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Turn On The News: The Enemy From Within · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

0:01
SPEAKER_03: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin direct via
0:04
SPEAKER_03: satellite from our on-the-spot task force.
0:09
SPEAKER_02: No sports, no rock, no information.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: For mindless chatter, we're your station.
0:15
SPEAKER_02: Stand by for news.
0:17
SPEAKER_03: News on the mark.
0:21
SPEAKER_03: Newsroom in New York.
0:22
SPEAKER_03: Newsroom.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: You have tuned in Turn on the News,
0:29
SPEAKER_01: the weekly newscast from the radio network,
0:31
SPEAKER_01: with all the radio coverage of the radio.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Now with computerized news readers,
0:37
SPEAKER_01: with fewer meddling humans,
0:39
SPEAKER_01: and more aggregated reporting and automated music.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: Tune in Turn on the News each week for the latest news,
0:45
SPEAKER_01: radio art,
0:46
SPEAKER_01: and more from our robot reporters,
0:48
SPEAKER_01: making sure you hear both sides good and evil every time you turn on the news.
0:55
No, we can't.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Husker do you think JD Vance likes Husker do?
1:39
SPEAKER_01: Why does everything have to be so weird?
1:43
SPEAKER_02: These are dangerous times.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: Something terrible is going to happen.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: It's just chaos.
1:50
SPEAKER_02: If everything works out, if everybody gets out and votes on January 5th.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: Feels like the longest election campaign of all time.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: With the election just three weeks from today,
1:59
SPEAKER_02: the latest polls are as close as they can possibly be without touching,
2:03
SPEAKER_02: which makes it just that much hotter.
2:05
SPEAKER_02: We are in the somebody please put Trump in a home stretch of this thing.
2:10
SPEAKER_02: And I... Tannibal Lecter is getting more erratic every day.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: it's a messy weekend for donald trump's or human dumpster he said he made many
2:24
SPEAKER_02: statements he said democrats want to ban windows he said democrats want to ban cows
2:29
SPEAKER_02: he called america an occupied country he threatened to withhold federal aid for
2:34
SPEAKER_02: california wildfires in the future if governor newsom doesn't do what he says he
2:39
SPEAKER_02: again bragged about not using a teleprompter while reading from a teleprompter
2:44
SPEAKER_02: And it's hard to believe that anyone is going along with this,
2:47
SPEAKER_02: but he got a big crowd in Aurora,
2:49
SPEAKER_02: Colorado,
2:50
SPEAKER_02: where the MAGA faithful assembled to bask in the glow of their dear misleader.
2:54
SPEAKER_02: Trump was in Aurora to double down on his thoroughly debunked claims that the
2:58
SPEAKER_02: city's been overrun by Venezuelan street gangs.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: The Republican mayor of Aurora said the city has not been occupied by migrant gangs.
3:07
SPEAKER_02: He said Trump's claims were grossly exaggerated.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: and have unfairly hurt the city's identity and sense of safety.
3:13
SPEAKER_02: But he doesn't care about anyone's safety.
3:15
SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump only cares about one big fat orange thing, him.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: He wants us to shudder with terror any time we see anyone who looks even slightly different.
3:26
SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump's newest vision of MAGA is to make America Germany in the 1930s again.
3:32
SPEAKER_02: Kamala has imported an army of illegal alien gang members and migrant criminals
3:39
SPEAKER_02: from the dungeons of the third world.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: To prey upon innocent American citizens.
4:06
SPEAKER_02: They're very, very, very sick with highly contagious disease.
4:11
SPEAKER_02: And they're let into our country to infect our country.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: These people are the most violent people on earth,
4:40
SPEAKER_02: and they're bringing drugs,
4:42
SPEAKER_02: and they're bringing crime,
4:45
SPEAKER_02: and they're rapists.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: And that's a man who knows rapists, I'll tell you that.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: Better than anybody.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: Trump said if elected, he will invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798.
5:00
SPEAKER_02: If you're not familiar with that one,
5:02
SPEAKER_02: the last time it was used was to set up Japanese-American internment camps during
5:06
SPEAKER_02: World War II.
5:07
SPEAKER_02: I will invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798.
