Latest / Daily Influence / 689. From Survival Mode to Soul-Led Living: Reclaiming Your Power with Jennifer Wren Tolo

Transcript

689. From Survival Mode to Soul-Led Living: Reclaiming Your Power with Jennifer Wren Tolo · Daily Influence

0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Daily Influence, your daily dose of positive influence.
0:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm Brian Smith founder of IA Business Advisors and co-author of the Iain team series.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Each day we share stories and insights to help you find be and build your influence in a positive and responsible way.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm Greg Clino, partner at IE Business Advisors, and co-host of Daily Influence.
0:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Be sure to follow, subscribe, and share Daily Influence with someone who could use a little extra positivity today.
0:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And make us part of your Daily routine, whether it's during your commute, on a walk, or an quiet moment just for you, because you're influenced matters.
0:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Daily Influence.
0:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Greg Lino.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Today, I'm excited to welcome Jennifer Ren-Tolo, also known as the Soul Connector.
0:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Jennifer is an award-winning health and wellness coach, best-selling author, former critical care nurse, and transformational speaker who empowers people, especially women and young adults, to reclaim their health, happiness, and sense of purpose.
1:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Through her signature work in the holistic healing,
1:17
[SPEAKER_02]: stress management and spiritual well-being, Jennifer helps people move out of survival mode and into intentional aligned living.
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm really looking forward to this conversation and the perspective she brings to responsible influence from the inside out.
1:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Jennifer, welcome to daily influence.
1:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for having me Craig.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Jennifer, could you share a bit about your background in what led you to where you are today with our listeners?
1:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure, I was like many of the women I serve, very strong independent woman, very outcome focused and success driven.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I've always been a nurture, so I went into nursing.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to help people that have always been drawn to service, and I've always, you know, wanted a family and had in like many of us do had plans right this is in order to have this is the plan right for someone to do this and I'm going to do that.
2:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So I became a critical care nurse and got a little frustrated or disillusioned with health care.
2:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So I thought I was going to fix it and I went and got my master's in administration because I thought that was going to be the panacea, right?
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: But no.
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It really, I married a surgeon.
2:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I have always been
2:41
[SPEAKER_00]: felt energy and sense things in the body, but at an early age, I learned that it wasn't safe for me to kind of share the woo woo stuff.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So I learned to really get grounded in logic and proof and
2:57
[SPEAKER_00]: play that forward.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's where I loved critical care because I sensed things, I felt very impactful because I was very in tune to energy in the body and I had the knowledge to back up what I was saying and what I was doing.
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So I let that drive me for a bit, I had my first child,
3:18
[SPEAKER_00]: didn't go as planned, but I had a schedule C section.
3:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, very type A. I want, you know, scheduled.
3:26
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how to have a healthy child.
3:28
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what to do.
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, first, forward to my second child.
3:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And
3:34
[SPEAKER_00]: everything I did everything, quote unquote, right, but then he had a massive stroke at birth.
3:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So it really rocks my world, but it also showed me the gaps in healthcare.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It reawakens me and reconnected me to my soul's truth, my purpose.
3:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I look, I'm very lucky to have beautiful people in my path
4:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I really believe the universe puts people in your path that you're going to need.
4:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So a dear friend, Bonnie, who had been trying to train me in Rakey for a long time, which is an energy, hands-on energy, healing practice.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, that's cute for you, but not my thing, right?
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And so my son had this stroke in the first person I called.
4:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like this, you talked to Bonnie.
4:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So Bonnie said, OK, he's just having trouble getting grounded.
4:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was crazy because here I am a critical care nurse, but my mother's brain, my mother's heart couldn't, and it could have been the demoral because I had a c-section.
4:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So could have been the demoral.
4:42
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just couldn't wrap my head around what was going on.
4:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember just thinking like, why can't I hold my baby?
4:49
[SPEAKER_00]: What's going on?
4:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Why can't I hold my baby?
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't the way it's supposed to be, right?
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And my son, I had him in a community hospital.
4:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He was whisked off to Boston, children's hospital, because they weren't sure what was going on, but they knew something was happening in his brain.
5:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, my husband went with him.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember waking up to baby's crying.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And my baby's not there, and just sobbing, and just having this little pity party for myself.
5:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I got this very clear message that said, just breathe.
5:22
[SPEAKER_00]: So I sat and I just started breathing and it was like this fog lifted, this clarity came.
5:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew I'd just need to be with my baby.
5:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I just need to connect with him and he's gonna let me know what he needs.
5:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I had my friend Bonnie that was telling me, you know, focus on trees and planting roots and ground.
5:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So it really, this was the real pivotal moment for me.
5:44
[SPEAKER_00]: that helped me align my soul and my ego, my ego that was keeping me safe and keeping me grounded in logic, but my soul that was saying, girl, you need to connect and you need to just open to guidance from friends and people that God, the universe, putting in your path.
6:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So I got, you know, with my son,
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned rakey.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned all about nutrition.
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I dove into learning everything about the brain that I could to help my son and maximize my son's capacity because he didn't move his right side at all.
6:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we weren't sure what was going to happen.
6:21
[SPEAKER_00]: We weren't sure, you know, all I knew was this was not what I expected.
6:26
[SPEAKER_00]: This was not what we had planned, right?
6:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But we rolled with things.
6:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So being a critical care nurse, I learned to roll with things.
6:33
[SPEAKER_00]: But it started to shift from being
6:36
[SPEAKER_00]: to kind of feeling overwhelmed by the chaos because I was so attached to what things were supposed to be and how they were not what they were supposed to be.
6:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, fast forward down the road, I've gotten, I started shift gears into into the more holistic sort of to open to a lot of the holistic because they really didn't have answers for me.
6:57
[SPEAKER_00]: They were a lot of gaps where they thought, well, he's not critical right now, so he's fine.
7:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Can't tell you anything else and I thought,
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[SPEAKER_00]: the what ifs right that so many of us get well what if this and what if that.
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had support for him but I really didn't know what was to expect.
7:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So really this experience taught me that I had to live day by day and I really had to connect to my son and to his soul and just be present and let him show me who he was and what he needed.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And all that I learned came in handy because a couple years later the same day I found out I was having my fourth son
7:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I found out my third son had leukemia, but I knew what to do.
7:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew how to help him.
7:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And I learned that I really had to take care of myself because I was growing this other baby inside of me.
7:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So I dove into nutrition.
7:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I, you know, I did rakey on him every single day.
7:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I had that point was very connected to source to angels.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I got messages and I started to trust them more
8:03
[SPEAKER_00]: put them off, but now I really realized that there was a true power to that, and that's what help keep me grounded and kept me centered, that my logical mind was not the one that needed to lead at this point.
8:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It was my soul that needed to lead.
8:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, this was my big awakening and my big turning point, and my husband who was a surgeon,
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the most powerful things was when he literally just would turn to me and say, what do you think and let me take the lead based on my intuition and my knowledge?
8:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was pretty powerful.
8:37
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, trying to keep it all together as a strong and independent woman, trying to be okay, be fine.
8:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It's fine.
8:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything's fine.
8:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Started to weigh on me and my health started
8:54
[SPEAKER_00]: He was focusing on nutrition.
8:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I became a personal trainer.
8:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a mindfulness coach.
8:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I was taking all of that to families, focusing on families of kids with special needs and working with schools and working with families.
9:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But down the road, I realized that stress was at the heart of so many of the challenges and issues that women that would come to me, especially women with children that had special needs.
9:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Women would come to me and I really stress was at the heart of my own issues.
9:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I had my brain headaches, irritable bowel syndrome.
9:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And so by learning to manage my stress and coming up with my signature ABCs of stress management, that's how I started to first heal myself.
9:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I started to help heal my children.
9:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I started to bring it to women and help empower women to reclaim their own power over their lives and to get out of the survival mode because it wasn't helping them.
9:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It was actually disconnecting them from their power, from their truth, from even their children, and their loved ones, and their jobs, their passion.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So my passion really kind of pivoted from my butterfly family wellness practice to now Jennifer
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Learn the power inside of themselves, particularly when they learn to regulate themselves, regulate their nervous system, and reclaim their power over their own life in the present moment.
10:19
[SPEAKER_02]: What an amazing journey.
10:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that with us.
10:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, your journey leaves together healthcare, personal adversity, and deep in our work.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure, I think so many people that I know are we have this tight grip of control.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We think that the more control we have, the less chaos we have.
10:50
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't trust ourselves to be okay when things are not going according to plan.
10:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So many of us are in this autopilot survival mode where we don't even understand, we don't even pay attention to the subtle signs of stress or subtle signs.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that are sold that are mined, or body are telling us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So the A is being aware of, what are the signs that I'm out of balance?
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: What are those subtle signs that I'm starting to get stressed, or I'm being reactive?
11:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, is there tension in my body?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Is my heart rate going?
11:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I starting to, um, am I, am I fixating on the what ifs?
11:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I starting to spiral because I'm trying to control things that are not within my control?
11:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And just being aware of first yourself, what's going on with your body, what's going on in your mind, but also what's going on around you that might be creating imbalance.
11:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Once you are aware of that and aware of, oh, okay, this is my body letting me know.
11:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel threatened right now or I don't feel safe right now.
11:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Then B is balance, balance your nervous system with your breath.
12:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So taking, you know, two minutes of slow deep breathing has been shown by research to reset your nervous system, to activate your relaxation response.
12:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when we are in survival mode and many women don't even realize they're in survival mode.
12:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll give you a couple of signals.
12:21
[SPEAKER_00]: When your digestive system is out of whack, you can't poop or you poop in a little too frequently in a little too urgently, when you're not sleeping, when you have tension in your body, when you have headaches like migraine headaches.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: When you are finding yourself snapping at people, like your kids or loved ones, when you are finding that you are really emotional and overreacting to things, or that you have the brain fog, you just can't seem to focus, and you start dropping balls, as I like to say.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you're juggling so many, you're bound to drop some.
12:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are all signs of stress, those are all signs that your body is telling you, you're in survival mode.
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you're aware of that, you can give yourself permission to pause, take some deep breaths.
13:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you are breathing, connect to your body, calm your body in the moment.
13:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you start to calm your body or balance your nervous system through your breath, then you can see, connect with what's the truth of what's happening right now.
13:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I truly
13:27
[SPEAKER_00]: insert like am I unsafe or am I okay.
13:31
[SPEAKER_00]: What can I control in this moment?
13:34
[SPEAKER_00]: What are my choices in this moment?
13:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the C is the empowering part, right?
13:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like once your nervous system is calm, then you can start making empowered choices for yourself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And connect with what is it that I truly need in this moment?
13:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's I need to go for a walk.
13:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's I need to set some boundaries, maybe it's I need to unplug for a little bit and get some sleep because I'm running on empty.
14:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's that, you know, I need to step away from this because it's it's and I'm not really being productive right now.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I need to step away and either go for a walk or take a break and then come back to it.
14:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, how many of your listeners worried about what other people are thinking about them or what, you know, we're trying to please other people.
14:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But the only thing we truly have control over is ourselves.
14:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Our thoughts, our choices, our actions, our reactions in the present moment.
14:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when we focus on that, we can start to let some of the stressors go.
14:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow, that is so true, and thank you for sharing that.
14:53
[SPEAKER_02]: In the INT book series, we talk a lot about influence starting with self-awareness and personal responsibility.
15:01
[SPEAKER_02]: How is learning to listen to your own body, intuition, and inner voice shaped the way you show up for others?
15:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's, it's, first of all, it's helped me connect with myself.
15:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think so many people and for such a long time, because I was so outwardly focused,
15:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I was spun up and stressed and I was in this proving energy, in this pleasing energy, in this perfection energy that was exhausting.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It was actually draining all my energy.
15:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was showing up.
15:32
[SPEAKER_00]: with an empty tank, you know?
15:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I learned, and I like to call it radical self-awareness, when I learned who I was, who I wasn't, what I was good at, what I wasn't so good at, you know.
15:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I really learned to connect with myself in the moment, that's when I was really able to be more discerning about who got my energy, who got my time,
15:58
[SPEAKER_00]: who was, who was I truly showing up for and why.
16:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
16:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it helped me really be more intentional and more discerning of use it with my choices.
16:13
[SPEAKER_02]: That intentional alignment often creates ripple effects beyond what we can even imagine.
16:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
16:20
[SPEAKER_00]: What I was able to show up more for my kids,
16:24
[SPEAKER_00]: and I was able to be more present for my kids which helped them be more regulated.
16:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You see this ripple effect when you're dysregulated, it ripples out and you create a very dysregulated environment.
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, look what's going on in the world, right?
16:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So to me, calm is a superpower.
16:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And it can only happen.
16:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You can only be calm when you are self-aware.
16:50
[SPEAKER_00]: because you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
16:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you're dysregulated and not calm, you can take steps to calm yourself.
16:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is like game changing.
17:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and that's when the ABCs come in.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you have the first be aware that, oh, I'm a little disart regulated right now.
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've been practicing this for 20 years.
17:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I still get disregulated, right?
17:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I still get in these moments where I'm spun up, but now I'm able to recognize it and go, okay, what is that?
17:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, um, they just, you know, jumped on my, I like to say my not enough button, right?
17:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my belief system.
17:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, they jumped on my not enough button or my, I'm not important button, right?
17:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Or what is it that was just triggered?
17:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And then take a step back and go, is that true, though?
17:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I threatened?
17:38
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm actually not normal.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
17:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And so,
17:42
[SPEAKER_00]: The awareness is absolutely crucial because without the awareness, you don't even know the balance your nervous system.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't even know what choices you have.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't even know what you're in control of, right?
17:55
[SPEAKER_00]: We give our power away and we don't even realize it.
17:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, hasn't that the truth?
18:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us about a specific moment or experience where you thought you made a positive impact on someone's life and how that moment reinforced your sense of purpose?
18:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, absolutely.
18:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I am very blessed.
18:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And once I feel like I took the mask off, right, when I stopped hiding my true authentic self.
18:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I was able to show up with with my clients.
18:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember having a client walk up the stairs.
18:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I, my office is in the barn.
18:35
[SPEAKER_00]: She's walking up the stairs to me.
18:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know things are not okay.
18:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel energy.
18:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I see things, right?
18:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's got this mask on.
18:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Of, I'm fine.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's fine.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything's fine.
18:45
[SPEAKER_00]: So I asked her, hey, how are you doing?
18:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said, oh, it's great.
18:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Just Dandy.
18:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's telling me this story.
18:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And I finally looked at her and I said, I see you, and she just started crying.
19:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And I held her, and I said, girl, that's what you're here for.
19:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to wear the mask for me.
19:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we started to unpack why are you wearing the mask?
19:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Who are you wearing it for?
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
19:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And she literally looked at me and she said, I deserve to be happy.
19:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm done making everybody else happy.
19:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's exhausting.
19:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just, you know, and then a couple days later, she sent me a little note, and she said, I want to thank you, because I finally feel like I'm living my life for me.
19:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, that was an empowering, because you know, it's, I think that's one of my gifts, but it's also something that can be very hard is I hold that mirror for people.
19:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm right there with them to hold their hand while they're looking in that mirror to see the truth.
19:50
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I've had some wonderful, wonderful, you know, client success, where they literally have reclaimed a power out of woman that was afraid to leave her house.
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: She was afraid all the time.
20:02
[SPEAKER_00]: She would never travel.
20:03
[SPEAKER_00]: She'd always wanted to travel.
20:06
[SPEAKER_00]: She's always wanted to see the world.
20:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And we, you know, we worked on that safety and security within herself first.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And she just got back from a mission she went to Africa on a mission working with orphans.
20:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said it was the most rewarding experience.
20:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And she thanked me.
20:25
[SPEAKER_00]: She literally said that she screamed in that, in one of her safari, she's looking around and she said she screamed, thank you, Jen, to all of you.
20:37
[SPEAKER_00]: is that I'm sure the lions and elephants were like, who?
20:40
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
20:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, what great stories.
20:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, you're a gift to them, but I think they're a gift to you also.
20:48
[SPEAKER_00]: 100% because, you know, for a long time, we all need affirmation, but every time I'm working with people and I love to say,
20:56
[SPEAKER_00]: They're my own mirrors because I've been where they are.
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I know the feeling of shrinking yourself.
21:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I know the feeling of taking on everybody's burdens and thinking it's your job to fix everything and be everything to everyone.
