Latest / The You Project / #2103 Coaching Time - Harps

Transcript

#2103 Coaching Time - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: A hollow term. It's harps. I've been instructed by the
0:04
Speaker 1: women that boss me around at typ Central to not
0:08
Speaker 1: come in too hot on the micro Apparently I have
0:11
Speaker 1: a tendency to be somewhat loud and for both if
0:16
Speaker 1: not frightening. So this is me being very regulated and
0:23
Speaker 1: fucking boring. But anyway, HI, hope you're all good. I
0:26
Speaker 1: hope you're well. I did a loaner a solo at
0:32
Speaker 1: just Me the other day. Seemed to go okay. We
0:35
Speaker 1: had someone booked in for tomorrow, which is Wednesday, recording
0:42
Speaker 1: today Tuesday, and they pulled the pin and they had
0:47
Speaker 1: a very good reason, So that is all good. Even
0:50
Speaker 1: if they don't have a good reason, it's all good
0:53
Speaker 1: because they're all guests and they're all being generous. But
0:56
Speaker 1: so I thought I might. I was thinking to myself
0:59
Speaker 1: self self, what are you going to do? What are
1:02
Speaker 1: you going to do that might be of value? That's simple,
1:07
Speaker 1: that's potentially helpful. That is kind of tied in with
1:12
Speaker 1: my work. I've just started taking on just quietly in
1:17
Speaker 1: the background. There one or two coaching clients. I've reigned
1:22
Speaker 1: it back over the last few years because of all
1:25
Speaker 1: the stuff that I will not mention because the stuff
1:28
Speaker 1: gets too much airtime. But I thought I might share
1:33
Speaker 1: some of the now For those of you who've heard
1:35
Speaker 1: me a thousand times, this will be some of it
1:39
Speaker 1: revision or repetition, so please feel free too fast forward
1:45
Speaker 1: to the next episode or wait for the next episode.
1:49
Speaker 1: But these are really kind of fundamental questions that I
1:52
Speaker 1: find helpful, but only if we ask an answer and
1:56
Speaker 1: then do something off the back of the asking and answering,
2:01
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's all well and
2:03
Speaker 1: good to recognize something that needs to change, or something
2:06
Speaker 1: that we're not doing or should be doing, or something
2:09
Speaker 1: that's ineffective or something that's you know, self sabotaging or whatever.
2:15
Speaker 1: That's good to recognize it and then to take ownership
2:19
Speaker 1: of it acknowledge it. But then where the change happens
2:23
Speaker 1: is not in either of those first two steps. Where
2:26
Speaker 1: the change happens, obviously, is when we get a bit strategic,
2:31
Speaker 1: create a plan, we make some decisions, we execute the plan,
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Speaker 1: we do something, and we start to see some results
2:38
Speaker 1: in our world. We've spoken recently a little bit about
2:41
Speaker 1: the idea of your life being a kind of a project.
2:46
Speaker 1: Of course, ergo the you project and the reality that
2:53
Speaker 1: things are not going to magically. You're not going to
2:54
Speaker 1: magically succeed. You're not going to magically or mysteriously fall
2:58
Speaker 1: on your feet. Nobody's going to knock on the door.
3:00
Speaker 1: The Opportunity Fair is not going to knock on the
3:02
Speaker 1: door and hand your fucking unicorn. It's not going to happen.
3:06
Speaker 1: So the truth is for many of us, not you necessarily,
3:11
Speaker 1: but for many humans, me included, at times there are
3:14
Speaker 1: periods of our life, could be weeks, could be months,
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Speaker 1: could be years, could be fucking decades where we keep
3:23
Speaker 1: doing what doesn't work, but we keep doing the thing
3:28
Speaker 1: like we recognize, Ah, I need to obviously, just a
3:31
Speaker 1: practical example, I need to get in shape. Some people
3:34
Speaker 1: have been saying that for ten years while not actually
3:36
Speaker 1: really really having a crack, not really making hard decisions,
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Speaker 1: not really doing difficult things, not really pushing the needle
3:47
Speaker 1: on the effort, not being consistent, not owning up and
3:50
Speaker 1: stepping up, while all the time recognizing that their current
3:55
Speaker 1: trajectory with their health and their diet and their lifestyle
3:59
Speaker 1: is probably heading down a path of destruction. No judgment
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Speaker 1: in that, no criticism in that. That's just literally what happens.
