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If We Could Ask Our Ancestors About Their Pain… What Would They Say (Part 1) · Mediumship Sparks-The Next Chapter

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Mediumship Sparks, where we connect more deeply with
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  Speaker 1: spirit and source and follow the sparks of insight and
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  Speaker 1: inspiration that bring us greater awareness, healing, and just more
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  Speaker 1: flow into our lives. I'm Noel dean intuitive medium, licensed therapist,
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  Speaker 1: and your host. A quick note before we begin. This
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  Speaker 1: podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information.
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  Speaker 1: It is not medical or psychological advice, and is not
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  Speaker 1: a substitute for care from a licensed health professional. I'm
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  Speaker 1: so grateful we get to step into this together. Let's
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  Speaker 1: dig in. Hello, and welcome to today's episode. Today's May
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  Speaker 1: twenty fifth, and I recalled that it was my grandmother,
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  Speaker 1: Mama's birthday. It was on my mind recently to interview
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  Speaker 1: her and ask her if she had any regrets. I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't planning to record right now. It just feels like
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  Speaker 1: perfect moment to have this conversation with Mama that I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to share with you. Maybe you also wonder about Grandpa,
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  Speaker 1: her great grandparents. It's easy to look back at them
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  Speaker 1: in their lives and have a lot of empathy and
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  Speaker 1: compassion for how hard they were through poverty, immigration. There
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  Speaker 1: were a lot of things that were not as they
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  Speaker 1: are now. Medicine, a lot of people would have died
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  Speaker 1: young during childbirth. Children would have passed away a lot
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  Speaker 1: earlier because there were vaccines that were not yet invented,
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  Speaker 1: cures that were not yet discovered. And I wondered if
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  Speaker 1: Mom had any regrets. From what I know about her,
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  Speaker 1: she was born in Poland in nineteen fourteen. She had
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  Speaker 1: siblings six or seven. She was Jewish. It was not
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  Speaker 1: a great time to be Jewish around the time that
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  Speaker 1: she was growing up. At some point she immigrated here
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  Speaker 1: with her family. I believe her father stayed in Poland,
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  Speaker 1: but since she and her siblings here, she met Max.
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  Speaker 1: They were part of a big friend group and they
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  Speaker 1: used to do things like camping together. I've seen photos
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  Speaker 1: of that. They were married, and I saw pictures where
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  Speaker 1: they look very happy. They had a son named Gilbert.
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  Speaker 1: He seemed like the apple of their eye from the
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  Speaker 1: photos that I saw, Gempath alert When Gilbert was five.
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  Speaker 1: My understanding is he was playing with the ball. It
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  Speaker 1: got down into the street, he went after it and
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  Speaker 1: he was hit by a car. Passed away from that.
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  Speaker 1: From what I understand, she went through intellectual shock therapy.
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  Speaker 1: She did things to try to break out of not
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  Speaker 1: a coma, but catatonic. So she also had a young
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  Speaker 1: son at the time. She was told to have another
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  Speaker 1: child to replace Gilbert, and that was the father I
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  Speaker 1: grew up with, Harvey, my grandmother never really recovered. One
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  Speaker 1: of my strongest memories related to Gilbert was being in
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  Speaker 1: my grandparents' small, one bedroom apartment and they had a
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  Speaker 1: framed photograph an infant in one eight and a half
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  Speaker 1: by eleven frame. It was hard to even notice because
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  Speaker 1: it was right by the ceiling, probably ten foot ceilings.
