Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Minisode: A Total Babe with Chelsea + Catherine
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
- 0:01Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. In May the thirtieth of May, I will
- 0:04Speaker 1: be in Vegas at my residency. In June, i will
- 0:07Speaker 1: be in Saratoga Springs, New York, port Chester, New York.
- 0:10Speaker 1: I'm coming to Boston at the Wang Theater. I'll be
- 0:13Speaker 1: in Portland, Oregon, Seattle, and then Hyannas, Massachusetts, and then
- 0:17Speaker 1: two shows in Nantucket. In August, you can find me
- 0:23Speaker 1: in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey, and Calgary.
- 0:26Speaker 1: That's Canada. And September I will be in Santa Barbara,
- 0:29Speaker 1: San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut.
- 0:33Speaker 1: October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
- 0:41Speaker 1: and Spokane. And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.
- 0:44Speaker 1: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Babies,
- 0:48Speaker 1: I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing
- 0:51Speaker 1: out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
- 0:54Speaker 1: tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.
- 0:59Speaker 2: Kelsey. How are you hi, I'm Chelsea.
- 1:01Speaker 3: What's your name?
- 1:02Speaker 2: My name is Catherine. It's nice to meet you, Catherine,
- 1:04Speaker 2: with you nice.
- 1:05Speaker 1: It's a beautiful day here in sunny Los Angeles.
- 1:08Speaker 2: It absolutely is.
- 1:09Speaker 1: I'm safe in my house, my beautiful house.
- 1:13Speaker 2: You know what it feels like you actually finally live here.
- 1:15Speaker 2: I've had people hours everywhere.
- 1:17Speaker 1: I've had people staying here. I had my two of
- 1:20Speaker 1: my openers that come on the road with me Ya
- 1:22Speaker 1: Menika and Megan Gaily. They were staying here all week,
- 1:25Speaker 1: so they broke in my guest room. Yah, Minika broke
- 1:28Speaker 1: in my guest room.
- 1:29Speaker 2: For sure, broke it in.
- 1:31Speaker 1: Broke broke it in. And that's a separate issue. But
- 1:35Speaker 1: the house is starting to feel like a home. I
- 1:36Speaker 1: had a dinner party the other night. I had like
- 1:38Speaker 1: six friends over. I'm going to do it again tomorrow night.
- 1:41Speaker 1: I'm like slowly and the house is beautiful and I'm
- 1:44Speaker 1: loving it and I'm grateful that i have a gorgeous
- 1:46Speaker 1: house to live in.
- 1:46Speaker 2: It's beautiful.
- 1:47Speaker 4: It's like finally all put together and like nice little
- 1:50Speaker 4: touches are coming.
- 1:50Speaker 3: Thank to you.
- 1:51Speaker 2: We've got our candle. Candle's going. I have a whole
- 1:54Speaker 2: drug drawer.
- 1:55Speaker 1: It's like everything is where I need your favors.
- 1:57Speaker 2: Thank you incredible.
- 1:59Speaker 4: I have a citing update from a caller who took
- 2:03Speaker 4: your advice and emailed me immediately after the call, like
- 2:07Speaker 4: within twenty four hours she had taken this advice. So
- 2:10Speaker 4: this was Simone who was on our Kevin Kane episode.
- 2:13Speaker 2: She had called in because she was like doing.
- 2:15Speaker 4: Tarot but oh yeah, yeah yeah, I wasn't charging for it,
- 2:19Speaker 4: and then was like worried.
- 2:20Speaker 1: I'm gonna want a card reading today. By the way,
- 2:22Speaker 1: oh at one o'clock. That's funny that you say that.
- 2:25Speaker 2: How fun any particular reason.
- 2:27Speaker 1: Or no, they just saw someone inside. Can we give
- 2:29Speaker 1: you a tarot card reading? I said sure? I mean,
- 2:31Speaker 1: how's that gonna go? And they already know who I am.
