Latest / Very Fine Friends / Foot Shark Week

Transcript

Foot Shark Week · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome aboard you you had an interesting story right oh right right right i do have an interesting
• 0:21
  story this happened today i debated telling you because it comes at my dad's dignity his expense
• 0:26
  but i think we're past that at this point so today this is i was in the living room and he
• 0:33
  was in the shower and i heard him start to scream and i was like oh god like what what's happening
• 0:41
  and he's like frantes and i'm like what he's like go outside someone's messing with us
• 0:47
  i'm like what do you mean he's like someone turned off the water and i'm like what he's
• 0:51
  like go outside right now so i was like okay so i'm like going to the front door he comes running
• 0:57
  out of the bathroom and clad only in a towel shampoo in his hair and he runs he goes past me
• 1:03
  like i didn't even get to the door and he opens the door he runs outside i look through like the
• 1:07
  door and he's like looking this way and that way like in his towel he's like dripping wet
• 1:13
  and he comes back in i'm like was anyone out there he's like no they got away and i'm like
• 1:18
  what'd they do he's like they turn our water off i'm like why he's like they just do that
• 1:24
  then he comes in the house and he goes to the kitchen sink and he turns the water on and it's
• 1:28
  on and he goes hmm it's back on and he goes into a shower and he goes it's back on so i'm like okay
• 1:34
  then he comes out five minutes later and he goes it was me like he's got one of those like
• 1:40
  you know handheld attachments and when he went to like rinse his hair he flipped the switch
• 1:44
  and the water turned off.
• 1:48
  I love that Dennis' default state is
• 1:52
  I'm being sabotaged immediately.
• 1:56
  He goes from zero to
• 1:58
  someone's doing something terrible to me.
• 2:02
  Yeah, and enlisting my help.
• 2:05
  Got me off the couch and I didn't even get to go outside.
• 2:09
  Well, you could have still gone outside.
• 2:11
  I didn't want to.
• 2:12
  Not after that.
• 2:13
  Not in the beginning.
• 2:14
  He'd ruined it.
• 2:14
  Yeah.
• 2:16
  Yeah.
• 2:16
  Totally ruined.
• 2:18
  Yeah.
• 2:18
  So I thought that was something else of your own brand, though.
• 2:24
  Welcome to Friends Like Us, a podcast where friends talk about stuff.
• 2:30
  Before we get into more of the podcast, our regular listeners know about this already.
• 2:35
  But if you're listening for the first time, each episode, our producer Joe gives Francis and I each a secret word.
• 2:44
  And we need to slip that secret word into our conversation and see if the other person notices.
• 2:52
  And if they do notice, if someone can guess the other person's secret word, they get a point.
• 2:59
  A point.
• 3:01
  And at the end of our lives, we will add up all of the points.
• 3:06
  And whoever has the most wins.
• 3:10
  A prize yet to be determined.
• 3:12
  And now here's Joe with our secret words.
• 3:17
  Jenna's secret word is workstation.
• 3:21
  Francis's secret word is demeaning.
• 3:25
  Back to the podcast.
• 3:27
  Okay, we're back.
• 3:29
  Francis.
• 3:30
  Hey, Jenna.
• 3:30
  How are you?
• 3:31
  God, I missed you.
• 3:32
  Oh, I know.
• 3:33
  That's how I am.
• 3:34
  Yeah, I feel like this past week didn't even, like, what was I even doing if I wasn't with
• 3:42
  you?
• 3:42
  I can't name one thing.
• 3:43
  You that I was doing?
• 3:44
  Yeah.
• 3:45
  Yeah.
• 3:47
  It'd be cool if I could though, huh?
• 3:49
  That would be amazing.
• 3:50
  If you just guessed something.
• 3:52
  Yeah.
• 3:53
  I bet you had water.
• 3:55
  What?
• 3:56
  I know.
• 3:56
  Close your drapes.
• 3:58
  Were you watching me?
• 4:03
  I did have water.
• 4:04
  I had actually quite a bit of water.
• 4:06
  I'm trying to make sure I drink at least half a gallon a day.
• 4:10
  Which doesn't sound like a lot.
• 4:12
  But it sometimes is a lot.
• 4:14
  I heard something interesting about drinking water.
• 4:17
  Say you're supposed to have a gallon a day, right?
• 4:19
  Let's just say.
• 4:19
  Okay.
• 4:21
  And you wake up in the morning and you chug a gallon a day.
• 4:23
  Right.
• 4:24
  I mean, a gallon of them right away.
• 4:26
  You didn't drink enough water.
• 4:29
  You're supposed to drink a gallon throughout the day.
• 4:34
  See, that might be part of my problem.
• 4:36
  I drink way more in the morning, like the first half of the day,
• 4:40
  than the second half of the day.
• 4:42
  You know you can also drown by drinking too much water?
• 4:47
  No, I didn't.
• 4:48
  I'm pretty sure that's true.
• 4:49
  Yeah, it's true.
• 4:50
  I like it to be true.
• 4:51
  Okay, cool.
• 4:52
  Then it is so.
• 4:54
  Listeners, be careful out there.
• 4:57
  It's summertime.
• 4:58
  You want to be drinking water, but don't drink too much water or you'll die.
