Latest / Privycast / Ep. 178 How Much Work Does it Take to Poop?

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Ep. 178 How Much Work Does it Take to Poop? · Privycast

• 0:00
  We weren't even really sure if science was real a lot of the times.
• 0:03
  Science had more to do with growing food and like, apparently Montana had lots of very dope dinosaurs that people had found throughout our history, but like, I know a lot of us
• 0:14
  went through public education moderately skeptical about whether science was even real.
• 0:25
  Welcome back to Privy.
• 0:27
  Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
• 0:34
  I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
• 0:37
  Welcome back, everyone.
• 0:39
  Thank you for being here.
• 0:39
  Thank you for joining me here in my home bathroom.
• 0:43
  I got to admit, the way that I've structured my recording timeline, it's been a minute since I've sat down and recorded.
• 0:51
  I kind of had a bunch.
• 0:53
  banked in the hopper.
• 0:54
  And then that coupled with the nonsense that America's Best Restroom pulled again this year.
• 1:01
  More on that coming up.
• 1:03
  Probably my guess is October, which is usually when we're trying to dive fully into spooky season, but the America's Best Restroom competition via the Centus Corporation decides,
• 1:16
  you know what?
• 1:16
  Yeah, we'll put out all our information about who won the thing.
• 1:20
  I don't understand.
• 1:21
  It's an, I'll rant about this in the future, but it's an online poll.
• 1:24
  It's an online vote.
• 1:26
  So like once all of the votes are in, you ought to be able to just hit like tally, enter, and it will like total out each bathroom score.
• 1:39
  I don't really understand why it takes so much time and energy to sort out who won, but alas, that is how they've done it.
• 1:51
  I also got a note.
• 1:52
  I've got a bit of a rumbly tumbly this evening and I'm not sure what it is.
• 1:58
  I think I might've eaten too many Parmesan garlic kettle chips with not enough liquids on the system.
• 2:04
  Either that or it was the um chocolate peanut butter pie, which was delicious, but something's given me a rumbly tumbly.
• 2:14
  So who knows?
• 2:16
  Like we might be visiting.
• 2:19
  in real lives this week's topic this evening.
• 2:24
  Who knows?
• 2:26
  This episode is being recorded prior to, but is coming out at the end of what was for everybody a long weekend.
• 2:34
  I'm staring down the extra day off at the point of this episode's record.
• 2:40
  Here in the Willamette Valley, Oregon, or these United States, the kids just started back to school.
• 2:48
  Now I got to know, I know that there's a lot of folks throughout our country whose kids have already returned to school and you're probably better off for it.
• 2:56
  But our kids here in Oregon, we go back to school like the week after Labor Day.
• 3:05
  So yeah, that's what we got going on.
• 3:08
  It'll be fully September and no school will have started by tomorrow at the point of this record.
• 3:15
  But the kids just finished their first week.
• 3:18
  Good job.
• 3:19
  You guys made it to the end of your first week at the end, at the time this comes out and every year, this time of year.
• 3:26
  when it's in its back to school season.
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  Everybody's got their new backpack.
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  Everybody's got their new lunchbox.
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  Everybody's got their assortment of new pens and pencils.
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  Everybody's all bright eyed and bushy tailed for a brand new year of learning.
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  And every time that happens, I debate and I toy with the notion of doing a back to school episode wherein we discuss school bathrooms.
• 3:51
  And every year I just, can't, I can't bring myself to lock it down.
• 3:55
  I'm sure it'll happen one year, but this year isn't it.
• 3:59
  I don't know why.
• 4:01
  I think, I think there's some sort of concern that I have with like fully delving into school bathrooms because I know that I will need to record it from a school bathroom,
• 4:15
  which I have ample access to, but it's still like a barrier of entry.
• 4:23
  Not sure.
• 4:25
  But we just celebrated here in the United States, Labor Day.
• 4:30
  And since we did so, I thought we could talk about some things related to the history of Labor Day and use them to springboard ourselves into a conversation about the bathroom.
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  For our purposes in this episode, I want to look at a brief history of Labor Day.
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  And I promise it'll be brief.
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  We're going to keep it short here.
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  And to begin, there is some disagreement and like it's kind of up in the air about who was the first guy to come up with the idea of Labor Day.
