Latest / Motherhood Uncut / A Single-Mom Journey with Alison Rothman | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 12

Transcript

A Single-Mom Journey with Alison Rothman | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 12 · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_05: In this podcast, Deb Rubin and I, Kate Kripke, bring to you all those conversations that, you know, you might have with your best friend or your sister or someone that you're just needing to talk about the real stuff in motherhood with.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_05: We're going to bring to you conversations that are going to make you laugh.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_05: We love to laugh, probably make you cry and cry in the best of ways, move you, inspire you, help you feel seen and validated and less alone because from where Deb and I sit, none of us should mother alone.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_05: Please pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea, coffee, a glass of wine, put in your earbuds, go for a walk.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_05: And if you are inspired by these conversations, both conversations that Deb and I have, just the two of us, and also really incredible interviews that we have with other experts and specialists in the field of mental health and maternal well-being and women's health.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_05: If you find these worthwhile, please share with a friend.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_05: Because the reality is we really want to make sure that those moms out there who need a community and who could be uplifted or supported in any way that they find us.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_05: So thanks for being here.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_05: We cannot wait to mother with you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: This week Kate and I got to interview Allison Rothman.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Alison is a coach, a guide, a mentor, an emotional doula, a teacher, and an advocate.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: She has a company called Embodied Life, where she believes in the power of transformation.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was a really magical interview, and we hope you enjoyed it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_05: All right, listeners, it's Kate, and my fall Healthy Mom Boot Camp is out.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_05: It is ready for you to come sign up.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_05: We're gonna be starting on September 11th.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_05: This is eight weeks of really supportive content that is gonna help you really have access to, understand, and begin to integrate exactly what you need to increase your health and well-being, your maternal health and well-being.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_05: This, of course, is in service of your kids.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_05: So not only are you gonna feel better when you are finished with this eight-week program and have more connections of moms just like you from all around the country who are committing to their mental health and well-being and taking control of it.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_05: Not only are you gonna feel better, but you're gonna begin to see how your kids thrive and do better when you feel better.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_05: So it's time.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_05: I have a link in the show notes and I have a 20% discount for you fabulous listeners.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_05: So use code MotherhoodUncut at checkout for 20% off, and I cannot wait to have you join this community.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_05: I'll see you there.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, this is Deb.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, as we all know, the mother-daughter connection is like no other.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: It is intense and special and instrumental in both the lives of the mothers and the daughters.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: However, we know it can also be complex and challenging and even toxic at times.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when suddenly understanding your daughter can feel like the biggest challenge ever, we can feel scared and alone and disoriented.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm here to help.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have just launched my fall workshops and I have a few different options which I'm really excited about.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: You can check them out on my website at motherdaughterjourney.co.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: What I want to tell you is that I'm offering a few day-long immersive retreats, and I'm also offering a virtual deep dive on specific topics.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: The day-long options are hosted on Fridays, and if you're from out of town, you can make it a weekend in beautiful Boulder, where you can explore our majestic mountains and trails, eat amazing food, and just enjoy the Boulder lifestyle.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: If you go to my website again, motherdaughterjourney.co, you can schedule a free information session.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I really look forward to hearing from you.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Have a beautiful day.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_05: Happy Podcast Day, Deb.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Happy Podcast Day.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So there's giggles in the background because we're we're all having a funny day.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and tech.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: We just are constantly muddling our way through tech.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: We have an amazing guest today, Miss Alison Rothman.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: She is an old school Boulder woman that both Kate and I have known for a really long time.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: She is many, many things that we're gonna all we're gonna learn about on this podcast.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: But the reason we brought Allison on mostly is because she has taken some hardships in her life and turned them into teachable environments for women to thrive.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: She is really a leader in our community of supporting other women, and she is a single mom that is figuring out how to do it on her own, raising a teenage boy.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so, with no further ado, Allison, welcome.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like kind of tearing up.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Who knew?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_04: We have a way of making people cry.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_05: In the best lesson, in the best of ways.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_04: It's wonderful to be here.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you both for having me.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for taking the time out of your life to come here.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So we always like to start with tell us about you.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And and what do we get to learn about you today?
