Latest / Dear Chelsea / A Free Love Queen with Hannah Einbinder

Transcript

A Free Love Queen with Hannah Einbinder · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Hi Chelsea, how are you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Ah Well, I'm fresh off of colonoscopy. I did the prep.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: I've rescheduled this thing five times in my life because
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: I did not want anyone going inside my asshole.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: This isn't your first one, this is.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: My first klonoscopy, no way.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I tried to outsmart them and they gave
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: me another option. I had to give a like stool
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: sample once, which is humiliating in its own right. I mean,
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: that is so embarrassing, shitting into a basket or a bucket,
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: or they gave me like a container that you would
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: put French fries in, and we're like, take a shadubi
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: in this. I'm like, oh my god, I'm making me sick,
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: so sick, And then they write on the instructions like
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: if you find any worms.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what any worms? I'm going to the hospital.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not fucking sampling it out, and then it puts
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: so gross. I'm so sorry to start the podcast like this,
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: but this is what my life has been like. So
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: I did the prep and I didn't like, I wanted
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: to avoid that fluid, gross liquid.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Did you do one? Yeah?
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: I just wanted to make sure everything was fine because
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: a relative had had some polyps.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm just gonna checked out. I
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: was clean as a whistle.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: But my prep was just like they were like add
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: mirror was it miralex?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Anyway, whatever.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: I added one of those right to your gatorade.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: So it was just gatorade.
• 1:08
  Speaker 5: That's all.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: It tasted like.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It was great. Oh okay, I mean it was fine.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not bad.
• 1:13
  Speaker 6: No.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: I took pills, so the schedule was very annoying. You
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: eat a light breakfast and then you don't drink anything
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: except clear liquids or actually they don't have to be clear.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: You can have like you know, gatorade or lemonade, which
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: is what I drink. And I took the pills from
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: five to six you take like twelve pills. Every five minutes,
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: you take a pill, and then from one am then
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I sent my alarm. From one am to two am,
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I had to take the other set of pills. And
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: then I just started urinating out of my ass and
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: like I was like, okay, great, great for great, And
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: then I went in at five.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Thirty in the morning.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I got there, of course an hour early, because I
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: couldn't have been sleeping during that time. I have to
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: fucking get everywhere early like an asshole. They weren't even
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: open when I got there. I was like knocking on
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: the door. I'm like, oh, I'm here, like no one else.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: The doctor's not here, No one's here. Anyway, it wasn't
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: the prep that was bad. It was the aftermath because
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: then I had a green smoothie and.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I had a bit of an accident.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I mean, I am glad that is over,
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: but everything is ready for the weekend. Our whole clean
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: shoot happening fantastic.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Well that leads us to our guest today. Oh yes,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Hannah Einbinder.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Hannah is here. She received an Emmy
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: nomination for her role on Hacks. Her new one hour
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: special is on Max. Also in addition to Hacks being
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: on Max. This is not a poem. It's called Everything
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Must Go Right Yep. Okay, yeah, please welcome Hannah Einbinder. Okay,
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: we're here with my darling friend, Hannah Einbinder. It's so
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: nice to see you in the flesh.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I know it's been since the last tour.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I think I know we had Hannah and I toured
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: together she opened for me for a series of dates,
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: that's right, and we had some good stories.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: You have never been on this podcast before. I think so,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: because remember when we were in where were we Denver?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: It was Denver altitude.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: She got out judism.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: She suffered from altitudinism, which I call Judaism's right, but
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: that's she. We were in Denver, which obviously is not
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: at sea level. There's an altitude there, and right before
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: we I think we had two shows in one night, right.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I did the first show.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Oh you did, Okay?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I did the first show.
• 3:21
  Speaker 7: I'm so long winded on stage, like I am really
• 3:23
  Speaker 7: packing every amount of words you can into every sentence.
• 3:27
  Speaker 7: And so even on even at sea level, I have
• 3:31
  Speaker 7: trouble catching my breath when I'm speaking. Yes, So it
• 3:34
  Speaker 7: was like training with like fucking crazy ankle.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I could not catch my breath, breathe.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: And she came off stage and she was winded, and
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: she looked pallid weak. She looked weak, and so we
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: had to get her.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: An oxygen tank. That's her oxygen backstage, which happens to
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of people.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Actually, they had it ready and then we had to
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: call around Denver to go and find an opener for
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: me because she couldn't get back up. She had to
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: lay down down, just lay down. After I give so
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: much shit to people about it. Anyway, she recovered, thankfully.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: But I had seen her special before her special came out,
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: which is called Everything Must Go. So I was exposed
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: to Hannah before a lot of people were exposed to you.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: So I consider that a Jewish blessing.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: That's right. And I consider you a hipster for that.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: And then right right after we started, or some sometime
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: after you started, you were on Hacks. You started, you
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: got that show, and then everyone started to find out
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: who you were. And I want to talk about that
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: because I know you had a little trouble adjusting to
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: the attention that you were getting from the show and
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: then becoming like a public figure, and you were so
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: passionate about stand up, and I felt initially, and tell
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: me if I'm wrong or right, that you had some
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: reservations about being so public facing all of the.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Sudden, all of us a sudden, Oh my god, dominated.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: It's because my hip you know, start saying anyways, I.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Think that's I think that's right.
• 5:02
  Speaker 7: I think if you're in your head as is you
• 5:05
  Speaker 7: have to calm yourself down, being like no one's worried
• 5:07
  Speaker 7: about you, no one's thinking about you, no one's looking
• 5:09
  Speaker 7: at you. Relax, And it's like, well, that's kind of
• 5:11
  Speaker 7: not really totally true anymore, is it. It's like kind
• 5:14
  Speaker 7: of your anxious fears come to life a little bit.
• 5:16
  Speaker 7: It's look I and complain and it's a it's a
• 5:18
  Speaker 7: product of the greatest fortune a person can have in
• 5:21
  Speaker 7: our business.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't think it's natural at all, Right.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: And what did you find bothersome the attention or when
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: you heard negative attention, was there a certain aspect that
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: was more troubling than another?
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Just being perceived?
• 5:36
  Speaker 7: I think like in a massive way, I feel lucky
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: that mostly it's positive. Folks who like the show come
• 5:43
  Speaker 7: up and they're very sweet.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Like I mean it's a very positive show.
• 5:46
  Speaker 7: Yeah, Like I really got about as lucky as you can,
• 5:49
  Speaker 7: I think. But but yeah, I think just kind of
• 5:52
  Speaker 7: being having sort of like too much awareness of myself
• 5:55
  Speaker 7: and maybe like instead of seeing myself this way, like
• 5:59
  Speaker 7: seeing myself this way and kind of having an outside,
• 6:03
  Speaker 7: sort of Truman Show esque view of my own kind.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Of seeing yourself for our listeners who probably aren't watching
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: this but just made a gesticulation about being You're basically
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: saying seeing yourself through the lens of other people, all right.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah a little bit, which is strange, I think, especially
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: for an artist who needs to kind of like curb
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: that in order to maintain like a pure perspective.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: I think, you know, Yeah, so how did you deal
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: with it?
• 6:26
  Speaker 7: I think I'm still dealing I think, but I'm a
• 6:29
  Speaker 7: very like insular person. I kind of like have very
• 6:32
  Speaker 7: few close friends that I see all the time, and
• 6:34
  Speaker 7: so I just kind of like keep my world small
• 6:36
  Speaker 7: and a lot of my my lovely people in my
• 6:39
  Speaker 7: life keep me very grounded and tethered, and you know,
• 6:42
  Speaker 7: they're keeping me on it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I do what I can, you know.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm just thinking about myself when I was
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: your age, and like how I dealt with that stuff.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: And I think I probably have like the opposite personality
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: that you do.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: You know, like anxiety.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: I don't think I think I've experienced anxiety until in
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: my forties. Like I didn't even know what people were
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: talking about. I wanted to be empathetic, but I didn't
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: really understand what it meant. And what I've learned is
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: that it encapsulates so many things that everybody feels on
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: a daily basis.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: So when you.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: Say, or when I would say, I don't think I
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: suffer from anxiety, it's just that I didn't understand what
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: half of the things I was feeling were anxiety, right,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: because I didn't really I thought anxious is like you know,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: when you it almost is so stifling that you're not
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: able to do anything right, that you're not able to
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: push through it, and you're not able that it becomes
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: you become hamstrung.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: What do you feel?
