Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 5: Doomkirk Part 1: Skeleton Crew

Transcript

Season One, Episode 5: Doomkirk Part 1: Skeleton Crew · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:02
Greetings come and welcome the foil to the base.
0:05
I am Cannibal Chris. I will be our GM as we embark on
0:08
a new quest. We are jumping into Doomkirk
0:12
from Monolith, #1 from the Bog folk.
0:16
It was pretty terribly sad, but the fact remains.
0:21
Hello, I am Levi. I don't know what I'm going to
0:24
be doing. What do you mean we're?
0:26
Going to find out. What do you mean I'm going to
0:28
die? Oh, that's what you mean?
0:30
Yeah. I'm going to die.
0:32
I'm Thomas and I am still playing we but and I'm OK.
0:37
I'm Kevin and I'm hoping I don't die and I'm still playing
0:40
Scoots. I'm Jake and I play another set
0:42
of bones. I'm Nate, and I'm well for now.
0:46
General Cedric Balthazar. Go flail yourself
1:16
SO5 of you. I guess six of you, if you
1:20
include Gulad, have escaped, surprisingly miraculously, from
1:25
King Flatmu, the 9th prison below Schleswig.
1:28
After two days of crawling through a a tunnel the size of
1:32
you and not much bigger, you managed to emerge in the valley
1:37
of the unfortunate undead, according to a guy who died
1:40
shortly after telling you that. I'm sorry, did he die?
1:43
He basically said that he held up his leg, asked if it looked
1:46
infected. Bam.
1:49
And then we cut. And then we cut.
1:51
And then he died, You know now. Yeah, you did.
1:55
All right, so the five of you then decide you can't stay here,
2:00
you need to move on, right? So you guys walk in any
2:03
direction because at this point, can you.
2:05
I imagine that we use the sun pretty much and we use landmarks
2:12
that are familiar to us to kind of tell us where to go when we
2:14
go places. I can't imagine that being a
2:16
possibility here because you know, value the unfortunate
2:19
undead is you probably never been there.
2:21
And if you have, what the hell are you doing there?
2:24
You know what I mean? Like you probably haven't been
2:26
here. So landmarks.
2:27
Pretty much nonexistent as far as any of that goes.
2:30
Or or familiar landmarks anyway. Also the sun kind of being
2:34
pretty much nonexistent as well. Not real easy to track by.
2:37
So which way is east? Which way is West?
2:39
Who the fuck knows? But you do know that there are
2:42
mountains on the horizon, so you guys make your way through.
2:45
Give me a D8, anybody? I'm going to go Kevin because he
2:48
was like reacting quick. 55, OK, so it's for transparency
2:54
purposes or for transparency safe.
2:56
It's to travel in the direction that you're going takes D 8 + 2
3:00
days, you go to five. Therefore, it's going to take
3:03
seven days to get to where we're going.
3:05
T thanks, Scoots. Yeah, yeah, so, so for four days
3:10
or so, you guys just travel through this.
3:12
Black sand, mossy stones and cold rivers of the valley.
3:16
The unfortunate undead. Occasionally you'll see a burnt
3:18
out Chapel or an abandoned building, but day one give me a
3:23
D6. Now I'm going to continue doing
3:27
the descending Misery dice. However, for these fast travel
3:30
moments, which we're kind of doing, it's like a gloss over to
3:33
get to where we're going. For the adventure, I'm locking
3:36
it where it is until it gets reset.
3:38
All right, I got you. Boom.
3:39
So the D6 initially. That's a that's a fucking one.
3:45
No, that's real bad. Give me a D6.
3:49
Got to hear that gong. Yep.
3:51
OK, so give me a D66, Jake. 24 So you hear a gong the morning
3:56
of the first day out and one of you Gould odd, that's been
4:00
better. You see, he like sits up.
4:03
You're you're holding them on your back, Fisk.
4:05
You've been holding them on your back for a long time.
4:07
Probably not changing. That a ridiculous amount of
4:09
time, yeah. I mean, yeah.
4:10
And he sits up all of a sudden, and the morning of the first
4:13
day, and you hear I did 10 days and one the whitenings and
4:17
sorceries. Would be made bad.
4:22
What are you doing right back later?
4:24
What do you mean? You you just you just started
4:26
screaming. You just shot up, grabbed me by
4:29
my ears, Oh didn't, and just screamed in it?
4:32
Nope. Appreciated.
4:34
I felt I begged to. Death So agree to disagree?
4:38
Can we get the playback? On that one.
4:40
I don't have the rewind feature. On I don't know what I just said
4:42
either. Moving on then.
4:45
Anybody infected give me damage and that's Cedric and Fist.
4:47
Yes, I'm waiting for this. Fuck.
4:51
Fuck. Who's this?
4:52
Who's Fisk? You.
4:53
Gotta fucking. I'm rolling my omens first.
4:56
Yeah, actually that's a good idea.
4:57
Roll omens if you need to beforehand.
5:00
I like that, cuz that might give.
5:01
You a chance, I think. 2 omens 2 please please.
5:06
Please my God, I'm totally dead. I'm using an omen to reduce 5 -,
5:15
5. All right, I'm.
5:17
Still alive for now. What do I roll?
5:19
A D6D6? Yep.
5:20
Holy fuck. I have three health by the way.
5:23
You have a much better chance of surviving than I do.
5:25
You roll the six. Oh boy, you're.
5:28
Gonna use my one omen. You're gonna use your one omen
5:30
to reduce that. Yeah, OK, by 6.
5:33
I don't wanna play another character.
5:34
Come on. It's a four.
5:36
It's a four. 6 -. 4 is a four. You take two damage, you're at
5:39
one health. OK, God, guys, next then.
5:42
Anybody else need to roll omens? I did.
5:44
I rolled A2. So I have two omens alright, and
5:47
I need to roll my Yep. That's the next thing. 2% chance
5:51
of heart failure. 31 So, OK, you're good.
5:54
And then everybody give me a presence test.
5:56
I don't feel so good, actually. Wait, scratch that.
6:01
OK, I forgot about this, but I'm so every single day I'm going to
6:05
do this is battery of things, right?
6:07
But the fact that there was a misery today, I was like,
6:10
whatever's A misery, we don't. You don't get that presence test
6:12
right. And the present test is to find
6:13
something. But I click on a misery date.
6:15
It's Yeah, no, we don't get Jack shit right.
6:18
OK, so another day passes across the valley of the unfortunate
6:22
undead. Somebody give me a D20 for the
6:24
misery. We don't stumble on anything.
6:26
All right, I I fucking pull the misery out of my.
6:29
House someone else can roll. I'll roll it, but the misery
6:32
prevented it. It's 12.
6:34
OK, good to go. All right, we're.
6:35
And that's going to stay a D20 until we get to our location.
6:39
Yeah, anybody need omens? Rolled I.
6:42
Still have one. OK, give me infection damages. 4
6:46
-, 3 I died. You died.
6:49
I know I'm at 0. You're at 0.
6:50
Give me a D4. All right, hold on.
6:52
Let me roll 2. Hold on.
6:53
I'm just gonna be with his nice thing here.
6:54
That's six damage. Again -6.
6:58
I cancelled it out. Thanks.
7:00
OK, I cancelled a. Little 2A2 give me a D66.
7:05
You lost an eye. You can't act for D4 rounds and
7:07
become active with D4HP, so just give me a D4 for your HP.
7:10
Oh, you're going to gain some points here. 3HP?
7:14
Yeah, you actually gained a point.
7:15
All right, well, it's pretty good.
7:17
You lost an eye, though? I don't.
7:18
Give up. Which is for that you're a
7:19
ghost. So what does that even look
7:20
like? He just doesn't materialize with
7:22
an eye, I guess. You.
7:23
You. You have a so scoots 2%. 4040
7:29
OK, now you guys can give me a presence test DR18-O.
7:34
Why does your eye look a little more glossy?
7:37
What? Cheat.
7:38
Wait, can I reroll if I wanted all that?
7:40
If you really want to spend an omen for it, yeah.
7:42
Natural 20 baby. Nice.
7:45
It didn't matter, OK? Anybody passed that?
7:49
I have got to spend. 1919 OK And leave it.
7:52
So Nate's give me a D8. Actually, you can give me a D8
7:56
to a Levi Thomas, what did you get?
7:58
Did you pass that? I did not.
8:00
I got a 17-8 that's close 8. Also an 8.
8:05
Oh, wow. OK then both of you guys give me
8:08
a D4. Fuck.
8:10
I rolled the natural 20. Just give me a Med kit.
8:12
I made this stupid complicated. You two, you guys are going to
8:14
run into a bear trap. 4/4 OK, so you guys, on your second day,
8:19
you guys are. Oh, yeah.
8:20
Nate, give me a D6621. OK, I know what that is.
8:27
Correct. So day two, you guys are
8:30
obviously continuing to walk across and die in the Unfortune
8:32
undead and you guys feel like you're it's almost like a severe
8:36
depression just hitting you, all of you.
