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How To Build a Life-Changing Friend Group - EP013 · Freedom Flip

• 0:00
  You'd never throw someone out. You're too scared. Pablo, you're soft. I am too scared of wasting resources. Wow. There's a flip. You're not scared of them throwing them out because they didn't provide you scared of wasting your time, energy and everyone else's time. Yeah, no, it's not only mine. It's everyone. We enter here with a handshake. Okay, guys, this is what we are doing. One presentation per person with the most amazing thing ever. That's how you provide value to the group.
• 0:24
  In addition to the conversations that you have during breaks, but that's it. That's the only currency. You need to bring value to the group. If you don't bring value to the group, you're out. If this is easy, then you are not in the right path. If you are with this group of, let's call it friends, or your trusted circle, if you don't feel challenged, then it's not the right place. Maybe it was in the past, but it's not right now. It has to be difficult.
• 0:49
  There has to be a part inside of you that is resisting it, that doesn't want to do it. That's where growth happens. I think friendship breakups should be more of a thing. Sitting down with a longtime friend and saying, we've had a great time. We've had a great decade. I don't think your life is heading the direction mine is. I don't think I'm going to be a good friend to you and vice versa. I want to support you and I don't want this to end in some odd silent quitting where I'm just not answering texts or calls as much. I take the loser way out to not look you in the eye and say, I really have loved what we've had.
• 1:17
  I don't think the next 10 years will be the same as the last. Peter, you have the magic secret sauce to throw the best events ever. How the heck you do that? I do think I've learned from the best and worst and have some hacks to throw a great event. I also have seen you put together some epic ones. So let's unlock the key to the best event you could ever throw.
• 1:39
  All right. So what is the best event that comes to mind that you put together? It's a good question. It's funny. I put together an event for a pre-wedding get together. I have to give a lot of credit to my wife. That was a banger. And then my dance parties in high school, my first real hustle. Awesome events. Thousands of high school kids coming. Those are the others.
• 1:57
  So question on that. Give me the top one to three things that those events have. Maybe just focus on one event so it's very actionable and tangible. Let's think about first adult events when I wasn't in high school because it's more relatable to a lot of the people that may or may not watch. So three action items. One is you have to force people to connect with others because that's uncomfortable. We feel like we're going to die. The fear part of our brain going.
• 2:22
  You can't do that, Peter. Don't go talk to him. Don't go meet her. So how do you forcibly do that? One is you don't sit people next to their significant other at tables. You force them to go meet others and be outside of their comfort zone. Their comfort zone is not where they grow or they have a great, great event. The great event is when they magically meet their new best friend.
• 2:41
  So I'll just mention this event that I put before a wedding for a sister-in-law and I'm about to do another one. One is I stood at the front of the door for the first half of the event and welcomed every single person that walked in. Introduced myself so they knew at least one person. You know, it's funny, I don't even drink alcohol, but I had my bike, a European-style bucket bike with ice and beers and wines that I offered to them as soon as they walked up.
• 3:04
  So then they walked in with alcohol, which is great social lubricant for those that aren't comfortable or are introverted, don't want to be around people. Two, they knew someone. And three, I tried to see what their interests were, what they wanted to learn, who they wanted to meet. And I would give them a name to go find. And I'd basically say, this is a person. And I didn't do this with every single person, right? It's something I would try to do. Here's someone you should go meet at the party.
• 3:26
  I think you'd really get along with Tim or Sarah for X and Y reason. Go find them. And then I'd give them this goal, right? So I give them a friend that they know, me, so they know at least, and some people showed up by themselves, right? So, okay, they at least know the one person they already knew and me. That's twice. They have 100% increase of who they know. Second...
• 3:44
  They have some alcohol, which is, you know, their secret sauce on feeling comfortable potentially. And third, they have a task to do. And we in school were given tasks to do. So we like our tasks. Once I left to go in the event, because I felt like almost everyone had shown up, I would check with people. Hey, did you meet Tim yet? Oh, let me introduce you. Hey, Tim, here's Bill. You guys should chat about X. And that forces this overlap of connectivity that when someone walks away from an event with a really good friend, they're like, that was awesome event.
• 4:12
  I talked to that dude for three hours. It was great. And this is not something we do naturally. And I think as a host or as someone putting together a group, it falls on our shoulders. I love this. And you and I, we have different, how do you call this, personality types, Meyer bricks and whatnot, which I never cared of doing the whole thing because it's just too long for me. But thank God we have AI. So I kind of like work through AI. What am I? And also you are very good at understanding AI.
• 4:40
  what most likely each person is. When I hear what you're saying about like, oh, I just stood there and I just welcome everyone. You are an extrovert. I am an introvert, which basically in my definition, tell me if I'm wrong, is you feed your energy. You get energized by being around a lot of people, big groups of people. I get drained. I get very energized by being around a small group of people.
• 5:04
  So me being in the door and having to speak with 100 people, it just, I wouldn't say that it freaks me out because I can do anything that I put my mind to. But I know that it's going to be draining for me. And I love that. Now think, how could you work around that? Well, I hire you. Exactly. And then you go.
• 5:24
  I'm being serious, right? Or let's say it's an event you're hosting. You're like, Peter, I have a job for you. Go stand at the door. You're my front guy. And I'm like, oh yeah, I'd be happy to do that. If someone comes to me and says, Pablo, go in the front door and just welcome everyone, I would be like, I don't want that job. No, I quit. I quit before you hire me.
• 5:46
  I think this is what's so cool about the personality test, which we'll get into later on. It's realizing that we all have glasses of how we see the world and we get stuck only in our glasses. And if we can learn these tests and these types of, there's a million different personality tests. Then it opens the door in our mind to realize, wait a minute.
• 6:04
  People are different and they see the world different. And I see this as an optimization point, right? A night where I meet 15 people might be a killer night for me. You might say that was the worst night of my life. Neither of us are wrong. No one's wrong here. We just had to live a preference. And that's really what Myers-Briggs and a number of them show is a preference.
• 6:22
  So I do have a preference for people. And I do want to be clear. I was a little uncomfortable because a lot of these people were going to be 60, 70 older people, some of them really intimidating. And I just had to get over that. And once I got into it, it was giving me energy. So I still had some fear of just discomfort, not related to meeting people, but just who they were. So I don't think anyone's just like, oh, yeah, I'm ready. But if you know Myers-Briggs, you could be like, Peter, you're an ENFP. You like meeting people.
