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Finding Balance and Fulfillment with Esin Pinarli · The Trauma Therapist

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therapist Podcast. My name is Guy McPherson.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show. Five, four, three, two.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: And one.
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  Speaker 1: All right, folks, welcome back to the podcast. Very excited
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: to have as my guest today, Esen Pinarli. Esen, welcome.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Hi, Guy. Thank you for having me on.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: You are welcome. Essin is a licensed professional counselor and
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  Speaker 1: the founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling, where she specializes in
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  Speaker 1: helping individuals heal from trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges.
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  Speaker 1: Drawn from both clinical experience and a holistic perspective, she
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  Speaker 1: integrates evidence-based therapy with mindfulness and wellness-oriented approaches to support
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  Speaker 1: emotional healing and personal growth. She's passionate about creating a compassionate,
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  Speaker 1: culturally sensitive environment where clients feel safe exploring their experiences
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: and reconnecting with themselves. Through her work, she helps clients
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  Speaker 1: build resilience, strength relationships, and move toward a greater sense
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  Speaker 1: of balance and fulfillment. All right, Essendon, just a little
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  Speaker 1: bit about you. Before we get going, share with the
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  Speaker 1: listeners where you're from originally and where you are currently.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Sure.
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  Speaker 2: I'm originally from New York, from Long Island, and I've
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: been living in Florida for, I would say I'm going
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: on 17 years now.
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  Speaker 3: My family always has.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, my family always had a place in Naples, Florida,
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  Speaker 2: so we'd always go back and forth. And so I
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  Speaker 2: moved here about 17 years ago, and I haven't looked back,
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  Speaker 2: and everybody's sort of retired and moved over here on
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  Speaker 2: this side.
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  Speaker 1: So let's start here. How did you get into this field?
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  Speaker 3: I would say in college... I was taking some electives
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  Speaker 3: in psychology.
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  Speaker 2: And I was always very, very curious about people and
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: about how other I always wondered what it would be
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: like to be in other people's brains. And did everybody
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: think the same way that I thought? And what do
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: they think? And why do they and so I'm a very,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I was an avid book reader since I was a
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  Speaker 2: young girl. And so I would sort of Really be
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  Speaker 2: interested in other people's into the interiority of their lives
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: and like why they are the way they are, what
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  Speaker 2: makes them who they are. And so when I took
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  Speaker 2: an elective in college in psychology, I was so drawn
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  Speaker 2: to just.
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  Speaker 3: All of it. It just it was an automatic. you know,
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  Speaker 3: interest for me to understand.
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  Speaker 2: So it was almost like it was merging people's stories
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  Speaker 2: and people's psychology with sort of all of the stories
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  Speaker 2: that I had been reading my whole life about characters
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  Speaker 2: and protagonists and rich development of people's internal worlds and
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: understanding that.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: And also my own struggles with anxiety.
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  Speaker 2: I think from a young age, I was a very
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  Speaker 2: sort of precocious child, very aware of everything around me
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  Speaker 2: and felt so very deeply. And I think it was
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  Speaker 2: also an attempt to figure out my own brain and
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  Speaker 2: how it operated.
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  Speaker 1: When you were younger, how did the anxiety play out?
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  Speaker 1: How did it show up?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I didn't really know it was anxiety. I knew
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  Speaker 2: that I thought a lot and I knew that you know,
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  Speaker 2: what I would call now racing thoughts when I was younger.
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  Speaker 2: I would say that I remember even at 12 years old,
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  Speaker 2: sitting down and sort of thinking, does everybody think like this?
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  Speaker 3: Because this is exhausting.
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  Speaker 2: And so I remember just that this moment of sitting
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: down and being like, does everybody think like this?
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  Speaker 3: Because this is exhausting. I would be very obsessive.
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  Speaker 2: And it was sort of what made me successful at
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  Speaker 2: the same time, like very good at sports, very good
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: at dancing, very good at academics. but also I would
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  Speaker 2: worry a lot and I would ruminate and I would
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: go over things over and over again. And I think
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  Speaker 2: it was, you know, there was tension in my household.
