Latest / Dear Chelsea / You Are a Badass with Jen Sincero

Transcript

You Are a Badass with Jen Sincero · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Oh hello, Chelsea, Oh hello. I have an
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: update from Chloe, who we talked to on our laure
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Lynn Jackson episode. She was the one who was having
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: trouble finding work and she'd kind of like been going
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: after it for so long and wasn't getting any feedback
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: or any responses to her resumes. So Chloe says, Laura
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Lyn Jackson is magical. On January third, I started a
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: full time job working in media and marketing at a
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: local indie book publisher. Can you believe it? Thanks for
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: reaching out, and big thanks for blessing me with being
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: seen by Laura Lynn Jackson. It's all happening. Ah. Yes,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: it was like she was, like two weeks to the
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: day after I shifted my energy, it all started happening.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I thought that was so great. And then she also
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: said one last thing. Knowing what Laurelyn Jackson is about
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: signs angels, I can't help but feel like these angels
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: helped work some magic for me. My new job is
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: across the street from a place called Chewies. Oh that's
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: so cute. That's so sweet. Yeah, just loved that. I
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: just loved that. So, you know what this stuff about
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: shifting your energy. It really is true. Works everybody. It works.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And if people don't know what we're talking about, all
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: the books we're talking about, we'll teach you the way.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: And if you're listening to us and you're like, oh,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: what does that mean? What does that mean? It's like,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: you want to bring positivity into your life. You want
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: to bring inspiration into your life. You want to attract goodness,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: right and high vibes. You don't want to sit around
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: being negative, like you just have to think all the
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: negative thoughts pile up, pile up, and then you are
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: just like a negative trash bin, Like you are just
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: attracting that and you're stuck. And so when you start
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: to flip it and just go, okay, I'm going to
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: look at this as a positive. Even when things don't
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: turn out the way you want go, this is an
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: opportunity for growth. This is an opportunity for me not
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to get upset and from me to figure out a
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: solution without getting angry, without reacting. You'll be amazed at
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: how quickly you can grow and how quickly things start
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: to be easier. It's like life doesn't have to be hard.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: We make it hard by our reactions to things, so
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: you could always choose another way. Well, with that in mind,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: we have somebody really exciting joining us today. I have
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: recommended her book a bunch of times, even on this podcast.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. She's celebrating the ten year anniversary of
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: her number one New York Times bestseller You Are a Badass,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Awesome Life. And she has a few other books too,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: but we're celebrating the ten year anniversary of this one,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: so please welcome New York Times bestselling author and celebrated
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: voice in the world of self development, Jen Cinchero. Hi, Jen,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me on. I'm so psyched.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Oh Hi, nice to meet you, Jen, You too, Chelsea.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: You are just such a badass. Oh well, yes, well
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you wrote the book on badasses. This is I know
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: you're coming up on your ten year anniversary, right, yeah,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: for your book which was a very big, big hit
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: and continues to be, which is called You Are a Badass,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: How to Stop Doubting your greatness and Start Living an
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Awesome life. And Catherine is very passionate and it has
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: been very passionate about your book, so it's very inspiring. Yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I've mentioned it on this podcast and many times we
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: get a lot of people calling in who are like,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just feeling so lost. I don't know what to
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: do next. And I know for me, when I was
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: at a very similar point in my life to that,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: you know, your book was very life changing for me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: So happy to hear that. But Jen, tell us a
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: little bit about what kind of woke you up, because
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I know you were kind of going through a crisis
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: of sorts right when you decided to take your life
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: by the balls and make something happen with yourself. Yeah,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: it was like a forty year crisis basically, just like
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: you know, I was have been a lot of fun.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I was traveling, I was playing music, but I was
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: just always so broken. I was actually living in a
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: garage in an alley in Venice Beach, and I was
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: like forty years old, and I was just like, seriously,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: this is the best you can do. So, you know,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: it wasn't sort of like the lightning bolt, like I
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: almost got hit by a bus and then I finally
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: got my ship together. But it was more just first
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: of all, being broke is bull of ring. And second
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: of all, I was like, I just had this feeling
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: that there was so much more I could be doing
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: with my life and that I wasn't doing it, and
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: that was so much more painful than anything, honestly, and
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: so I just made the decision. And you know, you
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: don't have to wait until your life completely bottoms out
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: to make a decision to change stuff. So I just
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I made the decision. I started reading all the self
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: help books. I went to all the any seminar. I
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: was there with like my little name tech high five
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: in people telling them they're awesome, hugging all these weird strangers,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't care. Whatever I had to do, I
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: did it. And then in that process, you know, I
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: had read every self help book under the sun. I
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I could write a any one. No
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: one's written a funny one. Where's the one with all
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: the curses? And like, can write stories making fun of
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: my family and stuff like that. So that's that's sort
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: of what led to the idea, because I was a
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: writer already. I broke right. And then what happened after that?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You just started writing a book. I hired a coach,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: and I was reading the books, and I started my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: own online life coaching business, started making a lot of
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: money and really figured that if I could crack the code,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: like because really I was so deeply immersed in a
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: poverty consciousness and it was such a part of my identity,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: and I was like, if I can get my act together,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: anybody can. Like I was just so white knuckling it,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: you know, fighting for like, oh, I can't make money,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm living in a garage of my forties.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Like I was proving it all the time. So I
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: was like, Okay, my story was so deep and so
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: boring and lasted so long that I knew I could
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: tell that the people how to do it. So that's
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: that's sort of what inspired me writing the book. And
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: then it just took off. It was sort of a
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: slow build. I call it yellow Snowball because it just
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: kept getting bigger and bigger. And we didn't make it
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: onto the New York Times list until three years after
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the book was out, and it's stayed off like five years.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: It just keeps growing. It's incredible. Wow, that's incredible. So
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: you talk a lot about manifestation, but you also talk
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: about doing all of the work that is needed in
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: order to manifest something and which is I think a
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: good area to start talking about as well, because I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: think a lot of people think, Okay, if I manifested,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I think it's going to happen. Like it's not a
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: magic trick. You actually have to move towards that goal, right,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: and you gotta do a lot of stuff that scares
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: the crap out of you. So that really is sort
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: of the you know, the teachings, it's all the things.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: It's the meditating and getting quiet and allowing universal intelligence
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: to lead the way and follow your intuition instead of
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: following your mindset, which is what got you where you
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: are right now. So it really is about thinking outside
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: the box instead of saying things like I can't afford it,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I'm too broke, you know, to sort of shift it
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to money flows to me easily and freely, which is
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: what I kept saying over and over even though I
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: was still living in the garage. But it's about opening
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: up to the greater possibility instead of staying with your
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: blinders on. And then opportunities come your way that have
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: been there all along. But then you're like, oh, maybe
