Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #53: The Secret to Learning How to Help Your Unmotivated, Unhappy and Withdrawn Adult Child

Transcript

#53: The Secret to Learning How to Help Your Unmotivated, Unhappy and Withdrawn Adult Child · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch, a podcast for parents with older kids in their 20s and 30s who are struggling to launch independently into adulthood.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And not all adult kids are the same, and so just to be clear, I'm referring to young adults who can live responsible, productive, and purposeful lives.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: They just need your guidance, patience, and wisdom to get there.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is an important one because so many parents are watching their adult children drift through life with the lights turned off.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: They are not excited, not curious, not motivated, and as a result, not moving forward.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: But what if the real issue is not laziness or lack of motivation at all?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: What if it is a loss of spark, a loss of connection to themselves, a loss of the inner drive that makes learning, growth, and independence even feel possible?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about how parents can help their young adults turn their inner light back on so they feel interested in life again and excited to learn.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's why my guest Julia Black is here today.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: She's the author of Lights on Learning, and her work helps us to understand what is really happening when our children are shut down and what we can do to help them switch back on again.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to share this episode with you because I know that many of you are searching for a way to help your adult child find what lights them up.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Julia is a mother of two young adults, a BAFTA and Grierson nominated documentary director, a social entrepreneur, an educationalist, and a master neurocoach.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Her vision is of a world where all children love learning and believe that parents play a key role.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, Julia.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_04: Hello, thanks for having me here.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you for joining me today.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You have no idea how I have been looking forward to this conversation.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, I started reading your book, Lights on Learning, and I love, love, love the work that you're doing.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just think that it is so important for us to focus on the joy of learning and how, especially, because you know, my market is parents of young adults, how they can help their young adults to discover um what it is that switches on their lights.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So this is such a perfect, perfect topic.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Really, God bless you for doing this.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but before we get too far ahead, there's a story, and I want to share with the listener um what happened with your daughter that made you realize something needed to change with how kids were learning.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, well, this takes me back to when she was three years old, really.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_04: So she's now 22.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so it feels like a long time ago.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: But um why I went to pick her up from nursery one day, and the manager, nursery manager, came up to me and said, We need to talk.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: And so I was a bit like, okay.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, um, Esme's been very defiant today.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_04: And what had happened is they were they were moving from the building to the playground or something, and and there was a road.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_04: And Esme kind of broke free from the group and started running towards the road.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: And no matter how much they kind of called her back, she just kept looking, smiling at them, and kept running.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and and I kind of sort of thought, like, oh no, okay, because my my father was renowned for being the naughtyest boy of his at his school, and so I I guess I kind of sort of thought, okay, here we go.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: She's got the maverick gene.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_04: And it was amazing because the Claire turned to me and said, She's bored.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_04: I think we need to start teaching her to read.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I already knew that she was, you know, hedophonic, so she was an early starter at age three, but that was amazing, and it totally resolved her disengagement.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: Then when she started school at four, which we do here in the UK, I started to see her mental well-being start plummeting and her really talking about how bored she was again.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: But now, in a bigger environment with more children, maybe not feeling as safe as she did in the nursery, she didn't play out.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_04: But the the behaviour and the anger came out to me at home.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: So that was really when I sort of thought, well, I know she's a sparky, curious kid, I know she likes to learn, I know there's no difficulty there.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_04: She didn't have the neurodiversity that my father had.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so I started to uh want to get more involved and solve the problem.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I started working with her one day a week at home.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_04: So I made an arrangement, a flexible arrangement with the school, and that then really led for me to getting involved in the school, working with all the children in the school, um, and then opening my own creative learning center where I began to see thousands of children come through who were disengaged.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_04: And what I realized I was really good at, and my framework became really specialized at was switching the children from disengaged to engaged so that they could really take ownership of their learning.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_04: And that was it, really.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: It started just as a parent with a problem to solve, and I became curious and I became hungry to learn, and solved it for my two children, and then went on to solve it for other children.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_04: And then really where I've ended up is realizing it's the parent.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_04: The parent is the ideal solution to get their children or their young adults in the case of your audience, really switched back on to take full ownership of their life, their learning, and and who they choose to be.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_04: So, yes, from parent to accidental educationalist to author and to neurocoach is has been my journey.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everything you say just speaks to me.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Especially the part where um parents you have to, and we I I think the problem is that parents think it's something that happens when the kids are younger, but it actually happens throughout their life, especially if in in especially today, with young adults sort of maturing a little bit later, staying home longer, feeling the overwhelm of social media.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Parents have to it's not about going to work.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's about finding out what lights your kid up.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I that's why this is such an important topic.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um so how does your definition of learning differ from the traditional schooling?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I think when I work with parents around this, they think that learning, or even with children, when I ask them about like what do they love about learning, what are they good at, they tend to talk about the subjects.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I like English or I like maths.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and parents often think about the curriculum, like, you know, what the subject is, what the knowledge is that they've got to consume to regurgitate back out, to jump the hoops, to, you know, be able to be successful, you know, in quotes in the real world.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I see learning about who we are being, really.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's learning to use the power of our minds, it's learning to harness our heart's intelligence and really understand how our body um feels when we are doing something that lights us up, that makes us curious, excited, um, motivated, but equally important how it feels when we feel disengaged and actually frustrated and angry and scared.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_04: So it's it's really for me, learning has become this um the inner landscape.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: I talk about learning from the inside out where we understand how it feels to be creating something um original from our hearts and using our I call it the heart set, mindset, and skill set to um explore a subject matter, maybe, but but to create rather than consume.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_04: So for me, learning um is messy, it's not linear, it's um frustrating, it's equally glorious.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I think that's a mistake that we can make, both as educators and parents, that when the children disengage, what I call switch into being lights off, we see that as a problem.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: And actually, what I've come to realize is brilliant, okay, that they've hit the disengagement, they've hit the frustration, they maybe want to quit, they might be scared of failing, a whole host of reasons, but that is where the growth is.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_04: So we don't want to make the mistake that I made for a long time, that we want to switch them on as quickly as possible to being lights on.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but we actually want to harness the power of being in the lights off state in order to help see, well, what is it they're thinking and feeling right now?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_04: And that frustration and anger and wanting to quit is actually a normal, healthy response to when we don't know how to do something.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: But what we really want to help our children do is like to move on through that, to use that for growth rather than to use that to avoid um doing it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love that because it's the lights are part that parents, that everybody kind of just drops the ball and says, Okay, if you don't want to, you don't have to.