Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / I Got It From My Mama: Tika Sumpter on Hustle, Healing & Life's Biggest Lessons

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I Got It From My Mama: Tika Sumpter on Hustle, Healing & Life's Biggest Lessons · QUESTION EVERYTHING

0:04
Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
0:08
Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
0:12
Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on
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Speaker 1: pretty This is pretty smart.
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Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, you'll notice that my voice is a little
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Speaker 2: different today, and that is because I have the flu.
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Speaker 2: The good news is that I recorded this episode before
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Speaker 2: I had the flu, so you won't have to hear
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Speaker 2: my voice like this, and it's an amazing episode. I
0:34
Speaker 2: do have some fun things to catch you up on.
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Speaker 2: The first is that I went to Denver to give
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Speaker 2: my first keynote speech.
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Speaker 1: It went really well.
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Speaker 2: I gave a talk on the power of questions and
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Speaker 2: it sort of opened up my world. I'm gonna talk
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Speaker 2: to you about it more next week when my voice
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Speaker 2: doesn't sound like this. And the second thing is that
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Speaker 2: there are going to be some changes to the podcast.
1:01
Speaker 2: I know I mentioned that before, but just a quick
1:04
Speaker 2: reminder to hit that follow button whether you listen on Apples, Spotify,
1:08
Speaker 2: wherever you're listening, because I don't want you to miss
1:12
Speaker 2: what's coming up. We definitely have some big changes in
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Speaker 2: the works, and they're coming next week actually, but let's
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Speaker 2: jump into today Tika Sumpter is a force. You know
1:26
Speaker 2: her as an actress, producer, and writer, but if you
1:29
Speaker 2: look closer, you'll see something even bigger.
1:33
Speaker 1: She's a builder.
1:35
Speaker 2: She's built a career with no blueprint, a voice in
1:38
Speaker 2: an industry that often tells women to just be quiet,
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Speaker 2: and a life that reflects her own ambition, not anyone
1:45
Speaker 2: else's expectations. She grew up in Queen's where hustle isn't optional,
1:51
Speaker 2: it's instinct.
1:52
Speaker 1: We are hustlers in every good sense of the word.
1:55
Speaker 3: Just because you come from a certain part of the
1:58
Speaker 3: world doesn't mean you can't be successful.
2:00
Speaker 2: Mindset carried her through open calls and odd jobs in
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Speaker 2: New York, onto her first soap opera, One Life to Live,
2:06
Speaker 2: and eventually into Hollywood, where she made a name for
2:08
Speaker 2: herself in Gossip Girl, Southside with You, Sonic, the Hedgehog,
2:12
Speaker 2: and Beyond. I have to tell you her success was
2:17
Speaker 2: not handed to her. It was earned audition by audition,
2:21
Speaker 2: rejection by rejection. Dicka tells a story about how early
2:25
Speaker 2: in her career she got a call at work that
2:27
Speaker 2: broke her. She hung up the phone, stood up, and
2:30
Speaker 2: walked right back out that door.
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Speaker 3: No.
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Speaker 2: Two weeks notice, no backup planned, just the decision that
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Speaker 2: she wasn't going to let a day job define her
2:37
Speaker 2: I was done.
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Speaker 3: I was like, I don't have to be abused, walk out,
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Speaker 3: I'm done.
2:43
Speaker 2: That moment led to an opportunity that changed everything. She's
2:47
Speaker 2: worked with Hollywood heavyweights like Tyler Perry, who recognized something
2:50
Speaker 2: in her that others didn't. And while she starred in
2:53
Speaker 2: major films and TV series, she also had to navigate
2:56
Speaker 2: an industry that still asked the same questions, what's her value?
3:01
Speaker 2: Can she carry a project? But Tika never let someone
3:05
Speaker 2: else define her word. She started her own production company,
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Speaker 2: co wrote and is starring in a new film, and
3:12
Speaker 2: is launching something she calls the scariest, boldest move of
3:15
Speaker 2: her career, a product for mothers and babies, and she's
3:18
Speaker 2: betting on it with everything she has. And then there's Ella,
3:23
Speaker 2: her daughter. Motherhood, she says, has been the most profound
3:27
Speaker 2: mirror of all.
3:29
Speaker 3: A young person without of voice becomes an adult without
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Speaker 3: of voice, and I had to find that voice.
3:35
Speaker 2: That self discovery has shaped the way she parents, the
3:38
Speaker 2: way she works, even the way she sees herself. It's
3:42
Speaker 2: part of the reason she wrote her new book. I
3:43
Speaker 2: got it from my mama. This book is a love
3:47
Speaker 2: letter to the things we inherit the traits, the habits,
3:50
Speaker 2: the strengths, even the struggles that get passed down from
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Speaker 2: mother to child. It's about the beauty of those connections,
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Speaker 2: but also the responsibility of them. What do we cant,
4:00
Speaker 2: what do we change? What do we hand down differently
4:04
Speaker 2: than was given to us? Tika's in the process of
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Speaker 2: answering all these questions for herself in real time. Her
4:11
Speaker 2: story is about talent, but more than that, I think
4:14
Speaker 2: it's about tenacity. It's about the belief that if you
4:18
Speaker 2: don't see a door, you just build one. So today
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Speaker 2: we talk about Hollywood's double standards, the power of curiosity,
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Speaker 2: why she refuses to wait for permission, and how she's
4:29
Speaker 2: still learning every single day who she really is. Let's
4:35
Speaker 2: get into it with Tika sumtime.
4:41
Speaker 1: Is it fair to call you the Queen of Queens?
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Speaker 3: I mean, I wish I could be the Queen of Queens,
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Speaker 3: But you know, I have very fond memories of living
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Speaker 3: there until I was like about ten, so going outside
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Speaker 3: all day and playing until the lights came on and
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Speaker 3: my mom's screaming down the block and just playing outside
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Speaker 3: all the time and going to the corner store and
5:00
Speaker 3: buying pickles like it was a thing pickles or a hero,
5:04
Speaker 3: which is like a sandwich, so very East Coast stuff
5:06
Speaker 3: that I'm talking about.
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Speaker 1: If you're from New York, you get it. You get it.
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Speaker 1: If you know you know, if you know you know,
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Speaker 1: what would you say is the most Queen's thing about you?
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Speaker 3: Ooh, the most queens thing about me? I feel like
5:18
Speaker 3: we're just like, I mean, I know, I feel like
5:21
Speaker 3: we are hustlers in every good sense of the word.
5:23
Speaker 3: We are just like just because you come from a
5:27
Speaker 3: certain part of the world doesn't mean you can't be successful.
5:29
Speaker 3: I feel like super ambitious like elkoolj lived it around
5:32
Speaker 3: my neighborhood, run DMC, like Ella Fitzgerald, like all these
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Speaker 3: amazing icons who you know, grew.
5:39
Speaker 1: Up around our area.
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Speaker 3: And it's just like, oh my god, that's so cool.
5:43
Speaker 3: It's just like inspiration and feels like the coolest things.
5:46
Speaker 3: Like a lot of culture comes from Queens. I'm proud
5:49
Speaker 3: of that legacy. And I just feel like even my
5:51
Speaker 3: mom just she does so much grit. That's what I
5:53
Speaker 3: love about people from Queens. It's just grit and like
5:56
Speaker 3: people who work hard and you know, find a way out.
5:59
Speaker 3: Not I like that you said find a way. I
6:02
Speaker 3: found that from people from Queen's Yeah, find a way.
6:06
Speaker 3: We like figure you just figure things out and we
6:08
Speaker 3: don't complain and we're just like, look, life is what
6:11
Speaker 3: it is and we got to just make it.
6:12
Speaker 1: Do what to do? Is there anything that's Hollywood about you?
6:17
Speaker 1: I wish? I wish.
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Speaker 3: I feel like if I was more of an asshole,
6:19
Speaker 3: I'd be further along in my career. It feels like
6:22
Speaker 3: assholes or people who are just idiots sometimes just make
6:25
Speaker 3: away with so much. But I'm playing the long game though,
6:28
Speaker 3: I am, because that's just not in my DNA. Like
6:31
Speaker 3: I am kind and I always when people are like
6:35
Speaker 3: I show up to places and I'll have like one
6:37
Speaker 3: or two people with me and they're like, that's that's it.
6:40
Speaker 1: I'm like, who is coming? Like why for what?
6:44
Speaker 3: They're like, you don't understand. I'm like, are people nice
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Speaker 3: to you? They're like, you don't understand. So I'm just like,
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Speaker 3: I've just never been that person where I feel like
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Speaker 3: I need to do the most to be acknowledged. I
6:56
Speaker 3: feel like I come in, I do the job, I talk,
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Speaker 3: I can't, which is to me the most important, And
7:02
Speaker 3: then I leave and I go home to my family.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you light up a room like I really feel
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Speaker 1: like you're illuminary. Thank you. I appreciate that. Honestly.
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Speaker 3: I just think it's like I grew up treating people
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Speaker 3: like my mom was very much about kindness. Yeah, you
7:17
Speaker 3: treating people no matter who you are, like my mom
7:20
Speaker 3: doesn't care. My mom has been on every set that
7:23
Speaker 3: I've been on. Yeah, she is the one everybody's coming
7:25
Speaker 3: around to be like, so like talking to her and
7:27
Speaker 3: because she's just like a light. And I feel like
7:30
Speaker 3: I've gotten a little bit of that from her, where
7:32
Speaker 3: she's like, I don't care who you are going talk
7:34
Speaker 3: to you, and I don't care where you are on
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Speaker 3: a call sheet, I don't care. I'll talk to the
7:39
Speaker 3: catering people. I treat everybody good. Treat everybody good. That's
7:43
Speaker 3: my that's the light I bring. And I want to
7:45
Speaker 3: make people feel like while she's really looking at me
7:48
Speaker 3: when she's talking to me, I'm not passing over people.
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Speaker 1: You know. I love that you brought up your mom
7:53
Speaker 1: because I was listening to some other interviews you did,
7:56
Speaker 1: and you said she's a correctional officer. Yeah, she was tired. Now,
8:00
Speaker 1: that's for real, that's for real, a woman, Like, for
8:04
Speaker 1: a woman to do that job is really difficult.
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Speaker 3: Well, also, my mom was a housewife for thirteen years
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Speaker 3: and she thought like I just want to raise my kids.
8:12
Speaker 3: And then her my dad unfortunately divorced and life happened,
8:15
Speaker 3: and she's like, I have to get a job. And
8:17
Speaker 3: she started as a secretary there as as a civilian
8:21
Speaker 3: and then was making thirteen thousand dollars a year raising
8:24
Speaker 3: five kids at the time, insane even for that time.
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Speaker 3: And then she like tripled her salary became a crushtion officer,
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Speaker 3: and even there, she's like, I just remember giving people
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Speaker 3: their dignity, and even if it was like hey, yeah
8:39
Speaker 3: you could take a longer shower, you want more food,
8:41
Speaker 3: you know, like just treating people with dignity.