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I should hire that coach who charges one a third
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: of my annual income. You know, then when you start
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to shift your mindset the possibilities that arise, you don't
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: suddenly excuse your way out of them. You start to
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: figure out how you're going to figure it out and
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: make it happen. And how has your life changed since
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you were forty? Oh my god, I now have a
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: garage instead of living it. It's been so much fun.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've written three more books in the Badass brand.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I've been traveling the world and helping wake people up.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: You know, it's so much fun to really be able
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: to help people live their one and only life on
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: planet Earth and am much more satisfied and fun way.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: So it's just it's been awesome. Yeah, it is a
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: real gift to be able to like inspire people and
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: lift them up out of their depression or negative space
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: that they're in and be like, come on, you can
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: get the ball rolling in a different direction. And I
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: think it just takes you know, sometimes you can't get
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: that from within. Sometimes you do need somebody else to
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: kick you in the ass before you understand that you
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: need to kick yourself in the ass to keep things moving.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Because there's always a choice about how we're going to
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: move forward. And if we're going to accept our circumstances
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: or we're going to do everything we can to change them,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: right exactly, you have to have ambition about what your
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: future is going to be. Yeah, And I think what
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: you said, like do whatever it takes like that really
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: is sort of you know, we all get to a
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: certain point and then we freak out because it's too
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: expensive or we might look stupid. And when you've made
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: that decision that you're not screwing around anymore, you run
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: straight towards the thing that scares the crap out of
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: you the most. And I really feel like that makes
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: all the difference in the world. And I also think, honestly,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: like what you're doing, and you know, doing it with
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: some comedy and some levity, I feel like that opens
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: it up to a whole new audience who wouldn't touch
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: this kind of stuff with a ten foot pole. So
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: that was part of my goal too. Yeah, I think
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: that's so important for someone who might be just dipping
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: their toe into this water, like reading books. I know, Jen,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: you've talked about like thinking Grow Rich and these other
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: like kind of more old school self help books, but
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: constantly filling your mind with something that is going to
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: raise your frequency is so hugely helpful. I know something
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: both of you do. Yeah, it's important because it's easy
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: to sit and watch a dumb show. That's easy. It's
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: better to watch something you don't know anything about, like
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: a documentary or you know, I watched this full Swing
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: golf documentary. I can't stand golf, but I'm like, well
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: that's better than watching some fucking stupid drama about you
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. At least I'm going to learn
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: about golf. Like maybe I'll need to know something about
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: golf one day. Hopefully I don't ever need to know
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: anything about it. But you know, all of those things,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: it's like you make choices about how to like fill
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: your cup more right, my cup of knowledge, Like it's
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: so important for me to always be learning and to
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: always be leaning something. I read three fiction books when
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I got to Whistler this year, and I was like,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: that's enough, Okay, you had your cake, and now it's
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: time to do some real work. Like the next book
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: has to be, you know, like a serious nonfiction historical
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Like I have put so much pressure on myself. But
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: it's like their argument about not putting too much pressure
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: on or not putting enough pressure on yourself, you know,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: like we do have to pressure ourselves. Everything comes from us,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Everything comes from within. And when you are not trying
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: to evolve or learn, then you kind of are stagnant
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: and you kind of are stuck and you're just doing
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: the things that you like to do all the time.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: It's like that should be a huge part of your life,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: doing things you like to do. But it's also so
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: beneficial to constantly be challenging and learning. Like my niece
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: was up here and she was talking about Martin Luther
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and Lutheranism and how, you know, the Protestant Church and
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: how it was created. And I was like, huh, I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: don't remember that name. And I must have missed that
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: day or week or month about Lutheranism and Martin Luther.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: And she told me all about it, you know, and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: then I got a book. I'm like, all right, my
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: eighteen year old niece just schooled me on Martin Luther.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, great motivating, Like she just motivated
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: me to go read a book about Martin Luther, so
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: now I know what the fuck I'm talking about. And
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: that feels so good to like, the knowledge is power
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: more knowledge, more power, more growth. Well, and like you said,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: when you fill your cup, it can overflow onto the
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: people around you with knowledge, with brightness, with lightness, all that. Yeah,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I call it going to the spiritual gym. Like you
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: don't get to get in shape and then stay in shape,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: like you gotta keep exercising the mindset muscle. So absolutely, absolutely,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: and the exercise of meditation, this comes up all the time,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: how boring it is, or people I don't think they're
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: doing it well because their thoughts are moving. It's like,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: it's okay if your thoughts are moving. If you can't
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: control your thoughts and you can't be completely blank, that's okay.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: It's the act of the meditation cumulatively that adds to you,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: like that brings something. You're setting a certain amount of
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: time aside every morning to be with yourself. That's something
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: that's not nothing, regardless of whether you think you're doing
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: it well or not, because there isn't really a measure
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: of that either. And what other little tricks do you
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: have up your sleeve, things that you do as a
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: part of your daily routine. Let's see, I'm big hiker,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: so getting outside and moving is always a great energy
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: shifter for me. Music definitely. When I was working on this,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I had to put a moratorium on listening to Neil
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Young because a lot of Neil but he's so fucking depressing,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: and it was so depressing. I know. I have a
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Neil Young playlist too, and sometimes I'm like, no, I'm
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: going to kill myself. It's like, yeah, I put on
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Paul Simon to feel good and then Neil Young pops
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: up and I'm like, no, no, no no, it's too dark
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: to get chick done here. Yeah, so it was no
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Neil Young. But like you know, music that pumps you up,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: hanging out with people who inspire you is great. Listening
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to podcasts like this, you know, just but you gotta
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: have it down. You gotta have a routine down. You
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: can't just sort of wing it every morning. I think
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: it's really important to know when you're meditating, to know
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: where you're meditating, to know, you know, have your playlist,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: have your little routine. If you read a book for
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: like five minutes every morning, you got to make it
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: like a gym workout, because otherwise you won't do it.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: And then you know, then you wake up at ninety
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: with your teeth in a cup and you're like, what
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: happened to my life? I was going to be so
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: oftme so, and what can you think of it? As
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: far as you're life coaching. Are there any examples of
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: really inspiring transformations that you were able to see in
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: another person? Oh? Yeah, so so many. One of the
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: things I love that has been coming up a lot
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: is people with money. I think. I think money is
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: so interesting and because I studied it so in depth
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: and because I really had such a massive transformation around
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm a little obsessed by it and that whole
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: concept that money is currency and currency is energy. So
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: money is just an energetic exchange between people. And when
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: you work the WICKEDI woo and like meditate and get
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: in touch with source and focus on abundance and being
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: in the flow energetically with money, which really is what
