Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep59: Nick's disappointed in his college soccer coach (but not for reasons you'd think); Evelyn brings her husband onto the Reverse Jackass pod.

Transcript

Ep59: Nick's disappointed in his college soccer coach (but not for reasons you'd think); Evelyn brings her husband onto the Reverse Jackass pod. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's reversed.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, folks, welcome back to the reverse jackass podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn has up up up you're doing it.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn has just told me that she is not going to talk at all this podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: So this is the truest of true Nick episodes.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: And those of you who have been begging for this very thing, and we get a lot of emails asking for this, are now finally getting a fully only Nick episode.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: So Evelyn, say hi to the people.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to insert cricket sounds right there.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Are we actually jumping in?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, can do you want to jump in?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my gosh, yeah, I'm ready.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: I have a prompt today.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: I have one that I thought about ahead of time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, this is completely.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm lay it on me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so this goes back to my days as a professional narc.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, you're hung up on this again.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: This is great.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not hung up on this.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: It provided a wealth of stories, and now I am imparting them to you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: And some people say thank you, but you can say whatever you want to say about it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Stand by for that.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Those of you who know me know that I love to play games in sports, but I am non-athletic.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: I like it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm tall, that helps, but I'm not coordinated and I'm not very good at stuff.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so I really enjoy it and I show up enthusiastically and I love to run around, but I am bad at sports.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I just even the sports like pickleball that I love, like everything I have at pickleball is from years of practicing at this point, and I'm like a like a pretty at best medium kind of player.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was in college, I availed myself of something that I never had access to in high school, which was that we had gym classes where you could play.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: And when I was in high school, gym classes were shitty and boring, and half of it was health, and you know, it was the same kids getting picked all the time.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: But in college, if you took a class in soccer, you got to play soccer.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't have opportunities to play soccer.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, now I don't want them, but in the in the early 2000s, I did want them.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was this coach, the soccer coach at my at my college actually had a pretty good team.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I took his soccer class and I loved it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: I loved the soccer class.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: I loved the coach.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: I loved getting attention from him.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: I always wanted more attention.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: And he always, you know, I mean, he wasn't special to me at all, but he let me play and he taught me stuff and he took me seriously and I loved it and had such a great thing.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: And it was one of those, one of those things I never had as a as a kid, which was like a really positive sort of sports mentor, right?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I retook the class.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: I liked it so much, I took it twice.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: And in the second semester where I was taking soccer, I was a sophomore, something happened, which was that I was on my professional NARC duties, which was walking around, walking around the not the campus, just the building.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, just doing a thing.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: You had to do rounds.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't even like looking for stuff, but you had to go around the building, I want to say once an hour or something, just you had to walk the halls, right?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, like inside the halls.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Inside the building.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Just to like, just to be a presence, right?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was picturing you outside, you know, kicking the soccer ball to yourself, like doing that thing with the feet where it's like, you know, you're walking and kicking the ball up from foot to foot.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is what I could do that.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: You and Cristiano Ronaldo, just too bad.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't do that with a magic wand.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't kick the ball and walk at the same time if it was attached to my feet.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: If there were 15 balls and they were all attached to my feet with string, I couldn't do that.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Or with rubber bands.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I'm walking the building and I hear noise and smell alcohol, which sucks, and I'm never looking forward to it.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: But I knock on the door, and who is there but my old freshman year suite mate, Mickey?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: And Mickey was a budding alcoholic and he was on the soccer team, and he was an accomplished soccer player whose dad was actually a professional athlete.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: And Mickey was there drinking with my residence.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Was his dad, sorry, was his dad a professional cartoon mouse?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: His dad was not a professional cartoon mouse.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you bring that up?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Is that a non-sequitur?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: His name was Mickey.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, got it, got it, got it, got it.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But it also it applies more to the alcohol piece, I guess.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because of drunk, drunk ass Mickey Mouse.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Censor that.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I really wrecked the punchline of your story.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're not at the punchline yet.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you were you said Nikki.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh Mickey.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Mickey was drinking with, okay.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: With, yeah, Mickey, who was underage, was drinking with two underage people on my floor.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have to fill out a report around that and I have to do it, and it's a whole thing.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: And Mickey was on the on the soccer team.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: And Mickey begged me not to write him up.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I told him that I get no joy out of doing this, but I have to do it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: And the older I get, the more I realize that was the right play.