Latest / It's Mom O'Clock / EPISODE 29: 12 Days of Sexmas

Transcript

EPISODE 29: 12 Days of Sexmas · It's Mom O'Clock

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Hey, Mamas. Today's episode is brought to you by the Fortis Agency, a financial services firm located in the Bell Works building in Holmdel, New Jersey. We know that taking care of your family is your number one priority. And at the Fortis Agency, it's ours, too. That's why we're here, to offer simple, effective strategies to help you protect what matters most, your loved ones and their future. We won't dive into any complicated financial jargon here. Instead, think of us as your partner in building a secure, comfortable financial path forward for you and your kids. And here's something special when you let us know you found us through the Mom o' Clock podcast. We'll make a donation to the Children's specialized hospital. So by taking a step to protect your family and save for the future, you're also helping other children in need. Please reach out to Michael Divisio with this email provided next mdiviziofortisagency.com that is M. Divisio@the fortisagency.com and mention mama Clock. We're excited to be a part of your journey.
• 1:11
  Speaker B: All right, Mama Cock fam. Tis the season to spike your cocoa, upgrade your holiday cocktails, and treat yourself to something a little more fun than another scented candle. We need to put you onto Juicy Tits Vodka. Yes, that's the name and yes, it is absolutely iconic. Juicy is a premium vodka that's smooth, flavorful, and basically designed for moms who want their drink to be just as bold and unapologetic as they are. It's the official vodka of letting loose at the holiday party or hiding in the pantry with a cocktail while your kids redecorate the tree for the fifth time. And because Juicy understands us, they're giving Mama Clock listeners 10% off your order. Just head to www.juicytitsvaca.com and use code Mama Clock at checkout. Juicy spelled J O O I C Y. Cheers, moms. And may your night be very bright and a little boozy.
• 2:02
  Speaker A: Hello.
• 2:03
  Speaker B: You guys, stop. Is it Mama Clock yet? I'm going crazy.
• 2:08
  Speaker A: Heck yeah, it's Mama Clark somewhere. Oh my God. I have a the biggest fupa.
• 2:34
  Speaker B: FUPA season.
• 2:35
  Speaker A: We are in FUPA season right now at this given time. You don't.
• 2:40
  Speaker B: You know what? I like a good fupa.
• 2:43
  Speaker A: Did I ever tell you the story of what my ex boyfriend said to me once we were in bed?
• 2:47
  Speaker B: Is it about a fupa?
• 2:48
  Speaker A: We were in bed. Tell spooning like this. He reaches around and goes, I love your fup. Broke up with Him. After that, we never spoke since Bible grabbed my FUPA and said, I love your fupa. I hate his guts.
• 3:05
  Speaker B: He should die.
• 3:06
  Speaker A: Die. Rot in hell. If anybody did it, this was the Ontario kid. Yeah, imagine. And then I haven't been that fat ever since.
• 3:16
  Speaker B: And I never eat again.
• 3:20
  Speaker A: So anyway, it's Christmas season. Bulk up. Make sure your husband's arrives. Don't grab your fupas. Wait, but men don't have fupas, just women. Right, because it's above your chachi.
• 3:29
  Speaker B: Yeah, but I mean, they can get a little.
• 3:31
  Speaker A: I'm definitely gonna have a camo towel with fupa. Like it is what it is.
• 3:33
  Speaker B: Hi, it's.
• 3:34
  Speaker A: Do you like my share?
• 3:35
  Speaker B: I love it. Merry Christmas.
• 3:36
  Speaker A: Merry Christmas. Episode 2 of the Christmas series. I just want to let everybody know, we lost a babysitter this morning. She couldn't come. AKA my mother in law. She doesn't feel well.
• 3:49
  Speaker B: And tis the season.
• 3:50
  Speaker A: Tis the season six season. So I had to put my son.
• 3:55
  Speaker B: What? Well, did you lock the door?
• 3:58
  Speaker A: Why would I lock the door?
• 3:59
  Speaker B: Did you shut the door hard?
• 4:02
  Speaker A: Yeah, it opens them. Let me just go check line. What is that?
• 4:34
  Speaker B: What do you. It's just a little something.
• 4:36
  Speaker A: Why did you get me a birthday gift?
• 4:37
  Speaker B: It's just a little something. Just open it.
• 4:40
  Speaker A: Right now?
• 4:41
  Speaker B: Yeah, why not? We're live.
• 4:42
  Speaker A: You didn't just.
• 4:44
  Speaker B: I want. I want the live reaction of her hating it. It'll be so funny.
• 4:48
  Speaker A: You did not have to get me a gift.
• 4:50
  Speaker B: Well, it's not always about you.
• 4:52
  Speaker A: It is right now. This is so cute.
• 4:58
  Speaker B: Not worthy of a good round.
• 5:01
  Speaker A: It's your knife. I'm too excited for this. You're kidding me. Oh, my God. I'm obsessed. How cool is that? When did you make this?
• 5:22
  Speaker B: Made it?
• 5:22
  Speaker A: You know, I mean, it had to have been a while ago.
• 5:24
  Speaker B: I mean. Yeah.
• 5:27
  Speaker A: Wait, stop.
• 5:29
  Speaker B: Mama clock. Mama clock. And it says. Do you have anything else to say to me?
• 5:34
  Speaker A: Wait. I'm actually obsessed with this. Like, people are going to see me walking around like, how cool is this, my friend? Realize what it is?
• 5:39
  Speaker B: It looks cool, right?
• 5:40
  Speaker A: I'm obsessed with it.
• 5:42
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 5:44
  Speaker A: I love it. What a good gift.
• 5:48
  Speaker B: Happy birthday, Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year. Yeah.
• 5:50
  Speaker A: I bought you, literally, a lingerie.
• 5:52
  Speaker B: I know. I loved it. And I'm wearing it on Friday.
• 5:54
  Speaker A: I love, love this for us.
• 5:56
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 5:57
  Speaker A: That is so cute. I'm wearing that tonight. So anyway, back to what I was saying. Sun's asleep upstairs and we have to make this quick mommy's nap right now.
• 6:06
  Speaker B: So we got it. Yeah.
• 6:07
  Speaker A: We're fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
• 6:09
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 6:10
  Speaker A: Oopa. It all exists. And what were we just talking about? We were just talking about the fact that obviously it's Christmas. Wrapping season.
• 6:19
  Speaker B: Wrapping season. I just brought over her son's Christmas present from me, and it came in a really adorable Christmas bag. Like, I paid extra for the. Oh, you did?
• 6:31
  Speaker A: It was like a gift wrapping.
• 6:32
  Speaker B: Yeah. And I honestly thought about not giving it to her and keeping it.
• 6:36
  Speaker A: I kind of do that with you too, because I want to give you the best of the best. But I'm also like, you're not really. You don't really need that cute bag. I can use it for somebody else.
• 6:43
  Speaker B: It's someone who's more worthy.
• 6:44
  Speaker A: Is this person.
• 6:45
  Speaker B: But you're worthy.
• 6:45
  Speaker A: Yeah, you're worthy too. But it's like, are the. I always think to myself, is this person worthy of this cute bag? Or should I give it to some? Like, who's getting the cute bag?
• 6:52
  Speaker B: Right?
• 6:53
  Speaker A: Yeah, I do that all the time. That's so funny.
• 6:55
  Speaker B: But it is a really cute bag. It is.
• 6:56
  Speaker A: It's actually so cute. I'm gonna use it for somebody. We're a date. Do we ever introduce ourselves anymore? We're just like, kind of like Mama clock.
• 7:04
  Speaker B: Mama clock.
• 7:04
  Speaker A: I'm Em and I'm De too. Fairy girly.
• 7:10
  Speaker B: It's Christmas time. I mean, this feel, like, pretty jolly today. Like, I'm in a jolly Christmas mood. Should I take this vest off? No, I like it.
• 7:17
  Speaker A: You look cute. I'm, um.
• 7:18
  Speaker B: No.
• 7:18
  Speaker A: No.
• 7:19
  Speaker B: What stage of Christmas stress are you in?
• 7:21
  Speaker A: Are you enjoying.