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Speaker 1: I think that's that's literally in my core. Yeah, do
8:47
Speaker 1: you remember being broke?
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Speaker 3: Yes, I think I'm the way I am because I'm like,
8:53
Speaker 3: I never want to go back. And it's also like
8:56
Speaker 3: one of those things that you rub in two points
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Speaker 3: together and you're gonna make something out of nothing.
9:01
Speaker 1: You're going to figure it out.
9:02
Speaker 3: And so there's good things about it because you're just
9:04
Speaker 3: like you remember what it was like to be like, hey,
9:07
Speaker 3: I remember going to the corner store and asking them
9:09
Speaker 3: for credit, like being like, hey, my mom will get
9:11
Speaker 3: it back to you, like dadda and my mom had
9:13
Speaker 3: a list and they're like yeah, sure, Like those people
9:15
Speaker 3: were lifesaverite to my mom. And so I do remember
9:19
Speaker 3: being broke, and I do know like it continues to
9:22
Speaker 3: light my fire of like not in like fear, but
9:25
Speaker 3: in a way of just like if I was all
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Speaker 3: the way there, I know I can get somewhere else
9:29
Speaker 3: if we made it during that time, everything else is
9:33
Speaker 3: cherry on top.
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Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, I do remember. So you're taking the
9:37
Speaker 1: LR the Long Island Railroad into Manhattan to go to
9:41
Speaker 1: these auditions, Yeah, to go to classes.
9:43
Speaker 3: I used to take the Long Island Railroad to go
9:45
Speaker 3: to Manhattan and I would take these classes. I would
9:49
Speaker 3: find classes and then I would go and I literally
9:51
Speaker 3: had to start from scratch. I didn't know oh backstage, Oh,
9:54
Speaker 3: I can look up open calls. Oh oh this is
9:57
Speaker 3: a cattle call. Like I literally taught myself what to do.
10:02
Speaker 3: And I think the thing that did help was when
10:05
Speaker 3: I walked in the room. I was completely myself, and
10:07
Speaker 3: so people would be wanting to help me because they're like.
10:11
Speaker 1: There's something about you, and I like you, what do
10:14
Speaker 1: you want? Did you know how to answer them? I did, and.
10:18
Speaker 3: Because in a way, because I didn't know exactly, because
10:21
Speaker 3: I didn't know how I was going to get from
10:22
Speaker 3: A to B. I remember when I was in college there.
10:25
Speaker 3: I went to mary Mount Manhattan College for a little while.
10:27
Speaker 3: I was a private college, very expensive at the time.
10:30
Speaker 3: I don't know why. I even I should have went
10:32
Speaker 3: to like a community college in Manhattan, but anyway, that happened.
10:37
Speaker 3: And I remember going to a club one night with
10:39
Speaker 3: some friends. I was still underage, and the guy was like,
10:42
Speaker 3: if you take one drink, you'll never be back in
10:44
Speaker 3: this club ever again. So I'll let you in and
10:48
Speaker 3: I'll continue to let you in, but you cannot drink
10:50
Speaker 3: until you become of age.
10:51
Speaker 1: And I'm like okay.
10:53
Speaker 3: And we became friends and one day he was like, TKA,
10:58
Speaker 3: what do you want to do beside coming here?
11:00
Speaker 1: You're having a good time dancing. What do you want?
11:02
Speaker 1: I was like, I want to be an actor, and
11:04
Speaker 1: he's like okay, and.
11:06
Speaker 3: He was like the next week, He's like, meet me
11:10
Speaker 3: in this building downtown. I'm going to introduce you to
11:13
Speaker 3: an agent. And I said really. He was like really,
11:16
Speaker 3: He's like you can. You can be somebody. And I
11:19
Speaker 3: met my first agent through somebody who just took to me.
11:22
Speaker 1: WHOA, Yeah, I didn't know that story.
11:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, it gives me chills to this day because I'm
11:27
Speaker 3: like for somebody to see you and be like, what
11:29
Speaker 3: do you want and then have a connection to actually
11:32
Speaker 3: help create.
11:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's incredible. And is that the agent that got
11:37
Speaker 1: you the audition for the soap opera?
11:39
Speaker 3: No, my first agent, I still remember her name. She's amazing.
11:43
Speaker 3: Shout out to Riada Mazilla from Jersey, you know, very
11:46
Speaker 3: like I love it. I love Tica. She's great and
11:49
Speaker 3: she was amazing literally talk like that. But the crazy
11:53
Speaker 3: thing is she was sending me auditions. I was booking stuff.
11:55
Speaker 3: I was booking voiceovers. I was booking like right away.
11:58
Speaker 3: I started like getting some stuff right not where I
12:01
Speaker 3: can quit my job, like my everyday waitressing job, but
12:04
Speaker 3: where it was like it was like the industry was
12:07
Speaker 3: telling me you got something here, like you've got something.
12:09
Speaker 3: And then I would go to these auditions and some
12:13
Speaker 3: of these casting assistants would be like one main one
12:17
Speaker 3: came up to me, she goes, you need another agent.
12:19
Speaker 1: It's time. Like after a while, she's.
12:22
Speaker 3: Like, you're ready for more, I'm going to introduce you
12:26
Speaker 3: to this person. And that's where I went to CESD
12:28
Speaker 3: and got my other agent. And it was just like this,
12:31
Speaker 3: like people just being like they just saw you, they
12:34
Speaker 3: saw me, they saw me. That's such a blessing. It's miraculous. Actually,
12:39
Speaker 3: I don't know if anybody sits back and looks at
12:41
Speaker 3: their lives and sees the dots how you became to
12:43
Speaker 3: where you are, whether it's wherever it is.
12:46
Speaker 1: It can be big, small, wherever.
12:47
Speaker 3: But like the blessings, how it all connected and how
12:51
Speaker 3: you made it to where you are, it's insanity.
12:55
Speaker 1: That's really beautiful. I love this story that you told
12:58
Speaker 1: in the breakfast club about how you met this guy
13:03
Speaker 1: my crazy husband. No, I'm still early on in your career.
13:08
Speaker 1: You met this guy who was like I got you,
13:11
Speaker 1: like you can audition. Oh yeah, oh yeah, my friend,
13:15
Speaker 1: can you tell this story because it's he had you
13:17
Speaker 1: for a week. Oh my god.
13:19
Speaker 3: No, literally, So I back in the day, there were
13:21
Speaker 3: some good dudes like really good. I mean, they're still
13:22
Speaker 3: good dudes, but I like connected with some really good dudes.
13:26
Speaker 3: And I had an amazing boyfriend and I was with
13:28
Speaker 3: him for honestly, we ended up being together for like
13:30
Speaker 3: three years. But he saw me stressing and crying coming
13:35
Speaker 3: home just so unhappy. And I literally one day, I
13:39
Speaker 3: think I got a phone called at this place I
13:42
Speaker 3: was working at, and I was just they said something
13:44
Speaker 3: crazy to me.
13:45
Speaker 1: After a while, you only could take something so much.
13:47
Speaker 3: I literally hung up the phone, got out in my
13:51
Speaker 3: seat and walked out the back door and left and
13:56
Speaker 3: didn't tell anybody.
13:57
Speaker 1: That's how I quit my job. Wow, I was done.
13:59
Speaker 3: I was like I don't have to be abused like
14:03
Speaker 3: that and not not like it was just.
14:05
Speaker 1: A little rough at time. I was like I'm gonna
14:07
Speaker 1: walk out. I'm done, and.
14:09
Speaker 3: I was crying, and you know, it was like I
14:12
Speaker 3: always say, it was like a New York moment, crying
14:14
Speaker 3: down the streets in New York, just like.
14:16
Speaker 1: What else do you want from me?
14:18
Speaker 3: God, I'm doing everything, you know, I'm.
14:20
Speaker 1: Booking here and there, but I want to do this
14:23
Speaker 1: full time. Like I'm just done.
14:24
Speaker 3: And I remember calling him and being like I quit
14:29
Speaker 3: my job.
14:30
Speaker 1: He's like, okay, I got you. I got you.
14:33
Speaker 3: Go for this full force, go audition, go to classes,
14:36
Speaker 3: go do your thing, do what you were doing, but
14:38
Speaker 3: go full time. And I was like, this is the
14:40
Speaker 3: first time I ever felt like I had a real
14:42
Speaker 3: safety net for somebody to say I got you.
14:45
Speaker 1: Don't worry about the bills. Like I was like, what
14:48
Speaker 1: is this? What is this called?
14:50
Speaker 3: But then like a week later, I booked, I booked
14:53
Speaker 3: One Life to Live.
14:54
Speaker 1: So he was like, uh, okay, he got off real
14:58
Speaker 1: well because he looked so oh good. Yeah, you didn't
15:01
Speaker 1: really have to pay for your boats. I was told
15:04
Speaker 1: this start like do you remember it? Because we're still friends,
15:06
Speaker 1: and I'm like, do you remember when you know? Yeah? Yeah,
15:08
Speaker 1: I think you owe me your career. You like, well,
15:10
Speaker 1: it might have been that energy that you brought in.
15:13
Speaker 3: Because when you're not chasing something at this time, or
15:16
Speaker 3: you're not tight and you release and you can breathe. Absolutely,
15:20
Speaker 3: it's amazing what things can happen.
15:23
Speaker 1: There's this quote that you said online that you spent
15:25
Speaker 1: your whole twenties and thirties trying not to get pregnant
15:28
Speaker 1: because you were so focused on your career. Oh, yeah,
15:31
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting it pregnant in my twenties, So to
15:34
Speaker 1: say twenties and thirties is interesting to me. That signals
15:38
Speaker 1: you are nose to the grindstone. Yeah.
15:41
Speaker 3: I was like I wasn't even really thinking. I just knew,
15:46
Speaker 3: like that's just not where I wanted to go at
15:49
Speaker 3: that moment.
15:49
Speaker 1: Like marriage was not my north star. Yeah you know
15:53
Speaker 1: what I mean.
15:54
Speaker 3: It was just like, great, we can be a relationship.
15:56
Speaker 3: I wasn't like this, I need that to like to
16:00
Speaker 3: feel myself. I was a I'm a careerist, and I
16:03
Speaker 3: was like my career first, because that's what I really wanted.
16:06
Speaker 3: And when you start seeing things happen like little sparks,
16:09
Speaker 3: you're like, wait, I can do this, Like I can
16:12
Speaker 3: do this, you know. And it's basically a validation of
16:15
Speaker 3: like the industry saying yeah, we like there's something there,
16:20
Speaker 3: we keep hiring you for these jobs. And then when
16:23
Speaker 3: I got my one life to live gig, I was like, oh,
16:25
Speaker 3: I'm not stopping even in my thirties, Like now everybody's
16:30
Speaker 3: like I have a baby, Oh my god, I'm gonna
16:32
Speaker 3: walk around.
16:32
Speaker 1: With my bra and my belly out.
