Latest / The You Project / #1963 Failing Successfully - Kelly Smith

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#1963 Failing Successfully - Kelly Smith · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: I'll get a Champs, craig Anthy, Kelly Smith, Tiffany and Cook. Kelly.
0:06
Speaker 1: What's your middle name? We should know that Marie, Kelly, Marie.
0:11
Speaker 1: You know Melissa of also of the typ Brigade is
0:16
Speaker 1: also Marie. She's Melissa Marie. We've got Kelly, Maurrie. I
0:19
Speaker 1: shouldn't forget that. We've got Tiffany, and we've got craig
0:22
Speaker 1: An Sidney, you know, so same ballpark. We'll start with
0:30
Speaker 1: the life force Cook, who's all over the joint, whose testosterone.
0:36
Speaker 2: Is skyrocketed at tire than yours. HAPs I've been wrapped
0:41
Speaker 2: on the knuckles.
0:42
Speaker 1: I've been saving up for an erection for about ten years,
0:45
Speaker 1: so mine is mine's fucking I think Mary's got high
0:50
Speaker 1: testosterone than me. So I've got a down payment on one.
0:55
Speaker 1: It's coming in November, so I probably won't be able
0:58
Speaker 1: to podcast that day. Oh fuck it, you know I
1:04
Speaker 1: thought of that, as you know, when you like me,
1:07
Speaker 1: I'm always thinking should I say this out loud? And
1:10
Speaker 1: then I went a few people are going to get
1:12
Speaker 1: pissed off. I went, fuck it, it's a joke, and
1:16
Speaker 1: so I just there you go. It's out into the world.
1:19
Speaker 1: It's recorded, it's going to be released. Tell the world
1:23
Speaker 1: or tell whatever you want, because you've been, I mean
1:26
Speaker 1: you've been quite public talking about your perimenopause and your
1:31
Speaker 1: your peaks and troughs of energy and strength and injuries
1:35
Speaker 1: and hormones and the fucking shit fest that you've been
1:38
Speaker 1: navigating with your body. Give us a kind of a
1:41
Speaker 1: thirty to sixty second update, because you know, we're all
1:45
Speaker 1: on the edge of our fucking medical clinical seats.
1:48
Speaker 2: It's a bloody festival. Strap in. So I went to.
1:55
Speaker 3: Get so.
1:57
Speaker 2: HRT twelve weeks on HRT four weeks after I started
2:01
Speaker 2: that started on testosterone because when that got tested, that
2:04
Speaker 2: was low tanked, hideous. And as I was getting to
2:09
Speaker 2: the end of my tube of testoster, I had to
2:12
Speaker 2: book my next blood test to go and see what
2:15
Speaker 2: goo is. And it's over now it's it's nudged up
2:21
Speaker 2: over the higher upper end.
2:25
Speaker 1: So now is it? Like? Sorry, nanomol's per leader, isn't it?
2:33
Speaker 1: And I think in America it's nanograms per desa letter
2:36
Speaker 1: or something.
2:36
Speaker 2: But different, very confusing.
2:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well on one's measured in volume as in
2:43
Speaker 1: liquid volume, ones measured in weight, I think. But anyway,
2:45
Speaker 1: it's the same, but they just have it is weird
2:48
Speaker 1: that they have different numbers for the same thing. So anyway,
2:52
Speaker 1: what's the range for you? And what's your actual number?
2:55
Speaker 2: So the range is one point eight to three? Yeah,
3:00
Speaker 2: I started it point nine.
3:05
Speaker 1: Okay, so one point eight and you started zero point nine,
3:10
Speaker 1: so you're well under the bottom yep.
3:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now I'm three point three.
3:16
Speaker 1: Did you say the rangers up to three? Yeah, well
3:20
Speaker 1: you're only just a little bit over.
3:22
Speaker 2: And smidge it over. But I was like, oh, I'm over.
3:25
Speaker 2: I should be throwing cars over people.
3:29
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's it's should.
3:33
Speaker 2: You But I feel good. But yeah, I mean that's
3:36
Speaker 2: good because it means I get to lower the dosage
3:39
Speaker 2: because that ship's not cheap.
3:41
Speaker 1: No, no, and it's yeah, and it's to be clear,
3:45
Speaker 1: it's a it's a cream that's rubbed in. It's not
3:49
Speaker 1: an injection. It's not a tablet. It's not a medicine
3:52
Speaker 1: in the oral sense. How much is it? Like, I
3:57
Speaker 1: know how much that everyone's thinking, harps ask her how
4:01
Speaker 1: much it is?
4:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred bucks a tube. One hundred tube tube
4:07
Speaker 2: is fifty mil take five mili use five mil a day.
4:11
Speaker 2: So it's one hundred uses. I calculated today that I've
4:15
Speaker 2: been a little bit generous because.
4:17
Speaker 1: It's just stupid. Didn't you just say use five mil
4:20
Speaker 1: a day.
4:22
Speaker 2: Zero point five? Did I say five mil point five?
4:25
Speaker 1: And it's one hundred meal tube.
4:27
Speaker 2: It's a fifty meal tube, all right, So.
4:29
Speaker 1: That's one hundred days one hundred bucks. That's a dollar
4:32
Speaker 1: a day. Yeah, not even It's not even a quarter
4:34
Speaker 1: of a coffee.
4:35
Speaker 2: Do you know how much I'm spending on supplements to
4:37
Speaker 2: support this bullshit? Then I've got to buy estrogen, Then
4:40
Speaker 2: I've got to buy progesterone, and I've got three dollars
4:43
Speaker 2: thirty a day worth of detoxificication detoxification supplements to support
4:48
Speaker 2: my fucking body to process this Stuff's got about fifteen
4:51
Speaker 2: hundred to two grand a year, just so I don't
4:53
Speaker 2: feel like an asshole.
4:56
Speaker 1: Wow, wow statements. Yeah, it's a good investment because you're
5:01
Speaker 1: not at all up and down and your emotions are
5:03
Speaker 1: just great. You're not grumpy at all. So whatever you're doing, yeah,
5:09
Speaker 1: keep doing that. A friend of mine, not me. I know,
5:13
Speaker 1: people might go, oh, that's just you know, literally, a
5:15
Speaker 1: friend of mine is on growth hormone growth hormone. I
5:22
Speaker 1: don't know what it were, you know, but what it's
5:27
Speaker 1: it varies a little bit, I guess on price, but
5:31
Speaker 1: they pay three hundred and fifty dollars per thing. And
5:38
Speaker 1: you know, so the the little kind of vial, it
5:42
Speaker 1: has one point five mil in it, so one point
5:48
Speaker 1: five milli liters. So in other words, you know, think
5:52
Speaker 1: a teaspoon is five meal, so it's one point five mil.
5:56
Speaker 1: It's three hundred and fifty dollars. Three. Well, I think
6:02
Speaker 1: they're meant to use it more sparingly than they do.
6:06
Speaker 1: But a a week whoa, yeah.
6:13
Speaker 2: Well they could almost pay my rent instead.
6:17
Speaker 1: And also might I say regrets, I've had a few, No,
6:23
Speaker 1: that's seth song. Might I say that? How do I
6:27
Speaker 1: say this without getting anyone in trouble? You know, once
6:30
Speaker 1: you open that door that some people open in that
6:33
Speaker 1: kind of bodybuilding realm, you know what I'm saying there,
6:36
Speaker 1: all of those special supplements that some people take thousand
6:40
Speaker 1: dollars a week is not even towards the upper end.
6:43
Speaker 2: Wow.
6:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yes, and I do know a few people
6:49
Speaker 1: in that, and especially once you get up towards the
6:52
Speaker 1: pointy end. Yeah, very very expensive.
6:57
Speaker 2: I thought you bickuanol at fifty cents a day was expensive.
7:02
Speaker 1: What's your big one? I should know that. What is that?
7:05
Speaker 2: It's an active form of co q ten It coq.
7:09
Speaker 1: Ten coenzyme q ten.
7:11
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, right right right. I have to have
7:13
Speaker 2: that form because I've got I don't know, a whole
7:15
Speaker 2: bunch of crap scens going on.
