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A WOKE Guide To Christmas · Radio Baloney - The Richie Baloney Show!

• 0:03
  Well, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that the holiday season
• 0:06
  can be a stressful time and the last thing you want to do is trigger
• 0:10
  any woke friends or family, because that's the gift that just keeps on taking.
• 0:15
  So with that in mind, I thought i'd give you a few helpful
• 0:17
  tips on how to not be literally hitler this Christmas. First off, you
• 0:23
  must be respectful in your gift giving, and don't forget to make it diverse.
• 0:29
  I'm sure you've got time to go out and get your black wheelchair Santa,
• 0:33
  because black Santa is so last year's anti racism. Now he also has
• 0:38
  to be a cripple sorry sorry, differently abled. And this next one is
• 0:43
  not just for your woke friends and family, it's for the planet carbon credits.
• 0:48
  I hear that's what Trudeau's giving his kids, and also apparently Barbie Rolex's
• 0:53
  and well a ruined country. And of course, no self respecting woke person
• 0:59
  these days to be caught with those old boring pronouns, so give them some
• 1:03
  new ones. I don't know what, just make it up, that's what
• 1:07
  they do. And last, and probably most importantly, the greatest gift of
• 1:11
  all is saving the environment from climate change, So slash all your family's tires
• 1:17
  and you can tell them global boiling says you're welcome. Now, of course
• 1:22
  Christmas dinner is problematic because everything is problematic, and nothing more so than a
• 1:26
  turkey. I mean, that's just pure white supremacy there, and I would
• 1:30
  suggest a tofuo turkey, although in my opinion, I think that tofu turkey
• 1:36
  is just kind of performative whiteness and white supremacy. But obviously you're going to
• 1:41
  want to eat something made out of soy, so I would say soy shaped
• 1:45
  into a chairman MoU's head. Now, of course everybody likes to get in
• 1:49
  front of the TV and watch some old fashioned Christmas entertainment. Bad news for
• 1:55
  you. It's all racist and heteronormative. You just want to avoid that all
• 2:00
  together. It can be very triggering. I would suggest just watching the George
• 2:04
  Floyd Riots on a loop. It's like the Fireplace Channel, but more destruction
• 2:08
  of Western civilization eight. And of course nothing's woker than that. But you
• 2:14
  want to be careful with any music you're playing as well. Baby it's cold
• 2:17
  outside. Sorry, that's toxic masculinity. So I would just go with something
• 2:23
  safe like wet ass pussy it is after all, how about the spirit of
• 2:28
  giving venereal diseases? Now, we can't make it a woke Christmas and ignore
• 2:32
  Santa. Santa is problematic, even though he is kind of a comie.
• 2:38
  But he's also an old white man and that won't do. But you know
• 2:43
  who's not an old white man and who isn't actually alive Osama bin Lauden.
• 2:49
  So we're gonna do a little switch up Osama clause. From now on,
• 2:53
  he's going to be the one going down the chimney. The good news is
• 2:57
  that he does leave presents. The bad news is that they're all improvised explosive
• 3:01
  devices. So I hope that's helpful. And I will just say, Merry
• 3:06
  Christmas, don't forget to leave a glass of goat milk and a Hustler magazine
• 3:10
  for Osama clause. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. Please subscribe,
• 3:15
  like and share. Sharing really helps me out. I thank you for
• 3:17
  that. I will see you next time.