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because if I just didn't write up my friend, like what a clusterfuck would that have been for me for the rest of the year, right?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt bad about it.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: This hurts me more than it hurts you.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what I told him as I spanked his bare bottom in front of my residents.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: As I lay him over my knee.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, and wore him out.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, so I do it and it sucks, and I forget about it because I do about one of these a month, maybe, and it's just a part of life that I hate, but it happens.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: So flash forward the next week, I'm in soccer class, and the soccer coach says something like, Oh, you know, like I don't enforce the rules too strong.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, sometimes people can enforce the rules too strictly.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I wasn't even thinking about making it.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, what are you talking about?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: He goes, Oh, you know, sometimes my athletes, they're not really doing anything wrong and they and they get written up.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes somebody thinks they're doing something wrong and they're not doing something wrong and they get written up for that.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: And then it sunk in.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I realized that this grown fucking man was sideways giving me pressure about the athlete that he had to suspend.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: He was forced to suspend Nikki because that's how that works.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Well, that's really interesting.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, I wrote up a an athlete recently, and when I wrote them up, there was visible alcohol containers in a dry building, and he smelled like alcohol, and they were making a ton of noise, and they admitted to me that they were drinking.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: To me, it's pretty cut and dried when I do a write-up.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Oh no, people think that they know what's going on.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's like that movie Basic Instinct.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, What about Basic Instinct?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Now, have you seen Basic Instinct, Evelyn?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: A long time ago, again, not recently.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: A bad movie when it came out, and a really bad movie now.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: And frankly, I think the criticism that is a fear piece about bisexual women is I think it's a I think it's a, you know, she's dangerous because she has sexual agency, right?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: And also she she killed people in that movie.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like in fact, that was the real crime.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: The big protest, I always thought this was hilarious.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: There were groups that protested, and one of them, one of the groups called themselves Catherine Did It.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: And they would go to movie theaters and they would hold up sides and say, Catherine Did It, save yourself the money, don't spend money on this by blowing the ending, right?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: But the ending of it is, is after all of this, they're starting to have sex and there is an ice pick under the bed.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Oh, in Basic Instinct, she killed those guys.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: And the coach goes, Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's rushing to conclusions.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: The great thing about a movie like Basic Instinct is you don't know who did it.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: You may think you know who did it because you saw an ice pick, but you don't really know.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes people rush to judgment.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Well, you know, I think so much, you know, a certain amount, I don't know how I responded to him, but it was something where I just I lost so much respect for this guy.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I was so angry that this person that I looked up to and was such a role model for me and that I really liked, had the balls to come give me a bunch of pressure and and in a really sideways, non-adult manner criticize me for doing my job in a way that was absolutely me doing my job.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And that hurt for a long time.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: And the next semester I switched to volleyball, and that teacher was great and all was well.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: That was 24 years ago.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Now in 2026, and I'm getting emotional thinking about this.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: The part of this that sticks with me is that that guy didn't think it was clear that she murdered those people in that movie.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: That guy's response to the ending of basic instinct was, I don't know who the killer was.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Some people just fuck with an ice pick under the bed.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like just Thursday.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: Just a Thursday.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Forgive me.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to make your private life public on this podcast, but I have to assume I'm gonna ask you a question.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna ask you a grown-up, intimate question.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: If there was a series of sexual ice pick murders in your area, in your area of London, Ontario, and it was standard practice for you to just coincidentally keep an ice pick under your bed, wouldn't you stop doing that after there was a rash of sexually motivated ice pick murders in your area?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't you just go, this is a bad year to keep an ice pick under your bed?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: People will talk.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: I would say this should go back in the knife block.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know where you even keep an ice pick.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like clearly I don't, because I said the knife block, because that's where it belongs.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: I would put two and two together and go, this is connecting me to something I don't think I should be connected to.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: I think, and even if it's even if you're innocent after the string of ice pick murders, don't keep an ice pick under your bed.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: But to a sensible person, mean meaning anyone in the world except for this one soccer coach, yeah, the answer was I don't know who did it.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of the great mysteries.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, a great filmmaker leaves things open to interpretation, and nothing was more open to interpretation than basic instinct.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: A movie that reflects, what do they call this?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: A mirror that reflects the viewer more than it reflects the content itself.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: It was practically the end of Inception.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: It was exactly what it was.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: It was really, it was a honestly, it held up a mirror to us and it helped us learn more about ourselves.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, Sharon Stone brilliantly played the character as containing multitudes and many faceted.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, okay.