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Happy Hour #97: The Holiday Blues · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and record of stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We never told your production, but I hear radio and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. We are pausing
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: because we have not gotten all of our sex in
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: the City stuff together quite yet. We're getting there, y'all,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: We're getting there. But because we are pausing, I've decided
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: that I want to rant during this Happy Hour. Is that? Okay, Annie, always,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: do you have your drink ready? As always, drink responsibly
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: if you do so, or whatever you're partaking in, do
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: it responsibly, whether that is coffee or tea or whatever.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: And also, we are not being sponsored by any specific
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: company to this episode. We have sponsors, but there's nothing
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: specific to this episode. If we mentioned a product, we promised,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: we're not being sponsored by them, so not at least
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: currently right now. Yes, at this moment while we're recording
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: dynamic as y'all, if you want to learn more about it,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I could go on and on and on. I am
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: just drinking red wine from a box out of the
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: very lovely wine tumbler that you gave me Star Wars
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: wine tumbler because I was going to make my classic
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: gin and tonic, but I was quite chilled earlier. I'm
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: better now, but earlier I was very, very cold, and
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the thought of any cold drink was not gonna fly. No,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So y'all um, I guess I'm just gonna go ahead.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I have COVID or not, but
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: there are things in my life and surroundings that may
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: suggest I do have COVID, even though I've taken five
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: different tests that says no. So we just admit that.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: So I have not been drinking anything except for they're
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: a flu or in the citron Ti which we discovered
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: at Costco, which is barely an Asian thing that's been around,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: which is pretty much like lovely ginger orange lemon mix
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: with sugar that you just let's sit and then it
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: kind of like solidifies into this lovely gel I guess,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: and then you add it to a tea and it's delicious.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: So it has been amazing for our nighttime teas because
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: then we have also made as a hot taddy nice.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Not today, it's now with my fo flu which I love.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Again obviously not sponsored. I don't think I want to
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: be sponsored by them. That just makes me sad, but
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: that is my drink of choice today to try to
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: get through my little sickness whatever it may be. Uh,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: if I do have COVID, oh my god, that's the
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: first time I've ever gotten COVID. Thank god I have
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: had all of the boosters and the shots because I
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: believe this is why I can't tell if it's a
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: common cold or actual COVID. So you know, if you
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: think it help at it, it's send some good vibes
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: as it is the holidays. But yeah, because it is
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: the holidays, I decide my rant was going to be
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: about the holiday blues. I I get them every year.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I try to bypass them by trying to be cheerful
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: and doing something that I think would be cheering up
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: of me. I guess that was all kinds of bubbled words,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: but I'm gonna leave it because it feels nonsensical that
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I know that every year, no matter what I do
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: during the season, I just get inexplicably sad. And I
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: say this as like Google, because there's nothing else I
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: can do other than be sad and watch Ratitui all day.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Apparently that's my go to movie. But I was thinking
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: about this because we've done many episodes about how women
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: have so much labor during the holidays, whether it's cooking
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: or getting families together. My poor sister has taken on
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: the task of getting all of the family presents, including
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: the siblings, so I've been sending her like list so
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: this is what we can do, and that includes the
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: siblings partners, and that in lose like Sibley's children, that
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: they have it like. She's having to handle all of
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: it to try to take the load off of my mother.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: So I feel very bad. At the same time, I
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: thank God for my sister because I don't think she's
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: also one that she would want to be the one
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: to do it so she can have it organized. It's
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: kind of one of those two partner like she doesn't
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: want it, but she doesn't want anyone else to do
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: it because she knows she can better handle it. So
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I do feel bad for that, but also feel very
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: relieved that I'm not the one doing it, which happens often. Um.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so you and I have talked about this
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: type of intensive labor that becomes a suck essentially to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: what should be lovely times. Do you feel that way too,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: because you've already started the Thanksgiving. I know you're the
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: one that definitely cooks in the family. Yeah, yeah, I
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: mean this year is very interesting because I don't know
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: if I told you this. I was late to Thanksgiving
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: because I got tires. I knew you were doing this. Yeah,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: so I got new tires. It took wait longer than
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I thought. This is a long story everybody, but basically
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I had tires that nobody believed should be tires um
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: but they were fine. Anyway. I got home later than
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I normally do, so my mom did a lot of
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: the cooking where I normally don't, and so it's kind
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: of a flip where I was relieved because it's so stressful,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: but it was also I felt guilty because I didn't
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: do it um. And then Thanksgiving came earlier than it
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: normally does this year. So we typically go on the
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Saturday after thanksgetting get the tree. We put up all
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the stuff, and that's usually me doing it with my
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: mom's help. It's kind of a split of responsibility. But
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I'm doing like the decoration stuff. And this year, because
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: it was so early, she was like, you know, maybe
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: let's put it off. It's a lot of work. You
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and I can just do a puzzle. And I was like, okay,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: but I'm not coming home again until Christmas, so it
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: would be you doing it and not me. And she
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: kept being like, no, no, no no, I know, it's like
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: it's a lot of work. We timed it last year.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It was four to five hours and that was with
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: three people. Um, and she was like, okay, well I'll
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: ask and she asked my brother and he was like, no,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: do it while she's here. She's here, and so we
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: all did it and it was the first time in
