Latest / The Eye Believe Podcast / Surprising Ways MENTAL Wellness is Evolving in 2024

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Surprising Ways MENTAL Wellness is Evolving in 2024 · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to
• 0:00
  the eye
• 0:00
  on mental
• 0:01
  health
• 0:01
  seminar.
• 0:01
  And I
• 0:02
  just want
• 0:02
  to thank
• 0:03
  our
• 0:03
  sponsors.
• 0:04
  Our sponsors
• 0:04
  are what
• 0:05
  make this
• 0:05
  event
• 0:05
  possible.
• 0:06
  They are our sponsors
• 0:07
  from the
• 0:07
  2023 event,
• 0:08
  who helped
• 0:09
  to make
• 0:09
  sure that
• 0:09
  we could
• 0:10
  show up
• 0:10
  for a
• 0:10
  hybrid
• 0:11
  event.
• 0:11
  thank you
• 0:11
  to Castle
• 0:12
  Biosciences
• 0:12
  also our
• 0:13
  other high
• 0:13
  level
• 0:13
  sponsors,
• 0:14
  Immunocore
• 0:14
  Ideaya
• 0:15
  and Aura,
• 0:16
  as well
• 0:16
  as trisalus
• 0:17
  Life
• 0:17
  sciences
• 0:18
  and Delcath
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  make sure
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  So even
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  To join
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  please join
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  the
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  the registry
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  is going
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  to help
• 0:45
  with
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  improving
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  research
• 0:46
  and
• 0:46
  improving
• 0:46
  outcomes
• 0:47
  in
• 0:47
  patients.
• 0:47
  You're
• 0:47
  providing
• 0:48
  your
• 0:48
  medical
• 0:48
  history,
• 0:49
  and
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• 0:49
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  You can
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• 0:53
  and
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  that will
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  get you
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  into the
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  registry.
• 0:54
  Eve,
• 0:55
  thank you
• 0:55
  so much for
• 0:55
  your
• 0:55
  patience.
• 0:56
  Thank you
• 0:56
  for
• 0:57
  being here.
• 0:57
  for
• 0:57
  those of
• 0:58
  you who did
• 0:58
  not hear
• 0:59
  my initial
• 0:59
  introduction
• 1:00
  of Eve.
• 1:01
  She is also
• 1:02
  a patient.
• 1:02
  And
• 1:03
  everyone
• 1:03
  in this
• 1:03
  in this
• 1:04
  seminar
• 1:04
  who is going
• 1:05
  to be
• 1:05
  presenting
• 1:05
  this year,
• 1:06
  for eye
• 1:06
  on mental
• 1:07
  health, is
• 1:07
  a patient
• 1:08
  as well as
• 1:09
  a medically
• 1:10
  trained
• 1:10
  or
• 1:11
  clinically
• 1:11
  trained
• 1:12
  therapist
• 1:13
  psychologist.
• 1:14
  they are
• 1:14
  wonderful
• 1:15
  people
• 1:15
  and we are
• 1:15
  so grateful
• 1:16
  for their
• 1:16
  willingness
• 1:17
  to be here
• 1:17
  as well
• 1:18
  as share
• 1:18
  their
• 1:18
  experiences
• 1:19
  as
• 1:19
  patients.
• 1:19
  So, Eve,
• 1:20
  thank you
• 1:21
  so much
• 1:21
  for
• 1:21
  being here
• 1:22
  and sharing
• 1:22
  your
• 1:22
  expertise.
• 1:24
  Thank
• 1:25
  you for
• 1:25
  having me.
• 1:26
  I'm so
• 1:26
  happy
• 1:26
  to be here.
• 1:28
  I'm so
• 1:28
  happy.
• 1:28
  danet
• 1:29
  you have
• 1:29
  organized
• 1:30
  this.
• 1:30
  Because
• 1:31
  I think
• 1:31
  mental
• 1:31
  health
• 1:32
  is one
• 1:32
  of the
• 1:32
  biggest
• 1:33
  places
• 1:33
  that we.
• 1:34
  We need in,
• 1:36
  dealing
• 1:36
  with an
• 1:37
  ocular
• 1:37
  melanoma
• 1:38
  or
• 1:38
  a
• 1:38
  metastatic
• 1:39
  uveal
• 1:39
  melanoma
• 1:40
  diagnosis.
• 1:41
  for me,
• 1:42
  having
• 1:43
  metastasized
• 1:44
  last fall,
• 1:45
  it is
• 1:45
  absolutely
• 1:46
  a
• 1:46
  psychological game
• 1:47
  because
• 1:47
  anybody
• 1:48
  looking
• 1:48
  at me,
• 1:50
  would never
• 1:50
  know that
• 1:51
  I have
• 1:51
  stage
• 1:51
  four
• 1:52
  cancer.
• 1:53
  when people
• 1:53
  see me,
• 1:54
  they're
• 1:54
  like, wow,
• 1:54
  you look
• 1:55
  so good.
• 1:55
  Because
• 1:56
  I think
• 1:56
  they expect
• 1:57
  that I'm
• 1:57
  going
• 1:57
  to not
• 1:58
  have hair
• 1:58
  and have
• 1:59
  more
• 1:59
  yellowed
• 2:00
  skin and
• 2:00
  all of
• 2:00
  that.
• 2:01
  in facing
• 2:02
  this kind
• 2:02
  of cancer,
• 2:03
  which is
• 2:04
  so
• 2:04
  aggressive
• 2:05
  and so rare
• 2:06
  and we know
• 2:06
  so little
• 2:07
  about it,
• 2:08
  why
• 2:08
  some of us
• 2:09
  mets, why
• 2:10
  some of us
• 2:10
  mets
• 2:10
  in the lung
• 2:11
  and
• 2:11
  not The liver.
• 2:12
  But
• 2:12
  you know
• 2:13
  why some
• 2:14
  of us mets
• 2:14
  six months
• 2:15
  after
• 2:16
  receiving
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  diagnosis
• 2:17
  versus
• 2:17
  15 years
• 2:18
  after
• 2:19
  receiving
• 2:19
  that
• 2:19
  diagnosis.
• 2:20
  Why?
• 2:20
  Some of us
• 2:22
  have
• 2:22
  survived
• 2:23
  Mets for
• 2:23
  19 years
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  some of us
• 2:25
  for six
• 2:25
  months.
• 2:26
  We
• 2:26
  don't know
• 2:27
  most
• 2:27
  of the,
• 2:28
  answers
• 2:28
  to these
• 2:29
  questions.
• 2:29
  So for me,
• 2:31
  as someone
• 2:31
  who has
• 2:31
  been
• 2:32
  dedicated
• 2:32
  to helping
• 2:33
  other
• 2:33
  people heal
• 2:35
  in their life,
• 2:36
  when
• 2:36
  I received
• 2:37
  this
• 2:37
  diagnosis,
• 2:38
  I did what
• 2:39
  I know
• 2:39
  how to do,
• 2:40
  which was
• 2:40
  I gathered
• 2:41
  my people
• 2:43
  and I
• 2:44
  started
• 2:44
  researching,
• 2:45
  and I
• 2:47
  started
• 2:48
  looking
• 2:48
  for stories
• 2:49
  of other
• 2:49
  people
• 2:50
  who had
• 2:50
  survived,
• 2:51
  things
• 2:52
  they shouldn't
• 2:52
  have
• 2:52
  survived.
• 2:54
  And
• 2:54
  I happened
• 2:55
  upon,
• 2:56
  Anita
• 2:57
  moorjani's
• 2:58
  book, Dying
• 2:59
  to be me.
• 2:59
  so I was
• 3:00
  diagnosed
• 3:01
  in 2013.
• 3:02
  I was a
• 3:02
  enucleated
• 3:03
  in 2017,
• 3:05
  and I mets
• 3:07
  in 2022.
• 3:11
  I've
• 3:11
  been in
• 3:11
  a, clinical
• 3:12
  trial
• 3:12
  at
• 3:13
  Columbia.
• 3:13
  The ideaya
• 3:14
  trial,
• 3:15
  who's
• 3:15
  one of
• 3:15
  our
• 3:15
  sponsors.
• 3:16
  Yay.
• 3:17
  and
• 3:17
  recently
• 3:18
  was kicked
• 3:19
  out of
• 3:19
  the trial
• 3:19
  because of
• 3:20
  progression.
• 3:21
  and when
• 3:23
  I was first
• 3:23
  diagnosed
• 3:24
  in 2013,
• 3:27
  of course,
• 3:27
  I researched
• 3:28
  it all.
• 3:28
  My parents
• 3:29
  were both
• 3:29
  research
• 3:30
  scientists.
• 3:30
  So
• 3:31
  I did all
• 3:31
  my research
• 3:32
  and trying
• 3:32
  to figure
• 3:32
  stuff out,
• 3:33
  and I
• 3:33
  went to
• 3:34
  conference
• 3:34
  in
• 3:34
  Philadelphia
• 3:36
  that year.
• 3:36
  In 2013.
• 3:38
  I started
• 3:38
  making
• 3:39
  changes
• 3:39
  to make
• 3:40
  my body
• 3:40
  as healthy
• 3:41
  as it could
• 3:41
  be.
• 3:42
  to prevent
• 3:43
  mets
• 3:44
  if I had any
• 3:44
  control
• 3:45
  over that.
• 3:46
  And I
• 3:46
  made lots
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  different
• 3:47
  changes
• 3:48
  over
• 3:49
  the nine
• 3:49
  and a
• 3:49
  half years
• 3:50
  that I have
• 3:51
  not yet
• 3:51
  mets
• 3:52
  but during
• 3:53
  that time,
• 3:54
  I would
• 3:55
  tap in
• 3:56
  and tap
• 3:56
  out of the,
• 3:58
  Facebook
• 3:59
  support
• 3:59
  group
• 4:00
  pages,
• 4:00
  when my
• 4:01
  tolerance
• 4:02
  for seeing,
• 4:03
  oh,
• 4:04
  this person died
• 4:05
  and that
• 4:05
  person died
• 4:06
  or that
• 4:06
  person mets
• 4:07
  or when
• 4:08
  my tolerance
• 4:09
  would wane,
• 4:10
  I would not
• 4:10
  look at the
• 4:11
  Facebook
• 4:11
  groups.