• 7:22
  Speaker B: You're enjoying December.
• 7:24
  Speaker A: I'm not gonna talk to 10. And I'm enjoying. You also have three kids.
• 7:29
  Speaker B: I'm in, like, panic, calm, denial, maybe, like panic chaos.
• 7:34
  Speaker A: Like, you have so much to do.
• 7:36
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 7:36
  Speaker A: You also have three kids. Santa, school, like, teachers.
• 7:42
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 7:42
  Speaker A: You don't do in laws.
• 7:44
  Speaker B: No. Well, this year I decided I'm focusing all my energy on my children.
• 7:49
  Speaker A: They, they need that this year. You're at that age.
• 7:52
  Speaker B: I, I, I have no mental capacity, any kind of capacity for anybody else. For anybody else. Sorry. Everyone else in my life, but whatever.
• 8:01
  Speaker A: But, like, this is my problem. I always did it, so now I always have to do it. You didn't always do it. So I feel like you don't have to be like my mother in law.
• 8:09
  Speaker B: It's like, it's like, it's like the thing of setting expectations, right? It's like if I set them super low, if I get you a guess, you'll be so happy. And if I don't, you won't care.
• 8:19
  Speaker A: Right?
• 8:19
  Speaker B: Right. So.
• 8:20
  Speaker A: Smart move of you.
• 8:21
  Speaker B: I know.
• 8:21
  Speaker A: I've been buying presents since I was 10 for people.
• 8:24
  Speaker B: So you're fucked. I'm fucked forever.
• 8:26
  Speaker A: Yeah. Like, we're getting the people that I haven't seen in maybe three years gifts.
• 8:30
  Speaker B: Yes. That's insane. Also, your husband is the godfather to about 20 children.
• 8:37
  Speaker A: Literally 20 children.
• 8:37
  Speaker B: No, I know.
• 8:38
  Speaker A: I'm like, are we doing the God children this year?
• 8:40
  Speaker B: Hud.
• 8:40
  Speaker A: And we are doing the God children. I'm like. So two of the God children were doing, like, things with.
• 8:47
  Speaker B: Oh, that's nice. I like activities. That's when they're at an age where it's like.
• 8:51
  Speaker A: Like, for instance, Olivia.
• 8:53
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 8:53
  Speaker A: Like, she has everything right, and I'm running out of ideas, so we're taking her to get a pedicure.
• 8:59
  Speaker B: I mean, that's a cute. Perfect. Yeah, I like that. I think people should do more activities. Yeah, I agree.
• 9:05
  Speaker A: If they're at the age of, like, what do we get them now? Right.
• 9:08
  Speaker B: I like that. Yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker A: Like, I think your son is teetering that, like, next year we're gonna do an activity. This year we're doing Savvy. We're taking her to Disney on Ice. Like, you know, that's her birthday Christmas gift.
• 9:19
  Speaker B: That's a really good gift. Yeah. When are you going?
• 9:24
  Speaker A: If it's one thing about Emily, she's tagging along.
• 9:27
  Speaker B: I'm down.
• 9:28
  Speaker A: You're always down. January 9th. Book your tickets. Okay. But the problem is, like, it's just me and Michael. Like, we're not bringing the whole Shabam. It's just like, our day.
• 9:36
  Speaker B: Oh. Oh, yeah. I don't want that.
• 9:37
  Speaker A: Yeah. It's not like the crew. You should take Joey to Monster Truck. Whatever.
• 9:42
  Speaker B: Oh, I know they do. Is it happening this year?
• 9:44
  Speaker A: Yeah, it happened already.
• 9:45
  Speaker B: Owner and admin. So how can I take.
• 9:47
  Speaker A: Well, maybe, like, for. I don't know.
• 9:48
  Speaker B: I do Christmas for another event. Paper Mill Playhouse. Have you ever been there? Yeah. They do Frozen. A play. Yeah.
• 9:55
  Speaker A: That's where Savvy's going to.
• 9:56
  Speaker B: Oh, she's going tonight. I think on another day, I'm taking my kids dynamic.
• 10:00
  Speaker A: So cute. You should. Yeah, that's a good idea.
• 10:03
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 10:03
  Speaker A: Like, I can't. Can't wait till we're at the age with our kids, which is, like, decades away. Like, we're all going on a family vacation.
• 10:09
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 10:09
  Speaker A: Mommy's not doing presents anymore.
• 10:11
  Speaker B: Well, you. Would you ever actually do that?
• 10:13
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 10:13
  Speaker B: Boycott Christmas and go to an island.
• 10:15
  Speaker A: Oh, my God, yes. I mean, my best friend's family does that, and they have been doing that.
• 10:19
  Speaker B: I do think when they hit an age, maybe where they don't believe in Santa anymore. That's a great idea.
• 10:23
  Speaker A: Yeah. Just, we're light years away from them.
• 10:28
  Speaker B: You don't have to. That would actually be.
• 10:30
  Speaker A: And we get all together, like, we're going with cousins.
• 10:32
  Speaker B: That's my dreams. Yeah. But when that's older.
• 10:34
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Older, Older.
• 10:35
  Speaker B: Like, I'm enjoying it now. I am. I. I said this to you before. Since expectations are low.
• 10:43
  Speaker A: So low.
• 10:43
  Speaker B: I, like, I'm trying to remember that anything I do for my kids, like, they will love so much. So I need to stop stressing. Like, yeah, I. I could shift, too. I could throw my elf on the shelf across the living room, and they would think that was flying. And, like, they're still babies. Like, they. They don't need.
• 11:00
  Speaker A: No. They don't understand at all. I'm like, why am I going crazy? Like, why am I even wrapping my Fs? It's like, why am I even wrapping my gifts? Is like, where am I?
• 11:08
  Speaker B: But she's gonna wrap them absolutely perfectly. She's probably gonna have Kim Kardashian wrapping paper.
• 11:13
  Speaker A: No, I actually ordered the cutest wrapping paper.
• 11:14
  Speaker B: Where'd you order it from? Because I see.
• 11:16
  Speaker A: But it's, like, annoying because it's not here yet. It would stress you out.
• 11:19
  Speaker B: I come into, like, the 60s also about wrapping paper. I need goes in the garbage.
• 11:23
  Speaker A: Why am I wrapping?
• 11:23
  Speaker B: No, but, like, for my kids, I literally will do it in a ball. Like, things will be, like, sticking out. It's so funny. But they come downstairs and they tear open that.
• 11:34
  Speaker A: Take a video of that. It'd be so cute. I mean, mine's gonna be like Christmas music, elegant, walking down the steps, and.
• 11:39
  Speaker B: You'Re gonna be like, my kids are 5am downstairs running.
• 11:43
  Speaker A: We used to, too.
• 11:44
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 11:45
  Speaker A: But I came until I actually have a space, though. You have, like, a section in your house where you have like. Like, mine's like, no, no. This is where I probably.
• 11:52
  Speaker B: I don't know. Every time the doorbell rings, I get a panic attack. Yeah.
• 11:56
  Speaker A: I don't know how that's gonna work so bad. That's what's stressing you out.
• 12:01
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 12:02
  Speaker A: Where are you hiding your presence right now?
• 12:06
  Speaker B: They are in my laundry room, which is in our basement, stacked up with a giant sheet over it. And the door is locked. Like, actually locked.
• 12:14
  Speaker A: You can make up a whole ass story to your kids and be like.
• 12:17
  Speaker B: I mean, yeah, yeah.
• 12:18
  Speaker A: You know, like, I mean, Santa can do anything. He's magical. He can.
• 12:23
  Speaker B: He already can.
• 12:23
  Speaker A: He has so many packages or so many kids. Like, he has to deliver some early.
• 12:27
  Speaker B: Deliver them in our laundry room, and mommy's gonna help him and wrap them for.
• 12:30
  Speaker A: Yeah, like, you literally make that up. They would believe it. And they're like, oh, my God. Wow. So cool.
• 12:34
  Speaker B: They really would. Kids are.