- 2:33Speaker 1: I don't know what it doesn't even work anymore.
- 2:36Speaker 4: That is like, i know everyone loves like Tyler Henry,
- 2:38Speaker 4: but I'm like, it is so interesting to have.
- 2:40Speaker 2: Like made your career like the most googleable people on.
- 2:43Speaker 3: The So I like that.
- 2:44Speaker 1: That's gonna be my complaint when people say are there
- 2:46Speaker 1: any downsides to being famous? I'm gonna be like, yeah,
- 2:48Speaker 1: you can't get her straight up fucking psychic reading or
- 2:51Speaker 1: a tarot card reading.
- 2:52Speaker 2: You gotta go to like Peru or something.
- 2:55Speaker 4: But so Simone sent me her email that she sent
- 2:58Speaker 4: out to all of her clients, and so I thought
- 3:00Speaker 4: this was perfect. Her subject line was I've had a blast, y'all,
- 3:04Speaker 4: but something's got to change. Since the onset of my
- 3:06Speaker 4: career almost nine years ago, I've been giving out free
- 3:09Speaker 4: readings like an absolute shit ton of free readings. I
- 3:12Speaker 4: want to talk to you today about why I did
- 3:13Speaker 4: that and share a big announcement. I've done hundreds of
- 3:16Speaker 4: free readings while secretly worrying about how I'm going to
- 3:18Speaker 4: pay my bills. I still felt that my work might
- 3:21Speaker 4: not be worth anything, but demand has been growing, and
- 3:23Speaker 4: after a swift kick in the butt from a longtime
- 3:25Speaker 4: heroine of mine, I decided to transition to paid readings only.
- 3:29Speaker 4: This is a big step for me and something wonderful
- 3:31Speaker 4: to celebrate for those of you reading this email. Now
- 3:34Speaker 4: you have a special price that is only yours, lower
- 3:36Speaker 4: than the public prices. This is my thank you for
- 3:38Speaker 4: supporting my business use code. Thank you Chelsea at checkout.
- 3:41Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's so cute, I know, she said, I
- 3:45Speaker 4: would love to help you manifest the reality you've been
- 3:47Speaker 4: dreaming of. Navigate a transition, or discover yourself more deeply
- 3:50Speaker 4: by viewing your life through a broader vision. I want
- 3:52Speaker 4: to express my sincere gratitude to those who have supported
- 3:55Speaker 4: me along this journey. To those who have already purchased readings,
- 3:58Speaker 4: Thanks for teaching me the monetary value of my work.
- 4:00Speaker 4: To those who received free readings, Thank you for holding
- 4:03Speaker 4: space for me as I worked through insecurities regarding my
- 4:05Speaker 4: professional worth. I'm officially leaving those hesitations behind today, and
- 4:09Speaker 4: even if you never purchased from me, I want you
- 4:11Speaker 4: to know just how deeply I appreciate every single one
- 4:14Speaker 4: of you. But Simone's graduating, She's growing the fuck up, Tada.
- 4:17Speaker 4: Thank you from the bottom of my little heart for
- 4:19Speaker 4: being part of this growth and for your continued support.
- 4:21Speaker 4: Best regards, Simonet. I'm like, that is a perfect email.
- 4:25Speaker 4: Like I have a marketing background and that is a
- 4:27Speaker 4: perfect email.
- 4:29Speaker 2: Do we need to leave remind people what that was about?
- 4:31Speaker 1: Because that girl she was giving out freak chaot card
- 4:33Speaker 1: readings if you could introduce from the email, and she
- 4:36Speaker 1: wanted to go professional, but she wasn't sure how to
- 4:39Speaker 1: do that and how to tell people she's going to
- 4:40Speaker 1: start charging and everything, and we said to write charging
- 4:43Speaker 1: So yeah, I love it.
- 4:45Speaker 3: That's so cute.
- 4:46Speaker 2: So yeah, so that was perfect.
