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The Things You Need To Know To Understand Narcissists | Part 2 · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to Part 2 of our narcissistic Alphabet series.
• 0:04
  Y'all the AB CS of narcissism. The previous video was A through
• 0:08
  F. Today we're going G through L
• 0:12
  and y'all let me keep it out of y'all know I like to keep it hot
• 0:15
  and ready like a Little Caesars pizza over here, right?
• 0:17
  Some of these letters was kind of hard.
• 0:19
  Y'all look, think of how many words you know, star with X
• 0:24
  Yeah, I had to Yeah, I had. Yeah.
• 0:26
  I had to reach a little bit. I had to reach.
• 0:27
  I had a little yeah. I had to do a little reaching.
• 0:29
  I'm serious. I had to do a little reaching.
• 0:32
  I'm not even going to lie to you because of some of these.
• 0:36
  So we let's get started. Oh, oh, Gee, y'all yeah.
• 0:40
  I'm not even lied to you. I had to do some reaching.
• 0:44
  Gee got a few for Gee though. Gee, gaslighting.
• 0:49
  Gas lighting is getting someone to question their reality.
• 0:51
  Just plain straightforward. It's a different form of
• 0:54
  manipulation. I know a lot of people will say
• 0:56
  gas lighting is just lying. No, gas lighting is not just
• 1:00
  lying. Lying is lying is bad, right?
• 1:04
  The gas lighting is a deeper level.
• 1:06
  It's, it's, it's exponentially worse than lying because
• 1:09
  gaslighting gets you to question your reality.
• 1:11
  Yes. Can lies be a part of
• 1:13
  gaslighting? Yes, it absolutely is.
• 1:15
  It's been in the truth. It's making other things happen.
• 1:18
  It's moving things around. It's telling.
• 1:20
  It's just telling bigger, worse lies that involve a lot of
• 1:24
  different systems as well. Right.
• 1:26
  So gaslighting is a part of the cycle of narcissistic abuse and
• 1:29
  a word that you might hear a lot when you're dealing with
• 1:32
  narcissists and toxic people. The next word I have for G is
• 1:35
  guilt tripping. Babe, get in the car.
• 1:40
  Get in the car, loser. We're going on the guilt trip.
• 1:43
  Because you are narcissist or damn near almost always going to
• 1:46
  try to make you feel guilty for holding them accountable.
• 1:49
  They'll try to make you feel guilty about wanting to leave
• 1:52
  them for doing something for them, doing something horrible
• 1:56
  to you. Guilt tripping is real.
• 1:59
  They're going to make you feel guilty about wanting better for
• 2:02
  yourself, about wanting to leave them, about wanting to choose
• 2:06
  yourself, about wanting to be with somebody else.
• 2:08
  Finally, after 25 years of being cheated on and beat up, they're
• 2:11
  going to guilt trippy. So you will hear, hear, you will
• 2:15
  hear the term guilt tripping a lot in the field of narcissism,
• 2:19
  on the field of narcissistic abuse.
• 2:20
  You hear about that as lot, right?
• 2:22
  The next G grandiose, you get the grandiose narcissist, right?
• 2:27
  Lot of narcissists are grandiose.
• 2:29
  They love the big stuff. They call it peacocking, right?
• 2:32
  They have to have the biggest and best of everything.
• 2:35
  Designer everything. Designer spoons, designer forks,
• 2:38
  designer soy sauce, designer markers, designer teeth,
• 2:43
  designer head. But whatever it is, right?
• 2:44
  They try to have the biggest and best of everything because they
• 2:47
  have this grandiose sense. They want everybody to know who
• 2:50
  they are and know everything that they have going on.
• 2:52
  Not all narcissists are all narcissists are the same.
• 2:56
  Not every narcissist is going to be grandiose, but you get a lot.
• 2:59
  The last one I have for G is grey rocking.
• 3:02
  Grey rocking is a technique that a lot of people use when you
• 3:05
  when you have to deal with a narcissist, right when you have
• 3:08
  to be around a narcissistic person, like y'all live
• 3:10
  together. Grey rocking is removing the
• 3:13
  emotional reaction, removing the emotional energy, right?
• 3:17
  And removing like doing all this emotional stuff like it's
• 3:22
  removing the emotional stuff, not giving them the reaction
• 3:25
  reactions that they seek because you know, a lot of narcissists
• 3:27
  love your reactions. And we won't cover that later
• 3:30
  out and we'll cover that later. I promise you it will.
