Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / TWO TAKES on Tracking Your College Freshman - "Before It Was Stalking, Now It's Safety"
Transcript
- Sarah: All right. I have to do the introduction today. I mean, I have to. Yeah. Ashley: I'm scared. liz: Okay. Don't be scared. You have to, you have to, Sarah. I'm sorry. Sarah: so Ashley and I met in seventh grade. So we've got a two takes coming, but this is actually somebody that goes way back with me, and actually, we've lived through some college experiences and middle school experiences and all of all in between. And one of the things we also have shared is becoming moms. And so we have here today. Carter Allen and Carter I promise not to talk about you too much as a baby but you are a very cute, adorable baby and we might need to share some pictures of like you know your mom used to put you in like pilgrimage monogram clothes, right? Like very yeah. Ashley: Yes. It was appropriate. It was it was a baby. I didn't want You know, Sarah: Carter H what do you think of your baby clothes? Ashley: I I couldn't consent to it, so I'd have a choice. Yeah. Sarah: You couldn't consent. You look like a little gentleman. He was a perfect baby. A perfect baby, but we're here today because liz: that's funny. Sarah: we don't know. We don't know if he's the perfect college student. but one of the things I can share is that Ashley is such an an what I think of as like an amazing and fun mom. I saw them recently. Carter actually complimented her cooking, but then was doing so while making fun of the current dish we were eating. So it was little combo. Carter Ashley: It's too aesthetic. Sarah: is a pilot. I mean, this kid. At some point, Ashley, how long ago you said he wants to fly planes, I'm like shitting myself essentially with fear and now he's a pilot. And so Carter, where Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. Sarah: is let's give an update to the from the t first text we got from your mom saying she was anxious about you flying and now where are you? Ashley: I started probably twenty twenty two, like Discovery Flight. So like Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: that's where you go with an instructor and just kinda Fly around, see if you like it. I liked it. So it was kind of on and off since then. But I got my private license in March 2025. So And he's working on his Sarah: Yeah. liz: Exciting. Ashley: his instrument rating. That's now the next thing. he's already passed his instrument test. And see, I'll brag about you. They're not good. He's already Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: passed his instrument test So he's well on his way. I am close. Sarah: And you're at Boulder, right? You're at Boulder. Is that is the pilot part a piece of why you chose that school? Ashley: it's not really. It was the combination with there's a lot of skiing, Boulder's a good talent, Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: and they have a good RTC program, which is a whole nother topic. it's Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: like the third biggest detachment in the US. So Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: that was the main reasons honestly. Boulder has a good no. No, I do not smoke marijuana. Sarah: It wasn't the drugs, it wasn't the legal legal marijuana. Okay. That's right. You can't because of your of your program, but all right. So so basically, even though these are people who are near and dear to me, I think they have so much to share and I'm excited that they're gonna be our second two takes team. So, what we do here is we're gonna ask you both the same question. You have to come up with your answer first in your head before you say it, and then we'll ask you. Okay, so the and Ashley: Okay. Okay. Sarah: so you're gonna you can rate it like thumbs up or thumbs down if you need to, or you can say, you know, zero to ten kind of rating scale. so but what we don't want to do is have it be where you are looking at each other. You both have to answer it in your head first and then share the answer. The first question is, should parents get all the details about your party life once you go to college? Right? So from zero to ten, zero is like they should get no information. And ten is they should get all the information. I'm an adult, now I can share everything. All right, come up with your number and then I'm gonna ask you when you have your number, give me a thumbs up. Okay, so Carter, you go first. What's your number? Ashley: Probably a six, honestly. Four. Sarah: Six. All right, Ashley, what's yours? Four. All right. You liz: Mm. Sarah: think okay, so Carter, what made yours a six? Ashley: They ca like I share a bit of details but they don't need to know everything, honestly. So that's Sarah: Yeah. liz: Right. Ashley: that's where I'm at. Sarah: Ashley, what what made you a four? Ashley: Well, four is 'cause I feel like once you get over to over five it gets tall dr tall dry. So I'm kinda like Give me everything below five. Give me the, you know, when the clothes stayed on, when, you know, people weren't throwing up in the bathtub. Like, I'll take all that stuff. I'll take the you know, so and so TT'd behind the bar. Like that's funny, you know, or but Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Ashley: I don't want to hear the the bar fight ended up in prison stuff. Like I just keep Sarah: Right. liz: Got it. Ashley: it so five to me is the delin is the line where it goes over to the point where I'm like, then I start to panic. Then I'm like, Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: my God, you're an alcoholic and you you're gonna go to prison. So keep it below that that level. So maybe it the levels are different. Sarah: Yeah. Okay, fair enough. liz: Well, you're you were both kind of towards the middle, and I do think a lot of college students swing too far. They're either too open or they're too private. So I'm happy with you guys being closer to the middle. Okay. Ashley: Yeah. liz: Let me ask one. How often, how many times a week do you think college students should be checking in with their parents? All right. Sarah: Alright. Tell thumbs up once you have your answer. Okay. liz: Alright, Carter. What look at Ali's face. Ashley: once a week. Once a week. That's good. Yeah. once a week. No. Seven times a week. Once a day. Once a day. liz: Was a day. Ashley: Have y'all seen that thing? It's like a it's something on Instagram and and they're at some southern school and the boys are like they're like, How often do you do you call your mama? And then he's like, I call my mama two times a day. I love my mama. And like they'll go like Yeah. He's not he doesn't do that. He just Sarah: Yes, I've seen that. Carter, do you just not love your mom? Is it you just don't love her? Ashley: Yeah. I do. I just let me. Once a week's a good you know. You don't need to know liz: Okay. Ashley: all day. well Sarah: All right. Ashley: maybe twice a week sometimes, I don't know. Sarah: What about text versus call FaceTime kind of Ashley: I'd for the call. Check in, yeah. Sarah: Call. All right. So once a week, a good call is okay. And Ashley: Yes. Sarah: Ashley says one to two times a day, or else they don't love you. Ashley: Yes. Exactly. Well, liz: Actually. Ashley: it's you know what? I this is so fun. Like, do you guys remember when you'd call home from college and be like, Hold on, get let me get dad on the phone and liz: Yeah. Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: be on both phones and I was like, That is so corny. Do the exact same thing now. He'll call Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: and I'm go, Hold on, let me get Jeremy on the phone and I put it on speaker and we're just sitting there just just fawning like the nativity scene over his comings and goings in college, Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: you know? It's like kinda sick. Sarah: Well, Carter, how does that feel to she's basically saying you're the baby Jesus? How does it feel to have your words mean so much? Ashley: I I like it. I like I like Sarah: Okay. Ashley: them both on the call, so it's actually fun. Yeah. Sarah: Alright. So it's okay to be fond over a little bit every now and then. Yeah. All right. All right. Ashley: A little, yeah. A little. Yeah. Sarah: So here's another one we get a lot of. so this is actually it can be yes or no. All right, we'll start with that. Let's see how goes. Should parents still have three sixty, life three sixty on their kids' phones when they go to college? All right, so tell me thumbs up once you have your answer. Okay. What do you think? Carter, you go first. Ashley: No. Absolutely Sarah: Ashley, what do you say? Ashley: yes, a hundred percent. Until they're forty. Or I mean, yes. A hundred percent. I do track them. Sarah: Okay. liz: What what did what did you guys decide? What's the deal? Ashley: I still I have it on. She texts me if I turn it off. Yeah. My location off. So yeah. I I don't Sarah: Okay. Ashley: I don't follow him at when he first moved into college I followed his every move. I'd be like, my god, he's walking. Now I actually know that. Wow. But I did Sarah: Ha. Ashley: not know that. Well now I don't. Interesting. I don't I don't. I don't now. But now if he's, you know, dead in a ditch somewhere, I need to know where he is. Like I you know, I just I feel like it's a safety thing now. Before it was a stalking thing and now it's a safety thing. Sarah: Okay. So Carter, you said no. Okay. Just no explanation provided. Ashley: Yes. Just just No, they don't need to sh she doesn't really need to know like the stalking where I'm at all the time. liz: Right. Ashley: Like, I don't know. I just prefer not being watched. It's that's it's But what if something happens? How will I find you? You don't need to find me 'cause you're three and a half hour away from I can get there. So if anything happened I'd be long dead. So it's like yeah. Sarah: Yeah, I guess too late at that point. Maybe in a ditch. No, I think the way she's Ashley: You like it in time. I'd get there. She wanna make it time. liz: Okay. Sarah: envisioning it is that something bad happens to you and swoop your mom comes flying in and saves your life in the ditch and pulls you out by the nick of time and then Yeah. Yeah. Ashley: This. Yeah. Like Tom Cruise. Yeah. No, I'll I'll be there. I no, but I just wanna liz: Well Ashley: know like what do I need to call the police? Do I need call you know, a friend? Like I just want to know where