• 6:49
  would you be open to standing at the front door? And I'd be like, oh, that sounds fun. I'll do it for 30 minutes. Yeah, we're good. And then it's just checked. And this ties to you being a business operator, right? Whether you're throwing a party, starting a startup, or growing a business, it's the same skill. It's the same task. And this, for me, all started with a cousin who is on the autistic spectrum and really good at knowing this. And it was like a magic scoreboard that they use to understand how people tick. And that got me interested.
• 7:16
  So let's go back to your strategy when you were sitting at the door welcoming people. You said that you introduced yourself as a friend. Great, now they know someone. You give them some alcoholic beverage so they are more relaxed if that's what they are into. And then you said...
• 7:32
  that you figure out what they need and then you give them a task. Like you need to meet him. He's awesome because he will help you with XYZ. The question that I have is, how do you get to find that piece of information so then you can refer to the other person that you already know? Because when you do it with one person, I have an idea of how to do it. Scaling it to 100 people when people are queuing and waiting to get in. How do you deal with that?
• 7:56
  It's a good question. I wouldn't say there's a 100% way. I also think because you're more introverted, you're not doing this as often day to day. For a lot of extroverts like me, they're already doing this in every interaction. So I usually start with, where are you guys coming from? Oh, I'm coming from Nashville, Austin, New York, California, Indiana, Chicago, whatever. Oh, great. Did you come with X, Y, and Z? No. Do you know them?
• 8:20
  No? Sorry, what is X, Y, and Z? Oh, you're talking about a person? Yeah, a person X, Y, and Z. Got it. They're here as well. Maybe they're from a different part. You didn't know them through this event. You already have a geographic connection. I think they're somebody you could connect with. Okay, geographic. Oh, no, no one else is from Idaho or Nebraska. Okay, cool. What do you do there? I do X, Y, and Z. I work at this kind of company.
• 8:41
  Oh, cool. There's Tim, who's also in this industry. He's here as well. And I think one key thing is it's a host or someone who knows a lot of the people there is essential on this. Because without that, you're missing the key ingredient of adding value. And an example that I have, my favorite tip on when you're going to an event or hosting, but I'll give the example as going...
• 9:03
  I went to a wedding. I didn't really know anyone. I wasn't particular. I didn't know whether I was excited to go or not. I was the plus one. When I showed up, I did know the groom. It was a wedding. And I walked up and I said, who's the person I should meet at the wedding that I get along with most? And the groom goes, meet this guy. And I was like, point him out. And he pointed him out. And I went zip straight to him. And we had a three-hour discussion.
• 9:25
  I did two FaceTime calls with him over the next six months. He invited me to his wedding. I never met him in person after. He invited me to his wedding. Those are the deep connections that make an event amazing. I love it. What would you say are the most powerful learnings you've had from throwing some amazing events? I mean, I've talked to a bunch of friends who have been to your events and said how amazing they are.
• 9:45
  Well, the first event that comes to my mind is not an event, but it was a trip, which is the trip that I took with my best friends from Argentina. And we went to London to watch a game. So Argentina was playing Italy. I think it was 2022 or 2023.
• 10:00
  And it was an incredible event. And one of the things that for me is always very important is we all stay in the same house. Because what I notice is that as soon as we are in a hotel room and each person has their hotel room, there is some separation. There is no common place where we meet. This is why when I go to an event that I don't organize, usually what I try to do is,
• 10:23
  is get a room that has a living room. And that tends to be the place where people can come and hang out. Because if not, you need to go to the lobby of the hotel, which there is a lot of other people. And maybe as an introvert, that's not the place that I want to be surrounded by a hundred people. I prefer to be in a room with seven people, 10 people.
• 10:42
  Now, the thing that I have done in that trip that to me was a total game changer is that I had a rule, which is during every time that we are eating lunch, dinner, we put all our cell phones on the table and each cell phone piled up on top of each other. And the rule is very simple, which is whoever touches the phone pays the bill.
• 11:05
  And if nobody touches the phone, what I proposed there in that trip is I pay the bill. So the incentives were pretty high to not to touch the phone, which unlocks something extremely unique that unfortunately we are not very used to nowadays, which is having a massive uninterrupted conversation where you get to places where usually you don't get because as soon as there is a little bit of a silence or we get distracted, we turn out
• 11:35
  check the phone. We check the phone. Like if we are that important, right? We check to see what's going on. So dumb. But it's part of the addiction that we are very to. Wait, let me clarify on the phone and the meal. How many years have you been doing the phone, I'll pay for the meal? Yeah.
• 11:51
  It's not something I've done it multiple times. It's not something that, okay, this is my rule, which you're giving me a good idea and I should implement this as a rule. It sounds amazing. I just want to be clear. I love it. It is amazing. You tried it. It's a game changer because you've been in some of the dinners. And it's awesome, right? The conversations just go to a different level. And then second piece, poor Peter gets hit, right? So I'm remembering. Sorry, one more thing here, which is,
• 12:18
  This is the only phone that is allowed because we're going to take pictures. That's it. That's great. And so for poor Peter, right, the poor kid in me is getting triggered and saying, I don't want to pay for every meal and this is scary. Can you add a fun way to flip it where at the end, if no one used their phone, you just do credit card roulette? Is that a fill-in for someone that doesn't feel financially comfortable paying for picking up a whole dinner?
• 12:44
  So if you are with a group that you all have, let's say, similar income levels or wealth levels, then that's exactly how it goes. Okay. Let's say that you're going to go to a very expensive dinner if you have to pay for seven people or 10 people, then the incentive of not touching the phone is huge.
• 13:02
  huge for everyone yeah huge so that's number one poor peter or poor pablo is very incentivized to not to touch the phone and then you can agree and say okay we are dividing the check between all of us if it's if the bill is going to still be very big or you can also say we are doing what is the name credit card roulette yeah
• 13:24
  credit card roulette and unfortunately sometimes people don't have the credit card so you have to become so we we did it one time we were together having dinner and we were a group of maybe six or seven and what we did which was very fun is the last credit card standing that's the one that pays not the first one that comes out which makes it way more very fun especially for people that are competitive
• 13:47
  I've been doing credit card roulette, and I think that's a huge hack to bring everyone together for, I don't know, 10 years now. On big dinners where everyone can handle the bill, it's such a fun way to bring everyone together. Yeah, so what happens with this strategy of how can we connect more?