• 4:11
  And when
• 4:12
  I needed
• 4:12
  to connect
• 4:13
  and get
• 4:13
  information
• 4:14
  or talk
• 4:15
  with
• 4:15
  people,
• 4:16
  I would
• 4:16
  get on
• 4:17
  the
• 4:17
  Facebook
• 4:17
  groups
• 4:18
  and ask
• 4:18
  questions
• 4:19
  or to say
• 4:20
  how I'm
• 4:20
  feeling.
• 4:21
  And people
• 4:22
  were always
• 4:22
  supportive
• 4:23
  and it made
• 4:23
  a huge
• 4:24
  difference.
• 4:25
  But
• 4:25
  when I mets
• 4:26
  a year ago,
• 4:27
  it became
• 4:28
  really
• 4:28
  clear
• 4:29
  that it's
• 4:29
  a
• 4:29
  psychological
• 4:30
  game.
• 4:30
  It's a game
• 4:31
  of surfing,
• 4:32
  hope
• 4:32
  and fear
• 4:33
  I took
• 4:33
  everything
• 4:34
  that I knew
• 4:34
  from
• 4:35
  my work
• 4:35
  as
• 4:35
  a therapist
• 4:37
  and the way
• 4:37
  that I've
• 4:37
  lived
• 4:38
  my life
• 4:38
  in general,
• 4:39
  which is
• 4:40
  pretty out
• 4:40
  loud.
• 4:41
  I started
• 4:42
  to do
• 4:42
  lots
• 4:42
  of things
• 4:43
  to help
• 4:43
  myself
• 4:44
  make
• 4:44
  meaning of
• 4:45
  why
• 4:45
  did I get
• 4:46
  this cancer
• 4:48
  when
• 4:48
  we can make
• 4:48
  meaning
• 4:49
  of it,
• 4:49
  we remove
• 4:50
  ourselves.
• 4:50
  We
• 4:50
  take ourselves
• 4:51
  out of
• 4:51
  the role
• 4:51
  of victim.
• 4:52
  Oh,
• 4:52
  this cancer
• 4:53
  happened
• 4:54
  to me.
• 4:54
  Oh,
• 4:54
  this is awful.
• 4:55
  Oh,
• 4:56
  my life is over.
• 4:57
  And when we
• 4:58
  make
• 4:58
  meaning
• 4:59
  and we
• 5:00
  decide what
• 5:01
  our story
• 5:02
  is, why
• 5:02
  this cancer,
• 5:03
  why this
• 5:04
  particular
• 5:04
  cancer,
• 5:05
  why this
• 5:05
  time of
• 5:06
  our life
• 5:08
  that allows
• 5:09
  us to
• 5:09
  have a
• 5:10
  sense of
• 5:10
  agency
• 5:11
  over it.
• 5:11
  So we're
• 5:11
  not
• 5:12
  a victim
• 5:12
  to it.
• 5:13
  It's just
• 5:14
  another
• 5:14
  part of our
• 5:16
  whole life
• 5:17
  story.
• 5:19
  And for me,
• 5:20
  I had means
• 5:21
  that I
• 5:21
  liked
• 5:22
  that
• 5:22
  resonated
• 5:23
  for me
• 5:23
  at the time.
• 5:24
  And I
• 5:24
  put them
• 5:24
  on
• 5:24
  screensavers
• 5:25
  on my
• 5:26
  phone.
• 5:26
  And
• 5:27
  interestingly
• 5:28
  enough,
• 5:28
  at this
• 5:28
  very
• 5:29
  moment,
• 5:29
  oops,
• 5:30
  it
• 5:30
  went away.
• 5:31
  But it's
• 5:31
  a
• 5:31
  screensaver
• 5:32
  that says
• 5:33
  it's time
• 5:34
  to write
• 5:34
  a new story.
• 5:36
  And so
• 5:36
  for me,
• 5:38
  when I
• 5:38
  mets,
• 5:40
  it
• 5:40
  reminded me
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  the 1980s
• 5:42
  when I was
• 5:44
  a young,
• 5:45
  theater
• 5:45
  student,
• 5:47
  you know,
• 5:47
  gay
• 5:48
  activist
• 5:49
  in New
• 5:49
  York City.
• 5:50
  And it was
• 5:52
  during
• 5:52
  the Aids
• 5:52
  crisis.
• 5:53
  And people
• 5:54
  were dying
• 5:54
  left and
• 5:55
  right.
• 5:55
  And it was
• 5:56
  too much.
• 5:58
  It was
• 5:59
  it was
• 6:01
  overwhelming,
• 6:02
  especially
• 6:02
  to the gay
• 6:03
  lesbian
• 6:04
  community
• 6:05
  to have so
• 6:06
  many people
• 6:06
  dying left
• 6:07
  and right.
• 6:08
  And we lost
• 6:09
  so many
• 6:09
  people.
• 6:10
  at a time
• 6:11
  that when
• 6:12
  I got
• 6:12
  involved
• 6:13
  with om
• 6:13
  I realized,
• 6:14
  oh my gosh,
• 6:15
  it's it's
• 6:16
  really
• 6:16
  similar
• 6:17
  because
• 6:17
  people are
• 6:18
  dying.
• 6:18
  Like,
• 6:18
  one to two
• 6:19
  people
• 6:19
  a week
• 6:20
  on the
• 6:20
  Facebook
• 6:20
  groups,
• 6:21
  whenever
• 6:21
  I checked
• 6:21
  in
• 6:22
  I remember
• 6:23
  there was
• 6:24
  a therapist
• 6:25
  in New
• 6:25
  Hampshire
• 6:25
  by
• 6:25
  the name of
• 6:26
  Connie
• 6:26
  Robillard,
• 6:27
  who was a
• 6:27
  who was a,
• 6:29
  a client,
• 6:29
  at om
• 6:31
  And she
• 6:32
  and I
• 6:32
  connected
• 6:33
  because
• 6:33
  she was
• 6:33
  a
• 6:33
  therapist.
• 6:34
  And two
• 6:35
  weeks after
• 6:36
  we
• 6:36
  connected,
• 6:37
  she died,
• 6:38
  and I
• 6:39
  was like,
• 6:39
  oh, my God,
• 6:40
  that was
• 6:41
  way too
• 6:41
  fast.
• 6:42
  I was very
• 6:43
  frightened
• 6:43
  if I carried
• 6:44
  this fear.
• 6:44
  once you
• 6:45
  start
• 6:45
  to mets
• 6:46
  you're
• 6:46
  going to
• 6:46
  go quick.
• 6:48
  of course,
• 6:48
  that my
• 6:49
  awareness
• 6:50
  of that
• 6:50
  has
• 6:50
  changed,
• 6:52
  considerably
• 6:53
  now
• 6:53
  that I'm
• 6:53
  still alive
• 6:54
  a year
• 6:54
  later.
• 6:55
  and now
• 6:56
  that
• 6:56
  I've met
• 6:56
  other
• 6:57
  people who,
• 6:58
  have
• 6:58
  survived
• 6:59
  Mets for
• 6:59
  many,
• 7:00
  many years
• 7:00
  and, I had
• 7:02
  to change
• 7:02
  my story
• 7:03
  from, oh,
• 7:03
  my God, I'm
• 7:04
  going
• 7:04
  to die,
• 7:04
  like,
• 7:05
  really
• 7:05
  soon to
• 7:07
  know I'm
• 7:07
  going
• 7:08
  to surf.
• 7:08
  I'm going
• 7:09
  to surf.
• 7:09
  Like Clay
• 7:10
  Butler,
• 7:11
  who
• 7:11
  made the
• 7:11
  wonderful
• 7:12
  video
• 7:12
  about,
• 7:13
  you know,
• 7:13
  what
• 7:13
  happens
• 7:14
  psychologically
• 7:15
  when you
• 7:16
  metastasize.
• 7:18
  but
• 7:18
  I've got
• 7:18
  to learn
• 7:18
  how to
• 7:19
  serve
• 7:19
  moments
• 7:19
  of hope
• 7:20
  and moments
• 7:21
  of fear,
• 7:22
  and
• 7:22
  I've got to
• 7:25
  sort of
• 7:25
  embody
• 7:26
  this, like
• 7:27
  mellow
• 7:28
  surfer
• 7:28
  dude,
• 7:30
  which is
• 7:30
  not my
• 7:31
  personality,
• 7:32
  this mellow
• 7:33
  surfer
• 7:34
  dude self
• 7:35
  that is
• 7:37
  not too
• 7:37
  fazed
• 7:38
  by any
• 7:39
  bad news,
• 7:40
  but
• 7:40
  keeps us
• 7:41
  in the
• 7:41
  larger
• 7:42
  perspective
• 7:42
  of okay,
• 7:43
  one step
• 7:44
  at a time.
• 7:45
  And it's
• 7:45
  very hard
• 7:45
  to do
• 7:46
  when you're
• 7:46
  facing
• 7:47
  a deadly
• 7:47
  cancer.
• 7:47
  It's
• 7:48
  extremely
• 7:48
  hard to do.
• 7:49
  and yet
• 7:51
  I could
• 7:51
  either
• 7:52
  do that
• 7:52
  or I
• 7:52
  could sink
• 7:53
  into
• 7:53
  depression
• 7:54
  or anxiety
• 7:55
  or,
• 7:56
  dysfunction
• 7:57
  and, be
• 7:57
  frozen
• 7:58
  in it.
• 7:58
  what
• 7:58
  I've learned
• 7:59
  over time
• 8:00
  is that one
• 8:01
  has to feel
• 8:02
  all the
• 8:03
  feelings,
• 8:04
  feel
• 8:04
  the bad
• 8:05
  ones,
• 8:05
  the
• 8:05
  hopeless
• 8:06
  ones,
• 8:06
  the ugly
• 8:06
  ones,
• 8:07
  the
• 8:07
  difficult
• 8:07
  ones,
• 8:08
  the angry
• 8:08
  ones.