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  Speaker 1: I was confused and asked Papa, who is that in
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  Speaker 1: a normal speaking voice. Papa hushed me, which is unusual
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  Speaker 1: for Papa. He pulled me into the other room and
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  Speaker 1: he told me, I don't know that I had heard
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  Speaker 1: of Gilbert even before then. You didn't bring up Gilbert
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  Speaker 1: when Mama was in earshot and she was pretty much blind,
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  Speaker 1: so she would never have seen that photograph. You may
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  Speaker 1: have similar stories about your grandparents or great grandparents losing
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  Speaker 1: children at childbirth and other tragedies, because now we know
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  Speaker 1: some of that may have been preventable, but it wasn't
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  Speaker 1: back then. So the question that has been sitting with
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  Speaker 1: me is does Mama have an regrets? The main memory
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  Speaker 1: I have is how she lived her daily life, which
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  Speaker 1: was laying on the couch, sometimes elevating her feet and
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  Speaker 1: listening to the television as she pretty much laid there
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  Speaker 1: with her eyes closed. And the part that feels so
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  Speaker 1: tragic is that it always occurred to me anytime I've
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  Speaker 1: thought about her that was all related to Gilbert's passing,
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  Speaker 1: that it seemed like she pretty much gave up on life,
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  Speaker 1: and in some ways that never changed, although she stuck
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  Speaker 1: around for a long time after he passed. But she's
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  Speaker 1: saying the words just barely. There's a belief that we
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  Speaker 1: choose the life lessons we're going to learn before we
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  Speaker 1: come here, and that there are reasons that we experience
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  Speaker 1: the things that we experience, not just the negative or
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  Speaker 1: the bad, or the difficult or even tragic, but pretty
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  Speaker 1: much all of the major events. I just wanted to
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  Speaker 1: get Mama's take on this now that she'll have a
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  Speaker 1: different perspective. She's saying she returned to spirit in nineteen
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  Speaker 1: eighty four, so that was forty two years ago. So
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  Speaker 1: let's turn this over to Mama and see what she
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  Speaker 1: has to say and share about that, and I'm hoping
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  Speaker 1: you can maybe gain some perspective because you may also
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  Speaker 1: think about it, maybe that you think about your grandparents
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  Speaker 1: or great grandparents and the tragic things that they experienced,
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  Speaker 1: and you can feel endless empathy for them and wish
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  Speaker 1: that they're in a better place or that they have
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  Speaker 1: sloughed off the sorrow of the tragedy. This conversation is
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  Speaker 1: good co creation, and of course I'm receiving things to
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  Speaker 1: say as well as I'll be getting Mama's take on things,
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  Speaker 1: so it's all channeled as I typically do, or intuited
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  Speaker 1: however you want to say it, Okay. So she's giving
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  Speaker 1: me a visual. There's a space that comes to my
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  Speaker 1: mind that's like a second story of a library, and
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  Speaker 1: it's like office space that I do things in sometimes spiritually.
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  Speaker 1: A vision came to me a while back about interviewing
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  Speaker 1: people and even angels in this space. I have my
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  Speaker 1: desk and they have a share to the side of
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  Speaker 1: my desk. It's turned towards me. I'm interviewing them and
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  Speaker 1: I'm typing up their response. So that's how Mom is
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  Speaker 1: showing this. So she's ready to be interviewed. MoMA is
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  Speaker 1: saying you'll see when I'm done how I'm feeling about
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  Speaker 1: things altogether. But she wants to take some things piece
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  Speaker 1: by piece. She's showing a visual of being young and
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  Speaker 1: being run a love children. I'm feeling aware that a
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  Speaker 1: lot of them are relatives of hers, not just her siblings,
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  Speaker 1: but also cousins. This must be Poland, where she grew up,
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  Speaker 1: she's saying, basically, because we all lived in a circle,
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  Speaker 1: like a fourteen miles of a perimeter of each other,
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  Speaker 1: there's just so many children. They all had a lot
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  Speaker 1: of children, She's commenting. Its pre birth control, and children
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  Speaker 1: were considered a blessing, even in pretty abject poverty. At times.
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  Speaker 1: It made the hardships bigger, but it meant more fun,
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  Speaker 1: she says, fun. And I'm feeling flashed to pictures the scene.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know at what point people were encouraged to
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  Speaker 1: start smiling during photographs, but any family pictures, everybody just
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  Speaker 1: looks so freaking depressed, very dour in their dress. Sepia
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  Speaker 1: tone is a bit dreary looking anyway, but nobody ever
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  Speaker 1: looked happy, so it's hard to imagine that they had
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  Speaker 1: a lot of fun. But she's saying that they created
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  Speaker 1: imaginary games, and they really did have fun together. Now
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  Speaker 1: she's bringing up the looming threat Nazi party, saying we
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  Speaker 1: knew to evacuate Poland. She's saying, she was born in
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  Speaker 1: nineteen fourteen, many of her siblings were older, and they
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  Speaker 1: were very aware of a looming threat. We escaped as
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  Speaker 1: soon as we could once we realized we had to
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  Speaker 1: scrape money together. She's showing them on a boat and
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  Speaker 1: getting to Ellis Island. I'm sitting with seeing this vision
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  Speaker 1: of them registering at Ellis Island. She's reminding me strongly
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  Speaker 1: that and I don't remember this happening with her siblings,
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  Speaker 1: but with Papa, one of his siblings, they spelled his
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  Speaker 1: last name differently than all of the other kids. They
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  Speaker 1: changed one letter. So are you saying, Mama, that they
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  Speaker 1: did something like that with your family. She's saying, no,
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  Speaker 1: they didn't, But there was a not caring that happened
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  Speaker 1: very often because people were pouring in from other countries.
