Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / I Stopped Proving My Worth And Started Protecting My Peace

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I Stopped Proving My Worth And Started Protecting My Peace · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to AGNA for Sissy's.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, I am still on the road.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today I am currently recording this from my nephew's house.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: You may hear dogs.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, Ray.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, this is how it's gonna go today.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, um, I am on the road.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is my last podcast on the road.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I will be home next week to record.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, yay! It's been a long trip.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is my fifth week away from home.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still enjoying myself.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Am I looking forward to getting back home?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a lot to be said for routine, but I am still having a great time.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So today I am having lunch with my girlfriend Karen.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Karen was my maid of honor at my wedding.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have not seen her for a very long time.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now lives in the area here of Phoenix, and we are going to lunch.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And tomorrow I'm having breakfast with my friend Joan from Oregon, who moved here quite some time ago.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to see her from time to time when I come.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So not only am I visiting family here, I'm getting the blessing of seeing old and longtime friends.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm happy to have you with me today.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: We are closing our little road trip series here.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um today's going to be about arriving differently, what this road taught me.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to talk about that a little bit.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: What else?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, since I talked to you last, I went on a fabulous cruise.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, I'm using the word fabulous because it was with my bestie Lynn.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: We had a great time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Norwegian cruise lines.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: We went down the Mexican Riviera.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: The weather was spectacular, the seas were flat.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: We never got off the ship.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: We lived in the spa.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I did four wonderful spa treatments.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: We spent our days in the thermal suite.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was just a wonderful cruise.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And after being friends for, I don't know, 55 years, how we still have things to talk about is mind-blowing.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: But we do.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And we got dressed up at night for our dinner, and we came promptly back to the room and undressed for bed.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it was just wonderful.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: It was wonderful.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: We coordinated our outfits not intentionally, and we looked wonderful.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: We got lots of compliments, which is always fun.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just I can't recommend it enough.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was great.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And not getting off the ship made it such a more relaxed vacation.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have to worry about getting off, getting in.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: We sat on our deck and we looked at the beautiful ports of call, and I don't think either one of us missed getting off the ship.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I came back, I went to the doctor's to get my stitches out from my hand um infection.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Pathology reports are starting to come in.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like it can't be a simple infection, it's going to be a difficult infection, but I will get it handled when I get home.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very slow-moving infection.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I've obviously had it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've known since September trying to get it handled.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And since it was not a regular infection, it kind of went under the radar except for swelling in my hand.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So that is what's happening with me.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hope your life is good.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've enjoyed, I missed all the horrifying weather in Chicago.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the day I'm driving in, it says it's going to be 60 next Wednesday.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So lucky me.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I uh have had wonderful weather here in Arizona.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's been in the 70s.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can't complain.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it looks like my driving weather home is going to be great too.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to leave here and head to Albuquerque.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Take me about six hours to do that.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: From Albuquerque, I'm going to go to Oklahoma City.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's going to be a long day of driving.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: From Oklahoma City, I'll go up to St.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Louis.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then on Wednesday, I will do a quick four or five-hour drive from St.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Louis into Chicago and back home.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I will, my goal is to be home Wednesday.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what day that is, what date that is.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's February something.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let me look in my calendar.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be February 18th.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I will be home.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And Craig leaves February 18th for Orange County for four days to spend some time with his friends and go to some sporting events, etc.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I will have four days home alone to re-acclimate.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think after six weeks, I have never traveled this long before.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think after six weeks, there's going to be a little bit of re-entry shock.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I um on that Friday, I have not gotten my 38-year sobriety coin.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to pick it up that day.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And um looking forward to it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just looking forward to everything.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I again, this is the last in my road trip series, and then we're going to move on to other things.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I hope, and I will tell you my Medicare Advantage plan.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just share that because having to do some medical things outside of where I live, uh, it has taken care of me well.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm on an etna PO PPP, PPO, PP, whatever it is, PPO, prefer preferred provider, whatever.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, all of my bills have been paid, other than my co-pay.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I am grateful for a lot of people think if you're on an advantage plan, you cannot get care outside of your network.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: That is not true.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: 100% not true.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I had a surgery.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: What happened to my hand was considered a surgery.