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  Now, some records indicate a bloke named Peter McGuire, MC Guire,
• 5:20
  of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and the co-founder of the American Federation of Labor is the one that suggested this Labor Day as a holiday for the working class.
• 5:34
  Other sources indicate that it was a machine operator named Matthew Maguire, M-A-G-U-I-R-E, who came up with the idea.
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  I'm not going to say that it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter.
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  But like the fact that the two guys who they're pretty sure came up with Labor Day, the fact that their names are so close is just a bit suspect to me.
• 6:03
  Like I just I have some questions about how these two blokes his names were so close to each other.
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  It's kind of wild if you think about
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  But it's really hard to tell what's going on, but it should be noted that at those earliest and those first Labor Day celebrations, both of these guys were in attendance and
• 6:29
  they were on board with it.
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  With names so similar, it gets lost in the shovel.
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  But they wanted a day to observe and honor and give back by giving time off.
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  to the American worker.
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  Nowadays, it just feels like a day to get some sweet online deal.
• 6:54
  I feel like if you hop on social media anytime within a one week window of Labor Day, everybody's got a discount code.
• 7:02
  Everybody and their brothers got a code for you to slap down in that code box only to have you find out, you didn't put enough crap in your cart for the Labor Day sale to work.
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  You better go spend more money.
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  Just feels like a day for a deal.
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  What's interesting is, and it turns out Labor Day has an interesting start here in Oregon.
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  While there were Labor Day recognitions and activities and local ordinances that go back as far as 1885 and 1886, New York was the first state to introduce a bill regarding the
• 7:42
  day.
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  And Oregon was the first state to pass the law
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  in stating Labor Day, 1887.
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  It's interesting to me because it feels like nowadays there's a lot of folks in Oregon that would really do everything they can to avoid doing any labor at all.
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  It's like, brother, I need ciggies and beer.
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  Like just hook me up.
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  I'm going to sit here and throw my trash along the side of the road.
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  And please give me, gimme, gimme, gimme.
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  Now people, people come hard times fall on everybody.
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  And I'm not disparaging those who have come by hard times, but like when you're actively asking people for free stuff and then they give you free stuff and then you take the trash
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  that is produced by that free stuff and you scatter it, hither and yon all over everywhere.
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  It makes me less incentivized to give you free stuff.
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  So please, like you, must follow the same rules that we must follow as people that share a society.
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  Quit throwing your crap everywhere.
• 9:00
  It wasn't until 1894 that Congress passed an act making the first Monday in September a legal holiday, Labor Day.
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  While in the past, the day was celebrated with
• 9:16
  speeches dedicated to the worker and parades to give the worker time to be recognized and a day off to celebrate.
• 9:25
  As I said, nowadays, most people get a day off, not all of them, which is pretty rad, but you celebrate via various online and in-person sales.
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  It's less compelling.
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  It's Labor Day.
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  The history's short.
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  See, not too crazy.
• 9:46
  I know a lot of times here on the show, we don't like to draw a direct straight line to our end goal.
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  And we're not in this episode.
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  But not every line drawn has to be a crazy conglomerated zigzag.
• 10:00
  We can get to the point without getting to the point.
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  But before we get to the bathroom, which is where we're headed, you know I'm to be headed to the bathroom later.
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  We need to go back a little further than the first Labor Day to talk about yet another aspect of work, energy.
• 10:28
  As I've said before on the show, I'm not a scientist.
• 10:32
  Not me.
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  I grew up Montana public education.
• 10:36
  We weren't even really sure if science was real a lot of the time.
• 10:40
  Science had more to do with growing food and like, apparently Montana had lots of very dope dinosaurs that people had found throughout our history, but like, I know a lot of us
• 10:51
  went through public education moderately skeptical about whether science was even real.
• 10:57
  Ooh!
• 10:58
  But one thing I remember learning about in science class was energy and how really energy was somehow related to heat or like the amount of heat or something that something can
• 11:13
  create.
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  I don't remember all the specifics.
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  It's not important.
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  And while that's not entirely the case, that idea of energy and heat and like the amount it gives off was
• 11:28
  Really like the understanding that Nicolas Clement had in the early 1800s.
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  Now again, this would be 70 to 80 years before Labor Day existed.