8:38
It's just like it's like your will to live, just fading
8:41
slowly. I don't feel no different.
8:47
This you notice in the in amongst the dirt, a corpse
8:51
skeleton cousin. He's holding what looks like a
8:54
Candelabra and the candles look to be bright red.
8:58
So if I rub this I get 3 wishes Candelabra.
9:01
I don't know. How that works I.
9:02
Don't think you understand. I don't think you understand
9:04
what a Candelabra is, I. Don't think you know the story,
9:07
Sir. I don't know.
9:08
Rub it. See what happens.
9:10
I'm gonna grab it, I'm gonna touch it, I'm gonna stroke it.
9:15
So what you have now is the Candelabra of blood.
9:18
It's a summon, one blood drenched skeleton per HP spent,
9:22
But you must extinguish all light sources for it to succeed.
9:25
If you spend your last HP or try to summon in the light, you
9:29
transform it to a skeleton yourself.
9:31
Oh my God. That it?
9:32
Fucking. Someone, someone is always.
9:35
Bright though, so yeah. This thing is almost useless.
9:38
That's actually there, and that was created by Rugos Cone, the
9:41
Candelab Rd. Blood.
9:42
That'll save your fucking life, Levi.
9:44
Yeah, turning you into a skeleton.
9:46
You won't be infected. That's a fair point.
9:48
Yeah, cool. Yeah.
9:52
Also amongst that that skeletons belongings you find Cedric, a
9:57
disgusting dripping blade reeking of excremented rocks.
9:49
And then and you'll be. Killing a goblin permanently
10:02
breaks the blade, but undoes the curse.
10:04
Bring the creature within, and that's the snort dagger.
10:07
That would have been useful for Brussels.
10:09
Sure would have. So you kids continue on another
10:13
day across the waists? Some of the skeleton give me
10:17
another D20, anybody. I'll do that.
10:20
What's a 13? Give me nothing.
10:23
Not the end. Anybody have infection, damage
10:26
or omens? All right, let me flip an omen.
10:29
Click. Also another one.
10:31
OK, good. Fuck.
10:33
Yes, I survived today. I used my only omen, but I
10:36
survived today. Scoots, give me that 2% as well.
10:39
I got 29, OK. I am safe for another day and
10:43
everybody give me a presents 18 again.
10:46
Are we even going the right way here?
10:48
God damn it, you guys don't even know where you're going.
10:50
You're just wandering at this point.
10:52
I can barely see through this ghost.
10:54
I'm just hanging out with my cousin, yeah.
10:57
Hey you guys, as much as I don't like the idea, I need to ask
11:00
what is it like being a skeleton?
11:03
Pretty great. You don't ain't got to worry
11:04
about a whole lot. Don't have to worry about food.
11:07
Don't have to worry about illness.
11:09
Don't have to worry about acne. I've been shitting nonstop for
11:13
days. Yeah, you don't have to poop
11:14
neither. It's pretty nice.
11:15
Yeah, I just. Rattle my waist to my teeth.
11:18
They're still jingling. You and I aren't in good shape,
11:22
friend. I'd say so.
11:24
Yeah, you're a ghost. You want to go fucking Blood
11:26
Brothers on this? Join the fucking crew.
11:29
I don't know what you mean. That do you not know what that
11:32
does? I have no idea.
11:34
Mainly because I can't remember. OK.
11:38
There's a big thing actually that you mentioned that as far
11:40
as like telling you guys what items do I, I, I I hate the idea
11:44
of doing that because it there's no way that you would know that
11:47
by getting it. But God knows I've never used
11:49
it. That's The thing is like, how do
11:50
you find out then you know? I feel.
11:52
Like it's an instruction man, you mean?
11:54
Yeah, it's just a kind of. I feel like some of us would
11:57
recognize things. But would you though, like, he's
12:01
like, he's like one in the entire world Relics.
12:03
And you're like, Oh yeah, that thing I saw it on on Antiques
12:06
Home Roadshow. No way.
12:09
No scriptures. I'm, I'm a catacomb thief.
12:12
So yeah, that's right. Well, my name is Laurel Gross.
12:15
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's.
12:16
What you did. I'm a learned person.
12:18
What if I give you guys the information anyway?
12:22
Complex back story. Nailed it.
12:27
Yeah, that's, that's my boy. My boy.
12:31
God. OK.
12:32
Anyway, I. Don't wanna do that.
12:34
I don't mind being both a skeleton and a ghost.
12:38
I'll. Pull your skin off.
12:39
It's OK Ghost skeleton. Yeah, fuck yeah.
12:43
So this thing has four. How many lights are on the
12:47
Candelabra? I wanna say 3 cuz the picture
12:50
had three. Okay.
12:52
So since it's like if you try to put it out in the light is that
12:56
one candle and the other one stays, it's actually your HP
12:59
that gets drained gets spent. Okay.
13:01
So each light IS1HP. Yeah, no, that's not even.
13:04
You really need to look at it that way.
13:06
Really. It says summon one blood dress
13:08
skeleton per HP spent. That's really it.
13:11
But you must extinguish all light sources, including scoots,
13:14
for it to succeed. The bottom one, If you spend
13:17
your last HP or try to summon in the light, you transform into a
13:20
skeleton. So if he takes it and puts out
13:22
one light, no, no, no. If he takes it and he has 1HP
13:25
left and he spends that HP on this candle on all three, then
13:29
he becomes a skeleton. I'm You can ignore the the how
13:32
many candles there are. That part's irrelevant.
13:33
Come on, you can have like 15 hit points and spent 15.
13:37
You know what I mean? Yeah, and how do I light it back
13:40
up with a what match? OK.
13:43
Or I didn't know if it was like or just.
13:45
Scoot you. I didn't know if it was a one
13:46
time use kind of thing, you know it's not.
13:48
No. OK.
13:49
You want to hand it over? Are you going to do it?
13:51
You. Want to take a ride on this Pogo
13:53
stick? You go right ahead.
13:54
I I don't even understand how it is that I'm shitting blood right
13:58
now, but it's been happening for days.
14:02
Your prison pockets hanging out, that's why.
14:04
Oh, that's my real pocket. Yuck.
14:09
All right, hand that shit over. Fuck it.
14:11
I can't wait to see how this turns out.
14:13
Right. Probably not.
14:15
Great. I'm sure I'm not seeing.
14:16
One of these things. I'll fucking I'll cut my hand
14:20
and I'll fucking drip some ghost blood onto one of these lights.
14:23
That makes no sense, OK. You gotta fucking figure out how
14:27
to use it somehow. Figure out how to use it somehow
14:30
here. Let me put it out for you and I
14:31
just jab it in his neck and yeah, so you materialize.
14:36
I mean dematerialize entirely. Like he disappears.
14:41
And I'm so sorry. Seconds later, like just a few
14:44
seconds later, out from the dirt of the soil of the valley, here
14:50
skeleton comes out. What's up to the family?
14:59
Is it a real one or a phantom one?
15:00
It is a phantom one, you know, I like the idea of being a phantom
15:05
ghost. I have a phantom skeleton.
15:06
Cuz you're still trying to find. Your body, It's gotta be.
15:08
He's gotta be. You're still trying to find your
15:09
body. That was the class wise.
15:11
Though I wanna say that you're probably still a betrayed
15:13
phantom. You're just a ghost.
15:15
Or we can make one as their companion for this there.
15:18
We go the ghost skeleton, Ghost skeleton, some of the better
15:23
name for him. Yeah, Remitt's eyes kind of
15:26
bulge out a little bit farther. Well, I forgot you had those
15:29
things. I did not.
15:32
How could you? You said.
15:34
Hey, you friend. Hey, I hate.
15:35
Looking good. I kind of like this.
15:37
I push you in gold or silver maybe.
15:39
Well, I don't know how to do that, nor do I.
15:41
It happened to me. I didn't do it to myself.
15:43
Scoots, do you feel a little out of place now?
15:46
Yeah, not gonna lie a little bit.
15:48
Remember last episode when we said that your band's name is
15:50
Scoots and the Skeletons? We are one away from making that
15:55
a reality. Actually, that should just be
15:57
this episode's known. I was given to the skeletons.
16:00
If we don't call this episode Skeleton Crew, I think we're
16:03
missing a good opportunity that's kind of like that, a
16:06
little bit better, actually. Oh man, I'm cool with either
16:14
one. Skeleton Crew is a great game,
16:08
although Scoots and the Skeletons like it's so good.
16:14
Did anybody pass that presence test, by the way?
16:16
No, I. Didn't I?
16:17
Did I got a five? You did OK Give me a D8.
16:19
Then D8. All right.
16:20
Yep. Thomas, did you, I'm sorry, I
16:21
missed that. I did not.
16:23
Okay, I got A1A1. Nothing.