7:19
Speaker 1: People ask me what I take. I'm going to be
7:21
Speaker 1: like four disclosure. This is what I take. I take
7:23
Speaker 1: one out of PRO a day, which is a blood
7:25
Speaker 1: pressure tablet, and that's purely because that's genetic. Thanks Mum,
7:30
Speaker 1: and thanks Dad. I take creatine. I take what else
7:36
Speaker 1: do I take? I take trimethyl glycine, I take glue
7:41
Speaker 1: to mine, and I take L R jentine and they're
7:46
Speaker 1: they're all SUPs. Shout out to Maxis, by the way,
7:49
Speaker 1: thanks Maxis. So I pay let's see seven over the
7:52
Speaker 1: four zero, which is good. And yeah, they're the only
7:58
Speaker 1: SUPs I take. And so it costs me whatever ever procost.
8:02
Speaker 1: That's it. But anyway, we probably didn't need to open
8:05
Speaker 1: this door Kell because Kel's like this is in the
8:08
Speaker 1: fucking conversation we spoke about having.
8:11
Speaker 3: No But it's a good conversation though, And what's so
8:14
Speaker 3: interesting about what you said before, Tiff, is that there's
8:17
Speaker 3: so many women that can't afford any of what you're taking. Yeah,
8:21
Speaker 3: and they have to ride through all of this perimenopause,
8:24
Speaker 3: menopause hell, because they've got you know, three or four kids,
8:29
Speaker 3: or they might not be employed, or it's a choice
8:31
Speaker 3: between food, rent or the drugs. It's horrendous, absolutely horrendous.
8:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that is true. That is true, and it's
8:41
Speaker 1: it's like, what do it? There's no quick fix for that,
8:44
Speaker 1: is there? And so many people are in that position too,
8:50
Speaker 1: kel like so many It's not like, oh yeah that's rare. No,
8:53
Speaker 1: that's that's pretty common. That's pretty common. All right, So
8:59
Speaker 1: you're back, You're back. You're becoming You're becoming quite part
9:04
Speaker 1: of the furniture, aren't you.
9:06
Speaker 3: Seems like it, do you know?
9:08
Speaker 1: The good thing about having you is well, one, you're
9:11
Speaker 1: good at this. Two I don't have to think. I
9:14
Speaker 1: mean I have to think when we're doing it, but
9:17
Speaker 1: I don't have to plan because you go, I got
9:19
Speaker 1: a question, awesome questions. I'm like, good, what time You're
9:22
Speaker 1: like whatever, I'm like, all right, let's do that. So alrighty,
9:29
Speaker 1: So did you want to talk about failure or something?
9:33
Speaker 3: I yeah, I did so. I was reading something this morning,
9:37
Speaker 3: so full disclosure, I've seen this somewhere else today, and
9:40
Speaker 3: I thought, that's a question that I'm going to borrow
9:43
Speaker 3: and reappropriate and ask Craig and now Tiff as well.
9:49
Speaker 3: And it kind of backs onto what we were talking
9:51
Speaker 3: about last week, which we called, you know, aiming for average.
9:55
Speaker 3: So what what do you consider to be your biggest
10:00
Speaker 3: failure and what did you learn from it? And then
10:04
Speaker 3: I thought, let's take that a little bit further and
10:08
Speaker 3: is anything actually a failure or just the harder way
10:13
Speaker 3: of learning something?
10:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're great questions, you know when you you kind
10:20
Speaker 1: of I think in your SMS earlier today. Sorry I've
10:23
Speaker 1: looked at one hundred SMSs, but I think you said yes,
10:25
Speaker 1: something like what was your biggest failure? And I thought,
10:29
Speaker 1: I really couldn't literally just name one, and there's nothing
10:33
Speaker 1: that stands out. But I mean, although I've had Okay,
10:37
Speaker 1: let's backtrack. I reckon failure is a construct right failure.
10:42
Speaker 1: The term it's an idea, it's a story, it's an
10:45
Speaker 1: interpretation of something that happens in our world. And I
10:49
Speaker 1: think we need to use that word if we're on
10:52
Speaker 1: the self improvement, not delusional, but the self improvement, self help,
10:57
Speaker 1: personal development, positive psychology. I want to think better, do better,
11:03
Speaker 1: be better. I don't want to be deluded. But you know,
11:06
Speaker 1: if we're always saying, oh, I did I tried that,
11:08
Speaker 1: but I failed, I did that, I was a failure,
11:11
Speaker 1: that if we're always calling things that don't work out
11:13
Speaker 1: the way we want a failure or a failed attempt,
11:18
Speaker 1: then we're calling ourselves by virtue of that, we're calling
11:21
Speaker 1: ourselves a failure. Now that's not to say we'll never
11:24
Speaker 1: fuck up, we'll never get stuff wrong, we'll never get
11:26
Speaker 1: the outcome that you know we didn't want. We'll often
11:32
Speaker 1: get the outcome we didn't want, and we sometimes will
11:34
Speaker 1: get the outcome we do want. But I just think
11:36
Speaker 1: it's like, how do we navigate and move through that
11:42
Speaker 1: mentally and emotionally? And you know what I was Stop me,
11:47
Speaker 1: either of you if you want to interrupt, But I
11:50
Speaker 1: was thinking about at what age do we understand this
11:54
Speaker 1: concept of failure? Because you think babies don't experience failure,
12:01
Speaker 1: babies don't fail at anything, because they don't they haven't
12:04
Speaker 1: yet been taught, oh you can fail, So they don't fail.
12:09
Speaker 1: They don't label anything of failure. They just have experiences.
12:14
Speaker 1: They haven't yet learned that what they do and how
12:19
Speaker 1: they do it can be evaluated as good or bad,
12:24
Speaker 1: or worthy or unworthy, or a failure as success. And
12:28
Speaker 1: if we unpack that through a psychological lens, we're talking
12:33
Speaker 1: about like the developmental window before self conscious emotions and
12:40
Speaker 1: socially constructed evaluated frameworks or evaluative frameworks kick in. So
12:49
Speaker 1: like this is a social construct, Oh you can fail,
12:53
Speaker 1: you can win, you can be a success. And of
12:56
Speaker 1: course in the real world there is you know, a
13:00
Speaker 1: course we can I guess technically fail at things. Of course,
13:04
Speaker 1: so you wanted to run, you wanted to win the race,
13:07
Speaker 1: and you came last, So you could we understand You
13:10
Speaker 1: might say that that was a failure. I understand it also,
13:13
Speaker 1: or you could just say I wanted this outcome, I
13:16
Speaker 1: didn't get it. This was the outcome. I go, what
13:18
Speaker 1: does that mean? What can I learn? What can I
13:20
Speaker 1: do better? What did I learn from my competition? So
13:24
Speaker 1: I think that while not pretending that we're in you know,
13:29
Speaker 1: Disneyland and acknowledging the practical reality that in a real world,
13:37
Speaker 1: experiential sense, failure and success are constructs that we live
13:42
Speaker 1: around and live by. I think on a personal level
13:47
Speaker 1: while being able to recognize I didn't get the outcome
13:50
Speaker 1: that I want. We can reframe things you know there
13:55
Speaker 1: are like for example, I could say, and I do
13:58
Speaker 1: say this sometimes say it more for effect than anything else.
14:02
Speaker 1: I could say the first six hundred episodes of the
14:05
Speaker 1: upre U project were a failure because I didn't have
14:11
Speaker 1: a big audience. For at least the first hundred or
14:13
Speaker 1: two hundred or three hundred, I lost money, I didn't
14:17
Speaker 1: have sponsors, there were times when it wasn't a great product,
14:21
Speaker 1: and so on and so on. And it wasn't until
14:24
Speaker 1: I was in the six hundreds that I actually started
14:26
Speaker 1: to succeed. In inverted commas, if we call success something
14:32
Speaker 1: being commercially viable, or you could go, I did six episodes.
14:37
Speaker 1: It was so much fucking fun, six hundred episodes. I
14:40
Speaker 1: should say so much fun. I learned so much. I
14:43
Speaker 1: met cool people, I got to develop skill and awareness,
14:48
Speaker 1: and I learned lots of new things. I opened new doors.
14:52
Speaker 1: I had all of these experiences that I would not
14:55
Speaker 1: have had if not for this vehicle called the U Project.
14:59
Speaker 1: How lucky am I? Now that's two interpretations of exactly
15:03
Speaker 1: the same thing. While intellectually understanding I could have done better,
15:09
Speaker 1: I also could have done worse. I could have done
15:12
Speaker 1: twenty episodes and gone fuck this, this will never work
15:15
Speaker 1: and give given up? You know what I mean? So
15:18
Speaker 1: I think that you know that like coming back to kids,
15:27
Speaker 1: like understanding that there will come a point in time.
