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The Fifth Hour: Fridge, Shower, Pantry · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kutbooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, it's the clearinghouse
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth
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  Speaker 2: Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Maller and Danny G Radio a happy college football Saturday
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: in a wonderful It's also a Benny Versus the Penny
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: kind of a day to day as well. If you
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: have not watched Benny Versus the Penny yet on YouTube,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: check that out. It's YouTube dot com slash at Bennyvspenny.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: But it's all about this podcast right now and Danny
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: G is hanging out with me as we celebrate National
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Peanut Day today, So please celebrate appropriately today September thirteenth.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: We know what you like to do with nuts. I
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: rotate nuts. I don't know what you're talking about. There's
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: great protein and fiber in peanuts and they're not actually nuts, right,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: they're not actually nuts. They're not in the what are
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: they the goomes? Is that what they are? They're not
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: They're not nuts, right, nuts are like all men's walnuts,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: that's nuts. These are just something else. But anyway, it
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: is National Peanut Day today on this podcast, we've got
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Rod Serling hit the showers and the bed and breakfast returns,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: So a lot to get to and then we'll all
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: go our separate ways and I guess we'll watch college football. Yeah.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I was going to say, lay on the couch and
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: scratch our privates.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Yes, No, this is a big day, Danny, because not
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: only we have college football today and it's not an
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: amazing day of college football. That's okay. We got to
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: wait a little longer for the really good matchups in
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: college football. There's a couple of games that caught my attention.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: But then we got a boxing match tonight.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Canelo Crawford, Yeah, in Vegas. So I'm looking forward
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: to that. I'm actually gonna have a friend over. We're
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: gonna have a little uh prop no gambling for we
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: wronged to gamble on a fight, Dan. You should never
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: gamble on a fight a Netflix, right, so everybody gets
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: a chance to see it.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, not your usual I believe you're Craig. Not your
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: usual nonsense. I'm austrailing. What game am I most excited
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: to watch today in? I mean, I guess Georgia, Tennessee
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: would probably be it, right, that's what is that? Twelve
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: thirty our time, three thirty in the East. I think
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: that's it. Oh in the South Florida, Miami. I don't
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: live in Florida, but that's not.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: A bad matchup. Yeah, So the top twenty five team
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: LSU game is going to be fun. And on Covino
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: and Rich's show Friday, we talked about that sixty six
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: year old tuba player.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Uh huh did you see that guy? Yeah?
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Pretty cool, the oldest person that's not dead almost on
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: the band there in the middle of the field. This
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: guy is gonna be in a motorized scooter.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well why not? What the hell? And then and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: then later on I Notre Name, I don't know, that's
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Notre Name is playing Texas A and M. I I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: might if I'm still around by that point, if I'm
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: not passed out by then, I got to take a
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: nap before the boxing thing, so I might have to.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I acsually don't take naps, but anyway, listen, let's get
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: to it. So I had one of those moments this
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: past week, Danny, that I the kind of thing that
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: makes you wonder if you've officially crossed over into old
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: man territory, like yelling at the clouds type that portion
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: of your life the chapter or talking about naps. Yeah, exactly,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I don't normally nap, but the show. Let me just
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: paint the picture for you as you consume this podcast.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So the show was wrapped, I was sitting in the
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: remote studio at the Malor Mansion, sending out some show notes,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: trying to get myself together, and then I reached to
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: my left, my left hand side, and I reached over
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to grab my phone. And then I was going to
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: walk out of the remote studio. So I reached over
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to grab my phone and I didn't feel it, and
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's kind of weird. I know
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I left it there. I have one hundred percent left
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: it there and so and then I said, well, maybe
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: it dropped, but it wasn't there. So I checked on
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: the floor, I checked everywhere else on the desk, I
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: moved some papers. There's some Kleenex box here on the desk.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I moved that around and I could not find it. It
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: was gone. It was a Houdini. It advanished. Now keep
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: in mind, though, the part of this story which was
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: amazing to me, is that I have I'm not bragging.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: My wife got me an Apple Watch. So I have
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: an Apple Watch, which is supposed to be Danny idiot proof.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: You should never ever lose your phone when you have
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: an Apple Watch, because you press the magic button and
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: then your phone will start beeping, even if it's on
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: silent mode, your phone will start beeping like a submarine sonar.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Then just go to it. It's it's wonderful, it's I have.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I haven't ever lost my phone since I got this watch.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: It's great. It's full. It's full. Oh, it was just
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: you took the words out of my mouth. That's it's
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: fool proof. You you know what I'm talking about, Danny.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: It's perfect. So uh so it's fool proof except when
