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The Rise Of Women Of A Certain Age · The D Shift

• 0:05
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Welcome to the D shift podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get the shift started. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the D Shift podcast. And I am really excited to have somebody that I met through kind of off looky deal where we both know, Jack Perez cool life, we're both part of her group, contributing authors to our contributing writers to her blogs. And I was in a group with this woman who just captivated literally my thoughts on what it meant to be a woman of a certain age. At this time in life, so I would like to introduce introduce you to this true thought leader, Dr. Andrea Slominski. And she is an author, a speaker and a woman's midlife coach, and you just have some fascinating ideas. So Andrea, I'm gonna turn it over to you to tell tell people a little bit about yourself, and your area of expertise.
• 1:19
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: Hi, Mardi. Good morning. Good morning, ladies. Thanks for having me. You know, it was really great to meet you through Jack and we've met a lot of really dynamic women of age, you know, because that's what the whole Jackson thing is about. And yeah, you know, it's they always say that you when you go back to school, you know, as an adult, or when you work on a PhD specifically, they say, oh, what you you end up writing about yourself? You know what I thought? Oh, sure. Sure, sure. And I was like, Oh, I guess that was true. Wait a second. I think that was true. Because I am, I ended up going back to school at 55. To get my master's, I have been teaching college for nine years and the recession hit and blah, blah, lots of different things happened. But I decided to go back to school to get my masters and PhD. And so while I was there studying archetypal psychology and mythology and world cultures and religions and all kinds of great things. I was going through the midlife shift myself, and I just discovered some amazing things. And that sort of led me on the path to where I am today, which, you know, as a midlife women's coach and perimenopause and menopause. And that's how kind of we came together. But yeah, it's just, it's an amazing time of life for women. And I think the thing that that really struck me, when I was first researching this, this time of life for women, and the transitions, and the changes that we go through, was that since 1900, women's lifespans women, women of color, their lifespan has doubled or more than doubled. And white women's lifespan has increased by like a third, in 1900, women of color, statistically, we're dead by 43 and white women by 51. And so in 100 and 120 years, we've increased our lifespan, and created an entirely new life stage. Because if you if you think about being dead by 51, certainly there were always old grandmothers or ancient wise women. I mean, even this is the time of Plato, right? Who wrote about menopause, menopause has been known and, and understood, but it really was kind of a harbinger of the end of a woman's life, right? The end of our lifecycle, and it isn't anymore. It's really now a rite of passage into an entirely new life stage, from 50 to 80. Yeah, right, or 50 to 7075, whatever. And so as I studied this more and more, and I looked at the sociological implications and the psychological implications and what this meant for women, I just got more and more excited. And I'm not the first person to study this or talk about it. I mean, I know Jane Fonda did an amazing TED talk on it a number of years ago, but really, it's just starting to catch on now. And women are really beginning to understand that. This is something new. And looking at it in the terms of women's history, boomers, and all of the women coming up behind us, right, we're late boomers, are the first generations of women in the history of humanity, to live past menopause as a cohort, as a group, right? So we're living into this new stage of life, which I say is from about 45 to 70. And I call it Regency, because it's a time of life where we really get to claim sovereignty over our lives where we get to make decisions about who we are, what we're going to do, how we Want to recreate ourselves at a time when if we had family and children, generally that part of our life is coming to a close, we may be coming to the end of one career thinking about another. It's a time when we're going through three huge transformations. It's not just perimenopause and menopause, there's a pre programmed psychological shift in midlife, that if you're an all conscious and aware, you will realize that you're going through. And then the two of those together create a spiritual shift and a spiritual change, and our perception of ourselves in our lives, what has meaning that kind of thing. And so it was just, to me, I was like, this is incredible. No wonder women are kind of sometimes at a loss for what to do. Because there's no maps, there's no models. There's, it's brand new, we're creating it. We're creating, recreating ourselves as women in this life stage. And oh, my gosh, you know, there's right now in the US alone, there's over 78 million women over 45. Okay, by 2030, there'll be over 87 million. So imagine what 87 million women could accomplish if we work together? Yeah, we have, we have, we have over 85 to 90, actually over 90% of discretionary spending in the US economy is done by women over 45. That's everything from choosing houses, to carpets, to cars, to vacations to groceries to clothing to whatever discretionary spending, right? The political power, the cultural power, we see now that even you know, Madison Avenue advertising is starting to shift a little bit. Film, entertainment is starting to shift a little bit because women are saying, hey, hey, we're a huge demographic, and we're not being served. And so there's a big shift, there's a big shift coming. And we're powerfully economic, we're powerful economically, we're powerful, culturally, we're powerful politically. And I think we have the opportunity to really make a big positive shift in what's going on. And I'm just really excited. As you know, I've talked to you a couple of times, about, about the possibility for women. And, you know, I know that you help women through a huge transition in their lives, and that you, you know, counsel them in ways to go through it in the most positive and the most, to get the best outcome for themselves in their lives. And I would just say to anyone going through that, that this is just an incredible opportunity, you know,