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  Speaker 1: She's saying, not abusive, but some neglectful practices because the
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  Speaker 1: country was overwhelmed. This country was overwhelmed by the presence
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  Speaker 1: of the thousands that poured in daily. Sitting with this
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  Speaker 1: Ellis island visual. I'm having this sense of there are
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  Speaker 1: two people here that you already knew, mom, Is that right.
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  Speaker 1: She's sang an aunt and an uncle, and that they
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  Speaker 1: had set up an apartment for her and her family.
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  Speaker 1: She's saying they knew the plan and they had somewhere
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  Speaker 1: to go, and that was a relief. And she's giving
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  Speaker 1: me the sense that there were other people also there
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  Speaker 1: at the same time that she and her siblings were there.
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  Speaker 1: Her siblings came over in three lots. She's showing herself
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  Speaker 1: with her brother Simon. She's saying is a big relief
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  Speaker 1: when the entire family came over. Her father did stay behind,
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  Speaker 1: and I don't know really anything about him, but I'm
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  Speaker 1: having a sense of leather or making things with leather,
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  Speaker 1: that he was a craftsman, he stayed and worked, he
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  Speaker 1: sent money. Now she's showing an area I'm seeing Bronx
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  Speaker 1: where there were a lot of families. This was like
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  Speaker 1: their destination. It was cheap, ghettoish at the time, pretty
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  Speaker 1: poor conditions, and it was perfect for immigrants. It was
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  Speaker 1: cheap housing and people were masked together. So she's showing
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  Speaker 1: that people would live eight to ten in these very
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  Speaker 1: small apartments, not even all of them were relatives or
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  Speaker 1: immediate family members with each other. And that's how she
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  Speaker 1: met Papa. They lived in the same vicinity or neighborhood,
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  Speaker 1: and they met through groups of friends, and she loved
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  Speaker 1: him as soon as she met him. And she's listing
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  Speaker 1: he was gentle, kind, jokingly funny, and the sweetheart of
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  Speaker 1: a man, and he loved her as soon as they met.
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  Speaker 1: They just knew each other, like in a warm, particular way.
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  Speaker 1: She's making sure you know that she doesn't mean sexually.
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  Speaker 1: They waited, but there was a chemistry, she's saying, in
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  Speaker 1: their personalities, and they just knew they loved each other
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  Speaker 1: and they would be married. She's saying, was pretty blissful.
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  Speaker 1: She's commenting about it being a real age of innocence
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  Speaker 1: for their family. She's showing Gilbert and she's using the
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  Speaker 1: word ballooned, and she's showing Papa spending a lot of
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  Speaker 1: time talking with him and laughing with him, and she's
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  Speaker 1: saying that Papa was creative and intelligent and nurtured Gilbert tremendously.
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  Speaker 1: He really poured his heart into our son, she's saying,
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  Speaker 1: and so did I. And now she's bringing up the
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  Speaker 1: day when Gilbert passed. Were you there when it happened?
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  Speaker 1: Were you on the street with them? She's saying, I
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  Speaker 1: don't even remember, So I'm seeing blocked that day, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm immediately drawn to her being on the couch as
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  Speaker 1: if she blocked out the details as much as she could.
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  Speaker 1: Can I ask you right now? Are you aware of
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  Speaker 1: all the details? Yes? Okay, So you're sharing from the
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  Speaker 1: human experience you had, yes, okay. Are you still emotionally
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  Speaker 1: affected by that experience? Now? I got a big no,
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  Speaker 1: and I saw the words no way. She's saying. Gilbert
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  Speaker 1: is fine, happy and healthy, back in a spiritual form,
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  Speaker 1: as are we all together over here? Okay, So you're
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  Speaker 1: reminding me of back in the day kind of thing. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: She's saying, I didn't care or want to know any details.
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  Speaker 1: I just knew my life had changed. Our lives changed.
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  Speaker 1: My son was gone, My beautiful, gifted, talented, sweetheart of
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  Speaker 1: a boy was gone. And there was no explanation, no
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  Speaker 1: good explanation, no logical explanation for why and how that happened,
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  Speaker 1: or why God intended for that to happen. It was
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  Speaker 1: tragic in our lives. And she's saying about herself. I
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  Speaker 1: couldn't ever stop thinking about what happened, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep.
