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SOBER TALK SA - Pat C · Sober Talk SA

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My name is Pat. I'm an alcoholic.
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So But today, with the grace of God in this program of
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Alcoholics Anonymous, and but not always like that, I came to
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Alcoholics Anonymous in September 1980.
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That was my first meeting. I walked into the Salisbury
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Institute and all the people in there were dull, colorless and
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boring. And they scared me, to be
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honest, they scared me a bit. But I did leave that meeting, I
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believe with some hope. And I thought I may be able to
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just not drink, you know? And I stayed sober for a week
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and a day and then went and celebrated my recovery and
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alcoholism. Took me 3 months to get back to
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Alcoholics Anonymous. At that time, I didn't realize
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how how bad I was. I thought it was just having a
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bad trop and it's it'll go away if I don't drink for a while and
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then I'll be OK. I'll just go through here and
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then then I'll just put her off and start again.
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Anyway, after that first three months of that next three months
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of drinking, all I can remember is that I lived in a 2 bedroom
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flat with a bottle of beer and and my on myself, which is
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probably the worst thing for an alcoholic.
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We tend to isolate and I did isolate quite a lot, but I
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remember walking over to the road reserve on Sunday morning.
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You go to the Sports Club and I can remember listening to,
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there's a club at the end there and I can hear the music and
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hear the glasses chinkling and people talking and someone says
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don't let that guy in here. And, and I felt that inside me
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and I felt, oh, how nasty that is.
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And I felt really sick and sorry because no one wants me.
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Basically I was just feeling really bad as if no one wanted
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me. And I started to walk away.
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And when I looked back, there was no cars in the car park.
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All the all the doors and windows were closed at the club.
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There was no one around. There was no one within 200
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meters of me. And I heard this voice as clear
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as day. Basically the voice turned
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around and said don't let him in here.
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Anyway, I got back to my flat and there was an author that
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lived next door and he kept knocking on the door to see if I
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was OK quite a while. And I said, yeah, I'm fine, I'm
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fine. But I didn't know at the time
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what was happening was I was going through what they call the
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DTS delirium tremors. And I managed to stay there for
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two days seeing things, talking to things or things like this.
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This author basically just kept me going, kept me alert.
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And I got to my second meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, which
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was Elizabeth. And it was up the stairs in the
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Sydney chamber at that stage. And I went up there, sat in the
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chair and Alec came over to me as and he said, hey son, he said
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have a cup of tea, everything's going to be OK.
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And I honestly believed it. For the first time my life, I
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believed as if everything was going to be OK.
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I have an answer to my problem and I saw the answer on the
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board. There was a banners there.
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The first step is that I'm powerless over alcohol and I
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realized that from the day I was born to that moment, alcohol had
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been my primary issue in all facets of my life.
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Basically at school, I used to go to school.
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I wasn't drinking at school early on, but I'd go to school
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and I'd be told not to say anything about what happened at
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home. Don't tell anyone about this.
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Don't tell me about your dad being drunk or your mum being
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drunk or people or things that have happened the weekend.
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And that put a fear in me, put a fear in me of there was
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something not right. And so before I even picked up a
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drink, I had this anxiety and this fear.
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And I could remember that from very early age.
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And I remember getting into trouble as a kid.
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And as I got into trouble at the age of 13, I'm drinking
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basically every weekend and holidays, school holidays.
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And that was good. Between 13 and 18, it was
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fantastic. You know, it was like, OK, it's
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like I'd won the lottery. Wine, women and song,
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everything's fantastic, got mates to knock around with, go
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to the football, just have parties and stuff like that and
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a bit of fun. And it wasn't until about 18,
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between 18 and 20 that things start to change.
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And what started to change was, was nothing started to change
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with me, but other people started getting jobs, good jobs,
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they were buying houses, they were they were getting married,
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having cars and stuff like that. But I was still in this one spot
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basically going around on a bar stool and solving everybody's
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problems. And it became lonely.
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And at that stage we have became lonely.
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I started looking for places to go to.
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So I left the pub and the club and the dive and I'd start
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getting into some troubles and stuff like that.
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And I seem to be drunk 90% of the time.