15:30
Speaker 1: Usually the point in time is around eighteen to twenty
15:34
Speaker 1: four months. It's that you both heard me talk about
15:38
Speaker 1: theory of mind. Theory of mind is where we start
15:40
Speaker 1: to have an awareness of other people's thinking, and kids
15:46
Speaker 1: start to vaguely understand this social construct that they could
15:53
Speaker 1: do things that are good or bad, like, oh, aren't
15:57
Speaker 1: you a beautiful? Look at your dancing? Your dancings are amazing. Right, Well,
16:01
Speaker 1: that's a judgment. It's a nice judgment, But no one's
16:04
Speaker 1: going to look at the two year old dancing and
16:05
Speaker 1: go fucking hell, what are you doing with your feet?
16:08
Speaker 1: Get your shit together like you're not following the corry,
16:11
Speaker 1: Try harder, go to your room, and when you come
16:13
Speaker 1: back out, we expect you to be in time and
16:16
Speaker 1: on point. Right, But there's the.
16:19
Speaker 3: Flip side to that, though, isn't there in terms of
16:21
Speaker 3: like kids development, and sometimes they just have really asshole
16:27
Speaker 3: parents that do actually project a form of that and
16:30
Speaker 3: then you know, hello, yuse of therapy.
16:31
Speaker 1: Later, but enough about your childhood. So all right, you
16:38
Speaker 1: can't dance. So that was an insight. Thanks for that. No,
16:43
Speaker 1: you're exactly right. You're exactly right, And I think, but
16:47
Speaker 1: then here's the other side to bring into that, Curl
16:52
Speaker 1: and Tiff, how I mean, how much do we go
16:57
Speaker 1: You're amazing, You're amazing, that's beautiful, You're the best answer
17:00
Speaker 1: in the world. Just thing like, how much do we
17:02
Speaker 1: do that when maybe it's not true? But also we
17:05
Speaker 1: don't want to go fuck and hell, you sound like
17:07
Speaker 1: a cat suresh. You know, we don't want to do that,
17:12
Speaker 1: but we want them to learn that the world's not
17:14
Speaker 1: always going to love or approve of, or endorse or
17:17
Speaker 1: embrace everything about them, you know. So it's a it's
17:21
Speaker 1: an interesting you know, I'm not a parent, of course,
17:26
Speaker 1: so I don't I'm speaking purely out of my buttom
17:29
Speaker 1: My theoretical, but tom but I would imagine that that
17:36
Speaker 1: is a really a challenging kind of emotional social psychological
17:44
Speaker 1: tightrope for parents to walk, like how much do I
17:50
Speaker 1: you know? And at what age do I start to
17:52
Speaker 1: give them more informed feedback while still being loving and
17:56
Speaker 1: compassionate and kind. And at what point is another bit,
18:01
Speaker 1: at what point there's telling? And we'll get back to
18:03
Speaker 1: the failure conversation, But at what point does telling kids
18:06
Speaker 1: that they're amazing? When does that start to become a negative?
18:10
Speaker 1: Because when they step out of home, you know, the
18:12
Speaker 1: amazing zone, and they other people treat them and talk
18:16
Speaker 1: to them wildly differently, and they don't they're not prepared
18:19
Speaker 1: for life beyond the amazing bubble. Yeah.
18:24
Speaker 3: Interesting, and I guess that would I was going to say,
18:28
Speaker 3: in a sense set them up for failure in that
18:32
Speaker 3: societal construct, right, because they're coming out of home and
18:36
Speaker 3: they've been told that forever, you know, even though they
18:39
Speaker 3: sound like a cat, that they're amazing and they can
18:41
Speaker 3: sing like Celene Doon, And then they get to school
18:44
Speaker 3: and they've got people in the schoolyard going shut up
18:47
Speaker 3: like you know you Yeah, it's that would be a
18:51
Speaker 3: very harsh reality for a young kid to face.
18:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for me, because I know I say
18:59
Speaker 1: this too much. It's just true, and it's on point
19:02
Speaker 1: for the conversation. But because I didn't win stuff when
19:05
Speaker 1: I was a kid, Like, I wasn't great at stuff,
19:07
Speaker 1: and no, I wasn't atrocious, but yeah, I wasn't the
19:11
Speaker 1: kid winning things. I wasn't the kid winning academic things
19:15
Speaker 1: or creative things, or sporting things, or athletic things, or
19:19
Speaker 1: you know. I wasn't that kid. And so I dealt
19:23
Speaker 1: with a lot of what you could call failure. I
19:26
Speaker 1: mean literally, when I was in year seven, we had
19:29
Speaker 1: a cross country run that was compulsory every week. I
19:33
Speaker 1: was the fattest kid in school. My name was Jumbo.
19:35
Speaker 1: Every week, out of one hundred and thirty kids, I
19:37
Speaker 1: came one hundred and thirtieth week in, week out, one
19:39
Speaker 1: hundred and thirtieth, So one hundred and twenty nine kids
19:42
Speaker 1: in front of me every week, ninety two or three
19:46
Speaker 1: kilo Jumbo who's thirteen years old, who's morbidly obese, who
19:51
Speaker 1: can't fucking run. He does the five k run in
19:54
Speaker 1: about an hour because he's not running, and I come last.
19:57
Speaker 1: And so that's and there's no self pity in that.
20:00
Speaker 1: I don't need anything for that. That's just my you know,
20:03
Speaker 1: that was my experience, and it's like, then you can,
20:08
Speaker 1: I guess for some people that's going to be almost
20:11
Speaker 1: like an emotional anchor for the rest of their life,
20:14
Speaker 1: and I don't know what determines whether or not that
20:16
Speaker 1: is or that then becomes maybe a platform for you going, well, fuck,
20:21
Speaker 1: what if I actually what if I actually tried, like
20:25
Speaker 1: what if I change my thinking and my habits and
20:28
Speaker 1: what if I, you know, tried to move away from
20:32
Speaker 1: this current reality? Like what could I do? And so
20:35
Speaker 1: for me, not being good at stuff eventually became almost
20:39
Speaker 1: like my motivational superpower And what really was a massive
20:47
Speaker 1: reframe from me was going from I'm shit at stuff
20:51
Speaker 1: to oh, I've actually got quite a lot of potential.
20:55
Speaker 1: I just haven't used my potential. When I started to run,
20:59
Speaker 1: when I started to live weights, when I when I
21:01
Speaker 1: started to play football at a decent level, when I
21:04
Speaker 1: started to train, you know, I'd go out by myself
21:07
Speaker 1: because I wasn't naturally skilled, but I would kick a
21:10
Speaker 1: footy both sides of the body, I would handball both hands.
21:13
Speaker 1: I would go to footy training and train. Then I
21:15
Speaker 1: would do at least that much football training by myself.
21:18
Speaker 1: That my my friends didn't do right because I didn't
21:21
Speaker 1: have their natural ability. And so I think that over
21:25
Speaker 1: time you can leverage off that failure or that disappointment
21:31
Speaker 1: or those outcomes that you don't want or enjoy done
21:36
Speaker 1: the right way, you know. And it's while I understand
21:40
Speaker 1: the embarrassment, and I even understand the self pity, and
21:44
Speaker 1: I get all of it. But at some stage, you know,
21:48
Speaker 1: if you want to move beyond that, you probably got to,
21:51
Speaker 1: you know, feel that pain anyway and make different decisions.
21:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is exactly that, you know? Is it fail
22:00
Speaker 3: or just a hard way of learning the lesson and
22:02
Speaker 3: appreciating it? Which it's quite interesting, Like when as soon
22:08
Speaker 3: as I thought of, like posing that question to you,
22:10
Speaker 3: I thought this was going to be an absolute flip
22:12
Speaker 3: side to this in that failure doesn't really exist for
22:16
Speaker 3: a lot of people because they will pivot from it,
22:20
Speaker 3: they'll learn from it, they'll grow from it. When you
22:24
Speaker 3: were talking before about the first six hundred versus.
22:27
Speaker 1: Beyond that, what.
22:30
Speaker 3: Are you more appreciative of the first six hundred or
22:35
Speaker 3: where that's let you go?
22:37
Speaker 1: Oh, such a good question. I hadn't thought about that,
22:41
Speaker 1: But I mean, I probably don't want to the obvious
22:45
Speaker 1: what people think are the first six hundred of course, Yeah,
22:48
Speaker 1: it's just a real opportunity to grow and learn and evolve,
22:51
Speaker 1: and not really, I mean all of it, all of it.