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it is it. So yeah, I thought, i I'm like,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: left hand side. I grabbed one there and so then
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I'm moving stuff around, futson around, couldn't find it. So
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: it's like, all right, whatever, and so so then I
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: pressed the button on the watch. I'm like, all right,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: well listen, I'll beep and i'll get it in two seconds.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: And then it said something I'd never seen before in
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: the watch. It said feature not available. So I pressed
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: it again because surely this was like a cosmic typo
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: type thing and it must be a mistake. So the
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: same thing. So then I did a third time, because
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I think that's the rule of comedy, right, you have
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: to do things three times. Everything goes in threes, three
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: stooges or whatever. So I press it again and the
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: dame watch is the feature not available. So I'm like,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: oh man, it's like maybe my battery on my phone
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: died and I thought it was charged, but maybe it
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: wasn't charged. Then I'll go on this, I'll go around
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: and I'll find it. And I was trying to like
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: retrace my steps, and I was like, where have I
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: hadn't been that many places and I knew I had
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: the phone. So and then at some point, like panics
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: start setting in, Like I go on this scavenger hunt
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: through the through the Malor mansion like a lunatic, and
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going through every room, every nook and cranny, and
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I am now convinced that I've entered the twilight zone.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Like Rod Serling was going to pop out Danny behind
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: the laundry basket with a cigarette and explain to me.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: The Malard phone slipped into another dimension of time and space,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: the same dimension like you know, your socks go when
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: you lose your sock, like that kind of thing, and
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: so so where and so. Then thirty minutes later or so,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I was totally defeated by this point, so I'd given up,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: and I was like, all right, crap, it's gonna have
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: to get a new phone. It's gonna cost me, like,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: you know, eight hundred bucks or whatever. His phones are ridiculous.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, I'll go to the
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I went to the fridge to get some water, and
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I put the cup in to grab the water things
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: on the inside of the fridge. So I put the
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: water thing in the cup to get the water, and
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I'm getting the water, and then I look in the
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: fridge and then eureka, there it is. My phone was
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: sitting between like a can of Seltzer and a bag
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: of garlic. What the hell? Yeah, yeah, So the phone
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: was perfectly comfortable chilling, like it belonged there, Like it
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: was like something I bought at the grocery store. And
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I realized, like I in a hurry, you know, doing
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: the remote show. I'm running around, and I went to
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: get some water, and I guess I had I needed
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: my hand, and I put my I somehow put the
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: phone in the fridge, and then I was in such
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: a hurry I just ran up to you know, to
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: the studio to do the show, and then I forgot
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: about it. And the amazing part of the story, though, Danny,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: is that this thing works fine. It's it's and it
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: didn't work right away, like it was literally I had
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: to let it warm up a little bit, but it
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: didn't really have the sniffles or and I it warmed
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: up and it carried on like nothing had happened. I
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: was amazed.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Much better than accidentally setting it down inside a fireplace.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I know. No if I I was thinking to same thing,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: if I have like baking cookies and you know Bandy
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Crocker and I put some cookies in as let me
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: just put this thing down like on the top of
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: the stove. Yeah, I forget they would be gone. So
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: the the other question is What does this mean? Right?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: What does this mean? I guess I'm old, I'm a klutz,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I'm a distracted and income poop like, I'm all of that.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I guess all of the above. And so anyway, listen.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Technology is supposed to save us from ourselves. But no
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: amount of Apple innovation, the IWA Apple Watch and all
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: that stuff can prevent you from from somehow forgetting to
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: put your phone in the fridge. The other thing about that,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I learned that your phone will not work if it's
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: in the fridge is so thick and powerful, Danny, that
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: the signal does not reach your it does not go
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: through the doors of the refrigerator. So I did learn
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: that from this.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Little Yeah exeren, Wow, your fridge is like Fort Knox.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I guess it is.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: And so tomorrow I guess it's the car keys will
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: be in the dishwasher or something like that. Maybe I'll
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: do that today. I have that to look forward to.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So we'll move on with that. But that was my
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: run in with Rod Serling. You ever have that happen, Danny,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: where you think you're in a like a twilight zone,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: or you think there's some kind of other dimension that
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: crossed over and grab some of your stuff and moved it,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: and you're like, I didn't do that. As like that.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Now, once in a while, I'll put my phone down
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: in a hurry to pick CoA up, or there's something
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: going on at the house where I have bags of
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: groceries or something like that, and then I go back
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: to the spot where I know I set it down,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: and it's not there. And I think we get confused
