Latest / Beyond the Pouch / Amy on Fashion, Body Confidence & Self-Love with a Stoma | Beyond the Pouch S3 E1

Transcript

Amy on Fashion, Body Confidence & Self-Love with a Stoma | Beyond the Pouch S3 E1 · Beyond the Pouch

0:00
SPEAKER_04: Fashion is definitely something that is it fair to say is a love of yours?
0:04
SPEAKER_04: It's not just a case of putting an outfit on after ostomy surgery and being like, yes, I rock this.
0:08
SPEAKER_04: I love how I look.
0:08
SPEAKER_04: At the end of the day, my stoma saved my life by literally two hours.
0:13
SPEAKER_04: So rock it.
0:14
SPEAKER_04: That the person who notices your bag the most is you.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
0:18
SPEAKER_04: You know it's there.
0:19
SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, we know where to look because we've got stoma bags, but the average person walking down the street is not gonna be looking.
0:26
SPEAKER_04: There's no rule book that everybody has to follow.
0:29
SPEAKER_04: Listen to your body and know that you aren't alone.
0:31
SPEAKER_04: You know, even people without stomas, talk to them.
0:34
SPEAKER_04: People who love you are gonna encourage that.
0:37
SPEAKER_04: And I've always said to people, you know, the people who matter to you don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.
0:48
SPEAKER_03: Hello, Anthony.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Hello, oh my god.
0:51
SPEAKER_03: Excited! So there's a new era for Beyond the Pouch, and we've got a new background.
0:57
SPEAKER_03: We've got our ambassador family, we've got loads of lovely photos, and more importantly, I've got a new co-host.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, MB! Season three, here we go!
1:08
SPEAKER_03: Yes, we are pumped, as you can see, and we, our first guest, how would you describe this human?
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Uh, she is one of the real OGs.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: I started following her even before I had a bag.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, she's really empowering, massively into fashion, into fitness, um, and she's just such an all-round wonderful human being.
1:27
SPEAKER_03: She is lush, and we have connected with her a lot outside of the gram, and we can say she is as beautiful inside as she is out.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
1:36
SPEAKER_03: And if you hadn't guessed it already, it is Amy.
1:39
SPEAKER_03: IBD Warrior Princess.
1:40
SPEAKER_03: Let's get you in here.
1:43
SPEAKER_03: Right, guys, she is here.
1:45
SPEAKER_03: We're starting the season off strong.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: It's Amy!
1:51
SPEAKER_03: So, everyone knows who you are.
1:53
SPEAKER_03: If they don't, they're living under a rock.
1:55
SPEAKER_03: 100%.
1:56
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
1:56
SPEAKER_03: So buzzed to have you here.
1:58
SPEAKER_03: We're gonna start with some quick fire questions.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: Something new.
2:02
SPEAKER_03: Something new.
2:03
SPEAKER_03: Over to Ant.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Right.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: A couple of these to be really quick.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Biggest myth about stomas you want to bust.
2:08
SPEAKER_04: That only old people have stomas.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Good.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Um most empowering moment since you've had a stoma?
2:15
SPEAKER_04: Ooh.
2:16
SPEAKER_04: I'd say when I could look in the mirror when I started back at the gym again and thought, yeah, I'm really happy with what I see.
2:23
SPEAKER_04: I think that was great.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: And then um, how do you describe your relationship with your body right now?
2:30
SPEAKER_04: Progress over perfection, I'd say, definitely.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Strong.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: And then a song quote that always lifts your mood.
2:38
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's kind of cliche at this point, but I always say I'm Amy with the sterma bag, not Amy the Sturma bag girl.
2:44
SPEAKER_04: There's quite a difference if you think about it.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: Right, let's get into it.
2:49
SPEAKER_03: So you have been doing this for how long?
2:52
SPEAKER_03: Tell everyone.
2:53
SPEAKER_04: About will it be my sixth year this year that I'm doing my Instagram and online community, but I've had my stoma for 15 years in August.
3:01
SPEAKER_03: So you are still in my eyes so young, yet you have lived a lifetime without your stoma.
3:10
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
3:10
SPEAKER_03: And with your stoma.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: So let's start off with your diagnosis and how you got to where you are now.
3:16
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
3:16
SPEAKER_04: So I was officially diagnosed with Crohn's when I was seven years old.
3:20
SPEAKER_04: But looking back, I think I had symptoms since I was probably about two or three.
3:24
SPEAKER_04: I mean, my mum thinks I had symptoms since being a baby.
3:28
SPEAKER_04: Um I'd have like running abyss, then I'd go the other way, get a lot of colic.
3:32
SPEAKER_04: Um I was diagnosed with malnutrition quite a few times.
3:36
SPEAKER_04: Um and at the time when I was diagnosed when I was seven, I was the third youngest in the UK with it.
3:43
SPEAKER_04: So I was kind of like, for want of a better term, quite the guinea pig because nobody knew what to do with it.
3:49
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, yeah.
3:50
SPEAKER_03: Wow.
3:51
SPEAKER_03: And random question.
3:53
SPEAKER_03: How would your parents describe that moment now?
3:57
SPEAKER_03: Have you ever talked about that with your parents about how they found it all?
4:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so my mum actually like wrote a letter for me to get like her feelings down, which made me cry and made her cry writing it.
4:10
SPEAKER_04: And I shared it online actually.
4:12
SPEAKER_04: It was yeah, it received a lot of love and a lot of parents saying that Dick felt the same.
4:16
SPEAKER_04: Um, but my mum's side of the family has had a history of bowel problems.
4:20
SPEAKER_04: So we've had stomach cancer, bowel cancer.
4:22
SPEAKER_04: My uncle, bless his heart, is in heaven.
4:24
SPEAKER_04: Um, he had ulcerative colitis.
4:26
SPEAKER_04: Um, so my mum merely asked the doctor the GP, she said, could it be IBD?
4:32
SPEAKER_04: And that's when I had the tests when I was seven.
4:35
SPEAKER_03: And if she hadn't have had that thought and asked, who knows when you would have been diagnosed?
4:40
SPEAKER_03: Because there's so many children out there suffering, and it's oh, it's just something they ate, or oh, it's their diet, do a food plan, stop the milk for a bit.
4:49
SPEAKER_04: You know, it's you get fobbed off really easily, unfortunately.
4:52
SPEAKER_04: But I think my mum had and my dad would describe it as kind of like mixed feelings.
4:57
SPEAKER_04: I think it was good to finally think, yeah, we've got a diagnosis, we can treat it, hopefully.
5:02
SPEAKER_04: But at the same time, because of the problems in the family, my mum was almost looking at it like, I know what's coming.
5:08
SPEAKER_03: Oh God, yeah.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Which is just uh yeah, oh God, can relate to that so much.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: So you've grown up like from seven to now, like you've had to get used to your your new body or even your body just growing naturally, like most people do.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: Um but one thing that like part of this we do today is being a bit about fashion and about like body confidence, those sorts of things, like what's been some of like the challenges with you like growing up and like finding the right fit, if you will, for you for you and your stoma?
5:36
SPEAKER_04: I think the biggest challenge for me is because I was so poorly before I got my stoma, like I didn't have a chance to find out who I was.
5:44
SPEAKER_04: So, teenage years, when you're working out who you are, I've kind of got to think about my gut before I think about everything else, rush into the toilet.
5:51
SPEAKER_04: You don't have time to become the person you want to be and trial and experiment.
5:57
SPEAKER_04: So I think for me, learning myself has only happened in the past probably four or five years.
6:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
6:02
SPEAKER_04: Having the confidence to go out there and try all the things you want, not just clothes, I'm talking, everything.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: So I want to dig into that.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: What's been like that confidence change in those last four or five years?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Because there's gonna be so many people listening and watching, being like, I don't feel confident.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Like what have you started to get to with that?
6:18
SPEAKER_04: I think a lot of it for me has been focusing on the things outside of my bag and my scars.
6:25
SPEAKER_04: So it's like I said at the beginning, you know, I'm Amy with the stoma bag.
6:29
SPEAKER_04: So it's actually, yes, I have this ostomy, but I'm all these things outside it.
6:33
SPEAKER_04: I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a wife.
6:36
SPEAKER_04: Um so I think it's just really been honing in on those things and kind of like changing your mindset.
6:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
6:42
SPEAKER_04: So I'm not saying you have to get to a point where you don't think about your ostomy, because you do, it's part of you.
6:47
SPEAKER_04: It's like I mean, it's a bit bigger than that, but it's like brushing your teeth, you know, it becomes part of your routine.
6:52
SPEAKER_04: It does, yeah.
6:53
SPEAKER_03: Especially for as long as you've had yours as well.
6:55
SPEAKER_03: I mean, at the start, it can feel like it's all consuming and you're drowning.
7:00
SPEAKER_03: And then it's almost like I suppose it's like you're coming up for air.
7:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
7:04
SPEAKER_03: And when you find that turning point.
7:06
SPEAKER_03: And it's it's quite hard to describe that to people who are new to it because they can't see it.
7:13
SPEAKER_03: They can't see how that could ever be possible.