5:10
SPEAKER_02: Think of that.
5:15
SPEAKER_02: 1798, this was put there.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: 1798, that's a long time ago, right?
5:19
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it was a long time ago.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: It was such a long time ago that the Alien Enemies Act was originally aimed at French immigrants.
5:27
SPEAKER_02: This is not a healthy individual.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: You know, Kamala Harris released her medical information over the weekend.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: According to the White House doctor,
5:34
SPEAKER_02: the vice president is in excellent health other than seasonal allergies,
5:38
SPEAKER_02: mild nearsightedness,
5:39
SPEAKER_02: and hives.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: Gee, I wonder what could be giving her hives.
5:44
SPEAKER_02: Trump won't release his medical records.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: So instead,
5:47
SPEAKER_02: he's attempted to shift the focus over to Kamala Harris,
5:49
SPEAKER_02: trying to make her seasonal allergies sound scary,
5:51
SPEAKER_02: posting,
5:52
SPEAKER_02: according to her doctor's report,
5:54
SPEAKER_02: she suffers from allergic rhinitis and allergic conjunctivitis,
6:00
SPEAKER_02: a very messy and dangerous situation.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: No, no, absolutely.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: Rhinitis and conjunctivitis.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: Imagine this.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: Walk down the...
6:10
SPEAKER_02: Imagine this.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: Kamala is meeting with the Saudi ambassador.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: She sneezes.
6:15
SPEAKER_02: He says, bless you.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: Boom, she's a Muslim.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh, my God.
6:23
SPEAKER_02: She has allergic rhinitis and conjunctivitis?
6:26
SPEAKER_02: The medical term for hay fever?
6:28
SPEAKER_02: Is there a priest on call?
6:31
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't have long.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: You can't be president with hay fever.
6:36
SPEAKER_02: What if the Russians bombard the White House with hay?
6:40
SPEAKER_02: That is how healthy Kamala Harris is.
6:42
SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump is reduced to calling her allergies a very messy and dangerous situation.
6:48
SPEAKER_02: Although, in fairness to Trump, in this case, it's a woman sneezing, so that makes it more disgusting.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: A sneeze is the period of the face.
6:57
SPEAKER_02: Trump has not released his medical report.
6:59
SPEAKER_02: He has not released his medical report.
7:01
SPEAKER_02: He's not released his tax returns, his healthcare plan.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: He hasn't released his sports bra for months.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: He refuses to release his medical records.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: I've done it.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: Every other presidential camp, every other presidential candidate in modern era has done it.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: One must question, are they afraid that people will see that he is too weak and unstable to lead America?
7:33
SPEAKER_02: Is that what's going on?
7:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, probably.
7:36
SPEAKER_02: He was up at 1.12 AM posting,
7:39
SPEAKER_02: I believe it is very important that Kamala Harris pass a test on cognitive stamina
7:45
SPEAKER_02: and agility.
7:46
SPEAKER_02: The guy who's up in the middle of the night reading tweets about himself wants to
7:50
SPEAKER_02: give someone else a cognitive test.
7:52
SPEAKER_02: Trump's cognitive decline was on full display this weekend.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: For example, he was in Detroit and struggled to talk about his economic plan.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: It'll also bring your grocery bill way down.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: I have more complaints on grocery.
8:03
SPEAKER_02: The word grocery, you know, it's sort of a simple word, but it sort of means like everything you eat.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: The stomach is speaking.
8:09
SPEAKER_02: It always does.
8:11
SPEAKER_02: It does.
8:13
SPEAKER_02: It's true.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: It's true.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: The stomach is speaking.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: The colon is weeping.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: And my rectum is whistling.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: Yankee doodle dandy.
8:29
SPEAKER_02: Yankee doodle.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: Trump said this about Detroit City while he was in Detroit.
8:36
SPEAKER_02: The whole country is going to be like, you want to know the truth?
8:39
SPEAKER_02: It'll be like Detroit.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: Our whole country will end up being like Detroit if she's your president.
8:43
SPEAKER_02: You're going to have a mess on your hands.
8:46
SPEAKER_02: It's a pretty weird strategy to dunk on your host city.