• 5:02
  You could drown yourself by drinking too much water.
• 5:05
  And that's science.
• 5:06
  Yep.
• 5:07
  And now you know.
• 5:10
  And you're welcome.
• 5:10
  Glug, glug, glug.
• 5:12
  But not the fourth glug.
• 5:15
  Just glug, glug, glug.
• 5:16
  Not glug, glug, glug, glug.
• 5:17
  Yes, that's why you're ahead.
• 5:19
  Because you will die if you get to that fourth glug.
• 5:21
  And we don't want you to die.
• 5:23
  We love you, listeners.
• 5:24
  Aww.
• 5:25
  Yeah.
• 5:26
  We finally said it to them.
• 5:27
  I know.
• 5:28
  Oh my gosh, was it too soon?
• 5:29
  I think it was too soon.
• 5:30
  Okay.
• 5:31
  Just, you don't have to say it back.
• 5:33
  Just, I just wanted you to know that.
• 5:35
  And don't let it change anything.
• 5:37
  No, no, no, no, no.
• 5:38
  I just, this was like, this wasn't meant to be an awkward thing.
• 5:40
  I wasn't trying to, like, guilt you into saying it back, listeners.
• 5:45
  I just thought, why keep it inside anymore?
• 5:50
  And, you know, I feel better having said it.
• 5:52
  And I expect nothing in return.
• 5:55
  Yeah, no pressure.
• 5:56
  But if we feel it, why wouldn't you?
• 6:00
  I mean, let's be honest.
• 6:03
  We're the more lovable ones in this situation.
• 6:05
  Yeah, we're putting in the work.
• 6:07
  Yeah.
• 6:07
  But it's fine if you don't want to say it.
• 6:09
  Totally cool.
• 6:10
  That's totally fine.
• 6:12
  But if you do want to say it,
• 6:14
  maybe say it in the comments.
• 6:15
  And soon, before we lose interest.
• 6:17
  I know.
• 6:18
  We have wandering eyes, listeners.
• 6:22
  Well, let's get to our first segment,
• 6:25
  and that is, as always, our invention of the week.
• 6:30
  Inventions.
• 6:36
  Great.
• 6:37
  Francis.
• 6:38
  Uh-huh.
• 6:39
  You're up.
• 6:39
  All right, so I feel like occasionally my inventions are a little high-tech,
• 6:44
  maybe a little bit outside the realm of what people can perceive as actionable.
• 6:50
  So I thought I'd bring it in with a nice, simple invention.
• 6:55
  Okay.
• 6:56
  And this is great because it's actually a kit.
• 7:01
  We're selling a kit.
• 7:02
  Okay.
• 7:03
  Okay.
• 7:03
  Okay, so what it is, is you put these little things on...
• 7:10
  I don't know what's going on.
• 7:12
  You put these little things on your feet, like little foot yarmulkes on your toes.
• 7:17
  Okay.
• 7:19
  And you lay down in bed, and on the top of the foot yarmulke are little razors,
• 7:25
  and you gently shimmy your toes, and it shreds the blanket.
• 7:33
  I am already seeing the value of this.
• 7:37
  Go on.
• 7:38
  I'm sorry.
• 7:41
  I totally just...
• 7:44
  Whoa.
• 7:46
  Anyway.
• 7:51
  Okay.
• 7:52
  Are you okay?
• 7:54
  Because I know I'm going with this.
• 7:58
  I know you don't.
• 8:01
  We're enjoying the ride, my man.
• 8:03
  anyway okay I'm done so anyway you take them off because it's for safety and
• 8:09
  then underneath the blanket where you shredded you cut out the shape of your
• 8:16
  toes okay so that you can lay down and you your blanket doesn't have to like
• 8:28
  pushed down on your feet they can be up so your toes pop through the blanket
• 8:34
  so your blanket has toe holes yeah yeah
• 8:43
  anyway um i thought a lot of people would like that
• 8:51
  okay so this so we sell
• 9:03
  the yarmulkes the razor blades on top of the kit yeah okay
• 9:14
  um that's part of the kit what is anything else included in the kit
• 9:21
  Is it just that?
• 9:27
  I guess that's it.
• 9:28
  Okay.
• 9:29
  Yeah.
• 9:29
  Right.
• 9:30
  And so this is so that everyone's...
• 9:35
  Wait, is there a razor blade on each toe?
• 9:39
  No, just on the peak.
• 9:42
  Okay.
• 9:42
  okay so instead of just manually cutting your sheet yourself this is so is this to like properly calibrate where your feet go yes exactly yes okay uh and then the blanket will then
• 10:05
  settle so will it be individual toe there will be individual no no no it'll just be
• 10:11
  one big hole for all your toes yeah okay so then your feet are through this opening now
• 10:17
  or at least your toes are.
• 10:19
  Exactly, yes.
• 10:20
  And so you, as the user,
• 10:24
  are you now, when you like turn over in bed,
• 10:27
  do you bring all the sheets with you
• 10:28
  because your toes are,
• 10:30
  your toes, like the sheets are over,
• 10:32
  your toes are sticking out.
• 10:33
  So when you turn, the sheets turn.