• 12:35
  Speaker A: You know, it was cool. We were walking in Matucheon last night or yesterday, and it was a blow up Santa and reindeer. And he got out of the car and he goes, santa, oh my God, it's starting. I'm so excited for him to, like, actually be aware of, like, what's happening. You're just hitting everything for nothing.
• 12:50
  Speaker B: You mean everything. What aren't we doing?
• 12:53
  Speaker A: I know. No, let's talk about it.
• 12:54
  Speaker B: This is a serious question. Okay, go ahead.
• 12:56
  Speaker A: Listening.
• 12:57
  Speaker B: If moms went on strike, if moms didn't exist, if moms didn't know if we went on strike. Yeah. I'm not saying I want to because I. I'll complain out of my ass. But, like, I love it. Like, this is so fun. The joy, everything about it. La di da da. Love it. But it does fall on us. If we went on strike December 1st. Okay. Didn't do one mother fucking thing, what would happen?
• 13:22
  Speaker A: Nothing would happen.
• 13:23
  Speaker B: Nothing. No. Okay, let's. Let's. Let's break it down.
• 13:26
  Speaker A: Okay.
• 13:26
  Speaker B: All right. Will there be decorations in your house?
• 13:28
  Speaker A: No. Hard. No.
• 13:30
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 13:31
  Speaker A: Feel like there would be lights on your house.
• 13:33
  Speaker B: I think there'd be lights on my house. There'd definitely be lights on my house. I think he'd also put the tree up. My guy would. How about.
• 13:41
  Speaker A: I don't think mine would.
• 13:42
  Speaker B: Okay. Would there be any presents?
• 13:48
  Speaker A: There would be presents. There would be nothing under the tree.
• 13:53
  Speaker B: Okay. Maybe I think we need to, like, call them and ask maybe like one.
• 13:57
  Speaker A: Or two things, like a bath toy that, like, he doesn't need.
• 14:01
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Speaker A: And like.
• 14:05
  Speaker B: Would stockings be filled?
• 14:07
  Speaker A: My stocking would be filled. I feel like, oh, my stocking would be filled. And like, two gifts under the tree for Gio. And like, my birthday gift would come, but, like, it would be after Christmas. Those would be, like, the four things.
• 14:18
  Speaker B: It's hard. You have a birthday and a Christmas, but like, the double whammy. But like, teachers wouldn't get gifts, kids wouldn't get gifts. In laws wouldn't get gifts.
• 14:25
  Speaker A: December 25th would occur. My husband would look at the calendar, be like, oh, my God, it's December 25th, 3:00pm it is crazy. Crazy. Nothing against our husbands. No, we love you, but this is all men. There is no sh.
• 14:40
  Speaker B: I wanna.
• 14:41
  Speaker A: Maybe my brother.
• 14:42
  Speaker B: Your brother would be good.
• 14:43
  Speaker A: Oh, 100%. But I'm saying no gifts would be bought, no gifts would be wrapped or no one would be thought about. Because Secret Santa gifts. I had to be like, you have to order your Secret Santa gift. What are you doing?
• 14:54
  Speaker B: Right.
• 14:54
  Speaker A: Because I do the Secret Santas for the houses. Like, when we bring gifts for the games. But, like, I don't know his Secret Santa, we do it at, like, the Vizios.
• 15:02
  Speaker B: Oh, so he does.
• 15:03
  Speaker A: I have to, like, push him. Like, you have to buy the gift.
• 15:05
  Speaker B: Yeah, he needs the. Yeah.
• 15:07
  Speaker A: And then the package came. Funny enough, the package came and goes, oh, another package. And I opened. I go, this is not for me. Whose is this? And he goes, it's the Secret Santa gift. Oh, you ordered a gift. Good.
• 15:16
  Speaker B: Actually, one year, we did do Secret Santa with our friends.
• 15:18
  Speaker A: It's so fun.
• 15:20
  Speaker B: Joe ended up telling me who his Secret Santa was so I could order the gift. Yeah, he needed help.
• 15:25
  Speaker A: I do it every year, but I'm like, I'm not.
• 15:27
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:27
  Speaker A: You know what the easiest part? He has a wish list from the Secret Santa person, and he can literally just click on Amazon and order the gift they want.
• 15:34
  Speaker B: No, I mean, they would be lost without us.
• 15:36
  Speaker A: Lost without us. Like, imagine coming down on your steps and not seeing Christmas decorations. It makes me feel so good seeing my nutcrackers on my steps every morning.
• 15:44
  Speaker B: I mean. Yeah, the magic of Christmas is in the moms. Yeah.
• 15:49
  Speaker A: Like, we are the Christmas. We are the Zach.
• 15:52
  Speaker B: And I love it. But, like, maybe you could do, like.
• 15:55
  Speaker A: I don't want to do it.
• 15:56
  Speaker B: That one gift or something.
• 15:58
  Speaker A: Like, our parents did it for years.
• 16:01
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 16:01
  Speaker A: But I have to say, like, my dad, when we got older, did the big stuff. Like, one year we had snowmobiles in our living room.
• 16:07
  Speaker B: Yeah. That's sick.
• 16:08
  Speaker A: Like, my dad did all that. Like, he. What he bought for Gio this Christmas is insane. He brought him a jack bike.
• 16:13
  Speaker B: Yeah. That's cool.
• 16:14
  Speaker A: So, like, my dad's, like, good for that.
• 16:16
  Speaker B: A dirt bike.
• 16:17
  Speaker A: Like, just like the big, older, like, fun activity stuff.
• 16:19
  Speaker B: Yeah. Because, like, they, like, want to do it with them. Right.
• 16:23
  Speaker A: Anyway, love you husbands, but you are not Santa Claus.
• 16:28
  Speaker B: I AM Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, Santa Claus, reindeer, elf, all in one.
• 16:33
  Speaker A: That's Rudolph the red nosed reindeer looking at her sometimes I'm like, you're the Grinch.
• 16:38
  Speaker B: You are the Grinch. Eat an Onion.
• 16:43
  Speaker A: My husband would. That's the funny part. Even, like, activities. Like, I have to plan the activities he's coming and enjoying. But I'm like, did you buy the PMC light? Joey bought ticket.
• 16:54
  Speaker B: Yeah, Joey bought the tickets on the way to the light show.
• 16:57
  Speaker A: And my husband will do the same.
• 16:58
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 16:59
  Speaker A: And wait, but, like, my idea was, like, let's get sushi, eat it in the car, and, like, go around the Christmas lights.
• 17:05
  Speaker B: Sushi in the car?
• 17:07
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 17:07
  Speaker B: I mean, I'm down, but I feel like you wouldn't like that. You like your car detailed.
• 17:11
  Speaker A: I eat sushi now.
• 17:12
  Speaker B: Yeah, but how are you eating sushi?
• 17:14
  Speaker A: Nepal. It comes on a thing. I have chopsticks. It's, like, the easiest thing to eat in a car.
• 17:19
  Speaker B: Okay. I guess if you have the chopsticks, why.
• 17:21
  Speaker A: Not a good idea.
• 17:22
  Speaker B: No, Great idea. Can I come?
• 17:26
  Speaker A: Yeah, you can. I thought you wanted to redo it because your kids fell asleep.
• 17:28
  Speaker B: I do. I have to redo it. Oh, should we come tonight? Separate cars.
• 17:32
  Speaker A: We get out of the car, too.
• 17:35
  Speaker B: What's tonight? Wednesday. Okay, we're coming.
• 17:38
  Speaker A: Okay. 5:30, Michael. Probably stay down at work, and I'm just gonna meet him down there.
• 17:43
  Speaker B: All right, we'll be there. We'll be in line.
• 17:45
  Speaker A: That's so funny.
• 17:46
  Speaker B: It'll probably just be me and my kids.
• 17:48
  Speaker A: So you need us.
• 17:50
  Speaker B: Ah, the mental load.
• 17:54
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Speaker B: What else do we do?
• 17:56
  Speaker A: I mean, honestly, he carries, I guess, the mental load of, like, finances during Christmas. Cause, like, the credit card bill is racked up.
• 18:04
  Speaker B: I can't even talk racked up.
• 18:06
  Speaker A: I'm nervous. Like, I don't even. Sometimes I like. I, like, kind of tally up, like, how much I'm spending.