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  Speaker 2: My parents fought a lot. They're wonderful people still married,
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  Speaker 2: but I would pick up on that tension and I
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: felt very responsible to keep these adults together.
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  Speaker 1: Yep. Yep.
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  Speaker 3: Makes a lot of sense to me.
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  Speaker 2: A lot of worrying about what would it, I was,
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  Speaker 2: for some reason, I had this, I knew a lot
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  Speaker 2: of people, a lot of my friends who were divorced parents,
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  Speaker 2: and I don't know why, but I had this idea, like,
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  Speaker 2: I'm never, that would be my emotional security taken away
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  Speaker 2: from me. And so I think I sort of became
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  Speaker 2: their therapist at, like, seven years old.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. So you get into college, you take some courses,
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  Speaker 1: some light goes on. What happens next? How does that unfold?
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  Speaker 2: I start becoming more and more interested in that. I
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  Speaker 2: start taking more and more psychology classes. At that point,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I'm away from my family, who I'm very close with,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: for the first time. And my anxiety starts to spike
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  Speaker 2: even more. And I get my first panic attack, which
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I had no idea what it was.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: I was in a dorm room.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: It was my sophomore year. I had no idea what was,
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  Speaker 2: I thought I was going crazy because you don't know
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: what that is. And I'm going to age myself here,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: but it wasn't as mainstream as we talk about mental
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: health today. And so there was this infomercial called attacking
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: anxiety by Lucinda Bassett. And I somehow rolled over onto
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: the bed and hit, the remote and the TV turned
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: on and attacking anxiety by Lucinda Bassett infomercial came on. Well,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: in that moment of experiencing what was the scariest thing
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  Speaker 2: I had ever experienced, I had no name for it.
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  Speaker 3: And I'm like, that's me. Oh my God. Yes. That's
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  Speaker 3: what I, that's, you know.
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  Speaker 2: And I remember calling my mom and explaining it to her.
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  Speaker 2: And she goes, yeah, your dad struggled with that for years,
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  Speaker 2: has struggled with that. I go, well, that would have
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: been good information for me to know.
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  Speaker 3: Good information for me to know that he had a predisposition.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Over here, you know, and, you know, and, and that
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  Speaker 2: was like my, and then, and then I started drinking.
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  Speaker 2: I found drinking over there and I was like, Ooh,
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  Speaker 2: this quiets my mind. This takes off the edge. This
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  Speaker 2: calms my nervous system down. Now I can I don't
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  Speaker 2: have to feel so worried or and then I don't
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  Speaker 2: have to get scared of getting another one of those
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  Speaker 2: scary panic attacks.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 2: And so the drinking escalated, you know, and was doing
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: the sort of rite of passage drinking in a sorority
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  Speaker 2: in college. while also taking these psychology classes and becoming
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: more and more knowledgeable about understanding exactly what I was
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  Speaker 2: dealing with. And that became sort of my medicine and
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: sort of the solution or the antidote or the serum
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  Speaker 2: to quiet that mind down.
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  Speaker 1: So any thoughts at that point, like of getting help?
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: seeing a therapist or anything like that I did.
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  Speaker 2: I went over there I saw a therapist I ended
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: up they ended up putting me on an anti-anxiety med
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I think it was Paxil at the time and so
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I went on that but I continued drinking so that
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: kind of helped a little bit but I also now
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I'm drinking on an antidepressant right and so but I'm
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: drinking like everybody else is kind of drinking I'm going
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: to the frat parties and this and that but there
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  Speaker 2: was somewhere along the way where I was.
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  Speaker 3: Like I don't think I drink like other.
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  Speaker 1: People I think you're thinking more.
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  Speaker 2: I was just different in terms of it felt like
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  Speaker 2: I not necessarily it was I it would be a
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  Speaker 2: Jekyll and Hyde. It would start to become like a
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  Speaker 2: Jekyll and Hyde. Like I would be very, very different.
