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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Saddiqim: Unfinished, But Growing 7.15.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:00
  So it is October. I think this is the last point
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  of the inspection or one of the last points.
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  And that is that he says, I'm telling you all about the fact
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  that man has all different character traits.
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  And the big point we did yesterday was that a person
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  doesn't have proper, you know, reflection and awareness.
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  He can be completely off for a long time.
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  And it's a sad thing to see. Get it to waste, meaning that
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  many people are dedicated to being good people and still can
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  be off at this point, which means no one's telling them that
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  they're making a mistake in a certain area and they constantly
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  are doing the same wrong thing. And that's what they need.
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  I mean, that's what they need, reflection.
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  We said the reflection comes in a few ways.
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  If I have someone in your life that tells you right from wrong,
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  something that you're learning, something that helps you
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  constantly look at yourself and continue to better your ways.
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  Now here's a key point. Didn't you but tell us in the
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  other book that like no one wants to hear what you have to
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  say like when you want to? Yeah, well, the Gemara says that
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  no person can give Tokai today, right?
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  And the Gaara says definitely no person can hear Tokai today.
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  We're talking about the time of the Gemara.
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  So no one really wants this is this is a challenge.
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  No one wants to be told that they're doing anything wrong.
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  I don't want to hear them doing anything wrong.
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  None of us do. Being told Tokai really is
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  rebuke. It doesn't mean heaviness.
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  It just means clarity on what you're doing, clarification what
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  you're doing good and not good. It's difficult to hear, it's
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  very hard to hear. But at the same time, listen, we
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  all know that if we're going the wrong direction, someone could
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  help us make more money, we'll take it.
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  So the same issue of life. If someone could help me become
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  a 10 times better person but just making a small tweak to my
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  life, I'll take it. It's difficult, Very.
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  Difficult money one, they won't take the character.
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  One all right exactly but if they're looking at the end of
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  the road and looking at the 120 and where character 1 means more
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  than the money one you're. Talking only character or
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  Yiddish kite. Also, every aspect of Yiddish
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  kite exists, but specifically in this book is talking about
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  character. We I got people who think that
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  they're good people didn't like the preacher.
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  No one likes the preacher. No, but no one likes repeating
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  the same mistakes his whole life, right?
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  So it's a very fine line. As a parent, you want to tell
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  your children that they're doing something wrong.
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  We don't want to hurt them. You figure out you do dance if
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  you got to do it right. As a spouse, you want to tell
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  your wife because you're repeating the same mistake over
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  and over again. It's getting you nervous if you
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  if you belch it out. You don't like Salmon 23?
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  Years you still don't like salmon?
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  That's very close to home. I had salmon last night and
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  don't like salmon forever. But yeah, you don't want to say
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  it. It's true.
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  So what do you do to figure it out?
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  Or you just hold it back. But if you hold it back, she's
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  going to continue doing the same thing.
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  So if it's coming to it comes to foodie, fine, comes to that
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  character, really you're doing them a disservice.
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  But you're not telling them to mistake.
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  It's a very fine line. And the issue at hand is that
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  we're talking about good people who want to do good.
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  That's his main point. You have many people out there
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  who want to live a good life and they want to be a great person,
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  but they just have no clue what's what are they doing
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  wrong. They no good from right from
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  wrong. They no good from bad, but they
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  don't realize what they're repeating.
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  That's a mistake and they don't know.
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  And therefore somehow, some way, then finding them out is the
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  greatest thing. That's why you have to learn a
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  book like this or at least hear from someone out there who's
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  gonna tell you right from wrong. And the last point is this man
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  is born. This is point.
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  Man is born Hadam Bishash and Alad Ubi gufol bahat.
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  If you were to compare a human being to an animal, you see all
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  this baby deer around, right? Baby deer all over the place.
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  A human being is worse off than an animal In what way?
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  An animal is born capable. An animal is born with the
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  ability to eat on its own, to do on its own, to walk on its own.
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  They're born like them. Man physically is born without
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  any capability at all. They can't eat, they can't walk,
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  they can't function. Nothing.
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  Without some level of development and help.
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  They're literally helpless. The mind the same thing.
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  They can't speak, they can't. They're not really thinking
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  anything right. They don't have any memory or
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  other creations then from the day that they're born and
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  they're able to travel on their own.