• 10:35
  There is a little bit of movement, yes.
• 10:37
  Okay, so this is if you are someone
• 10:39
  that sleeps on your back
• 10:41
  and you don't move.
• 10:43
  Yeah, you can move a little.
• 10:46
  Okay.
• 10:46
  just like just like tiny little shifts left if it comes it comes
• 10:51
  you know
• 10:54
  is this a problem that you found with sheets for yourself well the other day i was in bed and i and
• 11:06
  i had my blanket over me and it's like a heavy blanket i'm like oh this thing's so heavy on my
• 11:11
  feet and i was like ding toe yarmulkes i feel like we can't name it that because then it'll
• 11:20
  seem like it's only for one group yes the toe lovers yeah people who love toes yeah um
• 11:27
  okay so do you have a name in mind um my first thought is the tent toe
• 11:35
  the tent toe yeah okay because it's like a pun on 10th okay and also a tent or just toesies
• 11:46
  hmm that's a good name toesies foot shark cozy toesies cozy toesies that's good foot
• 11:55
  Shark's pretty good, too, though.
• 11:57
  Yeah.
• 12:01
  So just like a regular straight edge blade.
• 12:05
  Do you provide the blade?
• 12:07
  Yeah.
• 12:07
  Okay.
• 12:08
  Then they got to throw it away, though, on their honor.
• 12:13
  What happens if they keep it?
• 12:15
  Well, if they give it to someone else to make their own, that's stealing.
• 12:19
  oh you're saying these are single use that that if someone shares this with their friends
• 12:27
  they owe us royalties yeah this is a this is a ip okay so you're doing like the netflix model
• 12:36
  yeah we will be litigious yeah uh it'll be we see that your cozy toesies are logged into
• 12:44
  more than one bed.
• 12:46
  Maybe you need to mail them back.
• 12:50
  You know, we send you like a...
• 12:51
  What about people with multiple sets of sheets?
• 12:54
  Most people have multiple sets of sheets, right?
• 12:56
  This is the problem that Hulu and Netflix have run into.
• 12:59
  Yeah.
• 13:00
  I would say
• 13:01
  you tell us
• 13:05
  how much you want to pay
• 13:08
  based on how much you'll be using them.
• 13:12
  maybe we could invent some kind of a way for like the razor blade to self-destruct after a certain
• 13:20
  number of uses so it's like you tell us how many sheets you have in your house it could be made of
• 13:25
  ice made of ice so we're shipping people ice we're shipping people cold very sharp yarmulkes
• 13:33
  foot yarmulkes and yeah so like they use it quick or if you can't if you can't use it right now put
• 13:39
  in the freezer after dinner come back and use it if you can do two or three if you have hot feet
• 13:46
  get them cold before you put these on absolutely because they will melt and no refunds yeah sorry
• 13:53
  don't even think about having a cozy tosy party where all your friends bring their blankets over
• 14:00
  and you use one set of cozy toes he's really quick for all of your friends not happening this is fast
• 14:05
  Smelting ice, people.
• 14:06
  Just fast enough.
• 14:08
  Not so fast that you can't properly slice through your blankets if you need to.
• 14:14
  And please just don't use scissors.
• 14:15
  Guys, just don't use scissors.
• 14:18
  It's our idea.
• 14:19
  Come on.
• 14:20
  Don't be crappy.
• 14:21
  Big scissor doesn't need any more money.
• 14:25
  I don't know when you said big scissor.
• 14:26
  I thought big sister.
• 14:27
  Oh, I thought you meant big comically oversized scissors for ribbon cuttings.
• 14:32
  For a museum.
• 14:32
  Oh, maybe we do a cozy tozies for ribbon cuttings.
• 14:36
  Oh, you mean like a gift bag?
• 14:38
  Yeah.
• 14:38
  Are you saying a kick would cut the rope?
• 14:43
  Both.
• 14:43
  Yes.
• 14:44
  Yeah.
• 14:45
  I want them to be in gift bags.
• 14:46
  I want these to be in bags like that they give presenters at the Oscars.
• 14:50
  And they're going to have to figure out some way to keep that ice frozen when they do that.
• 14:54
  We got a partner with podiatrists.
• 14:57
  Okay.
• 14:59
  And Ready Ice.
• 15:00
  Yeah.
• 15:01
  Both of those groups are eager for visibility.
• 15:05
  I know.
• 15:06
  But I just don't get enough in terms of visibility.
• 15:12
  Especially, I kind of wonder, do podiatrists,
• 15:17
  are they mad that their name is kind of close to pedophile?
• 15:22
  I think that about a lot of words.
• 15:26
  Anything with file, I'm like, oh, tough break.
• 15:28
  Yeah.
• 15:30
  I know.