• 8:09
  the self
• 8:10
  blaming
• 8:10
  ones.
• 8:11
  And and
• 8:12
  also feel
• 8:12
  all the joy
• 8:13
  and the
• 8:13
  love and
• 8:14
  the
• 8:14
  gratitude
• 8:15
  and the,
• 8:16
  generosity
• 8:17
  of how
• 8:17
  people show
• 8:18
  up
• 8:18
  in our lives.
• 8:19
  So surfing
• 8:20
  all of
• 8:21
  these
• 8:21
  feelings
• 8:22
  and surfing
• 8:23
  the good news
• 8:23
  and the bad
• 8:24
  news with
• 8:24
  whatever
• 8:25
  treatments
• 8:25
  you're
• 8:25
  pursuing,
• 8:27
  the meaning
• 8:28
  for me
• 8:28
  became,
• 8:31
  after years
• 8:32
  of service
• 8:32
  to others,
• 8:35
  the meaning
• 8:36
  became.
• 8:38
  I got to heal
• 8:39
  myself.
• 8:41
  I got to focus on
• 8:42
  me.
• 8:43
  I got to figure out
• 8:44
  what
• 8:45
  message
• 8:46
  I'm not
• 8:46
  getting,
• 8:47
  that
• 8:47
  I got to get.
• 8:48
  I got to figure out
• 8:51
  what I want
• 8:52
  to do
• 8:52
  before
• 8:52
  I die.
• 8:53
  I got to
• 8:53
  prioritize
• 8:54
  myself.
• 8:55
  I got to
• 8:56
  and it
• 8:56
  became this
• 8:57
  whole study
• 8:58
  in, Spirit
• 9:00
  has
• 9:00
  allowed me
• 9:01
  to stay
• 9:01
  here to,
• 9:02
  to date.
• 9:03
  So
• 9:03
  what is my
• 9:04
  purpose?
• 9:05
  down,
• 9:05
  I felt
• 9:05
  I had
• 9:06
  a much
• 9:06
  larger
• 9:06
  purpose
• 9:07
  than what
• 9:07
  I had
• 9:07
  already
• 9:08
  accomplished
• 9:08
  in my life,
• 9:09
  which was,
• 9:09
  you know,
• 9:11
  it's not
• 9:11
  chopped
• 9:11
  liver.
• 9:12
  Pretty decent.
• 9:12
  and it
• 9:13
  became
• 9:13
  really
• 9:14
  clear
• 9:14
  to me that
• 9:17
  for me,
• 9:18
  it was
• 9:18
  about
• 9:18
  writing
• 9:19
  a new story.
• 9:20
  It was
• 9:20
  about
• 9:20
  taking
• 9:21
  all the
• 9:21
  healing
• 9:22
  skills that
• 9:22
  I have
• 9:24
  so
• 9:26
  heart
• 9:27
  fully.
• 9:30
  Given
• 9:30
  in service
• 9:31
  to so
• 9:31
  many people
• 9:33
  in my life.
• 9:34
  And turn
• 9:35
  those
• 9:36
  skills
• 9:36
  towards
• 9:36
  myself.
• 9:37
  what I want
• 9:38
  to say
• 9:38
  is that,
• 9:38
  nobody can
• 9:39
  tell you
• 9:40
  what your
• 9:40
  cancer
• 9:41
  story is.
• 9:41
  Nobody can
• 9:42
  tell you
• 9:42
  the meaning
• 9:43
  of
• 9:43
  of your cancer
• 9:44
  or why
• 9:45
  you got it.
• 9:45
  it is 100%
• 9:47
  valid
• 9:48
  to have the
• 9:48
  meaning be
• 9:49
  I was unlucky,
• 9:50
  I got this
• 9:50
  really bad
• 9:51
  cancer
• 9:52
  and it's
• 9:52
  sucks
• 9:53
  and I'm
• 9:54
  just
• 9:54
  going to
• 9:54
  live
• 9:54
  my life
• 9:55
  if that's
• 9:55
  the meaning
• 9:56
  you
• 9:56
  make of it
• 9:57
  and it
• 9:57
  resonates
• 9:58
  for you
• 9:58
  and it
• 9:58
  works
• 9:58
  for you,
• 9:59
  go for it.
• 10:00
  If the
• 10:01
  meaning is,
• 10:01
  oh my
• 10:02
  gosh, I'm
• 10:03
  figuring
• 10:03
  out my
• 10:04
  self-worth
• 10:04
  for the
• 10:04
  first time
• 10:05
  in my life,
• 10:05
  this is amazing.
• 10:07
  Go for it.
• 10:08
  If
• 10:08
  the meaning
• 10:09
  is, oh,
• 10:09
  I've helped
• 10:10
  everybody
• 10:10
  else my
• 10:10
  whole life
• 10:11
  and now I'm
• 10:11
  going to
• 10:11
  help myself
• 10:13
  go for it.
• 10:14
  That the
• 10:15
  meaning
• 10:15
  that you
• 10:16
  make of it
• 10:17
  is yours
• 10:18
  and yours
• 10:19
  alone
• 10:19
  and only
• 10:20
  yours
• 10:20
  to decide.
• 10:21
  and the
• 10:21
  meaning
• 10:22
  that you
• 10:22
  make of it
• 10:23
  is meant to
• 10:24
  help you
• 10:24
  cope.
• 10:26
  It's to
• 10:26
  help you
• 10:27
  tolerate
• 10:27
  the ups
• 10:28
  and downs.
• 10:29
  you know,
• 10:29
  you can
• 10:30
  get as deep
• 10:30
  and
• 10:30
  as woowoo
• 10:31
  as you want
• 10:32
  about it.
• 10:32
  You know,
• 10:33
  some
• 10:33
  people are like,
• 10:34
  I must've
• 10:34
  been a
• 10:35
  really
• 10:35
  bad person
• 10:36
  in a past
• 10:36
  life
• 10:37
  to have
• 10:37
  this cancer
• 10:38
  in this
• 10:38
  life,
• 10:39
  whatever
• 10:40
  works
• 10:40
  for you.
• 10:41
  the importance
• 10:42
  is that
• 10:43
  whatever
• 10:44
  frame
• 10:44
  you have,
• 10:45
  whatever
• 10:45
  way you've
• 10:46
  written
• 10:46
  this story
• 10:46
  about why
• 10:47
  this
• 10:47
  cancer,
• 10:48
  why now,
• 10:49
  and what
• 10:50
  you're
• 10:50
  going to do
• 10:50
  with the
• 10:51
  with the
• 10:51
  remainder
• 10:52
  of
• 10:52
  your life
• 10:54
  that is
• 10:54
  uniquely
• 10:55
  yours
• 10:56
  to figure
• 10:56
  out, know,
• 10:57
  and don't
• 10:57
  let anybody
• 10:58
  tell you.
• 10:58
  Oh, you
• 10:59
  know, God
• 11:00
  gave you
• 11:00
  this cancer
• 11:01
  because of
• 11:01
  blah, blah,
• 11:02
  blah, blah.
• 11:03
  No, it's
• 11:04
  for you
• 11:04
  to decide
• 11:04
  in
• 11:05
  the quiet
• 11:05
  of your
• 11:06
  own heart,
• 11:06
  in
• 11:06
  the quiet
• 11:07
  of your
• 11:07
  own belly,
• 11:08
  in the
• 11:08
  quiet
• 11:08
  of your
• 11:09
  own prayer
• 11:10
  for you
• 11:11
  to decide.
• 11:13
  cancer is
• 11:14
  the great
• 11:14
  distiller,
• 11:15
  right?
• 11:16
  it allows
• 11:17
  me to be
• 11:17
  acutely
• 11:18
  aware of
• 11:19
  my mortality.
• 11:21
  It allows me
• 11:22
  to to
• 11:23
  be aware,
• 11:24
  I don't
• 11:24
  I don't know
• 11:25
  how much
• 11:25
  time I
• 11:26
  have left
• 11:26
  on
• 11:26
  the planet,
• 11:27
  but I am
• 11:27
  going to
• 11:28
  use my time
• 11:29
  in a
• 11:30
  valuable
• 11:30
  way that
• 11:31
  that lifts
• 11:32
  me up.
• 11:33
  And,
• 11:38
  When you
• 11:39
  don't have,
• 11:40
  a cancer
• 11:40
  like ocular
• 11:41
  melanoma,
• 11:44
  you're also
• 11:45
  you
• 11:45
  don't know
• 11:45
  when you're
• 11:45
  going
• 11:46
  to die.
• 11:46
  But
• 11:47
  the difference
• 11:47
  is that
• 11:48
  being
• 11:48
  an omie
• 11:49
  allows you
• 11:49
  to be
• 11:50
  acutely
• 11:50
  aware
• 11:51
  of it.
• 11:51
  and
• 11:51
  ultimately,
• 11:52
  for me,
• 11:52
  it was a gift.
• 11:54
  So when
• 11:54
  I was
• 11:54
  going back
• 11:55
  and forth
• 11:55
  to New
• 11:56
  York,
• 11:56
  I was listening
• 11:57
  to lots
• 11:57
  of
• 11:57
  audiobooks
• 11:58
  and
• 11:58
  memoirs,
• 11:59
  and I
• 12:00
  get really
• 12:01
  lifted up
• 12:01
  hearing
• 12:01
  other
• 12:02
  people's
• 12:02
  stories
• 12:02
  and how
• 12:03
  they make
• 12:03
  sense of
• 12:04
  their
• 12:04
  lives.
• 12:06
  And I
• 12:06
  listened
• 12:07
  to Anita
• 12:08
  book, Dying
• 12:08
  to Be Me,
• 12:09
  and it's
• 12:09
  a book
• 12:10
  all about
• 12:11
  how out
• 12:12
  of nowhere
• 12:13
  she was
• 12:13
  in stage
• 12:14
  for end
• 12:15
  of life
• 12:15
  cancer
• 12:17
  in India.
• 12:18
  And,
• 12:19
  she was
• 12:20
  in the hospital
• 12:21
  and
• 12:22
  the doctors
• 12:23
  were
• 12:23
  giving her
• 12:23
  the look of
• 12:24
  like I'm
• 12:24
  so sorry.
