Latest / Privycast / Ep. 110 Mad about Tampons w/ Josh Wehrman (Privychat 24)

Transcript

Ep. 110 Mad about Tampons w/ Josh Wehrman (Privychat 24) · Privycast

0:31
>> Speaker A: The yappin is so dark. Yeah,
0:34
I thought about that, too.
0:37
It just comes in, and it's just you and I
0:40
sitting in here, lit by our phones.
0:43
>> Speaker B: Are you guys sharing that one can of root beer or.
0:45
>> Speaker A: I see you guys have one can of you. You have one
0:48
can of root beer and two microphones,
0:51
and none of that should really ever
0:54
enter the toilet to.
0:55
>> Speaker B: Uh, root beer can ratio is one to one.
0:58
So you tell me.
1:00
>> Speaker A: It's perfect, as far as I'm concerned.
1:02
Welcome back to privy. Privy is a
1:05
podcast about bathrooms recorded
1:09
this week. I
1:12
am so far off location this week
1:14
that, um, we might be
1:17
trespassing, question mark. I'm also joined, uh, by
1:20
a former guest of the show and friend of me,
1:23
Josh, uh, Worman. Josh, how we doing?
1:26
>> Speaker B: So good, so good. Love a good
1:29
porta potty. Yeah.
1:30
>> Speaker A: So, uh, we are air quotes on location
1:33
at the handicap, uh,
1:37
access, large porta potty,
1:40
I cannot stress.
1:42
Um, we have managed to both fit
1:44
plus a table, plus an extra chair, and I would argue we could
1:47
stick a third or fourth person in here, easy. Oh,
1:50
yeah.
1:51
>> Speaker B: You get one person standing behind the guardrail, we're in.
1:53
>> Speaker A: Yeah, there's like, a. Oh, that is not connected.
1:56
Okay.
1:57
>> Speaker B: Um, five people, then. Yeah.
2:01
>> Speaker A: Anyway, um, so we're fully in here.
2:03
Uh, both our wives know that we
2:06
are here, and,
2:08
um,
2:11
you were sharing a little bit about your wife's.
2:13
>> Speaker B: My wife informed me that if the police take us to jail,
2:16
I'm staying the night.
2:17
>> Speaker A: I don't think the police can take us to jail for this,
2:20
can they? No.
2:23
>> Speaker B: Okay, worst case scenario, we say, hey, we found
2:26
all this stuff in here when we were going to the bathroom.
2:28
>> Speaker A: No, worst case scenario, I would just be like, hey,
2:31
you're right. Like, you're right.
2:34
Give me five minutes, and I'll have everything out of
2:36
here, and it'll all be kosher.
2:39
I'm not doing drugs. I'm not killing
2:42
anyone. Yet. Wait,
2:48
dude. My luck would be they would
2:51
knock on the door and pop the door open, and then we
2:54
file out, and then they would search it, and somebody totally
2:57
dropped a bag of dope or something in here. That would
3:00
be our luck. Yeah. And then we get to explain to
3:03
our job at the high school. Hey, uh, we're not going to be there
3:05
tomorrow.
3:06
>> Speaker B: We were recording a podcast, and, uh, turns out
3:09
that seems like it's. People hide drugs in those.
3:11
>> Speaker A: Yeah, it seems like it's safe while we were in the Porta
3:14
potty. Well, I mean, that's dumb,
3:18
but it also doesn't seem bad. Oh,
3:21
we were on school property while we were in the Porta
3:24
potty. As grown adults,
3:27
it's not our strongest moment.
3:28
>> Speaker B: I'm not going to lie.
3:29
>> Speaker A: You know what I like to remind myself right now is that a
3:32
mere 1213 hours from now,
3:34
there's going to be a bunch of teenagers right outside. Oh,
3:37
yeah.
3:38
>> Speaker B: The best part would be like if somebody knocked, I would instantly
3:41
have nervous gas. This whole room would smell like
3:44
we just took a big old in here and it would just
3:46
be me fidgeting.
3:49
Hi.
3:52
>> Speaker A: Could you imagine somebody just like, because people
3:54
walk their dog around track. Could you imagine somebody just
3:57
walk it up and then just hear you and I in here?
4:00
>> Speaker B: Now we're going to get out and it's just going to be like six people
4:02
slow clapping, great podcast.
4:05
>> Speaker A: Or we're going to get out and there's going to be three police
4:08
cars facing the thing. Like,
4:11
put your hands, um, up. Yeah,
4:14
um, it's
4:18
wild. Well,
4:21
it's been over a year since you was
4:24
on the show. Um, yes. And in
4:27
that year,
4:31
well, we've spent a year together, but I would say
4:34
the last year has been a more concentrated year than
4:37
the previous one. Um,
4:40
for my.
4:45
Yeah, we've picked each other's kids up.
4:48
Picked each other's kids up from Disney.
4:50
>> Speaker B: Or plot
4:52
gameStop, dude.
4:54
>> Speaker A: Um, I was trying to explain to the
4:57
teens tonight at church of all places,
5:00
like my thing with Disney, and they all stared at me
5:03
like I was a complete buffoon. They were like,
5:06
they just looked at me. Yeah, but they just looked at me
5:09
like one of them said, you're
5:11
old. And then I tried to
5:14
also explain to them how YouTube
5:17
started and they kind of understood what
5:20
I was saying, but they were also kind of like,
5:22
what do you mean?
5:24
>> Speaker B: You mean it's an app? Before the
5:26
app, it was on the website, dude, you
5:29
had to type in Www to get to use.
5:32
>> Speaker A: What's a website? Do you mean my
5:34
app? Because I have an app for everything,
5:37
but I just want to hit kids. It's like, hey, you know
5:40
McDonald's has a website, right?
5:41
>> Speaker B: No, what's a website? What's an app? No, you just
5:44
download.
5:45
>> Speaker A: Yeah, no, they have an app.
5:46
>> Speaker B: No, they have a website at the window partner. And they scan
5:48
it.
5:49
>> Speaker A: Um, and
5:52
last we recorded,
5:57
you shared a bit. Not a lot, but, uh, just a little quick
6:00
check in. How has your life been with the diapering? Has
6:03
the diapering increased? Are we trending
6:05
towards less diapering in your life with the children?
6:08
>> Speaker B: It's consistent. Consistent for the last
6:11
six years it's just been one diaper after another.
6:14
Every time I think we're done, there's another baby, more
6:17
diaper. I mean, you should be out of.
6:19
>> Speaker A: The woods with the baby thing.
6:20
>> Speaker B: One would think.
6:22
>> Speaker A: Well, one would hope as well.
6:24
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, a
6:27
vasectomy only goes one of two ways. Yeah.
6:29
>> Speaker A: And you haven't committed to go test
6:32
it, so you're working with
6:35
a lot of question marks.
6:37
>> Speaker B: Yeah, it's like playing russian roulette.
6:39
Just going for it, see what happens.
6:44
>> Speaker A: Yeah, that doesn't
6:46
usually end well. Or it does sometimes.
6:50
Surprise. Kids are the best kids.
6:53
>> Speaker B: I don't know. Two out of three of mine were surprised.
6:59
>> Speaker A: But the important thing is that you never identify which
7:01
two. That way, they'll always think it's not them.
7:04
>> Speaker B: First and third.
7:05
>> Speaker A: Okay.
7:07
>> Speaker B: Second. Uh, one was planned.
7:10
I like her least. No, I'm just kidding.
7:13
>> Speaker A: Oh, man, that's so funny, dude. Your kids are
7:16
awesome, though. Um,
7:20
as always, feel free. It's getting gradually
7:23
darker. Yeah, it is. Feel free. As always, if
7:26
you, as we are going, come up with, uh,
7:28
just. I have a bathroom story, and you might have a new one or
7:31
one that you thought of after. Stop
7:34
me at any time.
7:35
>> Speaker B: So I'm going to stop you there.
7:36
>> Speaker A: Perfect.
7:37
>> Speaker B: So today, fun transition.
7:40
My kids in the bedroom just playing. And
7:43
I go in to check on. I'm like, hey, Gabriel, what are
7:46
you doing? And I hear music, and the music is,
7:49
we poop when we pee. We poop when we pee. But
7:52
not the other way. Or, no, I'm sorry. We pee when
7:54
we poop. We pee when we poop, but not the other way. Stating.
7:57
And it was his Alexa.
7:59
>> Speaker A: Oh, he's like, playing it.
8:01
>> Speaker B: It's Alexa playing music. And that is the m
8:04
music. Lyrics of the music coming out. I said, gabriel, what
8:07
are you doing? And he goes, I just asked Alexa
8:10
to play songs about pooping. And I said, all right,
8:13
bud.
8:13
>> Speaker A: Your kids fun. Kids are so fun.
8:15
>> Speaker B: He's just in the bedroom with his sister, playing
8:18
Legos, listening to songs about poop.
8:21
>> Speaker A: Building memories, just making memories with the
8:24
sister.
8:24
>> Speaker B: He's like, what are we doing? And he just looked at me like,
8:27
sometimes you need a song about poop.
8:30
What do you want, dad?
8:31
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, dude. My son.
8:34
We went up to this men's thing out in the
8:37
woods yesterday with the church guys, but
8:40
they had this rope swing, which I don't do
8:42
heights, and I'm impervious
8:45
to peer pressure. Like, it doesn't work. And there was
8:48
definitely being peer pressure, like Cutter's got to get on this. Uh, and
8:51
it's not happening. Friends. Like, it's just not happening. But my
8:54
son,
8:58
it is an improvement. But my son,
9:01
he says my dad would be the
9:04
biggest lunchbox on that swing if he got on it. And
9:06
I'm like, you turd
9:09
my dad. You're like a big lunchbox. I'm
9:12
like, where do you hear
9:14
this? Dang it,
9:17
kid. You little rascal. Um, yeah, kids are
9:20
wild. Um, so I have a
9:23
number of new questions that are, like, round
9:26
two.
9:26
>> Speaker B: Uh, bring it.
9:28
>> Speaker A: And some that are a little specific, that are specific
9:31
to you as you relate to life in the
9:34
school. Um, and I don't remember if I asked
9:37
you this last time. I may have. You might have been right at the
9:40
cusp.