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: it's all about. That's what the mantras are about. And
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: that's why you don't walk around saying I can't afford it,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: and you say money flows to me easily and freely.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: That's about that frequency. And I can't tell you how
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: many clients of mine have had stories about needing an
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: exact amount of money this one guy that I just
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: talked to you had a business that tanked and he
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: needed two hundred and forty nine thousand dollars to sort
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: of carry his lifestyle over and to start to launch
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: his new business. And that amount of money came in
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: out of the clear blue sky, just so unexpected, and
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: it was from an old business that he forgot that
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: he was closing down. But it was the exact amount
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: of money. And this happens all the time when people
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: need to pay their rent or you know whatever. It is.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So the energy that you put on money and the
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: focus of the specifics it comes in all the time,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: which is really exciting. I had a really similar experience
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: not long ago. I had a job that was supposed
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: to pay me this like a very weirdly specific amount
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: of money, and I wound up leaving that job because
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: the fit wasn't right, the energy was bad, it was
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: a bit toxic, etc. And I felt like it was
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: the right thing for me to leave that job. And
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: when I went on to the next job, I felt
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: this sort of confirmation that there had been the right choice,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: because I wound up getting a bonus of exactly that
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: same amount of money for the next thing that I
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: wound up doing, and it just felt a little bit
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: like a nod from the universe of like you did
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: the right thing. And what was one of the most
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: impactful things for you, Catherine when you read the book Originally,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I think having mantras and having those sorts of things
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: were really helpful for me. And there was a time
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: in the beginning where it felt like I was faking it,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Like it felt, you know, I was coming from a
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: place where there was some self deprecating humor, this sort
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: of self talk stuff, and it wasn't fun for anyone
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: else to hear it. It also wasn't fun for me.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: And so reading your book talked about like, even if
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: it feels like you're totally faking it, changing the language
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: around how you talk to yourself. You know, it starts
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: with you have the thought or you say the thing
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: that's derogatory or negative, and then you switch and you
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: might say this thing that feels so out of character,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: whether it's about beauty, or whether it's about positivity or
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: how successful you are or money. Saying to yourself something
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: different it feels very difficult at first, but then after
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: a while it becomes such a habit and it raises
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: your energy, Like it just makes you feel so much
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: better to talk about yourself, to talk about the way
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: you live your life in a positive way that it
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: changes everything around you. It changes how people react to you,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: It changes the sort of opportunities that come to you.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: It changes just really how you feel on a really
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: deep level. And that was huge. Yeah, And it's like
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: a job. It's a full time job to keep yourself
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: and your vibration high. Yes, it's active work. It's not
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: like you can just fix yourself and like you go
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: to therapy and you're done, or you learn how to meditate,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: but you're done with that too, Like yeah, no, you
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: have to actively constantly bring yourself up right, you know,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: and keep yourself there. Yeah, and you know, and you know,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the self help role gets a lot of shade for
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: being like, yeah, you're gonna be all Pollyanna, like somebody
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: runs over your foot and you're supposed to be in
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: a good mood about it. You know. It's not about
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: not being human and not having emotions and not having
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: temper tantrums when freaking out and pity parties and all that,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: But it's about not identifying with that and not staying
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: there and not feeding the beast and dragging it through
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the mud forever. You know, it's about feeling your feelings
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: and then making conscious choices on where you're going to
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: place your focus moving forward. Yeah, and also not being
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: a victim. You know, I can imagine that you must
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: have felt like a victim for a long time living
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: in a garage, But like, there isn't a victim. We're
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: not victims. Like, we have the ability to pull ourselves
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: out of anything. So when you're in that victim state
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: of mind and you're blaming everybody else for everything that's
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: going on in your life, like, then you are stuck.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: You have to take yourself out, take responsibility for your
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: own actions and behave like a fucking queen. Behave like
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: you want to be seen and like you want to
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: see yourself, and that means raising it up, like, Okay,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I only have the power to take care of myself.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: You know, I used to be such a victim mentality.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I would be broken. I would blame this person and
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: that person. It's like you're broke because you're waiting tables
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: and you don't save any money. That's why you're broke.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: That's why you have to ask for loans from your
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: family every year when I was in my twenties, you know,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: and if they didn't want to give me money, I'd
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: be mad at them. I'd be like, oh, how can
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: you not help me? It's like what like it was
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: just such an immature state of mind, you know. So
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: every one of us is a queen, okay, And I'm
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: talking to all the gay men out there too. You
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: guys are queens with us, okay. So, Katherine, what do
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: we have in store for us today? I think a
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff that is right up both of your alleys.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: We have a question about meditation, which I think is
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: really good and solid. We have some self love stuff,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: some stuff around how people feel about them, how do
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I change my life? Stuff. But let's take a quick
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back with Jen and Chelsea.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: And we're back. We're back, So, Jen, we have people
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: right in. We also have callers who will be joining
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: us as well. But I wanted to start with this question,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: and I thought it was very sweet and very honest,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Drew says, Dear Chelsea, My question is not related to
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: any specific problem I'm enduring or a situation i'm dealing
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: with It's general and broad, and I'm afraid it might
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: sound dumb. But what is meditation? You talk about it
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: all the time and how transformative it's been for you.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like I need a transformation too, but I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: not sure where to start. Do I download Headspace and
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: just start listening to their recordings? Do I just sit
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: in silence for a few minutes? What do you think
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: about when you meditate? How do you do it? Thanks
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: for being a source of humor, advice and love for
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: millions of people. I genuinely can't explain how iconic and
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: important you are. Please keep doing you, Drew. I would
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: say that meditation is whatever works for you. Yes, download Headspace.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Start there. That's very pedestrian, right, like, you can get
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: into it. It's clear, it's guided. It helps you understand
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. And the idea of meditation is to
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: drop all of your thoughts. But that's the goal. That's
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: not always the act, you know what I mean, It's
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: hard for us to drop our thoughts. The goal of
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: meditation is to be focusing on your breath, to be
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: envisioning the thing that makes you calm down and focus
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: on your in and out breath a lot. You know,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: there's different forms of meditation, but to just get into it. Yeah,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: the idea that you think you need it means you do.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Everyone can benefit from meditation, and many people do it
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: by sitting alone without any guidance. I don't. I have
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: the Chopra app, which I like because there are classes
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: and series, so I can do like a class for
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: ten days and every morning it's twenty minutes on you
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: letting go or a spiritual awakening or whatever you choose.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: But headspace is probably the easiest way to get into meditation,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I would say. So that's a great start, and then
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: you decide what you like. You sample a bunch. You know,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: you can try calm, you can try the Chopra app,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: you can try at our toll, you can try like
