Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Rewriting Your Love Story After Divorce: A Valentine’s Gift to Your Future Self

Transcript

Rewriting Your Love Story After Divorce: A Valentine’s Gift to Your Future Self · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the war and tree people of the Coolin Nation and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Before we get into this week's podcast episode, I want to remind you, invite you to sign up for my upcoming free masterclass, the one thing you can do to heal your relationship pattern.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's a link in the show notes to join the wait list or to sign up, I should say, for that masterclass.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to welcome you in.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: It is on Friday, 7th of March 2025 at 5 pm Melbourne, Australia time.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't join live and you're on the wait list, you will be sent a recording which will be accessible for a short time after the masterclass runs.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, I would love to welcome you into that masterclass and see you live.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe this Valentine's Day, it's an opportunity to turn the focus inward.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Writing letters to yourself, whether from a place of unconditional love or to your future self, can be a really profound act of self-compassion, self-care, self-love.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what better love to give ourselves on Valentine's Day than self-love?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And these types of letters aren't just about documenting your life or ticking off a bucket list of adventures or achievements.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually a little deeper than that.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're about reconnecting with yourself, they're about turning inward and going deep and quiet, listening to yourself.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're about reconnecting with your values, your hopes for yourself and for your future.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: They're about celebrating growth and expansion and you know reminding ourselves that we are deeply inherently worthy of love, especially of our own love, especially of self-love.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Letters like these have the power to help you reset, redefine your life, your choices, realign with your values, remember what's important to you, and recommit, reclaim and recommit to what you most want for yourself, how you most want to move through whatever is coming for you.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Writing to yourself can also bring up all the big feelings, all the big emotions, and that can be challenging, destabilizing, but it also can be really deeply affirming and deeply self-soothing.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's a process that can help you not only have a conversation with yourself, talk to yourself, but yes, conversation is the word, so it can help you talk to yourself, but also listen.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So whether that's listening to yourself, to your inner wisdom, your own knowing, or to a higher power, if that's what your belief is, it's an opportunity to listen.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And letters like this can also serve as a gentle reminder of how far you've come, how much you've processed, how much you've moved through, how much you've grown as at the time of writing, and also if you read them at some point in the future.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So in this podcast episode, I'm going to lead you through or explore with you two approaches to writing letters, love letters to yourself.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the first is a letter to love, and the second is a letter to your future self.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: As I said earlier, both of these practices have the potential to inspire deep self-compassion and to create clarity and inspire you.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Also to elevate your capacity to both give and receive love, especially receive on a day, Valentine's Day, that perhaps you might have otherwise ignored.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Letters like this have the capacity to allow you to access and to feel love and to feel loved.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, firstly, I'm going to lead you through a practice called a letter from love, and this is what writer Elizabeth Gilbert does daily, and she shares on her Substack with her community.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, if you want a deeper connection with this practice, I would invite you to go and join Elizabeth's community.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's a practice that's really beautiful and also very powerful.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's an invitation to let the most loving, kind, and unconditionally supportive voice within you speak.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine the voice of love itself, gentle, nurturing, wise, and then ask yourself, what would love say to me right now?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or what are the words I most need to hear right now?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do I wish someone would say to me in this moment?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: What do I wish love would say to me in this moment?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Liz Gilbert offers a really beautiful starting point in her writing practice, and that is the prompt, dear love, what would you have me know today?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when it becomes an invitation to listen as well as to write or speak, right?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: You might, if you pause and listen, you might hear words like, you're not alone, I'm right here, and I love you.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing just fine, this is hard, life is hard, but you're not doing it wrong.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You might hear, you are enough just as you are.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I see you, I see your victories, even the invisible ones.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe there's an invitation, an invitation to take some of the weight off your shoulders, an invitation to let go, to put down the heavy stuff you're carrying, to be more gentle with yourself, to be a little more free.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's an invitation to extend yourself more love, more care, more rest.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: When you go quiet and you listen and you write, is there a request, an ask?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is love asking you to stop something, to let go of something, to put it down?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Is it love asking you to start something?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is are you being asked to listen or to speak, to speak up and own your truth, to reclaim your voice?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps love is offering you a reminder or a recognition of what you're asking, but the response is not just now, but maybe sometime soon.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So ask these questions of yourself and allow yourself to listen and to hear, and then write without judgment, write without thinking about it too much.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Allow that voice of love to speak to or through you and just let the words flow.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can either choose to set a timer or you can just write until you're all written out.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: How you implement this practice is completely personal.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: The second option is to write a letter to your future self.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Writing to your future self can be a really powerful way to reflect on where you are now, what you're calling in, what you're envisioning for the next chapter.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It can help you define the life you most want to create.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that five, ten, twenty years into the future, it can help you really get clear and define what that looks and feels like.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a chance to both capture your current reality, set intentions, express what you need to express, kindness, compassion towards, even celebrate the version of you who will read it someday, that future you.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Writing to your future self really allows you to reflect, reflect on growth, shifts, changes.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It can serve as a reminder, as I said, of how far you've come, lessons you've learned, challenges you've overcome, all the good things that you've lived through.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It can help you stay aligned, it can help you refocus on what's important and maintain perspective even during life's hardest seasons hello, separation, divorce, or challenging moments.