• 14:05
  So that's the goal, right? I want that this is an incredible dinner where we can connect more. Okay, what strategy do I have? Okay, what about this one? How can I find incentives that people really care about? Okay, people don't want to pay for the dinner all on their own. Okay, what if we just connect this addiction of cell phones with paying the bill? Boom, done. So that's it. And by the way, by the way, by the way. And then sometimes you need to get even a little bit more creative.
• 14:31
  because let's say someone touches the phone. That means the phone is ringing. It's your son that is calling you. It's your wife. And you're like, oh, I have to take this one. Which, by the way, maybe you don't. But let's say that you say, I have to. Okay, good. No problem. If you have to, then you also have to pay for the dinner. No problem. It's your choice. We saw that at a dinner we were at together.
• 14:51
  Well, so one person, the phone rings. It was one of his kids. And he said like, oh, guys, I'm going to pay the dinner. I'm going to pay for dinner. I need to take this call. And we're like, okay, cool. But the rule remains. It's not that, okay, now finally we can just go bull with our phones. Like the goal is to stay connected with each other. Now, there is another thing that I want to add here that really helps to create these deep connections.
• 15:18
  I want to just flag his son was going to bed and he said, that's worth it for me. And it actually flipped it where we all respected him taking five minutes and we're all excited. I have to pay for dinner. So it's like he looked great. We were excited and it created this tension of excitement related to the meal. And here is what happened also, which I think is very important. At the moment of the dinner comes...
• 15:42
  And more than one people were like, hey, it was the son. Let's not make it. I feel bad about it. I'm like, yeah, I also feel bad about it. He's still going to pay. You're great at that. Because that's what we agreed. And if now all of a sudden we are making an exception for whatever reason, now the exceptions are going to happen forever. Because who's going to say that the next time the daughter of another person is calling, the wife or something, now all of a sudden you create this weird vibe. We all agreed about this. So we need to respect that.
• 16:10
  It's like when you bet something, right? Yeah. We bet something on a match. Well, you need to pay for it. You lost the bet. You need to pay for the bet. If not, what are we doing? What's the worth of our worth, of our agreement? And I would say the second thing that is very, very important to drive these connections and conversations in dinners specifically is one conversation at a time. This is a massive game changer.
• 16:34
  Do you connect that to the payment or that's never connected? Someone keeps you in their side conversation. Is it too complicated to say that, you know, you have to, you're not in a new phone call and you're not in a one-on-one conversation? Probably adds too much layers. Is that right? I heard this from, I think, a Gary Vee, that he does this thing about one conversation at a time. I did not really dig deeper to understand how he rolls it. But what I heard from him is, it's one conversation at a time.
• 17:00
  I don't understand why he does it, but he may have a reason. He says, if you are caught in another conversation, you have to leave. I don't understand what's the point of that, but maybe, I don't know, he maybe likes to go very hardcore. I prefer to be like, hey guys, let's keep having one conversation at a time.
• 17:22
  And I learned this from a friend. He's awesome at that. Where he's like, he says it in such a kind way. I love it. And that's where I took it. You know, it's a great freedom flip. So if we flip what you're saying, what if you zeroed in on the private conversation and said, okay, share with everyone. Like we're going to shift everyone's eyes to this.
• 17:41
  Yeah, the problem is that we may be having a great conversation and now all of a sudden someone that is not following the guidelines of the dinner, now all of a sudden is hijacking the conversation. So that's why I wouldn't do it. Yeah, that makes sense. Again, I'm talking about dinners that are 10 people dinner. It's not like a 50 people dinner because that might be maybe a little more challenging.
• 18:04
  I mean, even a small dinner you're putting together with friends at your house, these are great rules to play by. It doesn't have to be a 100-person or 200-person event. It can be, I'm having four couples over at our house.
• 18:16
  Massive game changer. Yeah, I'm having 10 single people over my house. I had one other event that actually ties back to us meeting. So Pablo and I met two and a half years ago. I had a really great three-hour chat the first time. He said, hey, I have a birthday party in Europe. You should come. I said, be careful because I'll actually show up. He invites me. I come from the United States. I show up. I know no one. I just him. And I had only met him once.
• 18:42
  In person, but we spoke. In person, but we spoke text and phone calls for sure. And I don't remember where I picked this up, but I'm a big fan of saying what we're thankful for. And I think if it's a birthday for someone, so in this case, it's Pablo's birthday, or if it's celebrating someone, I've done this, I don't know, 15 or 20 times. I put all the attention on that person. And the way to do that, I believe best, is to say, give me what you're most thankful about for this person. Give me your favorite memory with this person. And you go around in one conversation
• 19:12
  I've seen it have transformative effects on small groups events to bring everyone together to bond over not knowing each other and suddenly feeling that you, because think about it. One, you know this person you want to lift up on a pedestal. Hey, it's Pablo's 40th birthday. Let's really focus on him. But two, it actually is really revealing about the person who is telling the story. Right.
• 19:33
  Remember, I have to just share this one example. Our friend's wife didn't know you, had never met you in person. And, you know, you kind of would skip her, kind of like you talked about with not making somebody pay the credit card bill. You're like, oh, you've never met her, just skip. But we didn't. We said, no, you need to go. And she goes, well, I actually think about Pablo almost every day. And we all started laughing. And she said, it's when I'm getting dressed. And we're like, what is she talking about? And she had this amazing story where she goes...
• 19:59
  My husband, he's really into dressing nice. And he told me Pablo dresses like a slob. He wears sweatshirts and hoodies and, you know, doesn't care. And my husband said, Pablo, why don't you wear nicer things? And Pablo looks at him and says, because I'm enough. And so now every day, this is the wife talking. When I get dressed, I look in the mirror. It doesn't matter how I look, what I'm wearing. I say, I am enough.
• 20:20
  And she said it was, and it was the best, I think it was the best story shared about you. And it was the person who had never met you. And think about a flip, right? You're lifting up this wife who doesn't necessarily feel. And now suddenly she gave the best example of why Pablo is awesome. You're lifted up. She's lifted up. And we all feel closer.
• 20:37
  That is a beautiful thing that you have done. And I love that. Another thing that I don't do enough, and I think that it would be a great idea, is for these trips to really understand what would make this trip awesome for the other person.