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If I wasn't drunk, I was coming down or going up one or
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something like that. And but that didn't deter me
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from drinking. Nothing stopped me from drinking
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at this stage. And then I got to the age of I
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live like that from 18 to 23. And then I got to 23 and I
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thought I need to do something about my drinking because I was
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working on a job and I was working on a prison, putting a
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wall around a prison. And as I left work one night,
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the people come in and grabbed all of them and they thought I'd
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escaped. And there's a problem with that
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was that I never, I never thoroughly understood what went
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on. All I knew was what they grabbed
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all of them. They took me to the commander of
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the base and said I'd escaped from the prison.
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And he said, no, it's silly. He never, he hasn't done that.
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What was what was the thing about it was I wasn't really
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sure. I had to scope.
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I had to take all the steps, mental steps backwards and
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backwards and work out what I was doing there.
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Because by this time all I was living was an alcoholic stupor
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and I was living basically just drunk as a drunk.
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And and then I realized my wife's life's going nowhere, so
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I should get married. And if I get married, she can
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look after me. That was my thoughts anyway.
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I found a lady, married, married her over in England, came over
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to Australia and all this time everything that happened was
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things were going to be different.
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Everything was going to be different.
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And and that was that was basically my anthem was I'll be
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better next time. Everything will be better next
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time. And next time never came because
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I was, I was one of these people that once I had a drink, I
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didn't stop till I collapse, basically went into a blackout.
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Something happened and and then I'd get off again and I'd do the
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same thing again next week. It was the tomatoes, it was the,
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it was the crisp fire. It was the wrong pub it was in.
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I shouldn't have drank that lager.
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I should have had this Scotch, you know, that sort of thing.
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And I was trying all these excuses out to why I wasn't well
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or why I was falling over, why I was getting into not a lot of
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trouble as much as a lot of I just say mental angst over.
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And the mental angst would be the the anxiety fear of who's
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after me, who's not after me. I'm running to something.
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I'm either running to something or running away from something.
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And and getting married didn't help.
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Changing jobs didn't help. Anyway, I my wife left, she took
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the kids and initially, initially I thought what a great
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idea, she can take the kids and that and I can, I can still
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work. I'll have more to drink.
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It's as simple as that. And that's how I ended up in a 2
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bedroom flat with a bottle of beer.
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Anyway, when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, they've got a program
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in Alcoholics Anonymousness and this is called the 12 step
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program. They showed me the I need not be
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alone again, which was so important because I thought I
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thought alcohol was not a problem.
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I thought I was lonely and I never realized I had this
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illness. I never realized they had this
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disease and which was an allergy of alcohol with an obsession of
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the mind. And because I used to go to work
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and I would OK work out my wages in booze before I even got paid.
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Now there's no who who to pay back with the people I owed
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money to or this. And I had this sort of lifestyle
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where I lived to the next 6 pack or the lived to the next drink
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and all that sort of thing. And I would think about it days
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before or weeks before just how I was going to do what I was
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going to do on the weekend, where I was going to go, how I
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was going to drink. And I remember one one day and
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the wife wasn't a very good financial, I say advisor in the
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house. So I thought I'd take care of
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the finances and I'll save some money.
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And I did. I went out and I bought all gold
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and black or black and gold, whatever it's called.
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And I saved something like $5 on the groceries, which was only $5
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for my drinking. That was how selfish and
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self-centered I was. I never realized that until I
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got how selfish I was, how self-centered how, how I
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disregarded people to be honest, just to get a drink.
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And so basically what they've done to me is they've said to
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me, look, you can come in here. You can do, you can stay sober
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if you want to stay sober, or you can change your life.
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And there were choices that were given to me and I'd never had
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choices before. And some of the choices were my
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life was unmanageable, you know, and I'm thinking my wife can't
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be that online. So I'm just about hanging on to
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a job. I'm doing OK, I'm getting some
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money and I'm doing this and this.
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But it wasn't because that was I had no routine in my life.
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I had no consistency in my life. I had to put routine and some
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sort of consistency in my life. When when I said to people, I'm
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going to do something, I do it, which I never used to do while I
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was drinking. It was like, I'll meet you next
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week sometime. I'll see you over there.
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There's always vague, vague sort of stuff.
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Alcoholics Anonymous showed me that I need never live the way I
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was living. And I suppose I started to
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exercise, started to run, started to place, both started
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to start to put things into my life.
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And it was a mental, physical and spiritual condition that I
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was treating because they told me that.
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And I'm thinking, yeah, and I've heard all this before, but when
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I think about it, I went back to school and back to TAFE and I
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went in there and I honestly felt really dumb.
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They just, I don't know anything.
