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Episode 95: Turning Fear into Fuel: The Road to Recovery and Success · Voices for Voices®

• 0:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: Chapter 10 Surviving and Thriving.
• 0:04
  Justin Alan Hayes: We now enter a section of the book where I will cover the parts of my life that have been made possible solely because of my recovery.
• 0:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: If I had not hit the lowest of lows mentally, physically and spiritually and gained a second chance at life, I would not be here today.
• 0:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was given another chance at life and I am here today in a state of highly functioning recovery.
• 0:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: I am a person who needs affirmation and to be told how I am doing.
• 0:37
  Justin Alan Hayes: My psychiatrist has told me he is proud of me and helped me find the best steps forward.
• 0:43
  Justin Alan Hayes: I know that one of the main reasons I am still on this earth is to help others.
• 0:49
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have said this at various times throughout the book, but I believe it to be so true and worth mentioning again.
• 0:56
  Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of what I am about to talk about will describe the high points of my mental health recovery, for not only myself but the people around me who are also included in my journey.
• 1:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: I cannot do a lot of what I have and wanted to do without a mototransportation.
• 1:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: At the deepest, darkest times, I would travel in my car with a wide assortment of non-alcoholic drinks and snacks with the hope they would lessen the panic and anxiety I would have during driving.
• 1:28
  Justin Alan Hayes: This was if I was driving at all, which I had not done for a while.
• 1:33
  Justin Alan Hayes: Before my mental health crash, I had lost all confidence in myself as a driver which felt for the best and for the safety of myself and others.
• 1:43
  Justin Alan Hayes: This fear of driving held steady in my life all the way past the hospitalization and weeks of group therapy afterward.
• 1:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: Today I drive all the time, which has taken the form of my driving many hours on family vacations and all points and distances in between, with and without my family on board.
• 2:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: What has been a highlight of just recently is driving sometimes not all times without a host of beverages and snacks.
• 2:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: There are times where I will bring a snack and bottle of water with me, knowing that I will need them later, out of hunger, not anxiety.
• 2:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: A bottle of water is for thirst instead of stress and fear.
• 2:29
  Justin Alan Hayes: In fact, I have driven to and from places without bringing anything other than the essential wallet and jacket, weather permitting.
• 2:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: A few short months into my recovery, as an attempt to get back at it and speak in public again, I booked speaking engagements at colleges and universities in the Chicago, illinois and Miami Florida areas.
• 2:53
  Justin Alan Hayes: Attending these engagements was to be a four-day trip that had me speak in front of classes and groups of people about one of my areas of expertise workforce preparation and personal branding.
• 3:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: Two of the groups I was going to be speaking to were the college students who had just earned certificates of achievement that would allow them to continue to pursue their academic goals.
• 3:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: How awesome that I was included in these momentous occasions.
• 3:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: All the speaking engagements were arranged prior through a shared social network between a teaching faculty and me.
• 3:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of unknowns, new people which I had never met before in plane, taxi and train travel, all at a time when I reverted from my iPhone to a flip phone with only talk and texting functionality.
• 3:47
  Justin Alan Hayes: I took the whole trip as a challenge, which some could argue I may not have been ready for.
• 3:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: Nonetheless, I prepared the best I could and did it.
• 3:57
  Justin Alan Hayes: I knew that I wanted to help others, to share my story, to help them fight adversity, and this opportunity was what jump-started my successful career of becoming a public speaker and advocate for mental health.
• 4:10
  Justin Alan Hayes: So not only did I speak to three classes at two universities in one day, but I conquered a newly found fear of heights while on top of the Willis Tower, formerly known as the Sears Tower.
• 4:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: I even had someone take my picture sitting on top of the glass partition to document my success.
• 4:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have since continued to speak to audiences of varying sizes, some up to 300 plus per engagement, where I have used high level outlines of what I intended to cover and tape them to the floor.
• 4:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have learned that it is okay whether I want to use speaking aids or not.
• 4:49
  Justin Alan Hayes: It takes some of the pressure off me, always having to memorize the topics and their order, especially with the added butterflies in my stomach.
• 4:58
  Justin Alan Hayes: I no longer judge myself as harshly as others, since it only adds to my stress level.
• 5:04
  Justin Alan Hayes: I am successful in that more times than not, but I do not beat myself up over the times when I inevitably slip up.
• 5:13
  Justin Alan Hayes: Nobody is perfect and I have learned to accept that about myself.
• 5:17
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have successfully filed and now have my company, the House of you, and have registered my logo with a United States Patent Trademark Office, which was the goal of mine since the beginning of my speaking engagements years ago.
• 5:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: This provides me with some more credibility, which leads to higher search rankings when people search online.
• 5:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: The process starting with filing an initial application, but I quickly found out that I was not in complete understanding of what I needed to include.
• 5:49
  Justin Alan Hayes: I found an attorney to assist me through the process.