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  Speaker 2: Like it would it cross this barrier of like fun.
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  Speaker 2: It became like, you know, it was self-medicating, really, as
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  Speaker 2: opposed to. Yes, I was having fun and partying and
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  Speaker 2: hanging out with my friends, but it was a maladaptive
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  Speaker 2: coping mechanism.
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  Speaker 1: Right, right. So what happens?
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  Speaker 2: It starts to progress. The anxiety starts to get a
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  Speaker 2: little worse. The drinking becomes more. The grades start going down,
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  Speaker 2: and I decide I need to go home and transfer
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  Speaker 2: and go to, you know, be with my family and
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  Speaker 2: really kind of get this thing under control until it get, like,
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  Speaker 2: it might get a little bit bigger.
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  Speaker 3: And so I transferred to a college at.
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  Speaker 2: Home and, and, and continue with a psychology major, a doubles,
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  Speaker 2: because remember, I love stories. So English literature and psychology,
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  Speaker 2: double major. And then I'm in a sorority over there
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  Speaker 2: at home, you know, and I become social chair and, um,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I'm in charge of throwing all the parties
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  Speaker 2: and then, Yeah, I mean, so it continued over there.
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  Speaker 2: And then so there was just a progression. There was
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  Speaker 2: a major progression that slowly started developing.
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  Speaker 3: So here I am.
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  Speaker 2: Getting more and more knowledge, understanding it more, and then
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  Speaker 2: the drinking is progressing. But I'm not that kind of
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  Speaker 2: drinker that wakes up in the morning and starts drinking.
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  Speaker 2: I'm that weekend warrior or the one that goes to
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  Speaker 2: the parties and drinks. So functioning, almost like a functioning alcoholic.
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  Speaker 1: And All the while realizing that or is it kind
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  Speaker 1: of quelling your anxiety?
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  Speaker 2: It's quelling it until it's not right. It starts to
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  Speaker 2: turn on you at a certain point. And so I'm
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  Speaker 2: having more and more consequences, right? I am doing stuff
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  Speaker 2: that I'm really embarrassed about. I start blacking out. I
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  Speaker 2: start not remembering the things from the night before my
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: friends telling me and.
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  Speaker 3: Everybody chalking it up to, ah, it's college. This is
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  Speaker 3: what we do.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm kind of like, Because of the psychology classes,
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I think this is a little different
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  Speaker 2: than and then it's just progressing. And then I end
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  Speaker 2: up in my master's degree and I.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: End up being put in field placements. Right. So I
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: end up in a high school in one of my
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: field placements, which was one of my most favorite being
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: a school psychologist.
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  Speaker 2: And here I am counseling these kids hung over. coming
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  Speaker 2: on a Monday morning, because remember, I'm that weekend warrior,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm feeling like a hypocrite, because there's some sort
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: of internal... There's a knowing, an internal knowing. I'm sending
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  Speaker 2: some of these kids to rehab.
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  Speaker 1: Right, right.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sending, and I'm recognizing that it's turning on me.
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  Speaker 2: What was once a solvent and an antidote to the
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  Speaker 2: anxiety is actually now exacerbating the anxiety.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so what happened... I'm like... what happens?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, it goes on and on and, and, and,
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  Speaker 2: you know, it just progressively becomes worse and I lose
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  Speaker 2: friends because of it. Uh, I, I, you know, my
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: world becomes smaller and smaller. The people that drink are like,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I don't think you should drink. My best friend starts
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  Speaker 2: videotaping me so that I could see my behavior.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: And I don't even want to watch it.
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  Speaker 2: Everyone is at this point, the people that love me
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  Speaker 2: and care about me are like, you need to do something,
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  Speaker 2: you know?
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  Speaker 3: And I am scared, right?