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I love,
21:14
[SPEAKER_00]: When I see the light bulb moments for them, when I see that connection that goes, oh yeah, that's that's what you're talking about.
21:22
[SPEAKER_00]: That's that thing.
21:23
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm doing.
21:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I doing that?
21:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's great and it is.
21:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a gift to me because it just reinforces everything that I've been doing for myself.
21:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I practice what I teach in preach.
21:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and responsible influence is not just about helping others.
21:42
[SPEAKER_02]: It's also about boundaries and self care and sustainability.
21:45
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you help people balance caring for others without losing themselves in the process?
21:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I love to talk about energy and like we have this energy well.
22:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's say, you know, you have a bank,
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So many of us think, okay, I'll just keep giving it out and giving it out and then they start borrowing, right?
22:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they wonder why there's a deficit, why they're so exhausted.
22:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So I teach people through that self-awareness to just check in with themselves.
22:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're going to be days where you have it.
22:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have an excess of energy.
22:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So those are the days that you say yes to more things.
22:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And you give yourself to other, you know, to show up for other people, right?
22:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you have it in you.
22:38
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are also going to be days that you are just running on films.
22:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I shared with you earlier.
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I just drove across country to try to excuse me, beat this storm.
22:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said to my husband, I had nothing.
22:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, I think, running on adrenaline because we were driving, we drove 30 hours and taking turns driving.
22:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Tuesday, I was exhausted.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the old me would have said, well, I have all these obligations and all these things I have to show up for.
23:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But the new and improved and aware me says, you know what?
23:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to be able to show up my best self, so I rescheduled the podcast.
23:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I rescheduled an appointment that I had, and I said, okay, I'm just going to do the essentials because I am running at about 5% right now.
23:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have to give myself an opportunity to refuel.
23:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So understanding what drains your energy, but then understand what
23:36
[SPEAKER_00]: gives you energy.
23:37
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you boost your energy?
23:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And that would be the self-care.
23:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, not the self-care that's like a check of the box, right?
23:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, okay, I went to you over class today.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I did this one for a run today because I'll tell you that used to be me.
23:48
[SPEAKER_00]: The self-care that was I was very, I'm always, I'm a personal trainer.
23:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So I've always been into physical fitness.
23:54
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are times when I'm exhausted where that was training my energy not refueling my energy.
24:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's not what I needed.
24:01
[SPEAKER_00]: What I needed was maybe going for a walk with my dogs and the woods
24:05
[SPEAKER_00]: or maybe it was just laying down and closing my eyes and listening to some soft music.
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So self-care, that's intentional self-care.
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's aligned self-care, tuning into what is it that I need in this moment?
24:20
[SPEAKER_00]: What's going to bring my energy up?
24:23
[SPEAKER_00]: What's gonna refill my energy well?
24:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And then being discerning about where your energy goes when your energy is low.
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And a big thing for me was learning to ask for help that was very hard for me as a strong independent woman to ask other people or to accept and receive from other people.
24:42
[SPEAKER_00]: So that became a game changer for me is when I finally let people in and let people help me realizing it doesn't make me weak.
24:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps me show up better.
24:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So true, and your ABC's a stress management, help people move from out of that survival mode, how does managing stress responsibly strengthen someone's ability to lead, whether at home at work or in their community?
25:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, when we are in that butterfly or dysregulated, right, when we, you know,
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: When we get triggered and we all do, because we have their certain stressors, one of the biggest stressors I talk about, the hidden stressors of life, one of the biggest stressors is expectations.
25:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Expectations that we have for ourselves, but also perceived expectations that we think others have for us.
25:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times they're not realistic.
25:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But when we feel this kind of pressure and we're doing things in that triggered ego driven space to try to prove to try to please all that we're not making our best decisions so when we can be calm and we can regulate ourselves we can really tap into our
26:00
[SPEAKER_00]: soul and our soul-aligned decisions.
26:02
[SPEAKER_00]: What is it that I need right now?
26:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the truth about what's happening?
26:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when we are disregulated, we see danger and threats where they're truly aren't any.
26:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when we can step back from them and check in with ourselves, because again, the only person you can control is you.
26:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And yet many of us spend all this time trying to control others, which actually feeds the stress cycle, right?
26:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we can step back, regulate ourselves, we can calm our nervous system.
26:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's when we can access our highest self, our higher thinking.
26:39
[SPEAKER_00]: We can really make decisions that are so aligned decisions based on what we know to be true.
26:48
[SPEAKER_00]: What information we integrate, right?
26:51
[SPEAKER_00]: We can't integrate information when we are stressed and in survival mode, we are just reacting.
26:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So from a place of calm, that's where you lead the best because that's where you are showing up, you are best self.
27:04
[SPEAKER_02]: which really brings us a bigger picture of influence and legacy.
27:09
[SPEAKER_02]: What message or words of encouragement would you like to share with our listeners who aspire to make a positive difference in the world, but may feel overwhelmed or unsure where to start?
27:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Start with yourself and start with connecting with yourself and trusting yourself because so many of us look to others and try to follow others to do the right thing.
27:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But what's right for me might not be different, might not be the same as what's right for you.
27:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And what's right for Greg might not be the same as what's right for me or you.
27:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So you really have to tune into and tap into you and what your truth is and let that lead you.
27:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You will never go wrong.
27:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Your soul will never lead you astray.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But your ego will
27:55
[SPEAKER_00]: every time because it is, it plays small.
28:00
[SPEAKER_00]: It keeps you small because that's where you, it thinks you're going to be safe.
28:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But your soul is where you expand and show up and learn and grow and connect.
28:10
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what comes from your soul.
28:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So you have, you know what's right for you.
28:15
[SPEAKER_00]: The truth is inside of you.
28:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Just trust that.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so true.
28:20
[SPEAKER_02]: And for all listeners who may not,
28:22
[SPEAKER_02]: know the difference between soul and ego.
28:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you help us understand the difference?
28:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
28:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So your ego is the part of your mind that keeps you safe.
28:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the part that says, oh, don't do that.
28:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's there's danger there, right?
28:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the part that keeps us in the comfort zone.
28:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when you are in your ego mind, which is if you want to think about it, it's your logical, your logical,
28:52
[SPEAKER_00]: mind your assessing for threats, right?
28:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, it's that, um, mammalian, uh, you know, fight or flight reactive.
29:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And your ego, the whole responsibility or the whole job of the ego is to keep you safe, to keep you relevant.
29:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and to keep you important because back in the old days, right, you were important when you served a purpose and you kept, you know, you had a role to keep to keep yourself purposeful in the tribe and the only way to survive was to be in the tribe, right.
29:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we've evolved from that.
29:27
[SPEAKER_00]: The soul.
29:29
[SPEAKER_00]: is the individual unique part of you that is what your purposes, what your gifts and your goals and your passions are and things that make you uniquely you.
29:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the message is there's language
29:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, or I'm not sure, right?
30:01
[SPEAKER_00]: All those are languages of the ego mind.
30:03
[SPEAKER_00]: The languages of the soul are, I feel, I know, I believe, I trust, right?
30:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel called, right?
30:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel pulled,
30:18
[SPEAKER_00]: those are the languages of the soul.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we learn kind of, and there are times where, I mean, I remember talking to a dear friend of mine who was an intuitive, his name is Dear James, and he would say to me, a couple of times when we're talking, he'd say, what did you just say?
30:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, well, you know, I think he's like, oh.
30:36
[SPEAKER_00]: what's dominating this as like you're right, the ego and it plays a role.
30:41
[SPEAKER_00]: But when we let the ego lead, which is the overthinking, over analyzing, we can get stuck because we're constantly trying to do what we think is going to be safe and okay for us.
30:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And our soul is the expansive one.
30:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Our soul is what says, go ahead, you've got this.
31:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Trust yourself.
31:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Do this, you know, like if you ever walk somewhere, just to make it a little more clear, I think, if you're ever walking somewhere or driving somewhere and directionally you think, shoot, I don't know where to go.
31:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And you just kind of pause, if your ego is leading, it's gonna, you're gonna be having chatter in your mind that say, go this way, no, don't go that way, go this way, oh, but if I go that way, it's gonna be, where's if you quiet, quiet your mind and you tune into your soul, your soul is gonna say, go left, it's this way, and you're gonna know.
31:37
[SPEAKER_00]: But the problem is, is our ego mind when it's very loud, second guess is that?