4:08
Speaker 1: And you don't need to be a genius to look
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Speaker 1: at the stats on obesity and obesity related diseases and
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Speaker 1: all of that to figure out that we're not heading
4:18
Speaker 1: in the right direction. Despite the fact that we know
4:21
Speaker 1: more stuff, We've got more podcasts. We didn't have podcasts,
4:25
Speaker 1: not that they're all good, not that these ones are
4:27
Speaker 1: all good sometimes, but we've got more information. We've got
4:30
Speaker 1: more access to academic research and studies. You don't need
4:36
Speaker 1: to be an academic. You don't need to be a
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Speaker 1: high level kind of PhD or master's or honors student
4:43
Speaker 1: or anything like that. You can go into academic search
4:47
Speaker 1: engines and find whatever you want to find. You know,
4:54
Speaker 1: sometimes it's a bit tricky, but you can just go
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Speaker 1: into a bunch of just go into Google as a
5:01
Speaker 1: starting point and say, give me the top five academic
5:05
Speaker 1: search engines and BIBD Bobby boot. Now you've got access
5:09
Speaker 1: to actual science, not opinions about science. So when somebody
5:15
Speaker 1: says I did my research, you know, I've been taking
5:19
Speaker 1: this and I go, why are you taking that? I
5:20
Speaker 1: did my research? And usually what I did my research
5:24
Speaker 1: means is I watched three videos from people who had
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Speaker 1: no academic qualification in the field of which they were speaking.
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Speaker 1: That's often what it means, not always, but even then
5:35
Speaker 1: we need to be careful. We need to be careful
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Speaker 1: that we're not paying attention to the wrong people, or
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Speaker 1: we're not trusting people who perhaps need to earn that.
5:47
Speaker 1: And even with the stuff that I share and download
5:52
Speaker 1: to you, all I have said forever, don't believe me
5:57
Speaker 1: because I resonate with you, or I talk the way
6:00
Speaker 1: that you enjoy, or I sound credible. The best I
6:05
Speaker 1: can hope for from you is to think about what
6:07
Speaker 1: I'm saying and if it sounds reasonable or a good idea,
6:12
Speaker 1: like the things I'm about to share with you tonight.
6:14
Speaker 1: And if you decide off the back of any of
6:17
Speaker 1: the questions that I'm about to share with you fundamental
6:21
Speaker 1: basic change your life type, change your thinking, change your habits,
6:24
Speaker 1: change your outcomes type questions. If you decide that you're
6:29
Speaker 1: going to roll the dice and you're going to take
6:31
Speaker 1: action and do one of those things, that's cool. That's cool.
6:34
Speaker 1: But also remember not everything works for everybody. So maybe
6:40
Speaker 1: in my case, specific to me and you our relationship,
6:43
Speaker 1: think about what I say, does that sound logical to you,
6:47
Speaker 1: do I sound like I know what the fuck I'm
6:49
Speaker 1: talking about? And then can you see perhaps the potential
6:54
Speaker 1: benefits in asking that question, answering that question, and then
6:59
Speaker 1: do doing something doing something off the back of that.
7:04
Speaker 1: And this is how I guess. A frustration point of
7:07
Speaker 1: mine after twenty one hundred episodes is that just so
7:14
Speaker 1: many people don't do anything. So many people listen to
7:17
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about you guys necessarily, I'm just talking broadly,
7:22
Speaker 1: even people who've come to I've met I know people
7:26
Speaker 1: by face now who come to my workshops, a lot
7:29
Speaker 1: of them, and there are some people who've probably been
7:31
Speaker 1: to twenty workshops of mine over the years, and God
7:34
Speaker 1: bless them. This is not obviously I'm not talking about
7:37
Speaker 1: an individual here, but they still don't do the work.
7:41
Speaker 1: They like the words, they like the energy, they like
7:43
Speaker 1: the ideas. They come, they get a bit inspired, a
7:47
Speaker 1: bit motivated. The inspiration goes, the motivation goes, and then
7:50
Speaker 1: the behaviors go, and now three weeks later they're back
7:53
Speaker 1: at status quo. They're back where they were, and they're
7:56
Speaker 1: waiting for the next emotional rollercoaster to jump on, or
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Speaker 1: the push or the next shove or the next light
8:02
Speaker 1: bulb or whatever it is, and it just doesn't work.
8:06
Speaker 1: It's it's our ability to succeed. And I've said this
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Speaker 1: many times, is it's about a lot of stuff. It's
8:12
Speaker 1: not about one thing. So when someone says to you,
8:15
Speaker 1: I've probably done this, So if I have, I was wrong.
