Latest / Groove with Portia / I Buried Her in a French Press: A Story of Love, Loss, and Identity

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I Buried Her in a French Press: A Story of Love, Loss, and Identity · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Group Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
0:13
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:15
Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
0:26
Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
0:31
Speaker 1: get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
0:35
Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Grow with Porsche.
0:47
Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker, and as always, don't
0:49
Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep it with
0:52
Speaker 1: the latest and greatest of all, with Grew with Porsche.
0:55
Speaker 1: So a few months ago I had the honor of
0:59
Speaker 1: being interviewed or talked with by a medium and those
1:02
Speaker 1: of you who know I talked with the medium shortly
1:05
Speaker 1: after my mom made her transition, and also someone gifted
1:08
Speaker 1: me with another conversation with her, and one of the
1:11
Speaker 1: things that she said to me was, Porsche, you have
1:15
Speaker 1: to do Porsche, you have to do things the Porsche away.
1:19
Speaker 1: This is what your mom wants me to tell you,
1:21
Speaker 1: and how many of us tend to bury who we
1:25
Speaker 1: are by the pressures of society, especially as women, when
1:30
Speaker 1: we experience grief and loss and we have to put
1:33
Speaker 1: on a mask to pretend that we're okay. But where
1:36
Speaker 1: they really were not, so really, let that sink in today, everybody.
1:40
Speaker 1: So today, everyone, I have the honor of being joined
1:43
Speaker 1: by a woman who is redefining what success is for
1:47
Speaker 1: not just women, but for others around the world. She's
1:50
Speaker 1: also a author of a best selling book called h
1:55
Speaker 1: I Buried Her in a French press. She is also
1:58
Speaker 1: the host of a podcast called Let's Talk Supply Chain.
2:02
Speaker 1: So welcome Miss Sarah Barnes Humphrey to Grow with Porsia. Sarah,
2:06
Speaker 1: It's an honor to have you today. How are you.
2:08
Speaker 2: It is such a pleasure. Thank you so much for
2:11
Speaker 2: having me on the show. I'm super excited to be
2:13
Speaker 2: here and I can't wait to dive into what we're
2:15
Speaker 2: going to talk about today.
2:17
Speaker 1: You know, Sarah, I got to throw this in here.
2:18
Speaker 1: I noticed when we were talking before we started the conversation. Today.
2:23
Speaker 1: You have a second podcast called Blended and I recognize
2:26
Speaker 1: that there's a little bit of a coffee theme going here.
2:30
Speaker 1: So I'm curious, Sarah, what what's your way of what's
2:33
Speaker 1: your favorite kind of coffee?
2:37
Speaker 2: Well, I have I have an espresso machine. I have
2:40
Speaker 2: to say, I really really like it. Okay, I'm able
2:44
Speaker 2: to have like all sorts of different coffees. So it
2:46
Speaker 2: depends what day, like how I feel in the morning.
2:49
Speaker 2: So you know, they've got the B six capsule, they've
2:52
Speaker 2: got the pumpkin spice, and so depending or the caramel.
2:55
Speaker 2: So depending on how I feel that day, that determines
2:59
Speaker 2: what kind of coffe I'm gonna in the morning.
3:00
Speaker 1: You know, I wondered if there was a statistic out
3:04
Speaker 1: about if the type of coffee you like determined like
3:09
Speaker 1: you're a dating life type of thing. I wondered about that.
3:11
Speaker 1: Now me, I like my coffee dark, like my soul
3:14
Speaker 1: and my sense of humor. So you I mean, people
3:19
Speaker 1: know I do I drink my coffee dark, no sugar,
3:22
Speaker 1: no cream, just dark like my soul.
3:25
Speaker 2: I wish I can't do it, so I actually can't
3:28
Speaker 2: have dairy, and so I have this creamer that is
3:31
Speaker 2: cashew and coconut, Okay, And I can't do dark coffee,
3:36
Speaker 2: like well not dark coffee, but like black coffee without
3:39
Speaker 2: anything in it. And actually, I'm going to dominicate tomorrow
3:44
Speaker 2: and I'm really worried they're not going to have creamer
3:46
Speaker 2: for me. So I might have to dump a whole
3:47
Speaker 2: bunch of sugar into the coffee just so I can
3:49
Speaker 2: drink it.