22:55
Speaker 1: That's not one more than the other. I mean it's
22:57
Speaker 1: good when things are going good and you're making a
22:59
Speaker 1: few dollars and you know, you get a bit of
23:02
Speaker 1: like a decent brand and reputation and people with high
23:05
Speaker 1: profiles want to be on your show, and that's certainly
23:07
Speaker 1: fucking helped. So that's fun. But definitely for me, the
23:11
Speaker 1: first six hundred episodes weren't painful. And it's like you
23:15
Speaker 1: think of a you two could say the same, Tiff
23:17
Speaker 1: could say the same. Like Tiff right now has gone
23:19
Speaker 1: from baby steps presenter no fucking idea to a bit
23:23
Speaker 1: of an idea, to being in front of audiences, to
23:26
Speaker 1: developing insight and skill to starting to refine and hone
23:30
Speaker 1: and she'll you know, and now she's i would say,
23:34
Speaker 1: quite a good speaker at a professional level. But in
23:37
Speaker 1: five years she's going to be better. In two years,
23:40
Speaker 1: she's going to be better, you know. But it's not
23:41
Speaker 1: like where she is like where she is now is
23:43
Speaker 1: a huge development from where she was three years ago.
23:46
Speaker 1: And when I started, I was shit, and you go, well,
23:51
Speaker 1: I can't get good without being shit. And you know
23:55
Speaker 1: when people go, oh, you were never shit, that that's
23:57
Speaker 1: actually not true. I did presentations that were terrible. I
24:01
Speaker 1: lost my way, I forgot what I was going to say,
24:04
Speaker 1: I got fucking in the middle of a sentence, lost
24:08
Speaker 1: you know, my train of thought, and told stories that
24:13
Speaker 1: didn't land, and you know, pissed people off because I
24:17
Speaker 1: used a term that I didn't mean to be, you know, insensitive,
24:21
Speaker 1: but to them it wasn't insensitive. And then I realized
24:24
Speaker 1: halfway through, and then I got nervous because now that
24:26
Speaker 1: lady or that man over there are fucking grumpy at me,
24:29
Speaker 1: and they've given me daggers, and I'm like, oh fuck,
24:32
Speaker 1: this shit is hard, you know, and it just takes
24:35
Speaker 1: That's where you got to go. You know. It's the
24:38
Speaker 1: old how to become a black belt. You get punched
24:40
Speaker 1: in the face and kicked in the dick as a
24:41
Speaker 1: white belt a million times, and eventually you get a
24:44
Speaker 1: new belt. Then after a decade you're a black belt.
24:48
Speaker 1: Then you can kick others in the dick and punch
24:50
Speaker 1: them in the face or whatever, you know. But it's
24:52
Speaker 1: just like, how do you get to that level of
24:55
Speaker 1: mastery or excellence or competence. You go through all the
24:59
Speaker 1: stages of being you know, terrible at something too good,
25:04
Speaker 1: And that's the climbing of the mountain, you know, And
25:07
Speaker 1: the black belt is the top of the mountain, or
25:09
Speaker 1: the metaphoric black.
25:10
Speaker 3: Belt or the mustering, the kick in the dick what ebbs?
25:15
Speaker 1: What ebbs? Like I reckon? Sometimes life is about how
25:20
Speaker 1: much shit can you put up with? Because some people
25:23
Speaker 1: have a high shit threshold, right, I mean, you know
25:28
Speaker 1: tif you know Johnny kel You've seen Johnny in the gym.
25:32
Speaker 1: That little motherfucker has the highest shit threshold of anyone
25:35
Speaker 1: I've ever known. You know, today he was in the gym.
25:38
Speaker 1: I trained with him. I love him so much. I
25:42
Speaker 1: squish his face and fucking sit on him and he goes,
25:44
Speaker 1: you know, I can't feel you because he can't feel
25:46
Speaker 1: in his legs right, and he he just gets in
25:52
Speaker 1: so much pain sometimes. For those who don't know who
25:55
Speaker 1: John is, he had a terrible accident. He is meant
25:57
Speaker 1: to die. He selfishly didn't die. He lived on and
26:01
Speaker 1: he's got a brain traumatic brain injury, spinal cord injury.
26:06
Speaker 1: He's got a you know, he can't go to the
26:07
Speaker 1: toilet either end. So he's you know, all that's taken
26:13
Speaker 1: care of and he's just his life is hard. But
26:19
Speaker 1: you can ask him any time how he is. He
26:21
Speaker 1: will not complain. Like and for me, that context, you know,
26:28
Speaker 1: that that perspective, that awareness being around that person, like
26:33
Speaker 1: I've never had one day in my life, which is
26:36
Speaker 1: which has been as hard as every day of his life.
26:40
Speaker 1: Every day he's in pain all day. He has no reprieve,
26:45
Speaker 1: you know, And so it's really just the number. I
26:47
Speaker 1: say what's the number, and he goes seven or eight
26:50
Speaker 1: or nine, you know, sometimes he says ten, but he
26:53
Speaker 1: never says anything below two or three or four. And
26:56
Speaker 1: he's he's not a winger, you know. So yeah, I
26:59
Speaker 1: think so much of all of this stuff. What is hard,
27:02
Speaker 1: what is easy? What is failure? What is success? What
27:04
Speaker 1: is a problem? What is a lesson? This is all
27:07
Speaker 1: just stories that we tell ourselves.
27:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's it's almost very redundant to talk about
27:16
Speaker 3: it in the sense that we have been knowing that.
27:18
Speaker 3: Like I've seen John at the gym with you, and
27:21
Speaker 3: if he's saying that it's a nine or ten, but
27:23
Speaker 3: he's still there showing up for training. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:30
Speaker 1: Do you know what I love about him? It's like
27:33
Speaker 1: him and the Crab are at the opposite ends of
27:35
Speaker 1: the emotional development scale. The crab is essentially a fucking
27:39
Speaker 1: kettle belt, right with long hair, with good hair, right, yeah,
27:45
Speaker 1: with fucking he man hair. If you don't know what
27:48
Speaker 1: we're talking about. Everyone, for some unknown reason, the Crab
27:51
Speaker 1: just stopped cutting his hair, I think to pisce off
27:53
Speaker 1: his wife and which he's achieved, and now he looks
27:56
Speaker 1: like some fucking old rock, a misfit with the biggest
28:00
Speaker 1: in the world. But anyway, enough about the Crab. But Johnny,
28:05
Speaker 1: Johnny will send me a message and say what time
28:09
Speaker 1: are you at the gym today? Because he hasn't seen
28:12
Speaker 1: us for a day or two. You'll send it to
28:14
Speaker 1: me and the Crab and he'll go, I miss you both,
28:18
Speaker 1: and he'll put a heart right, I miss you both,
28:22
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I go, well, I love you, john
28:24
Speaker 1: I go. The Crab won't tell you that, because he's
28:26
Speaker 1: a fucking emotional misfit. I go, But he does love you,
28:31
Speaker 1: so I'll say it on behalf of both of us,
28:33
Speaker 1: and he just writes, thanks, right, Yeah, I love that.
28:40
Speaker 1: I love that relationship with him. And this sounds cheesy
28:43
Speaker 1: and podcasting and nap, but one hundred percent I get
28:49
Speaker 1: more benefit from John than he gets from me. And
28:51
Speaker 1: he's taught without even trying to teach me anything. He's
28:54
Speaker 1: taught me so much about being you know, for me,
28:59
Speaker 1: about being a man, and about being responsible, about being
29:03
Speaker 1: a solution focused, about not complaining, about being resilient, you know,
29:08
Speaker 1: and about having a purpose. You know. It's like, yeah,
29:13
Speaker 1: it's been great anyway, I feel like we've deviated, but
29:17
Speaker 1: nonetheless it's perspective though.
29:20
Speaker 3: Like I learned the biggest lesson around how I wanted
29:25
Speaker 3: to treat people when my dad was dying, And yeah,
29:29
Speaker 3: it was it was huge. It was things like, just
29:32
Speaker 3: be really open with my emotions with my closest people
29:35
Speaker 3: because you just don't know how much time you have.
29:40
Speaker 3: Always I'm not a hugger, but always hug my friends. Yeah,
29:46
Speaker 3: and that lesson came from seeing somebody going through something
29:50
Speaker 3: extremely hard.