• 7:50
  Mardi Winder-Adams: yeah. And, you know, this is, this is what captivated me. Well, you're passionate about the topic and your knowledge on the topic is phenomenal. But the other thing that really struck me is that that statistic you gave at the very beginning of your of your discussion just now, that 120 years ago, most women didn't live to 50. Now, and menopause was kind of like the death knell, right? Because that's 50. Right for most women. So now you're talking, we're talking about seventh and eighth. I've got I've got clients that are divorcing in their 70s that are kind of like, okay, I've had it, I'm, I've got plans, I've got my own bucket list that my partner doesn't want to do anymore. So guess what? I'm doing it on my own, because you're right. I've got the money. I've got a career still, I've got opportunities. And it's not like in the battle days where you couldn't have a credit card, you couldn't make a purchase. You could know what you know, you couldn't do. You couldn't own your own. You couldn't take out a loan. That's what I'm trying to get out. Sorry. Yeah. That's all gone now. So what do you see? Why do you think that? People, women, women of color, white women, like why are we not banding together? Why are we still doing this? I don't know. Weird infighting and strangeness, or is that? Is that human nature? Yeah.
• 9:21
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: That's why that's a loaded question. Yeah, it's a big one. You know, um, I think that I think part of it is that the media, I think, gives voice to an amplifies the, the parts of culture that scream the loudest, right. So I think that were Yes, of course, women have. All women have differences, right. And all women are individuals and we want everyone to be able to live their most authentic life and to have a good Good Life, you know, not all women have, have all of the advantages that that we're talking about in terms of, you know, income and career and all these sorts of things very true. So we have to, you know, keep keep that in mind as well, that there are women who are still, you know, working three jobs and struggle struggling to make ends meet. And that all women are still working and maturing and becoming their most authentic selves under the umbrella of a patriarchal culture, which we're not going to get into smash the patriarchy. But but the fact is that this is a patriarchal culture. And that the the world of work, the world of commerce, the world of business, the world outside the home for over 3000 years, has been patriarchal has been fun and oriented towards men. So I think, coming out of the women's rights movement, and the 70s 60s 70s, and 80s, women were really trying to fit into business culture, were really trying to fit into to climb the corporate ladder to say, Me too, we can do this too. And I think a lot of women are realizing now, hey, we have a different skill set. We we are different managers, and sometimes better. I mean, there were reports by Forbes by Kinsey and company by a number of different Harvard Business School that came out that said, that women managers during the COVID pandemic, were more effective, and found to be more supportive throughout the corporate basic world, you know, the corporate universe, then men during during this time, because they brought different skills. And so I think that when women first went into the workplace, and when women first went into the political world and into the outside of the home cultural world, it was into a, into a very competitive into a very competitive paradigm. You know, and, and I think that women felt that they were not only competing against men, but they were competing against each other Sure, for these things. And so for these positions, or whatever it was they were doing. And so it's my hope, that as we move forward into this new life stage as women realize that, oh, my gosh, some of the most successful entrepreneurs over 40 Are women, though, we still only get less than 2% of venture capital, for starting business, right. But as we go forward, we'll see that it's in our own best interest to support each other, right? To hire women, when we can to use women on firms when we can to support other women in in whatever their choices, whether it's to stay home, whether it's to go out of the house, whether you know, when you hit Regency, you decide, well, I really just want to stay home and then make cookies and take care of my grandkids or whether you say oh, hey, it's my turn, I'm going to, I'm going to leave this corporate gig and I take all my skills, and I'm going to create a new company, or I'm going to get a divorce and start a new life. We're we're pioneers in a brand new territory. And when you think of the pioneers, you know, crossing the whole American mythos, you know, crossing the plains and, and expanding the nation, they didn't make it by competing with each other. Right? Right. They created a new paradigm, and they created this new experience and this expansion by by supporting each other and, and they wouldn't have been able to survive without doing that. So, you know, I think, I think a lot of differences do exist in the way in the way women look at politics and the way women look at culture. And I think it's important that we foster respectful conversations in that in that realm, so that we can understand each other better. Because even if we have different political ideas, we still do have as women in this world, in this life stage of a certain age, certain things in common and certain battles that we're going to fight together against ageism, you know, against misogyny, against sexism in the workplace, against the glass ceiling against all different kinds of things. And, you know, you and I both know that our culture, you know, likes to dismiss and, and overlook, you know, aging women. Yeah. And so we have a whole paradigm that we have to shift and it has to start with the way we look at ourselves, and the way we interact with each other, right. I mean, that's the thing.