3:50
Speaker 1: Or you can always water it down a little bit,
3:53
Speaker 1: just put some water in there maybe, Or if they
3:56
Speaker 1: have non dairy ice cream, that's another I need. So
4:00
Speaker 1: there you go. I'm just throwing out ideas to you,
4:02
Speaker 1: sail great ideas.
4:04
Speaker 2: Those are idea.
4:06
Speaker 1: You know, we're grateful for coffee, right because you can
4:08
Speaker 1: have any flavor throughout the day, throughout the week. Right.
4:12
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you'll have probably a Sarah branded coffee
4:17
Speaker 1: for Mondays or Tuesdays. But Sarah, other than coffee, what
4:20
Speaker 1: else are you grateful for today?
4:22
Speaker 2: I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for being on
4:27
Speaker 2: this podcast. I'm grateful for the roof over my head,
4:32
Speaker 2: and I'm grateful for my bonus children and my husband
4:35
Speaker 2: and my dogs. There's a lot to be grateful for.
4:38
Speaker 1: I agree. I tell everybody that you can find gratitude
4:42
Speaker 1: in any and everything. I write in my gratitude journal
4:45
Speaker 1: every single day, and Sarah, I even write about being
4:48
Speaker 1: grateful for my grief journey. I remember shortly after both
4:52
Speaker 1: my parents made their transition, when I was sitting at
4:55
Speaker 1: the funeral home for my dad's service before everybody else,
4:57
Speaker 1: I took time to write how grateful I was for
5:00
Speaker 1: the time that we spent together, even the terrible moments
5:04
Speaker 1: that we had in our life that we couldn't, you know,
5:06
Speaker 1: have the father daughter relationship that I desired. But at
5:10
Speaker 1: the same time, that taught me to appreciate the relationships
5:13
Speaker 1: that I have today, even with the you know, the
5:16
Speaker 1: guy who I'm currently with right now. But that's a
5:18
Speaker 1: whole story for a whole nother day.
5:21
Speaker 2: It's so beautiful, though, and I think sometimes we miss
5:25
Speaker 2: out on that because we're so focused on the lack
5:29
Speaker 2: or you know, what it is that we wish we had,
5:33
Speaker 2: and when we focus on those things, we forget what
5:36
Speaker 2: it is that is good in our lives and what
5:39
Speaker 2: we could be grateful for. I don't want to say
5:42
Speaker 2: we should, because I think there's too many shoulds, and
5:45
Speaker 2: you know, there's too much societal pressure on a variety
5:47
Speaker 2: of levels. But I think the could word right, like
5:50
Speaker 2: the gratitude that we could have just for the little things.
5:53
Speaker 2: And I think also it helps us see science. Yes,
5:57
Speaker 2: when we're grateful, right, we see the pebbles, we see
5:59
Speaker 2: the signs, and those signs really help us to figure
6:03
Speaker 2: out whether we're in the right place at the right
6:05
Speaker 2: time for ourselves.
6:07
Speaker 1: You know, oh, one hundred percent. Oh, We're gonna have
6:10
Speaker 1: to have a part two to talk about just signs, Sarah,
6:13
Speaker 1: because I've seen many since both of my parents have
6:16
Speaker 1: made their transitions from the lottery tickets that I find
6:19
Speaker 1: they haven't won yet hopefully one will be the winner,
6:23
Speaker 1: but the tickets, the birds, the numbers, right, it opened
6:29
Speaker 1: me up to a different form of communication and even
6:33
Speaker 1: the signs from looking at past versions of myself. A
6:38
Speaker 1: few months ago, I was going through some old footage
6:41
Speaker 1: from when I used to anchor, and I buried that
6:43
Speaker 1: part of my story, Sarah, for years because I was
6:46
Speaker 1: ashamed about the career path that I aspired to have
6:51
Speaker 1: that didn't come to fruition. And I'm curious, Sarah, for you,
6:55
Speaker 1: You've had different losses in your life to get to
6:58
Speaker 1: where you are today, Different past versions of you possibly
7:03
Speaker 1: health challenges, right, heartbreaks that we go through, even being
7:08
Speaker 1: you know, discredited because you're in a predominantly male dominated industry.
7:13
Speaker 1: And I'm curious, Sarah, what did it take for you
7:16
Speaker 1: to integrate all of these different losses and the grief
7:21
Speaker 1: of your life not going in the direction that you
7:24
Speaker 1: wanted it to become the woman who we see today.