• 6:19
  unknown: Okay.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well such a big question.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's a huge question.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_04: And um, yeah, I mean, there's a huge history, you know, as to how I ended up in the field that I am in, but given that this is, you know, a podcast about motherhood per se, you know, we'll begin with uh my son is now 14, and um I had him with in the context of a very abusive, um, very unsupportive relationship, and that lasted for like five minutes.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so by the time my son was a year, I was on my own with him.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: And um yeah, and we stayed on our own for 11 years.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: And um honestly, most of those years are a blur.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I don't, you know, I'm like, I feel like I I just had to get through, um, had to kind of put on this hat and just do what I needed to do to get through.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um really challenging couple of years when he was little because not only was I a single mom, but I was a single mom of a kid with special needs.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so that was a whole other added element, and um, you know, was still navigating this trying to co-parent with somebody who is narcissistic and abusive and you know, with no money, and you know, in a very affluent community.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: So there's just it was constant um, you know, mirrors back to me of how hard it was, you know, seeing my peers, you know.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_04: I know everybody's got a story of when their kids are little and that it's not like this cakewalk by any means, but I felt very isolated and very alone during those early years.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: I was living in affordable housing and had food stamps, and I was just like really literally trying to just keep a roof over our heads and food in the fridge.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_04: And um so, and keep my kid in school.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, my son, when he was at Whittier, he um it was a disaster, and I ended up having to poll him and have had this huge fight with the school district to get him placed into a special program.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, it was just every day like, am I gonna get called to come pick him up?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like what's gonna happen today?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_04: Can I get him out the door?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_04: Can I even get him to school?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, that was pretty much how the early years went.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, things morphed and shifted um as he got older.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but you know, I mean, Deb heard me on the phone with him today.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: He's still not easy, you know, he's still a challenging kid.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: And yes, I am partnered now and have been for the last year and a half.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um, yet that imprint of all those years of doing it alone, um, greatly, you know, they had a tremendous impact on the nervous system of my household.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_04: And um, you know, on the positive, my son and I have this incredible bond.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_04: You know, we were, it was just he and I for so long.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and that is something that I cherish and am um constantly just reminding him of, you know.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_04: Let's see, it's mad it's tearful.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_05: It's really, it's really um, gosh, that was I I've I our kids went to elementary school together.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_05: And so I met you in those early years at Whittier.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_05: Whittier is our local elementary school, or one of them where our kids went.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_05: And it's really interesting to hear you just do a big broad stroke overview.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_05: And I didn't know you in the very beginning.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I don't see as much of you now as I would like, but I do know that you've sort of found this great partner and things have shifted.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_05: I want to go back for a minute and because one of the reasons, along with really having you talk about your work and what you how you've sort of brought all these hard times into your current day and really turning them into powerful things for other women, um, one of the reasons we wanted to bring you on here is because of this whole experience of being a single mom.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_05: And I think I want to just kind of acknowledge in the beginning of this podcast today that there are a number of reasons why someone might be a single mom, right?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_05: Some people might choose to have a child by themselves and be a single mom.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: Someone could be a single mom because their partner dies, right?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_05: Someone could be a single mom because they have sort of a mutual parting of ways with a co-parent.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_05: And it's, you know, a sort of you're co-parenting, you're you're not living in the same house, but you're co-parenting distantly.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_05: And then your experience is that you had a child with someone who was incapable of co-parenting with you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_05: So not only did you essentially have like a technical co-parent out there, but that co-parent wasn't capable of co-parenting.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_05: And so I'm hoping that our listeners in all of those different areas can sort of hear some of their, see some of themselves in your story.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but I think that's really significant to acknowledge is that you, you know, pretty soon after giving birth to Kai, you knew that you were going to be raising this kid by yourself.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_05: And so not only were you doing that, but you were, I'm imagining, grieving the loss and the trauma that came from that relationship that was so problematic.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_05: Can you just speak to that for a minute?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_05: That like dual, you're you're working, you're treating your own, you're you're managing your own distress and your own trauma, and you're also raising a kid all by yourself.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, it's it's a good, it's a good point because one part that I wanted to bring in is that there are so many different types of single moms, you know, and there are plenty of people who divorce, they may not get along, but they get this fat check every month, you know, and that is helpful, right?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_04: So my situation was, you know, I married somebody that I knew I probably shouldn't have married, but it was what I thought I needed to do at the time of my life because I was 33, and you know, time was ticking.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_04: And um, so when I chose to separate from Kai's dad, um it was a moment of declaring that I would not live in an abusive relationship, I would not raise my child in an abusive situation.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: There was one particular incident and I was like, I'm done.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: That is it.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_04: So the grief that came up after was more about um not losing him because I really literally couldn't stand him.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: But it was more of not having that family unit.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: Like that, and still it it strikes a chord, you know.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: I actually was, we were at an event last night for the mountain bike team, and um my son had a really hard time there, and I felt really uncomfortable because we're not used to doing stuff like that.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I really I brought him into my bed last night.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: We were just laying there, and I was just recognizing that we spent all those years in isolation.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we didn't, we weren't in community, you know, and some of it was my choice because I felt like an outsider, but I also didn't feel as though there was an openness to my configuration.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I can imagine that a lot of single parents feel that.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that is such an important theme to name.