• 15:30
  that's why i don't have any file cabinets if you look at my workstation there's nothing no files
• 15:38
  poor podiatrists is basically what i'm trying to say their name is so close to pedophile it's not
• 15:45
  really that close but it's the ped pod pod i don't know you don't think that about podcast
• 15:53
  that's true podcasts have done some questionable things we need a new career
• 15:59
  yeah uh people are gonna think look what we've done friends like us
• 16:07
  the pedophile where friends talk about stuff
• 16:11
  oh god no i wish we had that men in black thing right now
• 16:19
  listeners forget that last 15 seconds it's erased it's hereby erased from your memory
• 16:27
  and if you didn't forcibly erase it from your memory we will know yeah this is just like the
• 16:32
  foot shark don't even think about it yeah oh uh well i i think the foot shark is that well
• 16:41
  there's obviously a need for it it's surprising to me that this hasn't come up before quite frankly
• 16:47
  it's one of those like you hear it and you're just like of course of course i need this wide
• 16:53
  appeal everyone has feet but most for the most part for the most part um it's okay if you don't
• 17:01
  and everyone has a bed for the most part it's okay if you don't everyone has sheets for the
• 17:08
  most part in case you don't and every single person without exception sleeps exclusively on
• 17:15
  their back we know this so everyone and everyone tucks in their sheets too tight
• 17:19
  their feet need to escape
• 17:21
  this could also be
• 17:23
  used to cut directly into the mattress
• 17:25
  for our stomach sleepers
• 17:26
  no no that's gonna be
• 17:29
  but if you're gonna do that you gotta buy a separate one
• 17:31
  that's a different fee
• 17:32
  so don't even think
• 17:36
  about using it
• 17:36
  we'll know
• 17:38
  that would probably feel so good
• 17:40
  just to dig your feet into the mattress
• 17:42
  did you ever want to
• 17:44
  have one of those like holes
• 17:46
  like in a massage table
• 17:48
  for your mattress so you can just put your face straight down
• 17:51
  instead of having to turn your neck.
• 17:53
  Yeah.
• 17:54
  Yeah.
• 17:54
  We should invent that next.
• 17:56
  Stay tuned, listeners, next week.
• 17:58
  A surprise invention drops.
• 17:59
  You're never going to guess what it is.
• 18:02
  All right.
• 18:03
  That wraps up the invention of the week.
• 18:07
  Moving on to our next segment.
• 18:09
  It's a little something we like to call
• 18:11
  Mass Murderer or Bjork.
• 18:14
  welcome to iceland
• 18:20
  in this segment our producer joe will be reading us quotes and we will have to guess if it was said
• 18:30
  by a mass murderer or by bjork icelandic singer bjork all right joe are you ready i sure am
• 18:39
  all right your first quote is do not compare yourself to others if you do you're insulting
• 18:46
  yourself
• 18:47
  wait i'm trying to understand that quote just is it is it you're insulting yourself
• 18:57
  or you're because you're better than others so deep oh so you're voting bjork
• 19:04
  no plot twist killer because this seems like something a killer would say in court
• 19:14
  right before they're sentenced i'm gonna go with all right i'm gonna go with bjork then
• 19:21
  okay it was adolf hitler whoa i guess i was more like a court thing that's like a positivity thing
• 19:32
  He's like, hey, man, be nice to my friend Francis.
• 19:34
  Like, he's...
• 19:36
  Or I'll gas you.
• 19:37
  Yeah.
• 19:38
  Or the next shower you're in, we'll have no drains.
• 19:43
  Okay.
• 19:44
  Was that a thing Because I feel like once you saw that I be like nope It one of those Well I don think anyone was tricked as to I don think anyone was like oh good we finally going to get a shower here at Auschwitz
• 20:00
  I guess I was thinking like...
• 20:01
  Aus-shower-witz.
• 20:03
  That's the new name.
• 20:06
  The first bathroom-related pun.
• 20:10
  Diage of the Holocaust.
• 20:12
  You heard it here first.
• 20:14
  We're doing really innovative things here.
• 20:16
  All right.
• 20:17
  So good job, Francis.
• 20:18
  Thanks.
• 20:19
  You're up one nothing.
• 20:21
  Next quote.
• 20:22
  There's no map to human behavior.
• 20:28
  I'm going to go mass murderer.
• 20:30
  I'm going to say Bjork.
• 20:34
  It's Bjork.
• 20:35
  Oh, my God.
• 20:37
  I think you need remedial Bjork.
• 20:40
  I guess I do.
• 20:42
  Bjork, I'm so sorry.
• 20:44
  Mass murderers, I'm so sorry.
• 20:45
  I'm failing all of you.
• 20:47
  I'm doing great.
• 20:48
  You are one with the mass murderers
• 20:52
  and Bjork.
• 20:53
  Next quote.
• 20:56
  Religion is a mistake.
• 20:57
  Its self-righteousness is exhausting.
• 21:03
  Let me just try something really quick.
• 21:05
  Religion is a mistake.
• 21:08
  Its righteousness is exhausting.
• 21:11
  Or...
• 21:12
  Religion.
• 21:14
  Hi.
• 21:15
  It's harder than it sounds.
• 21:17
  It's your mistake.
• 21:24
  Oh, you're really helping me here.
• 21:26
  Because now I get to hear it in both voices.
• 21:30
  And I'm going to go...
• 21:33
  Well, I picked first last time.
• 21:35
  You pick first this time.
• 21:36
  Oh, thank you.
• 21:39
  Bjork.
• 21:41
  I'm going to go mass murderer.
• 21:42
  I think you're right.
• 21:44
  It's Bjork.
• 21:44
  Oh!
• 21:45
  Oh my gosh.