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Teach me something, you know, I didn't, I didn't understand how
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how bad I was. And when I got there, I suddenly
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the neat teacher told me, they said there's not much, much
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wrong with you. You can, you could go in higher
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learning if you want to. So I did and I went back and I
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got some computing certificates and, and some workplace
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certificates for training and stuff.
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And I was able to get, get another job.
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I was able to change jobs and when I changed jobs, I changed
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up. So I was getting better money.
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I was looking after myself. I found I found it, but I found
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I, I ended up getting married again after the divorce, the
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first divorce, I got married again, bought a house, started
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to put some things into the community.
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I went around to the sports clubs and was able to help out
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at some of those sports clubs and that I was able to help out
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an Alcoholics Anonymous. So my life had changed in a
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short period of time. My life had changed and it
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started to change for the better and it always has done.
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Ever since. I've been an Alcoholics
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Anonymous and the only thing I've ever done is just not drink
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and try to apply the program into my life.
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If anybody has a drinking problem would suggest just go
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and see what an A a meeting is about.
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Just go and have a look at what the 12 steps are about.
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Talk to someone about it if you think you have a problem.
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And that's all the advice I was given was my disease.
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My disease festers when I'm silent.
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My disease festers when I don't tell anyone.
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And there's a thing up there, there's a posted up at one that
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means was you're only sick as your secrets.
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And I honestly believe that in Alcoholics Anonymous, the people
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do share. They share about how it was,
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what happened and what it's like now.
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And for me, how it was, was that I basically was born into an
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Irish Catholic home. I was, we had, we had more beer
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than bread. Life was not the best, but we
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got through it. I can't, I started work,
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couldn't put a drink down. And then when I was able to put
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a drink down with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, what
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happened then was that I was able then to make choices in my
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life of how I wanted to live. And when I was drinking, I
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couldn't make a choice because I was tied to the bottle.
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Basically that's what was happening was and every time I
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tried to do something greatest intentions in the world to do
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something and what would happen was I would fall flat in my face
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every time because I also like to self destruct.
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I can get up so high and then go bang I hate you.
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People go and get way and I had a lot of anger inside me and
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while I was drinking I couldn't shift up.
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Once I stopped drinking and noticed what was going on with
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me, it was easier to start to I suppose to enjoy the community,
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to go out and think to yourself, I can help here.
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I can do something about it because I never thought it could
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help anyone. Never thought I would be useful
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to anyone who always thought it was hopeless and helpless.
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And they were the thoughts that that go through most, most of
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the time. But I changed those today.
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I learned to change my thoughts. There is hope out there for me.
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There is a way of life out there that I can live and enjoy my
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life and have success in my life.
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There's people that come into Alcoholics Anonymous today and
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I've seen them come in and they're doing degrees in or
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anything they want to. They just go back to school and
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they learn. They learn that alcohol is a
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disease, but then they go and they want to become lawyers.
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They want to become doctors. They want to become whatever.
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They go back and do this thing. You know, they put the drink
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down and they start to educate themselves.
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And they educate themselves in a way where they can help people.
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And an Alcoholics Anonymous program for help.
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It's a program for love, tolerance as integrity.
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You know, you have to be willing.
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There's just a lot of discipline and self-discipline and all
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these things that I never seem to have.
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When I was drinking started to come in honesty, bit of courage,
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bit of perseverance. I became very resilient.
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And I know I'm resilient. I know, I know I'm disciplined
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in my life. So that what happens is if I
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have an issue or something like that, I have a sponsor I can go
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to. I have someone I can talk to if
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I, if I have an issue, I can put things into my life.
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I stop. I think I do things where I,
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when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I used to do them.
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Then I would stop and think I better run and, and that was,
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that was the way life was then. But a, a has actually turned
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everything around, turned it all around and, and it's given me
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some values, some good human values.
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I have a beautiful wife today. So I have a I have a home,
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children, they're all in my life.
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Children from my first marriage, grandchildren, stuff like that.
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I enjoy it. I enjoy my life today.
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On the whole, my life is a lot better today because I can
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accept myself and that's what it is.
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It was not accepting everything else but accepting myself.
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Learning, learning to surrender and let things go was very hard
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initially, but once I let them go, I could accept myself and my
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own capabilities, my own. Don't put my ambitions before my
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abilities and accept what's coming down.