• 12:25
  You're
• 12:25
  about to die.
• 12:26
  And she had
• 12:27
  this
• 12:29
  experience
• 12:30
  where
• 12:30
  she saw her
• 12:32
  father and,
• 12:33
  met with
• 12:33
  soul
• 12:34
  friends.
• 12:34
  It was an
• 12:35
  out-of-body
• 12:35
  experience.
• 12:36
  And she got
• 12:37
  a really
• 12:38
  clear
• 12:38
  moment
• 12:39
  where
• 12:39
  she was
• 12:39
  given
• 12:40
  the choice
• 12:40
  to decide
• 12:41
  if she was
• 12:41
  going to die
• 12:42
  or if
• 12:42
  she was
• 12:43
  going to,
• 12:44
  stay
• 12:45
  in her body
• 12:45
  and live
• 12:46
  her
• 12:46
  purpose.
• 12:47
  she did a
• 12:48
  lovely job
• 12:48
  writing
• 12:49
  this book.
• 12:49
  In fact,
• 12:50
  part of
• 12:50
  why she did
• 12:51
  die is
• 12:52
  because she
• 12:52
  had to
• 12:52
  write
• 12:52
  this book.
• 12:53
  Because
• 12:53
  the planet
• 12:54
  needed
• 12:54
  this book.
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  book was
• 12:55
  all about
• 12:56
  how her
• 12:57
  near-death
• 12:57
  experience
• 12:58
  of stage
• 12:59
  four cancer
• 13:00
  and how she
• 13:03
  turned
• 13:04
  the car
• 13:04
  around and
• 13:05
  made
• 13:05
  meaning of
• 13:06
  her cancer.
• 13:07
  And the
• 13:08
  meaning was
• 13:08
  the
• 13:09
  importance
• 13:09
  of living
• 13:10
  the life
• 13:11
  that lifts
• 13:11
  you higher.
• 13:12
  Living
• 13:12
  a life
• 13:13
  that has
• 13:13
  integrity
• 13:14
  according
• 13:14
  to your own
• 13:15
  sense of,
• 13:16
  care
• 13:17
  for the self
• 13:18
  and care
• 13:18
  for those
• 13:20
  things
• 13:21
  and people
• 13:21
  that you
• 13:22
  value.
• 13:23
  So for me,
• 13:24
  I got really
• 13:25
  clear.
• 13:25
  so cancer
• 13:26
  is the
• 13:26
  great
• 13:27
  distiller.
• 13:27
  if we can
• 13:28
  see our
• 13:29
  experience
• 13:29
  around
• 13:30
  cancer
• 13:30
  as a
• 13:31
  healing
• 13:31
  journey,
• 13:32
  not
• 13:32
  a destination
• 13:33
  like,
• 13:33
  im
• 13:33
  going to die
• 13:34
  or,
• 13:35
  I gotta do
• 13:35
  everything
• 13:35
  on my
• 13:36
  bucket list
• 13:36
  before
• 13:36
  I die,
• 13:37
  but as a
• 13:37
  as a
• 13:38
  journey,
• 13:38
  like.
• 13:39
  Oh, and
• 13:39
  now I'm
• 13:39
  feeling
• 13:40
  this, and.
• 13:40
  Oh, and
• 13:41
  now I'm
• 13:41
  feeling
• 13:41
  that.
• 13:42
  oh, my God,
• 13:43
  this is
• 13:43
  amazing.
• 13:44
  I'm feeling
• 13:44
  this.
• 13:45
  if we can
• 13:46
  see it
• 13:46
  as a
• 13:46
  journey
• 13:47
  which
• 13:47
  which
• 13:47
  really,
• 13:48
  that's all
• 13:48
  life is.
• 13:49
  Life is
• 13:49
  a journey.
• 13:50
  It's about
• 13:51
  having
• 13:51
  feelings
• 13:52
  and
• 13:52
  thoughts
• 13:53
  and
• 13:53
  behaviors
• 13:54
  and people
• 13:55
  and
• 13:55
  connections
• 13:56
  and
• 13:56
  all these
• 13:56
  wonderful
• 13:57
  things.
• 13:57
  And that's
• 13:58
  no
• 13:58
  different.
• 13:58
  Once you're
• 13:59
  diagnosed,
• 14:00
  it just
• 14:01
  is a little
• 14:01
  more
• 14:02
  intense.
• 14:04
  I know,
• 14:04
  I know,
• 14:05
  Alice,
• 14:05
  because I
• 14:05
  talk about,
• 14:06
  the
• 14:06
  different
• 14:06
  kinds of
• 14:07
  therapy.
• 14:08
  And,
• 14:09
  Katie
• 14:09
  is going to
• 14:10
  talk about,
• 14:10
  I think,
• 14:11
  radical
• 14:11
  acceptance
• 14:12
  and, the
• 14:13
  positivity
• 14:14
  of the
• 14:15
  stress of
• 14:15
  the
• 14:15
  diagnosis
• 14:16
  and how to
• 14:17
  do good
• 14:17
  things
• 14:18
  in life.
• 14:18
  So I'm
• 14:18
  going to
• 14:19
  not cover
• 14:19
  that.
• 14:19
  all of us
• 14:20
  know that
• 14:20
  with each
• 14:21
  new scan
• 14:22
  or each
• 14:22
  new doctor
• 14:23
  visit,
• 14:24
  it can
• 14:25
  throw a
• 14:25
  monkey
• 14:25
  wrench.
• 14:26
  or a monkey
• 14:27
  into the
• 14:27
  wrench
• 14:28
  or a wrench
• 14:28
  into the monkey.
• 14:29
  What is that
• 14:29
  saying?
• 14:30
  and
• 14:31
  there can
• 14:31
  be
• 14:31
  scanxiety
• 14:32
  and
• 14:32
  there can
• 14:33
  be,
• 14:34
  periods
• 14:35
  of denial.
• 14:35
  Thank
• 14:36
  goodness.
• 14:36
  that
• 14:37
  happen,
• 14:38
  because
• 14:38
  it's hard
• 14:39
  to maintain
• 14:39
  this,
• 14:40
  this
• 14:40
  the intensity
• 14:41
  of
• 14:43
  I have
• 14:43
  a deadly cancer.
• 14:44
  I don't know
• 14:45
  when I'm
• 14:45
  going to
• 14:45
  die.
• 14:46
  I don't know
• 14:47
  when I'm
• 14:47
  going
• 14:47
  to start
• 14:47
  feeling
• 14:48
  sick.
• 14:48
  It's
• 14:49
  growing
• 14:49
  all over
• 14:49
  my body.
• 14:50
  I can
• 14:50
  feel I'm
• 14:51
  in the
• 14:51
  official
• 14:52
  wackable
• 14:53
  stage, but
• 14:55
  I don't
• 14:55
  look sick.
• 14:57
  You know,
• 14:58
  I'm still
• 14:58
  my vibrant
• 14:59
  Eve
• 14:59
  personality.
• 15:00
  it's a lot
• 15:01
  to manage
• 15:02
  your own
• 15:03
  sense
• 15:03
  of self,
• 15:04
  other
• 15:04
  people's
• 15:05
  sense
• 15:05
  of you
• 15:06
  and
• 15:06
  comments
• 15:06
  about it.
• 15:07
  Yeah,
• 15:08
  or nay
• 15:08
  and other
• 15:09
  people's
• 15:09
  fears
• 15:10
  and
• 15:10
  projections
• 15:11
  of you.
• 15:11
  It's a
• 15:11
  psychological
• 15:12
  game.
• 15:12
  Absolutely.
• 15:13
  And I'm
• 15:13
  so glad
• 15:14
  that this,
• 15:15
  This
• 15:15
  amazing
• 15:15
  event
• 15:16
  today is
• 15:16
  happening
• 15:17
  because,
• 15:20
  we do know
• 15:21
  from the
• 15:21
  research
• 15:22
  that
• 15:22
  when we
• 15:22
  focus
• 15:23
  on the good
• 15:23
  and when
• 15:23
  we focus
• 15:24
  on
• 15:24
  gratitude,
• 15:25
  we
• 15:25
  experience
• 15:25
  more good.
• 15:27
  And there's
• 15:28
  lots of
• 15:29
  spiritual
• 15:29
  text
• 15:30
  that's that
• 15:31
  explain why
• 15:31
  that is.
• 15:32
  But
• 15:33
  when they
• 15:33
  proved it
• 15:34
  by science,
• 15:35
  it led
• 15:36
  a certain
• 15:36
  credibility
• 15:37
  to it.
• 15:37
  Humans
• 15:38
  like are
• 15:38
  very
• 15:38
  connected
• 15:39
  to being
• 15:40
  human on
• 15:40
  this
• 15:40
  planet.
• 15:41
  But,
• 15:41
  it is true
• 15:42
  that if
• 15:43
  we can
• 15:43
  be positive
• 15:45
  that's
• 15:45
  better.
• 15:45
  Why is it better?
• 15:46
  Because it
• 15:46
  feels
• 15:47
  better.
• 15:49
  It's true.
• 15:50
  If we
• 15:50
  can't have
• 15:50
  gratitude,
• 15:51
  it's better
• 15:51
  because it
• 15:52
  feels
• 15:52
  better.
• 15:53
  It feels
• 15:54
  better than
• 15:54
  being
• 15:54
  riddled
• 15:55
  with
• 15:55
  anxiety
• 15:56
  or riddled
• 15:56
  with dread.
• 15:57
  there are times
• 15:59
  that we
• 15:59
  can't make
• 16:00
  that choice
• 16:01
  because
• 16:01
  it's too
• 16:02
  much or,
• 16:03
  you know,
• 16:04
  too scary.
• 16:06
  And that's
• 16:06
  okay.
• 16:07
  Making a
• 16:07
  the healing
• 16:08
  journey
• 16:08
  means
• 16:09
  I know
• 16:10
  these times
• 16:10
  are going
• 16:11
  to come
• 16:12
  where I am
• 16:13
  frozen
• 16:13
  in fear,
• 16:14
  or I am,
• 16:16
  anxious
• 16:17
  about
• 16:17
  scans.