16:34
Speaker 3: It was different, girl, It was not like that. It
16:36
Speaker 3: was like, ooh, you better have that, you know what
16:40
Speaker 3: I mean. Like it was not something that was looked at,
16:42
Speaker 3: Like I remember going into an audition pregnant. It was
16:46
Speaker 3: probably the most vulnerable I've ever been knowing they looked
16:49
Speaker 3: at me like absolutely not, you know what I mean,
16:53
Speaker 3: Like it was just not gonna happen.
16:55
Speaker 1: I remember when Cardi b got pregnant like five years ago. Yeah,
16:58
Speaker 1: and I'm a self proclaimed feminist, okay, and I thought,
17:01
Speaker 1: why would she do that? She's gonna ruin her career.
17:04
Speaker 3: Even before that, what did Lauren Hill say when she
17:08
Speaker 3: wrote that song Zion, you.
17:09
Speaker 1: Know, unsure of what the balance held.
17:12
Speaker 3: I touched my belly, overwhelmed, and people told her Lauren, baby,
17:15
Speaker 3: use your your head and not your heart. That's been
17:19
Speaker 3: the thing of like, and it doesn't even matter if
17:22
Speaker 3: you're it's just it's just the industry. It is not
17:24
Speaker 3: It's like, are you gonna slow it out of the money?
17:26
Speaker 3: Are you gonna slod it out of the success? Like
17:28
Speaker 3: you just got here, you know what I mean, Like
17:30
Speaker 3: all those things. So you're scared. One You're like the industry's.
17:34
Speaker 1: Telling you no, no, absolutely not.
17:36
Speaker 3: And so this this new evolution of like pregnancy and
17:40
Speaker 3: like I can work while I'm pregnant or I can
17:42
Speaker 3: you know whatever while I'm pregnant is very new.
17:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank god, thank god, thank god.
17:47
Speaker 3: I mean, even when I worked with Tyler Perry, like
17:49
Speaker 3: he was a first of all, like he basically guessed
17:54
Speaker 3: that I was pregnant. He was like called me and
17:56
Speaker 3: nobody knew, and he's like, are you pregnant? I was like,
18:00
Speaker 3: how do you know? He's like, I don't know. I
18:01
Speaker 3: had a feeling. And then when I got to work
18:04
Speaker 3: and I started showing, He's like, all good, I'm going
18:06
Speaker 3: to shoot you.
18:07
Speaker 1: You know.
18:08
Speaker 3: So it was like I was able to work in
18:10
Speaker 3: That's awesome. So supportive. It was very supportive.
18:12
Speaker 1: That's really cool. Yeah, you guys became good friends from
18:15
Speaker 1: that show.
18:15
Speaker 3: Huh. Yeah, we became really good friends from Haves and
18:18
Speaker 3: have nots. And he's been super supportive of my career
18:21
Speaker 3: and I can call him anytime. And you know, there
18:24
Speaker 3: was an announcement made of us doing a movie that
18:27
Speaker 3: I co wrote and I'm producing and I'm starring in
18:29
Speaker 3: and so we're actually going to shoot the back half
18:32
Speaker 3: of it in Italy and so yeah, and he just
18:35
Speaker 3: he's like, you know, let's bring this to Amazon or
18:38
Speaker 3: Netflix or whoever. And we did and Amazon was like yeah,
18:41
Speaker 3: and he was like, I'll direct it. This is my
18:43
Speaker 3: first time directing without writing it, you know, and he
18:46
Speaker 3: was excited to be supportive and so again and all
18:50
Speaker 3: those dots being connected, just because just because.
18:55
Speaker 1: His documentary was probably my favorite that I've seen in
18:58
Speaker 1: the last few years. It's really special. Yeah. What is
19:02
Speaker 1: the magic of Tyler Perry from like up close m.
19:07
Speaker 3: He believes when no one else does. He believes when
19:11
Speaker 3: it's not all put together. He takes a lot of
19:14
Speaker 3: people who not necessarily is being hired all the time
19:20
Speaker 3: and he's like, I want to work with you, and
19:22
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden they're like, you know, they're
19:24
Speaker 3: out in the world. I mean, every actress that you
19:26
Speaker 3: can ever think of mostly has worked with him, especially
19:29
Speaker 3: like black actresses. He was given jobs when other people
19:33
Speaker 3: weren't hiring, you know what I mean. And I think
19:36
Speaker 3: the magic of him is he really knows what hardship is.
19:40
Speaker 3: He's seen it up close and personal, and I think
19:43
Speaker 3: he he roots for the underdog because that's how people
19:47
Speaker 3: have always seen him as the underdog, Like Oh yeah,
19:50
Speaker 3: you're doing that cute little play. Okay, yeah you can
19:53
Speaker 3: have you can have your rights. Sure, and then it's
19:55
Speaker 3: like he built up basically a whole ecosystem right under
19:58
Speaker 3: the noses of this industry. He's like the biggest, the smallest,
20:02
Speaker 3: biggest giant that has ever been around in this industry
20:05
Speaker 3: that people have dismissed.
20:06
Speaker 1: And now it's like everybody's coming to him like, hey,
20:08
Speaker 1: can you do this. Here's the deal, here's a deal.
20:11
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, once he fixed Oprah's network, oh,
20:15
Speaker 1: I think everyone was like, oh, yeah, there's something going well.
20:18
Speaker 3: He was the first one to come and help, you know,
20:21
Speaker 3: bring this show their first show.
20:24
Speaker 1: To them, and it was a huge hit. And he
20:26
Speaker 1: was a huge hit, huge hit.
20:28
Speaker 3: And I mean I even cut out, like no matter
20:31
Speaker 3: what show was on on Tuesday nights, we were either
20:34
Speaker 3: number one or number two.
20:35
Speaker 1: And that was for a long time.
20:37
Speaker 3: And so I'm just super proud of something that people
20:42
Speaker 3: dismiss and sometimes.
20:44
Speaker 1: Overlook, but I'm like, that's not even what matters.
20:47
Speaker 3: What matters is actually just doing the work and being
20:49
Speaker 3: in the arena to fight and to be and to
20:53
Speaker 3: have fun and play like all that other noise and stuff. Great,
20:56
Speaker 3: it's all great, but that doesn't define my success.
21:00
Speaker 1: Ever. Is the producing and writing part something that's always
21:04
Speaker 1: been in you?
21:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's always like storytelling and like ideas.
21:10
Speaker 1: But like if you get a script and you're hired
21:12
Speaker 1: as an actor, yeah, in the back of your mind
21:14
Speaker 1: or you're like, oh, I would do it this way,
21:16
Speaker 1: or I would change this, or I would like is
21:18
Speaker 1: that part of this want?
21:20
Speaker 3: I think part of my producing and writing has come
21:23
Speaker 3: out of just necessity and a lot of yeah, because
21:27
Speaker 3: sometimes I don't get the things that I want or
21:29
Speaker 3: to be in right, like the role is not written
21:31
Speaker 3: for me, or they don't see me as that. I'm like, oh, well,
21:33
Speaker 3: then I'm just going to write the thing, or I'm
21:35
Speaker 3: going to come up with the idea and I'm going
21:36
Speaker 3: to bring writers on to write it, and I'm gonna
21:40
Speaker 3: get a bigger producer or whatever, or get financing to
21:43
Speaker 3: make it happen, or go pitch this thing to a studio.
21:47
Speaker 3: And usually when I bet on myself, it usually works.
21:51
Speaker 3: And then I've walked into studios with a pitch and
21:56
Speaker 3: they brought it in the room.
21:58
Speaker 1: And then again that's a wink to me.
22:00
Speaker 3: You're saying you're always onto something like you have it,
22:03
Speaker 3: you have the thing, believe in it always. And that's
22:07
Speaker 3: why I say, believe in your intuition, believe in your gut.
22:09
Speaker 3: When people are like, oh, so, do you want to
22:11
Speaker 3: go through all these other steps, I'm like, no, I
22:13
Speaker 3: want to go right to the horse's mouth, like I
22:15
Speaker 3: want to talk. I don't need all these other things.
22:17
Speaker 3: And sometimes you do need all these other pieces of
22:19
Speaker 3: the puzzle to make things happen. I just don't wait
22:22
Speaker 3: to make things happen. And I don't allow people's nose
22:25
Speaker 3: to be my guiding light ever, like I always never
22:29
Speaker 3: get to I think when people say no or try
22:31
Speaker 3: to put up these kind of walls, I every time,
22:36
Speaker 3: I'm like, tka, every time you listen to yourself like
22:40
Speaker 3: that thing, it usually works out. So you just got
22:43
Speaker 3: to walk around their wall and get to somebody else.
22:45
Speaker 3: You got to just look for the yes, like that's it.
22:48
Speaker 3: And I look for the yes. I'm like, okay, thank
22:50
Speaker 3: you when they say no or they're like pushing back
22:53
Speaker 3: on me whatever that looks like, and I'm like, oh, okay,
22:56
Speaker 3: I keep it cute. And then I'm like mm hm.
22:58
Speaker 3: And then you go and see it got or there's
23:01
Speaker 3: I'm gonna deal with somebody like I'm gonna get it,
23:04
Speaker 3: trust me, I'm gonna get it done.
23:07
Speaker 1: Like yeah, you seem like a get it done type
23:10
Speaker 1: of person.
23:11
Speaker 3: Nothing's ever been like you did this one thing and
23:14
Speaker 3: now you're part of this thing, you know what I mean.
23:16
Speaker 1: Or it's so rarely that it's so, but it feels
23:20
Speaker 1: like it because it looks like it looks like it.
23:22
Speaker 1: It's never that, even like really really big celebrities, it's
23:26
Speaker 1: not that.
23:26
Speaker 3: It's not that, and you'll be surprised that it's a
23:29
Speaker 3: lot of not that who are up there, you know,
23:33
Speaker 3: like a lot of the conversations in the room, even
23:36
Speaker 3: when you talk about value, like the way sometimes the
23:39
Speaker 3: way our industry talks about actresses, like well, what's their value?
23:43
Speaker 3: What does the value add? Are they able to get
23:46
Speaker 3: it greenlight themselves?
23:47
Speaker 1: Yeah?
23:47
Speaker 3: Is this one actress valuable enough? And it's like you're
23:50
Speaker 3: just like like if you heard the way they talk,
23:53
Speaker 3: it's rough, yeah, and it could make you feel like
23:57
Speaker 3: you're not worthy, but it really has nothing to do
23:59
Speaker 3: with you.
24:00
Speaker 1: It really doesn't like if you really think, it's just like, oh, that's.
24:03
Speaker 3: What you guys think, but over here this my audience
24:07
Speaker 3: has been a success, you know what I mean. And
24:09
Speaker 3: I'm not saying a one specific actors or actress. I'm
24:12
Speaker 3: just saying that's the way they talk in the industry
24:14
Speaker 3: about value.
24:15
Speaker 1: Add what's the value? Have you seen people shift or
24:18
Speaker 1: change the way they treat you after haves or have not?
24:22
Speaker 3: I think it's after a collective of things, right, like
24:24
Speaker 3: being part of even when I did like Sparkle, which
24:28
Speaker 3: with Whitney Houston, or even if I did gossip Girl,
24:31
Speaker 3: or I feel like it's a collective thing.
