Latest / Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks / The Great Way Is Easy If You Just Feel Your Toes - Hogen, Roshi

Transcript

The Great Way Is Easy If You Just Feel Your Toes - Hogen, Roshi · Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks

• 0:00
  Jomon: Hello and welcome. This is the Zen Community of Oregon, making the teachings of the Buddhadharma accessible to support your practice. New episodes air every week.
• 0:23
  Hogen: This is Chant on the Ancient Way. And we're using the Affirming Faith in Mind chant, and this is a truly wonderful chant. It is a catalog of things that each of us has the capacity to recognize, things that each of us things that will that will be revealed to us as we continue practicing. And it is a wonderful range from the very simple to most most profound. And we could say that this chant is all about your breath, all about my breath, our breath, our life.
• 1:14
  So let's let's go through a few of the bits bits of it, and just look at them a little bit and see what happens. We'll try to talk about different aspects, different parts of the mandala of practice. And the first the first line which we keep coming back to is the great way is easy if you just feel your toes. And I hope you're all successful. And we could say you're already liberated because you can actually feel your toes or your breath, but then you hear that a glimpse of your toes, and then, you know, the thoughts come in, you know, mine are ugly.
• 2:11
  I have bad nails. They're not straight enough. They're kinda lumpy. I wish I had better toes. I wish I had bigger toes.
• 2:22
  I wish I had Taylor Swift's toes. They're certainly richer than mine. I just don't like my toes. I would prefer if I had four big toes instead of that little pinky toe. That's how the mind works.
• 2:37
  It just starts speculating. I'd be much more satisfied if I had four big toes. They'd be more functional. I could decorate them, get tattoos. Everybody would admire me.
• 2:51
  I'd be so cool. And then of course, I'll need the appropriate shoes. Wonder what the Internet has, I wonder what's in fashion in Italy. How much would the surgery cost if I had to get four big toes? And of course, the mind just goes on and on and on and on and on.
• 3:23
  And you think, Oh, if only I had the right pick the body part, and it occurred to me, it agrees with me, that I agreed with it, I'd be so happy. But then the recollection comes, Oh, I'm stuck in Sechene. I can't go out and start fixing things. But as soon as it's over, I can start the perfect toe project, you know? And again, you just pick your body part.
• 4:00
  You know, everybody has some version of this about some aspect of their body, the perfect me. The fantasy of a better perfect me. And some people take that with the great way is so easy if you just pay attention to thought. And then off and running, better thoughts, good thoughts, magnificent thoughts, wise thoughts, easy thoughts, get rid of the bad thoughts, get rid of the end, and before we know it we're just lost in thought. It's hard to turn things into wisdom.
• 4:41
  Now, in a way, even more difficult than the the kind of the grandiosity of of the perfect us is poor me. Oh, poor me. I'm so afflicted with these terrible toes. Oh, what a horrible issue. This sickness is so bad.
• 5:02
  Oh, woe is me. I'm so weak. I'm so old. I'm so tired. Oh, poor me.
• 5:07
  Nothing can help me. I'm hopeless. I have got, you know, dropped to my head when I was a baby and I'm defective and Oh, me. Poor me. That's a really actually really hard one to overcome, because the other one at least got creativity and got some dynamism in it.
• 5:28
  At least we're kind of proactive about it, but when we start going into poor me, we just get deflated. We give up. And we just say, I'm a victim. We wait for something to come along and rescue us, and it never does. The great way is easy if you just feel your breath.
• 5:55
  Just feel your toes as they are. But then, because, you know, some people are very sophisticated, we've been sitting around here for a long time, they've been practicing for years, what if we added the words, well, the great way is easy, I'd be satisfied, I'd be comfortable, I'd be happy with, I'd be honored by my toes, by my breath. Oh, I'd be so satisfied with my breath. My breath is great. I'm ecstatic that I've got able to breathe.
• 6:32
  I have these this breath, these toes. My life is fulfilled. I finally have have gotten into oneness with my body. I finally got into oneness with my breath. My toes are perfect just as they are.
• 6:43
  Hallelujah. That's not the great way either. The great way is being able to rest with things as they are, with appreciation or satisfaction or okayness. Reality is easy. Just feel your toes.
• 7:09
  Just feel your experience. Just feel your breath. Hands, eyes, chest, legs, hair, jaw. When nothing can give offense, all obstruction cease to be. And the first place is with this body mind, when nothing in this body mind can give offense.
