Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1102 - From the Doctor's Desk: The Bottle Shop of Mum & Dad

Transcript

#1102 - From the Doctor's Desk: The Bottle Shop of Mum & Dad · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 1: Once a month or thereabouts on the Happy Families podcast,
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  Speaker 1: we do a doctor's Desk episode. This is the episode
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  Speaker 1: Kylie where we dive into the latest research. We talk
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  Speaker 1: about what's been found that can help parents to parent better,
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  Speaker 1: to raise happier, healthier kids. And I promise there is
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  Speaker 1: no gas lighting. There is no pressure. You don't have
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  Speaker 1: to do the stuff we're talking about, but we really
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  Speaker 1: do think that it will be helpful if you try
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  Speaker 1: at least some of it.
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  Speaker 3: We have three big studies today, one about alcohol, one
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  Speaker 3: about digital switching, and another about how thank yous can
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  Speaker 3: go a long way.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I want to talk about the alcohol one first,
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  Speaker 1: especially since we're at that time of the year where
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  Speaker 1: everyone's starting to get excited about end of year. Summer
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  Speaker 1: is coming, there's barbecues, there's school is just around the corner.
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  Speaker 1: For our year twelve school leavers, many of whom are
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  Speaker 1: not yet eighteen. This is a conversation that I just
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  Speaker 1: think matters so very much. From The Herald Son, reported
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  Speaker 1: by the name of Sarah Pirillo, wrote about underage drinking
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  Speaker 1: and how it's linked to violence and risky sexual behavior.
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  Speaker 1: She says exposing teenagers to even small amounts of alcohol
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  Speaker 1: can lead to violent outbursts, risky sexual behavior, and binge drinking.
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  Speaker 1: And this is the thing that really dragged me in.
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  Speaker 1: It comes as new data reveals just under half of
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  Speaker 1: Victorian teens. Forty eight percent of Victorian teens between twelve
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  Speaker 1: and seventeen reported drinking alcohol in the last week obtained
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  Speaker 1: from their parents. So let me say that again. I'm
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  Speaker 1: not saying that half of teenagers twelve to seventeen are drinking,
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  Speaker 1: but rather those who are forty eight percent of them
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  Speaker 1: are getting the grog from mum or dad.
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  Speaker 3: I guess when I think back to my childhood specifically
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  Speaker 3: and my teenage years, I had cousins whose parents gave
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  Speaker 3: them olcole because they actually thought that they were educating
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  Speaker 3: them on how to drink responsibility.
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  Speaker 1: So this has been a myth that's been around for
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  Speaker 1: a long time. It's known in research circles as the
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  Speaker 1: Mediterranean effect. This idea that if you live in the
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  Speaker 1: Mediterranean nations that you somehow are inoculated against binge drinking
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  Speaker 1: and riotous alcohol fueled parties and that kind of thing.
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  Speaker 1: The research doesn't support it. By the way, people in
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  Speaker 1: any of you Mediterranean nations, they still have alcohol challenges,
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  Speaker 1: some really significant ones. In fact, there's quite a bit
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  Speaker 1: of research here in Australia, really good research that shows
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  Speaker 1: that kids who are supplied alcohol by their parents are
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  Speaker 1: much more likely to be binge drinkers, much more likely
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  Speaker 1: to develop an alcohol use disorder, and much when you
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  Speaker 1: give kids alcohol, it affects their brain, It affects their sleep,
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  Speaker 1: it affects their capacity to process emotions. It could affect
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  Speaker 1: how well they're performing in their chosen support, Like if
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  Speaker 1: you're an elite athlete, best thing you can do as
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  Speaker 1: a kid is to be drinking alcohol. They'll find schoolwork harder,
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  Speaker 1: their ability to regulate, all these things are affected by alcohol.
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  Speaker 1: And this idea that if I give my kids alcohol,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to teach them to drink responsibly, research points
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  Speaker 1: in exactly the opposite direction. What it says is.
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  Speaker 3: Mum and dad endors alcohol.
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  Speaker 1: Mum and Dada cool with it. Yeah. In fact, in
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  Speaker 1: this article in The Herald Son from a couple of
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  Speaker 1: weeks ago. In fact, in this article from Sarah Perillo,
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  Speaker 1: she says that quote parents who supply are doing it
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  Speaker 1: with good intention. They're trying to teach their kids how
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  Speaker 1: to drink more responsibly, how to stay safe when they're drinking.