• 18:10
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 18:11
  Speaker A: No, I just submit. Submit order. Cartoon.
• 18:15
  Speaker B: Done.
• 18:15
  Speaker A: Done. Divorce.
• 18:16
  Speaker B: Divorce.
• 18:17
  Speaker A: Divorce.
• 18:17
  Speaker B: Divorce.
• 18:17
  Speaker A: Yeah. Where are the papers? Let me sign.
• 18:19
  Speaker B: No, that's. That's so bad.
• 18:21
  Speaker A: Have you gotten yelled at yet?
• 18:22
  Speaker B: Scary. Yes.
• 18:25
  Speaker A: Michael's, like, slid in a comment the other day. He was like. Chris was here, and he was like, another package. You want to see the credit card? I just paid off. That's what he said.
• 18:35
  Speaker B: You know, honestly, it's bad, but without.
• 18:40
  Speaker A: Us, there's no presence under the truck.
• 18:43
  Speaker B: And they'd be ripped.
• 18:44
  Speaker A: Yeah, like, what are you gonna do without me? Spend your money. On what?
• 18:48
  Speaker B: Golf.
• 18:48
  Speaker A: I always say to Michael, I'm like, you're saving, Saving, saving. Like, when are we gonna spend it?
• 18:53
  Speaker B: What are we saving for? For not spending. What are we saving for?
• 18:58
  Speaker A: But anyway, like, I just, like, love Christmas, so whatever. I don't even need a Gift. I want to celebrate my birthday. I don't want a gift. Like, I just want to feel, oh my God, hon, like, you did such a good job. Thank you.
• 19:10
  Speaker B: Yeah, recognition.
• 19:12
  Speaker A: Like, don't hug me while I'm wrapping the gifts. Tell me I did a good job after.
• 19:18
  Speaker B: So I need to do better this year because I told myself last year I was not going to do what I did last year. And I'm. I'm on trend to do it.
• 19:25
  Speaker A: I don't even know how you did that.
• 19:27
  Speaker B: So last year I, I thank God.
• 19:29
  Speaker A: Your kids could care. Fucking last.
• 19:31
  Speaker B: I get all these boxes, okay? And they're all hidden in all random spots of my house. All. We come home Christmas Eve from a party.
• 19:38
  Speaker A: Is your husband like, going into the shed and like bringing him back inside?
• 19:41
  Speaker B: Yes. Yes.
• 19:41
  Speaker A: That's nuts.
• 19:43
  Speaker B: But this all happened Christmas Eve.
• 19:45
  Speaker A: Nuts.
• 19:45
  Speaker B: And like, I remember it was freezing, we were drunk, he was putting the. It was terrible.
• 19:50
  Speaker A: Nuts.
• 19:50
  Speaker B: And so I had all the packages, everything laid out on. We put the kids to bed.
• 19:55
  Speaker A: A picture of that, because I need evidence.
• 19:57
  Speaker B: Maybe, but. And then I was like, okay, gotta get going. Elf, come on. And Joey's like, Polly's sleeping on the couch.
• 20:05
  Speaker A: No, upstairs sleeping on the couch.
• 20:08
  Speaker B: So I don't wanna do that this year. But I'm still hiding the gifts just little by little.
• 20:12
  Speaker A: Just wrap em. I know both of your kids are in school on certain days.
• 20:15
  Speaker B: Yeah, no, I know, but like, I'm here.
• 20:17
  Speaker A: I know you're everywhere else but home. I mean, just like even when before bed, just wrap two, three presents.
• 20:23
  Speaker B: Yeah, I have to.
• 20:23
  Speaker A: Like, there's three kids. I can't. These are all Gio's gifts right here.
• 20:26
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 20:27
  Speaker A: Imagine if I had three and then I had to do like other people. I think once I get to a place where I have more kids, like, I'm not giving gifts.
• 20:33
  Speaker B: You probably won't. That's where I'm at right now. But I still have to do teachers and give them a gift card.
• 20:39
  Speaker A: They'll appreciate that.
• 20:39
  Speaker B: Yeah, I'm gonna do gift cards. But I have to also do class parties.
• 20:43
  Speaker A: I know you.
• 20:43
  Speaker B: I have to do gift little gift bags for every kid in the class. And then I have to do decorations and a craft and food.
• 20:51
  Speaker A: Where do you come up with the ideas?
• 20:53
  Speaker B: I mean, I'm crafty. You are.
• 20:55
  Speaker A: I'll be calling you.
• 20:56
  Speaker B: Yeah, but I have to go to hobby lobby after this, so wrap this shit up.
• 20:59
  Speaker A: I know. Okay. Go ahead, look at your little iPad.
• 21:03
  Speaker B: My little iPad. I'm hot. We're hiding packages. Also, do you think that we should give, like, our husbands, like, just one job? Like, try to do this and see if they can handle it?
• 21:17
  Speaker A: Like, Michael helps me rap a little bit.
• 21:19
  Speaker B: Oh, that's nice, Joey. I mean, we'll be like, do you.
• 21:21
  Speaker A: Want me to help you rap?
• 21:22
  Speaker B: And I'm like, I'm being a little dramatic. Like, Joe will help, but, like, I feel like I do majority.
• 21:27
  Speaker A: Totally.
• 21:28
  Speaker B: I mean, Joe is a much better rapper than I am.
• 21:30
  Speaker A: I could see that.
• 21:31
  Speaker B: Like, he is meticulous. He'll bend those sides. He'll do the whatever.
• 21:35
  Speaker A: I will just bend the sides is crazy because I know exactly the part.
• 21:38
  Speaker B: He bends the sides. Yeah, he does. Thing.
• 21:41
  Speaker A: But that's, like, how I grew up. Like, I'm going to do that because that's what I had.
• 21:45
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And that's what he had.
• 21:47
  Speaker A: Like, imagine a kid, like, with coming downstairs, like, with her, like, little nightgown.
• 21:51
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 21:51
  Speaker A: The big bow, like, ribbon on her present.
• 21:54
  Speaker B: Yeah. I love that.
• 21:55
  Speaker A: Like, my mom was, like, amazing at all that. She said she spent hours at night Christmas Eve. Like, that's what she would do Christmas Eve because she would have to hide the presents. She would stay up all night and wrap all the gifts.
• 22:07
  Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, that's what I did last year. But, like, I mean, I didn't do crazy bows. I just tried to make it, like.
• 22:13
  Speaker A: You know, like the.
• 22:15
  Speaker B: Also, I do, like, the Santa foot tracks.
• 22:19
  Speaker A: I did that last year.
• 22:20
  Speaker B: I did that with the boots. Joe's work. I put it in cookies. Yeah. All that milk. I mean, it's just whatever. The kids, like, they're so excited. Like, the excitement in their little face every morning of December, they're like, isn't cute? We have, like, a countdown of Christmas. Those little things, the Advent calendars.
• 22:37
  Speaker A: When you just had Joey, were you, like, this excited?
• 22:41
  Speaker B: No. There's definitely something more exciting about, like, with not even more kids. Just the age when they're a little older. Because they're excited.
• 22:48
  Speaker A: Yeah. They know what's up.
• 22:49
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 22:49
  Speaker A: Oh, my God. I remember. I remember it. It was, like, magical.
• 22:51
  Speaker B: It's magic. It's Christmas magic. And I want to bottle it up.
• 22:56
  Speaker A: You're, like, always talking about lasting forever, but, like, you have so many years.
• 22:59
  Speaker B: I know. I do. But it goes quick.
• 23:01
  Speaker A: Does, like, us.
• 23:03
  Speaker B: If Joey has, like, three more Christmases of believing, like, that's Sad. If he's 5, 6, 7.
• 23:09
  Speaker A: What are you doing to have siblings? You can't tell your siblings.
• 23:11
  Speaker B: I know. And then. And then you're worried about people ruining it. Yesterday we had a playdate.
• 23:16
  Speaker A: Oh, God.
• 23:18
  Speaker B: The. So some. We do elf on the shelf. Some families just don't do it. And this little girl, she didn't know what elf on the shelf was, so she went to touch our elf. And literally all three of my kids.