• 16:19
  And I
• 16:20
  also know
• 16:20
  the time
• 16:21
  will come
• 16:21
  where
• 16:21
  I have
• 16:21
  the
• 16:22
  information
• 16:22
  from the scan.
• 16:23
  And then I
• 16:23
  make a plan
• 16:24
  with
• 16:24
  my doc.
• 16:25
  And,
• 16:26
  you know,
• 16:26
  I read
• 16:27
  a book
• 16:27
  and I make
• 16:27
  sense
• 16:28
  of it, or
• 16:28
  I meet
• 16:28
  with my,
• 16:29
  my support
• 16:31
  group
• 16:31
  online and
• 16:32
  and that
• 16:33
  this
• 16:33
  flowing,
• 16:34
  this
• 16:34
  surfing,
• 16:35
  this
• 16:36
  journey,
• 16:37
  allows
• 16:38
  us to be in
• 16:39
  the moment.
• 16:41
  So if
• 16:41
  we take the
• 16:42
  narrative
• 16:42
  that
• 16:42
  we build about
• 16:44
  why did I get this
• 16:45
  cancer,
• 16:46
  what is the
• 16:46
  meaning
• 16:47
  of it
• 16:47
  in my life?
• 16:48
  Why now?
• 16:53
  And then we
• 16:54
  take that
• 16:55
  framework
• 16:56
  and
• 16:57
  bring our
• 16:58
  present
• 17:01
  attention
• 17:02
  to that
• 17:03
  framework,
• 17:04
  getting
• 17:05
  cancer
• 17:05
  and getting
• 17:06
  this
• 17:06
  particular
• 17:07
  deadly
• 17:07
  cancer.
• 17:09
  sit down
• 17:10
  and
• 17:10
  buckle up
• 17:10
  because,
• 17:11
  let's
• 17:11
  say
• 17:11
  something
• 17:11
  crazy.
• 17:13
  It is a
• 17:14
  gift.
• 17:17
  It is
• 17:17
  an absolute
• 17:18
  gift.
• 17:18
  My life has been
• 17:20
  so rich
• 17:21
  and so
• 17:22
  full of so
• 17:23
  much love
• 17:25
  and so
• 17:25
  many things
• 17:26
  to be
• 17:26
  grateful
• 17:27
  for.
• 17:28
  Since
• 17:29
  metastasizing.
• 17:31
  And
• 17:33
  yes,
• 17:34
  there are
• 17:34
  the details
• 17:35
  of getting
• 17:35
  your ducks
• 17:36
  in a row
• 17:36
  and making
• 17:37
  sure all
• 17:37
  your legal
• 17:38
  papers
• 17:38
  are sent
• 17:39
  and all
• 17:39
  that.
• 17:39
  You know
• 17:40
  I have
• 17:40
  a child,
• 17:40
  so
• 17:40
  making sure
• 17:42
  you know
• 17:42
  the plan
• 17:42
  for her
• 17:43
  is settled
• 17:44
  and
• 17:45
  making sure
• 17:45
  I'm not
• 17:46
  leaving
• 17:46
  a bunch
• 17:46
  of messes
• 17:47
  in
• 17:47
  my house,
• 17:48
  making sure
• 17:48
  all
• 17:48
  my taxes
• 17:49
  are done
• 17:49
  so I'm not
• 17:50
  leaving
• 17:50
  a mess
• 17:50
  for
• 17:51
  anybody.
• 17:53
  Once that
• 17:53
  stuff is
• 17:54
  sort of
• 17:54
  done,
• 17:55
  and you can
• 17:55
  sit in
• 17:57
  your own
• 17:58
  heart
• 17:58
  and
• 17:58
  your own
• 17:59
  belly
• 17:59
  and
• 18:00
  your body
• 18:02
  with your
• 18:02
  own spirit
• 18:04
  and
• 18:04
  make sense
• 18:05
  of
• 18:05
  the story.
• 18:07
  That is
• 18:08
  the moment
• 18:08
  where
• 18:08
  you become
• 18:11
  not
• 18:11
  a victim
• 18:12
  to this
• 18:12
  cancer,
• 18:13
  but
• 18:14
  you become.
• 18:17
  I became
• 18:18
  like,
• 18:19
  fully,
• 18:19
  without
• 18:20
  a doubt.
• 18:21
  Eve.
• 18:21
  Naomi, back
• 18:22
  the above
• 18:24
  because
• 18:25
  there's
• 18:26
  nothing
• 18:28
  that
• 18:30
  I'm
• 18:30
  not going
• 18:30
  to waste
• 18:31
  a single
• 18:31
  minute
• 18:33
  on anything
• 18:34
  that
• 18:34
  doesn't
• 18:34
  absolutely
• 18:35
  lift me
• 18:36
  all the way
• 18:36
  up.
• 18:38
  And yes,
• 18:39
  it's
• 18:40
  given me
• 18:40
  an
• 18:40
  opportunity
• 18:41
  to do
• 18:41
  healing
• 18:41
  work
• 18:42
  that
• 18:43
  I resisted
• 18:44
  because
• 18:44
  it was
• 18:45
  too hard.
• 18:46
  And it's
• 18:48
  not like
• 18:48
  you heal
• 18:49
  and you're
• 18:49
  done.
• 18:50
  It's it's
• 18:51
  a lifelong
• 18:51
  process.
• 18:53
  You know,
• 18:53
  we all
• 18:54
  have stuff
• 18:54
  to heal
• 18:55
  from.
• 18:56
  We're
• 18:56
  learning
• 18:57
  more and
• 18:58
  more,
• 19:00
  about
• 19:02
  all kinds
• 19:03
  of traumas.
• 19:03
  the general
• 19:05
  gestalt
• 19:05
  people
• 19:06
  are
• 19:06
  learning
• 19:06
  so much
• 19:07
  about
• 19:07
  trauma
• 19:07
  because
• 19:08
  of all the
• 19:08
  good
• 19:08
  thinkers
• 19:09
  out there
• 19:09
  about what
• 19:10
  trauma is.
• 19:12
  trauma
• 19:12
  is anything
• 19:13
  that's too
• 19:13
  much, too
• 19:14
  soon or
• 19:14
  too fast.
• 19:15
  what
• 19:15
  trauma is
• 19:16
  and how
• 19:16
  it affects
• 19:17
  the body.
• 19:18
  and this
• 19:18
  has been
• 19:19
  wonderful,
• 19:19
  by the way.
• 19:20
  And we do
• 19:20
  have one
• 19:20
  question
• 19:21
  in the chat,
• 19:21
  if you
• 19:22
  This is
• 19:22
  from
• 19:22
  someone who
• 19:23
  is asking,
• 19:24
  can
• 19:24
  you feel
• 19:25
  all the
• 19:25
  joys and
• 19:26
  pains
• 19:27
  on
• 19:27
  anti-depressants?
• 19:28
  I know
• 19:29
  that
• 19:29
  there are
• 19:29
  some
• 19:29
  thoughts
• 19:30
  out there
• 19:30
  that antidepressants
• 19:31
  sort
• 19:32
  of mute
• 19:32
  the affect,
• 19:33
  or you
• 19:33
  sort of
• 19:33
  have,
• 19:34
  like
• 19:34
  a ceiling.
• 19:35
  and I think
• 19:36
  it's
• 19:36
  different
• 19:36
  for
• 19:36
  every person.
• 19:38
  and I also
• 19:38
  think that,
• 19:40
  for a
• 19:40
  lot of
• 19:41
  people,
• 19:41
  antidepressants
• 19:42
  save their
• 19:42
  life.
• 19:44
  a
• 19:45
  colleague
• 19:45
  of mine
• 19:45
  said
• 19:46
  long ago,
• 19:47
  that,
• 19:47
  you know,
• 19:47
  medication
• 19:48
  is to
• 19:48
  help you
• 19:49
  with your
• 19:49
  symptoms,
• 19:50
  but therapy
• 19:51
  is there
• 19:51
  to help you
• 19:52
  with
• 19:52
  your issues.
• 19:54
  if you're
• 19:54
  having
• 19:55
  trouble
• 19:55
  feeling
• 19:56
  all the
• 19:56
  highs
• 19:57
  and lows
• 19:57
  on
• 19:57
  the medication
• 19:58
  that you're
• 19:58
  on,
• 19:59
  sometimes
• 20:00
  the
• 20:00
  solution
• 20:00
  is to try
• 20:01
  a different
• 20:01
  medication
• 20:02
  or go
• 20:02
  off your
• 20:02
  medication.
• 20:04
  But
• 20:04
  more times
• 20:05
  the solution
• 20:06
  is to find
• 20:06
  a different
• 20:07
  therapist,
• 20:07
  to find
• 20:08
  a better
• 20:08
  match,
• 20:09
  to find
• 20:09
  a different
• 20:09
  kind of
• 20:10
  therapy
• 20:11
  that speaks
• 20:12
  more to
• 20:12
  your story
• 20:13
  and your
• 20:13
  personality.
• 20:15
  I know
• 20:15
  Ali is
• 20:15
  going
• 20:15
  to talk
• 20:16
  about
• 20:16
  the
• 20:16
  different
• 20:16
  kind of
• 20:17
  therapies
• 20:17
  that are out
• 20:18
  there.
• 20:18
  I'm not
• 20:18
  going to be
• 20:19
  somebody
• 20:19
  who's going
• 20:19
  to say,
• 20:20
  absolutely,
• 20:20
  this is the
• 20:21
  answer 100%
• 20:22
  for
• 20:22
  everybody
• 20:22
  because
• 20:23
  it's so
• 20:23
  individualized.
• 20:24
  but I,
• 20:25
  I should
• 20:26
  say
• 20:26
  I've been
• 20:26
  on
• 20:26
  antidepressants
• 20:27
  much of my
• 20:28
  life for,
• 20:29
  for that,
• 20:30
  for reasons
• 20:30
  that I came
• 20:31
  by quite
• 20:32
  honestly.
• 20:33
  And, it
• 20:34
  has not
• 20:34
  stopped me
• 20:35
  from
• 20:35
  feeling
• 20:35
  everything.