29:52
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just looking right now, which is terrible
29:54
Speaker 1: to do on a podcast, but you sent me a
29:57
Speaker 1: message today and I Nellie fell over and you said
30:02
Speaker 1: because you when you first met me, you were like
30:05
Speaker 1: a little fucking wallflower and you were like, hello, It's
30:10
Speaker 1: like that was you, that was you being outrageous.
30:13
Speaker 3: It wasn't even that. It was a glance across the
30:15
Speaker 3: gym and then I look away.
30:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I was like, oh fuck, Craiger harp it,
30:21
Speaker 1: don't look at me, look at me, but don't look
30:22
Speaker 1: at me. Acknowledge me, but don't say lo because I don't,
30:26
Speaker 1: you know, like I could see the fucking terror because
30:29
Speaker 1: I am terrifying. And then you wrote this morning, good
30:33
Speaker 1: morning sunshine exclamation mark. I'm like, who the fuck is
30:37
Speaker 1: hijacked to her phone? There we go. So couldn't be
30:42
Speaker 1: couldn't be prouder. But yeah, so I was going to
30:46
Speaker 1: tell you just quickly, like so I've told this once
30:50
Speaker 1: or twice on maybe three times tiv Weigo it's actually
30:53
Speaker 1: seven but anyway, most of our listeners wouldn't have heard it.
30:57
Speaker 1: But so one of my first ever gigs was a
31:01
Speaker 1: teaching the vic Fit course to Certificate three, so not
31:08
Speaker 1: even personal trainer, just fitness instructor students, and I had
31:13
Speaker 1: to This was the first time i'd done a fitness
31:16
Speaker 1: industry lecture. It was students, so they didn't know a lot.
31:20
Speaker 1: I knew more than them, but I was still wasn't
31:23
Speaker 1: a great teacher, you know. I certainly wasn't an academic
31:27
Speaker 1: at that stage. I actually didn't have a degree, but
31:30
Speaker 1: I'd owned gyms and I'd train lots of people and
31:32
Speaker 1: work with clubs and teams, and it was pre my
31:35
Speaker 1: exercise science degree. But anyway, I was very experienced at
31:38
Speaker 1: writing programs and all that shit. Anyway, so I went
31:41
Speaker 1: in and I did this. I had to do this
31:43
Speaker 1: talk on basically designing programs, writing programs, bah blah blah
31:48
Speaker 1: blah bah, you know. And it was two hours, and
31:51
Speaker 1: I planned for the talk for two weeks. I planned
31:54
Speaker 1: every day. I spent hours every day, maybe an hour
31:57
Speaker 1: or two every day. So I would say I did
31:59
Speaker 1: it at least twenty twenty five hours of preparation for
32:03
Speaker 1: this two hour lecture. And this is how long it ago.
32:07
Speaker 1: It was. There was I didn't have a computer. I
32:10
Speaker 1: had those little office cards, you know, those little white
32:13
Speaker 1: cards that they'd have in a plastic box, and you'd
32:15
Speaker 1: fiddle through the fucking cards and you'd pull out, oh,
32:18
Speaker 1: missus Smith yeah, we've got your account here. I had those, right,
32:22
Speaker 1: So I wrote all of these notes, wrote them, re
32:25
Speaker 1: wrote them, highlighted them, and then I went in to this. Firstly,
32:30
Speaker 1: I was doing it at a gym in Armidale called Recreation,
32:36
Speaker 1: and I stupidly wore jeans, boots and a light blue shirt.
32:42
Speaker 1: Now then have you heard this tip? Maybe not so anyway. Anyway,
32:47
Speaker 1: so I'm doing this presentation and I'm twenty six, twenty five.
32:53
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm definitely not a professional speaker. I think I
32:58
Speaker 1: got paid fifty dollars for the two hours or something.
33:01
Speaker 1: Thought I was fucking Hollywood. And anyway, I was sitting
33:07
Speaker 1: in my Honda Integra in High Street, Armadale, chick Pulla,
33:12
Speaker 1: of course, and I'm going I'm there an hour early.
33:17
Speaker 1: So I just sit in the car and I'm going
33:19
Speaker 1: over my notes and I'm reading my cards. I'm reading
33:21
Speaker 1: my cards. I'm fucking sick. I'm so scared. Right anyway,
33:26
Speaker 1: I finally go in at about quarter two. I'm speaking
33:28
Speaker 1: on the hour. I go in fifteen minutes early. I
33:31
Speaker 1: go in to have a WII, of course I do,
33:35
Speaker 1: and then I go into the Chaine rooms. Then I
33:37
Speaker 1: turn around and I look at myself and my light
33:39
Speaker 1: blue shirt. Half of it's dark blue because I've just
33:42
Speaker 1: sweated like a fucking I was going to say a
33:46
Speaker 1: terrible thing. I'll tell you too. Off air, I'd sweat
33:50
Speaker 1: it a lot, right, I'd sweat it a lot, And
33:53
Speaker 1: so I had these big I'm showing the girls here,
33:56
Speaker 1: but I had these big sweatstains going down to pretty
34:00
Speaker 1: much my waist, and I'm like, I can't so light blue,
34:04
Speaker 1: dark blue, no other shirt. So I'm in the change rooms. Now.
34:09
Speaker 1: I've got like nine minutes. I can't even think about
34:13
Speaker 1: the presentation of my fucking cards because I look like
34:17
Speaker 1: I've just run a half marathon in a suit, right,
34:20
Speaker 1: So I'm basically a fucking five foot ten perspiration and
34:28
Speaker 1: so pilot water. So I go fuck it. So I'm
34:32
Speaker 1: in the I'm in the change rooms. I take off
34:35
Speaker 1: my shirt and then I'm standing. I turn up the
34:40
Speaker 1: air dryer, so I've got the air dryer upside down,
34:44
Speaker 1: blowing it must have been early days of air dryers,
34:46
Speaker 1: but blowing hot air up and I'm like a fucking
34:50
Speaker 1: you know, like my mum, I'm drying the shirt. So
34:54
Speaker 1: I'm semi nude in a public place, drying my sweat
34:59
Speaker 1: stained shirt so so sexy, such a beautiful like beginning,
35:08
Speaker 1: and then I finally get it dry. I don't know
35:10
Speaker 1: if you know this, but when you're dry sweat stained
35:13
Speaker 1: blue shirts, there's like all this white stuff which is
35:17
Speaker 1: fucking so good. Like look like now I had a
35:20
Speaker 1: tied dye T shirt. And then of course I get
35:22
Speaker 1: in there and I start sweating again. So and then
35:29
Speaker 1: I was so bad. I'm not even being I'm not
35:33
Speaker 1: even putting Mayo on this. I was so bad. I
35:37
Speaker 1: was so bad. And I remember looking up and just
35:43
Speaker 1: if you could read faces, they're like, oh god, how
35:46
Speaker 1: much longer? Right? So anyway, I think I pulled the
35:49
Speaker 1: pin a bit early and I just now and thanks everyone,
35:53
Speaker 1: you know, I see ya. And this one girl kind
35:56
Speaker 1: of waded around and I went, oh, maybe she's got question.
36:00
Speaker 1: Maybe she didn't think I was that shit. And she
36:03
Speaker 1: comes up to me kind of, you know, reasonably, like
36:08
Speaker 1: I don't know, friendly, approachable, and she goes hi. I
36:11
Speaker 1: go hi, and she goes, can I just ask are
36:14
Speaker 1: you here next week? And I go yep, And she
36:17
Speaker 1: just looked like somebody just kicked her in the guards, right,
36:19
Speaker 1: She just she just went ah and walked off. She
36:23
Speaker 1: went ah and walked out the door with an extreme
36:27
Speaker 1: disappointment on her face. I'm like, yeah, I'm a gun
36:32
Speaker 1: at this, right, I'm a gun. I'm so good at this,
36:37
Speaker 1: and I did. That's not the only one. I had
36:40
Speaker 1: multiples of those. Like, so when people go, oh, you're
36:44
Speaker 1: a natural, you just fucking nah nah. I think that's
36:48
Speaker 1: just an excuse for people to rationalize why they don't
36:51
Speaker 1: keep going, Like, of course it's fucking hard. I've been humiliated, embarrassed,
36:56
Speaker 1: I've been criticized. I still get people who send me
37:00
Speaker 1: shit and tell me they hate me. It's like, yeah,
37:02
Speaker 1: welcome to the fucking club. Of course it's hard. Of
37:07
Speaker 1: course it's hard. Like as if you're going to be
37:10
Speaker 1: a raving success, as if you're not going to fail,
37:14
Speaker 1: as if you're not going to fuck up, as if
37:16
Speaker 1: you're not going to be humiliated, as if you're not
37:19
Speaker 1: going to be bad at things, like just if you
37:23
Speaker 1: know that's just where it happens, and you go all right,
37:26
Speaker 1: like if you were got that result, you know, for
37:29
Speaker 1: five years in a row, you might want to think
37:30
Speaker 1: your strategy. But yeah, so welcome to sweat City. That
37:36
Speaker 1: was it.