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: in our own minds because because it's the spot where
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I put it the last time I set my phone down.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: So we're like a step behind ourselves sometimes.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I used to lose. I used to lose
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: like a for why I would lose stuff all the time.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: And so I have been a creature of habit. I've
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: learned to put stuff. I put the keys back in
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: the same spot, I put my wallet in the same
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: spot when I come into the house, I put the
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: phone in the same place. And so yeah, but this
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: was obviously I had I had a brain fart, and
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: it it vanished wherever it ended up. I don't know.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I guess it was time for me to hit the showers, Danny.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It was time for me to go go hit the shower.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, do you shower by yourself? I know it's a
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: personal question.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Generally that is a one person operation. Yeah.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Have you ever pulled the move where you told a girl, Hey,
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: you know what, let's save water and let's shower together.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Well, that's usually something that would happen very early in
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: a relationship, Danny the Yeah, it may or may not
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: have happened back, but not to save water. I think
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: for other reasons. Yeah.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Water. So Thursday evening, we are sitting around the dinner table,
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Brenda revealed something which I thought was very interesting. Now
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I know our listeners love the story back in the
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: day about how she got the hot stone treatment upper
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: butt crack during that massage.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: That is a fan favorite. Danny, Yeah, love that podcast.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well I'm still finding out things about her and
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: her body. Oh, we got wings from Costco, which is
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: something a little different. We don't normally like put wings
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: in our oven, and they came out pretty good. Costco
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: wings aren't bad.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So these are the pre made in the deli wings.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, pretty good. So we we had wings
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: in football on Thursday night. So as we're watching the
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Packers on fire, she mentioned something about saving water with
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: showering because our fourteen year old went up to shower.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: She doesn't care about the football game. And Brenda's said,
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: you know what, I used to shower with my girlfriends.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Hi, And I said, oh, wait a minute, this changes things?
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, all right, yeah, I said, come again, what was that?
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: How old were you, guys? I don't know, sixth seventh
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: eighth grade. Maybe this is just a huge difference between
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: men and women because us men when we were kids,
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: we didn't take showers obviously with our friends. But is
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: this Is this a normal thing that some girls did.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm going to have to do a
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: survey and find out. But she went on to explain
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: to me on the street and ask women, did you no, no, no, no,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it on Twitter through this show, okay,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: but it caught my attention obviously, and I'm like, wait
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: a second, sixth seventh eighth grade. That's way too old.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: And she started to blush and realized that she set
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: it out loud, and I guess she never thought about it,
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: that maybe it would sound strange to other people. But
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: she went on to explain to me that what would
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: happen is her and her two friends all the way
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: through eighth grade. When they would hang out together, they
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: would be dancing or riding their bikes around the neighborhood
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: or you know, doing what kids do, even middle school kids.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: And then they would come back to their friend's house
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: and they would all jump in the shower together. And
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: she said that they would wash each other's hair, they
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: would wash each other's backs. I'm looking at her, and
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: she must have saw the look, obviously saw the look
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: on my face of surprise, and she's like, well, well,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: maybe it was a little weird because we did have
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: pubic hair and boobs.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a direct quote from her now. And I
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: did tell her that I was going to quote her
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: on the Fifth Hour podcast, and she just laughed.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I maybe you'd get away sixth grade, but like,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: like seventh, I.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: Think no, even with siblings. My mom used to throw
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: me and my older brother in the bathtub together with kids, right, yeah,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: I mean that didn't last past third grade. Yeah, that's
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: just odd.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: She then explained that, and I don't know why she
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: had to throw this in there. One of the two
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: friends was older than them, and she's like, and she
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: had pretty big.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Boobs, that I saw her boob. Wow, so she was
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: in wait years older, Yeah, they were.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: So when they were Yeah, so she was in high
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: school when they were in middle school.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And they're all in the shower together.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's uh, it's like those old movies used to
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: watch back in the day, Nanny, I think back, Yeah,
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Years ago.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is like a skinemax. Well I mean for well,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: not that age, but not that age older older characters,
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: but maybe in the same scenario. Yeah, yeah, similar scenario.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: But wow, yeah, you are Kelly perverts. If you're listening,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: turn the podcast off and go find Jesus.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Was that to say water or they just wanted to
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: make sure their bash were really clean?
