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What It Costs NOT to Work with a Divorce Coach - How I Saved My Clients Thousands · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate the podcast, finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Ann Hartnell, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: In soulful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans, moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also like to acknowledge that this podcast is recorded on the traditional lands of the Wurundri people and pay my respects to elders past, present, and emerging and acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to step you through some real client stories to demonstrate how working with me as your divorce coach saves you.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the cost of not working with a divorce coach and some of the ways I have saved my clients, real humans, thousands of dollars.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, coaching is a significant financial commitment and investment.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a significant commitment and investment in terms of time, effort, and energy.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the financial commitment comes at a time when you are inundated with all sorts of other pressures on your financial resources.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to be sure that what you're investing in is actually going to give you a return, a return on your investment.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what I hope these stories will demonstrate to you is that the return on your investment in coaching with me is actually significant.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now it depends where where you find your information, but the average hourly rate, average hourly rate for a family lawyer in Melbourne, and it does vary a little bit across the country, but the average hourly rate for a family lawyer in Melbourne is$500 and goes up to$800 and even higher if you're considering barristers, special counsel, etc.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: etc.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because it all depends on the level of expertise and experience of that family law professional.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just work on the average being$500 an hour.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that means if I save you five hours a month over our six, three-month or six-month coaching package, I save you five hours a month in unnecessary legal fees.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's anything upwards of two and a half thousand dollars that remains in your pocket after you've invested in working with me.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Having me on demand for Monday to Friday messaging, which is what you get as a one-on-one client with me, on demand unlimited messaging support means you don't have to call your lawyer for advice that's not strictly legal.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to call them and vent emotionally when things are going pear-shaped or you're finding dealing with your ex challenging.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to troubleshoot with them or call them to clarify small issues or non-legal issues.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: We can do that quickly, effectively, and cost-effectively via our messaging connection.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So let's step through some client stories, and these are real stories from real clients.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So client number one was having increasing difficulty communicating with their ex, with their co-parent to negotiate and then formalize their child caring arrangements after separation.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not yet divorced, but just stuck in the discussion, stuck in the negotiation about their children, about their parenting, unable to agree.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: The emails were flowing back and forth between them, sometimes it was text, and they were becoming increasingly emotional and not necessarily focused on the core issues.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So one thing I did was jumped in to edit the communication, the written communication, stripping out all of the emotive language, getting them focused back on what was important and looking at creative solutions that would work best for their kids and their family.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we went back proposing options, moving from that real positional stance, um, really anchored and firm in this is the right way, this is the only way, to a more open and cooperative place or space.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I helped this client recognize that her need to create emotional safety for herself by being in control of every decision around the children, coupled with the the couple, the couple, coupled with the couple's communication style, was actually contributing to the problem.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I encouraged and empowered communication from a place of emotional balance.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: We worked on dialing down her emotional reactivity and building a more positive and collaborative co-parenting relationship where the communication was really focused on the core issues of the children.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: And as I said earlier, we stripped out all the really emotive language so that we could focus on the issues.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Shifted that mindset from it has to be my way, it has to be this way, it has to be I win you lose, I'm right, you're wrong, to a more win-win mindset and supported them or supported my client to be open to more creative solutions, really focused on the well-being of her children.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So assisting them in fostering more direct communication between her and her ex-partner without involving the lawyers.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So again, stripping out all that emotional language, finding ways that we could she could communicate calmly and cooperatively.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because emails back and forth with lawyers, you know, at$500 an hour, an email could be who knows what, but let's just say, you know, it's$300 an email.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: If we save 10 emails, there's$3,000 saved.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: But direct, constructive, and calm communication with your co-parent doesn't cost you anything, it's free.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Standing next to one another at your kids' special events, being able to share birthdays with them or those kinds of events, spending more time with your kids is priceless, and a reduction of conflict between you as co-parents minimizes the negative impact of that conflict of your divorce on your kids' well-being.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Again, priceless.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So me getting in the middle and stripping out and supporting you to communicate calmly from a space of emotional regulation and being future-focused, yes, but um solutions-focused, is really really powerful and can save you thousands in legal fees, keep you away from the lawyers to negotiate or at least come to some general agreement around how you think your child caring arrangements can look before you take it to mediators, before you take it to lawyers.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Client number two.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this client was super stressed about money and how she would fund her life as a single parent, and then of course her longer-term future, including her retirement.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Super focused on the money and what that was going to look like.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: So before we even got to what the property settlement, what the asset split was going to look like, we talked about money.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: We explored her money story, we talked about where that had come from, how those beliefs around money had been formed in her family of origin, in her lived experience.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: We also addressed her fears of the future by really increasing her financial knowledge and literacy.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I supported her to gain full clarity and understanding of her financial position, but also the financial position of the relationship, the financial resources of the relationship.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: We also worked out what her life was going to look like in terms of future needs, future financial needs, earning capacity, and the actual cost of raising her two kids.