37:37
Speaker 2: Do you think that there's an element of it being
37:41
Speaker 2: easier when you're paving your own way or you're naive
37:45
Speaker 2: to a process.
37:47
Speaker 1: I think it can be. And I think, look, I
37:51
Speaker 1: think some people start off great. Like I've known people
37:54
Speaker 1: who have done their first one or two or three
37:56
Speaker 1: gigs and they've almost hit the ground running. They're like,
37:59
Speaker 1: fucking hell, and look, I'm like, fuck, I did one
38:02
Speaker 1: hundred presentations before I was that good. And then they
38:06
Speaker 1: fuck up. Then something happens, like I tell you, when people,
38:11
Speaker 1: some people like they lose their shit is when someone
38:15
Speaker 1: in the audience goes, no, I don't think so, I
38:21
Speaker 1: don't think so, and they fucking fall apart. Like if
38:27
Speaker 1: somebody actually disagrees with a thought or a message all
38:30
Speaker 1: they say, and I've had this, I've had a bloke
38:34
Speaker 1: go yeah, well that's not true. Now that is very
38:38
Speaker 1: That's like you being a comedian and someone going you're
38:41
Speaker 1: not funny, you know, and you just gotta you can't
38:46
Speaker 1: go hey, fuck off, you can't. You just gotta you know,
38:50
Speaker 1: Like that happened to me early days, and I went, well,
38:56
Speaker 1: I said, how about this, how about you and I
38:58
Speaker 1: get together at the end and we'll pack that. But
39:01
Speaker 1: you and me, you and me having a debate in
39:03
Speaker 1: front of a hundred people is not going to happen.
39:05
Speaker 1: So thanks for the feedback. But you know, and of
39:10
Speaker 1: course it rocked me. Of course it was like, but
39:13
Speaker 1: you can't go ah ah fuck I give up and
39:17
Speaker 1: walk out, or you can. But you know what I mean,
39:20
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's hard. Some people won't like you,
39:23
Speaker 1: you know, shardenfreuder. Some people want you to fail. Some
39:27
Speaker 1: people revel in your discomfort and your pain and you're
39:32
Speaker 1: fucking ineptitude that makes them happy. Don't ask me why.
39:36
Speaker 1: That's another episode. But if you think, if you think
39:40
Speaker 1: the majority of people will be happy for you to succeed,
39:44
Speaker 1: you don't understand people. And that's a fucking sad thing
39:48
Speaker 1: to say. To not say everyone wants you to fail,
39:51
Speaker 1: of course, but you know, like I've done a few
39:54
Speaker 1: good things, and yeah, the amount of people that I
39:58
Speaker 1: know were genuinely re happy, it ain't that many. It
40:02
Speaker 1: ain't that many bothers them.
40:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's far more people that are waiting for you
40:08
Speaker 3: to fall over than there is people that are willing
40:11
Speaker 3: to say, hey, what you're doing is really good.
40:14
Speaker 1: Yes, it's yes, yeah, sorry, Kel, I think that's a
40:19
Speaker 1: challenge for all of us. If I'm being honest, It's like, yeah,
40:22
Speaker 1: it's it is sometimes hard when you know there's someone
40:26
Speaker 1: that you and you and them are about the same
40:28
Speaker 1: level and now they're fifteen levels up. You're like, like
40:31
Speaker 1: the human part of you is like or part of
40:34
Speaker 1: you is like wuck. But I want to celebrate that
40:39
Speaker 1: for them, genuinely, And you know, that's something that I
40:43
Speaker 1: have had to work on. Like it's not like, oh, yeah,
40:46
Speaker 1: Craigs is fucking outstanding human with all these amazing values
40:50
Speaker 1: and morals and and that's not at all true. I'm
40:52
Speaker 1: just as fucked up as everyone. And there's been jealousy,
40:56
Speaker 1: and there's been resentment, and there's been in aptitude, and
40:58
Speaker 1: there's been fuck up And like, one of the funny
41:03
Speaker 1: things that happens in personal development is that I'll shut
41:07
Speaker 1: up after this and you can ask me another question, Kel.
41:10
Speaker 1: But we talk about, you know, the shortcomings of us
41:14
Speaker 1: as a conscious beings, and we're always talking about someone else.
41:20
Speaker 1: Don't you hate it when people I'm like, you're a people, motherfucker,
41:25
Speaker 1: Like it's like, oh he is. Everyone talks about how
41:30
Speaker 1: much hard work she is, or how much hard work
41:33
Speaker 1: he is, or how my boss is this, or my
41:36
Speaker 1: colleagues are that, or nobody goes. Just thought i'd let
41:40
Speaker 1: you know I'm a count, just a heads up. You know,
41:43
Speaker 1: I'm difficult, I'm fucking hard work. Nobody does that, but
41:47
Speaker 1: it's true for all of us at a time, right.
41:51
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it is. What did I read this morning? It
41:54
Speaker 3: was it was like it was a meme and it says,
41:56
Speaker 3: send this to your partner, and the swipe through was
41:59
Speaker 3: I know that I'm really difficult, but you love me anyway.
42:02
Speaker 3: And it got me thinking about my partner and how
42:05
Speaker 3: she gives me so much space to do all of
42:09
Speaker 3: this work on myself and at every turn all I
42:14
Speaker 3: get is encouragement. And I know that I'm hard work,
42:18
Speaker 3: like I'm such a little shit sometimes, but yeah, I
42:22
Speaker 3: own that. I know that, and I'm grateful that I
42:25
Speaker 3: have somebody who is in my corner one even though
42:29
Speaker 3: i'm a little shit. I'm very very grateful for that.
42:33
Speaker 1: So that's that is. If you if you're genuine and
42:36
Speaker 1: I'm sure you do, if you genuinely have a person
42:39
Speaker 1: that is you know, there fore you like that. That's
42:42
Speaker 1: a gift. So I'm going to turn it round. So
42:45
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you some think music. Both of you.
42:48
Speaker 1: I want you to tell me a failure. We'll start
42:50
Speaker 1: with TIFFs, so tif you get ready. But so something
42:54
Speaker 1: that that was for you, or could have been from
42:56
Speaker 1: the outside looking in perceived as a failure, that that
43:03
Speaker 1: turned out to be a lesson or a growth opportunity,
43:06
Speaker 1: or something that in the moment you were like, fuck,
43:08
Speaker 1: this is a disaster. This is not what I wanted.
43:11
Speaker 1: But looking back, so yeah, I think I think that
43:16
Speaker 1: before either you jump in, I'll let you think a
43:19
Speaker 1: little bit. But I just wanted to so you both
43:21
Speaker 1: have your thinking time. I'm just going to talk to
43:24
Speaker 1: the audience for a moment. So I wrote something down
43:27
Speaker 1: before that I want to read, and that is failure
43:30
Speaker 1: is not an objective reality. Hang on, sorry, I'm trying it. Yeah,
43:40
Speaker 1: failure is not an objective reality. It's a human made category.
43:44
Speaker 1: An outcomes happened. An outcome happens, and we decide, based
43:47
Speaker 1: on our expectations, values, and cultural narratives, whether to call
43:51
Speaker 1: it a failure or something else. Psychologically, the label activates emotion, shame, disappointment, frustration, sophically,
44:00
Speaker 1: it's a judgment, not a truth. In one frame, it's
44:04
Speaker 1: evidence you weren't good enough. In another, it's data that
44:07
Speaker 1: refines your approach. In reality, it's simply an event stripped
44:11
Speaker 1: of any meaning, doesn't have a meaning, or it doesn't
44:15
Speaker 1: have a meaning for you until you give it one
44:17
Speaker 1: or some The same outcome can be a catastrophe or
44:21
Speaker 1: a catalyst, depending on the story you tell yourself. So
44:25
Speaker 1: it's not a fact. It's a label. It's a destination.