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: She said, Oh, we just thought it was fun and
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: we were saving water. And unless there is a huge
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: amount of water pressure. You know when people joke about
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: this all the time that oh it sounds so sexy
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: and cool to like shower with your girl or take
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: a girl into a shower, But one of you winds
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: up cold, one of you winds up without the water
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: really being on you. So unless the water is super
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: hot and it turns into a sauna like atmosphere, imagine
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: three people though, like two of those three are cold
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: in the shower.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: And it's also like, I'm thinking, this is just like
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: your normal standard shower. It's not a large walking shower, right,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: showers with a tub.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: And she said this was very normal for them, that
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: when they would hang out, you know, in the summer
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: or whenever it was hot outside, and this was the
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: normal thing for them to do. This was just a
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: regular like it was okay. And I said, well, that's
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: weird our fourteen year old. Would you be okay if
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: she had girlfriends over and they were all showering together?
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: And Brenda said, yeah, I wouldn't think anything was strange
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: about it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, I don't know. Hey, I guess it depends
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: how you were, how you were raised. Why did they
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: stop doing Do you ask her, like, why did you
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: stop doing it when you just keep going?
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Well, if one of the girls was a year or
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: two older, I think she said the girl was maybe
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: like one year older. I'm sure that girl had a
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: boyfriend by the time they were still you know, in
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: middle school and in the shower, and that's just come on, man,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: You're at the age where you're in high school and
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: you have a boyfriend and you're hopping in a shower.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: With two other kids. No, that's what do you do about?
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Like I said, is this just a thing where it's
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: more normal for girls to, you know, not be weird
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: about something like that. But as guys, we didn't even
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: like the locker room showers at school.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I hated that. Hated lock we all do. I was
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: gonna bring that up and I played football. I got
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: all sweaty. I would wait till I got home to
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: take a shower if I as much as I could,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: because it was like a nightmare situation there.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: So yeah, maybe that's something they didn't have to worry
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: about that us guys did.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess. So there you go. It's that feminine thing, Danny.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: They just different than us.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: They're not like for the past two days now, I've
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: just been teasing or NonStop about it.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Leave me alone. Yeah that's worthy of teasing. Yeah, that's
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: that's definitely worthy of teething teasing. So, uh, the the
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: malar Bet Bread and Breakfast, Dan, I know you're rey
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: concerned about my my weekends and things that were not
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: to doing with the RADI show. So the Mallard Bed
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: and Breakfast was open for business. Again this past weekend. Now,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: it was not opened by design, It's never really opened
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: by design. There's no ad like, we don't take an
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: ad out on Triple A's website or Yelp. There's no
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: YELP page saying hey, maybe stay here. You know it's
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: a it's a you know it's an airbnb whatever. No,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: we don't do that, and uh, we don't don't talk
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: about the thread count on the sheets. But this was
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: family yet again, Danny, I get hornswaggle by family. So
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: a relative out of state wanted to take their kid
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: to Disneyland, and rather than spend hundreds of dollars at
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: a hotel with one of those Mickey Mouse shaped pools
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: where Donald Duck walks around and Goofy says hello, they
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: chose the Malor Mansion. Now, depending on one's perspective on this,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: it's either a boutique luxury stay or a hostel with
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: really poor amenities. Right, So, now again people think I
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: don't love family. I love family, I really do. I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: have to. I have to say that apparently every time
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: we do this podcast, Danny like a mantra, So cause
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: some of you, like you don't really like your family.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: The way you were taking. No, I do, I do.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not Hannibal Lecter. I'm not. I'm gonna you know,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: that's not how obrate. But uh, I don't see them much.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: As I've talked about over the years, They've scattered all
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: across the continental of the United States, like it's essentially
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: like Starbucks. My family, they're all over the place. I
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: got relatives in. I mean, I'm thinking abou how many