9:40
>> Speaker B: My answers may have changed.
9:43
>> Speaker A: The question is, do you ever have a
9:45
snack in the shower? Um, I
9:48
think you may have said something about pizza.
9:51
>> Speaker B: So I have had pizza in the shower.
9:55
It's not a go to snack. Gets a little
9:57
moist.
9:58
>> Speaker A: That's a wet slice.
9:59
>> Speaker B: Um, and it's been a long time since I
10:02
had pizza when, um, watermelon is good,
10:05
and you can get a good piece of watermelon.
10:08
Nothing wrong with a good piece of watermelon.
10:11
Um, strawberries. I
10:14
can't eat strawberries. And you know that this is an
10:17
emotional topic for me, and I don't need to get into
10:19
it.
10:23
Um, babe, he said he was going.
10:25
>> Speaker A: To be nice, and he wasn't.
10:29
>> Speaker B: It's fine. Whatever. Yeah. Um, anything in a
10:31
can. A root beer. Which,
10:34
on another note. Yeah, root beer in
10:37
a porta potty. Not a
10:40
bad move. Not a bad move.
10:42
>> Speaker A: I didn't get my life organized enough to have the polar seltzer
10:45
tonight. Uh, I just didn't, um.
10:48
I had a prime energy or a prime
10:50
Gatorade, uh, thing in
10:53
the shower yesterday. The bottle is
10:56
different. Something about that metal can that feels right.
10:59
>> Speaker B: Uh, it gets a little condensation on the outside, and you're like,
11:02
whoa. Yeah, sometimes, um, just hits
11:05
right.
11:06
>> Speaker A: It does hit very well. Um, yeah,
11:08
I definitely think that you've been here before, so we're going
11:11
to get into it. Have you
11:14
ever tasted deodorant?
11:17
>> Speaker B: Have I tasted deodorant?
11:22
Not intentionally, I think.
11:24
>> Speaker A: Well, then how did you accidentally. I mean, if
11:27
you say you licked your wife's armpit, I'm going to be pissed.
11:29
>> Speaker B: No, I've never licked my wife's armpit. Might
11:32
be something to try that. Okay. Uh, no, but
11:35
it's not.
11:37
>> Speaker A: It can't be.
11:38
>> Speaker B: No, I can't say that I've ever,
11:40
like, your kids are going to maybe one day.
11:44
Dad, what happened to mom's
11:46
armpit?
11:48
>> Speaker A: How come your armpits have hair and moms don't
11:51
touch her? Is it because you lick mom's
11:53
armpits? Oh, my gosh. Also, don't
11:56
throw your head back too far. You're going to like, hand
11:58
sanitizer, jizz your shoulder, and it's going to be bad.
12:01
>> Speaker B: It's fine. Just rub it all in.
12:02
>> Speaker A: Cooper's own is going to be all.
12:04
>> Speaker B: Over your back inside of a Porta potty right now. It can't
12:06
hurt me.
12:07
>> Speaker A: You're going to get a little Cooper's own all down your back.
12:10
>> Speaker B: Uh, hot Cooper's
12:13
own? Yeah.
12:14
>> Speaker A: What brand? Yeah.
12:15
>> Speaker B: Anyway, it says hand sanitizer. Um, maybe
12:18
that's the brand. Cooper's own.
12:20
>> Speaker A: But you've accidentally.
12:22
>> Speaker B: I don't want to say accidentally.
12:27
When you're a kid, when you're in high school
12:30
aged area and you go to parks and you play
12:33
basketball and stuff, there's always the guy that's got
12:35
like, I'm going to take my shirt off and play.
12:38
It's the summer and I need to show everyone how swole
12:41
I am. Yeah, I imagine there was a time where I got an
12:44
armpit to the face or something and then some sweat ran
12:47
down, but nothing that I can.
12:50
Indirect? Yeah, indirect, for sure. Would you
12:53
ever, like, just like a candy
12:55
bar? Yeah.
12:56
>> Speaker A: Because people have done that.
12:58
>> Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it would have to be like a specific scenario.
13:01
Like, hey, I'm not taking a bite of old spice.
13:03
>> Speaker A: Like a triple dog. Dare you. Would you do it?
13:07
I'm not triple dog. I don't have deodorant on me.
13:09
>> Speaker B: On a budget deodorant? Yeah, probably. But, like, a high end
13:12
deodorant. I'm not taking a bite of old spice. Too
13:14
expensive. Old spice is too expensive. It's like $4
13:17
a stick now, man.
13:18
>> Speaker A: Oh, dog 2023. Hey, this might be too
13:21
much information, and she might be pissed for me asking, but what in
13:24
the heck is Kayla spreading under armpits? Because my
13:27
wife has some deodorant that's like $9 a.
13:31
>> Speaker B: It's Kayla's way too cheap for that.
13:34
>> Speaker A: And it's because it's, like, all natural and it doesn't have all the
13:37
weird stuff that clogs your pores.
13:39
>> Speaker B: I think it's just, like, secret or dove. One of the. Oh, uh,
13:42
flashlights are going on.
13:43
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure the flashlight on.
13:45
>> Speaker B: We're getting dark. It's getting dark.
13:48
>> Speaker A: The only other hope that we have is we can always prop the door
13:51
with the extra chair.
13:52
>> Speaker B: That's true.
13:54
>> Speaker A: Little peek for safety. We're fine.
13:56
>> Speaker B: No homeless people yet.
13:59
>> Speaker A: You're sleeping in my home. Dang it.
14:02
>> Speaker B: I'll fight you for it. Oh, if a homeless person threatens
14:05
to fight us, I'm probably going to just.
14:07
>> Speaker A: I'm probably going to give him a $20 bill and say you didn't see
14:09
anything.
14:10
>> Speaker B: Go away.
14:10
>> Speaker A: Go to McDonald's. How about this? I'm going to give you
14:13
$10. I'll see you in 45 minutes.
14:15
>> Speaker B: And I'm going to say, I'm going to let him give you $10. I'm going to sit right
14:18
here unless you get aggressive. I'm a hugger,
14:21
not a fighter. And, uh, we're not hugging. Uh,
14:25
no. It's probably, like, secret
14:28
or dove or one of the
14:31
standard.
14:32
>> Speaker A: So have I ever told you my thing?
14:35
>> Speaker B: No. Okay, well, what thing?
14:38
>> Speaker A: The deodorant thing.
14:39
>> Speaker B: I know you've taken a bite.
14:40
>> Speaker A: Yeah. So it was one of those, like, $910
14:43
sticks because it was, like, yummy
14:46
smelling.
14:47
>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. You got to try it.
14:48
>> Speaker A: And so my thought was, it has to be.
14:50
>> Speaker B: If it's nontoxic, you might as well try.
14:52
>> Speaker A: It's all natural. That's why I went for it.
14:54
>> Speaker B: Why not?
14:54
>> Speaker A: I couldn't swallow it.
14:56
>> Speaker B: Oh. Little chalky.
14:57
>> Speaker A: No, it turns to just
15:00
straight oil scent in your
15:02
mouth, and then you're, like, smelling your
15:05
own. I don't know. It's awful.
15:09
Absolutely, um, terrible. Uh,
15:14
so it made me want to throw up. Speaking of which,
15:16
have you ever been thrown up on? Like, has anyone
15:19
thrown up on you other than your kids spitting up? That does not
15:22
count.
15:23
>> Speaker B: Does it count if my kids have full on thrown
15:26
up?
15:26
>> Speaker A: Absolutely.
15:27
>> Speaker B: Um,
15:30
no.
15:32
>> Speaker A: Does it count if my kids threw up? But it
15:34
still hasn't happened. You've never had anybody throw up on you ever?
15:37
>> Speaker B: Not that I can really. Even. Like, when you were firefighting
15:40
and stuff.
15:41
>> Speaker A: I feel like there had to been someone, like, someone had a stroke.
15:44
>> Speaker B: Someone threw up on my shoe, but it's not. Yeah,
15:47
but it wasn't to feel good about, uh,
15:50
it's like, uh.
15:52
>> Speaker A: You son of a gun, let me.
15:53
>> Speaker B: Borrow your water bottle to just pour a little off real
15:55
quick.
15:57
>> Speaker A: So I only wear cloth shoes. It's kind of
15:59
like, well, as a.
16:01
>> Speaker B: Firefighter, you have to wear the boots. Like the
16:04
head. Ah.
16:05
>> Speaker A: You know, it'd be funny if you just came in with, like, fur topped
16:08
boots as a firefighter one day.
16:10
>> Speaker B: Uggs pair of uggs. You just walk, rolling around with full
16:13
turnout. Your ugg boots, your mask.
16:16
>> Speaker A: What's that, boys?
16:16
>> Speaker B: And you're just like, hey, slide down.
16:18
>> Speaker A: The pole with your ugg boots on.
16:19
>> Speaker B: You mean you didn't wear your uggs to the fire? What are you even
16:22
doing? We live in Oregon. It's raining
16:25
and cold.
16:26
>> Speaker A: I can be whatever I want here. It's the land of make
16:28
believe.
16:30
Um. So dumb.
16:33
Um, have you ever thrown up on someone?
16:37
>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. My poor mother.
16:39
>> Speaker A: As a kid. How about as an adult? You ever hit your wife with
16:42
one?
16:43
>> Speaker B: No.
16:43
>> Speaker A: Because do you guys not deal with vomit?
16:47
>> Speaker B: Kayla does. Okay.
16:48
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
16:48
>> Speaker B: Uh oh. No, I'm lying.
16:51
I am totally lying.
16:53
>> Speaker A: Everybody has a vomit story.
16:54
>> Speaker B: Picked up Gabriel from preschool driving over the overpass
16:57
on Pacific. Had to pull in. He's like, dad, I
17:00
don't feel good. I'm like, okay, pull
17:03
over. Human being at home furniture. Everyone
17:06
knows the parking lot. Pull in, open up
17:09
the door. My dude turns his face right
17:12
down the front of my shirt. Okay, there was
17:15
that one. That was a couple of years ago, though, and completely
17:17
forgot about that. But my pickup smells
17:20
so bad for, like.