w if he's okay. So Sarah: Yeah. And Carter, you're saying, What well so speak to some of her safety stuff. So maybe is is it really feel does it feel like yeah, you need it does it feel dangerous when you're there? Like maybe it is a good thing, or what's your take? Ashley: No. I don't feel dangerous really at bolder like Billy any time. I actually Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: kinda forget that she I have it on like most most nights. So you know Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ashley: it's it's fine. Sarah: We all should also mention, Carter, how tall are you? Ashley: Six foot five. Sarah: Yeah, he's six five, so it's not like he's walking around being people aren't picking fights with him. But Ashley: Yeah. No. Sarah: all right. But so it sounds liz: All right. Sarah: like there's the stalking versus safety connection. I think parents gonna understand. Ashley: But I will say at first when I was stalking, like it like made my anxiety go through the roof. It was liz: Right, right, right, right, right. Ashley: so and I was like, I've got to like stop because he's he you know, he found his class. Like I you know, when he moved into college, I thought like it was this like yeah I you know, frankly, you just don't give him enough credit. I mean, sometimes deservedly so, they don't deserve the credit, but it Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: actually like They can find their classes. They can wash their clothes. Like I just wasn't giving him enough credit at first. And that liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: was kind of why I had it was more about, did he get to class? Like, you know, but and then you you start to look back and I'm going off on a tangent, but you start to look back and you're like, what they tell you about high school, it's a they're supposed to make tons of mistakes. You're supposed to be super frustrated with them. You're supposed to think they're a bunch of ding dongs. Because in college, it's like they've learned they really have learned from all those mistakes. And then they actually start all of a sudden you're like, Wait, you actually went to your 830 class? Like what? Like liz: Right, right, right, right. Ashley: it's like shocking. So I Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: was still living in that mind the high school mindset and so it was giving me so much anxiety to like watch you. So I'm sorry. Very fun. Sarah: Ha ha ha liz: Well, I'm hoping Carter for your sake it gets turned off before you're forty, but if not, godspeed. Okay. Ashley: Yeah. Hopefully. If I'm dead, yes. No, they'll put my iPhone in my coffin and it'll have Life three sixty on it with a charge on it. liz: Still still tracking. Okay, let's talk about academics and how much transparency there should be about grades and how students are performing in school. So let's say scale zero to ten. Ten means like parents know when every test is happening, what grade happens versus zero. Parents never even ask their kids how they're doing academically or have any awareness. What would you say? Think about that when you're ready. Ashley, you wanna start first since we've been going with Carter Ashley: Yeah. liz: first? Ashley: I would say seven. And liz: Okay, what's your reasoning? Ashley: and the reasoning is when you said I don't need to know when every test exam essay is, 'cause that will stretch me out. but I get complete and full and unfettered access to his semester grades. So that's kind of where the seven is. Yeah. liz: Got it. How do you feel about that, Carter? And what's your rating? Ashley: I'm actually it's like a six, just cause She does check in and it's like, how are your grades? But she I don't know how often she actually checks them. But yeah, I think I think often. well, you know, she's fine. She doesn't get on me too much about the grades, but she does get on me a little bit a little bit. If I fall fall a little below the line, she'll she might say something. So yeah. Yeah. liz: Right. And do you feel like that's helpful? Ashley: Sort of. I guess to keep me in check, but liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: you know, it's that's not terribly helpful. Yeah. You can make me a little more stressed. Well, I mean the way I see it is if I'm paying the bills, I get to see liz: I hear you. Ashley: the grades. And you do, and I let you. It's fine. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I mean it's we haven't had any issues with that. Like, you know, I mean liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: I think that he's just as stressed about his grades as I am about his grades too. liz: He cares, yeah, yeah, yeah. Carter, just out of curiosity, amongst your friends, do they have the same level of transparency around what they're doing academically with their parents? Ashley: I'm not sure, honestly. liz: Not sure. Okay. Ashley: But I mean I know one of my friends was almost failed out the first year, so that's yeah. liz: Okay. So the their Sarah: Hmm. liz: parents might be involved now. Ashley: Is he in Colorado? Yeah. He's in state? No, he's out of state. I'd kill him. He's out of state. my god. I'd kill him. Sarah: Well, I think also we're trying to think of like