• 7:34
  Speaker 7: Were things that you thought were just like energy inside
• 7:37
  Speaker 7: of you that you now know are anxiety, like various.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Like like nerves, like being nervous and being anxious, like
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: knowing a date is coming up and a date to
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: do something, or you know, like that you have to
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: be somewhere, like having anxiety having nerves about it. But
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: I always understood it or framed it in my own
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: way that that.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Was what happens, Like you're going to have nerves.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Who who wouldn't have nerves if you have a big
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: show coming up, or you're going to be on TV,
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: or you're going to be live like I had so
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: much nervous energy and that qualifies as anxiety, but I
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: didn't think of it that way at that time.
• 8:12
  Speaker 7: What do you feel like when you said, like in
• 8:15
  Speaker 7: your forties, when you kind of were like, oh, like
• 8:17
  Speaker 7: I'm loking into this, what do you attribute that to?
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Like that awareness.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: Therapy, okay, therapy and then realizing and having self awareness,
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: so like being able to understand how other people are
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: seeing me, whereas before that never crossed my mind, it
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: never bothered me at all, Like any negative feedback I
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: was fine with. I'm like, that's okay. What is this
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: a popularity contest? Like I'm already successful. I don't care
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: if you don't like me, like enough people, do you know,
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Like I have that kind of bullish attitude about it,
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: which worked for me for a long time until it
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: stopped working.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know totally.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: But you're much more quieter, and I would say more
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: delicate certainly. Yes, you're a little delicate flower a daisy.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: If you tell me about your relationship with Jean.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love her. She's fab I mean she's awesome.
• 9:06
  Speaker 7: Yeah, she and I really like I think you know,
• 9:09
  Speaker 7: people go like, how has your relationship evolved? Over the
• 9:12
  Speaker 7: course of the show and to me, like it has
• 9:15
  Speaker 7: deepened certainly, of course, but like the thing that is
• 9:19
  Speaker 7: inherent to our dynamic is that it was an instant
• 9:22
  Speaker 7: sort of electric connection. I feel like when we first
• 9:26
  Speaker 7: auditioned together, like I felt that energy from her and
• 9:30
  Speaker 7: so like it's awesome, Like we send each other memes
• 9:34
  Speaker 7: back and forth, like she's very silly and like just
• 9:37
  Speaker 7: really nurturing and like we joke about this all the
• 9:40
  Speaker 7: time about like you're my own personal dubber vants in
• 9:42
  Speaker 7: real life. But like I feel that from both of
• 9:45
  Speaker 7: you actually, where like you have always been so like
• 9:49
  Speaker 7: supportive of me and and in a way that is
• 9:52
  Speaker 7: not always the case. Like I think I think women
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: have historically been pitted against each other and made to
• 9:58
  Speaker 7: feel like there's only roo for one and like we
• 10:01
  Speaker 7: should be competitive. And I have never felt anything other
• 10:04
  Speaker 7: than support and like nurturing from like both Gene and you,
• 10:08
  Speaker 7: and I feel like, I don't know, I feel like
• 10:12
  Speaker 7: she is one of several women in my life professionally
• 10:15
  Speaker 7: who just have like only ever loved and championed me, and.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: It's it's really nice.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Well she's old school, yeah, yeah, And I think that's true.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously what you're saying about women is true.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: I definitely experience that in my career, like a zero
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: sum game almost where there's not room for everyone, and
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: you're like, what are you talking about. There's room for everyone.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: The tide rises, everyone rises with the tide. Yeah, unless
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: you can't fucking swim. But but I think because it's
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: such a nice lesson for you at this stage in
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: your career also of how you want to treat other
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: people by being treated in a certain way right, you know,
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: and being in such a lucky situation like you're on
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: the show right now and you don't know what your
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: next show is going to be, or your next or whatever,
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: you know, and you don't know how fortunate you are
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: sometimes until those situations are gone.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So you have to really lap it up.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because you'll hear about these wonderful stories, you know,
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: people on the set of Friends, look at all of
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: them and how great of a time they had for
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: so many years, and then they go onto different sets
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: and there's different dynamics and you're like, oh, wait, that
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: was really And to have that at the front of
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: your career can be a hard comparison.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yes, right as you move forward.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I think about that a lot, you know, just like
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: in you know, it's very rare that the quality of
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: the work and the quality of the people line up
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: across the board, like there really is no bad egg.
• 11:36
  Speaker 7: In the bunch on Hacks. It would be obviously the
• 11:39
  Speaker 7: thrill of a lifetime to like continue to have those
• 11:42
  Speaker 7: like quality you know, relationships on a quality show where
• 11:46
  Speaker 7: you're making something you're proud of. But I am starting
• 11:49
  Speaker 7: to kind of face the reality that maybe that's going
• 11:53
  Speaker 7: to be hard to yeah, maintain. But it's my hope.
• 11:57
  Speaker 7: I mean, I hope. I feel like a kind of
• 11:59
  Speaker 7: a conflict of person. I feel like growing up in
• 12:02
  Speaker 7: LA I feel like you grow up alongside a lot
• 12:05
  Speaker 7: of interesting personalities and so you kind of figure out
• 12:07
  Speaker 7: how to navigate that. And like, I definitely feel like
• 12:12
  Speaker 7: I'm good with people, and so it's my hope that
• 12:14
  Speaker 7: even the craziest people I come across, I'll be able
• 12:17
  Speaker 7: to like maybe handle. But yeah, I have really no
• 12:22
  Speaker 7: no experience with that just yet.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: So we'll see. I'll talk to you after that happens.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: I guess, well, you've also been very therapized. That's when
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: I say that in a good way.
• 12:30
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I mean that's one good thing about growing up in LA.
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: You have to go to therapy.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Since fifteen, which is amazing. What's your therapy situation now?
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Is it a new therapist? Have you kept one for
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: a long period of time.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I'm with my same therapist since you were fifteen, since
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 12:46
  Speaker 7: Fifteen, Yeah, which and there are obviously, you know, conflicting
• 12:50
  Speaker 7: opinions on whether.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: That's good or not.
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: But I feel like she is so such a wonderful
• 12:57
  Speaker 7: witness to like absolutely everything, and so she can really
• 13:02
  Speaker 7: analyze what is needed and like understands the greater context,
• 13:08
  Speaker 7: and she challenges me, which is what brought me here today.
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: I think, you know, just to where I'm at. Her
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: challenging me has always been a source of art dynamic
• 13:17
  Speaker 7: and I welcome it. I'm really like interested in that.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: And who else do you find in your life that
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: challenges you? Mmmmm?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I think my friends.
• 13:26
  Speaker 7: I think like my core group of girlfriends, Like I
• 13:29
  Speaker 7: have a friend from high school, a friend from college,
• 13:31
  Speaker 7: and like several friends from after, like from the comedy scene,
• 13:35
  Speaker 7: who like just have known me since before my life shifted,
• 13:40
  Speaker 7: and I am always seeking honest feedback and I feel
• 13:45
  Speaker 7: like I can tell even if they don't want to
• 13:46
  Speaker 7: like say anything on their face, like if they're not
• 13:49
  Speaker 7: really like down with some shit I'm doing or saying,
• 13:51
  Speaker 7: or like don't approve of some decision, you know what
• 13:53
  Speaker 7: I mean, Like I do seek that out.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, it's very difficult to have honest relationships
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: with people in this industry. I mean you can think
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: of like five people who are in the media right
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: now NonStop, and it's like, clearly no one's telling them
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: the truth because you wouldn't be so out and open,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: like you know, you need people to tell you. And
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: it's very difficult because like even when I think, oh,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I think about all the people in my life that'll
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: be honest with me, and it's like yeah, if you
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: really press them to me, yeah, yeah, you have to
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: be like no, you have to fucking tell me the truth. Yeah,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: because most people don't want their conflict averse too.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Well, and there was a storyline about that in Hacks
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: this season with the yellow Dress, where it's like everybody.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Wants to be the s man.
• 14:36
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that's right, that's right, And that's I mean, I
• 14:39
  Speaker 7: think that's why like those two women bond because it's
• 14:41
  Speaker 7: the first person that has ever told Debra what she
• 14:43
  Speaker 7: actually thinks, you know.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's such an interesting dynamic. So when you put
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: out your special Everything Must Go, which came out a
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: few months ago, how did that feel, because that was
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: your first stand up special, showing people your style of comedy. Yeah,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: and I've heard you describe it as filmic.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was really look.
• 15:03
  Speaker 7: I mean that that material I had been working on
• 15:05
  Speaker 7: for so long, and it felt like I really had
• 15:08
  Speaker 7: the time, which is such an incredible currency to have.