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: all these different kinds of ways to do it. And
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: it's an important gift to give to yourself because it's
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: forcing you to sit still, and most of us are
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: not doing that. You know, we're not sitting still without
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: watching TV or reading a book or working on something
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: we were sitting. We're never sitting still alone with our thoughts.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: And the idea of meditation is to drop your thoughts
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: to have your thoughts just stay out of the way.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Like when a thought comes, you're supposed to be like, Okay,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: let it pass, and then I'm going to get back
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: into the breathing and the focusing on myself. I always
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: think about like these beautiful lights around me. I think
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: about my mother, and my brother is like my spirit
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: guides and all of that niceness. I just it's all
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: love and happiness and warm fuzzies for me. Jen, what's
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: your experience with meditation. I'm in just a better mood
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: if I do it, I'm nicer, my friends like me more. Yeah,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: it's a good intention setting for the day. Yeah. And
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I also recommend if you're starting and it's difficult, to
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: start small, like start with seven minutes and then just
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: work your way up. Don't make yourself to thirty minutes
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: right at the get go. And honestly, for me, it's
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: just when you slow down your thoughts and you move
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: them aside, it strengthens your intuition, it strengthens your connection
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: with the universal intelligence, which knows a hell of a
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: lot more than we do. So if you're looking for answers,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: sometimes it's really nice to just sort of have that
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: question floating around, and then you can meditate and just
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: whatever little hunch you get, like if it's like go
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: buy all over a bread, that might lead you towards
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: something that you're looking for answers for it, you just
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: don't really know. So the thing that I think is
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: so lovely about meditation is it strengthens your ability to
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: hear those hunches and to feel those hits and then
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: to go act on them. And that's where the real
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: party starts, because what do they say, like ninety percent
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: of our thoughts are just regurgitated and aren't actually helpful
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: and are not moving us in the direction we want
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: to be going. So we get into habits of thought,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: and so when you want to change your life, you
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: don't want to keep thinking the same damn thoughts because
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: those are the ones that got you where you are
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: right now. So that's the great thing about meditations that
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: it breaks that habit of thought and allows you to
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: expand your thought process and just go a lot, a
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: lot bigger than where you are right now. Yeah, And
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I think that's why this question did come up for Drew,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: is it can look so many different ways, Like Chelsea,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I remember on the Ben Bruno episode, He was like,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: why don't meditate? But I do this box breathing where
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I breathe in for four, hold it for four, breathe
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: off for four. And you're like, but that is meditation.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: You know, you're focusing on your breath, you're listening, you're
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: getting quiet, and it can look so different for everybody. Yeah. Yeah,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: no one's ever started meditating and been like that fucked
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: me up, so just start. Yeah. It wasn't it the
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Dolly Llama who said everybody should meditate for an hour
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: unless you're really busy, and then you should meditate for two. Yes. Yeah,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: it helps with sleep, it helps with all the so Drew,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: let us know how it goes on your meditation journey.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Our next question comes from a caller. We have Kennya
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: here with us. Kennya is thirty five and she says,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I first want to start by saying, how
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: amazing you are in your podcast is exactly what I needed.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I love how honest you are, and I strive to
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: be like that instead of just trying to people please
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: all the time. I'm Canadian and love how much you
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: love my country. So here is where I need help.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I was single, for a very long time until I
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: found an amazing man who is truly just one of
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: the best humans I've ever met, and now we're getting married.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: We had the finance talk very early on, but I
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: still have a hard time not feeling embarrassed about my
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: student loan debt. My fiance is very supportive, but I've
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: always been a very independent person. I've paid my own
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: bills since I was sixteen and never ask for help financially.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So I'm having a hard time, and I just feel
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: bad to bring this burden of my student loan into
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: our marriage. I know I'm very hard on myself. Even
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: when I'm wedding planning, I try to do the bare
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: minimum because I feel like I don't deserve to spend
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: much on anything because I'm still paying my student loan.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: How can I stop feeling embarrassed about my debt and
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: learn to ask for help when I need it. I
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: want to be excited about my future and my wedding,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: but the anxiety and worry about money is just so overpowering.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Love Kenya, worry. I was reading that. I was reading
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: that about worry and stress and what a waste of
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: a time. Both of those things are right, stressing about
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: things or overthinking things and running through this same obsessing
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: about things. It's such a waste of energy. And when
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: you're talking about jen like telling yourself a new story,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: that's exactly what it is. You have to start creating
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: a new narrative that is in your head and discarding
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: the old one, which is easier said than done. But
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: it's easier than people think. It's just so much easier
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: than people think. Yeah, the choice, and it really is.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: And it's that awareness of like, Okay, I keep telling
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: myself that I'm a big fat loser because I'm in debt.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: But at least once you become aware of that, you
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: can change the thought. You know, you can really focus
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: on changing that mantra. It's like when something doesn't go
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: the way that you are expecting it to go, Like
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: even in a day, like oh, something gets canceled or
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: the person that's picking you up can no longer pick
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: you up, Like the reaction to that should be like Okay, great,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: now let me figure out another way, not like fuck.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: People get so stuck in their reaction to something like oh,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I can't believe she's not picking me up. I can't
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: how am I supposed to get there. Now, it's like
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: pretty easily if you just use your head, like you
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: can find another way. There's always another way, And it's
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: just so much less hard on your body and brain
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: to stop obsessing and belaboring the same idea. So true.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, they say disease is disease, like it is
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: hard on your body, like that kind of stuff. It's
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: really unhealthy. Stress is a massive killer, you know. It's
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: also like in this book I Love Letting Go, they're
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: talking about being okay with embarrassing yourself. There's a very
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: specific chapter on dancing, and I don't dance because I'm
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: very self conscious when I dance, and it talked about
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: letting go, let go of your insecurity, let go be
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: free with your body. And this weekend I went to
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: this party and I danced for like two hours. My
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: friends had never seen me dance like that. I was like,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna fucking
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: go and just look like an idiot and who gives
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: a shit? And there were hundreds of people there, and
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I did look like an idiot because my friend videotaped
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: me and showed it to me the next day but
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I was able to laugh at myself instead of being embarrassed,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I was able to go good, good for
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: you for trying something new. You want to be free.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be the person who's at a
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: party that doesn't dance and is you know, kind of
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: like just embarrassed to show people that I don't really
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: know what I'm doing, or that I'm a little tone
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: deaf who gives a shit. And I know that's probably
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: surprising to hear from me, but it's true, Like that
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: was the one thing that I'm very self conscious about.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying to dismantle that and making myself go
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: to places and dance. That's so interesting. So what is
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: it that you think? Like what are you thinking about
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: why you can't do it because you just don't have