• 20:36
  so
• 20:36
  I will just
• 20:37
  say that,
• 20:37
  yeah,
• 20:38
  but
• 20:38
  you can
• 20:38
  talk to
• 20:38
  your
• 20:38
  provider
• 20:39
  more about,
• 20:40
  you know,
• 20:40
  if you feel
• 20:41
  blunted,
• 20:42
  and, and
• 20:43
  you're not,
• 20:43
  you know,
• 20:43
  if you,
• 20:44
  if you
• 20:44
  feel like
• 20:45
  you can't
• 20:45
  feel your
• 20:46
  feelings
• 20:46
  fully,
• 20:47
  you know,
• 20:47
  that's
• 20:48
  there can
• 20:48
  be
• 20:48
  solutions
• 20:49
  from that.
• 20:50
  Well, and
• 20:50
  like you
• 20:51
  said, it's
• 20:51
  it's an
• 20:51
  open
• 20:52
  dialog,
• 20:52
  at any
• 20:53
  anytime
• 20:53
  that I
• 20:53
  have been
• 20:54
  on an
• 20:54
  antidepressant
• 20:54
  or that
• 20:55
  I have
• 20:55
  family
• 20:55
  members
• 20:56
  who have
• 20:56
  been
• 20:56
  on one.
• 20:57
  it's it's
• 20:58
  very much
• 20:58
  an open
• 20:59
  dialog
• 20:59
  between you
• 21:00
  and a
• 21:00
  psychologist
• 21:00
  or
• 21:01
  psychiatrist
• 21:01
  who is
• 21:02
  prescribing
• 21:02
  medication
• 21:03
  or, you
• 21:04
  and your
• 21:04
  therapist
• 21:05
  as you're
• 21:05
  reporting
• 21:06
  symptoms,
• 21:06
  things
• 21:06
  like that.
• 21:07
  So, like,
• 21:08
  I mean,
• 21:08
  obviously
• 21:09
  not a
• 21:09
  therapist,
• 21:10
  just
• 21:11
  speaking
• 21:11
  from
• 21:11
  personal
• 21:12
  experience,
• 21:12
  but it is
• 21:13
  very much
• 21:14
  an open
• 21:14
  dialog.
• 21:14
  And
• 21:14
  the more
• 21:15
  that
• 21:15
  you can
• 21:15
  communicate
• 21:16
  about that,
• 21:17
  and if you
• 21:17
  find that
• 21:17
  you cannot
• 21:18
  communicate
• 21:19
  about that,
• 21:19
  it
• 21:19
  sounds like
• 21:20
  what
• 21:20
  you're saying
• 21:20
  is you
• 21:20
  probably
• 21:21
  need
• 21:21
  to find
• 21:21
  a
• 21:21
  different person
• 21:22
  to work
• 21:23
  with so
• 21:23
  that
• 21:23
  you can
• 21:23
  communicate
• 21:24
  more
• 21:24
  effectively.
• 21:26
  It's all
• 21:27
  about the
• 21:27
  match.
• 21:28
  You know,
• 21:28
  I can be
• 21:29
  a really
• 21:29
  excellent
• 21:30
  therapist
• 21:30
  for some
• 21:31
  people,
• 21:32
  but
• 21:32
  for other
• 21:32
  people,
• 21:33
  you know,
• 21:33
  they
• 21:34
  they don't
• 21:34
  like the
• 21:35
  maybe
• 21:35
  casual way
• 21:36
  I can speak
• 21:37
  or the
• 21:37
  colloquial
• 21:38
  way I can
• 21:38
  speak
• 21:39
  sometimes.
• 21:40
  and and
• 21:41
  that means
• 21:41
  I'm not the
• 21:42
  best
• 21:42
  therapist
• 21:42
  for them.
• 21:43
  Right.
• 21:43
  So it's
• 21:44
  okay.
• 21:44
  It's all
• 21:44
  about
• 21:45
  match.
• 21:46
  Yeah.
• 21:46
  So such
• 21:47
  a good
• 21:47
  point.
• 21:47
  Well,
• 21:48
  I love what
• 21:48
  you said.
• 21:48
  and I
• 21:49
  feel like
• 21:50
  we've kind
• 21:51
  of covered,
• 21:51
  like,
• 21:51
  a lot of
• 21:52
  different
• 21:52
  things
• 21:52
  as you've
• 21:53
  spoken.
• 21:53
  But I loved
• 21:54
  what
• 21:54
  you said
• 21:54
  at the
• 21:55
  beginning.
• 21:55
  You said
• 21:56
  that this,
• 21:56
  this
• 21:56
  diagnosis
• 21:57
  journey
• 21:57
  becomes
• 21:58
  something
• 21:59
  of like
• 21:59
  riding
• 22:00
  the waves
• 22:00
  of the hope
• 22:01
  and the
• 22:01
  fear.
• 22:02
  And,
• 22:02
  I think
• 22:03
  we're going
• 22:03
  to see in,
• 22:04
  in some
• 22:04
  of the
• 22:04
  later
• 22:04
  presentations,
• 22:05
  you're
• 22:05
  going
• 22:05
  to see how
• 22:06
  those waves
• 22:07
  kind of
• 22:07
  our
• 22:07
  mirrored in
• 22:08
  so many
• 22:08
  different
• 22:09
  areas.
• 22:10
  we
• 22:10
  experienced
• 22:11
  the waves,
• 22:11
  the ups
• 22:11
  and downs,
• 22:12
  right?
• 22:12
  The ups
• 22:13
  and downs
• 22:13
  of the hope
• 22:14
  and the
• 22:14
  the belief
• 22:15
  in
• 22:15
  the future,
• 22:15
  but also
• 22:16
  the, the
• 22:17
  really
• 22:18
  low lows
• 22:19
  or the
• 22:19
  really fast
• 22:20
  fall
• 22:20
  to the low.
• 22:21
  I think
• 22:21
  that it's
• 22:22
  just such
• 22:23
  a good
• 22:23
  visual to
• 22:23
  imagine
• 22:24
  that.
• 22:24
  I also
• 22:24
  just know
• 22:25
  that for
• 22:25
  many of us
• 22:26
  in the,
• 22:26
  in the
• 22:26
  online
• 22:26
  community,
• 22:27
  at least
• 22:27
  we know
• 22:28
  we know
• 22:28
  someone who
• 22:29
  loves to
• 22:29
  surf.
• 22:29
  Well,
• 22:29
  we lost
• 22:30
  last year.
• 22:30
  So
• 22:31
  that just
• 22:31
  that just
• 22:32
  made me
• 22:32
  think
• 22:32
  of Clay.
• 22:32
  and I think
• 22:33
  that
• 22:33
  he would
• 22:34
  he
• 22:34
  would have
• 22:34
  also loved
• 22:35
  the way
• 22:35
  that you
• 22:36
  phrased,
• 22:37
  that I,
• 22:37
  I got it from him
• 22:38
  because
• 22:38
  I had
• 22:39
  the embody,
• 22:40
  like,
• 22:40
  you know,
• 22:40
  he was like
• 22:41
  in my head,
• 22:42
  he was like
• 22:42
  this mellow
• 22:43
  surfer
• 22:44
  dude.
• 22:45
  Yeah.
• 22:45
  And I
• 22:45
  was like,
• 22:46
  the only way
• 22:46
  to handle
• 22:47
  this
• 22:47
  is to be
• 22:47
  like,
• 22:48
  okay, now
• 22:48
  we're on a
• 22:49
  swell.
• 22:49
  Now
• 22:49
  we're on a low.
• 22:50
  Now
• 22:51
  I think.
• 22:51
  I'm just
• 22:51
  going to
• 22:51
  follow.
• 22:52
  Well,
• 22:53
  this
• 22:53
  has been
• 22:53
  wonderful.
• 22:54
  If.
• 22:54
  Did you have
• 22:54
  anything
• 22:54
  I should
• 22:55
  look into
• 22:55
  your notes
• 22:55
  that
• 22:56
  you want
• 22:56
  to finish
• 22:57
  an end to
• 22:57
  end with?
• 23:00
  That's a
• 23:00
  good
• 23:01
  question.
• 23:01
  I'm.
• 23:01
  It's
• 23:02
  always hard
• 23:02
  for me
• 23:02
  to pick
• 23:03
  and choose
• 23:03
  because
• 23:03
  I have
• 23:04
  so many things
• 23:04
  I want to
• 23:05
  say, but
• 23:06
  I think
• 23:06
  mostly
• 23:07
  I just want
• 23:07
  to say,
• 23:08
  that cancer
• 23:09
  is a rich
• 23:10
  opportunity
• 23:10
  to to get
• 23:12
  to know
• 23:12
  yourself
• 23:13
  in ways
• 23:13
  that maybe
• 23:14
  you have
• 23:15
  not ever
• 23:15
  taken
• 23:15
  the time
• 23:16
  to do.
• 23:16
  for some
• 23:17
  people,
• 23:17
  it's really
• 23:18
  a bold
• 23:18
  thing
• 23:18
  to try
• 23:19
  to find
• 23:19
  meaning
• 23:20
  of their
• 23:21
  cancer.
• 23:22
  And for me,
• 23:23
  it's
• 23:23
  natural.
• 23:23
  It's how
• 23:24
  I it's
• 23:24
  how
• 23:24
  I've lived
• 23:25
  my whole
• 23:25
  life.
• 23:26
  but it's
• 23:26
  not natural
• 23:27
  for
• 23:27
  everybody.
• 23:28
  It's scary.
• 23:29
  For most
• 23:29
  people.
• 23:30
  It's
• 23:30
  wicked.
• 23:30
  Get
• 23:31
  serious.
• 23:31
  Don't
• 23:31
  get me
• 23:32
  wrong,
• 23:32
  I've had many moments
• 23:33
  of feeling
• 23:33
  very,
• 23:34
  very
• 23:34
  scared.
• 23:35
  but making
• 23:37
  meaning of
• 23:37
  your cancer
• 23:38
  journey
• 23:38
  lets you
• 23:39
  be in the
• 23:39
  driver's
• 23:40
  seat.
