Latest / The You Project / #1702 Untapped Potential - Nicole Liddell

Transcript

#1702 Untapped Potential - Nicole Liddell · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: I'll get all you bloody champions. It's harps. Welcome to
0:03
Speaker 1: another installment. They project, you know what for the seveneen
0:07
Speaker 1: hundredth and sometime the other day was episode seven eight
0:10
Speaker 1: hundred and it passed. It came and went, and I
0:13
Speaker 1: didn't even acknowledge it, so I should be mad at me.
0:16
Speaker 1: But anyway, Fuck it was seventeen hundred and something episodes.
0:20
Speaker 1: We're still here? Did you know that? The I think
0:23
Speaker 1: it's the average podcast. The average podcast only lasts something like,
0:31
Speaker 1: I don't know, not many three. It might be seven,
0:34
Speaker 1: it might be three, but it's less than ten. So
0:38
Speaker 1: how the fuck we got to seven eight hundred and something.
0:40
Speaker 1: We've been around six years and people are actually still listening.
0:45
Speaker 1: That's either a testament to what we're doing or an
0:48
Speaker 1: indictment on you listeners. I'm not sure either way. Fucking
0:52
Speaker 1: he fuck we're still here. I tell you someone who
0:55
Speaker 1: has listened to a few episodes and been to a
0:59
Speaker 1: few workshops of mine and hails from the Sunshine State
1:03
Speaker 1: and has an interesting story and has finally agreed to
1:07
Speaker 1: chat with me on the aforementioned program as Nicole Ladell,
1:12
Speaker 1: who I call Nick. Hi, Nick, Hey, there, you go
1:16
Speaker 1: oh fuck, I'm so good. I'm so good. It's Sunday,
1:22
Speaker 1: it's five point thirty nine. The birds are singing, the
1:25
Speaker 1: bees are buzzing. It's been a good day. It's to
1:29
Speaker 1: be honest, it's been a day and a weekend with
1:31
Speaker 1: a few challenges, but we won't go there. Nothing too terrible.
1:36
Speaker 1: But now you were down in Melbourne yesterday you, like
1:40
Speaker 1: I said, Sunshine State, and we caught up momentarily and
1:44
Speaker 1: had a coffee in a chat and I I didn't
1:47
Speaker 1: tell you this yesterday because I didn't know when we
1:51
Speaker 1: might do it, and I like telling I like springing
1:54
Speaker 1: it on people so they can't plan. But I thought,
1:56
Speaker 1: as you were telling me your story that you would
1:59
Speaker 1: be good to have a chat with and before we
2:03
Speaker 1: dive in. So the reason that I want to talk
2:05
Speaker 1: about this everyone is because my demographic is about seventy
2:11
Speaker 1: percent female. Not sure why, so dudes come on lifting
2:15
Speaker 1: you do too, are listening that, thank you, But if
2:18
Speaker 1: you get a few of your dude mates, that'd be great.
2:20
Speaker 1: But seventy percent female and a lot of women somewhere
2:25
Speaker 1: in the ballpark of thirty five to sixty. And we know,
2:31
Speaker 1: as I said to you, before we started recording. We
2:33
Speaker 1: know that, you know, people listen to this show because
2:36
Speaker 1: they want to learn something, or they want to be
2:38
Speaker 1: a bit inspired, or they want to grow or evolve
2:41
Speaker 1: or improve their situation or their mindset or their physiology, psychology,
2:47
Speaker 1: sociology results in some way. And I'm very impressed with
2:52
Speaker 1: you because when I met you at one of my workshops,
2:57
Speaker 1: how long ago do you reckon? Our paths crossed?
3:00
Speaker 2: When I'm going to say, it was around two thousand
3:04
Speaker 2: and eight, right, So.
3:07
Speaker 1: That is that is sixteen years ago, So you would
3:12
Speaker 1: have been thirty five years old. And you don't mind
3:15
Speaker 1: me saying that you're fifty one, because that's going to
3:17
Speaker 1: come up. So you were thirty five, and what was
3:24
Speaker 1: life like? What was happening when you were thirty five,
3:27
Speaker 1: because you've had an interesting journey since, But what tell
3:30
Speaker 1: us what thirty five looked like for you?
3:32
Speaker 2: Thirty five looked like a.
3:38
Speaker 3: I had.
3:39
Speaker 2: I had lost a lot of weight at that point,
3:42
Speaker 2: so I had followed that online program that we're talking
3:44
Speaker 2: about yesterday and came across you during that and I
3:49
Speaker 2: was married and my children were quite young, and I
3:53
Speaker 2: had started doing triathon. I don't know if you remember that.
3:55
Speaker 2: But I used to do triathon and yeah, I was married.
4:02
Speaker 3: But it was falling apart.
4:04
Speaker 1: I'll put it that way, Okay, okay, And so here
4:08
Speaker 1: we are sixteen years later, and it's fair to say
4:11
Speaker 1: that there's been a lot of peaks and troughs, and
4:14
Speaker 1: not unlike the host of the You project, You're gain weight,
4:17
Speaker 1: you lost weight, you got in shape, you got out
4:19
Speaker 1: of shape. You're fucking in the zone, out of the zone, flying, dying, flying,
4:24
Speaker 1: dying up down right. That's it's a typical kind of
4:30
Speaker 1: experience for many people, not all people, but a lot
4:33
Speaker 1: of people. So I just asked you before we went live,
4:39
Speaker 1: and you've lost thirty five k's I saw you yesterday.
4:41
Speaker 1: You look great. You're fifty one, you fit, you're healthy,
4:44
Speaker 1: you look as good as I've ever seen you. Look.
4:47
Speaker 1: How long have you been in the shape that you're
4:49
Speaker 1: currently in, I.
4:51
Speaker 2: Would say so, I've been on a bit of a
4:53
Speaker 2: journey for the last two years. So I've lost thirty
4:56
Speaker 2: five in the last two years. So I've probably been
4:59
Speaker 2: maintained my current weight for about six months, but have
5:04
Speaker 2: been solidly consistently training and eating healthy for over two years.
5:11
Speaker 1: Great, and why do you think it's different this time?
5:15
Speaker 1: And why do you think you won't go back? Like,
5:19
Speaker 1: why do you think? I'm sure you think that and
5:22
Speaker 1: I know it, Yeah, you know it. Okay, great. Why
5:25
Speaker 1: do you know you're never going to go back?
5:29
Speaker 2: I honestly because I've It's not just my body that
5:32
Speaker 2: I've worked on. So you know, I've done the training,
5:39
Speaker 2: I've lost the weight. But in the last ten or
5:42
Speaker 2: you know, six to ten years, there's been a lot
5:45
Speaker 2: of stuff that's happened where I've really excavated a lot
5:49
Speaker 2: of my own internal stuff and you know, kind of
5:55
Speaker 2: looked at patterns of behavior and how I got to
5:59
Speaker 2: where I was and all that sort of thing. And
6:01
Speaker 2: so now my kids are all adults, so I'm not
6:04
Speaker 2: sole parenting. It's me.
6:07
Speaker 3: It's like I am the priority.