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because I feel like I know so many people that have separated and suddenly they're not invited to the dinner parties anymore or the double date.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you bring that family part, like family journeying together, that is a really common story.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: That must have felt awful.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I mean, it was something I adapted to.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_04: It just became, you know, my this is just my life.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_04: But it was, you know, um, there was a lot of anger, I feel like, initially, and then it subsided into grief.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I did a lot of work over those years just kind of mourning that I would never have that, you know, never had that beautiful pregnancy and the beautiful birth and like a supportive partner, and like this, you know, it was like I was immediately put into this compromised position, and it was almost a relief when it was just he and I.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_04: It was so much easier, you know, as easy as it can be.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_04: And now his dad's not in the picture at all.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_04: But those early years, it was, you know, I had one family that actually invited us to things, and it's a woman that I, you know, was roommates with in the 90s, you know, and they're like family, you know, but it was I could go there because the other piece was that Kai, my son, was, you know, as I said, special needs and would have these huge emotional outbursts, and I didn't necessarily have the resource to navigate him in a community setting where I didn't know everybody.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, you know what, it's easier to just stay home.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: And so that's what we're gonna do.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_04: We're just gonna do our own thing.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: And um, you know, it was it was a huge surrender and a huge letting go.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I get that.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because I even remember when my kids would have huge meltdowns in community and I'd get embarrassed.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: And like if there was another mom there that would scoop up my kid and be like, it's okay, we've all been there, you know, but to not feel like it not even want to take the chance if that's gonna happen.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_05: Right, another another mom there or a partner to be like, I'm clocking out, you're on duty.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_05: No, go.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_05: I I'm really you spoke, I I've heard you say this so many times, and I'm really curious about what this looks like in in real time for you.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_05: But you've spoken so much, and I think many people would feel the same way, about how you and your son have this really deep connected bond and attachment.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_05: You it was just the two of you, you needed to learn how to stay connected because they're which I can only imagine was hard.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_05: Again, you know, like Deb and I talk a lot on this podcast about how important it is to check out when you need to, so that you can check back in and be steady.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_05: And if it's all by yourself, you can't necessarily do that.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_05: So I guess a very open-ended question.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_05: You can take it wherever you want, but I'm curious to hear you talk a little bit about that.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_05: Like, how did you take care of yourself when you didn't have an extra set of hands to give you space to do that?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_05: And if you'd be willing to tell us a little bit about how you think your relationship with Kai changed and grew and emerged over time because it was just the two of you.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_05: You could go with either or both, but those are two places I'm really curious about.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's a good question.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um I mean, in full transparency, those first couple years, not much.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_05: And and I I mean, let's just let's just put a huge heap of normalcy here.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_05: Impossible to not struggle with depression and anxiety if you're doing something like that alone with no capacity to resource yourself.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: And he didn't sleep.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, he was up, oh my god, like every hour.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_04: So my nervous system was just on fire all the time.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I had a turning point, probably he was about three, and I was like, okay, like I'm literally gonna drown if I don't do something drastic here.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: And he at the time was waking up at like 5:30 in the morning for the day, and I was like, I need to get up like a solid hour before him and meditate and have some time to myself to write, to move my body, to make my coffee, whatever it was.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_04: And um that moment I declared that I was gonna do that, and I did, and I still to this day do.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um, has it always been easy?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely not.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, there were many, many mornings, especially in those early years when I was like running on fumes, where I was like, I just absolutely cannot, but I knew I started to feel myself coming into such deep alignment with myself and to come, you know, I was like, oh, there I am again.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, I'm in my body again.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_04: I am like anchored in something I'm not like grasping throughout my days.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: So that was a huge um turning point for me.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I'm I believe he was about three.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_04: And then um, you know, I just learned to carve out just little moments.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: And um those moments, you know, I I started calling them like retreat moments, and sometimes it was like five minutes of like being in the bathroom, like shutting the door, like locking it sometimes, you know, looking myself in the mirror, taking some deep breaths.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, sometimes it was sticking them in front of a screen so that I could take a nap, um, you know, taking walks.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_04: Like I just was like, I was trying to squeeze little moments of resource into the crevices, but I was, it was not easy, even in midst of that.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_04: But again, the the morning ritual was a game changer.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: And then I brought it into the evening ritual.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so while I started putting him in the bath when he was old enough to just occupy himself, and I would go into my bedroom and put my legs up the wall or lay over a bolster, and I would turn on the binaural beats and just get everybody like settled in, and and so it was like bookending my days.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so you know that that was really, you know, and then obviously once he was in school, um, in addition to working, I was like um, you know, very um rigid about my self-care and making sure I was eating well and regularly and um getting the exercise that I was craving and all of that so that I could show up and pick him up after school and actually have energy for him.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um so committed.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, it's I would love the bookends.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that it's like you created a container, and I just think that's so profound.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's actually a huge takeaway.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Bookends.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like people really need to remember that.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: I need to remember that.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_05: I'm also like so struck.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, two things.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_05: One, your deep commitment to him and how that directly correlated with your commitment to yourself.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_05: You were like, you just said it, you're like, I am in a drowned.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: It's just me.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: If I drown, he He's fucked.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_05: Right?
