Latest / Come Together with Ephraim Herschmann / #113: Amberely Snyder / Rodeos, Horses, Paralysis

Transcript

#113: Amberely Snyder / Rodeos, Horses, Paralysis · Come Together with Ephraim Herschmann

0:01
Welcome to another episode of come together
0:15
and we're live. Hey, I'm really thanks so much
0:17
for coming. I really appreciate it.
0:21
So I, I came across your site while I was, I was both trying
0:27
to look for guests, but I'm, I was trying to look for
0:30
particular type of guests for the podcast because my show
0:34
really revolves around trying to bring people together through
0:37
thoughtful and healthy and you know, I guess mature and
0:45
out-of-the-box, you know, and, and really healthy, fun
0:48
conversations that really could help bring people together.
0:50
And, and I came across your site and I came across your story and
0:55
I was just so blown away. And I was, so, I, I thought to
0:59
myself, it would be such a privilege to able to talk to
1:02
you. So I sent you over the e-mail
1:04
request and, and much to my surprise, I, I, I think maybe
1:09
after a couple of weeks, I got a response and I was really,
1:12
really, really meant so much. So, so I, I, you know, I'm not
1:16
going to, I, I know you've talked 100,000 times about, you
1:20
know, your story. I might ask just for a 2 minute
1:24
recap, but you What? What how?
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How old were you? When I was 18 when I was in my
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car accident. Hi.
1:36
Yeah, OK. By the way, you don't have to
1:38
put the camera on the sound of the.
1:39
Audio. OK, well then I and then I won't
1:41
even worry about that. I'll just say hello.
1:44
Hi, hello there. So it happened at 18 and, and I
1:53
wanted to talk to you just after you look into your website
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again, get a little bit more of an idea as to who you are rather
2:00
than the accident that happened to you.
2:03
I would, I think that that's going to that.
2:05
That's really the important part and really the beautiful part.
2:10
So accident happened, you were diagnosed.
2:14
They, they, they said that you would not be able to use your
2:17
legs and never be able to ride horses again.
2:19
You've been passionate about horseback horse riding since you
2:21
were three. And yeah, that's.
2:27
I mean, I'm sure that sounds like a real.
2:29
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean you give the additional.
2:32
Version I love forces my. Whole life I rode all through
2:36
junior rodeo days. I've been to high school.
2:39
Then it was my right after my senior year that I was involved
2:42
in my rollover truck accident, which where I was ejected from
2:45
my truck, hit a fence post, broke my back and was paralyzed
2:49
from the waist down. So then we had to start life
2:51
over. Yeah, yeah.
2:57
So. Oh, man, OK.
3:00
There's so many different directions I want to go, and I'm
3:02
not even sure how to where to begin with this.
3:06
You started riding horses when you were just a kid, and you
3:08
come from a big family, right? You come from, you have five
3:12
siblings. I also do, by the way, I'm the
3:14
oldest of 6. And I think that, or at least my
3:20
perception is that having being part of a big family kind of
3:25
already forces you a little bit in growing up to develop a kind
3:29
of sense of individuality. Because there's always, always
3:32
so much chaos going on in the house.
3:33
And, you know, you're dealing with older siblings, younger
3:36
siblings, whoever it is. And there's a lot of learning
3:39
and there's a lot of figuring out how life works, you know,
3:44
with your siblings starting from a really, really young age.
3:48
How, how were you, how, how, where were you of this?
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And you think how much you think that contributed to your ability
3:56
to start your life over at 18 when you thought you had
4:00
everything worked out and you know.
4:03
Well, I saw people first that I feel like I had the perfect
4:07
combination of parents. So my dad, you know, being a
4:11
Major League Baseball player, knew what it took to be the best
4:15
and he expected nothing less of his children.
4:18
So we were definitely, I want to say like really we had to decide
4:24
what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives at 3 years
4:26
old. And then he was going to support
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the passion and wanted us to work hard for it.
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So we have that side. And then my mom, my mom
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definitely is the one who taught us to believe in ourselves and
4:38
to not value ourselves based off of our performance in our sport,
4:42
if that makes sense. So I feel like that perfect
4:45
combination between them is what really helped, you know, us as
4:51
kids be successful. It helped us as kids decide what
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we wanted to do, how hard we were going to work for it, but
5:00
also, you know, to feel confident in ourselves as who we
5:03
are. And I mean it.
5:04
It went through all six kids. My my older sister was a
5:07
gymnast. She's now a coach.
5:09
I rodeoed my brothers both played baseball.
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The one just retired with playing in the minor leagues.
5:15
The other one's actually now a coach as well.
5:19
And, and I'm like, you know, we had, and my littlest sister
5:22
rodeoed with me. And so I feel like there was
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just a whole group of us that, you know, we had been raised
5:27
this way. And I, I would 100% tell you
5:30
that that is how I was able to build this foundation that after
5:35
my accident, it was like I was kind of already trained to
5:38
mentally be prepared. Yeah, and that's actually.
5:44
So that's one of the ideas that I really wanted to kind of dive
5:47
into is the mental fortification and the, you know, and all the
5:58
little steps and middle work and, you know, bits and pieces
6:02
of time that kind of slowly start to sculpt who we are.
6:05
And then by the time we look at the finished sculpture, like you
6:07
look at what our potential is or what we're capable of doing and
6:11
it almost feels like we don't even know where it came from.
6:13
And then you look at like your whole life and you realize that
6:16
it's just a million different beautiful individual moments
6:19
that you know, of growth and of pain and of love and of, you
6:22
know, and a family and of commitment and of everything
6:25
like that. And all comes together to be
6:27
able to, you know, to create you, you know who you are.
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And you know in the parts of you that that you know, like what
6:34
your mom, I guess, taught you is more than judge the performance
6:37
on the it's, it's who the athlete is.
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You know, it's, you know, there's, there's there's a
6:41
difference between high performing athlete and a leader,
6:45
you know, and, and I'm sure that that's, you know what they do.
6:49
Oh. Absolutely.