6:09
Speaker 2: And yeah, I love training, like I love living like this,
6:16
Speaker 2: this is this is where I'm happy. So I'm just
6:19
Speaker 2: not choosing to go back to where I wasn't happy.
6:23
Speaker 1: So you said you had to excavate some internal stuff.
6:26
Speaker 1: I like that, the internal excavation, right, Wow, what stuff?
6:32
Speaker 1: Like what did you need to change or what did
6:34
Speaker 1: you need to own up to or what did you
6:36
Speaker 1: need to realize deal with what was that?
6:43
Speaker 2: Just how I show up in the world, and like
6:49
Speaker 2: I had to take responsibility for some of the situations
6:51
Speaker 2: that I've been in. Yeah, I'm kind of just understand
6:59
Speaker 2: just and the role that I've played in some of
7:02
Speaker 2: the things that have happened in my life that have
7:05
Speaker 2: you know, caused trauma and drama. So yeah, I just
7:12
Speaker 2: it was really just taking responsibility and learning how to
7:16
Speaker 2: set boundaries, I think was the big one. We're talking yesday.
7:19
Speaker 2: I think a little bit about being discerning.
7:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like tell me the relationship between I know
7:27
Speaker 1: I'm interrupting, but it's relevant. So we're not you when
7:32
Speaker 1: I asked you about excavating internal stuff, I was talking
7:34
Speaker 1: about in relation to getting in shape. Then you started
7:37
Speaker 1: talking about trauma. Yeah, so talk to me about getting
7:42
Speaker 1: in shape physically and navigating food and exercise and weight loss.
7:47
Speaker 1: And by the way, when we talk about weight loss,
7:49
Speaker 1: we're not talking about, you know, from an esthetic point
7:54
Speaker 1: of view or an ego point of view. We're talking
7:55
Speaker 1: about health, wellness function. But then you so talk to
7:59
Speaker 1: me a little bit about the correlation you scientists, between
8:04
Speaker 1: the emotional stuff, the trauma stuff, the body stuff, and
8:08
Speaker 1: the changing your life forever stuff.
8:11
Speaker 2: Well, I think so I don't know without giving you
8:15
Speaker 2: my entire life story, which I could do, but we
8:17
Speaker 2: don't really have time for. And I think a lot
8:22
Speaker 2: of women can relate to this. So our bodies are
8:24
Speaker 2: very connected to our emotions. I truly believe that, and
8:29
Speaker 2: to trauma as well. So when I went through some stuff,
8:33
Speaker 2: you know, about ten years ago, I started really looking
8:36
Speaker 2: into sematics, so I read you know, the Body Keeps
8:42
Speaker 2: the Score and all of those trauma informed sort of books,
8:48
Speaker 2: and I just I think just having the awareness of
8:52
Speaker 2: I used to use weight to keep the world out,
8:57
Speaker 2: so if I was overweight and big and not attractive,
9:03
Speaker 2: that I didn't draw attention to myself and therefore no
9:05
Speaker 2: one could hurt me.
9:08
Speaker 1: So I've heard that quite a bit. And so for you,
9:14
Speaker 1: was that a subconscious manifestation Like obviously didn't think, all right,
9:20
Speaker 1: what I'm going to do is I'm going to put
9:21
Speaker 1: on thirty k's I'm going to be So that's a
9:24
Speaker 1: subconscious protection, protective mechanism.
9:28
Speaker 2: Yes, very much so, because I am you know, I've
9:31
Speaker 2: been I've been obese, I've been thin, I've been an athlete,
9:35
Speaker 2: I've been all of those things, and the world interacts
9:38
Speaker 2: with us differently. You know, I don't care how much
9:41
Speaker 2: people say it doesn't matter, it does matter. The world
9:44
Speaker 2: interacts with us differently depending on how we look. And
9:48
Speaker 2: so I felt very vulnerable in the world. So being overweighted,
9:55
Speaker 2: I became invisible and I think I subconsciously deliberately did that.
10:03
Speaker 1: And so.
10:05
Speaker 2: Ah, and then you know the shame that comes around
10:08
Speaker 2: that as well, because health, looking after yourself and health
10:11
Speaker 2: is also one of my values. It's quite a lot
10:15
Speaker 2: living in alignment with my value. So the shame and
10:18
Speaker 2: the guilt comes on top of that. And but then
10:22
Speaker 2: so part of what I had to learn was being
10:24
Speaker 2: discerning and setting boundaries and having self compassion and all
10:28
Speaker 2: of those things that come along with dealing with trauma.
10:32
Speaker 2: And so once I realized that I can actually set boundaries,
10:37
Speaker 2: then I can then I'm now I'm comfortable being in
10:40
Speaker 2: the world, not you know, not being one hundred kilos.
10:44
Speaker 2: I don't need to be one hundred kilos to keep
10:46
Speaker 2: people away.
10:48
Speaker 1: It's kind of a two edged sword that, you know,
10:51
Speaker 1: being bigger and heavier, and now I'm invisible, and I
10:54
Speaker 1: don't get the same kind of attention that I didn't want,
11:00
Speaker 1: and I'm less vulnerable now no one's looking at me.
11:04
Speaker 1: And but it is a two edged sword because but
11:07
Speaker 1: also I don't really want to look like this or
11:09
Speaker 1: feel like this, or carry around all of this weight
11:13
Speaker 1: or put my health at risk or yeah, yeah, what
11:18
Speaker 1: I mean? So for you, what was? Maybe we'll talk
11:23
Speaker 1: about as much or as little as you want. Have
11:27
Speaker 1: you either way? Have you ever this your first podcast ever? No,
11:31
Speaker 1: you've done it right, I've done a couple. You're doing
11:35
Speaker 1: very well. Listen to me, giving you a score five stars.
11:41
Speaker 1: We'll talk about any potential trauma stuff maybe if you want,
11:46
Speaker 1: but like on a kind of an emotional level in
11:51
Speaker 1: terms of because I've said this, like, my first book
11:56
Speaker 1: literally was about the psychology and the emotion of changing
11:59
Speaker 1: a body, right, And that was really before I was
12:02
Speaker 1: too clued up. But I realized early days when I
12:04
Speaker 1: was working with people that you know, changing your body
12:08
Speaker 1: and keeping it changed is not really that much about
12:12
Speaker 1: your body. Like your body is the byproduct of sorting
12:16
Speaker 1: out the ship. You need to sport out the emotional
12:19
Speaker 1: and psychological and ritualistic and habitual underlying shit that just
12:24
Speaker 1: happens to create a body that looks and functions like
12:29
Speaker 1: X and y. You know. And so because your body
12:33
Speaker 1: isn't making decisions, your body is just bearing the brunt
12:37
Speaker 1: of your decisions, be they good or bad decisions. So
12:41
Speaker 1: what was the emotional stuff that you needed to address?
12:49
Speaker 2: Self compassion?
12:52
Speaker 1: So can I what does that mean for you? For me?