44:29
Speaker 1: It's not a destination. It's a detour. It's not a
44:31
Speaker 1: death sentence. It's feedback. What you call failure is just
44:35
Speaker 1: an outcome you didn't want, wrapped in a meaning that
44:38
Speaker 1: you choose to give it. Someone else will call the
44:41
Speaker 1: same outcome a lesson, a launchpad, or a plot twist.
44:45
Speaker 1: So maybe it's not failure at all. Maybe it's progress
44:48
Speaker 1: wearing an ugly outfit. So I kind of for me,
44:53
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't even really, I don't really know.
44:58
Speaker 1: I don't see the value you even in business calling
45:02
Speaker 1: things that was a failure, I think recognizing that we
45:06
Speaker 1: didn't get the outcome we wanted, acknowledging it, saying well,
45:10
Speaker 1: we wanted a ten. We got a seven. Not sure why,
45:12
Speaker 1: but let's lean into that. So rather than getting into
45:15
Speaker 1: the emotion of we failed, let's get into the curiosity
45:19
Speaker 1: of how come we got a seven? Because whatever label
45:24
Speaker 1: you come up with, that's going to be your experience.
45:28
Speaker 1: If you go, we failed, then that means I am
45:31
Speaker 1: a failure. We are failures. And now we're in a
45:33
Speaker 1: failure mindset because we just described the thing that we created.
45:38
Speaker 1: Whereas when I go, Wow, that wasn't the outcome we
45:41
Speaker 1: wanted or expected. I wonder what we could do different.
45:45
Speaker 1: I wonder what I could learn. I wonder how that
45:48
Speaker 1: group over there got a great outcome and we didn't.
45:50
Speaker 1: We can learn from our own experience and also what
45:54
Speaker 1: they did. So TIF, let's go, what do you got?
46:00
Speaker 2: One was the businesses and you know a lot about
46:03
Speaker 2: that period of time with me, But I've never called
46:06
Speaker 2: it a failure. It was a massive, massive lesson in
46:12
Speaker 2: a lot of ways.
46:13
Speaker 1: But can you just explain to the audience as much
46:16
Speaker 1: or as little as you want, because some of them going,
46:19
Speaker 1: what did you?
46:22
Speaker 2: Twenty eighteen, I went into partnership with three other people
46:27
Speaker 2: for Boutique Fitness Studios, So we opened up two of
46:30
Speaker 2: them they got shut down in COVID. Over the period
46:33
Speaker 2: of time of being in COVID and away from it,
46:38
Speaker 2: I realized that I was in a pretty toxic situation
46:42
Speaker 2: personally and professionally in that situation. So I decided I
46:46
Speaker 2: didn't want to be in that. And when I look
46:51
Speaker 2: at how I executed the being in that and then
46:55
Speaker 2: getting away from that, like, I lost a lot and
46:58
Speaker 2: it was hard. It was one of the hardest times
47:00
Speaker 2: life that had a big knock on effect. But even
47:04
Speaker 2: in the middle of it, I had this gratitude for
47:06
Speaker 2: the lessons I went into that, going if this end badly,
47:10
Speaker 2: will I learn enough or grow enough to warrant maybe
47:13
Speaker 2: losing everything, Because if I lose, it'll be every you know,
47:18
Speaker 2: get I don't have a fallback plan. And so when
47:22
Speaker 2: that was my choice, I knew I hadn't learned a
47:26
Speaker 2: thing I expected to learn about business, But I learned
47:29
Speaker 2: so much more about my own values and values that
47:33
Speaker 2: I was They were hard to learn.
47:36
Speaker 1: But.
47:37
Speaker 2: They changed my life, like to learn that my values
47:41
Speaker 2: were more important to me than money or business or
47:45
Speaker 2: all of the material things was And then I had
47:49
Speaker 2: to do hard conversations and I had to deal with
47:52
Speaker 2: hard situations and you helped me a lot. But that
47:54
Speaker 2: was that was massive.
47:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think you. I mean, and as an
48:00
Speaker 1: observer of you through that time and now, albeit shit
48:06
Speaker 1: and painful and unpleasant and unwanted, like, I think you
48:10
Speaker 1: developed a lot in that. And apart from being able
48:12
Speaker 1: to you know, dealing with hard stuff and building resilience
48:16
Speaker 1: and learning how to have difficult conversations with difficult people
48:19
Speaker 1: and all of that, what it did give you was
48:22
Speaker 1: it gave you absolute clarity about what you don't want. Yes,
48:27
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? It's like, oh fuck, no, no, no,
48:31
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I'll relate to all business partnerships and like,
48:34
Speaker 1: but it's like, yeah, no, I'm pretty clear. It's like
48:38
Speaker 1: I did, you know, thirty five years of gyms and
48:42
Speaker 1: I loved it and then and then but now like
48:45
Speaker 1: I don't want It's not that that's bad, it's not
48:47
Speaker 1: what I want. I'm very clear. I want a very
48:51
Speaker 1: simple business model. I do not want thirty, forty, fifty,
48:54
Speaker 1: sixty or even ten staff. And you go, yeah, And
48:58
Speaker 1: I think for you now now you've got much more
49:01
Speaker 1: clarity around what you want to do, who you want
49:04
Speaker 1: to be how you want to be and your business
49:07
Speaker 1: model than you know, even then a couple of years ago,
49:11
Speaker 1: you seem much clearer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, perfect, cal
49:17
Speaker 1: same thing.
49:17
Speaker 3: Really a moment of clarity and if we spoke about
49:21
Speaker 3: this on your podcast. So for a very long time
49:26
Speaker 3: I thought that my job or career was going to
49:29
Speaker 3: be the most defining thing about who I am, and
49:33
Speaker 3: so I was always striving for more and for bigger
49:36
Speaker 3: and better and the labels, but so scared of breaking
49:42
Speaker 3: out of my comfort zone and actually getting a job
49:44
Speaker 3: in the field that I had studied, which so I
49:47
Speaker 3: studied screenwriting and then communication design as well. So I
49:51
Speaker 3: finally built up the courage to leave a very secure.
49:56
Speaker 1: Safe job.
49:58
Speaker 3: And on the day that I had my farewell, the
50:03
Speaker 3: other place called and said it's not going to work.
50:06
Speaker 3: So it was like yeah, yeah, yeah, and I remember it.
50:11
Speaker 3: I did not know that, yeah, and like I'd signed everything.
50:15
Speaker 3: It was all going through And a friend later said
50:18
Speaker 3: to me, I wish I had have known you because
50:20
Speaker 3: we would have seen them. But it was it was huge.
50:24
Speaker 3: It was like I was punched in the guards, like
50:28
Speaker 3: it was horrible, and I thought, out of all of
50:31
Speaker 3: the people that this could happen to like me, you know,
50:35
Speaker 3: finally had this moment of going, yep, I'm gonna I'm
50:38
Speaker 3: going to step in there. I'm going to prove that
50:40
Speaker 3: to my owly, to myself. I'm going to prove to
50:42
Speaker 3: myself that I can do this. And I thought, I can't.
50:47
Speaker 3: I'm not good enough. I'm never going to be good enough.
50:50
Speaker 3: I've I've tried to do it, it hasn't worked. And
50:54
Speaker 3: then as I've spoken about my shrink many times, she's like, nope,
50:59
Speaker 3: we keep going. And also because I've got a fair
51:02
Speaker 3: amount of stubbornness, I thought I can't go back. I
51:05
Speaker 3: need to keep going forward. So I applied for I
51:09
Speaker 3: think ten jobs, and the first two I applied for
51:14
Speaker 3: they both offered me positions. Took the first one, yeah,
51:18
Speaker 3: and like I mean, I found out a few weeks later,
51:20
Speaker 3: so I'd still gone through this kind of whole six
51:22
Speaker 3: week period of so shit, I'm never going to get
51:25
Speaker 3: another job. I'm going to be you know, doing something
51:28
Speaker 3: like picking up rubbish on the beach. I don't know,
51:30
Speaker 3: my mind just went to really really dark places, but
51:34
Speaker 3: a lot of it was just I'm not good enough.
51:36
Speaker 3: I'm really not good enough. I tried. I failed. I'm
51:39
Speaker 3: not good enough. Started in the job and it was fine,
51:44
Speaker 3: it was good, the people were people were fine. And
51:48
Speaker 3: then yeah, my dad got sick, and I thought, what
51:53
Speaker 3: are my values? Do I want to be working for
51:55
Speaker 3: someone else?