• 23:28
  Speaker A: Are like, no, don't touch the.
• 23:31
  Speaker B: They scared her. Like, she did a jump. And then they explained and. But, like, so if you don't know.
• 23:36
  Speaker A: You don't know, right? That's so true.
• 23:37
  Speaker B: But it was funny.
• 23:38
  Speaker A: It's happened here that people don't do it, though. Yeah. I think I'm gonna do it because I just, like, do I do it?
• 23:43
  Speaker B: But, like, if you don't wanna do it, don't fucking do it.
• 23:45
  Speaker A: You know, I have to go, like, above and beyond, like, fucking string with, like, skittles.
• 23:49
  Speaker B: Like, did you see my. It was good hanging.
• 23:52
  Speaker A: That was good. That was so, like, last minute, too.
• 23:53
  Speaker B: Yeah, I just did it real quick. I got the rope from the shed.
• 23:59
  Speaker A: I don't even want to go in that shed.
• 24:01
  Speaker B: Really don't. Me neither.
• 24:02
  Speaker A: Really?
• 24:03
  Speaker B: Really? I really, really, really don't. All right, what else are we talking about?
• 24:06
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 24:06
  Speaker B: Decorating the house aesthetically.
• 24:10
  Speaker A: It's so funny. You told me my house was aesthetic. It's tchotchke.
• 24:13
  Speaker B: It's funny that you say chachki like.
• 24:17
  Speaker A: You know, I'm talking about, like, it's like, I have a gingerbread bar.
• 24:19
  Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, but, like, I guess people.
• 24:21
  Speaker A: Would say that's aesthetic because, like, who's organized that way? But if you walk into my brother and sis in the house, like, it's beautifully, like, white and white.
• 24:28
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 24:28
  Speaker A: With a beautifully green twinkle tray. Yeah. Like, my. I've tchotchkes, and I love it. I'm always. And it's funny because my mom wasn't a tchotchke.
• 24:37
  Speaker B: She was more aesthetic.
• 24:38
  Speaker A: Yeah, totally. Yeah, but in a fun way, I guess. But, like, not like me. Like, not like tashke. I'm a. I don't know why. Maybe because I didn't get the tchotchkes growing up. I love the tchotchke.
• 24:47
  Speaker B: Oh, my God. My bag matches. I know.
• 24:49
  Speaker A: So I put it on the floor as if it's like a present. I gotta get rid of that rug. It's bothering me with. With the aesthetic of it.
• 24:54
  Speaker B: She needs a Christmas rug, pronto. No. That's crazy.
• 24:59
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 24:59
  Speaker B: How do you feel about a real tree versus a fake tree?
• 25:02
  Speaker A: I never grew up in a real tree.
• 25:04
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
• 25:05
  Speaker A: Like, cutting down the fucking Wood.
• 25:06
  Speaker B: And people make that a tradition.
• 25:08
  Speaker A: Like, my girlfriend. What is the deal with that?
• 25:09
  Speaker B: So, my girlfriend, why do you want a real tree? I love this tradition that they do. They have a party.
• 25:15
  Speaker A: They go to the farm.
• 25:16
  Speaker B: No, but they literally have a. It's like a tailgate Christmas tree farm. They all look forward to it every single year, and it's their whole family. Like, not.
• 25:25
  Speaker A: So is that the reason for a real tree or is, like, a real tree, like.
• 25:28
  Speaker B: No, people, like, like the smell of a real tree.
• 25:30
  Speaker A: Well, my parents used to get a real tree, like, back in the day, but it was so messy. Yeah, no, I remember, like, it just.
• 25:35
  Speaker B: Be everywhere I can. I will never. I probably won't ever do a real tree, but I do like the idea of, like, going as a family, chopping down a tree.
• 25:42
  Speaker A: What should be our tradition with our families? Like, we should do.
• 25:45
  Speaker B: Yeah, we should figure that out. I really like this idea. I think the kids are a little too young, but renting, like, a party bus van and going to see all the best lit houses.
• 25:56
  Speaker A: That's cute.
• 25:57
  Speaker B: That could be our kids.
• 25:58
  Speaker A: I have to have more kids first.
• 25:59
  Speaker B: Yeah, but I like. I like starting traditions like that.
• 26:02
  Speaker A: Yeah, I think we should absolutely do that.
• 26:06
  Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I wish there was a camera probably in my house Christmas morning. Like, one kid, like, running down after that.
• 26:12
  Speaker A: I mean, you should set it up.
• 26:13
  Speaker B: I should.
• 26:14
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 26:15
  Speaker B: Well, I mean, I. The funny thing is, I probably have video footage of, like, the kids walking down the Christmas stairs every morning.
• 26:21
  Speaker A: You let them get up at any hour, right? I used to get up early.
• 26:23
  Speaker B: Well, yes, but my family is a five amer. But, like, Rocco would probably sleep in. So I. We. I'm gonna tell Joey he has to wait for Rocco. I mean, he has.
• 26:33
  Speaker A: He's at the age where Rocco kind of knows what to do.
• 26:35
  Speaker B: Like, even with elf on the shelf, he wants to run downstairs and find the elf, and I'm like, can you just wait for Rocco? Like, just lay in my bed for another two hours.
• 26:43
  Speaker A: Another two hours is nuts. Oh, it's crazy.
• 26:46
  Speaker B: I love that, though.
• 26:48
  Speaker A: Okay, go ahead.
• 26:50
  Speaker B: You want to play a game?
• 26:51
  Speaker A: Let's, like, compare ourselves to Instagram moms.
• 26:53
  Speaker B: Like, you are the Instagram mom I'm comparing myself to.
• 26:58
  Speaker A: I honestly have to say, like, I don't compare, but I see, like, some of the things I'm missing. Like, people. Like, Instagram reminds me what to do for Christmas, if that makes sense.
• 27:07
  Speaker B: Like, okay, I know to do my.
• 27:09
  Speaker A: Christmas cards, but, like, Instagram kind of reminds me. Yeah, I know. To like, go see Christmas lights. But, like, Instagram kind of reminds me of the things I want to do.
• 27:16
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 27:17
  Speaker A: Like, I'm not comparing which. But I do. It reminds me of, like, what I need to do.
• 27:20
  Speaker B: Yeah. Like, well, you'll see a cute idea and you'll want to do it. Like, I saw Cranford actually does, like, the cutest Christmas street with the snow. I really want to do that, but again, I have to get everybody on board.
• 27:35
  Speaker A: I know. And also, I just feel like, Also, do you compare? Like, when I. So when I see everyone doing Elf on the Shelf, I'm like, I have to do it, but, like, I don't want to. So if I don't want to, I just shouldn't.
• 27:46
  Speaker B: But, like, no, but you might want to when they're a little older.
• 27:49
  Speaker A: When he's like, oh, Mommy, I want to do Elf on the shelf. Or, where's Elf?
• 27:52
  Speaker B: It is magic. I know he's magic. It is sweet. It's as much as it is annoying. It's more joyful to see them.
• 28:02
  Speaker A: Do you give a flying fuck about Instagram moms, though? Like, does it actually bother you?
• 28:05
  Speaker B: No.
• 28:06
  Speaker A: Doesn't, right?
• 28:07
  Speaker B: Not at all. But I do. Like, I want to do the things that I want to do for my kids, like, for their memory. Like, in our memory.
• 28:15
  Speaker A: Like, I. I think that's the one thing about me. Like, I know everyone says, like, I'm.
• 28:18
  Speaker B: The Instagram, but you don't really. But I do it because you want.
• 28:22
  Speaker A: To do it for my son and for my family. I don't do it to show off to others. I really don't. I feel like you could feel that. Yeah, I really do it for the memories, but it happens to be aesthetically honest.
• 28:33
  Speaker B: But I happen to be really good at making it look good and happen to not perfect. Right.
• 28:40
  Speaker A: So that's where I'm at with that.
• 28:41
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 28:43
  Speaker A: I don't have any, like, resentment, though. I just feel like people I hate. But what I hate is I don't care what you do or what you don't do, but don't be like, oh, of course Dominique's doing this. Like, do what you do, and I'll do what I do.