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But you're saying that's the moment to really figure things out and get engaged.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like that's your sign.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Something's what can we do here?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting ahead because I want to get there, but why do you think so many kids lose interest in learning and shut down?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_04: I think because um how it can be taught in schools or even at home, I work with a lot of home educators too, is outdated.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um and let's be honest, quite boring.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I think there's a lot of children now.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_04: I I think our brains are changing as we, you know, are in a world where we can learn in micro bytes.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: So I think a lot of children sit there and can't take it in.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_04: The children that I used to work with, they were I used to work with either the real high achievers, and this is when I say children, this is right through to 18 young adults from four, really.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_04: They would either be the high achievers that were bored.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_04: So, like my daughter sitting there going, like, really?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: Do we really have to go over this again?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_04: I've got it, I want to move on.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, or they were the ones struggling, and maybe they couldn't process it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: So the teacher's talking, or the parent is talking, and they're just not being able to take it in.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_04: They can't they can't hold it to process it, and so they then begin to feel stupid.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I really want parents to take on board the not do not underestimate what happens to us when we get bored and switch off if we don't understand um how to switch back on or how to use that for growth.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and they're they're you know, and because it's like day in, day out, if a child is going to school and not being able to learn for some reason, maybe they're scared, maybe they have got some anxiety, maybe they are it's too noisy, or maybe you know, they've got neurodiversity that makes the way it's being taught difficult, or maybe they're a high achiever and board.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_04: The doing that day in, day out is actually soul destroying.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it would be like us as adults going and going sitting there and not being able to follow for five hours a day or six hours a day, five days a week, you know, here in the UK, 39 weeks of the year.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_04: So we take away their agency really early on.
• 11:48
  unknown: Yes.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_04: And if we think about your, you know, with your audience with young adults, think about when they were like the two-year-old, the three-year-old, like my daughter, you know, like feisty and spirited, and you know, I don't want to sit down like this, I'm gonna run away.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: They were independent learners then, and something happens when we enter in the school system or even in home education if we think we've got to sit down and follow a curriculum.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_04: And I see that as taking away their personal sovereignty, their agency, and now suddenly we're we're we're stopping them learning, and we are give providing them with an education, and that's a really crucial distinction.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think that some of the one of the biggest reasons why young adults stay away from going back into learning is because of this bad experience they had in elementary and high school, that that's their only frame of reference, and that's not a good one.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think reintroducing learning in a different way is so important, it would make the biggest difference.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's talk about this because we're talking we're talking a bit about your lights on framework, but I want to know how you developed it and and the whole the whole gradient, the spectrum of lights on and lights off.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: So can you define what being lights on and lights off means and and how does it show up for us?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I I hate asking so many questions at one shot, but I kind of know that you have all of this in your head.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, no, that's fine.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: So the the the concept and the terms came to me um when I had my creative learning center and I was seeing children come in en masse.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I wanted to find a a sort of almost a metric that really helped me and my team understand when we were providing uh, you know, a service that was serving the children, yeah, instead of like how schools do it, where they assess and they test them to know that they've got, you know, they're learning.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: I don't believe we have to test to learn that then that they're learning.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and uh so I talked with a business strategist and he said, Well, how do you know when they're learning?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_04: And I say, Well, you see it, you see it in their eyes, it's like their lights come on.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: So he was just like, lights on, lights off.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_04: And it was so simple and I that I loved it because it was exactly that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: And then I kind of put it out there and asked parents and they did a survey, what do you understand about what it means when a child is learning with their lights on?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: And they just came back with such like really beautiful um definitions, like you know, they're like a sponge, you know, and creatively powered up for the day, absorbing, you know, information and creating.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um, one four-year-old, when we asked her, um, which my parents that I work with do, they ask their children to define it.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_04: She said it's like a rainbow in my heart.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, lights on is when we are in creation mode, it's when we are really tuning into who we were born to be.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_04: We feel aligned and harmonious, and we feel joy and we feel love and gratitude.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_04: So, all of those emotions that really make us feel good and create an environment within ourselves where we can learn.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_04: Lights off is um parents describe it as like walking through treacle.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_04: You know, children have described it, and young adults have described it as feeling lost and sad and lonely and scared, frustrated.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_04: So when we begin to look at it like this, what has been really powerful is that it shifts us.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: Instead of seeing a child who's behaving badly, let's say, that's you know what we see.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_04: They might be being disruptive in the classroom, they might not want to be coming out, young adult might not want to be coming out of their bedroom, they might be gaming all the time.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_04: We can it's very easy to judge the behaviour.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: And being on the end of someone else's judgment, whether that's a parent or an educator, doesn't feel good.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: So the parent, the child and young adult now feels judgment.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: The shift to thinking about them as being lights off, because let's face it, any young adult that is really not fulfilling on their own potential, not exploring their gifts, not using their talents, is stuck perhaps in a phase of life that they can't get out of, does feel lights off.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_04: But when we think of it like that, sad, lonely, scared, um, despair possibly, we can now sort of see them with compassion.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_04: So that's a big shift.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_04: We stop judging their behavior and we start to think about how they're feeling and the thoughts.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm rubbish, I'm stupid, there's no hope for me, I've got nothing to offer.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_04: And so we can step into compassion.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: So that's lights on and lights off, and and and why it's been so powerful to use for the shift it does for us as leaders of our families, you know, as parents of our families.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_04: And then when I began working with parents, we began tracking to see, like, well, how often were we lights on or lights off?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_04: And what we really realized is actually it's not binary at all.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it's more like a dial.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: You know, sometimes we aren't completely in darkness, we might be more in glimmer, you know.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes we are in glow, but we might not be in our radiance.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_04: And that was when I developed the lights on spectrum to give us more nuance to be able to understand sort of exactly how we feel and think and behave in sort of certain different emotional and energetic signatures.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_04: So, my lights on spectrum from lights off, darkness, dimness, and glimmer, there's three energetic signatures there, and lights on from glow, brilliance to radiance.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: And what is powerful about this now is it's you know, the science behind us being in our radiance really shows that when we um calibrate to joy and love and gratitude, then others can entrain to us at that level too.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_04: So, this again is where it's really important, I believe, as I know you do, that we as parents really take ownership for where our children, our teenagers, our young adults are, not with blame or shame, but with the almost with the optimism of actually, if I'm the solution, yeah, then maybe there's something I can do about it without having to worry or outsource it to anyone else.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_04: Because often when parents come to you, I imagine they've tried everything.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: They think they've tried everything because they think the problem is their child.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right, and it's almost empowering to say it they're not broken, yeah.