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  Speaker 1: But when parents supply alcohol, the kids are drinking more
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  Speaker 1: than they would have if they hadn't been given alcohol.
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  Speaker 1: Parental supply is still riskier than not at all, and
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  Speaker 1: she also cited some other research that shows that parental
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  Speaker 1: supply in one year increases the chance that the children
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  Speaker 1: will receive alcohol from non parental sources the next year.
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  Speaker 1: If you give your kids alcohol, essentially, what you're doing
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  Speaker 1: is you're saying it's okay to receive alcohol. And so therefore,
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  Speaker 1: if somebody else has the alcohol, instead of saying, oh, no,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not loud or I don't, they're going to say, oh,
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  Speaker 1: mom and dad a call with it, So yeah, I'll
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  Speaker 1: take it.
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  Speaker 3: Of course.
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  Speaker 1: The other thing that really shocked me is that there
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  Speaker 1: is some research that shows that boys have their first
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  Speaker 1: alcoholic drink on average at the age of ten, with
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  Speaker 1: one in five drinking regularly by the time they're fourteen.
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  Speaker 1: By seventeen, forty percent binging on the booze, and one
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  Speaker 1: in ten consumes more than ten standard drinks in a
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  Speaker 1: single session. That's research from this train is chit of
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  Speaker 1: family studies. So the take a message from this doctor's
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  Speaker 1: desk is as we move into summer, as we move
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  Speaker 1: into party season, as we move into everyone chilling out
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  Speaker 1: a little bit, and around several parts of the country,
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  Speaker 1: daylight saving extends those afternoons and everyone just relaxes a
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  Speaker 1: bit more in the night. It may be tempting as
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  Speaker 1: a parent to give you care some alcohol, just don't
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  Speaker 1: if they're under eteen. The answer is no, we don't
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  Speaker 1: endorse it, we don't encourage it. We want you to
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  Speaker 1: be this. We want you to be the designated driver
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  Speaker 1: if you're old enough to be driving, and if they're
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  Speaker 1: younger than driving age, we want them to just not participate,
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  Speaker 1: not drink, or at least understand that their parents do
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  Speaker 1: not encourage it and don't endorse it. Of course, blowing
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  Speaker 1: up at them if they do drink alcohol is not
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  Speaker 1: going to make things any better. But we've really got
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  Speaker 1: to we've got to make sure that we are on this.
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  Speaker 1: It's a really big challenge, and I don't think that
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  Speaker 1: these are the kinds of outcomes that we want to
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  Speaker 1: see for our kids. Primarily because of all the risks
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  Speaker 1: associated with it.
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  Speaker 3: Study number two is all about digital switching.
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  Speaker 4: If you're bored, scrolling through online videos may actually make
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  Speaker 4: the problem worse. Researchers say, digital switching, when you only
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  Speaker 4: watch snippets or fast forward through videos, leave people less autus.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, this one really excited me. It caught my attention
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  Speaker 1: because it's paradoxical, pulled me in. It's from the Journal
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  Speaker 1: of Experimental Psychology. It was just published in the last
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  Speaker 1: month or so by TAM and Insulin. And what they
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  Speaker 1: found is this, obviously boredom is unpleasant. People will go
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  Speaker 1: to great lengths to avoid being bored, and increasingly, in
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  Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, screens of the way that people are
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  Speaker 1: avoiding being bored. You look like you're about to yawn.
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  Speaker 1: You can't be bored this soon into.
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  Speaker 3: My you're putting me to sleep.
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  Speaker 1: Come on. So, what they've highlighted is that switching videos
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  Speaker 1: YouTube TikTok fast forwarding through them is what they call
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  Speaker 1: digital switching, and they've hypothesized that people who consume media
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  Speaker 1: that way to avoid boredom will paradoxically have their boredom intensified.
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  Speaker 1: They've done seven experiments twelve hundred and twenty three people participating,
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  Speaker 1: and they've found a relationship between boredom and digital switching.
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  Speaker 1: Here's what they find. In study one, when participants were
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  Speaker 1: bored they switched. In study two, they found that the
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  Speaker 1: reason for the switching was that people believe that switching
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  Speaker 1: would help help them to avoid their boredom. They found
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  Speaker 1: in study three that switching between videos and in study
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  Speaker 1: four and switching within the video of fast forwarding led
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  Speaker 1: not to less boredom, but to more boredom. It also
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  Speaker 1: reduced satisfaction, it reduced attention, and it lowered meaning. Even
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  Speaker 1: when participants had the freedom to watch videos of personal
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  Speaker 1: choice and interest on YouTube, digital switching, according to study five,
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  Speaker 1: still intensified the boredom.