24:34
Speaker 1: Even with Sonic you know the franchise. Yeah, it's huge.
24:38
Speaker 3: So when you get in rooms now you're like hey,
24:41
Speaker 3: or it's like my children or your success breed success
24:46
Speaker 3: right in any avenue. And so it's a collection of things.
24:50
Speaker 3: Or when I get something made like a movie and
24:51
Speaker 3: that I co wrote and that I produced, it's like
24:53
Speaker 3: people start trusting you more. And so I think it's
24:56
Speaker 3: more of a trust thing, and like trusting that like
24:59
Speaker 3: they're gonna get their back, you know what I mean,
25:01
Speaker 3: They're not gonna go over budget. Like yeah, that's why
25:04
Speaker 3: I said none of the value stuff has anything to
25:06
Speaker 3: do with the actual person. It has to do with
25:09
Speaker 3: what somebody is afraid to let go of or not
25:13
Speaker 3: to be, like are we gonna bet on this person
25:14
Speaker 3: or are we gonna bet on this whole collective group?
25:17
Speaker 1: Like what are we betting on? You know, to make
25:19
Speaker 1: our money back?
25:20
Speaker 3: So that's why I don't take my worth from the
25:24
Speaker 3: value of the system.
25:25
Speaker 1: That the way they talk about it. I've heard you
25:27
Speaker 1: say in other interviews that you feel like you've been
25:29
Speaker 1: paid well. Have you dealt with other stuff behind the scenes.
25:32
Speaker 1: Have you dealt with like blind casting or race issues.
25:36
Speaker 1: Have you dealt with like misogynistic casting directors, or have
25:40
Speaker 1: you felt like you pretty much? I feel like I
25:43
Speaker 1: dodged a lot of bullets in that area.
25:45
Speaker 3: I mean, I know, I mean I've definitely heard Oh,
25:50
Speaker 3: this director's not going to look at dark skiing women
25:52
Speaker 3: Like I literally I was like, wait, what you know
25:56
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like, I've heard that before like once,
25:59
Speaker 3: and I was like, that's interesting, that's very interesting. And
26:03
Speaker 3: again I'm like, I can't let the noise in because
26:06
Speaker 3: then they're gonna throw me off my game and I'm
26:08
Speaker 3: gonna think it's me when it has nothing to do
26:10
Speaker 3: with me. But other than that, I feel like I
26:12
Speaker 3: haven't really, to my face dealt with things. I think
26:16
Speaker 3: the men who I've worked with have been awesome to me.
26:19
Speaker 3: They've been supportive of me, and the women have been supportive.
26:24
Speaker 3: So I don't feel like I've had that experience, you know.
26:27
Speaker 3: And I don't know if it's just my just luck
26:30
Speaker 3: or whatever or just you know, like we're gonna mess
26:33
Speaker 3: with her, you know, I don't.
26:34
Speaker 1: Know, but I said Queen's energy.
26:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, like what you want what you talked about willis
26:40
Speaker 3: you know? Yeah, I mean I definitely. Always you know,
26:44
Speaker 3: you have people trying to see.
26:46
Speaker 1: How far they can go, you know, in certain situations.
26:50
Speaker 3: And I think that's anybody like they've flirt a little bit,
26:54
Speaker 3: like let me see where you're at, and you just
26:56
Speaker 3: for me.
26:56
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm not there, you know what I mean.
26:59
Speaker 1: And then when you've always been private, like there's nothing
27:01
Speaker 1: online about you dating somebody. Yeah, it's just it's you
27:06
Speaker 1: and your husband, that's all you see.
27:08
Speaker 4: And I know you are out here every husband.
27:11
Speaker 1: Yeah. No.
27:12
Speaker 3: Look, I always say I'm gonna tell my daughter, like
27:15
Speaker 3: be out in the streets safely, because I'm like.
27:17
Speaker 4: Being in the streets is fine, especially when like the
27:21
Speaker 4: street lights are on and like, you know, there's nice
27:24
Speaker 4: people walking around and you're like, ooh you like I
27:28
Speaker 4: think my nature of like when I was in my
27:30
Speaker 4: twenties and thirties, like I wanted to have fun and
27:34
Speaker 4: I wanted to experience life, and so I dated.
27:36
Speaker 3: But I don't need to date in front, Like I
27:39
Speaker 3: don't need to tell everybody in my business.
27:40
Speaker 1: I've never been that person. Yeah, you know, like, hey,
27:43
Speaker 1: this is who I'm dating, or this is who I'm
27:45
Speaker 1: hanging with or whatever. Like the only people that need
27:49
Speaker 1: to know is the people I'm with, you know.
27:51
Speaker 3: And so it's just like it was fun and I
27:54
Speaker 3: stayed friends, you know, and.
27:57
Speaker 1: I'm just not that girl.
27:58
Speaker 3: I don't need everybody to know my business because then
28:00
Speaker 3: when you let everybody know your business, you better be
28:02
Speaker 3: ready for them to be in your business.
28:03
Speaker 1: All the opinions, all of them. And yeah, well okay,
28:07
Speaker 1: so when you meet your husband, you're not really looking
28:09
Speaker 1: for anything.
28:10
Speaker 3: Well at that point, I was like dating with the
28:13
Speaker 3: intention of I'm ready. You were, yes, at that point,
28:16
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm dating with the intention of, like
28:20
Speaker 3: what does forever.
28:21
Speaker 1: Look like with somebody? So you did want that I
28:23
Speaker 1: did eventually.
28:25
Speaker 3: Always wanted it, but it was never at the forefront
28:28
Speaker 3: of my life. It wasn't like I'm ready, I want
28:30
Speaker 3: to get married, I want to have a baby, and
28:32
Speaker 3: this is what I want my life.
28:33
Speaker 1: That wasn't it. It was there, but it was like
28:36
Speaker 1: later later, got it, we'll do it later.
28:38
Speaker 3: It's not that I never wanted it, it's just it
28:40
Speaker 3: wasn't priority. But then as you get older, you're like, hmm,
28:45
Speaker 3: I do want a kid. Who would be a good
28:48
Speaker 3: partner for that?
28:49
Speaker 1: And so I started dating with intentions of like would
28:51
Speaker 1: you be your dad? Non'd be your dad? Were you
28:54
Speaker 1: nervous about dating an actor? Oh my god? Yeah? Yeah,
28:58
Speaker 1: I mean we're crazy. I'm crazy. I know that, Like
29:02
Speaker 1: I'm literally what type of crazy are you? I deal with?
29:05
Speaker 3: Like control? You know, I like being quiet in my house. Okay,
29:11
Speaker 3: Like literally I don't.
29:11
Speaker 1: That's not crazy.
29:13
Speaker 3: Something it can be to somebody who wants to talk
29:14
Speaker 3: to you, you know, where you're like, hey, how are
29:18
Speaker 3: you feeling. I'm like, I'm feeling the same way I
29:20
Speaker 3: was feeling about two hours ago.
29:24
Speaker 1: So when I first moved to LA, I dated an actor.
29:26
Speaker 1: Granted he was on the CW so I don't know
29:28
Speaker 1: if we could call it a success. But I have
29:32
Speaker 1: never felt so alarmed in my life. And it particularly
29:36
Speaker 1: it's when they're not working. Oh back and day. That's
29:39
Speaker 1: when the crazy crazy, because.
29:41
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm not working, What does that mean about me?
29:44
Speaker 3: Like you get insecure and like all those things start happening. Yeah,
29:47
Speaker 3: And if you're not an actor and you're with that,
29:51
Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, where's the door?
29:53
Speaker 1: Cause it's like it's not like you understand each other.
29:56
Speaker 1: We totally understand that. That's cool. Oh my god, he
29:59
Speaker 1: totally understands me. Like that's a great thing. Yeah.
30:01
Speaker 3: And I was telling you earlier before we started, like
30:04
Speaker 3: I used to wonder like why because I always like
30:06
Speaker 3: actors are always breaking up, Like why are they even
30:08
Speaker 3: going after each other? It's because they understand each other
30:11
Speaker 3: and they understand all the things that come along with it.
30:14
Speaker 3: And for me also, all the things that come along
30:18
Speaker 3: with it can be a lot. Like I get really
30:20
Speaker 3: nervous on a carpet, like my heart starts beating.
30:23
Speaker 1: I get really like anxious. Did you kill a carpet girl?
30:26
Speaker 1: Thank you? But inside I'm like Sasghetti image, just say
30:30
Speaker 1: something else. They tell a different story. I'm trying to
30:33
Speaker 1: heart on my face. You would never know. You would
30:35
Speaker 1: never know. But I get really anxious.
30:37
Speaker 3: There's just like little neurotic things that I do and
30:39
Speaker 3: that I'm like. I literally when my husband asked me
30:42
Speaker 3: to marry him, I'm like, are you sure?
30:45
Speaker 1: I'm nuts? And he's like, I know. So I was like, okay, home,
30:50
Speaker 1: were you a wedding person because you got married in Cabo.
30:53
Speaker 1: Your photos are so beautiful, thank you.
30:55
Speaker 3: I think I had an idea of like, oh, I
30:59
Speaker 3: just want it to be a beautiful day that I
31:02
Speaker 3: really remember, and so yeah, but I wasn't again like
31:06
Speaker 3: I wasn't the person who's always I mean, I did
31:09
Speaker 3: have a few magazines that were from back in the day.
31:12
Speaker 3: I was like, oh one day, you know, but was
31:15
Speaker 3: I like looking at it all the time now. But
31:17
Speaker 3: I did have an idea of like what I wanted.
31:19
Speaker 1: Did you guys write your own vows? We did. There's
31:21
Speaker 1: this thing going around the internet right now about how
31:24
Speaker 1: people are doing silent vows because they wanted them to
31:27
Speaker 1: want them to be private. Oh like they how do
31:30
Speaker 1: they do it? Like they they just do it to
31:33
Speaker 1: each other. Earlier in the day or like they don't
31:36
Speaker 1: really do the vows. They don't want everyone to hear them,
31:39
Speaker 1: so people are just sitting there quiet. Yeah, we're just silent.
31:42
Speaker 1: But I come to a wedding before the vows.
31:45
Speaker 4: I want to know how you and I want to
31:48
Speaker 4: know what.
31:49
Speaker 3: Okay, we were holding out both accountable, Like that's the point, right,
31:53
Speaker 3: like our promises, what our promises. Because when we were
31:57
Speaker 3: doing our vows, I had friends like okay, yeah, you know,
32:00
Speaker 3: like you let the church say amen, you know.
32:03
Speaker 1: Have you guys kept them? I mean so far, so good? Yeah, great,
32:06
Speaker 1: so far. I mean I'm sure I haven't.
32:08
Speaker 3: I'm sure like going to bed angry like the Happy Girl.
32:13
Speaker 3: It happens, but like we always prepare and come back.
32:16
Speaker 1: To each other. What's the most fun you've ever had
32:18
Speaker 1: working on a project?