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  Nicolas Clement, he was, I believe, French and I believe a chemist, but he used something that he called a calorie as a unit.
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  of heat that is measured and generated by steam engines.
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  So was like the steam engine produces this much calories of heat.
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  This stood, the calorie, stood as a common way to measure energy until 1928, well over a hundred years there, when they came up with the term joule as a measurement of the amount
• 12:21
  of energy it takes to perform some things.
• 12:26
  Some people burn lots of jewels.
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  Some people do not do much jewels.
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  know, everybody's does more or less jewels than other people.
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  Some people do none jewels and they are basement dwellers.
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  But a calorie at that time was more commonly held in the world of nutrition and how much energy or heat it would take your body to burn something or to burn off so much energy.
• 12:55
  I should know.
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  This is Hunter's incredibly simplistic way of describing a calorie.
• 13:05
  I don't really understand calories.
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  I know that they're in food and I know that if you exercise you burn them.
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  Like how I understand it, if you get more calories in your body, then your body burns.
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  It usually results in you gaining weight.
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  Like you've got surplus energy stores and you got to put it somewhere.
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  The actions that we do burn calories by using that energy and consuming those calories.
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  When we use up or burn more calories than we consume, we should theoretically lose weight.
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  At least that's the idea of all this.
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  It's like if you have not enough calories and you're burning more than what you put in in a day, you should like get smaller.
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  I think that's what the idea of calorie deficit is.
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  And I understand, like there's a whole conversation about metabolism and body weight and all, but this is the basics of calories.
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  goes to follow.
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  The idea then that when we do work, it uses up calories and burning calories is tied to us doing work and using energy with Labor Day being about work and celebrating and
• 14:30
  recognizing the worker and all the calories being burned when those workers do work.
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  We have a question then of are they related?
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  And even more importantly, how does any of this, this get us into the bathroom?
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  Unfortunately, this episode of privy contains math.
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  know.
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  What a bummer.
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  Math.
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  The concept of converting work to calories or vice versa is a simple mathematic conversion.
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  An equation must be performed in order to change the energy.
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  Yes, I just removed my socks.
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  Chill out.
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  But must be, it's hot.
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  It's a blustery August day.
• 15:28
  That's why I'm slurping the spin drift this evening, but you have to convert it.
• 15:35
  gotta, you gotta do a mathematical conversion, which is always a bummer, but, this mathematical conversion is what every smartwatch exercise machine and anything that
• 15:46
  converts the exercise that you're doing into the amount of calories burned.
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  has a program in it that does this conversion and
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  The most simple way of proceeding forward on this episode, wherein I don't like and don't feel like doing math is if you exert four joules of work, which I don't, it's a
• 16:08
  measurement.
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  I don't know how they measure it, four joules.
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  You would burn about one calorie.
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  So one calorie equals four joules of work.
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  I should note here, the math is not exact, but like I don't like decimals or fractions.
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  And this show isn't here for science.
• 16:28
  It's for bathroom exploration.
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  So for our purposes, four joules equals one calorie.
• 16:34
  like, okay, now we got our conversion chart, but why are we on this Labor Day weekend and this week after Labor Day talking about work and calories and labor?
• 16:50
  Well, because my friends,
• 16:53
  Sometimes you wake up at two in the morning and you really do some work and you really burn some calories grunting a stumpy out in the middle of the night.
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  I mean this thing just keeps coming back.
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  It's like it's one of those where you give 15 minutes of dedicated turd time and then you stand up you wash your hands and it's threat level brown.
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  You're back at it again.
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  It's like brother.
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  There's so much going on.
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  There's so much work that is wanting to be done now.
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  And all I want to do is get back to my evening slumber.
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  So with the idea then that about four joules of work is about burning one calorie,
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  And in honor of Labor Day, I got to wondering.
• 17:48
  How much work and as an extension, how many calories do we burn when we go to the bathroom?
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  I should note, the simple path forward would be a Google search and a brief search on the internet, which by the way, I got to tell you right
• 18:09
  My Google search history and my algorithms for most of my social media are just shot.
• 18:16
  They're shot from doing this show.
• 18:19
  I get every advertisement for every type of soap, every type of toilet paper.
• 18:27
  If there's a strange dude wipes are up on my grind.