• 15:14
  Speaker 7: Acting gave me the time to really fine tune my
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: stand up, which was, you know, my only aspiration when
• 15:21
  Speaker 7: I started performing, Like, I didn't think of a world
• 15:25
  Speaker 7: beyond stand up, Like that's really what I wanted to
• 15:28
  Speaker 7: do completely, And so having the time to like really
• 15:32
  Speaker 7: fine tune and perfect it by the time we put
• 15:35
  Speaker 7: it out, I was so I felt so ready and
• 15:38
  Speaker 7: proud of it and so clear on what I wanted
• 15:41
  Speaker 7: it to be. And it's certainly vulnerable, but I feel
• 15:46
  Speaker 7: like just everything that I have, all of the feedback
• 15:51
  Speaker 7: that I have gotten over the years, gave me the
• 15:53
  Speaker 7: confidence to be like, I'm proud of this and I
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: know that it will confuse some people and it's not
• 15:59
  Speaker 7: going to be for some people, But I'm cool with
• 16:03
  Speaker 7: it being very much for the people that it is for,
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: you know what I mean.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, she has a very great commitment to letting
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: a joke move slowly, which I love. I have a
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: lot of respect for that because you know, any if
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: you're a comedian, you're trying to get to a punchline,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: and some people cannot handle not making an audience laugh
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: for more than thirty seconds. You know, the quiet is
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: just like nerve wracking to people. I've watched it, I've
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: lived it. Yeah, but yeah, it was great watching that
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: when you were working on it before.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: You're special to see that her commitment to that.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: It's a style of comedy that you have to be
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: committed to and unwavering.
• 16:40
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I feel like I cultivated that, just like by
• 16:44
  Speaker 7: pushing it. I don't know that I was always like that,
• 16:47
  Speaker 7: but like the more audiences gave me credit, the more
• 16:51
  Speaker 7: I was just like, you know, I'm gonna pause even longer,
• 16:55
  Speaker 7: and like it's that thing of like you know, where
• 16:57
  Speaker 7: it's like it's funny and then it stops being funny
• 16:59
  Speaker 7: and it gets funny again because it's like you can't
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: understand how it's continuing to go on. Like I'm actually
• 17:05
  Speaker 7: like really comfortable in that, And yeah, it's fun to
• 17:08
  Speaker 7: cultivate like a style unbeknownst to yourself, to just kind
• 17:12
  Speaker 7: of happen upon it and go, oh, this is an
• 17:14
  Speaker 7: interesting Well.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: I think it mimics your personality a lot too.
• 17:16
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, quiet, but you have lots to say, but you're
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: not loud.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're not.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: In anyone's face. So I think it's a perfect compliment
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: to who you are as a person. Thank you, which
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: is what you want your stand up to be because
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: it's your POV.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:31
  Speaker 7: I feel like when I got into stand up, like
• 17:33
  Speaker 7: I was trying to present this aspirational version of like
• 17:38
  Speaker 7: who I wanted to be, like this very confident, cool,
• 17:42
  Speaker 7: collected person.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: And I feel like I grew into that through doing
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: it and.
• 17:47
  Speaker 7: Obviously the therapy of course, but like I really feel
• 17:51
  Speaker 7: like now like the separation between like who I am
• 17:53
  Speaker 7: on stage and who I am off stage, while there
• 17:56
  Speaker 7: is a massive theatrical sort of like lens over the
• 17:59
  Speaker 7: whole thing, and it is very much a performance style choice,
• 18:04
  Speaker 7: and I'm being silly or I'm doing characters whatever, Like
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: it does feel closer to me, whereas when I started,
• 18:09
  Speaker 7: I feel like it was just like what would the
• 18:12
  Speaker 7: coolest version of me be? Like what could I escape
• 18:15
  Speaker 7: to to feel like awesome?
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's it's interesting to talk to different
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: stand ups because some stand ups that's what their dream is.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: They just want to be on the stage. And some
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: stand ups just want the recognition of being on the
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: stage and they don't mind walking off stage, you know.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: And then some there's like everybody has something different, but
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: when somebody really wants to be on stage and do
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: stage time, it's a different that's like a true comic,
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Like you know, you want to like you don't care
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: what it leads to. You just have to be on stage. Yeah,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: I've never been someone who has to be on stage.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I like everything that goes with it writing Like, I
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: like the writing, I like the execution, I like the refining,
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: and I like the feedback from the audience, you know.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: And then you get to a place where you become
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: so good at what you do that it is like
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: in your pocket. You don't have to constantly think about
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: how it's being perceived because you know that you're doing
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: it well.
• 19:07
  Speaker 7: It is so interesting and cool to watch you work
• 19:10
  Speaker 7: because you are one of the more prolific comedians. The
• 19:13
  Speaker 7: tours that I've done with you, I've probably seen two
• 19:16
  Speaker 7: or three different hours like over the.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Course of the probably working together.
• 19:19
  Speaker 7: Which is like so incredible and like it does speak
• 19:23
  Speaker 7: to what you're saying of being like, I really do
• 19:26
  Speaker 7: love writing. Like I watch you with your pages and
• 19:29
  Speaker 7: pages and pages of typed notes of the act.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Like it's like a freaking like document, you know before.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: And yeah, you're like, yeah, in a process, you know.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: And I consider myself a lazy performer. So it's funny
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: to hear you say that because there is a lot
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: of work that goes into it. But there's a difference
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: between work that comes naturally and there's a difference in
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: work that is not natural to you. And then it
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: does feel like work, yes, But writing is such an easy,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: you know, avenue for me, and I feel like a
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: lot of comics feel that way.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you can see comics do the.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: Same act for like two years and you're like, oh
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: my god, how can you still tell those jokes? But
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: it is it's just a different style. Some people have
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: to repeat it, you know, enough times to get it. Like,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I'm on tour right now, and this is the longest
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: tour I've done for a set, and I've already moved
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: on to new material. I haven't taped to my special yet.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: I tape it in November. But I'm like, oh no, okay,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: now I have to start thinking about the next hour.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: I already got this done, you know. And so I'm like,
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: oh wow. The more you're on stage, obviously, the more
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: you're writing, the more comfortable you are, the more confident
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: you are in what you're doing. Like I don't have
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: to try out bits anymore, you know what I mean,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: I know if something's gonna work.
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: My god, jealous, I may one day.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: It's so funny when like when she started that show
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: and when she started Hawks, which we had Paul T.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: Downs on a few months ago, who was so fucking
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: funny Paul T. Downs Well, I called I've renamed him
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Paul W.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Downs.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: It was it was like life imitating art. I'm like,
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: oh my god. And she's like we were flying on
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: a private plane once and we sent the picture to
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: her her producers because they well, I don't fly privately
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: a lot anymore. I just want to put that on
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: the record because that's fucking true. I've been very good
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: about that. But we were talking about like art imitation.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, I think I am a
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: version of Debora Vance. And then I was like, wait, no,
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: that's too that's too old for me. And I was like, no, no, wait,
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: I fucking like that, you know. And now I'm doing
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: a Vegas residency. I'm not living in Vegas. I will
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: never live in Vegas.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: What is what is the travel schedule?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I literally fly in and either fly back that night
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: or spend the night with a group of friends, and
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Of it is it just weekends.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: It's it's like holiday. It's once a month for like
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: the next two years.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Fab Yeah, yeah, once a month for the next two years.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: That's the kind of commitment I'm looking for, exactly.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Across the board.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, Okay, I'm not Now, we're going to take a
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: break and we're going to come back and we're going
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: to take callers and we're gonna give them advice.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: You're gonna love it. It's so cute.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, this week right, And if you have questions about fitness,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: it could be something specific you're dealing with and your
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: fitness routine, how to maintain your motivation or get started
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: with a new routine, or questions you have on a
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: deeper level about your physical health and fitness. Right into
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: And we're back. We've had a finder, Hannah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: We have some real special ones for you today. This
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: one specifically, I was really excited to find for you. Okay,
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: our first question comes from Sam.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of pressure you're putting on Hannah.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, shit, so Sam says Dear Chelsea.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: Last year, I connected with a therapist and she helped
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: me make huge breakthroughs in several areas of my life
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: through hypnotherapy.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I was skeptical at first.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: When I started, but after a few intense sessions where
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: I spoke to dead relatives and saw pieces of my
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: dreams unfold, I was sold.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: I took a break after a while, as it's.