8:17
Speaker 1: But when someone says to you, you know, success is
8:19
Speaker 1: all about this, that's bullshit because it's not all about
8:25
Speaker 1: one thing. It's about a multitude of things. But like
8:29
Speaker 1: one of the ones I'm going to share with you,
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Speaker 1: one of the ideas I'm going to share with you
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Speaker 1: tonight is extremely important. I would say it's definitely in
8:38
Speaker 1: the top three. But we'll get to that when we
8:40
Speaker 1: get to that, all right, So I'm just gonna I've
8:42
Speaker 1: actually got ten questions. This could end up being too
8:47
Speaker 1: I want to keep it short. I've already been banging
8:50
Speaker 1: on for nine minutes, right, I want to keep it short,
8:54
Speaker 1: So it might be five and then maybe I'll do
8:55
Speaker 1: another five. But question one is what's my life telling me?
9:04
Speaker 1: I always think about that for myself. I always think
9:06
Speaker 1: about what are my relationships saying, what's my energy saying?
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Speaker 1: What are the outcomes? And results that I'm producing at work,
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Speaker 1: at university, on the stage, on the podcast, with friends,
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Speaker 1: with family, with individual projects with for example, Melissa who
9:26
Speaker 1: runs my life. You know, like, am I what am
9:30
Speaker 1: I like? For her? Like? Does her behavior tell me
9:34
Speaker 1: that I don't get it? Sometimes? Sometimes it does? Does
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Speaker 1: her behavior like am I a person that she enjoys
9:42
Speaker 1: working with and being around? Like that really matters to me?
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Speaker 1: Because who the fuck wants to work with somebody that
9:48
Speaker 1: either they don't like or don't like being around? Right,
9:52
Speaker 1: so we don't have to be best is, but I'm
9:54
Speaker 1: it matters to me that she really enjoys the work
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Speaker 1: relationship and also the work, and that information is there.
10:01
Speaker 1: You just need to open your eyes. You just need
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Speaker 1: to pay attention. You just need to ask great questions
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Speaker 1: about things and shut the fuck up and stop trying
10:10
Speaker 1: to get an opinion or an idea across and stop
10:13
Speaker 1: trying to win. Ask somebody a question if you want
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Speaker 1: to know how that's going, and then truly listen, truly
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Speaker 1: try to understand, truly try to do something smart off
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Speaker 1: the back of that piece of information and insight that
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Speaker 1: you get. So your life is always giving you data,
10:34
Speaker 1: as we call in science data or information or feedback,
10:40
Speaker 1: and then it's the important thing is to in the
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Speaker 1: context of all of those things, and not immediately and
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Speaker 1: not overnight, and we're not going to change the world
10:48
Speaker 1: by the weekend, right, But it is to think about, all, right, well,
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Speaker 1: when I eat this way, or when I communicate this
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Speaker 1: way with these people, when I approach this issue with
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Speaker 1: my boss or with my sister or with my children,
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Speaker 1: it's just for whatever reason, it's a fucking catastrophe. And
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Speaker 1: often it's because of them. In fact, it's almost all
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Speaker 1: because of them. Then you go, oh, hang on, let
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Speaker 1: me bring my good friend's self awareness into the situation
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Speaker 1: and humility and honesty and accountability and personal responsibility. And
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Speaker 1: I go, okay, well, with this person, I am producing
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Speaker 1: some not very good results. And even though I want
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Speaker 1: it to be him or her, it's either entirely me
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Speaker 1: or maybe a little bit me, or maybe somewhere in between.
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Speaker 1: And the chances are most of the time it's somewhere
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Speaker 1: in between. Of course, that there are times when it
11:52
Speaker 1: won't really be you at all, or it might be
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Speaker 1: all you. But and this is the challenge to be
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Speaker 1: able to like really grow and learn and evolve, really
12:02
Speaker 1: not just bullshit on a podcast, not just another fucking mantra,
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Speaker 1: and not another cliche bloody post that we put on
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Speaker 1: the wall or we put on our iPhone or whatever.
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Speaker 1: All those things are cool. But I guess it, well,
12:16
Speaker 1: I'm going to I'm going to read my next question
12:18
Speaker 1: because it's dependent on this, I believe. So the next
12:22
Speaker 1: question is am I ready to do the work right?
12:27
Speaker 1: So they go together, like I'm getting all this starter,
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Speaker 1: I'm getting all this information if I'm putting on my
12:32
Speaker 1: big boy pants or in your case, perhaps big girl pants,
12:35
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to take ownership. I'm ready to stop
12:38
Speaker 1: thinking I'm right all the time. I'm ready to stop
12:42
Speaker 1: having to be right. Like that's a curse, that's ego,
12:45
Speaker 1: that's bullshit, that's in security, that's fear. You don't fucking
12:48
Speaker 1: need that. You're better than that. You don't need to
12:51
Speaker 1: be right all the time, you need to be well.