17:22
>> Speaker A: Is it the one you have now still?
17:24
>> Speaker B: Yes.
17:25
>> Speaker A: What do we got?
17:25
>> Speaker B: We got a spider coming down from right here.
17:29
Okay, sorry. Oh,
17:32
it's dead. It's dead.
17:33
>> Speaker A: Kill confirmed.
17:34
>> Speaker B: Anyways, um, we've got.
17:36
>> Speaker A: I thought it was a yellow jacket. I thought, dude, I was getting ready to
17:39
upturn this whole table to get out of here.
17:41
>> Speaker B: I wish it would have been a beer yellow jacket or
17:44
something.
17:45
>> Speaker A: Cute, but, um, totally defecated.
17:48
>> Speaker B: Definitely my pickup I have right now.
17:50
Um, uh, had to take everything
17:53
out. Had to spray the whole thing down with disinfectant.
17:56
And it smelled. I rolled, what? Middle
17:59
of, like, November.
18:02
And I'm driving with all four windows down.
18:05
It's just pouring down rain. My sleeves wet. I'm like, it's
18:08
puke. Or driving the rain.
18:09
>> Speaker A: The rain is helping wash.
18:10
>> Speaker B: The smell of puke is almost worse than puke.
18:13
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
18:14
>> Speaker B: It's just so.
18:15
>> Speaker A: Agree.
18:15
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, as far as me
18:18
wet. No, Kayla handles it better than
18:21
I do.
18:22
>> Speaker A: Really?
18:22
>> Speaker B: Um, but when she pukes,
18:25
you would never know. It's just this quiet.
18:28
>> Speaker A: Oh, really?
18:29
>> Speaker B: Like, super quiet. She's just like, hey, I don't
18:32
feel good. I'll be back in a few minutes. Me, I'm the
18:35
hike. The house shakes. Yeah, you've heard me.
18:37
Like, that's how it is. But ten
18:40
times louder.
18:41
>> Speaker A: That's how Anna is. Like, a violent
18:44
vomiter. Yeah, she'll love that.
18:46
>> Speaker B: I've said that. Yeah, I'm aggressive. My
18:49
whole body hurts because I have been
18:52
bear hugging the toilet for. And
18:55
it's never like a quick thing for me. Like a one and done. It's
18:58
like, no, we're going to spend an hour here, and every couple of minutes
19:01
we're just going to go for it. Yeah, I hate it.
19:03
>> Speaker A: But hey, uh, yes,
19:06
if I'm vomiting, things have gone very bad
19:09
because I will go to the end of the earth to not. Yeah,
19:12
I hate it. The people that are like, oh, if you just
19:15
throw up, you'll feel better. I can't get
19:18
behind that.
19:18
>> Speaker B: I'm like, let's just get it done. Like, I'm in the bathroom hyping
19:21
myself up. Like, come on, let's go. Just get it done.
19:24
>> Speaker A: So quick. 20 minutes. Check in here. What's
19:27
the smell doing for you in this Porta potty right now?
19:29
>> Speaker B: You know, it's not bad.
19:31
>> Speaker A: It's not bad, but it
19:34
exists.
19:34
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but, like, I'm drinking a root beer. How much
19:37
can the smell?
19:38
>> Speaker A: I'm also sitting on top of it.
19:42
I did put the lid down. I was a little worried when I pulled
19:45
up. That's why I brought the extra chair, because I was like, if there's not a lid,
19:47
like a seat lid, we're just sitting.
19:51
I said, I'm freaking doing a chair. There's no way.
19:54
>> Speaker B: Definitely particle particles floating around. Uh, the.
19:56
>> Speaker A: There's definitely a lake of crap
19:59
because I looked and there's defoe a bunch
20:02
there. Oh, yeah. Um, but you can't go into porta.
20:04
>> Speaker B: Potty and not look. No, it's like a
20:07
rule. You go in, you look.
20:09
>> Speaker A: Do you ever look at your poop at home?
20:11
>> Speaker B: Oh, every time. Every time.
20:13
>> Speaker A: So do you get frustrated
20:15
when you go to look, but you've used
20:18
so much paper that you can't see the turd? That pisses
20:21
me off.
20:22
>> Speaker B: Yes. I'm pretty solid, so it doesn't
20:25
happen often. The one that really.
20:27
>> Speaker A: Well, what does solid have to do with anything?
20:32
>> Speaker B: They're not little logs here. That's what
20:35
pisses me off, though. Oh, when you've got to work for
20:38
one and then you turn around to look and you're just
20:40
like, it's just.
20:41
>> Speaker A: A little rabbit dropping.
20:42
>> Speaker B: What is that? Uh, I'm almost mad. I'm like, I'm going to sit
20:45
back down until this is done properly.
20:48
>> Speaker A: I'm going to stretch this time just in case that's what happened.
20:51
>> Speaker B: Yeah. And it's like an irrational anger. Like, I'll walk out of the bathroom,
20:54
and people are like, you good? Leave me alone.
20:57
It was a bad time. Why?
21:02
>> Speaker A: So this is a question.
21:05
>> Speaker B: Just dive in. What are we doing here?
21:07
>> Speaker A: It's kind of a philosophical thing, and it's not
21:10
on this. Do you think your turd
21:13
is tapered on the end because your
21:16
butthole slams shut
21:18
and it's like, that's the effect? Or is the
21:21
turd tapered by design
21:24
to help keep your butthole from
21:27
slamming shut?
21:28
>> Speaker B: So I think what I
21:30
believe is that.
21:32
>> Speaker A: What do you believe? You know how when you got, like.
21:35
>> Speaker B: You'Re at, like, a sizzler or you're at like, yeah,
21:38
you're working the McFlurry machine or
21:41
whatever, and how at the end it's kind of just that you're putting
21:44
it back and it's just a slow cut off? Yeah,
21:46
I think it's like that. I like to think of it like that.
21:49
>> Speaker A: So it's kind of tapered by design.
21:51
>> Speaker B: Yeah, it's peaceful. It's just like a
21:54
slow finish.
21:55
>> Speaker A: I'm convinced that my whole. You're
21:58
fine. Like I said, the little
22:00
vibrates are so much better than the normal sounds that happen
22:03
in a porta potty.
22:05
>> Speaker B: Uh, yeah, that's pretty true,
22:08
dude, how.
22:08
>> Speaker A: Funny would it be if, like, kids are just coming to
22:11
school and there's just somebody in here just screaming
22:14
one out? Just like, it's parent
22:17
drop off and some homeless dudes in here just like,
22:20
get out.
22:21
>> Speaker B: Get out.
22:22
>> Speaker A: Void me.
22:27
This is a question for the ladies. But a lot
22:30
of ladies that are like,
22:33
yeah, I'm just jonesing to get on a show about
22:36
bathrooms.
22:36
>> Speaker B: We live in Oregon. There's no such thing as ladies. Everybody is what they want
22:39
to be.
22:40
>> Speaker A: It's the land of make believe.
22:42
Uh, do you think women
22:45
do? Okay, I think it
22:47
varies. But when women poop
22:50
and they are on their period, do you think
22:53
they have to change their tampon every time?
23:00
Okay, so your son has the music in his
23:03
room. Every time you poo is a pee time. But
23:06
not every pee time is a poo time.
23:07
>> Speaker B: Yes.
23:08
>> Speaker A: So, by that logic, to me, if you've got a
23:11
thing yanked up your zone and you go to poop,
23:14
it's going to come out.
23:15
>> Speaker B: You got to think, you got to change it. Right?
23:17
>> Speaker A: Right. So my question to
23:20
women, and if there's any women out
23:23
there that are going to hear this, which I know that that doesn't
23:26
exist, but, um, if you hear this and you're like, I want to set the
23:29
record straight. Set the record straight.
23:32
But if a woman had diarrhea. We're going
23:34
through.
23:39
>> Speaker B: So, so related to.
23:40
>> Speaker A: That here in the state of Oregon, in our beloved state,
23:44
uh, our beloved
23:47
governor, um, has passed a nonsense that
23:50
says that we got to put tampons and maxi pads in
23:53
every bathroom that children use. Lady
23:55
Da. Um, regardless of whether or not
23:58
they have the equipment on their body to need those
24:01
products or want those
24:04
products, whatever. Um, so
24:09
I want to get your pulse because you work at the school and I know where
24:12
my pulse is at. How do you think that's going?
24:19
>> Speaker B: Well, one of them
24:22
had all of them pulled out and stuffed into
24:25
one toilet. Yeah, I know that. One of them was
24:28
ripped off the wall and taken away completely.
24:30
Um, one of them.
24:32
>> Speaker A: Wait, do you mean that our adults
24:35
in training, teenagers, didn't handle this
24:38
responsibly and they didn't say, I love
24:40
this gender confirming thing?
24:43
>> Speaker B: Yes, the male population at the high school level
24:46
did not enjoy it. Well, no, they enjoyed it, but they
24:48
enjoyed it in a different way than I think was intended. Um,
24:52
soaking them in a toilet or in a sink and
24:55
using them as a dodgeball is one way that they
24:58
enjoyed it. Uh,
25:02
um, hanging the holder.
25:05
>> Speaker A: Good move.
25:05
>> Speaker B: On a wall. And using
25:08
the, uh, items as a basketball in the
25:10
hallway.
25:14
You just kind of added a
25:16
new toy for all these high school boys.
25:20
>> Speaker A: If you are in charge of the department of
25:22
education in the state of Oregon right now.
25:25
Um, hi. I know you don't listen.
25:28
Frig off. Um, you should be pissed
25:31
at your governor right now because
25:34
I, uh, imagine you have to have gotten some complaints.
25:37
And, yeah, it's bedlam out
25:40
here.
25:40
>> Speaker B: Oh, boy. The men's referrals have been
25:43
written. Let's just call it
25:45
referrals. Many have been written.
25:48
>> Speaker A: Yeah, the almighty
25:51
referral.
25:52
>> Speaker B: Who doesn't want to go bowling with a bunch of tampons from the
25:54
boys bathroom? You know, a sentence that
25:57
should never.