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: the moves? Like what I just I'm in my head,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I've got this thing like you can't catch the beat,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: you don't know how to dance, And I'm like, yeah,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: you do. You can find there's a bunch of more
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: on dancing out there, like why don't you just become
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: one of them? Like everyone And it's obviously very freeing
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: to do it, but there was a very specific chapter
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: in this book about a person who was scared to
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: do it, and I was like it resonated. It was
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: like speaking directly to me. I felt, hi, Hi Kenya Jen,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Do you have some thoughts for Kenya? Well, yeah, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: mean every it's all perception, right, So it sounds like
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: your husband's cool with it, You've got all the support
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: around it, and this is just something you're doing to
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: yourself because it's so fun. Yeah. Yeah. So you know,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: we were talking earlier about how money is currency and
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: currency is energy, and the energy that you put around this,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: you're just it's like any other nasty belief you've got
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: about yourself. It's all in your head, and you get
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: to choose whether you focus on your lack of money
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: or you get to choose to focus on the fact
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: that you have so much support and so much love
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: from your husband and this is one of the most
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: exciting things that's ever going to happen to you, and
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: that money is fluid and it comes and it goes,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: and of course you can get out of this debt.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And it really is just a mindset and getting that
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: excitement in yourself, because do you believe deep down that
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: you can make money, like somewhere down is the gut
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: of you. Yes, Like I've always been a triple job
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: kind of person, double job, but once I met my fiance,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I kind of I realized I had to dive back
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: on the work because I wasn't focusing as match in
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: our relationship because I was working so much. I had
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: a full time job and a part time job, so
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: literally the hours that I had free, I was working
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: so because I had that in the back of my
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: head and I knew he was the one I was
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: going to marry, so I was just trying to work
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: so hard to kind of make it less of this
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: big debt by the time we were ready to get married. Yeah,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I think a shift for you might be around not
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: having to break your back over working so many jobs.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's what it's going to be about
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: for you moving forward. Maybe there's a different shift for
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: you that's about finding a job that's better paying in
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: your same field or a totally different job altogether, you know,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: because you may have skills that you can put to
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: use in another line of work that pays a lot better.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: But the other thing, too, is you know your fans
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: is going into this with full knowledge you're not hiding
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: anything from him. I'm sure he had debts that, whether
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: student or otherwise, that he had to pay off with
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: a car payment or whatever else. You know, these are
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: things that come up in life. We have things that
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: we have to pay for. And I don't think that
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: that is something that means you need to cut things
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: from your wedding. You know, give yourself your budget and
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: you know, do your best to stick to it. But
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: conflating those two things, I think is not something that
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: you need to be doing, because I think you deserve
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: to have a beautiful wedding that feels like you and
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: you guys have the rest of your lives to deal
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: with this payment and get it out of the way
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: and be able to live your lives. Yeah, I guess
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: where it comes to. Like I find that I always
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: have a hard time being the okay, I need help
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: kind of thing and not even asking for it because
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I know I don't need to ask her, but just
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: knowing that he will take on this set for us
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: to be able to like afford a house or anything.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: So it's just it's almost like you guys said, like
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I have to mentally prepare and mentally be okay that
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: this is what I have to deal with. I mean,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: my Suner loaness what got me through school and then
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: I'm able to get a job and paid for it,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: which I'm grateful for. But I guess yes, mentally, I
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: just have to does your fiance no about your dad
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: yet or no? Oh? Yeah, yeah. We had talked about
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: it at the beginning of our relationship before he even proposed,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: so he knew and he was just like, Okay, we
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: gotta get a page so we can get a bigger
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: house because his house too. So it just I don't know,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like we're both equally. Yeah, but listen, you're
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: in a great situation that you're not even seeing. Like
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: you told him, he's fine with it and he wants
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: to help you. That's incredible. That's an incredible support system.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: This is a great development. You got an education that
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: unfortunately you have to pay all this money for. But
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: you have your education and now you have your husband
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: and he's supportive of it. Like, there isn't a bad
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: side to this. You just have to move forward and
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: continue paying down your debt so that it isn't on
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: us off your back. But it's nothing to be ashamed of.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Do you know any hundreds of millions of people have
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: college debt? I mean, come on, you're not the only one.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like you got
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: in debt on your own because you shop too much
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: and now you have like sixty thousand dollars and you
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: have nothing to show for it. You have an education,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: So like all of this is just these are all
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: good things. You're moving towards your goals. And so instead
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: of looking at it like you're some burden, look at
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: it as now you have a new sense of freedom.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Now you have help to pay down your student loans. Yeah,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: you know, and then one day you're going to be
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: able to help him with something. And I would recommend
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Jen's book You are a badass at making money. Two
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: of the biggest lessons I think for me from that
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: book were money is a thing that like, we have
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: all of these really emotional associations with and it can
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: fill our heads with a whole lot of trash, just
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: like you know in your situation, Like it's not as
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: much about the money as it is about how you're
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: thinking about it. And the other thing is that money
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: is a renewable resource. You know, we think like I
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: spent all this money and we have these like bills
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: weighing over us. But like we talked about, maybe it's
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: not about working two three jobs. Maybe it's about finding
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: the thing that will actually pay you more or your
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: future husband. But at the same time, like money is
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: a renewable resource and it's going to keep coming to you.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: You're hard working, You're going to figure it out and
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: it's not like you have this finite limited amount moving forward.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Think of it that way. That's been really helpful for me.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I know, yeah, no, that's really helpful. And I also
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: want to just chime in with this is such an opportunity. Also,
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: he wants to help you, Like this is part of
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: your relationship where it is about receiving and allowing him
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: to help you. You know, you're not dumping a big
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: burden on him, like he wants to provide for you.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: He loves you. So I think it also is really
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: going to help crack you open and have an even
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: more intimate relationship with him. It's not to say you're
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: not going to do everything you can to pay down
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: the debt and just you know, put your feet up
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: and eat bond bonds. For the rest of your marriage.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: But let him help you and let him feel like
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: a man and take care of you. Know, and guilt
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: is just a wasted, wasted, wasted emotion. Stop feeling guilty,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Move into action. Move into action,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: and you have something beautiful to look forward to, a
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: beautiful wedding. You're going to have one, hopefully, so make
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: a count and stop beating yourself up about all of
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: the other stuff. Enjoy the moment that you're in instead
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: of worrying about past decisions. It's like your decisions were right.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: You had no choice. What are we going to do?