8:49
SPEAKER_02: I will very quickly defleet.
8:52
SPEAKER_02: We are going to take inflation and we are going to deflate it.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: We are going to deflate inflation.
9:01
SPEAKER_02: We are going to defeat inflation.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: It's true.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: We are going to defleet,
9:08
SPEAKER_02: deflate,
9:08
SPEAKER_02: defoot,
9:12
SPEAKER_02: defoe,
9:13
SPEAKER_02: Willem,
9:13
SPEAKER_02: Dijon,
9:17
SPEAKER_02: delivery,
9:18
SPEAKER_02: and frankly,
9:19
SPEAKER_02: not delivery,
9:20
SPEAKER_02: DiGiorno.
9:22
SPEAKER_02: That's what we're going to do.
9:24
SPEAKER_02: Get the door.
9:24
SPEAKER_02: It's Domino's.
9:31
SPEAKER_02: Where else did he go?
9:32
SPEAKER_02: Well,
9:32
SPEAKER_02: he also traveled to Reno,
9:34
SPEAKER_02: Nevada,
9:35
SPEAKER_02: and this next clip seems out of context,
9:38
SPEAKER_02: but let me assure you,
9:39
SPEAKER_02: there is no context.
9:40
SPEAKER_02: You know, I did three of them today.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: I did a little one, a little tiny one with a small group, and then I did a really big one.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: I did a big one, and I did this one, and I'm still raring to go.
9:55
SPEAKER_02: There is no knowing what he's talking about.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: It's impossible.
9:59
SPEAKER_02: Can't be done.
9:59
SPEAKER_02: According to a new CNN fact check,
10:01
SPEAKER_02: former President Trump made at least 11 false claims during an interview this week
10:05
SPEAKER_02: with conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Only 11?
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Was it a four-minute interview?
10:09
SPEAKER_02: I feel like Trump could make 11 false claims during a haiku.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: Ever since she embarrassed him in the debate,
10:16
SPEAKER_02: Trump has doubled down on insulting Kamala Harris's intelligence.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: He calls her low IQ.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: He called her mentally disabled.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: And according to the failing New York Times,
10:25
SPEAKER_02: at a dinner with some of his donors,
10:27
SPEAKER_02: he said the vice president was,
10:28
SPEAKER_02: quote,
10:29
SPEAKER_02: retarded.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: Well, man, when they go low, they go real.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: Trump's like a mole person tunneling his way to China.
10:36
SPEAKER_02: And when he gets there,
10:38
SPEAKER_02: he's going to visit the place where they print his God Bless the USA Trump Bibles.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: It's...
10:43
SPEAKER_02: You know,
10:43
SPEAKER_02: we learned over the weekend from this new book by Bob Woodward that Trump's former
10:51
SPEAKER_02: chairman of the Joint Chiefs,
10:53
SPEAKER_02: General Mark Milley,
10:54
SPEAKER_02: said Donald is,
10:55
SPEAKER_02: quote,
10:55
SPEAKER_02: the most dangerous person to this country and fascist to the core,
11:00
SPEAKER_02: which is a strong,
11:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean,
11:02
SPEAKER_02: where would he get an idea like that?
11:05
SPEAKER_02: I think the bigger problem is the enemy from within,
11:07
SPEAKER_02: not even the people that have come in and destroying our country.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: By the way, totally destroying our country.
11:13
SPEAKER_02: The towns, the villages, they're being inundated.
11:16
SPEAKER_02: But I don't think they're the problem in terms of election day.
11:19
SPEAKER_02: I think the bigger problem are the people from within.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: We have some very bad people.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: We have some sick people, radical left lunatics.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: And I think they're the and it should be very easily handled by,
11:30
SPEAKER_02: if necessary,
11:31
SPEAKER_02: by national guard or if really necessary,
11:33
SPEAKER_02: by the military.
11:35
SPEAKER_02: Just a former president suggesting he'll use the military against his fellow
11:38
SPEAKER_02: citizens for exercising their freedom of speech.
11:40
SPEAKER_02: Nothing to worry about, folks.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: Seriously, when is he going to grow that little mustache already?
11:45
SPEAKER_02: Because if there's only three weeks left, you've got to get started.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't just appear.