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: Out of pocket and I'm in graduate school full time
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: while already struggling to afford life after putting myself through
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: two other degrees to get where I am today. Recently,
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: I decided to leave a relationship and I reached back
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: out to the therapist. She suggested I do ketamine therapy
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: with her, something she's found helps a lot of her
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: clients and get to the point they want to be faster.
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: Although it's a lot of money upfront as insurance does
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: not reimburse most of it, she believes I will get
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: the results in a shorter amount of time. In some ways,
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: I'm totally for it, especially with ending this relationship, I
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: feel myself reverting to old patterns and want to heal.
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: I worry that it may be a lot of money
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: to try something new and potentially risky. Should I go
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: for it and hopefully finally heal from the parts of
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: me holding me back? Or should I play it safe
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: and continue to spend money on therapy I already can't afford.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: Sam And of course, Panna, you talk about your therapist
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: suggesting hypnotherapy.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, have you ever done ketamine therapy?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I have not.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have never done it either, so it's really
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: hard for me to answer that question.
• 23:47
  Speaker 7: I know that it can be really positive. I've also
• 23:50
  Speaker 7: heard ketamine is tricky because, like it is a therapy drug,
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: but it's also used recreationally in a way that can
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: be like dangerous and not good.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: So it's like that's when you cheve up your ass.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
• 24:03
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean it has massive therapeutic benefits, but I
• 24:06
  Speaker 7: mean it depends if you have to do six sessions.
• 24:09
  Speaker 7: I would say, maybe stick with the therapy, Like, I
• 24:12
  Speaker 7: think that's probably I think therapy is a great tool.
• 24:15
  Speaker 7: I think it's like a more consistent thing that you
• 24:17
  Speaker 7: can keep track with.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: But I would say that also, everyone wants to fast
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: track their healing, yeah, and everyone wants a result.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: And you don't have to explain that to me.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: I'm the most impatient person in the world, So I
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: understand how you want to kind of fast forward to
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: the better results. But if it's something that's really not
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: affordable to you in this moment, it's going to be
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: available and it's only going to get better, you know.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: So I would be very consistent with your therapy because
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: that yields the most concrete results overall for most people.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: So as long as you keep going, you have to
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: have a conversation and dialogue with yourself, I think to
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: know that you're always moving in the right direction, Like
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: every time you go to therapy, you're taking a step
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: in the right direction. Even if it feels like you're
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: taking two steps back. That's part of your therapy process
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: is making progress and then falling back or screwing up,
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: and then making progress again, and then actually, you know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: the mistakes become fewer and.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Your slip ups become fewer.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: But you have to look at it as like a
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: grand net of what it's yielding. And that doesn't happen
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: in six months or a year, you know what I mean.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: You make little changes along the way and then all
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: of a sudden things start to click and then you're
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: really making changes.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, did you try hypnotherapy when your therapist suggests?
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't that suggestion just like from the therapist that
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: you're seeing now.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: And so she's seen your stand up because you say
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: that in your.
• 25:40
  Speaker 7: Special she she and I have She's you know what
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: is I'm realizing now. She asked me if it was
• 25:47
  Speaker 7: cool if she watched it, and I said yes, but
• 25:49
  Speaker 7: we haven't talked about it after.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it was her suggestion, so she's going
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: to have to take I told her.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I was like, I want you to know I do
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: have a joke about yet, so just saying you.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Know, and she was like, okay, I went to hypnotherapy
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: only for smoking cigarettes and that worked for about eight years.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: But that was like, I mean, it was therapisting.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: But he basically it's Carrie Gator and he basically berates
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: you for half an hour, telling you how disgusting you
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: are for smoking and that you're like, basically I'm co
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: coal miner breathing intoxins and and you're like I'm disgusted
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: by myself at this point too.
• 26:23
  Speaker 6: Wow.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: So and then that he hypnotizes you, but you're not
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: under under, you know, it's just like suggest I don't
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: think hypnosis is what people think it means, right, Like,
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: it's almost like you're lightly under and you're just a.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Little bit more open to yeah, you know suggestion.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Your eyes aren't spirals.
• 26:39
  Speaker 7: There's no clock right right, Yeah, really sort of warped
• 26:44
  Speaker 7: of hypnosis, right exactly.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: So I think our advice to you is stick with
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: the therapy is the most important thing.
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe also, you know, if hypnotherapy is a
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: little too expensive, maybe find like a group that is
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: less expensive or you know, free option, sliding scale sort
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: of thing.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: It would be better to do hypnotherapy with a group. Anyway,
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Quite frankly, that a lot more fun. Yeah, because then
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: you can see it in action.
• 27:06
  Speaker 8: You know.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I always likes to see things before they happened to me. Yeah,
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: see them happened to other people.
• 27:12
  Speaker 8: Well.
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: Our next question comes from Libby. She has threutle problems.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: She says, loves I agree, so she says, your Chelsea storytime.
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: I'm a twenty four year old woman and I'm part
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: of a threufle. When I met my two partners almost
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: three years ago, we were really just hanging out and
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: hooking up. My girlfriend and I soon fell in love
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: and decided we should all be together. A couple months in,
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: our boyfriend and helpful note is that her girlfriend and
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: her boyfriend were together for several years before they got
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: to Yes. A couple months in, our boyfriend just stopped
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: trying to engage in any kind of sexual activity with
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: her girlfriend and me, no matter how hard we try
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: to entice him. He was the furthest thing from interested.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: I soon discovered this has been an ongoing problem and
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: basically every adult relationship he's ever had. He and I
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: are with managers for the same company. A couple weeks ago,
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: he transferred back to a store in which he notoriously
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: flirted with women he worked with there. It was a
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: point of contention in our thruple for a long time.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: The same week, he told us that he was not
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: interested in having sex with either one of us or
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: quote anyone else. He said he thinks it would be
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: best if we found another guy to hook up with. Basically,
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: he wants to be roomates. He would give each other
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: goodbye kisses and hang out at the end of the day.
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: He wants to be a family unit, but doesn't want
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: to do anything romantically. He also started staying after work
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: two to three hours after the store is closed. He
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: will not go to the doctor to try and figure
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: out his lack of libido. He refuses to go to therapy.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: It's gotten to the point where he will even look
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: away if one of us is changing our clothes. It's
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: kind of weird to me that he seems fine with
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: us sleeping with another guy, so he doesn't have to
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: be bothered with it. Should we just accept being roommates
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: with him?
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: And he start yes, he's telling him he doesn't want
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: anything to do with you.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the fucking question here? She's going to
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: join us here in a second.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, she's Oh great, I can yell at her in person.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it says is he a sexual?
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Is he gay?
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Is he hiding something?
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: What if we do sleep with another man and ours
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: suddenly decides he wants to sleep with someone else. I
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: have no clue how to go about this. There are
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: multitudes of men who would die for the chance to
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: have two hot, funny girlfriends.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Lebby liv Hi, Lebby.
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: Hi Libby, Hi, Hi. Everybody.
• 29:15
  Speaker 7: Wow, this is such a fun feature of this podcast.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, so first of all, that's really funny because he's
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: telling you he wants nothing to do with you, and
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: you're trying to make him be a part of your throttle.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: It's over.
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: Yes, I was afraid of that. I needed to find
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: out from the Queen herself.
• 29:34
  Speaker 7: I think that it's you guys can talk about what
• 29:36
  Speaker 7: it would be like transitioning if you really feel that
• 29:39
  Speaker 7: it's good to continue this attachment in a platonic way
• 29:43
  Speaker 7: with him in terms of the roommate arrangement. I think
• 29:46
  Speaker 7: if you guys can really be cool with that in
• 29:48
  Speaker 7: your heart, knowing that he is staying two to three
• 29:50
  Speaker 7: hours after work, and really being honest with yourself to
• 29:53
  Speaker 7: make peace with the fact that if he is, you know,
• 29:56
  Speaker 7: truly you know, messing around or doing whatever, that that's
• 29:59
  Speaker 7: not gonna affect your living situation. If the answer is no,
• 30:02
  Speaker 7: then I think the answer is no, and you guys
• 30:04
  Speaker 7: kind of move on from there.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: It sounds like his move is to flirt if he
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: has no libido, You think he has a libido at
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: work and he's having sex with these other women. I
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: mean it's really neither here nor there, actually, but just
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: out of curiosity.
• 30:17
  Speaker 6: No, And that's the thing, Like, that's how he kind
• 30:20
  Speaker 6: of dreaming in when we met, because we met at
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: work coincidentally, and he was charming and he still is,
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: like he is a great guy. He's funny, he's flirty when.