16:27
I stupid that like you pass this present, but it's still like a
16:30
pretty good chance that you're not gonna find anything.
16:33
Let's keep on going. Yep.
16:34
Day 4. Well, I guess bones don't shed
16:36
blood, so you're pretty lucky. Yeah.
16:38
Yeah, your infection is gone. Needless to.
16:40
Say, oh, beautiful. So day 4, you guys are getting
16:44
closer still to these mountains. And give me a D20, Thomas.
16:47
All right, you've got it yet. That's a four.
16:50
OK, good deal. Anybody have the omens or
16:53
infections total 4? I got omens back and I got all
16:55
my health back. That's actually true.
16:59
Too damage minus. I'm alive.
17:03
You're just spending it. You're gonna run, you're gonna.
17:04
I I'm gonna run the little work. Yeah, you are scoot 2%.
17:09
It'll be the day we show up. Ten.
17:11
Oh God, you think it was a one? And then everybody presents a
17:16
DR18 again. Yeah, not me.
17:18
Nope. Yay.
17:19
I'm 19. 7. I got an 18.
17:22
OK, nice D eights for both of you.
17:24
Yeah, D eights for both of you. 22 nothing.
17:28
Got a 7? OK, D10.
17:31
Bullshit. Literally 1-2 and three on that
17:34
DA table. I'll say nothing.
17:38
I got a nine A9 on the weapon or spoiled it.
17:44
It's a good thing we need. You guys need shit.
17:46
So I figured I'd give you shit. I'd given you shit.
17:48
But that doesn't help the shitting of my blood you find
17:52
just sitting amongst the middle of nowhere, scoots.
17:55
A crossbow. What's the present score?
17:59
It's +2, but my hands are on fire and I'm pretty sure the.
18:02
Crossbow's made. Of wood.
18:04
That sounds like a scoop's problem.
18:07
This crossbow is made of metal. You see that this crossbow 2
18:11
also has 12 bolts accompanying it.
18:13
Are those burn up? Don't.
18:14
Don't touch that. Don't leave it be, God damn it.
18:17
I'll take that. Well, here you go Weam it.
18:20
Yeah, that's a lot to you and I'm glad I found this for you.
18:26
This is fucking terrible. I'm getting fucking hungry and
18:29
tired and everybody's turned into skeletons and.
18:33
I mean, yeah, there's a very easy solution for that.
18:36
Yeah, it's actually pretty great to be.
18:38
Honest. You let this candle thing and
18:40
put it out. No.
18:41
Make them solve yeah cuz you do it.
18:44
I won't know. Scoots does not actually have to
18:47
spend his last HP for it, he just needs to use it in the
18:50
light he. Would be his flame skeleton
18:53
though, the thing that you use it in the daylight, I mean it
18:55
happened it wasn't the last blood drop, it was the daylight
18:57
that did it, so. No, not doing that.
19:01
I like it. Your ass.
19:03
Quit bitching. I wish you guys could hear the
19:10
middle finger he gave. I'm sorry.
19:14
So, moving on. Day five, you finally entered
19:18
the mountains of Bergencrypt snow.
19:21
Nice peaks. Nice peaks indeed.
19:23
Now it's very craggy. Lots of labyrinthine tunnels
19:27
underneath this, but you guys aren't worried about going in
19:30
there? This doesn't look familiar.
19:31
I'm not sure where exactly these you guys are going, and I'm sure
19:33
that you guys don't either. But you guys are continuing to
19:37
walk until you see something. Day 5 Give me a Day 20.
19:40
Yes, you can still join the skeletons.
19:42
We don't care about the cold. That's great too.
19:45
Yeah. Wow.
19:46
Oh my God, you are fucking kidding.
19:48
Me. I'm not touching anymore, Jake
19:52
rolled. Another misery.
19:54
Damn it, it's Jake. Give me another D60 Shakaba.
19:57
Wait. Maybe I'm going to have to join
19:59
you. 64. Gul Dawd sits up again, eyes
20:05
glowing. Now my ears.
20:08
Don't you water 2? Words What?
20:15
Are you OK? Yeah.
20:16
Well, it's not. Who are you?
20:18
I'm going to lean over to we mutt.
20:19
I don't cause I think I might have a lot to do with what's
20:22
going on around here. I stole his relic a while back
20:25
and it said something about a purse.
20:28
Don't tell anyone. That would have been something
20:30
really good to know a few days ago.
20:33
Yeah, sure. As you guys are having this
20:35
conversation too, you realize that you guys don't remember
20:38
anybody's names. Like none of you guys.
20:41
What did I call you? This is going to be very easy to
20:44
do from now on. Right though, except.
20:50
For except for like, Human Torch over here, he's going to be
20:53
like, hey, Bone Guy, and we're going to be like.
20:55
What? That's a good point.
20:59
But yeah, I just realized what I read.
21:01
And I'm like, those who walk on two legs will be as nameless as
21:04
the beast of the field. I'm like, like, you don't
21:06
generally like, have a herd of cows and know their names.
21:09
So you guys are now just a herd of dudes who don't remember each
21:12
other's names? But do you remember our own
21:14
names? Maybe.
21:17
Yeah, I mean, do we read, introduce ourselves, or do we
21:20
just not know who the fuck we are anymore?
21:22
I think we just. Roll for I think you just have
21:24
no idea who you are. Yeah, all I know is you're my
21:27
cousin, but I feel bad I forgot your name.
21:31
Don't feel bad cuz I'm right there with you cuz.
21:36
He'd like give me that infection roll.
21:38
We need to come up with designations for who we are.
21:41
Skelton A, Skelton B Skelton C No.
21:44
Don't like that. I'll be Goldie.
21:48
Oh, my God. You can go through.
21:51
Yeah, you're the You're the glass.
21:53
You're the glass one. Yeah.
21:55
Wait, you're not Glass. He's like blazing his big hands.
21:57
I'm a ghost. Slap your arm.
21:59
I'm a. Spectre alright, Phantom.
22:02
Alright, three damage. Minus.
22:05
You take one damage, actually. Dead zero, you're at.
22:08
Zero. You're broken.
22:09
Give. Me a D40, give me a D. 4.
22:11
This is this is a rough. Day you did.
22:13
I knew it would be well, cuz I was like, we can't just Fast
22:16
forward entirely. What's a two?
22:17
You have to take care of these things.
22:19
What's a two? You lose the body part.
22:20
Yeah, give me a D6 all. Right, A2.
22:24
You lose. Give me a D2.
22:28
God, here we go. Left, right.
22:30
Yeah, finger. A2.
22:33
That's your right arm bulb off. I think you're getting sicker.
22:38
Give me a default as well. That looks like a real bad day.
22:42
I don't think that's supposed to come off, buddy.
22:44
What's A1? That's how many hit points you
22:46
have now? Permanently.
22:48
No, you just have it. That's where you're currently
22:50
at. Okay, Scoots, 2%, I don't think
22:54
it's. Supposed to do that?
22:55
That's not his name. I'm gonna pick up.
22:57
I mean, yeah, Fire guy 2%. That's gonna be fun.
23:02
Yeah. For what?
23:03
The entirety of the podcast? Well, until the 7th misery
23:06
happens and resets our whole story, I.
23:08
But by the end of the podcast, thinks Jake.
23:13
Yeah, Jake's not rolling miseries again.
23:15
Maybe Jake should only roll. I was like, hey, roll Misery.
23:18
Jake's like, boom, That's good. Hey, I'm calling it.
23:22
It was a one. Oh my God.
23:23
I got a 93. OK.
23:25
And everybody D R16 presence test, because it might be easier
23:30
to find things in Bergen Krypton.
23:31
It would. No, it's a misery day.
23:33
It's a Misery Day. Thank you.
23:34
It's a misery day. No roll.
23:35
Oh no roll, seeing the only other non skeleton drop his arm.
23:41
Just fall off. I'm going to run over and grab
23:43
it and start cooking it and need it, yes.
23:46
OK Oh my God, that makes so much sense.
23:48
I have been ignoring your like need to eat.
23:50
But is he infected? That he might have to be.
23:52
He's going to have to roll. R12 the Toughness test.
23:56
This is such a fucking downfall of a session.
24:00
I don't know what you're talking.
24:01
About. I'm doing fine.
24:02
Yeah, you got upgraded. I'm doing great. 15 + 1.
24:06
OK, that's pretty good. Yep, You did not get infected.
24:08
You got nourished instead. Can I have the bones back at
24:12
least? When I'm done, fuck off.
24:16
Just don't charm. Too bad.
24:18
I don't know who any of you are. Donner part of keeping here now.
24:21
Leave Flicker alone to his meal. Yeah, yeah, we're we're gonna
24:26
start calling you One Arm. Will you touch this spot for me?
24:29
It's kind of gushing a little. Bit You're ghosty.
24:32
I don't feel bad for you at. All I got the credits for this
24:35
episode. It's gonna be like it plays
24:37
Ghosty one arm. I'm gonna be their explanations.
