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Embrace Your Inner Joy: Rejecting the Myth of Toxic Positivity · The Nadia Chapman Show

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Music.
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Friends. Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show. I hope you're well.
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Today, we're diving into a topic that's honestly a big part of who I am.
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I've been told in the past that I'm too positive, that I suffer from toxic positivity.
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I sometimes felt like I was, I don't know, too energetic for some people, too enthusiastic.
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I've been told that I need to be more realistic, sometimes more grounded.
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And here's my response to that. No, thank you. I'm okay.
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Because here's the truth. I was born with toxic positivity.
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Is it a disease? I doubt it. And you know what? I love it.
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I think that the world needs more of it, not less.
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Let me just pause here and make something clear. I'm not talking about denying real pain.
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Yes, life can be hard. Life is hard. I'm not talking about ignoring emotions
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or pretending that everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time with flying
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unicorns when the world is falling apart.
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I've been through stuff like the rest of you, like everybody else.
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What I'm talking about, though, is choosing to live from a place of optimism.
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Possibilities, gratitude.
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You've got to have the attitude of
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gratitude guys and light even when
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life gets messy because it does i'm talking
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about waking up with a certain kind of energy like
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in a good mood smiling at strangers laughing in the middle of hard days and
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just choosing to see beauty in small things even in bad things and ugly things
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and setbacks letting go of that need to perform struggle in order to be taken seriously.
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I call that joie de vivre, the joy of living. And I'll tell you a quick story.
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When I graduated high school, every student got to walk up that stage to pick up their diploma.
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The teachers got together and chose one quality that they would say in front
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of the whole crowd about the person walking on stage.
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Some of the qualities would come back from time to time or would be similar,
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like hard work, you know, good achievement in sports, kindness.
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I was the only one out of everyone who got joie de vivre.
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They said, Nadia Lefebvre pour sa joie de vivre. And I remember thinking, oh, that's me.
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That's really me. Because I was always very happy and crazy,
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crazy happy. But I listened and pay attention. I was the only one to get that one.
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I've had this my whole life. I remember being that girl who woke up at 4 a.m.
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To go skate. And I wasn't dragging myself out of bed. I never did.
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I wasn't complaining. I would bounce out of those sheets like a cartoon character,
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happy, ready, full of life before the sun was even up.
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And no, there was no caffeine involved back then.
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Just this zest for life and that energy.
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And that stayed with me up till today. still to this day.
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I've never woken up grumpy in my life. Not once.
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Not even after having babies and not sleeping all night. I've never woken up grumpy.
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Can I get up in a good mood and then something happened two hours later that make me kind of grumpy?
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Maybe sometimes. But I never on my own, woke up and felt negative.
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Defeated, grumpy, just in a bad mood.
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It's part of my DNA, sure, but also it's discipline.
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And this is what we're going to be talking about today. Because joy is not just who I am.
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It's what I've chosen to protect over and over again, even when my joy bothers people.
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And here's what I've realized as I got older.
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People don't always know what to do with that kind of energy. I see it all the time.
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I don't care, especially in a world that's obsessed with hustle and pressure
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and drama and heaviness.
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If you're not exhausted, if you're not overwhelmed, if you're not weighed down
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by something, people almost don't trust you. They think you're crazy.
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They think that joy is fake or I'm shallow. You've heard it before.
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Oh, behind that beautiful facade of Instagram, nothing can be that perfect.
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She's probably miserable. Well, no, not everybody's miserable.
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And I'm here to tell you that joy is strength.
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You want to know what's fragile?
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Bitterness. Joy is a decision. It's a form of mental toughness.
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It's what I've trained my mind to do, to turn towards the sun when things go
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bad, to not stay in a place of negativity and learn to move on and learn to move past, fast.
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It's really looking at the same world that everyone else is looking at and choosing
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to show up with light anyway.
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And I'm going to tell you, you don't
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get stronger by carrying the heaviest emotional baggage you can find.
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That's not the way to do it. You get stronger by staying centered in joy,
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even when the things don't go your way or things go sideways.
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And here's something that you might not like to hear, but I'm going to tell
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you anyway, is that some of you are addicted to suffering.
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Yes, hey, there's a writer downer. Some of you are addicted to suffering.
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I say that with love. A lot of you out there, you've made your seriousness your identity.
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You lead with your stress and you talk about your burnout like it's a badge of honor. Okay.
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You call yourself a realist, but deep down, you're afraid that if you let yourself
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enjoy life and having that joie de vivre, it will all fall apart.
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You think that joy is naive? I've heard that before. You think people like me
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aren't paying attention.
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But let me tell you something. I see everything. I've been through hard things too.
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I've lost people. I've had setbacks. I've had moments where things are completely
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falling apart. But the difference is, I didn't build a home in those places.
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I visited, I grieved, I processed, and then I chose joy again.
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So no, I'm not unrealistic.
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I'm resilient. And I want to talk to those of you who want to feel that way
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too. It's a good place to be. Trust me.
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You want to feel lighter. You want to stop taking everything in,
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including yourself, so damn seriously.
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You want to stop rehearsing worst case scenarios all the time and finally start living again?
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So let's coach through that together. Because if joie de vivre isn't something
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you were born with, don't you worry, my friend, you can build it,
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you can cultivate it, and you can train your brain to default to optimism.
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And I promise you, it will change your entire experience of life.
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Let me give you a few practical ways to start. First, start your mornings like they matter.
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Don't let your phone be the first
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thing you look at. Don't scroll through other people's life or drama.