25:58
>> Speaker A: Be a sentence that someone not from here is going to hear
26:01
and go, maybe that is make believe.
26:03
>> Speaker B: Like, not make believe.
26:06
This is our one bit.
26:08
>> Speaker A: This is our reality.
26:09
>> Speaker B: Um, Logan Paul and Jake Paul would
26:12
be happy.
26:12
>> Speaker A: I don't know who Jake Paul is. He is the other Paul.
26:15
>> Speaker B: The other Paul brother, uh, would be more than
26:18
happy to know that their prime bottles are being used as
26:21
tampon. Bowling ball.
26:25
>> Speaker A: You. Hey, gentlemen. Or gentle whatevers you
26:28
are. I don't know what you are. Um, to my
26:31
knowledge, you got red, green, blue, and I
26:34
think you got, like, a tricolor thing.
26:36
>> Speaker B: There's a white one.
26:37
>> Speaker A: There's a white one. But what I'm noticing is that you haven't hit the
26:40
full spectrum color of the rainbow. And out here in
26:42
Oregon, I'm here to tell you,
26:44
um, you're not being informed
26:47
about people's whatever.
26:48
>> Speaker B: If you get a rainbow bottle, though, bet your sales
26:51
go up double.
26:53
>> Speaker A: Well, only if you do it right, because target,
26:56
like, oh, here we go. The QAnon people are
26:59
going to flood.
26:59
>> Speaker B: Out of the bushes to come.
27:01
>> Speaker A: Did I hear somebody say something bad about target?
27:04
But, like, target tried the whole. And Budweiser, Bud
27:06
lighter. Whoever it was tried the whole, like,
27:12
pride thing.
27:13
>> Speaker B: We have a door check.
27:14
>> Speaker A: Yeah, let's do a door check. That, uh, vehicle
27:17
sounded close. It is incredibly dark. Yeah, we're
27:20
good. We're good. Oh, man, this is getting sketchier and
27:23
sketchier by the minute. It's so dark
27:25
outside.
27:26
>> Speaker B: It's 711, and we are sitting in a
27:29
porta potty lit by the.
27:31
>> Speaker A: I kid you not, two cell phone lights
27:34
and the faint glow of red from my
27:36
recorder.
27:37
>> Speaker B: Uh, and our
27:40
happiness times are good right now. Times are good.
27:43
Hey, we got one root beer can.
27:45
>> Speaker A: We got one root beer. Uh, I did kill a
27:48
spider. Hey,
27:51
we're fully stocked on toilet paper, though.
27:53
Wait.
27:56
>> Speaker B: Single fly.
27:58
>> Speaker A: That's better than the crap they have at our school to
28:00
wipe stack.
28:01
>> Speaker B: That is better. That's good.
28:04
>> Speaker A: That is not bad.
28:05
>> Speaker B: That is double. Is this a honey pot?
28:07
>> Speaker A: No. If it was a honey pot, I would have already taken a picture.
28:09
>> Speaker B: Honey bucket.
28:10
>> Speaker A: If it was a honey bucket, I would have been all over it. I'm trying to win a
28:13
Porta potty from honey bucket right now. If you work for
28:15
honey bucket, shout at me, because I would love to have one of
28:18
your very good pot to do this in
28:21
regularly. Um, I'm going
28:24
to give you a promise, honey bucket. If I get a
28:26
honey bucket from you, I will never take a crap in it.
28:29
It'll be the cleanest honey bucket on the face of the earth
28:32
because I intend to make it a recording
28:35
studio.
28:37
>> Speaker B: Best recording studio ever. We could buy the
28:40
heaters from the hanging
28:42
wall. Heaters.
28:43
>> Speaker A: We just make this a regular.
28:45
>> Speaker B: Yep.
28:46
>> Speaker A: What's going on? Well, it's Sunday night. Josh and Hunter
28:49
are in the middle school Porta potty
28:52
recording again.
28:55
>> Speaker B: Can we get these two their own? Um, Porta potty,
28:58
please? Yeah.
28:59
>> Speaker A: Hey, honey bucket, if you care at.
29:01
>> Speaker B: All, they're weirding out the homeless people.
29:03
>> Speaker A: You will help us not have to do this.
29:07
We both have families. There's a
29:10
lot on the line here. Uh, but no,
29:13
this tampon in the bathroom thing, it's one of those
29:16
things where, like, as an adult, I know they exist.
29:19
Actually, a question for you. When was the first time you had to
29:22
interact with tampons in life as a male
29:25
person because you
29:28
have a sister? Never
29:30
mind. Uh, I made a really terrible
29:33
error.
29:34
>> Speaker B: Uh, no,
29:36
I never interacted with them, with her
29:40
because when was the first.
29:41
>> Speaker A: Time you saw one?
29:44
>> Speaker B: I don't know, man. The store.
29:47
But other than that. M. It was a store, dude. I
29:50
remember they sell tampons in the store.
29:53
>> Speaker A: I never went over there.
29:55
>> Speaker B: I mean, you got to walk by it.
29:56
>> Speaker A: No, my life was so different.
29:59
Like, when I went to Walmart, I ran to the video
30:02
games, and I was in the video games, and
30:05
my mom shopped the store until she got to the video game
30:08
aisle, at which point she picked me up.
30:10
>> Speaker B: Yeah. So I forget you're from, like, a town of
30:13
30 people.
30:15
>> Speaker A: They had a, um,
30:19
here in Oregon, someone's going to drug
30:22
you in the butt and then do something else in the
30:25
butt with you.
30:27
>> Speaker B: Spank you in the butt.
30:31
That has never been my experience.
30:32
>> Speaker A: I hope not.
30:33
>> Speaker B: I hope not. No, I would
30:36
say it was probably. I don't know. I
30:39
bought my wife tampons one time.
30:42
>> Speaker A: Before you were married?
30:43
>> Speaker B: Yeah. I was running to the store, and she was like, hey,
30:47
was it weird? No, but
30:49
it's whatever.
30:51
>> Speaker A: You and I are so different.
30:53
>> Speaker B: It's whatever.
30:54
>> Speaker A: So I remember 8th grade, somebody like this girl,
30:57
Becca harden. Sorry, Becca.
30:59
>> Speaker B: Shouts out Becca.
30:59
>> Speaker A: Yes. Sorry, Becca.
31:02
Um, people were very mean to her, which
31:04
sucks, because to my knowledge, she's a very nice person.
31:07
Um, I was never mean to her.
31:10
Becca. Never mind. We're not talking to
31:13
you. But I remember she walked by this kid on the bus.
31:16
He, like, unzipped her bag, and all of her tampons
31:19
fell out on the bus. And I remember just being
31:21
like. People were laughing, and I didn't understand the
31:24
joke.
31:25
>> Speaker B: What are they?
31:26
>> Speaker A: And then it wasn't until, like, five years later that I found out
31:29
what those were. Yes.
31:31
That was after I turned 18 and came to
31:34
Oregon. Um, I found out what
31:37
they were. Yeah. I also didn't find out
31:40
how many holes a woman, uh, has
31:43
until, like, I was probably
31:45
2019 or 20.
31:50
>> Speaker B: Okay.
31:56
>> Speaker A: I was in college, uh,
31:59
I was in college in a dorm room, and my buddy
32:02
had an anatomy textbook, and we were all looking
32:05
at it, and he went, huh? I said, what? He goes,
32:08
it's actually two.
32:09
>> Speaker B: It's actually two.
32:10
>> Speaker A: And I went, what do you mean? And I looked and I went, oh, my
32:13
gosh. I thought they just peed out. They're the
32:15
same. Did
32:18
I? And I'm pretty sure Anna responded the same
32:21
way you did, which was just laughter. Like, how? And it's like
32:24
the short answer is religion and the long
32:26
answer is Montana education.
32:32
We're teaching them how to be adults.
32:35
Um, yeah, but no.
32:40
>> Speaker B: Why are we.
32:41
>> Speaker A: Talking so much about tampons? You're like, I don't
32:44
know, dog. It's your thing.
32:45
>> Speaker B: Have them hanging on a wall in our school.
32:47
>> Speaker A: In the men's staff bathroom, too.
32:50
>> Speaker B: It's just like, I can't go to the bathroom without running into
32:52
tampons.
32:53
>> Speaker A: That's what I was going to go with, is like,
32:56
I know I did not, other than Becca's in 8th grade, which,
32:59
that was a total fluke. But if that hadn't happened, I would
33:02
have never interacted with these products until I was well
33:05
into. And,
33:08
like, now pretty much, uh, they have them
33:11
in our bathroom at the elementary school.
33:14
In the gym bathroom.
33:17
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
33:18
>> Speaker A: And it's like, so now, like first grade, you go to the bathroom
33:20
during gym class. What's that?
33:23
Oh, that's a tampon.
33:25
>> Speaker B: Well, what's that?
33:26
>> Speaker A: Well, I don't know. I don't want a teacher
33:29
explaining that to my kid.
33:31
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I wouldn't want that, but,
33:34
yeah, I wouldn't want that. This is
33:37
how. Join us.
33:40
>> Speaker A: Yeah, join us.
33:41
M so
33:44
I know the answer, but I have to ask it.
33:47
How do you feel about using your phone on the toilet?
33:50
>> Speaker B: I got no problem with it. Particle particles everywhere. But, like, they're
33:53
everywhere.
33:53
>> Speaker A: What about taking a call or making a call on the toilet?
33:56
>> Speaker B: I think you and I have had a call on the toilet.
33:58
>> Speaker A: That's right.
33:59
>> Speaker B: Same toilet but different toilets while both on the
34:02
toilet.
34:03
>> Speaker A: I think that's true.
34:04
>> Speaker B: Um, yeah, I've definitely talked to you while
34:07
pooping before. Yeah,
34:10
but I mean,
34:13
you almost can't count you, though, because it's like
34:16
I've been pooping at work and you've come in to go
34:18
pee, and we've had conversations.
34:22
>> Speaker A: You're like, for the love of God, leave me alone.
34:25
>> Speaker B: And I'm like, hey, is that you?