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're they're stuck, they're frozen in time, but you're you're the catalyst to their change, not doing it for them, of course, but just kind of aligning yourself with them and modeling, which we're gonna get into, which I'm a big proponent of.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, I feel like I feel like giving the parents back their power as leaders, as parents, as coaches, advisors, you can do this, but leaving them on their own to do this is not nothing's gonna happen.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's so funny because you're taught you talk a lot about children, and some parents have said to me, Well, I don't know, maybe my my 30-something year old is is too far gone.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, No, on the contrary, they're just really just quite biologically they're that age, but emotionally, developmentally, they're quite young.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're just they stayed there.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's we're going back in time, we're dialing it back and we're going to where they are, and we're, you know, meeting them where they are.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And but again, people parents are like, okay, okay, great, I'll do that.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: But what do I do?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I love this, because we're gonna actually give them the some of the tools on how to help them to get lit up, which yes, your your like your version, but the words I love to say.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you talked about the heart set, mindset, and skill set.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Can we elaborate a little bit more on that?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that's really important, and also I've I've done a lot of research on you and reading some of your articles or things that have been written about you, which I'm gonna touch on.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: But you I I believe you mentioned something about the heart set has to come first.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's let's get into that a little bit.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_04: So what I realized when by working with lots of children um and families, and is that when that we I believe we've all got something that we come here that we want to explore and express, and and I think of that as a gift, something that we are naturally good at, which often means we can dismiss it, right?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_04: Because learning should be hard.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but we've all got this um something on our hearts that we choose, we want to explore.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I saw this time and time and time again that when I could find that natural creative expression for a child, which is very easy to do, um, then their learning took off.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_04: So I call this the heart set.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_04: What is on their heart and what is the thing that they love to do?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_04: So that is where I suggest everyone starts, is just really, really start to look at what is it they love to do when they are creating.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_04: So often parents will say, Well, they love to video game, right?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's like, well, are they making the video games or are they just consuming them?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_04: Because video games are designed to keep you hooked on it.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but what I began to see, I called it the switches because I began to see that if we if we accessed learning through that switch, like maybe they're an engineer or a digital wizard or a words or a performer, um, then we basically had the door open for them to really grow as learners.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_04: So that's why I always start with what are they passionate about, or what are they curious to learn about, and what is their natural talent.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: That we can help develop.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: So that's their heart set.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_04: Then the mindset is much easier to work on.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_04: And this is the mistake I think many people make.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_04: They start working on mindset.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's a mindset problem.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but if you try and do that without the heart set locked in, then good luck.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_04: Because a learning in this way takes courage.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: It feels uncomfortable at times.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: So I say, you know, when your heart will always dream bigger than your head is ready for.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_04: And that to me is the learning.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's just like the heart is saying, I want to do this, I've got this dream, this vision.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_04: And the head is almost going, like, okay, well, I better rewire to catch up, you know.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_04: And then we bring in the skill set.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_04: And here, what I talk about is the skill set that's relevant for the creative expression that's that they're passionate about.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_04: So rather than us thinking, okay, well, we've got to do this curriculum or these are the skills they've got to learn, if you're a digital wizard, you need to know how to create with technology.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_04: If you're a wordsmith, you need to learn how to use your words to entice people in, to create narratives, to conjure up worlds that people want to get immersed in.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_04: So the skill set linked to the heart set.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and when you when you learn in this way, when you're learning through creating, the growth becomes really tangible.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_04: So the learner themselves, the child, the young adult, or even the adult, because even at I'm what, 56, I still use all my tools, so we are never too late to do this.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_04: But you start seeing evidence of what you're good at.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_04: And once we can see evidence of what we're good at, then we can lock in to become great at it.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_04: And that's the process.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_04: So do we fall in love with the process of learning rather than the end result?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_04: And that again is a paradigm shift from okay, what grade did you get?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_04: Who cares?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like how did you really, you know, grow and expand?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_04: What was your starting point and where have you ended up?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_04: And more importantly, do you, as the young adult, see evidence of your potential and of your greatness?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_04: And the heart set, mindset, and skill set are really what I call your learning circuitry.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_04: If we don't use all three of those, we're always going to be feeling that sort of unfulfilled potential.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much going on in my brain, it's crazy because that I have a night in EDHD brain, but I'm trying to stay focused.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so when you've seen in your practice, and you you've seen this switch.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just curious, what does that look like when you see a young child go from lights off to lights on?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's beautiful.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_04: So let me talk about Oli.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_04: I'll give you a story.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so Ollie was 13 when um he came to my centre.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_04: So he was in year nine, he'd had about seven, um, seven years at school feeling a complete failure.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_04: So from year two, it was like, oh, what's wrong with Ollie?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: He's not really catching up, you know.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: So he was investigated, he was diagnosed, but he had special educational needs.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_04: But he still ultimately was failing and feeling a failure.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_04: My brain doesn't work, I'm stupid, was his identity.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so he came into my centre and I put out, laid out what I call a learning carousel, which is basically tinkering stations so that we can see where the children naturally go to.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_04: And he went to the animation station, and actually he went to several of the digital ones, you know, said filming against a green screen animation station.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_04: And so I was able to see from what he was creating, like, oh, he's a he's a visual storyteller, yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: And his tool that he loves to use, is digital, the camera.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: He likes looking through the lens and you know, and seeing the world and communicating that.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_04: So very, very quickly, and that would have been like less than I don't know, five or ten minutes.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_04: I knew exactly what his switch was.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: And then, of course, you know, we talked to them and he said, Yeah, I love photography.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so then I began working on him and realized, and then we could work on his mindset.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_04: But this is what is really important to hear like about 10,000 hours of in-school education that focused on what was wrong with him over the course of those seven years, versus about 12 hours with me in this lights on learning to totally turn him around.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_04: So, what the teachers saw and the head teachers saw saw, head teacher saw was a child who had gone from not looking at anybody in the eye, head down, trying to be as invisible as he could be in school, never putting his hand up, never engaging, never turning in his homework.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_04: Suddenly went from saying hello in the corridor, suddenly went from engaging in the classroom, putting his hand up, owning how he learnt.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: He now knew I'm a visual, I I need the visual for me to come alive.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_04: Importantly, he also had an identity of something he was good at now.