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: He wants to be.
• 30:31
  Speaker 6: But I truly don't believe that he's actually going out
• 30:35
  Speaker 6: and having sex with other people. But it's just this
• 30:38
  Speaker 6: secretness and the need to sneak around that's confusing because
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: he was never like that in the past, and now
• 30:46
  Speaker 6: all of a sudden, this comes out that he has
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: no sexual interest in us, And now all of a sudden,
• 30:53
  Speaker 6: like the other night, he decided that he was.
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: Gonna go out after work, and that's.
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: No big deal, but I feel like with the way
• 31:01
  Speaker 6: the situation is right now, like that was just weird.
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: All of a sudden, he was.
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: Like, yeah, I'm gonna go out after work, and our
• 31:10
  Speaker 6: girlfriend was like, not that I care, but like, where
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: do you think you're gonna go?
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: And he was just like anywhere but here? Talking about work.
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: It was very.
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: Vague, and it was almost just like trying to be
• 31:22
  Speaker 6: mean and just trying to get a rise out of
• 31:26
  Speaker 6: the both of us.
• 31:26
  Speaker 7: I think you and your girls should skip down. I
• 31:29
  Speaker 7: think you guys start a new life. I think you
• 31:31
  Speaker 7: guys kind of I.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Think it's a wrap on this in this throuble, you know.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, he couldn't be more plain about it. And
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: you know, when people are embarrassed or shameful, especially with
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: regard to their sexual performance, they will make it seem
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: like they have other things, you know, that they're drumming
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: up business elsewhere.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: So he might just be doing that to.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Pretend like, oh no, he's not interest, especially if he's
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: being outwardly mean to you and being like anywhere but here.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: Clearly you guys have done something that made him uncomfortable
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: or feel less than and so he's trying to to
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: make that very clear to you. I don't think you
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: should be trying to gather any more information from him.
• 32:06
  Speaker 6: Yes, And it's just so hard with to get him
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: to communicate at all because he is just so closed off.
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: And I could have a million conversations where I'm like,
• 32:16
  Speaker 6: you know, are you upset? Like I understand if you are,
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: that's very valid, and I just get a it's whatever.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 32:22
  Speaker 7: Also, I could see it being within the realm of
• 32:25
  Speaker 7: possibilities that he may be threatened by the connection between
• 32:30
  Speaker 7: the two of you. You know, I think he had
• 32:32
  Speaker 7: this pre existing relationship with your girlfriend, and then kind
• 32:36
  Speaker 7: of like, I think the male ego is pretty fragile.
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: I don't want to make generalizations, but I think the
• 32:43
  Speaker 7: male ego can be fragile, and it's possible that he's
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: feeling threatened and that's not your labor and that's actually
• 32:48
  Speaker 7: not your guys' responsibility, and that's also not something that
• 32:51
  Speaker 7: anyone can heal but him.
• 32:53
  Speaker 6: Yes, And we have had those conversations as well, Like
• 32:56
  Speaker 6: my girlfriend has flat out said, like, is us being
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: together her and I a problem for you? Because at
• 33:03
  Speaker 6: the time she was like, I would rather work on
• 33:05
  Speaker 6: us if that's a problem. She's like, I love the
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: throttle of what we have, but it's a ten year relationship,
• 33:12
  Speaker 6: so if that's going to save it, then she would
• 33:14
  Speaker 6: be willing to like work on it. And he just says, no,
• 33:17
  Speaker 6: absolutely not, that's not fair to either one of you, Like,
• 33:20
  Speaker 6: I love her too, why would I want that? He
• 33:23
  Speaker 6: just completely shuts down the idea. But it just feels
• 33:26
  Speaker 6: like there's something there that he's not saying.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's not your problem. He's expressing to you
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: he's no longer interested, and you're like, but why, but why?
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: But maybe you are. It doesn't matter, you know what
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I mean. You have to respect his space, and you
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: have to respect the fact that he's not interested anymore.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Are you and the girlfriend? Your girlfriend and his girlfriend
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: ish on the same page about this?
• 33:47
  Speaker 5: We are.
• 33:48
  Speaker 6: She just has the ten year attachment, so that is
• 33:52
  Speaker 6: a lot for her. They have two kids together.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, and there's.
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: So much intertwined.
• 33:57
  Speaker 6: It is an entire life that we have to separate,
• 34:00
  Speaker 6: like down to bank accounts.
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: Who has the kids on the weekend?
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, and.
• 34:05
  Speaker 6: It's a lot for her in that sense, and that
• 34:07
  Speaker 6: she thinks, like, why would I want to go through
• 34:10
  Speaker 6: the trouble of all of that. If I could try
• 34:12
  Speaker 6: to make this work, but I don't think there's anything
• 34:14
  Speaker 6: left to make work.
• 34:16
  Speaker 7: I also don't think you guys, they don't need to
• 34:18
  Speaker 7: legally divorce if they want to keep that feeling. They
• 34:22
  Speaker 7: don't have to separate bank accounts. They could just like
• 34:25
  Speaker 7: keep that under control and just separate in a way
• 34:27
  Speaker 7: that doesn't involve legality and anything like that.
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the nice part.
• 34:32
  Speaker 6: They're not technically married, they've just been together for ten years.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: And well, you just solved another problem in this night.
• 34:38
  Speaker 6: Ye. Yes, But my girlfriend is also like, well, if
• 34:42
  Speaker 6: he wants to be done, then I want absolutely nothing
• 34:45
  Speaker 6: to do with him, and I do not want any reminder.
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: I do not want to share a bank account. I
• 34:50
  Speaker 6: do not want to see him using money to take somebody.
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: Else out on a date. If that's the case. And
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: I can understand that too.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's also you have to get to a
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: place where there's not such a motion attached to that
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: relationship that's reactive. She has two children with him, so
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: she's never getting away from him. She's gonna have to
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: see him on a date. And that's not fair because
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: you guys are in a relationship, and he's been privy
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: to that, and he clearly didn't like it, you know,
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: because he's trying to extricate himself. So I think everybody,
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: like I think some space would do you all very well.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: You know, it would serve you all well, so you
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: can get some perspective. And it sounds like he's pissed
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: and he's a little bit angry and he needs to
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: extricate himself from the situation so he can settle, and you,
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: guys can settle in this new dynamic that you have
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: that is, you know, without a man. And if you guys,
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: find someone else you want to introduce to the two
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: of you, that's fine too, but give it some time
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: without pushing at it, you know what I mean, Like
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: let the dust settle and actually, like retreat with your
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: girlfriend and make a delineation in the relationship so that
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: there's no confusion anymore. There's no expectations from you, guys
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: that he's going to enjoin you sexually. It doesn't matter
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: what he's doing out of the relationship. That's really not
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: of your business anymore.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Right, I think that clarity does need to come from
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: you because it seems like so far it's been like, well,
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: what does he want?
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: Is what's going on with him?
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: And I think since he's not giving.
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: You that, you have to decide for yourself if this
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: is right for you and make that delineation for what
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: makes sense for you.
• 36:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's also something I've been thinking about a
• 36:22
  Speaker 6: lot lately too, because like, I love our relationship, and
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: I love the kids, I love being around it, I
• 36:27
  Speaker 6: love my life. But I'm also twenty four years old,
• 36:31
  Speaker 6: and it's this is a lot.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a lot of life.
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: It's a lot for a forty four year old, and
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: never mind a twenty four year old. But I think, listen,
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: you have an opportunity here to like be the voice
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: of reason to come in since there's more emotional attachment
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: between the two of them than there is between you
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: and him, necessarily, I think, and you can be the
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: voice of reason and go, hey, guys, he's made himself clear,
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: there's I don't want to be the cause of all
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: of this, like any ruination in a family.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Especially when there are children.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: So let's sit down and have a really adult conversation
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: about how to move forward in a way that serves
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: all three of you. You know, what's the best way
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: to move forward without anger and without negativity and without
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: this kind of reciprocity of like, well he's doing that,
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: we're going to do this or whatever.