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm not willing to drown.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_05: And so I need to bookend.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_05: I need to do those things.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_05: That's hard to do, but obviously so important.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_05: And then I'm just sort of the term as you're speaking, and you know, I I I'm sure you're gonna be able to relate to this, but the term good enough keeps coming up.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_05: What do I need to do to be able to show up, show up good enough, well enough?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_05: Right?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I'm not gonna show up perfect because I'm like I've got like 70% inside me today, or maybe 50%, or maybe sometimes only 20%, but like that the importance of being willing to show up good enough.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's so yeah, it's profound.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's huge.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, somebody once said to me, I think I was at like a naturopathic office, like just like begging for like help with Kai and his behavioral stuff, and just you know, she she looked at me and she was just like, you know, he needs one good parent, like truly.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_04: And you are it, like stop focusing on what his dad is not doing and how his dad is not showing up.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_04: He has you, and and that was also a pivotal moment for me, you know, in recognizing that because I was so concerned that he was gonna be deeply impacted by those early years of, you know, there was so much arguing, and you know, even in utero, like bad, bad stuff, you know.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, okay, A, kids are resilient, B, there's always room for repair, you know.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and I see, you know, I mean, absolutely he was impacted, but I know that I angered him.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_05: What do you want to do?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: You did anchor him.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, you were you were a massage therapist originally, right?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yoga teacher, then massage therapist.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I know we haven't even gotten to her career yet.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_03: But if we get there, we get there.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: We'll get there.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's Jesus.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's really important.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: But to think you knew the importance of being in your body.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that's a statement that can get tossed around.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, being bodied, what does that even mean?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like being in my body is feels scary right now, or being in my body is gonna make me aware of how fast my heart's beating, or whatever.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I think on some level, that wisdom of knowing your relationship with your body through yoga, through touch, it seems like, and correct me if I'm wrong, but that was that was the anchor.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean, I to me it was even bigger than that because you know, when I was, you know, I'd I'd already for over 10 years been immersed in this world of holistic wellness and embodiment, you know, through my own journey of healing from an eating disorder.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, I had gone to a treatment center when I was in my early 20s, and so I had all these, and I grew up a dancer.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was I had so many different tools that I was already, you know, very aware of and had really taken into my life, and it was such a shock to my system because I got pregnant and I felt so shitty that I was so disconnected from my body.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it just carried into my postpartum time, you know, and then just being in this abusive situation and then trying to raise him.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: So it really, you know, when I look back, I was like, something shifted so deeply when I got pregnant.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_04: And it took me many years to really recover that and to come back to that and to remember, oh, you've got all that.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_04: You you know all this, you know, and but it's really hard when you have a little one who's screaming, when you can't get yourself to the grocery store, when you can't, you know, have a moment to take a deep breath.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_04: But um, you know, to me, it was just like this process of remembering, like it was this muscle that I knew I had in me, but it, you know, just became very um tainted for a lot of years, um, really beginning with with a challenging pregnancy.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, but they all, I mean, they all feed together.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_04: But I think that was, you know, I always imagined myself as this like dancing goddess pregnant woman.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, I feel like shit.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm fat and I'm like miserable, and I'm like, like, this is this is not fun.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_04: I know there's nothing about this that's like goddess like this is not me.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: I love that that you were saying remembering.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I think that so many pregnant people can relate to that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: We like lose our bodies, we lose our identity, we lose parts of our career sometimes.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's so we lose friendships, like there's so much loss in that process, and then we do have to remember to come back.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_05: Can I go back for a moment um when Deb just said to you, or you said, you said and Deb reflected that your job was to anchor him and you were a wave of emotion came over you.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_05: I'm wondering, you know, we emote for so many reasons, right?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, all three of us sitting here in this conversation work with women and helping them move through difficult situations, and all three of us would yell from the rooftop, cry more, right?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like it's the moving of emotion.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_05: I'm curious, just to like, you know, get in there with you, what that emotion is.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_05: Is that when you think about and reflect on gosh, my only job was to anchor him?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_05: I just needed to anchor him.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_05: Is it sadness?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_05: Is it is it tenderness?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_05: Is it relief?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_05: Is it pride?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_05: Is it all of the above?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think you feel around that?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I think it's a combination of all of it.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_04: And um yeah, I mean, I think there's still this part of me because he still um struggles.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_04: So um there is this part of me that's like, did I do enough?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_05: You know that the freaking beast for all of us.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_05: Am I enough?