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So uh the biopsy on it, and uh everything went well.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just that's a little thing here on aging eight for sissies.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to share with all of you who are looking at Medicare, thinking Medicare.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: My advantage plan has been wonderful.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to get the medications that I needed, etc.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: No problem at my CVS here.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's good to use a pharmacy that's all over the country because that does help.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: They had all my information, no problem getting it there.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: So so that's that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's happening there.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hang in there, we'll be right back, and we're gonna get started with our main part of our episode.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, all righty then.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Arriving differently.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: What this road taught me.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Aging April Sissies.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: This one feels special.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is the last episode I'm recording on this road series.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been listening along, you've been riding with me through letting go, choosing differently, slowing down, exhaustion, and finding joy.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're here at the end of the road, but not in a dramatic way, not in a cue the music way, more in a quiet, steady way.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because what this road trip, literally and emotionally, has reminded me of is something simple.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to arrive the way I used to.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am arriving differently.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think that arriving meant achieving.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: For most of my life, arriving meant something specific.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: It meant hitting the goal, getting the recognition, completing the checklist, being seen as capable.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Arriving meant finishing strong, powering through, and definitely, definitely proving something.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: That proving something and being seen as capable is a very strong life thread for me.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think it has to do with being the youngest in the family.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not only the youngest, I'm the youngest by 8, 10, and 12 years.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: So proving and being seen as capable was important to me.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I was very good at that version of arrival.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mastered it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I did.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I did.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I've realized on the road, and honestly, in this stage of life, so both of it.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: As we all know, I turned 65 a month ago.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to arrive exhausted anymore.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I that is just, I don't want to arrive depleted.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to arrive having sacrificed my peace just to say I got there.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if those aren't part of it, what is?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now arriving means something different.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It means I got here intact.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: It means I honored my energy, it means I didn't abandon myself along the way.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And those are some very big shifts.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Those shifts change everything.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we talked a little bit about what arriving meant.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: It meant mostly achieving.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the way I want to do it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the old versus the new.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: The old way look like this.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Say yes, handle it, figure it out, don't complain, keep going.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I honestly think our generation picked that up from our parents.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't complain, you muster through, you get through it, you keep going, shut up, handle it, figure it out.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's not necessarily bad, but it's also not necessarily good.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So my new way, my new way, and I'm working on this, is to pause.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't say yes right away to anything anymore.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I take a beat, I think about it, I consider.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I do ask myself how it feels.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because how I feel is important.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: How I feel is important.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: My feelings matter, and they especially matter to me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Say no when necessary, and I choose very differently.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: If something in my life does not work, I don't want it there anymore.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: I also don't want to work so hard at keeping things that don't serve me.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think our generation was raised to not be self selfish, selfish.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Being selfish isn't always bad.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Being selfish protects ourselves.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am not selfish at the expense of others ever.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I am now selfish to save me.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, the old way was fueled by urgency.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Were we not urgent about everything when we were young?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: About our children, about our lives, about our careers, our lack of careers, or everything was fueled with urgency.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: I lived my life on the edge of urgency.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: My new way is fueled with awareness.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think about what's around me.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I curate my life.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I curate my life.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: What and who is in my life is specifically curated.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not by accident anymore.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not by a whim.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not because something's been there forever that it needs to stay, or that something's new can't take the place of something old.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I curate my life.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness takes courage because it means that you can't pretend you don't know better anymore.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oprah said this a long time ago, and I'm I'm not a huge Oprah fan.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I admire Oprah.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't live and die by Oprah, but when you know better, you do better.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a fact.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: On this road trip, I noticed how often I used to push.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Push the drive a little longer, push the schedule a little tighter, push myself past tired.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do it anymore.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Max.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I got a doggy a doggy head on my lap.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hello, doggy.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do that anymore.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now I stop, I adjust, I rest.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, do you know how many times I stopped on this trip?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: A lot.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't care.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I did not care.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I did not care if cars passed me.