7:28
Speaker 2: That's such a great question. I want to acknowledge and
7:30
Speaker 2: appreciate you for sharing your grief journey and for like
7:34
Speaker 2: talking about your past self and you know how you
7:37
Speaker 2: buried it, but how you want to bring it back
7:39
Speaker 2: because I think you know, what I talk about in
7:42
Speaker 2: the book is the fact that we can learn so
7:45
Speaker 2: much about our life experiences as long as we give
7:48
Speaker 2: ourselves a little bit more grace and you know, focus
7:51
Speaker 2: on it being a journey, and that we can learn
7:53
Speaker 2: about ourselves, we can learn about others, and we can
7:56
Speaker 2: just keep going right. And you know, I went through
8:01
Speaker 2: I went through a lot, right, and I talk about
8:03
Speaker 2: it in the book. I have an autoimmune disease that
8:07
Speaker 2: took me fifteen years to even figure out what it was.
8:10
Speaker 2: You know, I went to a vein doctor that told
8:13
Speaker 2: me that if I just started running, I'd be fine
8:16
Speaker 2: because runners don't have fat legs. I was like, not
8:19
Speaker 2: very helpful, but thanks. And then I worked for the
8:23
Speaker 2: family business for about twenty years and it was the
8:26
Speaker 2: worst day of my life when we closed the doors.
8:30
Speaker 2: And it wasn't just the worst day of my life
8:32
Speaker 2: for me, but like there was one hundred and fifty
8:34
Speaker 2: other people that lost their jobs that day, and I
8:38
Speaker 2: lost my future. I lost everything that I had been
8:42
Speaker 2: working towards because I wanted to take over the company
8:44
Speaker 2: one day. I'd never been on an interview, you know,
8:48
Speaker 2: I'd never had to really look for a job, and
8:53
Speaker 2: I lost my whole sense of self that day. I
8:56
Speaker 2: really had no idea what I was going to do.
8:59
Speaker 2: And it was interesting because in order to be able
9:02
Speaker 2: to find myself again, I just had to take small
9:05
Speaker 2: steps every single day. There was some days I put
9:08
Speaker 2: a lot of pressure on myself to be like, no,
9:10
Speaker 2: you have to do all these big things to be
9:13
Speaker 2: able to like get over what it is that you're
9:16
Speaker 2: you know, maybe wallowing on the couch about. And also
9:19
Speaker 2: there was a lot of questions, right, you know, my
9:23
Speaker 2: dad's the family business was in the same industry, and
9:27
Speaker 2: it was like how can I be the voice in
9:29
Speaker 2: this industry after what just happened? Like, why would anybody
9:33
Speaker 2: listen to me? Why would they trust me? Why would
9:35
Speaker 2: they respect me? And if I had listened to that,
9:38
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be where I where I am today.
9:40
Speaker 1: One hundred percent agree there, I mean, you've really reinvented
9:45
Speaker 1: right from a space of oh great, one hundred and
9:48
Speaker 1: fifty other people including me, are starting over from scratch. Literally, yeah, no, nothing.
9:55
Speaker 1: You never had to really apply for a job because
9:57
Speaker 1: you just went right into the family business. You learned
10:01
Speaker 1: everything there, right, And so now where do I go?
10:06
Speaker 1: And there's so many people, Sarah, who are in that
10:10
Speaker 1: crossroad right now where they've lost themselves through different career transitions,
10:19
Speaker 1: life transitions. As I brought up about my mom's transition,
10:22
Speaker 1: my dad's transition, me leaving the corporate space. It'll be
10:26
Speaker 1: five years and twenty twenty six that I've been an entrepreneur.
10:29
Speaker 2: Congratulations, by the way.
10:30
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. It has been one of the
10:35
Speaker 1: most rewarding yet trying experiences that I've ever had. But
10:39
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have it any other way because when I
10:42
Speaker 1: think back to my television career, I aspired to go
10:47
Speaker 1: all the way up the ladder, just like you. I'm like, Okay,
10:49
Speaker 1: I'm gonna travel around the world, be this big producer
10:53
Speaker 1: in the news world and make my family proud. Right.
10:56
Speaker 1: But it didn't come to fruition for a reason. But
10:59
Speaker 1: there was still that passion in my soul and in
11:02
Speaker 1: my heart to tell stories. There was still that fire,
11:06
Speaker 1: and that's what led me to here today, to hosting
11:10
Speaker 1: grul Porsia, to creating it where I'm able to tell
11:13
Speaker 1: the stories in the way that I want to and
11:14
Speaker 1: really connect with people and help them to see the
11:18
Speaker 1: hitting gift that's been born from their transitions, their grief journeys.
11:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
11:24
Speaker 1: I love that.
11:25
Speaker 2: I mean I had the podcast before the company closed
11:29
Speaker 2: its doors. And it's such an interesting story because when
11:33
Speaker 2: the doors closed, sure everybody was out, including me, but
11:37
Speaker 2: I lost my team and I lost my co hosts,
11:39
Speaker 2: and I had companies paying to come on the show.
11:41
Speaker 2: So I had an obligation to fulfill that or refund
11:46
Speaker 2: the money, and so you know, I decided that I
11:51
Speaker 2: would lean into all of it and learn graphic design
11:55
Speaker 2: and social media, website design, you name it. I had
11:58
Speaker 2: to learn it just to keep podcast going. And I
12:01
Speaker 2: had no idea that it could go anywhere. I'll be
12:04
Speaker 2: perfectly frank, I had no idea that the podcast could
12:07
Speaker 2: go anywhere, let alone where we are today because we've
12:11
Speaker 2: got a team of fourteen people ninety eight percent or
12:14
Speaker 2: women owned businesses, which we're very proud of. But I
12:17
Speaker 2: had no idea where it could go. But I got
12:19
Speaker 2: up every single day to do it right. Like it
12:22
Speaker 2: gave me the why, it gave me the purpose of, Hey,
12:25
Speaker 2: this is the only thing I got going for me
12:27
Speaker 2: right now, let's lean in. And I am not a
12:29
Speaker 2: graphic designer, Like, if you go back and look at.
12:32
Speaker 1: Those graphics, they are horrible. They're so horrible, you know,
12:39
Speaker 1: Sarah a little digression. When I was going through some
12:42
Speaker 1: of my old anchor videos, I was telling my former
12:46
Speaker 1: co host about them, and I'm like, dude, how did
12:50
Speaker 1: I end up on some of these videos with acne
12:54
Speaker 1: out of the wazoo? I mean literally the kind that
12:57
Speaker 1: you watching those gross pimple popping videos. I'm like, they
13:01
Speaker 1: should have had the little cane to just pull me off,
13:05
Speaker 1: because I'm like, this is despicable, but I can laugh
13:08
Speaker 1: about it now.
13:10
Speaker 2: But also, like some of my worst audio episodes are
13:15
Speaker 2: some of my most listened to and that's something that
13:17
Speaker 2: I talk about in the book is that it's progress
13:20
Speaker 2: over perfection.
13:22
Speaker 1: Right.
13:22
Speaker 2: My first episode, so the podcast originally was called two
13:26
Speaker 2: Babes Talk Supply Chain, and I had a male co host,
13:29
Speaker 2: and so I had called it two Babes Talk Supply
13:31
Speaker 2: Chain because Tongue in Cheek were trying to push the industry.
13:35
Speaker 2: And some of those episodes, like we recorded them on Skype,
13:39
Speaker 2: they are awful, like absolutely awful. But this is what
13:44
Speaker 2: people don't realize is they see overnight successes.
13:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, but those.
13:49
Speaker 2: Have taken you know, five, eight, ten, maybe fifteen years
13:53
Speaker 2: to get to where they are. And we all expect
13:56
Speaker 2: it to be easy, right, we can jump into it.
13:59
Speaker 2: It's all gonna cut, it's all going to be easy,
14:01
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. But it takes work and it
14:04
Speaker 2: takes some humbling moments where you're gonna put stuff out
14:07
Speaker 2: there that is not one hundred percent and if you don't,
14:12
Speaker 2: it means you're striving for perspection and you're kind of
14:14
Speaker 2: holding yourself back.
14:15
Speaker 1: So oh yeah, you're nelling yourself to your own grave
14:19
Speaker 1: and coffin, because you know, perfection essentially is the keeper
14:25
Speaker 1: and robber of so many dreams. Right, I think I
14:28
Speaker 1: wonder who makes the most money, Sarah, perfection or the graveyard.
14:31
Speaker 1: I wonder which.
14:34
Speaker 2: Well you can also throw comparison in there too, right, Yeah, Yeah,
14:38
Speaker 2: comparison drags you down just as much.
14:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, I'm curious. I'm glad you brought
14:44
Speaker 1: that up, because, let's be realistic, we all struggle with
14:49
Speaker 1: perfection comparison starting over, especially women, and you're in a
14:55
Speaker 1: male dominated industry, And I'm curious, Sarah, how can other
15:01
Speaker 1: see comparison and perfection from a standpoint of this is
15:07
Speaker 1: a stepping stone and not the full destination of where
15:11
Speaker 1: I'm looking to go. Yeah.
15:12
Speaker 2: I think one of the biggest things really is around awareness,
15:18
Speaker 2: like just really understanding yourself. There's pressure from so many
15:22
Speaker 2: different places, and if we gave in to all of
15:24
Speaker 2: those pressures, we wouldn't necessarily be us.
15:27
Speaker 1: Right.
15:27
Speaker 2: I loved what you said at the beginning of the
15:29
Speaker 2: episode is the fact that this medium told you to
15:32
Speaker 2: be Portia right, to do it the way that you
15:35
Speaker 2: want to do it, tell the stories the way that
15:37
Speaker 2: you want to do it. And I've kind of embraced
15:39
Speaker 2: that as well, in the fact that it is too
15:42
Speaker 2: hard to be somebody that you're not.
15:45
Speaker 1: So you say that again, Do you literally want me
15:49
Speaker 1: to say it again? Say that again? For the people
15:51
Speaker 1: in the back, it is.
15:53
Speaker 2: Too hard to be somebody that you are not because
15:58
Speaker 2: it just takes too much time, energy, money, and effort.
16:00
Speaker 2: And then what are you left with. You're left with
16:02
Speaker 2: a shell because you're not entirely sure who you are
16:04
Speaker 2: in that moment anymore, because you've been really not lying,
16:09
Speaker 2: but like you know, you haven't been your true authentic self.
16:12
Speaker 2: And I think that it really just starts with awareness.
16:14
Speaker 2: And you talked about something else earlier around labels and
16:17
Speaker 2: identity and tying ourselves to work and what that means
16:22
Speaker 2: to us, and I talk about this in the book
16:24
Speaker 2: as well, is that we give our power away too
16:26
Speaker 2: many times. We aware of ourselves and our power and
16:32
Speaker 2: what that looks like for us, and how we're speaking
16:35
Speaker 2: things into existence power away all the time, and we
16:39
Speaker 2: give our power away to either the pressures of society,
16:42
Speaker 2: or we give our power away to those labels, or
16:45
Speaker 2: we give our power away to our job. Because we
16:47
Speaker 2: lean in way too far, we kind of lose ourselves.
16:51
Speaker 2: We can do that in relationships. We can do that
16:53
Speaker 2: with kids, and so I think awareness really is the
16:57
Speaker 2: foundational key to figuring out everything else.
17:02
Speaker 1: Oh, because I think that was my dilemma was I
17:07
Speaker 1: was so married Sarah to that title that once it
17:11
Speaker 1: was stripped away from me, I'm like, who am I? Now?
17:14
Speaker 1: What do I do? And even to this day, I'm
17:17
Speaker 1: still disconnected from everybody who I worked with when I
17:22
Speaker 1: worked in television, still to this day. So talk about
17:26
Speaker 1: again that loss of community, right, And I think that
17:30
Speaker 1: tends to happen once you become if you want to
17:33
Speaker 1: call it an ex corporate convict, if you want to
17:36
Speaker 1: call it that. I've noticed that once you leave certain circles,
17:43
Speaker 1: you're no longer you know, integrated or even considered it
17:48
Speaker 1: anymore when there was a rapport back then. Now you
17:51
Speaker 1: are kind of, you know, part of the ex con
17:55
Speaker 1: crewe It's so true. Yeah, And you know, Sarah, one
18:01
Speaker 1: of the things that I love to about you is
18:04
Speaker 1: you create spaces too for women to have difficult conversations
18:09
Speaker 1: because a lot of us, let's be realistic, we say
18:13
Speaker 1: that we want real. But you know where I'm going
18:17
Speaker 1: with this, but real tends to only be approved when
18:24
Speaker 1: it's in certain circles or certain conversations that others want
18:28
Speaker 1: to talk about and not what's really the elephant in
18:31
Speaker 1: the room. Right, So I'm curious.