34:27
Who is that?
34:30
>> Speaker A: One day I was pooping and you came
34:32
in and I totally was like, hello.
34:38
>> Speaker B: You're just like,
34:41
is it you? I'm like,
34:44
what?
34:44
>> Speaker A: But then after, I'm like, if it wasn't him,
34:47
it's just going to be the weirdest interaction.
34:50
>> Speaker B: Yeah. The south
34:53
Albany staff bathroom. Like,
34:55
me casually trying to do my business and
34:58
the freaking, uh, lights burn out. It's
35:01
just me sitting in there with my flashlight. Phone
35:04
being like, hey, hopefully nobody comes
35:07
in because I'm in here pooping in the dark.
35:10
Oh, my. Just.
35:13
>> Speaker A: Just Joanne comes in for that round.
35:15
>> Speaker B: Oh, God.
35:16
>> Speaker A: Hello. Uh, this is the men's room.
35:19
I know.
35:20
>> Speaker B: Why is it dark then?
35:22
>> Speaker A: What's up? No,
35:25
it. But you, uh, TikTok on the.
35:28
TikTok on the toilet. You got to do it.
35:31
>> Speaker B: I'm a toilet talker, for sure.
35:32
>> Speaker A: So when you're done with that,
35:35
this is a thing. It's like, when you wash your hands,
35:38
do you wet first, then soap? Like, do you get wet
35:41
and then soap yourself?
35:43
>> Speaker B: Go dry to dry.
35:45
>> Speaker A: Really?
35:46
>> Speaker B: Soap to dry? Yeah, I got to get my hands. I feel like it
35:49
just creates more bubbles and gets in.
35:52
>> Speaker A: Really?
35:52
>> Speaker B: You're letting them rip.
35:53
>> Speaker A: I've got a problem now.
35:55
>> Speaker B: What did you have for lunch today?
35:57
>> Speaker A: Uh, McDonald's.
35:59
>> Speaker B: Old McDonald's or new McDonald's? Because with
36:02
you, it was fresh today.
36:04
>> Speaker A: McDonald's.
36:05
>> Speaker B: What'd you get? Royale with cheese.
36:07
>> Speaker A: I did not get royale. My parents bought. So I was like,
36:09
I'm going to do the
36:12
McDouble in a drink situation.
36:14
>> Speaker B: I go the other way with that McFlurry. Large soda, Big
36:17
Mac, apple pie. Just really run down the. Run
36:20
down the.
36:20
>> Speaker A: It was the classic. Like, we got back, and my mom's
36:23
like, well, I could make some hot dogs for lunch. I'm like,
36:26
yeah, we can do that. And then my son just runs into the
36:29
room, I want a happy meal, and he
36:32
knows that grandma's going to get this happy. Oh, yeah.
36:35
>> Speaker B: And you can't say no, because then they look at you like,
36:38
I'm grandparent.
36:39
>> Speaker A: Yeah, well, and my mom was like, oh, yeah, let's do
36:42
that. And it's just. Oh, wet? Um, a little
36:45
bit. Yeah.
36:48
Does McDonald's give you the farts?
36:51
It doesn't usually mean I don't know what's going on.
36:53
>> Speaker B: No, no. Mine's
36:56
essentially, like, the only burger spot that gives me the
36:59
farts would definitely be, for some reason, when I get the
37:02
big Carl combo. No, just,
37:05
it does something to Carl.
37:08
The big Carl combo. It's a burger, not an actual
37:11
male.
37:11
>> Speaker A: Carl just gets way up inside you and
37:14
just really makes the air move.
37:16
>> Speaker B: Again, burger, not an actual human
37:19
male.
37:20
>> Speaker A: Yes.
37:21
>> Speaker B: Making it clear it's fine. You said get way up
37:24
inside. I would argue there's not a
37:27
way down inside me. It's definitely working
37:30
down.
37:30
>> Speaker A: Yes, I agree.
37:31
>> Speaker B: Okay, perfect. Um, we're on the same page here.
37:37
>> Speaker A: So then when you're in the shower, uh, I guess you
37:39
would wet yourself for oh, that's what the other thing
37:42
was.
37:43
>> Speaker B: When you take.
37:46
>> Speaker A: I'm troubled.
37:47
>> Speaker B: We have lights outside.
37:48
>> Speaker A: There's lights. Please let that be street lights. Oh,
37:51
thank God. It is.
37:53
>> Speaker B: How uncomfortable would that have been? We open the door and
37:55
there's just a man out there.
37:57
>> Speaker A: That was the most terrifying. So for the
37:59
listener at home, who doesn't have the luxury of having the
38:02
visual of this, it's just Josh
38:05
and I in a poorly lit porta potty. I got nervous
38:08
parts. Like, I'm talking poorly
38:10
lit. Like, we're not even lit by flashlight. It's phone
38:13
light, so
38:16
it's dark. And there is a gap underneath the
38:19
porta potty door, which is an interesting thing. That doesn't normally
38:21
happen. Um, but, yeah, there
38:24
was just a light that came underneath, and it.
38:27
>> Speaker B: Who had spooked us, definitely looked like a flashlight. Yeah.
38:30
>> Speaker A: I thought for sure we were getting ready to have a visitor.
38:33
Um, which is my nightmare. Uh,
38:36
when you shower,
38:40
do you wash your legs every
38:42
time?
38:49
Do you scrub your legs every time?
38:52
>> Speaker B: I'll soap them down. I don't know if.
38:55
Every time.
38:56
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
38:56
>> Speaker B: So what have I done that day? So
38:59
I have been. Lately, you and I have been hitting the gym pretty
39:02
frequently lately. I have been, in fact,
39:05
uh, like, soaping it all up because it's, you know, you've
39:08
got sweat and crevices. You just need to get it taken care
39:11
of.
39:11
>> Speaker A: I've got crevices. Like woofie.
39:15
>> Speaker B: How do you flapjacking, dude, dude,
39:18
sometimes.
39:18
>> Speaker A: You get the flapjacks flapping around just.
39:20
>> Speaker B: Like, uh,
39:23
yeah, the boobs. The man
39:26
boobs.
39:26
>> Speaker A: Yeah, you got that flapjack sweat.
39:30
You make a pancake.
39:34
Because I have a buddy who he's telling
39:37
me that he does not wash
39:40
his legs. Like, if he wears pants,
39:42
if he wears shorts, he washes them. But if he wears pants,
39:45
he said that he never washes his
39:49
knee down because
39:52
as he washes the top portion of his body,
39:56
it wrenches down and just. It
39:58
washes itself. Self washing legs.
40:01
>> Speaker B: Thought.
40:04
That is not the worst idea I've ever heard. I mean,
40:07
right? In our world, we have tampons in boys bathrooms,
40:10
so that's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
40:12
But I don't know. Are
40:15
you just moving the dirty down your body? I
40:18
feel like if you start at the top, you scrub down. Up
40:21
there, the dirt that comes off works
40:24
down to which then you continue
40:26
down.
40:27
>> Speaker A: Right. So, uh, then you would need to scrub it.
40:30
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
40:31
>> Speaker A: But I think. See, for me, I think your shin is
40:34
probably one of the. Besides your hands and
40:37
maybe you're like your shin. Yeah. Okay.
40:40
I almost always wear shorts.
40:42
>> Speaker B: Yes, agreed.
40:43
>> Speaker A: So besides your armpits
40:46
and your leg pits, which I think is your crotch,
40:49
but I think when people think of leg pits,
40:52
they think of the back of the kneecaps.
40:54
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but back of the knee, that's the back of the knee. That's the back.
40:56
>> Speaker A: Your leg pits is like where your nutsack
40:59
connects to your leg.
41:01
>> Speaker B: Pterodactyl wings.
41:03
>> Speaker A: Spread them, boys.
41:04
>> Speaker B: No.
41:04
>> Speaker A: Uh, how crazy would it be if I
41:07
said that and in five minutes there was a cop that said that in real
41:10
time? Like, I almost want
41:13
it. No, I don't. I'm not going to test
41:16
that.
41:16
>> Speaker B: I don't ever want anybody to be behind me.
41:19
Boys.
41:20
>> Speaker A: Uh, help. It is Oregon.
41:22
Um, hey, I'm going to do something real quick.
41:25
>> Speaker B: Are you going to take crap?
41:27
>> Speaker A: No.
41:27
>> Speaker B: Okay.
41:27
>> Speaker A: I'm going to stop this because my battery is fading
41:30
fast. I'm going to swap batteries and we're.
41:32
>> Speaker B: Going to go again.
41:34
>> Speaker A: Pardon that interruption. All right.
41:37
Yeah. I don't know. For me, when I pee,
41:40
I can feel the leg splash.
41:42
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Especially in the top to
41:45
floor to ceiling urinals we have. They're not floor
41:48
to ceiling. They go about chest. It feels like a lot.
41:50
>> Speaker A: But when I pee in that, I can definitely feel the splash
41:53
on my right, below my low shin.
41:57
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
42:00
>> Speaker A: I've got to wash that,
42:05
but I guess if you wear pants, might
42:08
not need to. I don't know. It's a weird theory.
42:10
Um, do you ever trace
42:13
patterns in the bowl when you pee?
42:15
>> Speaker B: Oh, I write my name exclusively.
42:18
A practice cursive calligraphy.
42:21
All of it.
42:22
>> Speaker A: Do you really?
42:23
>> Speaker B: I write my name quite a bit. Really? Yeah. I don't know.
42:26
I like doing it on the wall, too, if I pee outside.
42:28
>> Speaker A: Uh, are you controlling with hip or are you controlling with
42:31
hand?
42:32
>> Speaker B: Bit of both. I'll double up.
42:34
>> Speaker A: Keepers.
42:34
>> Speaker B: Age creepers. I mean, when you've been
42:37
writing your name with your pee for. I don't know.
42:40
>> Speaker A: Um, so when you were in
42:43
Colorado, you got snow, right?
42:45
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
42:46
>> Speaker A: Did you ever do that with the snow, like, pee your
42:48
name?
42:49
>> Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, like the bear in
42:52
the woods.