• 20:56
  And I think that I've done it with you or with another person a couple of times, but this is not something that I really want to get into a growth and implement this system, which is asking the following. If this were to be an amazing, incredible, spectacular XYZ trip, date, meeting, whatever, what is it that you would have liked to have happen during this time?
• 21:26
  For this to be the best of the best of the best that you have ever experienced. The challenge with this is that usually it's like, oh, it's just spending time with you, which is very shallow answer. So that's where a little bit pushback or a little bit asking again. It's important. Okay, got it. But specifically, what? What specific part would make this the most memorable trip? Something that you will remember at least for the next 10 years of your life.
• 21:53
  Wow, that's a tall order. Do you ever ask them if they give you kind of the non-answer, I just want to be with you. Do you ever ask them, what are some things at events you've loved that you experienced or similar type of dinners, small groups, travel? No, and again, I am not an expert on asking this. I have done it a couple of times and I think that this is something that I want to start implementing. And because the first answer might be a little bit shallow or another way would be like, can you think about this?
• 22:21
  And then you let me know tomorrow because I really want that you dig deeper rather than just give me a, oh, I want to spend time with you because I definitely know that you want to spend time with me because that's why you are flying in, right? But what specifically about you, what specifically do you want to do? And let's say that you may be, you may say, well, I definitely want to spend time with you, but you know what? I would really love to nap because I have so...
• 22:46
  My kids, my life, I would really love to also take naps every day. Awesome. I would really be able to go to the gym or to play a pickleball tournament. I don't know, whatever. But what is it about them that they really want to do? That's a great question. Have you seen your events or your meetups or dinners go better? I know you said you've only done it a couple times. Yes, because what happens is now all of a sudden I understand more things.
• 23:14
  about them and about what they want. And again, I'm not an expert on this, on asking this question. I see it as a potential game changer for every single event that we do. Wow, we'll get into Myers-Briggs later, but it's a little pee activity. You're keeping it open-ended.
• 23:31
  Well, let me ask you, because here is where I struggle. It's kind of okay for me to call seven people to get this or to text seven people. But when we are talking about an event that is going to be 20 people, 50 people, how do you do this at a scale?
• 23:48
  It's a really good question. I don't have, I'm not a master here, so I'm only making mistakes and learning with you. I think just the short, quick, open-ended text that ties to something where they just drop in a note or a link to a, you know, any kind of form that's going to collect that information, because then you leave it really open-ended for them. And maybe only half the people will answer anyway. Let's say you've got 50 people coming, 20, 25 of them answer. Five or six of those are going to be golden ideas that you would have never thought of.
• 24:17
  Well, that is the part that I struggle a little bit because I want to have 100% of the answers. You know why? Do you know why? Because I am E, N, D, J, B, Q, plus. Plus X, Y, Z.
• 24:31
  It is true. That's totally true. And again, this might be a task where you're like, Peter, hey, we're doing this event together. I'm going to stress if I can't get 100% responses. Why don't you drive it? Because if we flip it, let's do a freedom flip. If you do get 100% of answers, but 50% of them didn't think about it and don't care, a lot of times I think you can get false signals. Where you have 50 people give the, I just want to spend time with everyone, right? Where it's like, okay, they just weren't thinking about it.
• 24:59
  So it actually weights me to stuff that doesn't matter versus, and maybe this is not a creative person, right? It's someone who's just not as in touch with their creative side of their brain. It's like, I don't necessarily want to force them to do something they don't want to do to give me information that's not helpful.
• 25:16
  What would be a good response rate? That's such a good question, man, because of like email marketing, right? You'll talk to these pros. Well, but let's just say that this is people that you know. This is not we are outreaching people that we have no clue. This is people, let's just think about they are part of a community. We all pay annually to be part of this community. We are creating something together. What would be a good response rate that you would aim for? I was not good at math.
• 25:45
  but I got really into AP statistics, I would just chat GPT, what's a statistically relevant number? And it'll be like, the p-value of this is your answer. Okay, but what's the answer? Come on. It's different depending on the group. So, you know, whatever it is, 10%, 15%, 20%, is something around there becomes statistically relevant as a group. I hate your answer. Okay, chat GPT, got it. Math teacher Peter comes out and Pablo runs. Yeah.
• 26:13
  Unbelievable. I started a business 11 years ago and I went to events, tons of people in the same industry. Then I went to a mastermind, which it was extremely expensive. I don't even know how I took the courage to swipe the card and pay that amount of money. Went to the mastermind. We were like 30 people. First time that I ever heard the word mastermind in my life. Is that because you didn't speak English or because you were, it's just a new, I'm just kidding.
• 26:41
  I mean, probably both. Both, yeah. Yes. I'm like, mastermind, what is that? Mastermind mind. It kind of sounds like my dad, Tony Robbins, talking. So I go there and it's just imagine like a U-shaped table, tons of entrepreneurs with their laptops, all in a similar industry. And then there's one guy that is guiding this, that put the event together. And this guy is a marketer. So this guy's like, okay, guys, now we are here. We need to share what we know. We need to share what we do with other people.
• 27:11
  everyone learns and that's how we grow. And I was like, I'm not going to share anything with this guy because this guy is not a seller. This guy doesn't have a business like we do. This guy just regurgitates what other sellers do and then packages and sells it. But in that event, I met so many cool entrepreneurs and I said, you know what? This, let's just do our own. Let's just cut the middleman. I already, we already know each other. Let's just,
• 27:36
  get a house, we go there, we spend three days together, four days together, and that's it. But I thought about the incentives. The problem with this mastermind is that the incentives were a little bit twisted because someone can show up, not share anything with anyone, extract all the value
• 27:55
  And the person that is putting the event together is happy because that person paid $10,000. The event person made a lot of revenue and profits. Beautiful for him. Terrible for the other people. So I said, here, a couple of things. Nobody's going to make any money. We're going to collect money to pay for everything. Equal share for everyone. And the wild is you flipped it. No one's going to make money on the front end. Everyone's going to make money on the back end from what they learned.
• 28:21
  So the incentives aligned. The question is, what's the currency? Meaning there has to be a currency. How do we determine what needs to get done for me to be able to be part of this group? And what we did is everyone needs to do a presentation. And that presentation shaped over time.
• 28:38
  But the presentation is about what are you doing in your business that is the most game-changing thing ever. So now all of a sudden we have an event with 23 entrepreneurs. Now with 23 presentations, this is very intense. We are back-to-back, presentation after presentation after presentation. But it's the best of the best of the best. And there is one rule, one single rule. Every single person here must provide value directly.