12:55
Speaker 1: This is me telling you, of course, way up what
12:57
Speaker 1: I'm saying, But I suggest you humble and aware and
13:01
Speaker 1: open to feedback. I'm not talking about criticism from haters.
13:06
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, like what I'm saying right now, the
13:10
Speaker 1: value in what I'm saying right now is not in
13:13
Speaker 1: the words I'm saying, but rather in your ability to
13:16
Speaker 1: be able to consume the words, analyze the words, think
13:18
Speaker 1: about the words, think about whether or not there's some
13:23
Speaker 1: millimeter of truth in it for you, and then do
13:27
Speaker 1: something with that, do the work. Like everybody wants to
13:30
Speaker 1: be wealthier not most people want to make more do
13:34
Speaker 1: Most people want to be in better shape. Most people
13:37
Speaker 1: want better relationships. Most people want a better career or
13:41
Speaker 1: a better business or. Most people want less stress. Most
13:44
Speaker 1: people want less anxiety. Most people want to be more grounded.
13:49
Speaker 1: Most people want to be the calm in the cars cool.
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Speaker 1: All of those things don't fucking magically happen. You wanting
13:58
Speaker 1: to be calmer doesn't make you calmer. You wanting to
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Speaker 1: be leaner and stronger and healthier and more functional doesn't
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Speaker 1: do anything until you wrap that want, until you wrap
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Speaker 1: that desire in some behavior, and then, on top of that,
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Speaker 1: some fully fucking committed This is what I'm doing now.
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Speaker 1: This is not what I'm trying for the twentieth time. No,
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Speaker 1: this is my new normal. And if it's not fun,
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Speaker 1: that's cool. It's not quick, don't give a shit. If
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Speaker 1: it's not easy, great I'm building resilience, I'm building understanding,
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Speaker 1: I'm building strength, I'm building emotional and the situational awareness.
14:39
Speaker 1: I'm becoming a better version of me. So let's bring
14:41
Speaker 1: on the fucking hard, because I tell you what, where
14:44
Speaker 1: we don't grow is in the easy, and there's the irony.
14:48
Speaker 1: We want the easy because easy is comfortable, familiar, certainty,
14:52
Speaker 1: It's all that shit we love. But guess what, none
14:55
Speaker 1: of that makes us stronger or better. I'm not saying
14:59
Speaker 1: we need to live in in pain and uncertainty and adversity.
15:02
Speaker 1: Of course we don't. But there will be times when
15:05
Speaker 1: you and I are required in order to get where
15:08
Speaker 1: we want to go, achieve our goals, reach our mountaintop,
15:11
Speaker 1: whatever the fucking metaphor you want to choose, there will
15:13
Speaker 1: be times when you and I are just required if
15:17
Speaker 1: we want to succeed to do the thing. What's the
15:22
Speaker 1: thing you need to do? I need to walk five
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Speaker 1: k's a day. Cool? Start tomorrow? Ah but albit, arbit, fuck, albit,
15:30
Speaker 1: just fucking start tomorrow. Is it hard? Probably? Is it convenient?
15:35
Speaker 1: Probably not? Is it? Does it take a long time?
15:38
Speaker 1: A bit? Yep? Is it going to blow your life up? Nah?
15:43
Speaker 1: Will you be all right, yep, can you do it
15:45
Speaker 1: in three installments so it's more convenient instead of one. Yet, whatever,
15:51
Speaker 1: whatever the thing is, figure out the thing that you
15:53
Speaker 1: need to do, not you hope you'll do, not you
15:57
Speaker 1: might get to one day on the fucking today do
16:00
Speaker 1: list of your life when all the planets are aligned
16:03
Speaker 1: and the angels arrived on the window with a fucking
16:05
Speaker 1: message from you know who and you know where, and
16:10
Speaker 1: just do the fucking thing that you keep talking about
16:13
Speaker 1: or hoping to do or intending to do, and stop
16:18
Speaker 1: waiting for the feeling that you're waiting for of inspiration
16:22
Speaker 1: and motivation. Like, think about this, And I know this
16:25
Speaker 1: is extreme, but let's say this is going to sound traumatic,
16:32
Speaker 1: So for those who don't like this kind of little metaphor,
16:38
Speaker 1: I apologize. But let's say you really should walk half
16:42
Speaker 1: an hour a day, and you've known that for ten
16:45
Speaker 1: years because you don't do any cardio, you don't ride
16:47
Speaker 1: a bike, you don't you know, let's just say, and
16:50
Speaker 1: of course there's way more ways to do it, but
16:52
Speaker 1: let's just say walking half an hour, and you know
16:54
Speaker 1: you really should walk half now maybe forty five minutes
16:57
Speaker 1: right each day, just to move your body because you
16:59
Speaker 1: sit a lot, and outside of structured exercise, there's not
17:02
Speaker 1: a lot of calorie expenditure. And you've been telling people
17:06
Speaker 1: and others, I need to start walking every day. I need,
17:09
Speaker 1: you know, But the kids this, and the family that's
17:11
Speaker 1: and work that, and you know, my loa back and
17:14
Speaker 1: blah blah, and then it's five years, and then it's
17:16
Speaker 1: ten years. Now let's say let's say now that there's
17:21
Speaker 1: no absolute reason why you can't walk, but let's say
17:23
Speaker 1: it's possible you're not injured. Right if, in some alternate reality,
17:32
Speaker 1: the cost of you not walking for a year, so
17:35
Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty five days in a row, was
17:38
Speaker 1: that something fucking terrible would happen in your life. I
17:43
Speaker 1: won't identify the terrible because we don't need to get
17:45
Speaker 1: too specific. But let's say that you've got to walk
17:49
Speaker 1: five k's a three hundred and sixty five days in
17:54
Speaker 1: a row, and or something horrendous is going to happen,
17:58
Speaker 1: something that you would truly fucking dread that, and it'll
18:03
Speaker 1: happen the next day, the first day you have off.