• 5:53
  Justin Alan Hayes: I learned again that I am not an expert on all things and that it was okay to ask others for help, and I am glad I did.
• 6:01
  Justin Alan Hayes: Throughout the course of my mental health journey and recovery, I have kept my eye on additional ways I could be helping others, gaining the trademark and credibility being one important step.
• 6:13
  Justin Alan Hayes: One of those ways came to my attention via email.
• 6:18
  Justin Alan Hayes: The local chapter of the American Marketing Association, ama, was running a recruitment campaign for select board and committee members.
• 6:26
  Justin Alan Hayes: This particular email was of interest to me because I had been a member of this organization for a number of years.
• 6:33
  Justin Alan Hayes: In the board of directors role that was available was titled VP of Collegiate Relations, which fit in with my passion for helping students.
• 6:43
  Justin Alan Hayes: If this VP of Collegiate Relations board role was a fit for me in the eyes of the organization, then I was up for the challenge.
• 6:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was called to participate in the interview process and subsequently voted into the role.
• 6:58
  Justin Alan Hayes: Things could not have lined up more perfectly, since I would now have an additional platform in which to help others.
• 7:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: This opportunity has brought me the ability to continue to hone my speaking skills, networking and mentoring skills as well.
• 7:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: Not only have I been the VP of Collegiate Relations for the AMA.
• 7:20
  Justin Alan Hayes: Just a short time ago, during our succession planning for the next board year, our current president had formally asked if I had any interest in becoming president the following year.
• 7:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: I had known all the board members were going through the succession process, and so I too had wondered who she would have in mind.
• 7:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: So now, in the last few months of our fiscal year, I have taken on the president-elect duties on top of my Collegiate Relations duties.
• 7:47
  Justin Alan Hayes: All that wraps up to include recruitment and retention of organization members and committee members, learning the budgeting and fiscal responsibilities we have for our immediate chapter and how to report those findings to the national organization.
• 8:03
  Justin Alan Hayes: It feels so good to be recognized by someone else for doing a good job, even though I was already happy with myself for taking on the VP of Collegiate Relations to start with, along with my deliverables throughout my first year on any sort of board of directors.
• 8:22
  Justin Alan Hayes: In addition, I have also gotten involved with the local National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI chapter by participating in the annual NAMI walks as a walk team leader, I help fundraise so NAMI can keep providing mental health services to those in need of them in my local community.
• 8:41
  Justin Alan Hayes: Helping others who are experiencing a crisis in real time is important to me, and I have found that involvement with NAMI is a great way to reach them with resources they need, and so now I have realized that the glimmers of hope, the rays of sunshine throughout everything have all been added together and have given me the opportunity to survive and thrive in life.
• 9:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: Let us discuss the part of my life thus far that has truly given me my prescription for living In 2020,.
• 9:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: I attended two important conferences.
• 9:18
  Justin Alan Hayes: I would like to share with you.
• 9:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: To follow is a glimpse into my routine and structure while traveling to one of those conferences and how I continue to thrive while helping others.
• 9:29
  Justin Alan Hayes: Professional conferences are usually held in desirable locations, such as somewhere warm, with a compelling array of dining, shopping and nightlife opportunities, and so traveling to New Orleans in March of 2020 was just what I had planned as an AMA board member.
• 9:50
  Justin Alan Hayes: Having completed a successful speaking engagement just a week prior, I had renewed confidence in wanting to keep my travel as structurally consistent as possible this time around.
• 10:02
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was not lucky enough to have a non-stop flight to New Orleans.
• 10:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: I checked in to learn that the first flight was delayed, pushing my departure time back a half hour and compromising the following connections.
• 10:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: Then I found that my bag was overweight and I needed to throw out my drinking water to avoid paying a fee.
• 10:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: When rearranging my luggage in the check-in line and rebooking my flight, my stress level went above what I had planned for a normal travel day.
• 10:35
  Justin Alan Hayes: However, I was proud of myself for my quick thinking and decision-making process.
• 10:41
  Justin Alan Hayes: My new flight was to arrive into New Orleans at 11.45pm later than the previously scheduled 8.45pm.
• 10:51
  Justin Alan Hayes: Again, another curveball with the new timing.
• 10:54
  Justin Alan Hayes: That was out of my control.
• 10:56
  Justin Alan Hayes: I tried to keep my sleep schedule as consistent as possible, which includes taking my evening medication around the same time each night.
• 11:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: This changed, however uncontrollable and the best the airline could do for me, immediately added stress as I was trying to work out a revised sleep routine schedule in my mind.
• 11:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: Eventually, I thought I was booked onto the wrong flight after the confusing rebooked debacle, because my destination was suddenly Orlando.
• 11:28
  Justin Alan Hayes: That was not originally on my agenda.
• 11:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: I checked out the flight and gate information on the large monitors in the airport.
• 11:36
  Justin Alan Hayes: I searched multiple monitors for a flight to New Orleans and did not see my flight.