- 4:48Speaker 4: I was really really happy this, I know, and she
- 4:51Speaker 4: immediately did this.
- 4:53Speaker 2: I was so proud for her. So that's so great.
- 4:59Speaker 4: And I have another update that's from a caller, not
- 5:01Speaker 4: someone who called him, but I just thought this was sweet.
- 5:03Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea.
- 5:04Speaker 4: I'm not writing with a specific question, but to thank
- 5:06Speaker 4: you for all the thoughtful advice you've given others over
- 5:08Speaker 4: the years since starting your podcast, I've been listening since
- 5:11Speaker 4: day one.
- 5:12Speaker 2: I know some people might.
- 5:13Speaker 4: Ask themselves what would Jesus do? But I'm more of
- 5:15Speaker 4: a WWCS kind of guy. When one of life's stumbling
- 5:18Speaker 4: blocks crosses my path, I stop and think, what would
- 5:21Speaker 4: Chelsea say?
- 5:22Speaker 3: That's cute.
- 5:22Speaker 4: Most recently, I've been feeling stuck in my work life.
- 5:24Speaker 4: My apartment lease was already month to month and I'm
- 5:27Speaker 4: a single, gay guy with no children. So I asked
- 5:29Speaker 4: myself WWCS. Then I refreshed my resume, learned how to
- 5:33Speaker 4: harness the evil of chat GPT to assist me with
- 5:35Speaker 4: writing cover letters, and I've been applying to jobs in
- 5:37Speaker 4: cities across the country that I've always enjoyed visiting. No
- 5:40Speaker 4: interviews yet, but I wanted to let you know that
- 5:42Speaker 4: even without having to write you and ask, I knew
- 5:44Speaker 4: what you'd tell me to do, and that was all
- 5:46Speaker 4: I needed to jumpstart my initiative. Thanks for all the sage,
- 5:49Speaker 4: advice and laughs along the way.
- 5:50Speaker 2: Anthony, what did he do?
- 5:52Speaker 4: He was like, you know what, I need a big
- 5:53Speaker 4: life change and started sending out his resume to.
- 5:56Speaker 2: Other cities and other places.
- 5:58Speaker 4: And he's like, I don't have a mortgage that he's
- 6:01Speaker 4: gonna tie me down.
- 6:03Speaker 2: Yes, everybody needs to keep it moving. Everyone, just keep
- 6:06Speaker 2: it moving.
- 6:07Speaker 1: If you are in a point in your life where
- 6:08Speaker 1: you're dissatisfied, or you don't think you're realizing your full actuality,
- 6:12Speaker 1: or like dreams, then move make it. May make a change,
- 6:16Speaker 1: make a big change. The life rewards you. I think
- 6:19Speaker 1: when you make big changes.
- 6:20Speaker 2: I think so too.
- 6:21Speaker 4: Yeah, but also write in because we love having people
- 6:24Speaker 4: right yes to it. We always need new questions. Okay, Chelsea,
- 6:30Speaker 4: are you ready to talk to a familiar face from
- 6:34Speaker 4: maybe six years ago?
- 6:36Speaker 2: So Shane is writing this.
- 6:38Speaker 1: Is Shane Gillis from the Roast.
- 6:39Speaker 2: Absolutely, it absolutely is.
- 6:42Speaker 4: Were you excited to see him again, calling him Sean.
- 6:48Speaker 2: Like, that's incredible. I mean I never heard him move.
- 6:51Speaker 1: For so that's racist.
- 6:55Speaker 4: All the Shanees and Chunds look like Okay, so Shane
- 6:59Speaker 4: is from season one. This is the guy who you too,
- 7:02Speaker 4: took a thirty day we'd break with.
- 7:04Speaker 2: Yeah, you took thirty day break with him. Yeah, we
- 7:07Speaker 2: love Shane.
- 7:08Speaker 5: Hey.
- 7:09Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my god.
- 7:11Speaker 2: Hell oh we need headphones.