• 37:16
  Speaker 6: You know, Yes, and that is what I'm trying to
• 37:19
  Speaker 6: break right now between my girlfriend, like the he's doing this,
• 37:22
  Speaker 6: so we should do this in retaliation or because it's good,
• 37:25
  Speaker 6: we think it's going to make us feel better, whatever
• 37:27
  Speaker 6: it is. I think that we should just like you said,
• 37:31
  Speaker 6: let the dust settle, go about life, try to just
• 37:34
  Speaker 6: let this sit and feel this for a bit before
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: we make any big life moves with anybody else or
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: do anything else.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the best way to move forward.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, keep in.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: Mind you are twenty four years old. Like, lots of
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: things can change in a second. Your interests can change,
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: your sexual interests can change, your predisposition to all of
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: these things. Everything is moving and fluid, So you don't
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: want to tie yourself to the situation for long term anyway,
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: No matter how you're feeling, you're too young to be
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: like committing to something more than a year down the road.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Do you agree with that?
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: I agree with it.
• 38:13
  Speaker 6: But the hopeless romantic in me is like, no, this
• 38:16
  Speaker 6: is forever. But I'm also a realist in the sense that, like,
• 38:19
  Speaker 6: I know, things can change at the drop of a hat,
• 38:22
  Speaker 6: so much already has in my life, and as much
• 38:26
  Speaker 6: as I want this to be like something forever, I
• 38:29
  Speaker 6: can also understand that it might not be.
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: And that's totally okay.
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: I have definitely started over and rebuilt things a couple
• 38:37
  Speaker 6: times in my life already, so that's not the scariest
• 38:40
  Speaker 6: thing in the world. It's just I love my girlfriend
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: and I would do anything for her, and at the moment,
• 38:46
  Speaker 6: like that is what I am worried about in the
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: sense of life and who I want to be with.
• 38:53
  Speaker 6: As for him, like, I am just so exhausted with
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: there always being an issue, Like somebody is ever truly
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: satisfied with something, you know. And I'm very go with
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: the flow. So I'm comfortable in life. And I made
• 39:07
  Speaker 6: a lot of sacrifices to fit this life, not that
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: I didn't want to. You just have to do that
• 39:13
  Speaker 6: from single to being in a relationship. But I don't know,
• 39:17
  Speaker 6: I just feel like I am thinking very like, Okay,
• 39:20
  Speaker 6: let's just do this and take the next step.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: And it's not as easy for her. It's easy for
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: him obviously, but it's a lot.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Well, you just said something.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: First of all, I want to just clarify you can
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: be a hopeless romantic and be a realist. Those two
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: things can exist at the same time. You can be
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: totally in love with someone and hope to spend the
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: rest of your life with them and be pragmatic about
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: it and know that if certain things happen, it may
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: not work out that way. So it's okay to be
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: a hopeless romantic. Like that's nice and that's what your
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: twenties are for. But I would try to take this
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: opportunity to lead them in a way to communicate with
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: each other. Since it sounds like you are the one
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: that has the healthiest outlook towards the situation, try and
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: get them to a where there isn't so much negativity
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: and like they have to act in like the best
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: interests of their children and having a long term relationship
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: that's going to last for decades until they're dead. You know,
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: they're gonna have these kids for the rest of their lives,
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: so it's in everyone's best interest to find a better
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: way to move forward and then move forward.
• 40:17
  Speaker 6: I'm just I get stuck when it comes to trying
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: to work out the all are nothing mindset that the
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: two of them can have. Sometimes, for example, my girlfriend
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: was the one that said, maybe you should move in
• 40:30
  Speaker 6: with your parents for a couple of weeks. They live
• 40:32
  Speaker 6: like maybe a block or two away. It would be
• 40:34
  Speaker 6: super convenient, Like it would give them some space. Maybe
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: they can learn to miss each other, because I think
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: that's something that needs to happen. I think he needs
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: to miss us. And a key shut it down and
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: he was like.
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: I'm not doing that. I'm getting my own place or
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: I'm staying here.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well have him get his own place.
• 40:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that doesn't sound like the type of if you
• 40:54
  Speaker 7: were starting new with someone you had no attachment to
• 40:57
  Speaker 7: and no history with and they said that to you,
• 41:00
  Speaker 7: you would walk away in a second. I think history
• 41:02
  Speaker 7: cannot serve as an excuse for bad behavior and an
• 41:06
  Speaker 7: unwillingness to compromise. Like I think sometimes history clouds the
• 41:11
  Speaker 7: types of standards that you would otherwise have for yourself.
• 41:13
  Speaker 7: And it's important to run everything he says through the
• 41:16
  Speaker 7: metrics of the most respectful treatment that you both deserve.
• 41:23
  Speaker 6: Yes, and these every sign and every action that he
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: has done throughout this.
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: I've been thinking about it.
• 41:29
  Speaker 6: And it's not even a soft breakup.
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: It is a very hard breakup. That those are very
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: hard breakup signs.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's you're resisting the breakup though, Like what you
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: guys are doing is resisting the reality of a situation,
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: which will only prolong a situation. And you're resisting what
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: he's telling you, like he's giving you the information, you're
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: being like investigating it further.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: There's no need for that.
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: It's time for the next step to move forward and
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: get him out of the house.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Let him go. He wants to go. He's not into
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: you guys except that.
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: Yes, And I definitely am ready to accept that. I
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: just need to get my girlfriend on the same page.
• 42:05
  Speaker 6: She is doing a lot better with it, like she understands.
• 42:08
  Speaker 6: I just think it's hard altogether. She's just grieving the
• 42:11
  Speaker 6: relationship as a whole. Yeah, but we both know that
• 42:15
  Speaker 6: we need to move forward and stick to our guns
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: because he has a tendency to blow things up kind
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: of like this and like say like, oh, maybe we
• 42:25
  Speaker 6: should just break up or whatever, and things just weirdly
• 42:27
  Speaker 6: go back to normal. It's like it never happened, Like
• 42:30
  Speaker 6: he woke up and changed his mind the next day,
• 42:32
  Speaker 6: and I think that's just not wanting to leave the
• 42:35
  Speaker 6: comfortability of the life that he does have with us,
• 42:38
  Speaker 6: and like the house that we have and everything else. Right,
• 42:43
  Speaker 6: I'm not sure what to do there because I feel
• 42:45
  Speaker 6: like we always get to a certain point and then
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: there's just a standstill and he just waits for things
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: to die down or something.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Well, I think you need to go to your girlfriend
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: and say, we're going to go to have a conversation
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: with him, and the next move is for him to
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: move out. We're existing in a situation that is no
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: longer hospitable for anybody.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: Do you guys, rent is who's on the lease.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: We have a mortgage and it's him that's on the mortgage,
• 43:10
  Speaker 6: but he's willing to move out, so we can switch
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: that around.
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: It's so messy but great.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: But the thing is, in these messy situations, you have
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: to take steps. It's like a twister that just keeps
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: going around and around until someone steps in and changes
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: what's happening. So you have to be that person. Step one,
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Let's get him out of the house. He doesn't want
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: to be here. We'll figure out the name on the
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: mortgage later, but let's take one step at a time
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: so that everybody is feeling better about the situation.
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: Yeah, we're just going to have to have that conversation
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: and realign our responsibilities and just make it work for
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: the two of us.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, great, go do it. We wish you luck. You're
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: going to be fine. Just but be a voice of reason.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: Don't get sucked into this like windmill of not It's
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: just nonsensical. It's not working for anyone anymore.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: And I have a habit of letting myself get sucked
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: in and.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Just but I know, I know, you have to take
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: yourself out of the drama, even though you're part of
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: the drama.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: And I would encourage your girlfriend to see somebody to
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: deal with like the anger part of it, because if
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: she can solve that piece of it, I think this
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: whole thing will be a lot easier for everybody.
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: As nothing good comes from being passive, aggressive or being reactive.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: It's all just like toxic.
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, Libby, thank you so much for calling
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: in and keep us posted it on what happens.
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: Okay, Yes, thank you guys so much. I appreciate you all.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Thanky Bye.
• 44:29
  Speaker 5: Bye bye.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: Who would have ever thought a threatle gone wrong? Have
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: you ever been part of a threatle? Hannah, No, I haven't.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: I've only been part of a sexual threatle, not a
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: relationship throuble, and that served its purposes beautifully.
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: You do sort of think like she's living the dream, right,
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: they're raising kids together, they having a great time.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: But then it's like complicated emoment.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: But I love the sentence of any other guy would
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: die to be in this situation. It's like that has
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: nothing to do with what's happening.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that standard. What are you saying?
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: Like that he should be more excited sexually than he had, Like,
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: you can't make someone be attracted to a situation that
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: they've lost interest in.
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: And you know, it's totally legitimate if he were asexual
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: or like Gray asexual and like still emotionally intimate with them.