24:42
I said we should come up with better designations for this.
24:45
I do believe that I had a title once, but I don't know what it
24:48
is. Does it matter now?
24:50
I think it was captain something.
24:53
Maybe. Corporate is Mayor the Is he
24:57
bleeding out of where the arm came off, or did it just come
25:00
off clean? Pretty much like necrotically
25:02
like a Ken doll. You know, it rotted and fell
25:04
off. So he's got like a gross, like
25:07
lump of something left behind, but it's not bleeding.
25:10
You had whatever that maggot man had, I think.
25:12
I mean. Who's that maggot man's name
25:14
again? I don't know, Steven.
25:16
Steve, that sounds like a good name.
25:18
No, no, I feel like Paul was somebody else, maybe maybe a
25:21
Bryan Cranston. No.
25:24
Come back again. So Fisk is right-handed.
25:27
And he had the candle opera in that hand.
25:29
Who? MY1 armed man What happened to
25:33
the Candelabra when it fell in the snow?
25:36
Did you guys pick it up? I picked up his hand.
25:38
Why wouldn't you? It was or his arm?
25:39
Okay was he holding? Was he still holding it?
25:41
It was my right hand. My right hand.
25:45
Did it get put out? He's in same detail.
25:47
Why? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
25:49
Ask Scoot. Ask Kevin, cuz he.
25:52
He picked up the arm. Then you get rid of that.
25:54
Actually, that's a good name. Call that guy Kevin, you.
26:01
Know I think I'm going to call you Nathan.
26:04
I don't know. Or maybe just Nate?
26:06
That one's better, Nathaniel. Maybe Mayor Nate.
26:09
Sure. I'm down.
26:10
Mayor Nate Yeah, that's what it was.
26:12
I'm going to call you mayonnaise for sure.
26:14
Mayonnaise. That's right.
26:16
Yeah, yeah, because you're white and creamy.
26:20
Give me a D20 for the six day misery.
26:27
Just a backtrack. I was more focused on eating
26:29
than noticing the candle lubber, so I did not pick it up.
26:32
So. Fair enough, I'm going to grab
26:33
it. You grabbed it with your other
26:34
OKOK that's fine. So yeah, another day goes by.
26:37
You guys doing your thing. I ain't fucking touching.
26:39
Somebody give me the misery days, not Jake D20.
26:42
I'll do it. 5. OK, you're still infected.
26:49
Here, so give me that okay. Yeah, I get your omens back
26:54
first. Get my omens.
26:55
Got a natural? Yeah, yeah, I am good.
26:56
Got a natural 20 on that fucking presence.
26:59
Okay, good scoots. Give me your 2%. 58 I'm good.
27:04
Okay anybody else make that 16 presence test.
27:08
I got a nine. Fuck.
27:10
I got a 19 + 2. Okay.
27:13
Yeah, but what? You two guys good?
27:14
No? Okay.
27:15
Hold on. Are You Bitter 20?
27:20
Yes, non natural. OK, so all four of you who've
27:24
succeeded was everybody but Jake.
27:26
Wow. Give me a D86. 55 as well. 7.
27:35
OK, Levi, give me a D 10/8, give me a D6 and Thomas and Kevin
27:44
both give me a D8. Let me know what you get 3.
27:47
I have a six. I got a 7.
27:51
I got a 7 as well. Oh, great.
27:53
Guys are cute. Yeah.
27:55
Adorable. Aren't we adorable?
27:57
OK, so you guys, as you guys are crawling through, they're
28:00
crawling, climbing through the mountains.
28:01
On day six, here you come across a a guy laying in the snow.
28:07
Not a guide, the corpse I called.
28:10
You said this before. It happened.
28:12
It happens all the time. And you see that he's got things
28:16
around him, Nate, you see that this guy's carrying a shield and
28:19
it draws your attention. Fuck yeah.
28:21
Levi. That's not my name.
28:24
Yes, it is now it. Is.
28:25
It's going on all right, One arm.
28:29
You find he's got a sword, a D6 damage.
28:33
Cool. Thomas and Kevin, you guys both
28:35
go rummaging through. Stuff and you guys both find a
28:37
medicine box. Ohh.
28:39
Fucking egg. Yes, I plant, I planted them in
28:42
here so that you guys would have a 6.25% chance of getting and
28:46
you did, yeah. And I'm gonna hide mine.
28:49
Ohh yeah just. Scoop.
28:51
Put it in your rib cage that show his name.
28:56
Kevin Flame on What? What?
28:58
Kevin. Yeah, Kevin.
28:59
My name is Kevin now. Thank you.
29:01
Kevin, before you touch that, I'll trade you this sword for
29:05
it. He's up to something.
29:07
I'll. Trade it with.
29:08
You OK? I'm not mad at this, but.
29:13
I want a little hit of that. I'm not.
29:15
Mad. You know what?
29:16
I just need a little hit of it and then I'll keep it on me and
29:20
you let me know when you want to hit yourself.
29:22
Do I have your word? Fingers crossed.
29:26
That no, That means no firm, firm handshake.
29:31
OK, and I'm going to burn your bones.
29:35
Well, you're not. I spit on my hand and I touch
29:37
it. OK, well, bump elbows.
29:41
All right, so I will trade the Med box for a sword.
29:47
D6 Sword. D6 sword all right?
29:51
As you as soon as you grab it by the handle, you just burn the
29:53
leather off of the right just metal Tang.
29:58
Does it do the same effect as the crowbar does?
30:01
Does it get the +2 and then have the?
30:03
The one D ten chance of igniting and or breaking?
30:06
Or is it just strictly for that crowbar?
30:08
I kind of like the idea of any weapon that you use does.
30:17
OK. Well, you came with the crowbar,
30:13
so I feel like I'm gonna say no, just to make that crowbar that
30:16
much more special. You.
30:17
No, that's fine. I'm just making sure.
30:19
And the medicine box is exactly what it sounds like, stops
30:21
bleeding infection and plus D6HP presence plus 4 uses.
30:25
Since this one that you traded has not been opened yet, we're
30:27
going to be going off of Levi's presence.
30:29
OK, that's plus one. So he has five uses then?
30:32
3 uses. 3 uses. It's a D4 plus one, isn't it?
30:35
No, it's just presence plus. Sweet 5 uses I.
30:38
Believe. It's presence plus 4 uses, Yeah,
30:41
I. Believe it was like 4 to D.
30:43
Four hey. Hey, hey, hey, I'm kidding,
30:46
kidding. Podcast.
30:48
No, this is the right podcast. OK, yeah, so 3 uses on your left
30:54
then. It feels pretty good.
30:57
What is the D6 to heal? Yep, Yep.
30:59
And it gives you D6 to each. Nice.
31:02
I'm back to full health. So nobody's infected anymore?
31:04
That's fantastic. It's a little late for you, but
31:06
you know you probably want to die.
31:07
Like that, I'm fine. I feel pretty.
31:09
Good. I'm cool.
31:10
I'm I still have both my arms. That's true.
31:12
My blood's not dried up a little bit, so that's a good time.
31:16
Day 7 He's part of the Cool Kids club now, so.
31:19
Day seven, you guys continue walking through the mountains.
31:22
Somebody give me a D20. You want me to do it?
31:24
Nope. Nope.
31:27
Like fishing for that response. There, I like it 4.
31:30
Four. OK, good.
31:32
Nobody's Infected, Scoots 2% two.
31:34
Percent 95. 95 Perfect. Did you did you ration any of
31:40
that? Don't worry about that
31:42
president's test, because as you guys are walking, you guys come
31:45
across what looks like you're not too sure if he's old or what
31:49
he is, but you see a a person in a in a cloak, crouched down by
31:55
what looks like a fire pit, and he's cursing to himself.
31:59
God damn it, it can't get this fucking thing.
32:01
Little lead closer to Kevin. Just be like this is the guy we
32:06
left in a dungeon. I'm kicking him into the fire.
32:09
I don't blame you. I mean, I could take it into
32:12
that heat. He looks at you guys a little
32:14
cold. You're expecting somebody,
32:16
right? You're clearly expecting
32:17
somebody. What you see is not that guy.
32:19
You see the the Inuk has his name.
32:21
Inuk, by the way, that you guys, you know, can't remember names.
32:26
No, he was, Yeah. Very dead, very rotten,
32:30
scraggly, very frail. This guy looks a hell of a lot
32:33
younger. Long beard, still old, but he's
32:37
a old man with a big beard. Looks like he could be the same
32:40
guy, but even not sure if he is or not.
32:42
Hey, Beardo. Cool there.
32:45
Quite well. I mean, it was.
32:47
How'd you even know? Yeah, fuck if I care.
32:51
No, I'm actually doing pretty good.
32:52
What are you doing out here? Oh, just trying to leave my
32:55
pipe. I will extend.
32:57
My pink, my index finger and light the pipe for him.