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_04: And this for me is a real indication of like the power of this.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: He went and knocked on the head teacher's door and said, Can I be the school photographer at the events?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_04: So a switched-off child trying to be invisible for so much of his time, to suddenly going, like, actually, I want to be a part of this community.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: I want to stand up there and take photos of people.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_04: And that year he had his best school report ever.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: So the teachers, the head teacher, and the parent, and Ollie all attributed to this to him finding something, just one thing that he was naturally good at that boosted his self-esteem and helped him see how he could learn back in the classroom.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_04: So these are the stories.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_04: It's fast, you know, it's it's beautiful because the ownership of learning has to be in the individual.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_04: And it is something that parents can do.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: So for parents, especially with older kids, I mean, this would be great if you can have we can do this for older kids.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: So we just say, okay, here's the lab, right?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: And is it though?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is it something that we can because I've I've interviewed uh a lovely um career coaching counselor, uh Kristen Clark, and she'll take young adults and put them through this battery of tests, very like specific.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it the same thing is what because yours is like a physical environment.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's so uh do we we don't have that for young adults or adult at all.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_04: No, but it but it it works, and and so for you know, this is what parents can do at home, is the the where I would start, and I always start with anyone who I'm working with is disengaged, whether they're an adult child or young adult, is really trying to understand um like where they are, how it feels to be them right now, right?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: And sometimes communication between a parent and child can break or young adult can break down because it's painful.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_04: Our children go lights off, we do, yeah.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, but really when we stop and listen to the language that they're using, you know, well, it just feels pointless.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_04: Like, well, anything I do, nothing's gonna work, so why bother?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we instantly know that does not feel good for them.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_04: So what we can start to do is really see if they've still got something that they love to do, right?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_04: Chances are if they've been disengaged for a long time, then consuming um rather than creating.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: But start to have those conversations.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_04: Do you remember when?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, do you remember when you love to play with a Lego for hours?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: Or do you remember when you wouldn't let me throw away any of the cardboard and you would make something?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: Do you remember when you used to put on those plays?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_04: So really help have start to have conversations about what they used to love doing as children.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_04: And for adults, it's the same process.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_04: This is what I do with the mums I work with.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what did you used to love doing?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so it opens up the conversation to really help them see there is something.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then what you can do is start to just explore well, why don't we just get the Lego out again?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_04: Now, your audience are probably thinking, I can't get the Lego out with my 33 year old or my 22-year-old.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I worked with one family who had a 13-year-old, and she was exactly the same.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_04: It's just like it's been in the attic for years, there's no way, you know.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, Well, just get it down and you start playing with it.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because a child or a young adult or an adult who has that engineering switch, which Lego kind of suggests, if you know, passion for Lego suggests they might, they will come and join you.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it might be that you have to sit there playing with it for a day or two days.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the point is we don't give up.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_04: But what we want to find out is like, what is it that would really light them up?
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_04: What do they love to do and um and start there?
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, whatever our age, it's never, never too late.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't because I guess I come from and I imagine you do, there is nothing wrong with our children.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_04: We don't need to test them, right, to see what's wrong.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Their brains are wired how they are wired.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_04: They their hearts have something on them that they want to express, and it's our role as educators and I believe as parents to help this next generation use their human technology as as best they can in a way that really does fill fill them, you know, with love for themselves and for the joy of of learning.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, just simple practical things, Lego writing, have fun, I guess, bring back that connection, which again I I know is difficult when we become disconnected.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: Especially because it's for it's been years.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know a lot of young adults, it's been so many years since they've been in touch with that that little inner child that used to play.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you're that's why we're saying to the parent, help them to remember the things they loved, they used to love to do.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because the the playing back then is what they're is where they're gonna be, who they should be in that that living in that moment of almost work feels like play.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, but but again, a lot of young adults, because it's been so many years, will say things like, I don't know what I like to do.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I I know we just said we should have the parents help them, but there must be strategies for young adults or adults, whatever, at any age, you know, let's talk from like 20 to 30 something to help them remember the things that they love to do.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like what what are the suggestions?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know that parents want to, they just don't know even what to say.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you're and again, I don't want anybody listening to start laughing at the fact that we just mentioned Lego, but because I don't know.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, I'm giving I'm gonna give an example for myself.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, I just want to preface this by saying that I told my children from a very young age, I think I mentioned this to you in our conversation, I don't care about their marks at school because I wanted that to never be the reason that they felt good or bad about doing something or learning something, that I wanted them to just love learning.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all that mattered because I knew that they were gonna have to do years and years of education, even if it's something that they love to do.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: So don't so don't worry about the marks.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what the teacher says, behave yourself in the classroom, don't be disrespectful, but don't worry about that mark.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: Love learning.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I also, and we're gonna get into the modeling part of parenting, I've always been a student of life.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I didn't even realize it, I just I would get bored.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so I always wanted to learn more and more and more as a as an adult.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I now I think about how how much of an influence that had on my children.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Even I'm 61 years old, Julia, and like six months ago, I decided I want to learn how to bake sourdough bread.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Key word, I want to learn how.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no, like you said, there is no, I'm not being graded.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: No one's no one's watching me.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: This was my own heart-centered that I felt I want to.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: I do love baking.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've let it go because it's been who has time for that.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: But there was something about it.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: It hit my, it checked off boxes for me in terms of nutrition, and it also was a great distraction for me for the work that I do.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to learn.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: I went, okay, I turned my mind on to it.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: How am I gonna learn this?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: I went to the videos and and then the results, and then that was the skill, again, applying hard set, mindset, skill.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I learned how to do every single step of this, and then the result was the bread.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: I got to see the labor of my, you know, learning in the bread.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: And all this time, my kids are watching me, and they're older kids now, right?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: 20s, 30s, they're watching me.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so bring it back to the children, our adult children.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: We need we need to help parents figure out how to remind them of who they are, and that is just so challenging because parents will be like, Well, that's so easy.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I just do that already?