• 29:04
  to the group. If you don't provide value, you're out. Now, you may say value. I am too scared of wasting resources. Wow. That's what I am scared. There's a flip. You're not scared of them throwing them out because they didn't provide you scared of wasting your time, energy and everyone else's time and energy.
• 29:21
  Yeah, it's not only mine, it's everyone. Because we enter here with a handshake. Okay, guys, this is what we are doing. One presentation per person with the most amazing thing ever. That's how you provide value to the group. In addition to the, of course, conversations that you have during breaks, during lunch, during dinner.
• 29:42
  But that's it. That's the only currency. You need to bring value to the group. If you don't bring value to the group, you're out. So the first event happened and we get to the end of the event. And for me, my feeling was these two people did not really, they were just hiding, taking a lot of notes, but they did not bring value.
• 30:04
  But I said, well, I don't know. Maybe people took value from them. Maybe they really provided value from other people and not to me. So I said, okay, guys, before we wrap up, just grab your phone. And I am not the best systems person. So my execution sometimes can come across a little bit harsh. I understand that. No, no. I get that. Off with their heads. But I try to optimize for let's get it done rather than
• 30:33
  let's make it all rosy and cozy and fluffy fluffy.
• 30:38
  You flipped it. And this is powerful for me to hear in these people that might describe themselves as people pleasers probably because you're in Myers-Briggs speak, you're a T truth seeker. I'm an F. I'm feeling into how others will feel. You're saying, wait a minute, I have to find the truth in this or else we're going to waste everyone's time, which is actually very thoughtful, right? You're trying to make it the best for everyone. For me, I might or, you know, these feelers might optimize and say, man, this one person is going to feel really uncomfortable when we kick them out.
• 31:05
  And it's not to say one's right or wrong. It's just to realize in certain situations, one is less optimal than another because you're optimizing for different mountaintops to climb. Yes. And also, I would say that this was some years ago. And now I would take a slightly different approach that may turn into the same outcome. So back then, I am dealing with all this stuff. And this is my excuse, right? I'm so busy coordinating. Okay, you go next. Okay, you go next. Then we do this.
• 31:32
  Perfect. And then rather than approaching the person that I know that is being sloppy, that I know that they are not really giving, they are not providing value, I'm just approaching them and sharing with them. Hey, I see that you are a little bit quiet. Is there anything going on? Hey, I would really want that you stay. But I just want to remind you that at the end, we are going to vote. And I would hate to see your name coming up as the most voted person.
• 32:01
  Wow. Because I would really want that you stay. That would be the perfect thing or not the perfect, but the best thing that I could have said that I did not say. So here was my approach, cat-thrope approach. Like, okay, before we leave, guys, that was awesome. Amazing. Great event. Just grab your phone. Go to the WhatsApp group that I created for this event. Awesome. Find me there. I'm the admin. Awesome. Send me a personal message.
• 32:24
  Now, the question is the following. Is there anyone or more than one people, it could be, that you felt that did not provide value in this event? Yeah. So for me, that wouldn't feel uncomfortable. If someone said that, I would be like, yeah, dude, that's awesome. But I heard that that was a little bit uncomfortable for many people. Well, and I'm curious, did it work? Oh, dude, yeah, of course. Yeah, those two people that I thought, like the most voted, I would say 80% of the people voted for them.
• 32:53
  One other question. Did you tell everyone this at the front end that there would actually be a vote or was that a surprise? At the front end, I can't remember if we said a vote, but at the front end was like, guys, the only currency is value. If you don't provide value, you're going to get it out. I did not share the system because I did not really think about the system. Because to be very honest with you, I did not really think that people were going to be so stupid. Yeah.
• 33:15
  I thought, dude, you flew all the way. You are here. You're spending all the... How are you going to be so stupid to not to share the best shit you are doing? Well, guess what? It happened. And what's wild to me, knowing a handful of people at these events that you guys did, almost all of them pointed to this and said, this was a transformative thing for my business. My personal growth and business growth. Yeah.
• 33:35
  Totally. And I want to double click on this. It's very, very hard to make a lot of mistakes in business and in life if you have a close group of peers that eventually become friends because we all want to win. We all want you to win. So that way, now all of a sudden you have your personal, some people call it your personal board of directors.
• 34:02
  Your friends that you can call and say, hey, listen, I have a problem here. But this is why it's so important, the consistency of the group and that people show up with a similar goal in mind. I want to win in life. Before in this mastermind was like, I want to win. We all want to win in this specific sector, in this specific business type.
• 34:25
  So we are very aligned here. And eventually the people that were not givers, the people that did not provide value, because if you are not a giver, you are a taker. If you're a taker, you don't provide value. So what happens is those people get kicked out because they are not providing value, which, as I said, is the only currency in this mastermind, in this group. So I find that for everyone watching here, if you don't.
• 34:46
  do not have your personal board of directors, you are missing on something extremely important. Now you may say, oh my gosh, where do I join? Well, there's a lot of different groups that you can join, but also you can create your own. And I know that this doesn't work for everyone, but you can create your own. If you feel a little bit inclined on that, create your own. If you don't have a group, then this is like
• 35:10
  not going to the gym, meaning in one area of your life or in multiple areas of your life, you want to be successful. This can be in business. This can be financial. This can be parenting. This can be a relationship with your spouse, with your kids. It can be about health. It can be about finances. Whatever you really, really want to win, then you.
• 35:34
  My statement here is you must be part of a like-minded people where all of you have the same desire of winning in that area of your life. When you are part of that group, and again, if it doesn't exist, just create it and make it happen.
• 35:53
  Make sure that the incentives are aligned and make sure that I don't want to call it rules, but that there is an agreement in place. Why do I mean an agreement? Because if you don't agree to go to the gym two times a week, three times a week, you will not build muscles. Sorry, I did not create the body. That's just how it works.
• 36:12
  You need consistency. So if you want to have the most amazing trusted group of humans in this, let's call it specific area of your life that you really want to win, you need to be consistent. You need to show up. You need to meet with them. Some people prefer in person. Some people prefer virtual. Some people hybrid. But you need to meet with them. What I have found that works the best is...