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I think that that is exactly who we are as people, as it's
6:53
moments. It's moments all added up,
6:55
whether good, bad, ugly and those moments is a part of your
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story. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
7:06
So, so growing up, can you what what was what, what was riding
7:13
like as a child? Do you remember what it was like
7:17
as a kid? Do you remember at a certain
7:18
point what when you're able to kind of take it to the next
7:21
level and really be great, was that?
7:23
Physical, So we, I was born in California, so we actually
7:26
didn't find a place that I could start writing lessons till I was
7:30
3. So that's when I actually
7:31
started writing lessons. And then it wasn't until my
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family moved to from California to Utah when I was 7, then I
7:38
started competing in rodeo. So I feel like I had a pretty
7:41
good foundation when I was a kid.
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And then when we moved to Utah, I got a barrel horse and that's
7:45
when I started competing in rodeo.
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And I just loved it and I had a knack for it and felt like I
7:50
was, you know, obviously going to be good at it.
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And so it grew. I feel like I, I mean, I won
7:55
things at the junior level, you know, at 7 years old, I feel
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like I got a horse that was really capable of winning when I
8:01
was 10. And that horse really changed my
8:04
perspective. I tell people at clinics like
8:06
that was the horse that taught me how to win.
8:09
The first horse, her name was Lacey.
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And I would tell you like that horse taught me to have the
8:12
passion for this sport because she loved it and because she
8:16
loved it, she made me love it. But that second horse, Jazzy,
8:20
was her name. I got her when I was 10 or 11.
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That horse could win, you know, And I think that that's really
8:27
when it shifts your game even more because now, you know, when
8:30
you go in the arena, it doesn't matter who's entered.
8:32
And I'm competing at girl races against women, right?
8:36
It's not just kids anymore in that aspect.
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And and I knew that if I put down my best run and I did my
8:42
best job and my horse did her best job, we could win.
8:45
And that shifts your perspective a lot, right?
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When all of a sudden you have that capability.
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So I would say that was when I realized, you know, or, or
8:54
learned how to win at A at a bigger level than just the kids
8:57
against the kids. Right.
9:04
So what I mean, I don't know much about, about the sport when
9:09
you say that a horse had the passion as opposed to a horse
9:12
that can win. I know that horses are deep and
9:16
empathetic. Actually, I was, I, I did a, I
9:17
did an episode a couple of weeks ago with, with a therapist,
9:23
Alyssa Levy. She's awesome.
9:24
And she, and she's been riding, she's from Maine.
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She's been riding horses her whole life too.
9:28
And she was telling me about how emotional and intelligent and
9:32
just remarkable horses are. And, you know, so, so were you.
9:38
You're able to detect that and like feel that as a kid when
9:41
you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when
9:42
you're, you know, yeah. It's like a shared sport.
9:45
Absolutely. I think you're able to I.
9:46
Think from. The time I was three years old,
9:49
just riding. Riding lessons, you recognize
9:51
the depth within these animals and, and then I think the older
9:55
you get, you realize that personalities can clash and that
10:00
you're going to find ones that you love and ones you get along
10:02
with and ones that maybe someone else will get along with better
10:04
than you. And then you find ones that love
10:07
your sports and I mean horses that love to be real horses and
10:11
some that really don't, right? Like they love to do something
10:13
else and that 100% after happens as you go along.
10:21
Well, yeah, definitely. That's so cool.
10:24
That's so creative. And I guess it's just a feeling,
10:26
right? I mean, like, do people describe
10:30
the like, is there a way to tell when you're, when you're kind of
10:35
feeling out a horse? Is it something in the tension
10:37
with the with with its body? Is it something with its
10:39
response to you? Like what, what, what?
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Or is it just, you know, a feeling?
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Like I would say it's definitely both.
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I would think that there's, there's an emotional connection,
10:47
a heart connection that you feel with that horse and that's what
10:50
really takes you to the next level with a horse, I would say.
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But outside of that, you know, you have the instincts and you
10:56
can feel the changes in their body and their emotions.
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And that's I, I think that's what you can feel alongside.
11:02
But then like I said, once you have a horse that you connect
11:04
with, even better, I think that's where like that spiritual
11:07
side comes in, that emotional side comes in that you can, that
11:10
makes you and that horse even more special that you don't get
11:13
with every horse. I mean, I have, I've had lots of
11:15
horses that I've owned and rode and raced throughout my
11:18
lifetime. And, and not all of them are
11:20
like that. I wouldn't say I have like a
11:21
heart connection with every single one of them.
11:24
It's just the unique one along the way that you get to have
11:26
that. Sure.
11:32
Yeah, It's like the special friend, you know, the people
11:33
that you meet where you talk to them for like, you know, an hour
11:36
and then you realize like, Oh my God, where have you been?
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Like my whole life, you know, like, you know, you just people
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that, you know, you guys are on the same wavelength.
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It feels like almost. It's really cool.
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It's really, it's really, really beautiful.
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So. So you're 8, So you're 18.
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This happens. This accident happens.
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You are thrown out of your truck and you're told that you won't
12:01
be able to get back on the horse for your entire life.
12:03
Four months later, you're back on the horse.
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Is this the looking back? Was that like a defiance?
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Was that, is it your nature or personality to kind of be like,
12:17
oh, you're telling me I can't do this, so I'm going to do this?
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Or was it something that you just didn't accept that you knew
12:23
wasn't going to be the case? What was what was your
12:25
perspective like at the time and what were you able to do to
12:29
kind? Of rally the horse part of it I
12:32
mean even laying there in the hospital or layman laying on the
12:35
side of the road it was like getting back on a horse wasn't
12:40
an option that was going to happen right I was like this is
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what we're doing I don't know exactly how I'm doing it per SE
12:47
but this is what you're doing I but I think also because I had
12:50
that tough of a mentality when I did get back on that was
12:57
shattering for me but prior yeah because I realized got.