32:20
Speaker 3: Ooh, the most fun. Sonic is one of the most
32:25
Speaker 3: fun because it was like so not stressful. I kept thinking,
32:28
Speaker 3: like are we working? Because it was just fun. Like
32:32
Speaker 3: the director, I feel like it always starts from the top,
32:34
Speaker 3: and if you're a director, Jeff's shout out to Jeff Fowler,
32:37
Speaker 3: they just make life easy for you. And I don't know,
32:41
Speaker 3: it was just such a perfect experience, I have to say.
32:44
Speaker 3: But also my friend Richard Tanny, who I worked with
32:46
Speaker 3: on Southside with You, when I played a young Michelle Obama.
32:50
Speaker 3: That was probably so fun, Like that was like one
32:52
Speaker 3: of the most fun sets. It was indie film, but
32:54
Speaker 3: it was like just so everybody got along.
32:57
Speaker 1: It was just cool. It was chill. I want to
33:00
Speaker 1: ask you about that project because I think actors do
33:03
Speaker 1: this incredible thing. It's like a magic act almost because
33:06
Speaker 1: you're bringing your whole self and you're simultaneously being a
33:10
Speaker 1: completely different person. Yes, And when I've interviewed people, I
33:13
Speaker 1: hear a lot of times that you kind of take
33:15
Speaker 1: pieces of that character with you. Did you take pieces
33:19
Speaker 1: of Michelle with you at all?
33:21
Speaker 3: Well? I start I was talking like her for a
33:22
Speaker 3: little while, because you know she does like there's like
33:25
Speaker 3: a she puts her tongue to her teeth in front,
33:29
Speaker 3: and there's like a certain you know she does. I
33:33
Speaker 3: wasn't trying to like totally be exactly like her, but
33:36
Speaker 3: I wanted to have his essences, essence of her. There's
33:39
Speaker 3: this pride, you know, and who she is, you know,
33:43
Speaker 3: and I think I've had that. But like the fact
33:47
Speaker 3: that she kind of pushed back on Brock a little
33:49
Speaker 3: bit like I'm not sure, Like, yeah, everybody thinks you're
33:51
Speaker 3: a hot shot, but I don't know, you know, like
33:54
Speaker 3: it was also a validation, like I have a choice
33:57
Speaker 3: in this matter about all the things right, And so
34:00
Speaker 3: it was probably the essence of this pride she had
34:03
Speaker 3: in her family. No matter how much money they had,
34:06
Speaker 3: it didn't matter. There was this pride of like family
34:09
Speaker 3: and yourself and how smart you were, and it wasn't
34:13
Speaker 3: dependent on another person, but the other person was just
34:16
Speaker 3: additive to that. So I think I love that and
34:19
Speaker 3: I kind of took that from that or added it more,
34:23
Speaker 3: even more so to.
34:23
Speaker 1: Who I am. I mean, just from talking to you now,
34:26
Speaker 1: it sounds like you always had that. Maybe it was
34:28
Speaker 1: just like a reminder, Yes, a reminder You've been in
34:31
Speaker 1: so many different projects. I didn't realize soap opera, live action, drama, comedy,
34:36
Speaker 1: You've done podcasting, You've done a children's podcast. Yeah, it
34:40
Speaker 1: was really cool. What do you think the boldest choice
34:43
Speaker 1: you ever made was? Did you ever think of one?
34:47
Speaker 1: And you were like, Okay, this might not work, but
34:48
Speaker 1: I'm doing it anyways. Yeah, it's something that I'm doing now.
34:51
Speaker 3: I'm building up my company Fort Sumter, and we are
34:55
Speaker 3: funding our kids podcast, Adventure se Curiosity Cove, which is
34:59
Speaker 3: on every platform right now. My book you know, I
35:02
Speaker 3: got it from my mama, which is from the series
35:05
Speaker 3: Ellen the Curious that's her name on Adventures of Curiosity Cove.
35:09
Speaker 3: And then I'm going to be coming out with products
35:12
Speaker 3: soon and so you'll, I.
35:15
Speaker 1: Know, you'll hear more about it.
35:16
Speaker 3: But it's super scary, but it's also something I really
35:20
Speaker 3: believe in.
35:21
Speaker 1: And don't leave me hanging. I know it's it's can
35:25
Speaker 1: you tell me what's like, what field or industry it's for.
35:28
Speaker 3: It's for mothers, and it's an incredible product that I
35:33
Speaker 3: have incredible manufacturing partners that I believe in this product
35:38
Speaker 3: so much. And it's a product for moms and baby. Yeah,
35:43
Speaker 3: it's a dual product. It's a it's a product, one
35:45
Speaker 3: stop shop product.
35:46
Speaker 1: You know, and it's not easy to make a product.
35:49
Speaker 3: No, And so I'm really excited and I'm going to
35:52
Speaker 3: her trade show and I'm doing all the things and
35:54
Speaker 3: I'm putting the money behind it. And it's scary, but
35:57
Speaker 3: it's also like validating when I hear people within the
36:00
Speaker 3: industry not acting. It's totally separate from that say oh
36:04
Speaker 3: this is good, we like this, or we want you
36:06
Speaker 3: to be part of this to you know. So I'm
36:08
Speaker 3: excited and I'll come back once it's out, and please
36:11
Speaker 3: once I make the announcement about it. But yeah, it's
36:14
Speaker 3: one of the boldest choices I've ever made, which makes
36:16
Speaker 3: it scary. But also sometimes when you do scary stuff,
36:19
Speaker 3: it's like you got to challenge yourself and the worst
36:22
Speaker 3: that can happen is it doesn't work, And that's okay too,
36:25
Speaker 3: But I gotta try. If I don't, then I'm going
36:27
Speaker 3: to look back at my life and be like, why
36:29
Speaker 3: didn't I try? You know.
36:31
Speaker 1: For the character Ella Curious, Ella is your daughter. Yeah,
36:35
Speaker 1: how old is she now? She's eight? She's eight, okay,
36:37
Speaker 1: So I was really interested that you named her Ella curious,
36:41
Speaker 1: Ella the curious. I love the curious. What is curiosity
36:45
Speaker 1: brought to your life? Like? Why did you name her
36:47
Speaker 1: curio curious? Excuse me?
36:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, my daughter Ella is the most one of
36:53
Speaker 3: the most curious people I know, Like she really wants
36:56
Speaker 3: to understand why, you know, And I think growing up
36:59
Speaker 3: it is kind of like you're to be seen and
37:01
Speaker 3: not heard. And I didn't really have a voice, and
37:04
Speaker 3: a young person without a voice becomes an adult without
37:07
Speaker 3: a voice. And I had to find that voice in
37:10
Speaker 3: my young twenties because I felt like I'm mute sometimes,
37:13
Speaker 3: Like as strong as I am right now, I didn't
37:15
Speaker 3: always know my feelings. Even when I was dating people,
37:18
Speaker 3: I didn't know like how to be. I felt so
37:22
Speaker 3: stagnant and so restricted. And my daughter is opposite of that.
37:29
Speaker 3: She wants to know all the things. She wants to
37:31
Speaker 3: understand the choices that I'm telling her to do why.
37:35
Speaker 3: And she's interested in science, and she's like good at math,
37:38
Speaker 3: and she's like, you know, we're talking about all the things,
37:41
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I love the curious someone who is
37:46
Speaker 3: just curious about the world and makes a lot of
37:48
Speaker 3: mistakes but questions all the things. And it's like a
37:51
Speaker 3: little coming of age for a third grader, you know,
37:53
Speaker 3: a story. And it's also like emotional intelligence. It's being
37:58
Speaker 3: able to ask questions or being able to make mistakes
38:01
Speaker 3: and understand why, and then being able to have experiences
38:06
Speaker 3: in the world as a young kid, right and validating
38:09
Speaker 3: their voice. And so that's basically why I named it
38:12
Speaker 3: All of the Curious I felt really connected to that name.
38:16
Speaker 3: I always say, Charmed are the curious, for they shall
38:18
Speaker 3: have adventure. Ooh, I loanted that curiosity has been the
38:23
Speaker 3: guiding light in my life. Yeah, and it sounds like
38:27
Speaker 3: when I was trying to research and connect the dots
38:30
Speaker 3: of your career. It sounds like it's at the core
38:33
Speaker 3: of what you've been wanting to Like you wanted to
38:38
Speaker 3: know how things felt, what they were like. You just
38:41
Speaker 3: wanted the experience, as it seemed like you were collecting
38:44
Speaker 3: them alost. I think I didn't acknowledge my curiosity because
38:48
Speaker 3: I was so focused on trying not to struggle, so
38:54
Speaker 3: I didn't even know I was being curious. I just
38:56
Speaker 3: knew I was trying to survive and make it.
38:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, but now that.
39:00
Speaker 3: You're saying it, it makes me feel like I was
39:04
Speaker 3: curious to know, can I do this?
39:06
Speaker 1: What is this? Like? What would it be like.
39:08
Speaker 3: To just walk in the door and try What would
39:11
Speaker 3: it be like to knock on a casting director's door,
39:13
Speaker 3: And like I already auditioned and they said no because
39:16
Speaker 3: they wanted curly hair. And I came back and had
39:19
Speaker 3: semi curly hair and they were like, oh my god,
39:22
Speaker 3: bless her. Heart, and I still did it anyway, you know,
39:24
Speaker 3: like just like what if I so, Yeah, you made
39:28
Speaker 3: me realize like I was curious.
39:30
Speaker 1: I didn't call it that. I just was so focused
39:32
Speaker 1: on something out, on trying to figure it out. Yeah.
39:35
Speaker 1: I think it's cool that you saw it in your daughter,
39:36
Speaker 1: But as I was connecting the dots, I really saw
39:39
Speaker 1: it in you. Yeah.
39:42
Speaker 3: She has such more, much more agency than I did
39:44
Speaker 3: at a you know, because of the world, the way
39:48
Speaker 3: that I'm raising her a little bit differently. And again
39:50
Speaker 3: that goes back to the book of like I got
39:52
Speaker 3: it from my mom. It's this idea of like the
39:56
Speaker 3: little Ella the curious realized, and she got all these
39:58
Speaker 3: amazing things from her mom. She's trying to be exactly
40:00
Speaker 3: like her mom. Her mom's praise perfume, she sprays her
40:04
Speaker 3: dream spray. She's trying to her mom does her hair,
40:06
Speaker 3: her own hair. She tries to do her hair like
40:08
Speaker 3: her mom. But then one day her mom basically like
40:12
Speaker 3: yells at her, and she's like whoa, And she goes
40:16
Speaker 3: and mirrors that same thing at school and yells at
40:18
Speaker 3: somebody else and mom comes to school to pick her
40:21
Speaker 3: up when and she's like, well, where'd you get that from?
40:24
Speaker 1: And she's like, I got it from you, mama.