11:50
SPEAKER_02: For whatever reason.
11:54
SPEAKER_02: And this is mind boggling.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: Trump, according to the polls, has doubled his support among black American men.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: And he couldn't wait to tell all the white people who came to see him in Reno about it.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: And my numbers with the black and especially black men, I love black men.
12:09
SPEAKER_02: I love them.
12:11
SPEAKER_02: I love them.
12:14
SPEAKER_02: I have gone through the roof with black men.
12:19
SPEAKER_02: Black men.
12:21
SPEAKER_02: As long as they don't try to live in one of my buildings, I love black men.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Black.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: At that rally in Prescott, he was attempting to say the word Assyrians, and instead, this came out.
12:35
SPEAKER_02: Also, we have many Asurasians.
12:40
SPEAKER_02: We love the Asurasians, and we love black men.
12:47
SPEAKER_02: I can't believe Trump is inventing new races.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: He doesn't even like the old ones.
12:53
SPEAKER_02: Kanye West also played Coachella on Saturday.
12:56
SPEAKER_02: No one knows why he's campaigning in Southern California,
12:59
SPEAKER_02: where he's about as popular as deep vein thrombosis,
13:02
SPEAKER_02: but...
13:03
SPEAKER_02: He held a rally in Coachella, which is outside of Palm Springs.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: He rambled for more than 80 minutes in 100 degree heat.
13:09
SPEAKER_02: And then after the rally, the crowd was transported to the venue on buses.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: Afterwards,
13:15
SPEAKER_02: they cut off the bus service so people had to walk through the desert for two hours
13:21
SPEAKER_02: to get back to their car.
13:22
SPEAKER_02: Could there be a more perfect metaphor for what four more years of Donald Trump
13:26
SPEAKER_02: will be like than him stranding his own supporters in the desert?
13:33
SPEAKER_02: There were conflicting reports on why the buses didn't show up.
13:36
SPEAKER_02: Some said the local gas stations ran out of fuel.
13:39
SPEAKER_02: Others claimed the buses were sabotaged.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: But this firsthand video from a Trump supporter gives you a good idea of what went on.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: This isn't normal.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: Apparently the buses are no longer coming.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: Or at least there used to be like 20 buses when we were being brought here.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: But now there's only like three buses operating.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: And it's an absolute...
14:03
SPEAKER_01: It's just chaos, absolute chaos.
14:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm Donald Trump, and I approve this message.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: Promises made, promises kept.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: We'll be right back.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: Sharpening stones, walking on coals, to improve your business acumen.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: Sharpening stones, walking on coals, to improve your business acumen.
15:59
SPEAKER_02: Indecided, enemy mad, I'm addressing the real positive.
16:06
SPEAKER_02: Goodbye.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: Sharpening stones, walking on coals, to improve your business acumen.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: Sharpening stones, walking on coals, to improve your business acumen.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: Enemy sighted, enemy met, I'm addressing the weak.
17:07
SPEAKER_02: When you see the dress in the tape, it's not to you as quick.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: Exhuming McCarthy.
17:14
SPEAKER_02: Exhuming McCarthy.
17:16
SPEAKER_02: Exhuming McCarthy.
17:17
SPEAKER_02: Exhuming McCarthy.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: When asked in a new interview about his former Vice President Mike Pence,
17:33
SPEAKER_02: former President Trump said that they had a very good relationship,
17:36
SPEAKER_02: but added,
17:36
SPEAKER_02: quote,
17:37
SPEAKER_02: he couldn't cross the line of doing what was right.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: And if you've ever doubted Trump knew he lost the election, the phrase cross the line proves it.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: No one ever crosses the line to do what's right.
17:50
SPEAKER_02: They cross the line to do what's wrong.
17:51
SPEAKER_03: No one ever says, darling, this flower arrangement you got me truly crosses the line.
17:57
SPEAKER_03: of love this election is inexplicably close the average of polls in the seven key
18:02
SPEAKER_03: battleground states all show the candidates within one or two points and if you
18:06
SPEAKER_03: heard that and didn't yourself congratulations we don't know what's ahead on
18:11
SPEAKER_03: election night though i can confidently predict if trump loses he will not concede
18:16
SPEAKER_03: gracefully
18:17
SPEAKER_03: He's already said he will only accept the results if it's a fair and legal and good election.