• 3:33
  We will. We will hear the word, you will
• 3:34
  hear the word reactions again, y'all.
• 3:37
  So that's covering G. Did I miss any?
• 3:38
  Leave it in the comment section. H hoovering, hoovering or
• 3:46
  hovering, right? H stands for hoovering or
• 3:50
  hovering. Hoovering, which most people
• 3:53
  refer to it as hoovering is literally y'all.
• 3:56
  Hoovering is literally any unwanted contact after the
• 4:00
  relationship ends. It's when narcissists try to get
• 4:03
  you back in the relationship. It's when narcissistic people
• 4:06
  try to convince you to come back to them right.
• 4:10
  It's literally they try to get back in the relationship with
• 4:13
  you in some way, shape or form. All narcissist could Hoover.
• 4:17
  Not every narcissist does Hoover, but all narcissist can
• 4:21
  Hoover right, Regardless of the relationship.
• 4:24
  It could be your mom, your dad, your dad narcissistic dad could
• 4:27
  try to Hoover you right, your narcissistic parents or whoever
• 4:29
  it is, your narcissistic friend could try to Hoover you.
• 4:32
  Your old narcissistic boss at your old job can try to Hoover
• 4:35
  you as well. So hoovering or hovering is
• 4:39
  going to be in the the letter H right?
• 4:41
  Every Not everybody gets hoovered and Hoover.
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  Whether whether you get hoovered or not is not a sign of your
• 4:47
  worth or value. Y'all so many people like well,
• 4:49
  Lee, I didn't get hoovered. Am I not worth anything?
• 4:54
  Y'all know that doesn't mean anything.
• 4:56
  Not all narcissists are going to Hoover you a quick HA, quick H
• 5:01
  that just popped up. Heart, heartiness, Heartiness
• 5:06
  the appearance or quality of being arrogant, superior or in
• 5:09
  disdainable. You get a lot of narcissists
• 5:11
  that are haughty. They're heart.
• 5:13
  They just think that they are better than you.
• 5:16
  Heartiness does cover a lot of narcissists.
• 5:18
  Heart heartiness, y'all is HAUGH TINESS if you want to look that
• 5:24
  up. Heartiness heart not HOT.
• 5:30
  They're like hotness. No Lee, my narcissist like oh
• 5:33
  Kerr muffin. I did not have a hot narcissist.
• 5:36
  Hearty heartiness, not hotness, not heartiness, heartiness, So
• 5:42
  you hop to I I was going to look tough.
• 5:47
  Y'all insecure or insecurities? Narcissists want to make you
• 5:51
  feel insecure because we are insecure.
• 5:54
  We point out your insecurities because we have We hate our own
• 5:58
  insecurities about ourselves. You see how it goes.
• 6:02
  I point out the things about you that I hate about myself.
• 6:05
  We're going to cover that in P. But it's called projection,
• 6:08
  right? I hate the things about.
• 6:10
  If I hate something about myself, I'm going to point it
• 6:12
  out in you. I want to make you feel insecure
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  because the more insecure you are, the less likely you are to
• 6:18
  leave me because you don't think anybody else is going to want
• 6:20
  you. You don't think you're going to
• 6:22
  get fine love again, right? So your insecurities I love I'm
• 6:27
  insecure Most most narcissists might appear to be hearty
• 6:30
  heartiness. You say they might appear to be
• 6:32
  hearty or they might have a big ego last video, but we are truly
• 6:36
  insecure people. The next I is idealize
• 6:41
  idealization kind of goes in with the love mommy face.
• 6:44
  Narcissists create this. I like in the beginning of a
• 6:47
  relationship, narcissists think you are perfect and we also want
• 6:51
  to appear perfect. So idealizing is US creating
• 6:53
  this perfect image of you and you creating this perfect image
• 6:57
  of us because this is what we present to you, right?
• 7:00
  So narcissists idealize you in the beginning of the
• 7:02
  relationship and you also idealize the narcissist.
• 7:05
  And this goes into the love bombing phase.
• 7:07
  Idealization is not love bombing, it's part of the love
• 7:09
  bombing phase, right? We create this perfect image of
• 7:12
  you in our head and once that perfect image gets shattered,
• 7:16
  then we go into the devaluation phase, which I mentioned
• 7:19
  earlier. You see how it all flows
• 7:23
  together. Then you see how it flows,
• 7:26
  doesn't it? Once the idealization phase
• 7:28
  ends, it's called, I call it fracturing, right?