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, and that's why people get stuck.
31:47
[SPEAKER_00]: They feel stuck because they're talking themselves out of doing something.
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you are tuning into your soul, you won't be stuck.
31:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you're not taking action, sometimes it's your soul saying, just wait, it's coming, just wait, be patient.
32:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you have any tips on how to tune into your soul and try and push the ego out of the way?
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of my big tips is just the awareness piece of what language are you using.
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: The language you're using is going to tell you.
32:17
[SPEAKER_00]: This is my ego.
32:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So one of the things, and I'll tell you, ego can be very powerful.
32:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember working with a coach years and years ago.
32:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, a wisdom coach and she was doing an exercise with me where I was laying down and she was trying to get me in my hair herself and all the sudden I started to get like the the spins kind of like Not that this has ever happened to me, but if you've ever had too much to drink in the room start spinning, right?
32:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and I said, oh, I'm getting really dizzy right now and she said, I know honey.
32:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just your ego trying to keep you safe.
32:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell your thank your ego and that's a thing.
32:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank your ego.
32:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for protecting me in all these years because there are times where we've had to be protected right I think of kids in trauma, I think there's there's there is a survival mode right.
33:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So acknowledge, okay, this is the ego leading and when you do an assessment say I'm safe right now, I'm okay right now, thank you and just breathing into it recognizing that you're okay.
33:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And then ask yourself, okay, what is my soul calling me to do?
33:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And listen, it'll come.
33:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you feel, when something isn't aligned in this alignment, you can feel it in your body.
33:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You get tingles, you feel lighter, you feel lit up.
33:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like that full body, yes versus the full body know like the contracted feeling, the fear, fear is ego.
33:45
[SPEAKER_00]: When you are afraid, that's your ego.
33:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
33:48
[SPEAKER_00]: When you are reacting and feel threatened, that's your ego.
33:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
33:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I think of, you know, what's happening in the world?
33:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we can get more soul alignment, we'll have more peace, right?
34:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's, it's, we sense threats when we are, when ego is dominating, we sense threats places where there really aren't any.
34:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, when you tune into yourself and ask yourself first,
34:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I safe?
34:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I okay?
34:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then calm yourself with the breathing.
34:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So practice those APCs.
34:25
[SPEAKER_00]: When you practice those ABCs, you'll be able to tune into the language of the soul.
34:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you need help, that's what I do.
34:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I help people connect with that language of their soul because you're mind your body and your soul are constantly talking to you.
34:40
[SPEAKER_00]: But but they whisper and we have to be able to get still to hear those whispers.
34:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes those whispers become screens in not a great way, right?
34:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, think about, if you ever had an injury where you're like, you pull something and you think, oh, that doesn't feel great.
34:56
[SPEAKER_00]: But then you go and do something and ignore that little whisper and then next thing, you know, you pull the muscle or you broke a, you know, broken ankle or something, then it's screaming, right?
35:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's your body when it needs stillness will force the stillness.
35:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Find that, you know, Jennifer, thank you for sharing that advice.
35:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Our listeners want to get in touch with you.
35:21
[SPEAKER_02]: What's the best way to do so?
35:22
[SPEAKER_00]: They can go on to my website, Jennifer Renn WRN Tolotio.com or Instagram at gen.jnrendWRN Tolotio.
35:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And they can find me there, follow me there.
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Awesome.
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll put that information in the show notes.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Jennifer, thank you for the work you do.
35:43
[SPEAKER_02]: and for reminding us that influence doesn't start with fixing others, it starts with reconnecting to ourselves.
35:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Your perspective on presence, healing and responsibility is such a powerful reminder that sustainable leadership comes from alignment, not burnout.
36:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
36:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so grateful for you.
36:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for joining us.
36:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you for having me.
36:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And for our listeners, thank you for tuning into daily influence.
36:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope today's conversation brought you insight and inspiration.
36:13
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's spoke with you, please share it with someone who could use a little positivity today.
36:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Remember, influence isn't about being louder.
36:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about being more intentional.
36:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And when we lead from within, the impact lasts far beyond the moment.
36:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Until next time, stay inspired and keep having a positive, responsible influence.
36:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye-bye.