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  Speaker 3: So what you're saying to avoid boredom just don't get
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  Speaker 3: on your phone.
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  Speaker 1: Well that's part of it, yes, But if you do,
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  Speaker 1: apparently you've got to watch the video to the end.
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  Speaker 1: Don't switch.
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  Speaker 4: That's why I watch all the videos.
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  Speaker 3: You get so cranky with me.
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  Speaker 1: I just get I get cranky about screens generally. What
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  Speaker 1: might take home message from this really is is it's
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  Speaker 1: pretty simple. When you're on your device, you feel like
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  Speaker 1: you're resting. You feel like you're refreshing, you're rejuvenating or whatever,
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  Speaker 1: but you're not. Your brain is in this constant state
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  Speaker 1: of search, this constant state of amplification, this constant state
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  Speaker 1: of arousal, this constant state of alertness, and as a result,
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  Speaker 1: you are not resting, you are not relaxing. It's completely
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  Speaker 1: different when you pick up a book or when you
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  Speaker 1: just go and enjoy some green space. But when you
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  Speaker 1: start switching or when you start watching, you turn your
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  Speaker 1: brain on more rather than turning it off, and it
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  Speaker 1: makes things worse, not better. Get off the screen. Get off.
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  Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is. Even if you're watching fun
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  Speaker 1: TikTok's Insta reels or Facebook thingos, whatever they are. I've
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  Speaker 1: stopped social media, right, I forgot what they do.
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  Speaker 3: Now I send you some really important stuff and you
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  Speaker 3: don't see any of it.
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  Speaker 1: So important? What is it like somebody shouting at the
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  Speaker 1: camera because something went wrong. Anyway, let's move on Study
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  Speaker 1: number three.
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  Speaker 3: Thank yous, go a long way.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you no, thank you, no, no, thank you for
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  Speaker 1: thanking me, thank you for thank you, thank you. Research
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  Speaker 1: in one of my favorite journals. I've published research in
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  Speaker 1: the Journal of Positive Psychology. Some researchers at the University
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  Speaker 1: of Illinois Urbarna Champagne. I don't know if it's urbarner,
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  Speaker 1: is that hey say it. They've done this really cool
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  Speaker 1: study with gratitude and families. They've recruited five hundred and
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  Speaker 1: ninety three people aged from twenty four to seventy five,
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  Speaker 1: all of whom are parenting at least one child between
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  Speaker 1: four and seventeen, and who are in a romantic relationship. Essentially,
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  Speaker 1: what they've done is they've looked at perceived gratitude participants
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  Speaker 1: in providing ratings of how appreciated and valued they feel
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  Speaker 1: by their partners and children. Parents are also indicating how distressed,
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  Speaker 1: how psychologically distressed they've felt during the last month, how
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  Speaker 1: overwhelmed they've been with parenting responsibilities, so that's different to
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  Speaker 1: psychological distress, that's parenting stress, and how satisfied they feel
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  Speaker 1: in their relationships. They've also answered some questions about family
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  Speaker 1: chaos or children's emotional and behavioral problems, finding number one
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  Speaker 1: in this study, Kylie, it won't be any surprise to you.
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  Speaker 1: Results revealed that women felt much less valued and appreciated
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  Speaker 1: by both their romantic partners and their old children than
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  Speaker 1: men did.
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  Speaker 3: Why do you think that is?
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  Speaker 1: I have some ideas, but before I shad heart is,
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  Speaker 1: what do you think the answer would be?
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  Speaker 3: You're hilarious. I just asked you a question. You're throwing
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  Speaker 3: it back at me.
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  Speaker 2: That's exactly right, because I appreciate your insolent. It is
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  Speaker 2: because as mums, we are more involved in our children's
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  Speaker 2: lives than the dads are, generally speaking, and we sacrifice
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  Speaker 2: more than the dads do on a day to day basis.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting that it's not.
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  Speaker 1: Research would support you in that, as much as some
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  Speaker 1: people would great and chafe at that, research would support that.
