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EP86: The 21/21 Rule · Unpause Your Life

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  You are listening to Unpause your Life with doctor cally Es Says and Master Coach
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  Jenny Fontana, founders of the Life Coach method. Each one of our uplifting
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  and deep dive episodes is geared to help you tackle the things that hold you
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  back from having the most magnificent life you deserved. Sit back, relax,
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  and prepare to be coached. Hey guys, doctor callys is the Addictions Coach,
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  the Addictions Academy and Sober undemand coming at you from Unpause your Life as
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  well. I want to talk about the twenty one to twenty one role today.
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  I get asked a lot why a treatment center is twenty eight days?
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  How do I lose weight in thirty days? There's always a number that people
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  talk about. Usually it's around a month. Well, it's actually twenty one
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  days that it takes you to change a habit can be any habit, you
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  know, not eating sugar, not drinking coffee in the morning, saving money,
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  you have to do something every single day for twenty one days consecutively without
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  missing a day for your brain to create a new neuro pathway. So let
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  me give you an example. I had a client who said to me.
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  I wake up in the middle of the night and I find myself in the
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  kitchen making a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich. If your gen X like me,
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  you call that a fluffer nutter. Right, So she's in the kitchen make
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  a fluffer nutter. Well, a lot of you might say, well,
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  just don't buy peanut butter and marshmallow and you won't eat that. Well,
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  the reality is chokine something, maybe peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and
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  banana, frozen banana. Something will happen. So here's what I told her.
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  In middle of the night, when you get up, do you take
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  the same route to the kitchen? She said, yes, wake up,
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  swing my feet off the side of the bed. I sleep on the right
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  side of the bed. I open the door. She actually puts her slippers
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  on first, opens the door and has a clear path to the kitchen with
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  a slight turnabout. So I said to her, here's what you're gonna do.
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  You're gonna rearrange the furniture in that room that you have to walk through
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  to get to the kitchen. Rearrange it so it's in your direct path,
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  and maybe sleep on the other side of the bed or move the bed,
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  so it's different. So you're not just getting out of bed and opening the
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  door. You have to go past something sort of like a gateway or an
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  entryway before you get to the door. This will change your brain to understand
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  the way to get from point to point B. So that's the first thing.
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  When that starts to happen. Your brain doesn't associate anymore the clear path
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  to junk food or the clear path to eating in the middle of the night.
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  It says, I have to navigate this new pattern first. So it
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  changes the way your brain perceives the event. That's the important thing. So
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  when we talk about dieting and people say all the time, you know,
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  well I went on this diet and that diet. You always go on a
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  diet on a Thursday or Friday. I'm sorry, I'm always going to diet
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  on a Monday. Right Thursday or Friday. You decide you're going on a
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  diet, and you always say, I'm gonna eat junk all weekend, I'm
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  gonna party like a rock star, I'm gonna have pizza, I'm gonna have
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  ice cream, and by Monday, I'm going to be on this miracle diet,
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  and I'm gonna lose all this weight in a week. We all do
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  it. By Monday morning, you do great, right, get up,
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  you have your yogurt for breakfast, protein shake, You have your salad for
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  lunch. People are getting junk food around you. You say no, you
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  feel great. Come home. The husband wants pizza, the kids want chicken
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  fingers. You do great. You have your salad, you have your soup.
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  Whatever it is you're using the diet, maybe it's the Keto diet.
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  You wake up Tuesday each bright, healthy breakfast, pack your little salad for
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  lunch. You're ready to go. Tuesday afternoon, you notice there's pizza.
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  Happens every time. Now you want pizza. Tell yourself no. Come home.
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  You make your nice, healthy dinner. The kids want fried chicken,
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  Popeyes, Taco Bell, what have you? You make it through Tuesday.
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  You wake up Wednesday and you kind of cranky. Why are you cranky?