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're st because we're stuck.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're stuck in the traditional roles, right?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Those ridiculous, socially acceptable roles of be a doctor, be a lawyer, be this, that go into business.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the hobbies that we have to focus on.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_04: The passions.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: So help me help the parent figure out more about excavating those passions that they let go of so many years ago that aren't Lego.
• 36:05
  unknown: Yeah.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_04: Well, exactly like you're saying, baking.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, what I would say is if the the young adult or even the parent says, I don't know what I love to do, right?
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was there, right?
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_04: So I was there.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um like when I when my daughter was three and I'd had an and my son, so a newborn and a three-year-old.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I remember my partner saying, Look, I'll have I'll take the kids because he could see I was tired and you know, all of this.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_04: And he said, just go and do something you love.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I would just remember sitting there and going, I don't even know what I would do.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a good thing.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is a perfect segue to talk about instead of like trying to get parents to figure out what their children love to do, let's talk about the importance of parents.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because that exactly maybe make it more about them right now.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know you talk about how important it is for the parents to go back to themselves as loving to learn.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: So let's let's carry.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I I interrupted you, but I love that this is the way to go.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, definitely.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_04: And that's what I would say.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_04: It's like if your child or young adult doesn't know, chances are you don't know, right?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_04: Because otherwise you'd be doing what you were doing, which is like, I'm gonna learn how to bake bread.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_04: Right, right.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_04: And so your children see that.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, wow, mum's taking on something new.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_04: And so that's exactly it.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_04: It's about moving from that, I've got to sort out my child, my young adult, I've got to help them.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_04: No, actually, you're gonna do this and co-create together.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_04: You're both gonna come back to be learners because this is as much, if not more, actually, about the parent relearning and unlearning what learning is.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_04: And when you bring this passionate learning forefront, lights on learning, really center stage, you you go on a different adventure together.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so that's what I would say is like come down from shining the spotlight on your child and go, I don't know either.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_04: Are you up for finding out with me?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_04: Because I also feel like this.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_04: I put my passions on hold a long time ago.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know anymore what I would love to do, but I want to find out and discover.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_04: And will you come along with me?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_04: So that's the building the connection.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_04: But what happens time and time and time again, and it's so beautiful to see, is that when the parent starts reconnecting with their heart set, right?
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_04: Then now they're doing what you were talking about earlier, modeling.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_04: They are now becoming lights on, they are now tuning into the thing that brings them joy and their love and you know, abundance, and that feeling of like, yay, you know, my sourdough has risen.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_04: It tastes beautiful.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, this one is so much better.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so true.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: So true.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_04: Or like sewing.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_04: There was one mother I worked with who, after 25 years of having put her cross stitch that she started up in the attic, she went and got it and started doing that again.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_04: So now her children were seeing, and they were young adults as well, they were now seeing her light up, her devoting some time to doing something that she loved.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and you know, so so that is exactly it.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, right, let's shine the spotlight on ourselves.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: Do we know what lights us up?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and if not, then that's where we start that's fantastic.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_04: And role model, we become that inspiring leader of ourselves to tune into love, joy, and gratitude and abundance and adventure, the spirit of adventure, becoming curious again and actually rediscovering without the need for all the grades, the pure joy of being in the learning process.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_04: And then your children, your young adults, they see something's shifted in mum or dad, yes or grandparent.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, something's different about them.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_04: Actually, it's quite nice when I come out of my bedroom and go and sit down in the kitchen and have a conversation.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_04: They seem different, they seem more lit up.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and this is where we bring in that the effect, the brain-to-brain synchrony.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_04: You are doing something you love, it feels good for you, it feels good for your young adult.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, then the connection can start up again.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: 100% be the whole energy in the house changes, right?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because right now we've got parents that are just literally, as we say, walking on eggshells, because the young adult is their energy is driving the energy of the house.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: And these parents are just coming home from work and they're just feeling so bad and so helpless and hopeless.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I love this idea that let's let's focus on the parent first.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you you do something, and that will shift that energy.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're no longer going to be in that worried, fearful state of focusing, hyper-focusing on your kid.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on yourself and watch what happens to them.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: I remember years ago, I wanted to learn tennis.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is I'm telling you, I have a million sort of things you want me to learn.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Baking, tennis.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I couldn't learn by myself.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I could learn by myself, but I needed to practice.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I asked my son, will you come practice with me?
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just throw balls at me or something, which of course, why wouldn't you want to do?
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so my son became better at tennis than me.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't even realize it.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like, of course, I love my children are being active and everything, but I didn't realize that this kid was going to actually become better at tennis and it was going to become his thing.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that he loved to do.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I love this idea.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a much easier way for parents to stop focusing on their kid, focus on themselves, and start to figure it out.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that and that beautiful energy will spread.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um Yeah, and also I think just quickly, one important thing there is also it it role models that I matter, you as a parent matter, right?