18:34
Speaker 2: Example from Blended, I'm sorry, you just brought something up
18:38
Speaker 2: for me. So the Blended podcast I bring five different
18:41
Speaker 2: people from different walks of life to talk about inclusion
18:44
Speaker 2: in the workplace. The first ever episode I did, I
18:46
Speaker 2: had this gentleman from the lgtbqya plus community and we
18:50
Speaker 2: were talking about identity and we were talking about when
18:53
Speaker 2: it's appropriate to ask somebody m and he was like,
18:59
Speaker 2: you know, I really want everybody to understand who I
19:01
Speaker 2: am as a person and how I identify. And I said, okay,
19:04
Speaker 2: So if I come up to you and I ask you,
19:06
Speaker 2: is that okay? And he's like, well, it depends who's
19:09
Speaker 2: around me. It depends what room we're in, it depends,
19:12
Speaker 2: it depends, it depends, it depends. And I was like,
19:15
Speaker 2: And we talked about it as a group, and in
19:18
Speaker 2: the end he turned to everybody and he said, you
19:20
Speaker 2: know what, I just want people to know who I
19:24
Speaker 2: am and understand how I identify. No matter what I'm
19:29
Speaker 2: going to share with you, I want to be able
19:31
Speaker 2: to share that with you. So I'm going to throw
19:33
Speaker 2: all of that out the window, and I want you.
19:35
Speaker 1: To come ask me and see how simple. Right. It's
19:40
Speaker 1: as though it's become a crime, Sarah, to ask a question. Right,
19:44
Speaker 1: Our people are so intimidated to ask because of assumptions,
19:50
Speaker 1: all of the programming that we have about certain cultures,
19:54
Speaker 1: how we grew up. You know, I little lesson that
19:58
Speaker 1: I learned. Over the summer, I went on a long
20:00
Speaker 1: road trip with my boyfriend, first time I've ever done that,
20:04
Speaker 1: and there was we're still together. We are still together.
20:07
Speaker 1: We went camping, like real camping, as intent in the
20:11
Speaker 1: woods type of thing, right. I know some people get
20:15
Speaker 1: divorced over that stuff, but hey, we didn't get you know,
20:18
Speaker 1: torn up by bears or anything like that. We didn't
20:20
Speaker 1: have the squirrel clan carrying us down the hill at
20:24
Speaker 1: some point. So there was a part in the trip where,
20:29
Speaker 1: you know, my guy said something, well, no, it was
20:32
Speaker 1: his silence. His silence offended me. And I'm used to,
20:37
Speaker 1: you know, messaging my friends like hey, what the heck
20:40
Speaker 1: what do I do? But I had to be the
20:42
Speaker 1: bigger person and ask him. And you know, Sarah, I'm
20:46
Speaker 1: glad that I did, because that was pushing me out
20:51
Speaker 1: of my comfort zone of what I'm used to doing.
20:55
Speaker 1: And it also helped me to appreciate the assertive that
21:00
Speaker 1: I've developed over the last couple of years, where I
21:04
Speaker 1: know that, you know, a lot of us were bullied
21:07
Speaker 1: in school, so sometimes you try to, you know, still
21:10
Speaker 1: hide and mask yourself. But it seems as though I've
21:13
Speaker 1: met a lot of people who have experienced loss and
21:14
Speaker 1: grief they've become some very assertive warriors in the last
21:18
Speaker 1: couple of years, and I feel like I've become the
21:21
Speaker 1: same boat. So to that point, like just being comfortable
21:26
Speaker 1: with asking a question.
21:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, comfortable asking the question, but also being comfortable with
21:32
Speaker 2: the answer.
21:34
Speaker 1: That part two. That that part two, I think a
21:36
Speaker 1: lot of times we want a certain answer from people,
21:41
Speaker 1: but we have to learn to accept that everybody is
21:44
Speaker 1: going to respond in their own unique way. Yeah, right,
21:48
Speaker 1: and not to judge them for how they respond, but
21:51
Speaker 1: accept them and understand you just respond accordingly. Yeah.
21:54
Speaker 2: Well, and the soreness. Yeah, so awareness just came into
21:58
Speaker 2: that example that you talked about. So we talked earlier
22:00
Speaker 2: about awareness being about who we are as people and
22:03
Speaker 2: how we move around in the world and the impact
22:05
Speaker 2: that we want to make sure, but also the awareness
22:08
Speaker 2: in how far you've come. So you talked about in
22:11
Speaker 2: that example about you know, recognizing in yourself that the
22:15
Speaker 2: old you would have done this and the new you
22:17
Speaker 2: actually you know, went out of your comfort zone and
22:20
Speaker 2: asked a question mm hm, and so stopping for that
22:23
Speaker 2: moment and being like, wait a second, the work that
22:26
Speaker 2: I have been doing, yeah, right, like this is what
22:29
Speaker 2: I've been working towards and actually acknowledging it and celebrating
22:33
Speaker 2: it as a win. So no matter how that conversation went,
22:36
Speaker 2: you knew, at least for yourself that you had come
22:40
Speaker 2: far enough to be able to do that in that moment.