7:15
SPEAKER_03: But it is for most people it you get there.
7:18
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think what was different for me in a way that was because I hadn't really lived, I like to say, before I had my ostomy, I I almost was like, bring it on.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
7:29
SPEAKER_04: Give me that ostomy.
7:30
SPEAKER_04: Like not many people can say that.
7:32
SPEAKER_04: I just got to the point where I was so miserable, just surviving, literally, hadn't eaten at one point for 12 weeks, couldn't look at food, smell food without feeling sick, rushing to the toilet.
7:45
SPEAKER_04: I remember being sat on the toilet, like just being in so much agony, and I was just thinking, this just needs to be done.
7:52
SPEAKER_04: Like, just do whatever you need to do, take it away from me.
7:55
SPEAKER_04: So when I woke up with a bag, I was almost on a high, as weird as it sounds, because I'm like, yes, like this pain I'm feeling is post-operative, but it's going to be temporary.
8:04
SPEAKER_04: It's a different pain.
8:05
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, I was just like, bring it on top of the city.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: Totally to rate, yeah.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: I was saying totally related to that.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Was like elected and was like, oh my god, there's this thing.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: But like I wanted it, and I think like that, I think that's quite to your point very key.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's your mindset change.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm gonna be able to do it.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm out of agony.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, 20, 2020.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: Just before COVID.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Just before COVID, February the 13th.
8:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, because I had mine June 2020.
8:29
SPEAKER_03: Because I remember when I first like because I was already did my Instagram and I was doing it from a parent's perspective, because my children well, my one child then had a stoma.
8:38
SPEAKER_03: Then I remember when I was having surgery and I was like, ooh, okay, I want to start exploring that.
8:42
SPEAKER_03: And I remember finding you.
8:43
SPEAKER_03: You were one of the first that I came across.
8:46
SPEAKER_03: You both were.
8:46
SPEAKER_03: You were one of you were 100% one of the first.
8:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you were the new one, one of the newbies at the time.
8:51
SPEAKER_03: You dad, like, you did your introduction post, like we all do.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: We all had my surgery.
8:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:59
SPEAKER_03: Hopefully life's better now.
9:00
SPEAKER_03: Um, but yeah, when you type it in, you are one of the first people that come up.
9:04
SPEAKER_03: You are.
9:05
SPEAKER_03: And it's interesting.
9:07
SPEAKER_03: Let's know about that.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: Just because your name's Amy and I've been talking about it.
9:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, honestly, yeah.
9:13
SPEAKER_03: Um but yeah, you are one of the first people, and I've definitely noticed a change in your content.
9:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
9:19
SPEAKER_03: From when I first found you first found you to um to now.
9:24
SPEAKER_03: And I think but you went through a phase of you've I think the what I get from your content was you were always trying to give people help and you're always trying to educate, I would I think is fair to say.
9:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, definitely.
9:37
SPEAKER_03: Um which was always backed up by your own research.
9:39
SPEAKER_03: It wasn't just, you know, picking this idea out of the sky and throwing it out there.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:45
SPEAKER_03: Um but yeah, and but fashion is definitely something that I is it fair to say is a love of yours.
9:50
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
9:51
SPEAKER_03: And very fashionable.
9:52
SPEAKER_03: It's very fashion heavy.
9:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
9:56
SPEAKER_03: And what would you say to people that are I think you said something in your post this week about that you you don't worry about your bag that controls what you wear, but you have to consider it.
10:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you definitely have to consider it.
10:10
SPEAKER_04: Like, I think maybe in the early days, like you say, with my content, I was very keen to be that empowering person, to be, you know, I have this stoma, but it doesn't stop me, it's not the end.
10:20
SPEAKER_04: That is true.
10:22
SPEAKER_04: But over the years I've kind of always tried to be authentic and be real because people need to know that there are days where I look in the mirror without fit and I'm like, well, that's not working.
10:31
SPEAKER_04: And that's not because I'm ashamed or I'm embarrassed.
10:34
SPEAKER_04: That is just because I don't feel comfortable.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Can I ask you that then?
10:38
SPEAKER_00: What tips would you give people then?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: Like they've not straight out of surgery, but getting used to fashion, finding their fit and things like that.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: What what hints and tips would you give some people?
10:48
SPEAKER_04: I think comfort has to be key.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: So like baggy clothes or things like that, or I think it depends on the individual, doesn't it?
10:55
SPEAKER_04: And I think it depends on whether you've had open surgery or whether you've had keyhole.
10:59
SPEAKER_04: Because obviously, for a lot of people, your abdomen can be really tender.
11:02
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I've got six, seven-inch scars.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was gonna say, you've got quite a bit.
11:06
SPEAKER_04: So for me, that was quite hard.
11:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
11:08
SPEAKER_04: But I'd always kind of got it into my mind early days that I was going to use sterma support wear.
11:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
11:14
SPEAKER_04: I'd bought it before I even had the surgery.
11:16
SPEAKER_04: It's not cheap.
11:17
SPEAKER_04: No, it's not cheap.
11:18
SPEAKER_04: It's not cheap.
11:18
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, no.
11:19
SPEAKER_04: No, it's not cheap.
11:20
SPEAKER_04: And my mum had been doing some research, bless her.
11:22
SPEAKER_04: She knew like what was coming.
11:24
SPEAKER_04: And she found a few different support wear brands and things, so she ordered some for me.
11:28
SPEAKER_04: And from the day after my surgery, I started wearing the waistbands.
11:32
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
11:32
SPEAKER_04: Even when I was in hospital, just to get the feel for things.
11:36
SPEAKER_04: And actually, I realised how flat it kind of helps make things.
11:41
SPEAKER_04: So I've always been a bit paranoid, shall we say, about the bag bulge, as I call it.
11:46
SPEAKER_04: So, like today, I'm wearing jeans which are quite tight-fitted, but my sterma support wear underneath that gives me the confidence to wear those.
11:54
SPEAKER_03: So, can I ask, what support wear have you got on?
11:57
SPEAKER_03: Is it in the pants itself?
11:58
SPEAKER_03: Is it a separate band?
12:00
SPEAKER_04: So I've actually got the briefs from Sealostomy, they're called.
12:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
12:04
SPEAKER_04: Um, so I'm wearing those, they're very pretty.
12:05
SPEAKER_04: Um, some of them, obviously, as you know, they can be quite medical looking.
12:09
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there's a big range of it.
12:11
SPEAKER_04: Big range.
12:12
SPEAKER_04: Um but yeah, I needed something that I was gonna feel good.
12:15
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
12:15
SPEAKER_04: So I thought, yeah, they're my confidence pants.
12:17
SPEAKER_04: Big girl knickers, get them on to me.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: I think Joel, that's really key, is actually like a lot of people may not be aware that there's other brands of like support wear out there that are like tailored to like look good and feel good.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: Because I wear like support belts, but like I'm gonna be really, really kind.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: The male ones look like I've got long johns on.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: If I wear them up to my literally up to here, and I'm like, I'm not wearing these.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: They look ridiculous.
12:40
SPEAKER_03: I think as a woman, it's probably easier aesthetically to probably accept wearing stuff like that than as a male.
12:46
SPEAKER_03: Would you agree with that?
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, I mean I look like if I put them on, I I've got some tight ones as well, like briefs, and I was like, I look like I'm going swimming in the 1930s.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: This is ridiculous, I'm not wearing those.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I'm not wearing them at all.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Speaking of swimwear, that's a good segment.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Speaking of swimwear and also like other bits, like when you're going on holiday outfits, bikinis, what do you wear?
13:13
SPEAKER_00: And what we'll I'll start with that, and then I want to know like, did you have to build up courage to like put bikini on?
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Or was it always like, you know, swimming costumes?
13:21
SPEAKER_04: It's like you're predicting what I was gonna say about.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to do well here on the road.
13:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so I started wearing swimsuits because I just thought there's no way I can go out there and have people staring at me.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: That's what I thought.
13:33
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I think everyone's gonna stare at it.
13:34
SPEAKER_03: 9.9% of people probably would 100%.
13:38
SPEAKER_04: And at some points I would also wear a sterma waistband under my swimsuit.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: Because not many people realise that you can wear them.
13:45
SPEAKER_04: I mean, they're not waterproof, but you can wear them and wash them afterwards to get rid of the chlorine and stuff.
13:51
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, I started with the swimsuits, and then I think it got to the point where my husband, now husband, um, booked a little spa brick.
13:57
SPEAKER_04: Hello Ben, look at your spice Ben!
14:00
SPEAKER_02: Look at your face shine, Ben!
14:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so he booked us a spa brick, and I just thought, you know what, there was just a turning point in my head, and I thought, he's with me, we're gonna be fine, I'm gonna wear a bikini.
14:11
SPEAKER_04: And he said to me, No, you're going straight in, you're wearing a bikini, you're going high waist or whatever.
14:15
SPEAKER_04: I said, No, I'm not going high waist.
14:17
SPEAKER_04: I hate how I look in a high waist bikini.
14:19
SPEAKER_04: It makes me look small and potato-like, so we're not going there.