18:07
Speaker 1: Let's make it that day. Okay, So you're not walking
18:09
Speaker 1: today and you get to the end of the day
18:11
Speaker 1: and the horrible thing happens. Now. I know that's melodramatic,
18:15
Speaker 1: and I know that's fucking ridiculous. I get all of that,
18:17
Speaker 1: But my point is who would not do it? I
18:23
Speaker 1: would think almost nobody. And I've had this conversation with
18:27
Speaker 1: people and I said, if it was life and death,
18:29
Speaker 1: would you absolutely do it? And they went, well, if
18:31
Speaker 1: it's life and death, of course I'll do it. So
18:34
Speaker 1: the point is not about it needs to be life
18:36
Speaker 1: and death. The point is, given the right circumstances, we
18:40
Speaker 1: absolutely know we can do it, because we just prove
18:44
Speaker 1: that with this silly little kind of analogy or this
18:47
Speaker 1: thought experiment, right, we know we can. We're not saying
18:50
Speaker 1: run a fucking marathon. We're not saying bench press three
18:53
Speaker 1: hundred pounds. We're not saying, you know, climb a mountain.
18:56
Speaker 1: We're not saying do one hundred chin ups a day.
18:58
Speaker 1: We're saying, walk at the pace that you walk at
19:01
Speaker 1: for thirty minutes. If you've got to do it in
19:02
Speaker 1: six five minute installments or ten three minute installments, or
19:06
Speaker 1: fifteen two minute installments or one thirty minute, doesn't fucking matter.
19:11
Speaker 1: We're still moving. We're still walking for thirty minutes, right,
19:14
Speaker 1: And so the thing is we need to be prepared
19:19
Speaker 1: to stop fucking talking about things that we're not going
19:22
Speaker 1: to do and start doing the things. And when you
19:26
Speaker 1: start doing the thing, and this has me being coaching
19:29
Speaker 1: coach to little Bossy Craig, And I'm telling you this
19:33
Speaker 1: for a reason. I'll explain the reason in a moment.
19:36
Speaker 1: When you do it, don't tell one hundred people, don't
19:39
Speaker 1: post about it on Instagram, don't post about it on Facebook.
19:43
Speaker 1: Maybe in a month or three maybe, But why Because
19:48
Speaker 1: what happens is when we start something like that and
19:51
Speaker 1: we look for attention, we look for accolades, we look
19:55
Speaker 1: for praise, and that's exactly what we do. We go, oh,
19:58
Speaker 1: I'm doing this, I'm so good, I'm so proud of me,
20:01
Speaker 1: and that that you're fucking walking. Bro, Come on, you
20:06
Speaker 1: don't need a trophy for just not being a dickhead.
20:10
Speaker 1: You don't need a trophy for walking. But this is
20:14
Speaker 1: where we're fucking at in twenty twenty six. We want
20:17
Speaker 1: a plaque and a fucking round applause, the round of applause,
20:21
Speaker 1: and a ribbon and a trophy and fifteen thousand pats
20:24
Speaker 1: on the back for doing something that is in no
20:27
Speaker 1: way exceptional. This is how low our standards have become.
20:33
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be a ball breaker. I'm trying
20:35
Speaker 1: to help you get strong. I'm trying to help you
20:38
Speaker 1: be resourceful. I'm trying to help you be the answer
20:43
Speaker 1: in your life. I'm not the answer in your life.
20:46
Speaker 1: I haven't changed any lives. I have not changed one life.
