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How having Kids with a Narcissist could be a HUGE mistake · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how how having children,
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  having kids with a narcissist can alter the course of your
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  entire life. Having kids with anybody, but
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  having kids with a narcissist can alter your the, the course
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  of your entire life. I can't talk straight.
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  I'm so just ready to get into this.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the Narcissist Code. It's Bane.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes, we all, I think most people
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  know a lot of people know in these situations that children
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  change everything. Children absolutely change so
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  much in your life. Having kids, yeah, even having
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  kids with the right person, a non narcissistic person can
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  change your life. But having kids with a
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  narcissist can alter the course of your existence for real in a
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  negative way. You know, kids are beautiful,
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  Kids are, you know, kids are just amazing.
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  You know what I mean? They can be, you know, I got
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  three, I got three of them and they they can be amazing, but
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  they can also get in your near a little bit, right?
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  One of the and like, yeah, this is a I'm trying to make this a
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  judgment free zone, like Planet Fitness, right?
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  I'm trying to make this a judgment free zone, but I also
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  have to keep it hot and ready like Little Caesars.
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  I will say this right here that there's some people that I
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  talked to. Yeah, I know, I know a lot of
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  people say this right here. They'll they'll say, well,
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  having kids, you know, I love I I I regret having, you know, I
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  regret having them with this person.
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  But I love my babies to death. But a lot of them will openly
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  admit, they just say, hey, look, I love my kids, but I wish I
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  would have had them with someone else.
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  You know, I could have had little, little, little little
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  Mark or a little Ashley or a little Shannon or little Darius.
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  You know what I mean? Little Marcus by somebody else,
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  right. I could have had them with
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  someone else. So don't like, say, if you
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  feeling like this, you're going to get judged for thinking out,
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  for saying it to yourself. Don't.
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  Yeah. This is the judgement free zone.
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  I feel like you're allowed to have that thought, right?
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  You are allowed to have those thoughts.
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  You know, it don't mean you love your kids any less.
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  It just means sometimes you know, you have these thoughts
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  because when you realize or sometimes you already know,
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  sometimes you know, that this person is talking.
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  Sometimes you know, this person is abusive.
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  And somehow, like a lot of people get into their minds, get
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  into their heads that children will fix this.
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  You know, you get into your minds or you like, well, my
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  kids, you know, I, I, I did the greatest thing my my kids or my
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  lifeline. And, you know, just having a
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  baby will fix this relationship. Like we don't like these will be
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  your main this this will be your main complaint in a
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  relationship, right? You'll have, we don't spend
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  enough time together. We don't, we don't have enough
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  activities that we do together. We don't, there's no intimacy.
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  You don't want to fix us a baby. Yeah.
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  How, how, how well, having a baby increase those things.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because babies deserve babies
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  get their own time. They, they tend to be crying and
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  things like that and need, need assistance.
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  They, you know, they need, they're 100% dependent upon you.
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  So it's just it's hard to create more intimacy when you got a
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  crying baby, you know, maybe you got to breastfeed or not
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  breastfeed, bottle feed, you know, whatever is going on,
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  whatever the situation may be. So having kids with this person
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  can alter your life because if you, damn, especially if you are
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  still living with them, you're still married to them.
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  It's like you damn near don't get any peace.
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  Like not because of the kids, because having kids with this
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  narcissistic person in their minds guarantees access to you
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  for the rest of your life. This is how a lot of narcissists
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  think. They will think that having kids
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  with them, having kids by you guarantees them some type of
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  access to you for the rest of their existence.
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  This is how a lot of narcissistic people think,
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  right? Y'all ever like what having kids
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  guaranteed like having have well, you got a baby by me, you
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  can't cut me off. That's how a lot of narcissists
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  think right there. We, we are together, we have
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  kids together. That means you cannot cut me
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  off. This is the mentality right
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  here. This is how a lot of them feel.
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  You can't cut me off because they feel like babies are
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  forever accessed. So if you don't have kids with a
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  narcissist, do not have kids with a narcissist.
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  Do not y'all. I know you feel like it's a
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  fixed thing. I know you feel like this is
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  love. This is no y'all, this is.
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  Imagine this person reaching out to you for the rest of your
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  life. There are so many people in the
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  comment sections that are going to flood this comment section.