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's when we become lights off, we begin to think that well, we don't matter.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_04: And actually, even by role modeling the fact that it's self-love, isn't it?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_04: Actually, I'm gonna devote some of my time to doing something I love.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and that is a cultural shift actually within a home.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and also what it enables the parent to do or to stop doing is to stop having the narrative that if only they could sort themselves out and get out of my house and have their independent lives, I could get on with my life.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_04: No, yeah, we're gonna get on with our lives regardless of how old our children are.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and that is then really taking ownership, loving ourselves, valuing ourselves.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and once again, it looks good, feels good for us, and it looks really good to be around someone who is in that space of being lights on in their radiance and creating.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you mentioned something earlier, and I want to go back to that.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: How does your approach support neurodivergent learners, especially who didn't thrive in the traditional school settings?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_04: So I have the same approach, whether they're neurotypical or neurodivergent.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and what what I found was with neurodiverse children for whom the education system doesn't quite work, they got this immediately.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_04: So they were just like, oh goodness, you're saying that I could do something I love and that I'm good at, bring it on.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_04: And they kind of knew, right?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_04: They knew and they were much faster to become lights on learners because they were already failing a lot in school.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_04: So they didn't have that fragility that the neurotypical children did that could jump the hurdles and sometimes really high, but they were scared to step out of the box.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: So they were so contained within the parameters of getting it right that they struggled more, strangely enough.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_04: But the same approach.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, well, what do you love doing?
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_04: Let's find that first.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_04: Let's switch on your lights.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_04: Let's activate your learning potential.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_04: Then let's look at where your mindset is.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_04: And this is what I call being wired for learning.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_04: And some um, and often the neurodiverse learners are more courageous and bold, right?
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_04: And also because they think differently, they can think very conceptually, outside of the box, lateral thinking, maybe it's a visual sort of you know, 3D kind of thinking.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but we can begin to see, well, where's their edge?
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_04: Because for me, again, learning is what we can't what we can't yet do.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_04: It's not doing repeatedly what we can do.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_04: So, where's their edge of their mindset?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_04: How close is it to them?
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_04: So we can start working on that.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then of course, we see the tangible evidence of the growth of the skill set.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_04: So whether you've got dyslexia, ADHD, autism, or you know, a neurotypical brain, for lights on learning, we don't really make a distinction.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, good, good.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: And the reason also is because it can also become an off-the-hook excuse.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_04: And for me, we always want the learner to take full ownership.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so you've got dyslexia, right?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_04: What's that enable you to do, first off, that maybe other people won't think about?
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_04: Where does it feel like a power and where does it feel like an obstacle?
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_04: You understand your brain, you know how it works, because that's what you've got to work with.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so yes, it works phenomenally well across the board.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_04: The key is the child, young adult, or even the adult really has to be to acknowledge and be given the choice to say they are ready.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_04: And in my experience, very few people, whatever their age, want to hang out being lights off, especially if they're in darkness longer than they need to.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's just sometimes no one ever asks.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: How can a parent tell if it's if the reason why they're a young adult is lights off, if it's stress, boredom, or something deeper?
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_04: Um, by having the conversation.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_04: So so lights off is all of those, right?
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_04: What we want to look at is in a normal, healthy kind of learning dynamic and learning range, we fluctuate.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_04: And we can fluctuate daily, right?
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_04: So we can be in radiance and then we might get a phone call or someone might say something and we become lights off.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_04: Our limiting beliefs, our lights off thinking has been triggered.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_04: We want to look at um how do they have something where they light up, right?
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_04: So, for example, when friends come around, do they get animated?
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_04: And do they have those moments where you do see, even if they're tiny micro moments, are you seeing them lit up?
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_04: Can you see the shift in them?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the light behind their eyes comes on, they feel different to be around.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_04: Do they have those moments?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then also look at how long it has been, because you know, if they have been lights off for a long time, it will be affecting their mental well-being.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_04: So if we just see this as learning and mental well-being, you know, you can't separate the two.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but what we can do when we start to in bring this language in and really get ourselves to define it for ourselves, you know, everyone to define it for themselves, we can now start seeing, are we talking despair and apathy, you know, which would be darkness, and there's no point, and how dark do their thinking does their thinking get?
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_04: Or are we talking about like sort of more frustration and you know, not really sure, you know, um what what I guess what grade of lights off they are in?
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but are they open to those conversations and do you see any moments when they spark up, when they light up?
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: I love how you say that lights off moments can hold hidden potential for growth.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: That feels so powerful.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like saying to some to parents, don't be discouraged.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's an opportunity there.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, what does that mean for parents of adult children are stuck?
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: What can they do with that information, as powerful as it is?
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: What can they do with that?
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing that there is so much potential, but they're stuck.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_04: So lights off, this is where it's exciting.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_04: So I talk about lights off um being really where the hidden potential is revealed because it's where our limiting thinking is holding us back.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_04: So for Ollie, you know, who I talked about earlier, his um lights off thinking was I'm stupid, right?
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_04: He didn't believe his brain worked, so he never handed in his homework because he didn't want to get the affirmation back that he was stupid, right?
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_04: So that was keeping him stuck.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_04: But his hidden potential, once we got to that thought, absolutely was um revealed because it's just like, well, actually, Ollie, look over here, look at how brilliant you can be.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_04: So if we think about our negative thinking, our lights off thinking as the gatekeepers of our potential, we're not gonna feel safe to express ourselves when we are in that lights off place.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_04: However, when we learn to have increased awareness of what we're thinking and feeling, now we can know, like, oh, I've hit some resistance, you know, this doesn't feel good anymore.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_04: I kind of want to quit or I'm gonna procrastinate, we can begin to see, you know, what's the thinking that we can change?
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_04: Where is our thinking holding us back?
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then I talk about lights on potential being where exponential potential is unlocked.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_04: So this is where we sort of think like um, you know, we've got our potential, but when we go into radiance, into that pure grounded calm energy, we open up to seeing things in a whole new way.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_04: So things that didn't seem possible before suddenly we get clarity around.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I guess it's those that serendipity, those aha moments, you know, really opening up something, something different.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_04: So when we don't have awareness of our lights off thinking and how that makes us feel and how it makes us show up, I'm stupid, it doesn't feel good, I feel anxious about going to school, I hide and stay invisible, our potential is never going to be expressed.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't mean it's not there, it's just hidden.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_04: When we can shift into going, well, actually, I'm a really good at photography, and actually that feels quite powerful.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_04: And maybe I could own that I want to be able to draw in my lessons rather than write.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_04: Right now we're into the exponential potential, and that's what's exciting about it because I believe everyone has something that they were that they got the power to be great at.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_04: But first we've got to just discover well, what is it they're naturally good at?