• 7:33
  Nothing in this body mind can give offense. And suddenly if we have a great asset like the hiccups, hiccups are a great asset. It just reminds us over and over, Be aware, be aware, be aware, be aware. It's a great asset. Or the pain in our back, it's a great asset.
• 7:56
  Just says, Be aware, be aware, pay attention, pay closer attention. The pain in our legs, the pain in our knees. When nothing can give offense, when these are just just helps, just aids along the way, suddenly there are no obstructions anymore. Suddenly we're not at their mercy, instead we've turned them into a tool, into wisdom. So we can do that with a body scan.
• 8:27
  You you feel your body in a classic classic way, any way you want from the top down to the bottom up, and you feel all the little parts when nothing can give offense. Nothing is out of place, nothing is amiss. Or you feel your breath, your breath breathing you, and every single breath is okay. But that's a good, you know, good excellent foundation for practice, and we've been sitting here for so many days and we've got that good foundation of acceptance and presence and the mind has calmed down and we're really much more in the body, but there's a lot more that can be revealed. The sutra keeps saying, there's more that can be revealed when we're resting with awareness, doing exactly what we are doing.
• 9:31
  Now, so one of the things we can observe, and here's a just pay attention to your direct experience and not beliefs. So be aware of your body, just however you are, and notice as soon as I say navel, umbilicus, umbilicus, whatever you want, As soon as I say navel, if it's English, suddenly you're aware there's a navel. Probably, few of you were actually contemplating your navels before that word came out. There it is. If I say, Neck, unless your neck was hurting and calling your attention, you probably were not busy meditating on neck.
• 10:31
  Suddenly there's a neck. There it is. Same is true with any other body part. Your right buttock. Unless it was hurting and calling and calling attention to you, suddenly there it is.
• 10:48
  As soon as your awareness goes to that part, it appears. When our awareness is not on that part, when we have no awareness, does it exist or not exist? The only evidence that these body parts exist is memory. The only evidence that it existed before. So again notice, navel, instantly.
• 11:30
  Left thumb, instantly. Right elbow, instantly. Notice that as soon as your attention or the word comes into mind, instantly, right there. But there is no evidence that what you were aware of a few moments ago still exists. Check it out.
• 12:08
  The body appears with our naming and attention. If we were, say, asked to attend to the naka, or the kamar, or the proboscis, if we don't know what those words are, probably nothing would appear. We might notice the thoughts, the mind, you know, the mind starts always searching for meaning, so it might search for meaning. What language? What body part?
• 12:48
  So what if as we are meditating, as we are feeling this body, this light, this whatever it is our our foundational practice is, whatever it is, we're feeling whether it be hiccups or pain in the back. What if it the experience of it only comes into being with our attention. And if our attention is not on it, it's gone. Check it out. What if awareness and words brought the body into existence?
• 13:36
  Not the body was born and has been here for how many decades, and then out of the body comes awareness. What if it's actually the other way around? So one of the ways in the Theravad in school they emphasize a lot that one of the ways that this being is made up is we have a sensation, and another sensation, and another sensation, and another sensation, we have a moment, and a moment, and a moment, and the mind then connects all those moments. And then it's the connection of all those moments, all those fragmentary moments, because each moment we're only aware of a discrete number of things. You know?
• 14:30
  Each moment you're aware of a knee, you're aware of a hip, you're aware of a shoulder, you're aware of a chin, you're aware of a tooth, you're aware of an ear, and then the mind memory kind of puts all that together and says, Oh, there's a thing there. A person. Every time I think of that, there's an old song, which I don't know how to sing it, but from the eighteenth or nineteenth century, The toe bone connected to the foot bone, the foot bone connected to the heel bone, the heel bone connected to the ankle bone, the ankle bone connected to the leg bone, the leg bone connected to the knee bone, the knee bone connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone connected to the hip bone, the hip bone connected to the backbone, backbone connected to the shoulder bone, the shoulder bone connected to the neck bone, the neck bone connected to the head bone, and that's what it's all about. But notice if you follow those, by the time you got to the head bone, you had forgotten the toe bone. And so the chances well, if you're attached to anything, if you're trying to hold on to the toe bone while you're talking about the backbone, while you're feeling the head bone, you go far astray.
• 15:56
  If you're talking about you're trying to hold on to to, okay, there's the inhalation. I'm trying to hold on to my awareness of the inhalation even as I am exhaling. I'm trying to hold on to that picture I saw of myself in the mirror this morning even as I'm out about the day. I'm trying to hold on to my image of who I think I am. You're attached to anything.