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_05: Did I do enough?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, um, did I get him enough support?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: Is he, you know, now we're entering high school?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like scared, you know, as I saw him sitting by himself at this event last night and doing what he does.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_04: And um I'm like, have I done enough to get him anchored?
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel very far away from him right now at this juncture of his development.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: It is far away at times, yeah.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_04: And um, you know, and he's a boy, and I don't know what's happening with him, you know.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_04: So um, you know, there is this part of me that that feels like, you know, I I I do believe I did as much as I possibly could.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_04: Totally, you know, I was so dedicated.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_04: I was so present.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: I put a lot of my own dreams, visions, goals aside to just get him stabilized and steady in himself.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, is he ever going to settle in to himself?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_04: And he may be one of those kids that it's not till he's in his 20s.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_05: Gosh, I'm like, see, I'm like, I can hear you ask, these are not the words you're using, but I can hear you asking yourself this question.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_05: Was my good enough good enough?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_05: Like you're like, I gave it my all.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_05: But the question is, was my good enough good enough?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_05: And then you're reflecting on these things that Deb and I sometimes we're like, we just talk about the same shit over and over on this podcast.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_05: But the topic being how hard it is to sit with our kids' pain.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_05: And to tolerate the unpredictability and uncertainty in motherhood that is not going anywhere.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_05: And that's really what you're speaking to.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_05: It's like you you poured all of yourself into the first 14 years of this kid's life, and you will continue to do that.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_05: And he's entering high school, and you're just hoping and praying that that that your good enough was good enough.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: But the reality is we never know how our kids are gonna move through life.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_05: And it's it is, I mean, you have very valid reasons to wonder, meaning your background was not, you were not handed this easy deck of cards around becoming a mother.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_05: And all we can ever do is trust that we did our best and that our kids are gonna be okay.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_05: And when we lose that, we start to spiral.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_05: Do you have anything to I feel like you have a million things you could say about that?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm appreciating it all.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what what stands out for me is that he came into your bed last night.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and yeah, he might have been sitting alone, and as Kate said so beautifully, like it's so hard to see our kids in distress.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then at the end of the day, when they have a mom or dad that loves them, that can catch them, I think that is what creates resilience.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: And like you know, he chose you, yeah, and he chose this karma, and like, and I just have so much faith in that, and like so.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Whenever I think we start to question, was my good enough good enough, which is such a great way to put it, it's actually kind of an unproductive question, you know, because there's it just has no answer, and it actually only activates our comparing mind.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no room for that in motherhood.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah like if there's one thing we as moms are, I think need to do less of or eliminate completely is comparing.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're all just on this journey and we need to just lift each other up constantly.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_05: And that's and the thing that I've heard, I can't remember what what episode it was, Deb, but you talked about this.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_05: The thing that I think is helpful also is for all of us, and just in this situation you're in, is to sort of trust, and I'm gonna use a a word that some people may resonate or may not, but trust that, you know, this is his karma, this is his journey.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_05: You can only do so much, absolutely, right?
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_05: That he has got to go through what he has got to go through in this lifetime to figure out what he wants and needs to be healthy, and especially now that he's 14.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, you don't have a whole he's a strong kid, you'd have a whole lot of control over how he thinks and acts and all that stuff.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_05: And I think there's something freeing in that.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_05: I guess let me ask it as a question.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_05: As a mom who's gone through all this and raised him on your own, is there anything freeing about that to recognize that you have your part to play and he has his part to play?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_05: And his life will be his life regardless of what you do or don't do.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, you know, beyond the sort of general baseline of providing home and shelter and food and all of that stuff.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm getting there.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, yes, I feel, you know, we actually sent him to Ourbound this summer.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_04: Uh huh.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um two-week jaunt uh was really hoping that it would be like uh Was it in Colorado?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_04: It was in Utah.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, you know, Kinley did one in California.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, she did, yeah.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_05: Did she love it?