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: But that does not seem.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: Like No, that sounds checked Out's hard.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but we always add drama to things, like especially women,
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: We have a tendency and that's totally sexist, but it's
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: fucking true. We add drama where we don't need to.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: So our job is to withdraw the drama. You know,
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: when you can cut it, cut.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: It and can.
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: I loved what you said about like viewing it in
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: the context of a new relationship, Like we get so
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: sucked into you know, the fallacy of sunk costs, Like
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: I've spent ten years with this person that I've got
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: to make it work. It's like, no, you have to
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: like do what's right for you right now. It doesn't
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: matter what the last ten years have been.
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: And also, when you're not legally married, that is such
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: an advantage in this world, Like you already set yourself
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: up for success by not getting legally married in the
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: first place.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yep. Well, our next caller is Riley. She's real fun.
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: Her question is am I an asshole for having sex
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: in my new friend's apartment bathroom? Short summary. I got
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: invited to a party by three guys I met at
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: the movie theater. I go to their house party the
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: next day. I tend to be an oversharer and I
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: ask the guys for feedback on my nudes. I start
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: fooling around with one of them and things quickly escalate.
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: We're both very caught up in the moment and decide
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: to move to the bathroom to have sex.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: A female friend of the.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: Apartment owner got very upset at me, screaming at me
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: the moment we left the bathroom.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: This is all like four.
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: Thirty in the morning. By the way, I am bummed
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: because I thought I was making new friends. I feel
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: really bad, and I texted the apartment owner that I'm sorry.
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: I acknowledge how disgusting it must feel to have other
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: people in your space. I appreciate the kind gesture of
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: inviting someone you've met a day prior to your apartment,
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: and I'm sorry I took advantage of that. I also
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: offered to deep clean his bathroom or pay someone to
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: do it. Am I a huge asshole for doing this?
• 46:55
  Speaker 7: Riley? Obsessed with you so iconic?
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: Oh my god?
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like, if there's a window to
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: be having sex in a bathroom, you picked the right one,
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Like thirty am.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's a totally different.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: Story than doing it in the middle of the afternoon,
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? If you guys are up
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: after a certain amount of time, like all bets are off.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Who's people who are sucked in my bunk bedroom? Multiple times?
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: There were like five different couples that hooked up there
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: during a party, and.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: I encouraged it. Oh yeah, I mean, and that's harder
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: to clean than a bathroom.
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: You know those are hard.
• 47:44
  Speaker 7: I would have done so well at woods Dot Queen.
• 47:47
  Speaker 7: You are a free love diva.
• 47:49
  Speaker 8: You know she cleaned up all the come afterwards, and
• 47:52
  Speaker 8: she's still got upset. So it's not I don't. I
• 47:54
  Speaker 8: did everything right. I feel like both my parents know
• 47:57
  Speaker 8: the story and that detail and they are on my side,
• 48:01
  Speaker 8: So I don't I.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Agree, And so is your friend. Your friend is still
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: mad at you.
• 48:06
  Speaker 8: Well, okay, I have an update to the story. I
• 48:08
  Speaker 8: don't know if you have time for.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: This update, because I think we do go for it.
• 48:11
  Speaker 8: I sent that apology text, right, and I sent another
• 48:14
  Speaker 8: apology text a week after the sex incident. I got
• 48:17
  Speaker 8: a text message literally the eve of my birthday on
• 48:21
  Speaker 8: the twenty ninth, which is like a couple weeks after
• 48:23
  Speaker 8: fourth of July. And this is what the text message
• 48:26
  Speaker 8: did I get. Hey, you dumb bitch, if you're actually
• 48:29
  Speaker 8: fucking sorry for what you did, DoorDash ethan a McDonald's
• 48:33
  Speaker 8: big macmeal and twenty piece chicken McNuggets tomorrow at six
• 48:37
  Speaker 8: thirty pm send Trent your nudes. Some guy at the
• 48:41
  Speaker 8: party and give me back my hairclip along with a
• 48:44
  Speaker 8: bottle of alcohol so I can disinfect that shit because
• 48:47
  Speaker 8: I don't want to catch any crabs from you.
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: So Ethan is the apartment owner, right, yes, And this
• 48:53
  Speaker 4: girl she doesn't live there.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: She does her to No, she is there.
• 49:02
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it's kind of shocking you are You are triggering
• 49:05
  Speaker 7: her because she's threatened by her sexual freedom.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Doll.
• 49:10
  Speaker 8: You know what's so funny is that like we had
• 49:12
  Speaker 8: like I was cool with everyone before this sex incident,
• 49:15
  Speaker 8: Like this girl is like this cute girl, and we
• 49:17
  Speaker 8: had this whole conversation about like if she takes nudes,
• 49:20
  Speaker 8: like sex questions, and like she was cool with everything.
• 49:22
  Speaker 8: The turning point was me having sex in the bathroom.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: So and so did you respond to that text?
• 49:28
  Speaker 8: Not really, I responded a couple of days So after
• 49:31
  Speaker 8: this text minute, she sent me another text saying where's
• 49:33
  Speaker 8: our McDonald's, you stupid bitch.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 49:37
  Speaker 8: And a couple of days later, I just like wanted
• 49:38
  Speaker 8: to end it, said, hey, like Alice, let's call her Alice. Hey, Alice, Like,
• 49:42
  Speaker 8: I don't have your hair clip. I have no idea
• 49:44
  Speaker 8: what you're talking about. And I sent a screenshot of Christopher,
• 49:48
  Speaker 8: the guy I hooked up with. He sent me this
• 49:49
  Speaker 8: long ass apology like the day we had sex, like
• 49:52
  Speaker 8: after she yelled at me kicked me out. I sent
• 49:54
  Speaker 8: a screenshot of that and said like, hey, I wish
• 49:56
  Speaker 8: you guys well bye, And I venmoed this bitch one
• 50:00
  Speaker 8: hundred dollars.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Why why why?
• 50:03
  Speaker 8: Because just okay, like if you're that mad at me,
• 50:05
  Speaker 8: like here you go.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: Way, But she's unstable, she's unhanded, she has no business
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: talking to you.
• 50:09
  Speaker 8: Like everyone, it's just like the last like here you go,
• 50:12
  Speaker 8: Like if you're that fucking angry, here you go, Like,
• 50:14
  Speaker 8: I'm sorry for fucking in your bathroom.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: Listen, listen, having sex in a bathroom is not a crime.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: It's just not suggested at most places. You can totally
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: do that. And it's a funny story. But anyone who
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: addresses you and talks to you and says you're a
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: dumb bitch, you don't are not giving them money in
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: the future. Do you understand that you're being bullied by
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: some fucking girl she who has no say in this situation.
• 50:38
  Speaker 8: You know, it's funny. These people are in their thirties.
• 50:40
  Speaker 8: I just turned twenty seven.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: Don't beat yourself up for this, no scenario.
• 50:44
  Speaker 8: No, I never not know everybody's on my side.
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, good, Yeah, don't engage with people who talk to
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: you like that, Like it's so gross when women talk
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: to women like that.
• 50:52
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I know, this is funny because this is like
• 50:54
  Speaker 8: top two of the biggest like verbal arguments I've had,
• 50:57
  Speaker 8: and both of them were like with a fee mill
• 51:00
  Speaker 8: and like sex related, so like something with women against
• 51:03
  Speaker 8: women and like sex like it's.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: Well, it's what Hannah said that people get threatened by
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: other people's freedom in any area of their life, and
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: especially sexually. If someone else isn't as sexually free and
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: they see someone being sexually free, that is a threat
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: to them.
• 51:16
  Speaker 8: M m yeah, it's fucking weird.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: It's a good story.
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: Good job, I'm letting him clean up all the come
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: way to go on that cat, you know what a gentleman.
• 51:24
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 51:24
  Speaker 8: Okay, I just want to say, like I just like
• 51:26
  Speaker 8: think about like obviously this guy and I are not
• 51:28
  Speaker 8: on good terms right now, but the minute before we
• 51:31
  Speaker 8: went to the bathroom, he like told me like I
• 51:34
  Speaker 8: want to fuck your brains out, and I just like
• 51:36
  Speaker 8: I just want to I just like remember that moment,
• 51:37
  Speaker 8: Like I get sad about Oh I lost some friends.
• 51:40
  Speaker 8: He was the one who came on to me. Like,
• 51:42
  Speaker 8: let's just put it that way. I didn't initiate Yeah,
• 51:44
  Speaker 8: the sex at all.
