Latest / The Difference We Make: Stories of People Changing Lives / The Day I Gave Away My Favorite Toy to a Stranger | The Difference We Make
Transcript
- I still remember the exact weight of the plastic soldier in my palm, heavy with the guilt of letting him go. It wasn’t just a toy; it was the last piece of my childhood armor, and handing it over felt like tearing off a skin layer. Let’s look at the hands behind this. Because when we talk about philanthropy or social impact, we usually start with the checkbook, the signature, the transaction. But real giving starts in the quiet, awkward space where you have to decide what part of yourself is willing to be displaced. I’m talking about that specific Tuesday when I was seven years old, standing on the porch of our house in the working-class neighborhood where I grew up. The air smelled like rain on hot pavement, and in my hand, I held Barnaby. Barnaby wasn’t much to look at—a chipped green plastic soldier with one arm missing—but he was mine. He had survived the carpet burnings, the backyard battles, the lonely afternoons when I needed a friend who wouldn’t judge me for being too loud or too quiet. And there was this boy. He lived two streets over. We didn’t know each other well, but we knew the kind of knowing that happens when kids share the same sidewalks. He was sitting on his steps, looking smaller than usual, holding a box of crackers that looked like they’d been crushed in a backpack. He wasn’t asking for anything. He never did. But I saw the way he watched Barnaby. Not with greed, but with a longing so raw it made my stomach turn. And in that moment, I realized something terrifying: Barnaby belonged to me, but this boy needed a reason to feel safe. So I walked down the stairs. My heart was hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird. I knelt beside him and offered him the soldier. He didn’t say thank you right away. He just took it, held it close, and for the first time in months, he smiled. That smile stayed with me longer than any gift I’ve ever received since. We live in a culture that tells us giving is about what we can spare. It’s about the overflow, the leftover joy, the things we don’t need anymore. But if we’re honest, most of us hoard because we’re afraid of running out. We think if we give away our favorite things, we’ll be left with nothing. We’ll be empty. I used to believe that too. I thought kindness was a zero-sum game—that every act of generosity was a subtraction from my own happiness. But here’s the truth I’ve learned after years of reporting on crisis zones and community repairs: giving isn’t subtraction. It’s multiplication. When I gave Barnaby away, I didn’t lose my childhood. I gained a connection. I gained a story. I gained the knowledge that I could be the person who showed up when someone else was breaking. This is why I often say that agency over charity is vital. When we give from a place of scarcity, we create dependency. But when we give from a place of abundance—abundance of spirit, not just stuff—we create partnership. The boy didn’t become dependent on me. He became capable of receiving grace. And I became capable of giving it without expecting a receipt. That shift changes everything. It moves us from pity to solidarity. From donor to neighbor. And it’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. It requires us to look at our own attachments and ask why we hold on so tightly. Do we need this thing? Or do we just need to feel like we have control? Stay with me here. Because holding on has a cost too. It’s not free. Every time we clutch onto our comfort, our resources, our certainty, we pay a price in isolation. We build walls around our hearts to protect what we have, but those walls keep love out as effectively as they keep pain in. I see this in so many communities today. People are exhausted, yes, but they’re also incredibly isolated. They have plenty of stuff, but no one to share it with. They have safety, but no sense of belonging. And it’s killing them slowly. The tragedy isn’t that we don’t have enough. The tragedy is that we’ve forgotten how to trust each other with what we do have. When I think about that boy on the steps, I don’t just see a recipient. I see a mirror. He was hungry for connection, just as I was hiding from vulnerability. By giving him Barnaby, I broke the seal. I let him in. And he let me out of my own cage. That’s the hidden exchange. That’s the part they don’t teach you in school or in boardrooms. You give away your favorite thing, and in return, you get back your humanity. You remember that you’re not alone. You’re part of a web. A fragile, beautiful, tangled web. And if you pull on one thread, the whole thing vibrates. Don’t be afraid of the vibration. Lean into it. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Ashling, this is nice, but I don’t have a chipped plastic soldier to give away. I have bills. I have stress. I have a life that feels like it’s spinning out of control. And that’s fair. But giving doesn’t always mean handing over your most prized possession. Sometimes it means handing over your pride. Sometimes it means admitting you don’t know the answer. Sometimes it means listening to someone else’s story without trying to fix it. These are the small acts that ripple outward. They’re the gritty, unglamorous work of repair. They’re the days when you choose patience over frustration, curiosity over judgment, presence over distraction. Think about the last time you felt truly seen by another person. Did they give you money? Probably not. Did they give you advice? Maybe. But mostly, they gave you their attention. They looked at you. They heard you. And in that moment, you felt less alone. That’s the currency of human connection. And it’s available to all of us, right now, in this very second. You don’t need permission to be generous. You don’t need a platform. You just need to notice the tremor in someone’s voice. You just need to ask the hard question. You just need to show up. That’s where the real work begins. Not in the grand gestures, but in the daily practice of radical attentiveness. It’s easy to be generous when you have extra. It’s harder to be generous when you’re tired. But that’s when it matters most. When you’re drained, your instinct is to withdraw. To protect your energy. To say no. But what if you said yes? What if you leaned in? Just a little. Ask your coworker how they’re really doing. Listen to your partner’s complaint without offering a solution. Text a friend who hasn’t called in weeks. These aren’t big deals. They’re tiny threads. But woven together, they make a fabric strong enough to hold us all. I remember reading a story once about a woman who started a community garden in her city. She didn’t have much land. She didn’t have much money. But she had time. And she had the willingness to get her hands dirty. She invited neighbors to help. Some came to complain. Some came to learn. Some just came to sit. And over time, the garden grew. Not just the plants, but the relationships. People who hadn’t spoken in years started sharing tools. Strangers began sharing meals. The garden became a place of healing. Not because of the tomatoes or the roses, but because of the people. Because of the shared labor. The shared sweat. The shared hope. That’s the power of showing up. That’s the power of giving yourself away, piece by piece, until there’s nothing left to hide. We often wait for the perfect moment to give. We wait until we’re ready. Until we’re confident. Until we know exactly what to do. But perfection is the enemy of progress. In fact, it’s the enemy of connection. If you wait for the perfect gift, you’ll never give. If you wait for the perfect words, you’ll never speak. If you wait for the perfect moment, you’ll miss the moment entirely. Give anyway. Speak anyway. Show up anyway. Even if it’s awkward. Even if it’s clumsy. Even if it’s wrong. Because wrong is better than nothing. Because imperfect action creates momentum. And momentum creates change. I’ve made mistakes. So have you. So has everyone. But those mistakes taught me more than any success ever could. They taught me humility. They taught me resilience. They taught me that I am capable of forgiveness. Of myself. Of others. And that’s the greatest gift of all. The ability to forgive. To let go. To move forward. So don’t wait. Don’t hesitate. Don’t overthink. Just give. Your time. Your attention. Your heart. It’s all you have. And it’s all anyone needs. So here’s my invitation to you. Today, or tomorrow, or next week, find one thing you’re holding onto too tightly. One fear. One resentment. One belief that’s keeping you small. And let it go. Not all at once. Just a little. Share it with someone you trust. Tell them about it. Watch what happens. You might be surprised by the response. You might be surprised by yourself. Because when we stop protecting our edges, we allow the world to touch us. And when we allow the world to touch us, we allow ourselves to be changed. That’s the difference we make. Not by fixing everyone. But by connecting with everyone. By seeing each other. By remembering that we’re all just trying to survive. And thrive. Together. Stay with me. Keep listening. Keep growing. And keep giving. Because the world is waiting for your light. And it’s brighter than you think. Thank you for spending this time with me. I’m Ashling Scallon. Take care of yourselves, and each other. Until next time.