• 18:31
  Like I get so many dude wipes ads and they got pumpkin spice dude wipeys.
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  I'm not gonna lie, I gotta seek this out.
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  Mostly because I gotta know if they taste like pumpkin spice.
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  They ain't no-
• 18:51
  But if you Google how much calories does pooping burn, which is what I did enter into my search bar, it says it doesn't really burn many calories.
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  Now that's not acceptable for me because like many is still some.
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  So pooping is like a normal body function.
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  If it's not, please go see your doctor.
• 19:14
  I'm not your doctor and I'm not a scientist as I stated at the beginning, but like it's a normal body function.
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  And on average, they say that you only burn five to 10 calories per bodily movement.
• 19:27
  Now, I also looked up, well, like how long does a normal bowel movement last?
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  Like if they're saying five to 10, that seems low.
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  And they said that an average poo job takes 30 seconds to two minutes.
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  Now,
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  I like to think that I, my bathroom constitution is pretty consistent and it's not, I wouldn't describe it as difficult, but 30 seconds is incredible.
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  Like, I don't even know if you've got a sphincter.
• 20:00
  If it's coming out of you 30 seconds flat, that's quick.
• 20:03
  Like I believe that's diarrhea.
• 20:05
  I'm not sure, but it just seems suspicious to me.
• 20:10
  But you could say that in about a minute of pooping, when you're having an okay time of it and everything is smooth sailing, get it, you're not working hard, you would burn about
• 20:21
  five calories per minute going to the bathroom.
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  So for a five minute drop, you'd be staring about 25 calories burned, as long as everything's smooth and coming out okay.
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  But the thing is, in my experience,
• 20:37
  If you're worrying and if you're even halfway concerned with how many calories you burned while you were pooping, it wasn't smooth.
• 20:45
  Like nobody ever had a smooth deuce and said, I bet you I really worked hard and burned lots of calories getting that one out.
• 20:53
  It's usually when things are difficult, when you're plugged up, backed up, things are not smooth, consistency is whack, you have to work harder to make your deposit.
• 21:06
  Just like at the gym, when you work harder, you burn more calories.
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  So what about on a particularly challenging job?
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  How much work, and as an extension, calories do you burn on one of those?
• 21:20
  Now.
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  They estimate that depending on your body weight, if you sit upright for one hour, you can burn 120 to 150 calories.
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  So if you sat up for five minutes, you would burn 10 calories.
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  So now you have 15 to 15 calories for an easy poop or 15 to 40.
• 21:49
  One frame of reference and I began to wonder, well, is there any other actions that people do wherein they strain and push in order to push something out of their body?
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  And as I thought about that, my brain naturally went to childbearing.
• 22:07
  Now, childbearing, needless to say, ladies, if I had to say it, I'm sorry, but childbearing is actually harder than pooping.
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  Go figure.
• 22:16
  It's obviously more difficult and it's
• 22:18
  takes longer.
• 22:20
  You can learn something though from the process of straining and pushing and the work it requires.
• 22:26
  Now, they note that a typical label late labor and delivery can burn anywhere between five and ten thousand calories.
• 22:35
  That's a lot.
• 22:36
  That's like two to three days worth, maybe four or five days worth of eating that are burned in like a session of of like pushing a child.
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  It's wild.
• 22:49
  Most of those calories are burned, however, from contracting muscles to help push the like fat baby head out.
• 22:56
  I mean, that's just, that's just how that works.
• 22:59
  It's not the same, but from it, we know that when you grunt one out, whether it's a baby or a lot of work on a poop, it expends more work and as a result, more calories.
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  So I decided that the process of weightlifting
• 23:18
  like, you know, like we're we're straining lifting weights.
• 23:21
  And by the way, if you're making noise lifting weights, you're letting you're not.
• 23:25
  Anyway, don't do that.
• 23:29
  but it's not hard, like heavy.
• 23:31
  So I said, let's do casual weightlifting.
• 23:34
  And they say if you are casually lifting weights, like you're not overdoing it, but you're just going safe, moderate pace, they estimate that you burn about 150 calories in 30
• 23:45
  minutes.
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  That means casual weightlifting for five to 10 minutes burns 20, 50 calories.