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  Speaker 1: It was more miserable than I intended to be when
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  Speaker 1: I expected this event to have occurred. From a spiritual level,
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  Speaker 1: I'm feeling aware of. My actual question about her having
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  Speaker 1: any regrets was not like, do you regret Gilbert passing?
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  Speaker 1: Because there is that part of me that knows that
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  Speaker 1: was like the arrangement that they made before they ever
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  Speaker 1: incarnated together. Am I getting that right? Mom? She's given
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  Speaker 1: me a big guess on that. But my question about
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  Speaker 1: regret is how she coped with or maybe didn't cope
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  Speaker 1: with what happened, and does she regret how she led
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  Speaker 1: the rest of her life in that way? Was the
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  Speaker 1: point to have that experience, and then however she coped
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  Speaker 1: with that it didn't really matter, but they agreed to
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  Speaker 1: share that experience, or maybe was the point of that
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  Speaker 1: experience for her to have something to rise up against
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  Speaker 1: and go back to living at some point a full
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  Speaker 1: and natural life. She's just giving a sense of what
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  Speaker 1: she experienced after he passed. That days just blended together.
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  Speaker 1: It was no time passed, but time kept passing. People
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  Speaker 1: were aging and getting older, but the pain never revealed
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  Speaker 1: like a loss of time. She's sang, it was like
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  Speaker 1: right now, the pain never subsided. Then she's saying she
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  Speaker 1: got more blank, more blanked. Tell me what you mean
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  Speaker 1: by that. She saying she willed herself to be koma, like,
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  Speaker 1: to have everything be hazy. And now she's sharing that
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  Speaker 1: she was on so much medication that it really helped
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  Speaker 1: keep everything hazy. And she's showing even her walking like
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  Speaker 1: it was hazy. She couldn't really see. She had to
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  Speaker 1: reach out and touch the things around her. She was
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  Speaker 1: in like this. She's sang a weird energy bubble, and
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  Speaker 1: that became her coping style, to be in a hazy
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  Speaker 1: energy bubble, with no exceptions like laying on the couch.
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  Speaker 1: That was pretty much what I remember. My sister and
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  Speaker 1: I spent mornings before school and afternoons after school at
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  Speaker 1: mom and Papa's house, sometimes weekends. What she was emphasizing
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  Speaker 1: is how she wouldn't really speak when she was quote resting,
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  Speaker 1: which was easily eight to ten hours a day. That's
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  Speaker 1: aside from sleeping at night. She just didn't really interact.
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  Speaker 1: She's saying that was a conscious choice that she had overwhelmed.
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  Speaker 1: Going daily, I'm seeing her walking through the apartment as
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  Speaker 1: if I'm in her head or next to it, and
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  Speaker 1: very aware of her feeling very woozy and not stable
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  Speaker 1: on her feet. So it was more than that she
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  Speaker 1: couldn't really see. She also felt an imbalance. She's sang
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  Speaker 1: about herself that right now, she's aware that she felt
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  Speaker 1: that all the time. Anytime she stood, she would feel that.
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  Speaker 1: She's saying, and that was it. That was my life
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  Speaker 1: until I died and left my body. Finally, she's saying,
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  Speaker 1: she's stuck around for an additional forty years past the
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  Speaker 1: prime of when she actually wanted to leave. She stayed
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  Speaker 1: for Papa and her children, but she hated living because
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  Speaker 1: it was constant reminders of what had happened and what
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't have happened. Watching Gilbert grow up and seeing him
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  Speaker 1: have his own family. She's saying she couldn't bear the
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  Speaker 1: thought that she and Papa were responsible for this young
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  Speaker 1: lad and it never happened for him. It was hard
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  Speaker 1: to have imagined that God had that in his or
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  Speaker 1: her plan. She's saying about her thoughts when she was
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  Speaker 1: still here. What happened nevertheless, and this was the plan.
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  Speaker 1: She's saying, by six Gilbert would have left the earth.
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  Speaker 1: That was the plan. So looking back, do you have
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  Speaker 1: any regrets about how you lived your life past that point?
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  Speaker 1: She's saying, yes, many thanks for spending this time with
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: me on Mediumship Sparks. If this episode resonated with you,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: please like it, subscribe, rate, and certainly share it with
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: somebody else who could benefit. Interested in any support I
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: might be able to provide as you navigate your spiritual path,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: please feel free to check out my offerings at Connecting
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: with Noel dot com and reach out at Mediumship Sparks
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Take good care of yourself
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: and I'll look forward to being with you again soon