12:57
Speaker 2: I have lived most of my life being my biggest critic,
13:02
Speaker 2: So I you know, I would I would be concerned
13:05
Speaker 2: about other people judging me, but no one was judging
13:08
Speaker 2: me more than I was judging myself. Yes, and so
13:13
Speaker 2: I you know, and for choices that I'd made and
13:16
Speaker 2: situations that I ended up in that caused me harm,
13:20
Speaker 2: I blamed myself. And so self compassion was big on
13:27
Speaker 2: the on the list of things that I had to
13:30
Speaker 2: learn to do, like just to be able to say
13:32
Speaker 2: that even good people make mistakes or you know, no
13:35
Speaker 2: one is all good or all bad. And yeah, so
13:40
Speaker 2: just kind of understanding me as if I was dealing
13:44
Speaker 2: with myself as a friend, Like how would I talk
13:47
Speaker 2: to my friend if my friend was going through the
13:49
Speaker 2: stuff that I was going through. So that allowed me
13:53
Speaker 2: to be softer with myself. Lots off there, but also
14:01
Speaker 2: understanding that my body actually belongs to me, not the
14:08
Speaker 2: world and not a partner or not any man down
14:12
Speaker 2: the street, or you know, like my body one hundred
14:16
Speaker 2: percent belongs to me.
14:17
Speaker 3: Now I actually really believe that.
14:19
Speaker 2: Now for the first time, at fifty one, that it's
14:23
Speaker 2: mine to do with what I want to do.
14:26
Speaker 1: You know. Tell me just like like on an intellectual level,
14:33
Speaker 1: you always knew that. Like if I said to you
14:36
Speaker 1: when you were thirty five, Nick, do you know that
14:38
Speaker 1: your body is you'd go, yeah, of course, But tell
14:41
Speaker 1: me about the divergence between intellectually understanding something but at
14:46
Speaker 1: the same time not feeling it, Like what you say,
14:52
Speaker 1: now you know your body's yours. What was the status before?
15:00
Speaker 2: Well, the status before was the whole people pleasing thing,
15:04
Speaker 2: you know that, which I know.
15:05
Speaker 3: You've talked about a lot.
15:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the belief I think it comes down to
15:12
Speaker 2: those worldviews and those real internal call beliefs. So when
15:19
Speaker 2: I talk about excavating, it's like really getting through what
15:22
Speaker 2: are those core beliefs that are driving the behaviors. So
15:26
Speaker 2: I grew up, like a lot of women, and especially
15:30
Speaker 2: my age, believing that our role was to please others
15:38
Speaker 2: or to you know, I was talking to you yesterday
15:41
Speaker 2: about going to UNI and my dad when I left school,
15:44
Speaker 2: and my dad said, no, you'll get married and your
15:47
Speaker 2: husband will look after you. Don't need to go to university.
15:50
Speaker 2: Girls don't go to university. So I was the conditioning
15:54
Speaker 2: that my whole role or reason for even existing was
15:59
Speaker 2: to just please other people or two you know what
16:03
Speaker 2: I mean.
16:04
Speaker 1: So just so you wanted to go to UNI. And
16:07
Speaker 1: dad went, no, you won't go to UNI. You'll marry
16:11
Speaker 1: a bloke and he'll look after you.
16:14
Speaker 2: Yep, that was his exact words to me, was you don't.
16:17
Speaker 2: Girls don't go to university because I had I had
16:25
Speaker 2: I was. I wanted to do either psychology or drama.
16:29
Speaker 2: I had applied for both, and I had an audition
16:32
Speaker 2: for the drama program. I can't remember what it was
16:35
Speaker 2: now or even what UNI it was. And my dad said, no, wow, no, girls.
16:42
Speaker 3: Don't go to university.
16:43
Speaker 2: I'll get you a job in a bank, which he did.
16:46
Speaker 2: He got me a job because he knew the bank manager.
16:48
Speaker 2: I'll get you a job in a bank and then
16:51
Speaker 2: you'll get married and your husband will look after you.
16:53
Speaker 2: And that's I mean. I went around about it a
16:56
Speaker 2: different way, but that's essentially what happened.
17:00
Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, okay, so we'll jump around a little bit.
17:03
Speaker 1: But one of the reasons I wanted I wanted to
17:06
Speaker 1: chat to you was because at the astonishingly old age
17:12
Speaker 1: of forty three, you went back or you didn't go
17:17
Speaker 1: back to UNI. So did you do year twelve?
17:21
Speaker 2: I did you twelve and I had done I think
17:24
Speaker 2: it was maybe two years or a year before I
17:28
Speaker 2: went to UNI. I did finish a diploma, so but
17:32
Speaker 2: that was that was it. I did year twelve. I
17:33
Speaker 2: think I finished Year twelve in I can't even tell
17:37
Speaker 2: you what year it was.
17:39
Speaker 1: So you finished year twelve at eighteen, and then you
17:42
Speaker 1: started university at forty three, yes, so that's quarter of
17:47
Speaker 1: a century. So all right, So one of I mean, firstly,
17:52
Speaker 1: I don't think I definitely don't think everyone needs to
17:56
Speaker 1: go to university. I think for some people university is
18:01
Speaker 1: and not because they're not smart enough, just because I
18:04
Speaker 1: don't think it suits them. Right. And in fact, if
18:07
Speaker 1: you I'm glad I didn't go to university at eighteen
18:11
Speaker 1: nine and twenty because for me at that stage it
18:15
Speaker 1: wouldn't have suited me. I wouldn't have been very good
18:17
Speaker 1: at it. I may not have even gone, but when
18:20
Speaker 1: I did, when I did go to university for the
18:23
Speaker 1: first time, which was when I was thirty six, I
18:26
Speaker 1: was mentally, emotionally and practically in the right place. But
18:31
Speaker 1: tell me about like I love the fact that, like
18:36
Speaker 1: I said to you at the start, so many of
18:37
Speaker 1: our listeners are you know, it's like you're almost the demographic.
18:41
Speaker 1: You know, it's really broad. Of course, we have teenagers
18:45
Speaker 1: who listen, and people in their seventies who listen, and
18:47
Speaker 1: men and women and people from all around the world.
18:50
Speaker 1: But I'm always encouraging people to learn and to be
18:56
Speaker 1: curious and to you know, whether or not that's formal
19:00
Speaker 1: earning education, formal education or informal or experiential or you
19:05
Speaker 1: know whatever. But so, what precipitated the decision to go
19:10
Speaker 1: back to UNI? What was it like? How did you go?
19:14
Speaker 1: Were you great at it? Were you fucking terrified? What
19:17
Speaker 1: was it like?
19:19
Speaker 2: Well, the decision was made on a whim. I was.
19:25
Speaker 2: It wasn't long. I remember you came up and we
19:30
Speaker 2: caught up for coffee. You come up for something and
19:32
Speaker 2: you caught up for coffee, and I was a little
19:34
Speaker 2: bit of a mess at the time, because I was
19:36
Speaker 2: coming out of an emotionally psychologically abusive relationship. Yeah, so
19:43
Speaker 2: it'd already I'd already been divorced for about five years
19:47
Speaker 2: at the time, and I was I was a bit lost.
19:53
Speaker 2: So not long after that, I had a kind of
20:00
Speaker 2: it's that proverbial rock bottom, I think where I had.