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we mapped out her wants and her needs, identified areas where she would be willing to compromise, and then just incorporated them into a draft divorce property settlement plan that she could then take to her ex-partner or soon-to-be ex-partner.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I also connected her with a specialist financial planner, specialist in terms of knowledgeable around separation and divorce, who helped map out options for a really tax-effective settlement and created a financial plan to not only divide the asset base well but to support her financial future into retirement.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: There are people who work specifically in finance around separation and divorce, and they can they can, yes, you have to pay for them, but they can save you thousands.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So connecting her with someone who could support her on a deeper level than I could also saved her thousands.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: So she then presented this plan with all the supporting documents to her soon-to-be ex-husband as well as legal team, saving all that time and unnecessary communication, time stress, angst, money spent going back and forth with lawyers, again saving legal fees.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And the negotiations were then more focused on clarification, creative solutions rather than really starting from scratch or needing to ease her through it or address her fears.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: She was no longer operating from that position of fear and scarcity, but a much coming from a much more empowered space.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's just say this took us approximately four hours, including a coaching call, messaging support with me, plus her own time collating data, then a meeting with financial advisor, etc.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, let's just say that that was six hours of work, you can do the maths six hours at the average rate of$500,$3,000, and although it was only sort of six hours of coaching time and her own work, it could well have been way more in terms of the lawyer's time, since it's really outside the lawyer's wheelhouse, right?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: So working on money story, dial dialing down reactivity and fear around money, financial empowerment, building financial literacy, not really in the wheelhouse of a family lawyer.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, another component to this client's story was actually, as I said, connecting her with that specialized, experienced financial advisor who could help her map it out clearly what she actually needed, as opposed to what she thought she needed, or what someone else was telling her she should ask for, or a random number she'd plucked out of the air.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: They mapped out together how that could look in a really tax-effective way and created that financial plan not only to divide the asset base between the two husband and wife, but to also support her future, how and where she might invest to maximize financial growth and what she would need to generate for her future.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: So a really clear financial picture built by working with me and also being referred to the right specialists.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, many of my clients, especially female clients, are absolutely terrified of the financial implications of divorce and how it will affect their retirement plans.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So solid support around unraveling those money stories, unpicking the emotion of money, overcoming your fear and becoming really financially savvy and empowered, getting clarity on the numbers and giving them the right support is game-changing and saves them thousands.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: It also saves stress and angst and all of that emotional outlay, I suppose.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, it saves you money, it also saves you time and stress.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And before we dive into the second part of this podcast episode, I just want to remind you that there's always an opportunity to deepen this conversation one-on-one with me in a free introductory call to discuss coaching options.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: There are also payment plans available if access to financial resources is tricky for you at the moment with really discrete invoicing options that we can also discuss on a call.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out, I would love to support you.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now back to the episode.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Client number three was angry and reactive after his soon-to-be ex-wife's affair.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted revenge, he wanted to hurt, he wanted retribution, and he was he was really determined to hire the right lawyer who would get him the best result.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the lawyer who would win for him.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we started at the end, like I do with all of my clients.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you want this to go?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want this to go down?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: But most importantly, how do you want your life to look and feel in two, five, ten, twenty years' time, bearing in mind you've got two small children with this person.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I supported him to look at all of that and also to work on his emotional reactivity and to split out the feelings of anger and the betrayal and the pain of that from the property settlement, from the child caring arrangement.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: So to deal with the emotions separate to the divorce, keeping it more business-like rather than making those big decisions, life-impacting um decisions that have long-term effects from a place of emotion, but making them from a place of practicality, uh, reality, being really well supported to dial down those emotions and move through them, but also to be able to split them out from the decisions that made it needed to be made objectively.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: We also worked on dialing down emotions so that he could communicate clearly and calmly, and that was supported also by shifting that focus to the future and the clear vision of what he really wanted that to look like.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we worked on being focused on resolution, a fair and reasonable settlement, and moving forward to that future.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: So this client I referred to a specialist family dispute resolution practice, keeping them out of court, out of the court system, keeping them out of that really adversarial family law system where your lawyer fights against my lawyer, and it just all goes down the tubes.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not saying lawyers aren't important, they absolutely are, and sometimes that is the only safe and healthy way to navigate or negotiate your your divorce, your property settlement, your child caring arrangements.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't have to take that path, if you can be supported to choose an alternate an alternate path, it's much, much cheaper.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So this client was supported through a successful mediation.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: The total outlay was 5200 split two ways and a total of eight hours attendance.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't take into consideration, of course, financial investment in coaching and time, effort, and energy invested in coaching and the gathering of data, etc.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: etc.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: that happened in the background.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: But let's just say 5,200, eight hours of mediation versus having to go to court, which can be upwards of$150,000, and take an average in Australia at the moment of 32 months.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So working with me, dialing down emotions, being connected to the right supports saved him a whole lot of time, energy, stress, and heartache, and also 150 grand.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the time to get a family law matter to court at the moment in Australia, 32 months, three years.