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, now I'm starting to hide alcohol in my
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  Speaker 2: room so no one will bother me or say anything
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  Speaker 2: to me about it. So then now I'm drinking alone
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: in my room. And so it progresses to the point
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  Speaker 2: where I'm still functioning, but I'm blacking out, I'm having consequences,
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  Speaker 2: and I, you know, we talk about when is that
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  Speaker 2: moment where you know you're done or when do you
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  Speaker 2: stop or, you know, so it continues to progress.
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  Speaker 3: There's no particular moment. There's a series of events or
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  Speaker 3: a series of experiences and a series of consequences and
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: just getting to a point where I felt emotionally broken
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  Speaker 3: I felt emotionally like I can't continue like this, but
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  Speaker 3: I don't know how to live without it. What do
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I do?
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  Speaker 2: And so I decide to go to this family therapist
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: that is like a specialist in this. And I start
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: talking to him about it. And he suggests a place
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  Speaker 2: called Sierra Tucson in Arizona. And he says, you know,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: he has this client that is had trouble with the
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: alcohol and gone to all these different places, Betty Ford, Hazleton,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: and he's had the most success going to this place.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Excuse me for a second. Yeah, of course.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Are you working at this time?
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: I'm doing my... I'm actually, yeah, I'm working for free, right?
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: I'm working in the... Oh, no, no, no. I am actually.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm doing my master's degree. I'm working in a
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: high school in one year. And then the second year,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: I'm doing home visits to the elderly in their homes
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: for therapy.
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  Speaker 1: So you're still getting your hours?
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I'm still getting all my hours. I'm doing my field placement.
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  Speaker 2: But I'm withdrawing from classes. I'm getting incompletes. I almost
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: got kicked out of my master's. I had to go
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: and appeal to the board and get reinstated. My grades
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: are dropping and I get back in. So what would
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: have taken me, you know, a four year bachelor's and
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: a two to three, three year master's took me like seven,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: eight years, maybe nine.
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  Speaker 3: I should have had a PhD. I never gave up.
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  Speaker 2: I've always had this like resilient bone in me that
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: was always like, You fall down, you get back up.
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  Speaker 3: You fall down, you get back up. You fall down.
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  Speaker 3: That's sort of in my intrinsic nature.
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  Speaker 2: And so I end up, I'm also working in a
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: woman's clothing store at that time in town. I'm very
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: good at, like fashion has always been my passion. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: so I end up working in a woman's clothing store
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: in town. And I'm doing that while I'm doing my
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: master's degree. And then just like functioning, but really not.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Right. Okay. So do you end up going to Sierra Tucson?
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: So the story, long story short, my younger sister ends
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: up getting married in St.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: Martin. So we plan this whole wedding. We rent out
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: this whole place.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And that was going to be my last hurrah, like
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: the last place I drank. So I had finished my
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: master's degree. I was done with my degree, by the
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: grace of God or however, I don't know. And we
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: do the wedding and that whole thing happens. And I'm
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: like trying to control my drinking. And me as a scholar,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I buy an inside look at inpatient treatment book. And
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I'm reading that on my trip. That's my reading on
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: the trip. What is it going to be like? A
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: look at inside inpatient treatment. Because I want to know, right?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: So here I am drinking mimosas in the morning, reading
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: a look at inside inpatient treatment.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, boy.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: Because I know I'm going to go after, right? I
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: know I'm going to, I finished my master's. I'm going to,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: this is my last hurrah, my sister's wedding in St.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Martin for the week.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: And then after that, I'm going to go to Arizona
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: to Sierra Tucson. And I do in fact go and
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: my parents come there with me. We stay in a
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: hotel for a couple of days. They get very worried
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: about leaving me and we sort of settle in and
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I check in and it was great.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: So uncomfortable, but it was the best experience, one of
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: the best experiences of my life. I still have one
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: girl who I'm still best friends with that I met
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: over there. And that's not it.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah, keep going.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: So when I go there, I have amazing experiences. I experience,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm now a therapist. And I have my