42:52
>> Speaker A: The kids out here, they don't get it. They're like, oh, let's
42:55
snow. Yeah, it
42:58
snows once and it's like. Or it
43:01
snows a half an inch and they all panic and
43:03
squirrel out and it's like, yeah, no,
43:06
you just. Dang it, child.
43:09
>> Speaker B: No, uh,
43:13
I'll write my name. Throwing a cheerio in the bowl is never
43:16
a bad idea. Just a little target practice. Make sure you
43:19
got your skills all honed in.
43:21
Sometimes you leave the bowl down, the toilet
43:24
seat down, just for an extra.
43:26
>> Speaker A: You know, your wife probably loves that.
43:28
>> Speaker B: It's like playing russian roulette. Because you ever blame it on your
43:31
kid, Gabriel. No,
43:34
that's wrong. Okay.
43:36
>> Speaker A: But did you ever do it? Yeah.
43:38
>> Speaker B: Still wrong.
43:41
>> Speaker A: Because I definitely did that yesterday.
43:44
Like, I dribbled a little bit, and Anna just
43:47
totally called me on it.
43:48
>> Speaker B: She goes, you dribbled?
43:49
>> Speaker A: And I was like, I think that was not me. And
43:52
she said, it's our bathroom. Also, the kids haven't been
43:55
here all day, so, like, no, you got
43:57
caught. Yeah. Ah, I got caught.
44:00
Yellow seated.
44:05
So, quick test of urinals here.
44:07
>> Speaker B: Okay.
44:07
>> Speaker A: You walk into a bathroom, you're like, will the suffering end in this
44:10
porta potty? Uh, you walk into a bathroom, there's
44:13
five urinals side by side. Yes.
44:16
And there is one other
44:19
person. I lied to you.
44:22
There's two other people peeing. There's
44:25
one person on the far right urinal,
44:28
and then there is one person. One
44:30
urinal in from the left.
44:32
>> Speaker B: Yes.
44:32
>> Speaker A: So from left to right, you have open
44:35
urinal, man. Open urinal. Open
44:38
urinal, man. Which urinal
44:41
do you do?
44:42
>> Speaker B: So, I think you know this, but I'm an
44:45
extremely shy
44:48
don't. I would just be standing there with my Johnson
44:51
in hand. Like, I'm going to the first stall available.
44:59
I don't even like my kids.
45:02
>> Speaker A: You would just wait it out.
45:05
>> Speaker B: I'd probably turn around and be like, oh, I forgot something.
45:08
>> Speaker A: You're not that peacey. You peed in the bathroom, and I've been in the bathroom.
45:11
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but there's a stall.
45:15
>> Speaker A: This is, like, afraid of.
45:18
>> Speaker B: It's just a shot. Like, I won't go. I'll just be
45:21
standing there.
45:22
>> Speaker A: This is so fun.
45:23
>> Speaker B: And then they'll leave, and I'll just. There
45:26
you.
45:26
>> Speaker A: So you're a psychologist guy.
45:30
What's going on there?
45:31
>> Speaker B: I don't know, man. I don't know.
45:34
Yeah, it's fine. Just a wiener. I don't know.
45:37
You don't have to solve it. No, I don't know.
45:40
Because my wife has picked on me about this before because
45:44
I would do the same if the roles were reversed. But,
45:47
yeah, I'll be doing now, once I've
45:50
started, if people come in, I'm going to keep
45:52
going.
45:53
>> Speaker A: Don't worry. That would, like, it would cut off m
45:56
midstream.
45:57
>> Speaker B: Doesn't that hurt?
45:58
>> Speaker A: I guess.
45:58
>> Speaker B: I mean, I don't stop it ever.
46:01
The thought of that makes me think of dumb and dumber when he's like, you can't
46:04
stop once you've started stings.
46:06
>> Speaker A: Yeah. We wouldn't even walk in the
46:09
bathroom. It was like a toilet. And then it had a new room that was like the
46:12
get ready room or whatever, and we would walk in that room
46:15
and he would stop. You would hear it stop, and then you
46:18
would walk out and you would hear it resume. Um. It was crazy.
46:21
>> Speaker B: It's like his superpower.
46:22
>> Speaker A: And I asked him, I was like, what is going on? He goes, dude, I'm like, really
46:24
peacey.
46:25
>> Speaker B: Um, yeah, I'm not that peacey. Once I'm going, I'm
46:28
going. I'm not stopping anybody.
46:31
Yeah, but if I walk in
46:34
a bathroom and there's a stall and
46:37
one more person by the urinals, chances are I'm not
46:40
taking any of the urinals.
46:42
>> Speaker A: Do you ever get started peeing?
46:45
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
46:46
>> Speaker A: And then have to fart, but get scared that you're going to
46:49
diarrhea in the fart?
46:50
>> Speaker B: No way. Really?
46:52
>> Speaker A: Every time I go to the bathroom.
46:54
>> Speaker B: Oh, there's nothing to get scared about. That's excitement.
46:56
That's living life on the edge right there, huh?
46:58
>> Speaker A: We work at a public high school. You cannot risk you.
47:01
>> Speaker B: I'm living life on the edge right there.
47:04
>> Speaker A: Because if you begin that fart midday.
47:06
>> Speaker B: If I ever disappear midday from work, you'll know why
47:09
Josh flew too close to the sun.
47:11
>> Speaker A: Josh flew too close. And also,
47:15
he has poop in his pants.
47:17
>> Speaker B: Definitely.
47:18
>> Speaker A: Uh, the worst is, like, accidentally
47:20
dribbled a little pee on my pants,
47:23
and then I'm like, oh, my God.
47:25
>> Speaker B: Just walking out your hands down.
47:28
>> Speaker A: Pull my sweatshirt down a little bit.
47:30
>> Speaker B: And I'm like, if you ever see.
47:32
>> Speaker A: Me walking like some sort of hood rat,
47:37
that's what's going on.
47:39
Um, do you use the toilet seat covers, the
47:42
little paper things?
47:43
>> Speaker B: No. Uh, you're just getting into it. You're just
47:46
causing more problems.
47:48
>> Speaker A: I don't understand them.
47:49
>> Speaker B: My thing is I
47:52
don't want to touch the toilet seat more than I have to. Chances are
47:55
that bad boy is going to slip off or something. I
47:58
don't want slippery butt when I get sitting on the toilet either, because.
48:00
>> Speaker A: I sweat when I poop.
48:05
Okay. Uh, the look was
48:08
like, what?
48:09
>> Speaker B: No, it wasn't like a what. I'm just like,
48:12
yeah, I mean, people sweat when they
48:15
poop. Uh, yeah,
48:18
dude,
48:21
sweaty poops. Just the worst. I remember
48:24
being not even in high school, but even
48:27
now, after we get done working out. And I get home,
48:30
I'm like, man, I got to go.
48:33
>> Speaker A: But m I'm also drenched, I'm also.
48:35
>> Speaker B: Sweaty, and the toilet paper is going to get all over the
48:38
place. It's just foul.
48:41
I can't do it. I'd rather wait it out.
48:44
Yeah, man.
48:45
>> Speaker A: Uh, it's a disaster. But the worst, though, is when you
48:48
shower, and then you get out of the shower and you're, like,
48:51
barely started to dry off.
48:52
>> Speaker B: Oh, God.
48:53
>> Speaker A: And it's like the poo hits you, and you're like, dang it.
48:56
Like, if I was in the shower, I could stomp it, but
48:59
now I've.
48:59
>> Speaker B: Got to go give it the old waffle stomp.
49:02
>> Speaker A: Yeah, you're in the waffle stomp hall of fame,
49:05
by the way. It is not a
49:08
common thing. We're a whole
49:11
year later, which means I have talked to twelve other people since
49:14
I last, and I can tell you very
49:17
few have done it,
49:19
let alone heard of it. Most people are like, what
49:22
is waffle stomp?
49:23
>> Speaker B: What are you talking?
49:24
>> Speaker A: I love waffles.
49:25
>> Speaker B: Why would I step on waffles? You ever had an
49:28
eggo? You don't step on those.
49:29
>> Speaker A: Is that like river stomp?
49:33
Oh, yeah.
49:34
>> Speaker B: Isn't that a song by the Jonas brothers? Waffle
49:36
stomp.
49:38
>> Speaker A: Oh, man. Uh, the Jonas
49:40
brothers. Such a fitting topic for the
49:43
bathroom. Really is, uh,
49:48
no toilet seat covers. That's wise.
49:51
Um, you ever do the poop nest?
49:55
>> Speaker B: I bet your pardon?
49:57
>> Speaker A: You ever make a nest, you
50:00
lay down toilet paper in the water,
50:03
and then you put out enough to where you can poop
50:06
onto the paper, and it's like a little nest for
50:09
the poop.
50:10
>> Speaker B: I know what I'm doing when I get home.
50:14
What do you pick it up out afterwards? It's got a
50:17
nest, so you can pick it up without touching it.
50:19
>> Speaker A: I believe this exists to keep things quiet.
50:22
So, like, if you're worried about.
50:25
>> Speaker B: Oh, no.
50:26
>> Speaker A: I strive for the biggest, the mermaid
50:29
kiss. And you don't want that.
50:30
>> Speaker B: So I will tell you this. I
50:33
poop a lot before showering.
50:36
>> Speaker A: Okay.
50:37
>> Speaker B: Um, I'm pushing for the biggest
50:39
splash I can get out of that. I want the people in
50:42
the next house over to hear that bad boy
50:45
at school. I'll tone it back a little bit because I don't want to
50:48
get splashed.
50:49
>> Speaker A: Oh, come on. Just grunt. One.
50:52
>> Speaker B: I'm grunting, but.
50:56
>> Speaker A: Sorry. We'll come back. The best is
50:58
when you try to be cheeky, but
51:01
you're also don't want to announce it. I got
51:04
to go. And you run out of the room.
51:07
>> Speaker B: You mean when it's the. Oh, yeah. Must be 930
51:10
already. Yeah.
51:10
>> Speaker A: And then you disappear for, like, ten minutes, and then you come back
51:13
in with just this peaceful look on your face.