33:01
Oh, much obliged. What's your name?
33:04
Hold on, he takes a big hit of this thing and he's like.
33:09
That's the good stuff. What was the question holding my
33:11
name? Oh, I have no idea.
33:13
Oh, OK. I.
33:15
Feel like I knew it at one point?
33:16
What's yours? They keep calling me Kevin.
33:19
Oh, hi, Kevin. I don't remember my name.
33:22
Yeah, no. Yeah.
33:23
It's funny. You must have Alzheimer's too.
33:27
I don't remember getting Alzheimer's.
33:28
Don't be neither. OK, anyways, what are you doing
33:32
out here? Oh, just just hanging out.
33:36
Mostly just chilling. See what you did there?
33:40
It's cold and snowing, OK? No, there's a.
33:44
There's actually an ancient path about that way.
33:46
He points in a direction, it doesn't matter what direction.
33:49
But I come to the flesh of the mountains leading through agony
33:52
and ice, to a place called. He looks around everybody.
33:55
Make sure no one else is around. Dunkirk.
33:58
Why did you get all weird when you said it I?
34:00
Don't want anyone to hear me, I. Mean we all heard you.
34:02
Well, I didn't decide the your present company.
34:05
I look around. Yeah.
34:07
Yeah, right. Yeah, there.
34:09
Could be anybody. I need 2D sixes.
34:13
I'll roll one. Make sure the different results
34:14
if somebody rolls one. Two.
34:16
I'll roll 1/2. Six, OK.
34:20
You know there's a the priestess of a nearby church following the
34:24
twin passes she. Looking for the The Pasil is
34:28
undead, begotten, and you know the fools who came before you.
34:32
They will prey upon you. And good luck.
34:35
There's not much to prey upon anymore.
34:37
Yeah, no, that's fair. Unless they like eating bone
34:40
ghost bone. I got a ghost bone.
34:42
We're. Hardened adventurers now.
34:45
Well cool. I'm going to look at Lefty and.
34:49
That's you by the way, Levi. I like that.
34:51
That's way. Better Lefty.
34:53
Oh, that is good. And be like.
34:55
Skins. They prey upon us.
34:57
Well, I mean, yeah, cool. This is great.
35:00
Glad we broke out of prison for this.
35:03
I mean. Broke out of prison?
35:04
What do you mean? Freedom's good, yeah.
35:06
Yeah. All right.
35:07
Fair enough. We're.
35:08
In fucking something or another. Can't remember this fucking
35:12
name. Big ass prison.
35:16
Yeah, that was it. Cool.
35:18
Was that the Duke's name? Maybe.
35:20
Yeah, Duke Shockshank. Duke Shockshank I.
35:23
Don't know. I don't know who you're talking
35:25
about. Regardless where you're going,
35:29
is this somewhere past the Bergen crypt?
35:31
Is that what you're saying? That's where we are right now,
35:34
right? Exactly.
35:36
We should find a guy beyond here once it.
35:38
Happens happens everywhere I. Don't remember his name either.
35:41
Sounds like a complex back story, Quiet.
35:46
Yeah. You're doubling up.
35:50
Oh, can I get a heat off that pop real quick before we take
35:53
off? Yeah, why don't we just take a
35:54
little break here? Fucking back the flails of the
36:21
face. Now, Levi, I mean lefty, lefty,
36:28
lefty Lopez. Who?
36:32
You know the L from TLC. Not me.
36:35
That's not me. You take a hit off this guy's
36:37
pipe and it's. This is some powerful oh boy.
36:42
Just hair, mostly. I taste it.
36:47
My favorite mix? And as you sail this, you, you
36:51
feel like a tingling in your right shoulder socket and you
36:55
see like bones emerging from it converging to the point of
37:00
another skeletal arm, a full skeletal arm.
37:02
And then you feel the flesh to start wrapping around it and
37:06
just filling in the the rest of that arm.
37:09
And it's, but it's got a color to it that's just not normal.
37:13
Yeah, I'm not hitting that. Like that?
37:16
Thanks. It's like a gun metal color.
37:19
It's kind of cool looking. Anybody else want some of this
37:22
shit? Never.
37:22
Will. Do.
37:24
Yeah. No, all good.
37:25
I've had a couple of miserable days.
37:27
Maybe I'll take a bump off that. Thank you kindly.
37:29
Not gonna cause another one, are you?
37:31
No, I hope not. Here you go then.
37:33
All right. Thanks.
37:34
How do you inhale? I just want the wind blow it
37:37
down my rib cage. I really feel like you're
37:40
wasting mustache here, guys. So I'm gonna take that back and
37:43
wish you guys good luck. Yeah, we're probably gonna need
37:46
it. Thanks.
37:46
Yeah, yeah, right on that road there.
37:48
About a day's travel. You'll find the big.
37:51
You'll know when you see. It how much for a little sack of
37:55
that stuff I could use a little bit more later on.
37:58
But then, pubes it was. How'd you know?
38:01
It wasn't little pubes. You just said it was hair.
38:04
Yeah, but I didn't say from where it.
38:06
Died today. Looked curly.
38:07
It probably it's the smell that kind of tips you off.
38:11
I'm a Connor Sewer of armpit hair of.
38:13
Yeah, it's just body hair. But I don't mind.
38:18
It so. That's.
38:18
So you said. That way, Bye bye.
38:23
Hey. And and as you guys are walking
38:25
away. Hey, we meant.
38:27
What the fuck? Who's that?
38:28
You that we meant? He points to We meant,
38:30
obviously. What come?
38:33
Here. Yeah, yeah, you that was.
38:36
That's that's your name. Walk over.
38:38
How do you know his name? You like puts his back to you
38:42
that? Was fucking rude.
38:49
Glad to see you made it out all. Right.
38:52
Do. Do I even know you?
38:54
I guess not. Anyway, have fun.
38:58
Hey, Cedric. What?
39:00
Just fuck you, that's all. I just.
39:05
I just know he was looking at me.
39:06
Yup. And then he goes.
39:07
He just starts like tracking his way down the mountain real
39:09
slowly. You're a strange old man.
39:12
Yeah, this guy's kind of a rude Dick, so I'm going to turn and
39:15
shoot him past no. No.
39:19
OK, Yeah, go ahead. Give me a presence test.
39:22
That's 18. 18 So the bolt, you lose a bolt at it right to his
39:26
back, and you see like it grabs the cloak and pulls it out as if
39:31
like, and then. It pulls off of him as it does
39:33
this, as if he's not even there. Like it's a magician.
39:35
Okay. That's son of a bitch.
39:39
And you just hear on the wind. Wow, Cedric does sound familiar.
39:51
Maybe that's my name, no. I'm Cedric.
39:55
That's right, you are Cedric, he pointed.
39:57
Yeah, I'm Cedric. Now he pointed through.
40:00
You. Yeah, he don't like you.
40:01
Well, I guess we're both Cedric, because I like him too.
40:04
OK, Brad, let's go. I'll be right.
40:06
I'll go with Weeman. That's what he called me.
40:08
You can be messed up. I see him.
40:10
I'm stabbing him. OK, I just want to know how he
40:15
did that trick and I start walking to follow up behind
40:18
Kevin. All right, Kevin, lead the way.
40:21
You're the lighting. A dark, dark day.
40:26
All right. Well, let's go, Weeman.
40:29
Really. That's your name.
40:31
That's weird, right? Yeah, very.
40:32
Weird. It's not very good, but I wasn't
40:34
going to say nothing. Better than nothing.
40:37
Yeah, my name's Lefty. It's been.
40:40
Even though you have two arms again, well you know on the
40:43
right side and like the right one is the notable one too.
40:46
I lost my right arm and I got a right arm, yeah.
40:48
He was trying to flip to get double s.
40:51
I wanted double s. That would have been fun.
40:53
I think it's hilarious that you call him lefty, but his right
40:55
arm is his notable one. Yeah, right.
41:00
So you guys walk for a good part of the day through the mountains
41:03
down this trail that he told you to go on, and the trail is
41:06
relatively defined. You know, it's kind of just a
41:09
Canyon that you guys are walking to, kind of labyrinthine
41:11
Serpentine and eventually when it gets to be about sundown.
41:15
You come to something cut into the stone, which looks to be an
41:20
image of she A2 headed basilisk, as big as a house that's
41:24
beautiful. 2 heads protrude showing no signs of the agony of
41:27
centuries. The claws pulled a large stone
41:30
door covered with ancient symbols.
41:33
Is that the thing? He said we'd know.
41:35
I I'm going to suggest that the two catacomb Saints can still
41:40
read and it due to the religious background, yeah.
41:43
That's you what? That makes a lot of sense to me.
41:46
Maybe my name's St. I'm fine with that.
41:48
You don't really like the Saint to me.
41:50
I feel like 1. Knocking about, you see the bone
41:52
structure here? Yeah, check out the shield I
41:55
got. Look at those, saintly I.