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: master's degree. And I experience EMDR, eye movement desensitization reprocessing.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: I experience somatic experiencing over there. I do biofeedback over there.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I do equine therapy. So all of these modalities, Reiki,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: get me really interested in, for my own self, what's
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: helpful to me so that when I go into my career,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: what would be helpful to other people. So I'm sort
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: of learning... on both ends, right? How I'm going to
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: help other people. And so that out of my chaos,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I can create beauty. And so I end up after that,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: they recommend more treatment.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no, no, no, I'm good. I'm done.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: I did my 30 days. I did my time, but
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: that's clearly not enough, right? I go back home to
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: New York and assume I'm just going to hang out
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: like I normally do.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: I'm just not going to drink.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Well, you go out one night, you go out another night,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: you become the designated driver. And then one night, I
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: had a couple of sips of someone's drink. And they
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: look at me and they go, didn't you just go
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: get help? I'm like, yeah, you're right.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: So I, like, slipped.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: And one of the recommendations was that I do a
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: halfway house. I'm like, you know, and my idea of
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: halfway houses are like in the, you know, I'm like, no, that's.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Not what I'm doing. Yeah, like a crack house. I'm like,
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing that. Like, you know, and it's in Florida.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to leave all my friends and family
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: and go for a minimum of three months to Florida
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: and do this halfway house. And I remember my primary
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: therapist was English. She's like, oh, no, honey, this is
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: just the beginning. This is the beginning of your journey.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: And I go, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: did my time.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: So I reluctantly realize I do need more help. And
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: there is this place called the Sanctuary Hospital. and it,
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: not Elton John, Eric Clapton. So Eric Clapton has a
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: treatment center called Crossroads in Antigua, and he has the subsidiary.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: He has two halfway transitional homes. They're called transitional homes
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: in Florida. They're the nicest ones here. Phenomenal staff, amazing, small.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: There's a woman's and a men's, and I end up
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: in the woman's, and I end up in there four
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: and a half months.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Best time ever. Learn how to live sober.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Get a sponsor, build a life, do yoga teacher training.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: And here I am, you know, August 1st is 17
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: years sober for me.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Wow. Damn. Essin, my God.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Crazy.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. Of course.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: And I don't usually like, you know, a lot of
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: times I go on and I don't, I won't necessarily
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: share sort of my story.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: I'm, I'm not, not, I'm not opposed to it. I'm
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: very like sort of an open book. And, uh, yeah,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, it was, I.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Did the yoga teacher training because I was like, it
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: will keep me committed to stay down here another year
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: and it will. And that I built a community. I
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: made friends. I knew not one person down here. My
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: hands are shaking. I'm anxious. I'm coming off of, you know,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: you know, I used to also self-medicate with Xanax for
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: my nerves because the alcohol would get bad. So I'm like,
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I feel so raw. I'm learning how to socialize again.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: I'm learning how to make friends sober again. I'm building
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: a community. I do the yoga teacher training. I get
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: another boyfriend. job in a clothing boutique because everybody says,
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: don't get into your career yet. Focus on your sobriety.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: And that had always been like my thing. I was
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: always very good at that. And then I start to
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: work as a therapist and then I start to train
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: and all the modalities that I learned in Sierra Tucson
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: that resonated with me. And then I feel like that
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: is what made me a better therapist. So I become
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: also a certified addiction professional besides a licensed clinical therapist.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Psychotherapist.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: And so now I serve this population of a variety
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: of people and I understand all of this. And then
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I keep training and doing my own work and just,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: and just become super immersed and passionate about it. And
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: then therapeutic disclosure only when I feel it's appropriate.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Sure. But it just, you know, you feel, I feel
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: listening to you, obviously how much passion you have for
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: the work and how your experience just informs the work
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: you're doing. You know, so let me, let me just
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: remind everyone, I'm speaking with Esen Pinarli. She is the
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling. So when you started this,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: when you started working, was your idea to what? Work
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: with people who had addiction issues or what?
