  care about none of that. Daughter is gonna give it
• 1:22:40
  to me anyway. I just want to be able to
• 1:22:43
  say I help somebody, or somebody reach out to me
• 1:22:48
  and say, man, thank you so much for today, yo,
• 1:22:50
  thank you for last week or whatever whatever it is.
• 1:22:53
  That's all I want. I don't care about anything else.
• 1:22:59
  I don't I don't. I don't want to be famous,
• 1:23:01
  and I don't want all of that. I just want
• 1:23:06
  to stay where I'm at and just keep doing what
• 1:23:11
  I do. That's all I want to do is just
• 1:23:15
  help people. That's it. No strings attached, no price tag
• 1:23:22
  attached to it either God, because you know what, God
• 1:23:26
  is gonna bless me to be able to pay it forward.
• 1:23:32
  So yeah, so just no, I do this genuinely. I
• 1:23:37
  don't do this with the hopes of I'm gonna get
• 1:23:40
  a check or anything. I don't care about that. Money
• 1:23:44
  comes and goes. But being genuine and being true to
• 1:23:49
  yourself last forever. And that's all I want to do.
• 1:23:53
  Just make a difference, just change one person's life. And
• 1:23:58
  I start off by just having uncomfortable conversations. I come
• 1:24:02
  off and have talk about things people are afraid to
• 1:24:06
  talk about. I'm not afraid to push the envelope. I'm
• 1:24:09
  not afraid in my k Michelle voice, I'm not afraid
• 1:24:12
  to shake the table. I'm not see some of y'all
• 1:24:18
  want to do that for accolades. And I just want
• 1:24:22
  one person to say, hey, thank you. That's it. That's
• 1:24:27
  all I'm I don't want anything else. If you love
• 1:24:31
  on me, that's even better. Just love on me. That's
• 1:24:35
  why I created a Black Girl Interrupted podcast, not for me,
• 1:24:41
  but for us, for all of us, Not just me,
• 1:24:43
  but for all of us. That's why I created this space,
• 1:24:48
  so we could come in and we could talk without
• 1:24:50
  the judgment, without all the foolishness. But we can have
• 1:24:54
  real serious conversation, growing up conversations. You could pour into me,
• 1:25:00
  I can pour into you. We can talk and and
• 1:25:02
  share and pray. Yeah, that's it. That's all. I don't
• 1:25:10
  want anything else. Nothing. Support is look, let me say that. Support.
• 1:25:18
  That's all I ask for. Support. No money, no nothing,
• 1:25:21
  So don't send, don't cash aft me, don't ask me
• 1:25:23
  for my cash shaft, don't ask me for my cell
• 1:25:25
  or PayPal no, because I don't. I don't do this
• 1:25:30
  to get paid. I do this because this is what
• 1:25:32
  I like to do. I enjoyed doing this. Let me
• 1:25:34
  tell y'all being able to do my podcast is again
• 1:25:43
  therapeutic for me. It therapeutic to get up here and
• 1:25:49
  interact with people and meet different people and and we talk.
• 1:25:53
  And that's why I do this, not expecting anything in return.
• 1:26:00
  So I do this genuinely. If you support and and
• 1:26:04
  you know whatever, I appreciate it. But again I do
• 1:26:12
  this with with a pure genuine heart. I love on
• 1:26:16
  y'all with a pure genuine heart. I pour into y'all
• 1:26:18
  would to pour a peering, genuine heart. I empower you,
• 1:26:21
  I encourage you, I uplift you with a peer and
• 1:26:25
  genuine heart. That's why I do this. That's why I
• 1:26:29
  created this space for all of us, for us to
• 1:26:32
  be able to talk, us to get in here and
• 1:26:35
  laugh and joke and cry and do whatever else and
• 1:26:37
  not have to worry about nobody judging us. That's why
• 1:26:41
  Black Girl Interrupted is what it is today. Hold on TikTok,
• 1:26:47
  don't go nowhere. So my baby's over here on Facebook.
• 1:26:50
  I love y'all soul so so much. Oh. Black Girl
• 1:26:54
  Interrupted will be back in July. I don't know a
• 1:26:57
  definitive date, but I will say, let me get through
• 1:27:01
  this testing that I have to do to verify and
• 1:27:04
  make sure I do not have breast cancer. Let me
• 1:27:06
  get through that first, and then black Girl Interrupted will
• 1:27:09
  be back because in my head will really truly be
• 1:27:11
  in a game. But every Monday, ever, very Monday, every Monday,
• 1:27:19
  every Monday, every Monday, every Monday, we are doing our
• 1:27:24
  mental health check ins. We are doing this. It's imperative
• 1:27:29
  that we do so. It's imperative that we get in
• 1:27:32
  here and we love on each other we encourage each other,
• 1:27:36
  no negativity. I will tell you that you will respect
• 1:27:39
  the space, or I will boot you out, I will
• 1:27:41
  block you whatever, because we're not doing that over here.
• 1:27:45
  Take that toxic stuff over to the shade room or something.
• 1:27:50
  I don't know, take it over that. But I don't
• 1:27:53
  want it over here. What I want over here is
• 1:27:54
  love and encouragement in safeness. That's what I've so on
• 1:28:02
  that note, I love y'all. I will see y'all next Monday.
• 1:28:07
  Not y'all TikTok, hold tight, don't go nowhere because I'm
• 1:28:09
  not done with y'all yet. But over here on Facebook,
• 1:28:12
  let me say this, I love y'all so so so much.
• 1:28:15
  I absolutely appreciate everything, everything that you guys do for me.
• 1:28:20
  I appreciate the love. I appreciate the support. I appreciate
• 1:28:24
  the likes, I appreciate the comments, I appreciate the shares.
• 1:28:28
  I love y'all. Man and y'all are some amazing rock stars.
• 1:28:32
  And let me tell you something, don't never let nobody
• 1:28:34
  tell you who you are. You know who you are,
• 1:28:38
  and you know who God intended and made you to be.
• 1:28:42
  So on that note, I love you guys. I will
• 1:28:44
  see y'all. Next Monday, same time, eight o'clock. Love y'all,
• 1:28:49
  I love and have a look before I leave. Have
• 1:28:53
  a good rest of the week. Check in with me
• 1:28:56
  if you need to talk. Love you