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_04: Um, which is why this approach is so beautiful, because it's just like it is unlike unlocking the key to you know, seeing your children and your young adults and yourself shine.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, can we talk about resilience for a second amongst young adults and what role does emotional resilience play in a young adult staying engaged and not slipping back into that lights off place?
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_04: So, this is for me is really around the sort of the mindset work, right?
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, which is why if we can find the heart set, they are gonna be more courageous.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: So I'd like to sort of think obviously, as you know, the courage comes from the like we're passionate about something, we we're curious about something, we want to discover something.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_04: We are then gonna naturally want to follow through even when we're faced with obstacles.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so that's really for me how I work with resilience.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's we do some, we can do some challenges that are specifically for mindset, but we can also really work towards projects and end results.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so like you're like let's just take the sourdough or the tennis, for example, I want to be able to have a rally or where we hit it 15 times, we can set that as a sort of a tangible outcome that we want to have and be aware that when we get to 12 or 13 or even 14 and then we drop the ball, ah, it's frustrating.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but it doesn't mean we have to quit.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_04: So we want to build up to kind of really going, well, how does that desire to quit, that feeling of like feeling rubbish feel within our bodies?
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_04: And how can we move forward?
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: Just inch it forward little by little to realize that oh, that feeling that I'm feeling there, which is maybe sick in the stomach suddenly, or like shortness of breath, or you know, tightness of chest?
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, that's actually just meaning that um in this moment I'm feeling and thinking something that makes me want to give up.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_04: So I don't I like to think of resilience as being powered by our heart set rather than pushing on through with our with our mindset.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: Can parents help a young adult build that resilience?
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, 100%.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_04: And again, you know, what parents can do is go back to modeling it themselves.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_04: So when I work with parents, which I work now directly with parents rather than children or young adults, I start by going, what's the culture of uh failure or success within your home?
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_04: So again, we can look and go, right, how well do I like making mistakes or do I avoid them at all costs?
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it was I the sort of the perfectionist and the high performer, so I can't understand why my child isn't motivated, you know, but actually I'm actually quite scared of failing.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_04: So the honesty, I think with Lights on Learning, it's all about being honest with ourselves.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and in my experience, the fear of failure within the parents of disengaged children or young adults, especially when it's gone on for a long time, that is what's being triggered.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_04: Even from the point of view they don't even want to knock on the door and go in because they're gonna face the rejection.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_04: So it's about again coming as the parent, really role modeling and understanding this is what it feels like to fear failure.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_04: This is what it feels like to make get things wrong.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_04: And this is what it feels like when I move on through that.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_04: And so them understanding resilience rather than trying to build it in their children first.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_04: Because the what happened with the with the growth mindset um stuff, and I know Carol Dweck talked about this herself, is you know, teachers used to think, oh, we'll put the posters on the wall, and parents would put them on the fridge.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_04: And go, I can grow my mind, I'm comfortable making mistakes.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_04: But they saw through it, the children saw through it because they saw the teachers weren't comfortable of doing anything or taking any risks, and they saw the parents were uncomfortable in not taking any risks, or you know, so again, it's it's it's lead by example, lead through your energetic tone of courage, but also really vocalizing.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, oh, I made the biggest mistake today, and I felt stupid and it didn't feel good, but I learned from that.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_04: I can see now why and where I went wrong.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_04: So it's again, it comes back to us.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_04: Do we truly understand and are we truly resilient?
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: Got it.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um my son once said to me, Mom, you're probably the most courageous woman I know, or courageous person I know.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_04: Because you saw me fail so much.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, you break down in tears and get back up and keep going.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I read this, I I read an article written by Kate, Dr.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: Kate Lund, um, from an interview that she did with you, and I loved it so much that I want to share it with our listeners.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I put some of the first of all, the the article will be in the show notes because I'm gonna bring up a couple of things, but I do want to quote some of these beautiful things that were written.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: You said lights on learning is designed around one equitable fact.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: We all have the inbuilt ability to shine.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: Once we learn to switch on our inner power, we can dial it up to whatever intensity we choose.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, in the article, Dr.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_00: Lund writes about a few of your strategies, and we won't go into all of them, but there were a couple that really spoke to me.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'd like to allow I'd like you to elaborate on them if that's okay.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_00: Parents should view disengagement, which is a big one, as an opportunity rather than a problem.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_04: This is the big paradigm shift.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_04: This is the game changer for any parent with someone who is lights off and disengaged.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_04: Instead of going in there thinking, how am I going to solve this problem?
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_04: There is a problem, we see it as the growth opportunity because it is this moment of disengagement, this moment when our lights switch off, where we have the ability to say, see which part of us hurts right now.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_04: What is the thinking?
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_04: How does that make us feel?
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_04: And when we see the thinking and and the emotions that come with being disengaged or lights off, their behavior and their actions now make sense.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_04: A child who is switched off because they feel stupid, of course, they're going to withdraw, right?
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_04: So it makes sense.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_04: So we can what what disengagement gives us is that signal that um upstream of the behavior of the withdrawal or the anxiety or the anger or whatever that behavior is presenting is um some lights off thinking, which is making that child, that young adult, or even an adult, fearful and scared.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_04: So that's why it's such an important reframe that, like, okay, brilliant.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_04: We've got some disengagement going on.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_04: We can use this to move forward.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: And another one is don't look for what is wrong because chances are there isn't any problem at all.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: Look for what your child is naturally good at, as we've been talking about, so that over time they can become great at it.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I love this article so much, because there's so many nuggets of beautiful uh inspirational thoughts that I want parents to just kind of get get excited again.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like look at your child again, like like fresh, like when you did when they first came into the world, and you thought, what am I gonna, what's gonna happen with this kid?