- 7:15Speaker 1: Oh my god, I know Shane. I follow him on Instagram.
- 7:17Speaker 2: Print it is not a joke.
- 7:19Speaker 3: That's me. You look awesome. Thank you you yeah, thank you.
- 7:26Speaker 1: He looks so handsome.
- 7:27Speaker 2: I love it.
- 7:27Speaker 4: Well, Shane has some messy stuff that we have to
- 7:30Speaker 4: dig through. Okay, so I'll go through the list, and
- 7:32Speaker 4: this is all very succinct. Hi, Chelsea, it's Shane, your
- 7:35Speaker 4: thirty day weed break buddy from season one.
- 7:37Speaker 2: Remember me.
- 7:38Speaker 4: When we finished that break, I had just unexpectedly come
- 7:41Speaker 4: out to my family as trans. So while we were
- 7:43Speaker 4: moderating weed, I was quietly detonating and rebuilding my entire identity.
- 7:48Speaker 2: Very chill timing. Since then, life's been eventful.
- 7:51Speaker 4: At the start of twenty twenty five, I had a
- 7:53Speaker 4: three week breakdown that landed me on Luxapro. During that time,
- 7:56Speaker 4: I did a short weed break because smoking was making
- 7:58Speaker 4: my anxiety worse, but I ultimately went back to smoking
- 8:01Speaker 4: every day. No vapes, though if I have one, I'll
- 8:04Speaker 4: hit it every seven to twelve minutes like I'm checking notifications.
- 8:07Speaker 4: Toward the end of the year, I quit my job
- 8:09Speaker 4: of almost seven years, got evicted, not my fault, just capitalism,
- 8:12Speaker 4: and lost a friend to liver failure. On the positive side,
- 8:15Speaker 4: I recently started a new job, which feels like a
- 8:17Speaker 4: real reset. Nothing motivates personal growth quite like losing everything
- 8:21Speaker 4: all at once. Also, because I clearly enjoy a side quest,
- 8:24Speaker 4: I've developed a nicotine pouch habit in my state. They're
- 8:28Speaker 4: not even flavored, just raw, unseasoned nicotine. It's basically the
- 8:31Speaker 4: Lacroix of bad decisions. So my questions for you are,
- 8:35Speaker 4: do we need another thirty day reset? Do I include
- 8:37Speaker 4: nicotine this time? And where's your personal weed line these days?
- 8:40Speaker 4: Love Shane?
- 8:41Speaker 5: Hi?
- 8:41Speaker 1: Oh shit, yes, Hi, Okay, my personal weed line I
- 8:45Speaker 1: gave up on. Honestly, Oh, there's two many idiots in
- 8:48Speaker 1: the weed industry that I went through down the road
- 8:50Speaker 1: like three different times with three different groups of men
- 8:53Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't want to work with men.
- 8:55Speaker 1: I just deal with it. I came up with my
- 8:58Speaker 1: Owls brow Chelsea lemonade and said because that was a
- 9:01Speaker 1: woman led company, and they came to me and they
- 9:04Speaker 1: nailed it the first time. Like our first taste tests.
- 9:06Speaker 1: I found three flavors that I loved, and I was like,
- 9:08Speaker 1: this is I've been down that road with men so
- 9:11Speaker 1: many times. So my Owls Brewed Vaka lemonade was replaced
- 9:14Speaker 1: my weed thing. But I still, you know, I mean
- 9:17Speaker 1: I smoke in these drugs.
- 9:18Speaker 4: All the time. Can I ask you clarifying question, Shane,
- 9:21Speaker 4: Did you mean a line of weed that's Chelsea branded
- 9:24Speaker 4: or your personal line with how much you smoke weed?
- 9:27Speaker 3: No, she was the first time we talked to you
- 9:29Speaker 3: were saying that you were going to.
- 9:30Speaker 2: Have OA right right right?
- 9:33Speaker 1: Yeah, So well I guess that's why it's called Dear
- 9:36Speaker 1: Chelsea Caproine. So yeah, you should do a thirty day reset.
