Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Debunking the Myths of Grief

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Debunking the Myths of Grief · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 30.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We are officially six months old now.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: It has been so fun getting to write and produce this podcast.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: The whole goal is for you, the listener, to learn some normalcy when walking through a transition and to not be afraid of the sequences that happen.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: So I would like to ask a favor Would you mind leaving a review if you've gotten anything at all from this podcast?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: It sure helps spread the word and I would greatly appreciate it.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Last week, we dove into the wild and untamed animal called grief.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: We walked through the five stages of grief.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Well, we didn't actually walk through them.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: We talked through the five stages of grief, but that was all I had planned for that topic.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: But as soon as I finished the podcast, it came to me that we all tend to judge ourselves and talk harshly to ourselves when we are grieving.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: The thing is, grief is the first step to starting your comeback.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: It's the awareness that life has changed and now we are turning ourselves around to get off that bench and start fresh.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Once we've come out of the shock part of grief, we tend to be particularly harsh with ourselves.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: You might feel your grieving process isn't going according to the norm.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Well, what is norm anyway?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: But remember there's no such thing as a right or wrong way of coping with a loss.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Here are some thoughts that could cross your mind when looking at your own or someone else's way of grieving.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: The first one is I am doing this wrong?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: No, one of the biggest myths about grieving is that everyone goes through it in the same way, not true.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: There is no guided journey, steps for following, no roadmap, which means there's no correct way of doing it.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: You might find it useful to remind yourself there's no I should be feeling this way kind of moment, which brings us to number two.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I should be feeling dot, dot, dot.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: No, not everyone experiences all the stages or even goes through these emotions the same way.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Denial could be more of a sense of shock and disbelief.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe the depression stage feels more like irritability than sadness.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: For you, the emotions used to rationalize the stages of grief aren't the only ones you'll experience.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: You may not even experience them all, and that's natural too.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: This is no indication that your healing journey is faulty in any way.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Your healing experience is unique to you and valid nonetheless.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Number three this goes first.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Remember there's no specific or linear order for the stages of grief.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: You could move along the stages one by one, or you could go back and forth.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Some days you might feel very sad and the very next day you could wake up feeling hopeful.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Then you could go back to feeling sad.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Some days you might even feel both.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: But in the same way, denial isn't necessarily the first emotion you'll experience.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe your first emotional reaction is anger or depression.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Number four it's taken way too long.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Coping with a loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Many factors affect how long it takes.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Some people navigate through grief in a few days.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Others take months or longer to process their loss.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I would not set any deadlines for when your grieving process should end.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: In other words, don't say in one year I should be over all this.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: No, in grief you'll experience some of these emotions in waves of intensity, but in time you'll notice that this intensity starts to decrease.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: But if you feel your emotions stay or increase in intensity and frequency, this might be a good time to seek yet professional support one more time.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: It takes as long as it takes.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Number five I'm depressed.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Going through the stages of grief, particularly the depression stage, isn't equivalent to clinical depression.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: There's a distinction between having clinical depression and grieving.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: This means that even though some symptoms might be similar, there are still key differences between both.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: For example, in grief the intense sadness will lessen in intensity and frequency as time goes by.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: You might even experience the sadness at the same time.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: You find temporary relief in happy memories from times before the loss.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Remember there's no deadline for grieving.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: How long it takes you to process a loss will be what it is for you.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Just remember that it is a normal thing to walk through the stages and go back through them again.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: You may or may not go through them in order, but it is key for you to be aware and recognize where you are.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Give yourself some grace.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Grief is a difficult process to walk through and you need to allow some room for that grace in your life.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Be easy with yourself.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: It's important to walk through all the emotions and heal and not stuff them someplace deep and ignore them.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as we'll be discussing Mother's Day.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I sure appreciate you being here.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.