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I got used to people acting like irresponsible, but the profundity of that coach's stupidity now stands out to me to this day.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: So my question for you, Evelyn, is what is the what is the stupidest thing you ever heard a teacher say in the classroom?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, the stupidest thing I ever heard a teacher say in the classroom.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and this can be a colleague, this can be a teacher that you had, this could be you if you really want to swing for the fences.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Although I suspect that that would be a cop-out coming from you.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um what's the stupidest thing?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I just mean that you'd be like trying to protect, you'd have a real story, but you'd protect them by telling some self-effacing story instead of.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, I would actually.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right, I would.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I told the time where I was talking, I I've told the story about me talking about minor scales.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, I kept saying, just gonna suck off this guy over here.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember that?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was a few episodes back.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: So that's I do.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: That's all right, but let me but number one, folks, you have to listen to that.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's a magical story if you haven't heard it.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, maybe one of Evelyn's best ever, but but also I'm gonna stipulate that that is ill-advised or or clumsy.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: That is a clumsy thing.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: That is not you being stupid.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: It was clumsy, right?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: What is the stupidest?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean the one where you go, oh my god, this person educates young people.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, geez.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: The story I thought of immediately was about a teacher Jay had.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I need to I need to call him.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder if he could join the Zoom.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Undoubtedly he could.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, oh, he says he's gonna join the Zoom.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Are you there?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're there! I'm here.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, hello.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, dude.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm living the dream.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's good.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Jay, you're a vital part of this conversation today because the question Nick asked me was what is the dumbest thing, literally the dumbest I've ever heard a teacher say?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Could be one of my teachers, could be one of my colleagues, anything like that.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: In the classroom or in school.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: Not like not wasted at a bar, but like the dumbest thing in an educational setting that you ever heard a teacher say.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh boy, have I got a story for you guys.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: So the dumbest thing I ever heard a teacher say in a classroom.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: I, the first story I thought of here uh was a story that only one cur person can tell.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And folks, we've brought in the only person that can tell, the only one worth telling on this podcast, put your hands together or any other body part you want for the one and only my husband, the dilly to my dally, Jason Flanagan.
• 12:20
  unknown: Woo!
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so Jay, the question is first of all, how are you doing today?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wonderful.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Are you fantastic?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's Wednesday, the sun is shining.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's by all accounts, it's a good day.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel important being on this podcast right now?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is blowing up on both sides of the both sides of the border.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's really taking over North America.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And as a bonus, and there's no there's no tariffs here.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's no tariffs.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: We don't, you know, I gotta say, maybe I should have I should have prepped you before this call.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: We don't use terms like blowing up in this podcast.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not for our sake, but this podcast is really gaining traction.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's really, it's really it's really suffocating its own citizens.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is really spanking any modicum of democracy that's left.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this podcast is really openly dismantling democracy.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: Why is everything so bad?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right, tell us the story.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it is semester one of my grade nine high school year, and I have math in a portable, and it is with uh Mr.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Smith.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And Mr.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Smith is a bit of a storyteller, he is a bit of an eccentric, uh, he is passionate something of a pervert.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Mayhaps.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Mayhaps Mr.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Smith likes the ladies.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, maybe mayhaps.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um my my sister actually saw him at like a dysfunctional parenting seminar one time.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, why was your sister there?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh she was not at the seminar, but she was in the same building as the seminar.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wink, wink.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, well, I was in grade nine, so that means my sister was in OAC.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: So she's Nick's favorite.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: 18th.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: OAC is your favorite?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, grade 13.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Grade 13.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's 13th.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Poor thing.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Poor thing.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, so Mr.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Smith, grade nine math, and uh, he's just in the middle of like probably telling some sort of story about landing a space shuttle on the moon.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why, that's why we need to know the Pythagorean theorem.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Something to that effect.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And mid-class, there's a massive knock on the door, right?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like this steel door, like it sounds like somebody banging on a prison cell, like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody answers it, and it is this slack-jawed 17-year-old from the grade 12 phys ed class, it's happening two portables down, that says, Mr.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: L sent me down to see if anybody has a condom.