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How does a narcissist ARGUE? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about a narcissist favorite
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  argumentative technique. The The narcissist's favorite
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  technique to use in an argument. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to episode 979 of the Narcissist
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  Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Y'all. So the 979, I didn't have that
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  right in front of me. I guessed and I got it right.
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  So, yay, I got it right. I got it right.
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  I got it right. So yes, yes, yes.
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  The narcissist's favorite argument taken.
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  I know, I know what people are going to say.
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  Gaslighting manipulation. Yes, that's part of it.
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  That's part of this technique, that's part of this dynamic
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  right here. I learned a new word.
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  I was watching some some videos. The new phrase, it's called Gish
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  Gallop. Gish Gallop.
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  GISHGALLOP. Like Gish Gallop.
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  Like a gishing galloping horse, you know or is commonly referred
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  to as start starting small fires.
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  So if you look up the term Gish Gallop right, it says it's a
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  rhetorical technique in which a person in a debate attempts to
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  overwhelm their opponent by providing an excessive number of
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  arguments with no regard for the accuracy or strength of those
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  arguments. Starting small fires when you're
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  trying to hold a narcissist accountable, when you're trying
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  to have a conversation with a narcissist, when you're trying
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  to talk to a narcissist about how they've been treating you or
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  something that they've been doing wrong, or some type of
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  behavior that you would like them to correct, Gish Gallup
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  comes into play. Or starting small fires.
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  You'll hear this a lot like in the political debate spectrum,
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  but this is also like, used by narcissistic people.
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  It's an argumentative. Yeah, it's a technique.
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  It really is. It's just like if you're talking
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  to a narcissist, it's right. Like, let's just say you have
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  the The big issue is cheating. I know it can be something else.
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  Not all. Like I said, not all
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  narcissistic people cheating the same way.
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  But let's just say the big issue is cheating or hiding money or
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  stealing money or physical, physical DV.
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  You see what I'm saying? Let's just say it's the way they
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  talk to you that's the main issue.
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  That's the main fire. The reason it's called starting
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  small fires. Because there's one big fire
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  that you're trying to put out. You're you're you are the
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  firefighter, right? You're trying to put this fire
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  out in this argument. Hey, I'm tired of you cheating
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  on me. Let's put this fire out
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  together. Let's talk about this.
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  If you don't want to leave, let's talk about this.
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  Let's hold you accountable right here.
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  Why did you cheat? You're trying to handle.
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  You try to put this one big fire out, right?
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  But but instead of of addressing the one big fire, the
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  narcissistic person applies the Gish Gallup technique or the
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  Starting Small Fires technique and starts lighting other little
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  fires that you have to focus on. They exhaust you by bringing up
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  so many other issues that don't pertain to the actual cheating
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  that don't pertain. Blaming you, making you feel
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  accountable, trying to make you apologize, trying to say, hey,
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  you made me do this like they never addressed the actual
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  issue. So instead of handling this one
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  big fire as a firefighter, you're now trying to put out 10
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  fires at once because they started, it started off with
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  cheating. Now you're talking about the the
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  debit cards and the credit cards.
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  Now you're talking about the kids being dirty.
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  Now you talk about the house not being clean.
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  Now you talk about dinner. Now you talk about the work
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  schedule. Now you're talking about how you
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  were talked to six years ago and they were talking about the
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  person that, the person that you were dating before.
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  Y'all, how men. Now you talk about your parents
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  and how you were raised. Now you talk about the trauma
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  that they went through that they grew up with as a kid instead of
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  addressing the actual issue, the big fire.
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  Now you're putting out 10 fires at once, 11 fires at once, 20
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  fires at once. So now when you're like, you're
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  a firefighter, you're trying to handle this one issue.
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  Now you have to put out so many other issues at the same time.
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  Now you're like, damn, I'm like, I started off with this one
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  fire. I need more hoses, I need more
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  water. So guess what happens?
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  Typically you become exhausted because now the water has ran
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  out. You can't put all these fires
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  out at once. The big issue doesn't get
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  addressed. So now that issue right there
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  for you is burning. Like that issue now is a full
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  blown forest fire. It started off as a little
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  campfire. You see, they started a bunch of
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  small fires and it was this, like a little campfire.
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  They got out of control. Now the the force is on fire.
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  Now you're upset. Now you're angry as hell.
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  You know, now there's more issues that haven't been
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  resolved. Now there's other things you
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  see. Now there's no accountability to
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  be had. Gish, Gallup.
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  Exhaustion. Putting, like I said, starting
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  small fires. If you are the firefighter in
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  this example, the narcissist is the fire starter.
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  Because they got you here. They cheated, They lied, They
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  manipulated, They gaslit. You see what I'm saying?
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  They did something to get you here.
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  They start like they're the damn arsonist.
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  Like they put the they started the fire.
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  And you, hey, can you help me put this fire out?
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  Let's put this fire out together.
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  You started it. You started this fire.
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  You cheated on me. So let's address the cheating.
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  And instead of addressing the cheating, they just say, hey,
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  what about what you did? You remember your friend called
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  you in the middle of the night and you never explained what
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  your friend said? You remember you took the call
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  when I needed the car? You remember you didn't come
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  pick me up. You remember when I was when I
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  want really wanted that dog? You didn't get that dog.
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  You see now the cheating is gone.
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  Now they started ten other fires.
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  It's a big distraction. A lot of narcissists use this
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  technique to distract you, to divert attention away from the
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  main fire. Hey Lee, there's other fires
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  that have started, you know, and we're almost out of water, so
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  now you have to pick. So now where it ends up
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  happening is that you try to spray water on every little fire
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  and because you're not focused on one fire, all of them get
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  bigger. You see what happens, what
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  happened? Look up like say this this
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  looking up looking up and understanding this term is you
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  know is Gish Gallop. It really really is.