20:08
Speaker 2: I kind of came to the conclusion that I was
20:11
Speaker 2: never going to depend on a man again financially. I
20:14
Speaker 2: needed to take care of myself. Was being financial for me.
20:19
Speaker 2: Being financially dependent on somebody, which is what I was
20:23
Speaker 2: raised to be, wasn't safe for me. So I needed
20:27
Speaker 2: to create my own life. And then a friend of
20:30
Speaker 2: mine had finished her social work degree and I jokingly
20:35
Speaker 2: sort of said, I'd love to I wish I had
20:37
Speaker 2: it gone to UNI or something, and she sort of said,
20:39
Speaker 2: well why don't you? I said, I'm too old now,
20:42
Speaker 2: and how would I How can I put food on
20:44
Speaker 2: the table and go to use it is not possible,
20:46
Speaker 2: And plus the degree I want to do is a
20:48
Speaker 2: six year degree, and you know all of these reasons.
20:50
Speaker 2: And then another friend of mine, I've mentioned it to
20:53
Speaker 2: another friend of mine and she said, you should just
20:55
Speaker 2: do it, And I said, well, I couldn't even afford
20:58
Speaker 2: the I think it was at the time sixty nine
21:00
Speaker 2: dollars que tac fee to apply and the semester was
21:04
Speaker 2: starting in a week or two weeks.
21:06
Speaker 1: To tell people what q TACH is, oh, qu tech.
21:10
Speaker 2: Is the Queensland Tertiary. I can't remember what it stands for,
21:14
Speaker 2: but it's it's the application center. So you you have
21:17
Speaker 2: to apply through them and tell them what university and
21:21
Speaker 2: program you want to do, so they're the ones that decide,
21:25
Speaker 2: and so you have to pay a fee to apply.
21:29
Speaker 2: And she this friend of mine just gave me her
21:30
Speaker 2: credit card number and said do it now. So I
21:33
Speaker 2: just jumped online and did it.
21:36
Speaker 1: So at the time, you couldn't even afford that fee.
21:40
Speaker 2: No, No, at the time, I had friends were buying
21:44
Speaker 2: me groceries.
21:46
Speaker 3: That's that's where I was at.
21:48
Speaker 2: It was I could. I was barely paying the rent
21:52
Speaker 2: and I had I was shopping at the food co
21:55
Speaker 2: op some days this without sounding over dramatic, but some
22:00
Speaker 2: days I didn't send the kids to school because I
22:02
Speaker 2: didn't have any lunch for them.
22:05
Speaker 3: So it was bad. It was pretty bad. It was
22:09
Speaker 3: pretty bad.
22:10
Speaker 2: So it was really just a it was kind of
22:13
Speaker 2: like I have to do something, Like I had to
22:16
Speaker 2: do something to change the trajectory of my life. And
22:19
Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't know beyond each day what the
22:23
Speaker 2: next week was going to look like. So I just
22:26
Speaker 2: decided to go to university and suck it and see,
22:31
Speaker 2: just show up every day and see where, like just
22:33
Speaker 2: one foot in front of the other.
22:35
Speaker 3: One semester one thirteen.
22:37
Speaker 2: You know, semesters are a thirteen week block, and it
22:39
Speaker 2: was like, just get through each thirteen week block and
22:42
Speaker 2: you're moving closer to something. And I started getting so
22:49
Speaker 2: I got that. I got a job at the university
22:51
Speaker 2: pretty much straight away.
22:53
Speaker 1: And hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. You
22:55
Speaker 1: didn't tell us about your applied you got accepted.
22:58
Speaker 2: I got accepted.
23:00
Speaker 1: Well, tell us about one. What the fuck did you
23:02
Speaker 1: study or what did you apply for? Tell us about
23:05
Speaker 1: getting accepted. How did you feel when you go, fucking hell,
23:08
Speaker 1: I'm a university student.
23:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I did a psychology degree, which is what
23:17
Speaker 2: I'd always wanted to do. And yeah, I got the
23:24
Speaker 2: email to say I got in, and it was, you know,
23:26
Speaker 2: a holy shit sort of moment. I went to O week.
23:32
Speaker 2: I was telling you this yesterday, I went to open day.
23:36
Speaker 3: And I was lost.
23:37
Speaker 2: I had never stepped foot on a university campus before.
23:40
Speaker 2: To me, university was always something that other people did like,
23:43
Speaker 2: it was never I was told that it was never
23:47
Speaker 2: for me, so I believed it was never for me.
23:49
Speaker 2: I was not one of those people. Right. So I'm
23:54
Speaker 2: on campus, I'm walking around. I didn't know a single soul.
24:00
Speaker 2: I look obviously looked lost, and somebody said, you know,
24:03
Speaker 2: do you need some help? Can I help you find
24:05
Speaker 2: your way? And I said, I'm looking for this building?
24:08
Speaker 2: And they said to me, are you undergrad or postgrad?
24:11
Speaker 2: And I just looked and I went, I don't I
24:14
Speaker 2: don't even know what that means.
24:16
Speaker 3: I don't know what and she went undergrad.
24:19
Speaker 2: If you don't know the difference, then you're undergrad. I went, okay,
24:23
Speaker 2: And of course, now I know undergrad is like, you know,
24:25
Speaker 2: primary school versus high school.
24:28
Speaker 1: Could you just explain to our listeners who are basically
24:31
Speaker 1: a version of what you like, what is maybe just
24:35
Speaker 1: go through undergrad? You know, honors and a butt like,
24:38
Speaker 1: what is the hierarchy? What does it mean? Just so
24:41
Speaker 1: for people who have got their l plates on with
24:44
Speaker 1: this language.
24:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, so an undergraduate degree is your first degree, right,
24:51
Speaker 2: it's the it's the primary school, I guess you could say.
24:57
Speaker 2: So undergrad is usually the first three to four years,
25:02
Speaker 2: and then once you finish your once you finish your undergrad,
25:08
Speaker 2: then you go to oh you could do honors, So
25:12
Speaker 2: for the psych it's like three years undergrad psyche, and
25:16
Speaker 2: then a fourth year of it's called an honor's year.
25:19
Speaker 2: So that's a level up. And then you can go
25:23
Speaker 2: to master's level, so a master's degree and then a
25:28
Speaker 2: PhD or you know, a PhD is the highest level
25:33
Speaker 2: of education, so undergrad is the beginning.
25:37
Speaker 3: pH d is, Yeah, but not everywhere. You don't have
25:41
Speaker 3: to do the whole.
25:42
Speaker 1: And so some people might do for example, like an
25:45
Speaker 1: undergrad degree. Generally they're called a bachelor's degree as well,
25:48
Speaker 1: you know, so a bachelor Bachelor of accounting or like me,
25:53
Speaker 1: my first degree was a Bachelor of Exercise Science, or
25:56
Speaker 1: you could do a Bachelor of fucking you know and
26:00
Speaker 1: pitten plaster scene. I don't know, but it's yeah, it
26:04
Speaker 1: can be a start and finish in itself, or yeah,
26:07
Speaker 1: you can build on it. Yeah, so you did your degree,
26:11
Speaker 1: then what do you do after that? After your undergrad?