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: And also like, these people are not your friends, right,
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: these people they seem like they were going to be
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: fun and interesting and they treated you like dirt.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Also, you know you knew them for a couple of days,
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: so no harm done.
• 51:57
  Speaker 8: Yeah, it's kind of Yeah, it's funny how it all
• 51:59
  Speaker 8: worked out.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good cocktail party story though, totally.
• 52:02
  Speaker 8: It's very funny. Yeah, And like and the fact that
• 52:04
  Speaker 8: I get to meet you and like tell the story
• 52:06
  Speaker 8: like to my favorite comedian is like, this is the
• 52:08
  Speaker 8: bestia of my life.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: So look, what are the worst decisions that you thought
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: you made led to a really good decision.
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: See how that worked out? Already you already had.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: Good vibes from your bad what you thought was a
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: bad decision, which wasn't even a bad decision.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: You just had a fun.
• 52:22
  Speaker 8: Yeah, No, it was fun. Who cares the guy had
• 52:25
  Speaker 8: like was man enough to like defend me and be like, hey,
• 52:27
  Speaker 8: I didn't do anything work Like, I don't.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Think it don't depend on men for anything. Yeah, and
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: obviously don't depend on women either.
• 52:34
  Speaker 5: I depend on you.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: You're all you've got.
• 52:37
  Speaker 8: I know.
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: Well, good luck with everything, and I hope you make
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: some new cooler friends quickly.
• 52:44
  Speaker 8: Thank you, tell me okay, bye bye bye bye.
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: And on that note, we're going to take a break
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: and come back to wrap things up with Hannah einbinder
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: and we're back and there is no comm on the counter.
• 53:02
  Speaker 8: Wow.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: I love that she came out with com like ten
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: seconds into the call.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: I like that whole whole story.
• 53:09
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: I'm just mad that she venmoted them because when I
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: talked to her, she had like said, oh, she wants
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: me to send them food whatever, And I was like,
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: don't do any of those things that she told you
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: to do.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: Can she venmote her money?
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: Oh girl, until the umbrella of I'm sorry for having
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: sex with your friend in your other friend's apartment, Like,
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: none of that makes any sense.
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: I think this girl has a crush on one or
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: multiple of those guys, and it's like jealous.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: Like you said, Jella's very transparent.
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: You know, they're just sitting around sending her that text,
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: like let's see what we can get her to do
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: it's such bullying.
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: Ire in their thirties and they can't aford McDonald's, then
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: like a good briddance.
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: And if they're in their thirties and they want McDonald's,
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: call me because I still feel the same way.
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: Well, I have a quickie we can wrap up with right.
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: So this emails from Ben. He says, you're Chelsea girl.
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: I need some help. I'm a thirty year old gay
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: man living in Texas.
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: No I know.
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: I moved here from LA hoping to educate some of
• 54:03
  Speaker 4: these fucking Republicans. It's not going great anyway. I love
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: to have a good time, not like I have a
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: fucking problem, but vodka and I get along very very well.
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: I am never a messy drunk or mean or out
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: of control. I'm fun, love to laugh, and usually when
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: I'm drunk, I'll dance on a table and we'll usually
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: tell people how much I love them, how much they're
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: gonna achieve all their fucking dreams, even if I don't
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: believe it's sober. So my issue is I can have
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: the best time drinking, go to bed after an amazing night,
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: but the next morning I wake up and feel like
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: everyone hates me. I have an insane amount of regret
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: and I literally have to check in with people and
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: make sure they're not mad at me after getting drunk.
• 54:40
  Speaker 4: I love drinking and have no desire to stop. But
• 54:42
  Speaker 4: why do I always feel this way after drinking? And
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: how can I snap out of it? I know you
• 54:46
  Speaker 4: love a good time with alcohol and occasional drug use.
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: Please help.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: Bet that's anxiety from that's a result of consuming too
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: much alcohol. Yeah, so you have to That's what happens
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: to so.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: Many people when they overdrink. As much as I love to,
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: I do not over drink. I drink to the point
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: where I have a buzz, but I do not allow
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: myself to get wasted anymore.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: So you have to calibrate your drinking.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: It's totally fine to go out and have a good time,
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: but you don't need to get wasted every time you
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: go out. That just leads to people not wanting to
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: hang out with you and regretful feelings in the morning,
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: and it causes anxiety. Alcohol causes anxiety, not while you're
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: drinking it the very next day. This is very common
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: among a lot of people. So you can also compliment
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: your alcohol use with an edible so you don't drink
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: as much. You know, when I have an edible, I
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: don't have the desire to have a drink. Last night,
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: I went out to dinner and I had two drinks
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: in an edible, And that's usually my kind of like,
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: you know, if it's a dinner and I'm not out out,
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: just get yourself down to a reasonable amount of drinking
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: so that you start feeling better in the morning, and
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: take days off too.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: You can't drink every day because if you.
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: Want to get rid of that anxiety, you have to
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: like get control of the situation first. But there's no
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: you don't have to stop as long as you get
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: it under control. I had a boyfriend once said to me,
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: I never want to overdo anything because I never want
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: to have to quit anything. And I took that advice
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: pretty seriously. I mean, I've overdone things plenty of times,
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: but I always reel it in when I need to.
• 56:10
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I was gonna suggest incorporating pot as well.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're drinking less.
• 56:17
  Speaker 7: Also, like pot tends to whenever I drink, ease the
• 56:22
  Speaker 7: symptoms of like any hangover type thing. The next day,
• 56:25
  Speaker 7: Like I feel like pot kind of curbs some of
• 56:28
  Speaker 7: that stuff.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: You mean the night before or the next day, when
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: you're feeling it.
• 56:31
  Speaker 7: The next day, I feel I'm less hungover if I've
• 56:34
  Speaker 7: had if I've smoked weed.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you're not a big drinker.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: No, No, is it because it gives you anxiety or
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: you just don't like alcohol.
• 56:41
  Speaker 7: It doesn't really do the thing that it does for
• 56:44
  Speaker 7: other people. On me, it's very rare that I drink
• 56:47
  Speaker 7: and I'm like, I feel amazing.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: The only time.
• 56:50
  Speaker 7: I've ever felt that way is actually having a Leichi
• 56:53
  Speaker 7: martini from that restaurant Jar on Beverly Boulevard.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: I know it.
• 56:58
  Speaker 7: It's the only time I drink alcohol and thought, oh,
• 57:01
  Speaker 7: I understand this is really good. I'm so like physically
• 57:05
  Speaker 7: jewish that like I can't get the good feeling before
• 57:10
  Speaker 7: I get.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: Like noiseous or a headache.
• 57:13
  Speaker 7: Like I just like get the physical like shitty symptoms
• 57:16
  Speaker 7: before I can like have fun.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: Right, And how old is this guy?
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Thirty?
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you want to get this under control now? Yeah?
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: Like and just so you know, like if you look
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: that up, like hangover anxiety, it is very common. People
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: always are experiencing that. So you just want to like
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: control the situation. And once you get control of the situation,
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: and then you could introduce different things.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: You can try a.
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: Light edible, you can try a joint, whatever you prefer,
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: however you prefer it. In jest, I prefer joints. But
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: I can't smoke wheed anymore because of my larynx. I
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: butchered that another thing I over did, so now I
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: have to take edibles, whether I like it or not.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: But I made that adjustment because you have to.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: I don't have a choice, really, you know, you just
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: have to control your habits.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's right.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, Hannah, i'mbender you know. I love you.
• 57:59
  Speaker 5: I love you.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you for driving to my house. Hell ya in
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: Brentwood and no less even though you were in Venice.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: That's right, that's okay.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: And thank you for christening our podcast room. This is
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: one of our first in person podcasts.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: Is that so?
• 58:10
  Speaker 8: Yeah?
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: We've only had.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: One other one, but yeah, this is going to be
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: our new home. So I'm very happy to have you
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: christen it.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: Awesome. I'm happy to be human sage.
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: And you can watch Hannah Special on Max and you
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: can watch Hacks on Match and on Match on match
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: dot com. You can watch Hacks on Max and you
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: can watch Hannahs Special. Everything must go on Max as well,
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: and you'll be hearing more from her.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: I can guarantee it. And we'll see you all next week.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: Bye bye.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you guys, I
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: first three dates in Vegas our September first, Labor Day
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: weekend and then November second.
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: And I'm coming to.
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November eighth.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: the year in December, So if you're in a city
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, if you'd.
• 59:21
  Speaker 4: Like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 59:30
  Speaker 4: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure
• 59:33
  Speaker 4: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com