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Once I've done that, I feel as if I can move on and that's in
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every situation. I just stop, I think and then
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I'll do something. A A has been wonderful for me.
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There's a lot of people I know in a A in this this area.
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Salisbury, Elizabeth. I would say in this area there
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may be over 50 people. People.
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I would say that Adelaide will Adelaide wide, maybe 1000, maybe
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800,000 people. The new, the new thing today is
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the Zoom meetings. I've seen people in the Zoom
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meeting and a A meeting. 1000 people, 800 people from
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worldwide and that's just on one meeting.
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So the, the organization or the A a itself, even though we're
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individuals together, we make a difference and, and you don't
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need to, you don't need to join as I'm an A, a thing.
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You need a, a is for the individual.
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It's not for the, not for the group.
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It's the individual that counts. Every member of Alcoholics
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Anonymous can live the way they choose to live.
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We don't have any, any limits on what they do or not.
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You know, if they want to drink, they think and drink, there's no
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problem there. If they want to stay sober, they
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can stay sober, but they'll only get so many chances.
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And I've seen people come into Alcoholics Anonymous who have
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been here 10 years ago, five years ago, six years ago, and
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they've been sober for certain period of time.
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And then when they come back in the worse off because they've
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gone out and drank again. A A is about abstinence.
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The trick is, is that what you want to do initially, no one
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wants to be abstinent. And So what you do is you live a
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day at a time, one day at a time.
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If you can stay sober for one day, you've got a good chance.
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And that's all it's about one day at a time.
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And if people do that and they come in, they've got a good
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chance because what they do is they get some clarity of thought
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and they're able to make those choices.
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I was talking about earlier on, they're able to make choices in
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their own life of how they want to live, what they want to do.
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And, and that's all it is. That's all it is, is just being
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able to make those choices, getting the clarity of thought.
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So what once once you can, once you realize that alcohol is a
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problem and you want to do something about it, it's just a
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matter of basically going to the group of drunks and asking them
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for help. And that's the hardest part.
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The hardest part is going into an, a, a meeting.
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The hardest part is walking in there because no matter what
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happens, that's the first step of humility to turn around and
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say, hey, I need help. And there's a lot of people that
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do it. Some of them don't stay, some of
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them go off sometimes and, and have their own businesses and
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stuff like that and they live quite well.
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But most people, most people stay with Alcoholics Anonymous
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because it's the place they the place they find, I suppose,
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their truth. No one else has only their own
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truth. Just curious, one of the
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questions that I thought everyone sort wonders about.
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Have you ever slipped off of the wagon?
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I've not, I've not had a drink since December the 16th, 1980.
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I've not had an alcoholic drink since December the 6th, 1980.
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It's not to say I did from the first meeting when I still got
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the first meeting on September 1980 when I first came to
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Alcoholics Anonymous, my, my actually impression of
20:46
Alcoholics Anonymous was it's the Addams Family and I don't
20:49
want to join. That was that was what it was.
20:51
That was my impression of it, but I did stay sober for a week
20:55
and a day, so I knew it were I knew it were one.
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Do you think everyone who approaches one of these meetings
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feels that way, That that's scared?
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It's not fear. It's not fear.
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It's, it's initially you would think it's fear, but you, you're
21:13
driven in. You're driven in by, I'll go
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back to that and say you're driven in by fear and you'll
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stay, you'll stay sober for a while on fear.
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But once, once, once you start getting better, you get well
21:26
enough to get sick enough to drink again.
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That's what that's what a lot of Alcoholics did.
21:30
I did it. You know a lot of them that you
21:34
will talk to, they will say they've been a few times,
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they've been here a few times because what happens is it's
21:40
working. I say it's working with the
21:43
disease. But once you get well, you can
21:46
get well enough to get sick enough to drink again.
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That's basically what happens and then you see them come on
21:53
back after time or maybe they're hospitalized.
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There was there's times where I've seen people just go
22:04
straight to hospital or they go to a clinic or something and
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don't get out. There's places like Glenside
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have wards for alcoholic patients.
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There's there used to be a place called Hillcrest when I first
22:21
came in and that was full of Alcoholics.
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That was and they were in different stages of alcoholism.
22:26
There's a corsic crops disease, which is basically a walking
22:31
vegetable. It's, it's water on the brain.
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What I can understand and that's what alcohol does to them.
22:40
It, it makes them, they grow it there in stupors, walking
22:44
zombies basically. And then you've got the guy that
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wants to get sober and he'll come and he'll go to meetings
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and go to meetings, go to meetings.