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_00: Where where are we gonna go with them?
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think you have to look at your young adult with the same kind of lens, you know.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um and and I think on that one, you're just looking for micro moments, yeah.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_04: And maybe look at the things that you've been dismissing.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe it is baking a cake, yeah.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_04: But what happens is parents go, well, they like baking or they love climbing trees, but they're dismissing that, thinking, but how's that going to translate into academic success or success in the real world?
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_04: So it's going back, look for a micro moment where they shine, yeah.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_04: And then tune into how that makes you feel.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_04: Because even as I say that, and I think of any parent looking at their kid and and seeing the beauty of their child shine, you know, even if it's just for a moment, that fills my heart and and it really starts to feel warm.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's about the parent exactly that, just really getting warm again about you know, that their child it's in there, it's in there, whatever their age.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know of a young girl, young girl, she's mid late 20s, and again, not not sure what to do, but it's so evident to me she loves animals, yeah, right?
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_00: She loves taking animals for dog walking and things like that.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_00: And and like that's it.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you love, if you're so passionate about animals and you have such a big heart for animals, you need to focus on that.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what lights you up.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: Figure out what you can do, go, you know, learn how to to groom dogs, just be an assistant.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: But like for me, it's so easy, but I'm not the parent.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so that there's that, like, I I'm working with the parent, but and the parent feels like there's just they can't reach her.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_00: But it's so evident to me what what she needs to do and where she should focus.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it's hard sometimes for parents to make that they're they've lost their connection to their young adult.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so even having those conversations is a challenge.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I think also that they we can we can think this is a big problem and how am I going to solve it?
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_04: Because maybe even the professionals aren't.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I guess what I hope parents will get from this conversation is um there isn't a problem.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_04: This is your gorgeous child, young adult, you know.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_04: And yes, it has felt hard and your lights have switched off, but actually, yeah, really that look to the thing and and don't see it as this enormous mountain to climb.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's just you said it earlier, we'll meet you where you are, and we just take one step at a time.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_04: And from there, you know, you can lead them back to really being who they were born to be.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my final quote from the article that really spoke to me.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_00: When children learn what they love and love what they learn, they become self-motivated creatures, rather sorry, creators, guided by a strong sense of passion and purpose.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's the goal.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is the goal.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: So for parents who are listening today and want to help their adult child become confident, motivated, independent learners, where what's the first step that you recommend?
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_00: We've already gone to that place where, like, well, take care of yourself, but really it's let's let's do this together.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start something that I love, and you start something that you love, and let's learn this, even if it's two separate things, let's learn this together.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_00: Would that be a good suggestion?
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, definitely.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I think before maybe you do that, maybe let's have that as the second step.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_04: Let's let's have the first step as like um sit down and kind of get really clear on what you're making it mean about you.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_04: What you're making their disengagement or their you know, lights offness mean about you.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_04: Because chances are somewhere along the line, your lights off thinking is saying, Um, I'm getting it wrong.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_04: I feel a failure, I feel I'm letting them down.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_04: But that simple awareness of seeing that thinking, right, means it will shifts you into compassion for yourself, but now also now I've seen it, I'm committed to doing something about it.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_04: And then we can step into that, right?
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_04: And I am going to learn to switch my lights on alongside you.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_04: I see that this is no longer, and I'm really sometimes even just apologizing.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry if it has felt, you know, that I've seen this as a problem.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_04: So really taking ownership of are their lights on themselves, what they're making their child's um disengagement mean, or the young adult's disengagement mean, and then, like you say, absolutely getting alongside them to become a learner again and reclaim their own radiance and brilliance.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's so true that children are sensing the disappointment that parents, like I'm saying, children, young adults, they're sensing that disappointment, you know, that they're not living up to the standards or expectations of what they think their parents wants for them.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_00: And really, parents just want their children to be happy and thriving.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's definitely that disconnect.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and that's what the children and young adults want.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_04: They just want their parents to be happy and thriving.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_04: So, this is what's beautiful about it.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, right, as a whole family, we are going to go on a journey to flourish.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_04: And that then becomes an adventure that doesn't need to be daunting.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_04: It can be little invitations along the way to discover.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_04: Shall we bake a cake together?
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, why not?
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_04: Connection, you know.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that didn't work, it didn't rise, or it, you know, it didn't, you know, or that was amazing.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_04: Shall we go for a walk?
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you remember we used to love climbing trees.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_04: What about you climbing that tree?
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_04: So lightening up, softening, and and yeah, and seeing that this is a whole family transformation.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_04: That your young adult, you know, is this incredible human being that's lost their way, that feels scared, lonely, um, and probably quite sad, and recognizing that you might also feel that too.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_04: And then the invitation is not to fix a problem, the invitation is do we want to reconnect with things that really light us up?
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, then let's do it.
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_00: Julia, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:05:37
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I looked forward to this conversation, and I really hope that parents walk away with a deeper understanding of how important it is to have their children feel that spark that you talked about that comes from learning something that lights them up.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_00: Really, it's just, I think it's the key.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: I really think it's the missing link that helps young adults become motivated again.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can people often parents often ask, how can I get them to be motivated?
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is how, this is the trick.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I really do appreciate the work that you've done.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_00: I I hope parents read your book, Lights on Learning.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna leave the link in the show notes.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, truly, thank you so much for everything you've done.
• 1:06:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's so refreshing.
• 1:06:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I loved it.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be in touch, I hope.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, of course.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for having me.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Julia.
• 1:06:31
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's episode gave you valuable insights and actionable steps that will help you guide your young adult to launch successfully into adulthood.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you found this topic helpful, feel free to leave a comment and hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving a five-star review helps us reach more parents who are dealing with the same issues.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's something you want to ask me, I invite you to join Launch Advice, my weekly publication where I answer one question from parents just like you.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's free advice that will appear in your inbox probably when you need it the most.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just click Launch Advice in the show notes and don't forget to email me your confidential question.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, no one ever said parenting is easy, especially when you're raising an adult.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to you soon.