41:57
Mean. Look at those anal beads.
41:58
Those are pretty potent. Rattle.
42:01
I don't know. Any Saints that use anal beads?
42:04
I mean, I don't know any that don't.
42:05
I think they call them prayer beads.
42:07
Yeah, that's what they call. People, but you can pray however
42:11
you want. Yeah, right.
42:09
Yeah, try and. Praynel beads, if you will.
42:13
Praynel beads. Praynel beads.
42:15
Yes, I'm. I'm a I'm a catacomb thief.
42:21
That's my back story thing going on.
42:24
I'm gonna go up and check the store for traps.
42:26
Complex. Same ring.
42:29
As he's doing that, I'm gonna look at the player formerly
42:32
known as Cedric's. Like can you still look through
42:35
stone? I'm sure I can.
42:37
That was days ago. I mean, roll forward found out,
42:40
yeah, doesn't the. Answer We'll see.
42:42
I can't remember what the numbers.
42:45
Even we've it's gonna like, try and translate any of the
42:48
writing. So you see as you're looking out
42:51
this, this. These ancient symbols that it
42:53
talks heavily about two headed basilisk.
42:56
It talks about she a lot. It mentions her almost like
42:59
unnecessarily. Too much like it's not using
43:02
pronouns, it's just using she, which may be the pronoun it's
43:04
using, to be honest. I think she prefers of a who.
43:09
Knows. But this this is written like
43:12
some like kids letter to his crush.
43:16
It also mentions something about children of she.
43:20
I don't like that. It seems very vague though.
43:24
It also tells you how to open the damn door and it which is
43:27
helpful. It mentions that any appropriate
43:31
spell, prayer or chant will cause the gate to open and
43:35
you're like that's pretty vague. That's.
43:38
Tiny, vague. I'm gonna see what my cousin
43:40
comes up with. Not sure.
43:43
We're just kind of looking around this door myself.
43:45
What do I notice? Do I notice anything out of?
43:48
The same thing you read. You can read this as well, OK?
43:50
And it doesn't look like there's any handles to open this thing
43:53
or anything. Can I maybe use this shield to
43:57
fucking? Is there an inscription on my
43:59
shield that maybe allows me to get into these places?
44:02
Sure. How are you attempting to go
44:04
about that? I'm going to take my shield and
44:08
press it to the right in this dead center of the door well.
44:11
Like you're gonna slip it in like a credit card.
44:13
No, you're just pressing it, like pressing the face of the
44:15
shield towards the door. Yeah, okay.
44:17
So you do that, and then you see that your shield starts to glow,
44:20
and you see the crack between the two doors glow as well and
44:24
they start grinding open. I'm gonna turn around.
44:27
Didn't expect that to work, to be honest.
44:29
I. Didn't either.
44:30
Good job. Yeah.
44:32
Wish I could read. Out of transparency, it says.
44:36
The door will open to any appropriate spell per chant,
44:37
right? Right.
44:38
What I was planning is as soon as you guys are like, fuck, it
44:41
was like, I think they did that when they put that in there,
44:46
they did it to like, it's incredibly loose.
44:48
Figure out the right moment that someone said something that's
44:50
coming up, right? So yeah.
44:52
And then as the doors open, you see down beyond it darkness.
44:57
But you see stairs going down descending, and you see a
45:01
flickering of torch light from down beyond that.
45:05
I'll lead the charge down the stairs and grab the torch.
45:10
You so you guys come down this down these stairs and you see
45:13
that the large the room in front of you is, is damn big.
45:15
It's like a good 40 feet by like 100 and some feet it's pretty
45:20
big. You see that there are tar
45:22
puddles in the corners of in some spots in this room, and the
45:25
room smells as like a sweet rotten odor, like like rotting
45:29
fruit, like like someone's got some mangoes in here and they
45:32
are bad. That's good.
45:35
It kind of probably does to a point.
45:36
You know it's running. Fruit doesn't smell terrible.
45:38
It's not great. We don't need to breathe.
45:40
That's true big facts. Then this walls.
45:44
So the room is lit by torches. On the walls in the center of
45:47
this room you see a big statue standing on a broken base in the
45:52
middle of it. It looks rickety priest like
45:55
figure eyes of Amethyst. A cult writings on his face,
45:59
holding a spiked flail with intricate designs.
46:02
In his hand, other hand, a heart also of note throughout this
46:06
entire room, going from left to right as you guys look at the
46:10
room, a large like not trough, but like a big swath cut through
46:15
the room. And as you see on each side of
46:17
that swath, giant hole in the side in the walls of this room
46:22
as well, like something just plowed through it.
46:24
Well, I'm a thief. And you had me at giant amethyst
46:26
eyes, so. Much, yeah.
46:28
That's that's where I had. It's very Tomb Raidery, yeah.
46:32
You also see as you get was you as as a Jake or whatever your
46:36
name is at the moment, St. Rick.
46:37
OK, I won't remember that. St.
46:41
Rick, as you walk to this thing, you see that there is a door
46:46
doorway on the far end of this room with two guards standing
46:50
alongside it, one carrying a spear and the other carrying a
46:53
halberd. Also, to the left of those guys,
46:56
a doorway in the left wall. These guys notice me.
47:00
They're watching you. Yeah.
47:01
They see you walking. They don't.
47:02
They don't seem to be moving at all.
47:03
They're just standing there doing whatever.
47:04
I just keep pace and I wave at them.
47:06
Hello boys and I just walk up to the statue and I start climbing
47:09
up to the face. You get a just a like a light
47:11
salute from one of them. You're walking, you're climbing
47:14
up this thing, yeah. You can.
47:15
This is how we ended up in jail. He just kind of blamely did this
47:19
shit mayonnaise. I step out of you.
47:23
Probably, yeah. I thought we weren't doing that
47:27
no more. Well, I'd be mad if I could do a
47:30
thing, and I do what I mean. I have.
47:32
To test it by my prison pocket, too.
47:37
Well, I definitely wasn't going to take a chance with the
47:38
flaming dude and then look at the rest of us, too.
47:42
Shaking. Yeah, that's what I thought.
47:44
I feel like at this point, since you're a like a ghost skeleton,
47:46
you can easily just go into the skeletons.
47:49
Hey, it's got thicker bones. I feel like if you did
47:52
beforehand, before you were a skeletal ghost, just a ghost, it
47:55
would look like you're this, like this ectoplasm.
47:57
Yeah, right. Skeleton, like you're a mold.
48:01
Like they're just like the. Stink lines.
48:03
Stink lines? Does that mean I don't want to
48:07
know? Anything for him?
48:08
So how so you climb up this thing?
48:10
His statue, how are you getting these?
48:12
And you see the amethysts, are they're in there?
48:14
I'm paying attention to the rickety portion of that
48:16
description. And yeah, and he's moving a bit.
48:18
Away from. This smart as he's climbing this
48:20
too I guess he was climbing up but you see that this thing is
48:22
kind of just like leaning this holding a flail and it's got a
48:24
heart and it's kind of just like rickety as it as you're
48:27
climbing. I'm going to at the top I'm.
48:30
Going to go to, I'm sorry, I was going to go to the base of it
48:34
and see if I can kind of like steady it a little bit.
48:38
As you do, hold on, cuz hold on and I'm gonna start rocking on
48:42
the I'm gonna hold the top of the head and then start rocking
48:45
back and forth and crash this thing to the ground.
48:47
I don't think that's a good idea.
48:48
OK, well. His his fucking funeral.
48:52
So yeah, you you do that. You're rocking this thing and
48:55
yeah, you feel this thing all of a sudden, just like it's rocking
48:57
back and forth, and then all of a sudden it's just rocking back
49:00
and give me a toughness test. Oh shit.
49:03
I'm not. R12 good at that.
49:04
Actually I you reduce. Was it Omen?
49:11
Yeah. So I'm 13.
49:12
Smart. Smart.
49:13
OK, so yeah, you this thing collapses and you hop out of the
49:17
way quickly as this thing crushes would have crushed you
49:20
and it just shatters into pieces.
49:22
And as it does, you feel this strong tremor throughout this
49:26
entire room. What the hell?
49:30
That's not good. Suspect was happier than I
49:34
thought. This is.
49:35
Why I? Leaves you alone most of the
49:37
time. That tremoring grows as you guys
49:40
stand here and you see coming from one of the walls or the big
49:45
hole in the wall like the dugout hole, the giant worm like the
49:49
size of the hole and this thing is humongous.
49:52
Ohh this is where I die. Yeah and it it's it's toothy.
49:56
It almost reminds like think of like this I allude you know from
49:59
Dune like think that and it it oops its way around the like the
50:06
the far end of the room at this point blocking the entrance and
50:10
it just insert hisses and teeth grinding.
50:12
Spinning like a. Processor I turned to.
50:14
The guards is. This normal?
50:17
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a I mean, you stay.