• 21:47
  I'm failing spectacularly.
• 21:48
  And I'm trying, too.
• 21:49
  You're doing great, except no.
• 21:52
  Except we're not doing well at all.
• 21:54
  Yeah.
• 21:54
  I shouldn't compare myself to you, according to Hitler, though.
• 21:56
  No, it's demeaning.
• 21:57
  Don't do that.
• 21:58
  I would be insulting myself.
• 22:01
  I don't know how.
• 22:01
  I'm losing, and you're winning.
• 22:03
  What do you mean you don't know how?
• 22:04
  Is it unfathomable?
• 22:06
  No, I mean, I don't know.
• 22:07
  No, I mean, I don't know how it would be demeaning to you or demeaning to me
• 22:13
  to compare myself to someone that is demonstrably doing better than I am.
• 22:17
  Oh, you're right. I was putting myself down.
• 22:19
  Yes, stop doing that.
• 22:20
  I gotta stop doing that.
• 22:22
  What does Hitler say?
• 22:23
  I forgot.
• 22:24
  Hey.
• 22:25
  I'm gonna get a little bracelet.
• 22:28
  WWHS.
• 22:29
  What would Hitler say?
• 22:30
  Oh, man.
• 22:32
  I want whoever hears any of this episode
• 22:35
  to hear from beginning to end.
• 22:37
  This always should be in context.
• 22:40
  Don't just clip.
• 22:41
  it's just the Hitler part.
• 22:44
  Otherwise,
• 22:46
  we will come with
• 22:47
  the shark toe, what would it call it?
• 22:50
  Oh my god, I can't believe we went from
• 22:51
  foot yarmulkes to Hitler.
• 22:55
  Good lord.
• 22:59
  Let's not read too much into it.
• 23:01
  Let's not read too much into it.
• 23:02
  Okay.
• 23:03
  We got a couple more.
• 23:06
  Okay.
• 23:07
  Next quote.
• 23:08
  Women hold up half the sky.
• 23:11
  I'm gonna guess Bjork.
• 23:15
  You are? Can I also guess Bjork?
• 23:18
  Hmm? Bjork.
• 23:20
  It's Chairman Mao.
• 23:21
  Whoa!
• 23:23
  Good for Mao.
• 23:26
  Hey, we got...
• 23:27
  We both got it wrong.
• 23:29
  Yeah. Alright.
• 23:31
  Well, at least I'm keeping my streak alive of not getting one right.
• 23:33
  I just want you to know I was writing down the points,
• 23:36
  and under the three, which are mine, I put N.
• 23:39
  which has nothing to do with anything next quote my whole life i've suffered i've faced
• 23:46
  disappointments and pain that's why i want to make other people happy and make them feel at home
• 23:50
  this is trickery i know this feels obviously like it should be bjork and not a mass murderer
• 23:57
  mass murderer final answer i'm i'm gonna go with bjork it's mass murderer jim jones jim jones
• 24:07
  Who was he?
• 24:08
  Jonestown Massacre.
• 24:09
  Jonestown Massacre guy.
• 24:13
  Drinking the Kool-Aid guy.
• 24:15
  That's him?
• 24:16
  Yeah.
• 24:17
  Like 700 people.
• 24:19
  I would not have consumed.
• 24:21
  I don't even like Kool-Aid.
• 24:22
  I like it enough if you're hot, I guess.
• 24:24
  Well, it was in Guyana, I'm pretty sure.
• 24:29
  It's pretty hot in Guyana.
• 24:30
  No, I meant if the cult leader's hot.
• 24:32
  Oh.
• 24:34
  No, he wasn't good looking.
• 24:35
  Oh, then get me out of here.
• 24:37
  But he would have made you feel at home.
• 24:40
  He would have made you feel hot.
• 24:41
  Does that...
• 24:42
  Do you...
• 24:42
  Well, you think everyone's hot.
• 24:45
  As we previously established.
• 24:47
  Until they give me Kool-Aid.
• 24:49
  Good question.
• 24:49
  Why is everyone around me falling over?
• 24:51
  So you'd wait and see what happened.
• 24:54
  Exactly.
• 24:55
  Let's be like, let's see how other people react to this Kool-Aid.
• 24:57
  Let's put on some Bjork.
• 25:00
  All right.
• 25:00
  I got...
• 25:01
  I'm still 0 for...
• 25:03
  Was that 0 for 5 now?
• 25:04
  Yeah.
• 25:04
  I got two more
• 25:06
  Alright
• 25:07
  I'm rooting for you, Jaybird
• 25:10
  I can't beat you
• 25:12
  If we're all god
• 25:14
  then we're all the devil too
• 25:16
  Joe's trying to trick us
• 25:20
  Bjork's trying to trick us
• 25:23
  If we're all god
• 25:31
  If we're all god
• 25:33
  from Texas.
• 25:37
  Yep.
• 25:38
  Maybe it was the Chainsaw Massacre guy.
• 25:42
  I'm gonna go
• 25:43
  Mass Murderer. Me too.
• 25:47
  Charles Manson.
• 25:49
  Mark one up on the board
• 25:51
  for Jenna. Now it's five to one.
• 25:53
  Only one left.