• 7:31
  Once the idealization phase ends, I call it fracturing in my
• 7:34
  course at mentalillness.net, right?
• 7:37
  You get started to get devalued and whatnot, y'all?
• 7:40
  And the last thing I have right here for I is injury, but it's
• 7:45
  narcissistic injury. You see how to see?
• 7:47
  I had to stretch that right there.
• 7:49
  It's narcissistic injury, like when you hurt a narcissist
• 7:52
  feelings, like when you hurt a narcissist feelings and you
• 7:57
  crack, you crack their ego. You do something so bad to them
• 8:01
  that it cracks their ego. You could cause a narcissistic
• 8:03
  injury. And once you cause a
• 8:05
  narcissistic injury, you can lead to a narcissistic collapse.
• 8:08
  And then they come in for you, right?
• 8:09
  They can become very obsessive and they could come for you,
• 8:13
  though. Watch out for those narcissistic
• 8:15
  injuries. That's going to clear.
• 8:16
  I force now, Jay again. I had to stretch right here out
• 8:23
  Jealousy. A lot of narcissists are envious
• 8:26
  or jealous of you, right? They might not appear to be.
• 8:30
  You might not know it, but they actually are.
• 8:33
  Narcissists can be jealous of you just because of how you are
• 8:36
  raised. Yeah.
• 8:37
  They can be jealous of you because of how you grew up.
• 8:39
  They can be jealous of you because you had less than them
• 8:43
  growing up, but your life turned out better than them.
• 8:45
  They can be jealous of you because you have the ability to
• 8:47
  be happy and they don't. They can be jealous of you for
• 8:50
  any and every little thing, y'all.
• 8:52
  And that jealousy turns into something darker.
• 8:54
  And they can treat you horribly because of it, right?
• 8:57
  They can treat you horribly because they are absolutely
• 8:59
  jealous of you. And that's what goes on right
• 9:02
  there, y'all? Jealousy is a big part of the
• 9:03
  spectrum of narcissistic abuse. The next thing y'all, I told you
• 9:07
  I had this stretch. So this is more than one word,
• 9:10
  but it's an acronym. It's called JADE.
• 9:12
  JADE is a technique. JADE is a technique that people
• 9:17
  use against narcissistic people, right?
• 9:20
  JADE technique stands for It's JADE you when you deal, when you
• 9:24
  dealing with a narcissist, it says do not justify, argue,
• 9:28
  defend or explain yourself in a high conflict situation.
• 9:31
  So when you deal with a narcissistic person, don't feel
• 9:34
  you don't have to justify yourself.
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  You don't have to argue, you don't have to defend yourself
• 9:38
  every time and you don't have to explain yourself to somebody
• 9:41
  who's not trying to listen to you.
• 9:42
  The JADE technique works to help you deal with abusive,
• 9:45
  manipulative people and helps you de escalate this high,
• 9:49
  unnecessary high conflict situations, right?
• 9:51
  That's what goes on right there. It's gonna be it for Jay.
• 9:56
  Y'all. If y'all find some Jays, drop
• 9:58
  the Jays in the comment section. I don't have any, right?
• 10:00
  I was like, damn, what's Jay Kay?
• 10:02
  I was even stretching for K, Y'all?
• 10:04
  K was a stretch too. Yeah, the first Ki got is kind.
• 10:09
  KIND because narcissists are going to pretend to be kind.
• 10:15
  Y'all there. And other people might describe
• 10:18
  the narcissist as kind, even though they're treating you
• 10:21
  horribly behind the scenes. That narcissist could be
• 10:23
  appeared to be kind to everyone else.
• 10:25
  They build their reputation up with everyone else and treat you
• 10:28
  horribly in front of her, treat you horribly behind the scenes.
• 10:31
  Everybody thinks that this narcissist is a good person.
• 10:34
  Everybody thinks that a narcissist is a kind, caring,
• 10:37
  compassionate person, right? But in in all actuality, they
• 10:40
  are horrible in people. They're awful people.
• 10:43
  They pretend to be kind. The next Ki got right here.
• 10:46
  Y'all is doesn't apply to every single narcissist, but this can
• 10:50
  happen. You can get a kleptomaniac
• 10:52
  narcissist, right? You can get a narcissist that
• 10:54
  just obsessed with stealing from you from stores from everybody
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  else. Y'all, I ain't going to go too
• 10:59
  much into it. Y'all know what kleptos are and
• 11:02
  the last Ki have, pardon me y'all, but you get the you get
• 11:07
  the narcissist, they're a kinky. You get the kinky narcissist.