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  But man is not that case. He needs a lot of help to help
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  him grow up. OK, So what does that do for our
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  character conversation? The unique thing is to
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  understand the physical nature of men is equal to the character
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  nature of men. And that means every person is
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  born with flawed, useless, helpless character.
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  Basically the same way a person needs a lot of help to develop
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  his body. Ken Gam Sarif.
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  He needs a lot of help develop his soul, develop his to know
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  right from wrong because man, when he's first born below him
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  without anyone telling him, he's literally the same as an animal.
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  In that sense, right man has no developed character race unless
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  he works on himself. Here's the problem, the problem
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  is when you, when you're a baby, your mother helps you eat right
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  and your parents helped you developed and your body slowly
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  grew on its own and there were a lot of things that got you
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  there. The problem with when it comes
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  to our character is we won't have anything physically that's
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  going to change our character at all.
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  And that is why literally a human being is of 0 character
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  when they start. Do you say, look at people,
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  they're all fine, They all function normally.
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  They have some level of social ability to act what's good and
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  act right. No right from wrong, but that's
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  all social level development unless the person is is given
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  the ideas and the information and learns how to develop the
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  character. They are like an animal,
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  literally they're like an animal as a baby and they're born with
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  nothing and they remain with that nothing.
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  It's. Not on the parents like it is to
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  feed them and it is. On those who have to educate
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  them, the parents have to educate.
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  It means this, yes, it's on their parents to raise them, but
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  it's the process. They shouldn't be trusting men
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  then if. That's the case.
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  That's why men shouldn't be trusting himself if that's the
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  case and saying to himself, and this is the key point.
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  Every time you face a new situation that you never dealt
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  with before in your life, every time you face a new scenario
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  like calling it the business and you have to be honest with
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  money, right? You face a new situation.
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  You have a group of friends and they have to be a trusted friend
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  marriage and they have to care about another person, right?
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  You have to, you develop your character.
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  You have to watch your anger, all these different scenarios.
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  Every new situation, the present faces, they are prone.
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  They're literally being thrown to the wolves and being told to
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  fight it out. And if that's the case, you
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  better be prepared. So every scenario that you face
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  in your life, you can't say I'm overall a good guy.
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  So I can handle that. It's not true.
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  You're overall good guy in the areas that you worked on and the
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  character that you develop, but you're literally is dying from
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  scratch and you're on the practice run in the areas that
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  have not developed. And that's why you can find
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  people who are good in certain areas.
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  Then they come to a new area, they're starting to make
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  serious, flawed mistakes. And he's saying, I know that
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  guy, he was a nice guy. He was a good guy.
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  Why is he being so aggressive in business?
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  Because he didn't know how to handle business.
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  He doesn't know how to be someone who wants to make money
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  but not someone who hurt other people.
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  He didn't know about that. What do you mean?
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  He's a very nice guy when it came to his friends.
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  That's true. When it came to his friends, he
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  figured it out. When it came to the business, he
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  did not work on it. And now he's dying from scratch
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  and he's going to make mistakes unless he's trained, unless he's
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  aware, unless he recognizes that every part of our life, it's
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  going, it really was starting off like a baby and needs to
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  have help to get us to a developed character.
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  You can get there very fast, by the way, once you have this
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  awareness. Without this awareness, you're
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  prone to serious integrity. All right, let us show up.
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  And without this awareness, you're prone to serious danger.
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  With the awareness, it's a different story.
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  The whole difference is going in, if I trust myself and I
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  assume, hey, I'm a good guy, I like being a good guy, I hold of
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  good people, nothing's going to go wrong.
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  It's prone to danger, very great risk of danger in that area
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  because you're not ready for you about to face and the person
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  does not realize he is going into any situation like an
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  animal without training. He's going in without any sort
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  of preparation for he's about to face.
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  His character will be prone to major flaws no matter what it
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  is. If you went into a situation you
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  were not told about the issue of Lashonda, and he sit down with a
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  few people to talk, you might say I'm a nice guy, I don't want
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  to put anyone down so I'll be fine anymore because Hashanah is
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  very tempting. It's there, it's a big year,
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  it's a major year so that I have to speak about other people and
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  you'll fall right into it. So it is.