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  Because you're having the same food on that diet plant Keto Plan, South Beach
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  Diet weight Watchers Jennie Craig, doesn't matter, it's the same thing. You
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  wake up, you eat your breakfast, pack your salad for lunch. Wednesday
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  by two o'clock, you've had a donut. Wednesday when you come home,
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  now you have a case of the fuckets. I just had a donut,
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  so fuck it, I'm gonna have pizza. Right, Very similar to addiction
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  when it comes to food, food and dieting in the thought process of restriction.
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  Right, I'm gonna get sober. I'm not gonna have any more alcohol
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  or drugs. I'm gonna come up with sugar and preservative food. Same thing.
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  By Thursday, you're eating everything. By Friday, it's party on the
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  weekend. We'll start on Monday. If you can't make it twenty one days,
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  you can't break the pattern. But the issue is that you're eating the
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  same foods and your brain then goes ough. You know, it's the same
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  thing. I want tacos, Well, I can have tacos, but I
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  can have tacos that are healthier. Well, I don't want healthier. I
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  want the tacos I used to eat. Or you gonna have pizza, but
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  you can have colorflower pizza. Now. I don't know if you've tried coliflower
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  pizza, but it belongs to the trash period along with ko By the way,
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  taste like garbage. If I want pizza. I want pizza. I
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  don't want colorflower pizza. So your brain says, well, it's pizza,
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  but it's not exactly pizza. So what happens is your brain can't create a
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  new neural pathway because it's still pizza. So it's just sort of the secret
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  to lose in weight. And this is why these big diets are right in
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  the beginning and then they fail. They have you come off certain foods,
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  you know, fats, sugars, preservatives, but then you go back to
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  them because you're looking at the same item, but it's the same item,
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  just the healthier version. That's why we generally say, if you're gonna quit
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  sugar, quit sugar, don't use artificial sugar, don't use superlows or ask
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  for team. You're gonna quit it, quit it, come come off of
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  it with natural sugar like a honey or maybe a banana, and then step
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  down from there. So the twenty one rule is that it takes twenty one
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  days to change a habit, but the habit has to be different than what
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  was originally there, going back to removing the furniture and changing it around the
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  room. It's the same room, but the furniture is a different place now,
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  so your brain proceds it as a whole new experience. It's not the
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  same room anymore. With the furniture moved around, the brain now has to
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  navigate a new way to the kitchen. So that changes the gate. So
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  for twenty one days, now the brain has to restructure how I get from
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  point A to point B. And if you know, when you wake up
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  in the middle of the night, you're half awake, you're half asleep,
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  you autopilot to the bathroom, you autopilot to the kitchen. Well, the
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  first couple of times you do it, you're gonna run into the furniture,
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  probably stub your toe, and the brain is gonna say, oh my goodness,
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  I have to create a new pathway that changes what happens on the back
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  end. So twenty one days it takes to change a habit, and it
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  takes twenty one minutes to change a thought. So what that means is if
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  I'm obsessed over something, if I talk about that and other things for twenty
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  one minutes, my brain will divert from the thing I'm obsessed on. Could
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  be anything, could be a donut, could be alcohol, could be poorn,
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  could be money, anything you're obsessing on. If you conversate out loud,
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  not in your head, with another human being for twenty one minutes,
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  your brain will change that thought. If you've heard me talk about brain dump
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  in a previous episode, brain dump is only five minutes, which is pretty
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  neat getting all your thoughts out quickly and kind of out on paper. This
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  is similar to that, but you're actually conversating with other people and you're getting
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  things out in the sense that in that time frame, you're hearing yourself talk
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  about all of the issues. So try it. Set your time for for
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  twenty one minutes, grab a friend, make a phone call, and talk
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  about something that's bothering you for twenty one minutes. At the end of that
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  conversation, you will see a shift in your brain's thinking. It will shift
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  from being obsessed about something, being anxious about something, or being frustrated about
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  something to a more positive experience. That's because your brain is creating a new
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  neural pathway in that twenty one minutes. Now your brain does latch onto things.