• 11:12
  You get the narcissist that are into all the BDSM.
• 11:14
  Yeah, we don't kink shame here. They might kink shame you right?
• 11:17
  But you get the narcissist that are into BDSM into a lot of
• 11:21
  their type of stuff. They just get freaky, freaky
• 11:24
  dirty, nasty in the bedroom. And it crazy about it is they
• 11:27
  can also be sex addicts. They can be ex addicts and
• 11:31
  they'd be out here cheating on you and doing a lot of things
• 11:33
  like that. I said added cheating.
• 11:34
  Cheating to the damn sea. Shouldn't Dang it.
• 11:38
  Oh, I could have added to the opera infidelity scout.
• 11:40
  You see how it's popping up now go back and add those.
• 11:46
  But yeah, that kinkiness can lead to them cheating and just
• 11:49
  losing their minds and being addicts and just stepping
• 11:52
  outside the relationship over and over again.
• 11:53
  Y'all and the last letter we're going to cover today.
• 11:57
  Y'all said we're going from G to L.
• 11:58
  The last one we're going to cover today.
• 11:59
  Y'all is L. It is love bombing.
• 12:04
  Now, like I said earlier, love bombing is part of the
• 12:08
  idealization phase of a narcissistic relationship.
• 12:11
  Now not everybody who love bombs is a narcissist, but most
• 12:14
  narcissists do love bomb you. Love bombing is when they just
• 12:18
  overwhelm you with stuff, y'all. They overwhelm you with
• 12:20
  kindness, compassion, gifts, money, whatever they had,
• 12:23
  whatever they can give. It's not always going to be
• 12:25
  money. Sometimes it can.
• 12:26
  They can love bomb you. Y'all with a big ass Dumbo sized
• 12:29
  listening ear. You be like, I've never been
• 12:31
  listened to like that before. Oh my goodness, I've never had
• 12:34
  somebody spend so much time with me.
• 12:36
  I'm like, goodness, they can love.
• 12:38
  They can find other ways to love mommy.
• 12:40
  That's why I'm just telling people y'all, this was like, if
• 12:43
  y'all want to understand the cycle of narcissistic abuse,
• 12:45
  y'all please check out my course.
• 12:46
  It's called Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic
• 12:49
  Relationship. It is available at
• 12:51
  mentalillness.net. You can check that out, but love
• 12:56
  bombing works, y'all. It just does.
• 12:58
  And love bombing just doesn't happen at the beginning of
• 13:00
  relationships with narcissists. It can happen throughout the
• 13:02
  relationship. I call it when it happens
• 13:04
  throughout the relationship. I call it love pop.
• 13:07
  I call them love pops, right? They do love pops, little pops,
• 13:10
  little pops of love. It never goes back to the
• 13:13
  beginning love bombing. It was get so many people
• 13:15
  addicted to these toxic relationship dynamics, right?
• 13:18
  Because now you love this person.
• 13:19
  You feel like you love this person so much that you have to
• 13:21
  be around this person. You have to have this person.
• 13:23
  This person has to be, you have to be with them right?
• 13:26
  And if it goes on, y'all. Anyway, y'all, thank you for
• 13:29
  tuning in. If I missed the ale, like I
• 13:31
  said, I only have one for ale and there's y'all.
• 13:33
  I'm stretching here, but y'all going to enjoy y'all.
• 13:35
  These are entertained. I'll be all entertained by
• 13:37
  these, y'all. I really appreciate every single
• 13:39
  one of y'all so much. I'm super thankful for y'all
• 13:42
  super grateful if y'all also y'all if y'all have anybody come
• 13:46
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• 13:50
  let me know. I'm trying to get somebody to
• 13:51
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• 13:53
  I've just been doing myself for forever. e-mail me at
• 13:55
  info@mentalillness.net. Let's talk about some thumbnails
• 13:59
  and maybe going back and doing some old thumbnails for me.
• 14:00
  Just we can just talk Yeah, we can talk about thumbnails,
• 14:03
  thumb, thumb, thumb. We can thumb it up here Anyway,
• 14:06
  y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't, and I appreciate
• 14:09
  y'all. Next video is going to be M
• 14:11
  through.