50:20
He stays over there. He's afraid of the tar.
50:23
That's good to know. Very good.
50:26
But those amethysts, he's he's been thirsting for those.
50:29
I'm going to take one of them and Chuck it back into the hole
50:32
that he came from. Oh, back down his yeah thing and
50:35
then pocket the other one. Right.
50:37
Yes, and he done as you. Do that.
50:38
Watch this hand. Kind of thing, yeah.
50:40
Yeah, it double s back and just falls back down the hole and
50:42
disappears back into it. Yeah, I clasped my hands
50:45
together and rub them and they make weird bone sounds I guess.
50:49
Yeah, sounds like you're clapping.
50:50
I want to say too that the hole that that thing came from the
50:53
tunnel or whatever is, is a pie about a two-story tunnel.
50:56
Holy fuck. It's a that Worm was about.
50:59
Yeah, it was fucking so like from SpongeBob.
51:02
An Alaskan bowl war. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:04
The Alaskan. Pretty close.
51:06
Oh no. What about this heart and flail?
51:09
Was that just part of the statue?
51:10
Yeah, they they shattered when the skeleton when the thing fell
51:13
too. Nothing inside the statue.
51:15
Nope, no other goodies, OK? And the and these other guards
51:18
just watched us smash the statue, and they're just like.
51:22
You're you're OK with that? What he just did?
51:25
Cool. I.
51:26
Mean. I mean, alright.
51:28
What's fine? The door.
51:29
Yeah, What are you guys guarding?
51:31
Oh well, you guys are here to kill the Wormlord, right?
51:34
What? Sure.
51:35
Wait, what? What?
51:36
Wait, what? What?
51:37
The thing guys, No. No, that's a mall worm.
51:40
He's a friend of the worm Lord or something.
51:42
I don't. We were looking for a place
51:44
called like Doom Kirk or something.
51:46
Oh yeah, yeah, you're in the right place, Doom.
51:48
Kirk. What?
51:49
I don't know. And that's what I thought I
51:52
heard. Doom Kirk.
51:54
OK, I was. I was thinking of a completely
51:56
different kind of thing. No, he actually thought it's a
51:59
doom cock. So.
52:01
We're not too far. Off the other guard, The other
52:03
guard just kind of hangs his head.
52:05
Is this being ridiculed? Yeah.
52:09
He's bitch. We're in Doomkirk and there's a
52:16
a worm Lord, you said. Yeah, I start down down below.
52:22
And he points these thumbs to the doorway that they were
52:24
blocking. Is he also a fan of these rocks?
52:27
I have no idea. Maybe who isn't really.
52:30
And they'll look pretty dope. I know right is.
52:31
He as big as that other one. No, he's like a dude.
52:35
Oh. Oh my.
52:36
Oh, I was thinking another worm. What is it?
52:38
Why are you guarding the door then?
52:40
I was just. Making sure he doesn't come out,
52:43
just yeah, you want to take along and help us?
52:45
No. Yeah, I wouldn't either.
52:47
I get that. I don't blame him.
52:51
Well, yeah. You guys had you guys are
52:53
looking for the warm Lord. You just head down here and once
52:57
you've crossed the trench that this thing makes the points
53:02
gestures So that the trench we're calling it now that the
53:05
ball were made. Pass that twice.
53:08
You pass it three times. You've gone too far.
53:10
Turn back around, you'll find them.
53:14
Mayonnaise keep them over here for a second.
53:16
His. Name is mayonnaise.
53:18
Let's cover the nerd name pheasant.
53:22
I mean, what was your name again?
53:23
They don't remember names anymore.
53:27
Just been calling him pheasant from this point on.
53:29
Yeah, since then I just felt right for.
53:31
Him can Can you possess people? You take over their bodies.
53:35
Oh no. I wish I could, really.
53:37
I mean you try if you're. Going to do it, Do it to him.
53:41
I mean, I'm whispering his ear. How are you hearing me?
53:45
Right here? We can all hear you.
53:47
Right here, 4 inches away from it, yeah.
53:49
So you really don't have an inside voice.
53:52
It's very loud no matter what you say.
53:54
Well, fuck me rather. Not, no.
53:57
This person pockets off. Have you ever felt like I could
54:00
take over your body? I.
54:02
Mean. You've been in them quite often
54:04
so. I don't see why that's urgence,
54:06
but I don't know. God.
54:10
Don't worry, it's all right. They've been together since
54:12
prison. Yeah.
54:15
True. He even.
54:15
Stabbed me in the back, so it's really sweet.
54:18
No, I I hammered. You in the face.
54:20
Oh, that's right. I.
54:21
Gave you I gave you the fucking. Oh yeah.
54:23
I'm just going to open the door and quietly walk through it.
54:27
I'm going to follow. Yeah, you guys.
54:30
Probably call. Your friends too, I mean.
54:32
I'm going to try and like, walk into this pheasant guy.
54:34
Yeah, try. Just just that.
54:36
Give me a second. I probably can't do what he's
54:38
talking about doing. Just standing.
54:41
There, all right. I just.
54:42
I walk into him and I try to try to manipulate his body.
54:46
Just like I see why you like this.
54:51
Oh man, I never said I liked it. I never said that.
54:55
I've never had anybody say they didn't like me inside them.
54:58
Oh. My stairs.
54:59
Fuck you, Just leave his body again.
55:02
Yeah. Yeah.
55:03
OK, so you guys carry on down these stairs and it opens up to
55:07
a. Gigantic, dark room with a high,
55:10
echoing ceiling. It smells like like an old bag
55:14
of kitchen towels that needs to be changed, and they need to be
55:17
changed for weeks. It's just musty and just dank
55:21
cousin. It's like Grandma's place.
55:23
Yeah, kind of reminds me of black licorice.
55:28
Black licorice. Delicious.
55:32
Oh, you guys are. Oh wait, who am I?
55:35
Or whatever, Goldie. Goldie Oh yeah, Black liquid is
55:39
detestable. No one asked you.
55:43
Goldie. That's fair.
55:44
That's fair. Then you see that in this room
55:49
too, The whole far wall or the northern wall.
55:52
You guys came from the South. I'll keep giving you those
55:54
headings because it does help, I think.
55:56
I hope the entire N wall is scrawled in.
56:00
Unfamiliar Misery 4 Into the calendar of Neck Rebelle.
56:03
And then you notice especially and and St.
56:11
Rick. St.
56:12
Rick. There it is.
56:14
In this episode we all just changed names.
56:16
It got real dumb. Mine only change, mine only
56:19
changed my title and got rid of my.
56:21
He's been calling you mainly. Yeah, he has, you notice as
56:28
you're reading these. That all of the miseries, or
56:31
both of the miseries that have come to pass are both scrawled
56:34
in here as well, amongst a bunch of other things.
56:37
Like let's assume then being a Catacomb St. that you are
56:39
familiar with the calendar, you're familiar with what's
56:41
written on it, and a lot of these are unfamiliar, except
56:44
those two which you know. Now, perhaps that that might be
56:48
why you don't remember your names.
56:50
I do remember saying something about knowing Anook and his name
56:56
when we first started this. Yep, Yep.
56:58
And you? That's a good point.
56:59
So you probably wouldn't be familiar with this as well.
57:01
Who now? Yeah, now you don't even know
57:03
who that is. I do.
57:05
I did know a guy who wrote some shit before.
57:08
I mean not personally, but knew of him.
57:10
Also, this ceiling is so high in this room that it's disappears
57:15
Into Darkness, but there is a small flickering candle light
57:21
kind of descending from a balcony above.
57:23
Hello. Hello.
57:25
You really want to be yelling in here?
57:26
Yelling in here. Also, this room is filled with
57:29
crowded tables and chairs, most brittle and broken, but there is
57:33
a table in the corner that looks brand new.
57:36
You see that there are three skeletons sitting there
57:39
unmoving, one chair completely empty, and four hands of cards
57:45
dealt around the table. Three of them, obviously in
57:47
front of those two skeletons, and the other fourth hand dealt
57:50
to the open. And I'll fucking sit down.
57:56
And we've it's going to like run in like.
57:58
Get in front of him, like, toss him to the side and sit at the
58:00
table. Agility test just to make.
58:03
That's it. Higher agility test wins.
58:05
Yep, he rolled A20 on his dice. Oh geez, I got a nine.
58:12
So yeah, so you try to do that. He just he just plants himself
58:16
in that chair. But before you get dancing, you.
58:18
Do this at every family gathering.
58:20
What? You got to be quicker.
58:22
You know how it works. Look, just pull one of these.
58:26
What are these fools out there? This guy doesn't even have any
58:29
chips set out. So as you sit down too and you
58:34
gotta say your thing, you know, all three skeletons animate and
58:38
give me a presence test. Oh boy.
58:39
BR16. I think you're bad at presents.
58:43
Anybody in this game good at anything?
58:45
I got a + 1. That's not good.