20:49
Speaker 1: Craig Harper is not the answer to anyone for anything.
20:52
Speaker 1: Craig Harper is a bloke that says stuff. Now you think, oh,
20:57
Speaker 1: and some people go, oh, that's not true, Harps, you
20:59
Speaker 1: changed my life. I've had a lot of people say that,
21:01
Speaker 1: which is really nice, and you know, my ego loves
21:04
Speaker 1: that shit, right, But it's not true though. It just
21:06
Speaker 1: isn't true because I said the same thing to a
21:09
Speaker 1: thousand other people who did nothing. So it isn't about me.
21:13
Speaker 1: It's about you, because you're the one. You're the one
21:15
Speaker 1: that did the thing. You're the one that heard the words.
21:18
Speaker 1: You're the one that operationalized the plan, the idea, the intention.
21:22
Speaker 1: You're the one who kept going. You're the one who
21:24
Speaker 1: got uncomfortable. You're the one who did the fucking work,
21:27
Speaker 1: while others just keep talking about what they're going to
21:30
Speaker 1: do but never do. So much of success, so much
21:34
Speaker 1: of you changing your life and your body and your
21:37
Speaker 1: outcomes and all the shit that needs to be changed.
21:40
Speaker 1: So much is about mindset. So much is about your
21:45
Speaker 1: ability to be able to just fucking hold on. You
21:49
Speaker 1: feel like shit? Cool? I'm sorry you feel like shit?
21:53
Speaker 1: What can you do? Can you walk a bit? Yeah?
21:56
Speaker 1: I can, but not for long because I'm real tired.
21:58
Speaker 1: Can you walk five minutes? Cool? Okay? And a few
22:01
Speaker 1: hours walk another five? You've got to walk around the
22:03
Speaker 1: house for five cool? Or maybe it's not thirty minutes,
22:06
Speaker 1: maybe it's fifteen for you. Obviously, I'm just giving an example.
22:10
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not walking at all. Maybe it's something else.
22:12
Speaker 1: You know it, but that the idea is stop fucking
22:17
Speaker 1: waiting for the mystical, magical, mythical, right time, for the crowd,
22:22
Speaker 1: for the approval, for the applause. It is emotional and
22:28
Speaker 1: psychological kryptonite. It makes you weak because then you have
22:33
Speaker 1: a new addiction. And now your addiction is not fucking
22:36
Speaker 1: chocolate and cake. Now your addiction is approval from others.
22:41
Speaker 1: Now your addiction is to put shit on Instagram or
22:45
Speaker 1: Facebook to show people how amazing you are. And then
22:48
Speaker 1: all those positive comments you get back, that's like fucking
22:52
Speaker 1: cocaine for your ego. And then but what about when
22:55
Speaker 1: they stop, Well, you've got to pump it up or
22:58
Speaker 1: what about note, So this is why we don't need that.
23:01
Speaker 1: You want that, maybe, but you don't need that. What
23:06
Speaker 1: you need is to make yourself the best version of
23:09
Speaker 1: you that you can be. All right, I'm going to
23:13
Speaker 1: finish with Have I done two or three? I think
23:17
Speaker 1: only two I do bang on, so I've got a
23:20
Speaker 1: bunch more, but I'm just going to do one more
23:21
Speaker 1: because I want to keep this succinct, and I probably
23:24
Speaker 1: do another one very soon. If you like these, by
23:27
Speaker 1: the way, if you enjoy this and this is you know,
23:31
Speaker 1: it's never going to be one or the other. But
23:33
Speaker 1: and I'm not seeking accolades. I just want to know
23:36
Speaker 1: what my audience likes. If you go, hey, you know
23:39
Speaker 1: those solo ones, fuck off with those, no problem. I'll
23:44
Speaker 1: just do interviews, right So, but if this kind of
23:51
Speaker 1: no bullshit, you know, I'm not trying to be offensive
23:54
Speaker 1: to anyone. I know someone gets some people get offended
23:57
Speaker 1: by me. Totally understand that. Got a message from a
24:01
Speaker 1: lady last night who sounds absolutely love me lovely, who's
24:05
Speaker 1: been following me for years, who's got a couple of kids.
24:07
Speaker 1: She told me how disappointed she's in me lately because
24:10
Speaker 1: of my language. And firstly, I'm so brave for reaching
24:15
Speaker 1: out and saying that. But what I loved about her
24:19
Speaker 1: was she didn't attack me. She didn't. It wasn't horrible.
24:23
Speaker 1: It was actually quite compassionate and nice and honest. And
24:27
Speaker 1: it must have taken real courage because I got the
24:30
Speaker 1: sense that she's in the kind of person who does this.