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: So as well as saving him hundreds of thousands of dollars, also saved him three years of his life and saved him the impact on his mental and emotional well-being as well as the impact on his young children.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And there is no price that you can put on that.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is priceless.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Client number four saved 24,000 just by working with me.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was a quick, simple 24,000.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I empowered this particular client to open a conversation about her mortgage or their mortgage, I should say, with her soon-to-be ex and their lender.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: We had discussed on a coaching call the mortgage stress and also the inequity of one party continuing to be solely responsible, one part one or another party continuing to be solely responsible for mortgage repayments on the family home, which is what was happening.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Her ex-husband had moved out.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: She had, in good faith, taken on the mortgage repayments, thinking that was the right inverted commas thing to do because he wasn't living there, he was paying rent elsewhere.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was stressing them financially to be um servicing both the mortgage and the rent.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So we empowered her to open conversations about this with her soon-to-be ex-husband and their lender.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: So together they contacted their lender.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: They were able, and this is this isn't going to be the case in all circumstances, but in this circumstance, they were able to move to an interest-only repayment plan for six months while they negotiated their property settlement.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: This was a relatively amicable separation divorce, and they were both on the same page, so they were able to have these conversations and they were able to negotiate with their lender to move to a certain interest-only repayment plan and save themselves a quick$24,000.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, there are implications for this in terms of selling the house and closing out the mortgage.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's$24,000 that you haven't actually paid off on your mortgage with having reduced repayments, but the easing of the financial stress and the fallout and the easing of the fallout from that was significant, and in terms of stress and well-being, they decided together it was worth the sacrifice.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: So quick win,$24,000.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Client number five.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: This client was really hesitant and fearful about involving a lawyer due to a high-ish conflict situation and a power imbalance with her with her husband.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't want to upset her husband or blow things up.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: She just wanted it done.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: She just wanted to jump to the end.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now her ex-husband had suggested just handling the divorce between themselves and splitting the assets 50-50, and had even provided her a drafted agreement to sign.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: So she'd gone and sought advice from a solicitor who was a family friend, not necessarily a specialist in family law, just some off-the-cuff advice, um, which I suggested perhaps wasn't the best way to go.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: So together we worked on unraveling her fears, working out what exactly she was afraid of happening.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: We I empowered her to recognize that she had needs that were valid, and how to voice those needs and voice her desires for a properly negotiated settlement.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: We also worked out what her financial needs were, um, where she'd be willing to compromise all of that stuff.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Again, with this client, we went to the end.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want your life to look and feel five, ten, twenty years down the track?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I also educated her on the property settlement process and we looked at fair.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: We looked at fair and equitable, and I how I outlined that 50-50 may not necessarily be fair and equitable, and if it were to go to court, the court decides in part on whether it's fair and equitable.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so just stepping through some of that and unpacking some of her fears around what it could look like to ask for what she needed helped ease her fears.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: I also connected this client with an accredited family lawyer who, while more expensive than perhaps who she was considering using, was also much more experienced and much more efficient.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: This lawyer was able to identify deficiencies in the proposed 50-50 agreement and supported her in negotiating a different agreement.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: By coaching her to speak up, to voice what she needed, to voice what she wanted, at least to the lawyer, and connecting her with that lawyer who was specialized and experienced.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: The lawyer was able to take some of the heat out of the situation for her by being the intermediary, but being sitting in between her and her ex-client, but doing so in a way that did not inflame things, rather dialed things down, negotiating a much fairer and much more equitable agreement that was actually 58% in her favour rather than 50-50.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can do the maths there.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say the asset pool was a total of a million bucks, 58% of a million bucks versus 50% of a million bucks.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's money in her pocket.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, less the legal fees, yes, less coaching fees, but still a significant saving.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Many of my clients come to the end of our work together and say, This has changed my life.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: You have changed my life.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I've done it, but my job is to support that client to support you to change your own life, and that is that's priceless.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I know I bang on, I've banged on in this episode about money, but there is a whole lot more that is saved through working with someone, be that me, whoever you choose to work with, working with someone who can support you in all aspects and all facets of your separation and divorce.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce is the second most impactful, stressful life experience after the death of a loved one or spouse.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: You need to build that support around yourself, you need to make sure that you're making smart financial decisions, but you also have the emotional and holistic approach to be able to do that.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's what divorce coaching gives you.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what working with me gives you.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's life-changing and also saves you thousands of dollars.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: If this is something that's resonating with you, if you want to explore working with me one-on-one, book an intro call with me.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's always a link in the show notes.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Book a free intro call and we can talk about how that looks.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, we can talk about the money.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you've got something out of this episode.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you know someone that it would help, please, please share it with them.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you if you can rate, review, follow the podcast because it helps a whole lot more people find it when they most need it.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.