26:14
Speaker 2: So then I did the Psychology Honors, which is a
26:19
Speaker 2: twelvemonth degree. It's coursework as well as a research project.
26:24
Speaker 2: So you have to do a research project.
26:27
Speaker 1: And what was your research project on? It was.
26:32
Speaker 2: Perceived impacts of stress on train driver performance.
26:37
Speaker 1: Wow, hang on, let me perceived effects of stress on train.
26:45
Speaker 2: Drive train driver performance? Yeah, so how do other systems?
26:51
Speaker 2: Are the stakeholders in the rail industry as well as
26:56
Speaker 2: train drivers, so how do they perceive acute would impact
27:01
Speaker 2: a performance?
27:02
Speaker 3: And then we compared those.
27:04
Speaker 2: Perceptions across all the different jobs and stakeholders across the
27:10
Speaker 2: rail system, just to see whether or not the other
27:12
Speaker 2: people and the other people working in rail understood the
27:16
Speaker 2: same the experiences of train drivers because they're the ones
27:20
Speaker 2: making all the decisions.
27:21
Speaker 3: So that was basically what it was about.
27:23
Speaker 1: Can I just backtrack a tiny bit? That's that's interesting.
27:27
Speaker 1: I just want I just want to know what the
27:31
Speaker 1: first semester of day, one week, one semester one of
27:36
Speaker 1: university life. For the girl who didn't know what an
27:38
Speaker 1: undergrad degree was, it was.
27:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, I knew. I went and sat in my first
27:46
Speaker 2: lecture theater. I can still feel the feeling and I'd
27:51
Speaker 2: never been in a university lecture theater before and they're big,
27:54
Speaker 2: like they seek three four hundred people, right, and in
27:57
Speaker 2: fact Monash is probably he's bigger than ours. But sat
28:02
Speaker 2: there with one hundreds of students and the lecturer comes
28:06
Speaker 2: in and I'm just like, wow, I'm here. This is
28:11
Speaker 2: where I like this is. I knew that that's where
28:14
Speaker 2: I needed to be. It was this deep innate knowing
28:20
Speaker 2: that that was the right place for me. I had
28:22
Speaker 2: no idea, and you know, I struggled the first semester.
28:26
Speaker 2: I white knuckled it. I didn't understand. You know, they
28:32
Speaker 2: took about mean and medium and mode and all that
28:35
Speaker 2: sort of stuff. There was basic knowledge that I didn't have.
28:39
Speaker 2: That there was assumed knowledge that I didn't have. So
28:42
Speaker 2: I struggled in the first semester of just trying to
28:46
Speaker 2: even understand the basic stuff. So there were times where
28:51
Speaker 2: I thought I don't belong here, Like there were times
28:54
Speaker 2: where I thought I can't do this, and then I
28:59
Speaker 2: was just like, well, just suck it and see just
29:02
Speaker 2: see how you go. And then you know, you get
29:04
Speaker 2: your first assignment back and you get with marks or
29:07
Speaker 2: someone says you write really well, or you know, just
29:09
Speaker 2: the little things along the way that just keep you going.
29:13
Speaker 1: So it's like and it's like for me, going to
29:17
Speaker 1: UNI was like going to a new country where you
29:20
Speaker 1: know that everyone speaks English, but they also speak another
29:23
Speaker 1: language that you don't have. I'm like, oh, and now,
29:27
Speaker 1: as you well know, now, although you you were better
29:31
Speaker 1: prepared for me because Nichole's now doing her PhD. But
29:35
Speaker 1: you know, that's a whole another level of language and
29:39
Speaker 1: culture and understanding and and the way that that that
29:44
Speaker 1: you know that that level of academia is yeah, that's
29:48
Speaker 1: like going to Russia. Well that's like kind somewhere definitely
29:52
Speaker 1: where they don't speak Craig. Like where I'm at, nobody
29:55
Speaker 1: speaks Greig, which neither should they. But it's it's a
29:59
Speaker 1: new world, isn't it.
30:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, completely different world. And I did everything I could
30:06
Speaker 2: to to make sure that I had the best chance
30:11
Speaker 2: to do well. So I sought out all of the
30:14
Speaker 2: academic skills workshops. I went to every everything I could
30:19
Speaker 2: go to to help me build skills.
30:23
Speaker 1: I went to.
30:24
Speaker 2: I engaged in everything possible within the university, and that
30:28
Speaker 2: was you know, later on down the track, when I
30:30
Speaker 2: started working with new students and stuff, it was like
30:36
Speaker 2: that was my That was my key piece of advice,
30:39
Speaker 2: is just engaging everything possible to support yourself through the process.
30:45
Speaker 2: Because I hadn't I really had no idea a better.
30:50
Speaker 1: So I want to know about the dough. I want
30:52
Speaker 1: to know about the dough, ray me, because before you started,
30:55
Speaker 1: you had no money and you're worrying about how do
30:59
Speaker 1: I put food on the table. Now you still don't
31:03
Speaker 1: have a job, and now you're a student on top
31:05
Speaker 1: of that, so like, how did you how did your
31:08
Speaker 1: children not starve to death and die of neglect.
31:13
Speaker 2: I applied for scholarships and worked really hard, so I
31:17
Speaker 2: didn't go one semester where I Apart from the first semester,
31:22
Speaker 2: every single semester after that I was awarded some kind
31:26
Speaker 2: of scholarship, even if it was just one thousand dollars,
31:29
Speaker 2: So anywhere from one thousand dollars to five thousand dollars.
31:33
Speaker 2: Scholarships were available for students.
31:37
Speaker 3: Some of them were.
31:38
Speaker 2: Merit based, some of them were bursary based, you know,
31:44
Speaker 2: demographic based, So that helped.
31:48
Speaker 3: That helped a lot.
31:50
Speaker 2: After the first six months, I started applying for jobs
31:54
Speaker 2: at the university and I got a job, a casual
31:57
Speaker 2: position in student Central, and then I became a student ambassador.
32:02
Speaker 2: So I just I just ended up with a few
32:05
Speaker 2: different casual jobs around the university, which subsidized because our
32:11
Speaker 2: study doesn't really pay a lot. And so when I
32:18
Speaker 2: finished my honors, I was working. I had started working
32:23
Speaker 2: for a research center who I did my honors with,
32:26
Speaker 2: and then when I finished my honors, I took some
32:29
Speaker 2: time off to take care of myself and do all
32:32
Speaker 2: the things, and then I worked full time at the
32:35
Speaker 2: research center for eighteen months, and then before I started
32:40
Speaker 2: doing the PhD. So yeah, it's over time. I just
32:44
Speaker 2: you know, it's just having faith at what you're doing.
32:47
Speaker 3: I think.
32:49
Speaker 2: When you're in alignment with your values, and I know
32:51
Speaker 2: you talk about this a lot, but I truly believe it.
32:53
Speaker 2: When you're in alignment with your values, it's almost like
32:58
Speaker 2: I had no idea what was coming next, but I
33:01
Speaker 2: had faith that I was doing the right thing because
33:03
Speaker 2: it felt good and it was in alignment with what
33:06
Speaker 2: I wanted in life. And it was almost like the
33:09
Speaker 2: red carpet just kept rolling out in front of me
33:11
Speaker 2: and I just kept taking a step. I had no
33:14
Speaker 2: idea where it was going, but it was moving me forward.