24:33
Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this, young lady, you know
24:37
Speaker 1: who you are. I appreciate you, and I appreciate what
24:40
Speaker 1: you said, and I understand and it's and it's valid,
24:45
Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, here we go. So my last question,
24:48
Speaker 1: which should be briefish, is what's the best question that
24:56
Speaker 1: I can ask regarding this thing, this problem, this challenge,
25:00
Speaker 1: this goal, this need, this situation, this circumstance, this environment,
25:05
Speaker 1: this person. What's the best question that I can ask?
25:09
Speaker 1: So I want to put myself in a psychological and
25:14
Speaker 1: emotional state via the questions that I ask. Where I
25:21
Speaker 1: am more likely to solve a problem where I'm more
25:24
Speaker 1: likely to come up with a solution, where I am
25:27
Speaker 1: more likely to create a sense of connection, not disconnection,
25:34
Speaker 1: and more likely to create a better result. So you know,
25:40
Speaker 1: for example, if we're talking about my work, I could say, like,
25:48
Speaker 1: here's a few questions about my work, Craig, where do
25:52
Speaker 1: you Where do you enjoy working most or what situation
25:57
Speaker 1: or circumstance or environment, And the true is, well, I
26:01
Speaker 1: like working from home. I love doing my stuff on stage,
26:04
Speaker 1: that would be my favorite, but you can't do that
26:06
Speaker 1: all day every day. I love where I am right now,
26:10
Speaker 1: which is sitting in my office talking into a mic thinking.
26:14
Speaker 1: By the way, I have absolutely no notes in front
26:16
Speaker 1: of me, not one note. I just have the questions
26:19
Speaker 1: jotted down, but zero notes. And what this does for
26:23
Speaker 1: me when I'm in this space that I'm very familiar with,
26:28
Speaker 1: I can I actually can not always, but like even now,
26:32
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a little bit of flow, right,
26:34
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a little bit of flower
26:35
Speaker 1: habitat sabotage myself now, but where I can get into
26:40
Speaker 1: a space and a rhythm where I can do this
26:43
Speaker 1: thing well. Right, So what's what's the best way for
26:48
Speaker 1: me to do solo episodes. It's the way I'm doing
26:51
Speaker 1: it right now. It's sitting in my office, got trees
26:55
Speaker 1: outside my window. Birds. A bird just chirped like a
26:57
Speaker 1: little motherfucker. You probably didn't hear it, but yeah, I'm
27:01
Speaker 1: sitting here in shorts, t shirt, bare feet, and I
27:04
Speaker 1: love it. It's the perfect environment for me to create.
27:08
Speaker 1: It's the perfect environment for me to reflect and think
27:13
Speaker 1: critically and to try to with all of that going on,
27:17
Speaker 1: to try to have a level of awareness around what
27:20
Speaker 1: is this experience like for my listeners right now, right
27:26
Speaker 1: now as you hear this anyway, So always thinking about
27:29
Speaker 1: all right in this situation, what's the best question? It
27:33
Speaker 1: could be like I want to do weights? How should
27:36
Speaker 1: I wait train? That's a good question. Should I train
27:40
Speaker 1: two days a week or five days a week, that's
27:42
Speaker 1: a good question. Should I do dumb bells, bar bells,
27:45
Speaker 1: free weights? Should I do pinloaded? Should I do kettle bells?
27:49
Speaker 1: Should I do train one on one with someone for
27:51
Speaker 1: a while. Should I get a program at a regular
27:54
Speaker 1: old gym and train myself? Should I do pilates because
27:57
Speaker 1: that's a kind of strength training. Maybe I could go
28:00
Speaker 1: to fucking rock climbing because I'm an outdoorsy type and
28:04
Speaker 1: I love that shit, right, So it's not even with
28:06
Speaker 1: the should I do say strength training question? Well, the
28:11
Speaker 1: answer is for most people, it's definitely going to be
28:14
Speaker 1: of value, right, So I can't say to you you
28:18
Speaker 1: should You need to figure that out. But most people,
28:20
Speaker 1: even including my eighty six year old parents, to do
28:23
Speaker 1: some strength training is a benefit for me at sixty two,
28:27
Speaker 1: it's of value. And then it's like, well, how hard
28:29
Speaker 1: should I train? How often should I train? Should I
28:33
Speaker 1: do lots of reps on lightweight? Should I do less
28:35
Speaker 1: reps on heavyweights? Is there an advantage if I do
28:39
Speaker 1: a bench press on a ball versus on a bench?