14:23
SPEAKER_04: So I just wore like a normal bikini, and weirdly, like going out into the spa to get that confidence was like, you always had to take a deep breath.
14:33
SPEAKER_04: Like, oh, I'm going out there and I could see people sitting in the sauna and walking around and stuff, and I was like, they're gonna look.
14:39
SPEAKER_04: They're gonna stare any minute and I'm gonna like get dirty looks and that.
14:42
SPEAKER_04: No.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: No one does.
14:44
SPEAKER_04: No.
14:44
SPEAKER_04: Like people look human curiosity.
14:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:47
SPEAKER_04: Of course they do.
14:47
SPEAKER_04: Just like if you see somebody in a nice outfit, bright colours, you know, you look and you think, oh, yeah, it doesn't mean you're thinking something bad.
14:54
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, since then I've pretty much worn bikinis, and I just feel it's so empowering.
14:59
SPEAKER_04: You know, like at the end of the day, my sterma saved my life by literally two hours.
15:03
SPEAKER_04: Well yeah.
15:04
SPEAKER_04: So rocket.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: And it's like a a bag of honour rather than a badge of honour, I suppose.
15:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh god, look at it all this.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: But like, I think this is a real key thing, because I you know, I'm sure you do, and I'm sure you will as well, is people would be like, Oh, I'm really worried about you know, showing my bag.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:20
SPEAKER_03: Like even on like I thought like the three people that show it regularly on Instagram.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: I think there's a photo over there with me on it.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, but it's it's more the point of like um spotlight syndrome.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Everyone's gonna look at me, they're always gonna look at me.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: 99 times out of a hundred, people will look at you and go, Oh, I'm gonna go back to my book or back to my telling.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: More people are concerned about their talent rather than your your baggage.
15:43
SPEAKER_03: I think it's very easy as well, though, to presume that people that are getting their bag out online are the same in the real life.
15:49
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
15:50
SPEAKER_03: Because when it's discussed.
15:52
SPEAKER_03: Yes, because when you're, you know, when you're I was gonna say your computer, no, that's showing my age.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: When you're on your phone, just getting a laptop out and the cross or wait for it to die a little bit.
16:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the mood is power enough.
16:05
SPEAKER_03: Here it goes.
16:06
SPEAKER_03: Oh no, I know.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you have mail.
16:08
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh I love that film.
16:10
SPEAKER_03: It's my favourite film.
16:11
SPEAKER_03: That's not relevant, that's gonna be edited out.
16:13
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, but it is.
16:14
SPEAKER_03: I love that film.
16:15
SPEAKER_03: Anyway, um, but yeah, so when you're on your phone and you're sharing your pictures, I think, I don't know about you two, but for me, my account and what I've built feels like a safe space.
16:24
SPEAKER_03: 100%.
16:24
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
16:25
SPEAKER_03: And I curate my who I follow and who I accept to what I know serves me and keeps my peace, protects my peace.
16:33
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
16:33
SPEAKER_03: So what but then I wouldn't go around the street outside my house with my bag out.
16:39
SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't.
16:39
SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
16:41
SPEAKER_03: But the reason why I share online is because I want to give people confidence to see how it feels, and you know, there's loads of topics I cover and all that.
16:51
SPEAKER_03: Um and let's face it, your perspective is different to mine, different to yours.
16:55
SPEAKER_03: We're all at different walks of life and stuff.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get bag out and walk out by my house, starting to do that.
16:59
SPEAKER_03: I would not be surprised to be honest, if you were.
17:02
SPEAKER_03: I'm going for a run out.
17:05
SPEAKER_03: But I but also I think it's really important that if you are scrolling through and you're new to this and you see people with their bags out, because they want to show people that they're not alone, because they want to educate, it doesn't mean we're going round in our normal lives with our bags out.
17:20
SPEAKER_03: And we all have our own securities.
17:22
SPEAKER_03: We all do.
17:22
SPEAKER_03: We discussed it when we had breakfast this morning, we discussed it yesterday.
17:26
SPEAKER_04: And weirdly, those insecurities weren't the bag.
17:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
17:30
SPEAKER_04: Were they?
17:31
SPEAKER_04: They were everything else.
17:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:32
SPEAKER_04: And I think that brings us back to like an earlier point that the person who notices your bag the most is you.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
17:39
SPEAKER_04: You know it's there.
17:40
SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, we know where to look because we've got stoma bags, but the average person walking down the street is not gonna look in the world.
17:47
SPEAKER_03: But also, I think so I'll a little quick story.
17:50
SPEAKER_03: So my son's got a stoma, he's nearly 10, and he wears waistbands and trunks.
17:54
SPEAKER_03: So this again goes to the male thing.
17:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah as a boy, you can't really hide the fact you've got support wear and all that unless you have a top on, which he's too old for that now.
18:04
SPEAKER_03: Um and there is one mum every week when we walk down to the pool that stares at my child, and it get and every week I think you know he's got a wig hand on, you know there's something there.
18:14
SPEAKER_03: And I think this is a lesson to be learned that people also need to, yeah, all right, you're gonna look, it's different, but you don't need to keep looking.
18:22
SPEAKER_03: No.
18:22
SPEAKER_03: And if if ever my son picked up the vibes of that, I would be mortified and I would go into mama bed and protective mode.
18:31
SPEAKER_03: But it's but the reason why we do what we do is because the more we show it, the more normalized it is, and the more those people, and there are some out there, we can't pretend there aren't people that might stay in a negative way that actually it's normal and there's no need to.
18:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
18:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
18:46
SPEAKER_04: No, that's that's completely true.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: With that, like lots of things that you'll see as well, like negative stuff, like intrusively people worry about stuff after like the first surgery and like constant surgery, things like that.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: Like how did you overcome that body confidence?
19:01
SPEAKER_00: Because I will be I mean, I don't have a big scar.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: I I my surgery was all done key out, so I have very small little scars.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: And I can imagine, like, as a young woman growing up, having a big scar could impact your confidence quite a lot.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: So how did you complicate that?
19:16
SPEAKER_04: For me, because the way I viewed my body before surgery it was negatively anyway.
19:21
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I remember I was five and a half stone after my surgery.
19:24
SPEAKER_04: Five and a half stone.
19:25
SPEAKER_04: Five and a half stern, yeah.
19:26
SPEAKER_04: I I think the worst.
19:27
SPEAKER_03: I share photos in comparison, and it it they are they are shocking, the photos that the before and after of you know, it's it's incredible that it's it's a lot, even you know, and I know I went through it and it's still a lot when you don't look at those photos for a while and then then you see them.
19:41
SPEAKER_04: But going back to your point about the scar down my tummy, I was used to having a very swollen tummy before my surgery.
19:48
SPEAKER_04: So for me, anyway, my tummy's never been a place where I look and I'm like, that's great, like what I see.
19:55
SPEAKER_04: But after my surgery, I almost just like I say, I was willing to have the bag that I thought this scar is just part of what has saved me.
20:03
SPEAKER_04: You know, my surgeon said that literally it it saved my life by a few hours.
20:07
SPEAKER_04: You know, I was touch and go on the table, I lost a lot of blood.
20:10
SPEAKER_04: I remember my surgery was meant to take about five hours, I was still in there nine and a half hours.
20:14
SPEAKER_04: My mum and dad thought I'd died.
20:16
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I can't even imagine.
20:18
SPEAKER_04: And I just remember the day after him saying, you know, you nearly weren't here.
20:22
SPEAKER_04: Like if your dad hadn't brought you in when he had, you wouldn't be here talking to us.
20:27
SPEAKER_04: And it was from that moment something just changes in your head.
20:29
SPEAKER_04: You're like, right, I've got this scar down my tummy, but actually I've still got my belly button, which is quite a rarity.
20:35
SPEAKER_04: I have quite a lot of people say to me, Yeah, why have you still got your belly button?
20:39
SPEAKER_04: And I remember my surgeon saying to me at the time, because I was young and you heal quite well, yeah, he did it in a more difficult area, so like the rectus abdominis muscle it's called.
20:49
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: He cut I'm gonna say yeah, yeah, just yeah.
20:52
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Yes, I've got my belly button.
20:54
SPEAKER_04: Like I was made up that I got my belly button.
20:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I've still got it.
20:57
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, from day one, I was like, this scar is like a bag of honour, like you say.
21:02
SPEAKER_03: And isn't it amazing?
21:03
SPEAKER_03: Because so I had the same I had my colon removed and surgery at a week old and open surgery.
21:10
SPEAKER_03: So I've got the long scar down, but I was for my parents when I had it, it was tiny, and now at the age of 36, it's hello grows with your body.
21:19
SPEAKER_03: And isn't it incredible how you grow with it and it just I'm I mean, I've never known like I can't remember at two days looking down and going, Oh, no scared on this guy.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Goo, goo, go, go.
21:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:32
SPEAKER_03: So like I can't remember a time where I didn't have my tummy cut open and all that jazz, but but I found I mean, I've gained weight and fluctuated.
21:42
SPEAKER_03: I've had two kids, and I think some people that have that scar and when putting clothes on and trying to figure out what's comfortable, when you've got that extra scar, it changes everything, especially if you haven't got that a flat tummy, which a lot of people don't.
21:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, and I think that makes it harder to know what's So, what advice would you give people that they you know they want to feel good in their clothes but they're not feeling quite comfortable in their skin?
22:08
SPEAKER_03: Like, are there any go-to outfits as a woman that you would say, you know what, this would be a great way of feeling good, but still knowing that you still get in there?
22:18
SPEAKER_04: I think I mean obviously you've got to figure out what feels like you.
22:21
SPEAKER_04: I mean, that can take a while.
22:22
SPEAKER_04: For me, it took years.
22:24
SPEAKER_04: It's not just a case of putting an outfit on after ostomy surgery and being like, Yes, I rock this, I love how I look.
22:29
SPEAKER_04: Like, it wasn't for me, and I don't think it is for many people.
22:32
SPEAKER_04: But I've always sworn by like on the days where it's rough, a good pair of high-waisted black leggings and like a long t-shirt.
22:40
SPEAKER_04: If you want to cinch it in a bit, a belt, or you know, if you want something more tight fit, wear a vest, but layer a shirt overneath.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: Write them down, they can't.
22:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so definitely, and I think I've always sworn by patterns.
22:55
unknown: Okay.
22:55
SPEAKER_04: So I mean, black is my safe colour.
22:58
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I'm a rock girly.
23:00
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I'm an elder emo.
23:02
SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah, I'm an elder emo, so I'm always into like my checkerboard and my bald prints and black and things.
23:09
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, mix it up.
23:10
SPEAKER_04: Wear like a real jazzy shirt if you want to, or a jazzy dress, or even something like a scarf.
23:17
SPEAKER_04: You know, like a patterned scarf.
23:18
SPEAKER_03: And dopamine dressing is what it's about right now.
23:21
SPEAKER_03: Dopamine dressing.
23:23
SPEAKER_03: So, like, yeah, I mean, five years ago I never would have worn pink dungarees.
23:27
SPEAKER_03: Now I'd be like getting two pairs.
23:29
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
23:30
SPEAKER_03: Like it's yeah, it's it's about looking at yourself in the mirror and going, oh, this feels good.
23:35
SPEAKER_03: It feels me.
23:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: It's so true, because the amount of times that you'll put on an outfit and you'll be like, I just feel so good.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: I feel great today.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, let's go change the world.
23:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it changes your whole day.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's key, like, is that even though you have like stoma surgery, it doesn't it doesn't mean you can't wear the good outfits.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: You can't feel good about yourself.
23:54
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like can I ask you, Anne, like, from a guy's perspective, what would your go-to outfit be?
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, great question.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: Um Mr.
24:02
SPEAKER_03: Model.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: Story.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: I'll buy you guys a drink later as well.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: No, um to be honest, at the moment, it's more I really like high-waisted jeans at the moment, um, like big baggy fits around them.
24:13
SPEAKER_03: Well, I didn't I didn't know they were high-waisted jeans for men.
24:16
SPEAKER_03: Me neither.
24:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
24:17
SPEAKER_03: Is that a thing?
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, these are high-waisted jeans.
24:19
SPEAKER_03: Like mainstream style.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: This will be a bit irrelevant.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if you guys have been watching the traitors, but Stephen, who was on that, he's got lots of 70s high-waisted jeans.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: They're all coming back into fashion.
24:31
SPEAKER_03: I won't be wearing that.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: That's too much.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: It looks spectacular, but I I I don't think I could do that.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, for me, it's just like I will wear uh high-waisted trousers or something along those lines.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: Because again, my concern when I dress is like the bag bulge.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: Yes, only because when your bag fills up, your bag's gonna fill up.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of like I know it will just sort of stick out a bit.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: So if I have a um like trousers that go over it, that will help.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then to be honest, like anything off top wires is great.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: I'd like I'd love like suits.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: I rarely wear them, but I love wearing suits, shirts.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: You love wearing a suit.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I rarely get to do it.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, all right, now I'm like, yeah, shoot up, let's go.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, even like the outfits that I've got there, like they're just like simple layers, simple things.
25:15
SPEAKER_03: Can I ask you both?
25:16
SPEAKER_03: So you've both had a wedding.
25:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:18
SPEAKER_03: You're both married.
25:19
SPEAKER_03: I'm recently engaged.
25:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:21
SPEAKER_03: Congratulations! Thank you.
25:23
SPEAKER_03: Um now for me already, I'm thinking I need to buy two dresses in case something happens.
25:29
SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna be like, yeah.
25:31
SPEAKER_03: But in my head, I feel like, oh my god, should I?
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Outfit changes though, are the are trendy.
25:36
SPEAKER_03: Yes, they are trendy.
25:38
SPEAKER_03: They are, but so let's, you know, go to Amy first.
25:40
SPEAKER_03: So when you were picking your wedding dress, what were you going through?
25:45
SPEAKER_03: What was the process?
25:46
SPEAKER_04: I think like you, I did worry about leaks.
25:49
SPEAKER_04: I thought, goodness, if yeah, I'm wearing a white dress.
25:51
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was tempted to to have a black dress being the person that I am, but rocking.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: That would have been really.
25:57
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I have said, like, me and Ben, when we've been married 10 years, we're gonna renew our vows and we're gonna have very like black rock chick emo.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: Would you die your winning dress black and do it that way around or just go and buy a new one?
26:07
SPEAKER_00: That's quite a bit.
26:10
SPEAKER_04: But yeah.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: You only wear it once, right?
26:12
SPEAKER_04: Exactly, exactly.
26:13
SPEAKER_04: Yes, I was worried about leaks, but I just knew like from day dot that sorry, Ben, I'm gonna wear support wear on my wedding day.
26:20
SPEAKER_04: That's what I feel comfortable in.
26:22
SPEAKER_04: And I just knew that when I was going to try on wedding dresses, that I was just gonna tell the people there that I had a stoma, and I was worried about it.
26:28
SPEAKER_03: So you told the people at the end of the day.
26:31
SPEAKER_03: Right.
26:31
SPEAKER_04: But I always said, I didn't say steroma bag or eleostomy bag, I always said colostomy bag because there's been a few times where I said eeleostomy bag or sterm bag, and people look at you like what is that?
26:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but then obviously everybody like I went to three places to try on dresses, and they were all so lovely, and obviously you're stood there in your support wear and nothing else when they're helping you get into these like big dresses.
26:56
SPEAKER_04: Quite exposed, I think.
26:57
SPEAKER_04: Exposing, but I did feel comfortable after you know the initial initial few minutes.
27:02
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, like I tried on eight dresses, I think.
27:06
SPEAKER_04: And it was it was the it was like the seventh or eighth dress that I put on and I showed my mum, she burst out crying in a good way.
27:15
SPEAKER_04: In a good way, and I I looked in the mirror and I was like, yes, like completely the opposite to what I'd had in my head that I wanted, but it was amazing, like it was quite tight up the top, which I love an outfit like that.
27:26
SPEAKER_04: Tight up the top, then a bit of flow down the bottom.
27:30
SPEAKER_04: So I thought, right, I need something that's not gonna be like a heavy train or anything like that, because I need to get to the toilet to empty my bag.
27:36
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's the other thing.
27:38
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
27:38
SPEAKER_04: So I signed my mum as chief bag checker when I went to the toilet.
27:42
SPEAKER_04: So she would I actually sat on the toilet backwards because I found it easier, and she would literally like help lift up the skirt for me while I emptied my bag and it was just Because like um yeah, because when you're emptying your bag, if you're in a rush and you point down straight into the water, let's not mind the lash bag.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: Never do that.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how you guys do that, because that is no, uh kneel down every time.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: Like just constant kneeling down.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Do you I'm so worried it's gonna in my face.
28:14
SPEAKER_03: No, come no no no no, just just so when you're in a public glue, do you kneel down on the floor?
28:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
28:20
SPEAKER_03: Oh no, the floor.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: But to your point, that's where the toilet roll goes on the floor.
28:25
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: So I kneel I kneel on like a knee guard and I'm like, right, cool, then.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: I mean, gents toilets are not the best.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: Let's be honest.
28:32
SPEAKER_03: I know.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: We won't we won't go into that.
28:34
SPEAKER_03: No, you can talk about that in your men's specials.
28:36
SPEAKER_03: I don't want to murky disorderful expensive.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: We were on wedding dresses.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Let's get back out of the toilet and back to back to wedding dresses.
28:43
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, so obviously it I g it goes without saying, if you've got the right bag for you and all that, you shouldn't have a leak.
28:49
SPEAKER_03: But the thing I'm worried about is when I I don't think about my bag.
28:54
SPEAKER_03: Luckily, I'm I only think about it if I know it I can feel its needs emptying.
28:59
SPEAKER_03: But because I get so distracted, and I know in the day I'm gonna be like buzzing and totally distracted more than I've been before.
29:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, if it fills up too much, that weakens it and that can create leaks.
29:10
SPEAKER_03: And I think that is what I am worried about the most.
29:12
SPEAKER_03: So what I think what I was thinking maybe just checking in every couple of hours, making a point of it.