33:18
Speaker 2: So yeah, and so.
33:21
Speaker 1: Now, you know what, do you know what this reminds me.
33:24
Speaker 1: I've had this conversation with Melissa and a few others.
33:28
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've ever mentioned it in seventeen
33:30
Speaker 1: hundred and two episodes, but it's like, I always think,
33:37
Speaker 1: what about if, like that really fucking person who's awesome
33:42
Speaker 1: at that thing, Like let's say Serena Williams had never
33:46
Speaker 1: picked up a tennis racket. Yeah, Let's say she grew
33:50
Speaker 1: up in a different place and her dad wasn't interested
33:54
Speaker 1: in tennis. Let's say her dad drove trucks or a
33:56
Speaker 1: dad was a lawyer or whatever, and she went to school.
34:00
Speaker 1: And but that same woman or that same girl at
34:04
Speaker 1: that stage, with the same potential and the same genetics
34:08
Speaker 1: in a different context, with different interactions and resources, And
34:14
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like somebody handed you your tennis
34:17
Speaker 1: racket at forty three.
34:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was very much like that. And I think,
34:24
Speaker 2: you know, I was very fortunate when I started working
34:27
Speaker 2: at the research center. My boss there is just a
34:31
Speaker 2: phenomenal woman who and it's you know, it's academia can
34:36
Speaker 2: be very difficult where it's a lot of academics, bless them,
34:42
Speaker 2: have the point of view that they did it tough
34:44
Speaker 2: and therefore sociold you right, and it's edit. You know,
34:51
Speaker 2: it's not that it's rare, but when you get when
34:55
Speaker 2: you come across an academic who is willing to take
34:58
Speaker 2: you under their wing and mentor are you it's a gift,
35:02
Speaker 2: like it really is. And I've been really fortunate in
35:08
Speaker 2: the center that I work for. It's they're very supportive
35:11
Speaker 2: of helping you develop skills and grow into the space.
35:16
Speaker 2: So it was almost like they saw my potential and
35:20
Speaker 2: then showed it to me. Yeah, because I had no
35:23
Speaker 2: idea that what I had no idea what I was
35:27
Speaker 2: capable of until they put some things in front of
35:31
Speaker 2: me and I went, oh, I can do this. Yeah,
35:34
Speaker 2: so I was yes, literally was handed.
35:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. It is funny that you think about
35:42
Speaker 1: what what dormant potential do people have, Like what do
35:47
Speaker 1: we like imagine I think about that for myself, even
35:51
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like who would I be if
35:53
Speaker 1: I had you know, let's say I was the same
35:56
Speaker 1: genetically the same, and I have the same brain and
35:58
Speaker 1: the same body and the same genetic potential and the
36:00
Speaker 1: same innate potential, creative, intellectual, academic, whatever, sporting, whatever. But
36:07
Speaker 1: I was just raised in a different place with different
36:09
Speaker 1: interactions and experiences, and I wonder what I would have
36:13
Speaker 1: done and who I would have become. Or imagine if
36:17
Speaker 1: you know, like imagine if you know somebody not you know,
36:22
Speaker 1: clearly I never would have been well probably not. But
36:24
Speaker 1: somebody had to give me a tennis racket when I
36:26
Speaker 1: was six and they went off, you go, and here's
36:29
Speaker 1: a coach, and here's a you don't know, you know,
36:32
Speaker 1: or if somebody, you know, if my mum and dad
36:34
Speaker 1: were academics, I would have probably been groomed to be
36:39
Speaker 1: an academic. Or if you were raised in a you know,
36:41
Speaker 1: you were living on the beach and bloody Queensland, I
36:45
Speaker 1: might have grown up with a surfboard under my arm
36:47
Speaker 1: or you know, or not saying I have any athletic
36:52
Speaker 1: potential anyone, but you know, it's like you just don't know,
36:55
Speaker 1: and so much like you think about how much of
37:00
Speaker 1: who you were at forty three, nothing that was good
37:03
Speaker 1: or bad, but was essentially just a by product of
37:07
Speaker 1: life happening. It's not like you consciously, it's not like
37:12
Speaker 1: you said, you know, when I'm forty three, this is
37:15
Speaker 1: where I want to be. No, you woke up one
37:18
Speaker 1: day and yes, you'd made choices along the way, good
37:21
Speaker 1: and bad, and you know, but it's like, in many
37:23
Speaker 1: ways me included. You know, you get to a point
37:28
Speaker 1: where you're like, okay, so I'm thirty or I'm forty,
37:30
Speaker 1: or I'm fifty or and you know, I'm kind of
37:36
Speaker 1: to blame or not or you know, some of how
37:39
Speaker 1: I got here was about my choices and behaviors, but
37:42
Speaker 1: some of it it's just a byproduct of shit that
37:45
Speaker 1: happened to men around me. And here I am. And
37:49
Speaker 1: then you think, like, even at sixty one, I think
37:52
Speaker 1: I still think what can I do? What can I learn?
37:56
Speaker 1: What can I get better at? How do I how
37:59
Speaker 1: do I? Like yesterday I did a forty five minute
38:01
Speaker 1: stretching session. Right now, I know this sounds ridiculous, but
38:05
Speaker 1: so one of my goals in the next year or
38:07
Speaker 1: two is to be able to do the splits, because
38:09
Speaker 1: who the fuck you know at sixty one, who's got
38:12
Speaker 1: ship flexibility? And I go, I reckon, I can do that.
38:14
Speaker 1: I probably can't, but I reckon I can, you know. So,
38:18
Speaker 1: like I'm so fascinated just with and not just for
38:23
Speaker 1: the sake of doing something. But but you know, leaning
38:27
Speaker 1: into that curiosity around well, you know, like you well,
38:32
Speaker 1: now you're doing a PhD and you're an act, you're
38:34
Speaker 1: a legit academic, and you're a researcher and you were
38:38
Speaker 1: a research assistant or I think you still do some
38:40
Speaker 1: of that. Brothers, It's like, oh, so if you had
38:45
Speaker 1: a mate, you know, on that day, if that lady
38:47
Speaker 1: didn't say, I reckon, you should do it and I'm
38:50
Speaker 1: going to pay for that whatever it is, and Bama,
38:53
Speaker 1: maybe we wouldn't be having this chat. No.
38:59
Speaker 2: And in fact, I dread to think where I would
39:02
Speaker 2: have ended up really like and I and I do
39:06
Speaker 2: think about that sometimes.
39:08
Speaker 3: You know, my kids probably.
39:10
Speaker 2: Would have ended up having to go and live with
39:12
Speaker 2: their dad, and I would have ended up living with
39:14
Speaker 2: my dad, had rent you know, living in his spare room.
39:16
Speaker 3: And I just.
39:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, the timing was it was it felt just in time.
39:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
39:26
Speaker 2: I realized my potential or just not even that I
39:31
Speaker 2: just went for it.
39:34
Speaker 3: Just in time. That's how I feel.
39:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, we spoke yesterday, you and I about
39:42
Speaker 1: both kind of being accidental academics. And you know, I
39:47
Speaker 1: don't know if I told you this bit, but no,
39:49
Speaker 1: I don't think I did. But I told you the
39:50
Speaker 1: second bit about my PhD. But my under the story
39:53
Speaker 1: around my undergrad is so I used to have a
39:56
Speaker 1: trainer who worked for me, who was had a double
40:00
Speaker 1: degree in still has a double degree in physiotherapy and
40:04
Speaker 1: occupational therapy. Really smart, and you know, we used to
40:09
Speaker 1: talk about stuff. I would consult with her around certain
40:13
Speaker 1: things with clients because you know, not only was she
40:16
Speaker 1: a training but also on OT and a physio, which
40:18
Speaker 1: is very handy on stuff. And she was always saying,
40:24
Speaker 1: you know, you should do a degree, you should do
40:26
Speaker 1: excise science. And I'm like, ah, you know, I'm not
40:28
Speaker 1: that guy. And I'm you know, like, but it was
40:30
Speaker 1: really I was interested, but absolutely thought I was too stupid.
40:35
Speaker 1: I lacked confidence. I lacked I didn't know. I was
40:38
Speaker 1: like you if you had have said, I didn't know
40:41
Speaker 1: what an undergrad degree or postgrad degree, I didn't know.
40:43
Speaker 1: I didn't understand the language. I was like, So anyway,
40:49
Speaker 1: I didn't apply for UNI. She applied for me. She
40:55
Speaker 1: applied for me, and then I got place at UNI
41:01
Speaker 1: first time. Like by the time she'd applied, she told
41:05
Speaker 1: me and I went and then and then I was
41:09
Speaker 1: involved from them, but the initial application all the stuff,
41:12
Speaker 1: like she just sent it in as though she was me. Yeah,
41:17
Speaker 1: I hope that I don't take the degree back now, but no,
41:22
Speaker 1: I did the work. Yeah, but there's no way, like
41:25
Speaker 1: I would not have made that decision because I was
41:28
Speaker 1: too scared. I lacked confidence. I was probably had too
41:33
Speaker 1: much ironically insecurity and ego, you know where you're like
41:38
Speaker 1: insecure because what if I look stupid? Ego, what if
41:41
Speaker 1: I look stupid? What if I go and I can't
41:43
Speaker 1: do it? Because I already had a profile, and you know,
41:47
Speaker 1: I was kind of well known and I owned three gyms,
41:49
Speaker 1: and I was writing for the Herald's son and you know,
41:52
Speaker 1: in the tiny fish bowl of my life, I was
41:55
Speaker 1: someone in my mind and my mum's mind. But then
42:00
Speaker 1: you go, well, fuck, what if I go to university
42:03
Speaker 1: and I'm too dumb and I have to drop like
42:04
Speaker 1: all the shit. And then and then, as I said
42:08
Speaker 1: to you yesterday, for my you know, the post grad stuff,
42:11
Speaker 1: for I literally got asked to talk at Monash at
42:15
Speaker 1: the Neuroscience neuropsych Lab which is called Brain Park. I
42:19
Speaker 1: went and did a talk and spoke to the students
42:22
Speaker 1: and the faculty about my work and what I do
42:24
Speaker 1: and how I do it, which was hilarious because, as
42:27
Speaker 1: I said to you, I was the wildly the most
42:30
Speaker 1: least qualified person in the room talking to all the
42:33
Speaker 1: people with PhDs. And then after that, I had a
42:37
Speaker 1: coffee with one of the dudes who said, have you
42:39
Speaker 1: thought about doing a PhD? And I laughed, I'm like,
42:42
Speaker 1: have you met me? Do I seem like an academic?
42:47
Speaker 1: And it just went from there. But it wasn't I mean,
42:50
Speaker 1: he wasn't urging, but he was like, oh, you could,
42:54
Speaker 1: and you know, like you the shit that you do,
42:57
Speaker 1: you could do something in the psyche space. And I'm like,
43:00
Speaker 1: it never dawned on me. But if he had not
43:04
Speaker 1: said I think you could do it, I think you
43:07
Speaker 1: might go okay at it, and I think you might
43:09
Speaker 1: like it, because on no level did I think that
43:12
Speaker 1: I was worthy, qualified, smart enough any of that stuff.
43:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
43:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, So isn't it funny how like this kind of happens? Right? Yeah?
43:23
Speaker 2: And I remember when I finished the third year of
43:26
Speaker 2: psych it was like, I don't think I don't have
43:30
Speaker 2: what it takes to do honors. That was what I
43:34
Speaker 2: was telling people like, I don't.
43:35
Speaker 3: Think I'll apply for honors.
43:37
Speaker 2: I don't think I have what it takes to do honors.
43:41
Speaker 2: And luckily, again it was you know, the people around
43:44
Speaker 2: me that said.
43:45
Speaker 3: Yeah you can, you so can.
43:48
Speaker 1: What else are you going to do?
43:49
Speaker 2: Like, what can you do with you know, there's not
43:53
Speaker 2: there is options for three year psych degree, but you
43:56
Speaker 2: can't become a psychologist with the three year degree. You can't.
44:00
Speaker 2: There's not a lot you can do without going a.
44:02
Speaker 3: Little bit further with the side.
44:07
Speaker 1: And I was.
44:07
Speaker 2: Working at the center and my boss was like, yeah, well,
44:10
Speaker 2: you know, we'll do you. So my bosses at the
44:14
Speaker 2: research center were my psych honors supervisors and they are
44:20
Speaker 2: now my PhD supervisors. So they have carried me through
44:24
Speaker 2: my whole journey of academia. So I've been very very fortunate,
44:29
Speaker 2: but also taking up the opportunities when they present themselves,
44:33
Speaker 2: like seeing them and I have a thing, you know,
44:37
Speaker 2: encouragement is just borrowed courage. So if someone encourages me
44:42
Speaker 2: to do something, it's they're just lending me some courage
44:45
Speaker 2: and I'll take that and I'll you know, you just
44:48
Speaker 2: keep moving forward until you get your own momentum.
44:53
Speaker 3: That's what it's been like, yeah.
44:56
Speaker 1: And how do you I mean, it's hard because you
45:00
Speaker 1: your your view of the world, like my view of
45:04
Speaker 1: the world is subjective, and the way you see you
45:06
Speaker 1: as subjective. But how do you think so fifty one
45:10
Speaker 1: year old you versus forty three year old you, how
45:14
Speaker 1: do you see the world differently? How do you see
45:16
Speaker 1: you differently? Has your how is your you know, your
45:21
Speaker 1: cognitive emotional paradigm shifted.
45:26
Speaker 2: I have a lot more respect for myself, you know,
45:30
Speaker 2: and my capabilities, and my voice doesn't shake so much
45:36
Speaker 2: when I talk to people who I think are smarter
45:39
Speaker 2: than me.
45:39
Speaker 1: You know.
45:40
Speaker 2: It's that kind of I kind of feel like I've
45:43
Speaker 2: earned my place in the world, not because I've done
45:45
Speaker 2: a degree, but because I did what I didn't think
45:49
Speaker 2: I could do and I.