• 28:59
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 28:59
  Speaker A: Like, you know what I mean?
• 29:00
  Speaker B: Do you feel like you're getting lash like that from, like, family or.
• 29:04
  Speaker A: No, I don't. Because I'll fucking go at him. I don't think anybody. Maybe, like, one or two, but I feel like that has stopped. But I feel like it was a thing for so long.
• 29:13
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 29:14
  Speaker A: Like, when I First came into the family, I feel like people weren't used to.
• 29:19
  Speaker B: First came into the family. Who the fuck are you?
• 29:22
  Speaker A: You never gave me that, like. And it was never that vibe, like, you know, in a joking manner. But I feel like people are, like, serious about it.
• 29:28
  Speaker B: I feel like my husband is.
• 29:29
  Speaker A: Like, if I.
• 29:30
  Speaker B: No, like, if I said, like, your.
• 29:33
  Speaker A: Husband is so mean to me. He is that family member.
• 29:36
  Speaker B: So you're talking. You're targeting Joey, and we'll talk about it, okay?
• 29:42
  Speaker A: No, me and him, like, have a good relationship.
• 29:44
  Speaker B: You have a banter.
• 29:45
  Speaker A: Yeah, we have a banter. Like, that's the fun part about us, right? Like, yell at me again.
• 29:49
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 29:50
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 29:50
  Speaker B: I can't wait to go out to dinner.
• 29:52
  Speaker A: I know.
• 29:52
  Speaker B: We're gonna fight. We should, like, compare credit card.
• 29:55
  Speaker A: Like, I'm. We are get into fights to the point where, like, I get up and leave. Like, I can't stand it.
• 30:00
  Speaker B: Actually, you know what my favorite.
• 30:01
  Speaker A: You and Michael are sitting there, like, here they go.
• 30:03
  Speaker B: My favorite thing ever is to say, if Joey yells at me about something like that, I buy. For example, like, I wish you could see Dom. I say it. I do it. I have to. He's worse.
• 30:13
  Speaker A: To me.
• 30:13
  Speaker B: He's worse. But I have to throw somebody under the bus because it's not gonna be me.
• 30:18
  Speaker A: So annoying. Because that's why he comes. I'm like, why are you being mean to me today? Because Emily threw me under the bus.
• 30:23
  Speaker B: It's honestly just something that I do.
• 30:25
  Speaker A: Oh, fine.
• 30:26
  Speaker B: I'll try harder. My New Year's resolution is to not throw you under the bus.
• 30:30
  Speaker A: You absolutely do that so often. I just know it. Anyhow, I can't believe, like, I love my Christmas car thing like that. It will always be my tradition. Can you just start? It'd be so funny. Like, do, like a funny one. People would love that.
• 30:41
  Speaker B: Like Rocco screaming, crying.
• 30:42
  Speaker A: Or like, Macy's. Like, oh, you all wear white and jeans, like the Macy's.
• 30:47
  Speaker B: You know, I can't. I. I could do all these things.
• 30:50
  Speaker A: I just don't want. You don't want to. The Christmas card.
• 30:53
  Speaker B: I don't. It's not because you're Jewish. No, but it's just. And I would. I wouldn't say Merry Christmas on it. I would do, like, a Happy Holiday.
• 31:00
  Speaker A: Holidays, and that's okay.
• 31:01
  Speaker B: But I wouldn't just celebrate too much effort. It's fine to do it.
• 31:08
  Speaker A: And you can't blame the money because it's only $200.
• 31:10
  Speaker B: No, I'm just. I, I, I, I have to, like.
• 31:14
  Speaker A: Do one for Gio's birthday, you have to.
• 31:17
  Speaker B: For the birthday? What do you mean?
• 31:19
  Speaker A: Actually, I did like Sesame street, remember?
• 31:22
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 31:23
  Speaker A: Photo shoot. It just happened to be too much.
• 31:25
  Speaker B: You're a photo shoot person. That's fine.
• 31:27
  Speaker A: Picture person.
• 31:27
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker A: Yeah. All right, moving on. Jesus. Christmas. Okay. Okay. Christmas cards, though. Just. Just to.
• 31:38
  Speaker B: Your Christmas cards are really cute. And to be fair, I do hang them up anyone who sends me them. I'm.
• 31:44
  Speaker A: And I asked you the other day, I'm like, do you get them if you don't give them?
• 31:47
  Speaker B: I do get them.
• 31:48
  Speaker A: That's nice for people, because people don't send unless you give.
• 31:51
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
• 31:52
  Speaker A: Like, I'm not sending you a Christmas card.
• 31:54
  Speaker B: You.
• 31:54
  Speaker A: I'm sending one. I'm saying anybody who sends me one gets one. Oh, it's not like random people.
• 31:59
  Speaker B: No, but you send them to every.
• 32:02
  Speaker A: Yeah, but of course. Aunts and uncles. But I'm talking about.
• 32:04
  Speaker B: Oh, I never thought about. I was actually at my brother's house.
• 32:07
  Speaker A: Do they do Christmas cards?
• 32:10
  Speaker B: I don't know.
• 32:11
  Speaker A: I wonder if Joey, Nicolette will.
• 32:13
  Speaker B: I'm sure they will, but I don't. I don't know if my brother does.
• 32:16
  Speaker A: But they're not people.
• 32:17
  Speaker B: They have been getting a Christmas card from the previous people that lived in their house.
• 32:22
  Speaker A: Oh, my God.
• 32:22
  Speaker B: So the people have just been. Keep sending it to that address and they hang them up. It's the funniest. It's like this beautiful family, and they have. They have no idea who they are.
• 32:30
  Speaker A: That's amazing. It's actually hilarious. But they are required in 2025, so I have to get to it.
• 32:36
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 32:37
  Speaker A: Okay. Let's play a game.
• 32:38
  Speaker B: All right, let's do it. Naughty or nice?
• 32:42
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 32:43
  Speaker B: Are you feeling naughty?
• 32:45
  Speaker A: I haven't felt naughty since we left Florida.
• 32:47
  Speaker B: Why? Oh, you were so naughty in Florida. Naughty girl. My husband, like, he loved you in Florida. You love.
• 32:55
  Speaker A: That's me, though.
• 32:56
  Speaker B: Except when we're home in our own house.
• 32:58
  Speaker A: Yeah, it sucks.
• 32:59
  Speaker B: Here. Take me away.
• 33:02
  Speaker A: It just is so true, though. I had nothing on my mind.
• 33:05
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 33:05
  Speaker A: I mean, and I had dog and baby with me. I had no outside.
• 33:09
  Speaker B: You got that vacation. Vacation hype. But I'm in 12 Days of Sexmas.
• 33:16
  Speaker A: You are?
• 33:17
  Speaker B: Yeah, trying it out. I challenge everyone. 12 days of sexmas.
• 33:21
  Speaker A: Oh, great. Now my husband's gonna hold me to it.
• 33:23
  Speaker B: Do it.
• 33:24
  Speaker A: Did you start already?
• 33:25
  Speaker B: Yeah, I'm on day 10. 25 days of sex. Imagine having sex 25 every day straight.
• 33:31
  Speaker A: Yeah, I guess I used to.
• 33:33
  Speaker B: I mean, see, I Think. Yeah, I think the divorce rate would go a lot lower if you did. Try to find.
• 33:41
  Speaker A: Honestly. That's so funny. This episode should be called 25 Days of Sextmus.
• 33:45
  Speaker B: Sextmus Sext him right now. I know from your eye.
• 33:50
  Speaker A: Should I?
• 33:51
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 33:51
  Speaker A: Okay, what should I say?
• 33:53
  Speaker B: Oh, dirty dog.
• 33:56
  Speaker A: Go ahead, tell me.
• 33:56
  Speaker B: Raw dog.
• 33:57
  Speaker A: Oh my God. I almost just texted someone else. This iPad freaks me out though. I hope it's the bipartisan. Like, you know, the iPad's like so old. I feel like.
• 34:06
  Speaker B: Imagine sexting like your dad.
• 34:09
  Speaker A: No.
• 34:09
  Speaker B: Would you die?