29:19
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
29:20
SPEAKER_04: So throughout my wedding day, I actually had like I put like a little kit in a turt bag.
29:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
29:26
SPEAKER_04: So like spare bags, the things that I'd need to help me feel good, emergency snacks, things like that.
29:31
SPEAKER_04: And I left it with my mum again.
29:33
SPEAKER_04: This mum is amazing, she's a powerhouse and mum snacks.
29:37
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely love her.
29:37
SPEAKER_04: Karen, I absolutely love it.
29:40
SPEAKER_04: She's back checking.
29:42
SPEAKER_04: So she was there obviously just yeah, running round after me on my wedding day.
29:45
SPEAKER_04: Like, I didn't even need to prompt her.
29:47
SPEAKER_04: You know, she'd come up and she'd be like, Have you checked back?
29:50
SPEAKER_04: You know, like, do you need to go to the toilet if I was with people?
29:52
SPEAKER_04: Do you want to go to the toilet?
29:53
SPEAKER_04: That sort of thing.
29:54
SPEAKER_04: But again, you say worrying about leaks, the sterma supportware for me helped that because I thought there's another layer to absorb the leak if I do leak.
30:03
SPEAKER_04: So obviously, in my emergency kit, spare stermanicers, probably like three or four pairs, worst case scenario in my head, as I usually do.
30:11
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, preparation, absolutely key.
30:14
SPEAKER_04: Spare bag, spare kit, key.
30:16
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
30:16
SPEAKER_03: I um I was a bridesmaid for my cousin back last summer and my bag leaked.
30:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's a big big.
30:21
SPEAKER_03: And we had champagne coloured dresses, very gorgeous, very expensive.
30:27
SPEAKER_03: And again, I was just concentrating on the kids, and I'd eaten and drunk the main meal, and I hadn't emptied when I should have, and it happened.
30:36
SPEAKER_03: It happened.
30:36
SPEAKER_03: And I I was dying inside as mortified.
30:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
30:40
SPEAKER_03: But then I was quickly telling myself, you know what, I haven't got another dress.
30:44
SPEAKER_03: I can't actually do anything about this, and no one's looking at me.
30:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, they're not.
30:48
SPEAKER_03: I shouldn't be bothered, and if I'm not bothered, no one else will be.
30:51
SPEAKER_03: And at the photos, you could see it in the photos.
30:53
SPEAKER_03: So I just went up to the photographer and I said, Look, I've got a stoma, it's leaked.
30:57
SPEAKER_03: Can I just see what it looks like?
30:59
SPEAKER_03: And she said, Oh, yeah, you can see something.
31:00
SPEAKER_03: And she said, Don't worry, I'll just edit it.
31:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
31:03
SPEAKER_03: So, you know, that I think you can predict the worst things and you can have veil safes, but also it's not gonna ruin your day.
31:12
SPEAKER_04: And to your average person, they're probably thinking you spilt drink on yourself or food on yourself.
31:17
SPEAKER_03: I just blame the kids, yeah.
31:18
SPEAKER_04: Definitely, and I'd maybe like on your wedding day, maybe like assign somebody like every few hours to just come and ask, just say, you know, do you need to go to the toilet?
31:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, because also you're gonna be, I'm sure you were the same, you're just gonna be running around seeing people, then you're off to do your photos, like you need someone to be.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: Well, when I had my wedding dress on, no, I didn't if you want.
31:43
SPEAKER_02: Did you try Jessica's dress on?
31:44
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not, no.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: But it's tiny, I ain't getting that.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Come up, come up, so here, we're not.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: No, it did not, no, no, no.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: But um uh to be honest, I was I will constantly just sort of tap my luck around it anyway.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: I'll check myself.
31:58
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't I didn't, you know, nominate any chief bag checkers, but I was just taking myself off to the toilet anyway, and then to the bar.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: So I kind of segued it a lot like that way.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: People are like, Do you want a drink and yes please, just need to go to the show?
32:09
SPEAKER_03: So you wore support way?
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or but I always do.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: I always wear it.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: And then high-waisted trousers helped as well, because I had nice tweed ones and I was like, it's perfect.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: It's more the end of the night when you've had a lot of fun, a lot of food, a lot of free-flowing drinks, and then you're like drink.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: I got smashed.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: Right.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: How does that make your awareness of your bag?
32:30
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm not to be honest, it's just more you you know, like you know when things are filling up, like regardless.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: Um I can't believe I've just a bit I got smashed at my wedding.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: But I did.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's a good excuse.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
32:43
SPEAKER_03: And you put paid a lot for that day, so luckily and lots of lots of amazing light champagne.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: I don't drink champagne, but as I have champagne, sure, why not?
32:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: But it was it was that sort of just you enjoy yourself.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: And I think then even if like the worst case scenario happens, the big part of the day is done.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: And everyone knows you, and your support around people who love you, they are not going to care.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna care at all.
33:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:05
SPEAKER_03: Magically.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
33:06
SPEAKER_00: Or like what is very popular, and again, depending on budgets, is some people will do like the evening like outfit changes.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: So they take the big formal dress off and then put another small white dress on.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: I've seen that.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: Men will get changed into like a different suit.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's Instagram for you.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: I was not gonna do that.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: It went through in my head.
33:23
SPEAKER_04: You see, my I changed into Converse.
33:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:27
SPEAKER_04: That was my change, and I had a uh little basket of everybody.
33:32
SPEAKER_04: So everybody could just like you know, dance real comfortably and stuff.
33:35
SPEAKER_03: So you got married in the summer.
33:36
SPEAKER_03: I did the hottest day of the year it was.
33:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh how did you keep cool?
33:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, how did your bag feel?
33:42
SPEAKER_02: How do you dress on the hottest day of the year?
33:44
SPEAKER_02: Fine.
33:44
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
33:45
SPEAKER_00: Do you not like I mean I'm different, I'll sweat.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: So it when it gets so hot, I'll have to like sometimes I'll do some flange extenders just to keep it.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Just in case.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: That's mainly like more hot countries and stuff like that.
33:55
SPEAKER_04: I think I don't know, it's probably different for everybody, but again, the sterma support wear, it helps that bag just stay secure, stay in place, and stick to my tummy.
34:04
SPEAKER_04: So whether it was sticky from the sweat and the hot weather or not, or the support wear are a bit of both.
34:10
SPEAKER_03: See, I've I've read some people who find it helps the bag adhere to the skin better, but then I've seen people that say it makes it unstick.
34:18
SPEAKER_03: So it's like I I honestly it's different for everyone, isn't it?
34:22
SPEAKER_03: Trial and error.
34:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, definitely.
34:24
SPEAKER_00: So you talked quite a lot about support wear with like wedding dresses and bits and pieces.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: But one thing you're really well saying really getting into, you've always been quite into fitness and and being active and stuff.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: Like gym, gym wear with your bag.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: Talk us through it.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: How did you get into that?
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Like find the right products for you in terms of active wear?
34:44
SPEAKER_04: So I think for me, I've always liked tight fitting clothes.
34:48
SPEAKER_04: Not like bodycon, but snug.
34:50
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
34:51
SPEAKER_04: And for me, like you'll know Ant, you work hard for that figure, for what you get in the gym.
34:56
SPEAKER_04: You work very, very hard, don't you?
34:59
SPEAKER_04: Um and I just knew that I wanted to wear an outfit that made me feel good when I go and work out.
35:04
SPEAKER_04: So it was just very much uh I think sports leggings could actually work in my favour because I get high-waisted again.
35:12
SPEAKER_04: I wear um a level up on support wear when I go to the gym.
35:16
SPEAKER_04: So that helps contain things more.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: What's level what's the level up bit then?
35:20
SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of people may not know what this is.
35:22
SPEAKER_04: So level one, light support, I wear every day, just for everyday life.
35:26
SPEAKER_04: And then level two, that's usually medium support, so that's things where you're like lifting weights at the gym, being a bit more active, that sort of thing.
35:35
SPEAKER_04: And then there's your level three, which is firm support, so that's for people who have like hernias and things like that.
35:40
SPEAKER_04: And if you're really into your heavy lifting at the gym, that sort of thing to help protect your eyes.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: So if you're doing like, you know, big heavy squat power lifting, put your level threes on running around outside.
35:51
SPEAKER_04: Which I've never done.
35:51
SPEAKER_03: I can't say I'm a heavy lifter.
35:53
SPEAKER_03: Can I ask?
35:54
SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of compared to say five years ago, there's a lot of different belts, waistbands, support wear.
36:02
SPEAKER_03: How uh where do people start when they're because I'd imagine it's very overwhelming for new people.
36:08
SPEAKER_04: I would personally say ask your stermanse.
36:12
SPEAKER_04: Because I don't know if a lot of people will be aware, but you can get some support wear on prescription in certain places.
36:17
SPEAKER_04: Obviously, a lot of it depends on where you are and what the medical board near you allows and things.
36:23
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, ask your stomachs.