18:21
SPEAKER_03: And he's been laying the groundwork to cry foul if he loses.
18:24
SPEAKER_03: The only thing they do well, they cheat.
18:26
SPEAKER_02: Their policies are no good,
18:28
SPEAKER_02: their government is no good,
18:29
SPEAKER_02: their management is no good,
18:30
SPEAKER_02: but they cheat like nobody can cheat.
18:32
SPEAKER_02: They cheat.
18:33
SPEAKER_02: They cheated in the last election, and they're going to cheat in this election.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: Look, if we can keep the cheating down to a minimum, because these people cheat, they cheat like hell.
18:44
SPEAKER_02: If we can keep it down to a minimum, we win easily.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: We have to vote, and we have to make sure that we stop them from cheating, because they cheat like dogs.
18:53
SPEAKER_03: Trump and his campaign have co-opted the phrase election interference to refer to
18:58
SPEAKER_03: pretty much anything from the multiple indictments against him to the Fed's recent
19:01
SPEAKER_03: decision to cut interest rates,
19:02
SPEAKER_03: with Trump at one point even posting election interference,
19:05
SPEAKER_03: never surrender,
19:07
SPEAKER_03: with his own mugshot.
19:08
SPEAKER_03: We need to be ready for the possibility that the mess that happened last time could
19:12
SPEAKER_03: happen again,
19:13
SPEAKER_03: especially because Trump hasn't faced any real consequences for it.
19:17
SPEAKER_03: He's even bragged that he's become more popular in the wake of his indictment.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: It's so crazy that my poll numbers go up.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where
19:32
SPEAKER_02: you have every right to do it,
19:35
SPEAKER_03: You get invited and your poll numbers go up.
19:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is fucking crazy.
19:41
SPEAKER_03: When the Watergate tapes came out, Nixon had to resign in disgrace.
19:44
SPEAKER_03: If that happened today,
19:45
SPEAKER_03: he'd probably be able to release them all as an audiobook and win a fucking Grammy.
19:50
SPEAKER_03: But it's more than just talk.
19:52
SPEAKER_03: Trump supporters have taken active steps to undermine the upcoming election.
19:56
SPEAKER_03: The lies about immigrants voting,
19:57
SPEAKER_03: the mass voter challenges,
19:58
SPEAKER_03: and the introduction of new processes to slow down and question vote counts.
20:02
SPEAKER_03: It seems depressingly likely we're about to see a storm of bullshit just like last time.
20:07
SPEAKER_03: And there are a few things that we should probably be ready for.
20:11
SPEAKER_03: First,
20:11
SPEAKER_03: unless there is an absolute landslide,
20:14
SPEAKER_03: we're unlikely to know the outcome of the election on November 5th.
20:17
SPEAKER_03: And when it comes to Georgia,
20:19
SPEAKER_03: if Harris wins narrowly there,
20:21
SPEAKER_03: we'll almost certainly see legal battles stretching into December or beyond.
20:25
SPEAKER_03: All the while,
20:26
SPEAKER_03: Trump will try and exploit any delay or uncertainty,
20:29
SPEAKER_03: unless that is he wins outright,
20:30
SPEAKER_03: in which case he'll suddenly insist he triumphed over a rigged system.
20:34
SPEAKER_03: So that is what we can expect.
20:36
SPEAKER_03: What can we do?
20:38
SPEAKER_03: Well,
20:38
SPEAKER_03: you can,
20:39
SPEAKER_03: and I hate saying this as much as you probably hate hearing it,
20:41
SPEAKER_03: make a plan to vote and help others do the same.
20:44
SPEAKER_03: Since the closer the race is, the easier it'll be for Trump to sow bullshit.
20:50
SPEAKER_03: You should check to make sure that your voter registration is current.
20:53
SPEAKER_03: You can use this website to find links to your state's voter registration verification tools.
20:57
SPEAKER_03: Vote early if you can to ensure that if there's any issue with your registration,
21:01
SPEAKER_03: you can clear it up before election day.