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Not get an education? No, you want an education, so
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you did what was necessary. These are all good things. Yeah, yeah,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: and I also recommende. It's kind of a fun exercise
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: you can do where you write a letter to money
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: as if it's a person, so that you can unearth
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: all of your weirdness around Money is the most loaded topic,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: like more than religion, more than sex. Like money is
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: just got so much going on, So write it stream
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: of consciousness. Push yourself and just like dear Money, I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: love you, but I feel like a dirty whore admitting
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I want you around like you get into your stuff
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: around it and see the push pull that you've got.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: And then once you pick like the three hottest things
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: that are the most icky to you, that's when you
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: flip those ones on their heads and really work on
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: shifting your mindset. This can be such a gift for you.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: This can be way more about getting over this debt.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: This can be about you becoming rich and really facing
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: your money issues. So it can be a really good thing. Yeah, no,
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: it definitely sounds when you guys talk about it. I
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: can see that my issue has always been asking for
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: help at something, hope, and that we are way like
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: we're always so we are about talking about money. So yes,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: that's really helpful. Guys. Yeah, we are going into a
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: partnership so you don't have to do it all yourself anymore, right, Yes, yes,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: for sure. Well Kenya send us a wedding photo and
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: we wish you the best of luck. Let us know
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: how it goes, Okay. I will thank you so much
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: for all your help. It was lovely talking to you all.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you, bye bye bye. Oh what a sweetie. This
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: question is from Hayley. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: thirty four year old married mother of two working in
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: the fast fashion industry in New York City. On paper,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I think my life looks pretty put together. I've been
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: with my husband since we were eighteen, though he would
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: tell you we've been together since kindergarten, which is only
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: partly a lie. My kids are healthy and happy and
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: smart and wonderful. We love having help from both sides
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: of our family taking care of our kids, so my
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: husband and I can both work and provide for our family.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I've spent the last twelve years establishing myself at a
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: company where I started as an unpaid intern and worked
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: my way up to an established integral part of our organization.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Like I said, on paper, my life seems pretty great. However,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I find myself struggling to find purpose and meeting in
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: my day to day life. I wouldn't say I'm depressed,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: but I do wake up with this lackluster feeling. More
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: and more I no longer feel challenged at work, and
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: while I love my kids and husband, I don't want
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: my legacy to be just a mom or a wife.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: As awful as that sounds to say aloud or even
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: write in an email, it sounds silly, but as long
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: as I can remember. I feel as though I'm meant
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: to do more in life. I just can't figure out
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: what that more is. I thought fashion was my passion,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: and while I do enjoy being successful at my job,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I just don't know that this is where I'm supposed
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: to be. I have so many ideas of what I
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: could possibly do. I've always wanted to write a novel,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: or flip houses, or start my own event planning business,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: or become an interior designer. I find myself doomscrolling my
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: social media accounts at night of all these creatives with
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: this feeling like I can do this too, followed immediately
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: by but can I? And so I end up doing nothing.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: All my ideas seem like pipe dreams or things that
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: will take time away from what's supposed to be my priority,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: my family and providing for them. I want to be great,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: but maybe I should be happy with success. The success
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: and perfect life on paper I already have helped me
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to feel less guilty about wanting more. Haley, see Jen,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: do you want to take this one from the top? Sure? Thanks, Hailey. Listen, Well,
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: first of all, you totally do know what you want
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: to do, so I think we can get caught. And
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: that's sort of like I'm not sure, I'm confused, but
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: the reality is, you know, and you're scared. But the
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: great news is like all those things that you said
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: are amazing, And so I think that you should just
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: go for it and start to plot out how you
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: could do it and start looking more deeply into it
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: and following people who are doing it and maybe talk
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: to some of them, take them out for coffee, and
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: think of it as a real thing. You know, you
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: got one go as the you that is you on
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: planet Earth, and we it's in our nature to keep growing.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: You know, plants and trees they just keep growing until
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: they die. And that's us. We're not meant to hit
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: a certain level and then just coast along. We're supposed
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: to keep blossoming and expanding. And it's your birthright, that's
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: your nature as a living creature on Earth. So you
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: know that guilt is really I understand that you feel it,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't honestly make sense for your nature. And
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: also I want to say, like your kids, what a
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: great role model you're going to be when you allow
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: yourself to just keep blossoming and keep changing into who
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: you're becoming. I mean, that's a really, really great role
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: model for your kids. Yeah. I mean my sister started
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: her own air piercing company, and she was working for
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: another company at one point, and then I guess something
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: happened where they weren't going to be because she's a
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: REGI nurse, so they were only using real nurses, and
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: then they kind of started hiring other people and my
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: sister was like, I don't know about this. I wanted
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: it to be like a special you know, nurses are
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: coming and doing your piercings. And I was like, well,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: start your own company. And she's like, ah, it's just
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: such a headache. What am I going to do? Cut
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: to she started her own company. She is the happiest,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: most productive she's ever been. She has piercings every day,
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: so she's like eight to ten. She goes to parties
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: and pierces like ten girls at a time. She's so fulfilled.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: She finally got it, she got a business license. She
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: did all the shit that she thought she didn't want
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: to have to deal with, and she is empowered. She
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: is living her like best life because she has created
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: her own source of income. It's meaningful, it's purposeful. And
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: she loves it. She loves meeting new people, she loves
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: going to their houses. She loves giving their little certificate
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: of bravery for the little two year olds, like get
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: their ears pierced. Well, their mother's like at their ears spears.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: But whatever, her whole vibe has changed, so like, you're
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: only going to increase your magneticism by following your dreams.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Your family is going to appreciate you more. You're set
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: up in a success already. You've got a great husband,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: you've got great kids. Like, there is no barrier for you.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: You have all of this opportunity and it's only this
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: voice in your head that's telling you you can't do it.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: So tell that voice that you're a fucking queen. Absolutely absolutely.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: And I think too, you know, I agree with John.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I think like in your heart you actually know what
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: it is. But throw stuff at the wall and see
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: what sticks. Try a few different things, see what you
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: actually like. This makes me think of I just started
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: following this woman on Instagram. She's like in her seventies.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: She is basically just like an internet grandma who's adorable
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: and says wonderful, positive, beautiful things, and you know, calls
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: her followers, my darlings, and just encourages you and it
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: is the most lovely, wonderful thing to like wake up
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: two in the morning. But she talks about like, for
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: years I thought I could do this social media thing,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: and so many people were like, Nah, it's really tough.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: You can't really do it. It's tough, it's hard. You
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: won't give men followers da da. But so one day
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: she just woke up and was like, I'm going to
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: start doing this. And now she's got this massive following
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: and this beautiful cohort of people who are just like
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: positive and lovely and just waking up one morning and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: be like, what if I do What if I do this?