extremes, right? Like if it's like there's potential for failure, then yeah, maybe there's some extra help that's needed. Carter and Ashley, I hear you both saying, you know, yes, I want to pay attention. And but there is this sense now, kind of like what you were saying before, like Carter actually cares about grades. So liz: Right, right, right. Sarah: so now I check in, but you also know he's he cares. And maybe Carter, I heard you say like it's if you know, it adds stress but it doesn't maybe add incentive. Like I'm already incentivized Ashley: What is that? Sarah: to do better. Is that the s is that kinda what you're trying to say or am I putting words in your mouth? Ashley: Yes. No, it's that's that's perfect, honestly. I mean who cares? You care because it's ROTC. Like you wouldn't care if it were ROTC Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: cares about grades. Yeah. Essentially. So I'm stressing liz: Uh-huh. Sarah: Yeah. So all right. Ashley: them out, I'm sorry. Not really, not really. Used to, Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: but not really. I definitely did in high school. That was bad. Sure. Yeah. Sarah: Right here, like it's just reverberations of the high school. Ashley: And risky. yeah. Sarah: okay, so because some people might be listening to this about to go to college, and Carter, you've had your first year, right? So now the question is it's gonna be a range again. How normal is it to flounder a little bit socially, not to be, you know, like completely feeling rejected or anything, but To flounder a little bit, find your friends, feel a little lonely at first. from zero to ten, where zero is like it's there should be no floundering, right? And ten is like, my gosh, yes, it's complete chaos. What is your number of where you feel like it's kind of normal to flounder a little bit for a semester? Thumbs up once you have your number. Ashley, do you have yours? All right. So Ashley: Yeah. Sarah: all right. Carter, since you lived it most recently, what do you think? Yeah. Ashley: Yes. I it's pretty normal, especially first like week or two. It's pretty normal feeling honestly. So I'd say like liz: Mm-hmm. Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ashley: seven, honestly. Like Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: it'll take you a bit, but once you do, it's p you'll be completely fine. And you probably won you won't feel that, honestly, the rest of the year. It's just that little small bridge at the start of the year that Sarah: Right. Ashley: a ton of people worry about. So me included. Sarah: Do you have the I sorry, I interrupted you, kiddo, I'm sorry. Do you have your friends the same friends you had in the first few weeks or months that you have now? Ashley: Mostly. I did hang out with my roommate, a couple of his friends, like the beginning. I don't hang out with him anymore, but I found most of my friends welcome week. not including some some good friends I made Rotzy or OTC. So yeah. Sarah: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. And then Ashley, what was your number? Ashley: It was seven also. just from my experience going to college and then Carter's experience too. I mean for sure. It you know, it was it's very stressful because in a lot of ways, like he went to a big school because knowing that, you know, it'd be easier to find or you think it would be easy to find your peeps because there's so many people. But there are also so many people, so you gotta kinda weed through a bunch, you know, to like find liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: the people you like. But at the same time I wouldn't want him going to a small school because then you're like, my god, like they're only 2,000 kids at this school, like the five that I like, or you know, Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: juniors about to leave or whatever. It's just, it's like, so it was, I mean, I I think that I I had a hard time transitioning in school. And I mean, I know Carter did too, but like it's one of those things, you just have to like take a leap of faith almost just put yourself out there, which is something that is difficult to do for a lot of kids, especially liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: when you've been in a high school situation or you've known the same people, he's known the same guy since third grade, all through high school. So all of a sudden you're like, I have to put myself on display and are liz: Right. Ashley: these people gonna like me that you know, Yeah, that's true. Sarah: So Carter, you're you both had seven, and you said it was hard at first, and Ashley you're saying it was hard for me to kind of watch and know that this is part of it. Carter, was there something helpful that mom or dad did or didn't do during that time? Or is it just something you need to do on your own? Ashley: my mom like said the same thing, like put yourself out there, which did help a little bit. Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: But I think a also a lot of it's just on you essentially. You have to kinda just suck it up and, you know, maybe go out of your your little comfort zone, comfort bubble. So yeah, that's Sarah: Mm-hmm. Okay. Ashley: what I figured out. Yeah. I mean I remember I told liz: Okay. Ashley: Carter at one point, like he likes to play basketball. And I was like, you may not meet your best friend doing this, but like you never had a problem going to play pickup basketball, right? And I was like, No, go play pickup basketball in the gym. Just go play a game. And like you may never see these guys again, but they may talk to somebody in their class that you do become friends with. So it's like liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: those connections. I mean, I guess, you know, try to find something that you are comfortable doing and that's that liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: was the advice I gave him because otherwise I was about to get in the car and just start driving and be like this it's over experiment's over you're coming back home Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: I was like don't I don't like this you're so I mean I I was I was ready to come get you and rescue you from that teeny tiny awful dorm. Sarah: Ha ha ha. liz: Okay. Sarah and I talk a lot with college students and families, and I think it's really helpful. We'll be airing this episode at the beginning of the semester about what your expectations are about college and then like what the reality actually is like. so how much did your expectations of what school was gonna be like in that first semester match what the reality really was? Ten would be like it was exactly how I pictured best four years of my life. It was amazing. And zero's like it was a shit show. Like was not what I expected it to be like. Carter. Ashley: I mean based off first year I'd say seven, eight. It's pretty liz: so it's Ashley: it was it was kinda what I expected. Fun. liz: What were some of the things that you were expecting that you were like pleasantly surprised that it ended up kind of working out and you left the first year feeling good about things? Ashley: Having fun sp specifically to boulder skiing. I did quite a bit, even though the year was pretty bad. liz: Yeah. Ashley: yeah. That's that's what about classes? Like did you find them as hard as you thought they'd be or like I mean I'm just curious, like I thought they are kinda hard, but I thought they'd be harder. But some of them some of them it depends on the class. If it's an a lot if it's a liz: Right, right, right. Ashley: genet or a a core requirement class, liz: What what were things that you weren't expecting to be hard that ended up being harder than you anticipated? Ashley: I would say R to C, but that's like not most kids are doing that. liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: trying to think. mom, you wanna go? But well, I think my answer. Well, I I mean liz: Yeah. Ashley: my I thought Carter was gonna be gung-ho, like pledge of fraternity, honestly. But then like he kinda he kinda started to get in that situation and it just didn't like appeal to him as much as I thought it would. So that was kind of like a big surprise to me. Like it was really Rotsy. I didn't have enough time. Yeah, that is true. But you also didn't want to try Sarah: Were you worried about it? Ashley: what? Sarah: Like were I I was just wondering, like, did you worry for you 'cause I know part of it is like, there's an idea as a mom of like or a parent, like, this will make them happy or this is a typical college experience. liz: Yeah. Sarah: Were you relieved or worried that he wasn't interested in that? Ashley: I was relieved that he did not go forward with the fraternity because Sarah: Gotcha. Okay. Ashley: of his ROTC obligations. And that's ROTC is what is going to propel him into the Air Force. So, Sarah: Mm-hmm. Ashley: like, I don't know how I mean, I think it would have been fine, but I think it would have been so stressful to do all the pledging and then like and also this ROTC program. And so like one thing that when we were talking earlier that really surprised me is like the incredible, incredibly adult decision Carter made to be like, I've met some fun friends in this frat. I don't have to be a part of this frat to continue liz: Mm-hmm. Ashley: having a fun social life and meeting other guys, you know, and like going out with girls, whatever it is. So like I was like incredibly impressed with that decision. decision making. and I know you'll like, Well, I just didn't have time, but like it was a pretty big adult decision to kind of have the foresight to do that. So that I was really, really proud of him for doing that. And I was really relieved when, you know, the frat stuff 'cause I've heard I mean everyone knows, like it's just it's I'm not opposed to it. I mean, I would have been totally supportive. It's just that it's just seems like a lot at this point. So liz: Right, right. Well, I think it's also nice to hear and I you know, I've had a lot of patients that have gone to Boulder. It does have a big Greek life, but I think a lot of kids are worried when they don't participate in Greek life that they're gonna have no friends, right? particularly when it's a big part of the campus. So, anything else, even small things, laundry, feeding yourself, waking up, like taking care of yourself. Maybe you had great self management skills before you went to college. I don't know. Ashley: not r not really. Like liz: No, you were fine. Ashley: no. Well like no well my dorm is super small, so like there's not a lot of room to, you know, have your own space. He had three liz: Okay. Ashley: kids who were all over six feet tall and like humongous kids. Like it was a triple that was stuck into a small double. Sarah: yikes. Yeah. But you know, you live through it. But as a six five guy I'm wondering, whoa liz: So yes, yes. Ashley: Yeah. It was I've never seen anything like it. When I moved him out, like it was so gross. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that Sarah: We don't need to hear it. We don't need any visuals. Ashley: bad. But anyway, I I just I I I wrote a strongly worded letter to the University of Colorado being like, you cannot this is no wonder. I can't believe I didn't get meningitis. Like how is this possible? This is so unsafe. Sarah: Ha ha. Ashley: I'm like for the amount of money you spend at these colleges, you're like, I'm not asking for like, you know, what's that school? Blowing rock or whatever where they're like I don't know, they're they're putting in like hot tubs in the door. Like I'm not asking for like a super Sarah: Okay. liz: Wow. Ashley: fancy, but I'm asking for him not to contract, you know, hepatitis from just one thing. It's it's just basic. Yeah. Sarah: You're right. That's just a basic request. Carter. Last question. How off how many more strongly worded letters should your mom send to University of Colorado before you graduate? Ashley: Zero. She doesn't need to. He knows. He knows because we were moving out. I told the girl, I told the RA, I go, listen here. I go. Let me tell you, this is a i it shameful. We told the RA who has no power to change any of that. Well she needs to know. It was shameful. We liz: This poor alright. Sarah: He's like, Okay. I also have to live here. I already have meningitis. Ashley: just want to be done. Yeah. Right. He's like, I'm dying and I have a limp. So I but he like I don't under like there's a weird I know we're wrapping up, but there's like a weird level between your like like letting your kid go free and like still providing some comfort levels for liz: Yeah. Ashley: them. I mean, like my husband, his parents gave him a five dollar a week allowance and a meal plan and they're like, You're on your own kid and I mean I think that's that was like mean. Like he like he Yes, and now he's Sarah: He experienced that as too much. Yeah. Ashley: quite liked it. No, now that now that's why Dad is who he is. He's like a miser. He's like Ebenezer Scrooge. But like so maybe it was a good thing. But like I'm like always like y you know, the I don't know. I I don't I have a hard line figuring out what is the line between being like, how much money should I give him? When should I give him money? liz: the money thing. Ashley: Like, I don't know. Like what do other people do? Now now he doesn't have a meal plan, so I'm gonna give him more money a month, but like are you gonna spend it all on Velows or like, are you gonna spend it all on beer? You know what I mean? Like so I'm I'm scared to do that. So I'm c but I also don't want to just give him five dollars a week and he'll die, you know. Just starve. Sarah: Right. Yeah. And just like starve or like, you know, make money somehow. We've lots of ideas we could go into here. That's another podcast episode. liz: I know. I will I will say that is probably the number one thing that parents fight with their college students about is money and eating off campus versus on campus and it's it's a really it's Ashley: Yeah. liz: a very you know, I'm just hoping there's a summer job you have, Carter, that you're just really pocketing your own cash, hopefully. Sarah: Okay. Ashley: Yeah, I did, but he's been working all summer. But but also like during school with the ROTC and everything, I'm like I want school to be his primary focus. And I I don't want liz: Yeah. Right, right. Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: to sound like I can I can hear some parents go, get a job you know, I'm like, I got it. I worked also in college, but like Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: that's the part of me that's soft and I'm like, No, you focus on schoolwork. There's plenty of time to work. And you can work when you come liz: Right. Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: home Christmas and Thanksgiving and all that, you know. Sarah: Yeah. Sometimes I yeah, like liz: Right, right, right. Sarah: if you had to kind of work really hard, you maybe think, I don't n he doesn't need to work that hard. I want to give him a little something to not struggle so much. Ashley: Yeah. Sarah: Yeah. I it's a it's a tough balance. this has been so fun. Carter, you're such a good sport. I'm so glad you came on. liz: Yes. Ashley: Thank you. Appreciate it. No. Sarah: I promise not to air any baby pictures of you liz: Thank you for coming. Sarah: thanks so much. liz: will push stop. Thank you for coming. praying for Ashley: gosh, liz: some more snow out west for you this year so you get some more Sarah: Yeah. Ashley: I need liz: action. All right, everyone Ashley: I need it. Sarah: Have a great second year. On and off the slopes. Ashley: Thank you. That's awesome. Yeah. Yes.