21:03
SPEAKER_03: And if you vote by mail...
21:05
SPEAKER_03: you can find a tracking tool for your ballot at this website below.
21:09
SPEAKER_03: But beyond that,
21:10
SPEAKER_03: it is going to be vital to be resilient against the storm of toxic nonsense that
21:15
SPEAKER_03: Trump and his allies will try and stir up.
21:17
SPEAKER_03: It could go on for months and be stupider than you can even imagine right now.
21:22
SPEAKER_03: So stupid that someone you know, love or are related to, and those are three very different things,
21:28
SPEAKER_03: might even think that there is something to it.
21:30
SPEAKER_03: But the key thing to remember here is that as chaotic as the last election was,
21:35
SPEAKER_03: in the end,
21:36
SPEAKER_03: our guardrails did hold.
21:38
SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna need to make sure that they hold up again.
21:41
SPEAKER_03: Last night's Trump Town Hall was banana pants, boo-boo bonkers.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: Trump was doing a town hall with puppy shooter Kristi Noem and all was well.
21:51
SPEAKER_02: He took four questions and then a couple of people passed out from the heat.
21:55
SPEAKER_02: Hold it, please.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: A doctor, please.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: Some problems.
21:58
SPEAKER_02: They're both okay.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: They're both in good shape.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: That's wonderful.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: Would anybody else like to faint?
22:09
SPEAKER_02: Anyone else want to pull focus with their medical emergency?
22:13
SPEAKER_02: Get it out of the way.
22:15
SPEAKER_02: Calm down, Donald.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: No one was trying to fake.
22:17
SPEAKER_02: Trust me, no one wants to have a medical episode in front of Christine Noem.
22:23
SPEAKER_02: She's just looking for an excuse to take you to the gravel pit.
22:28
SPEAKER_02: She cocked her shotgun when she heard Kamala had allergies.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: But while the staff was attending to the situation,
22:34
SPEAKER_02: Trump decided to play some music to keep up morale,
22:37
SPEAKER_02: and this guy,
22:38
SPEAKER_02: this guy really knows what the people want.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: So,
22:42
SPEAKER_02: we had a beautiful evening,
22:44
SPEAKER_02: and I don't know if they could get this song up quickly,
22:46
SPEAKER_02: but if they could play Ave Maria,
22:49
SPEAKER_02: if you can get it,
22:50
SPEAKER_02: Justin,
22:50
SPEAKER_02: let's go,
22:51
SPEAKER_02: if you can.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: It's so beautiful there, right?
23:01
SPEAKER_02: Listen to that.
23:02
SPEAKER_02: We have nice music.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: We're together.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: Not bad.
23:05
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
23:05
SPEAKER_02: Not bad.
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Mr. President.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, everybody, very much.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: Ave Maria, huh?
23:13
SPEAKER_02: You sure you don't want to get the crowd hyped with some Gregorian chants instead?
23:17
SPEAKER_02: All right.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: Warming up the crowd, easing them into it.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: Then you hit them with the banger.
23:24
SPEAKER_02: A different version of the same song.
23:27
SPEAKER_02: If my guys can hear me, let's listen to Pavarotti.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Sing Ave Maria.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: Can you hear that?
23:34
SPEAKER_02: They gave me the Ave Maria with no voice.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: Put on Pavarotti singing Ave Maria.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: Nice and loud.
23:41
SPEAKER_02: Turn it up louder.
23:42
SPEAKER_02: We want a little action here.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: Turn it up louder.
24:13
SPEAKER_02: Trump is just lapping it up.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Why does Trump know so much about Ave Maria?
24:18
SPEAKER_02: Was it used in a McDonald's commercial?
24:21
SPEAKER_02: And he really loves that song.
24:23
SPEAKER_02: Who's going to tell him it's about a virgin?
24:26
SPEAKER_02: Flacido Domingo completely now stopped taking questions and just started playing songs.
24:33
SPEAKER_02: Then poor Christie tries to get things back on track so she can ask more questions,
24:37
SPEAKER_02: but Trump was just in full DJ mode.
24:40
SPEAKER_02: Let's not do any more questions.