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  So on top of the sitting upright and the regular, like calories burned during poop,
• 23:59
  you would burn between 75 and 125 calories for a particularly difficult 5 to 10 minute bathroom job.
• 24:12
  God forbid you do a 20 to 30 minute stint.
• 24:16
  You could be staring it upwards of a hundred plus calories if you're, if you're on there.
• 24:24
  And I think a good metric for me, as I think through these things, I think a good metric is to estimate that you burn about, you could say about, if it's a tough one, if it's a
• 24:37
  tough guy, you could say that you probably burn about a hundred calories for a 10 minute difficult job.
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  And you know, I think as you back it off, medium job, probably 75 for 10 minutes and an easy one, easily 50 calories burned for a
• 24:54
  Easy 10 minute job.
• 24:55
  So this Labor Day, in honor of the work that people do, I wanted to take a crack at all of this at a shorter episode in honor of the working man and the working man's turd.
• 25:10
  So as they carbo load before a long session of whatever they're going to go do for work, just remember the more nasty bathroom job that they have coming later, it's going to burn
• 25:21
  more calories in the long run.
• 25:24
  It's not a crazy amount, but it is work and it's work done producing a grumpy.
• 25:33
  I want to also note before we move to close out the episode that there's people that weigh themselves before and after pooping, subtract the difference, and they have found how much
• 25:44
  their poo weighs.
• 25:45
  Now, I should note there are instances in usually medical settings wherein people do that process where they weigh themselves poop and then weigh themselves, but they also weigh
• 25:55
  the poop.
• 25:55
  And what they found is the difference, the discrepancy is your
• 26:01
  change in body weight is not always the same as the poo.
• 26:05
  Sometimes you actually lost more weight than the poo weight.
• 26:11
  And it's something to think about.
• 26:12
  Perhaps that way is made up in calories burned, producing the job.
• 26:18
  Something to think about.
• 26:18
  It's not much, but it is enough to make you ponder.
• 26:21
  This brings us to the end of another episode of Privy.
• 26:25
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 26:26
  Thank you for listening.
• 26:27
  Share the show with a friend.
• 26:28
  Word of mouth is huge for podcasts and September is like podcast awareness month.
• 26:34
  Tell a friend as you're standing around, say, Hey, I listened to this show and it's okay to be a little embarrassed about.
• 26:41
  I get it, it's a podcast about bathroom.
• 26:43
  I'm pretty self-aware about this.
• 26:44
  Just tell them, like, yeah, you know, I listen to Privy, you know, it's podcast, and word of mouth is huge.
• 26:50
  Share the show on social media, do all those things, but the biggest help that you can do is leaving the show a rating review.
• 26:57
  If you do one thing to podcast awareness or whatever month September is, leave the show a rating or review.
• 27:04
  You can do that on Apple Podcasts, the Spotify podcast.
• 27:07
  The five star options are preferred.
• 27:09
  Doing so helps people find the show.
• 27:11
  It pops it up higher into lists about history in bathrooms.
• 27:15
  And that's about what we got going on here.
• 27:18
  But it also is a way for us to give back to Wounded Warriors and Living Water International.
• 27:24
  A dollar for every rating left.
• 27:27
  If you do a written review, we'll bump that up.
• 27:29
  As a reminder to keep pooping in the free world.
• 27:32
  This free world was not always free and in pursuit of cleaner water for all.
• 27:37
  Not everybody has it.
• 27:38
  and we're pursuing it for others.
• 27:41
  We want to thank Kevin and Pottington for the use of their music.
• 27:44
  You can find their links in the description below.
• 27:46
  Follow the show at privycast on social media.
• 27:49
  us an email privycast at gmail.com.
• 27:51
  Check out the website privy-cast.com.
• 27:55
  We're still working on some, some store and we got some sticker items on there.
• 27:59
  Go check those things out.
• 28:02
  We would also encourage you check out the privy's Facebook group.
• 28:05
  We've got lots of Facebook pranks, memes, and jokes.
• 28:08
  Available on there and shout out to a bunch of the guys that keep fresh bathroom jokes coming.
• 28:14
  I appreciate you guys this brings us again to the another episode and Thank you so much for being here.
• 28:22
  Keep pooping in the free world own your stank and Don't work too hard busting them grumpies and now as always Don't forget to flush