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  It's trained to not talk. You have to know that Hashanah
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  is a thing, and then you have to slowly develop yourself and slip
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  in full and not speak Hashanah. And that's why we're allowed to
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  have a slip in full in every area of character.
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  We will make mistakes. Do not expect yourself to be a
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  great guy at 20 years old. If you think you are.
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  Chances are, tell you the truth, by 30 and 40 years old would be
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  a disaster. Because if you believe that
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  you're a great guy early on, before you actually faced the
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  music and dealt with things, that means you have not
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  developed your character. The only way you can develop
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  your character is by noticing the flaws, but a little bit
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  running over it, like an analysis of where am I making my
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  mistakes and then slowly developing.
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  If a person believes that, they're great.
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  I once heard that. I forgot what it was.
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  It was a person that went off the data at 80 years old.
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  What was the name of the Kohengardo?
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  80 years old. It was the Kohengardo.
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  It's a classic story and I once heard a few people that went off
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  late and I heard the shot was the daughter said the shot was
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  because they never got rebuked. The childhood OK, never got
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  rebuked. Fine.
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  So I was once taught that that's not the issue.
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  The issue they never got rebuked was not because they had what to
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  rebuke and then they got rebuked.
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  Actually, they never had anything to be rebuked about.
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  They were perfect children. They were great adults and they
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  were going so well that there was nothing there to rebuke
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  them. And so it wasn't simply the
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  denigue rebuked, it was more than that is that they didn't
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  have any flaws that they noticed, and no one can notice
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  any flaws in them. That's what they can do.
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  It's not like their parents didn't want to raise them
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  properly. Their parents said, they said
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  these are good kids, they're great kids, They're perfect
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  kids. There's no reason to beat them.
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  Something must have happened to trigger.
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  Them and then something happened to triggered them at 80 years
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  old. And then what happens?
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  They have no backing of understanding that you can be a
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  flawed person. They have no recognition of a
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  constant development, no understanding that you need to
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  analyze that, you need to work, you need to notice the flaws and
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  then, you know, run them for personal.
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  Say for example, if your tire has a tiny little hole in the
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  tire, you're not going to notice, all right?
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  Then you drive and drive on that tire.
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  What happens? It's a flat tire.
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  If you would do like those tire guys, do you take the oil or
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  whatever it is and you run it over and you start noticing the
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  hole. You notice the hole.
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  You can plug it right now and you can drive and you're great.
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  It's a very big difference. If we can be clear on ourselves
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  and say to myself, I'm perfectly fine being floored, not because
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  I want to remain floored my whole life, no, but because I
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  want to plug that hole. I want to work on myself.
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  I want to realize that I am like a little baby who was born with
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  a lot of work to do physically and I was born with characters,
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  got a lot of work out with character as literally an
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  unfinished product. It's as unfinished, unfinished
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  guy. And unless a person puts
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  themselves through the middle, which means to the awareness
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  that I need to learn from other people, I need to know right
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  from wrong, I need to adapt what other people do the right way, I
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  need to tell myself what's good and what's bad.
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  If I do that, then I'm great. If I don't do that and I'm
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  convinced, what's his name? Yochanaan Kuengado, right?
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  Yeah, John Hurt your goodness. How did he go over to dinner?
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  80 years old, 80 years old, He's serving Hashem.
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  He went into he went to the college Karashim and he
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  survived. And Even so, eventually there's
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  one off how far off and these guys went off.
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  Don't be sure of. Yourself.
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  Don't try yourself to hear that that's don't exactly like you.
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  What do? We do.
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  That's supposed to think that you're great.
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  No, you're supposed to think that I, I want to work on
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  myself. I'm good.
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  I'm OK with the fact that I'm unfinished product.
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  We're all unfinished products and it's fine.
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  And it's fine to be open, to learn from other people.
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  And this is important, which is to find people out there.
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  It's very difficult to do this. It's a, it's all about guy.
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  It's a fine because people believe that they're good.
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  It's a fine people out there and you want to adapt their way a
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  little bit that no one is perfect either.
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  And no one's way really fits your bill because maybe they're
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  in a different line of work. They have a different kind of
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  family, different kind of marriage, different type of
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  children. So because of that, they really
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  can't be a perfect model for you.
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  They have a different type of mental makeup.
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  It's not perfect for you, but there are different ways you can
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  take, pick and choose from other people and say, I want to be a
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  little bit like that in the humility front.