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_05: Um, she did, but she did not want to go.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_05: So anyway, back to Kai.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_05: He really wanted to go.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_05: Um he did want to go.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_05: He did, yeah.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_05: He was And for our listeners that don't know, Outward Bound is an outdoor leadership wilderness adventure program that Deb and I happened to both be instructors for in our previous lives.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_05: But it's real, it's hard.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_05: It's like really teaching discomfort and leadership and outdoor skills.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I got the message like loud and clear that he needed a jolt.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I was hopeful that it would give him the jolt.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I, while I believe that he had this profound experience, it has not translated into our everyday life.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_04: And so, um, you know, I think I'm sharing that as an example of I'm at this point where I'm like, okay, like he isn't, I I really literally have handed him so many opportunities, and he has to start making some different choices.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I believe in him, you know, that he can.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_04: And I have people come up to me all the time and they're like, Kai is one of those kids that like he actually knows how to like talk to adults, he can make eye contact.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_04: I noticed that.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_04: You notice that, yeah, big time.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, you know, I was like, oh, I think it's because you know, he was raised by a single mom.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_04: He was, it was just kind of like he had to kind of like make do.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_04: He had to go to the bathroom in the airport by himself because he was a boy.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_04: I couldn't like go with him, you know, just like little things like that.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_04: But I now, you know, we had this encounter today, and I'm just at this point of like, okay, I'm gonna keep holding this space of possibility, and I'm gonna keep supporting.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_04: And he he needs to start making some different choices because I cannot hold it in the way that I have all these years.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, that's right.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's you holding steady, yeah, and just knowing.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I'm gonna quote Barbie.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh! I haven't seen her.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's a line that made me cry, and I might butcher it a little bit, but it's like the mom's job is to hold steady so that the kid can look back and see how far they've come.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what you're doing.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I just have to say one thing about Outward Bound, and that is that I think the the juiciness comes later.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just this is not an instant thing.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: No big changes in our household either.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they don't come back different people, but like later they will reflect, yeah, and it it might even be ten years later, but that's the stuff that's in their body and that they're gonna like come back to and tell a story.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: So let's actually shift for a minute.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_01: As a woman that has survived an eating disorder.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Can you say that?
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Survived an eating disorder?
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: Recovered from?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_04: Recovered.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's I mean, there could be surviving.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Recovering.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, is it always kind of a everybody has a different journey perspective on that?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_04: I believe that you can be recovered.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_04: There are a lot of people who think that you are just always in recovery.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_04: I don't agree with that.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_04: So I like your perspective, please.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: So there you you were you were recovering.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: You were in your process, you got pregnant, you had this traumatic event happen, you started to change your lifestyle, you started to change you, you put all these things aside that you couldn't fulfill, and then when did that start to shift for you?
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, to come back into like some semblance of Well, when you went, I didn't you go back and get another degree?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: When was that?
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I started it.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_04: It took me a long time because I was like chipping away and I started in a um dance movement therapy program when I was probably about four.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's massive.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just to even start a program with a four-year-old as a single mom.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just have to like I'm like having a little cheerleading thing because I think it's actually you have no, you have not held back on the depth of the struggle, and yet you do these things.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to like empower other women to hear that because I think it's so important.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: Go on.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_04: No, you're fine.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um, yeah, I mean, I just knew I needed to keep moving forward.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um, not only because I knew I needed to create an income that was sustainable.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, you know, teaching yoga and doing bodywork, and I was not enjoying the bodywork piece, and I knew I could not do that forever.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I've always known that I wanted to have a deeper impact.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it just took some time.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_04: So, yes, I started this program.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_04: I was really into it.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_04: Then, you know, yet another event happened, the house fire, which we haven't had to do.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness, I remember that.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_03: I knew both of you that.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, okay, I was six.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um, we came home to our house on fire.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: It was just, you know, one thing after another.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_04: So, but I kept going, you know, I kept chipping away.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, at some point in times I was just taking like one class because I knew I had to keep some stream of connection to what I was like inspired by, or else I was just gonna like become a puddle of like mush, you know.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_05: Can I just that I think is something that a lot of mothers miss.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, yes, understanding the importance of that.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I I don't know if you want to say anything more about that, but I think your recognition of needing that, even the fact that you are aware and to be able to reflect and say, what's missing?
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_05: What do I need so that I can keep that spark, keep that passion, keep that purpose?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: Keep an identity that's not just a mother.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean, so many moms just give everything to their kids, and then their kids are like in high school or whatever, and they're like, okay, where the fuck am I?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_04: Like, where what now what do I do?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, I mean, I just knew that I needed to keep moving forward.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, it took me quite a while.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_04: I eventually shifted out of dance movement therapy and moved into the um more of the integrative health and wellness coaching, and ended up getting a master's in that.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um and but you know, I was still working along the way and bringing in all the tools and um studied a bunch of rites of passage work, um, movement-based rights of passage work.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, it's just like years of gathering, you know, all these different tools and resources in in myself and really taking them in and learning how to work with them in what I was dealing with, and simultaneously, you know, just tiptoeing out into the world as to, okay, like, is this the direction I want to be moving in?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_04: Is this the offering that I want to be creating?