22:43
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and you know talk about celebrating milestones. That
22:48
Speaker 1: was a big one for me when I recognize like, oh,
22:52
Speaker 1: this is something I've struggled with for a long time, right,
22:55
Speaker 1: and now I can check this off like wow, you did,
23:00
Speaker 1: And we just never know when it's going to come,
23:02
Speaker 1: but be present in the moment when it does, you know.
23:06
Speaker 2: But also recognize that it could happen again.
23:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
23:11
Speaker 2: So a lot of people think like this journey of
23:13
Speaker 2: self awareness and self you know, reflection or even the
23:18
Speaker 2: work that we do is that we do it one
23:20
Speaker 2: time and it's just going to automatically happen every single time. No,
23:24
Speaker 2: next time, you might not want to ask the question,
23:27
Speaker 2: you might not feel like asking the question, and you
23:29
Speaker 2: might go back to asking your girlfriends mm hmm. It's
23:33
Speaker 2: not a failure, it's not a loss. It doesn't mean
23:36
Speaker 2: that you're taking a step back, but the awareness and
23:39
Speaker 2: the fact that you've done this the one time and
23:41
Speaker 2: then having grace for yourself and saying it's not resonating
23:44
Speaker 2: with me this time, I'll try it again next time, right,
23:47
Speaker 2: Because it's not about blame mm hmm. It's not about
23:52
Speaker 2: us taking a step backwards or anything like that. It's
23:54
Speaker 2: really just being aware of who we are in that
23:58
Speaker 2: moment and how we want to through that moment. It
24:02
Speaker 2: doesn't look the same every time, and it doesn't have.
24:04
Speaker 1: To that part and being open with the progress. Right.
24:08
Speaker 1: I think you said it beautifully. It's progress, not perfection, right.
24:13
Speaker 1: I think you know we try to. I use the
24:16
Speaker 1: example of you know how you go to different arcades
24:19
Speaker 1: and they have the little dark game and everybody wants
24:22
Speaker 1: to hit the bulls eye. You're not gonna hit the
24:24
Speaker 1: bulls every time. Right, sometimes it's gonna you know, it
24:28
Speaker 1: might go on somebody's drink. Hopefully they don't drink it,
24:30
Speaker 1: but you know, you never know where it's gonna fly, right,
24:35
Speaker 1: but you you're aware of it. You know, you don't
24:39
Speaker 1: put yourself in a prison of blame because it didn't.
24:43
Speaker 1: You're not repeating the same bullseye tactic every time.
24:47
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah. And think about like some of the
24:49
Speaker 2: major athletes, right, they went, like the basketball players, they
24:53
Speaker 2: go and shoot hoops for hours. Who are we to
24:57
Speaker 2: think that we're gonna get something right every single time?
25:02
Speaker 1: And we haven't put the work in that part? That part?
25:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, lot, anyways, I think we just I feel like
25:08
Speaker 2: a lot of people think that it's just gonna come.
25:11
Speaker 2: It's like working out.
25:13
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, you're not gonna lose the Thanksgiving gun.