45:50
Speaker 3: Did it well.
45:50
Speaker 2: So it was that It's more the climbing of the
45:53
Speaker 2: mountain that has given me the confidence, not the certificate.
45:58
Speaker 2: It was it was doing it in spite of And
46:04
Speaker 2: I've earned my place in the world not because I
46:07
Speaker 2: have an education, but because I did the hard stuff
46:10
Speaker 2: and came out at the other end.
46:14
Speaker 1: And I now.
46:15
Speaker 2: Don't let people push me around anymore. Like I just
46:19
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, that doesn't work for me because I
46:22
Speaker 2: have a more solid sense of self now after doing that,
46:28
Speaker 2: because it was hard and it was you know, and
46:32
Speaker 2: I was so parenting the whole way through, and that
46:36
Speaker 2: was hard, and no one can take that away from
46:38
Speaker 2: me that I did that.
46:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, isn't it funny how many people, you know, once
46:45
Speaker 1: they do something hard, whether or not it's you know,
46:47
Speaker 1: overcome cancer or build a business or brand or do
46:50
Speaker 1: a course or whatever. You know, even raise kids, which
46:56
Speaker 1: is maybe the hardest fucking job, you would know that.
46:59
Speaker 1: It's not like I mean, but it's it's like so
47:03
Speaker 1: many people say a version of it's not about the summit.
47:06
Speaker 1: It's not about the top of the mountain. It's about
47:08
Speaker 1: the climb, and it's about you know, while getting a
47:11
Speaker 1: degree and an honors degree and eventually a PhD degree,
47:14
Speaker 1: which fucking congratulations, by the way, it's amazing, and all
47:19
Speaker 1: of that is great, But like, I see a profound
47:24
Speaker 1: change in you, like profound the way that you talk.
47:30
Speaker 1: You're this is this is this is going to sound silly, right,
47:36
Speaker 1: not that you ever seem dumb. You're always intelligent, but
47:39
Speaker 1: it's like you seem smarter, but you're not smarter, you're
47:41
Speaker 1: just more confident, but confident in a good way. Not
47:46
Speaker 1: not arrogant, not you know what I mean? And I
47:49
Speaker 1: love that, and I love the fact that you've grown
47:51
Speaker 1: and learned and evolved and you've done some you know,
47:55
Speaker 1: like some stuff that is been really challenging and we
47:59
Speaker 1: don't have time to day, but you also went through
48:02
Speaker 1: a lot of trauma and abuse that maybe we'll come
48:06
Speaker 1: back and talk about one day. And you're not you know,
48:11
Speaker 1: you're not bitter and twisted and hateful and hurtful, and
48:14
Speaker 1: like you're philosophical and you've learned and grown and you
48:18
Speaker 1: know you're kind and you're aware and you're empathetic, but
48:21
Speaker 1: you won't put up with bullshit, which is good. Like
48:24
Speaker 1: you're a little bit terrifying and a little bit gorgeous
48:27
Speaker 1: like my mum. Like my mom's gorgeous, but don't fuck
48:31
Speaker 1: with her. You know, she's five foot nothing of absolute
48:35
Speaker 1: fucking terror, you know. Like I love that. Well, so
48:42
Speaker 1: we've got to wine, but no pleasure. It's true, you know.
48:46
Speaker 1: It's like who you become is the key, you know.
48:49
Speaker 1: I think with all this, you think about people acquiring
48:53
Speaker 1: and doing and box sticking nothing wrong with any of that,
48:56
Speaker 1: but like, Okay, you've got this, you've earned that, you
49:00
Speaker 1: own that, you've got this title, you've got that body,
49:03
Speaker 1: you've got that car, you've got whatever. This many followers cool.
49:08
Speaker 1: But in the middle of all of those things that
49:10
Speaker 1: you've done and achieved in boxes, you like, coo of
49:12
Speaker 1: you become and how are you? Are you happy? Are
49:15
Speaker 1: you in field? Are you content? Do you sleep great?
49:19
Speaker 1: Are you you know? Are you mentally, emotionally, physically healthy?
49:24
Speaker 1: And you know, there are so many people that have
49:27
Speaker 1: done so much stuff, which is good, and they've collected
49:30
Speaker 1: and owned and whatever, accumulated so much stuff, and in
49:36
Speaker 1: the middle of their stuff, they're fucking broken, you know,
49:40
Speaker 1: they're unhappy all feel and it's like nothing wrong with
49:45
Speaker 1: building and accumulating, but we need to work on us
49:48
Speaker 1: as we do the building and accumulating. Right.
49:52
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and I think too because I say to
49:54
Speaker 2: my kids all the time, like I couldn't really I
49:57
Speaker 2: don't really care what my kids do with their lives
50:00
Speaker 2: as long as they're as long as they're not shit humans, like,
50:05
Speaker 2: as long as they care about other people and that
50:08
Speaker 2: they're available for other people and that they're you know,
50:11
Speaker 2: as long. I want them to be well taken care
50:15
Speaker 2: of and make sure they've got food on the table
50:17
Speaker 2: and the roof over their heads and all of that
50:19
Speaker 2: and successful in that way. But and I say to
50:22
Speaker 2: them all the time, your happiness through life is directly
50:27
Speaker 2: correlated with how well you relate to other people and
50:31
Speaker 2: your relationship with other people. And if you cannot get
50:34
Speaker 2: that right, then it doesn't matter what you own, it
50:38
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. If you can't have healthy relationships, friendships, interactions
50:44
Speaker 2: with other human beings, then what's the point.
50:47
Speaker 3: What's the point being here?
50:49
Speaker 2: So, yeah, that was That's a big thing for me.
50:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, you're quite good at this. If people want,
51:00
Speaker 1: are you okay for people to follow you on Insta
51:03
Speaker 1: or wherever? Or send you an email if somebody I don't.
51:08
Speaker 2: Really have a presence, I don't really I mean apart
51:11
Speaker 2: from just my personal accounts.
51:13
Speaker 1: But so if somebody wanted to message you where, would
51:19
Speaker 1: like on Facebook or Insta or should send us an
51:23
Speaker 1: email and we'll forward it to you.
51:26
Speaker 3: But uh, yeah.
51:28
Speaker 2: I'm on Insta. I'm Nick Underscore Liddell.
51:35
Speaker 1: So and I see underscore L I double d E.
51:38
Speaker 3: Double L L Y.
51:41
Speaker 2: Can Yeah. And because I'm just Nickknack on Facebook, so
51:45
Speaker 2: that's not really.
51:47
Speaker 3: That probably Facebook.
51:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Hey, I know you've done a couple, but
51:54
Speaker 1: this is your debut with us. That was great, that
51:56
Speaker 1: was so interesting, and I'm super proud of you and
52:02
Speaker 1: keep being amazing. And thanks for taking this call on
52:06
Speaker 1: very short notice.
52:08
Speaker 2: Thanks, thanks for inviting me.
52:10
Speaker 3: It's an honor.
52:11
Speaker 1: Thanks Nick, You're great. To see you next time. Yeah,