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's teaching a help class, and he wants to show us how far they can stretch, and he will put it over his head.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: To which Mr.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Smith says, Hang on a minute, I've got a box in my truck.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa! Yeah.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Mr.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Smith then leaves the classroom.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And goes and disgrace is Oh, he was quite I think he was quite proud.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, he was stoked, yeah.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Goes out to his like 1994 bright red Dodge Ram 1500 pickup truck and grabs the box and is like, here you go, student.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Mr.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: L can fill his boots.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Or his condom with his head.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, or his with his head, yeah.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: So there's this is a twofer.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: There's the teacher that feels like demonstrating the capacious quality of a condom is a good use of school time.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: And the other guy who was like, by the way, I love to pile the ladies into this ancient truck I have, and I've got just the dong wrapper to finish the job.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I have no idea about color, size, texture, flavor, head-sized, you know.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea, guys.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really care to ask.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was you were in the wrong class.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was old.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: You signed up for math, and you should have signed up for gym, is what I'm learning.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had gym the semester before, and uh let's just say there's a reason why I work in technology, and I'm not a potential basketball player.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: And it was that ninth grade gym class, by the way.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: You you were just balling out of control, and the teacher was like, you're nothing.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then you it changed the whole course of your life.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, that's crazy.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it turns out that white man can't jump, so there you go.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I there's so much tragedy in this.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: So much tragedy.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: That was grade nine.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: That was my grade nine year.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was tragedy.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: What do you remember thinking in that moment?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: This guy fucks.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: This guy gets it.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: This guy gets it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is who I aspire to be.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm down in that moment.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my my thought at the time was like ew.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: There was a little element of ew.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was an ick for me at that time.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, like you're young, but I don't know, it doesn't, it phases you different at 15 than it does at 45.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's very, it's very, very different, right?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm just thinking right now, if I'm sitting here at work and that happened, somebody from another department came over and was like, hey guys, does anybody have a condom here in the workplace?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because the director of finance is going to try to put it over their head in the photocopier room.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Why in the photocopier room?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Privacy.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a natural agora.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you guys have a proper water cooler to gather around like a normal office?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: We we do.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have like a staff lounge, a condom fitting area, if you know.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Print us the the only reason you should be going to this the photocopy room is to print off and make copies of a sign that says so-and-so will be putting a condom over their entire head by the water cooler at 4 p.m.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: 4 p.m.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's so satisfying, Jay.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing the story with us.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Let me ask you this is there is there any now that you have a captive audience and you have you have all five of our listeners right where you want them, is there anything that you want to say to all of them?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: And remember, this can be even as or more irresponsible than the I'm going to put a condom over my head.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what, everybody, I want you to go out.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: All five of these listeners, you guys need to go out, and before Friday, you need to recruit five more listeners.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then you need to tell those listeners to go recruit five more listeners.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And whoever can recruit the most listeners will win the grand prize.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they'll be in the diamond circle.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: They'll be a diamond circle listener.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: You and I can totally set this up like an MLM, Evelyn.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was just gonna say, you had you have the mic to say anything you want to say, and you're promoting our podcast, which is so lovely of you, and the reason I married you, because you have such a generous heart, but you also are turning it into an MLM, which, you know, whatever.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: As an American, Nick that's the center of our economy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the that's the foundation of Nick's values.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: But while you're here, knowing that you work in technology, um, and Nick and I, Nick is laying down a beat in the background.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's not feedback if anyone out there is checking their hearing aid, uh, but is something Nick and I love talking about, or at least, you know, practicing in our own lives, is using our gifts and talents for evil instead of good.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: That is something that I know Nick values greatly.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Can you tell us a time when you used your technological prowess for evil instead of good?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, I can.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody loves the IT guy who lords the power over all of the people.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I tell you, yeah, that's uh we we made the those those people make the most friends.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I was at an event once and I was trying, I was trying to sleep.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And coming from the room beside me was somebody who was not only talking on the phone, but was also playing an online game of cribbage.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the volume on the computer was turned up really high, so you could hear these really annoying sound effects.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: But also this person was talking on the phone to the person that they were playing this game with online.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you could hear all of this through the walls.