36:24
SPEAKER_04: Luckily, I obviously had my mum who had done all the research for me, but you know, some people aren't lucky to have their mums or other family members, so yeah, definitely ask your stoma nurse and they'll be able to do that.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Think of that as well.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, like, because I've I've had a a couple of like stoma support wares and things.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: Um there are brands that will come and fit you.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: Loads of people will just buy it online and like, yeah, that may work, but uh everybody quite literally is different.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: And where your bag sits, like some people have hurt like quite prescribed hernia knees.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: So go and get it, go and get it measured.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: And that's usually free.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, usually free.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: They turn up, yeah, they just measure you, here's your thing, they go get away, like all ordered or comes back to you, but then you're all fitted.
37:05
SPEAKER_00: That's properly suited for you then.
37:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I think though as well, it might people who have just had surgery and they're safe to start looking into that, they might not want someone to come and I was that person.
37:18
SPEAKER_03: I was that person.
37:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
37:20
SPEAKER_03: But I would say as well, I think the main message I'd want to put out there is you don't want to spend a lot of money.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: But no, yeah, if you can get it free on prescription, yes.
37:27
SPEAKER_03: I mean, for me, I can't get that on prescription where I live.
37:31
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
37:32
SPEAKER_03: Um so I would have to buy them.
37:35
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
37:35
SPEAKER_03: Um and then there are they've got them on Amazon now for not a lot of money.
37:41
SPEAKER_03: Um there are independent companies out there that have them, but uh please, if you're listening and watching, please don't think you need to spend the world on these because you don't.
37:51
SPEAKER_03: And I think there's people don't really talk about the financial implications of having surgery, loss of earnings, if you've got to take time off work, the impact it has on your nearest and dearest.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: Completely.
38:04
SPEAKER_03: It is you know, you might need to suddenly buy clothes that are different sizes.
38:08
SPEAKER_03: Morning wardrobe.
38:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:09
SPEAKER_03: You don't know.
38:10
SPEAKER_03: So I just think please don't spend money where you don't need to.
38:13
SPEAKER_03: That's because you don't you don't need to be able to do that.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, go investigate, go find what's what is either on prescription free or cheap.
38:21
SPEAKER_04: Just going back to the sportswear a little bit.
38:23
SPEAKER_04: So I will say obviously, when I have like days where my stoma is more active, I will then bring in the baggy t-shirts.
38:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
38:31
SPEAKER_04: Like leggings on the bottom, baggy t-shirts on the top, because I do get, you know, self-conscious when I'm going around the gym.
38:38
SPEAKER_04: Again, you look down, you can see it more than the person looking at you there.
38:42
SPEAKER_04: So it's in your head, and I I get to that point where I'm like very stubborn.
38:46
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, no, I am focusing on this workout, you are not taking over.
38:50
SPEAKER_04: That is that.
38:51
SPEAKER_04: And I think one thing that people do forget as well is for those who've had Barbie and Ken butt surgery, I've got a scarf up my bum because I had Barbie bum surgery, and it's finding leggings and things as well that are comfortable a lot these days, especially for women, are the bum scrunch leggings which have like the seam up the back.
39:10
SPEAKER_04: I do actually find those quite comfortable, but I know for a lot of people, especially if you've got a bit of mucus, you know, if your bum's taking a while to heal or whatever, you need leggings that you're gonna be able to wear, support wear underneath, like your knickers, and if you need to wear a sanitary pad without feeling like people are gonna be like, oh, she's wearing a sanitary pad.
39:28
SPEAKER_04: Like I think that is a big thing that people don't talk about.
39:32
SPEAKER_04: The scars that people don't see, the ones on your bum, the ones inside, scar tissue, it's not just what what you can see.
39:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
39:40
SPEAKER_03: No, and with those that style of leggings, you can't wear a sanitary pad with them.
39:45
SPEAKER_03: Like it's so uncomfortable.
39:47
SPEAKER_03: It really is.
39:48
SPEAKER_03: But then if you look on social media, it look if you know you think, oh my god, I can't go to the gym if I don't wear them because everyone wears them.
39:55
SPEAKER_03: Literally.
39:55
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely not.
39:56
SPEAKER_00: I don't see you can go to the gym.
39:58
SPEAKER_03: I'd imagine you'd rock them, but you know, well, you know, that's for another podcast.
40:01
SPEAKER_03: That is um but talking of social media, I mean you've been doing this for a while.
40:08
SPEAKER_03: It's changed so much, hasn't it?
40:10
SPEAKER_00: Like you are one of the OGs.
40:13
SPEAKER_03: You've seen it change more than most.
40:16
SPEAKER_03: And I think there's probably a lot more pressure than there was say five years ago.
40:21
SPEAKER_04: Without a doubt.
40:21
SPEAKER_03: How have you uh seen it change?
40:24
SPEAKER_04: So I think this is one of the things I always cover quite a lot when I when I talk about social media, for me it was Facebook when I had my surgery.
40:33
SPEAKER_04: So Instagram and things wasn't even there.
40:36
SPEAKER_04: So I literally had a Facebook support group which had a few thousand members, so you know you were likely to get missed in the thread.
40:45
SPEAKER_04: I did make a few friends, but it was very much me and me going through the journey.
40:50
SPEAKER_04: And then at the time I had my uncle who was still alive, and he had his bag, so I learned so so much off him.
40:57
SPEAKER_04: Um, but yeah, it's just come on so much social media, it is a thing.
41:02
SPEAKER_04: So it was Facebook, and then I'd say it's probably in the last yeah, five or six years since I started doing mine that Instagram and TikTok and things is very much where it's at.
41:12
SPEAKER_04: I personally don't do TikTok, I've tried it a few times, but I think you can go down a rabbit hole, and it's also kind of about what time you want to put aside and where you want to spend your energy and things.
41:24
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, I always say that I think social media is such a tool for good in so many ways.
41:29
SPEAKER_04: Like I wouldn't know you guys if it wasn't for social media.
41:31
SPEAKER_04: Like I would have never met anybody else with a bag outside of my uncle, and that thought alone makes me feel quite isolated, especially because he passed away, so I now I didn't have anybody then to talk to.
41:43
SPEAKER_04: But he kind of taught me that you've got to get your story out there.
41:47
SPEAKER_04: You've got to kind of like say your fears out loud, you've got to show people that actually you can do what you want with a stoma.
41:55
SPEAKER_04: Yes, there are things you've got to consider, but it's just part of the decision, it's not the decision maker, if you get what I'm saying.
42:02
SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, social media has changed, changed a lot.
42:05
SPEAKER_04: Um, and I'm like you, like you said earlier on, I will very much follow the things that fuel the energy I want to have and protect that little peace circle that I want to keep.
42:14
SPEAKER_04: Anything that you know I see that I don't like, you know, we're all human, we all post things that we might not agree with with one another, fair enough, that's fine.
42:23
SPEAKER_04: But if I see something consistently that I don't like, or I see like um, you know, an account that is against scars and is trying to encourage you to get rid of your scars, that's not what I'm about.
42:34
SPEAKER_04: So I will unfollow.
42:36
SPEAKER_04: And I think it's so important to, you know, for people to know that you can unfollow people.
42:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
42:41
SPEAKER_04: It's very much, you know, you can sit there and think, oh, this person might be really offended if I unfollow them.
42:46
SPEAKER_04: Nine times out of ten, that person never realizes or they come to you five or six months down the line and they're like, Why did you unfollow me?
42:54
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, there's no beef to be had about it.
42:57
SPEAKER_04: It's just, you know, your content unfortunately doesn't align with what I want to kind of surround myself with, but you do you, you know.
43:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: It's a really empowering message, actually.
43:07
SPEAKER_00: Even going back to the point that your uncle was saying and stuff like that, is like, go and do those things.
43:11
SPEAKER_00: Do it like kind of feel the fear and do it anyway, sort of vibes.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
43:15
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's for me, and like you all both do this so well, you do so much with like for mums out there and stuff like this.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: You've done it, because you're one of the first people I started to follow.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: And I remember being like, she's got her together, no pun intended.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: But the there's an educational message there.
43:30
SPEAKER_00: And like, if people are gonna start doing that, they want to share their stories and be more educational.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, what what tips would you give someone that's like, right?
43:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm now I'm feeling confident, like, where should I start?
43:41
SPEAKER_04: I think as hard as it is sometimes, just stay true to yourself, believe in the message that you want to put out there.
43:47
SPEAKER_04: It's very easy to look at somebody else and think, Well, they're doing amazing, so I must be like them if I want to get somewhere.
43:54
SPEAKER_04: At the end of the day, you know, some people just want to share their story.
43:58
SPEAKER_04: It's not about getting somewhere.
43:59
SPEAKER_04: For me.
44:00
SPEAKER_04: It's not about how many followers I have.
44:02
SPEAKER_04: It's about, you know, if I can help just one person, then what I went through was completely worth it.
44:08
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, just start sharing bits of your story or create an account.
44:12
SPEAKER_04: Don't even post anything.
44:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
44:14
SPEAKER_04: Start following those people that you want to surround yourself with.
44:18
SPEAKER_04: You know, like obviously I follow you guys.
44:20
SPEAKER_04: And you know, the content you put out there is very much the narrative and the energy that I need in my life.
44:26
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, even if you don't post for five or six months and you've got loads of stuff in the drafts that you just don't think you can, you know, share.