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: states I know people that are I grew up with
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: that were cousins or aunts, uncles, well not really aunts
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: uncles they're kind of gone now, but cousins and my
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: brothers and all that. So I've got every time zone
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: covered except the Hawaii Alaska area that is not covered.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: But everything else I've got from the East Coast to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: the Central time zone to the Mountain time zone. I
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: have a cousin in Denver, and then now we've got
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: obviously the West Coast completely covered as well. So it's
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: like I'm running a pilot program for Amtrak's relatives everywhere
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: across America. Like there I think they still have that.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Maybe they don't anyway. So my wife, God bless her,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: she did not tell me stories about showering with her
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: friends in junior high school, Danny. But she did decide
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: she wanted to be the hostess with the mostess again.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So she rolled out the red carpet and if she
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: could find a way to give you a mint on
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: the pillow at at Turndown service, she would do it.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I mean the whole thing. She treats our home as
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: your home like a literal statement. Now my position is
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: like different. My position is I treat that like a
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: legal disclaimer. Were subject to restrictions CD fine print and
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: all that stuff. So my cousin, who I will not name,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: not that they listen to this podcast. They don't listen
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: to this podcast. But my cousin named John Doe, shall
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: we say John Doe, So stayed a few days, not
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: that long. Now, part of it was perfectly fine. I
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: only saw them one time because their schedule was a
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: daytime schedule. I'm on the opposite end. I'm the nocturnal person.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I'm called the nocturnal colonel. So they were up early,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: gone to different amusement parks around southern California, and to
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: get out early to beat the traff well actually sit
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: in traffic. And so from that perspective. They were perfect
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: house guests in that sense. But here's the rough. So
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: they they ate, they drank, and they were being merry.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And they didn't just do that a little bit. They
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: didn't just like nibble like a little mouse on a granola.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: They devoured groceries like contestants on a reality show. If
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: they would make a show called Extreme Pantry Makeover or
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: something like that, Well, let's go over to Maler's house,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you know, let's help him clear out his pantry so
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: it can buy some new stuff. And now, I don't
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: drink coffee. I'm not a coffee drinker. I've never had coffee.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I plan on not ever having coffee. But my wife
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: loves coffee, and they drained her beloved coffee supply, which
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: to her is not really a beverage. It's a sacrament,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: the power of the coffee. It's a religious type thing.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: So and this is what absolutely kills me. Like and
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: this is just how I'm wired. And you know this
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: a little bit Danny, But for me, when I go
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: to someone else's house, I don't like to touch anything.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I'm afraid to even use the toilet when I go
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: to someone's house because it would if I break something.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: What if the toilet clogs up or something like that.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: What if I cause the water bill to go up
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: and then they're upset with me and they can't pay
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: their water bill and then they have to they lose
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: the house or something. And if I ever do eat something,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying I don't eat something when I go
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: to someone else's house, because I obviously do. Let's as
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: you go somewhere, people offer you.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Food, not Indian food. Remember the scene from Along Came
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Pally with Ben Stiller.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, no, I do not. I do not eat it. Yes, correct,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I do not eat the lofa. Come God, I beg
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: you please, if you make this water go down, I
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: will sit at your feet and I will serve you
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: for atriunity. Yeah that's uh. Yeah, so I'll but if
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I if I eat somebody, I'll immediately if I'm staying
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: at someone's house, like, I don't really like doing this,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: but sometimes I'll end up saying in a relative's house
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: and I'll like go out and replace it. I go
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to Target, to the grocery store, Target, I'll buy something here.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I hate that, you know. To me, that's kind of
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: the unwritten social code the contract right now. Again, that's
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: just me. Like these relatives, let's just say, Danny, they
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: were they were not playing by the same playbook, the
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: rule book. So you know, what did I do, Danny?
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: What did I do?
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: Do?