13:03
Back on him. I realized it wasn't going to be
13:06
the same, right? Like I had told people, I had
13:10
told myself, I had built it up to myself, like I'm getting back
13:13
on a horse and it's going to be magic and that will not change,
13:16
right? Everything else is going to
13:17
change, but that can't change. That's my world.
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And of course it's not realistic, right?
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And so it really didn't get me as much that doctors or people
13:26
were like, hey, like this is going to be hard because I was
13:29
just like, you don't freaking know, you know, like you don't
13:31
know, like this is what I do. Like this is a part of who I am.
13:34
So like, you're not, you don't understand when I realized it
13:39
that it wasn't going to be the same, that that was hard.
13:44
I mean that was when I crushed to realize like Oh my gosh, I
13:48
bet this is my new reality. And then what?
13:58
And then what? And then, and then, and then
14:00
from there, were you just like, were you in despair?
14:04
Were you immediately looking for a solution?
14:06
How long did it take? Because I think that what I, you
14:10
know, what I'm trying to get, you know, I mean, I, I know that
14:15
myself, for example, I'm sure a lot of people can relate one way
14:18
or the other. I am extremely, I'm extremely
14:21
fearful, you know, and I, I and one of the things I think that
14:25
the root of a lot of my fear comes from a place where I feel
14:28
like I don't have what it takes to handle the unknown, you know,
14:32
and then the and then the opposite, you know, the
14:34
confidence is in whatever particular area of my life, I'm
14:39
like, oh, I know that I've been up against hard things.
14:41
I know I could handle that. I know, you know what, for
14:43
example, before I have my first kid, I had a panic attack, you
14:46
know, like right before my wife gave birth to her, he gave birth
14:49
to him. And then the second time around,
14:51
I was about to have that panic attack and I thought to myself,
14:54
yeah, wait a minute. Like you did this.
14:56
Like, you know, it's not going to be easy, you know, but like
14:59
you've done this before, like, you know, like this is, you've
15:02
shown yourself that this is something you can handle, you
15:04
know, but until that, you know, but that first time, that first,
15:08
you know, time that I, I, I was, I, I was not aware that I could
15:12
handle something like that. That's kind of when the whole
15:15
world felt like it was crashing down around me.
15:18
And I don't know if I was going to be able to handle it.
15:20
And, you know, and I, and I, and I think that part of what I did
15:24
was I almost went numb, you know, for a little while until I
15:29
was able to slowly kind of feel myself back into, into myself,
15:35
you know, into, into back, you know, coming back to myself
15:37
again and saying, Hey, if I'm you, you, you, you can handle
15:40
this, you know, you, you, you could, you could do this and
15:44
it's fine. Did, was that, was that a
15:45
similar experience? When because there's a shot, you
15:49
know, there's the actual accident.
15:51
And then what you, what you, what you described, There's the
15:54
there's the moment where you realize yourself that no matter
15:57
what everyone else around you said, it hits home with you that
16:01
this is reality now you. Know that that was such a tricky
16:04
part because that I think that is when a different process had
16:08
to start. So at that point I had to put
16:12
the pieces together on my saddle of how I was going to ride and
16:15
then also face the reality away from the horses on.
16:19
I said it was like it was that day that I realized this was the
16:22
new reality. Prior to that, you know,
16:26
obviously it's very hard and my body is not working like I
16:29
wanted to and I'm facing all these challenges.
16:31
But I kept just thinking that once I get back on a horse, it
16:34
was going to change. And so when it didn't, that's
16:37
when I really had to start to face all of the changes
16:40
mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, on and
16:43
off of a horse. And we went through the process
16:46
with the horses of getting a seat belt, getting him some
16:48
straps, go for a little bit. But then I realized it, it
16:52
really wasn't the same. And that made me so frustrated
16:54
that I quit. I said, you know, I'm done.
16:57
Sell my horses. If this isn't like it's going to
16:59
be before, I don't want to do it.
17:01
And I went to school without my horses, obviously went just went
17:03
to college and and tried to find something else I could love as
17:06
much as them, which did not happen.
17:08
I mean, that was ridiculous. That wasn't going to happen.
17:11
Oh, I like tried to learn to play the guitar and just like I
17:15
cooked, which I do still love to cook and then even just like
17:19
hang out with friends, like try to stay busy just doing things
17:22
like that. I took AI mean I took a bowling.
17:25
I did a bowling class. I wouldn't say like I took it up
17:27
as like a full blown hobby, but like, yeah, I did that.
17:30
I just kind of tried to engulf in like college, if that makes
17:34
sense. So I'm not like a I've never
17:37
been a partier and that didn't change either.
17:39
But like I didn't like start partying or anything.
17:42
I just was like, try to stay busy, engulfed in college
17:45
activities, right? Like I helped with the football
17:48
team. I, you know, got a job on
17:52
campus. I just like things like that.
17:54
Like I just tried to find a new niche for my life for what I
17:58
could do. I'm not one that idols very
17:59
well. I don't sit still very well.
18:01
So I try to stay busy in another way.
18:04
And, and I wouldn't say like I was like full blown, I wasn't
18:08
depressed like I was OK, you know, I was fine.
18:11
I was happy. I had good stuff and memories
18:14
and I made really great friends and all those things.
18:17
But you know, a part of me still missing and, and that's how it
18:21
was. But when I tell people, you
18:25
know, it's it when they face hard things too.
18:27
And I say, it's OK if you have to take a step back sometimes.
18:33
It doesn't mean you're giving up.
18:35
It doesn't mean you're quitting. I mean, I say I quit, but I also
18:38
knew in my heart it wasn't forever.
18:40
So I was like, it doesn't mean, you know, you're a loser or it
18:44
doesn't mean anything like that. It just means, you know, take a
18:47
step back and gain some perspective or put yourself in a
18:50
better place mentally, emotionally, physically,
18:52
spiritually, somewhere or if all those things so that you can
18:55
handle that and enjoy that. And I feel like that's what I
18:59
did. I went to school, I figured out
19:01
how to live life in a chair. I figured out how to still like
19:05
myself and still enjoy being myself and realize I could still
19:09
have friends and I could still do things even though I.