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  I hope y'all see this. If you have kids with them, let
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  them know. Let them know how difficult it
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  can be when this person like court orders you to talk with
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  somebody. Imagine you have a court order
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  to have to have to talk with somebody for the rest of your
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  existence. Damn near and will at least the
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  kids get 18. But after 18 it doesn't mean
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  that the abuse stops even if you leave.
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  Post separation abuse is a real thing.
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  Having kids with the narcissist will absolutely change and alter
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  your existence. It will disrupt your peace.
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  You know narcissists are going to be abusive with or without
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  children, right? But we all know, and I think
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  most people will can attest to this.
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  There's sometimes you don't know who this person really is until
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  you have a kid with them. Like because this, I'm going to
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  do another video on this, but having children by a narcissist
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  is one of the main moments where they, it can set them off.
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  It will say it can set them off on this kind of awakening
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  spiral, so to speak. It can set them off and make
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  them behave in a certain type of way.
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  It can make them act a certain type of way.
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  It can make them do things in a certain type of way.
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  So having kids with them can actually make the mask come off.
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  They will show you the real version of them.
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  Because a lot of times when you get pregnant by a narcissistic
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  person or they get pregnant by you, sometimes they'll, they
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  will initiate the disc Scarface. They'll treat you horribly
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  throughout the pregnancy, the male or the female, they will
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  treat you horribly or the person they will treat you horribly
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  throughout the entirety of the process.
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  And you be like, what the hell? What the hell happened to you?
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  I thought we, we, we planned this baby and now we as soon as
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  I went in and peed on that stick and that plus sign came out, the
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  mask came out. Who the hell are you?
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  I don't know you no more, which is completely understandable.
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  It can get on people's nerves. I understand how they can get on
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  so many people's nerves. You're like, I don't know.
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  I don't know the person anymore. Like I thought we were good.
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  I thought things were good, I thought things were going to be
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  OK. But this person, they didn't
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  lost their damn minds. They didn't.
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  They became since I got pregnant or since they got pregnant,
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  they've become way more abusive, but they lost their damn minds.
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  So sometimes having a baby or expecting a child by this person
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  can absolutely initiate the mask being removed by them, which
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  again, on your side of things, dealing with this person is
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  going to like, it can exacerbate a lot of different symptoms you
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  can have. Like imagine being stressed
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  throughout your entire pregnancy.
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  I know some people with your first child, second child,
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  whatever number of childhood is you would want, you would expect
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  that peaceful pregnancy. You want to have a partner that
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  is going to take care of you or you want to have a party that
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  you can take care of that you can be there for like my baby
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  pregnant, I got to take care of. I got to take care of them so
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  they can they can be OK. You want that mindset, but they
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  don't have that mindset. They be like, oh, trap you
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  gotcha. You can't get rid of me.
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  And you know, in the United States, whatever, you know,
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  there's certain things that say you can't do anything with it
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  baby. So they stuck.
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  So imagine this right here, because there's a lot of laws
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  that are going to go into place in certain states.
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  There are some laws where the people will get you pregnant on
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  purpose to trap you and you can't do anything about it.
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  It's not your body, it's not your body to your choice no more
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  in certain States and in certain areas.
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  So think about that. There was a condoms I need to
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  buy, man, I need to buy some condom stock here.
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  So I need to buy some stock and some condoms and whatnot.
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  For real, for real. But this is the mentality.
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  This is the space that so many people fall into.
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  Like I'll be wanting people to win, but some of there's so many
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  people that I actually do coaching calls with.
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  Y'all tonight. I feel like I sometimes I feel
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  like I fail people. I'll do coaching call with them
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  years, years ago, in the past, they don't have any kids.
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  And then I do a coaching call with them two years later, a
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  year and a half later, like, what's up?
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  What's going on? I ain't talking to you in a
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  while. Oh, look at the baby now by by
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  not by them. Yeah.
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  I thought I failed y'all. It hurts because children before
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  you have kids with these people, that type of person, y'all
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  understand. And this is my mentality.
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  And I think this should this is probably going to be a lot of
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  people's as well. Your kids deserve a fighting
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  chance to have a healthy household.
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  If you're dealing with an unhealthy person or you feel
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  like you yourself are unhealthy mentally, emotionally, then it
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  might be time for you. You see what I'm saying?
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  Take your time in these situations, y'all, because it
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  really can. Like, and I know I talked to a
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  lot of people that are stressed, they are crying.