• 14:55
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And so I think that's a really good that's a really good point to take off with here. Hmm, what what is that paradigm shift? And what what are your suggestions for us 40 5060 plus year olds that they feel they are sensing this kind of evolution of this new stage? Like, we like you said, we're creating the blueprint. So we really, I think, have a obligation to try to get it right. We're not going to get it perfect, but to do our best to get it right. So what are some of your thoughts on that? Because I know that you are you are a real thought leader in this area. So what's your perspective or your ideas? Or? Well, I think,
• 15:37
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: I think each woman, and since we're talking about women, we'll just do that I'm not trying to exclude men, but we're talking about women. So each woman, I believe, is, has her own gifts to offer, right? And her own skill set and her own wisdom and her own life experience. And it's my hope, and my belief as a as a mythologist. And an archetypal psychology aficionado, I would say that each woman would strive in this life stage, to really find out what is your authentic gift? What is it that you have to bring to the collective, and then bring it because we need people to be authentic, and to be working within this new life stage to solve problems, we have a lot of problems to solve. And this is, you know, I'm gonna get a little mythological on you here, but that's okay. I really think it's very interesting, going back to the idea of the year of 1900, the Trove a century turn of the 20th century, that this was the time of the, this was when suffrage began women's suffrage Right, right, beginning of the push for the vote, this was the beginning of psychology, this was the beginning of the whole idea of coming, coming into psychology, psychology, with, with, with Freud, with Jung, with all of those that followed after them with understanding. And I guess it was, it was the real speed of, of technology, there's so much happened in the in that century. And during that time, we have suffrage, which then of course, leads to women's vote, which then of course, we get into the sort of 40s 50s 60s, we get into the women's rights movement. And so we have a resurgence of what I would call the energies of the archetypal feminine, which is the rise of women out of the home and back into influencing culture, into going out out of the home into the world, right, trying to become a more active part of society. And so with the rise of this feminine archetypal energy, we also had the rise of the psychology of the goddess movement of the environmental movement, of all different kinds of new ways of thinking that came out of that period of time, right. And so here we are, at almost 2023. And we're facing a lot of different problems, cultural problems, sociological problems, environmental problems, world problems. And women are graduating into an entirely new life stage, where they have all their wisdom, their life experience, their work experience, at a time when the world needs solutions more than ever. So we have the rise of the feminine, the rise of the wise woman, if you want to get right Regency into the wise on the the rise of this at a time when we've never been in so much peril. Let's just look at climate change. Right. Yeah, of being able to destroy the planet we live on and most of the species, right. So I don't think it's a coincidence that this this has this time, this new life stage where women can really bring to the fore all of their abilities to solve problems and to work in culture at a time when we are really on the brink of huge problems. Yeah.
• 19:48
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And I love that. I heard you say that a couple and I'm going to kind of pull some of this together maybe and tell me if I'm right or wrong because I may be out to lunch. But what I heard you say is that women You just support each other with whatever whatever that means. Like for me, it may be starting a company, maybe for my neighbor, it's going to be, like you said, committing to being the matriarch of the family and maybe taking care of of her daughter and grandkids because of something that's happened there, you know, for somebody else that might be getting into politics, but it has to do with finding out and I've talked to you, no, I don't believe that things happen. Or coincidence. I'm not totally woowoo. But I'm getting more there every day. And I really think that I have talked to so many great people this last week, who have talked about the fact that once you align with yourself and what you're supposed to be doing, like everything, the universe literally falls into place for you. So what I'm hearing you say is really women need to embrace this, find what they're good at, find what they want to do find what brings them happiness and joy, and then share that, like with other women and with groups. How does that collective and we're almost at a time, I can't believe how fast he's go. How does that collective start? Is it organic? Or is it? Does it take one woman in the community to stand up and say, you know, let's meet, let's just have a gathering? Or what should it look? What could it look like?