19:14
What'd you do to do that? I'm sorry.
19:15
I'm sorry to cut you off. Would you?
19:17
Because that's such an important thing.
19:18
I think most people don't know how to love themselves and like
19:21
themselves as as much as they probably would like to.
19:26
And so what'd you do to like rediscover that?
19:29
Like really? Because I know it's hard work.
19:30
I know that from like from me, I had, I had to go through periods
19:35
of loneliness where I had to really do a lot of writing, a
19:37
lot of thinking, a lot of like, you know, just being with myself
19:40
and like, why am I the way I am? Did you, did you, did you have
19:44
times like that or what? How'd you?
19:45
How'd you you? Know, I think who you.
19:48
Are you know? I think at that part, like you,
19:52
you still find things that you're good at.
19:55
So I think that's a piece for me is finding something that still
20:00
brings me joy and something that I recognize I can still do.
20:05
So like for instance, I'm not good at guitar, so I did not
20:08
find it there. That was not fun for me.
20:10
I'm not good at that. But if I tell you like to cook
20:14
like I would cook for me and my roommates and, and I'm good at
20:18
that. Like I, I was good at that.
20:20
I enjoyed that. So I felt like.
20:22
Recognizing that or when I went bowling, like we had Ida bowling
20:26
class and then we did other stuff and it was like I realized
20:29
I could still be good at that, like and and just finding value
20:33
in that. And then even recognizing that
20:37
me as a person, like these new people that I met at college,
20:41
they didn't know The Walking me. They only knew this me and they
20:45
still wanted to be my friend. So I think, you know, even
20:48
changing my perspective in that of like these people don't care
20:53
what I've won or if I've won anything.
20:55
Like they don't care about that. You know, they are just like,
20:59
Hey, we met you, we like you, we hang out with you.
21:01
And I mean, it was my roommates that kind of don't have a
21:03
choice, right? Like, I feel like you all become
21:04
friends, but really you could hate each other if you wanted.
21:07
And and that wasn't the case. Like we all, we all got along
21:12
and we still do. Like I'm still, I see those
21:14
girls a couple times a year and, and it was just like recognizing
21:19
that and that anything that they wanted to do, they were like,
21:22
Hey, what can we do? So Amberly can come.
21:26
And I think surrounding myself with people who wanted me to be
21:30
involved, regardless of if it was a little bit harder to be
21:33
involved is where I recognized like, you know what, I'm still a
21:37
good person. I still like who I am.
21:40
People still like me for who I am.
21:42
And I obviously I'm, I've always had a leader mentality.
21:46
So like I took on some leadership roles and recognize
21:50
that just because I'm in a chair, that doesn't change what
21:52
I'm capable of as far as that aspect either.
21:54
And, and I still tell you that that's just my personality.
21:59
So I think that right, like you have to recognize, OK, I can't
22:02
do this, but I can do this and really appreciate all for that.
22:08
And that takes practice. Yeah, it's amazing.
22:13
I bet it does. How?
22:14
I mean, how long did I'm sure it took?
22:16
I'm sure it took months, if not years.
22:18
Oh. I would tell you I still have to
22:20
do that, right? It's like, it's like there's
22:23
still bad days that you're like, this is just not what I planned
22:26
on And and this is not fair. And I'm and I hate this and, and
22:30
I hate that my legs don't work and I hate, you know, there's, I
22:33
still have that, like that's still real.
22:36
But I, you know, and I have those moments where I get upset
22:39
and then I can take a step back and be like, OK, but you know,
22:44
what can I do? And what do I have that I
22:46
appreciate and, and look at these people who are who I've
22:49
surrounded myself with and these opportunities that I have and
22:53
these abilities that I have. And then, you know, it can
22:55
change your perspective again. But I, if I get in my lowest of
22:59
lowest days, which still do happen, when I get in days where
23:02
I'm really upset, I won, I allow myself to be upset.
23:06
I think that's a part of the process.
23:09
I think that some people feel like if they are, we like have a
23:15
bad day. Like if they're like, man, I
23:17
just feel like I'm mentally being defeated that they think
23:19
something's wrong with them. Something is not wrong with you.
23:24
When that happens, something is not wrong with you.
23:25
You're, you're human and you're allowed to have a bad day.
23:28
So have it, have a bad day and then recognize that tomorrow can
23:33
be a different day. But I remind myself all the
23:36
time. So like I said, one, I let
23:38
myself feel those emotions, but then two, I remind myself
23:41
somebody is praying for what I have.
23:43
And that sure as heck humbles you right back to OK, you're OK.
23:52
Yeah, definitely, definitely. It's really interesting.
23:55
So, and I guess just listening, you know, from the outside
24:01
looking in, you know, it's you had I, you know, it's, it's a
24:06
story of having a identity and a sense of self and a perception
24:09
of this is who you are. Having that shattered and then
24:13
rediscovering, wait a minute, who I thought, who I thought it
24:16
was isn't who I am, who I am is who I am.
24:19
And then actually coming to terms with that and like seeing
24:21
that I'm a leader, I am a friend.
24:23
I am, I do love horses, I do love cooking.
24:25
I do love, you know, whatever, whatever it is that, that, that,
24:30
that you're working and, and that, you know, what made you,
24:32
you wasn't, you know, what you thought it was.
24:35
And then coming to terms with that is the is that journey.
24:39
So that's what it sounds like from the outside.
24:42
I feel like I've had similar scenarios.
24:44
You know, I remember, you know, I mean, you know, I come from a
24:49
very small Orthodox Jewish world where it's very common to be
24:52
married by not by 2122 years old, right?
24:57
And I got married at 20, almost 26.
25:01
And I was, you know, and, and I put an enormous amount of
25:04
pressure on myself for probably two or three years every time I
25:07
was going on dates and every single time I was like, this is
25:10
where I'm supposed to be. This is where I'm supposed to
25:12
be. This is who I'm supposed to be.