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I did not keep up with traffic.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I obviously I drive at the speed limit, but beyond the speed limit.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: 10 miles over the speed limit, no matter where I am.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: 75, 85, 70, 80, whatever.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what I learned?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped, I adjusted, I rested, and nothing fell apart.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I got to my destinations.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I got to my destinations.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: That realization is huge.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I did it my way and I got there.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Being alone on this road trip has given me too much time to think sometimes, not enough on other times.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I could stop, I could adjust, I could rest, and nothing fell apart.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: In Amarillo, Texas, I backtracked 12 miles, so a total of 24 miles added to my day to go back to the Buckeys that I had passed at the end of my drive the day before and was too exhausted to stop.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And with that morning energy, I went back, did the Buckeys thing.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll stop there on my way to Oklahoma City, but uh, you know, nothing fell apart.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: So what?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I added a little bit more time.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was fun.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I got to say I went to a Bucky's.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: What this road confirmed for me is a few things.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: First, I don't need as much as I thought I did.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not as much noise, not as many plans, not as many options about how I should be living.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing just fine with where I am and what I have.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Second, I trust myself more than I used to.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: I trust when something feels off.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: That is so important.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I trust when something feels off.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I trust when I need quiet.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: The days I spent in hotel rooms by myself, even though there were a couple that I didn't expect, I used them for my benefit.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I skipped Disneyland, which was really hard to do, but I had just had the biopsy on my hand, and it was the right thing to do.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had a beautiful hotel room over by Disneyland, and I enjoyed that time to myself.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I rested, I rejuvenated, I got myself ready for the upcoming cruise that following week.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I spent time with my friends.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: My friend Mary and her husband go to bed later than I did.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was fine saying, I need to I need to go to bed now.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I trust when I need quiet, I trust when I need connection.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And third, peace is more important than performance.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Performance is exhausting.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Peace is sustainable.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And at this stage of life, sustainability matters.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sprinting anymore, I am living.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something, arriving differently doesn't mean smaller.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me say something important.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Arriving differently does not mean shrinking.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean lowering your standards.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean giving up.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: It means redefining success.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Success used to mean achievement.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now it means alignment.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: It means did I live this honestly?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Did I protect my energy?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Did I chose what mattered?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's not smaller.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's wiser.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go through it again.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Did I live honestly?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Did I protect my energy?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And did I chose what mattered?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's not smaller.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's wiser, people.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're not getting wiser when we're getting older, then what are we doing?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And pat yourself on the back for your wiser moves.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Pat yourself on the back for changing.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Pat yourself on the back for protecting yourself.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: So what am I taking home with me from this epic adventure?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: As this road series wraps up, here's what I'm taking with me.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to rush to prove I belong anywhere.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to overextend to earn connection.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to exha exhaust myself to feel worthy.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can move at my pace.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can choose my people.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can redefine what enough looks like.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe most importantly, I can arrive gently.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Gently into conversations, gently into new seasons, gently into who I'm becoming.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's power in that kind of arrival.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: So wherever you are right now, whether you're in the middle of your own road trip or just trying to make it through a regular doggone Tuesday, I want to leave you with this.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to arrive the way you used to.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to prove what you've already lived.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can arrive differently.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: With more calm, more clarity, importantly, more self-trust.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Trust you.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Trust what you hear your body and your brain telling you.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not weakness, that is growth.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you all for riding along with me through this little series of growth.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for showing up.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Please remember to share, like, whatever you can do to help me grow my podcasts.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: I want to remind you that I do have three.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have this one, Aging Eight for Sissies.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have Inside Marcy's Mind, which is more about life, life hacks, cooking, all kinds of things go on on that one.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you have anybody struggling in your life, I have my unbottled podcast, which is all things sobriety or addiction.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Addiction comes in many forms: food, alcohol, scrolling, exercise.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: No matter what, we can be addicted to a lot of things.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that touches on everything.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to talk to me, you can email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can get all three of my podcasts at Marcybacchusmedia.com.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you again.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, aging ain't for sissies, but it does teach us how to arrive in our own way.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Please go out and do something positive in this world.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Lord knows this world needs it.