• 21:20
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: Well, certainly, I mean, if women women want to gather, I mean, it's always a great thing, it's great energy for women to come together and share, share their gifts, and how they can help and support one another. I mean, certainly, that's fantastic. But also, I think, you know, there's I believe that all life, and all humanity it on on the level of the collective unconscious, on the level of the universal stream of energy, that, that courses to all life that we're all connected. And I believe that if women are doing what it is, they are called to do, what bringing their gifts to the world, that it's like a pebble in a pond. And if you throw a bag that has 10,000 pebbles in the pond, you're going to create a wave, right. And so I think if everyone is doing what they need to do, and giving to the collective to the culture to society, whether it's your family, your neighborhood, your community, your state, your nation, the world, right, is donating and working with their best energies towards the betterment of that, that it will create its own Wave, yeah, that it will then create its own movement towards finding solutions for these problems, you know, whether women want to find solutions to the environmental problems, or health care, or the problems in education, or the problems in politics, or we could, we could, we could bury ourselves under the list of problems, right? But, but each person has something, something to bring to the collective and something to bring to solving these problems. And, you know, women supporting women is really, really important. And so I would just, I would just look, you know, look to your, your the group of women that you support and say, support each other, you know, support women owned businesses, find ways to, to give, whether it's financial support for politics, or moral support for people or whatever it is that people want to do. Do it get out there and your communities, you know, and families and make a difference, you know, and it's going to take all of us all the problems for sure.
• 23:44
  Mardi Winder-Adams: So I so I really liked that idea that there is that that and when you said that pebble in the lake, I thought can you just told me there was going to be 78 million women think of a bag with 70 million pebbles in it. Now that's a that's a tsunami coming across the world there. So I love this. And, and I could go on for forever. Unfortunately, we're out of time for the podcast. But we'll have I'm sure we'll have more conversations. And I do want to throw a plug in here if you if you are interested in what Dr. Solinsky is talking about here. The platform that her and I are on is Jack Perez platform called Cool life, KU E L, and then the word life. It is a collective of women of a certain age for women of a certain age. And it Jack is the anti aging normalizer she's she's very, very good at talking about how we don't have to be afraid about being women over the age of 45. We're we're powerful groups. So Andrea, thank you so much for coming here. If when we shared a lot of information, what do you think would be kind of a takeaway that you would like women to remember or men to that might be listening in? What's the what's the The top of the mind thing that you'd like people to have when they lead this podcast,
• 25:04
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: I think top of mind is to realize that this stage of life for women, this new stage Regency is a gift it in the 300,000 years of human culture, this is the first time this has happened that women have lived as a group as a cohort, into this age, it's a gift. And so I think we have a responsibility to to lead, you know, our women, our compatriots in the global south don't have the freedoms and the opportunities that we have yet. I think it's our responsibility to lead and to create a world where everyone has this opportunity. And I would say you know, just as as as a personal plug, if, if you're not quite sure what it is, if you're not quite sure what you want to do, if you're feeling that midlife angst of Ooh. Now what or the midlife angst of an empty nester, the midlife angst of mid career decisions or divorce or whatever. And you're not sure how to find that that passion, then get a coach. You know, I'm I work through through mythology through great stories through personal narrative. There are lots of coaches out there. And people can hit me up on my website, and we just get on a free 30 minute phone call. And I can answer their questions and let them know a little bit what I do. Or they can just go to my website, check out my blog, check out my website, see what's up. But yeah, this this life stage is a gift. Let's not waste it.
• 26:44
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. Love that. And so if people do want to get ahold of you at the, your website, what's it what's the URL that they should use? It's,
• 26:54
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: you might want to put it in the notes. It'll all be in the show
• 26:56
  Mardi Winder-Adams: notes. Don't worry about it. Yeah, it's
• 26:59
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: www dot d r for Dr. Andrea. A N D, R E, a slow Minsky SL o m i n s ki.com. And that's why I go by Doctor A, because I can remember or spell my maiden or last name. So www doctor, Dr. Andrea slovenski slo M inski.com. And then we will see, email me from there. Yeah.
• 27:32
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Thank you. And I'm sorry to cut you off there. I apologize for stepping on. Any, we'll all definitely be in the show notes. So Andrew, thank you so much for being on here. It's really fascinating conversation. And thank you for bringing this up. Because I think it's something we need to talk about a lot more as women.
• 27:48
  Dr. Andrea Slominski: Well, thank you for having me. And I'm always happy to share my passion for and about women and especially women in Regency.
• 27:56
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Great, thank you. Thank you. Thanks for listening and supporting the gay Schiff podcast. If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts. Join the D Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www dot divorce coach for women and click on the podcast page.