25:13
And I'm like, and then at a certain point, I threw my hands
25:15
up. I, you know, my 25th birthday, I
25:17
threw my hands up and I was like, I, you know what, I'm
25:23
going to just focus on being the best me that I could be.
25:25
And whenever, whenever the time comes for, you know, partner to
25:28
come along is the time the partner comes along.
25:30
But right now, the only thing I can focus on is just being the
25:32
best person, you know, the best person that I try to be and be
25:35
ready for whenever it happens. And, and so, and from that
25:40
minute, so much had changed. You know, at that point, I was
25:43
living at my parents and I wanted to get out and I was
25:46
giving myself excuses to not pursue passions like, you know,
25:49
playing guitar racks today. I also picked it up around
25:51
around 2526. And, you know, and I said to
25:55
myself, what, what, what excuse am I giving myself that this
25:58
setup isn't right or that setup is not right.
25:59
Like if at my, you know, if I'm at my root, you know, I'm trying
26:03
to just discover who I am. I'm not just a product of my
26:05
surroundings, then, you know, got it.
26:08
You got it, you got it, you got it.
26:09
You got to jump right in, you know, Awesome, awesome, awesome.
26:16
So, so you so you went ahead and you started this foundation.
26:23
Yeah. So.
26:24
My it's called the armily. Snyder Freedom Foundation.
26:27
I started it a couple years ago. I'm still in the fundraising
26:32
stages of it. Turns out foundations take a lot
26:35
of time. A lot of time.
26:38
And I am an extremely busy person and I love, I love what I
26:45
do. So I don't complain that I am
26:47
busy, but I am busy. And so I've just started
26:52
fundraising for it. So eventually I'll be able to
26:53
come around to it and, and I get to just put these pieces
26:57
together so that I feel like I'll be able to have enough
27:00
money to really like open it and make a big change on it.
27:03
So I do little fundraising things here and there, obviously
27:05
with podcasts and whatnot. So the plan of it is to give
27:12
kids or people with disabilities pieces of freedom.
27:18
So I know for me after my accident, to lose so much
27:20
independence was devastating. And so I want to be able to
27:25
allow people or help them get that independence back.
27:28
So whether that's hand controls in a vehicle or, you know, a
27:32
ramp in their house or be able to make something accessible
27:36
that wasn't accessible to them, it's those pieces of
27:39
independence that helps us continue to grow and be OK with
27:42
who we are in the situation we're in.
27:43
So that's what it's going to do. It's going to give pieces of
27:45
independence and to people, beautiful.
27:51
Beautiful. It's really amazing.
27:53
It's really amazing. I hope, I wish you lots of
27:56
success with it. I'm sure it's going to be.
27:58
I hope it. I hope it impacts and touches a
28:00
ton of people. What was it like having a
28:03
documentary made of you? I I watched a video where you
28:06
said at first that you weren't really into the idea of it.
28:10
And I guess I could, I guess I could ask you after, what was it
28:14
like working with Netflix? Was it only Netflix that was
28:18
reaching out? Was it something that you had in
28:21
mind, never had in mind So. Originally they, I, I actually
28:28
had a little small production company reach out to me and ask
28:31
if they could make a movie about my story.
28:33
And I told them no. But then I talked to my parents
28:36
and I came back and said, OK, so that is what happened.
28:40
And then they, well, I didn't feel like I have done something
28:46
that I wanted to like make a story about, if that makes
28:51
sense. Like to me, I was just back on a
28:53
horse winning yet. And so I'm like, it's not cool
28:55
that I just got back on a horse. Like I want to be able to be
28:58
winning. And at that point, you know, it
29:01
doesn't, you don't realize that people are like, no, what you're
29:04
doing just right now is incredible, right?
29:07
So for me being as competitive as I am, I'm like, well, if I'm
29:10
not winning, it doesn't matter. I do have moments now.
29:13
Obviously I still like to win, but I do have moments now where
29:15
I'm like, Oh my gosh, like I realize I really am the only one
29:18
doing what I'm doing. And honestly, it is pretty
29:21
incredible that I still get to do it and at the level that I'm
29:23
doing it at so that I do have moments that like I even bring
29:27
myself back to that. But so when they asked, you
29:30
know, we ended up writing the script and then their contract
29:33
dissolved. It just ended.
29:35
And so then I ran in the American in 2015 and another
29:38
company came on and I said no again for the same reason.
29:41
I well, this time around actually, I was more like, you
29:44
know, my family's been through enough the first time.
29:46
I really don't need them to relive this, but after?
29:53
What was I'm sorry, what was writing?
29:54
What was the initial script or working on a script like because
29:59
are you was it? Did I did I have a script about
30:02
like what the conversations are going to be like?
30:03
They have a script as to a narration.
30:05
What was what was that? What was that like?
30:07
Just because I love writing and I I I love the background.
30:11
They came to they came to my house and interviewed my family
30:14
and me and then put together this story.
30:20
So that's that's what we ended up we did.
30:23
Is that they Yeah. So they came and and we
30:26
interviewed pieces of my, you know, my family.
30:29
We'd and then they pull different stories, I would say,
30:32
from members of my family. And they were like, OK.
30:35
And then they pieced it together to read the script.
30:37
And then obviously they showed it to me and were like, hey, do
30:39
you want this? And I at that point was like,
30:42
all right, I want to make sure that this gets thrown in on
30:44
story or Nah, that really, I don't really think that needs to
30:47
be included. We were all to piece it together
30:49
that way. Yeah.
30:54
OK, Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I was, I was curious about that.
30:57
That's really interesting. OK, So you so at this point you
30:59
got the script, you see some things you like, some things are
31:02
OK, some you know, the deal falls apart, another deal
31:06
happens. You say that you don't want your
31:07
families to deal with that again.
31:09
Do do you have the material at this point that that those those
31:13
interviews or is that with that? Was that was the initial reach
31:16
out that we did those interviews and things and then like I said,
31:20
they wrote the script. Yeah, well, they actually ended
31:23
up buying that script from that other company.
31:31
OK, cool. Gotcha.