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  For example, anxiety. Right, a lot of people say, Okay,
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  I'm anxious I have this big event coming up, or I have this
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  big report to do, I have something I have to do, and I'm
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  anxious. Oh my goodness, I don't know what to do. I'm so
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  frustrated. And then they work themselves up into this tizzy and this frenzy.
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  Taking that information, If you switch your brain from anxious to excited, something
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  really cool happens. Your brain cannot be anxious and excited at the same time.
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  I learned this from a celebrity client. She had stage fright, and
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  she said, when I go up on stage, I'm terrified comedian. I
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  don't know if they're gonna like me. I don't know if they're gonna hate
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  me, what if they boo me off stage? So she has this horrendous
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  anxiety that sometimes she comes out on stage and freezes. And she said,
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  I started focusing on just being excited instead of anxious. If I'm excited when
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  I get up on stage, I can't be anxious because I'm excited and I
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  pump myself up. I'm so happy to be here. This is gonna be
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  amazing. And when I walk on stage, I'm so excited it's contagious.
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  So the people around me are excited because I'm excited. Now there's a second
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  piece to that. The scientific piece is that your brain cannot be anxious and
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  excited at the same time. It's a great life hack. If you're ever
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  anxious for something, stop and focus on being excited. It can be anything,
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  and it can even be a daunting event. Like I'm still in boxes,
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  i still haven't completely unpacked into my new place. I'm waiting on a
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  dresser. I'm waiting on shelving. Is it irritating. Course, I've been
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  here almost five months. Is it frustrating. Absolutely, But instead of getting
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  frustrated and irritated, I say, I'm so excited. My shelves are coming,
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  My shelves are coming, my dressers are coming. This is gonna be
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  amazing. I get to finally unpack. It's gonna be so great. If
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  I focus on being excited, what happens. My perception of the event changes
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  so that twenty one minutes can even be a negative. Dump all the things
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  that are wrong, and then get excited about the event. Watch how your
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  brain shifts and manifests what you want. When you ship from anger, depression,
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  and anxiety to excitement, any event you take can be excitement. Going
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  to the dentist, I know a lot of you people say, oh my
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  god, I wanna go to the dentist. I'm gonna have a cavity.
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  It's awful. Get excited about it. I'm so excited. I get to
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  take the day off and go to the dentist. I'll have a nice drive,
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  i might get a Starbucks on the way, and I'm going to focus
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  on being positive, get through the experience, and I'm gonna feel a hundred
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  times better. If you get excited about the event, it changes how the
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  brain perceives the event. It's twenty one minutes to make that happen. You
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  can do this anytime throughout your day at work, throughout your day at home.
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  Get excited about the event. Teach your kids how to get excited and
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  not frustrated and not angry and depressed. Focus on being excited because the brain
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  cannot be both. You cannot be depressed and happy at the same time.
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  It's not chemically possible. Period. Think about that the next time you're sitting
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  there and you're like, oh my god, I'm so depressed. Oh I
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  don't know what to do. Focus on being excited, even if there's nothing
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  to be excited about. Get excited about something. Go for a drive,
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  go for a walk. If you like to shop, go to Home Goods
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  or TJ Max and tell yourself, I'm only gonna spend twenty dollars, but
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  I have twenty dollars and I'm gonna see how much stuff I can buy on
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  clearance. Go grocery shopping. Do something to get your brain out of being
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  depressed and anxious and excited about something cool. So that's your twenty twenty one
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  role. You can find that in the Unpause your Life of workbook along with
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  the other forty five exercises, or you can check out our knowledge nuggets online
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  on how we manifest. That's in there because it's a big part of getting
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  your brain retrained so that you can manifest in the next level. All right,
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  have a great day, guys, keep listening and I will see you
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  on the flip side. Thank you for listening to Unpause your Life with doctor
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  Cali Estez and Master Coach Jenny Fontana. Head over to www dot the Lifecoach
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  method dot com to learn more about coaching yourself and how to become a master coach.