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: a long time where there were four of us, my
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: two brothers, me and my mom working on it. And
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: we timed it and it took three and a half hours.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: And it's fun. It's something I enjoy. I feel like
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I might be in the same vein as your sister.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I enjoy it. But I'm never ever ever going to
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: say it's not stressful, and I'm never ever going to
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: pretend it's not like something that is hanging over you, like, oh,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I've got to do this. And for us, like all
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: of our degredations are in the addict so you have
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: to like carry all these heavy boxes down and then
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: it's just like a whole ordeal. It's fun afterwards. I
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: like looking at it, but it is a huge stress.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I would never say it's not. And my brothers were
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: both kind of like, how do you do this? Like
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: we've just kind of been expected to this a time,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: like you do. Really, it's just the expectation that you
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: need to go ahead and do it. So what else
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: can you do? You can't do nothing about this, uh
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: that you can fix, so just do it, um And
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's that's a big part of that. And
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: for me, like my own trauma, you know trauma as well,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: but like my own trauma of being literally an orphan
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and then coming into the US and trying to acclimate
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: really really messed up my view of the holidays. And
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I was even talking with my partner about the things
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: that didn't make me sad and trying to figure it
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: out as an adult and being told as an adult,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: reason I'm sad about the holidays because I don't have kids,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: or I don't have a husband, or because I don't
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: have a family, like all of these things, and these
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: are the reasons you don't like the holidays, Like, Okay,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, loneliness could be a part of that, But
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I will say the best times that I've had in
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: my holidays sometimes have been with either just friends or
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: by myself, Like I feel so much more comfort in that,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: being able just to relax and not think about it.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And just in case you all do want to know,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: the holiday blues is a thing. Of course, it's not
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: a d s M diagnosis, and it's not necessarily UM
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: extensive of everyone, But there is a conversation that those
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: who do have mental health issues and our mental health
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: diagnosis rather um that you are more likely going to
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: be affected by the holidays, more likely to have more
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: feelings I guess you can say during that time. And
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: some of the causes that they list off, it's like
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: a sleep excess, eating and alcohol use, financial stress, which
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I know it's a huge one, isolation and loneliness, like
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I said, and unrealistic expectations, and I feel like that
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: could be a huge one for a lot of us
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: as well. Again that financial part two. Um, A part
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: of the things that I worried about was that I
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: couldn't give enough, I couldn't provide enough, and trying to
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: do that and being at that point I was single
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: and trying to give all of my family presence, my
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: parents good presence, but nieces and the nephews, good presence,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: like there's a lot to do, and trying not to
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: just link onto my mother and my father to be
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: a financial burden as an adult, which it took me
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: till I was uh late thirties to finally get to
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: that point of being able to give what I want
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and not think about it too much. And it's gone
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: to the point though that that's not even that much
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: fun because you're worried about trying to be uh spend
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: just as much as they do or provide just you know,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: it just becomes so capitalistic and I sound so old
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: and so both humbug and those, but it does. It
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: gets kind of like this is not fun as much
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: fun as I thought it would be. Um again, I'm
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: very privileged. I've got family, I've got money, So at
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: this point, like yes, to take beginning three or four
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: jobs at a time, yes, but you know, all of
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: that kind of just piles onto how I feel. Yeah,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: And for some reason I told you this before, I
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: could sit during the holidays every damn time. So maybe
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: now I have COVID On top of the fact I
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: used to get like strep throat or tonsilitis. I used
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: to be the sickness and bron kaitas that used to
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: be the sickness growing up every damn time. So maybe
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I've just been like I've been like training to be like, ye,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: this is gonna be a bad season. I'm just gonna
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: be out. I don't know. We do know your mental
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: health affects your physical health, Like it could be you
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: just get worn down or whatever. It makes you more
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: susceptible to these things. Maybe maybe that's what it is.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: But yeah, there's a whole lot of things that happened
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: during the season, and I know, again I'm not the
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: only one, and I know there's been so much trauma
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: when it comes to our politics and the pandemic that's
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: really brought out all of this to the excess. I
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: will say for me, I feel like it's made it
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: easier to avoid people, So that's been nice, but it's
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: also been really really heartbreaking because I felt like I've
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: lost so many relationships because of this time and point
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and trying to redefine what that looks like for me
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: as an adult without being catastrophic. You know this, it's
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: got a whole different conversation. Again, there's so many talks
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: about what's happening around the world, and what's happening in
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: our own country. We've got a mid term. Yes, we're
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: voting for the tenth time this last two I swear
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: to god, we've been voting three times a year for
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: the past four years. Has it not been that way?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Is it just in my head? That's what it feels
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: like it does. And I know we talked about this before.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: This is something I actually really appreciative of. But I
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: get these threatening postcards in my mailbox and it's usually
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: from like a high school student, I think, And it's like, Hi, Annie,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: who you vote for is secret, but if you're if
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: you're begetting record is public here it is please vote
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: in this election. Well know if you don't sign with
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: like a heart. And I love that people are getting involved,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: but calm down. It's like I got a ransom note?