44:34
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's so important.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: Ignore the algorithm, I think, is a key thing.
44:37
SPEAKER_00: Because I get so bad at it, like, oh, I haven't posted, and then like my my stories will have like a hundred views.
44:42
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, it was thousands the other week or something like that.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have to post more.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: And like I think that's the key bit is don't worry about that algorithm.
44:50
SPEAKER_00: Do this view.
44:51
SPEAKER_03: There is pressure.
44:52
SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of pressure.
44:53
SPEAKER_03: And I think if you want to help people and you've the more you put out there, the more messages you get for help.
44:59
SPEAKER_03: And then you feel like if you don't keep doing it, you're not helping enough.
45:02
SPEAKER_03: But that's you you could only do what you can do.
45:06
SPEAKER_04: You set yourself on fire to keep others warm, don't you?
45:08
SPEAKER_04: Otherwise, you've got to look after number one.
45:10
SPEAKER_00: Really nice phrase.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: I really like that phrase.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: Because you must get that a lot as well.
45:14
SPEAKER_00: Because for me, you're you're a very empowering voice in the sort of mum stoma baby space.
45:19
SPEAKER_00: For me.
45:20
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not just I'm not just saying this because I'm now part of this forecast, but you are, and like surely you must get a lot of mums contacting you.
45:26
SPEAKER_00: How do you cope with this?
45:27
SPEAKER_00: Like your young children that have had these big surgeries, stuff like that.
45:31
SPEAKER_03: Like Yeah, I think I always say, I always tell people, look, you're gonna get a voice note because You love a voice note.
45:37
SPEAKER_03: I love it.
45:38
SPEAKER_03: So that's because I always do me driving.
45:40
SPEAKER_03: It's when I'm driving.
45:42
SPEAKER_03: That's because otherwise I've got a one-year-old who's tearing my phone out of my hands who and I don't want to be sat there on my phone with him.
45:49
SPEAKER_03: And so I'm always I'm either in the bath.
45:52
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
45:52
SPEAKER_03: I only send the ones of the people I really know in the bath because otherwise that's just weird.
45:57
SPEAKER_03: Um and then now I know when he sends your rights.
46:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:01
SPEAKER_03: Um and no, I'll just say, look, I'm gonna send you a voice note, you can take it or leave it, and then they don't have to reply with a voice note, but it's just my way of and also I think sometimes when you message, you I don't know, I'm afraid of how it's gonna come across and I overthink it.
46:17
SPEAKER_03: So I think if I just send a quick voice note quick, lol.
46:21
SPEAKER_03: Um four or five minutes.
46:23
SPEAKER_00: Four minutes, and then there's five in a row, and then it's bye, see ya.
46:26
SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry, I just forgot.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm stuck in traffic, we're not moving.
46:30
SPEAKER_03: Literally.
46:31
SPEAKER_03: Um, but yeah, no, it's it's but also I think there's that pressure that I used to be terrible for.
46:38
SPEAKER_03: If I didn't reply to that person on that day, I'm a terrible person.
46:41
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
46:41
SPEAKER_03: Tell me about it.
46:42
SPEAKER_03: But it's not realistic.
46:45
SPEAKER_03: And that what you put yourself on social media as is a very tiny percentage of our lives.
46:50
SPEAKER_03: And I think you need to remember that and give yourself some grace and say, you know what, I will reply, but it'll be when I get it.
46:56
SPEAKER_04: Well, literally, it's like your life in little squares.
47:00
SPEAKER_04: It's little boxes or a long rectangle if it's on a story for 24 hours, like it is a snippet of your life.
47:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
47:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, definitely.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, thinking about social media, we've got a new part of this segment, is we've asked the audience to start actually bringing some questions in to ask our lovely guests.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: We've kind of covered these already, but I just sort of want to go back to it as part of our conversation.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: Tight wear.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: You said you quite like tight body.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: Is body con, is that the right word?
47:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:27
SPEAKER_04: Not quite body con, but like snug, shall we say?
47:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
47:30
SPEAKER_04: So there's still a bit of give.
47:31
SPEAKER_00: What would you if someone really wants to wear tight clothing, like maybe they they had loads of confidence in feeling like, you know, really positive in tight clothing, what would you like recommend for someone who's ex trying to navigate that after surgery?
47:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think again, a lot of it is about experimenting, trying your style, knowing what you're about.
47:50
SPEAKER_04: For me, where the toilets are plays a massive thing.
47:53
SPEAKER_05: Yes, yeah, yeah.
47:53
SPEAKER_04: So it's like, right, I'm going to set even into am I going to be able to get to a toilet, or is it like, you know, for work?
48:00
SPEAKER_04: Like, is it an awards dinner where I need to be sat down?
48:02
SPEAKER_04: Am I going to be able to go to the toilet?
48:04
SPEAKER_04: So for me, I always think toilet.
48:06
SPEAKER_04: Can I empty my bag if I need to?
48:08
SPEAKER_04: Because worse comes to worse, that's all you do.
48:10
SPEAKER_04: You go and empty your bag and it's flat again.
48:12
SPEAKER_04: Like, I think you know, the sturmer community, I've been guilty of it.
48:17
SPEAKER_04: Almost making out that having a full bag under your clothes is this bad thing that you're not going to be able to work around.
48:22
SPEAKER_04: Well, actually, everybody needs to go to the toilet, whether you've got a bag or not.
48:26
SPEAKER_04: So, worse comes to worse, you go and empty it.
48:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
48:29
SPEAKER_04: Or you change it if you've got a leak.
48:30
SPEAKER_04: No one's going to look at you for going to the toilet, are they?
48:33
SPEAKER_04: Um, but yeah, wearing tight clothes, I just think try try on lots of things.
48:39
SPEAKER_04: You've got to feel comfortable.
48:40
SPEAKER_04: And if in doubt, take layers.
48:42
SPEAKER_04: So, like me, for example, before if I've worn like a tight dress, I'll take a shawl.
48:47
SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, if you're sat down at a dinner and you can't get up to the toilet, you can use your shawl or your handbag or whatever.
48:52
SPEAKER_04: Just strategically place it on your knee.
48:55
SPEAKER_00: I'll do that with like I've got sit down.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: I do, yes, yes.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: Lever several times.
48:59
SPEAKER_00: But also like a pillow.
48:59
SPEAKER_00: I'll just put I'll hold a pillow like this or just lean on that.
49:02
SPEAKER_03: Or your scarf or anything.
49:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
49:05
SPEAKER_03: And is anyone here guilty of um, you know, like the end of the day if your bag's full, you're on the sofa.
49:09
SPEAKER_03: You're like, I I I don't want to go and empty my bag now, so I'll just because I keep mine folded all the time.
49:15
SPEAKER_03: I use the tab, the Velcro tab on the Mode V and I have it folded.
49:19
SPEAKER_03: Yes, as it's beautifully displayed on the shelf.
49:22
SPEAKER_03: Um and I if I need to empty, I just unfold it and give myself more time because I cannot be bothered to empty it straight away at the end of a long day.
49:32
SPEAKER_04: And I so I give myself surfa rotting.
49:35
SPEAKER_04: That is literally a thing, isn't it?
49:36
SPEAKER_04: Bed rotting, surfa rotting.
49:38
SPEAKER_04: Oh god, I do.
49:39
SPEAKER_04: I don't oh I don't call it.
49:40
SPEAKER_04: Everyone's like, I've been bed rotting.
49:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it sounds great to me.
49:45
SPEAKER_03: So sofa cutchin, no.
49:47
SPEAKER_03: Because you might be on your own.
49:48
SPEAKER_03: Um, you could cut it.
49:50
SPEAKER_03: So for huddling, yeah.
49:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I do.
49:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, absolutely.
49:53
SPEAKER_04: But have either of you guys, I'm gonna gonna admit this here.
49:56
SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
49:56
SPEAKER_04: If you want to give yourself more time before you go to the toilet and you really can't be bothered, do you ever just tactically burp your bag?
50:02
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
50:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't anymore.
50:04
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I use anymore.
50:06
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, you're not getting away with those facts, Ben.
50:08
SPEAKER_04: Like, I'm adding my mix in there.
50:10
SPEAKER_04: Like, come on.
50:12
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, I live in.
50:13
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
50:14
SPEAKER_03: They must people do that, they just don't say.
50:16
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: It is a big I've seen lots of people like talk about it online.
50:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't, just because mine's more of a well no, I've got I know I don't.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: I'll just get up and I I'm very much like I'll just get up and into my boat.
50:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I can't really.
50:29
SPEAKER_03: I'm too but I'm a lot older than you pair, so maybe it's an age thing.
50:32
SPEAKER_03: I skip back well.
50:35
SPEAKER_03: Um but yeah, we've got one more question actually, haven't we?
50:38
SPEAKER_00: Talking about you talked about high-waisted trousers, stuff like this, obviously layers, different waistlines.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: People who have like, you know, badges and they'll they're worried about their bag bulging over their trousers.
50:50
SPEAKER_00: If you wear low low riding, I'd I'm gonna do it.
50:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there we go.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you're gonna wear those sorts of like waisted trousers, I'll get my teeth in there at some point.
50:59
SPEAKER_00: What would you what's a another top tip that you would give someone up?
51:02
SPEAKER_04: You see, I can't really give a top tip because I don't wear low rise myself.
51:06
SPEAKER_03: For me, do you do you ever wear low rise?
51:09
SPEAKER_00: I will wear night nor I say men's normal size, but then I just put support wear.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: You put your support wear.
51:14
SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe that's the answer that.
51:15
SPEAKER_04: That's what I was gonna say.
51:16
SPEAKER_04: If I did, I'd probably put yes support weight.
51:19
SPEAKER_04: Even the level two.
51:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:21
SPEAKER_04: Because it's that step up, so it'll probably hold your bag to your skin more.
51:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think like bag bulge, if you want to call it that, that's just a natural part of having a bag.
51:30
SPEAKER_00: So I mean, yes, we have just discussed, like, right, I'm gonna sit there and burnt my bag to give me more time.
51:35
SPEAKER_00: That will like deflate the bag.
51:38
SPEAKER_00: No, there's there's so many.
51:39
SPEAKER_00: There's so many.
51:40
SPEAKER_00: Let us know in the comments if you do that.
51:41
SPEAKER_00: That's what I want to hear.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: I want to hear or see.
51:43
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to smell it.
51:44
SPEAKER_04: If you don't, you're in denial, just saying.
51:46
SPEAKER_04: I know literally.
51:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
51:49
SPEAKER_00: I remember doing it once with um an old bag provider that I used, and I did it wrong, and it I I had a leak.
51:55
SPEAKER_03: I was like, no trauma drive.
51:58
SPEAKER_04: It can go on.
51:59
SPEAKER_04: There is an art to it, you know.
52:01
SPEAKER_04: And you've even got to take like the consistency of the output.
52:04
SPEAKER_04: Maybe that's a good decision.
52:06
SPEAKER_04: How to burp your bag effectively with IBD Warrior Princess.
52:10
SPEAKER_04: You're welcome.
52:12
SPEAKER_00: Right, so another segment that we're doing that's a little bit new is we've asked you to bring a photo that means quite a lot to you.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, talk about what this photo is, what it means to you, and I think there's two images of you on there.
52:23
SPEAKER_04: There is.
52:24
SPEAKER_04: So it's like a little half and half.
52:25
SPEAKER_04: So the first image is me probably three or four years ago when I actually thought I was very body confident.
52:31
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
52:32
SPEAKER_04: Um, and then the one on the right is me when I actually did a very empowering boudoir shoot that I got asked to do um earlier this year.
52:40
SPEAKER_04: So it's when I just got back into my fitness journey.
52:42
SPEAKER_04: I'd been back into my fitness journey for like a year, and looking at that now, I'm like, no, that's when I felt empowered, not the photo before.
52:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: I remember like, I think I remember you put it on and you said something like, I'm so far out of my comfort zone.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: So just talk us through it.
52:57
SPEAKER_00: Because there might be some people that are like, oh my god, that is an incredible photo.
53:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do I go about doing something like that?
53:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think a lot of it is just earning the person you are.
53:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:08
SPEAKER_04: So it's having the confidence to say, you know, everybody is different, whether you've had sterma surgery, whatever you've got going on, whether you've had a baby, whatever's going on, to just earn your body and know that you know the photographer in that studio will see bodies of different shapes and sizes.
53:24
SPEAKER_04: It's easy to guess that, isn't it?
53:25
SPEAKER_04: And it's an empowerment shoot, that's the whole point.
53:28
SPEAKER_04: They are trained to big you up and make you feel comfortable.
53:32
SPEAKER_04: Um, so I actually got approached to do that through a work friend.
53:36
SPEAKER_04: So she'd gone and done one, and then the lady was looking for people who have disabilities or scars or anything like that, and she found me online and she said, Would you like to come and do it?
53:45
SPEAKER_04: So I actually went with my best friend.
53:47
SPEAKER_04: We both had our own like shoots um separately.
53:50
SPEAKER_04: We had a few photos taken together, which was so empowering.
53:54
SPEAKER_04: Um, so yeah, it was it was really, really good.
53:56
SPEAKER_00: It does look like as well in those photos, is that um like both of those like side by side.
54:01
SPEAKER_00: You can see that that's the confidence of you growing.
54:03
SPEAKER_00: Completely because I guarantee the photo of you like in the pink, you wouldn't have ever thought of right, I'm gonna go do a boudoir shoot.
54:09
SPEAKER_04: Oh no, like that's why I chose it.
54:11
SPEAKER_04: I didn't want it to be like this is a before and this is an after, because it's not.
54:15
SPEAKER_04: It's an ongoing journey.
54:16
SPEAKER_04: It's not here's me before and here I am so much better after.
54:20
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely not.
54:20
SPEAKER_03: Imagine where you're gonna be in like 10 years' time.
54:23
SPEAKER_03: What are you gonna be doing then?
54:26
SPEAKER_04: Like I had to push myself so much to do that shoot.
54:30
SPEAKER_04: Like a lot of people look at me and they think she's so body confident, like, you know, like she probably just walked out of there and she earned it.
54:37
SPEAKER_04: Don't get me wrong, I was shaking like a leaf.
54:39
SPEAKER_04: I was stood in the bit where you like get changed into like your underwear and stuff, and I looked in the mirror and I was like, has this been the wrong decision?
54:46
SPEAKER_04: Like, I was almost worried what people were going to think because I did a shoot in my underwear.
54:51
SPEAKER_04: And I thought, actually, no, like the people who know me know I'm doing it for the right reasons.
54:56
SPEAKER_04: And I would seriously, like, any photo shoot opportunities, you know, it doesn't have to be that sort of thing that you get given, even as like a little present to yourself for working on your confidence.
55:06
SPEAKER_04: Go and have some really nice shots with you know, like you're wearing, and if you want to, don't even have your bag out, go and do it because the photographers, nine times out of ten, they're just like your biggest hype brothers and sisters.
55:19
SPEAKER_04: They're just like, yeah, you work it, and it's you leave feeling on the high, it's amazing.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: Well the photos aren't for anyone else, they're for you.
55:25
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
55:25
SPEAKER_00: And that's the point, it's for your benefit.
55:27
SPEAKER_04: And I've actually got a box that they gifted me at home, like a lovely box, with 20 photos in that I could choose to print, and I keep it in my bedside table.
55:37
SPEAKER_04: And whenever I'm like on a bit of a down day, and I'm thinking, oh, I don't know if I can go and do that thing, or I don't know if I can get to the gym today, I get those photos out and I'm like, look what you did then.
55:48
SPEAKER_00: That is a that is a quality message.
55:50
SPEAKER_00: That is such a good price.
55:52
SPEAKER_04: If you can do that and literally be so vulnerable, you can do anything like, yeah, be realistic.
55:59
SPEAKER_04: There's days where you just can't.
56:00
SPEAKER_04: And I think you've got to be gentle.
56:02
SPEAKER_04: It's not, I'll go and do whatever, whatever the circumstances.
56:06
SPEAKER_04: You've gotta you're human, aren't you?
56:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
56:08
SPEAKER_04: You're gonna have to say no to some things.
56:10
SPEAKER_04: But if I'm ever in a little bit of a doubt, like things at work or whatever, I just look at those and I'm like, you did it, Queen.
56:16
SPEAKER_04: Like, you rock that, and it's okay to say that you rocked it because that took literally so much guts.
56:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're gonna have to wrap it up now.
56:25
SPEAKER_03: As much as we could carry on talking to you forever.
56:28
SPEAKER_03: Um, but we've got one more question for you, and it would be what advice would you give someone who is newly adjusting to their stoma?
56:35
SPEAKER_03: I mean, you've given uh so many tips, it's un unreal, but just one last word for those newbies out there.
56:41
SPEAKER_04: I think just listen to your body is the main, you know.
56:44
SPEAKER_04: Your journey, as cliche as it sounds, is your journey.
56:47
SPEAKER_04: It's not anybody else's, you know.
56:49
SPEAKER_04: So don't look at me when I had my bag and think she was out of bed day two after her surgery.
56:54
SPEAKER_04: I've got to do that.
56:55
SPEAKER_04: No.
56:56
SPEAKER_04: There's no rule book that everybody has to follow.
56:59
SPEAKER_04: Listen to your body and know that you aren't alone.
57:01
SPEAKER_04: You know, even people without stomas, talk to them.
57:04
SPEAKER_04: People who love you are gonna encourage that.
57:07
SPEAKER_04: And I've always said to people, you know, the people who matter to you don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.
57:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, 100%.
57:16
SPEAKER_03: Well, what can I say?
57:17
SPEAKER_03: I mean, what a way to finish.
57:20
SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much for having me, guys.
57:21
SPEAKER_03: It's been amazing.
57:23
SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
57:24
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for coming all this way, making the journey, and you are welcome back anytime.
57:29
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me.
57:30
SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much for your time.
57:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
57:32
SPEAKER_00: See you later, everyone.
57:33
SPEAKER_00: Take care.