• 34:10
  Speaker A: Die? I would pass out.
• 34:12
  Speaker B: Would you. Would you rather by accident sex your dad or.
• 34:20
  Speaker A: There's no one worse.
• 34:22
  Speaker B: No, there might be. Or your father in law.
• 34:25
  Speaker A: Oh, no, my dad.
• 34:28
  Speaker B: It would be worse.
• 34:29
  Speaker A: I like making a joke with my father in law.
• 34:31
  Speaker B: Yeah. You know I would sex my father in law if he was alive on purpose.
• 34:35
  Speaker A: Yeah, I know you would. And you would actually probably go through with it.
• 34:39
  Speaker B: A.
• 34:40
  Speaker A: What should I say?
• 34:42
  Speaker B: I mean, how raunchy do you want to get? I used to love sexting. I know I should do it more.
• 34:47
  Speaker A: Okay, go. Tell me what to say.
• 34:48
  Speaker B: Say, do you want me to be.
• 34:51
  Speaker A: Naughty or nice today?
• 34:52
  Speaker B: Okay. I'm feeling a little naughty. Some. I used to take my friends phones and sex their boyfriends.
• 35:06
  Speaker A: I hate it when people do that.
• 35:07
  Speaker B: And they would automatically say, hi, Emily, every time.
• 35:11
  Speaker A: It would.
• 35:12
  Speaker B: No matter what.
• 35:13
  Speaker A: Okay, let's play a game.
• 35:15
  Speaker B: Okay. We're gonna pick a card, random, and we just have to answer the question. Or naughty or nice? I don't know.
• 35:23
  Speaker A: Yeah. Are you drinking wine while you rap or raw dogging this holiday? Sober Raw dog. Not raw dogging. I'm drinking.
• 35:30
  Speaker B: I'm raw dogging the sexman.
• 35:32
  Speaker A: That's naughty of me. And I'm doing it.
• 35:34
  Speaker B: I like that. I cannot rap sober.
• 35:38
  Speaker A: You never rap sober.
• 35:39
  Speaker B: Have you ever regifted a toy your kid never noticed was missing? Okay, I have done that. But I have a really funny story about a re gift that happened. All right, so somebody gave me a piggy bank for Joey's birthday. He was like one and I was like, oh, not a fuck. Another piggy bank? No. Oh, was it? No. No, it's not. Listen to the story. So I re gifted the piggy bank to my sister in law because it was her kid's birthday.
• 36:08
  Speaker A: But it said Joey on it. Did it not?
• 36:09
  Speaker B: No, it did. It was a piggy bank. It was just a piggy bank. I didn't even open it. I didn't open it, but I saw that it was a piggy bank. Okay. So I re gifted it to Nicole.
• 36:20
  Speaker A: Oh, my God, I'm freaking out.
• 36:22
  Speaker B: And when you re gifted it to.
• 36:25
  Speaker A: Your sister in law?
• 36:25
  Speaker B: Yes, I re gifted to my sister in law. She opened it and the piggy bank said Layla with $100 in it. So somebody. Somebody re gifted me a piggy bank to give to Joey. And I re gifted it was the.
• 36:40
  Speaker A: Re gift of A$100.
• 36:43
  Speaker B: They didn't know. They didn't know their little girl's name.
• 36:46
  Speaker A: Is Leila, but they didn't open it either, clearly.
• 36:47
  Speaker B: No, they didn't open it. They re gifted the piggy bank to me.
• 36:50
  Speaker A: And.
• 36:50
  Speaker B: And I didn't think anything of that. I didn't know that. And I was like, oh, fuck, another piggy bank. And I re gifted it. And then Nicole actually opened it and she was like, who's Layla? And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, molly's gift says Layla. And I was like that.
• 37:03
  Speaker A: Did you tell her what?
• 37:04
  Speaker B: Yeah, I told her the whole thing.
• 37:06
  Speaker A: Did she laugh?
• 37:06
  Speaker B: You were cracking up. I mean, it was one embarrassing that I regifted to Molly. Two, it was hysterical that someone else re gifted to me. And now it's like a joke of the re gift of the regift of dollars. Nicole Riley.
• 37:18
  Speaker A: I love that. That's amazing. That's so fucking funny.
• 37:22
  Speaker B: So don't re gift people or make sure you open it, especially if they give money.
• 37:27
  Speaker A: Have you threatened to cancel Christmas at least once this season? I try, but my kid has no idea.
• 37:32
  Speaker B: I've threatened Every single day 12 times.
• 37:34
  Speaker A: Your husband just did it the other day. Naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty.
• 37:39
  Speaker B: Have you hidden gifts so well that even you forget where they are? Yes.
• 37:44
  Speaker A: Or who they're for?
• 37:45
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 37:46
  Speaker A: Wait, Michael. Michael just answered. He goes, lo.
• 37:50
  Speaker B: What if you said, hi, Emily.
• 37:51
  Speaker A: No, I think I need you naughty.
• 37:56
  Speaker B: Oh, all right.
• 37:57
  Speaker A: What do you need?
• 37:59
  Speaker B: Oh, my God. Should I sext Mike on Joey's phone right now? Because he just texted.
• 38:04
  Speaker A: Joey said what?
• 38:06
  Speaker B: Nothing about you, but just.
• 38:07
  Speaker A: Can you imagine? We saw what they said. I forgot you had the ivan I was iPad.
• 38:13
  Speaker B: Okay, that's funny.
• 38:14
  Speaker A: Wait, did you just go.
• 38:17
  Speaker B: Does your.
• 38:17
  Speaker A: Husband think Christmas just magically happens without you? With you Magically happens without you?
• 38:24
  Speaker B: Yeah. Without you.
• 38:25
  Speaker A: Without you.
• 38:25
  Speaker B: With. Yeah. If you weren't here, would it just happen? Oh, yeah, right.
• 38:28
  Speaker A: Yes. He thinks it magically happens without me. Yes.
• 38:31
  Speaker B: That's naughty. Naughty, naughty.
• 38:32
  Speaker A: That's kind of funny. I kind of like saying naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty.
• 38:35
  Speaker B: Has your husband fallen Asleep while you were still wrapping gifts.
• 38:39
  Speaker A: Oh, please. Your husband's probably asleep right now. Can't have you needed wine to even tolerate family gatherings? Not family gatherings, but, like, tolerate anything. Anything. The other day, it was like 2pm I was like, michael's on a work call. He stayed home on Monday. And I was like, can you bring me up a bottle of wine?
• 38:59
  Speaker B: Yeah, Needed.
• 39:00
  Speaker A: Sometimes you just, like, need to take the edge off.
• 39:02
  Speaker B: Just the edge?
• 39:03
  Speaker A: The edge.
• 39:04
  Speaker B: Sprinkle a little zanny in there, too.
• 39:06
  Speaker A: You know what I mean? Doesn't work for me, so I don't even know why I bother.
• 39:09
  Speaker B: Have you ever liked your friend's gift so much that you took it and said that it was from yourself?
• 39:14
  Speaker A: Tell me you just did.
• 39:17
  Speaker B: She just showed me what she got for Vienna. It is the cutest little teacup set, personalized. And I don't want her to get recognition. I want that to be.
• 39:27
  Speaker A: No, I need it because I need her to, like, love Zia.
• 39:30
  Speaker B: She does love. She actually is obsessed with Zia.
• 39:32
  Speaker A: So I have to.
• 39:34
  Speaker B: Yes, I would do that.
• 39:36
  Speaker A: You were like, I might get this from me. Has your husband complained about money after Come.
• 39:45
  Speaker B: Wrote him quick. Has your husband complained about money after contributing zero.
• 39:52
  Speaker A: It looks like computing. Contributing zero. Mental load. Yeah. The other day, a package came. He goes up another package. I went like this with the package. I go, let me tell you something. Than, sir, from your wife. Xoxo. I'm doing all the gifts this year. Mother, sister, brother, dog, cat, babies.
• 40:11
  Speaker B: Do you buy Bama something?
• 40:12
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 40:13
  Speaker B: Oh, that's cute.