40:26
Speaker 3: And it's this idea of like we get all these
40:28
Speaker 3: amazing things for our parents, but we also get the
40:31
Speaker 3: challenging things. But it's also about like the repair of
40:36
Speaker 3: parenting and saying I'm sorry and apologizing. And so now
40:39
Speaker 3: Ella the curious can go and continue to be curious
40:42
Speaker 3: but also apologize when she's wrong.
40:44
Speaker 1: So I thought it was so interesting that you focused
40:47
Speaker 1: on apology. I haven't really heard a children's book that
40:51
Speaker 1: did that, and I think a lot of parents are
40:53
Speaker 1: scared to apologize to your kids.
40:54
Speaker 3: Yes, even again, I'm like, apology. My mom's to this
41:00
Speaker 3: day is like apologize for what I'm like girl by
41:04
Speaker 3: you know, I'm not sure I've ever gotten an apology.
41:06
Speaker 3: You know, I don't think any of us did. It's like, no,
41:09
Speaker 3: you better go outside, you know what I mean?
41:11
Speaker 1: Like no, And so yeah, I just wanted to do
41:16
Speaker 1: I wanted to write about.
41:17
Speaker 3: Something that was I was personally going through and knowing
41:20
Speaker 3: that so many people are raising their kids differently, and
41:23
Speaker 3: that you don't have to be allergic to apologies. You're
41:27
Speaker 3: not not their parent because you're apologize, Nor do they
41:30
Speaker 3: look at you like, oh.
41:32
Speaker 1: I got one up on my mama.
41:34
Speaker 3: You No, they're you're they're they're mirroring intelligence, emotional intelligence
41:39
Speaker 3: when you're wrong to say I'm sorry, Like why do
41:43
Speaker 3: we have all these adults ni us like each other.
41:45
Speaker 3: We're looking at each other like I ain't apologizing.
41:48
Speaker 1: Well, maybe this next generation will be different, you know.
41:53
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people are learning that
41:55
Speaker 3: about themselves, Like I don't lose anything. I'm actually gaining
42:00
Speaker 3: peace for myself by saying I'm sorry you for something
42:02
Speaker 3: I hurt you.
42:03
Speaker 1: For you said that. What excites me most is how
42:06
Speaker 1: much I'm learning about myself in the process of parenting.
42:09
Speaker 1: It's like Ella holds up a mirror to me and
42:11
Speaker 1: challenges me in ways I didn't expect. Someone just told
42:15
Speaker 1: me that parenting is really about reparenting yourself. Yes, have
42:19
Speaker 1: you been confronted with stuff all day? Like all the time? Hard? Well,
42:24
Speaker 1: when you're confronted so much, it becomes easier. You're like, oh, yeah, cool.
42:28
Speaker 3: And the other thing is I remember Ella telling me
42:31
Speaker 3: one day because we were homeschooling her for one year, yeah,
42:35
Speaker 3: and she was like I was teaching her something and
42:40
Speaker 3: I was reading it from the book, and she's like,
42:43
Speaker 3: you don't really know much about that, right do you?
42:46
Speaker 1: And I was like, she's like shame. Yeah, She's like,
42:49
Speaker 1: you don't really know much. You're reading that, aren't you.
42:51
Speaker 1: And I was like, I am reading it. I don't
42:55
Speaker 1: know much about that one, but I do know about
42:58
Speaker 1: this line.
42:58
Speaker 3: But I was like and once, I was like, I
43:02
Speaker 3: don't know everything. Your mom does not have every answer
43:05
Speaker 3: for you.
43:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay, none of us have all the answers.
43:09
Speaker 1: But I'm confronted all.
43:10
Speaker 3: The time by my child and she's like, mom, you
43:15
Speaker 3: cut me off again?
43:17
Speaker 1: Can I finish my sentence? Whoa yeah? Talk about eq ella?
43:21
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'm like inside, like like my mom
43:26
Speaker 3: is like girl, and I'm like, no, don't listen.
43:29
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. But like, yeah, I am raising.
43:32
Speaker 3: A confident child who can stand up for herself in
43:35
Speaker 3: a bit respectful way, but who has a voice. And
43:38
Speaker 3: I think, because I didn't have a voice for so long,
43:41
Speaker 3: that is something that is a goal of mine for
43:43
Speaker 3: my child.
43:44
Speaker 1: So I'm grateful that. I'm like, okay, cool.
43:47
Speaker 3: But then when I look at her and I'm like, okay,
43:48
Speaker 3: you cross it, and she's like, Okay, I got it,
43:51
Speaker 3: you know, you know what I mean. So it's a
43:53
Speaker 3: good balance. It's not where she's disrespectful. But I just
43:56
Speaker 3: think kids nowadays are We're raising them emotionally more intelligent,
44:00
Speaker 3: and I'm very excited about that.
44:02
Speaker 1: I know everybody like makes fun of the younger generation,
44:05
Speaker 1: but when I see them, I'm like, oh, I have hope.
44:08
Speaker 1: I think things are getting better. I do too.
44:10
Speaker 3: I think they're just more intentional about stuff, you know
44:13
Speaker 3: what I mean.
44:14
Speaker 1: In there.
44:15
Speaker 3: I think every generation has their good stuff and then
44:18
Speaker 3: they're challenging stuff where you're like, girl, get it together,
44:21
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Or you're like, gosh, I
44:22
Speaker 3: should really take care of myself like that, you know
44:25
Speaker 3: what I mean. I think I think every generation has that.
44:28
Speaker 1: What qualities in Ella bringing the most pride?
44:31
Speaker 3: I think the thing that brings me most pride is
44:34
Speaker 3: that she stands up for herself.
44:36
Speaker 1: I love that about her.
44:38
Speaker 3: When she's afraid of something, she says, I'm afraid, and
44:41
Speaker 3: when she's not, like she's doing muay Thai and she
44:45
Speaker 3: never would get in the ring. She's like, I will
44:47
Speaker 3: never go in there because you have to like like
44:50
Speaker 3: fight other girls.
44:52
Speaker 1: And now that's cool.
44:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, Now she's like I'm ready, I'm excited, and she's
44:57
Speaker 3: in there like three times every time she goes like
45:00
Speaker 3: ready to fight, like go, and I'm like, I can
45:02
Speaker 3: see her confidence grow and to see somebody say I'm
45:06
Speaker 3: not going to do that to being like, oh yeah, no,
45:08
Speaker 3: are we going to moy Ti today? And I just
45:11
Speaker 3: feel like she's a confident kid and I'm excited that
45:15
Speaker 3: she stands up for herself.
45:16
Speaker 1: Has having a daughter change your relationship with your mom?
45:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, you realize that the person you you still like,
45:26
Speaker 3: My mom is my everything. She drives me crazy sometimes,
45:30
Speaker 3: but that's my that's my girl. But you do realize,
45:33
Speaker 3: like the pedestal you put somebody on for so long,
45:37
Speaker 3: you realize there's like there's like dentse in it. And
45:41
Speaker 3: they're not perfect because they were never meant to be perfect.
45:44
Speaker 3: They're just meant to protect you and to teach you
45:47
Speaker 3: and to guide you. They just are not perfection. And
45:50
Speaker 3: I think I've learned that.
45:52
Speaker 1: That I don't have to be perfect.
45:53
Speaker 3: I just have to protect my child and teach her
45:55
Speaker 3: and love her and make sure she is a good
45:59
Speaker 3: human like in for the world. And I think that's
46:03
Speaker 3: how It's made me like realize, like, oh, I don't
46:05
Speaker 3: have to be this thing that I thought I had
46:06
Speaker 3: to I have to be like this perfect mom and
46:08
Speaker 3: like get everything right about parenting. I'm like, I'm so
46:10
Speaker 3: much more easier and gentle with my own self. And
46:13
Speaker 3: when I make a mistake again apologizing, but like when
46:16
Speaker 3: you don't have this standard of like I gotta be
46:18
Speaker 3: all these things, you can let go a little bit more.
46:21
Speaker 3: I think I give my mom a little bit more grace.
46:26
Speaker 3: That's a good word, grace. Does Ella think it's so
46:29
Speaker 3: cool that she has a podcast and a book?
46:31
Speaker 1: Oh? She let her. She loves it.
46:33
Speaker 3: She's like when I first opened the box to the
46:37
Speaker 3: samples of the book, she's like the first thing she
46:40
Speaker 3: said to me was because she knows how hard I work.
46:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, She's like, Mama, you did it.
46:45
Speaker 3: I know it makes someone cry, but I'm not going
46:46
Speaker 3: to cry. She said, I'm sorry. She's just like, Mama,
46:49
Speaker 3: you did it. You did it, mama. And I was like,
46:51
Speaker 3: I didn't sell anything yet, but the fact that my
46:54
Speaker 3: daughter validated.
46:56
Speaker 1: Me and just saw that, you know, I don't know,
46:59
Speaker 1: it just made me like I did do it, you know.
47:02
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's pretty, don't be sorry. That's so unbelievable
47:05
Speaker 1: for an eight year old. Yeah, it's when she said,
47:08
Speaker 1: I go, I just start tearing up. And she loves
47:10
Speaker 1: when I cried.
47:11
Speaker 3: She's like, you're crying, like she's like, but when she
47:15
Speaker 3: said that, I was just like, Wow, she sees me.
47:18
Speaker 1: You know, I work really hard and she sees it.
47:21
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's so cool. My mom's gonna laugh hearing
47:25
Speaker 1: this because she listens to all the podcasts. She says
47:27
Speaker 1: I quote her too much. But there's this quote that
47:30
Speaker 1: I love that she said, lessons are caught, not taught,
47:33
Speaker 1: and I think Ella's just seeing you. It's so powerful.
47:37
Speaker 1: It's lessons are caught, not taught. I love that. I
47:41
Speaker 1: love that did mother had changed the way you work.
47:45
Speaker 1: I think I work harder.
47:48
Speaker 3: I think I work harder than I've ever worked because
47:50
Speaker 3: I just want my daughter to see that you really
47:56
Speaker 3: can do whatever you want, like you really can you
47:58
Speaker 3: can be whoever you want. I always i've taught her
48:01
Speaker 3: since she was can talk, I can do anything, and
48:05
Speaker 3: she finishes that I put my mind to every day
48:08
Speaker 3: before she walked out the door.
48:09
Speaker 1: I can do anything I put my mind too.
48:11
Speaker 3: So now I'm like I can do anything I put
48:13
Speaker 3: my mind to, and I'm like, I just want her
48:17
Speaker 3: to know it because I feel like I need to
48:19
Speaker 3: fill her up as much as possible, because don't worry
48:22
Speaker 3: the world will try to rip you down, but I
48:24
Speaker 3: just need to keep pouring, pouring that water and growing it,
48:27
Speaker 3: growing her, growing her.
48:28
Speaker 1: And so yeah, why did you choose that affirmation for her?
48:32
Speaker 3: Because it's true, I had an idea of what my
48:35
Speaker 3: career could be, what I can be without even seeing
48:38
Speaker 3: someone next to me. I didn't know that this can
48:41
Speaker 3: really happen. You watch TV and you're like, wow, how
48:44
Speaker 3: do you even get it?