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Have you gotten my dog in hostage? Like? Are you?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: What is happening? But I really like, we laugh about
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: all this and we are again at least we're running,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Like at least we are a state that's changing, and
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I'm very grateful for that. Um, it doesn't always feel
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: like that. It like from five years ago to today,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: it's an amazing turnaround, and I'm grateful, but again, it's
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of stress, and I know people know what
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: that feels like, and I know we're not the only ones.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: And to those of you who are in the same place,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I am, I see you, I see you. UM, and
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: just some of the things that could help and have
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: helped me, uh, And I just want to share that
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: along as Yes, I'm not drinking as much. I will
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: tell you that because these seasons are very precarious for me.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I love a good drink, don't get me wrong, But
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I also know that sometimes I get a little over
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: top emotional. I don't want to get to their Getting
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: help if you can afford it, literally getting therapy, please
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: do it. If you're taking medication that has been prescribed
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: after talking to all the people you need to talk
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: to and you need it, do that. Take that. Don't
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: don't forget that. That's really important during this season, really important.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Resting if you can or at least taking time to rest,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: whether it's you don't you can't sleep, but you're you're reading,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: You're reading something that you want to get lost in.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: That is something important to do. UM. Taking those times
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: to be quiet, if you can if that's what you want,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: or taking those times to be loud, Holy crap, if
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you need to go and scream somewhere, fid yourself a
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: room and just scream. Spend time with people that recharges you.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: That is for me, Annie, whom I love, which we
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: need to get together. So because we're talking about oysters,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: because we love oysters are tradition. Yeah, but spending time
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: with those who do recharge you. Um. Maybe one of
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: the things that have helped me in the past and
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: could help you is doing things for others, whether or
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: it is uh, helping with campaigns. I mean that's something
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: that you would do. Maybe don't do it so threatening, Lee,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Let's stop threatening people. Can we stop threatening people? Great?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you? But being a part of that volunteering in places,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: there's so many things that need volunteers. Uh, in a
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: good organization social organizations, be realistic with the way you
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: expect for that holiday. I've had to do this several times.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: We have to kind of step back and be like, Okay,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: calm down, because I've tried to plan a trip to
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Canada and to Iceland every day in the last two
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: weeks now, and no one's let me do it. Anyway.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: But being realistic is good because we do have responsibilities.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: It's important to be responsible, but you know, also give
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: yourself leeway when you can't get everything done. And he's
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: been very patient as I'm like, God, I'm gonna be
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: two hours later, and just you know, accept your feelings.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be sad. If you need to watch
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Ratatui for the two d time that day, do it.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: If you need to watch your nonsensical romance holiday films
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: like Love Actually, which everybody else tells you is wrong,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: do it. I did it last night, y'all did it.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: It's on a peacock and it's so problematic when need
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: to come back to all the problematic things that I've
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: been watching, but I can't help it. It helps me
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: feel good, okay. Um yeah, And you know again, reach
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: out if there's something that you need, there's things that
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: you really are struggling with, there's a way to reach out. Um. Yeah.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I just know we're here with you and we see
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: you and we do and we appreciate you. Um. We
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: appreciate you all so much. We're so thankful for all
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: of you. Yes, yes, we love you, and you also
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: are my good people's yes, yes, and I will say, uh,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you know, if you can afford it, get a solid
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: gift for yourself. That's what I would tell you. And
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I always like like during the holidays, if it doesn't
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: stress you out too much. That's when people are off,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: like your friends are off. So you just go to
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: a movie together, low key, like nothing big, and that's
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: that's great. That's all you need. And we have an
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: episode coming up on people Pleasing, which I think is
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: pretty related to this and will have more tips in
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: there as well for how you can kind of like
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: shut that down if you know that's a problem for you,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: So look out for that episode. Perfect. Yes, Well, cheers
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: to you, Samantha huge. We all hope you feel better, yes,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: and it cheers to you for listening. Cheers to you
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: for listening is a fun phrase, but that's what we're
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: going with. If you would like to contact us, if
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: you have any holiday traditions, whether you've got the holiday
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: blues and you're trying to combat it, are just things
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: that you love, let us know. You can email us
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: at Stephanie your mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom stub podcast
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: or an Instagram at stuff I Never told you. Thanks
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Christina Cheers Christina Dabeth,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Yes indeed, and thanks to you for listening stuff on
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: our toys protection of I Heart Radio from more podcast
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: on my heart Radio. You can check out the heart
• 17:12
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• 17:14
  Speaker 1: favorite shows.