• 36:35
  So in that mastermind, we were meeting in person. This is before Zoom. And we were meeting four times a year. So once a quarter, we are meeting. And it was phenomenal. It was phenomenal. So we did not do weekly, monthly meetings. Now with other groups that we have been part of,
• 36:51
  We meet on a monthly basis, which is the cadence that I have seen that works the best in this stage of my life. Because it's not, I can get enough traction on a monthly basis to show up with new things. Business, I need time to implement what we just spoke. So on a quarterly basis, work the best.
• 37:10
  I love it, man. It's funny. Before you even mentioned the workout, I had the word workout buddy written down. And I want to plug again. I'm listening to Pablo talk about this and imagining I'm Billy. I'm struggling. I'm confused. Just start with one person. This is the plug I would add to the workout buddy.
• 37:25
  Fine, and it could be an actual workout buddy, but it's really working out the biggest muscle we have, our brain. It takes like 80% of our nutrients, right? Our brain is what we need to work out. So share this podcast with someone else. If you don't have someone else you can share this with that wants to start trying these things and testing them with you, you need to go find that person to start.
• 37:44
  Number one. Pause there for one second. I think that's an important thing that we spoke of offline. This is not just to promote the podcast or whatever. Not at all. Zero. The question is, whatever you are listening, whatever you are into, let's say a book, another podcast, a video or something that you are like, holy, it's incredible. Just follow.
• 38:04
  Forward that to the people that you know that they're going to be like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. Oh my gosh, I love this. And check how many of those people you have in your contacts. And what you are saying is, if the number is very low, what would be very low? Like one? Dude, if I had two or three people as the only ones that answered, I would reconsider basically my entire social construct of friendships, people, everything. So that means that you're spending most of your time with people that...
• 38:31
  are not interested in the same things that you are interested in. And this is not just to, okay, go and fire all your friends, all your family members, your spouse, especially your spouse. Don't do that because that's a whole different conversation. By the way, we have a podcast with Anastasia. Go and check that podcast out.
• 38:48
  I think the key that I would double down on is just, it starts with one person. And you might be in a small town somewhere in the world, doesn't matter. It starts with one person. And guess what? With the digital world, they don't even have to be in your small town. It starts with that one person. And you can do a test. This podcast or some material about how you want to grow, maybe, for example, Pablo's been holding, we've been holding each other accountable, not saying like, so we're giving each other, you know.
• 39:14
  Every time we do it, right? Find your workout buddy for the brain, the biggest muscle, right? Find your workout partner on that. And if you don't have that, re-evaluate friends. I know you got good high school friends and grade school friends and your mom's friends, kids that you've known since you were born. That's great and they're not bad people, but they are going to prevent you from achieving the life that you really want.
• 39:33
  So find this workout buddy. And I think about it, my two friends in the best shape of any of my close friends. I asked them, I'm not in the best shape, right? I don't have big muscles. And I was like, hey, guys, what's the trick? Both of them said the same thing and they don't even know each other. They said, I just try and go every day. Nothing else. That's it. So it's a freedom flip, right? It's not I'm trying to hit max reps. It's not I'm trying to overdo myself for anything else. It's they just try and show up every day.
• 39:56
  into the physical gym where they work out. It's the same thing with your brain and finding somebody or some way to get into that gym to work on your mind every day. How can you be better and raise that bar? Yes, and I want to add one more thing. Let's call it friends or your trusted circle, whatever you want to call it.
• 40:13
  If it's not challenging, if you don't feel challenged, then it's not the right place. Maybe it was in the past, but it's not right now. That's beautiful. It has to be, it has to be difficult. In my opinion, there has to be a part inside of you that is resisting it, that doesn't want to do it. That's where growth happens.
• 40:33
  So we meet on a monthly basis. It's a four-hour meeting that we do with our group. And we have to show up. We have to do preparation before the meeting. And the preparation might be a couple of hours per month. Plus the meeting. Man, we are not getting together to eat ice cream.
• 40:52
  which is all enjoyable, right? At least in the moment. Or to drink a beer, which is all enjoyable in the moment. We are here to work on ourselves and to serve others, to help others. Because I want to win. That means I want... And when I say win, it's not like, oh, I just won the championship and that's it. It's like, no, no, it's a constant. I want to succeed. That's what I mean. I want to succeed. I want to improve. I want to get better.
• 41:16
  And I want the same for my friends. So that means it's not always going to be pretty. It's normal that a part of me at some point is going to be like, oh, I don't want to do this. And I think this is a great, just to tie it back with your gym friends. Many times you wake up, you wrote down that you're going to go to the gym and a part of it is like, oh, I don't want to do it.
• 41:36
  I don't want to do it. But what do you need to do? What do you have to do? What do you need to do if you want to keep improving your physique? Because let's say that you are aiming for longevity. So you want to have more muscle mass. Why do you need to show up? And I think to double down on that, because we're tribal animals...
• 41:51
  if you have that tribe of the person that's going to check in with you, not just the physical gym, but that, hey, Peter, did you have that conversation with your boss? Hey, Peter, did you fire that employee that you have that's clearly not the right fit for them? Hey, Peter, are you doing those things that we talked about? And I do the same thing for them. Man, you're going to accelerate. Yes. That accountability and accountability and that I want to be part of that tribe, even if it starts as just a tribe of me and Pablo, and then it grows. Yes. And
• 42:17
  And I think my final thoughts are connecting it, what I'm seeing these kind of brain neurotransmitters firing together is, you know, a lot of these freedom flips. So with Pablo's amazing group that I know a bunch of them, they had a great success in their business together. It was a flip. They actually shared their most secret, private, amazing hack with their trusted tribe that were working on each other's brains. And that's what allowed them to take off and grow.
• 42:41
  because it was 10 different let's i'm guessing 10 different people all finding 10 different hacks so then their business was literally 10xing because in three months you got 10 amazing breakthroughs and i think that's what creates the tribe that's what and it might just be you and start with one buddy if you send out a text to all 10 friends of a podcast a book of something to grow and none of them are interested they're just not the right friends as you said to reach this next level it's
• 43:04
  Doesn't mean they're not good people. Doesn't mean you have to be done with them forever. Maybe you will. But it definitely means you're in the wrong room. You're in the wrong tribe at that point. I think tying it together to think about back to the events. If you want to throw an amazing event, it's that point you were saying, Pablo, about a lot of times it's actually being uncomfortable.