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Do you think I confront of them and say, what
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: are you doing? What the f are you doing? This
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: is you're eating all of our food, You're drinking my
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: wife's coffee. No, no, you're too nice. You didn't do that.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Do I call them up and say, hey, next time,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: maybe buy your own bagels or whatever? You know? Of
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: course I did not do that, Danny, because that would
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: cause awkwardness that may lead to World War three, because
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: then this person will deputize members of the family against me,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: and if we ever get together, they'll be like, oh,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: you're the person that yeld him for drinking the coffee
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: or her whatever. So instead, what I have chosen to
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: do here, and I think it's the right decision. Instead,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I have turned to the safest therapist. I know this microphone, Danny,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: and you are you're my shrink. You're listening, and you
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: listening to this podcast as I rant, it is much
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: cheaper than an actual professional shrink. And I don't have
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: to leave my my home. I'm in the remote studio.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I can just sit here and I can see my phone.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: And again, this is not about food. I can afford food.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: It's about I can afford replacing the coffee. To me,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: it's just about boundaries. It's about expectation, it's about this
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: is this delicate little I don't know. It's a balancing
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: act when you're hosting someone, which I don't love doing.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: But when you're hosting someone and you know, like the
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: person's like you treat them, you're not supposed to treat
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: them like the other you're if you're the host, the
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: person staying there should not treat you like you're you're
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: the chef, the concierge, the maynard d you know what
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like you're just you're there and that's it.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: And so it's you're not staying at the four seasons.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: It's it's someone's home, it's not the four season. But
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: mostly I guess it's just I'm I'm a curmudgeon when
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: it comes to this kind of stuff, and I admit it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I admit it.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: No, No, I think a lot of us agree with
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: you and would feel the same exact way. And that's
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: why if I've ever been a house guest anywhere, I
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: go out of my way to treat those people to
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: a meal, to do something to show them gratitude instead
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: of you know, kicking back and mooching and acting like
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: it's a hotel.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: No. No, I'm the same way. And I've only stayed
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: at relatives houses a few times, and it's always kind
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: of weird. You know, it's their place, it's their space.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: It's not your space, it's their space.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I don't like it. I don't like being in someone
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: else's restroom. I don't like being in a bed that is,
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: you know, not your normal jam. It's weird. It's just
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: a weird feeling. Even when it's family. I've always found
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: it weird. And my family in the Bay Area they
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: think it's strange that I opt for a hotel. I
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: would rather have a hotel every day of the week.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm right there with you. I am, And I
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: do get that from relatives if I'm coming to town
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: and like, don't stay at a hotel. We want you
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: to stay with us, And I'm like, you really don't
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: want that. I don't want that, you don't want that,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: But they they make it seem like they really do
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: want that. Anyway, Listen, the whole point of this, I
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I'm complaining, But if you cannot whine on your own
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: podcast about relatives Danny doing stuff, what's the point of
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: having a podcast on the weekend. We both, we both
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: use this as a forum to complain.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, sometimes sometimes it's mostly entertainment, but once in a
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: while we we do. I mean, everybody on everybody in
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: entertainment at some time or another has a soapbox that
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: they get to stand on and it's entertaining to most
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: people as long as you as long as you don't
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: do it all the time, because then, like Covino and Rich,
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: they always joke if they feel like they're venting too
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: many days in a row, then they want to change
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: the name of their show to COMPLAINO and bitch. So
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: you just got to be aware of what you're doing
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: and not do it all the time.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you're just you gotta be real. And to me,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: it's as long as it's not like boring stuff. I mean, listen,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like this podcast is like bonus time, and
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I give all my sports, like I could, I could
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: have come in here, Danny you know it's Saturday. I
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: could have talked last night Aaron Judge passed Joe Demangio,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Like that's a huge deal. But I don't need to
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: talk about it. I talk about it on the radio show.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: This is more about other stuff, you know what I'm saying.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I will talk sports every now and again, and this
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: is just about random things that happened. That's what YouTube,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, boob tube is for exactly. That's what it is.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: All Right, we'll get out on that note, Danny, we
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: got the now, don't forget Benny versus the Penny on
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: YouTube YouTube dot com slash at Benny blast the two boobs. Yeah,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: I get. I'm just like mister Beast. I felt good
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: yesterday on the Friday Pod, Danny. I was ranting and
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: raving because I really, when I see these numbers of
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: viewership and whatnot, I have known that it's a rig
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: game on social media. I get very very I'm already skeptical,
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: but I just rolled my eyes at some of this stuff.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Like people are so gible. They believe a lot of
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: things that, let's just say, aren't actually true, and it
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: blows me away. It is, like I said, it's one
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: of the Great Hustles O Man.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: So social media has had a lot of land mines
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: the past few days.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. All right, well, get out of that,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: enjoy the college football and enjoy the the fight tonight.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Canelo Alvarez and Terence Crawford be watching that, and then
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: we get full day of football tomorrow as well. We'll
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: be here for your pregame festivities, which is known as
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: a mail bag.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't wait for the mail bag. See you
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: then later, skater, later, skater is that right?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Later, skater bo Flation