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, and just take steps in the direction.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: If you choose interior design, there shouldn't be a limit
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: to what you want to do, right, So if you
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: pick one thing to start with so that it's not overwhelming,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: like say you do go down the interior design route,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: you know, just start making steps in that direction. Start
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: an Instagram page, Start talking to people who you might help.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: Start taking pictures of things that you find to be
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: beautiful and things that you would like to replicate, you know,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: and design themes and homes. There are steps you can
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: take in each direction for all of the things that
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: you mentioned. Just pick one and start there. And if
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: after a few months you're like, wait, this doesn't feel right,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: then you know that it's not right and you move
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: on to the next thing. But I bet you it
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: will be right. It's just a matter of taking that
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: first step and then everything kind of comes together because
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: you have to show the universe, the energy, the world
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: that you are motivated enough to make some differences, and
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: then everything kind of comes together knowing that your energy
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: has shifted, because right now you're in a state of
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's a little ambivalent, it's a little
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: just non active. And in order to create that kind
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: of surge and inspiration, you got to get moving and
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: then it will all come together in that way, you know,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: like you got to say, Okay, this is what I want,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: this is the direction I'm moving in, and things will
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: start to open for you, and doors will start to open.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: You'll be like, oh okay. All it takes is like
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: a shift in intention. Agreed, totally great, Well, Lozette says,
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: oh I knew a Lazette in high school. Lazette, that's
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: the only thing, isn't that a character in which you
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: McCall it? Yes, lame is isn't Lazette all the characters Cosette,
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: that's Collette Cozette. Oh shit, I knew it was an
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: at such a something in between those teams, those two.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: But Lozette says, and I think it's cute. She was
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: going by Les and she's like, no, Lazette is my
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: real name. That's what I That's what I want to
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: go by. And I was like, right, yes, she says,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name's Lizette. And I have a problem
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: that may seem simple but is honestly complex. One of
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: my deep core beliefs is that I am unlovable. Because
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: of this, I struggle so much with being able to
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: accept love from others. My brain is also constantly looking
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: for evidence to prove this belief right. I've found more
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: evidence to prove me right than wrong. Therefore I stay
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: in this mindset. I'm twenty six and I've struggled with
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: mental health issues for over a decade. Now I go
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: to therapy, I have a good support system, I take
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: my medication, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. Despite all this,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I still hate myself, and I feel as though everyone
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: is all in on the fact that I'm unlovable, worthless,
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: and very ugly. I tell my therapist about this, and
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: all she says is that's not true, You're lovable. Like okay,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: that doesn't really help in dismantling my core beliefs. I
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: want to be happy with myself and be a light
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: for others. I don't know what to do to achieve this.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Because I believe this about myself. I reject the love
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: an affection my boyfriend gives me, which isn't fair to him.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: I want to be loved so badly, but I believe
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: I'm unworthy of it. I feel as though I have
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: to keep this mindset because I want people to know
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I'm also in on the joke. You think I'm ugly.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: That's fine, because I already know I am so nice. Try.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I would appreciate any advice I can use to not
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: only accept love from others, but also start to find
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: the love within and feel that I'm worthy of it. Lazette, Oh, Hilazette. Hi,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: First of all, please, we need to talk to you.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: This is an emergency situation. Yeah, okay, okay, okay, You're
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: never allowed to talk about yourself being ugly again. Okay,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: first of all, you're adorable, but that's not even the point.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: No one is ugly. You have such a negative conversation
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: going on with yourself, and when you're looking for negative stuff,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: you're going to find it. When you're looking for positive stuff,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: you're also going to find it. So it's a choice
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: between looking for the negative or looking for all the
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: things that make you lovable instead of saying you're not lovable.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: What are the things that make you lovable? You tell
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: me right now. I think I'm good at my dog. Yeah,
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I think I am very personable, I'm very talkative. I
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: think things that invite people in So yeah, great, Yeah,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: those are great things. Those are great qualities. You're adorable.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Look at you. You're laughing, you're giggly, you have a
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: nice disposition, You're you're letting your thoughts take you to
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: a place that you don't even need to visit. You
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: could be living your best life on this planet right now,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: but you're choosing to hear a different story. You have
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: a boyfriend that loves you, and you need to accept
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: that love. You have to doubly accept it now because
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: you have an assignment from us. Okay, you have to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: overcorrect what you are doing. So every morning you have
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: to get up and list ten things about yourself that
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: make you lovable that you know to be true about
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: yourself and why you are lovable. Every single morning, you're
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: going to start doing that. And it can be the
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: same things, it can be different things, whatever. Just get
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: in the habit of that. And every time you're thinking
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: about a negative thought, I want you to get in
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: the habit of flipping that thought because whatever your negative
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: thought is, there's an opposite thought. Right. If you're fearful,
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: there's love that if you're scared, there's confidence. You know
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: what I mean? You choose think about whatever the opposite
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: feeling of the word that you're feeling about yourself is.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Choose that word and think about all of the things
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: that are that relate to you with that word. Love, courage, strength, confidence,
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Those are the things that you need to instill in
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: yourself moving forward. You're a fucking badass who nobody ever
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: told you were unlovable. You told yourself that and you
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: can't be trusted at this point because you told yourself
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: a lot of negative things. So we have to completely
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: reverse engineer you well. And I think that's a really
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: good point, Chelsea. You know, we think that every thought
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: that pops into our brains is the truth. But the
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: truth is it's not, or is someone else is about us,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: It's not their thoughts. We all have this like little
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: voice in our head. You're choosing to let that run
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: you instead of choosing you running you. You know what
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I mean. We all have that little devil's whatever it is,
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: you know, like a little devil on our shoulder saying
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: you're not You're not good enough, You're not good enough,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough. If you're
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: not this enough, Yes you are, Like that is not
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: the voice that we are listening to. And in order
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: to like make your life the fullest and reach your
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: potential and your purpose. You're a teacher that already says
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: something great about you, you know what I mean. You're
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: devoting your life to helping little people in the world,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: or you know, younger people in the world. I don't
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: know what age you teach, but you're already doing so
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: many things like these are a value that's valuable. You
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: are a value, and you have a purpose and the
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: sooner you lean into it. The sooner your whole world
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: is going to open up and these thoughts are going
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: to start to diminish. And the good news is too
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: our brains are plastic. They are extensively changeable. When you
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: hear that voice, if it's like, oh my god, I'm
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: so ugly, look at yourself on the mirror, and even
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: if it sounds fag as, he'll just be like, oh
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: my god, I look beautiful today. Oh my god, I
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: look incredible. All I so, I read Jen as our
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: our guest Who's with us Today? And I had read
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: her book You're a Badass around the same time that
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: I started watching a lot of YouTube videos. Yes, this
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: is who, this is who we have okay. I was
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: like her names okay, a lie okay. And Trixie Mattel,
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: who's a drag queen, also was like somebody. I was
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: watching a lot of her, and Trixie is always like
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: I'm an icon, I'm a legend, I look gorgeous and
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: so much this way that's like funny and cute. It's
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: like it's so much more fun than the self deprecating
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: like well, no, you know, I'm already a failure or
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm no, no more of that, no
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: more of that. Jen, What do you think about what
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: do you think about that? Yeah? I mean awesome you guys,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: And and and also see what you can get away with,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: like I love taking this level of levity and just
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: like getting out of your drama. I mean, like I'm
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: still a blame such allusion and just I just want
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: to see if I can get two guys to look
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: at me on the street. I just want to see
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: if I bandexs over pants and rock like make it
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: more fun, bring some more fun back into it. And
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: also remember, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. We're all,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, we all have doubts and fears and insecurities
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: and everybody nobody has it all going on anyway. So
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: don't expect yourself to be at the top of your
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: game all of the time. And when you're not feeling
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: at the top of your game, it's a moment in time.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: It's not your identity. It's just you're just having a
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: little hiccup, and there are lessons to be learned in
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: that hiccup. So look for the lessons when when you're
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: feeling that way, don't buy into them. So much. And
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: also look at yourself through the eyes of your little students.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: How much do they love you and who you really are?