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you guys could hear all of this through through the walls.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there was a sound effect that I remember in this online cribbage game.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, Nick is losing it over here.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I think I know where this is going.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this online cribbage game had the most annoying sound effects ever.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like through the wall, you could hear like the sounds of like coins like tinkling into like a bag.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or there would be like the sound of cards shuffling, but it was that really annoying, like kind of sound.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what it was.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: But then it would prompt you, if you didn't play a card fast enough, it would prompt you with this like, it's your turn type of sound effect.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like this old British money bags kind of man.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I I heard that probably 25 times over the course of about three minutes.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was just so aggravating.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, how do I get this to stop?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: And a sane person would have just asked them to keep it down.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: But the IT person who has control over the internet decided to be malicious.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: So using my computer, I simply go to the management interface of the router, and I just rebooted it.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Which disconnects the internet for what, two minutes, maybe?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the cool thing is that it self heals, right?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you reboot it, and once the router starts up, the internet just reconnects.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so this person is like the first time was like, I don't I don't know what's happening.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just it's frozen, it's just frozen on the screen, and then of course it reconnects, and they play another hand or two, and then it continues.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I do it a second time.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I had to do it a third time, and finally, at that point, I can hear the level of frustration increasing in this person's voice, and finally they go, Well, I don't know.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: It just says it's your turn.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's getting yeah, it's getting louder and louder and more and more heated.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and they're getting mad at each other and still playing this game, but still playing the game.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing, is like at a at a certain point, you just like give up, give up, guys.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right, but you didn't give up, you kept cutting that internet as many times as you needed to in order to get results, right?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, right?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's the passive aggressive way, that's the Canadian way.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: I tell you, I'm giving Jay a designation, a rank.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: Jay is now the chief petty officer of this of this uh podcast.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Petty officer, yes.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: Petty.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Jay would love that.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Jay would love that.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And Jay's MO is to never destroy something completely, like to burn something to the ground.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: But the the pettiness comes from mild inconvenience, mild to moderate inconvenience.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that's what Jay does in our house or in our marriage at all.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because he would never allow himself to be caught.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on to him.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: But also, there's nothing harmful there.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's just a moment of frustration.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the hope that these people playing this, you know, unreasonably loud game, unreasonably sound effects.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Dumb game.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: With sound effects, like, come on.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Just a chance to, you know, when the internet goes out, what do we do?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: We reflect.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: We're left alone with our own thoughts.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I like to think Jay gave those people an opportunity.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: He held up a mirror, just like Joester Haas and Sharon Stone did in 1990s Basic Instinct.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, which we talked about in the first part of this podcast before Jay came in.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad to know that you actually spoke about it because that was a very obscure reference that Nick just pulled out there.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it really you'll have to listen to the first part of this, but it makes sense.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a question for you.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: Jay, have you seen Basic Instincts?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: We were gonna get you to chime in on the end of it, but I guess you can't.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, I don't think I can.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have two hours of your life that you'd be willing to donate to charity?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: And you're the IT guy, so who's gonna catch you streaming basic instinct on your computer during work hours, right?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Jay, it's been a delight having you on here.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: A delight.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for calling.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for giving your time to us and to our listeners and sharing your story with us.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to would you like to take us out?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Take you guys out?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like how so?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like daily or like on a on a date?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: A sniper rifle.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm taking you both out to earn a movie.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Take you out.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: Nick's pulling the pin out of a hand grenade over there.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when those American instincts kicked in.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking of basic instincts, you just armed and we are emphasis on dangerous, is what I'm hearing.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Jay, would you would you take us out of the podcast?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: Is what I'm saying.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: Would you wrap it up?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Just like your math teacher.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just like the facet teacher.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: She certainly wrapped it up.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Folks, thank you so much for joining us on the reverse Jackass from Evelyn the Canadian Blade and Nick the California Saint.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: It has been a pleasure to have you all here with us this week.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: You're the man, Jay.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Some neighbors are besties, others quarrel bitterly.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Stuck together through geography.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's reverse.