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  They, they, like, I talked to so many people.
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  They were on their way out, they got the strength to leave and
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  they were on the way out. And guess what happened?
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  They found out they were pregnant or the narcissistic
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  person reached out to them. I'm pregnant and they, they feel
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  like their lives crumble up because they know they knew.
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  Like I say, a lot of times, if you know that they are abusive
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  or manipulative before the baby, imagine what they're going to do
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  afterwards. You know what I mean?
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  The baby will absolutely, the child will absolutely be
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  leveraging these situations. They're going to use this child
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  as a tool to manipulate you, as a tool to hurt you, as a tool to
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  just get into your mind and get it stay and stay involved into
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  your life. So even if you do leave them,
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  even if they leave you and don't want to be with you anymore, you
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  know, even if they leave you and don't want to have anything else
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  to do with you, they will still have access to you.
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  And crazy man Marty is some of them will absolutely move on,
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  have another partner, have another, have more partners, but
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  come back and try to refuse to let you move on.
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  They'll try to refuse to let allow you the space to heal and
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  grow, refuse to allow you the space to move on and things like
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  that. And this happens to so many
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  people y'all. And it sucks when I'm talking to
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  people and they just feel super defeated because they have baby
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  or babies with this person, because they have kids or adult
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  kids with this person. You know, if they feel super
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  defeated, I'm not saying your life is over you.
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  I'm not trying to raise bring doom and loom to your life.
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  But I would just do want to give you all some foreshadowing that
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  your life is not going to be easy.
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  Having a baby with a manipulator, having a baby with
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  an abuser, especially if they already they've been putting
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  your hands, putting their hands on you, kicking you, hitting
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  you, beating you, doing this type of stuff to you.
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  What do you think they're going to do to their baby?
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  I feel like this is, you know, I don't drag you along too much
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  longer, but like, I feel like you think that a baby a lot, a
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  lot of people, some people think that a baby will make this
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  person care more. It won't y'all, Because if
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  you're dealing with a selfish, manipulative, narcissistic
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  person, most times they're only going to care about themselves.
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  I'm not saying that they won't be able to care for the child,
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  but a lot of times it's just they, the baby will always be in
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  danger with this person. Now, sometimes you get, you have
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  a baby with a narcissist and the crazy amount of it is they only
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  care about the baby. They care about you less.
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  They still treat you like hell, but you do hell.
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  But they, they treat the baby like little Prince or Princess
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  or what not. You mean they, they, they go
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  through the ringer for the baby. So sometimes that situation can
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  happen as well. I'm not saying, well, Lee, you
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  just gave me hope. I'm going to get pregnant right
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  now. Don't you dare, don't you dare.
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  We're not clapping no more cheeks.
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  Don't you dare because they're not trying to give you hope.
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  Maybe they will care. Maybe I can be one of the lucky
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  ones. What if you're not?
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  What if you're not one of the lucky ones?
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  What if you one of the unlucky ones?
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  Unlucky ones that that that are in and out of court for the rest
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  of for the next 1819 twenty years.
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  Well, if you were the unlike ones that don't get peace
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  because the person is allowed to text you at any time but anytime
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  of day or night or call you anytime of day or night and pops
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  you back or you want to pick my phone up.
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  You be you being you being you alienated me put back back to
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  court. What if you're not you know what
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  I'm saying Having babies with narcissistic people will alter
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  your existence. You're saying it could it could
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  it could it be a catapult for you to have a better life.
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  I'm not saying that it's not possible, but I'm saying it's
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  not very it's not probable Yeah, I'll say that like that anyways,
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  y'all you've made it to the end of this video.
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  Make sure to hit that subscribe button because it helps reach
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  more people like somebody subscribe to the channel and it
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  reached you and this video helps you subscribe hit the like
• 12:38
  button, leave a comment. You may need to reach other
• 12:40
  people help them out. Help wait, maybe you maybe you
• 12:43
  can stop somebody from having a baby with a narcissist.
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  They see this video anyways y'all they able to them in and
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  as always let the hell this is out.
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  Peace what's going on beautiful folks.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video I truly
• 12:54
  appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 12:56
  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button.
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  You made it this far you might as well subscribe.
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  It really does help the channel y'all y'all.
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  It helps me reach more people as well.
• 13:05
  Also I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 13:09
  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 13:12
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 13:14
  I appreciate it. I'm out.