• 16:23
  We're attached to our face, we're attached to our hair, our body, our shape. We walk around thinking that's who we are. We're sitting here, the practice is breathing, the practice is being present, and if we keep having the mind, oh, I'm this kind of person who is doing the breathing, oh, a, here's my name, I'm a Hogan up here with a, you know, decrepit old man. If I think that while I'm trying to breathe, you're lost. When we are breathing, when we're paying attention to breath, we have no name.
• 17:03
  When we're attending to the breath, we have no gender, we have no personality, there's just breath. All those things arise in different circumstances. So we're sitting in meditation here attempting to come in to the place of direct experience, using breath again, could be light, be sound, could be different kinds of things, but using that and forgetting about our history. You know, who cares if your, you know, partner dumped you twenty years ago, ten years ago, five years ago, last year, last week? Who cares?
• 17:50
  That's not relevant. If you're attached to anything, you surely will go far astray. That means the mind will go far astray, the thoughts will go far astray, and we stop paying attention to the primal source. If you pursue appearances, you overlook the primal source. So that's what we're doing here, is trying to see beyond the appearance of things, see beyond the fixed idea we have, and see the primal source of our life.
• 18:31
  If we see an attractive person, we see an attractive person, a face or form, whatever we mean by that, We're not seeing them. We're only seeing our projection, our projection, our superficial understanding. I think it takes a year of being in close contact before we begin to understand somebody, before we begin to see who's really in there beyond the persona. If we pursue appearances, we overlook the real person. We're trying to look good and not being genuine.
• 19:22
  We overlook the real us. We are just a flickering realm of sensation held together by memory and belief. And we can see that for ourselves, it's not esoteric, it's not anything profound, it just happens to be if we are paying close attention, then you will see, You will see that. It's not you might see that, but if you're paying close attention because the nature of life is flow, the nature of life is momentary, you will see the profound truth. You will see the essence.
• 20:14
  That's what the sutra is saying. It's saying that this breath, this practice that we were doing right here is a sacred practice of awareness, of presence, and if we are engaged in it, and we are feeling it intimately, we'll talk about that a little more, But you're engaged in it, and you're not your mind is not just out there somewhere else, but it's here. Your mind is close in. You haven't taken a second step. You haven't, you know, gone anywhere else away, you've kept your mind right here in this body mind, and you know, thrash around a little bit, that's what it does, you know, and it goes out and it comes back, but if your basic center of gravity is right here, then you begin to discover the primal source.
• 21:09
  Now one one not about primal source, but about the flickering nature of reality. One exercise that I sometimes do, and it works better if you're out moving and walking or eating dinner, might try this, just to flicker your eyes, just like a strobe light, just flicker your eyes. And as you're walking just flicker your eyes and watch, each scene is unique, each scene is different, and one scene is gone by the time the next flicker comes. You're moving the hand and you're watching the flicker, and by the time you go flick flick flick flick each flicker, the previous one's already gone. And you can just watch that, and that's how we actually are constructed at least at one level.
• 21:59
  And the mind of course knits it all together and thinks it's one seamless motion. So you might try that when you're walking around, just observe. Just observe. What happens if the mind can only see? We'll look at that a little bit more in just a moment.
• 22:21
  Now, when we're saying pay attention to the breath, we're not saying that pay attention to a thing. We might, you know, people might say hara or toes or something, but things are not things, because they're movement, because they're flow, because our awareness is flickering awareness, it's that dynamic, alive awareness, and even if we were to hold on to a toe and have our mind resting just in one, in our large toe of our left foot, we would still it would still flicker and move. It would still shift and change even if it never left the toe. The toe is a dynamic creation. The breath is a dynamic creation.
• 23:22
  So, we're paying attention to the breath, we're paying attention to a dynamic creation that is happening with the inhalation and the exhalation. It's not a thing. It's not a static thing. It's not an object. It's a dynamic creation that is coming into being as we breathe, And as we let go.
• 24:00
  And what was true at the inhalation may not be true anymore at the exhalation. Sometimes when people are doing breath practice or some of the body practices, they'll have this direct experience. The direct experience of the flickering nature of things, the direct experience of the impermanent nature of things, the direct experience of the dynamic nature of things, the direct experience there's many different levels of that. But it all comes out of paying attention to exactly the practice that you are doing without letting the mind go berserk. Things reveal themselves, but when the mind is swirling around, swirling around, swirling around, wondering what's going to happen to me, then these things are hidden.