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_04: And um, you know, it took it took time, but I I I always had that stream.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I really feel like that's really what kept me moving forward.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um, because I, you know, there were many, even in midst of that, many moments of like, I could just collapse right now and just not but you were doing, I mean, here's what I'm hearing.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_05: That's so you weren't, you're not saying I had to keep doing it because I had to make money.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_05: I had to keep doing it so that people didn't think I was lazy.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_05: I had you're like, I had to keep doing it because it was feeding a part of me.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, you were doing it for you, exactly, and I think that intrinsic motivation, that motivation from inside is what keeps us going when things get really hard.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: I also heard you say that I knew I wanted to make an impact.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that is like one of the biggest antidotes of depression, right?
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Is to serve others.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you were gathering all these little pieces in order to create something that serves others, yeah.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: Which is where you're at today, which I just want you to talk about because it's so incredible.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, I and I may get emotional again here, um me too.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_03: I just struggled for a lot of years, and if I can help even one person to alleviate their suffering, then it feels like a you know, my service to the world.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not about the money, yes, I need to pay bills, but it's truly um from the deepest place of authenticity and um truth and love and care for um women in particular.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_04: And um so, you know, my work is is my passion.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_04: It's you know, to me, it's my purpose for being alive.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_04: And I want to, yes, being a mother, of course, but um I I don't know how in depth you want me to Well, I realize we haven't even named what I knew.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean your integrative health coach now, yeah.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Wellness and health coach.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Will you just explain to our listeners what You do.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I just before you go there, I just have to say your tears and emotion it comes through in your writing.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: It comes through in how you show up.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I I actually did she Allison's gonna tell talk about her workshops, but I actually participated in one, so I got to be on the receiving end and it is so authentic.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I just everything that you're sharing right now is is what I can feel when I'm learning from you.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_05: So I also I you just said something so um I mean, yeah, I can my heart can feel your heart, like Deb is saying, when you're talking about how important your work is and how you just wanna, it comes with authenticity and love and caring.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, something that Deb and I both feel so strongly about is that we can't do that authentically for other people until we've done it for ourselves first.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_05: And I almost see an experience, I'm I could be making this up, but I almost see and experience your tears as not just coming from this deep well of love for your work and commitment and passion to the women you work with, but for your love for yourself and the commitment and passion for you in what you've been through.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_05: And so that is one of the biggest gifts in our professional work when we can come to the work we're doing from a place of having shown up for ourselves first that way.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_05: Does that resonate for you?
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I feel like, especially in the recent months for whatever reason, I think because I am now partnered and I can exhale a little bit.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_04: And so there has been this kind of unwinding and really deep reflection of holy shit, like what did you go through and you did it, you know?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_04: And so um, yeah, I mean, I am so devoted to showing up to the best of my ability every day, no matter what, you know, has happened.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um, of really, you know, not that I was ever in the victim mentality, but I definitely had many moments of like, why?
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, why me?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like seriously, like I cannot, I felt like I was just being like knocked around.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_04: But what I know to be true is that for what, you know, it's the whole wounded healer, you know, um, that there is there's so much potency during those years and so much learning and so much growth.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, I really feel like I have um, I do, I mean, I cry with clients all the time because I feel so deeply this the these traumas and dramas and um struggles that that people are experiencing, and you know, so I've really I've I am what to call my work has always been a challenge.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I have you know, I created embody life many, many years ago before the embod term embodiment became so like overused and cliche, and it really you can own it.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna start it.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_04: You started it.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_05: We're all copying you.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, so you know, it is it was really birthed from this place of um how can we embody our lives no matter what is going on, no matter what is happening.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_04: And to me, embodiment is about bridging the gap between, you know, all the different fragments of ourselves and coming into this deep alignment of truth.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_04: And that's obviously in our bodies, um, but it's so much bigger than that, you know, it's just this deep well of knowing.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so I've you know called it body-centered holistic empowerment coaching because that's just what I came up with.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_04: But I see myself more as like a guide, a mentor, you know.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_04: I had a client call me an emotional doula.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like what I do is really help people to cycle emotions through their bodies so that they can, you know, really break free of um the holds that all these different life experiences have on them.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_04: I had a two-hour session this morning with a client, and you know, I've worked with her for years, but you know, she knew she had this big piece to work with.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's always this combination of talking, and and in the longer sessions, I get people on the table.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes there's movement, and I just feel like all the tools that I've um studied and learned and experienced, I bring into this more holistic.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I love both of you, so you're both beaming at me.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's so genius.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: We believe in you.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, that's in the one-on-one, but I also run uh retreats and events and the event that Deb um mentioned.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and the longer retreats have just taken on this incredible life of their own.