Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #539 Holiday Highlight - Andrew Fuller

Transcript

#539 Holiday Highlight - Andrew Fuller · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Now, school holidays they must be just the most fun time.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I hope you're enjoying your school holidays. I hope that
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: it is school holidays where you are. If it's not,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: it will be soon. I'm sure of it. Can I stopped?
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Justin Coulson. I'm the founder of Happy Families dot com
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: dot you and dad to six kids recently had some
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: great conversations on the Happy Families podcast. Want to share
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: some highlights from the podcast with you now. Andrew Fuller
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: is one of Australia's most loved Australian child and adolescent psychologists.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: He talked with me in episode three hundred and twenty
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: nine about his Resolve model. Resolve stands for respond with respect, engage,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: seek understanding, observe your child's feelings, lower the tone, value,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: add and empower. It's kind of like a more detailed
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: version of emotion coaching or even my three is of
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: effective discipline. And I think it's such a great model.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: So I asked him to use that model to show
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: how we would tackle the challenge of screen time with teenagers.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Well, most of the interventions that parents take to really
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: try to get kids off screens just don't work. And
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: so essentially the first thing I think we've got to
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: realize is that when a young person is playing a
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: computer game, they're in a hypnotic trance, and so they're
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: in changed. I mean, computer games are incredibly brilliantly designed
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: to entrance people, and so if you just jump into
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: a room and say, right, you know, get off your computer,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: it's time for bed, all that kind of stuff, basically,
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: they're going to respond incredibly negatively. So you're far better
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: to sort of shuffle alongside them. I know you can't
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: do this all the time, but at the same time
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: just to ask and well, you know what the game,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: what's the game, and how's it going, and you know,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: know what's happening in it and so on, which they
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: won't like to have a conversation with you because they're
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: absorbed in the game. But at least what you're doing
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: is gently easing them out of this. Now, particularly for
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: kids with tension problems, particularly ADHD, computer grams are incredibly soothing,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: so they're even more if you like, entrancing than they
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: would be for you know, kids was just normal functioning,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and so you're going to realize the power of this. So,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: of course, when you're a kid that has ADHD, the
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: world is boring, really really boring, and so what you're
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: after is excitement, and guess where you can get that
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: excitement computer games. And so what we need to do
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: is to trade on computer games strongly. Computer games aren't bad,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: it's just basically there are other things to do in life.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: And so essentially what you have to do is earn
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: your computer game time by doing preceding skills. Now, because
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: computer games are design so brilliantly to basically get dopamine peaks.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Dopamins the neurochemical that relates to motivation, that once you've
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: finished a computer game, basically you're lowered in levels of dopamine,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: which is why it's almost useless or pointless trying to
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: get a teenager do anything productive after they've had extensive
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: screen time. And so what you've got to then go
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: is okay in order to play computer games by all means,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: but before that, you need to get the reading done,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: or you need to get the homework done or whatever
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: whatever it is. So you're doing that trade off all
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: the time.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: And that's it.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because because you see, you can't control this world.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: I think it's important to realize that. So maybe prior
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: to twenty twenty you could get away with it a bit.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: But now, given that young people have had all of
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: their schooling, all of their entertainment, and all of their
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: social linkage through computers, you're never going to win the again.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: The world's changed. It's time to get real about this.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: So in twenty nineteen, people would say stuff like, well,
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: what you should do is never meet a friend that
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: you never accept a friend online that you've never met
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: face to face, and basically put the computer in the
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: dining room. And you know, this is just archaic stuff.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Kids will laugh in your face if you suggest these things.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely ridiculous because the world's moved on and so
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: the world is computer based now, and social interactions are
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: also computer based.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: That's Andrew Fuller from episode three hundred and twenty nine
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: of the Happy Families podcast. If you're like that, you
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: might like to go and listen to the entire podcast.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Neurodiverse children up beautiful, but they also bring unique challenges
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: for parents and educators. The world does not always accommodate
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: them easily or well. Communication, affection, behavior, learning, and almost
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: every other aspect of life can be challenging for the
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: child and their families. The webinar A Parent's Guide to
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Autism by leading autism expert Michelle Garnett can help parents
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: and educators strengthen the bond with their autistic children for
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: better outcomes for children and families. A Parent's Guide to
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Autism is available at Happy Families dot com dot au. Well,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: that just about wraps up the Happy Families podcast for today,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: But just before we finish things off, I need to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: let you know about the books that I've written that
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: can make such a difference in your family's life. There's
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: twenty one Days to a Happier Family, which is online
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: wherever you buy your books, or in bookstores as well.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Twenty one Days to a Happier Family is about how
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: you can create habits to make your family happier. One
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: of the best selling books on resilience over the last
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: handful of years has been Nine Ways to a Resilient Child.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Nine Ways to a Resilient Child is a book that
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I wrote that's designed to help you to understand all
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: of the things that we might be doing that undermine
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: our kids' resilience and find ways that we can boost
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: their rezili And it's right back up. The book that
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I think is my parenting bible, the one that I
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: recommend to everyone if you've got a young family, is
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Ten Things Every Parent Needs to Know. In that book,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: you will discover what to do about getting on the
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: same page as your partner, how you can discipline your
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: children effectively, what to do about screen time, how you
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: can manage sibling rivalry. The list goes on and on
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: and on, and the one that I'm most proud of
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: of all is Misconnection. Misconnection Way your teenage daughter hate you,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: expects the world and needs to talk. If you've got
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: tween or teen girls, this is the book that considers
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: all of the big issues when it comes to raising
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: tween and teen girls. I'd love for you to check
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: those books out and more. They're all available at Happy
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Families dot com, dot a U, or wherever you buy
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: your books. Twenty one Days to a Happier Family, Nine
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Ways to a Resilient Child, miss Connection, and ten Things
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Every Parent Needs to Know. Oh and my seventh book
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: is coming out soon. More details in the next few
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: weeks on that one. It's especially for dads expecting that
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: can't wait for you to discover more about that. The
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: more and fo about making your family happier, check out
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: those books Happy families dot com dot you, or just
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: visit the website, have a look at the articles, the blogs,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: and keep on listening to the Happy Families Podcast.