- 9:40Speaker 1: You have an addictive personality. It's okay, I do too.
- 9:44Speaker 1: I do that. I do too, So I have to
- 9:46Speaker 1: like sometimes if I'm just doing too much of one thing,
- 9:49Speaker 1: I just stop and then pivot to something else. So
- 9:51Speaker 1: that I don't ever have to have giveaway. I don't
- 9:53Speaker 1: want to ever have to give anything up, you know.
- 9:55Speaker 2: What I mean.
- 9:56Speaker 1: But thirty day reset is great because you don't have
- 9:58Speaker 1: to give it up. You just have to stop for
- 10:00Speaker 1: thirty days, and that'll tamp down your desire.
- 10:03Speaker 3: Yeah. I do want to give up a nicotine for sure.
- 10:06Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 10:06Speaker 2: That's a bad habit, that's an achy habit.
- 10:08Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 10:09Speaker 3: I need you guys to publicly shame me so I
- 10:11Speaker 3: can quit it.
- 10:12Speaker 1: Okay, do you want me to pretend to quit something
- 10:13Speaker 1: for thirty days and do it with you? What could
- 10:17Speaker 1: I quit for thirty days? What's my favorite drug right now? LSD?
- 10:21Speaker 1: But that's not that's not fair to the world, because
- 10:24Speaker 1: that's good for me to be on. Hold on, let
- 10:26Speaker 1: me think of something else. Kenmin ketamine. I hate ketymine.
- 10:30Speaker 1: I tried it. I tried it on that boat.
- 10:32Speaker 3: That should be easy to quit for thirty days.
- 10:33Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, fine, I won't do ketemine for thirty days.
- 10:36Speaker 1: We're in solidarity. Do you feel the love chain I do.
- 10:40Speaker 1: How's your life.
- 10:40Speaker 3: Going right now? It's pretty good.
- 10:43Speaker 5: I'm starting to put my life back together. I got
- 10:45Speaker 5: a new apartment and new.
- 10:47Speaker 3: Job, Oh nice. So I'm just chilling.
- 10:51Speaker 2: How's a new job going.
- 10:52Speaker 5: I've only been here for like two months, so I
- 10:54Speaker 5: don't really fully know everything yet, but I feel like
- 10:57Speaker 5: I can do most things by myself at this point.
- 10:59Speaker 5: It's shipping in even for company in Berkeley.
- 11:01Speaker 4: So yeah, and how are you, Like, how did everything
- 11:04Speaker 4: shake out with your family when you came out, and
- 11:06Speaker 4: like did all of that?
- 11:08Speaker 5: They we're all, we're cool with it, but they still like,
- 11:11Speaker 5: fuck up pronouns at my name. And I'm constantly correcting
- 11:14Speaker 5: my parents on that. But they're old, so the past.
- 11:17Speaker 1: Yeah that's okay, that's okay. Just keep reminding them you
- 11:19Speaker 1: They'll get it.
- 11:20Speaker 5: Yeah.
- 11:20Speaker 1: Yeah, well, Shane, I love you. I love our relationship.
- 11:24Speaker 1: I love that you are calling back after six years,
- 11:27Speaker 1: and I love seeing you on Instagram.
- 11:29Speaker 3: Yeah, this is my longest relationship.
- 11:31Speaker 2: Bringing me too, Me too, okay, my black brother, me too.
- 11:36Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much for having me back. Bye bye.
- 11:46Speaker 4: I love how they're using the wrong pronouns and he
- 11:48Speaker 4: has like a full beard, like just.
- 11:50Speaker 1: Yeah he was he was transition from a woman, right.
- 11:54Speaker 1: I mean he's like, first of all, he's a fucking
- 11:56Speaker 1: a babe.
- 11:56Speaker 2: He's a babe. He's a babe. Yeah, he's very hot.