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And envisioning your future, your future self really allows you to dream big, to plan, to feel drawn towards and inspired by what's coming for you, what's ahead.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: It helps you create that vision of life, future life that draws you towards it.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the how.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Set a time frame, decide how far into the future you want your letter to be read.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Three months, a year, five years, ten years, whatever it is, and tailor the content to that timeline or that time frame.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Provide a bit of context, share what's happening in your life right now, what's going on for you, what's coming up, perhaps what challenges you're navigating, what emotions you're feeling, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about the world.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, paint a picture that your future self will recognize and be able to reflect back on, reflect on.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then dream big.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, write about your hopes, your dreams, your goal, your goals, but go beyond the surface level achievements, you know, that bucket list ticking it off.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Describe how you want your life to feel.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: What does that future life look and feel like?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is it peaceful?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is it joyful?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Is it freedom?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like for you?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And be really anchored in that, really solid in it, and proud of that life you're working, you're working towards creating for yourself.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ask questions.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to know about your future self?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: So include questions like, did you find the courage to let go of what wasn't wasn't serving you?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm so pleased that to see that you're living the life you dreamed of.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're asking it as a question, are you are you happy living this life that we dreamed of?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: How does it feel to be living this life that we dreamed of?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or what I really like to do is write as if I am already living that life that I dreamt of, living that life that I wanted to co-create.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so proud that you found the courage to do X, Y, or Z.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful that you took the leap to create X, Y, or Z.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So write in the present moment as that future self.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the last point is express kindness, gratitude, speak to your future self with compassion, offer encouragement, affirmation, acknowledgement for the strength it took to get to where that future version of you is, where they are.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let that future version of you know how proud you are of them.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Look how much you've grown.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Did you ever believe you would be right where you are now?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: How amazing are we to have created this?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: What was the moment when it all changed?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Was there one?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then wrap it up.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Wrap it up with a closing affirm you know, affirmation or statement or comment.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I also wanted to touch on why this practice can be especially powerful during a transition like divorce.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: When we're going through separation, divorce, everything's thrown up in the air, right?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's really destabilizing.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: So writing letters to yourself, writing letters from love can be really grounding and empowering.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: They're a really great way and a super safe space to process, to process your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings, and to honor yourself, to honor your resilience and your power and your courage to get through this hard stuff.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And they're an opportunity, as I said earlier, to really reconnect and ground yourself in what's important to you, your core values, and how you want your future life to look and feel.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I really encourage you to write about your courage and your strength and your power.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Remind yourself of all you've managed or you've gone through, you've endured, the things you've learned.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Celebrate you, celebrate your strength and capacity for growth and change and doing hard stuff.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Make note of things that you've learned, right?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Capture those insights that you've that have opened up for you as you've moved through this challenging season.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Honour the pain, honour the hard feelings, but also celebrate the good stuff because there are glimmers in there, right?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: There are glimmers.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, as I always say, focus on the future.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Envision that life you're building beyond this heartbreaking, challenging season.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Switch focus to the future and really get clear on what that looks like and let your future self know that you're taking steps, even small, tiny baby steps, towards that life, towards healing, towards happiness.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And practically building this into your life, you know, whether that's daily or weekly notes, writing down one thing you've learned, one thing you loved, one thing you handled well, even if it was hard, you know, maybe even it's monthly for you.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: What was my biggest lesson or greatest teacher this month?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: What was the thing that this month brought to me?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we're talking about this on Valentine's Day, but I would really encourage any of you going through hardship to regularly ask yourself, what would love say to me today?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: And write those words down as if they're coming from the most supportive, loving, caring, compassionate version of yourself, or if it's your belief system from a higher power, what would love say to me today?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: What does love need me to know today?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: What does love want to share with me today?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess whether you're writing from love or to your future self, I think this practice can be a really beautiful gift.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's a way to reconnect with your inner self, your inner wisdom, to tap into your inner knowing, to find comfort and love in your own words and honour your growth, your healing, your expansion compassionately, kindly, lovingly.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: These letters don't just capture a moment or who you are, they can be a really powerful reminder as you write them of who you're becoming, who you're growing into.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, this Valentine's Day, I invite you to give yourself the gift of love through your own words, whether it's a letter to your future self or a message from that voice of unconditional love that we all carry within us, even if it's buried.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Tap into that and give yourself the gift of love.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: These practices can also be a really powerful and incredible reminder that you are your own greatest ally and your own biggest cheerleader and supporter, that whatever your lived experience, you get to reclaim you and liberate yourself.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So take a moment to honour where you are, celebrate how far you've come, and dream about all the beautiful possibilities ahead.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Valentine's Day.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: You are deeply, deeply loved and worthy of all of that.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here and bye for now.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week.