31:32
Gotcha. And then how and then how hands
31:35
on was it? How were you get, did you get to
31:36
be involved? Did you get to were there parts
31:38
where you're like, listen, I think this is important or not
31:41
important? What was it like the second?
31:43
Company, the second company, you know, they took it, they twisted
31:46
it after The American and then that's when we gave it to
31:48
Netflix. So then and they sold it to
31:50
Netflix right near the end of that.
31:52
And I, I mean, I didn't, I, I was a producer on it.
31:58
I had an opinion, not a say. So I had to learn that that once
32:03
they buy your story, my opinion matters.
32:07
But the final decision isn't up to me.
32:10
And that was kind of difficult on a few different things
32:14
because it was easy for others to forget that it's my actual
32:19
life. Like it's a real life.
32:20
It's not. I know that they're reading a
32:22
script and building a story, but it's a real 1.
32:25
And I'm literally sitting there. And so that was for reading
32:29
sometimes that I would be like, that's not how that happened.
32:32
And they're like, well, but that's how we want it in the
32:34
movie. That I was actually curious
32:41
that, that, that, that that's, that's reinforcing what I what I
32:44
thought, what I had a feeling about, I was nervous about.
32:47
So what was so, so, so that happened?
32:49
So did that happen often or that was a couple of times?
32:51
A few times. OK, OK, OK, OK.
32:57
So then we have the finished product.
33:02
What's what's missing that you feel like you would have wanted
33:06
put in or what was put in that you feel like you would have
33:09
wanted a change if you could talk about it?
33:12
I. Feel like if you.
33:14
Can't. I feel like that they could have
33:17
included my family. So that was kind of a bummer
33:24
that I feel like my family wasn't included as much as they
33:27
wanted to. There were some hiccups with
33:29
that, that I had approved people to to be the actors in my movie,
33:34
and they ended up changing some of those.
33:35
So then people got pulled out and shifted.
33:38
And so I had some. Yeah.
33:42
So I, I, if you watch the movie, most people think I only have
33:46
three siblings and I actually have five siblings.
33:50
But that was poor production and poor that, that they had to make
33:56
some changes with some cast. Yep.
33:59
So I wish that that had been better.
34:01
Really, that's my biggest complaint.
34:03
I think that if you know, knowing what I know now, I
34:09
wasn't on set every single day because I was still trying to
34:12
rodeo that summer. I feel like knowing what I know
34:15
now, I would have skipped that rodeo of summer, that summer of
34:19
rodeo. I would have skipped that summer
34:21
of rodeo and been there every single day just for small things
34:25
that could have been better. Not that probably people even
34:28
notice those details, but I do. Yeah.
34:34
Yeah, I do. And so I think I would have
34:35
wanted. To do those.
34:36
Differently, but you know, realistically, like overall, I
34:41
felt like the movie did exactly what it was supposed to.
34:43
It was, I mean it, it helps a lot of people.
34:46
It's served a lot of purpose and that part I appreciate.
34:52
Yeah, Did you immediately get people reaching out after that
34:56
happened? Did you see like an explosion of
34:59
of, of reach out or was it slow or what?
35:01
What was the what was the general?
35:03
You know, because there are times where I, you know, where I
35:05
watch things on, you know, you know, different documentaries,
35:08
different shows or even YouTube videos.
35:10
And there are times where I feel like I really, really relate and
35:13
connect to this person. I'm going to reach out, you
35:15
know, And then there are times where I watch, I'm like, OK,
35:17
that's fun. Did you get a lot of, do you get
35:19
a lot of reach outs after it came out?
35:21
Or was it, do you notice there's a particular like you know, a
35:26
particular, you know person, you know person or place that these
35:32
people are from reaching out? To.
35:33
Me that that. Related to you, I definitely
35:35
still get a lot of of that. I get a lot of people that just
35:40
watch my movie or have watched it and this is all over the
35:43
whole world and I get messages from them.
35:44
So yeah, I, I still get, and it was overnight, right?
35:48
Like when it when it was released, I got so many
35:51
messages. And then I felt like that stayed
35:55
pretty big and strong for like a year, honestly.
35:59
And, and I still, I get fan, I get fan messages every single
36:02
day. And so I'm still getting those.
36:05
I'm still seeing those. I'm getting to see people that
36:10
my story has impacted them, whether from the movie or then
36:13
after the movie watching me. So yeah, I mean, I still see the
36:17
impact. I feel like it was huge and I
36:18
feel like it still is carrying on.
36:20
And the movies been out for quite a few years now.
36:26
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, one of the
36:28
benefits of it being on a platform like Netflix is that
36:32
because they've got that algorithm, it's very hard for
36:35
movies to get lost in the shuffle if if someone expresses
36:38
interest in that type of genre, you know, So, you know,
36:42
typically speaking until now, you know, you'd have a movie and
36:44
it'd be 10 years old and then it just means it'd be 10 years down
36:47
the queue, you know. But you know, I mean, having the
36:50
having the I guess that would be one of the benefits I would say
36:53
about working with a company like Netflix would be that they
36:57
that the reach is so is so far. It's it's insane.
37:02
And and then the algorithm can keep all it can keep, quote UN
37:06
quote older content fresh and relevant that I mean, I don't
37:10
expect for it to really go anywhere for for, you know, just
37:14
years. You know, just the fact that
37:15
this came up, you know, six months ago on my timeline, you.
37:18
Always. Yep.
37:19
I feel like that's what's so crazy, right, is that people are
37:22
still, they're just still finding it.
37:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can I talk to you a little
37:33
bit about your, your new marriage?