58:49
Slightly better. Yeah, it's like the better than
58:51
terrible. I'm gonna, I'm gonna open up 12.
58:57
OK, the skeleton. So you play a hand around the
59:00
cards and it's hard to say exactly what game you're even
59:04
playing cuz it seems like what they're doing doesn't really
59:06
make any sense with any game. Could be goldfish poker black?
59:09
It seems like it's a combination of all of these things.
59:11
It doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason, but you see, at
59:14
one point they all just start laughing soundlessly, Like
59:17
they're physically laughing, but they're not making any noise.
59:19
I mimicked them. Really, that's great.
59:22
And they like they, one of them just reaches out to all the
59:25
cards and pulls them in as if there are chips, but it's just
59:27
the cards he's doing too. So as they laugh, they're like,
59:29
there's our patenting on the back and stuff too.
59:31
And they they all just gear up. They pull bags out from under
59:35
their seats and put them on and they just get up.
59:37
And then they're like, why are we counting?
59:38
Why are we counting all three of them?
59:40
But which is like we're we're going to talk to the worm Lord,
59:45
you know where he's at. Yeah, you want to bring us
59:48
there? Bring us there.
59:50
Maybe. I mean, I can bring you there.
59:53
You don't have to come in. Just bring us there.
59:55
That deal there, right? What's your name there, cuz?
59:58
Yeah, me neither. Yeah, me neither.
1:00:01
They even call me Saint Rick though.
1:00:02
Saint Rick. Though these guys oh wow.
1:00:07
That's that. There's Lefty.
1:00:08
I think that's mayor. Mayor.
1:00:11
Mayor Cedric, it's right there's Kevin.
1:00:14
This is my cousin. It's weird, I heard someone
1:00:18
whisper we mutt earlier, but I don't think that's his fucking
1:00:21
name. This Goldie, This Goldie.
1:00:21
I'm not. He's McCabe, kind of you.
1:00:27
You know, I was really like against having so many skeletons
1:00:31
around now, but maybe it's like this, it's like this, It's
1:00:33
really inclusive. I'm kind of I'm tempted to put
1:00:37
this candle out to be on this, but I got this cool black arm
1:00:41
now kind of shiny. Yeah, that's up to you.
1:00:43
That's up to. You kind of sickly, if you ask
1:00:46
me, Ask me, ask me. And is there anything going on
1:00:50
in the balcony? There's just the light from
1:00:53
above. Currently, nothing else is
1:00:56
receivable beautiful. Game where you playing, where
1:00:59
you playing it's called it's called 10 bones.
1:01:01
Oh, oh, oh, Mercedes. Yeah, it's a it's a skeleton
1:01:07
thing. Skeleton.
1:01:08
Yeah, you'd have to be a skeleton.
1:01:09
You know you can. I know what can.
1:01:12
I know what? We kill you, right?
1:01:13
Here I was going to say I was trying.
1:01:16
To skeleton scoop. Yeah, I'll tell you right now
1:01:18
though. Hey, just just you were skeleton
1:01:19
at the ghost. Yeah, that happened.
1:01:22
I skeleton fuck a ghost. And then you were born.
1:01:23
Then you were. Born, you could say that.
1:01:25
You could say. That no.
1:01:26
But I that doesn't kind of make sense, though it doesn't.
1:01:28
It's the 1st place I'm going to. It was a ghost 1st and then I
1:01:31
became a skeleton after skeleton after.
1:01:33
Wait, so you like wait, so you, like, played as a ghost?
1:01:36
Sort of, yeah. It's a complex back story as you
1:01:46
guys are making a lot of noise down here.
1:01:50
Just the idle chitchat and eventually all these voices
1:01:52
gonna rise. You see in amongst this glow of
1:01:57
light from the balcony a figure kind of eclipse it and give me a
1:02:03
D4, Anybody. I'll do it 33 and you see these
1:02:09
masses about the size of A. Not really sure about the size
1:02:14
of a. Dishwasher horse God, a lot of
1:02:18
horses. A small bear, a bear cub.
1:02:21
Anyway, so these three masses come flying down with this slap
1:02:25
and they land on the ground and you see these?
1:02:28
Oh God, they're like weird 2 headed rotten infant cursed
1:02:34
miserable basilisks. You and they all.
1:02:39
I'm averting my eyes. See.
1:02:41
Yeah, she looks up. Yeah, not that kind of thing.
1:02:44
They all stick their head up at you and just all at once.
1:02:50
And you hear a voice from above. Does that look infected?
1:02:56
Infected. Oh, you said above.
1:03:40
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode to let you know
1:03:42
that this episode featured the adventure Doomkirk by Gutero,
1:03:45
which appears in Monolith issue #1 entitled Harvest by our good
1:03:50
friends at Bogfolk. Evie played the cannibal cook by
1:03:55
none other than the cannibal curator of Ex Libris Morkborg,
1:03:59
Ian Law Thomas played the catacomb St. by Mccute.
1:04:04
Kevin played the Sports Bedlamite by Full Frontal, Phil
1:04:08
Jensen and Ian tortured Daddy Servas.
1:04:11
Jake played only one character in this episode, and that
1:04:14
character was the Catacomb Saints still by Mecudi, and Nate
1:04:18
played the betrayed phantom by Sasha Death of the Eldridge
1:04:22
tomb. This episode also featured The
1:04:24
Candelabra of Blood by the venerable Carrot himself, Brew
1:04:28
Goes Comb. The process for traversing the
1:04:30
Valley of the Unfortunate Dead was written by our GM Cannibal
1:04:33
Chris, and is released as this episode's companion, Crossing
1:04:37
the Valley. Links to all this fantastic
1:04:39
third party work for content can be found in the description
1:04:42
accompanying this episode. You can find us on Amazon Music,
1:04:46
Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio, and anywhere else
1:04:50
you can find any of your podcasts.
1:04:52
You could also find us on our socials, Facebook, Twitter or
1:04:55
whatever Twitter is now Instagram.
1:04:57
Feel free to reach out to us and help grow this podcast.
1:05:01
Thanks for listening. And we'll catch you guys next
1:05:04
time, all right? She's falling apart, Captain.
1:05:18
The future launches on fire. Jesus.
1:05:21
Abort mission, abort body, abort body.
1:05:26
That's not the phrase. Abort body.
1:05:30
Oh man, are you pretty much playing that character now?
1:05:32
Kind of, yeah. Holy shit, no.
1:05:40
No. Oh no.
1:05:43
Levi there's towels hanging up. Just grab one of the three on
1:05:47
the right. Well that sucked.
1:05:48
It also looked really cool, but mostly.
1:05:51
Sucked. Is that the first misery?
1:05:54
Yeah, it all makes sense. First misery on my floor.
1:06:00
Apologies, leli that's. That's drinking foam.
1:06:04
Well, that was your beer. I'm sorry, Nate.
1:06:05
No, that's fine. There's another one.
1:06:06
I'm OK. And in 10 days and one of the
1:06:13
Wait, Hold on. Start over dude.
1:06:20
Dude. Dude.
1:06:21
Dude. Dude.
1:06:22
Dude. Let me take a picture of that
1:06:23
quick dude, dude. Continuing.
1:06:28
Across and I leaked. I got all my scallions and meat
1:06:39
the bone boys. Yeah, the boners.
1:06:44
The boners. Yeah, boner.
1:06:46
Club the Boner. Yeah, welcome to the Boner.
1:06:48
Club the boner, boys the. Boner boys.
1:06:51
The Bones Brigade Wait, no. So that's already taken.
1:06:54
That's a skate group? Yeah, it is.
1:06:57
Worst comes the worst. I might join them.
1:06:59
Just saying licorice. Girl, you guys want?
1:07:07
Oh, go ahead. Finish your goddamn black
1:07:09
licorice. God, I don't really care about
1:07:13
that whole black. Licorice.
1:07:15
We were just shaming the shit out of Kevin for the black
1:07:17
licorice. Thing No, I was on Kevin's side.
1:07:19
I just never got around to commenting on it.
1:07:21
What are those black licorices called?
1:07:23
He didn't need any other support on that one.
1:07:25
Snaps the little fucking little black licorice with the candy
1:07:28
shell on them. Oh, I hate those things.
1:07:32
Those are the. Biggest garbage?
1:07:34
Yeah, no, those are like they're good.
1:07:36
Those are like the false advertisement.
1:07:38
Candy. You're like, yeah, oh look,
1:07:39
looks like candy. And then you're like, oh God,
1:07:41
tastes like ass. Boner boys for leg, Boner boys
1:07:48
for leg. I'll get that tattooed.
1:07:52
Or nay or nay do not. Who can breed?
1:08:00
Breed. I was going to say not, not many
1:08:03
of us now. I mean, I'm good down here. 6
1:08:07
people and only two pieces and all nails.
1:08:18
Why do you smell like sweat and shame me?
1:08:23
No. Holy fuck.