• 43:21
  When somebody comes to an event, they're not used to being given an assignment. Hey, I want you to go talk to Sarah. Hey, I want you to go talk to Tim, right? That's kind of uncomfortable. And guess what? I'm scared as the host of the event, even if it's 10 people, like, hey, I want you to sit next to Sarah and Tim. I know you don't know them, but I think there's a deep bond over your industry, your background, where you live, whatever. Sit next to them. I've given them assignment. Well, first, I need to get over my fear.
• 43:46
  And I'm a huge fan of this fear thing, right? Number one phrase in the Bible, et cetera, is fear not, right? So fear not as the event host. Okay, I'm going to try something different.
• 43:54
  I'm going to get people sent by other people. I'm going to suggest one conversation. I'm going to suggest if we use our phone, we pay for the bill. That's uncomfortable, right? I'm getting over the fear. I'm not comfortable. And then finally, I'm taking responsibility to get over this fear and help everyone else be just a little bit uncomfortable. Because that little bit of discomfort actually creates all these emotions, these hormones, this little bit of cortisol that creates the magical moments, right? Like the magical moments aren't because, well, this feels just like the same dinner I always do with 10 people.
• 44:24
  No, it's like, oof, I'm on the edge of my seat. Like a scary movie you're watching. You're like, what the heck's going to happen? When you engage everyone and you get over your own fear to host the event, to create the cool tribe, to create a new friend. When you reach out, Pablo, to give you credit, Pablo reached out and goes, Peter, I think we should do a podcast. I'm like, heck no.
• 44:41
  no interest. Like I gave him no three, four times. He's like, I really think we should do this. And it was finally for me getting over the fear of thinking, I'd love to have something for my kids with the knowledge that I know Pablo has and that we riff on. He made me uncomfortable. And then I remember that moment and I committed to it and it pushed me forward. And if you can find people and one person becomes three, becomes five, suddenly you have a new tribe and your city, your state, your country is transformed. It all starts with getting over that first fear and getting a little uncomfortable.
• 45:08
  Love it. That's a great one. Let's say we are part of a community. I'm just talking about EO, YPO, Long Angle, PEF, Tiger 21, etc., etc. Quick context. These are just a bunch of business groups. You are part of one of these organizations. What it means is that you are a member.
• 45:27
  You pay your fee and paying that fee gives you a certain type of access and certain type of privileges that usually are not tied to performance. And when I say performance, I mean, do you show up for the meetings? Do you interact with other members? Do you provide value?
• 45:45
  Because you have, most of the time, YPO is a little bit different. It's the only one that is non-profit. Everything else is for profit. So people pay their dues. The company makes money. And then, of course, the company doesn't want people that are going to make other people not to continue renewing, right? But we both know that sometimes there are people that are negative for these organizations. Well, double down on that. There will be.
• 46:14
  There will be. It's just a matter of time, right? Yes, there will be people that are net negative for these organizations. And what we have experienced is that these organizations usually do not take care of doing something with these individuals.
• 46:29
  I'm not talking about individuals that, for example, they clearly violate the agreement. So typical agreement is you cannot solicit. You cannot enter this business group in order to steal all the emails and all the phone numbers and then try to pitch your fund or your services to these members. That is a clear no-no, which is going to get the person kicked out. But I'm talking about the more subtle one.
• 46:55
  And you have a lot of experience dealing with some of this stuff. So what's your advice? How do you deal with this person, which let's say members may say, oh, yeah, this guy is so annoying. Oh, my gosh, this guy is such an idiot. Or maybe you can tell me about what other members could say along those lines.
• 47:15
  Yeah, I think it's a good question. I think to simplify it for those that aren't running a community or just don't really care, I look at it as... Wait a second. Wait a sec. All I'm saying, what we said before is you need to be part of a community. You need to be part of a community. And by the way, right now you are a part of a community.
• 47:31
  Maybe a community of losers. And by the way, we've all been there. And it's fine until you realize that it's not fine anymore. And therefore, you are a part of a community and you need to be part of a community if you want to succeed in the areas of your life that you want to succeed. So it's just a matter of when this is going to happen to you.
• 47:54
  Yeah, I love a quote I think of when you said this, because I try not to use general terms. So right now I look around, I'm like, I'm a community of losers, right? They're just optimized to win in something else. So there's a quote about professional sports. All the people in the stadium are losing in life, but they're there to watch people who are winning in life. So the players on the field. And you may look around and say, man, my buddies, they just want to be the best at golf in my little community or best at grilling out or best at...
• 48:23
  some other activity. And that's just not important to me. And that's okay. Like, I hope they become the grill master. I hope they become the par golfer. I hope they become the X, Y, or Z. But if you have a different path, it's recognizing your path. And I look at this kind of as a reason of how do you avoid the argument?
• 48:40
  Well, wait a second. Before you get there, in my opinion, that example you are getting a little bit, it's a different direction. Oh, the people are just into golf. What I'm talking about is you look at your friends and they all want to go and get drunk. They all want to be on drugs. Whatever thing that you do, you want to stop doing and you want to go in a different direction. That's what I mean. So you went more mild. I went more like some people that are watching this are going to be surrounded by losers, right?
• 49:08
  I actually think it's way harder when it's more mild. We don't need to go deep on this, but what I mean, if there's a spectrum of... Yes, I agree. The full right is where Peter wants to be. The full left is like, dude, I might be in jail next week because the guys I'm paying out with and the stuff we're doing. You know, it's kind of an easy call on the left to me. Now, when I was younger, I was with a bunch of idiot groups and a bunch of dumb decisions, right? And that
• 49:28
  It should have been easier and it wasn't. So I love that you're clarifying. The middle is where I think people get trapped, where they're like, you know what? I trust them. You know what? I have some fun. Like, we have a pretty good time. And yeah, we have some good laughs. Like, we laugh about first grade, you know, when we talk about what happened in first grade at Billy. And, you know, we're buddies. I trust them. I've known them for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years. That's what scares me the most.
• 49:49
  Any group you're part of, any friendship you're part of, any community you build, even any company you have, you're going to have members that aren't a fit. You're going to have people that aren't working out. And some just avoid that and imagine they're living in a dream world where everyone's aligned. And it's not to say you think someone's a bad person. No, it just means there's different optimization, there are different goals, there are different alignment, and that's okay. I think the flip, if you really want to flip it is, I feel that I'm setting someone free to be part of a better group that's more aligned with them.