51:16
>> Speaker B: It's like seas have parted, the angels
51:18
have started singing.
51:20
>> Speaker A: Everybody involved is like, well, Josh just took
51:22
another. Yep. And it's unspoken,
51:25
but we all know what's.
51:27
>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
51:28
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
51:28
>> Speaker B: Well, the worst part is they know. They could talk about, like,
51:31
I'd be right there. I'd be like, oh, it wasn't my favorite.
51:34
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
51:34
>> Speaker B: Do you have a favorite? Poop. Do I have a
51:37
favorite when you really
51:40
got to grunt one out or it bites you a little bit?
51:43
I'm a big fan of the, like,
51:46
oh, no. And then you get there, and it's just
51:49
like, okay, so
51:52
living life on the edge.
51:53
>> Speaker A: Let me explain something about me that's like, every time
51:56
I go,
52:00
pretty much what happens is my stuff's never that solid.
52:03
Like, if it's solid, something's off. So
52:06
when I go to the bathroom, it's regularly, like, there
52:09
is just, like, mixed solids and liquids
52:12
held up at a wall.
52:15
>> Speaker B: Has anyone ever taken a phone call during
52:17
this?
52:18
>> Speaker A: Who is it?
52:18
>> Speaker B: It's my dad. Um.
52:20
>> Speaker A: Oh, why not?
52:21
>> Speaker B: Hey, dad.
52:22
>> Speaker A: Might as well go ahead and throw that on speaker.
52:25
>> Speaker B: He does have school tomorrow.
52:29
>> Speaker A: Yeah, tell him where you're at.
52:31
>> Speaker B: Can I call you back, though? I'm in a porta
52:34
potty recording a podcast.
52:37
Goodbye.
52:41
>> Speaker A: What did you do?
52:43
>> Speaker B: Weird. All right, I'll talk to you later.
52:46
Oh, man. But just so
52:49
we're clear, my dad would love to be on this
52:52
podcast. It's when he found out that
52:54
hunter did this podcast, his answer
52:58
to me was, how do I get on? Yeah. I
53:00
will actively take a while recording this
53:03
podcast. I said, dad, that's not part of the
53:05
qualification.
53:06
>> Speaker A: He would be the first.
53:07
>> Speaker B: And he goes, I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, I did it in
53:10
Alaska. Out in the open. Wait,
53:13
what? Yep.
53:14
>> Speaker A: Is that his story to tell?
53:15
>> Speaker B: Uh, well, they were on a cruise, and there was a toilet outside, and
53:18
he just.
53:18
>> Speaker A: He just went for it.
53:19
>> Speaker B: He didn't actually poop, but he definitely pulled his pants all
53:22
the way down and sat down on this toilet.
53:24
>> Speaker A: Dude, my buddy, he says he
53:27
didn't go to the bathroom, but I distinctly remember
53:30
him peeing. Maybe not pooping, but
53:32
he sat on a home Depot toilet and
53:35
just did his business.
53:39
Like Larry the cable guy skit. Like, he did
53:41
that. And I'm pretty sure he did it because of
53:44
that joke in Larry the cable guy.
53:47
M maybe it's one of those
53:50
blue collar. Um, yeah, so.
53:52
But my favorite is just that I
53:55
made it,
53:58
uh, any day that you.
54:01
>> Speaker B: Make it to the toilet safely.
54:02
>> Speaker A: I've regularly got a little bit of a streak, like,
54:05
in my drawers. And
54:12
I own less white underwear
54:15
than most.
54:16
>> Speaker B: Um, I don't know that I own any.
54:18
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I own two, dude. Okay,
54:21
I'm gonna just be honest with you. I own this pair of underwear that I have
54:24
to strategize.
54:27
So we bought a blind bag of
54:30
underwear.
54:31
>> Speaker B: Shouts out, me.
54:32
>> Speaker A: Yeah. Not a sponsor. There was a time in
54:35
my life where I want it, and I'm going to tell you why they're not now.
54:38
Um, but you
54:41
just get whatever you get.
54:42
>> Speaker B: It's like a mystery box, but you.
54:44
>> Speaker A: Don'T get to pick the patterns. But one of the patterns is, like,
54:47
a pride pattern.
54:50
And it's just like, love is love.
54:55
And you're thinking, oh, but it's, like, all rainbow.
54:58
It's white with rainbow. And
55:01
there's days where I will grab it and I'll go, I'm going to
55:04
the gym. I can't. Like, I can't.
55:07
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I've strategically quit wearing white
55:09
underwear when you and I are going to work out,
55:12
because the thought of just there being a streak, and it's just.
55:15
Yeah.
55:15
>> Speaker A: Oh, no, the streak is not the problem.
55:17
>> Speaker B: No, the streak is your problem. But for me, I'm
55:19
like, it would.
55:21
>> Speaker A: Be bad if I pulled my pants down and I'm standing there
55:23
as love is love on my wiener.
55:26
But I can't imagine if younger
55:29
kid or one of them walked in and it's now
55:32
you and I standing in there with me
55:35
wearing love is love.
55:36
>> Speaker B: You wearing love is love, me wearing my shaft and balls
55:39
underwear with uncle Sam pointing out, uh,
55:43
saying, I want you, like,
55:46
4 July. Bundle. 4 July.
55:48
>> Speaker A: What type of QAnon LGBTQ mix up
55:51
is this? Boys,
55:54
you are confused.
55:56
>> Speaker B: Oh, boy.
55:57
>> Speaker A: Hitting the queue all over.
56:00
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
56:00
>> Speaker A: So the only other, like, do you have
56:03
any, um, parting wisdom to
56:06
leave with folks with here?
56:09
We've been in here over an hour. It seems
56:11
fitting. Unless you have more stories.
56:15
I should probably leave that light on. It only seems
56:17
fair. The light
56:20
on any other stories? And if
56:23
not, do you have any parting wisdom to leave the people with.
56:25
>> Speaker B: Other stories at the moment?
56:28
>> Speaker A: Yeah. Has any of
56:30
the sports kids ever pooped their pants?
56:33
Like, don't use names, but, like, well.
56:36
>> Speaker B: Last year, there was definitely mid game where a kid was
56:39
like, I'm going to go coach, coach, I got to
56:42
go. And it was like,
56:45
okay, we had to take a time. Uh, and this is a
56:48
football game. Third quarter. Kid looks at me, he's
56:50
like, coach, I got to go.
56:53
I got to go really best. And it was like,
56:56
can you hold it? We're almost games. Not
56:59
that long. And he's like, no, coach, it's happening
57:01
now.
57:02
>> Speaker A: It's Prairie dogging.
57:04
>> Speaker B: I got him off the field, and my dude took off running. Full
57:07
speed, shoulder pads, helmet
57:09
to the bathroom, like, mid
57:12
game. That was a funny one. I
57:15
had trouble calling the defense after
57:18
that.
57:19
Um. Oh, played in a
57:22
golf tournament yesterday.
57:24
>> Speaker A: Yes.
57:26
>> Speaker B: So me and my brother in law and we got paired up with
57:29
these two older gentlemen. Super nice guys.
57:32
Very. But they were
57:35
old. And, uh, every
57:37
time we'd get near them, my
57:40
brother in law and I would, like, look at each other, and we'd be like,
57:44
bro, do you hear a fart?
57:49
Do you smell something?
57:53
I'm not going to blame anybody, but those old guys may
57:56
have had some trouble walking farts. It's fine.
57:59
Yeah.
57:59
>> Speaker A: Or do you think we're talking, like, adult diapers?
58:02
>> Speaker B: I don't think it was adult diapers. Okay?
58:06
I would think that they're pretty.
58:11
>> Speaker A: Are we doing a check? Door check. Door check.
58:16
>> Speaker B: Hello?
58:21
>> Speaker A: Is there, like, a rat in this thing?
58:22
>> Speaker B: You think? Stop.
58:25
>> Speaker A: Well, I heard.
58:27
>> Speaker B: Okay, so, you know that conversation where you were like,
58:30
I'll flip the thing? Is it rats for you?
58:32
>> Speaker A: We have a rodent deck right now.
58:34
>> Speaker B: Mice rodent. Oh, God, they're awful. I
58:37
hate them, but they're so gross.
58:39
>> Speaker A: I agree.
58:39
>> Speaker B: But, like, so gross. I made fun of
58:42
my dad for years. Like, dad, you're such a wimp.
58:45
You're such a wimp. Had one in my house. I have never
58:48
been on top of a counter squealing like a
58:51
little girl. Quicker. Really? My dad came and
58:54
he's. Oh, where'd the big man
58:57
go? Calling daddy to come over and try and
59:00
help him get this mouse. And
59:03
it wasn't even, like, a big one, but I could
59:05
hear whole. I just was
59:08
like, hey, what if we just burn
59:12
the house? Like, it's not a big deal, but they'd all be
59:14
dead if you are.
59:15
>> Speaker A: Josh's insurance company listening to this. Uh,
59:18
this was a joke.
59:21
>> Speaker B: Sure.
59:25
No, I think, uh,
59:27
yeah, mine suck.
59:30
Uh, yeah, but.
59:32
>> Speaker A: So these old guys are just got walking farts?
59:35
>> Speaker B: Yeah,
59:38
I'm confident.
59:39
>> Speaker A: Worst case scenario, the mouse comes out from, like, right
59:42
underneath my legs.
59:46
>> Speaker B: Speaking of violent, throwing up, the thought of that
59:49
just out of the door.
59:53
Zoom. But, yeah, I'm pretty common. These old
59:56
guys had some mid swing
59:58
farts, or even
1:00:03
just some walking farts, some mid swing
1:00:06
farts, some practice swing farts bending
1:00:09
over to get the ball out of the hole. I just think
1:00:11
that they were letting them fly.
1:00:13
>> Speaker A: It's fine.
1:00:14
>> Speaker B: But I'm not confident that they knew that they were letting them fly.
1:00:16
>> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's the trouble because they.
1:00:18
>> Speaker B: Probably thought it was y'all, which I'm cool with,
1:00:21
like, hey, right?
1:00:22
>> Speaker A: Your brother in law cool with it, though?