• 25:55
  You can come back from this. Go on without
• 25:57
  me. Leave me here, Francis. No!
• 25:59
  Drink this Kool-Aid with me. Okay.
• 26:01
  I'll go first.
• 26:03
  alright you guys ready for the last one
• 26:07
  yep
• 26:07
  it's a little bit of a doozy
• 26:10
  when I was a teenager
• 26:13
  in Iceland people would throw rocks
• 26:15
  and shout abuse at me because they thought
• 26:17
  I was weird
• 26:18
  I'm gonna go mass murder
• 26:21
  I feel like
• 26:23
  this is the ultimate trick
• 26:25
  since I can't lose Bjork
• 26:27
  it was Stalin
• 26:32
  no I'm just kidding it was Bjork
• 26:34
  we saw him as a young girl in Iceland
• 26:36
  alright
• 26:38
  well I'm happy with my one
• 26:40
  point you can cash that in
• 26:42
  for what
• 26:43
  a Bjork cassette tape
• 26:46
  narrated by
• 26:49
  Chairman Mao
• 26:50
  yes
• 26:52
  well
• 26:54
  that has been
• 26:55
  mass murderer or Bjork
• 26:58
  I see fairies
• 27:00
  and demons
• 27:01
  I really feel like a failure
• 27:05
  No
• 27:05
  It's okay
• 27:07
  It's good to feel like that
• 27:08
  Despite what Hitler says
• 27:09
  It's good to bring yourself down every now and then
• 27:12
  I agree, keeps you humble, human
• 27:14
  Well, I guess while I'm in this thoughtful, reflective mood
• 27:20
  It's time for the big question
• 27:24
  The big question
• 27:26
  The question is very big
• 27:30
  Francis, I really hope you have a big question for me
• 27:33
  because I do not have one for you.
• 27:35
  I do, I have one.
• 27:36
  Okay, great.
• 27:37
  So I was watching an episode of Rick and Morty,
• 27:40
  a while about, a while about,
• 27:42
  and there was one where he had his own planet
• 27:46
  that was just for a toilet.
• 27:48
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 27:49
  So he could look out on the vistas and crap it out.
• 27:51
  Yep.
• 27:52
  And it got me wondering,
• 27:54
  if you had your own, like, Jenna planet,
• 27:58
  what would be special about it?
• 27:59
  or like what would be on it that would make it unique to you?
• 28:03
  Ooh.
• 28:04
  I would say the whole thing would be waterfront of some kind.
• 28:10
  Everywhere you went would be different kinds of waterfront,
• 28:12
  but you'd never have to be in the water.
• 28:14
  And so if you're like, let's say you're at a beach area of it,
• 28:19
  then there's always like beach noise.
• 28:22
  Like white noise is a big thing for me.
• 28:24
  I don't, like I love like background noise.
• 28:27
  So if you're like at a still lake,
• 28:29
  The lake water will be still, but there will be some kind of other white noise going on.
• 28:35
  Like birds?
• 28:36
  Eh, I don't know.
• 28:38
  Birds are kind of annoying.
• 28:40
  Okay, like couples talking?
• 28:41
  That would be weird.
• 28:42
  If you're alone, but then there's just like people talking.
• 28:45
  I don't know.
• 28:45
  That might make me go a little insane.
• 28:47
  Okay.
• 28:48
  Cicadas are not a bad white noise sound.
• 28:52
  That would be okay.
• 28:53
  Let's see.
• 28:53
  What else would be unique about mine?
• 28:56
  It would never be above 72 degrees.
• 28:58
  Ooh.
• 28:59
  good one yeah in fact i want there to be an area of my planet that's like snowy and chilly maybe i
• 29:06
  want all four seasons in the in the planet and then i guess that's what you want i got news for you
• 29:14
  what they did that on earth no are you saying you want it snowy but not more than 72 degrees
• 29:22
  well no i'm saying in general the whole planet would never get to be more than 72 degrees
• 29:27
  but i would like to be able to like have areas i could just like walk to one section and it's
• 29:34
  this is winter and then i like and then like take a like a little five minute walk and then oh look
• 29:39
  i in summer now oh and like and you feeling the weather of summer or the weather of winter yeah that would be nice i will okay i make a caveat for the summer i allow it to be up to 78 degrees that nice and there be a breeze oh yeah definitely a breeze
• 29:54
  yeah yeah i'm trying to think if there's like so that's just like environmental like do you have
• 29:59
  anything in mind for your planet um my planet yeah um basically i when i thought about asking
• 30:09
  you this i thought to myself what i'd really like is like you ever see those pictures or videos of
• 30:15
  like cities in china they're like living in the year 3000 because they have like super fast rail
• 30:21
  and like everything looks all technologically advanced i like the idea of high speed rail
• 30:27
  going everywhere but i also like a mediterranean villa so i want like a nice marriage of like old
• 30:33
  and new a mediterranean train high-speed train yeah of course yeah coal-powered
• 30:40
  are there other people on your planet they're always in the distance like i'm always seeing
• 30:47
  people but they're never in my way like i never have to wait in a long ass line i never have to
• 30:53
  deal with someone's attitude i don't like you know yeah i guess i i was thinking about it in
• 30:59
  in terms of like the Rick and Morty episode where he's alone.