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: It wasn't, that wasn't my initial goal, but it, it
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: ended up being a sort of natural evolution and transition
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: into that. So I, my first job was a primary
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: therapist in a treatment center that was dual diagnosis where
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I was treating both. But as I worked in, so
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I And I kept getting moved up. I became like
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: clinical director. And then I became like I was lead therapist,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: clinical director, and I worked in an intensive outpatient. And
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: then at that point, I was continuing to train. So
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I trained in brain spotting. I got certified in Imago couples.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: I did a lot of couples work. Remember, I was
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: my parents therapist at seven. So, you know, that came very,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: very naturally to me. Couples, family systems. I was very
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: good at family systems and understanding relationships. the dynamics and
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: then the addiction for sure. But I think that there
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: was an evolution of me as where I outgrew, I
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: felt that I could serve a larger population because here
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I am trained. I'm also trauma trained. I'm couples therapy trained, somatic.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: I did a somatic training. I polyvagal training, psychodrama. I
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: went to onsite and I went to onsite in Nashville
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: multiple times and trained over there and, you know, just very,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: very interested in learning. And so my goal was I
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: felt at some point that these there that these treatment
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: centers were like I wasn't touching the pain. They were
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: coming in and out like the 30 days. So I
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: felt like we were just getting I was just getting
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: to open them up. And then like I was like,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not best served here or am I not? I'm
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: not serving people the best. So I ended up opening
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: up my own private practice and coaching company at that point.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: And then I would do consulting jobs where I would
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: run groups in treatment centers and but my groups would
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: be very different. They wouldn't just be 12-step AA, so
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: people were very interested in them. It was offering them
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: different things because of.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: All the training.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Hang on a second. When you said they weren't touching
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: the pain, say more about that.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: It felt like they come in, if it's for 30 days,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I'm diagnosing, I'm recognizing that they have anxiety, depression, bipolar I,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: bipolar II, trauma, and I'm touching on it.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: And then they're doing groups, and then they leave.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And so I feel like I'm opening them up and
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: they're building this rapport with me and I'm really kind
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: of getting somewhere and then they leave. And I feel
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: like it becomes, I get a little bit of a
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: factory vibe. I'm getting this factory vibe where my, it's
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: not aligning with my soul and it's not aligning with with,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: with what I know I'm capable of helping somebody with
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: and guiding them and illuminating the path and collaborating with them.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: So I then feel like it just, they just keep
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: coming in and out like 30 days and then a
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: new group and then a new group, you know, and
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: some places now only, they only do 90 days, which
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I love.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And I, with that knowledge that they weren't touching the pain,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: what are you doing differently? The work you're doing now?
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: So I'm getting underneath, I'm getting underneath why did you, if,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: you know, the population that I have that, you know,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: we all medicate with something, right? We all use, those
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: things are our solution, our antidote to the pain, to
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: the internal disease, right?
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Is it workaholism? Is it eating? Is it a drug?
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Is it a drink?
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Is it, you know, even being addicted to people or
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: a person, right? Trauma bonds, you know, codependency. Is it
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: being addicted to a relational dynamic? Is it all these
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: type of things? And so it's more very person-centered and
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: very holistic in mind, body, soul. And what is it
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: that you need to feel good? How do you feel good?
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: the most liberated and alive? And what is holding you back?
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: What is a recurring pattern for you? And what is
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: that internal pain that we can untangle together? And then
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: these things are protectors. These are all protectors to protect
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: you from feeling what is so uncomfortable. So we need
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: to get down to the You know, I believe in
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Western and Eastern. I work with acupuncturists I refer to.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: I work with Reiki people I refer to. I work
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: with a psychiatrist that I really like. I think that
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: it's a unique blend. So I help people holistically understand
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: individually what they need to feel the best. And what
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: is holding them back from feeling the most alive, best
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: version of themselves, not bogged down or crippled or disabled
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: or limited by whether it's anxiety, exhaustion, depression, whatever it is,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: let's get down to the root of it. I've had
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: people come in and I'm like, you've been misdiagnosed. I
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: think that you're bipolar too. And I think you've been
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: on the wrong medication and that's why you haven't gotten better.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And I talked to the psychiatrist, and sure enough, they
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: were misdiagnosed. So it changes the course of their trajectory
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: of their own healing.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Do you feel or how do you feel your experience
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: with drinking and getting help and working through the healing journey?