28:41
Speaker 1: Is there? You know? Like should I do overhead lifting
28:46
Speaker 1: like a military press or a shoulder press? What about
28:48
Speaker 1: the compression on my spine because I had a back
28:50
Speaker 1: at Da Da da, All these things. So we get
28:53
Speaker 1: to good answers, We get to good answers and good
28:56
Speaker 1: behaviors with good questions because the question is a light
29:01
Speaker 1: that's going to be showe eventually on the answer and
29:03
Speaker 1: the behavior, and you know, the ongoing kind of process.
29:07
Speaker 1: It could be like here's a really great question. When
29:11
Speaker 1: I eat this way or this particular food or this meal,
29:15
Speaker 1: but when I eat at this time of the day,
29:17
Speaker 1: what does my body tell me? Because your body's telling
29:21
Speaker 1: you stuff all the time, what's your body telling you?
29:25
Speaker 1: It could be I don't love my work? What is
29:31
Speaker 1: that about? What is that about? Is it about the people?
29:34
Speaker 1: Is it about the environment? Is it about the role
29:36
Speaker 1: that I'm in? Is it about the pressure the responsibility?
29:39
Speaker 1: Is about the fact that I sit in a fucking cubicle?
29:42
Speaker 1: Is it the fact that I'm working real hard I'm
29:45
Speaker 1: not getting recognition. Is it about the fact that I
29:48
Speaker 1: think I've kind of maxed out my opportunities. There's no
29:52
Speaker 1: clear path upward for me, and I want to be
29:56
Speaker 1: moving up the ladder. But bah bah all of that.
29:59
Speaker 1: So you know, even to this point specifically, you might say,
30:05
Speaker 1: all right, that was good. Where the fuck do I start?
30:09
Speaker 1: So I'm going to coach you right now, and you
30:11
Speaker 1: can do whatever you want with this. If this episode
30:14
Speaker 1: resonated with you, like if I was coaching me or
30:19
Speaker 1: I was coaching you, I would say, did this really
30:23
Speaker 1: resonate with you? And I know this will resonate strongly
30:26
Speaker 1: with some of you, some of you be like, ah,
30:29
Speaker 1: that's cool, and some of you have already tuned out,
30:32
Speaker 1: and that's cool too. But I'm saying, if all you,
30:37
Speaker 1: if this resonated for you, if this was meaningful for you,
30:40
Speaker 1: if you think that this, ah, these ideas and these
30:44
Speaker 1: words and these strategies could genuinely help you move the
30:48
Speaker 1: needle on your life and your outcomes and the quality
30:51
Speaker 1: of your experiences, then I would suggest take the thirty
30:55
Speaker 1: odd minutes whenever it is, might be in five or
30:58
Speaker 1: ten minute installments. But listen to it again with a
31:02
Speaker 1: notepad and a pen, or a computer whatever, a laptop
31:08
Speaker 1: and keyboard or bloddy, oh no they have a you
31:11
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Listen to it again. Jot down
31:13
Speaker 1: some questions, jot down some ideas. The stuff that's not
31:16
Speaker 1: so relevant for you doesn't matter. Leave that the stuff
31:20
Speaker 1: that is relevant. Write it down and then think about it,
31:23
Speaker 1: and then plan about it, and then timeline it and
31:27
Speaker 1: then do something. Don't look for approval, don't tell everyone
31:35
Speaker 1: like your ability to do the work without people watching,
31:40
Speaker 1: without people knowing, without people rewarding you, this is the challenge,
31:47
Speaker 1: and of course you can do it in front of
31:48
Speaker 1: others and you'll get all the stuff. And I'm not
31:50
Speaker 1: saying that's terrible, you know, if you do the work
31:53
Speaker 1: and you've got to support crew and call. But what
31:57
Speaker 1: I care about, equally as the results that you were getting,
32:01
Speaker 1: I care about who you are becoming through this process.
32:09
Speaker 1: So in a lot of self help stuff, it almost
32:12
Speaker 1: feels like, oh, we're trying to manage everything. We're trying
32:16
Speaker 1: to manage the world. We're trying to manage all of
32:18
Speaker 1: these external variables. To usk. Guess what. You can't really
32:23
Speaker 1: manage shit, neither can I. You can influence things, you
32:27
Speaker 1: can talk about things, you can you know, there are
32:30
Speaker 1: some things we can move the needle on it a
32:32
Speaker 1: little bit. But guess what you can absolutely fucking renovate
32:36
Speaker 1: the shit out of. And that is you. That is
32:40
Speaker 1: your thinking and your habits and your behaviors and your
32:42
Speaker 1: questions and your outcomes. So perhaps perhaps the challenge is
32:49
Speaker 1: not to change my external world, but to navigate it
32:52
Speaker 1: intelligently while renovating my internal world. Enjoy the journey.