• 23:42
  It lets
• 23:42
  you decide
• 23:43
  how you're
• 23:44
  going to
• 23:44
  understand
• 23:45
  and live
• 23:47
  your life.
• 23:48
  that kind
• 23:49
  of agency
• 23:50
  and
• 23:50
  empowerment
• 23:50
  is
• 23:51
  necessary
• 23:51
  when you're
• 23:52
  faced
• 23:52
  with
• 23:52
  something
• 23:53
  that can be
• 23:53
  so
• 23:53
  overwhelming.
• 23:56
  That's such
• 23:56
  a powerful
• 23:57
  way to
• 23:57
  put it.
• 23:58
  and I love
• 23:58
  what
• 23:58
  you said
• 23:58
  about
• 23:59
  how cancer
• 23:59
  is a rich
• 24:00
  opportunity
• 24:00
  to get to
• 24:01
  know
• 24:01
  yourself.
• 24:02
  and I think
• 24:03
  that that
• 24:03
  that's
• 24:04
  the gift.
• 24:04
  Right?
• 24:04
  It's
• 24:05
  not it's
• 24:05
  not the
• 24:05
  having
• 24:06
  the cancer.
• 24:07
  It's not
• 24:07
  the losing
• 24:08
  your vision.
• 24:08
  It's not
• 24:10
  having
• 24:10
  to deal
• 24:10
  with all
• 24:10
  the
• 24:10
  treatments
• 24:11
  and the
• 24:12
  doctor's
• 24:12
  appointments.
• 24:13
  It's not
• 24:13
  all of
• 24:13
  those
• 24:13
  things.
• 24:14
  That's
• 24:14
  not
• 24:14
  the gift.
• 24:15
  The gift is
• 24:15
  the
• 24:15
  presents.
• 24:16
  The gift is
• 24:17
  the desire
• 24:18
  to make
• 24:18
  the meaning
• 24:18
  of your
• 24:19
  life,
• 24:19
  the desire
• 24:19
  to be here,
• 24:20
  and the
• 24:21
  and the
• 24:22
  cherishing
• 24:22
  of the life
• 24:23
  that you
• 24:23
  currently
• 24:24
  have.
• 24:24
  so I love,
• 24:26
  love
• 24:26
  everything
• 24:26
  that you've
• 24:27
  said.
• 24:27
  Thank you
• 24:27
  so much
• 24:27
  for being
• 24:28
  here, Eve.
• 24:28
  and I
• 24:29
  would say,
• 24:29
  let's
• 24:29
  give you
• 24:29
  a round
• 24:30
  of
• 24:30
  applause.
• 24:30
  We're going
• 24:30
  to have
• 24:30
  to do
• 24:31
  a silent,
• 24:31
  silent
• 24:32
  claps
• 24:32
  for
• 24:32
  all of the
• 24:33
  all of
• 24:33
  the things
• 24:34
  that you
• 24:34
  just shared
• 24:35
  and,
• 24:35
  the insights.
• 24:36
  And
• 24:36
  we would
• 24:37
  love
• 24:37
  to have
• 24:37
  you come
• 24:37
  back.
• 24:38
  maybe
• 24:38
  we can get
• 24:38
  you back
• 24:39
  on the
• 24:39
  podcast
• 24:39
  for, Mental
• 24:40
  Health
• 24:40
  Awareness
• 24:40
  Month
• 24:40
  coming up.
• 24:41
  Linda says
• 24:42
  thank
• 24:42
  you Eve.
• 24:47
  but yes, we
• 24:48
  we are
• 24:48
  going to
• 24:49
  be covering
• 24:49
  in the
• 24:49
  next
• 24:49
  session
• 24:50
  just
• 24:50
  different
• 24:50
  therapy
• 24:51
  modalities
• 24:51
  as well as
• 24:52
  radical
• 24:52
  acceptance
• 24:53
  with Ali,
• 24:53
  who is also
• 24:54
  a patient
• 24:55
  and a
• 24:56
  psychologist.
• 24:57
  and so
• 24:58
  we're very
• 24:58
  excited
• 24:58
  for this
• 24:59
  next
• 24:59
  session.
• 24:59
  And I love
• 25:00
  how
• 25:00
  you just
• 25:00
  I mean, you
• 25:01
  just like,
• 25:01
  segue
• 25:02
  it into it.
• 25:02
  You're
• 25:02
  just like,
• 25:03
  you know,
• 25:03
  there's
• 25:03
  so many
• 25:04
  different
• 25:04
  opportunities
• 25:05
  for therapy
• 25:05
  and
• 25:05
  everything.
• 25:06
  Everything
• 25:07
  is going to
• 25:07
  be
• 25:07
  different
• 25:07
  and unique
• 25:08
  for each
• 25:08
  person.
• 25:09
  And it's
• 25:09
  just the
• 25:09
  perfect,
• 25:10
  the perfect
• 25:10
  shift
• 25:11
  into our
• 25:11
  next
• 25:11
  session.
• 25:12
  I didn't
• 25:12
  even do
• 25:12
  that.
• 25:12
  You just
• 25:13
  did that.
• 25:13
  That was
• 25:13
  great.
• 25:15
  another
• 25:15
  book that
• 25:15
  I really
• 25:15
  liked that
• 25:16
  you
• 25:16
  mentioned
• 25:16
  when
• 25:17
  you first
• 25:17
  got your
• 25:17
  metastatic
• 25:18
  diagnosis
• 25:18
  that it
• 25:19
  kind of
• 25:19
  became
• 25:20
  this,
• 25:20
  this
• 25:21
  journey
• 25:21
  of looking,
• 25:22
  looking for
• 25:22
  evidence,
• 25:23
  right,
• 25:23
  that you go
• 25:24
  looking for
• 25:25
  or you have
• 25:25
  the
• 25:25
  opportunity,
• 25:26
  you have
• 25:27
  the opportunity
• 25:27
  to go
• 25:27
  looking for
• 25:28
  evidence
• 25:28
  of why
• 25:29
  this is
• 25:29
  really bad
• 25:30
  or how
• 25:31
  you can
• 25:31
  make
• 25:32
  meaning
• 25:32
  of it,
• 25:32
  how you can
• 25:33
  survive,
• 25:33
  how you can
• 25:34
  get through
• 25:34
  this,
• 25:35
  how you can
• 25:35
  weather it.
• 25:35
  and one
• 25:36
  of my
• 25:36
  favorite
• 25:36
  books for
• 25:37
  that is,
• 25:38
  Radical
• 25:39
  Remission
• 25:40
  by Kelly
• 25:40
  a Turner.
• 25:41
  Oh, yes.
• 25:42
  Yeah, it's
• 25:43
  also such
• 25:43
  a good one.
• 25:46
  Oh, and
• 25:46
  radical
• 25:47
  hope.
• 25:47
  Another one
• 25:48
  radical.
• 25:48
  I haven't
• 25:48
  read that
• 25:49
  one.
• 25:50
  Oh, radical
• 25:50
  Hope's
• 25:51
  great. And.
• 25:51
  And what's
• 25:52
  so funny
• 25:53
  about
• 25:53
  radical
• 25:53
  Hope is
• 25:54
  that, like,
• 25:55
  you know,
• 25:55
  I didn't
• 25:56
  get
• 25:56
  that book
• 25:57
  until,
• 25:57
  like, 4
• 25:58
  or 5 months
• 25:58
  into my
• 25:59
  metastatic
• 25:59
  diagnosis.
• 26:01
  And I
• 26:01
  was like,
• 26:02
  I've already done
• 26:03
  like nine
• 26:04
  out of
• 26:04
  the 11
• 26:05
  that are
• 26:05
  listed
• 26:05
  here.
• 26:06
  I was like,
• 26:06
  how am I know
• 26:07
  how to do
• 26:07
  that?
• 26:09
  Yes. No.
• 26:09
  Isn't
• 26:10
  that so
• 26:10
  funny,
• 26:10
  though?
• 26:11
  Yeah,
• 26:11
  I think
• 26:11
  she's
• 26:12
  also those
• 26:12
  books.
• 26:13
  Yeah.
• 26:14
  Kelly
• 26:14
  Turner,
• 26:14
  she was
• 26:15
  I want,
• 26:15
  I want to say
• 26:16
  wasn't she
• 26:16
  an oncology
• 26:17
  nurse.
• 26:18
  And she
• 26:19
  just
• 26:19
  started
• 26:19
  really
• 26:19
  paying
• 26:20
  attention
• 26:20
  in her
• 26:20
  office
• 26:21
  to all
• 26:22
  the patients
• 26:23
  who were told
• 26:23
  they had
• 26:24
  a terminal,
• 26:24
  terminal
• 26:25
  diagnosis,
• 26:25
  they were
• 26:26
  basically
• 26:26
  sent home,
• 26:27
  you know,
• 26:27
  go down.
• 26:27
  Hospice
• 26:28
  treatment
• 26:28
  options
• 26:29
  are gone.
• 26:30
  They
• 26:31
  they had a
• 26:31
  very slim
• 26:31
  chance of
• 26:32
  survival.
• 26:32
  And
• 26:32
  she started
• 26:33
  searching out
• 26:34
  those
• 26:35
  stories
• 26:35
  of people
• 26:36
  who defied
• 26:36
  the odds,
• 26:37
  like
• 26:37
  literally
• 26:37
  defied
• 26:38
  all reason,
• 26:39
  all logic,
• 26:40
  all science.
• 26:41
  And
• 26:41
  they defied
• 26:41
  the odds.
• 26:42
  And it just
• 26:43
  is this
• 26:43
  nonstop?
• 26:44
  I mean,
• 26:44
  I imagine
• 26:45
  radical
• 26:45
  hope is
• 26:45
  the same.
• 26:46
  It's
• 26:46
  just this
• 26:46
  nonstop
• 26:47
  report
• 26:47
  of all of
• 26:48
  these
• 26:48
  opportunities
• 26:49
  that people
• 26:50
  had to
• 26:53
  ultimately
• 26:53
  choose
• 26:54
  between,
• 26:55
  you know,
• 26:55
  are they going
• 26:56
  to stop
• 26:57
  trying?