• 40:14
  Speaker A: And you got something to say about a package coming in the mail? Take it back.
• 40:18
  Speaker B: Take it back or she's not going to be naughty. Did you buy yourself at least one gift this year and label it from the kids?
• 40:27
  Speaker A: I never do that. I'm going to do that diamond earrings for the next six years.
• 40:32
  Speaker B: Honestly, I should just do it.
• 40:35
  Speaker A: It's so funny. But seriously, what are you asking for for Christmas this year? Like, seriously, what are you. Are you asking for anything? You asked for that.
• 40:43
  Speaker B: That skylight. I really wanted the skylight.
• 40:45
  Speaker A: I don't ask for anything. I really don't. I don't want anything. I just want to, like, enjoy life.
• 40:51
  Speaker B: Okay. Do you hear that, Mic?
• 40:53
  Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I really don't. I'm into the, like. I. I think I asked for, like, new pots and pans. And then my mom was here. She's like, why do you need new pots and pans? I was like, because I just want new pots and pans.
• 41:04
  Speaker B: I Truly, I really want new kitchen stools. I need a break. I need a night alone in a hotel room. Yeah. By myself.
• 41:12
  Speaker A: What are we asking for? Like, what do we actually want? I just feel like it's like two different things.
• 41:16
  Speaker B: I also, I would love a family vacation or a vacation alone. Or a vacation.
• 41:19
  Speaker A: I would love to see you guys book a family vacation.
• 41:21
  Speaker B: Yeah, that would be fun.
• 41:22
  Speaker A: Or like Joey booking you a vacation. That's your vibe.
• 41:25
  Speaker B: That would be.
• 41:26
  Speaker A: Yeah. Like, moms aren't even surprised anymore. Like, I don't think I'm even.
• 41:30
  Speaker B: I. I want to be surprised.
• 41:33
  Speaker A: My mom used to wrap her own gift.
• 41:35
  Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I could see do. I would do that. But, like, was it a Chanel bag? She would wrap a Chanel bag for herself. Yeah, that's dope.
• 41:43
  Speaker A: Or like, we would like pick out a gift from daddy. Like a. Something. She would, she would wrap it.
• 41:49
  Speaker B: Yeah, like, how sick is that? My mom would never let us live this down. One year my dad was like, what do you want to get for mom?
• 41:56
  Speaker A: Yeah, isn't that funny that our dads used to do that?
• 41:59
  Speaker B: Me and my brother used to get my mom's house. No, but this is my. It was probably when they were just getting divorced maybe. And he, he checked off that. We got her a new toilet bowl seat.
• 42:11
  Speaker A: Did you actually.
• 42:12
  Speaker B: No, we did. And that was kind of like that. That was the present. How fucking funny. But like, my mom was like, that was such a fuck you for mom from dad. But like, we thought it was exciting. Like it was one of those, like.
• 42:23
  Speaker A: Cushion, like a social.
• 42:25
  Speaker B: We were like, yeah, disgusting. We were like, mom's gonna love this. It'll be comfy on her butt. And dad was like, yeah, let's get her that, that. And she always says, like, that was the most fudgeing, shitty ass gift. Like, you guys were excited about it and dad was probably like, fudge you.
• 42:38
  Speaker A: You wrapped a toilet seat. I can't. That is so funny. Honestly, like, Christmas moods are so good right now. I feel like, yeah, we're like on the rise and I love that. But I feel like our next episode, we're keeping it themed, but we're bringing on a special guest.
• 42:53
  Speaker B: I'm so excited for this guest and.
• 42:56
  Speaker A: It'S gonna be a different guest than you would think, but it's going to be so, so good. So we're very excited. He's a little naughty. He's not on the nice list. Naughty.
• 43:10
  Speaker B: I gotta think of a good game.
• 43:11
  Speaker A: He's on the naughty list.
• 43:13
  Speaker B: Is it Santa. Should we bring in Santa? We should. It'll be us sitting there.
• 43:18
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 43:18
  Speaker B: Should we interview ourselves?
• 43:20
  Speaker A: No, I would honestly. We should bring in Santa one time. Make your husband dress up as Santa.
• 43:27
  Speaker B: Those are, like. I saw that on Instagram, like, traditions where, like, the dad.
• 43:30
  Speaker A: The Grinch thing is so funny.
• 43:32
  Speaker B: The Grinch thing's funny also. I. There are services where you hire a Santa. Like, if your kids are on just the cusp of, like, not believing, you hire Santa to come Christmas Eve. And they do, like, a thing just so, like, your kids could, like, see, like, the back or, like, they stomp on your roof or something like that.
• 43:50
  Speaker A: No, I love that.
• 43:51
  Speaker B: Like, I would do that if my kids were, like, maybe not believing.
• 43:55
  Speaker A: I kind of agree.
• 43:56
  Speaker B: Do you know what else I up on this year?
• 43:58
  Speaker A: What?
• 43:59
  Speaker B: I up on the Polar Express. Didn't get tickets in time.
• 44:01
  Speaker A: I'm kind of over it. I went one. I went. Last year was the first year.
• 44:05
  Speaker B: We never did it. But I also up on my town does this thing where the firefighters go riding on the fire truck with Santa. And if you sign up, Santa comes to your house.
• 44:14
  Speaker A: You do that Christmas Eve, there's probably another one coming.
• 44:17
  Speaker B: Well, it's only in our town and it already happened. I saw all these moms post, like, their kids running to the door, and.
• 44:22
  Speaker A: I was like, they don't do it on, like, Christmas.
• 44:25
  Speaker B: No, they do it, like, before. Like, Santa. Santa. Santa's like, you know what?
• 44:28
  Speaker A: I heard that there's Paw patrol. Marshall comes around.
• 44:32
  Speaker B: Hired Marshall.
• 44:33
  Speaker A: Yeah, like a send them over my way Dalmatian. Oh, not a real one.
• 44:39
  Speaker B: Like, a real one.
• 44:39
  Speaker A: Maybe like a costume guide to the fire truck.
• 44:42
  Speaker B: How cute is that? That's cute.
• 44:43
  Speaker A: Gio would love that.
• 44:44
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Rocco would love that.
• 44:46
  Speaker A: All right, well, 12 days of sex, miss. Coming right up, honey.
• 44:50
  Speaker B: But you know what you should do? Do something different. Like, I don't care if it's like, a different sex position, a different dirty talk. Just, like, try something new. 12 days. Do that. You do that. Yeah. Something a little different.
• 45:09
  Speaker A: Whether it be can't do this anymore.
• 45:12
  Speaker B: Honestly.
• 45:13
  Speaker A: Can you tell? Turn around and do it.
• 45:14
  Speaker B: No, I can't. No, but just do it. It was already confirmed that you can't twerk if you don't have a butt. I can't twerk. Good.
• 45:22
  Speaker A: I used to be able to twerk. Me and Michael do it all the time, and I can't do it.
• 45:24
  Speaker B: Who's a better twerker?
• 45:25
  Speaker A: My husband. I used to be able to.
• 45:27
  Speaker B: Joey. Joey. Yeah, they do that's. Actually a good angle. Yeah, someone's going to screenshot that and jerk off in the bathroom of a plane. Naughty.
• 45:37
  Speaker A: All right, well, 12 days of sexmas. Now I have to do it.
• 45:38
  Speaker B: Great. Thanks, Em. Yeah, the rule is different position. A move, a dirty talk, a sound. Try making a new sound. Somebody does not that sound. A different kiss, a lick.
• 45:54
  Speaker A: Oh. A food or liquors.
• 45:56
  Speaker B: Do you ever bring food in chocolate syrup?
• 45:59
  Speaker A: Yeah, we have, but we don't. I don't want to make a mess.
• 46:02
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's already a little messy.
• 46:04
  Speaker A: And he's already mad that I did Nutella once before, so.
• 46:07
  Speaker B: Nutella? Organic.
• 46:08
  Speaker A: Organic. No, the real Nutella and fluff.
• 46:11
  Speaker B: You know?
• 46:11
  Speaker A: All right. 12 days of sex, miss.
• 46:14
  Speaker B: Try it out. Can't wait. Love you. Bye. Bye. Sat.