• 24:59
  Or if we live in bondage to all that swirling, in a way the Sutra says that's the disease of the mind, but it definitely obscures the mind. So wake up, cut off all useless thoughts and words. I think it's Hirateroshi, when I was first practicing with him years ago, used to say, Cut. Cut. Cut.
• 25:36
  As a way of dealing with thought, just cutting it. You know, it works okay for some people perhaps, it never worked well for me, because the mind is active, but I think for me it's much better, just don't believe your thoughts. Just don't believe your thoughts. Want to go someplace. Don't believe them.
• 25:57
  So what? Who cares? You know, when you realize the inner critic isn't talking to anybody and nobody cares what it says, it's irrelevant. Who cares? Who cares that you've this voice that comes in your head?
• 26:12
  Who cares? It just goes away. Self liberating. So I think it's better to just say, Ah, it's not even going to believe him. Why go there?
• 26:25
  Cut off our useless thoughts and words and return to the root itself and you'll find the meaning of all things. It's not philosophy. By saying the meaning of all things, you'll see what is the common denominator, What is the particulate things, the particles, and the whole are not two. You'll find the meaning of all things. The flickering changing nature of the particulate world, of course, is unique in everyone in a way, but that which is constituted is constituted of totally the same.
• 27:08
  Although, there's no one judging same or difference. So, return to the root. How do we return to the root? The sutra keeps saying, Experience directly your life with a calm mind and great attention. That's it.
• 27:33
  Experience directly your life with a calm mind and a great attention, and you'll see what we think of our life is not what we thought of our life, and we'll see what we think of as the breath is not what we thought of as the breath. Well, we'll see that directly. We'll verify it. Now, let's let's slice it a different way. Again, all this is verifiable.
• 28:00
  It's not in the future. You can verify it by looking right now with an alert mind that is not caught up in our opinions. And of course, you know, we all know that when we say yes, but it means no. Here's something like this, you say, yes, but it means, no, I don't believe you, no, I'm not going to pay attention. I guarantee, I guarantee that if you are paying meticulous attention, these things will be revealed.
• 28:37
  Guarantee it. Because that's the root of all things. So let's take and slice the onion again a different way. So often we are talking about the present moment, right? How many times in a day do we hear present moment, present moment, be in the present moment, you know, keep your mind in the present moment, present moment.
• 29:06
  So let's just assume, for the sake of this conversation, that the present moment lasts one second. So what is the awareness of one second? Now, I like that flickering exercise when I'm thinking the present moment, each one of those flickers is a present moment, you know, your eyes just flickering, however fast it flickers, that's the present moment, there's flicker flicker flicker flicker. Each one of those is the present moment. How much can we be aware of in the present moment?
• 29:39
  If we're actually in one flicker, one flicker of the eye, how much can you actually be aware of? Flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker. Well, first thing I notice is that in that flickering there's no past or future. There's just the flickering of that moment. Flicker flicker flicker, And you're walking and the visual field is flickering, you're also watching your body just flicker as it walks.
• 30:10
  Second in the flicker, There's an experience, but it doesn't have past or future, it's just a flicker. It has no history, it has no dreams, it's just a flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. One second, one second, one second. One second is gone. Each flicker, if the past was gone, it's gone, it's gone.
• 30:40
  One second, past gone, one gone, it's gone, it's gone. First was exploring that with dancing with strobe lights, you know? You watch people dancing in strobe lights and you see that one movement and it's gone by the time the next movement and there's that kind of jerky progression. It's gone. If we're looking at the present moment, we're actually watching things disappear in a way.
• 31:25
  So, let's go back, so we've got this awareness, you know, one second, this present moment, what are you actually can be aware of in one second? If it's not aware in that one second, then it's involved with past and future knitting together, and that's a whole process. Not wrong, fine, I like history. But in terms of this sashin, in terms of understanding the fundamental source, in terms of going back to the root of who we are, how many flickers are there in one breath? How many particles make up one breath?
• 32:12
  By the time we have gotten halfway through the breath, the beginning of the breath is already gone. Let's go back to the toes. Still there, I hope. Now sometimes we've gone through this more detail, usually I use the hands, but, you know, you feel the toes, you feel the toes with the toes, you feel the toes with the toes, in the toes, You feel that flicker of awareness perhaps? And as I conclude when I'm doing this in a more other way, your personality isn't needed.