25:16
Speaker 1: If you're still sitting on the couch watching Stranger Things
25:19
Speaker 1: every day. I mean it's fun, but I mean, or
25:24
Speaker 1: if you want to get some movement in, put Stranger
25:27
Speaker 1: Things on your phone and or you know, this is
25:30
Speaker 1: where Sarah, we need to have. You know how the
25:31
Speaker 1: little kids in the cartoons they put the little hot
25:35
Speaker 1: dog in front of them on the fishing pole and
25:38
Speaker 1: then they have them chase it. It's almost like we
25:39
Speaker 1: have to do the same thing as adults to get
25:43
Speaker 1: us to move, like ribe ourselves to move. But obviously
25:46
Speaker 1: for me it be cheesecake, not hot dogs. I love cheesecake. Story. Sarah,
25:53
Speaker 1: We're gonna be wrapping up here soon, my friend. First
25:56
Speaker 1: of all, I want to say thank you again for
25:59
Speaker 1: coming on it, sharing with us your story and how
26:03
Speaker 1: people can learn to reinvent themselves at any stage right,
26:07
Speaker 1: even in the same industry that they essentially got exited
26:11
Speaker 1: stage left to right, Sarah, for our audience or we conclude,
26:16
Speaker 1: I want to give you time to talk about your
26:18
Speaker 1: book for a minute. Your book, I buried her in
26:21
Speaker 1: a French press. They show it to us. I'm curious, Sarah,
26:24
Speaker 1: what is the symbolism behind the French press title? Because
26:29
Speaker 1: I know we talked about coffee in the beginning, but
26:32
Speaker 1: are you are you the coffee grounds being pressed down?
26:36
Speaker 1: What's the symbolism? And how can people get a copy
26:39
Speaker 1: of your book? I buried her in the French press,
26:42
Speaker 1: so and.
26:42
Speaker 2: I appreciate you for asking, and I loved being on
26:45
Speaker 2: the show.
26:45
Speaker 1: This is awesome.
26:47
Speaker 2: So the title of the book is an Ode to
26:48
Speaker 2: my grandmother, And there is a chapter dedicated to her
26:53
Speaker 2: in this book because she passed away during the pandemic
26:56
Speaker 2: and I had to arrange the burial from Canada. She
27:01
Speaker 2: was in the UK, and I the story. I guess
27:05
Speaker 2: I can tell you a little bit about the story. Anyways,
27:08
Speaker 2: the day of the burial, we showed up and her
27:10
Speaker 2: ashes were in a plastic bag in a white paper box,
27:13
Speaker 2: and I was like, what am I going to do?
27:17
Speaker 2: What am I going to do? Because the executor had
27:20
Speaker 2: torn the house down to the studs before I got there,
27:24
Speaker 2: so like all of my personal belongings gone, any of
27:27
Speaker 2: the momentos gone. And I walk into the house and like,
27:32
Speaker 2: my grandfather's aren't is there? And then her ashes are
27:35
Speaker 2: in this thing and I just went with my gut.
27:38
Speaker 2: It's really a story about resilience and trusting your gut,
27:42
Speaker 2: like in the moment when there's so much emotions going
27:45
Speaker 2: on around you. And I started opening up cupboards and
27:49
Speaker 2: there was a French press in a box, never been touched,
27:53
Speaker 2: with a receipt from nineteen ninety.
27:55
Speaker 1: Two, Wow, a year after I was born.
27:57
Speaker 2: We're not going to go there, And so Anyways, the
28:02
Speaker 2: story goes into the details, but the title is known
28:06
Speaker 2: to her because she was like my best friend. And
28:08
Speaker 2: the rest of the title is it's a memoir about
28:11
Speaker 2: finding my voice and the power of being heard. And
28:13
Speaker 2: so the stories in here are really about my relationship
28:16
Speaker 2: with self worth based on my life experiences and how
28:20
Speaker 2: that really helps me in finding my superpower.
28:23
Speaker 1: And Sarah, how can our audience get a copy of
28:26
Speaker 1: I Buried Her in a French press?
28:28
Speaker 2: So go get it on Amazon, Amazon dot com, dot CA,
28:32
Speaker 2: dot UK, wherever you live. It's on Amazon. It's kindle paperback, hardcover,
28:37
Speaker 2: and the audiobook version I just finished recording and that
28:41
Speaker 2: should be out in February or Mark Excellent.
28:43
Speaker 1: So those of you you can google the title if
28:45
Speaker 1: you want to. You know, Google is your friend. I
28:47
Speaker 1: Buried Her on a French press. You can also probably
28:50
Speaker 1: just google Sarah Sarah Barnes Humphrey on Google, find her
28:54
Speaker 1: on LinkedIn, all social media platforms. Yes, on Instagram, Yes,
29:00
Speaker 1: I g wherever you are on social media. I'm sure
29:04
Speaker 1: sure you can find Sarah wherever. Well, everybody that was
29:09
Speaker 1: miss Sarah Barnes Humphrey that you heard from on this
29:13
Speaker 1: episode of grew with Portia and that concludes our conversation
29:16
Speaker 1: for today and until next time. Everybody, peace and hair
29:19
Speaker 1: grease everyone, Thank you so much.