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: How do you feel that's impacted and influenced the work
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: you're doing?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I think there's one thing to learn things from a
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: textbook and one thing to learn things by training and
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: becoming competent in your field. And there's another thing in
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: experiencing the pain and going through it and understanding it
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: and understanding the mechanics of it. I think it gives
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: me more empathy. It gives me the ability to connect
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: and relate. It gives me I think more authenticity. I
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: think it's something people feel from me. I think it's
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: that I actually really care. You know, I want to
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: help and I understand and I think they feel understood.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: And I think the huge vehicle for transformation is to
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: feel seen and understood by somebody.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I don't ever put myself in a hierarchical position. I'm
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: a human, right? At the end of the day, this
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: is a sacred relationship. I feel honored.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: They're inviting me into the interiority of their lives and
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: whatever I can do to illuminate the path. And I
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: think it's made me a better therapist. It's made me
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: more empathetic. It's made me more able to connect to
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: people of all walks of life, all different issues or whatnot,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: and really understand and see somebody and be with them
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: in that. And I think that there's a relatability that
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: people can feel like, oh, okay, you know, and it's,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: I think it's the one field for me. Like, I
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: don't think that you go to a heart surgeon, and
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: you're like, I need to know that you've successfully performed
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: heart surgery on yourself in order for me to trust.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: That you can do well.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: But I think that there is a kinship or Like, OK,
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: this person really kind of gets it like they've also
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: and it's also helpful that not only do they get it,
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: but they've gone to the other side of their trauma,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: of their own anxiety, of their own depression, of their
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: own addiction.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: And here they are, you know, like.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Maybe, you know, and I would say like, I feel
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: like I throw, I'm thriving. I feel like I, I'm,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: you know, not 24 seven, nobody, nobody comes out unscathed.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Nobody comes out. We all experience loss, disappointment, sadness, life transitions,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: But the fact that I can understand that and really
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: be with that person and know that the relationship is
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: a vehicle for transformation and I'm able to offer that,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I think I have this real, real, you can't fake it,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: like empathy that I can really kind of really feel
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: into that and really understand it. And it's like something
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: that gets translated that I think that my clients really feel.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Oh, my God. Essin,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: you're amazing. How do people learn more about you?
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: So I have a website. My website is eternalwellnesscounseling.com. Okay.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: And then I have a lot of freebies. And I
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: would call it my love letter to people, my social media,
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: my Instagram.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: It's EssinPinarly.com. underscore, like that line underneath, LCSW. Okay.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: And so, and that has like, you know, a lot
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: of information on there for people.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of, there's an inner child.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of inner child work, inner child
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: free guide on there. There is becoming aware of self.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of IFS. I have articles, things
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: like that. You know, for people who maybe can't afford
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: therapy or, you know, just need some information, I offer
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: a lot of free resources on there as well.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Awesome. Okay. We'll have all that linked up here at
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: the show notes page at the traumatherapistpodcast.com. As in, you know,
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: the reason why I said you're amazing is because you
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: just exude this authenticity, you know, and I really appreciate
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: you sharing your story. And that's how we connect with you.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: That's how listeners connect with you. You know, it's amazing.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: You're super inspiring. Thank you so much for being here, really.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: That's always been my goal is like I think people are,
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: we're human to human, you know, and it's like, yes,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I'm ethically trained. Yes, I have all of this stuff,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: but I'm not going to be a blank slate therapist.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: It's the humanity in us that connects us.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Right. I love it. I love it. Thanks so much.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Take care.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you so much, Guy.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Bye.