37:38
Is that, do you mind? I the reason why I think it's
37:45
important, the reason why I want to talk about is because I
37:47
really believe that there's a loneliness epidemic in in the,
37:50
in the in the States, you know, and I think a lot of people are
37:52
lonely. I think a lot of people don't
37:55
have relationships or afraid, you know, you know, afraid to
37:58
kind of get into them, you know, and there's, you know, I think
38:06
that there's just, I think there's a disconnect between
38:09
people. And it's funny, I actually just
38:10
got back from Europe. I was in Amsterdam and Barcelona
38:14
and, and one of the things I noticed about that about those
38:20
places was that people tend tended to be more friendly, more
38:25
social, more interactive. When you're in the supermarket,
38:28
you had people's headphones weren't in and people were, you
38:31
know, not afraid to make eye contact, to look around and say
38:34
hello to people. You know, first of all,
38:38
congratulations on on, on on getting married again.
38:41
You know, we talked just a minute before we started
38:44
recording. I congratulate, you know, but
38:46
I'm really, really happy. What what advice would you have
38:49
for people that are dating? What advice would you have for
38:51
people that are trying to look for a partner?
38:53
What the what were you looking for?
38:56
And see if we can kind of oh. I so I'm, I've always been like
39:02
kind of picky, I would say on, on what I was looking for and I
39:07
feel like everyone should be girl and boy alike.
39:11
I think that you should be picky and knowing like when you're
39:14
looking for your life partner, that's exactly what they should
39:19
be, right? Your partner should be somebody
39:21
that that is there for all the realms.
39:24
So that is in your passion, that is at home, that is in your
39:28
love, like all of those things. And so I mean, I, I was picky in
39:35
what I was looking for. And I will say, I think that the
39:38
chair eliminates some people just immediately because they
39:42
just don't even want to try to be in that.
39:45
And I'm like, you know, at first that kind of hurt my feelings
39:48
because I recognized that there was people that I didn't maybe
39:51
connect with that I would have connected with prior to.
39:53
And I knew that. But at the same point, you know,
39:56
once I realized that I liked who I was and I know what value I
40:01
have and what I am, then then that was OK.
40:05
I figured the. So that first step, that first
40:16
step was just knowing what you were looking for and then being
40:20
comfortable with who you are. Yeah.
40:24
Well, that first step is really hard for a lot to what you got
40:27
to I imagine you know what do you.
40:30
Yeah, OK. And then and then the actual and
40:35
actual relationship part navigating it, you know, that's
40:39
that's that's the hard part, right.
40:41
That's that's where, you know, finding, you know, I guess
40:43
almost finding a person, as crazy as it sounds, is actually
40:46
part I'm sure when. Oh.
40:47
Yeah, my life is so busy and hectic that also finding
40:55
somebody who is OK with my busy life, that was also a part of
41:00
it. Because I'm not home every
41:02
night, like I'm not ever going to be home every night.
41:04
I'm on the road quite often and so I had to find someone that
41:08
was OK with that and handled that and didn't make me feel
41:11
guilty for that. And so that is also one of the
41:15
pieces that I think is important is the person that it that you
41:19
end up with needs to be OK with the lifestyle that you have.
41:21
Not that adjustments won't be made.
41:23
I've made adjustments, he's made adjustments, but that you don't
41:26
want somebody that you know, you dated that was like, hey, this
41:30
is cool while you dated, but now if we're like together, I really
41:33
want you home every night. Well, that's not going to work
41:35
like I was. I'm the same person I was in the
41:37
beginning. And that part, I mean, and even
41:41
navigating the dating world that was a struggle with some people
41:44
is that they just, they didn't like how busy I was.
41:52
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I was actually, it's my sister.
41:55
I was talking to my sister-in-law who's currently,
41:57
you know, going through the whole dating process and, you
42:00
know, trying to figure, you know, trying to find your way
42:02
through it. And one of the things we were
42:04
talking about was she was like, there's a guy and we get along
42:06
so well. But like, you know, I'm not sure
42:08
if like, you know, our backgrounds are going to be
42:11
quite the same, you know, or like, you know, the way that
42:13
what, what our expectations of like day-to-day life and values
42:17
are going to be like. And I was like, you know, I, I,
42:20
I, you know, I think that that's something that's, I think that's
42:23
something that most people kind of are willing to put aside for
42:26
a little bit. Is you know that like, you know,
42:31
it's so exciting when you find someone that you just get to
42:33
know and that you that you guys, you have that kind of that, that
42:37
enthusiasm that you know, when that enthusiasm does fade away.
42:42
Most of life is day-to-day and most of life is, you know, the
42:45
way that you carry yourself, you know, in the minutes, you know
42:48
that, that, that you don't think about, you know, and, and you
42:52
know, in those little, in the little moments like, you know,
42:54
like whether or not you know, I don't want to, I don't mean to
42:57
make it, you know, this isn't as big of a deal, but things like,
43:02
you know, or things like, you know, how much you expect to be
43:05
it's. Day-to-day things, I really, I
43:07
think it is super important to recognize that the person you're
43:10
with is that you mesh. You've got a mesh.
43:17
Yes. Oh.
43:20
Man, I've had some really fun places.
43:23
I've I have spoke in 45 states now and I've actually been 47
43:29
states, so I've nearly covered the whole country and I've I, I
43:34
love, let's see, I will tell you I have it written down.
43:40
So I'm, yes, I just went to Alaska for my honeymoon,
43:45
actually. So it was amazing.
43:50
Yeah, it was amazing summer. Time is probably incredible.
43:52
We. Left Vancouver, Canada and then
43:54
went through Alaska and then and, and then came back up to
43:58
Canada. It was.
44:01
Amazing. I've been dying to do that.
44:04
Actually, I lived in Seattle for, for a year and I love the
44:08
North, the Pacific Northwest and, and I and I and I've been
44:12
and I've been dying to go on one of those cruises.
44:14
It was amazing. Cool.
44:42
I feel like those are pretty easy now, especially in the
44:45
horse riding community, right? Right.
45:05
What's your what's, what's your process for before speaking?
45:08
Do you get pregame butterflies? Do you take notes?
45:11
Bullet points? Do you have everything pre
45:13
written out? What do you do?
45:29
Yeah. And what's your process for for
45:49
writing? I started up writing for, for,
45:51
for preparing to speak when you're actually speaking.
45:53
Because I actually, I, I, I, I teach high school part time.