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  I want to be a little bit like that when it comes to
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  generosity, a little bit like that when it comes to watching
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  when I speak and watching what I do and you solely.
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  But surely by adopting an understanding of a, I'm floored
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  The eye can grow. You become a great person.
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  The only one ever comes to you and ask you where they think
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  they could become a better person.
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  No, never heard of them. Like never.
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  No. And in fact they should, because
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  they're not me. They should go.
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  Somewhere or, or, or or if this is the case, you know how you
• 14:04
  know, the rabbi's always calling every guy Sadiq, Sadiq, you
• 14:07
  know, the guy leaves there, you know, drop to half $1,000,000.
• 14:10
  He feels like he's, you know, you know, Tom, Ben Raziel or
• 14:14
  something. And in reality, the guy actually
• 14:18
  needs a checklist. They're like, you know, they
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  give you when you take your car in for inspection.
• 14:22
  Yeah, now the truth is people have all the time coming as
• 14:25
  things that am I right or am I wrong right.
• 14:28
  You never want to tell the guy who's wrong.
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  Figure out a way around sometimes you really close to a
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  person, you can tell them it's nice see what they're saying.
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  I see what the other side's saying and that helps.
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  So it's the reality is situations I would help you with
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  about character. You're not going to take a guy
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  on a fine summer day who life is flowing and saying you're
• 14:47
  floored here, there and other places not going to do it.
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  He's not going to notice himself.
• 14:51
  Life itself makes him notice his flaws, like driving that car on
• 14:54
  the highway makes him notice, makes preparation on the tire
• 14:57
  and makes him notice it's only way.
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  And when that happens, the person has to look himself in
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  the mirror. Now you'd be great if you can
• 15:04
  spend all day without any challenges and still work on
• 15:07
  your floors. That takes literally the same
• 15:09
  down reading these books. We're not going to do that all
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  day all the way is look at life. Look how people are treating
• 15:15
  you. Look how you're feeling about
• 15:18
  yourself. Look how you keep having small
• 15:20
  hiccups in certain areas and you're wondering why.
• 15:23
  Look how you keep having this little run insurance with
• 15:25
  certain people and you're wondering what's going on.
• 15:27
  Look at you're not so happy in certain areas.
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  I don't know what's bothering you.
• 15:30
  I mean, slowly but surely you don't feel such a meaningful
• 15:33
  existence. You feel like every day up and
• 15:35
  down, these different things help you reflect on yourself and
• 15:38
  say, maybe I could do it a little differently here.
• 15:40
  Well, definitely there again, we're not beating yourself up
• 15:42
  because it's very dangerous as well.
• 15:43
  You need to be a very strong, but also aware of person to have
• 15:48
  that gift of growingness. If a person is not strong, they
• 15:51
  can't notice their flows. Not aware, they can't notice
• 15:54
  their flows, and then they won't develop at all.
• 15:56
  But the key is to recognize that a person is a little bit like
• 16:02
  and very much like an unfinished product in this area.
• 16:05
  You do that, you analyze, it's slowly but surely developed in
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  every area. The problem is that we have the
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  following make up. We have this understanding we'll
• 16:14
  put into situations at 1st. Every situation we put into
• 16:18
  expect failure, new job and there's an issue with work, with
• 16:22
  conversations and getting along. Expect failure marriage.
• 16:26
  Expect opening failure. Every marriage has that first
• 16:29
  year torture, right? Every marriage has some level of
• 16:33
  torture the first year. It's not Ike, but the the.
• 16:36
  Rest of us some level of torture that first month, first year,
• 16:38
  whatever is I Remember Me personally, it was crying going
• 16:42
  on there and share, but I thought crying I ride crying
• 16:45
  because I was so adamant about a certain point and I was so
• 16:47
  wrong. Fine.
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  I'm still you know living it down until today about my point.
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  Every marriage you got and that's fine.
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  Why is it fine? Because you're an unfinished
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  product. Put it to a new situation.
• 16:57
  It's very difficult and now you got to figure it out.
• 16:59
  But the goal is after 20253035 years, it's not perfect, but it
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  continues being a developed product.
• 17:05
  That's the goal. It's an apparent thing if any
• 17:08
  guy thinks he's, you know, shouldn't be a beautiful father
• 17:12
  with his first child. OK, he might be good with your
• 17:16
  children. 2 year old you. Never seen a 2 year old.