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: Come on now, like what is your fan couple? Right right?
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: So seriously, next time you go down that rabbit hole
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: of thinking you suck, look at it through your most
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: adoring students' eyes and think about what that person would
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: say about what you're thinking. And I like what Catherine
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: said too about like just start saying it out loud,
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: like look at me, I'm beautiful, Look at me, I'm beautiful.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Look at me, I'm beautiful, even if it's a joke
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: to yourself, Like it's good to start saying these things
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: to yourself, you know, and not taking it so seriously
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: because you, first of all, you are beautiful inside and out,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: so like, where are you getting this from? It's just
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: so silly. So yeah, you just have to really focus
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: on be really paying attention to your thoughts and be
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: really paying attention to go Nope, that's not what I'm
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: going to think today. What's the opposite of that emotion?
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to be confident about this. I'm
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: not going to be insecure. I'm going to act confidently
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: right here, and before you know it, acting confidently will
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: make you confident. Yeah, it will become automatic. There's a
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: kind of outdated thing that we women do too, which
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: is like if I talk that way about myself, I'm
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: conceited or what? Get rid of that? Like that is
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: old fashioned, that never mattered. We are allowed to talk
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: about ourselves as if we are valuable and beautiful and lovable.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: And that's not going to come across in a way
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: that makes you seem that way. So start telling yourself
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: that because it will, like Chelsea said, become automatic. And
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: now say I'm a queen three times in a row. Okay,
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I'm a queen. I'm a queen. I'm a queen. There, yes,
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: there we go. You even got the nims. Now go girl. Yeah,
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in, Lizatte, and now
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: you have something to listen back to next time you
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: need to remind you. Thank you. I appreciate all three
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: of you so much. Chelsea, I've literally haven't found yourself eleven.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: So thank you. You're welcome, Honey, You're so welcome. Thank you.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Bye bye, okay bye. What a total cutie. She's adorable.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: I know. My first conversation she was like sweating at
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: the gym. She still looked cute. I was like, come on, now,
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: come on, we got to fix this outfit. She's got
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: it going on. I know. Well, let's take a quick
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: break and we will be back to wrap up with
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Jenn and Chelsea, and we're back all right. Well, Jen,
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: this is the point in the show where I ask,
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: do you have any advice you'd like? From Chelsea? So
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: much God, but I whittled it down. I would love
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: some tips on writing stand up and writing good talks, like,
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: because you know, writing books is one thing, but speaking
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: is different. I a whole bunch of speaking engagements coming up,
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: and like, how do you do it? You eat an
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: edible and have all your friends over or do you
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: have a team? Do you do it yourself? And then
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: put on a talent show? Like what's what's your methodology?
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: I mean I usually write, you know, for stand up
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: and prey like doing. I mean sometimes I have writers
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: helped me if I'm doing an event, but for stand
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: up it's pretty much me. I'm not really you know,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: every once in a while I'll have someone come out
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: and see if they have like any punchlines for me.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: But I think when you infuse you know, humor into
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: like real educative kind of topics like you're doing, you know,
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: there's just good personal stories to choose from that you
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: that are relatable, you know, like even if you don't
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: think they're relatable. Sharing of yourself I think is always relatable,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Like when you're telling a story about anything, you know,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: when it's personal, people feel like they're being invited into
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: your life and you're sharing that with them. And then
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: there's a like level of comfort that I notice by
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: even you know, I'm very self deprecating, and not in
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: a hate self hating way or self immolating way. I
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: just like, you know, I'm always talking about all the
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: things that I can't get right or mess up, but
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: how they keep trying. And I find that I think
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: when you infuse any sort of things with just personal stories,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: the humor kind of comes like you're going to know
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: what's the funny punchline to that story, or if you
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: have to exaggerate a story to make it even funnier.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: You know, it's citing examples of things to help people,
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: as like teaching moments. I think anything you can draw
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: from your personal life, you know, there's always a way
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: to make everything is funny after two weeks. Everything except
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: you know, the death of someone that's not fun after
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: two weeks, but everything else is funny. So no matter what,
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: like you know, you can always just pull from your
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: personal arsenal and you'll be surprised how many people kind
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: of have the same feelings or I have the same experiences.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: I always find I'm always amazed when people come up
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: and be like, oh my god, I'm just like you.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like, really, I thought I was one in a million,
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: But the reason why people do relate to me is
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: because I am like so many other people, not that
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: I'm one in a million, I'm one of you know,
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: millions of us who feel this way. So yeah, relatability,
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I think is the key ingredient to really connecting with anybody. Cool.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: That's great. Oh thank you, Jen, Yeah, that was awesome.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: So nice to meet with you and speak with you.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: Thanks for contributing today and helping these people. Oh thank
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: you so much. I just want to say I am
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: also child free and the stuff you are doing is
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: just killing me. I love good for the wombs everywhere
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: who love it. Okay, take care and don't forget everybody.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: My new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: it's badass. And then I'm doing a tour, a little
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Big Bitch tour. Go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for tickets.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: I've added some new dates. I added a date in Monticello,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: New York. I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater.
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to klam Miszoo, and then I'm coming to
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga.
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: That's May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first, and then I'll
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: be in Atlantic City June tenth, which is almost sold out,
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: so get your tickets. If you'd like advice from Chelsea,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: dot com and be sure to include your phone number.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: producer Katherine Law and be sure to check out our
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: march at Chelsea Hamler dot com