1:00:24
>> Speaker B: Yeah, he could be cool with it. Yeah. Car is pretty
1:00:27
cool, dude.
1:00:27
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
1:00:28
>> Speaker B: Um, sweet. Yeah. I mean,
1:00:31
other than the being in dark
1:00:34
while going to the bathroom at work and the fear of someone
1:00:37
coming in and just having to be like, um, there's somebody in
1:00:40
here. I'm not weird with the light off.
1:00:43
It's burnt out.
1:00:44
>> Speaker A: Can I tell you one of my greatest fears in that bathroom at the high school?
1:00:47
>> Speaker B: What?
1:00:47
>> Speaker A: So sometimes the
1:00:50
door doesn't shut. Right. You know what I'm saying?
1:00:52
>> Speaker B: God.
1:00:52
>> Speaker A: And my greatest fear is that I'm going to be in there
1:00:55
peeing or pooping. It does not matter.
1:00:57
>> Speaker B: Yes.
1:00:58
>> Speaker A: And some students just going to act like an idiot
1:01:01
and open the door and either shut
1:01:04
the light off on me or worse yet, go in there
1:01:07
and hoke up a fatty or, like, smack
1:01:10
their face. And then I'm going to come
1:01:12
out and it's going to be like, what in the
1:01:15
heck is hoover doing in the bathroom with this team?
1:01:18
Yeah, that stresses me out.
1:01:19
>> Speaker B: So I kick it close with my foot every time.
1:01:22
>> Speaker A: Now I just reach back every time.
1:01:24
>> Speaker B: I'm a foot kicker because it's like, this is closing or.
1:01:27
>> Speaker A: Yeah, that stresses me out so much because I'm
1:01:30
like, it's real fear.
1:01:32
>> Speaker B: It's not like fake fear.
1:01:34
>> Speaker A: Yeah, kids are dumb. Uh, unless you're one of the kids
1:01:37
listening, you're probably smart.
1:01:39
>> Speaker B: Uh, they're all dumb. I hate all of them
1:01:42
equally.
1:01:43
>> Speaker A: Do you have any wisdom to leave the people with
1:01:46
bathroom wisdom? Um, sage
1:01:49
advice from your.
1:01:50
>> Speaker B: Clean your toilets. Clean your toilets.
1:01:53
Because you never know when you're going to
1:01:56
be asked to be on a podcast or you're going to have
1:01:59
people over and
1:02:02
they don't need to see your stains
1:02:05
and it's important to clean your toilets.
1:02:08
Yeah. Uh, I think once a
1:02:10
week. Once a week? Yeah. I think
1:02:13
if you're doing it more than that, you're just an overachiever.
1:02:16
And what are you trying to prove? Right, we know you who's
1:02:19
got that time. Yeah, nobody's got that
1:02:22
time. Unless if you have
1:02:25
that time, you find
1:02:28
yourself call somebody.
1:02:29
>> Speaker A: You find yourself, right where? I find myself a lot.
1:02:32
>> Speaker B: Go find a friend.
1:02:33
>> Speaker A: Insulting the people that might be listening.
1:02:35
>> Speaker B: I do it a lot. It's nothing personal.
1:02:38
It's just if you have enough time
1:02:41
to clean your toilet more than once a
1:02:44
week, call a friend. Yeah, or
1:02:47
have your friends call you just to check in.
1:02:50
Um, just
1:02:52
accidentally go somewhere, find some Disney
1:02:54
Lorrakana, give me a call.
1:02:56
>> Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
1:02:56
>> Speaker B: Um. Oh, by the way, also words of
1:02:59
wisdom. Yeah. Do not trust
1:03:01
GameStop.
1:03:05
>> Speaker A: Oh, update. So, my m buddy
1:03:07
who air quotes has Lorcana for us,
1:03:10
right.
1:03:11
>> Speaker B: The air quotes is stressing me.
1:03:12
>> Speaker A: Said he bought them and has them and is bringing them
1:03:15
to us. That starter deck that I told
1:03:18
you about. Yeah. Haven't seen it yet.
1:03:22
Haven't seen it yet.
1:03:27
Until we have Lorcana in hand, that starter
1:03:30
deck does not exist.
1:03:32
>> Speaker B: I'm beginning to think the game doesn't exist.
1:03:35
Well, we have them, so that's a lie.
1:03:38
>> Speaker A: But I'm beginning to think that nothing is
1:03:40
real.
1:03:41
>> Speaker B: It's getting grim over here.
1:03:43
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
1:03:44
>> Speaker B: Well, cool.
1:03:45
>> Speaker A: Uh, I'm going to do the
1:03:47
shameful close out.
1:03:49
Um.
1:03:50
>> Speaker B: Oh, no.
1:03:52
>> Speaker A: What?
1:03:53
>> Speaker B: Do it.
1:03:54
>> Speaker A: We don't have a flush,
1:03:57
so there is a slam. That is so typical
1:04:00
to every porta potty. I'm
1:04:03
going to slam the toilet lid here, and I'm going to stand up. But I was going
1:04:06
to say one thing. I missed a question. It wasn't
1:04:09
on my thing, and I have to know because in a
1:04:11
recent episode, I made a comment, and
1:04:14
I had somebody reach out and say, hey,
1:04:16
um, you're actually horribly wrong
1:04:19
about that. Um, this isn't a
1:04:22
thing. And my question is you is, have you
1:04:25
ever bare handed a dog turd?
1:04:27
>> Speaker B: Have I ever bare handed a dog turd?
1:04:29
>> Speaker A: Yeah. See, I'm
1:04:32
convinced everybody's bare handed a dog turd at least once.
1:04:36
If you own a dog.
1:04:37
>> Speaker B: Why, though? I get it sometimes
1:04:40
you got to pick it up. But
1:04:43
are you talking bare hand, no napkin, no toilet
1:04:46
paper, no nothing. Just scooping it up, like under
1:04:49
talking.
1:04:49
>> Speaker A: Bare hand dog turd?
1:04:51
>> Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, everyone's done it.
1:04:54
>> Speaker A: I'm not saying it's a good idea. Yeah, I'm not saying you
1:04:56
should. I'm saying everyone has done it.
1:04:59
>> Speaker B: Yeah, everyone's done it.
1:05:01
>> Speaker A: And much like just farting, we should normalize the
1:05:04
fact that sometimes you're going to have to bear.
1:05:05
>> Speaker B: Own your stink. Own your stink.
1:05:07
>> Speaker A: Um, yeah, don't I ever.
1:05:10
We've owned a lot of people's stank tonight in this
1:05:13
room.
1:05:14
>> Speaker B: Oh. So good.
1:05:15
>> Speaker A: In fact, it's starting to smell less like poop and more like.
1:05:18
>> Speaker B: Just like. It's getting worse as the night
1:05:21
goes on.
1:05:24
Um, now I'm curious because I've always known we're
1:05:27
back. That poop. Well, I'm curious because, like,
1:05:30
poop, it'll regulate when it gets
1:05:32
warm.
1:05:33
>> Speaker A: Yeah, it gets worse.
1:05:34
>> Speaker B: It tends to smell worse. But as it gets colder this
1:05:37
evening, I think. What? It's starting to
1:05:39
get a little worse. I think.
1:05:41
>> Speaker A: I think we're smelling not poop. I think we're
1:05:44
smelling like
1:05:46
there's probably a public health official that's going to
1:05:49
one day hear this and say, um, what you
1:05:52
did was probably very bad for your health.
1:05:55
Um, because I don't think you're supposed to spend this long in a
1:05:58
box contained with that much fecal
1:06:01
matter, like, that ventilation, that ain't doing
1:06:03
crap.
1:06:05
>> Speaker B: Yeah, you can almost see the particle particles in the
1:06:07
air at this point.
1:06:09
>> Speaker A: It's thick in here. And I'm pretty sure that
1:06:12
what's happening is, as time goes on,
1:06:15
it's just the air,
1:06:18
but the collective is happening.
1:06:21
>> Speaker B: I'm kind of angry that this porta potty has better toilet paper
1:06:24
than I worked at.
1:06:28
>> Speaker A: To a listener at home, that was not a goof. That
1:06:31
is the gospel facts. This toilet
1:06:33
paper at the Porta potty and timber ridge parking
1:06:36
lot is of higher
1:06:39
quality than what they stock
1:06:41
greater Albany public schools employee bathrooms
1:06:44
with. And that's facts.
1:06:47
I don't get it. Uh,
1:06:50
anyway, I'm going to close this bee out.
1:06:52
Um, this has been another episode of privy. It's the
1:06:55
shameful dog pooping in the backyard. You get to stare at me while I do
1:06:58
it. Here we are. Um, thank you so much for listening. Thank
1:07:01
you for being here in this porta potty in
1:07:04
the dark on a Sunday night before
1:07:07
we both get to go to work tomorrow. Um,
1:07:10
it's great. Uh, thank you to your family for letting you
1:07:13
do this.
1:07:13
>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, for sure. I love being here, and
1:07:17
my wife gets a kick out of hearing
1:07:19
the things that we talk about.
1:07:21
>> Speaker A: There's only a matter of time before she comes on the show.
1:07:24
I'm thinking couples episode. It could be a good.
1:07:27
Yes. Uh.
1:07:30
>> Speaker B: We got to work her over.
1:07:32
>> Speaker A: You can do that. Um, let her listen
1:07:34
to. Hello. What have we got?
1:07:38
>> Speaker B: There's definitely a car out there.
1:07:41
>> Speaker A: New car.
1:07:42
>> Speaker B: New car. Oh, no. Do we have another guess? I
1:07:45
don't want that.
1:07:46
>> Speaker A: I'm scared. Um, well, I'm going to close this
1:07:49
out
1:07:52
thanks to Kevin and Pottington bear for the use of their music. Uh,
1:07:55
keep pooping in the free world. And
1:07:57
now, as always, don't
1:08:00
forget to flush. Or in.
1:08:03
Oh, gosh. The maneuver.
1:08:07
Don't forget to close the lid.
1:08:10
Oh, no. That is a lake, my friend.
1:08:12
Gross.
1:08:16
>> Speaker B: Close.