48:45
Speaker 1: How?
48:47
Speaker 3: And I feel like I'm a testament to like that
48:51
Speaker 3: I can do anything I put my mind to.
48:53
Speaker 1: I literally did that. You did it, Mama, You did it.
48:58
Speaker 1: You worked with some like Jim Carrey is known for
49:00
Speaker 1: his manifestation. Yes, did you have that too? Did you
49:04
Speaker 1: visualize stuff or did you do it without even knowing it?
49:08
Speaker 3: I remember doing like pulling magazine pictures out and putting
49:14
Speaker 3: it on boards, but I didn't know it was called manifestation.
49:18
Speaker 1: First of all, I was raised in church.
49:20
Speaker 3: It's like manifested what it was like Jesus, you know,
49:24
Speaker 3: like so, but I just knew if I wrote stuff
49:28
Speaker 3: down in my I just in my mind. I was like,
49:30
Speaker 3: if I just write this stuff down, I can like
49:33
Speaker 3: cross it off the list, like I.
49:34
Speaker 1: Can figure it out.
49:35
Speaker 3: It was like how I used to pay my bills,
49:37
Speaker 3: you know, like when I had no money, I was like,
49:41
Speaker 3: these are the bills I have to pay.
49:43
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta cross these off. And when I can.
49:46
Speaker 3: See it, it's like, Okay, I could do it. Okay,
49:49
Speaker 3: I can do it. And that's how I've always been.
49:51
Speaker 3: So now when people are like, oh, manifesting, I.
49:54
Speaker 1: Really believe you can. What is that saying you are
49:58
Speaker 1: what you think you are? There's good or bad. You
50:00
Speaker 1: are what you think you literally are.
50:03
Speaker 3: And so me searing that into her brain is so
50:08
Speaker 3: important because I need you to know that your thoughts
50:12
Speaker 3: are really powerful, you know.
50:14
Speaker 1: I remember watching an episode of Oprah and Will Smith
50:17
Speaker 1: had just been paid like forty million dollars for a movie,
50:20
Speaker 1: and he was telling Oprah how he was like, I'm
50:23
Speaker 1: so scared of I'm still gonna like I don't know
50:25
Speaker 1: where my next meal's got here from. Like I feel
50:28
Speaker 1: the trauma of it. Do you feel that? Because I
50:30
Speaker 1: kind of feel like it's viscertle for you, the way
50:32
Speaker 1: you're talking about.
50:33
Speaker 3: Oh, every day I work and I pursue things as
50:37
Speaker 3: if I just started yesterday. Like there's even if you
50:41
Speaker 3: don't see it on social Like I don't post everything.
50:43
Speaker 3: I don't post all the things I because I do
50:46
Speaker 3: believe in holding things back. Everything's not for everybody yet
50:48
Speaker 3: to see. It doesn't need to be revealed yet. But
50:51
Speaker 3: what I do know is I work like I'm hungry.
50:56
Speaker 3: That's how I work. And I've always been that way.
50:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I am so hungry and there's so much
51:01
Speaker 1: I want to do. There's so much more for me
51:02
Speaker 1: to do. Yeah, I think so too. I think you're
51:06
Speaker 1: just scratching, just scratching it. I like it. Yeah. My
51:09
Speaker 1: last question is a weird question to end on. But
51:11
Speaker 1: I interviewed tim by Locke, who wrote from Scratch Did
51:14
Speaker 1: you see that?
51:15
Speaker 3: Yes?
51:15
Speaker 1: Yes, yes? And she married an Italian man? Yes, you
51:18
Speaker 1: married an Italian? Right? Or is he? Yeah?
51:21
Speaker 3: His family is from Italy. Some of his family, well
51:24
Speaker 3: they're American, but his grandfather.
51:26
Speaker 1: Is from Italy. Okay, yeah, so Italian heritage heritage.
51:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
51:30
Speaker 1: She said something so interesting to me that I've been
51:33
Speaker 1: trying to understand and piece together since she said, every
51:38
Speaker 1: time you're in a cross cultural relationship, there's beauty and grief.
51:43
Speaker 1: Oh and grief meaning that that person can never fully understand.
51:51
Speaker 3: You.
51:51
Speaker 1: They can't understand certain values, certain traditions, and there's a
51:55
Speaker 1: lot of differences that are really fun and interesting that
51:58
Speaker 1: you get that other people don't. Yes, have you felt
52:00
Speaker 1: any of that?
52:02
Speaker 3: I felt it in the sense of like, I don't
52:04
Speaker 3: know if it's cultural, but my husband just grew up
52:07
Speaker 3: different than me, right, Like he came from a very
52:10
Speaker 3: small town his family, Like his dad built his house
52:13
Speaker 3: with his own hands. His mom and dad have been
52:15
Speaker 3: together for forty years. They're very like what do you
52:19
Speaker 3: are you hungry? Like when we go to their house,
52:22
Speaker 3: it's like I just don't do anything like literally, and
52:26
Speaker 3: she's like, you know, what do you need?
52:27
Speaker 1: Like it's very that And at first I didn't understand it.
52:31
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't.
52:32
Speaker 3: Need anything, like what but they just care, like they
52:35
Speaker 3: cared so much for me, and not that my family
52:39
Speaker 3: didn't care. They're just a little softer around the edges,
52:42
Speaker 3: you know, like I'm a little rough around the edges,
52:44
Speaker 3: and they were a little softer, but I don't know
52:45
Speaker 3: if culturally, Yeah, I think some things he didn't understand
52:49
Speaker 3: coming too. I think both of us when you're in
52:51
Speaker 3: love and you're like, oh, everything's gonna be great, and
52:54
Speaker 3: then something happens in life and you're like you don't
52:56
Speaker 3: get it, you don't get me, or.
52:59
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't understand you. You know what I mean.
53:01
Speaker 3: There are things that you have to deal with to understand,
53:05
Speaker 3: like even but you know where the great thing is,
53:08
Speaker 3: that's where empathy comes in. And that's where he can
53:10
Speaker 3: go out and be more empathetic towards somebody else, right,
53:14
Speaker 3: like who comes from my kind of culture. I think
53:17
Speaker 3: it's been good in all those senses, though it hasn't
53:20
Speaker 3: been like you never will get me, you don't understand me.
53:23
Speaker 3: You know, it's like oh wow, wow, I didn't know that's.
53:28
Speaker 1: What you went through.
53:29
Speaker 3: Or it sounds like more communication, more communication, more empathy
53:33
Speaker 3: more so it's cool. Yeah, more empathy. And I've grabbed
53:36
Speaker 3: things from his family where I'm like, god, I love
53:39
Speaker 3: I love the way your parents are, like they're just
53:43
Speaker 3: like a real team. Yeah, and they're there their life.
53:47
Speaker 3: They're not like it's not this big crazy life. It's
53:50
Speaker 3: very but they love it and they they're so comfortable.
53:56
Speaker 3: They're like a comforter, you know. And I'm like, that's enough.
54:00
Speaker 3: Like not everybody wants to be a gazillionaire or needs
54:03
Speaker 3: to be. They're just like, I'm happy with the home
54:06
Speaker 3: we have and our friends, you know, and.
54:10
Speaker 1: It's enough. It's enough, and that's what I love that,
54:14
Speaker 1: you know.
54:14
Speaker 3: For me, I always feel like grasping, like I don't
54:17
Speaker 3: know what isn't like because I remember not having enough.
54:20
Speaker 1: To Yeah, it's a strange tightrope to walk, because my god,
54:23
Speaker 1: you want to have the guts to want more, to
54:27
Speaker 1: ask for more and be grateful and happy with what
54:31
Speaker 1: you have. It's it's.
54:34
Speaker 3: Women and you're like, oh, I'm so satisfied and fine,
54:36
Speaker 3: but I want all these other things.
54:38
Speaker 1: And I don't even think for me, it's about the
54:41
Speaker 1: it's a curiosity. I don't know.
54:43
Speaker 3: I don't think it's even about the like the money
54:46
Speaker 3: necessarily enough. It's about like one, can.
54:49
Speaker 1: I do it? And then when you do it, you're like,
54:52
Speaker 1: well I want to do more, you know, And that's
54:54
Speaker 1: the curiosity. Like you said, yeah, you've been playing a
54:57
Speaker 1: lifelong what if game with yourself. I love that, Yes,
54:59
Speaker 1: I have what if? What if? What if? I love that? Okay,
55:03
Speaker 1: rapid fire, Okay, we celebrate public achievements all the time.
55:08
Speaker 1: But what is a quiet, private victory, something that no
55:11
Speaker 1: one would know about, but that you hold close to
55:13
Speaker 1: your heart. And I know you're a private girl. I'm
55:15
Speaker 1: asking you to open up. Yeah, quiet victory.
55:19
Speaker 3: I think my quiet victory is knowing that when I
55:24
Speaker 3: had a baby, I needed a therapist. And I was like,
55:31
Speaker 3: not only I needed a therapist, my husband and I
55:34
Speaker 3: we needed to go to I was like, I know
55:37
Speaker 3: that something's wrong with you.
55:38
Speaker 1: Nothing's wrong with me.
55:41
Speaker 3: I'm a perfect, perfect but I knew I did not
55:44
Speaker 3: want to transfer the stuff, the baggage to my daughter.
55:50
Speaker 3: I knew something had to do. I know stuff was
55:52
Speaker 3: going on inside. I don't know, I didn't know pinpoint.
55:55
Speaker 3: But I think my quiet victory is saying I need help,
55:58
Speaker 3: we need help for her as well as ourselves, and
56:03
Speaker 3: actually getting the help to me. That's quiet victory.
56:06
Speaker 1: That's a big victory. Yeah, it's huge temptation. You tried
56:10
Speaker 1: the hardest to resist, Oh, Lord, temptation.
56:17
Speaker 3: Ooh, I don't really resist temptation.
56:20
Speaker 1: Other than I like that answer. Yeah, I'm like, I.
56:23
Speaker 3: Mean other than like within reason, but like I eat
56:26
Speaker 3: what I like. If I want to eat the thing,
56:28
Speaker 3: I eat the thing. If I want to go to
56:30
Speaker 3: the place, I go to the place. Not anywhere crazy
56:32
Speaker 3: or anything, but like I don't really have a thing
56:35
Speaker 3: where I'm like tempted in being like ooh, it's a
56:40
Speaker 3: secret of tempemptation.
56:41
Speaker 1: You know, It's like it's more just like I do
56:44
Speaker 1: what I want. I'm grown. I don't know if there's
56:47
Speaker 1: a real temptation. That's so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
56:49
Speaker 1: a great place to be. Yeah. What's something you've done
56:52
Speaker 1: for love or friendship that felt absolutely wild at the time?
56:55
Speaker 1: What felt wild at the time.
56:56
Speaker 3: I was in a long distance relationship with somebody in
56:59
Speaker 3: Costa Rica three and a half years WHOA and I
57:01
Speaker 3: would go for like a month at a time, and
57:04
Speaker 3: just like I thought I would move there.
57:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, And being younger, you're like why not.
57:10
Speaker 3: I met him one night dancing and I was like
57:13
Speaker 3: spending you. Yeah, I'm like extended my trip. I'm like,
57:16
Speaker 3: do I have to work? My friend's like no, I'm
57:18
Speaker 3: like I'm staying.
57:19
Speaker 1: And like just stits far from LA. It's not an
57:21
Speaker 1: easy play now And I was living in New York
57:23
Speaker 1: at the time. Oh it's a little better. It's a
57:24
Speaker 1: little better, but.
57:25
Speaker 3: Still like being in another country and yeah, falling in
57:29
Speaker 3: love with somebody and being like I'm gonna stay in
57:32
Speaker 3: Costa Rica, like I had that like love story, Like
57:35
Speaker 3: it was so crazy.
57:36
Speaker 1: But I did it. It was so fun. It was fun.
57:38
Speaker 3: I was like surfing and eating good and like doing
57:41
Speaker 3: all the things and trying to learn Spanish and like
57:43
Speaker 3: all the things. And I'm just like, I'm so glad
57:45
Speaker 3: I had that experience. Like that's a cool life experience.
57:47
Speaker 1: That is curiosity to you. Oh, I'm curious. Person is
57:51
Speaker 1: not not curious, person is not doing that. Oh my
57:54
Speaker 1: mom was like what, yeah, something every woman should try once.
57:58
Speaker 1: Oh god, this is hard. Whatever comes, like right to
58:01
Speaker 1: your chest, right.
58:02
Speaker 3: To my chest, going to another country, even falling in love,
58:06
Speaker 3: like and just like dancing to the break of day,
58:11
Speaker 3: like letting go safely obviously, but like I just remember
58:16
Speaker 3: dancing all night till the sun came up, and like just.
58:19
Speaker 1: Like being alive and loose and just like free, free,
58:24
Speaker 1: just like.
58:25
Speaker 3: Go go run toward it and like have a good time.
58:30
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. Yeah, Okay, what's a book that you've
58:33
Speaker 1: read that you think everybody should read, something that really
58:36
Speaker 1: like changed your heart or your mind. There's two books.
58:39
Speaker 3: There's one called Lost Focus, which is like talking about
58:43
Speaker 3: how phones and stuff have kind of kind of like
58:47
Speaker 3: taken us away from like real connection and how they've
58:50
Speaker 3: affected our minds. I really like that because it's like
58:53
Speaker 3: real world experts talking about it, but in a very
58:56
Speaker 3: layman term way where I'm like, okay, it was interesting
58:59
Speaker 3: to me.
58:59
Speaker 1: Also just for children.
59:01
Speaker 3: But also there's this book called Ida In Love and
59:05
Speaker 3: in Trouble, and it's this coming of age story, historical
59:09
Speaker 3: kind of novel based on Ida B. Wells, and it's
59:13
Speaker 3: told in such a way that makes her so I've
59:16
Speaker 3: been obsessed with Ida B.
59:17
Speaker 1: Wells for a minute.
59:18
Speaker 3: And you know, while she was an activist in terms
59:22
Speaker 3: of like for black people, in terms of like she
59:26
Speaker 3: was like a journalist and she owned a newspaper and
59:28
Speaker 3: she kind of raised the flag on lynchings and all that,
59:32
Speaker 3: she was also popular with the men loved her and
59:36
Speaker 3: like the love letters, and like she lived life.
59:40
Speaker 1: She loved the theater.
59:41
Speaker 3: And it's a story of like the essence of like
59:46
Speaker 3: her life like getting inside, not just like the activist part,
59:50
Speaker 3: but how she got there. But it tells a full
59:53
Speaker 3: story of who she is just as a woman in
59:56
Speaker 3: those times, and like how she loved to buy clothes
1:00:00
Speaker 3: and sometimes she couldn't afford it, but she's like I'm
1:00:01
Speaker 3: gonna put this. I'm gonna like, oh, this person this
1:00:05
Speaker 3: money and buy this hat. Like it just makes her
1:00:08
Speaker 3: humanize her. And I just love this book so much.
1:00:11
Speaker 3: It's a New York Times bestseller, but it's called Ida
1:00:13
Speaker 3: and Love and in Trouble because she.
1:00:15
Speaker 1: Was always a cool one to bring delight. I know,
1:00:17
Speaker 1: I know, I know.
1:00:19
Speaker 3: Yes, So she just had a voice and it was
1:00:22
Speaker 3: like it's like the book like she finds her voice
1:00:25
Speaker 3: in different various ways, but especially during that time when
1:00:28
Speaker 3: it was different for women.
1:00:30
Speaker 1: And so I just enjoyed it so much.
1:00:32
Speaker 3: You know, one of those books you just you keep
1:00:34
Speaker 3: putting it down because you don't want to finish it, yes,
1:00:36
Speaker 3: because you're like, oh.
1:00:37
Speaker 1: I just don't want it to be over, you know.
1:00:39
Speaker 1: And so it was one of those books those are
1:00:41
Speaker 1: rare and so special you want to live in that world.
1:00:44
Speaker 1: It's rare and so special. That's that's perfect Okay, last question,
1:00:48
Speaker 1: pick up the deck if you may, yes, and whichever
1:00:51
Speaker 1: card calls you. Okay. My daughter hates when I do
1:00:54
Speaker 1: all this. I love it. She's like, enough, Mom, come on,
1:00:57
Speaker 1: let's play. You know I'm waiting for you to shuffle.
1:01:00
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:01:00
Speaker 1: I was gonna do all that, but I was like,
1:01:01
Speaker 1: Ella's in my head, like, girl, can we play Old
1:01:04
Speaker 1: Maid or you know, I'm like, oh, yeah, so much.
1:01:08
Speaker 1: This is awesome. Oh this is yours? Okay, okay, yeah,
1:01:12
Speaker 1: pretty smart. Well that's how I'm like, I made one
1:01:15
Speaker 1: card game, Like it's so hard to make a product.
1:01:18
Speaker 1: Whatever you're doing. I'm like, girl, you know how you know?
1:01:23
Speaker 3: Okay, favorite story about an ancestor?
1:01:27
Speaker 1: Oh, whoa geez, that's a really hard question. No one's
1:01:30
Speaker 1: ever picked that one.
1:01:32
Speaker 3: So I'm really into finding my ancestors. You are, yeah,
1:01:37
Speaker 3: and I found them. Like my grandma is from North Carolina,
1:01:41
Speaker 3: my great grandma North Carolina, her mom North Carolina. And
1:01:45
Speaker 3: I actually found a woman who is also my ancestor
1:01:51
Speaker 3: related through my mom's side. I found her name is Kitty.
1:01:55
Speaker 3: She comes from a woman who lived to be eighty
1:01:58
Speaker 3: years old. During that time, sold on a slave block
1:02:01
Speaker 3: at thirteen years old her mom and had kitty, and
1:02:05
Speaker 3: kitty looks like my daughter. She wears glasses like my daughter.
1:02:09
Speaker 3: She's the same complexion as my daughter. Her hair was
1:02:11
Speaker 3: like down on her butt like my daughter. And when
1:02:14
Speaker 3: I saw the picture of her, I was like I
1:02:17
Speaker 3: I sent it to my mom. I go, who does
1:02:18
Speaker 3: this look like? She goes Ella And so it was
1:02:23
Speaker 3: so crazy. But they were farmers and hard workers, and
1:02:28
Speaker 3: you know, obviously they were enslaved for a while until
1:02:30
Speaker 3: they weren't. And but to find that connection, I'm like,
1:02:35
Speaker 3: my grit, I know where it comes from. Yeah, but
1:02:38
Speaker 3: just to find someone who resembles my child, I'm like, oh,
1:02:42
Speaker 3: you're special, l You're really special.
1:02:45
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm so glad you got that card. Me too,
1:02:47
Speaker 1: That's so cool me too. Do you feel like Euphemia
1:02:51
Speaker 1: or do you feel like Tica?
1:02:52
Speaker 3: I felt like Tica when I was younger, Yeah, because
1:02:55
Speaker 3: I did not want anybody to say my name because
1:02:56
Speaker 3: they always said it like terribly.
1:02:58
Speaker 1: It was like, you canuba like you for Oria.
1:03:01
Speaker 3: What I'm like, No, don't say it, like the teacher
1:03:03
Speaker 3: will be like you've I'm like Tica, just say Tika
1:03:07
Speaker 3: some respect. Yeah, Well, because you're just like also, you're
1:03:10
Speaker 3: like embarrassed as a kid. It's such a big name
1:03:13
Speaker 3: and you're just like it's not like it's not the normal.
1:03:16
Speaker 3: It's not Jennifer or you know, Jojo, it's none of that.
1:03:20
Speaker 3: It's like, oh my gosh, like and you don't even
1:03:23
Speaker 3: say it correctly and whatever, which is fine, But I
1:03:26
Speaker 3: feel like Euphemia now, Like my dad picked that name
1:03:29
Speaker 3: out for me, and it's a goddess and a martyr
1:03:32
Speaker 3: in Greek. She's very powerful, and now I feel like Euphemia,
1:03:37
Speaker 3: Like I feel like, oh yeah, I'm all of that.
1:03:40
Speaker 1: I consume the whole name. That's so cool. Yeah, Like
1:03:44
Speaker 1: Tika found her voice and now she's Euphemia. Yeah yeah.
1:03:48
Speaker 3: And I'm fine with already calling me Tka, but I
1:03:50
Speaker 3: feel more Euphemia. You know. It's such a beautiful name
1:03:54
Speaker 3: and it's like the what's behind it is even more extraordinary.
1:03:59
Speaker 3: And I'm like, you know, all my life, it's like,
1:04:03
Speaker 3: how did my dad know? Like you know, I'm not
1:04:05
Speaker 3: saying I'm a marty or anything, but like I'm just saying,
1:04:07
Speaker 3: like I think there's power and names.
1:04:10
Speaker 1: I do too, you know, I think there's real power
1:04:12
Speaker 1: and names. Does anybody call you that euphemia. Yeah, no, wow,
1:04:16
Speaker 1: it's like my own. It's for you. Yeah, it's my own.
1:04:19
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, thank you. This
1:04:21
Speaker 1: is awesome. This is so wonderful. Thank you.
1:04:23
Speaker 3: Oh and you can pre order now. It comes out
1:04:27
Speaker 3: April and I'll be doing a book tour. But yeah,
1:04:29
Speaker 3: you're gonna do a book tour. Gonna do a book tour.
1:04:31
Speaker 1: Where are you headed? I love the cover. We're still
1:04:33
Speaker 1: ak you, isn't it good? Yeah, we're still working it out.
1:04:37
Speaker 1: But they'll be like one in March, so I'm really
1:04:39
Speaker 1: excited about it. But I'll let you guys know. Okay,
1:04:46
Speaker 1: you know what time it is. Today's a good day,
1:04:49
Speaker 1: to have a good day. I'll see you next week.
1:05:00
Speaker 1: Shops shops supp