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They do really well. And there's some people, some
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people in Alcoholics, well, and Alcoholics and just go to
23:00
meetings and don't do anything, you know, and they stumble every
23:05
now and then. But the choice is theirs.
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Once, once they get sober, they get to a point where they have
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to make a choice and that and that's what that's what happens
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in life as well. I mean, we all grow up well,
23:19
somewhere along the line, but it depends when you know that
23:22
that's not up to us. When people, when people turn
23:26
around and say, oh, look, I'm going to change my life, that's
23:28
not up to Alcoholics. None.
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We're not saying we're going to change your life.
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What will happen is you may want to change your life.
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And no one, no one ever forced me into Alcoholics.
23:39
None. No one ever forced the program
23:42
down the throat. That's quite the opposite.
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You know, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is
23:50
basically we're a group of people with expert share our
23:54
experience, strength and hope with each other to help other
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Alcoholics gain sobriety. That's what it is.
24:00
And that and that in itself is what the worldwide organizations
24:06
about. It's one alcoholic health and
24:08
another. And then then later on in life
24:12
they'll, they'll help someone else and so on and so forth.
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I think the, the organization of Alcoholics norms started in 33.
24:21
It's now 80 years old or somewhere.
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It's about 70 odd years old and that, and that's over many
24:30
countries. In every country I can think of,
24:33
there's a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, but maybe I couldn't
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quote on this with something like maybe a million or two
24:41
members, you know, so you're looking at an organization that
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all they've done is spread the message and the message is
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basically stays over and life can be OK.
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They spread the message by word of mouth.
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There's no, there's no great advertising for anything else.
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I suppose nowadays, you know, what they have now is everybody
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has a rehab that helps them. But I go, I go back to when I
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came in, the only rehab was Real Crest Hospital.
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And at that stage most of those people in there were chronic
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Alcoholics. Most of those people in there
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were either chronic Alcoholics or there was other people there
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that actually went from institution to institution.
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And it was, it was hard, hard for a lot of people then.
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But when I when I say hard, for a lot of people, the only reason
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Alcoholics Anonymous is hard is when people fight against it.
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That's why, I mean, yeah, you've got to give in to win.
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If you can understand that. It's a paradox.
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And it's like that alcoholic is alcoholism is like that.
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It's a paradox. They ask you to do the opposite,
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what you were doing when you were drinking.
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And to be honest with you, I'm glad I'm doing the opposite to
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what I was doing when I was drinking.
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It's a it's a good life. It's a good life today.
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It went from a shambles to a good life.
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You know, you grow up in an alcoholic home and I suppose 5
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or 6 years of age you're getting your father off someone who's
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fighting in the street and stuff like that.
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And then you're fighting the street at 1415 years of age,
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whether there's music goes on on a Sunday afternoon, wake up all
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the neighbors who cares to do all this sort of thing.
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That was the madness and mayhem of alcoholism, the medicine may
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may of the alcoholism is who cares who gives us stuff And.
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And off they go. Yeah.
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And maybe, maybe when I talk about myself, almost the same.
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Maybe sometimes we need to change.
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Sometimes we need to just change our attitudes towards each
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other, towards mankind, and life becomes easier.
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I might just run through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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It's the the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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We admitted with powers over alcohol, that our lives had
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become unmanageable. 2 came to believe that a power greater
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than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3 made a decision to
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turn our will and our lives over the care of God as we understood
27:24
him. Four made a searching and
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fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5 admitted to God, to
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ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature our
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wrongs. Six were entirely ready to have
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God remove all these defects of character. 7 Humbly asked Him to
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remove our shortcomings. 8 Made a list of persons we had harmed,
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and became willing to make amends to them all.
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Nine made direct amends. Such people, wherever possible,
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except when to do so, would injure them or others. 10
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continue to take personal inventory when we were wrong,
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promptly loaded. 11 So through prayer and meditation, improve
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our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying
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only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry
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that. And 12, having had a spiritual
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awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this
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message to Alcoholics and practice these principles in all
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of our affairs. We have local meetings for the
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full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
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Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
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8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00, and Friday is Salisbury at
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8:00. There's a meeting at Devon Park
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at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
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and many of the meetings in the area.
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For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
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double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
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know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
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Anonymous on 1300 double 22222 or check out their website on
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aa.org dot AU.