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  Speaker 3: And as a result, when our kids are seemingly ungrateful
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  Speaker 3: for the time, energy and sacrifice that we put into it,
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  Speaker 3: we take it to heart because for us as mums,
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  Speaker 3: they're our wives. Yeah, like everything we do is focused
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  Speaker 3: on them.
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  Speaker 1: An example and then an insight. Dinner to me is
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  Speaker 1: the perfect example. You work really hard to provide a
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  Speaker 1: really nice meal and the kids look at and say
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  Speaker 1: I don't like it, and you don't get an expression
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  Speaker 1: of gratitude. Jim, Um, even though I don't love this meal,
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  Speaker 1: I appreciate so much that you make the effort to
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  Speaker 1: give me food and nutrition and sustenance on a daily basis.
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  Speaker 1: You don't get that, You just say I don't like it, right,
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  Speaker 1: that's what the kids do.
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  Speaker 3: And then you get to a point like me who
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  Speaker 3: just stops cooking.
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  Speaker 1: You're so tired of cooking, which which devastates me because
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  Speaker 1: I love food and I love you're cooking, and I
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  Speaker 1: find that anyway, let's not get into that right now.
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  Speaker 1: But it's that lack of gratitude, and mums are highlighting it.
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  Speaker 1: I think a deeper part of this is psychologically, you
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  Speaker 1: become part of the furniture, right and when anyone becomes
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  Speaker 1: habituated to something that is it's just always there. And
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  Speaker 1: I take it for granted there are going to be
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  Speaker 1: fewer expressions of gratitude. There's a really key finding here
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  Speaker 1: for any partner, any husband of a mum, and that
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  Speaker 1: is say thank you. Find ways to express gratitude. If
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  Speaker 1: you walk in the houses tidy, say I just appreciate
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  Speaker 1: so much what you've done today. If you've got iron
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  Speaker 1: clothing in the wardrobe, say I know how much and
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  Speaker 1: it's been I'm assuming this has been done by your wife. Right,
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  Speaker 1: Those expressions of gratitude matter because the research reveals that
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  Speaker 1: women feel much less valued and appreciated by both their
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  Speaker 1: romantic partners and their older children. Now, let's wrap this up.
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  Speaker 1: Here's the other thing that the research has found about
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  Speaker 1: gratitude and family, similar to trends found in previous research,
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  Speaker 1: in this study, they found that a simple thank you,
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  Speaker 1: literally just those two words are simple thank you can
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  Speaker 1: go a long long way in maintaining good relationships and
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  Speaker 1: good mental health. In the study, a sense of being
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  Speaker 1: appreciated by romantic partners was also associated with higher relationship
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  Speaker 1: satisfaction and lower psychological distress. Just knowing, just knowing that
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  Speaker 1: your partner appreciate you makes you less psycho and feel
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  Speaker 1: safer and better in your relationship. Apologies five was a
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  Speaker 1: little bit lived with that, but let's be honest, sometimes
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  Speaker 1: it's like that. Now, interestingly doesn't reduce stress in parenting,
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  Speaker 1: doesn't reduce that stress of chaos and overwhelm, but it
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  Speaker 1: does just make you feel more comfortable and happier in
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  Speaker 1: your relationship, and it does make you feel more generally psychologically. Okay.
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  Speaker 1: The other thing that if your wife is psycho, say
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  Speaker 1: thank you. That's the hardest time to say right. Gratitude
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  Speaker 1: from children was also influential, with higher levels of gratitude
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  Speaker 1: from both young grand older children being associated with less
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  Speaker 1: parental stress, though appreciation from older children had more of
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  Speaker 1: an impact. I love this. If the kids. If we
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  Speaker 1: can teach our kids to say thank you, if we
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  Speaker 1: can move our kids away from entitlement, if our children
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  Speaker 1: can express appreciation, especially to mum, there's going to be
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  Speaker 1: less parenting stress. That beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: Well, thank you for sharing all of that information with me, Justin.
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  Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you for thanking me for sharing that information.
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  Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. If you would like look at you laughing
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  Speaker 1: in the corner, If you would like more information about
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: how to make your family happier, we'll link to these
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  Speaker 1: studies in the show notes. I'm sure some of you
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: will find them fascinating and worth the read. Or you
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: can visit us on our social media pages. Just don't
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: switch too much and don't spend too much time there.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Dr Justin Corson's Happy Families on Facebook and Instagram.
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  Speaker 3: Or our website's make someone vomit and them
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry or happy families dot com dot au