51:56
Speaker 2: Who?
51:57
Speaker 3: You know, the owner of this business would up in
52:00
Speaker 3: his Mercedes and sign of clothes and nice enough guy.
52:04
Speaker 3: But I just didn't want to be working for that.
52:07
Speaker 3: And so it was a huge reframe. Looking back on
52:11
Speaker 3: it now, easily the biggest lesson I've ever learned was that,
52:17
Speaker 3: you know, you can put yourself out there and you
52:19
Speaker 3: can fall flat on your face and then stand back
52:22
Speaker 3: up and realize what you want and start moving towards it.
52:27
Speaker 3: And that was it for me.
52:30
Speaker 1: Well, that's resilience. I mean, that's resilience. That's you know,
52:34
Speaker 1: if you I mean, let's assume obviously there needs to
52:37
Speaker 1: be a modicum of talent and aptitude and ability to
52:41
Speaker 1: do the thing. It's like, it doesn't matter how many
52:45
Speaker 1: how many times I applied to NASA, I'm probably not
52:47
Speaker 1: going to get in. I mean, you know, one, I'm
52:51
Speaker 1: not an astronaut, not a physicist. You know, I'm old
52:54
Speaker 1: as fuck. I can't see shit other than that I'm
52:58
Speaker 1: a fucking oh back's rooted that I'm a natural, right,
53:01
Speaker 1: So yeah, but I mean if we're talking about things
53:05
Speaker 1: that kind of you know, we could do given the opportunity,
53:08
Speaker 1: which I think is a lot of things for most people. Yeah,
53:13
Speaker 1: I yeah, that ability to be able to get rejected
53:18
Speaker 1: or you know, feel like you rejected and just go, oh,
53:22
Speaker 1: keep going anyway, Like, like, even do you know what
53:25
Speaker 1: is when those times when if you threw it in
53:29
Speaker 1: or you gave up, people would understand that go fuck,
53:33
Speaker 1: I don't blame you, that's shit, right, there are the
53:36
Speaker 1: times when you definitely want to step up, not give up,
53:39
Speaker 1: because it's in those moments I reckon where people might
53:44
Speaker 1: think fuck and now how will she respond or he
53:48
Speaker 1: respond or? And you're like, yeah, I look, I feel crap.
53:54
Speaker 1: I genuinely feel sad, I feel disconnected, feel I feel frustrated.
53:58
Speaker 1: I feel all these things. But you know, me going
54:02
Speaker 1: home and just sitting on all these feelings still ain't
54:05
Speaker 1: going to get me anywhere. So the question is do
54:08
Speaker 1: I have the capacity to feel shit but nonetheless keep going?
54:12
Speaker 1: Like that's in the middle of all of that. It's
54:14
Speaker 1: like Tiff and I have spoken many times about the
54:17
Speaker 1: real challenge with self help is not when you're all
54:21
Speaker 1: pumped and up and about, you know, you motivated, your inspired,
54:24
Speaker 1: Oh look at me self help one oh one, personal growth,
54:27
Speaker 1: positive psychology, fucking winning, ticking the boxes, hustling, grinding. Yeah,
54:32
Speaker 1: what about when you feel fucking horrible? What are you
54:35
Speaker 1: doing then, Like when you can still do the work
54:39
Speaker 1: when everyone around you would give up and you cannot
54:42
Speaker 1: give up. I think that is what is going to
54:47
Speaker 1: separate sometimes the people who fulfill their potential or get
54:53
Speaker 1: close to it and those who wake up at fifty
54:55
Speaker 1: and go fucking hell, this wasn't my plan right now.
54:58
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that, you know, the odd thrown in
55:01
Speaker 1: the towel or giving up momentarily is not you know,
55:05
Speaker 1: not acceptable, of course it is. There's been plenty of
55:08
Speaker 1: times where I've gone fuck this, but the next day
55:10
Speaker 1: I picked it back up. You know. So I think
55:13
Speaker 1: going into your cave for three years and going fucking
55:16
Speaker 1: you know, things aren't going to work. Life's not fair
55:19
Speaker 1: and fucking everyone's against me. I understand how that feels real,
55:24
Speaker 1: But the truth is, it's like I had this lady
55:28
Speaker 1: come into the gym once, should I have said that now. Anyway,
55:32
Speaker 1: was a lady. She did come into the gym and
55:34
Speaker 1: it all ended well. She came in. She was really big.
55:38
Speaker 1: She wanted to be not big, tiff. What are you
55:40
Speaker 1: looking at me like that?
55:41
Speaker 3: For?
55:41
Speaker 1: Do you think I'm going to get I'm going to
55:42
Speaker 1: put my foot in my fucking mouth for the ten
55:45
Speaker 1: millionth time?
55:46
Speaker 2: Yeah?
55:48
Speaker 1: Probably. But anyway, she came into the gym and she
55:52
Speaker 1: was like, I, you know, I'm really uncomfortable here because
55:55
Speaker 1: I know everyone's looking at me and I know everything.
55:58
Speaker 1: I go, hey, there not. I go, you know what, like,
56:03
Speaker 1: they don't give a fuck about you? I go, you
56:05
Speaker 1: want the actual, real truth. I don't care. You know what,
56:08
Speaker 1: they care about themselves. I don't care. They're not looking
56:11
Speaker 1: at you. You're all this that's all the fucking story
56:14
Speaker 1: in your head, you know, And all I had to do.
56:17
Speaker 1: I said that. I said, one, that's a story in
56:19
Speaker 1: your head. I understand the story, but it's not real.
56:22
Speaker 1: Like I do this all the time. And by the way,
56:25
Speaker 1: we've had people who needed to do way more work
56:29
Speaker 1: than you currently need to do. And she's like, really,
56:32
Speaker 1: I go, yes, definitely, I go, of course, you've got
56:37
Speaker 1: work to do. And you want to lose a few pounds,
56:39
Speaker 1: you want to get fit, you want to change how
56:40
Speaker 1: you look, feel function. I get it, But there's we've
56:44
Speaker 1: had many people who've got more of a challenge ahead
56:47
Speaker 1: of them, ahead of them than you currently do. Right.
56:50
Speaker 1: And then they go from everyone's looking at me, everyone's
56:53
Speaker 1: judging me, everyone's I shouldn't be here, Da da da,
56:56
Speaker 1: that's all and inner dialogue, it's not actually what's going
57:00
Speaker 1: going on. What's actually going on as everyone in the
57:03
Speaker 1: gym is doing their own thing, thinking about themselves, thinking
57:06
Speaker 1: about dinner, thinking about that bloke across the other side
57:10
Speaker 1: of the gym, or chick across you know, it's like
57:12
Speaker 1: what you think is happening in your head in the gym,
57:17
Speaker 1: it's not true. And the anxiety is coming from you,
57:21
Speaker 1: not the gym, you know, So it's like ah, And
57:24
Speaker 1: then that understanding, and again this all leads into like U, Kelly,
57:29
Speaker 1: being able to manage your mind and utif in the
57:32
Speaker 1: middle of outcomes that you didn't want, like being able
57:36
Speaker 1: to manage yourselves to be able to go well fuck it,
57:39
Speaker 1: which you both kind of did. What can I learn?
57:41
Speaker 1: How can I do better? How can I keep going
57:45
Speaker 1: you know, that's the that's the that's the magic that's
57:49
Speaker 1: the magic pill. So ah, anything you too, No, We're good,
57:57
Speaker 1: cal always good. We appreciate you you. Oh gee, did
58:01
Speaker 1: we do an hour? What happened to? Just a quick one?
58:04
Speaker 3: You said it was a hard finish tonight?
58:07
Speaker 1: Great, Harper bangs on, doesn't he? How much better would
58:10
Speaker 1: my show be without me? Let's be honest, probably a
58:13
Speaker 1: bit cookie, Thank you, thanks, Harps, look after that.
58:22
Speaker 4: Body of yours, and maybe just tone back a little
58:25
Speaker 4: bit on the testosterone, because you know the fact that
58:29
Speaker 4: you keep asking me for another raisor you know, he Harps,
58:35
Speaker 4: do you reckon my next bit?
58:36
Speaker 1: Hairy is still? You know there's that? And kel look
58:42
Speaker 1: at you just coming out of your shell. You keep
58:44
Speaker 1: emerging from that shell. We love it.
58:47
Speaker 3: Good. Well, thanks for letting me.
58:49
Speaker 1: All right, we'll say goodbye affair, but thank you ladies,