- 12:00Speaker 4: Very If any of you are out there in the
- 12:02Speaker 4: Bay Area looking for a cute trans guid to date,
- 12:05Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, nice.
- 12:09Speaker 3: So cute.
- 12:11Speaker 2: All right, I have a wondering question we can wrap
- 12:14Speaker 2: up with.
- 12:14Speaker 4: We have a mom who might be overstepping a little bit,
- 12:17Speaker 4: but I'll let you take this one, so Brenda says, Hi, Chelsea,
- 12:21Speaker 4: I know that you're now doing that matchmaking on Instagram,
- 12:24Speaker 4: and I love that so much for you. I'd love
- 12:26Speaker 4: to be a matchmaker myself, but I'm not sure how
- 12:28Speaker 4: to go about it.
- 12:29Speaker 2: Enough about me.
- 12:30Speaker 4: My daughter moved to Barcelona several years ago, and she's
- 12:32Speaker 4: an English teacher and I want so badly for her
- 12:35Speaker 4: to have a great love and she hasn't experienced that
- 12:37Speaker 4: yet in her life. I know what would make her
- 12:39Speaker 4: feel like she was chosen, not that you have to
- 12:42Speaker 4: be chosen when you can do the choosing, but that's
- 12:44Speaker 4: something that has not clicked for her yet. When I
- 12:46Speaker 4: went to visit recently, I sat in a cafe and
- 12:48Speaker 4: met a very nice man for her, but he ghosted.
- 12:51Speaker 4: And I don't think she likes the idea of me
- 12:53Speaker 4: trying for her. But I can't help myself. No, she's
- 12:56Speaker 4: so deserving of a loving and kind partner. If you
- 12:58Speaker 4: get any people from Barcelona, she's a lovely girl who's
- 13:01Speaker 4: soon to be twenty six years old, can you please
- 13:03Speaker 4: add them to your Instagram?
- 13:04Speaker 1: Brenda twenty six years old is like, not old baby,
- 13:07Speaker 1: She's gonna be fine. Mom, And you like, don't meddle
- 13:11Speaker 1: like that. If she doesn't like that, don't do it.
- 13:13Speaker 1: I know you can control yourself. You're her mother, like,
- 13:17Speaker 1: and yes, I'll look out. There were a bunch of
- 13:19Speaker 1: people from Barcelona, actually, but we were focusing on this country.
- 13:22Speaker 1: So I'll talk to my social media team and have
- 13:25Speaker 1: them focus on like GEO target places. But I can't
- 13:28Speaker 1: guarantee that we'll put her up because I'm being bombarded.
- 13:32Speaker 1: I mean, it's just it's it's too much to manage.
- 13:34Speaker 1: And so I'm doing the or doing the best we can.
- 13:36Speaker 3: I'm not doing it.
- 13:36Speaker 1: My social media team is doing it because it's so much.
- 13:39Speaker 1: But also respect your daughter's wishes. Your daughter will be fine.
- 13:43Speaker 1: She's twenty six year old, she'll meet she'll meet people.
- 13:45Speaker 1: Don't worry, it happens.
- 13:46Speaker 2: It's gotta happen.
- 13:47Speaker 4: Like of her own volation, yeah, or online or whatever.
- 13:53Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like that's nice that the guy
- 13:56Speaker 4: was very nice to her, but also like, of course
- 13:58Speaker 4: he ghosted.
- 13:59Speaker 2: You know, it's like, oh, my daughter's so sweet and lovely, like.
- 14:02Speaker 4: You know, it's just gotta gotta let her do it
- 14:04Speaker 4: on our own I think. Yeah, yeah, all right, Brenda.
- 14:07Speaker 4: Well that's all for this week.
- 14:09Speaker 5: Guys.
- 14:10Speaker 4: If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
- 14:13Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
- 14:16Speaker 4: of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler,
- 14:20Speaker 4: and find Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea
- 14:24Speaker 4: is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law.
- 14:29Speaker 4: Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and
- 14:32Speaker 4: get tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com