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I really they are true right of passage programs.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um this summer was just beyond this summer, it was like two weeks ago, but maybe three weeks ago.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_04: But um, and it's a combination of um embodied unwinding yoga, meditation, um, self-reflective writing, dance, movement, women, deep women's circles, food, or you know, organic food, ceremony, ritual.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_04: This particular one has hot springs.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I I feel like all these decades gave me this skill of holding space, safe space.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um I've learned how to create these containers, you know, probably beginning as you used with my households, you know, where people can women can be who they are and to release this gunk and bullshit and shame and um and just be in their like vulnerable real selves.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_04: I was blown away at the magnitude of this retreat, and um it's given me hope for humanity, it's enlightened, you know, lit a fire in me that I'm like, okay, you know, because I think, you know, as women entrepreneurs, I just did this video about this.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_04: The self-worth piece is so huge, you know, and I really struggled with it because, and I think it stemmed from being a single mom all these years, you know.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_04: There is this stigma that like there's something wrong with us.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_04: And if anything, we're fucking heroes, you know, raising a child up.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, just to bring that, you know, now it's like, okay, I've got that in my personal self, my body.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_04: This is this is what I know to be true, but to actually bring it into a more public view has been a whole other ball game.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Courage.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: Courage.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing I'm just really appreciating about you and your work and what you I I think do for other women is to be unapologetically you.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so cheers to that.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_05: I actually think as we wrap up, it's so perfect, it's such a perfect full circle statement because I think we started our conversation today about how it can feel, you know, you were in this relationship, it wasn't working.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_05: That's a very mild statement to say you got pregnant, you had this kiddo, you were raising this kiddo by yourself, and then you had to remember who you were.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_05: And that this, you know, you've shown up here in this podcast today very unapologetically, you willing to just let yourself feel and speak to whatever's coming up.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_05: I think that's super moving.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_05: I think Deb and I, I always I used to say, I was gonna say, I can't remember who I said this to you, but I was like, all you need to do for me to like you is cry with me.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_05: Because the moment you cry and show your true heart, I'm gonna fall in love with you.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_05: And I think our listeners probably feel that from this conversation today because it's so easy to feel like we have to hold it together and present a certain way.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_05: And you've been unapologetically you today as well.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_05: I hope that our listeners get a taste of that so that they can reach out to you and sign up for to work with you and know what that will feel like because I think it's rare to have a provider that's so unapologetically themselves.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd actually, before you share with our listeners how he can find you, I actually would love our listeners to maybe after you listen to this, um, take some notes on what you need to remember about yourself.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: What are you missing?
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_01: What are you like what what part of you needs to come back that is an important part?
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: And just see what happens.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_01: Where can we find you?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_03: In your office.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um my website is embodymylife.com.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I am reluctantly active on social media on Instagram, um, but have really done it in my own in my own way.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_05: Um what's your Instagram handle?
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_04: At embody underscore life.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_04: We'll put it in the show notes.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_04: We will put it in the show notes.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's it.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, but my website is And you have a podcast.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_04: I do.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_04: It's you know, it f I had both of you uh it's it's in flux.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_04: So um what's the podcast called?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's called Embodied and Awake, and um it was a a COVID project that um I started really enjoying.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: So I did it for quite a while and we're it's just not very consistent.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_05: But you have a lot of, even if you're not releasing new episodes, you've got a lot of great episodes in your archives so people can go and listen to those episodes.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and you know, I think the main thing that would be wonderful, a wonderful way to connect with my work, who I am, and and hopefully gain some um inspiration from.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_04: I do send out weekly-ish, sometimes bi-weekly, uh emails.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so to sign up for my email list, and I really pour a lot into these, and it feels like a true service.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_05: So they're really beautiful.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_05: We'll put a link to that in the show notes as well.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_00: And yay! Chris is open.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: Big love your way.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_05: And thank you, Kate, as well as see ya next time and about 7,022 times before then.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good day.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_05: Bye.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_05: Hey listeners, we sure hope you enjoyed that episode.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_05: And if you did, we would really love for you to share this with a friend.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_05: So here's the deal we're all in this together.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_05: And as a community of moms, we need to make sure that no one is left alone.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_05: So you can help us with that.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_05: Please share this episode or other episodes that you found useful for you.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_05: Please consider writing a review and rating this podcast because when you do, it actually makes it more accessible to other moms who might be looking for podcasts that they would also find useful.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_05: So we are so grateful you're here.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_05: And if you were interested in just taking a minute or two to share and rate and review, Deb and I would be so grateful.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you for mothering with us.