• 26:58
  Are they going
• 26:58
  to stop
• 26:58
  living,
• 26:59
  or are they
• 26:59
  just going
• 26:59
  to choose
• 27:00
  to live
• 27:00
  fully
• 27:00
  till
• 27:00
  the end
• 27:01
  and,
• 27:02
  and
• 27:02
  somehow,
• 27:02
  you know,
• 27:03
  miraculously,
• 27:04
  crazily,
• 27:05
  inexplicably,
• 27:06
  but also
• 27:06
  she
• 27:06
  really backs
• 27:07
  how she
• 27:07
  thinks
• 27:08
  it's
• 27:08
  possible,
• 27:09
  these
• 27:09
  patients
• 27:09
  survived
• 27:10
  and she.
• 27:11
  So she
• 27:11
  just shares
• 27:12
  her study
• 27:12
  of that.
• 27:12
  And it's
• 27:13
  such a
• 27:13
  powerful
• 27:13
  book.
• 27:14
  Whether
• 27:14
  or not
• 27:14
  you choose
• 27:15
  to do
• 27:15
  all of
• 27:16
  these
• 27:16
  nine
• 27:16
  practices
• 27:17
  that she
• 27:17
  encourages
• 27:17
  in the
• 27:18
  book, it's
• 27:18
  such a
• 27:19
  powerful
• 27:19
  book.
• 27:20
  Yeah, well,
• 27:21
  radical
• 27:21
  hope she
• 27:22
  she's
• 27:22
  identified
• 27:23
  the 10th
• 27:23
  thing,
• 27:23
  which is
• 27:24
  exercise.
• 27:26
  And I'm
• 27:26
  like
• 27:26
  exercise,
• 27:27
  like
• 27:27
  physical
• 27:27
  exercise,
• 27:28
  like, move.
• 27:29
  Your body
• 27:29
  like,
• 27:30
  get your heart
• 27:30
  rate up.
• 27:31
  Like,
• 27:31
  move your
• 27:32
  blood
• 27:32
  around.
• 27:32
  yeah.
• 27:34
  Walking
• 27:35
  strength
• 27:36
  training.
• 27:36
  I mean,
• 27:37
  it's an
• 27:37
  exercise.
• 27:38
  It's
• 27:38
  kind of
• 27:38
  like
• 27:38
  therapy.
• 27:39
  It's
• 27:39
  different
• 27:39
  for
• 27:39
  everybody.
• 27:40
  Yeah.
• 27:40
  Hiking
• 27:41
  mountains,
• 27:42
  doing
• 27:42
  housework
• 27:43
  vigorously
• 27:43
  to Lizzo.
• 27:45
  You know
• 27:45
  that also
• 27:45
  works.
• 27:46
  that's
• 27:47
  true music.
• 27:47
  All all
• 27:48
  the music.
• 27:48
  Dance,
• 27:49
  dance away.
• 27:50
  One thing
• 27:50
  I do
• 27:51
  want to
• 27:51
  say,
• 27:51
  actually,
• 27:52
  is that,
• 27:53
  especially
• 27:53
  for those
• 27:54
  of us,
• 27:56
  raised,
• 27:57
  socialized
• 27:57
  female,
• 27:58
  it's very
• 27:59
  easy to,
• 28:00
  you know,
• 28:00
  part of
• 28:01
  part of
• 28:02
  part of the
• 28:03
  female
• 28:03
  experience
• 28:04
  or female
• 28:05
  feminine,
• 28:06
  toxic,
• 28:07
  toxic
• 28:08
  femininity.
• 28:09
  Is that,
• 28:09
  like,
• 28:09
  we're
• 28:10
  somehow
• 28:10
  responsible
• 28:11
  for
• 28:11
  everything?
• 28:12
  and I call
• 28:12
  it, like,
• 28:13
  female
• 28:13
  Tourette's.
• 28:13
  Like,
• 28:14
  I'm sorry.
• 28:14
  I'm sorry,
• 28:14
  I'm sorry.
• 28:15
  Anyway,
• 28:15
  I digress,
• 28:16
  but
• 28:16
  what I'm saying
• 28:17
  is that
• 28:17
  it's it
• 28:18
  if if
• 28:19
  you're
• 28:19
  raised
• 28:19
  female or
• 28:20
  maybe if
• 28:21
  you're not,
• 28:22
  and you're
• 28:22
  inclined
• 28:22
  to think,
• 28:23
  oh, I
• 28:24
  have to do
• 28:25
  all of this
• 28:25
  healing,
• 28:26
  right,
• 28:27
  or I'm
• 28:27
  going
• 28:27
  to die,
• 28:29
  there's
• 28:29
  no right
• 28:30
  way to
• 28:30
  do healing,
• 28:31
  and you
• 28:32
  can do
• 28:32
  all the
• 28:33
  things
• 28:33
  that you're
• 28:33
  supposed
• 28:34
  to do
• 28:34
  by eating
• 28:35
  this food
• 28:35
  and doing
• 28:36
  that
• 28:36
  medicine,
• 28:36
  and you can
• 28:37
  do
• 28:37
  all the stuff
• 28:38
  and you can
• 28:38
  still die.
• 28:39
  And
• 28:39
  it doesn't
• 28:40
  mean it's
• 28:40
  your fault.
• 28:40
  It doesn't
• 28:41
  mean you
• 28:41
  caused it.
• 28:42
  It doesn't
• 28:42
  mean you
• 28:43
  manifested
• 28:44
  it. Right.
• 28:45
  and there's
• 28:46
  and and
• 28:48
  and
• 28:48
  and really
• 28:49
  whatever
• 28:49
  you can't
• 28:50
  figure
• 28:50
  out on
• 28:50
  a human
• 28:51
  level,
• 28:51
  you'll
• 28:51
  figure
• 28:52
  it out on a
• 28:52
  soul level.
• 28:54
  So don't
• 28:55
  judge
• 28:56
  yourself at
• 28:57
  all for
• 28:58
  doing it
• 28:59
  right
• 28:59
  or not
• 29:00
  doing it
• 29:00
  right.
• 29:03
  That is
• 29:03
  such,
• 29:04
  such a good
• 29:04
  point.
• 29:06
  this is just
• 29:06
  a comment
• 29:07
  and also
• 29:08
  a question.
• 29:08
  it just
• 29:08
  says, Eve.
• 29:09
  So many
• 29:09
  incredible
• 29:10
  insights.
• 29:10
  I have
• 29:10
  a deep
• 29:11
  gratitude
• 29:11
  for you
• 29:11
  sharing
• 29:12
  as a social
• 29:13
  worker,
• 29:13
  have you
• 29:14
  had times
• 29:14
  when it's
• 29:14
  difficult
• 29:15
  to utilize
• 29:16
  the skills
• 29:16
  that you
• 29:16
  share
• 29:17
  with
• 29:17
  others?
• 29:17
  Like to
• 29:18
  utilize
• 29:18
  them for
• 29:18
  yourself,
• 29:19
  I think
• 29:19
  is what
• 29:19
  she's
• 29:19
  saying.
• 29:21
  Yes, 100%.
• 29:22
  I mean,
• 29:23
  you know,
• 29:23
  the the
• 29:24
  challenge
• 29:24
  of of
• 29:25
  having what
• 29:26
  I call
• 29:27
  the red
• 29:27
  Cape
• 29:27
  syndrome,
• 29:29
  which is,
• 29:30
  you know,
• 29:31
  I'm
• 29:32
  compelled
• 29:32
  to be
• 29:33
  in service
• 29:33
  to others
• 29:34
  and to help
• 29:34
  other
• 29:35
  people.
• 29:35
  And
• 29:35
  sometimes
• 29:36
  we're
• 29:36
  compelled
• 29:36
  because
• 29:37
  of our
• 29:37
  own stories
• 29:38
  and our own
• 29:38
  traumas
• 29:39
  and our own
• 29:39
  this
• 29:39
  and that.
• 29:40
  And we were
• 29:41
  caretakers
• 29:41
  in our
• 29:42
  family of
• 29:42
  origin.
• 29:44
  and so
• 29:44
  we're more
• 29:45
  inclined to
• 29:45
  have
• 29:45
  difficulty
• 29:46
  to give
• 29:47
  to
• 29:47
  ourselves,
• 29:47
  and we're
• 29:48
  more
• 29:48
  comfortable
• 29:49
  giving to
• 29:49
  other people.
• 29:50
  And that's
• 29:51
  for me,
• 29:51
  the,
• 29:51
  the gift of
• 29:52
  my cancer
• 29:52
  diagnosis
• 29:53
  was it
• 29:53
  was like
• 29:54
  100%
• 29:54
  permission
• 29:55
  if time to
• 29:57
  heal
• 29:57
  yourself,
• 29:57
  honey.
• 29:59
  And it's
• 29:59
  not like
• 29:59
  I hadn't
• 30:00
  done tons
• 30:01
  of
• 30:01
  therapeutic
• 30:02
  and healing
• 30:02
  work before
• 30:03
  I
• 30:03
  metastasized.
• 30:05
  But
• 30:05
  this was
• 30:06
  the kind
• 30:06
  of
• 30:06
  permission
• 30:07
  that I had
• 30:07
  not yet
• 30:08
  been able
• 30:08
  to give
• 30:09
  myself.
• 30:09
  Like
• 30:10
  unilateral,
• 30:12
  without
• 30:12
  question
• 30:13
  permission
• 30:14
  to focus
• 30:14
  on myself,
• 30:16
  my health,
• 30:17
  my kid
• 30:18
  and my
• 30:19
  writing
• 30:19
  and and
• 30:21
  and really,
• 30:22
  when it comes
• 30:22
  down to it,
• 30:23
  those are
• 30:23
  the three
• 30:24
  most
• 30:24
  important
• 30:24
  things
• 30:25
  to me.
• 30:27
  So it's.
• 30:27
  So
• 30:27
  powerful.
• 30:29
  Yeah.
• 30:31
  Well, Eve,
• 30:32
  thank you
• 30:32
  so much.
• 30:32
  Wonderful.
• 30:33
  Bye.
• 30:33
  Thank you.