• 31:02
  I guess it doesn't have,
• 31:02
  it's my planet.
• 31:03
  I can do what I want with it.
• 31:04
  He wasn't really alone.
• 31:05
  That's true.
• 31:05
  He wasn't.
• 31:06
  So yeah,
• 31:07
  maybe I,
• 31:09
  I need to rethink this.
• 31:11
  Yeah.
• 31:12
  It would be nice to have kind of like an urban environment too.
• 31:15
  Not just nature.
• 31:17
  Nature's fine,
• 31:18
  but I don't want it all the time.
• 31:21
  Am I living on this planet all like 24 seven?
• 31:25
  You don't have to,
• 31:25
  but if you're designing a planet,
• 31:27
  I imagine you'd want to live there.
• 31:28
  Okay.
• 31:28
  because then I'd want to bring people with me.
• 31:31
  Like people you know?
• 31:31
  Yeah.
• 31:32
  Like the people that I like.
• 31:34
  Like it would be a bummer
• 31:34
  to be on an amazing planet
• 31:37
  and then not have your friends there.
• 31:39
  You could always invite them.
• 31:41
  Like, hey, I'm calling from Jenna 9.
• 31:44
  Sleepover next weekend?
• 31:45
  Just hop on the high-speed Mediterranean train.
• 31:48
  And don't tip the workers.
• 31:51
  The coal shovelers.
• 31:53
  Yeah.
• 31:54
  Definitely do not let them borrow your shark toes.
• 31:57
  don't let them see your phone those aren't on my planet um i was gonna say you didn't once
• 32:04
  mention shark foot or whatever i call it that was the test i wanted to know if you'd put it on your
• 32:10
  planet well in my planet if it's his ideal planet all blankets come pre-shark toad
• 32:17
  all right that's fair oh yeah i mean at what point in time do shark toes just go
• 32:23
  into blanket making.
• 32:25
  Okay. I feel obliged to mention
• 32:27
  that during a brief commercial break
• 32:30
  earlier, that same suggestion was made by the producer.
• 32:32
  And it does make a lot of sense.
• 32:35
  We'll have to workshop it.
• 32:36
  I mean, the demand for shark toes is going to be so high.
• 32:38
  Yeah. It was implied that they would be there.
• 32:40
  Yeah.
• 32:41
  What about nudity?
• 32:45
  With regard to shark toes or on my planet?
• 32:48
  On your planet.
• 32:49
  What about nudity?
• 32:51
  I'm not sure I understand the question
• 32:54
  Well, how naked is your planet?
• 32:59
  Everyone is clothed
• 33:00
  Oh, okay
• 33:01
  Like here? Or more than here?
• 33:04
  Everyone is clothed the amount
• 33:06
  that I want them to be clothed
• 33:08
  Which for most people is very
• 33:10
  Okay
• 33:10
  I can't make it
• 33:12
  I'm sorry, you're already on that train
• 33:16
  You're already on that high speed
• 33:18
  coal train
• 33:19
  okay that's fair it's a one-way it's a one-way trip you you gotta go all the way to the end
• 33:26
  um i don't know i don't like it when people aren't wearing enough clothing
• 33:29
  you know interesting thing about clothing is um i someone came to my school one time to talk
• 33:35
  about nudist communities what my college oh
• 33:39
  it's like what kind of a podiatrist did they let into your school he's just talking about
• 33:48
  okay anyway go on anyway um long story short they they said something that always stuck with me
• 33:54
  which was basically like when people are all naked together no one cares but the minute there's like
• 33:59
  they're getting dressed to go home and there's like a tiny little bit of cleavage or like mystery
• 34:04
  then people are like leaning forward to look because it's all about the mystery
• 34:08
  i mean i guess if you're then that's like making the nudist colony strictly about
• 34:13
  sexualizing people or desexualizing people i don't know either way it's like i feel like clothes are
• 34:19
  comfortable like i it's like when you're in a car i feel uncomfortable if i'm not wearing the
• 34:24
  seat belt like i like the way a seat belt feels i like to hold it just to the side no i like i hold
• 34:33
  it while you drive in front of me yeah like while you're buckled not not like not in lieu of buckling
• 34:40
  Yes, exactly.
• 34:40
  Okay.
• 34:43
  Yeah.
• 34:44
  I don't know.
• 34:45
  So, like, clothing to me is comfortable.
• 34:46
  I would feel uncomfortable not having.
• 34:47
  Like, sitting down without clothes?
• 34:50
  Sitting on a chair?
• 34:53
  Bare ass?
• 34:54
  That's...
• 34:54
  I just wanted to know.
• 34:57
  So, I guess now everyone is...
• 34:59
  Everyone's clothed unless it's the appropriate time to not be clothed.
• 35:04
  Beautifully said.
• 35:05
  Like, if you're in a shower, you are welcome to take your clothing off.
• 35:08
  as long as I'm not there
• 35:10
  as long as I'm not there
• 35:11
  exactly
• 35:11
  you're just watching everyone shower
• 35:13
  and they're fully clothed
• 35:15
  now that
• 35:16
  that's hot
• 35:17
  anything else for your planet?