• 50:18
  Or a group that's going to help them achieve their goal of whatever they're interested in. Now, this is to me what as, quote, a people pleaser, a recovering people pleaser, sets me free. It's the freedom flip to say, wait a minute, I need to have the conversation if I really care about them. I need to up front be clear that this is what this group or this little friendship tribe we are of three, four buddies who want to really become the best we can and are going to hold each other accountable.
• 50:42
  You know, we're going to make it clear, hey, if one of us isn't hitting our commitments, we meet once a week, four or six weeks in, we haven't done the commitment. Hey, this is just not the right fit for them right now. The door might open another time, but right now that door should close. And let's all agree upon this up front. So rather than believe we're all going to dominate our world and we're all going to always feel great about this, let's up front kind of make this commitment.
• 51:04
  Same way you did with the events and the mastermind of what does it look like for us to end or even this relationship, right? What does it mean in a friendship to say, hey, I want you on this kind of board of advisors. Here's a scenario where I want you to hold me accountable. I want you to fire me as your board of advisors. If I'm not executing in a week, four weeks, eight weeks, crazy.
• 51:24
  Create this accountability that creates strength in the tribe. And that avoids this friction and these arguments of, I didn't expect this or what are you doing with that? And look, I don't do that every time. I'm still working on this. This is why it's fun to crystallize the information. I think flipping from everything's going to go great, the freedom flip is flipping to, wait a minute, there's going to be a bad member. It's not aligned. There's going to be a problem. There's going to be someone whose life changes and it's not the right fit for them in this group and this peer group and whatever. How do we want to communicate this?
• 51:53
  And I've talked about it, I think, sitting down with a longtime friend and saying, we've had a great time. We've had a great decade. I don't think your life is heading in the direction mine is. I don't think I'm going to be a good friend to you and vice versa. I want to support you. And I don't want this to end in some odd, you know, silent quitting where I'm just not answering texts or calls as much. And I take the wuss way out. I take the loser way out to not look you in the eye and say, I really have loved what we've had.
• 52:17
  I don't think the next 10 years will be the same as the last. I appreciate you. I want to support you in your journey. I think the best thing I can do to support you is not being part of that journey. Sending you off, opening that space for you to have an even better person in that spot. To become the best golfer, the best griller, the best drug addict. Whatever it is you want to be the best at. Good luck, right? I want you to go pursue it and get it.
• 52:39
  Wow. Powerful. Powerful. Yeah. I think that as a takeaway is just think about who are the one, two, three people that you guys are not aligned anymore and see if it's worth it having the conversation. But also take accountability first of like, what are you not doing? Because maybe it's also, maybe it's you. That's a beautiful freedom flip, Pablo. I'm so glad you said this, man. I look like I'm joking. I'm so serious. I love that you hit it because
• 53:04
  This is the key to start the conversation. It's not, you know, hey, I'm Billy. This is a problem. You're not this. I want you to be that and the other. Flip it. Start the conversation. Say, hey, you know what, Pablo? I think I failed you as a friend as X, Y, and Z.
• 53:20
  Or Pablo, I don't think I'm a good friend because of X, Y, and Z, right? You seem obsessed with golf. I hope you go make the professional golf team. That is not an area I used to like playing. I don't like it anymore. And I think I'm going to slow you down on your journey. And I'm actually getting really excited about business or working out or this other thing. And I don't want you to feel like I'm going to play with you three times a week because I think I'll let you down. So you got to find that guy that's going to help hit you the next level in golf.
• 53:48
  Or whatever it is you want to do, I want to help you do that, Pablo or Billy. But that's not my path. And if you focus more on how it's them and you flip, that's actually the powerful thing. Because they might turn around and say, dude, I've been thinking the same thing.
• 54:03
  I just had a really good friend who they were cutting off a business relationship, a consultant, and it hadn't been going well for like a year. And they had a legal document drafted by a lawyer and they sent it to him and they said, look, I wish you guys the best. This just isn't working out. And the person responded, God works in weird ways because I was just drafting the same letter for you. And he's like, holy cow, we're all so scared living in this world of false realities.
• 54:25
  Versus just communicating, but flipping it, right? Hey, I know you're good at X. Go do more of X. I don't want to force you into Y. I'm doing a lot of Y, and that's what I want to do more of. So I'm going to go try and find people doing Y. It's not anything about them being a bad person. It's setting you both free, and it's flipping it, starting with them, their path, setting them and you free on your own path to be the best at whatever the heck you want to be.
• 54:50
  All right, so that is for the people that things are not working out. And then again, check on yourself first of what are the areas of your life? What are the things that you want to be succeeding and winning? Whatever those are. What is it? Health. It's about relationships. It's about finances, business, being able to have more freedom when it comes to your time. You want to be more purpose-driven, mission-driven, spiritual, personal development, whatever.
• 55:14
  Whatever that is, the areas that you want to focus in your life, and just go to your contacts. And who are the people that are crushing it in those areas? Who are the people that you want to be buddies? Because both of you really want to achieve that. And start partnering with them. Send them a text. Hey, you are great at this. I want to be great at this. Can I join you? Hey, I know that we are both not great at XYZ. Why don't we join forces? I love that. Will you drop them with your dad's amazing line about,
• 55:43
  You already have no. Because I think if I'm listening to this and I'm Billy, you got to hit it because I'm Billy. I hear that. I'm like, well, I would love to talk to that CEO of the business down the street. He seems amazing, but he's not going to want to spend time on me. Like he's too busy and I'm a nobody. Yeah. You already have the no. He already told you no. It's in your mind. You're already saying like, oh, he's too busy. Well, listen, you already have that no. You already have the rejection. Yeah.
• 56:09
  So what do you have to lose by sending him a message, by calling him? Absolutely nothing. So it's all upside.
• 56:19
  And I think about that. I love trying to find three options to any decision, any, I mean, even small decisions I make. I try and always have especially big ones. So option number one is never ask him. Okay, you've got to know. Option two, ask and get a message response. No, I'm too busy right now. Okay. Third option is he says yes. And really the first two options are the same thing. The only shift is you just sent the text message. I think about this line from your dad and I think it's how powerful the impact has been for you and now me.
• 56:48
  of just taking away the fear and stigma and scariness of reaching out to anyone and just saying, who cares? It's the exact same except one additional two-letter word, N-O, that I received from them. That's the only difference. But it's actually the same result in either scenario. Bingo. All right, brother. There's this one lizard that just loves our house that has no tail. And he comes around every day. Oh, boy. Eating scraps.