• 17:18
  Look at you and laugh at you. All right?
• 17:20
  Exactly A beautiful. Father, the oldest child, is the
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  hardest thing. That's why they call it in the
• 17:24
  Qurban. That's what it's sadly.
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  That's why they behold his earring.
• 17:26
  Behold, syndromes. That's why they get that, don't
• 17:29
  they get double so hard because. And that's the reason why they
• 17:31
  do get double, double portion, but they they have to be the
• 17:35
  Guinea pig because is it just why is every single thing in
• 17:38
  Guinea pigs? Because every single situation
• 17:40
  you face, you're going in to improve, you're going in Florida
• 17:45
  or the goal of improving. And if you think you haven't
• 17:47
  figured out because you saw your parents and you saw somebody
• 17:49
  else, it's a joke because it's a new situation has developed.
• 17:53
  But if a person believes they have it all worked out, those
• 17:56
  people are the people you look at them after 20 years, say
• 17:58
  those people Hazit, they're worse off because I think they
• 18:00
  haven't figured out. There's a guy.
• 18:01
  I'll give you one example. I1 started guy talk.
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  OK. And this guy spoke about right
• 18:08
  from wrong. It's always stuck in my mind.
• 18:10
  He gave a good lesson from right from he says he's a rabbi, not a
• 18:13
  rabbi, whatever it is. He gave a lesson to right from
• 18:15
  wrong. And he had a personal example of
• 18:17
  what he did to sacrifice when he came from doing something right
• 18:21
  and involved asking advice and this and that and other thing.
• 18:24
  And he made a major life move in order to do the right thing.
• 18:29
  Major life move. And he said this over publicly.
• 18:31
  It's like a big deal. The reason I think this guy's
• 18:34
  story is very powerful, sadly to say, because if you watch this
• 18:38
  guy's life today, he is failing on right from wrong constantly
• 18:43
  in my humble opinion. And it's I believe it's possible
• 18:46
  because he knows he has and he thinks he has a moral compass.
• 18:49
  So he thinks he figured out right from wrong.
• 18:52
  Once you think you have that figured out, you will trip and
• 18:55
  fall in the same area literally, that you think you're good at.
• 18:59
  Personally believe that they have it made in the shade.
• 19:02
  That's when they're going to make mistakes.
• 19:03
  If a person says to themselves, I'm trying, we're all trying,
• 19:07
  every one of us and comes to character, we're trying.
• 19:10
  I don't have it all worked out. I'm not the most humble guy
• 19:13
  around. I'm not the most arrogant guy
• 19:15
  around. I don't I don't get along with
• 19:16
  everybody every time. I'm not that guy.
• 19:19
  I'm not the nicest everybody. I can little bit be a little bit
• 19:21
  cold at times. I have my apps, I have my
• 19:24
  doubts. If you're aware, if you're OK
• 19:26
  with that, then you will constantly work.
• 19:29
  If you think you haven't made in the shade, if you think you
• 19:31
  haven't settled, good luck because you'll face a new
• 19:34
  situation and you'll want to believe he always missed the
• 19:37
  good guy. Mr. Good Guy will do everything
• 19:40
  in his power to keep that Mister good guy's status and never
• 19:43
  allow his mind to see that he's making mistakes.
• 19:46
  And then it's their fault and it's their fault.
• 19:47
  The other person's fault, the other person's fault.
• 19:49
  No, it's not their fault. It's called life.
• 19:50
  It's not going to say it's your fault either.
• 19:53
  It's called life and you're an unfinished product and you're
• 19:55
  being thrown out to life. And now you got to figure it
• 19:57
  out. This is the makeup of all of us,
• 19:59
  every single person. And the more a person is aware
• 20:02
  of this, the less flawed they end up being.
• 20:06
  The more the OK being flawed and aware being flawed, the more
• 20:09
  they end up plugging those holes and part by part, situation by
• 20:13
  situation, saying to themselves, let me figure that out and that
• 20:16
  out and that out. I don't have it all worked out.
• 20:18
  I'm in an unfinished product. I'm in the process.
• 20:21
  I'm good. I'm not done, I'm not complete.
• 20:24
  I'm just getting started. That's the idea.
• 20:26
  I'll start with this.