45:57
And part of one, part of the things that I do is I force my
46:00
English class to, to give a 5 minute presentation.
46:04
And inevitably every semester someone gets up and they think
46:08
that they can talk 5 minutes about anything, you know,
46:11
without any preparation. And then after 45 seconds they
46:14
run out of things to talk about. And, you know, and so I end up,
46:18
you know, so I end up, you know, I end up having walking through
46:20
what it's like to prepare to, you know, to actually get ready
46:23
to speak. What what?
46:25
What advice? What's your process?
47:20
So you keep it intimate, you keep it, you keep it, you keep
47:22
it personal. Do you, do you, do you come up
47:24
with notes in advance of what you're going to talk about?
47:27
Or do you like have topics that you know, you want to touch on
47:30
or you go to? How do you, how do you go about
47:31
that? Yeah, me neither.
47:48
It's tough. Yeah.
48:11
Yeah, Totally. Definitely.
48:26
Definitely, definitely. Yeah.
48:29
Excuse me, I there's a comedian, Tom Segura.
48:32
I don't know if you're familiar with him.
48:33
He's a pretty famous comedian. And one of the things that he
48:37
was talking about his process, he's like, I don't like to have
48:39
specific lines and words because he goes it, you know it one
48:47
night, especially if you're, if you're, you know, performing in
48:50
public, if you enunciate one word a little differently, it
48:54
gets a totally different reaction to the crowd.
48:56
And you kind of have to count like what you're saying on like
48:58
every word being delivered perfectly.
49:00
He's like, I prefer personally, he goes, I just have a list of
49:02
bullet points of topics that I know I'm going to bring up.
49:06
And then I, and then I, and then you go and I improvise with
49:08
them. And then one hand, it's a lot
49:10
scarier because you're improvising and you might get
49:12
stuck in another hand That's I feel like we're a lot of the
49:14
fun, spontaneous and some of the most creative.
49:18
The most creative moments happen for sure.
49:33
Do you find your stories change over time?
49:35
Because I find that as I tell stories over and over, things
49:39
get to become a little more dramatic or dramatized or
49:41
anything like that. Do you ever notice that
49:44
happened? Sure,
50:05
yes. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
50:17
I mean, I, you know, I'd hope not.
50:19
I, I, I, I, I try not to. I end up catching myself, you
50:22
know, even things around the house, like, you know, I'm
50:23
telling a story to a friend and then and then my wife who looks
50:25
at me, she goes, you just told me that story 10 minutes ago and
50:27
you said that you left the house 20 minutes before and I said 30.
50:30
And I was like, I know, I'm just, you know, I end up
50:32
getting, I end up getting excited and dramatic about it.
50:35
So, so, yeah, of course I'm not talking about full on, you know,
50:42
but I think that you, you also notice that a certain, when
50:44
you're, when you're a storyteller, you're telling
50:46
stories and you're reading along, especially one person or
50:50
a couple of people as they're going with you, you can tell
50:53
that there's certain dramatic flares that they're almost
50:57
waiting for yourself. You know, that like you're
50:59
looking for something dramatic that had happened or that that
51:02
that would happen. You're trying to kind of
51:04
emphasize it, but obviously not changing the changing the whole
51:09
thing. So what's, what's, what do you,
51:12
what's next? What are you, what are you
51:14
looking forward to? What's, what do you hope to
51:15
accomplish the next 5-10, fifteen years?
51:28
Beautiful. Yes, yes,
52:27
yeah, yeah, yeah. I've noticed, Yeah, I've noticed
52:35
that, you know, that there's only so many people I feel like
52:38
you can keep track of in your life that you could be that
52:40
intentional about. But those relationships tend to
52:43
last the longest for sure. You know.
52:44
I mean, I've had friends that, you know, we've been intentional
52:47
about our friendship and we've talked about, you know, ups and
52:49
downs and everything for 1520 years now.
52:53
And, you know, and those are people that, you know, when push
52:56
comes to shove and, you know, when the hard times happen and
52:59
you don't feel like opening up to people or anything, or you
53:01
just need to like get something off your chest.
53:03
There's only like a couple of people that you feel like you
53:04
could trust to just like talk to about that, you know.
53:08
And those are the. And yeah, I think, I think we
53:13
need that. I think we really need that.
53:15
I think that we're I think we're a lonely country.
53:17
And I think that you, you emphasizing that your values are
53:21
enormous part relationship, enormous part family, enormous
53:24
part friendships. That should be something that I
53:28
think a lot of people should really think about because
53:32
that's what's meaningful, you know, that.
53:34
And, you know, I mean, I, I, I think that a lot of, I, I mean,
53:37
I, I, I don't come from, I know we grew up in totally different
53:40
universes. I come from, you know, Rockland
53:42
County, New York, 20 minutes north of Manhattan.
53:45
But, you know, there was, there's, there's always been an
53:48
emphasis on like work and how many hours you spend at work.
53:52
And you almost considered like, you know, it's always considered
53:54
weird to be someone that was like spending a lot of time with
53:57
family or like, you know, hanging out with friends a lot,
53:59
you know, And it was almost considered, you know, bizarre.
54:02
But I don't know if that that necessarily contributes to
54:06
people's well-being, happiness or meaning or purpose in their
54:09
lives as much, you know. Yeah, definitely, definitely.
54:21
That's really awesome. That's really awesome, Emily.
54:24
I really appreciate the time. Thank you so much for making
54:26
time to speak with me today. And your story's really, really
54:30
beautiful. I'm, I I I love some of the
54:32
insight insight that you gave. And, and this really, really
54:36
means so much. Thank you so much for for, for
54:38
taking the time to do this. All right, Emily, we'll be in
54:44
touch. I wish you tons of luck.
54:45
Enjoy those last couple of States and and I'll see the
54:50
next, I'll see the next big project you're working on.
54:53
But congratulations on everything and congratulations
54:55
on the wedding and the honeymoon.
54:57
And this is really such a pleasure.
54:58
Thank you. All right, take Care now.
55:02
Bye. Bye.