• 35:23
  everyone's hot
• 35:24
  which will be easy
• 35:26
  because everyone's hot to me
• 35:27
  yep
• 35:28
  I was going to say
• 35:28
  that's this planet
• 35:29
  yeah
• 35:31
  I'll be sure to invite you
• 35:32
  thank you
• 35:33
  I'll be sure to not tip the
• 35:36
  coal shovelers
• 35:38
  thank you
• 35:38
  I don't want them to know about the other worlds.
• 35:40
  You want them just working and thinking that's the only way to live.
• 35:42
  They're happy to.
• 35:44
  They're happy in their work, though.
• 35:46
  Okay.
• 35:46
  Yeah.
• 35:48
  All right.
• 35:49
  That wraps up The Big Question.
• 35:53
  The Big Question.
• 35:54
  And it also wraps up this episode.
• 35:57
  I know.
• 35:58
  We had a good time, listeners.
• 36:00
  We've made you forget things, 15 seconds worth of content.
• 36:04
  And we'll know if you didn't forget it, listeners.
• 36:07
  Don't make us come there.
• 36:08
  We said I love you.
• 36:10
  You didn't say it back, but that's okay.
• 36:11
  We're not keeping score.
• 36:14
  And Shark Toes are sweeping the nation.
• 36:19
  Check stores.
• 36:22
  Check stores soon.
• 36:23
  Probably by the time this airs.
• 36:25
  So check stores now, I would say.
• 36:28
  Go to friendslikeuspod.com.
• 36:31
  I'm sure we'll have links to buy all Shark Toes.
• 36:34
  But just for yourself or as a gift for a friend.
• 36:38
  scouts honor you can't let someone borrow your shark dose you just can't
• 36:45
  and on that francis said his word well i said my word too you did i did say you did
• 36:51
  oh i i after all that ballyhoo about the words i forgot sorry we secret words
• 36:57
  you just said ballyhoo kind of funny
• 37:00
  oh now i know how to get you um i have a guess i have three guests
• 37:08
  Okay.
• 37:08
  All right.
• 37:10
  Guess one.
• 37:11
  Okay.
• 37:11
  Podiatrist.
• 37:13
  No.
• 37:14
  That was organic content from me talking about podiatrists and pedophiles.
• 37:21
  Better not be pedophile.
• 37:23
  Okay.
• 37:23
  It's not pedophile.
• 37:24
  My second guess is element.
• 37:27
  No.
• 37:28
  I don't even remember saying element.
• 37:30
  Okay.
• 37:30
  I guess it meant nothing.
• 37:32
  And my last guess is cicada.
• 37:35
  No.
• 37:36
  I actually do think that's good.
• 37:37
  white noise.
• 37:38
  Shit.
• 37:40
  My word was
• 37:41
  workstation.
• 37:44
  Workstation?
• 37:45
  Workstation.
• 37:46
  Oh,
• 37:47
  didn't even hear you say that.
• 37:48
  Yeah.
• 37:49
  Well,
• 37:49
  you internalized it,
• 37:51
  but you converted it
• 37:51
  to desk in your head
• 37:53
  because
• 37:54
  I said,
• 37:55
  I look around
• 37:56
  my workstation
• 37:58
  and I have no files.
• 38:00
  You did a great job with that.
• 38:01
  Thank you.
• 38:02
  Do you have a guess?
• 38:04
  Is it
• 38:04
  Bjork?
• 38:07
  Yes, I colluded with the segment manager.
• 38:09
  No, it's not Bjork.
• 38:11
  Francis got you to say the word.
• 38:13
  Which is a point.
• 38:14
  It's a point.
• 38:14
  As we've established in previous episodes, that earns you a point.
• 38:17
  Oh, my goodness gracious.
• 38:22
  Oh.
• 38:24
  Think about every word you said.
• 38:27
  Okay.
• 38:30
  Pedophile.
• 38:31
  Hitler.
• 38:33
  That's all I can remember.
• 38:34
  A shower wits.
• 38:37
  Was that it? Was that your word?
• 38:40
  Yes, I beamed it into your head.
• 38:41
  I don't know. It was drainless.
• 38:43
  No, it was demeaning.
• 38:46
  Demeaning? Yes.
• 38:47
  Which I feel like you almost got because I used it
• 38:49
  in the wrong context. Didn't make sense.
• 38:52
  Oh, was that what you were talking about
• 38:53
  when we were saying the
• 38:55
  quote, the Hitler thing? Yes.
• 38:57
  Wow. So in a way, it's like Hitler got me to
• 38:59
  say it. Hitler's getting a lot
• 39:01
  of air time on this episode.
• 39:05
  He gets it appropriate about
• 39:07
  Every fifth or so episode, we'll have the appropriate amount of Hitler content.
• 39:13
  Yeah, true.
• 39:14
  Disclosure.
• 39:16
  All right.
• 39:16
  Well, congratulations on your one point.
• 39:18
  Thanks.
• 39:19
  And now I think we're tied.
• 39:21
  Yeah, we are tied.
• 39:22
  We each have one point.
• 39:23
  All right.
• 39:24
  Well, I guess that wraps up another episode of Friends Like Us.
• 39:37
  you