• 33:05
  Your history isn't needed. You feel the toes in the toes with the toes, you feel the hands in the hands with the hands, you feel the breath in the breath with the breath, your history isn't needed. Who cares what your profession is? Again, we're returning to the fundamental source here. This is not ultimate truth, this is recognizing the fundamental source.
• 33:42
  The Heart Sutra ends One translation is gone, gone, gone, beyond, gone way beyond awake rejoice. Gone beyond, gone beyond, gone beyond, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, is gone. And that's what happens when we're looking carefully, we're watching things just disappear, disappear, disappear. As soon as we recognize something, whoop, it's already gone, it's already gone. We're paying attention to the breath, it's already gone, it's already gone.
• 34:20
  As soon as we pay attention to something, it's either already gone or already over, depending on how you want to look at it. We're only seeing what's already happened. Or if it is happening, we're seeing it disappear. We can glimpse, we have a little glimpse, but it's gone. The Heart Sutra says, Buddhism of compassion from the depths of Prajna wisdom saw that everything was flow, everything is nothing but flow, mind is flow, thoughts are flow, breath is flow, body is flow, the world is flow, the universe is flow, politics are all flow, everything is flow.
• 35:01
  So everything was flow and was free. And then in that seeing it moment to moment to moment, seeing the flickering nature of things in that flow, seeing the flickering nature of things, you don't have time to project an eye, ear, nose, tongue, body or mind. And that flicker, there's just the experience of that flicker, the mind knits it all together. If the mind doesn't knit it all together, it all can come apart. And what are you left with?
• 35:38
  A great mystery. And sometimes in Sushant, people will touch the great mystery. I just don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
• 36:08
  Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone beyond. Awake, rejoice. And out of that I don't know, everything arises. Just like that. This root is infinitely creative, infinitely alive, infinitely quivering, tingling, and all of the limitations that our mind has put on us now aren't so important.
• 37:10
  All the things and their activity in this empty world seem real because of ignorance. Just let those fond opinions go. Let those fond opinions go. We are so fond of our opinions, so fond. And that's the kang, the collar, weight that we carry, that we fight with.
• 37:47
  So we have an opportunity during Seshya to come back to the direct vivid experience of your own practiced life. Your particular method, whatever it happens to be, whether it be counting or feeling or hearing or whatever it happens to be, your particular method, when we are wholeheartedly engaged in it, other things drop away. And then in that paying attention to our method when things have dropped away, things reveal themselves to us in their own time, not according to us, not according to my time. So we have an opportunity after so many days of practice. Mind has definitely evolved and changed and and stilled and opened, and we've left so much behind.
• 38:44
  We have an opportunity now to look carefully and directly with great concentration. Flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, keep the awareness there. Don't let it wander away. Now one of the ways of doing that is don't move. Don't move.
• 39:11
  Usually, have a we're sitting, we have a little sensation, we don't like the sensation, we start wiggling, a little sensation, we get bored, we stand up. Don't move. Don't move, just pay attention. Sit in the most comfortable way you can, it doesn't matter, But don't move, pay close attention. When something arises out of nowhere, out of the mystery, a pain, a feeling, a sensation, pay close attention, go inside it, feel it from the inside, let it reveal itself to you, let it let it show you, you don't have to figure anything out, don't move and allow that process to happen.
• 40:07
  Don't wiggle away. The great way is not difficult. The great way is not difficult, and yet it is the hardest thing in the world. So nobody is minimizing the struggle and the difficulty and the challenge. Of course, it is the hardest thing in the world to see beyond our own fixed own fixed views.
• 40:50
  The hardest thing in the world, and yet simultaneously it is the easiest thing in the world. So don't let the inner critic come in and say, Oh, I'm having a really hard time, I'm working really hard, you know, I'm not seeing this ease they're talking about. Forget it, forget the ease. It's the hardest thing in the world to see beyond our own fixed views. We are so attached to our opinion, we are so sure we are right, and then of course everybody else is wrong, or the people who don't agree with us are wrong.
• 41:33
  Let those fond opinions go. And the way we can do that is to continually focus your attention over and over back to the direct vivid experience of your particular practice shorn of belief. Please have great faith in your own capacity for awakening.
• 42:09
  Jomon: Thank you for listening to the Zen Community of Oregon podcast, and thank you for your practice. New episodes air every week. Please consider making a donation at zendest.org. Your support supports us.