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Don't download other people's energy. Before anything else, ask yourself,
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what kind of day do I want to create today?
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Then show up as the version of you who already feels that way,
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even if it's just five minutes. Set the tone.
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Set the intention. Because how you start your day is how your day starts running you.
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Second, you're going to make joy your discipline. Yes, you heard me right.
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Not a reward you earn after grinding yourself into the ground.
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Second, you're going to make joy discipline, not just a reward after you go
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through hell or you work so hard.
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Every day, dance in your kitchen, laugh at memes, play with your dogs,
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wear the crazy outfit, be ridiculous, do something every day that has absolutely
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no purpose except the light. And watch how your energy shifts.
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Third, release the pressure to be taken seriously all the damn time.
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If somebody would ask me, what is one advice you have to give to the world or
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your kids or the people listening?
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That would be it. Stop taking yourself and stop taking this life so damn seriously.
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So you're allowed to be lighthearted and still be powerful, guys.
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You're allowed to laugh at yourself and still be a leader.
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Joy doesn't take away from your credibility.
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Because when you can bring levity into these heavy moments, you become the person
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people want to be around.
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You become the light in the room. You shift the atmosphere.
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And one more thing I need to say, if you're surrounded by people who make you
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feel your happiness is a problem, well, guess what? It might be time to change the room.
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Sometimes the reason you feel heavy isn't because you've changed.
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It's because your environment isn't built for joy.
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But you don't have to lower your frequency to match theirs. I've learned that times and times again.
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You get to rise and they'll either rise with you or they'll go away.
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That's okay. Now, I want you to think about something and really sit with it for a second.
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If you had six months left to live, would you still be overthinking everything?
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Would you still be waking up dreading the day?
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Would you still be obsessing over how people perceive you? Would you laugh more?
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Say yes maybe to more things? Would you speak more kindly to yourself in the
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mirror or let go of the damn pressure and just live.
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Another thing that's constantly in my mind is how short life is and the fragility of life.
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We are here for a whisper of time, really a blink.
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And most people miss it. They miss the purpose.
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They miss the point because they're too busy performing misery over perfection.
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I cannot imagine living a life like that.
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You don't want to be that person. You can be the one who wakes up smiling,
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the one who finds something to love in the middle of chaos, the one who brings
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warmth, color, and light into cold gray rooms.
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So let this be a reminder. You're not here to be serious all the time.
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You're not here to fix everyone and everything.
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You're not here to make your joy smaller. Uh-uh.
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So other people can stay comfortable in their misery. you're here to live fully,
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loudly, laughing, dancing, thriving.
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You're here to love big, cry when you need to, and then laugh your ass off.
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You're here for that joie de vivre. So go live like it.
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Let them call you too much. Who cares? I hope the people who call me too much
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in the past are actually listening to this podcast. That would be funny.
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Let them roll their eyes. You keep being the one that wakes up with a heart
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full of joy and sparkle in your soul.
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Because when you do that, you don't just change your life. You give other people
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permission to change theirs too.
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This is kind of the reason why I want to be a life coach, is to spread that
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joy and show people you can be you.
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You can be crazy. You can be overly positive in a toxic way,
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according to certain people, but guess what? You're here and then you're not.
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So go ahead and be happy.
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You're allowed to feel good. You're allowed to enjoy your life and you deserve to feel alive.
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Before we wrap it up, I want to leave you with a few coaching questions because
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living with that joie de vivre isn't about being naturally bubbly and smiling all the time.
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It's just about choice. It's about presence.
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It's about remembering that this life you're living is not a dress rehearsal.
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So let's get real for a second.
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Here's four questions for you to answer, and you can write those down in journal.
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Number one, what kind of energy do I bring into most rooms? Is it light or is it heavy?
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Number two, am I dimming my light to make other people feel more comfortable?
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Yes or no? And then go ahead and elaborate. Number three, what story am I telling
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my myself about being serious that keeps me from being free.
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Number four, what could I do today that feels light and joyful and even stupid
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and silly just because I can?
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And take a deep breath and really think about your answers, because here's what
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I believe in my whole heart, guys. Joy isn't fake.
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Optimism isn't weakness. And positivity isn't the problem.
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You can be honest about your struggles. We all have to face struggles at some point in our lives.
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But you can still choose to see the beauty. You can move through pain and still
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keep your sense of humor.
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You can live boldly, laugh loudly, and love deeply without needing to perform
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seriousness to be respected.
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So if you've been shamed for your lightness, for your positivity,
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if you've been told that you're too much, if people at some point roll their
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eyes at your energy or your joy,
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let them and keep shining because your joy is your life force, guys.
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It's your power and it's your rebellion against the heaviness of this world
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because God knows it can get pretty heavy.
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You were not born on this planet to be miserable. Uh-uh.
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Not born to be burnt out or to be bitter or to be negative and serious all the time.
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You were born to live fully, loudly, without any apologies.
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So go dance, go be cray-cray, go smile for no reason, okay?
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Go be the one who sees the good, who finds the funny in situations and who wakes
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up excited even when no one else does.
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That's what I've done my whole life. Because when you do that,
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you don't just change your own mood and your own perspective on the world.
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You change the room, you change the culture, and you give other people permission
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to feel alive again. Okay?
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So you're not too much. You're just what the world needs.
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Thank you so much for listening today. This was a topic that's very dear to
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me. Thank you for being here. I'll see you next time.
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Smiling, energized, and probably laughing, because that's how I do life.
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And I hope you started doing the same. Thanks for listening.
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Music.