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  But so the way I know people going to say, well Lee how do
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  you how do you how do you just get back to this right here.
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  How do you get into the main issue.
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  You keep bringing the focus back to the first fire you have to
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  which can be exhausting because they don't want to address it.
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  But when you keep trying to bring up, when you keep trying
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  to put up put out the first fire.
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  What you have to do is keep the focus on the first fire.
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  We can talk about the other fires later.
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  Look, those are slow, burning fires.
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  This one right here is Candlestick.
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  This one right here, it has dry look, this one has dry fire
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  starter is dry pine needles. It's a, you know what I mean?
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  The driest of conditions. There's a drought.
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  There's no water to be found. We need to put this fire out
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  right now or it's going to burn the whole relationship down.
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  You see, keep focus on that, keep.
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  You have to keep the focus on the main issue.
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  You have to. And it's tough.
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  Y'all because most narcissists are not going to want to handle
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  that main issue, really. It really is.
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  So you have to like, you literally have to do it.
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  You have to keep the focus here. You have hey, look, we can we
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  can both possibly acknowledge that there's some wrongdoing
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  over here, or you might have felt you might have felt like
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  you were wronged over here. But right now this is the main
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  issue. Oh my issues don't matter.
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  What about this right here, there.
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  What about this right here, There.
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  They'll keep adding little fires.
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  When you try to put that fire out and divert the attention,
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  they'll start three or four more.
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  It's almost impossible to argue with people like this.
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  It's almost impossible to get accountability from toxic,
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  narcissistic people who want to use this technique.
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  It is y'all because you keep having to try to put the main
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  fire out. Like you started spraying water
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  on this fire. Bring it back.
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  Bring the hose back to the original fire.
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  Because that's the only way this workshop, Because if you let
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  them successfully distract you, they'll just keep doing it time
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  and time again if it works. But if it work, if it's worked
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  before, you know they'll keep doing it again.
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  Why wouldn't they? You see what I'm saying, Why
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  wouldn't they? Because they know that even if
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  they're bringing up stuff that does not matter or does not,
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  that does not pertain to the main issue that you have.
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  It doesn't matter. They've talked enough.
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  If other people are witnessing this, if y'all are arguing in
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  front of some people, if you were trying to handle this in
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  front of a group of people, other people don't know who's
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  right or who's wrong because they're talking now.
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  They're making it seem like you're being abusive because
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  you're not listening to their problems or their grievances,
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  right? But you know, the big deal, you
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  know, the big issue, you know the main issue, You cheated.
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  You know what I mean? So let's you know you cheated,
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  so let's handle the cheating. You lied to me, so let's handle
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  the lie. It's very difficult to maneuver
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  back and get the attention right here.
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  Y'all. So you have to stay like if the
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  facts are on your side, stick to the facts.
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  Stick to the facts. If you have evidence, present
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  said evidence. So if you like I said this is
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  only like y'all. This is only to get to true the
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  truth. Sometimes you know because most
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  narcissists are not going to want to tell you the truth.
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  Because the truth does not benefit most narcissists.
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  Let's keep it hide. Let's keep it hide and ready.
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  The truth is not beneficial to most narcissistic people.
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  That's why they are lying to you.
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  You know you have to unless you can.
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  Unless you have an excuse, a way to put, unless you are like you
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  know, you ever seen Spider Man, Doc, Octopus, Doctor, OC who had
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  the eight arms. Unless you have 8 arms to be
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  able to put out every fire at once.
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  Unless you have one thing that can wipe out all the fires, you
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  have to divert attention back to the main fire.
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  You know what I'm saying? You have to bring the attention
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  back here to what's actually going on, you know, because if
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  you don't you just have to go to that main issue like we will
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  address the other ones later. But the main issue, the main
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  grievance, is this. Right here, you know, unless you
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  have one thing, one dynamic, one thing that you can say that will
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  encompass all of this, then it's best to try to divert attention
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  back to the main issue. Will this be successful?
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  Probably. Most times it might not be
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  successful. Y'all.
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  It's hard to have an argument with a narcissist who is dead
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  set or anybody for that instance who is dead set on avoiding
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  accountability, that is dead set on avoiding talking about the
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  issue that is dead set on maneuvering past this.
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  They're dead set on doing a lot of different things other than
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  sitting here talking to you and taking accountability.
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  You know what I'm saying? They don't want to take
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  accountability because this sucks.
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  So if you'll notice, like I said, I'm pretty sure if you
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  look, if you've made it this far and you've experienced this
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  technique where narcissistic people just try to talk to you,
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  talk to you in circles, start other arguments, blame you or
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  whatever, put a little horse in the comment section.
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  Yeah, drop a little horse for the gallop.
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  Like the horse like little galloping gish because it's
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  called Gish gallop. You know, if you experience this
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  technique, So a narcissistic person who tried to use this on
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  you, this is one of the things that you can talk about right
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  here. This is one of the things that
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  like, hey, this is, this is Gish Gallop.
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  You know and this is if you're trying to explain this to some
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  of your friends or family members that are having a
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  trouble understanding how you got here or trying to, you know,
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  if you're trying to have a support system to talk to,
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  people have to understand this is the term you can use right
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  here. It's like good Gish Gallop
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  starting small fires. Look it up.
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  Resent this to them. This can help you.
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  Main This can help you maintain your sanity and understand that
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  it's just not you going through this.
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  A lot of narcissists do this same thing over and over again
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  because it's directly beneficial to them.
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  Why would I stop doing? Why would I stop doing something
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  that benefits me? That's the mindset of a lot of
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  narcissists right there. Y'all.
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