• 11:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: The number on my boarding pass did not match any flight information on the airport monitors.
• 11:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: So I began to think my flight would just continue to Orlando after New Orleans.
• 11:54
  Justin Alan Hayes: Except I learned on the flight in which my boarding pass had directed me to, once we were pulling away from the gate with closed, securely fastened doors, that the flight time to Orlando would be 1 hour and 52 minutes.
• 12:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: So, in true Home Alone 2 fashion, I thought I was on the wrong flight.
• 12:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: The ticket attendant at the gate before boarding told me that there was only one stop on my boarding pass and Orlando was not listed as the destination.
• 12:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: Later I was reassured by a flight attendant that my plane will stop in Baltimore as expected and continue to Orlando to pick up new passengers from Orlando on their way to New Orleans.
• 12:36
  Justin Alan Hayes: Those passengers currently on board en route to Baltimore and Orlando to end in New Orleans will not need to get off the plane at those stops.
• 12:46
  Justin Alan Hayes: So I sat back in a completely new seat that I had not previously selected and enjoyed the flight as best I could.
• 12:54
  Justin Alan Hayes: At least I was not stuck in a middle seat.
• 12:57
  Justin Alan Hayes: When traveling, anything could change, but I had prepared myself with my go to calm app and noise canceling headphones.
• 13:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: As I arrived at the conference in New Orleans as scheduled, I was proud that I made the best of a hectic and chaotic travel day.
• 13:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: I can manage my mental health so much better at this point that stressful travel no longer consumes my being.
• 13:22
  Justin Alan Hayes: During the conference, I was able to interact and socialize with the conference organizers and attendees in a seamless manner.
• 13:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: I think this was made possible by all the tasks in my recovery toolbox and even in part due to what I transpired during my travels At some past conferences.
• 13:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was like a fish out of water.
• 13:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: I would avoid joining groups and socializing as best I could, from the networking breakfast to keynote presentations.
• 13:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: Here I did not feel that way.
• 13:55
  Justin Alan Hayes: I felt a little more empowered and social than usual, which was a great thing for me.
• 14:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: A side note here is that in the past I would usually attend conferences with a co-worker or someone I knew from the organization, so a person might correlate that to a more relaxed behavior, but that was not further from the truth.
• 14:17
  Justin Alan Hayes: For me, it did not matter how many people I knew and was comfortable with beforehand.
• 14:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was not taking care of myself and prioritizing my needs in a healthy way.
• 14:28
  Justin Alan Hayes: At the time Now, in New Orleans, I was attending by myself, with nobody from my organization, and I was functioning at a high level.
• 14:38
  Justin Alan Hayes: Case in point during one of my most vulnerable times of day for anxiety, at lunch, toward the middle of the afternoon, I was able to stand on stage with my co-table moderators in front of attendees and focus on what I was going to say about my background and expertise, while each of the six co-moderators ahead of me shared theirs.
• 15:01
  Justin Alan Hayes: This was huge for me because, despite the time of day, my ability to stay within myself and focusing on a task at hand, I was able to keep my cool.
• 15:13
  Justin Alan Hayes: I remember many times where I would focus so much on what others were saying that I would lose focus on what I was going to share, coming across scatterbrained and ill-prepared.
• 15:25
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was, and still am, immensely proud of myself for this recent achievement in New Orleans.
• 15:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: No matter how well I picked up a task or function, I notoriously struggled with feeling a sense of happiness or accomplishment, and not this time.
• 15:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: This was a major win for me and my mental health.
• 15:45
  Justin Alan Hayes: I received the following statement from a student at the conference.
• 15:50
  Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us at the sales and marketing round table.
• 15:55
  Justin Alan Hayes: I wanted to let you know I've already started to put together my portfolio and samples of my classwork, thanks to the advice you gave us.
• 16:05
  Justin Alan Hayes: Receiving this statement solidified my happiness at how well this conference had gone for me.
• 16:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: On the final day in New Orleans, I treated myself to a visit to Bourbon Street, known for wildness and binge drinking.
• 16:20
  Justin Alan Hayes: In the past, this environment would have presented a huge challenge for me, with a chance of relapsing into old habits.
• 16:29
  Justin Alan Hayes: This time around, that did not happen.
• 16:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: I stayed within myself, reminding myself about how far I have come and to remember my progress.
• 16:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: I was happy all around because I was proving to myself how good of a spot I am.
• 16:46
  Justin Alan Hayes: In the next day, my travels home fortunately did not include a cross-country trip and I made it home to Cleveland as expected with no issues Like in New Orleans, for example.
• 17:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have had, and continue to have, great wins in times of happiness, but need to keep working at my mental health.
• 17:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: I, like you, need to continue to identify new methods of self-care to add to my mental health toolbox.
• 17:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: Recovering backwards in my recovery is a challenge I face every day, but I have the faith that I can continue recovering and helping others in any way that I can.