24:42
SPEAKER_02: Let's just listen to music.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: Let's make it into our music.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?
24:51
SPEAKER_02: I love how everyone's always criticizing Kamala for not being specific with her policies.
24:56
SPEAKER_02: Meanwhile, Trump's like, shh, shh, shh, no questions, no talking.
25:00
SPEAKER_02: We're just going to vibe for a while.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: Just going to let my body do the talking.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: He played music and kind of did that baby toddler jumping dance that he does for a full 39 minutes.
25:15
SPEAKER_02: He just stood there swaying like a manatee tangled in seaweed.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: One of the most notable and honestly strange stretches of the campaign we have seen,
25:25
SPEAKER_02: a Trump town hall that essentially just stopped in the middle
25:30
SPEAKER_02: with him playing music and dancing on stage.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: He had only taken about four questions in what was supposed to be a town hall,
25:38
SPEAKER_02: and instead it was just him on stage requesting various songs to be played and
25:43
SPEAKER_02: dancing for over half an hour.
26:15
SPEAKER_02: I literally have no idea what just happened.
26:19
SPEAKER_02: At one point, his teleprompter read, and this is real, please do two more questions before music.
26:26
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
26:29
SPEAKER_02: And if you're wondering,
26:30
SPEAKER_02: after 40 minutes of this,
26:32
SPEAKER_02: did they ever actually get back to answering questions?
26:35
SPEAKER_02: Almost.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: So, this has been an honor tonight.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: We could do another question or two if you'd like, but probably...
26:45
SPEAKER_02: Do you wanna do one?
26:46
SPEAKER_02: Do you wanna do, let's go, let's go.
26:50
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's, but it ends so beautifully.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: How about this?
26:55
SPEAKER_02: We'll play YMCA and we'll go home.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: Probably a good idea to shut down questions since I'm pretty sure the next one
27:11
SPEAKER_02: would have been,
27:12
SPEAKER_02: hi sir,
27:13
SPEAKER_02: what the is going on?
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Trump closed out the event with some handshaking to another beloved song,
27:20
SPEAKER_02: Memory,
27:21
SPEAKER_02: which of course is from his favorite musical,
27:24
SPEAKER_02: They're Eating the Cats.
27:27
SPEAKER_02: How can Trump be acting this unhinged and not be dropping in all the polls?
27:32
SPEAKER_02: It's simple, Desi.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: It's what we in the polling business call the scary-to-funny ratio.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: You see, everyone can tell that Trump is clearly losing his mind, which can be scary.
27:44
SPEAKER_02: But as long as it's more funny than scary, then it's fine.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: For example,
27:50
SPEAKER_02: last week,
27:51
SPEAKER_02: Trump lied about FEMA's hurricane response,
27:54
SPEAKER_02: and now armed men are trying to murder FEMA workers.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: Terrifying.
27:58
SPEAKER_02: But he also jerk-off danced to Ave Maria for 40 minutes,
28:03
SPEAKER_02: which is pretty funny,
28:05
SPEAKER_02: so it balances out all the murder.
28:12
SPEAKER_02: No, that shouldn't balance out.
28:14
SPEAKER_02: He also threatened to shut down the entire news outlets if he gets elected.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, and that's so scary, right?
28:21
SPEAKER_02: He wants to ban networks like ABC,
28:24
SPEAKER_02: but then he called that reporter George Slopidopoulos,
28:28
SPEAKER_02: which is hilarious.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: So maybe we should ban ABC.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: See?
28:32
SPEAKER_02: The ratio works.
28:35
SPEAKER_02: How can voters think like that?
28:37
SPEAKER_02: Something can be funny and scary at the same time.
28:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, actually, no.
28:42
SPEAKER_02: Voters can only handle one feeling at a time.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: We're simple creatures.
28:46
SPEAKER_02: But last week, Trump threatened to use the military against Americans, calling them the enemy within.
28:52
SPEAKER_02: I mean, surely that's only scary.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: Yes, 100%.
28:55
SPEAKER_02: And our model here showed that that made him lose the swing states and then lose the election.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: But then he said the word Azure Asians.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: So the model now shows Trump winning the election by 900 electoral votes.